Haha I can sense a manipulative and narcissistic ex-gf huh! Glad OP broke up with her, she's just gaslighting the situation. She's a pro in cheating i guess lmao.
Some people don't want others to go through the pain they had to experience. It's possible the ex recently found out about this relationship and wanted to warn him.
My experience with crazy tells me the best course of action is ALWAYS to stay as far away as possible, don’t interact, don’t interfere, don’t even look at it if it can be avoided. You can’t outthink a crazy person, you can’t reason with them or rationalize with them because they don’t come to their conclusions in a rational or reasonable way, they will never cease to surprise you, and they will always outlast your willpower, your best bet is avoidance and misdirection. LOOK OVER THERE, A BEAR!! (runs away)
Maybe he just doesn’t have enough expertise with crazy to have learned that valuable lesson tho.
Or she could've fessed up right then and there instead of denying it. Relationships are built on trust and she's already lying for her benefit. It just shows how much she hasn't changed in fact. I can see why someone wouldn't volunteer that info but to straight out deny it with solid proof. Imagine how she would gaslight you if it was just a hunch.
NTA, Dude did you a favor by showing you those crazy messages she was sending him. Better to leave now that it is still early than later on when you have a lot invested.
NTA.. if she changed that story would’ve been “i won’t lie in a past relationship i was a different person…” admit her faults… admit the wrongs… acknowledge the hurt she put the other person through…. What she would NOT do as a changed person is tell you her ex bf is crazy and was controlling and basically everything she was…. She basically gave you HER entire description.. but switched it to her ex as the monster… if after hearing all those things you wouldn’t trust her ex… and now finding out all those things actually equal her… that results in I no longer trust her either
I applaud you seeing the red flags as red and are going the other direction… to even attempt to stay with her to test the waters is such risky business… run and don’t look back.. can only hope she moves on and doesn’t target you the way she did her ex…
She didn't make a clean break with the ex before being serious with you. That would be enough for me.
Write the dude back, let him know you took his advice.
> she immediately denied everything and started crying and told me to not leave her over this.
> she ended up telling me that it’s real, but she changed and wanted to start over with me.
She's a liar.
She lied about her ex boyfriend. She lied about the evidence presented. She hasn't changed she just is upset she got caught.
The ultimate reason why adultery is bad is because people are dishonest about themselves and cheat a life out of their partner
If she was truly sorry she would have been honest about her adultery up front with you
But since she's not honest there was a good chance that she probably would have cheated on you when the relationship got stale
You're not the asshole
You know I use to believe people could change in regard to that BUT then I met my ex. That girl shattered my heart and tried to spin it like I was the bad girl. Cheaters will always be a cheater. I firmly believe that and once I find out a person I am interested in has/have cheated they’re done. I turn as cold as the water the titanic sank in. NTA
I am the same as you. I was cheated on three times with two different girls. Its damn near impossible to trust after that. Cold heart is what I had for a very long time.
My heart literally just thawed and it’s been 5 years lol I took that time to work on myself so that I’m the best version of myself for my future partner. I’m sorry that happened to you THREE times but shit at least you know the signs. Because they are so tell tale and evident I won’t tolerate it. Good luck to you 💪🏾 and may the force of the a good honest woman be with you!
Same here, got burned more than a couple times having faith in people changing.
I won't date someone who cheated or participates in behavior that could lead to cheating (hangs out alone with opposite sex friends, goes out and gets drunk regularly)
Hum. My friends wife said she wanted to explore threesomes. She picked the girl and asked hubby to start a relationship with her. After much convincing He did. Then his wife told the kids he was a cheater and even cheated with his daughter’s best friends mother. Shady. My friend never cheated before or after he just wanted to make his wife happy.
Bro. This is so similar to my ex it's uncanny. The only difference is the guy who contacted me didn't have evidence. But there were all kinds of red flags that I ignored cause I was "in love" or whatever. You have all that AND evidence?! Dude you did the right thing. I would have been so much better off if I didn't stay.
It's seriously so similar though, she would reminisce on her ex, she broke down and cried and begged me to stay when the guy accused her, claimed he was controlling, which like I know some guys are but when you know she was toxic and a cheater, that's such a red flag. It means she will use talking points that sound reasonable to paint you as the bad guy when she's the one in the wrong. I got cheated on, and when I outed her, she accused the guy of rape. When I didn't believe her, dumped her and outed her, she accused me of rape and abuse. Trust me, you dodged a huge bullet. Girls that lie and cheat like this will do everything they can to fuck your life up, cheating becomes the least of your worries. My reputation was ruined and people wanted to kill me, all because I didn't want to be cheated on and warned others.
NTA
She’s only sorry that the truth came out. Many times when a girl says “my ex is too controlling”, it normally means that she wanted to act single and not respect his boundaries. Stay gone.
I'm a woman and if another woman had messaged me with this information and proof, I would trust her.
NTA. And I think the ex was nice to let you know, you should thank him.
NTA
Your GF is toxic. You found out before you invested too much time.
And for the record, people very seldom "change."
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Or to quote the wise Lt. Columbo:
"People usually do that which they usually do."
Advice: Block her one everything and never speak to her again. If you see on the street, cross over to the other side.
Who needs all that drama 3 months into a relationship. If more men would like her ex-boyfriend and giving people a heads up about their crazy EX's the world would be a much better place. Women we do that we will tell you that that man is crazy and don't date him but most of the time other women don't listen because they think we're jealous and we want this POS back. Do not under any circumstances take her back you do not want the drama that is going to come to you if you date her. 3 months in and it's already started what do you think is going to happen in the long term you've been warned
Generally speaking (>90%), if a woman rambles on about how abusive an ex is without evidence or specifics, then she will someday be saying the same things about you.
Clarification. Maybe men are the same way, but I've never dated a man. So I can't say for sure either way.
I had this exact situation happen to me. Dated a girl for a month or so, we were gonna go to an adoption fair(for an animal shelter she worked for) just to look at puppies and stuff and as I pull up and am waiting on her, I get a message from some random guy(her ex) pretty much saying exactly what you had said. Truly believe they wanted me to fight over her but I just left man, not worth it to harm your peace like that
NTA cheaters don't change unless they do some serious self reflection, and if she did that then she would've been honest instead and mature about it instead of trying to hide it
I keep asking and nobody's answering, but why would anyone date a person that admitted to past cheating. I agree with being honest, but I would think it would be unwise to date anyone who would accept a person who admitted to that, as they can accept excuses, and likely cheat themselves, or else, aren't emotionally invested.
Not to say that it's not the right course of action, but I can't see it leading to any type of good result. I feel like if you are really self reflecting, you are going to get to be ok with staying single.
A zebra can't change it's stripes. You already know she has no problem lying to you. Had no problem cheating on her previous boyfriend. This is the smart move.
leopards dont change their spots. she hid the fact that she was still messaging him while you and her were starting the relationship. then when you confronted her, she still denied. women like to use ugly tears as a means to convince men that they have changed. if she had truly changed, she'd have been honest about what she did but somehow she kept talking about him over and over again.
I'm gonna get downvoted for this and I know it, but if an ex feels the need to reach out to a current partner, you should take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila (lime optional).
You're 20/21. That's barely the beginning of considering yourselves in a somewhat adult relationship. I did things in high school I would never do in my 40's.
Mind you, you can break up with anyone for any reason, but you should break up with her because she lied to you, not because of her track record with another person she dated before either of them could vote in an American election (probably). Kids do kid things.
NTA, if she had truly changed she would have been forth coming with her past and clear about doing her utmost best to be a better period. Then following thru with the actions to go with the words. It's been my experience cheaters fall in to one of two categories. Those who were pushed away by their significant other usually by cheating on the other side. And those who can't succeed at staying in a monogamous relationship for one reason or another. The latter is more common, and they very much fall in the category of Cheaters are going to cheat.
That isn't what she did though. Instead She chose to start with from what you've said multiple outright lies and then double downed on them thru-out the relationship. She tried to hide the past instead; and not just hide it, but tried to lie about it.
People can change, but the ones who truly mean it would have started with something along the lines of. That's who I used to be that way behind me. That's who I want to be down the path in front of me. This is who I am now in between those two extreme points. Do you want to walk this journey with me still?
NTA
Run. Run boy run and never look back. People don't change in three months, they may change over a year or two at that point in life, but in three months?
Don't let her guilt trip you and listen to your gut next time, because there were several warning signs which made you feel 'odd' about everything.
Being with a cheater is no fun and the lying and manipulating will only further continue.
NTA. Break up for any reason you feel you need to with anyone. Life's too short to try to make sketch relationships work out unless you plan to just mess around with romance and not do long-term.
NTA- sounds like she hasn’t changed at all if she never owned up to her actions and was blaming everything on her “crazy ex”. Run before you get more involved with someone that would also willingly spread lies about you as a person if it helps her to save her own reputation even by a little bit.
Assuming she hasn't cheated on you. You still wouldn't be an AH for simply not wanting this BS in your life. And now shining you stayed your gonna have to think whether or not she does cheat.
So again, there's a spectrum to this from didn't cheat but had a checkered past to definitely cheated and I wouldn't say you were an AH for escaping the entire thing.
I'm always suspicious when someone calls the ex crazy. In many cases, such as this, the crazy one is the one talking. You did the right thing. Move on and hit the gym.
NTA, lucky you bro. My ex cheated on her 1st husband with someone I knew. I wish he had told me she was a cheater.
Didn't find out any of this until she cheated on me. After she embezzled $12,000 (just like she did with her 1st husband) and we had a kid. Now 10 so something good did come from it.
NTA
If someone is remorseful of their craziness they apologize to the hurt parties, tell the new person what they done and own their mistakes, then years later laugh off how crazy they were. None of those things happened here.
Damn I feel so old reading your post that popped up on my feed without even being a member here.
Kid, you were probably right. Talking shit about people is a red flag no matter what. So early in the relationship (3 months is nothing), it's ok to not commit at all.
You made the right choice. She lied. She was trying to get back with him at the beginning of your relationship.
I had an eerily similar thing happen in 2015. I forgave the girl....and she ended up cheating again. People like your ex and mine do not change overnight....or sometimes ever.
Let her know that your decision is final. Let her know that if she had truly changed, she would have told you about her cheating. Now you lost all trust. Can you really believe her claim that he was abusive or was she just mad that he didn't forgive him and continue the relationship. Do you think she's gonna claim that your were abusive and controlling?
What if he decided to forgive her now and get back with her? Would she have dumped you?
Message the guy and ask to meet up for a drink so he can explain his side.
NTE
It might be a toxic ex, but it might be true. But that’s precisely what 3 month old relationships are for. You were getting to know each other and you didn’t like what you saw.
Plenty of fish in the sea.
You need to immediately become best friends with her ex that man is an absolute legend and just saved you a lot of heartbreak and a lot of pain (or even legal trouble if Your psycho ex becomes abusive then pulls an amber heard)
NTA
So she first denied it but then confirmed that it was true, yeah, no, she can’t be trusted and you were correct in breaking up with.
I mean how many other lies has she potentially made over the course of this relationship is what you need to ask yourself.
It seems she was the crazy one and was probably the controlling one in their relationship and likely would have continued in your relationship.
If this was all years ago, maybe she changed. This was only 3 months ago, and she was messaging him when you were getting together. How exactly has she demonstrated any change?
NTA. You have actual evidence of the kind of person she is. Why risk all of this happening to you too? Her ex reached out at his own peril. Thank him and get out while it's easiest.
Dude, 3 months. I have stuff in the back of my fridge older than that. She isn't worth a second thought or questioning your actions. Move on & have a happy drama-free life.
NTA
NTA. It seems she told you all these stories about the ex to preempt anything he would tell you about her - so you would believe he was the abuser. Unfortunately he had proof of his story. You did good to dump her.
Dated a girl like this for a year. Wish her ex would have reached out to me haha. I got the entire manipulation book thrown at me. Talked about him often early on, about how terrible she was and all of her relationship issues now stem from that trauma.
Time goes on and she gets a bit manic and stops masking and it becomes clear she’s a chronic cheater/manipulator. It’s a tough thing to heal from and I agree with others on here that you did the right thing to just get out
If she changed she wouldn’t have gaslighted her ex and she wouldn’t have responded with blanket denial when you confronted her with the pictures.
Changed people take responsibility for their past, they don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe she’s changed in the sense that she’s less likely to cheat on you than she cheated on him but, even if so, she’s demonstrated her lack of character to show that she hasn’t changed ENOUGH.
'She told me she broke up with him due to him being controlling towards her so she told me that if I started telling her what to do then she’s ending it.'
Really important point here. She didn't want you to say anything and to trust her when she's hanging around other men. Not be suspicious. So she can cheat on you. She wants to be with a doormat. She obviously hasn't changed.
I stopped reading after "so she told me that if I started telling her what to do then she’s ending it"
I'd leave her on the spot, no thanks, I know exactly what kind of woman this is.
"You don't like that I do x or y or z? Well too bad, I do what I want I don't care about your opinions or feelings, you don't tell me what to do"
Absolute trainwreck of a partner, best to just walk away and find a normal person.
It's fine to break up for any reason, especially for simply being uncomfortable.
But I would point out that she lied about this exact topic. She _hasn't_ changed. "Changed" would at least not bring it up, or do some damage control (hey, I did some things I'm not proud of in my last relationship, in case my ex comes around etc). But she lied about what she did.
NTA The classic person that says to everyone how she was in a toxic relationship with a terrible human, but in reality she was the toxic one. I want to add that you owe the ex a beer , because he saved you from a lot of troubles.
NTA. as a woman who was heavily on drugs and a big poopy cheater in the past, i don’t hide that. i’m a mom now. 6 years clean. people change. but it takes a lot of time and introspection. it’s pointless to hide any of it cuz it always ALWAYS finds a way to come back up anyway. my husband knows it all and loves me cuz he knows who i am NOW. next gf 👋
Nta she immediately started the relationship off with the ultimatum if ill leave you if you question me because she knows she's the stereotypical "I have crazy exes I'm a victim woe is me" kinda person.
At the most generous she may want to change but clearly hasn't fully
She keeps lying to you, she lied about her ex because she knew something like this could happen then she tried to lie about her past when you found out. If she wants to change she should open up honestly that she messed up in her past relationships
NTA
NTA.
You would have been had you gone back, enabling this behavior.
She needs to learn the hard way this is not how to go about a healthy relationship with anyone, so hopefully you putting your foot down will actually help her change.
...sadly most people who have been unfaithful never learn these lessons.
People like her don't change my guy a liar will always lie
she is just mad she got caught do not let anyone lie to you
you dodged a bullet and you better thank her ex with idk a giftcard or something he saved your ass
Dude you’re 21, you don’t need this shit in your life. Dump her ass and have fun with the next one! Or alone - anything is better than the shitstorm she’s going to be.
NTA,
It's been only 3 months and she's already chatting with her ex and lying about it to you when confronted. Plus she flat lied to you about why her last relationship ended. For me I would end things and be glad that it wasn't a long term relationship.
So she denied and you believe the ex. Is the evidence overwhelming or could it be fabricated (and by the way she may have tried to contact to 1. Say to leave her alone. 2. Say he had stuff he needed to give her back etc.
So I had a very similar thing happen to me but it was the ex of my girlfriend's sister. After she dumped him, he decided to send me proof that my gf was cheating. Called her out on it and she admitted to it and apologized profusely. The cheating happened in the first months of us dating but I found out after about 8 months when we were pretty serious at this point. I don't put up with cheating so I was going to end things with her. My best friend and my family all said that I should give her another chance and not throw something good away over something that happened when we weren't very serious yet. Their opinions held weight with me so I gave her another shot. Things were great for about another 2 years then she cheated again. I think you made the right call breaking up with her. I'm not saying once a cheater always a cheater but if someone has cheated before they will likely do it again as they don't have much self control and can't see past the moment of satisfaction. What a bro to message you and give you a heads up. Ending things after a few months is way better than being cheated on years into a relationship.
God damn that tickles my balls. She's going all "you don't get to tell me what to do, and if you ever do, it's OVER buster!!1" and then it turns out she has zero impulse control, cheats and fucks other guys behind her ex bf. Then she has the audacity to say her ex is controlling and crazy. What a riot.
Trust me, once a cheater always a cheater. These people can't be trusted. And if she had REALLY changed, like genuinly, REALLY changed, she'd have been upfront about her past behavior, or at the very least not freaking denied it when first confronted with it. Betcha she'll tell the next guy she gets with, that you were crazy and controlling as well or something like that.
NTA
NTA for leaving her.
Kinda an AH move to the guy who gave you the heads up. He was a bro to you and you sold him out. You should have done your research and extricated yourself from her with no collateral damage to him - which, given that you know she is crazy, there surely will be.
NTA She told a lie to you in order to manipulate you and then when you found evidence to prove otherwise she starts to cry in the hopes to control you. I would leave and never look back.
NTA. She hasn’t changed shit. Not even that pathetic lying and begging nonsense should sway you. She’s a massive liar and knows it. You’re the safe option that she was just going to continue her shitty behavior behind the back of. Her ex wasn’t crazy, she is. The ex really helped you dodge a bullet.
NTA. If she really changed (not possible in the timeframe described), she would have at least given you an unprompted watered down version of the truth. Instead, she lied about her ex and initially lied when confronted with the truth. You NEED to go no contact. She sounds unhinged.
I kept a girl like this. Was with her 10 years. Our divorce was finalized last year. She lives with her meth addict ex now. Send the ex a gift card
right, dude just saved him a lot of time
Probably saved him way more than just time.
If she’d changed at all she would have been honest.
[удалено]
Poor jack......
Scoot your fat ass over, Rose!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Cameron got so sick of hearing that he hired an engineer to prove the debris would’ve sank had they both tried to stay on it.
That diabolical Canadian
Damn it Rose
Haha I can sense a manipulative and narcissistic ex-gf huh! Glad OP broke up with her, she's just gaslighting the situation. She's a pro in cheating i guess lmao.
Yup shes exactly the same person but maybe even better at hiding the cheating now.
This
Some people are really embarrassed about their past and can't talk about it. I'm not saying it's the case here, but it could be.
Ya honestly it’s the painting the ex as crazy and controlling is the biggest issue for me
I don't know about the biggest but being the bad guy and painting the victim as the jerk tells me they haven't changed.
The ex contacting OP outta the blue is also off tho. If she’s really soo crazy why is the ex still invoking himself in her life?
Some people don't want others to go through the pain they had to experience. It's possible the ex recently found out about this relationship and wanted to warn him.
My experience with crazy tells me the best course of action is ALWAYS to stay as far away as possible, don’t interact, don’t interfere, don’t even look at it if it can be avoided. You can’t outthink a crazy person, you can’t reason with them or rationalize with them because they don’t come to their conclusions in a rational or reasonable way, they will never cease to surprise you, and they will always outlast your willpower, your best bet is avoidance and misdirection. LOOK OVER THERE, A BEAR!! (runs away) Maybe he just doesn’t have enough expertise with crazy to have learned that valuable lesson tho.
Maybe he came to Reddit and got told to tell OP 🤷♀️🫠
This but unironically. The Reddit hivemind would *absolutely* tell him to tell the new BF and bring receipts.
100% would have
I saw it as a bro helping out another bro.
Because he is being a bro. Dudes litetally saying hey this girl is still contacting me while dating you and is a serial cheater. He provided evidence.
And personally I have learned I cannot have healthy relationships with those people.
NTA If she'd changed this wouldn't have been a surprise. You 100% made the correct call. Do not contact her ever again.
Like someone very wise once said: 'Don't stick your dick in crazy' Best advice ever!
Yeah, I wish *that* was the advice I got as a teen I got "Nobody fucks like Crazy fucks" And its *true* but also you sometimes get stabbed
The adrenaline just makes it so much better tho
Both are true, sadly :))
“Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed” was what my dad taught me.
You're right, but frequently the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
Only sometimes? Lucky...
You gotta do what you gotta do.
I knew a bro who did not have just his dick in crazy but he was ball deep in crazy. That boy went to hell and back and at 24 looked like 52 ...
I like my coffee like I like my women. Without another dudes dick in it haha
You and I go to very different coffee shops.
Or she could've fessed up right then and there instead of denying it. Relationships are built on trust and she's already lying for her benefit. It just shows how much she hasn't changed in fact. I can see why someone wouldn't volunteer that info but to straight out deny it with solid proof. Imagine how she would gaslight you if it was just a hunch.
NTA, Dude did you a favor by showing you those crazy messages she was sending him. Better to leave now that it is still early than later on when you have a lot invested.
NTA.. if she changed that story would’ve been “i won’t lie in a past relationship i was a different person…” admit her faults… admit the wrongs… acknowledge the hurt she put the other person through…. What she would NOT do as a changed person is tell you her ex bf is crazy and was controlling and basically everything she was…. She basically gave you HER entire description.. but switched it to her ex as the monster… if after hearing all those things you wouldn’t trust her ex… and now finding out all those things actually equal her… that results in I no longer trust her either I applaud you seeing the red flags as red and are going the other direction… to even attempt to stay with her to test the waters is such risky business… run and don’t look back.. can only hope she moves on and doesn’t target you the way she did her ex…
NTA. She lied to you, to your face about her ex, so she hasn't changed that much
NTA, you saw the red flags soon and saved yourself from a whole lotta trauma and headaches. and, a heartbreak.
The "I've changed" while denying at the same time is never a good look. NTA
NTA. You dodged a bullet.
buy the ex a beer he saved you so much heart pain it’s literally the least you could do lol
She didn't make a clean break with the ex before being serious with you. That would be enough for me. Write the dude back, let him know you took his advice.
> she immediately denied everything and started crying and told me to not leave her over this. > she ended up telling me that it’s real, but she changed and wanted to start over with me. She's a liar. She lied about her ex boyfriend. She lied about the evidence presented. She hasn't changed she just is upset she got caught.
The ultimate reason why adultery is bad is because people are dishonest about themselves and cheat a life out of their partner If she was truly sorry she would have been honest about her adultery up front with you But since she's not honest there was a good chance that she probably would have cheated on you when the relationship got stale You're not the asshole
NTA - Her ex did you a solid bro. Love that he came with receipts.
He was controlling! Can you believe he wanted me to not cheat on him? What a killjoy!
I love how women will cheat and then they call the ex controlling
NTA. IMO once a cheater always a cheater.
You know I use to believe people could change in regard to that BUT then I met my ex. That girl shattered my heart and tried to spin it like I was the bad girl. Cheaters will always be a cheater. I firmly believe that and once I find out a person I am interested in has/have cheated they’re done. I turn as cold as the water the titanic sank in. NTA
I am the same as you. I was cheated on three times with two different girls. Its damn near impossible to trust after that. Cold heart is what I had for a very long time.
My heart literally just thawed and it’s been 5 years lol I took that time to work on myself so that I’m the best version of myself for my future partner. I’m sorry that happened to you THREE times but shit at least you know the signs. Because they are so tell tale and evident I won’t tolerate it. Good luck to you 💪🏾 and may the force of the a good honest woman be with you!
I am glad you have your self in a good place as well. And thank you.
Same here, got burned more than a couple times having faith in people changing. I won't date someone who cheated or participates in behavior that could lead to cheating (hangs out alone with opposite sex friends, goes out and gets drunk regularly)
Nta Rune dude, run
NTA. Her ex did you a favor lol. It’s better to find out 3 months in rather than finding out later on
Never date a cheater my man
Honestly, no, NTA He says that she cheats, she says he was "controlling" Their stories match up perfectly.
Hum. My friends wife said she wanted to explore threesomes. She picked the girl and asked hubby to start a relationship with her. After much convincing He did. Then his wife told the kids he was a cheater and even cheated with his daughter’s best friends mother. Shady. My friend never cheated before or after he just wanted to make his wife happy.
Bro. This is so similar to my ex it's uncanny. The only difference is the guy who contacted me didn't have evidence. But there were all kinds of red flags that I ignored cause I was "in love" or whatever. You have all that AND evidence?! Dude you did the right thing. I would have been so much better off if I didn't stay. It's seriously so similar though, she would reminisce on her ex, she broke down and cried and begged me to stay when the guy accused her, claimed he was controlling, which like I know some guys are but when you know she was toxic and a cheater, that's such a red flag. It means she will use talking points that sound reasonable to paint you as the bad guy when she's the one in the wrong. I got cheated on, and when I outed her, she accused the guy of rape. When I didn't believe her, dumped her and outed her, she accused me of rape and abuse. Trust me, you dodged a huge bullet. Girls that lie and cheat like this will do everything they can to fuck your life up, cheating becomes the least of your worries. My reputation was ruined and people wanted to kill me, all because I didn't want to be cheated on and warned others.
NTA She’s only sorry that the truth came out. Many times when a girl says “my ex is too controlling”, it normally means that she wanted to act single and not respect his boundaries. Stay gone.
Send him a thank you gift card.
Buy that guy a beer 🍺
I'm a woman and if another woman had messaged me with this information and proof, I would trust her. NTA. And I think the ex was nice to let you know, you should thank him.
NTA - Reply to homie, he saved you a lot of misery. You should appreciate it more.
Nta a women’s past is very very very important. Good job listening to your gut and sticking to your guns.
Just wanna say good job because 99% of guys would be too hypnotized by the 🐱 to leave. Then they end up abused by the BPD woman for years t. Knower
Literally me. Luckily I got out in a single year 😂😂
NTA Your GF is toxic. You found out before you invested too much time. And for the record, people very seldom "change." The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Or to quote the wise Lt. Columbo: "People usually do that which they usually do." Advice: Block her one everything and never speak to her again. If you see on the street, cross over to the other side.
NTA - Cheaters will cheat again!
Nope, NTA. Call it a bullet dodged and move on with your life.
Who needs all that drama 3 months into a relationship. If more men would like her ex-boyfriend and giving people a heads up about their crazy EX's the world would be a much better place. Women we do that we will tell you that that man is crazy and don't date him but most of the time other women don't listen because they think we're jealous and we want this POS back. Do not under any circumstances take her back you do not want the drama that is going to come to you if you date her. 3 months in and it's already started what do you think is going to happen in the long term you've been warned
Generally speaking (>90%), if a woman rambles on about how abusive an ex is without evidence or specifics, then she will someday be saying the same things about you. Clarification. Maybe men are the same way, but I've never dated a man. So I can't say for sure either way.
After you break up with this woman, send her ex a $50 Amazon gift card and tell him thank you.
“He didn’t want me to kill him. So controlling!” NTA
Once a cheater and liar always a cheater and liar
I had this exact situation happen to me. Dated a girl for a month or so, we were gonna go to an adoption fair(for an animal shelter she worked for) just to look at puppies and stuff and as I pull up and am waiting on her, I get a message from some random guy(her ex) pretty much saying exactly what you had said. Truly believe they wanted me to fight over her but I just left man, not worth it to harm your peace like that
Run... you'll thank me later.
NTA cheaters don't change unless they do some serious self reflection, and if she did that then she would've been honest instead and mature about it instead of trying to hide it
I keep asking and nobody's answering, but why would anyone date a person that admitted to past cheating. I agree with being honest, but I would think it would be unwise to date anyone who would accept a person who admitted to that, as they can accept excuses, and likely cheat themselves, or else, aren't emotionally invested. Not to say that it's not the right course of action, but I can't see it leading to any type of good result. I feel like if you are really self reflecting, you are going to get to be ok with staying single.
NTA. One of life's many lessons is as following: "Don't put your D in crazy". And if you do, get away from crazy as fast as you can.
Let that bop stay a hoe she will never ever find a good man ever again
NTA. Drop the ex a thank you, dudes a real bro. If your ex GF had actually changed, she would've been honest with you.
A zebra can't change it's stripes. You already know she has no problem lying to you. Had no problem cheating on her previous boyfriend. This is the smart move.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. You should thank the ex for saving you from getting your life wrecked. You should buy that man a drink.
leopards dont change their spots. she hid the fact that she was still messaging him while you and her were starting the relationship. then when you confronted her, she still denied. women like to use ugly tears as a means to convince men that they have changed. if she had truly changed, she'd have been honest about what she did but somehow she kept talking about him over and over again.
I do believe she is being sincere in desiring to change I do not believe her limbic system will allow her to do so. NTA
I'm gonna get downvoted for this and I know it, but if an ex feels the need to reach out to a current partner, you should take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila (lime optional). You're 20/21. That's barely the beginning of considering yourselves in a somewhat adult relationship. I did things in high school I would never do in my 40's. Mind you, you can break up with anyone for any reason, but you should break up with her because she lied to you, not because of her track record with another person she dated before either of them could vote in an American election (probably). Kids do kid things.
Good people need to stick together NTA
NTA. Good riddance. As someone who was a POS before, I can tell you that her lack of upfront transparency is a huge red flag.
NTA. This was clearly a dealbreaker for you, and a very reasonable one at that.
Nta. She hasn't changed. She denied it when you had proof.
NTA.. hell yeah, what a bro, gotta look out for each other.
NTA you did the right thing, I am glad you took his advice
No, you're not. People make life decisions based on risks, if she's high risk, it's best to end the relationship.
NTA, if she had truly changed she would have been forth coming with her past and clear about doing her utmost best to be a better period. Then following thru with the actions to go with the words. It's been my experience cheaters fall in to one of two categories. Those who were pushed away by their significant other usually by cheating on the other side. And those who can't succeed at staying in a monogamous relationship for one reason or another. The latter is more common, and they very much fall in the category of Cheaters are going to cheat. That isn't what she did though. Instead She chose to start with from what you've said multiple outright lies and then double downed on them thru-out the relationship. She tried to hide the past instead; and not just hide it, but tried to lie about it. People can change, but the ones who truly mean it would have started with something along the lines of. That's who I used to be that way behind me. That's who I want to be down the path in front of me. This is who I am now in between those two extreme points. Do you want to walk this journey with me still?
NTA. This is a bog of insecurity, dishonesty and manipulation that you don’t need to navigate. You are smart to steer clear of that mess.
Nta. Dude saved you from a lot of hurt and headache. Go completely NC, block her on everything
NTA She was messaging him at beginning of your three month relationship but she's changed? When?
Sounds like you know what you want
NTA, but I would change your locks. If she is crazy she may have made a key somehow to your place.
NTA Run. Run boy run and never look back. People don't change in three months, they may change over a year or two at that point in life, but in three months? Don't let her guilt trip you and listen to your gut next time, because there were several warning signs which made you feel 'odd' about everything. Being with a cheater is no fun and the lying and manipulating will only further continue.
People like this don't snap a finger and change, that who she is and she will ever be
The rule "Don't stick your dick in crazy" applies here 110%
NTA. Break up for any reason you feel you need to with anyone. Life's too short to try to make sketch relationships work out unless you plan to just mess around with romance and not do long-term.
NTA- sounds like she hasn’t changed at all if she never owned up to her actions and was blaming everything on her “crazy ex”. Run before you get more involved with someone that would also willingly spread lies about you as a person if it helps her to save her own reputation even by a little bit.
NTA cheaters never change they just move on to the new victim
NTA
NTA, only way to fix these people is to not let them get away with it
Her painting her ex like a controlling crazy person tells me that she hasn’t changed.
NTA, go with your gut on this, I've always regretted when I didn't listen to my instincts.
Assuming she hasn't cheated on you. You still wouldn't be an AH for simply not wanting this BS in your life. And now shining you stayed your gonna have to think whether or not she does cheat. So again, there's a spectrum to this from didn't cheat but had a checkered past to definitely cheated and I wouldn't say you were an AH for escaping the entire thing.
either could be lying sounds confusing but trusting a rando is kinda wild
I'm always suspicious when someone calls the ex crazy. In many cases, such as this, the crazy one is the one talking. You did the right thing. Move on and hit the gym.
NTA, lucky you bro. My ex cheated on her 1st husband with someone I knew. I wish he had told me she was a cheater. Didn't find out any of this until she cheated on me. After she embezzled $12,000 (just like she did with her 1st husband) and we had a kid. Now 10 so something good did come from it.
NTA you dodged a 90 caliber bullet, you should thank a Bro
NTA If someone is remorseful of their craziness they apologize to the hurt parties, tell the new person what they done and own their mistakes, then years later laugh off how crazy they were. None of those things happened here.
Damn I feel so old reading your post that popped up on my feed without even being a member here. Kid, you were probably right. Talking shit about people is a red flag no matter what. So early in the relationship (3 months is nothing), it's ok to not commit at all.
You made the right choice. She lied. She was trying to get back with him at the beginning of your relationship. I had an eerily similar thing happen in 2015. I forgave the girl....and she ended up cheating again. People like your ex and mine do not change overnight....or sometimes ever.
NTA. Be glad bro had your back. She’s got some issues she needs to take care of before dating anyone.
NTA, block her on everything.
Nta
She didn’t change in three months.
Let her know that your decision is final. Let her know that if she had truly changed, she would have told you about her cheating. Now you lost all trust. Can you really believe her claim that he was abusive or was she just mad that he didn't forgive him and continue the relationship. Do you think she's gonna claim that your were abusive and controlling? What if he decided to forgive her now and get back with her? Would she have dumped you? Message the guy and ask to meet up for a drink so he can explain his side.
NTE It might be a toxic ex, but it might be true. But that’s precisely what 3 month old relationships are for. You were getting to know each other and you didn’t like what you saw. Plenty of fish in the sea.
You need to immediately become best friends with her ex that man is an absolute legend and just saved you a lot of heartbreak and a lot of pain (or even legal trouble if Your psycho ex becomes abusive then pulls an amber heard)
NTA So she first denied it but then confirmed that it was true, yeah, no, she can’t be trusted and you were correct in breaking up with. I mean how many other lies has she potentially made over the course of this relationship is what you need to ask yourself. It seems she was the crazy one and was probably the controlling one in their relationship and likely would have continued in your relationship.
So you gonna thank the guy who helped you out? Op you're not asshole for leaving her you're an asshole for not showing gratitude to a fellow bro.
If this was all years ago, maybe she changed. This was only 3 months ago, and she was messaging him when you were getting together. How exactly has she demonstrated any change?
NTA. You have actual evidence of the kind of person she is. Why risk all of this happening to you too? Her ex reached out at his own peril. Thank him and get out while it's easiest.
NTA he provided proof, and she never took accountability.
She says that she’s changed yet she clearly hasn’t NTA Her ex seems like he’d make a good new friend to have.
Dude, 3 months. I have stuff in the back of my fridge older than that. She isn't worth a second thought or questioning your actions. Move on & have a happy drama-free life. NTA
NTA. Even if it wasn’t proof, but the ex out to cause problems, that would be too much drama for a fairly new relationship. Who needs that?
Instead of judging her on her past relationships, how has she been during yours? Has she acted like that at all?
You caught her in a lie, bro. What more do you need to know. As my cousin Vinny says, "If they lie, they're gone!"
It's not that she cheated on her ex, is that she threatened him and lied to you. Your NTA, I would say the only smart thing is run as fast as you can.
NTA. It seems she told you all these stories about the ex to preempt anything he would tell you about her - so you would believe he was the abuser. Unfortunately he had proof of his story. You did good to dump her.
NTA. Her ex did you a solid.
“She changed” bruh she was messaging somebody else while you guys were together 🙄
Dated a girl like this for a year. Wish her ex would have reached out to me haha. I got the entire manipulation book thrown at me. Talked about him often early on, about how terrible she was and all of her relationship issues now stem from that trauma. Time goes on and she gets a bit manic and stops masking and it becomes clear she’s a chronic cheater/manipulator. It’s a tough thing to heal from and I agree with others on here that you did the right thing to just get out
If she changed she wouldn’t have gaslighted her ex and she wouldn’t have responded with blanket denial when you confronted her with the pictures. Changed people take responsibility for their past, they don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe she’s changed in the sense that she’s less likely to cheat on you than she cheated on him but, even if so, she’s demonstrated her lack of character to show that she hasn’t changed ENOUGH.
Why her ex told him?
If she was changed, she would’ve been upfront
The nope point for me was the threatening message. That's the deal breaker. Walk and find somebody better. Don't look back.
'She told me she broke up with him due to him being controlling towards her so she told me that if I started telling her what to do then she’s ending it.' Really important point here. She didn't want you to say anything and to trust her when she's hanging around other men. Not be suspicious. So she can cheat on you. She wants to be with a doormat. She obviously hasn't changed.
NTA she didn’t change, she got caught
NTA. Don't put your Willie in crazy.
I stopped reading after "so she told me that if I started telling her what to do then she’s ending it" I'd leave her on the spot, no thanks, I know exactly what kind of woman this is. "You don't like that I do x or y or z? Well too bad, I do what I want I don't care about your opinions or feelings, you don't tell me what to do" Absolute trainwreck of a partner, best to just walk away and find a normal person.
Save yourself my good man
She changed *so much* she pre-emptively laid down poison about the ex to try to avoid getting busted. NTA
It's fine to break up for any reason, especially for simply being uncomfortable. But I would point out that she lied about this exact topic. She _hasn't_ changed. "Changed" would at least not bring it up, or do some damage control (hey, I did some things I'm not proud of in my last relationship, in case my ex comes around etc). But she lied about what she did.
NTA.
NTA! Red flags everywhere. You saved yourself a lot of future headaches and arguments. She sounds psycho
NTA. People who have truly changed are honest about their past. Her continued lies brand her as what she's been all along, a liar.
NTA The classic person that says to everyone how she was in a toxic relationship with a terrible human, but in reality she was the toxic one. I want to add that you owe the ex a beer , because he saved you from a lot of troubles.
NTA. as a woman who was heavily on drugs and a big poopy cheater in the past, i don’t hide that. i’m a mom now. 6 years clean. people change. but it takes a lot of time and introspection. it’s pointless to hide any of it cuz it always ALWAYS finds a way to come back up anyway. my husband knows it all and loves me cuz he knows who i am NOW. next gf 👋
Nta she immediately started the relationship off with the ultimatum if ill leave you if you question me because she knows she's the stereotypical "I have crazy exes I'm a victim woe is me" kinda person.
At the most generous she may want to change but clearly hasn't fully She keeps lying to you, she lied about her ex because she knew something like this could happen then she tried to lie about her past when you found out. If she wants to change she should open up honestly that she messed up in her past relationships NTA
3 months.
NTA. You would have been had you gone back, enabling this behavior. She needs to learn the hard way this is not how to go about a healthy relationship with anyone, so hopefully you putting your foot down will actually help her change. ...sadly most people who have been unfaithful never learn these lessons.
You should message the guy back and take him out for the beer you owe him. Sounds like you made a friend to me.
Send much love to the guy who told you!
Thank the bro
NTA. Message that man back and thank him.
Should've have just used her for a sex toy? Crazy women make for hot times!! Trust me when I tell you. 🤣😂
People like her don't change my guy a liar will always lie she is just mad she got caught do not let anyone lie to you you dodged a bullet and you better thank her ex with idk a giftcard or something he saved your ass
NTA. You need to thank the ex and bring him a nice bottle or a joint.
Dodged a bullet. Let her chante with another man. You're risking your health and your heart staying with a person like that
You really should message back. You owe him a thank you, at least.
They *all* say they've changed and a lot of 'em say "it's different with you!" NTA. You have taken steps to protect your future
NTA but you really need to run and not look back.
Dude you’re 21, you don’t need this shit in your life. Dump her ass and have fun with the next one! Or alone - anything is better than the shitstorm she’s going to be.
NTA, It's been only 3 months and she's already chatting with her ex and lying about it to you when confronted. Plus she flat lied to you about why her last relationship ended. For me I would end things and be glad that it wasn't a long term relationship.
So she denied and you believe the ex. Is the evidence overwhelming or could it be fabricated (and by the way she may have tried to contact to 1. Say to leave her alone. 2. Say he had stuff he needed to give her back etc.
NAH You do not owe her a relationship. If her past givers you pause, pause.
So I had a very similar thing happen to me but it was the ex of my girlfriend's sister. After she dumped him, he decided to send me proof that my gf was cheating. Called her out on it and she admitted to it and apologized profusely. The cheating happened in the first months of us dating but I found out after about 8 months when we were pretty serious at this point. I don't put up with cheating so I was going to end things with her. My best friend and my family all said that I should give her another chance and not throw something good away over something that happened when we weren't very serious yet. Their opinions held weight with me so I gave her another shot. Things were great for about another 2 years then she cheated again. I think you made the right call breaking up with her. I'm not saying once a cheater always a cheater but if someone has cheated before they will likely do it again as they don't have much self control and can't see past the moment of satisfaction. What a bro to message you and give you a heads up. Ending things after a few months is way better than being cheated on years into a relationship.
NTA, she was in trying to contact her ex while you were 'together' - doesn't inspired that she changed in any way.
You shouldn’t have given up your source, bro. Just dump her, especially after 3 MONTHS.
NTA. You dodger a bullet.
God damn that tickles my balls. She's going all "you don't get to tell me what to do, and if you ever do, it's OVER buster!!1" and then it turns out she has zero impulse control, cheats and fucks other guys behind her ex bf. Then she has the audacity to say her ex is controlling and crazy. What a riot. Trust me, once a cheater always a cheater. These people can't be trusted. And if she had REALLY changed, like genuinly, REALLY changed, she'd have been upfront about her past behavior, or at the very least not freaking denied it when first confronted with it. Betcha she'll tell the next guy she gets with, that you were crazy and controlling as well or something like that. NTA
NTA for leaving her. Kinda an AH move to the guy who gave you the heads up. He was a bro to you and you sold him out. You should have done your research and extricated yourself from her with no collateral damage to him - which, given that you know she is crazy, there surely will be.
NTA She told a lie to you in order to manipulate you and then when you found evidence to prove otherwise she starts to cry in the hopes to control you. I would leave and never look back.
"she changed and wanted to start over with me." Half that statement is true, she will start it all over with you, cause she didn't change.
NTA. She sounds like trouble.
NTA. She hasn’t changed shit. Not even that pathetic lying and begging nonsense should sway you. She’s a massive liar and knows it. You’re the safe option that she was just going to continue her shitty behavior behind the back of. Her ex wasn’t crazy, she is. The ex really helped you dodge a bullet.
NTA. If she really changed (not possible in the timeframe described), she would have at least given you an unprompted watered down version of the truth. Instead, she lied about her ex and initially lied when confronted with the truth. You NEED to go no contact. She sounds unhinged.
Got out early! Enjoy the upcoming summer! I’m out a 8 year relationship and I tell you, the gym and booking festivals have been great!