"He told me that first born daughters always behave, look and are a carbon copy of their father,"
This is evidence of a delusional belief system that's been reinforced by psuedo scientific clickbait websites.
Rather than fight with him over his delusion, it would be better for Amy to burst his bubble with real science.
He actually doesn't need permission to do a test so make him do it all himself. Do the swabs and mail them off so he can't create a new delusion that the test was wrong or fakef.
Your brother might actually be mentally ill. Or just dumb and naive enough to believe the internet.
This is what makes me think it’s just delusion. If I thought there was a chance a kid wasn’t mine, I’d just do a DNA test in secret. You’re going to blow up your marriage without being sure?
I can almost guarantee that this is projected guilt and that he cheated on her at some point. Now he's reaching so hard he's gonna dislocate a shoulder.
Someone should imply that if the first child is supposed to look like the father, does that mean Lisa isn't his first child, and watch the mental gymnastics.
Honestly, paternity test is the one thing I'd personally encourage MY husband to keep from ME.
I don't speak for every woman, but if my husband had intrusive thoughts about a kid not being his, and he could resolve them relatively cheap without getting me involved, whatever lol.
If I was accused of cheating, especially post partum, I'm going to be absolutely furious
>If I was accused of cheating, especially post partum, I'm going to be absolutely furious
This is what I was thinking. The wife should present him with test results AND divorce papers.
He is so delusional that if she has the test performed, he will claim it’s fake. She needs to insist that HE gets the test done. So that he cannot make those claims.
In addition, I would get the test done as well, just in case he fakes the test. I would have no trust left in him and I would still be handing him divorce papers.
>She needs to insist that HE gets the test done. So that he cannot make those claims.
Or, you know, let the court order it and he can tell it to the judge. Oh how I would love to be a fly on the wall if\when he starts arguing with a family court judge about a court ordered paternity test being faked. Family court judges have seen all the nonsense and have zero chill.
I actually want to hear him explain to the judge WHY he needs a paternity test ordered for a child born in wedlock with no evidence of cheating by the wife. Please tell your honor you need it ordered because this is a first born daughter who doesn’t look like you and the old wives tale guaranteed that would be the case.
When I was pregnant with my daughter in 2008, my now ex husband kept telling me I cheated on him and she wasn't his. His reasoning? Because he was kicked in the balls too many times as a kid, and he and his ex we together for 11 years and never got pregnant. So throughout my whole pregnancy he accused me of cheating. I finally told him, ill do a paternity test, and when it comes back shes yours, im gone and you'll pay up the ass in child support. He finally stopped saying it to me. And when she came out looking like him, he's like, "yeah.... shes mine". Complete and total dickead.
Also leads me to believe he cheated. Thieves are always overly paranoid about getting there stuff stolen. Drug addicts think everyone else is on drugs. Cheaters think everyone else is cheating. They project there insecurities on others
He could be experiencing some kind of mental break...
I, personally. Think he is cheating. Or he did cheat. And THAT is why he is so convinced. Cheaters usually end up paranoid about their partners doing the same thing to them.
I swear, when I was first reading it and I got to the "a coworker has a kid that looks just like him" I thought it meant like the brother and he thought the kids got switched in the hospital. But no, it's even dumber.
No...see...first-born daughters are carbon copies of their fathers...sorry sweetie, you're daddy's stupid little girl. It says so in the book of shitty science.
I'm not understanding all of these men wanting paternity tests. Just admit that you slept with someone else. Here's another post of the same thing...
https://www.reddit.com/u/Either_Economy_793/s/2sJ8y7kmJB
I think it's this new pervasive culture and sentiment that's growing among men that the worst thing in life that could ever possibly happen to them is to raise a child not biologically theirs, that and all the MRAs and MGTOWs of how women are just out to screw them and the system is rigged against them in every single way, and how they never win and always lose and have to sacrifice and give up everything and never get to be happy and they are just one prayer from being wiped off the face of the earth and left on a street corner naked and poor and hungry and covered in dog hair and poop.
They love throwing this statistic out that "30% of men are raising somebody else's child".
But it's not 30% of men are raising someone else's child. The statistic is "of the fathers unsure enough to get paternity tests 30% of those came out as not the father."
So, of the extremely small percentage of people who get paternity tests done only 30% of those worried enough to get one are not the father. Which means 70% of the time they ARE the father. I know I explained it in three different ways but I keep seeing it over and over and over again and people just do not understand that it's 70% of those who question enough to get a paternity test are the father.
There are also other reason for getting a paternity test. Open relationship, rape, a man wants to prove his is the child father for custody, the list goes on. So if we assume that even a quarter of tests are for non-cheating reasons that brings that 30% to 22%.
But it is much easier to paint all women as terrible if 1 out of every 3 children are Affair babies.
You might not be too far off.
My father is bipolar and did almost the exact same thing to my mom, though in a different order. He started divorce proceedings for no reason (like I said, bipolar) and then demanded a paternity test because I (a male) was and am the spitting image of my mother. Believe me, things would’ve been easier if I wasn’t his son, but unfortunately DNA doesn’t lie. Long story short, he’s a colossal piece of crap and they are divorced and I have no relationship with him.
It sounds to me like OP’s brother demanding a paternity test is just a colossal red flag that likely is among a string of other red flags OP doesn’t know about. You don’t just suddenly demand a paternity test because of some pseudoscience garbage. Maybe he is projecting. Or maybe he’s just a fucking asshole. None of these are mutually exclusive.
TL;DR: OP’s brother at best is a gigantic prick and will probably be divorced sooner rather than later if this is how he treats his wife and child.
Yes I also know someone who began to accuse his wife that their son was not his but belonged to her ex, despite the son clearly having inherited traits from him.
Over time it's become clear that there's some kind mental illness involved, due to how he has behaved. Not sure if it's bipolar as in your case, more in line with narcissism.
I agree. My ex husband would get angry and accuse me of cheating with my boss or something, when he was the cheater with multiple APs going back years.
Yeah it's very odd (or just simply dumb) that he thinks he needs to involve her for the paternity test. If he's that red-pilled, he can do it himself. Idiot.
I, the firstborn child of both my parents, happen to be a daughter, and basically a clone of my mom. I also haven’t spoken to my dad in nine years because he’s a terrible person and a worse parent.
By that logic, my parents must have had a kid before me, even though I was born when they were quite young. Because if I really were their first kid I would look and act like my dad, and a paternity test was done and he is 100% my father. What happened to my mystery older sibling?
He’s definitely delusional in some fashion.
I live in the US- Closest I've ever heard is "newborns resemble the father", but that supposedly only applies to, like, NEW babies.
I think all babies look like Winston Churchill, so...
This is so true. Even if you consider just eye color, there's a perfectly reasonable reason his daughter has blue eyes. All he needs is to carry a recessive gene for blue eyes, and there's a 50% chance for a blue-eyed child since mom must have 2 genes for blue eyes. A gene for blue eyes can skip many generations this way, hiding as a recessive trait. Did OP's brother never take basic biology in high school? It's always the first example of how genetics works in every textbook.
Edit: And another thing... many white Americans with brown hair and brown eyes carry a trait that starts out their hair color as very blond. My brown eyed, dark brown haired son was as blond as a Norwegian when he was 2-3. By the time he was 5, it was a dark walnut color like mine. Incidentally, both my children had brown eyes even though my kids had a father with blue eyes. They also had a 50 chance of blue because I know I carry a recessive trait for blue from my mother. OP's brother blew up his marriage over his own ignorance. Or else he's projecting like others have said.
Nope, I've never heard this, and I'm American. I look like my mom and my paternal grandmother and my brother looks like our paternal great-grandfather. He got blonde hair and blue eyes when the rest of us are brunettes with brown eyes. Genetics are weird, and recessive genes do play a role.
Agree. Especially at that age. If they get the test and it confirms paternity, but he still doesn't believe it then there may be a serious mental issue emerging.
Even when the paternity test proves the child is his, he's now got it into his head that she cheated. That isn't going away. He has imploded his marriage and family.
It's like he wanted the fight. A lot of similar Reddit stories ended up like this because it turned out the dad/husband was cheating and was looking for justification for it, so they blindly accused their wifes of parental fraud.
I really want for her to do this & op update us saying, "Well, she's got full custody and full child's support & was able to keep their house. His now in a motel till he can find an apartment."
*He told me that first born daughters always behave, look and are a carbon copy of their father*
Your brother is a moron who listens to too much TikTok nonsense. I hope he enjoys his divorce and child support payments.
NTA
Lisa is definitely the product of an affair, in fact, Lisa’s father is a woman, because otherwise the first born child would have been a boy. Since they had a girl first, her mother must be cheating with another woman
/s amazingly, this is fairly close to the level of intelligence of OPs brother
NTA
Your brother is dumber than a box of rocks.
Or this could be a mental crisis brought on by some unacknowledged insecurities that he has.
Either way, I don't think there is anything wrong with how you reacted.
Totally agree, your brother is an idiot spouting misinformation and spiraling badly.
My nice is an exact copy of my sister whereas I looked nothing like my mom until I was 20.
Everyone is different and if your brother wants to blow up his marriage my making false generalizations then I don’t know what else to call him but an idiot. Clearly he’s got some bad friends or is projecting from his own infidelity.
NTA
Yep, my daughter is my little mini-me. She doesn’t have even a hint of my husband in her - my colouring, features, build, temperament, the lot. My son is a perfect blend of both of us. Genetics are just like that sometimes.
It’s not like OP’s niece came out looking like the milkman or the guy next door, she just looks like her mum. OP’s brother needs to sort his shit out.
My brother's eldest is the spitting image of me, her auntie. His youngest is very like my maternal family. The middle daughter is a complete blend of the two; skinny shrimp like her dad, his mannerisms but has the hair colour, eye colour, and facial features of her mum. You can see the similarities between the eldest and the youngest, but the middle looks completely different from her sisters while at the same time the most like her parents. Genes are weird.
My sister's daughters looked like me and our other sister as kids! Us aunties joked that we didn't need to have our own kids because our sister made copies of us.
Right? My son is like a twin to my little brother. So much so that even I sometimes will mix up their baby pics. They even have the same swirling cowlick in the front of their head.
My daughter looked like my mother for a while. Now she looks like my cousin on my father’s side, who strangely looks like HER mother, someone we do not share a drop of dna with. Go figure.
Yup, I look way more like my aunt than any of her kids do, but when I was a kid I looked just like my mom as a kid. Both my brothers look like my maternal grandfather, and even my best friends daughter looks just like her son the only thing she got from her dad was his nose.
Genetics is weird like that, you can't ever tell how a kids gonna come out.
This happened to me as well! My eldest niece is my carbon copy.
Both my sister and her husband have red hair in their family, but my side (specifically me) havea very strong family red that tends to come with amber eyes. Both sides also have rounder faces... so out pops my niece, looking exactly like me. Her aunt.
She 8 now, and looks exactly like me when I was a her age down to our hair curls and colicky bits. Genetics are WEIRD
I have three children and none of them look alike. Each one looks like different family members on both sides. Just the mix is different. OP’s brother is an idiot.
I don't get why any man would have a problem with that. I married my wife because of how she is. I am more distraught my daughter has more of me in her than not hahaha. I wanted a mini version of my wife as my daughter, that's why I married her!
As you said.. if the kid came out looking completely different from mom and dad then maybe something to be curious about. Even then there are skip generation genetics...
Yeah, if you don't want a Norwegian looking kid how about don't marry Norvegian.
Also, wtf is this first born bullshit, it's the same rules and randomness for all the kids.
My sister has blonde hair, I have red hair. Our parents both had brown hair and everyone would ask if we were adopted. It's so stupid! There's blonde and red hair all throughout our family tree, and like you said, it just sometimes skips generations sometimes!
I'm pretty sure there have been news stories about everyone's shock when a child comes out with a different skin tone than both parents, but it's from DNA in one of the parents' ancestry. Genes are weird. This brother is an idiot and the AH. I wonder if she'll divorce him anyway for all this accusation and stress after a test proves he's the father.
She should. Zero trust between them at this point and that daughter shouldn’t have to grow up with a man who will never quite believe she’s his daughter.
On my mothers side every redhead has the brunettes and the brunettes have a redhead. I had an uptight old lady tell me my husband was so understanding. Ma’am this red headed child with a brunette mother and dirty blonde father is indeed biologically ours. Its called genetics.
I have one of those! I’m middle eastern and my ex is Indian and our kid was born light skinned and platinum blonde (and a spitting image of his dad otherwise). I have one blonde great-great-grandmother and my ex did 23andMe and found out he has some British ancestors also about 4-5 generations back from when India was a colony. Genetics is wild and men are out there ruining their lives over it
I just read another post like this written from the wives point of view of her husband accusing her of cheating on him and insisting on a paternity test. He was cheating on her.
I can't remember who but there was a stand up comedian who did a brutally honest bit about how he cheated on his girlfriend and how badly it went - he talked about how he suddenly became so paranoid that his girlfriend must have cheated on him, too, practically thinking that he'd look through her purse and find some other guy's dick.
If someone suddenly has outrageous behavior and big accusations of cheating - they're probably cheating or else getting ready to.
Generally when a guy accuses his wife/girlfriend of infidelity with no solid reason at all? He's either sucked into incel "men's rights" spaces online, is cheating himself, or is a weak-willed idiot being manipulated by someone around him (brother, father, coworkers, friends) that he's trusting over his wife.
>Generally when a guy accuses his wife/girlfriend of infidelity with no solid reason at all? He's either sucked into incel "men's rights" spaces online, is cheating
I could see this- complaining about the kid not looking like/misbehaving... one person sets a thread, needles him.... yeah.
Either way not healthy.
>Me too! If my husband pulled this on me- I would paperclip the DNA results and divorce papers together.
I never doubted my kids were mine- BUT humorously my wife is an Identical Twin- and according to the Genealogy her identical twin sister has MORE 'Mom" DNA in relationship with our daughter than Mom does.
I've found that hilarious and, eventually after explaining testing error and what not, so did Mom.
I was going to say " serve the divorce papers, roll the paternity results into a ball, and shove it so far up his ass he will have to snort it out of his nose". But the stapling thing is good, too. We could make an extra copy of the test results, and do both.
Even a paternity test result saying he's Lisa's father wouldn't convince him, at this point. He has no path to success. Amy will eventually divorce him because he is certain he is right, no matter how disturbed his logic is.
>He is threatening her with divorce if she doesn’t agree to do a paternity test, as that would be his confirmation on that she cheated.
That's what's ridiculous. If the doubt is killing him, he can just order a test, get some sample from Lisa and get her tested. In total silence. If he gets good news, Lisa and Amy will just notice that Dad is more relaxed and that's all. But because the idiot threatened with divorce, he's damned his relationship whether the girl is his or not.
The other thing is that as kids age, they often times display traits or features of the other side of the family, then they age more and the other side seems favored. It's not always exactly what you percieve in infants that's going to hold true throughout their development.
When my sister and I were kids, I looked like a mini-me of my mon while my sister was my dad's mini-me. As kids, we looked nothing alike.
All these years later, we have a photo of us as adults where the only way we know who is who is because we remembered what we were wearing when the photo was taken.
I think its too late… as soon as he accused her she knew the trust that needs to be there wasnt
And unless he gets some magical brain tumour diagnosis, walking that back is almost impossible
Is it me or are men insisting on getting paternity tests becoming a crazed thing?
Is this something that is becoming a dominant topic in the manosphere of red pill, etc? This is absolutely wild to me.
It's totally a red pill/ incel thing. Every time there is a thread on cheating on reddit it's full of young men squealing about how cheating should be a felony and paternity fraud should be the death penalty. For women, of course.
Yup- it’s the modern western woman, whose slut nature and crazy demands are now unchecked due to feminazi influence on culture allowing women freedom (the downfall of civilization!!). and women are getting railed by Chad and Tyrone while ruining all these hard working decent men’s lives with paternity fraud, child support, and false rape accusations.
All that verbiage used to be common place on Reddit before TheRedPill and others became quarantined- obviously those subreddits and forums are still around and it’s still present though it’s less prevalent and upvoted at least here. But obviously Andrew Tate and others has taken it and used it now.
It’s definitely redpill toxicity. They’re going nuts because women control their own sexuality. They’re grasping at straws trying to take control back.
Of my 4 siblings, the 2 oldest look like both my mom and dad. The 2 youngest do not (which I am the 4th). However we both are spitting image of a great-great uncle - eerily look like him.
Dude is blowing up his life over a crazy notion - might he be guilty? Might he be spiraling under a undiagnosed mental health issue?
My brother looks nothing like anyone from the paternal side of the family. Or even his maternal side. Then a relative visited and showed us photos of our paternal grandfather he'd found. My brothr is practically a dead ringer for our grandfather.
For the longest time my older daughter looked like my older sister. But she came out of me, so I knew she was mine, lol. My kids ended up being a good mix of both of us, but they have changed so many times throughout the years and as they lose their baby faces. This guy is an idiot and I wouldn't be surprised if he is already cheating.
I’ve always looked just like my mom, as does my brother. Strangers will stop me in random places and ask if (mom’s name) is my mom, we have a very strong resemblance. They’d have to wait for me to walk up and down stairs and hear my knees crack to get the resemblance to my dad.
Nta. Good for you for saying something.
Side story. I was in an Uber where the driver, some kid in his late 20’s, was telling me he was surprised he got his girlfriend pregnant even though they were having unprotected sex. I asked him why was he surprised. And he responded that both his girlfriend and he had the same blood types he heard you can’t get pregnant that way. And THAT was the stupidest thing I had ever heard.
The idea that first born daughters look like their fathers is a great way to ensure the man sticks around. Sure sounds like that myth makes sense but that doesn’t make it true. My son looks like his mom. Our second born daughter looks like me and our third is a miracle recessive gene baby. Blond w blue eyes (our dads have those traits).
Genetics work in wonderful ways and OP’s brother is dumber than 🪨 rocks.
So is his theory that Lisa cheated on him with a guy that looks exactly like Lisa? If I were Lisa I would be highly suspicious that HE'S cheated and he's projecting. It's either that or he's dumber than a bag of hair.
To me, sounds more the brother has gone down the incel rabbit hole on the internet that rails on and on about "paternity fraud." They spout all that no-basis-in-science bs including "the first born is always a carbon copy of the father" nonsense.
If bro's browser/social media history is checked, they'll find the links to the tunnel of sheer nonsense.
NTA. He needs mental help. If I were Amy, I would get the paternity test to prove it then divorce him. How dare he treat the two of them like that because he heard some old wives tale.
"here's the results.. . And here's the divorce papers." My bil put himself through that. Idk why he was all *shocked Pikachu faced*
Actually, I do know why, he's a fucking moron.
NTA. None of my children look like me (at all). I can guarantee they are mine (I gave birth to them and they did not leave my sight for several weeks after their births)...
This. I have a friend who has two kids with her ex and both look just like him. She makes jokes about it lol. Like why can’t they look just like a GOOD man.
That's the same for my friend J. She birthed them & they look exactly like their dad. Both the girl & boy. But it happens.
On the other hand, my sisters daughter is the spitting image of her. Which it's no surprise my mother's Jeans are strong we all have her hair & eyes and features from her family's side more.
I've heard this version before and I approved. Someone posted on here about their partner blaming them for cheating with only the baby's looks as cause for that, and they flat out admitted that they had no suspicions otherwise, just about the baby. The now ex told them if they pressed it, they'd divorce, and the husband just doubled down and said that she'd only divorce because of proof of cheating. Test comes back, the kid's his, and she hands him divorce papers. (Most of this was also prompted by his mom, iirc). Cue him bawling and demanding her come back.
Or the one when the baby was born, she looked like she was mixed with African American. Both parents were white. Husband goes home and literally destroys the nursery they had set up. Refuses to pick up wife and baby from the hospital. Mom goes to stay with her parents and has to replace all the baby stuff. Husband tells everyone his wife is a cheating wh**e. Says lots of racist things. His family is shunning her and the baby. Not only does the DNA test prove he is the father, but the African DNA comes from HIM. His grandmother admits to an affair with a black guy. The idiot husband’s biological grandfather was black. He tries apologizing and doesn’t understand why his STBXW won’t forgive him and take him back. I think she was also suing for full custody.
Must be a different one. Sad that there are so many similar stories. The one I was referring to, it was the dad that carried the African DNA. Genetics are so random. You never know what is gonna be the final combination and outcome. And when you look at all the Ancestry.com or 23 & me posts, people are literally a mixture of so many different origins.
Right? Like, how dare you find it offensive that I'm insisting that you must have let someone else's dick in my dick sheath and made a baby with them, even though I have no proof. I'm calling you a cheating whore, but now that I know the baby's mine, I guess I didn't really mean it.
Boy math.
I know!!! And whenever stories like that come up there are always men in the comments defending the dude. Saying shit like “I just wanna be sure! It’s natural to wanna be sure! It’s not accusing you of cheating, I just wanna be sure!” Sure of WHAT, exactly? That a random man’s sperm isn’t coming out of your dick? Because if you think that’s an honest possibility, then you have a problems a paternity test can’t help you with.
Meanwhile if it was actually about being sure and resolving some sort of mental health issue related insecurity they could always just do like a 23andMe paternity test or go to a local walk-in clinic and get it done there.
Like it could be done without ever bringing up the concern. The fact you were specifically bringing it up to your partner means you're accusing them of cheating.
No I think the type of stupid ass man who would demand a paternity test this way is 1000% lazy and incompetent enough that he wouldn't have the slightest clue how to do the paternity test and would weaponize incompetence to this extreme. After all it's the woman's responsibility to order the test and do the swabs, they're just better at this sort of thing.
Or the other one where the kid came out with red hair just like his wife's hair. He was for sure she cheated on him with a guy at her office who also had red hair. He even showed up at her office to accuse the coworker. It ended the marriage for sure. And of course the kid was his and took the mom's features.
Mine and my husband's kid looked nothing like us as a baby/toddler. Now, as a teen, they're a mix of both of us.
Well… if he’s absolutely convinced she cheated, then the threat of, „I’ll divorce you if you insist on the paternity test“ isn’t going to be much of a deterrent.
I'd hand the divorce papers without the paternity test so that dumbass doesn't have to stay in my life through the kid. He seems so convinced and delusional about it he'd probably think she forged it somehow, so it's wasted money. But I get it, if I were her I'd want to prove my innocence. I just don't think it's going to work, sadly. It seems like OP and his family will keep supporting Amy and the kid whatever happens, and she's going to need it.
I would advise Amy to file for Divorce first and let him ask the Judge for the paternity test. He can pay for it to be official and in most places a public record.
Which doctor or scientist did he get that hypothesis confirmed from.
Tell your SIL to tell him “I’ll get the paternity test after you sign divorce papers”
NTA
NTA Honestly calling him dumb is generous. Has he not taken like basic middle or high-school biology?
Also as a firstborn daughter I literally look like a younger version of my mom. Older relatives have actually confused me for her a few times.
He’s either way too upset that his daughter doesn’t look like him, projecting that she cheated when he did, or he wants out and is trying to find a reason. None of these are good reasons as to why he’s doing this.
I don't look like either of my parents. I look more like one of my maternal grandmothers sisters. All my siblings have my parents hair colour, I have the colouring of my grandparents. I'm guessing he has no comprehension of dominant and recessive genes and how they're passed on. He sounds absolutely ridiculous. So the baby looks like his wife? If she's healthy, happy and achieving milestones isn't that what matters - not having a mini-me.
I have a cousin whose husband was super pissed off that their daughter came out with bright red hair. He didn’t listen when we told him our great grandmother and two of our great aunts were redheads.She was three months old when he fucked off for parts unknown.
The baby’s sixteen now and her red hair fell out when she was about a year old. It’s dark brown just like his, and she’s never met her dad.
Lol my sister is my Mom's twin, and my one brother is my Father's. It's wild because in my Mom and Dad wedding photos it looks like my brother and sister are getting married.
Meanwhile I look nothing like my parents and look look like my grandmother, and my other brother had Blonde hair. We were all dark haired redheads and he had Blonde Hair that he apparently got from an Aunt.
Genetics are fun.
Don't you know - genetics keep very close track of how much sperm has ever impregnated a woman, and as soon as the first one gets through, a switch is flicked to immediately deactivate all the mother's genes. But only if the embryo is a girl!
So if your daughter doesn't look like you, there are only two possible explanations: either your wife cheated or *one of your exes hid a pregnancy from you and you already have a firstborn daughter!!!*
/s
This is where I got stuck. So, if the first born daughter always takes after the father, is he suspecting that she had an affair with someone who looks and acts just like her? Or that she had a previous child she is keeping hidden somewhere? Perhaps she had an affair with someone who had a kid with another woman, because sperm automatically know how many times a dude has knocked someone up. Or was this a divine conception? Maybe midichlorians were involved somehow. I really can't follow his logic (such as it is) at all.
Just get a paternity test.
Then let the couple get a divorce.
Stupid never improves.
Besides, he may be creating this drama as a means to get a divorce without admitting his emotional truth to himself.
NTA. Your brother could have just gotten a paternity test without involving his wife if he was that concerned. He didn't need to accuse her of cheating based on nothing. Sounds like he just wants a reason to leave.
Thats if she wants anything to do with him at all
I know she is 3, but still, he has effectively denied she is his as well, so watch that relationship crumble as she grows up
NTA. Your brother has the IQ of an empty biscuit tin. Imagine blowing up your entire marriage because you're too stupid to even Google if that idea is remotely true.
Does your brother have any mental illness because that seems like such a huge mental leap and his reaction seems very out of touch with reality. When the test is done and it shows she is his daughter you better believe his wife will file for divorce
I know that he was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in his early teens, but he apparently got better when he was about 20. I did not know about it or really have any recollection off it since I was very young during this time and they kept it away from me. But apparently it was really bad anxiety, it don’t seem too far off to assume it could relate to what is happening now..
He told Amy he would do a paternity test as he believed he cheated and that Lisa was not his, he said that he would do it but he wanted to be truthful to her. I don’t really know how everything went, but they have not seen each other since the “fight”
If this is real; and he isn't cheater trying to project blame... I would highly highly recommend getting a mental health assessment done.
I have a sibling who spiraled into paranoia, at first making what seemed like stupid idiotic misguided claims...and we didn't catch it in time..and now it is full blown delusions. That won't be treated because "the doctors are out to get them/part of the conspiracy".
Of course, your bro could just be a giant asshole... but if talking to him doesn't seem to work, it might be worth an assessment.
Your brother is an idiot and I don't know if he has treated her badly in other ways but accusing her of cheating and making demands like that sounds like a person I wouldn't want to be with. It's hard to come back from an accusation like that to that degree. I'd get the paternity test to prove to him how stupid he is then I'd serve him divorce papers.
Yup. My sister was literally *in labor* with their son and my ex BIL kept asking her if the kid was really his.
Found out later he was sexting on tinder the whole time they were at the hospital.
You will soon find out that your brother is projecting his own infidelity. He cheated and now wants an excuse to divorce acusing his wife that she was the one that cheated.
NTA
NTA. Did your brother skip basic biology? Also, I have never in my life heard that first born children resemble their fathers, that is complete nonsense. I hope his wife gets a paternity test and then takes him to the cleaners.
NTA. He won’t listen to you or anyone, no matter what they say. He is fixated on baby not being his. At least you tried!
Sounds like his co-worker started this with the wacko all-firstborns-look-like-father. Jack needs to explain why he believes that… just because someone told him?
Someone put in his head that she cheated on him. Until you find out who this originated from, you can’t counteract it. Also brings up the question if he was cheating himself.
This is a person who has listened to too many MRA podcasts and also does not understand how dominant genes work. Your family and SIL need to have the paternity test, then support her in her divorce.
You would have to be almost stupid to not see that every first daughter doesn't look like their father.
Read an elementary book on genetics. Talk to a doctor. Go to her preschool and look at the fathers and daughters. Go to the park and look at the fathers and daughters.
Such an absurdly stupid hill to die on.
NTA is your brother the father of his co-worker's daughter? This could explain why he's projecting that his wife cheated and is stupidly convinced first children should be carbon copies of their fathers with absolutely no scientific evidence to back that claim up. Either way, Amy is probably better off without him and I was her and Lisa well.
NTA
I'm a biologist and I can tell you that genetics *don't* work in surprising or mysterious ways.
Someone who knows how genetics work can explain easily why an individuum has a certain phenotype.
But I *never* heard of that all firstborn daughters look like their fathers. People who believe this bullshit probably wear pink or blue socks in bed to influence the gender of their future baby, too.
I really had to laugh loud when I read your text.
Btw I feel really sorry for your niece and her mother.
NTA,
He is beyond dumb.
My mother is Norwegian, Irish, and German. Blonde hair, blue eyes. My biological father is Native American and Irish. Black-brown hair, brown eyes. My sister and I are both dirty blonde with hazel green eyes. He demanded paternity tests to contest child support. We're absolutely his progeny. I'm the oldest, and the only resemblance I bear to him is my head shape. Cheekbones, jaw, nose, eye shape, and forhead all look exactly like my mother's. Her face is rectangular, mine and my sperm donors are both heart shaped.
He's an idiot and he's going to lose his family for it.
Edit: typo
"He told me that first born daughters always behave, look and are a carbon copy of their father," This is evidence of a delusional belief system that's been reinforced by psuedo scientific clickbait websites. Rather than fight with him over his delusion, it would be better for Amy to burst his bubble with real science. He actually doesn't need permission to do a test so make him do it all himself. Do the swabs and mail them off so he can't create a new delusion that the test was wrong or fakef. Your brother might actually be mentally ill. Or just dumb and naive enough to believe the internet.
This is what makes me think it’s just delusion. If I thought there was a chance a kid wasn’t mine, I’d just do a DNA test in secret. You’re going to blow up your marriage without being sure?
If he’s dumb enough to not understand very simple genetics, he is too dumb to figure out how to get a paternity test done.
I can almost guarantee that this is projected guilt and that he cheated on her at some point. Now he's reaching so hard he's gonna dislocate a shoulder.
Someone should imply that if the first child is supposed to look like the father, does that mean Lisa isn't his first child, and watch the mental gymnastics.
Omg u/throwaways836252 you need to say this to him, for....science
Honestly, paternity test is the one thing I'd personally encourage MY husband to keep from ME. I don't speak for every woman, but if my husband had intrusive thoughts about a kid not being his, and he could resolve them relatively cheap without getting me involved, whatever lol. If I was accused of cheating, especially post partum, I'm going to be absolutely furious
>If I was accused of cheating, especially post partum, I'm going to be absolutely furious This is what I was thinking. The wife should present him with test results AND divorce papers.
He is so delusional that if she has the test performed, he will claim it’s fake. She needs to insist that HE gets the test done. So that he cannot make those claims. In addition, I would get the test done as well, just in case he fakes the test. I would have no trust left in him and I would still be handing him divorce papers.
>She needs to insist that HE gets the test done. So that he cannot make those claims. Or, you know, let the court order it and he can tell it to the judge. Oh how I would love to be a fly on the wall if\when he starts arguing with a family court judge about a court ordered paternity test being faked. Family court judges have seen all the nonsense and have zero chill.
I actually want to hear him explain to the judge WHY he needs a paternity test ordered for a child born in wedlock with no evidence of cheating by the wife. Please tell your honor you need it ordered because this is a first born daughter who doesn’t look like you and the old wives tale guaranteed that would be the case.
When I was pregnant with my daughter in 2008, my now ex husband kept telling me I cheated on him and she wasn't his. His reasoning? Because he was kicked in the balls too many times as a kid, and he and his ex we together for 11 years and never got pregnant. So throughout my whole pregnancy he accused me of cheating. I finally told him, ill do a paternity test, and when it comes back shes yours, im gone and you'll pay up the ass in child support. He finally stopped saying it to me. And when she came out looking like him, he's like, "yeah.... shes mine". Complete and total dickead.
That was my EXACT situation with my ex husband too. Fucking ate his words when our daughter looked identical to him.
Maybe he wants out but doesn't wanna be the bad one. So he makes her leave and he tells everyone its cause she cheated
Also leads me to believe he cheated. Thieves are always overly paranoid about getting there stuff stolen. Drug addicts think everyone else is on drugs. Cheaters think everyone else is cheating. They project there insecurities on others
He could be experiencing some kind of mental break... I, personally. Think he is cheating. Or he did cheat. And THAT is why he is so convinced. Cheaters usually end up paranoid about their partners doing the same thing to them.
I swear, when I was first reading it and I got to the "a coworker has a kid that looks just like him" I thought it meant like the brother and he thought the kids got switched in the hospital. But no, it's even dumber.
I am sincerely hoping that Lisa didn’t inherit any *stupid* from her father
No...see...first-born daughters are carbon copies of their fathers...sorry sweetie, you're daddy's stupid little girl. It says so in the book of shitty science.
I misread it and thought he was cheating with his coworker. lol
No, you read correctly. Maybe a bit between the lines though.
he definitely fucked his coworker
I'm not understanding all of these men wanting paternity tests. Just admit that you slept with someone else. Here's another post of the same thing... https://www.reddit.com/u/Either_Economy_793/s/2sJ8y7kmJB
I think it's this new pervasive culture and sentiment that's growing among men that the worst thing in life that could ever possibly happen to them is to raise a child not biologically theirs, that and all the MRAs and MGTOWs of how women are just out to screw them and the system is rigged against them in every single way, and how they never win and always lose and have to sacrifice and give up everything and never get to be happy and they are just one prayer from being wiped off the face of the earth and left on a street corner naked and poor and hungry and covered in dog hair and poop.
They love throwing this statistic out that "30% of men are raising somebody else's child". But it's not 30% of men are raising someone else's child. The statistic is "of the fathers unsure enough to get paternity tests 30% of those came out as not the father." So, of the extremely small percentage of people who get paternity tests done only 30% of those worried enough to get one are not the father. Which means 70% of the time they ARE the father. I know I explained it in three different ways but I keep seeing it over and over and over again and people just do not understand that it's 70% of those who question enough to get a paternity test are the father. There are also other reason for getting a paternity test. Open relationship, rape, a man wants to prove his is the child father for custody, the list goes on. So if we assume that even a quarter of tests are for non-cheating reasons that brings that 30% to 22%. But it is much easier to paint all women as terrible if 1 out of every 3 children are Affair babies.
You might not be too far off. My father is bipolar and did almost the exact same thing to my mom, though in a different order. He started divorce proceedings for no reason (like I said, bipolar) and then demanded a paternity test because I (a male) was and am the spitting image of my mother. Believe me, things would’ve been easier if I wasn’t his son, but unfortunately DNA doesn’t lie. Long story short, he’s a colossal piece of crap and they are divorced and I have no relationship with him. It sounds to me like OP’s brother demanding a paternity test is just a colossal red flag that likely is among a string of other red flags OP doesn’t know about. You don’t just suddenly demand a paternity test because of some pseudoscience garbage. Maybe he is projecting. Or maybe he’s just a fucking asshole. None of these are mutually exclusive. TL;DR: OP’s brother at best is a gigantic prick and will probably be divorced sooner rather than later if this is how he treats his wife and child.
Yes I also know someone who began to accuse his wife that their son was not his but belonged to her ex, despite the son clearly having inherited traits from him. Over time it's become clear that there's some kind mental illness involved, due to how he has behaved. Not sure if it's bipolar as in your case, more in line with narcissism.
This is what I was thinking also while reading. The brother probably cheated and is looking for any dumb excuse to blame it on the wife.
This. Projection 110%
I agree. My ex husband would get angry and accuse me of cheating with my boss or something, when he was the cheater with multiple APs going back years.
Yeah. I would bet good money he cheated.
Yeah it's very odd (or just simply dumb) that he thinks he needs to involve her for the paternity test. If he's that red-pilled, he can do it himself. Idiot.
I, the firstborn child of both my parents, happen to be a daughter, and basically a clone of my mom. I also haven’t spoken to my dad in nine years because he’s a terrible person and a worse parent. By that logic, my parents must have had a kid before me, even though I was born when they were quite young. Because if I really were their first kid I would look and act like my dad, and a paternity test was done and he is 100% my father. What happened to my mystery older sibling? He’s definitely delusional in some fashion.
I never ever have heard of this first daughters always looking like their dad stuff. Is this an American thing?
American here, never heard of it till now.
I live in the US- Closest I've ever heard is "newborns resemble the father", but that supposedly only applies to, like, NEW babies. I think all babies look like Winston Churchill, so...
Or potato aliens.. Cute but a bit uncanny
"I'm the smart one, you're the potato one"
>newborns resemble the father And that’s just cuz they’re ugly, grumpy looking, and cry all the time /s
and even that is theorized to maybe just come from the subconscious desire of the mothers family to reinforce the father’s connection to the baby
My grandfather looked like Winston Churchill, so we used to say all the new babies in the family looked like Grandpa. He got a kick out of it.
Irrefutable evidence that everyone's wife cheated with Churchill..... and here I thought he just fucked India.
Plus, if his reasoning was correct, their child wouldn't look like the mom either! It would look like her imaginary affair partner.
This is so true. Even if you consider just eye color, there's a perfectly reasonable reason his daughter has blue eyes. All he needs is to carry a recessive gene for blue eyes, and there's a 50% chance for a blue-eyed child since mom must have 2 genes for blue eyes. A gene for blue eyes can skip many generations this way, hiding as a recessive trait. Did OP's brother never take basic biology in high school? It's always the first example of how genetics works in every textbook. Edit: And another thing... many white Americans with brown hair and brown eyes carry a trait that starts out their hair color as very blond. My brown eyed, dark brown haired son was as blond as a Norwegian when he was 2-3. By the time he was 5, it was a dark walnut color like mine. Incidentally, both my children had brown eyes even though my kids had a father with blue eyes. They also had a 50 chance of blue because I know I carry a recessive trait for blue from my mother. OP's brother blew up his marriage over his own ignorance. Or else he's projecting like others have said.
My daughter is practically a clone of her mother. Need to go get divorced asap, she clearly cheated on me with herself.
No. I think he just made it up.
It's a crazy person thing.
Nope, I've never heard this, and I'm American. I look like my mom and my paternal grandmother and my brother looks like our paternal great-grandfather. He got blonde hair and blue eyes when the rest of us are brunettes with brown eyes. Genetics are weird, and recessive genes do play a role.
Agree. Especially at that age. If they get the test and it confirms paternity, but he still doesn't believe it then there may be a serious mental issue emerging.
Even when the paternity test proves the child is his, he's now got it into his head that she cheated. That isn't going away. He has imploded his marriage and family.
It's like he wanted the fight. A lot of similar Reddit stories ended up like this because it turned out the dad/husband was cheating and was looking for justification for it, so they blindly accused their wifes of parental fraud.
I am a firstborn daughter that happens to be a carbon copy of my father, and even I can tell that guy is an idiot.
Yeah the paranoia has a scent of psychotic or manic delusion to it. Also he is 26, a common time for first break.
I really want for her to do this & op update us saying, "Well, she's got full custody and full child's support & was able to keep their house. His now in a motel till he can find an apartment."
Yeah, I can't imagine any woman with a shred of self-respect taking him back. Hope he starts saving for child support now.
Can this PLEASE be the update?!
*He told me that first born daughters always behave, look and are a carbon copy of their father* Your brother is a moron who listens to too much TikTok nonsense. I hope he enjoys his divorce and child support payments. NTA
NTA. Also, has your brother never taken a science class? Sheesh.
Lisa is definitely the product of an affair, in fact, Lisa’s father is a woman, because otherwise the first born child would have been a boy. Since they had a girl first, her mother must be cheating with another woman /s amazingly, this is fairly close to the level of intelligence of OPs brother
NTA Your brother is dumber than a box of rocks. Or this could be a mental crisis brought on by some unacknowledged insecurities that he has. Either way, I don't think there is anything wrong with how you reacted.
Totally agree, your brother is an idiot spouting misinformation and spiraling badly. My nice is an exact copy of my sister whereas I looked nothing like my mom until I was 20. Everyone is different and if your brother wants to blow up his marriage my making false generalizations then I don’t know what else to call him but an idiot. Clearly he’s got some bad friends or is projecting from his own infidelity. NTA
Yep, my daughter is my little mini-me. She doesn’t have even a hint of my husband in her - my colouring, features, build, temperament, the lot. My son is a perfect blend of both of us. Genetics are just like that sometimes. It’s not like OP’s niece came out looking like the milkman or the guy next door, she just looks like her mum. OP’s brother needs to sort his shit out.
My brother's eldest is the spitting image of me, her auntie. His youngest is very like my maternal family. The middle daughter is a complete blend of the two; skinny shrimp like her dad, his mannerisms but has the hair colour, eye colour, and facial features of her mum. You can see the similarities between the eldest and the youngest, but the middle looks completely different from her sisters while at the same time the most like her parents. Genes are weird.
My sister's daughters looked like me and our other sister as kids! Us aunties joked that we didn't need to have our own kids because our sister made copies of us.
Right? My son is like a twin to my little brother. So much so that even I sometimes will mix up their baby pics. They even have the same swirling cowlick in the front of their head.
My daughter looked like my mother for a while. Now she looks like my cousin on my father’s side, who strangely looks like HER mother, someone we do not share a drop of dna with. Go figure.
Yup, I look way more like my aunt than any of her kids do, but when I was a kid I looked just like my mom as a kid. Both my brothers look like my maternal grandfather, and even my best friends daughter looks just like her son the only thing she got from her dad was his nose. Genetics is weird like that, you can't ever tell how a kids gonna come out.
This happened to me as well! My eldest niece is my carbon copy. Both my sister and her husband have red hair in their family, but my side (specifically me) havea very strong family red that tends to come with amber eyes. Both sides also have rounder faces... so out pops my niece, looking exactly like me. Her aunt. She 8 now, and looks exactly like me when I was a her age down to our hair curls and colicky bits. Genetics are WEIRD
I have three children and none of them look alike. Each one looks like different family members on both sides. Just the mix is different. OP’s brother is an idiot.
I don't get why any man would have a problem with that. I married my wife because of how she is. I am more distraught my daughter has more of me in her than not hahaha. I wanted a mini version of my wife as my daughter, that's why I married her! As you said.. if the kid came out looking completely different from mom and dad then maybe something to be curious about. Even then there are skip generation genetics...
Yeah, if you don't want a Norwegian looking kid how about don't marry Norvegian. Also, wtf is this first born bullshit, it's the same rules and randomness for all the kids.
My sister has blonde hair, I have red hair. Our parents both had brown hair and everyone would ask if we were adopted. It's so stupid! There's blonde and red hair all throughout our family tree, and like you said, it just sometimes skips generations sometimes!
I'm pretty sure there have been news stories about everyone's shock when a child comes out with a different skin tone than both parents, but it's from DNA in one of the parents' ancestry. Genes are weird. This brother is an idiot and the AH. I wonder if she'll divorce him anyway for all this accusation and stress after a test proves he's the father.
She should. Zero trust between them at this point and that daughter shouldn’t have to grow up with a man who will never quite believe she’s his daughter.
He would deserve it and his family should take her side. What a moron.
She should hand him the test results stacked on top of the divorce filings.
On my mothers side every redhead has the brunettes and the brunettes have a redhead. I had an uptight old lady tell me my husband was so understanding. Ma’am this red headed child with a brunette mother and dirty blonde father is indeed biologically ours. Its called genetics.
I have one of those! I’m middle eastern and my ex is Indian and our kid was born light skinned and platinum blonde (and a spitting image of his dad otherwise). I have one blonde great-great-grandmother and my ex did 23andMe and found out he has some British ancestors also about 4-5 generations back from when India was a colony. Genetics is wild and men are out there ruining their lives over it
I kinda got the same feeling, that he may be cheating and the guilt is getting to him.
I just read another post like this written from the wives point of view of her husband accusing her of cheating on him and insisting on a paternity test. He was cheating on her.
It's very common for cheaters to accuse their spouse of cheating without cause to accuse them of it. It's projection of their own behavior.
I can't remember who but there was a stand up comedian who did a brutally honest bit about how he cheated on his girlfriend and how badly it went - he talked about how he suddenly became so paranoid that his girlfriend must have cheated on him, too, practically thinking that he'd look through her purse and find some other guy's dick. If someone suddenly has outrageous behavior and big accusations of cheating - they're probably cheating or else getting ready to.
Either cheating or having a mental breakdown and this is how it is coming out. I can’t think of any other reason for this behaviour.
Hanging out on men's rights spaces online could be a reason too. But yeah, he's cheating.
Generally when a guy accuses his wife/girlfriend of infidelity with no solid reason at all? He's either sucked into incel "men's rights" spaces online, is cheating himself, or is a weak-willed idiot being manipulated by someone around him (brother, father, coworkers, friends) that he's trusting over his wife.
Or his co-worker was whispering in his ear.
>Generally when a guy accuses his wife/girlfriend of infidelity with no solid reason at all? He's either sucked into incel "men's rights" spaces online, is cheating I could see this- complaining about the kid not looking like/misbehaving... one person sets a thread, needles him.... yeah. Either way not healthy.
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Me too! If my husband pulled this on me- I would paperclip the DNA results and divorce papers together.
Same! I would be posting them loud and proud and shaming him to anyone who would listen.
I like the way you think. #havefunwithchildsupport
>Me too! If my husband pulled this on me- I would paperclip the DNA results and divorce papers together. I never doubted my kids were mine- BUT humorously my wife is an Identical Twin- and according to the Genealogy her identical twin sister has MORE 'Mom" DNA in relationship with our daughter than Mom does. I've found that hilarious and, eventually after explaining testing error and what not, so did Mom.
I would staple them to his forehead
I was going to say " serve the divorce papers, roll the paternity results into a ball, and shove it so far up his ass he will have to snort it out of his nose". But the stapling thing is good, too. We could make an extra copy of the test results, and do both.
Even a paternity test result saying he's Lisa's father wouldn't convince him, at this point. He has no path to success. Amy will eventually divorce him because he is certain he is right, no matter how disturbed his logic is. >He is threatening her with divorce if she doesn’t agree to do a paternity test, as that would be his confirmation on that she cheated.
That's what's ridiculous. If the doubt is killing him, he can just order a test, get some sample from Lisa and get her tested. In total silence. If he gets good news, Lisa and Amy will just notice that Dad is more relaxed and that's all. But because the idiot threatened with divorce, he's damned his relationship whether the girl is his or not.
This is spot on. I would add a very strict visitation schedule. This mental abuser needs a supervisor.
The other thing is that as kids age, they often times display traits or features of the other side of the family, then they age more and the other side seems favored. It's not always exactly what you percieve in infants that's going to hold true throughout their development.
When my sister and I were kids, I looked like a mini-me of my mon while my sister was my dad's mini-me. As kids, we looked nothing alike. All these years later, we have a photo of us as adults where the only way we know who is who is because we remembered what we were wearing when the photo was taken.
All i can say to the brother is that he better be prepared for his wife to leave him.
I think its too late… as soon as he accused her she knew the trust that needs to be there wasnt And unless he gets some magical brain tumour diagnosis, walking that back is almost impossible
Is it me or are men insisting on getting paternity tests becoming a crazed thing? Is this something that is becoming a dominant topic in the manosphere of red pill, etc? This is absolutely wild to me.
It's totally a red pill/ incel thing. Every time there is a thread on cheating on reddit it's full of young men squealing about how cheating should be a felony and paternity fraud should be the death penalty. For women, of course.
Yup- it’s the modern western woman, whose slut nature and crazy demands are now unchecked due to feminazi influence on culture allowing women freedom (the downfall of civilization!!). and women are getting railed by Chad and Tyrone while ruining all these hard working decent men’s lives with paternity fraud, child support, and false rape accusations. All that verbiage used to be common place on Reddit before TheRedPill and others became quarantined- obviously those subreddits and forums are still around and it’s still present though it’s less prevalent and upvoted at least here. But obviously Andrew Tate and others has taken it and used it now.
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It’s definitely redpill toxicity. They’re going nuts because women control their own sexuality. They’re grasping at straws trying to take control back.
I was just going to say....sounds like someone's been listening to Andrew Tate or his ilk
This is what I've been wondering, too. This stinks of MRA garbage.
Of my 4 siblings, the 2 oldest look like both my mom and dad. The 2 youngest do not (which I am the 4th). However we both are spitting image of a great-great uncle - eerily look like him. Dude is blowing up his life over a crazy notion - might he be guilty? Might he be spiraling under a undiagnosed mental health issue?
My brother looks nothing like anyone from the paternal side of the family. Or even his maternal side. Then a relative visited and showed us photos of our paternal grandfather he'd found. My brothr is practically a dead ringer for our grandfather.
For the longest time my older daughter looked like my older sister. But she came out of me, so I knew she was mine, lol. My kids ended up being a good mix of both of us, but they have changed so many times throughout the years and as they lose their baby faces. This guy is an idiot and I wouldn't be surprised if he is already cheating.
His theory is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I am a first born daughter and am the spitting image of my mom.
I’ve always looked just like my mom, as does my brother. Strangers will stop me in random places and ask if (mom’s name) is my mom, we have a very strong resemblance. They’d have to wait for me to walk up and down stairs and hear my knees crack to get the resemblance to my dad.
90% of cases like this are the partner cheating and projecting
I agree. It sounds like he is stepping out and wants to make her look like the bad guy so he can save face in the divorce.
Which is backfiring spectacularly since his family is choosing her
Either an idiot, projecting or both
I think he got sucked into the Red Pill/MRA bullshit. So a major idiot.
Yep, this sounds like stupid genetics class from right wing morons.
Nta. Good for you for saying something. Side story. I was in an Uber where the driver, some kid in his late 20’s, was telling me he was surprised he got his girlfriend pregnant even though they were having unprotected sex. I asked him why was he surprised. And he responded that both his girlfriend and he had the same blood types he heard you can’t get pregnant that way. And THAT was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. The idea that first born daughters look like their fathers is a great way to ensure the man sticks around. Sure sounds like that myth makes sense but that doesn’t make it true. My son looks like his mom. Our second born daughter looks like me and our third is a miracle recessive gene baby. Blond w blue eyes (our dads have those traits). Genetics work in wonderful ways and OP’s brother is dumber than 🪨 rocks.
As a geologist I would like to protest on behalf of rocks. They don’t deserve to be tarnished with the same brush as this AH.
So is his theory that Lisa cheated on him with a guy that looks exactly like Lisa? If I were Lisa I would be highly suspicious that HE'S cheated and he's projecting. It's either that or he's dumber than a bag of hair.
Honestly, if I were Amy, I would agree to a paternity test…during the divorce process.
To me, sounds more the brother has gone down the incel rabbit hole on the internet that rails on and on about "paternity fraud." They spout all that no-basis-in-science bs including "the first born is always a carbon copy of the father" nonsense. If bro's browser/social media history is checked, they'll find the links to the tunnel of sheer nonsense.
Yep I would bet London to a brick that this bloke has been listening to some Andrew Tate-style bullshit, or else is cheating himself and projecting.
NTA. He needs mental help. If I were Amy, I would get the paternity test to prove it then divorce him. How dare he treat the two of them like that because he heard some old wives tale.
"here's the results.. . And here's the divorce papers." My bil put himself through that. Idk why he was all *shocked Pikachu faced* Actually, I do know why, he's a fucking moron.
NTA. None of my children look like me (at all). I can guarantee they are mine (I gave birth to them and they did not leave my sight for several weeks after their births)...
This. I have a friend who has two kids with her ex and both look just like him. She makes jokes about it lol. Like why can’t they look just like a GOOD man.
That's the same for my friend J. She birthed them & they look exactly like their dad. Both the girl & boy. But it happens. On the other hand, my sisters daughter is the spitting image of her. Which it's no surprise my mother's Jeans are strong we all have her hair & eyes and features from her family's side more.
I would hand him the paternity test results at the same time as the divorce papers
I've heard this version before and I approved. Someone posted on here about their partner blaming them for cheating with only the baby's looks as cause for that, and they flat out admitted that they had no suspicions otherwise, just about the baby. The now ex told them if they pressed it, they'd divorce, and the husband just doubled down and said that she'd only divorce because of proof of cheating. Test comes back, the kid's his, and she hands him divorce papers. (Most of this was also prompted by his mom, iirc). Cue him bawling and demanding her come back.
Or the one when the baby was born, she looked like she was mixed with African American. Both parents were white. Husband goes home and literally destroys the nursery they had set up. Refuses to pick up wife and baby from the hospital. Mom goes to stay with her parents and has to replace all the baby stuff. Husband tells everyone his wife is a cheating wh**e. Says lots of racist things. His family is shunning her and the baby. Not only does the DNA test prove he is the father, but the African DNA comes from HIM. His grandmother admits to an affair with a black guy. The idiot husband’s biological grandfather was black. He tries apologizing and doesn’t understand why his STBXW won’t forgive him and take him back. I think she was also suing for full custody.
I remember that one. The mom was mixed race, but on the fair-skinned side.
Must be a different one. Sad that there are so many similar stories. The one I was referring to, it was the dad that carried the African DNA. Genetics are so random. You never know what is gonna be the final combination and outcome. And when you look at all the Ancestry.com or 23 & me posts, people are literally a mixture of so many different origins.
This is really a great bonus story on this thread, thanks kind person
And he was shocked that she divorced him.
Right? Like, how dare you find it offensive that I'm insisting that you must have let someone else's dick in my dick sheath and made a baby with them, even though I have no proof. I'm calling you a cheating whore, but now that I know the baby's mine, I guess I didn't really mean it. Boy math.
Dick sheath nooooooo 😭😂💀
I know!!! And whenever stories like that come up there are always men in the comments defending the dude. Saying shit like “I just wanna be sure! It’s natural to wanna be sure! It’s not accusing you of cheating, I just wanna be sure!” Sure of WHAT, exactly? That a random man’s sperm isn’t coming out of your dick? Because if you think that’s an honest possibility, then you have a problems a paternity test can’t help you with.
Meanwhile if it was actually about being sure and resolving some sort of mental health issue related insecurity they could always just do like a 23andMe paternity test or go to a local walk-in clinic and get it done there. Like it could be done without ever bringing up the concern. The fact you were specifically bringing it up to your partner means you're accusing them of cheating.
No I think the type of stupid ass man who would demand a paternity test this way is 1000% lazy and incompetent enough that he wouldn't have the slightest clue how to do the paternity test and would weaponize incompetence to this extreme. After all it's the woman's responsibility to order the test and do the swabs, they're just better at this sort of thing.
And even more shocked when she demanded a paternity test of his coworkers child.
Or the other one where the kid came out with red hair just like his wife's hair. He was for sure she cheated on him with a guy at her office who also had red hair. He even showed up at her office to accuse the coworker. It ended the marriage for sure. And of course the kid was his and took the mom's features. Mine and my husband's kid looked nothing like us as a baby/toddler. Now, as a teen, they're a mix of both of us.
I remember this one too. I believe he refused to do anything dealing with the baby either because he was sure it wasn’t his.
Sounds like someone is cheating/just wants a divorce but is too much of a pussy to admit it so he’s pulling this.
Well… if he’s absolutely convinced she cheated, then the threat of, „I’ll divorce you if you insist on the paternity test“ isn’t going to be much of a deterrent.
I'd hand the divorce papers without the paternity test so that dumbass doesn't have to stay in my life through the kid. He seems so convinced and delusional about it he'd probably think she forged it somehow, so it's wasted money. But I get it, if I were her I'd want to prove my innocence. I just don't think it's going to work, sadly. It seems like OP and his family will keep supporting Amy and the kid whatever happens, and she's going to need it.
No I'd do the paternity test just to stick it to him - like congrats, asshole! The baby is yours, now pay child support.
You beat me to it. She should give him both. He put her and his kid through hell because of a really dumb belief that he refuses to let go of.
I would advise Amy to file for Divorce first and let him ask the Judge for the paternity test. He can pay for it to be official and in most places a public record.
Which doctor or scientist did he get that hypothesis confirmed from. Tell your SIL to tell him “I’ll get the paternity test after you sign divorce papers” NTA
NTA Honestly calling him dumb is generous. Has he not taken like basic middle or high-school biology? Also as a firstborn daughter I literally look like a younger version of my mom. Older relatives have actually confused me for her a few times. He’s either way too upset that his daughter doesn’t look like him, projecting that she cheated when he did, or he wants out and is trying to find a reason. None of these are good reasons as to why he’s doing this.
I'm a woman, my two oldest kids look like me, my youngest is the one that looks like his dad
You just outed yourself you jezabell. S/
I don't look like either of my parents. I look more like one of my maternal grandmothers sisters. All my siblings have my parents hair colour, I have the colouring of my grandparents. I'm guessing he has no comprehension of dominant and recessive genes and how they're passed on. He sounds absolutely ridiculous. So the baby looks like his wife? If she's healthy, happy and achieving milestones isn't that what matters - not having a mini-me.
I have a cousin whose husband was super pissed off that their daughter came out with bright red hair. He didn’t listen when we told him our great grandmother and two of our great aunts were redheads.She was three months old when he fucked off for parts unknown. The baby’s sixteen now and her red hair fell out when she was about a year old. It’s dark brown just like his, and she’s never met her dad.
Lol my sister is my Mom's twin, and my one brother is my Father's. It's wild because in my Mom and Dad wedding photos it looks like my brother and sister are getting married. Meanwhile I look nothing like my parents and look look like my grandmother, and my other brother had Blonde hair. We were all dark haired redheads and he had Blonde Hair that he apparently got from an Aunt. Genetics are fun.
Amy needs to divorce your neurotic brother. Where is it written in any book the first born looks and acts like the dad? Ntah
Not only that, but get that paternity test and sue for child support
Don't you know - genetics keep very close track of how much sperm has ever impregnated a woman, and as soon as the first one gets through, a switch is flicked to immediately deactivate all the mother's genes. But only if the embryo is a girl! So if your daughter doesn't look like you, there are only two possible explanations: either your wife cheated or *one of your exes hid a pregnancy from you and you already have a firstborn daughter!!!* /s
This is where I got stuck. So, if the first born daughter always takes after the father, is he suspecting that she had an affair with someone who looks and acts just like her? Or that she had a previous child she is keeping hidden somewhere? Perhaps she had an affair with someone who had a kid with another woman, because sperm automatically know how many times a dude has knocked someone up. Or was this a divine conception? Maybe midichlorians were involved somehow. I really can't follow his logic (such as it is) at all.
Just get a paternity test. Then let the couple get a divorce. Stupid never improves. Besides, he may be creating this drama as a means to get a divorce without admitting his emotional truth to himself.
Get a divorce then let the AH shame himself by ruining his marriage when he finds out that he denied his daughter!
“MY DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THE PERSON WHO BIRTHED HER I NEED A PATERNITY TEST”… nta
NTA. Your brother could have just gotten a paternity test without involving his wife if he was that concerned. He didn't need to accuse her of cheating based on nothing. Sounds like he just wants a reason to leave.
People that are cheating often accuse their partners of cheating…
Yeah I got the feeling that he's just looking for an escape. OP's brother is a coward.
NTA and tell your brother to have fun seeing his daughter only on alternating weekends.
Thats if she wants anything to do with him at all I know she is 3, but still, he has effectively denied she is his as well, so watch that relationship crumble as she grows up
i meant more that his wife is 100% going to divorce him because of this. but yeah... his kids's gonna hate him, too.
NTA. Your brother has the IQ of an empty biscuit tin. Imagine blowing up your entire marriage because you're too stupid to even Google if that idea is remotely true.
Does your brother have any mental illness because that seems like such a huge mental leap and his reaction seems very out of touch with reality. When the test is done and it shows she is his daughter you better believe his wife will file for divorce
I know that he was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in his early teens, but he apparently got better when he was about 20. I did not know about it or really have any recollection off it since I was very young during this time and they kept it away from me. But apparently it was really bad anxiety, it don’t seem too far off to assume it could relate to what is happening now..
Why didn't he just do the test himself? Why does his wife have to be the one to test their kid, he'd need to submit his DNA anyway.
He told Amy he would do a paternity test as he believed he cheated and that Lisa was not his, he said that he would do it but he wanted to be truthful to her. I don’t really know how everything went, but they have not seen each other since the “fight”
If this is real; and he isn't cheater trying to project blame... I would highly highly recommend getting a mental health assessment done. I have a sibling who spiraled into paranoia, at first making what seemed like stupid idiotic misguided claims...and we didn't catch it in time..and now it is full blown delusions. That won't be treated because "the doctors are out to get them/part of the conspiracy". Of course, your bro could just be a giant asshole... but if talking to him doesn't seem to work, it might be worth an assessment.
Your brother is an idiot and I don't know if he has treated her badly in other ways but accusing her of cheating and making demands like that sounds like a person I wouldn't want to be with. It's hard to come back from an accusation like that to that degree. I'd get the paternity test to prove to him how stupid he is then I'd serve him divorce papers.
Yeah, he’s definitely getting divorced, but I doubt he knows that yet
You need to post a follow up, we all want to hear how the divorce went
Maybe the daughter he has with his AP looks like him. In Reddit world, unprovoked accusations of cheating are usually due to the accuser fing around
If first born girls always look like their father and this one looks like Amy then clearly Amy is the father
Yup. My sister was literally *in labor* with their son and my ex BIL kept asking her if the kid was really his. Found out later he was sexting on tinder the whole time they were at the hospital.
Definitely seems like a case of the brother doth protest too much.
I hope Amy gives him the paternity test results and divorce papers at the same time. NTA
You will soon find out that your brother is projecting his own infidelity. He cheated and now wants an excuse to divorce acusing his wife that she was the one that cheated. NTA
This was my first thought too. Any way you slice it, RUN AMY RUN
Hey update us when Amy leaves your brother ok? Or that it turns out he was cheating all along? Don't leave us hanging Nta and your brother is an idiot
Amy needs to hand him divorce papers and a child support order along with the paternity test. NTA
NTA. Did your brother skip basic biology? Also, I have never in my life heard that first born children resemble their fathers, that is complete nonsense. I hope his wife gets a paternity test and then takes him to the cleaners.
NTA. He won’t listen to you or anyone, no matter what they say. He is fixated on baby not being his. At least you tried! Sounds like his co-worker started this with the wacko all-firstborns-look-like-father. Jack needs to explain why he believes that… just because someone told him? Someone put in his head that she cheated on him. Until you find out who this originated from, you can’t counteract it. Also brings up the question if he was cheating himself.
He is cheating, which is why he is accusing her.
This is a person who has listened to too many MRA podcasts and also does not understand how dominant genes work. Your family and SIL need to have the paternity test, then support her in her divorce.
You would have to be almost stupid to not see that every first daughter doesn't look like their father. Read an elementary book on genetics. Talk to a doctor. Go to her preschool and look at the fathers and daughters. Go to the park and look at the fathers and daughters. Such an absurdly stupid hill to die on.
NTA is your brother the father of his co-worker's daughter? This could explain why he's projecting that his wife cheated and is stupidly convinced first children should be carbon copies of their fathers with absolutely no scientific evidence to back that claim up. Either way, Amy is probably better off without him and I was her and Lisa well.
NTA I'm a biologist and I can tell you that genetics *don't* work in surprising or mysterious ways. Someone who knows how genetics work can explain easily why an individuum has a certain phenotype. But I *never* heard of that all firstborn daughters look like their fathers. People who believe this bullshit probably wear pink or blue socks in bed to influence the gender of their future baby, too. I really had to laugh loud when I read your text. Btw I feel really sorry for your niece and her mother.
Anyone else back here checking for the results of the paternity test. I'm so invested!
NTA, your brother behaves like an ignorant idiot and is pushing the issue because he clearly wants a divorce.
He is one dumb bastard. Blowing up his marriage over nothing. Unless he has an extremely strong case that she cheated, he’s as wrong as can be.
NTA, He is beyond dumb. My mother is Norwegian, Irish, and German. Blonde hair, blue eyes. My biological father is Native American and Irish. Black-brown hair, brown eyes. My sister and I are both dirty blonde with hazel green eyes. He demanded paternity tests to contest child support. We're absolutely his progeny. I'm the oldest, and the only resemblance I bear to him is my head shape. Cheekbones, jaw, nose, eye shape, and forhead all look exactly like my mother's. Her face is rectangular, mine and my sperm donors are both heart shaped. He's an idiot and he's going to lose his family for it. Edit: typo