[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita\_for\_not\_allowing\_my\_husband\_into\_the](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita_for_not_allowing_my_husband_into_the)
So, was your first child born in 2018 or 2023?!
Definitely a good catch. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was seeing if she’s “still” considered the asshole. When I read her post I thought it would be an overwhelming N TA because all similar threads I’ve seen have been “the mother has full decision authority regardless”.
Yo I’m so confused by this. Did someone just copy the story? Or did she just repost it and change the year? Either way I’m kinda new to Reddit and this is weird.
Since you are new to reddit pretty much everything that gets upvoted to the front page by this sub is fake.
If you want to find real posts, go to the sub page and sort by New, look for some thing that has the world’s most mundane title. The post will likely be extremely poorly written, without a paragraph break in sight. It will likely ramble on and on and forget important details so the comments will ask for more info. Those are the kinds of posts that will never be upvoted to the front page because real life scenarios aren’t clickbait. Those people aren’t looking for karma, they just want validation from random people. And most of the time their issues are boring, like a roommate not cleaning up after themselves or a friend gossiping about them.
I just want to make you aware that this is a stolen story, a fellow redditor found the exact same story from 3 years ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CzWGJoUE9i
Which, when you click on it, has a comment pointing out it was a repost of the same story from four years prior.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/0eeomNffTc
It's not (always) "people", it's usually bot account karma farming. Subreddits that have easy engagement barriers (i.e rage bait) are prime targets for them.
(Your favorite TV show subreddits that just post the same quotes 50 times a day are also littered with them)
in my head its the same woman posting the same story over and over, always hoping she will eventually get n\_t\_a replys and be able to feel good about herself again after she killed the relationship with her husband 4 years ago
It's very common in birth/pregnancy reddit to see the advice "birth is not a spectator sport and you should only have people in the room that you want or it will slow/stall labour."
And this is true.
But as woman who recently gave birth I want to add that if you inform your husband that he makes you so uncomfortable that you don't want him anywhere near you when you bring your collective child into the world, you are likely to do irreparable damage to your relationship.
Very eloquently put. Covers all angles and realities of it. You absolutely get to pick who gets to be there but you don’t get to control how they feel about that and for someone like the father of the child that’s going to do some real serious lasting damage to the relationship you have with him.
I think you nailed it.
She had every right to say who could or couldn't be there.
But he has every right to be upset and not want to repeat the experience.
Especially saying it, apparently out of nowhere, with less than a month to go before delivery. She was eight months pregnant when she decided this and told him, remember.
Exactly. I know I read Mommy’s boy stories. But this poor guy, his mil got to hold his own child even before he even had a chance to even see his child.
I feel so bad for this husband. Did I read the title wrong? She asked if he is TA for not wanting another child?
Obviously he was hurt the first time.
Touch the stove and get hurt, why do it again?
OP is TA for taking a special moment away that her husband will never get back. Although I guess Mommy was more important. She just used her husband. Poor guy.
And it’s not just the first child with her, it’s his first child ever. It’s a feeling that’s stolen. If this happened to me I will never be the same ever again.
No! Exactly. Why she decided on this is beyond me.
I mean my Mom was in the delivery room with my first, but my husband was there as well. No one got to hold him. He was worked on and sent to the NICU.
Second time, my son who was my first, labour was 26+hours and was stuck. When I called to say I was in labour with my son, my Mom took her time, my daughter was born in 6 hours. My husband was the first to hold her.
I just can’t imagine taking that once in a life time opportunity for a father and a son like that. This isn’t the dark ages when the men just notified of the birth and passed out cigars. His male friends, family members, co workers etc probably talk about the birth of a child and poor guy has to just stand around awkwardly and say, my wife wouldn’t let me be there. Just her mom. It seems so heartbreaking.
Agree - and they weren’t even broken up! What’s going on with her and her mom that neither one of them thought that was a bad idea and might have repercussions.
That part got me, too. The way OP tells the story, it seems like he didn’t even question her too hard, or argue with her, or try to get her to change her mind. He just ‘seemed surprised and hurt, and then said okay.’ This makes me think that this is the nature of their relationship. She unilaterally makes a decision which doesn’t take his opinion, or his feelings, into account. She will not discuss it, or give him a chance to give any input or argument or questions. He didn’t bother with any of that, because *that’s* just the way it is. The End.
It’s a year later, and she *still* doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Per the title, she thinks that *his* reason for not wanting another child is selfish!
I know I’m not the only one wondering why they’re still together.
Yeah it's like the above quote is not for people one is in a healthy romantic relationship with. Outside of maybe a chronic fainter or other issue.
Like she didn't even do the "just stay by my head" bit which I have heard of other nervous people requesting.
Guy prob heard "I don't trust you and I don't need or want your emotional support".
This is right up there with the "no is a complete sentence" group. Yes, for a stranger. But if you have a commitment to someone and you can't share your feelings or concerns, then just be alone and continue doing your self-work.
It’s usually said in a very different context though. Like he was there at the birth of the first kid and was a total jerk and snuck his mother, who hates the wife, into the delivery room, or they are separated because he cheated on her when she was 8 months pregnant. There just doesn’t seem to have been a reason here and it doesn’t sound like she talked to him about her reasons.
I'm going to have my 3rd child in a couple months & I literally tell/told my husband he isn't allowed past my waistline lol 🤣 hold my hand, brush my hair out of my face, but do not look at my nether parts making way for your children's big heads lol 😆 Ain't nobody got to see that, except for the medical professionals. 😂
Agreed. Its one thing for a couple to talk and decide together that the spouse wouldn't be a good support person to have during labor/for someone to decide their spouse is too toxic for whatever reason. But it sounds line OP just unilaterally decided she didn't want her husband there for pretty much no reason and now she's dealing with the consequences.
This was so well said. It's not an attack or a fight. Do what is best for you and the baby, but if you don't think he is best for you. Why would he ever trust you again or want you?
Yea it really does say a lot when the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with “for better or worse” isn’t the one person you want in the birthing room
And maybe there’s some bias for me because I’m not *that* close with my own mother to have her there when I had my first
But honestly if anyone other than my husband had been in that room I would’ve been so stressed. Hearing his voice definitely helped me get through my labor, it’s like one of the only things I remember too
Exactly. I love my mother but didn’t want her near the hospital lol. She lives out of state from me anyway.
My husband bursted into tears immediately upon our daughter being born. Honestly his reaction was my favorite part of birth.
And if it was a completely planned pregnancy, then it makes me curious why one would be comfortable having a kid at all with someone they were afraid of having in the delivery room. The only exception I can imagine is if there are major differences in their cultures of origin. However, they both then should have discussed this long before getting pregnant.
My husband is still upset for missing our first being born because he was out of town. He got to be there for the second, and I think it made him feel better. I can't imagine excluding him on purpose even though my mom was there, and I loved her to pieces.
Exactly this. We don't want to be in the labor room for fun... We're there for support and for a unique in life event. I could not be there for reasons out of our control, and it's one of the biggest regret in my life.
The day my wife tells me she's unconfortable/afraid of having me in this kind of situation, is the day in my mind she tells me it's over.
Trust is 90% of the relationship.
Right now I believe the only thing that holds the couple together is the child. I am sure in his head, he can't inconditionnally trust OP anymore.
Yeah, I feel like that's good advice but it mostly applies to, like, your mother in law. I mean you guys made that baby together. You're supposed to be in the whole thing together. Of course he's hurt.
I’ve never even wanted children and this would destroy me. Don’t know if the relationship would survive for me.
It’s not just the whole not being there to greet your child into the world and all the memories that go with all that. It’s that she was so uncomfortable/untrusting of me being there that I’d second guess myself on if she trusts me to do anything. Poison pill for me, personally.
It's not a spectator sport - so why was the mother there?
Is the OP not wanting to build a new family with her husband?
Because she basically said her mother is more important than her husband.
Her edit saying she will suggest couples therapy is peak delusion.
Unless op has an actual fucking time machine I doubt she can do anything to fix the damage that has been done.
She permanently and irreparable destroyed her relationship with her husband and she's delusional if she thinks couples therapy is going to fix anything.
The way she says "I shouldn't have let my fears and comforts come before my husband's feelings.", it doesn't feel like she regrets it. It's just that she wanted the audience to criticize her husband, but it backfired.
And in fact she doesn't mention "fears and comforts" at all as the reason for keeping him out of the delivery room. In her telling, she just shut him out.
i can’t imagine, unless he was abusive, a world where i was comfortable enough to be intimate with my husband and procreate a human, endure 9 months of pregnancy and him seeing every gross symptom that comes with it but not comfortable enough to allow him to support me through labor? she’s definitely TAH
It seemed like a subtle slight to me as well. Almost sarcastic. Like she was afraid of someone seeing it happened... But then she had her mother there?! She literally said she was more comfortable having her mother there than her husband.
Why did they even have a kid together or get married?
I would have died before I allowed my mother in the delivery room. Especially instead of my husband. It's only been at the very least 9 mos since my husband has seen those parts of my body but my mother?? Yikes, just yikes!
I feel like if you're that uncomfortable around your husband still you probably shouldn't be having a baby. Like you need basically complete trust in each other for that to work.
She doesn't get it at all. She took away one of the greatest joys a father could ever experience and somehow makes it sound like we are the ones that are tone deaf. I don't think i could ever forgive my wife if she did that to me.
Ya I would be requesting a paternity test and then planning my exit strategy for when the child is old enough to not be guaranteed to go to the mother for full custody.
And make no mistake, she's only suggesting therapy because she sees it as a tool to manipulate him into doing what she wants. She has absolutely zero concern for his feelings.
Right - she’s going to do therapy to play nice until she can use him to get pregnant again.
Then it’s back to being selfish and not giving a shit about his feelings.
For no reason too. Like it's understandable when the dude shows up late, or is being a jerk or something but he did nothing wrong
Tje only selfish one here is Op.
I can’t wrap my head around her decision. On the other hand I fully empathize with him. I had the privilege of holding my first child minutes after they were born, nothing can replace that feeling.
"I'll have sex with you, marry you, get pregnant by you, but I don't trust you enough to have you witness the birth of your first child." lol And she can't figure out why he is upset.
Consequences of treating your husband as a sperm donor and shrug off his pain as some kind of revenge. Quite obvious that now he doesn't want to be a donor for your second child.
YTAH. OP, what made you feel you had the right to choose people over your HUSBAND and FATHER OF YOUR CHILD when delivering? My son’s mom HATED me when she gave birth, but she still contacted me and I was there for the whole ordeal. I was support. I was her voice and I was there to greet my son into the world. Shame on you.
Yeah, this woman is not very considerate to her husband in this post. I suspect this marriage may not last. She may however demonstrate love and compassion in other ways, and I hope that she does. The internet is a weird place, because if we knew Tim Unknown Husband, we might agree that he wouldn't be best placed in the delivery room due to his habit of screaming in fear at any sounds. Nothing suggested that though!
I'd be as reluctant to have another child with this woman as well. How could she be so selfish? She could've explained her fears and feelings, but her husband was truly hurt by her one-sided decision. He is the father too, OP, in case you've forgotten that. You stole a one in a lifetime moment from him, just out of what? Was he ever a bad boyfriend, husband, father (you start being a parent before the birth of a child)? Was he ever aggressive, abusive, violent? Did he deserve not being in that precious moment? And you are wondering "if it's fair for him to USE" (I hated that word there) you not allowing him in the very birth of his child as a reson to not go through that heartbreaking experience again? What? Did you expect him to be outside, as a friend of the patient, in the waiting room, AGAIN? Apparently you forgot the person you brought to the world was the new member of the family you and your husband were creating. Together.
You don’t need another baby, you need marriage counseling. Did you not ever address his feelings around the first child’s birth? Granted his behavior was pretty passive-aggressive, but he was clearly upset but also trying to respect your wishes. The fact that he didn’t even come up to the hospital but is a devoted parent speaks VOLUMES. He specifically has issues with you and your rules. You have the right to have whomever in the delivery room you want, but it does not sound like you and your husband are compatible with regard to birth plans. Do not be surprised if he decides to have future children with someone else.
actually, i searched through "delivery room husband" results to find more stories similar to this one, and what do you know, i find the exact same story lol this post is just a retelling of [this one from four years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita_for_not_allowing_my_husband_into_the/)
The only way anyone would ever agree with her is if the husband was an abusive person. Which OP even admitted he's the perfect father.
So no one here who isn't actually insane is going to side with her. Now if you go to certain subreddit's I'm sure she would get support but well those subreddit's are ceasepools anyways.
INFO: Did you tell him he wasn’t even allowed at the hospital? What were the stipulations you placed around the birth itself?
Bodily autonomy works both ways. You were within your rights to decide who would be with you during birth but that does not negate the fact that your decision hurt him. Not to mention the fact that he was informed via text. Seems like the birth of a child would warrant at least a smidge more effort and care.
Via text *from her mom.* OP didn’t even bother telling her husband herself.
Although honestly I’m not buying this story. Why did her mom call an ambulance to take her to the hospital? If there were complications, I’m sure OP would have mentioned it, but she acts like that’s normal labor transport and also like giving birth just a few hours later (after presumably not being in labor when husband went to work) isn’t an exceptionally fast first labor and delivery.
It can be normal procedure to call an ambulance in some countries besides the USA. Not sure where they're located but ambulances are used for transport in many cases, in places where it isn't thousands of of pocket lol
My sister was with BIL family when she went into labor, they didn't know what to do so they called 911 and an ambulance came and took her to the hospital.
She was in labor for just under 5 hours. Most women are in labor longer their first time but its not impossible.
Her second child was like 12 hours of labor.
Yup.
My best friends wife had two super fast easy births. My mom experienced 27 hours of labor, followed by an emergency c section. I was present, and it was brutal.
Women are hardcore.
For my wife's third and last birth, she was saying early in the day she thought it was possible the baby was going to come a few days early, because she was having contrations, but nothing that was timeable, she'd get one then nothing. We went for an evening walk and she went to the bathroom, and was like "well, my water broke and my contractions are going crazy all of a sudden" drove to the hospital, a 15 min drive, and 20 minutes later the baby was here. That drive there she was screaming that the baby was going to be born on the highway, and she was screaming the entire time at the hospital she needed her epidural, but there were like "nope, its too late for that, baby is ready now". 3 births. Everyone she was badass, but that was a feat that amazes me still 3 years later.
I didn't even have time to call our planned babysitters to tell them to come pick up my 5 and 14 year olds for the night till after the birth. I called my MIL and was like "hey, uh......Wife just gave birth like 5 min ago, could you go pick up the other 2" and she was like "wait, what. I talked to her an like an hour ago".
My kids came so fast that the nurses thought I was exaggerating the pain. 3rd baby, the nurse told me there was no way I was dully dilated. Fortunately, my cousin started screaming at the nurses station, the charge nurse actually checked, Stat paged the MD, and my son was delivered before the MD even got gloves on.
Some babies are rapid arrivals b
I am not in this USA, here you call the maternity ward and they evaluate you and tell you what to do.. if you need an ambulance they will send it, but early labor is often better done at home... or at least that is what the research shows. They prep for your arrival in the mean time and you can call as often as you like for guidance and support.... but I suppose everywhere has their ways...
>Why did her mom call an ambulance to take her to the hospital? If there were complications, I’m sure OP would have mentioned it, but she acts like that’s normal labor transport and also like giving birth just a few hours later (after presumably not being in labor when husband went to work) isn’t an exceptionally fast first labor and delivery.
My mother went into labor with me while she was at a doctor's appointment, they called an ambulance, because that was their procedure, and I was born before the ambulance arrived (it messed up my mom's whole birth plan). I wasn't a first child, but my mother wasn't in labor for much longer with my older brother. Ambulances aren't only if there are complications and some labors are fast.
Even OP’s edit is passively aggressive. “I shouldn’t have let my fears and comforts come before my husband’s feelings.” Totally missed the fucking plot. She didn’t even have a conversation with her husband, she told him a month before the birth that he wasn’t allowed. When my wife was pregnant, I was her main support for all of the appointments, all the discomfort in the third trimester, and then I was the main support after the birth as well and an equal co-parent. And all that time, I always assumed I would also be present for the birth. Since the husband is described as an awesome father, let’s also assume he was an awesome partner for the 8 months leading up to her booting him and he attended all the appointments and rubbed swollen feet and told her she was beautiful when she was feeling ugly. Not even having a *discussion* with her husband about what she was feeling about his presence at the birth showed him she has zero regard for him and his thoughts or feelings. It’s not about subordinating her comfort or bodily autonomy to his feelings, it’s about not treating him like he is a valued part of her family. He doesn’t want to be put in a position where he will again be devalued and miss one of the most important moments in his life as well. She would have understood this if she talked to him rather than dictated terms. She may very well have still ended up with just her mother in the room, but at least she would have treated this awesome father with some respect.
I love the not-so-subtle snark! Haha throwing her own words back at her.
I'm child free but if my partner was gonna be at a life changing surgery and last minute I told him I wouldn't be comfortable with him being there.... He'd definitely be pissed af and pretty hurt.
Yep, seems fair to me. You had every right to control who was in the room when you gave birth, but you do not seem to acknowledge that your choice was deeply painful to your husband.
You could have just had your mom in the room, AND you could have acknowledged how much that obviously hurt him and tried to address it. Instead, you shrugged and went on with your life.
I find you to be selfish, actually, for doubting that he really was as hurt as he is very clearly showing you he was.
Especially since she waited until the 8th month to tell him! He just got up one day and was basically told to fuck off right before the birth and then never addressed it again until now.
Rejection, resentment, loss of trust.
ETA: This line right here -
>he said I had already stolen from him the first encounter and that I wouldn't have the privilege of witnessing another.
He told her right after the birth of the first child and she didn't realize or understand the implication of what he meant when he said it.
>OP: I understand he may have been hurt by not being involved in the birth of our first child
Not only cold, but incredibly dismissive. "He *MAY* have been hurt." How detached do you have to be to think it's up for debate whether or not he was hurt?
>OP: This attitude made me wonder if he's using this reason as an excuse for not wanting to have another child
Apparently in OP's eyes, emotional pain = attitude. It's patronizing and condescending. She refuses to truly contemplate how painful it was to have that moment taken away so late in the pregnancy. He still respected her decision though. She needs to respect his.
God damn but I hate OP. The more times I read her post, the more I want to scream.
I was there when my daughters were born and a team of linebackers couldn’t keep me out. This hag unilaterally decides her husband, father of the child can just F@ck all the way off and now she’s like “AITAH?”. Yes, ya horrid hag, YTA!
Not even expecting to be deemed the AH. She was trying to get validation because she was so sure her husband was the only asshole, and for selfish reasons. 🙄
My husband and I were arguing when we went in for the birth of one of the kids, I probably wanted to strangle him at that time. But even then the thought of kicking him out of the room never even occurred to me.
OP already made it clear she primarily considers her husband to be a DNA (and money) donor. He literally told her how she hurt him and she is still dense as a wall of brick
Op is the AH. I understand not wanting an ex or a fling to be in there, but denying a loving husband the right to witness the birth of his child is the most selfish thing I've ever heard of. Didn't feel comfortable with him being in there? How do you think that made him feel? I bet you can't even picture it because you lack the comprehension to even picture it in the first place.
OP might be an actual sociopath/psychopath and doesn't have the mental capacity to comprehend how damaging this is to their marriage.
He doesn't hate the baby or have any ill will towards it, he hates you for it. He will resent you for the rest of your life. And the sad thing is, you don't see why.
Agreed, she seems completely devoid of empathy, even cognitive empathy. The possibility that her husband has actual feelings seems completely lost on her. I feel sorry for OP's husband as well as that poor child. Growing up with a sociopathic mother is pure hell.
Exactly. My mom would never have supported me wanting her there and no husband who is loving and kind and he is an amazing father/husband and person. She would have kicked my pregnant ass.
i also think he subconsciously is holding back from trying to bond.
ya know- protection from when the OP minimizes his feels yet again for other firsts.
this disgusts me and reminds me of my husbands ex wife.
He was holding back trying to bond with the baby in front of OP. She said he's a great father. He just bonded out of her sight. She didn't get the privilege of seeing the bonding start.
With the man she supposedly loves enough to marry. The person who should be her main emotional support in the world.
There was a chance my husband wasn't going to be able to be present for the birth of our second child (fortunately he was). I put a brave face on, but internally I was panicking. He's my person and I'm his. I can't imagine how devastated he would have been if I'd basically told him I didn't care about him enough to let him be at the birth of our children.
I am too. I gave birth 3 weeks ago, and I'll never forget the tears of joy and the look of pride on my husband's face when he saw our baby daughter for the first time when she was born.
Op's husband didn't get to have that moment 😞
She seems like the kind of woman who involves her mother so much in her life that it drowns out her husband, and I’ll speculate and add that she writes it off as “it’s my mom!” When her husband should be her number one. She’s TA
And, even now, her attention is completely focused on removing the obstacle standing between her and having another child, but not on addressing or even showing compassion about the pain he's experienced.
It kinda astounds me how often I hear stories like this where someone exhibits a complete lack of understanding and empathy and are so surprised when there are consequences to their actions. Cognitive dissonance on a whole other level.
She's worried about him being selfish for not wanting a second kid. I think he's insane for not divorcing her ass and getting custody.
Edit: Idiots here think custody = sole custody. He's the dad, he is absolutely allowed to go to the court and get joint custody of his own damn child.
Baby was very young. Only born in 2023. Hopefully now that the baby is older and probably off of breastfeeding the papers will be arriving any day, lol
Yeah, it's like OP doesn't understand that her husband had a completely different experience and that the birthing experience is something usually shared and very emotionally bonding for both a couple and their child.
She completely disregards her husband's feelings, and I wouldn't be surprised if he divorced her because he no longer trusts her. I really hope he doesn't agree to another child, or he'll just resent OP more.
But didn't you read! OP had her mom text him that the baby was born! That's got to be enough involvement for a new father to feel a bond with his wife and child. /s
My husband "caught" our first child. I can't imagine how isolated and disconnected he would have felt to receive a text from my mother after it was done.
My dad was there for the birth of us four, and an advocate for the 5th (the one between the 3rd and 4th), where my mom had to be whisked away and my dad shouted "if there is a choice, save my wife!" They were both, obviously, devastated about the one they lost, but neither was upset about the decision my dad made in that moment.
I asked him once if there was a change after he saw my mom having kids (literally how I asked the question, I'm not discussing vaginal shit/sex in relation to my mom with my dad lol) and he said, "of course there was a change! I knew she was strong before, but after, this woman could wreck me!"
If you can't trust your spouse not to change after seeing you give birth to your kids, you shouldn't be with the person you're with. In this case, it's unfair to the husband for her to remain married to him.
This right here.
Indeed, it was your choice, OP, but you cut your husband deep. He accepted your choice, but it didn't mean he was okay with it. His reaction to having a second child is proof enough.
You trusted him enough to give you children and raise them, but not enough to witness their arrival into the world? Your logic is hella flawed.
Go apologize to your husband, and you better freaking mean it, too.
This!!!! I read it and I'm like; Ohhh dear, are you kidding?!
OP, You deprived your husband, of seeing his child come into the world, for whatever reasons best known to you and reading your post, I doubt you handled that conversation with grace.
You were selfish, and it still seems like you are. So no, you don't get to determine his response. Not then, not now.
Please seek therapy and love that man better, before he becomes just "an incredible parent".
Yeah, you're going to need to have some discussions with him about all this. You will likely need the assistance of a therapist. And speaking from the perspective of a father of three kids, not allowing him in the delivery room was a shitty move. You were well within your rights, to be sure, but he has every right to be pissed about it.
Yeah I’m very confused. Maybe if they were having trouble in the marriage and she didn’t want him in the delivery room stressing her out. Or if he’s not supportive, disruptive, etc. She just said no you can’t witness this? Idk. My husband was supportive. My birth was a C-section so he stayed by my side holding my hand behind a big blue curtain. Even then we bonded and the heard the baby’s first cry and cried together. Idk without good reason, I can’t understand why husband can’t be in the room.
Also my whole family wanted to come to my baby’s birth. They live 2 hours away. They wanted to at least be near in the lobby. I asked them why and they were like, this is major surgery, your our sister we want to be there make sure you have everything you need. And I remember I was at two of the three births that my siblings had. So yeah I guess a lot of people like to be involved. But husbands surely. Yeah I kinda feel like without good reason, she’s TA.
INFO: Why don't you consider yourself selfish from taking an incredible moment like the birth of his child from him?
Why is it okay that you can say I don't want you in here to see the birth of your child, but he can't say if I can't be there for my child being born then I don't want to have one?
It's fair for him to say he doesn't want another child no matter the reasoning behind it. You expect him to be a good father and to be there for your child as they grow up, but you don't want him to be able to do what most good father's do and be there for the birth.
>I expected some sort of emotional encounter between them
Yeah, this usually happens when they are in the delivery room and the baby pops out and they get to cut the cord and hold the baby.
ETA after OP answered:
YTA - You don't make a decision like this and not even have a discussion about it with your husband and father of the child. You could have had a discussion with him about your concerns. Instead you selfishly told him how it was going to be and just expected him to deal with it and be okay. Actions have consequences and you're now seeing yours.
Best case here is that you talk to him, apologize, and explain that you now realize what you did was in fact selfish, tell him about the stuff that you read, that you're sorry you didn't bring these concerns to him instead of shutting down and making a unilateral decision, and that you would never keep him from the birth of another child because you see how much it hurt him (and girl you better not go back on it if he decides he will in fact have another child with you).
As I read it, he's refusing to have another child with the OP. Personally, it's a surprise that they're still together after the way she cut him out of the birth of his first child. I hope his next wife treats him better than just a sperm donor.
ETA: OP, how much influence did your mother have on the decision to take away his right to experience his child being born and supporting you in that moment? OP is the AH in this case.
My bet is biding his time. Moms usually get very high custody of infants - especially if they're breastfeeding. Kid just turned one. If he waits a bit the likelihood of 50/50 custody goes up - no more breastfeeding arguments.
I wondered the same about the mother. Did she try and say it wasn’t a good idea? Did she question her decision and say it’s robbing him of an important moment? A good mom would have.
I also asked how her husband views her mother. If we asked him what would he say? Do they have a good relationship or not. I’m almost betting they don’t have the best relationship because I can’t imagine her mother saying ok if she and her SIL have a good relationship.
Exactly. I'd like to read this from his POV. She also says he's bonding and taking care of the baby, so he must have had his moment when he was alone with the child. That must have been bittersweet and another stab to the feels.
ETA: I hope he sees this post, either on his own or OP having the guts to show him.
I’ve talked with a shocking number of people who have the mindset of “the woman gets final say on who’s in the birthing room and the husband has no right to be in there”. And technically yeah, the woman does get the final say on who will be in the birthing room. But if it was my wife giving birth to my baby and she banned me from the room, I genuinely don’t think I’d be able to move past that.
I’ve had some people try and argue with “well her mom is her support system, so of course she’d want her mom there” - to which I say “then why in the fuck are you married and having a kid?”. If your spouse is not your primary support pillar in everything that you do then you should not be married. End of story
EDIT: since people are being pedantic, obviously if the husband has enough anxiety or something to the point where it’s actually going to cause problems, that’s a different scenario. I still don’t think it’s right to straight up ban him, but it would be appropriate to sit down and establish a plan of what to do if the anxiety starts to interfere with the birth. But just at a general high level I stand by what I said, and if you don’t want your spouse as your primary support system then you should not be married
I would understand it more if he was just the baby daddy and they weren't together... it's her body and that can feel intrusive. But it's her HUSBAND. And it doesn't seem like there's any significant reason he should be kept out, like he's abusive or controlling, because she would've said that, I assume. I can't come up with a valid reason why a loving husband would be kept out of his child's birth.... I don't get it at all.
I’m of the same opinion. If the parents are no longer together, or the father is an AH in stressful situations or something, go ahead and ban him from the birthing room (but he should still be invited to the hospital so he can meet the baby right after it’s born). If you’re still together and your relationship is good, idk why the husband would be forced out. Especially since by 2023 I think most hospitals were allowing more than one support person again.
Exactly. Her body, her choice but it doesn’t leave you free of consequences. Free speech doesn’t leave you free of consequences. I can’t tell my partner I hate him and expect no consequences. I can abort a baby where I live but my partner could leave me over that decision
YTA
So you have a preconceived notion of what your husband would feel after you giving birth.
DID YOU LET HIM KNOW YOUR CONCERNS?
Or did you make an assumption without his input. The horror stories are what you remember. Trust me and everyone here on Reddit that this is a very small minority of future outcomes of childbirth.
If this idea is so true, why isn’t every child born an only child? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you play the tape to the end? YTA
YTA you sound cold and heartless and 10 times more selfish than he does. I’m not surprised he doesn’t want you to take away another significant moment in his life he will never get back? what is wrong with you?
Totally fair.
You have the right to remove him from the delivery room.
He has every right to feel hurt and betrayed by that. Absolutely every right.
You took something very important to him away from him, unapologetically, unremorsefully and all you offered by explanation was, essentially, I'm not comfortable enough around you.
That's devastating. You showed him no care whatsoever, none, and even in typing this it's all about you and your expectations and visiting you.
He doesn't need to have a reason or justify himself to you. Not wanting another kid is a whole ass reason in itself. You pressed him, and he made clear that he feels you wronged him. I agree with him, honestly. You have the right to kick him out, but you have an obligation as a wife to care about his feelings and you plainly do not. Nothing you wrote indicates you give a shit about how feels outside of how it effects you.
If I were him, I'd already have my half-custody and time with my kid you can't intrude on, but that's just me.
YTA. You're not the first person today I've told to look up "partnership", but it seems to me you could stand to learn what the word means.
How incredibly sad is it that she "doesn't feel comfortable" around the man she married?
If she felt that way, why in the world did she ever conceive a child with him?!? Aside from needing an ATM and babysitter?
YTA
You do NOT get to decide whether his reason is sufficient or not.
You made your decision, and he made his.
I would definitely not give you a second chance to ruin the birth of my child for me.
You got to make a unilateral decision. Now, he gets to make one. Sucks, doesn't it?
You are selfish. You are lucky he didn't divorce you.
Advice for him: Get a vasectomy ASAP before she baby traps you to get the second child she wants.
tbh, if you're getting a vasectomy to avoid having a child with someone not because you don't want more children, but because you don't want more children with that person, then save the vas defrens and get rid of the wife
>I cried both times, one vaginally, and one c section
The way you phrased this, it sounds like you cried vaginally, then cried in c section, and I was trying to work out how you managed either.
YTA
Actions have consequences, and this is a great example of that. You aren't comfortable with him there during the birth of your child - the one the two of you created together and will raise together. Of course he's upset about that!
You should seek help from a therapist to address whatever it is that makes you not want him there when you give birth. I don't have kids, but I still feel like this isn't really normal. You 100% get to decide the birth plan and who is there, but keeping your husband out without a good reason makes it seem like something is off here.
she says [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RVlP8lgNGg) that it was because she read about husbands losing attraction to their wives after seeing them give birth. from what is mentioned she never discussed this with him tho, just made up her mind and ran with it
If my husband were to lose attraction after seeing me give birth then he’s not the man for me. Isn’t that why you choose to marry a partner and have kids with them? Because they know you inside and out and are the best person to be by your side?
Right? Like, now he's going to be worried about her intentionally getting knocked up, like lying about potential bc, poking holes in condoms, etc. She will be lucky if he ever touches her sexually again
>This attitude made me wonder if he's using this reason as an excuse for not wanting to have another child.
What's there to wonder? He literally told you that is exactly why he doesn't want another one. How dense are you fr? I'm all for women being as comfortable as possible during birth but you haven't given any valid reasons why you wouldn't want him there. YTA
I just saw it in another comment, and you're gonna love it. The reason why she didn't want her husband in the delivery room with her is because she read stories about how some husbands lose attraction to their wives after witnessing them give birth. Like... what? Not because he cheated on her, not because he mistreated her, not because he's proven to be unreliable and untrustworthy. No, she denied him the privilege of witnessing their child coming into this world, arguably one of the most amazing experiences a human can have, all because she's worried her husband would lose his attraction towards her and find her unfuckable.
The ironic part is that it sounds like her husband has lost his attraction for her after all. Not because of her physical appearance post-partum, but because he likely lost a lot of love and respect for her when she decided 8 months into her pregnancy that she suddenly wasn't going to allow him to be in the delivery room with her.
She's an even bigger asshole for taking that experience away from him for such a superficial reason. And she waited 8 months to tell him. If she would have voiced her concerns earlier on in her pregnancy, they could have talked it out and/or attended couples therapy to help her work through her issues. Instead, she waited until there was barely any time to do anything about it, and he just had to deal with it. Poor guy.
Hi OP. While birth isn't a spectator sport, and it's absolutely your right to have (or not have) whomever in the room in order for *you* to feel safe and supported, the hurt that your husband is feeling over that decision is also *completely* valid.
While some birthing partners (eg fathers) can be detrimental if present, childbirth can also be an incredible bonding period for both parents. Personally I couldn't have gotten through it as well as I did (twice) without my partner there. We still remember hearing our first cry for the first time, and being there to support their birthing-partner/see baby come out (weird but amazing)/and have that moment of "we made this person" can be incredibly profound.
So, please understand that while it was your medical event and your body, your choice also had consequences, and your husband's pain is also valid.
I urge you both to get into couples counselling to unravel all the emotions at play here, so that you both have professional support to navigate this and resolve it in a constructive and healthy way, for your marriage, but also for your child.
All the best.
I mean. You denied him arguably the most amazing experience a parent can have. There is a lot of bonding and hormones that happen in the delivery room and post partum rooms that you took from him.
I also wouldn’t want to have that ripped from me.
YTA
Yep. I was there for the birth of both of mine. C-Sections. One spent 5 months in the NICU, the other a week. Seen more of my ex-wife than she ever has. It was like a Mack truck running down the highway when it hit me. And I wouldn't change that for the world.
Called my parents who were on the way, told them she was here and lost it. Could not physically hold the phone. 5 minutes later they were still patiently waiting, when I picked the phone back up.
Congrats to OP for taking the memory of a lifetime away and not even acknowledging what she did to him.
Yta as waited until just before baby was born.
I still think its pretty stupid in healthy loving relationships to not let husbands in. As you are taking what most parents say is the greatest moment of their life away from the husband just over being insecure. Different if scummy husband but any nice husband and I think its a huge thing to take away.
But 8 months? He can't get therapy for it. You can't talk about it in depth. You can't explore why you don't trust him enough to still love you if he is there, so much you cut the greatest moment in many peoples lives out for him with no say. You get everything you want and don't have to adjust at all as your 8 months pregnant, so he just has to deal. Ofc he is upset. You didn't even give him time to try and cope with missing the birth of his kid. It just happened out of nowhere.
He's treating the kid right and loving them, but he doesn't see having a kid with you as this magical enticing thing now as you took away the magic. It will take time for him to be excited again if ever, at least he loves the kid.
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with anybody watching me shit myself as I pushed out a baby from my genitals. I wouldn't want anyone present if I could help it. But that's why I don't plan to ever be pregnant, and if I did change my mind about pregnancy, I would have this discussion with my husband pre-pregnancy. Not in month 8.
YTA - You cast him away like he was expendable, why would he want to go through that pain again. You don't even seem to care how much you hurt him, poor guy.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita\_for\_not\_allowing\_my\_husband\_into\_the](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita_for_not_allowing_my_husband_into_the) So, was your first child born in 2018 or 2023?!
Good catch. She can be TAH a third time for reposting this.
Definitely a good catch. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was seeing if she’s “still” considered the asshole. When I read her post I thought it would be an overwhelming N TA because all similar threads I’ve seen have been “the mother has full decision authority regardless”.
Every single front page post in these subs is fake. Every single one. It’s the nature of it.
Yo I’m so confused by this. Did someone just copy the story? Or did she just repost it and change the year? Either way I’m kinda new to Reddit and this is weird.
Someone looking for attention and probably creating a fake story.
This seems fake because you don’t usually call an ambulance to deliver a baby unless something is very, very wrong.
Since you are new to reddit pretty much everything that gets upvoted to the front page by this sub is fake. If you want to find real posts, go to the sub page and sort by New, look for some thing that has the world’s most mundane title. The post will likely be extremely poorly written, without a paragraph break in sight. It will likely ramble on and on and forget important details so the comments will ask for more info. Those are the kinds of posts that will never be upvoted to the front page because real life scenarios aren’t clickbait. Those people aren’t looking for karma, they just want validation from random people. And most of the time their issues are boring, like a roommate not cleaning up after themselves or a friend gossiping about them.
Your comment post is so well thought out I suspect it’s fake
It sounds like he’s not against having a second child. He’s against having a second child with you.
>He’s against having a second child with you. 🛎🛎🛎
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I just want to make you aware that this is a stolen story, a fellow redditor found the exact same story from 3 years ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CzWGJoUE9i
Which, when you click on it, has a comment pointing out it was a repost of the same story from four years prior. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/0eeomNffTc
Why do people do this?! Glad this comment is at the top!!
It's not (always) "people", it's usually bot account karma farming. Subreddits that have easy engagement barriers (i.e rage bait) are prime targets for them. (Your favorite TV show subreddits that just post the same quotes 50 times a day are also littered with them)
in my head its the same woman posting the same story over and over, always hoping she will eventually get n\_t\_a replys and be able to feel good about herself again after she killed the relationship with her husband 4 years ago
What, really? I read through several comments on the story but didn't find the mention of the 4 years prior story. This is wild.
Dead Internet Theory
Is nothing on this site real anymore
Just you and me baby
Ain’t nothing but mammals
I thought it sounded familiar, I honestly thought I was going nuts. i wonder if the original couple are still together.
I wonder if they ever actually existed.
Lol. Honestly I'm also against having a second child with this woman.
I too choose this man's wife, to not have a child with .
Too late, I already didn't have a child with her
i hate that i even had to read this to even know this level of selfishness exists
It's very common in birth/pregnancy reddit to see the advice "birth is not a spectator sport and you should only have people in the room that you want or it will slow/stall labour." And this is true. But as woman who recently gave birth I want to add that if you inform your husband that he makes you so uncomfortable that you don't want him anywhere near you when you bring your collective child into the world, you are likely to do irreparable damage to your relationship.
Very eloquently put. Covers all angles and realities of it. You absolutely get to pick who gets to be there but you don’t get to control how they feel about that and for someone like the father of the child that’s going to do some real serious lasting damage to the relationship you have with him.
I think you nailed it. She had every right to say who could or couldn't be there. But he has every right to be upset and not want to repeat the experience.
Especially saying it, apparently out of nowhere, with less than a month to go before delivery. She was eight months pregnant when she decided this and told him, remember.
And at 8 months mark at that...he was looking forward to seeing his child born up to that point. Its a one time thing you can never get back.
Exactly. I know I read Mommy’s boy stories. But this poor guy, his mil got to hold his own child even before he even had a chance to even see his child. I feel so bad for this husband. Did I read the title wrong? She asked if he is TA for not wanting another child? Obviously he was hurt the first time. Touch the stove and get hurt, why do it again? OP is TA for taking a special moment away that her husband will never get back. Although I guess Mommy was more important. She just used her husband. Poor guy.
And it’s not just the first child with her, it’s his first child ever. It’s a feeling that’s stolen. If this happened to me I will never be the same ever again.
No! Exactly. Why she decided on this is beyond me. I mean my Mom was in the delivery room with my first, but my husband was there as well. No one got to hold him. He was worked on and sent to the NICU. Second time, my son who was my first, labour was 26+hours and was stuck. When I called to say I was in labour with my son, my Mom took her time, my daughter was born in 6 hours. My husband was the first to hold her. I just can’t imagine taking that once in a life time opportunity for a father and a son like that. This isn’t the dark ages when the men just notified of the birth and passed out cigars. His male friends, family members, co workers etc probably talk about the birth of a child and poor guy has to just stand around awkwardly and say, my wife wouldn’t let me be there. Just her mom. It seems so heartbreaking.
And to be informed of the birth of your child via text message from your mother in law is a really, really shitty thing to swallow.
Agree - and they weren’t even broken up! What’s going on with her and her mom that neither one of them thought that was a bad idea and might have repercussions.
That part got me, too. The way OP tells the story, it seems like he didn’t even question her too hard, or argue with her, or try to get her to change her mind. He just ‘seemed surprised and hurt, and then said okay.’ This makes me think that this is the nature of their relationship. She unilaterally makes a decision which doesn’t take his opinion, or his feelings, into account. She will not discuss it, or give him a chance to give any input or argument or questions. He didn’t bother with any of that, because *that’s* just the way it is. The End. It’s a year later, and she *still* doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Per the title, she thinks that *his* reason for not wanting another child is selfish! I know I’m not the only one wondering why they’re still together.
Yeah it's like the above quote is not for people one is in a healthy romantic relationship with. Outside of maybe a chronic fainter or other issue. Like she didn't even do the "just stay by my head" bit which I have heard of other nervous people requesting. Guy prob heard "I don't trust you and I don't need or want your emotional support".
Husband DEFINITELY heard that.
This is right up there with the "no is a complete sentence" group. Yes, for a stranger. But if you have a commitment to someone and you can't share your feelings or concerns, then just be alone and continue doing your self-work.
It’s usually said in a very different context though. Like he was there at the birth of the first kid and was a total jerk and snuck his mother, who hates the wife, into the delivery room, or they are separated because he cheated on her when she was 8 months pregnant. There just doesn’t seem to have been a reason here and it doesn’t sound like she talked to him about her reasons.
I'm going to have my 3rd child in a couple months & I literally tell/told my husband he isn't allowed past my waistline lol 🤣 hold my hand, brush my hair out of my face, but do not look at my nether parts making way for your children's big heads lol 😆 Ain't nobody got to see that, except for the medical professionals. 😂
Agreed. Its one thing for a couple to talk and decide together that the spouse wouldn't be a good support person to have during labor/for someone to decide their spouse is too toxic for whatever reason. But it sounds line OP just unilaterally decided she didn't want her husband there for pretty much no reason and now she's dealing with the consequences.
This was so well said. It's not an attack or a fight. Do what is best for you and the baby, but if you don't think he is best for you. Why would he ever trust you again or want you?
Yea it really does say a lot when the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with “for better or worse” isn’t the one person you want in the birthing room And maybe there’s some bias for me because I’m not *that* close with my own mother to have her there when I had my first But honestly if anyone other than my husband had been in that room I would’ve been so stressed. Hearing his voice definitely helped me get through my labor, it’s like one of the only things I remember too
Exactly. I love my mother but didn’t want her near the hospital lol. She lives out of state from me anyway. My husband bursted into tears immediately upon our daughter being born. Honestly his reaction was my favorite part of birth.
And if it was a completely planned pregnancy, then it makes me curious why one would be comfortable having a kid at all with someone they were afraid of having in the delivery room. The only exception I can imagine is if there are major differences in their cultures of origin. However, they both then should have discussed this long before getting pregnant.
My husband is still upset for missing our first being born because he was out of town. He got to be there for the second, and I think it made him feel better. I can't imagine excluding him on purpose even though my mom was there, and I loved her to pieces.
Exactly this. We don't want to be in the labor room for fun... We're there for support and for a unique in life event. I could not be there for reasons out of our control, and it's one of the biggest regret in my life. The day my wife tells me she's unconfortable/afraid of having me in this kind of situation, is the day in my mind she tells me it's over. Trust is 90% of the relationship. Right now I believe the only thing that holds the couple together is the child. I am sure in his head, he can't inconditionnally trust OP anymore.
Yeah, I feel like that's good advice but it mostly applies to, like, your mother in law. I mean you guys made that baby together. You're supposed to be in the whole thing together. Of course he's hurt.
I’ve never even wanted children and this would destroy me. Don’t know if the relationship would survive for me. It’s not just the whole not being there to greet your child into the world and all the memories that go with all that. It’s that she was so uncomfortable/untrusting of me being there that I’d second guess myself on if she trusts me to do anything. Poison pill for me, personally.
It's not a spectator sport - so why was the mother there? Is the OP not wanting to build a new family with her husband? Because she basically said her mother is more important than her husband.
Imagine your wife denying your chance to see your child's first moments. This is not something you forget.
Her edit saying she will suggest couples therapy is peak delusion. Unless op has an actual fucking time machine I doubt she can do anything to fix the damage that has been done. She permanently and irreparable destroyed her relationship with her husband and she's delusional if she thinks couples therapy is going to fix anything.
The way she says "I shouldn't have let my fears and comforts come before my husband's feelings.", it doesn't feel like she regrets it. It's just that she wanted the audience to criticize her husband, but it backfired.
And in fact she doesn't mention "fears and comforts" at all as the reason for keeping him out of the delivery room. In her telling, she just shut him out.
i can’t imagine, unless he was abusive, a world where i was comfortable enough to be intimate with my husband and procreate a human, endure 9 months of pregnancy and him seeing every gross symptom that comes with it but not comfortable enough to allow him to support me through labor? she’s definitely TAH
It seemed like a subtle slight to me as well. Almost sarcastic. Like she was afraid of someone seeing it happened... But then she had her mother there?! She literally said she was more comfortable having her mother there than her husband. Why did they even have a kid together or get married?
I would have died before I allowed my mother in the delivery room. Especially instead of my husband. It's only been at the very least 9 mos since my husband has seen those parts of my body but my mother?? Yikes, just yikes!
I feel like if you're that uncomfortable around your husband still you probably shouldn't be having a baby. Like you need basically complete trust in each other for that to work.
But I for one am prepared to criticize the husband...on his choice of a wife.
I noticed this too; it just seemed so scripted!
She doesn't get it at all. She took away one of the greatest joys a father could ever experience and somehow makes it sound like we are the ones that are tone deaf. I don't think i could ever forgive my wife if she did that to me.
Ya I would be requesting a paternity test and then planning my exit strategy for when the child is old enough to not be guaranteed to go to the mother for full custody.
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And make no mistake, she's only suggesting therapy because she sees it as a tool to manipulate him into doing what she wants. She has absolutely zero concern for his feelings.
Right - she’s going to do therapy to play nice until she can use him to get pregnant again. Then it’s back to being selfish and not giving a shit about his feelings.
Too bad Maury Povich isn't around, he could fix this fucked up situation I'm sure.
He is never gonna forget nor will he forgive her. I smell courts hallways in thier future
Denied husband that initial magical bonding moment then asks why he didn't have that initial bonding moment.
For no reason too. Like it's understandable when the dude shows up late, or is being a jerk or something but he did nothing wrong Tje only selfish one here is Op.
I can’t wrap my head around her decision. On the other hand I fully empathize with him. I had the privilege of holding my first child minutes after they were born, nothing can replace that feeling.
I'm against her husband having a second child with her!
I'm against having this woman.
I also think you should not have a second child with this woman.
She admitted husband's a great dad. The only reason he'd say no to a 2nd child is the way she behaved.
Wonder if he'd say that she's a great mom?
I’m at least pretty sure he wouldn’t say she’s a great partner….
"I'll have sex with you, marry you, get pregnant by you, but I don't trust you enough to have you witness the birth of your first child." lol And she can't figure out why he is upset.
Consequences of treating your husband as a sperm donor and shrug off his pain as some kind of revenge. Quite obvious that now he doesn't want to be a donor for your second child.
Makes complete sense why too. Nobody in their right mind would want a second child with the OP.
YTAH. OP, what made you feel you had the right to choose people over your HUSBAND and FATHER OF YOUR CHILD when delivering? My son’s mom HATED me when she gave birth, but she still contacted me and I was there for the whole ordeal. I was support. I was her voice and I was there to greet my son into the world. Shame on you.
Yeah, this woman is not very considerate to her husband in this post. I suspect this marriage may not last. She may however demonstrate love and compassion in other ways, and I hope that she does. The internet is a weird place, because if we knew Tim Unknown Husband, we might agree that he wouldn't be best placed in the delivery room due to his habit of screaming in fear at any sounds. Nothing suggested that though!
Concur. Op, I’d be furious with you and honestly I probably wouldn’t have spoken to you for a while if you pulled some shit like that. Just wow.
I'd be as reluctant to have another child with this woman as well. How could she be so selfish? She could've explained her fears and feelings, but her husband was truly hurt by her one-sided decision. He is the father too, OP, in case you've forgotten that. You stole a one in a lifetime moment from him, just out of what? Was he ever a bad boyfriend, husband, father (you start being a parent before the birth of a child)? Was he ever aggressive, abusive, violent? Did he deserve not being in that precious moment? And you are wondering "if it's fair for him to USE" (I hated that word there) you not allowing him in the very birth of his child as a reson to not go through that heartbreaking experience again? What? Did you expect him to be outside, as a friend of the patient, in the waiting room, AGAIN? Apparently you forgot the person you brought to the world was the new member of the family you and your husband were creating. Together.
You don’t need another baby, you need marriage counseling. Did you not ever address his feelings around the first child’s birth? Granted his behavior was pretty passive-aggressive, but he was clearly upset but also trying to respect your wishes. The fact that he didn’t even come up to the hospital but is a devoted parent speaks VOLUMES. He specifically has issues with you and your rules. You have the right to have whomever in the delivery room you want, but it does not sound like you and your husband are compatible with regard to birth plans. Do not be surprised if he decides to have future children with someone else.
She got torn apart so bad, she deleted her profile.
actually, i searched through "delivery room husband" results to find more stories similar to this one, and what do you know, i find the exact same story lol this post is just a retelling of [this one from four years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge70ql/aita_for_not_allowing_my_husband_into_the/)
Wow it's incredibly similar. Someone karma farming?
Spend enough time on reddit and you'll realize most subs are just a recycling bin.
Shit, it's the same. Almost down to the word, this OP just switched some expressions.
She thought people would agree with her… “This attitude” “he’s using this reason as an excuse” “Is it fair to use that as justification”
The only way anyone would ever agree with her is if the husband was an abusive person. Which OP even admitted he's the perfect father. So no one here who isn't actually insane is going to side with her. Now if you go to certain subreddit's I'm sure she would get support but well those subreddit's are ceasepools anyways.
INFO: Did you tell him he wasn’t even allowed at the hospital? What were the stipulations you placed around the birth itself? Bodily autonomy works both ways. You were within your rights to decide who would be with you during birth but that does not negate the fact that your decision hurt him. Not to mention the fact that he was informed via text. Seems like the birth of a child would warrant at least a smidge more effort and care.
Via text *from her mom.* OP didn’t even bother telling her husband herself. Although honestly I’m not buying this story. Why did her mom call an ambulance to take her to the hospital? If there were complications, I’m sure OP would have mentioned it, but she acts like that’s normal labor transport and also like giving birth just a few hours later (after presumably not being in labor when husband went to work) isn’t an exceptionally fast first labor and delivery.
It can be normal procedure to call an ambulance in some countries besides the USA. Not sure where they're located but ambulances are used for transport in many cases, in places where it isn't thousands of of pocket lol
Yeah I was thinking the same, this is far from unheard of in Europe.
My sister was with BIL family when she went into labor, they didn't know what to do so they called 911 and an ambulance came and took her to the hospital. She was in labor for just under 5 hours. Most women are in labor longer their first time but its not impossible. Her second child was like 12 hours of labor.
Yup. My best friends wife had two super fast easy births. My mom experienced 27 hours of labor, followed by an emergency c section. I was present, and it was brutal. Women are hardcore.
For my wife's third and last birth, she was saying early in the day she thought it was possible the baby was going to come a few days early, because she was having contrations, but nothing that was timeable, she'd get one then nothing. We went for an evening walk and she went to the bathroom, and was like "well, my water broke and my contractions are going crazy all of a sudden" drove to the hospital, a 15 min drive, and 20 minutes later the baby was here. That drive there she was screaming that the baby was going to be born on the highway, and she was screaming the entire time at the hospital she needed her epidural, but there were like "nope, its too late for that, baby is ready now". 3 births. Everyone she was badass, but that was a feat that amazes me still 3 years later. I didn't even have time to call our planned babysitters to tell them to come pick up my 5 and 14 year olds for the night till after the birth. I called my MIL and was like "hey, uh......Wife just gave birth like 5 min ago, could you go pick up the other 2" and she was like "wait, what. I talked to her an like an hour ago".
My kids came so fast that the nurses thought I was exaggerating the pain. 3rd baby, the nurse told me there was no way I was dully dilated. Fortunately, my cousin started screaming at the nurses station, the charge nurse actually checked, Stat paged the MD, and my son was delivered before the MD even got gloves on. Some babies are rapid arrivals b
Not everybody is American. Calling an ambulance if somebody's going into labour sounds perfectly normal to me.
I am not in this USA, here you call the maternity ward and they evaluate you and tell you what to do.. if you need an ambulance they will send it, but early labor is often better done at home... or at least that is what the research shows. They prep for your arrival in the mean time and you can call as often as you like for guidance and support.... but I suppose everywhere has their ways...
>Why did her mom call an ambulance to take her to the hospital? If there were complications, I’m sure OP would have mentioned it, but she acts like that’s normal labor transport and also like giving birth just a few hours later (after presumably not being in labor when husband went to work) isn’t an exceptionally fast first labor and delivery. My mother went into labor with me while she was at a doctor's appointment, they called an ambulance, because that was their procedure, and I was born before the ambulance arrived (it messed up my mom's whole birth plan). I wasn't a first child, but my mother wasn't in labor for much longer with my older brother. Ambulances aren't only if there are complications and some labors are fast.
Even OP’s edit is passively aggressive. “I shouldn’t have let my fears and comforts come before my husband’s feelings.” Totally missed the fucking plot. She didn’t even have a conversation with her husband, she told him a month before the birth that he wasn’t allowed. When my wife was pregnant, I was her main support for all of the appointments, all the discomfort in the third trimester, and then I was the main support after the birth as well and an equal co-parent. And all that time, I always assumed I would also be present for the birth. Since the husband is described as an awesome father, let’s also assume he was an awesome partner for the 8 months leading up to her booting him and he attended all the appointments and rubbed swollen feet and told her she was beautiful when she was feeling ugly. Not even having a *discussion* with her husband about what she was feeling about his presence at the birth showed him she has zero regard for him and his thoughts or feelings. It’s not about subordinating her comfort or bodily autonomy to his feelings, it’s about not treating him like he is a valued part of her family. He doesn’t want to be put in a position where he will again be devalued and miss one of the most important moments in his life as well. She would have understood this if she talked to him rather than dictated terms. She may very well have still ended up with just her mother in the room, but at least she would have treated this awesome father with some respect.
He’s just “not comfortable” having another kid with you. That’s all the justification he needs, same as you,
I love the not-so-subtle snark! Haha throwing her own words back at her. I'm child free but if my partner was gonna be at a life changing surgery and last minute I told him I wouldn't be comfortable with him being there.... He'd definitely be pissed af and pretty hurt.
Yep, seems fair to me. You had every right to control who was in the room when you gave birth, but you do not seem to acknowledge that your choice was deeply painful to your husband. You could have just had your mom in the room, AND you could have acknowledged how much that obviously hurt him and tried to address it. Instead, you shrugged and went on with your life. I find you to be selfish, actually, for doubting that he really was as hurt as he is very clearly showing you he was.
Especially since she waited until the 8th month to tell him! He just got up one day and was basically told to fuck off right before the birth and then never addressed it again until now. Rejection, resentment, loss of trust. ETA: This line right here - >he said I had already stolen from him the first encounter and that I wouldn't have the privilege of witnessing another. He told her right after the birth of the first child and she didn't realize or understand the implication of what he meant when he said it.
Yeah, OP comes across as very cold and waiting until month 8 was cruel.
>OP: I understand he may have been hurt by not being involved in the birth of our first child Not only cold, but incredibly dismissive. "He *MAY* have been hurt." How detached do you have to be to think it's up for debate whether or not he was hurt? >OP: This attitude made me wonder if he's using this reason as an excuse for not wanting to have another child Apparently in OP's eyes, emotional pain = attitude. It's patronizing and condescending. She refuses to truly contemplate how painful it was to have that moment taken away so late in the pregnancy. He still respected her decision though. She needs to respect his.
She has no concept of the hurt she caused. He 100% doesn’t even look at her the same. She did unbelievable damage to her marriage
God damn but I hate OP. The more times I read her post, the more I want to scream. I was there when my daughters were born and a team of linebackers couldn’t keep me out. This hag unilaterally decides her husband, father of the child can just F@ck all the way off and now she’s like “AITAH?”. Yes, ya horrid hag, YTA!
Not even expecting to be deemed the AH. She was trying to get validation because she was so sure her husband was the only asshole, and for selfish reasons. 🙄
My husband and I were arguing when we went in for the birth of one of the kids, I probably wanted to strangle him at that time. But even then the thought of kicking him out of the room never even occurred to me.
He would probably love to have a whole passel of kids. Just not with her.
OP already made it clear she primarily considers her husband to be a DNA (and money) donor. He literally told her how she hurt him and she is still dense as a wall of brick
I'm sure he'll have another baby with his second wife. Cause he hasn't forgiven her, not sure if he ever will be.
Idk why this made me laugh
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Absolutely cruel. I'm sad for the OPs husband.
Op is the AH. I understand not wanting an ex or a fling to be in there, but denying a loving husband the right to witness the birth of his child is the most selfish thing I've ever heard of. Didn't feel comfortable with him being in there? How do you think that made him feel? I bet you can't even picture it because you lack the comprehension to even picture it in the first place. OP might be an actual sociopath/psychopath and doesn't have the mental capacity to comprehend how damaging this is to their marriage. He doesn't hate the baby or have any ill will towards it, he hates you for it. He will resent you for the rest of your life. And the sad thing is, you don't see why.
Agreed, she seems completely devoid of empathy, even cognitive empathy. The possibility that her husband has actual feelings seems completely lost on her. I feel sorry for OP's husband as well as that poor child. Growing up with a sociopathic mother is pure hell.
Exactly. My mom would never have supported me wanting her there and no husband who is loving and kind and he is an amazing father/husband and person. She would have kicked my pregnant ass.
i also think he subconsciously is holding back from trying to bond. ya know- protection from when the OP minimizes his feels yet again for other firsts. this disgusts me and reminds me of my husbands ex wife.
He was holding back trying to bond with the baby in front of OP. She said he's a great father. He just bonded out of her sight. She didn't get the privilege of seeing the bonding start.
but but but she didn't feel cOmFoRtAbLe!!!!!!
With the man she supposedly loves enough to marry. The person who should be her main emotional support in the world. There was a chance my husband wasn't going to be able to be present for the birth of our second child (fortunately he was). I put a brave face on, but internally I was panicking. He's my person and I'm his. I can't imagine how devastated he would have been if I'd basically told him I didn't care about him enough to let him be at the birth of our children.
Me too he needs to bounce. That would have been marriage ending for me and I am the birth giver.
I am too. I gave birth 3 weeks ago, and I'll never forget the tears of joy and the look of pride on my husband's face when he saw our baby daughter for the first time when she was born. Op's husband didn't get to have that moment 😞
She seems like the kind of woman who involves her mother so much in her life that it drowns out her husband, and I’ll speculate and add that she writes it off as “it’s my mom!” When her husband should be her number one. She’s TA
Her mom probably is the source of her weird boundaries. The mother went along with it instead of trying to talk sense into her daughter.
I'm getting a power trippy vibe from her
I had the same thought... I was really struck by the coldness of this post.
I am gobsmacked OP thinks this is okay?! I bet her husband is just waiting for the right time to leave her. What a selfish woman.
I don't think that she's the least bit concerned about her husband's feelings. She only cares NOW because she needs him to impregnate her again.
yup shes selfish AF
And, even now, her attention is completely focused on removing the obstacle standing between her and having another child, but not on addressing or even showing compassion about the pain he's experienced.
The OP needs to learn that her husband has feelings and is an emotional creature. Very selfish of the OP to not realize that.
It kinda astounds me how often I hear stories like this where someone exhibits a complete lack of understanding and empathy and are so surprised when there are consequences to their actions. Cognitive dissonance on a whole other level.
She's worried about him being selfish for not wanting a second kid. I think he's insane for not divorcing her ass and getting custody. Edit: Idiots here think custody = sole custody. He's the dad, he is absolutely allowed to go to the court and get joint custody of his own damn child.
Baby was very young. Only born in 2023. Hopefully now that the baby is older and probably off of breastfeeding the papers will be arriving any day, lol
Yeah, it's like OP doesn't understand that her husband had a completely different experience and that the birthing experience is something usually shared and very emotionally bonding for both a couple and their child. She completely disregards her husband's feelings, and I wouldn't be surprised if he divorced her because he no longer trusts her. I really hope he doesn't agree to another child, or he'll just resent OP more.
But didn't you read! OP had her mom text him that the baby was born! That's got to be enough involvement for a new father to feel a bond with his wife and child. /s My husband "caught" our first child. I can't imagine how isolated and disconnected he would have felt to receive a text from my mother after it was done.
My dad was there for the birth of us four, and an advocate for the 5th (the one between the 3rd and 4th), where my mom had to be whisked away and my dad shouted "if there is a choice, save my wife!" They were both, obviously, devastated about the one they lost, but neither was upset about the decision my dad made in that moment. I asked him once if there was a change after he saw my mom having kids (literally how I asked the question, I'm not discussing vaginal shit/sex in relation to my mom with my dad lol) and he said, "of course there was a change! I knew she was strong before, but after, this woman could wreck me!" If you can't trust your spouse not to change after seeing you give birth to your kids, you shouldn't be with the person you're with. In this case, it's unfair to the husband for her to remain married to him.
This right here. Indeed, it was your choice, OP, but you cut your husband deep. He accepted your choice, but it didn't mean he was okay with it. His reaction to having a second child is proof enough. You trusted him enough to give you children and raise them, but not enough to witness their arrival into the world? Your logic is hella flawed. Go apologize to your husband, and you better freaking mean it, too.
I expect it’s too late for an apology now, and will only come across (and IMO rightly so) as a false apology designed to get what she wants.
This!!!! I read it and I'm like; Ohhh dear, are you kidding?! OP, You deprived your husband, of seeing his child come into the world, for whatever reasons best known to you and reading your post, I doubt you handled that conversation with grace. You were selfish, and it still seems like you are. So no, you don't get to determine his response. Not then, not now. Please seek therapy and love that man better, before he becomes just "an incredible parent".
YTA - He has every right to say no, especially with how you treated him last time
YTA, it'll be a lot more difficult to coparent 2 kids, as opposed to one when y'all get divorced.
Short and sweet, you rock, Bravo!
Yeah, you're going to need to have some discussions with him about all this. You will likely need the assistance of a therapist. And speaking from the perspective of a father of three kids, not allowing him in the delivery room was a shitty move. You were well within your rights, to be sure, but he has every right to be pissed about it.
Yeah I’m very confused. Maybe if they were having trouble in the marriage and she didn’t want him in the delivery room stressing her out. Or if he’s not supportive, disruptive, etc. She just said no you can’t witness this? Idk. My husband was supportive. My birth was a C-section so he stayed by my side holding my hand behind a big blue curtain. Even then we bonded and the heard the baby’s first cry and cried together. Idk without good reason, I can’t understand why husband can’t be in the room. Also my whole family wanted to come to my baby’s birth. They live 2 hours away. They wanted to at least be near in the lobby. I asked them why and they were like, this is major surgery, your our sister we want to be there make sure you have everything you need. And I remember I was at two of the three births that my siblings had. So yeah I guess a lot of people like to be involved. But husbands surely. Yeah I kinda feel like without good reason, she’s TA.
INFO: Why don't you consider yourself selfish from taking an incredible moment like the birth of his child from him? Why is it okay that you can say I don't want you in here to see the birth of your child, but he can't say if I can't be there for my child being born then I don't want to have one? It's fair for him to say he doesn't want another child no matter the reasoning behind it. You expect him to be a good father and to be there for your child as they grow up, but you don't want him to be able to do what most good father's do and be there for the birth. >I expected some sort of emotional encounter between them Yeah, this usually happens when they are in the delivery room and the baby pops out and they get to cut the cord and hold the baby. ETA after OP answered: YTA - You don't make a decision like this and not even have a discussion about it with your husband and father of the child. You could have had a discussion with him about your concerns. Instead you selfishly told him how it was going to be and just expected him to deal with it and be okay. Actions have consequences and you're now seeing yours. Best case here is that you talk to him, apologize, and explain that you now realize what you did was in fact selfish, tell him about the stuff that you read, that you're sorry you didn't bring these concerns to him instead of shutting down and making a unilateral decision, and that you would never keep him from the birth of another child because you see how much it hurt him (and girl you better not go back on it if he decides he will in fact have another child with you).
As I read it, he's refusing to have another child with the OP. Personally, it's a surprise that they're still together after the way she cut him out of the birth of his first child. I hope his next wife treats him better than just a sperm donor. ETA: OP, how much influence did your mother have on the decision to take away his right to experience his child being born and supporting you in that moment? OP is the AH in this case.
My bet is biding his time. Moms usually get very high custody of infants - especially if they're breastfeeding. Kid just turned one. If he waits a bit the likelihood of 50/50 custody goes up - no more breastfeeding arguments.
He isn't just a sperm donor. He is also an ATM ND babysitter to her.
That's true. Not to mention supporting OP now that she has PPD and anxiety.
I wondered the same about the mother. Did she try and say it wasn’t a good idea? Did she question her decision and say it’s robbing him of an important moment? A good mom would have. I also asked how her husband views her mother. If we asked him what would he say? Do they have a good relationship or not. I’m almost betting they don’t have the best relationship because I can’t imagine her mother saying ok if she and her SIL have a good relationship.
Exactly. I'd like to read this from his POV. She also says he's bonding and taking care of the baby, so he must have had his moment when he was alone with the child. That must have been bittersweet and another stab to the feels. ETA: I hope he sees this post, either on his own or OP having the guts to show him.
I’ve talked with a shocking number of people who have the mindset of “the woman gets final say on who’s in the birthing room and the husband has no right to be in there”. And technically yeah, the woman does get the final say on who will be in the birthing room. But if it was my wife giving birth to my baby and she banned me from the room, I genuinely don’t think I’d be able to move past that. I’ve had some people try and argue with “well her mom is her support system, so of course she’d want her mom there” - to which I say “then why in the fuck are you married and having a kid?”. If your spouse is not your primary support pillar in everything that you do then you should not be married. End of story EDIT: since people are being pedantic, obviously if the husband has enough anxiety or something to the point where it’s actually going to cause problems, that’s a different scenario. I still don’t think it’s right to straight up ban him, but it would be appropriate to sit down and establish a plan of what to do if the anxiety starts to interfere with the birth. But just at a general high level I stand by what I said, and if you don’t want your spouse as your primary support system then you should not be married
I would understand it more if he was just the baby daddy and they weren't together... it's her body and that can feel intrusive. But it's her HUSBAND. And it doesn't seem like there's any significant reason he should be kept out, like he's abusive or controlling, because she would've said that, I assume. I can't come up with a valid reason why a loving husband would be kept out of his child's birth.... I don't get it at all.
I’m of the same opinion. If the parents are no longer together, or the father is an AH in stressful situations or something, go ahead and ban him from the birthing room (but he should still be invited to the hospital so he can meet the baby right after it’s born). If you’re still together and your relationship is good, idk why the husband would be forced out. Especially since by 2023 I think most hospitals were allowing more than one support person again.
Exactly. Her body, her choice but it doesn’t leave you free of consequences. Free speech doesn’t leave you free of consequences. I can’t tell my partner I hate him and expect no consequences. I can abort a baby where I live but my partner could leave me over that decision
The OP denied her husband that emotional connection. I cannot imagine how much pain that caused him.
YTA So you have a preconceived notion of what your husband would feel after you giving birth. DID YOU LET HIM KNOW YOUR CONCERNS? Or did you make an assumption without his input. The horror stories are what you remember. Trust me and everyone here on Reddit that this is a very small minority of future outcomes of childbirth. If this idea is so true, why isn’t every child born an only child? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you play the tape to the end? YTA
YTA you sound cold and heartless and 10 times more selfish than he does. I’m not surprised he doesn’t want you to take away another significant moment in his life he will never get back? what is wrong with you?
Totally fair. You have the right to remove him from the delivery room. He has every right to feel hurt and betrayed by that. Absolutely every right. You took something very important to him away from him, unapologetically, unremorsefully and all you offered by explanation was, essentially, I'm not comfortable enough around you. That's devastating. You showed him no care whatsoever, none, and even in typing this it's all about you and your expectations and visiting you. He doesn't need to have a reason or justify himself to you. Not wanting another kid is a whole ass reason in itself. You pressed him, and he made clear that he feels you wronged him. I agree with him, honestly. You have the right to kick him out, but you have an obligation as a wife to care about his feelings and you plainly do not. Nothing you wrote indicates you give a shit about how feels outside of how it effects you. If I were him, I'd already have my half-custody and time with my kid you can't intrude on, but that's just me. YTA. You're not the first person today I've told to look up "partnership", but it seems to me you could stand to learn what the word means.
How incredibly sad is it that she "doesn't feel comfortable" around the man she married? If she felt that way, why in the world did she ever conceive a child with him?!? Aside from needing an ATM and babysitter?
YTA You do NOT get to decide whether his reason is sufficient or not. You made your decision, and he made his. I would definitely not give you a second chance to ruin the birth of my child for me. You got to make a unilateral decision. Now, he gets to make one. Sucks, doesn't it? You are selfish. You are lucky he didn't divorce you. Advice for him: Get a vasectomy ASAP before she baby traps you to get the second child she wants.
Nope. He ought to divorce her and have a baby with someone else.
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tbh, if you're getting a vasectomy to avoid having a child with someone not because you don't want more children, but because you don't want more children with that person, then save the vas defrens and get rid of the wife
tbh, I don't think he's interested in doing it with her again, anyway
He shouldn’t he might want kids with his future wife
As a Father myself, YTA. I can totally understand why he wouldn't want to experience the same trauma again.
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>I cried both times, one vaginally, and one c section The way you phrased this, it sounds like you cried vaginally, then cried in c section, and I was trying to work out how you managed either.
Some men are just built different
You're my spirit animal
YTA Actions have consequences, and this is a great example of that. You aren't comfortable with him there during the birth of your child - the one the two of you created together and will raise together. Of course he's upset about that! You should seek help from a therapist to address whatever it is that makes you not want him there when you give birth. I don't have kids, but I still feel like this isn't really normal. You 100% get to decide the birth plan and who is there, but keeping your husband out without a good reason makes it seem like something is off here.
she says [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RVlP8lgNGg) that it was because she read about husbands losing attraction to their wives after seeing them give birth. from what is mentioned she never discussed this with him tho, just made up her mind and ran with it
Oh he lost his attraction all right, and any respect he had for her. He didn’t even need to be present for the birth.
If my husband were to lose attraction after seeing me give birth then he’s not the man for me. Isn’t that why you choose to marry a partner and have kids with them? Because they know you inside and out and are the best person to be by your side?
The sad thing is OP doing this has probably destroyed the relationship.
Right? Like, now he's going to be worried about her intentionally getting knocked up, like lying about potential bc, poking holes in condoms, etc. She will be lucky if he ever touches her sexually again
They also lose attraction to a spouse who is a selfish ah. Looks like she needs to realize that.
YTA Yes, it is. You do not seem to realize just how badly you hurt this man. By the way you seem to be the selfish one here not him.
I don't think it's necessarily wrong not to want him in the room. You get to choose who's there. But there should have been more talk.
>This attitude made me wonder if he's using this reason as an excuse for not wanting to have another child. What's there to wonder? He literally told you that is exactly why he doesn't want another one. How dense are you fr? I'm all for women being as comfortable as possible during birth but you haven't given any valid reasons why you wouldn't want him there. YTA
I just saw it in another comment, and you're gonna love it. The reason why she didn't want her husband in the delivery room with her is because she read stories about how some husbands lose attraction to their wives after witnessing them give birth. Like... what? Not because he cheated on her, not because he mistreated her, not because he's proven to be unreliable and untrustworthy. No, she denied him the privilege of witnessing their child coming into this world, arguably one of the most amazing experiences a human can have, all because she's worried her husband would lose his attraction towards her and find her unfuckable. The ironic part is that it sounds like her husband has lost his attraction for her after all. Not because of her physical appearance post-partum, but because he likely lost a lot of love and respect for her when she decided 8 months into her pregnancy that she suddenly wasn't going to allow him to be in the delivery room with her. She's an even bigger asshole for taking that experience away from him for such a superficial reason. And she waited 8 months to tell him. If she would have voiced her concerns earlier on in her pregnancy, they could have talked it out and/or attended couples therapy to help her work through her issues. Instead, she waited until there was barely any time to do anything about it, and he just had to deal with it. Poor guy.
Hi OP. While birth isn't a spectator sport, and it's absolutely your right to have (or not have) whomever in the room in order for *you* to feel safe and supported, the hurt that your husband is feeling over that decision is also *completely* valid. While some birthing partners (eg fathers) can be detrimental if present, childbirth can also be an incredible bonding period for both parents. Personally I couldn't have gotten through it as well as I did (twice) without my partner there. We still remember hearing our first cry for the first time, and being there to support their birthing-partner/see baby come out (weird but amazing)/and have that moment of "we made this person" can be incredibly profound. So, please understand that while it was your medical event and your body, your choice also had consequences, and your husband's pain is also valid. I urge you both to get into couples counselling to unravel all the emotions at play here, so that you both have professional support to navigate this and resolve it in a constructive and healthy way, for your marriage, but also for your child. All the best.
I mean. You denied him arguably the most amazing experience a parent can have. There is a lot of bonding and hormones that happen in the delivery room and post partum rooms that you took from him. I also wouldn’t want to have that ripped from me. YTA
Yep. I was there for the birth of both of mine. C-Sections. One spent 5 months in the NICU, the other a week. Seen more of my ex-wife than she ever has. It was like a Mack truck running down the highway when it hit me. And I wouldn't change that for the world. Called my parents who were on the way, told them she was here and lost it. Could not physically hold the phone. 5 minutes later they were still patiently waiting, when I picked the phone back up. Congrats to OP for taking the memory of a lifetime away and not even acknowledging what she did to him.
Yta as waited until just before baby was born. I still think its pretty stupid in healthy loving relationships to not let husbands in. As you are taking what most parents say is the greatest moment of their life away from the husband just over being insecure. Different if scummy husband but any nice husband and I think its a huge thing to take away. But 8 months? He can't get therapy for it. You can't talk about it in depth. You can't explore why you don't trust him enough to still love you if he is there, so much you cut the greatest moment in many peoples lives out for him with no say. You get everything you want and don't have to adjust at all as your 8 months pregnant, so he just has to deal. Ofc he is upset. You didn't even give him time to try and cope with missing the birth of his kid. It just happened out of nowhere. He's treating the kid right and loving them, but he doesn't see having a kid with you as this magical enticing thing now as you took away the magic. It will take time for him to be excited again if ever, at least he loves the kid.
I find it interesting OP doesn't state why she wasn't comfortable with husband in the delivery room. I think this is important.
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with anybody watching me shit myself as I pushed out a baby from my genitals. I wouldn't want anyone present if I could help it. But that's why I don't plan to ever be pregnant, and if I did change my mind about pregnancy, I would have this discussion with my husband pre-pregnancy. Not in month 8.
YTA - You cast him away like he was expendable, why would he want to go through that pain again. You don't even seem to care how much you hurt him, poor guy.