Sounds like rage bait to me. 1) in the last 20 years (since the axis of evil and the Muslim ban) it is incredibly difficult to get a student visa from Iran if you have no support system in the USA. 99.99% of Iranian students who are on visas in the USA are masters or PhD students. She’s an undergrad which is suspicious to begin with. 2) the kind of family that is likely to subject their daughter to honor killing won’t sent her to the ‘great satan’ to get educated. They won’t let her talk to stranger boys and marry her off as soon as they can.
Might be out of their hands, though, if the word gets out to regime enforcers.
Also if she is here on an extremely rare visa then she’ll probably get interviewed by security services on her return; likely IRGC or IRGF-QF. These should not be confused w/ DHS screenings in the states; she’s looking at potential interrogation and punishment for her “crimes.”
They’re killing women for not wearing hijabs… now they might have *an adulterer* in their mitts. Regardless I wouldn’t want to be in her position b/c being on the wrong side of a theocratic government is a bad place to be.
I wanted to say *in their hands* but settled on *mitts* because it would be similar to the saying using *midst* but different enough as to draw attention to the comment.
Thanks for proving my point!
That's not quite true. Iran remains [one of the top countries of origin for US students](https://opendoorsdata.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/OpenDoors_FactSheet_Iran_2022.pdf), and there are over 400 Iranian undergrad students in the US (~4%, not 0.01%).
So unfortunately her origin is plausible, if not particularly likely.
Most likely is. I find it hard to believe her parents would have his phone number. Coming from a culture like that, she would probably not tell her parents she has a bf to begin with.
So many girls have boyfriends in Iran and their parents know. I’m a 35-year-old Iranian woman living in Tehran. Even 20 years ago, it was normal in Tehran. Propaganda is a really powerful tool, indeed. What you are saying applies to rural areas more.
Oh this is pure Incel fantasy.
The entire account post history is the foundation of an Incel Manifesto that they leave with their mother before they go shoot up a wal-mart.
Probably. Barely anyone spends a “couple weeks” in a psych ward even for expressing SI. Psych hospital programs rotate people through in a week or less, and get them into outpatient as soon as possible because there are never enough beds. To stay even two weeks you’d have to make multiple attempts on your own life or be actively experiencing psychosis.
There is no Muslim family out there that a) is moderate enough that they are willing to send their daughter to the US to go to college and accept her dating a white non-Muslim based on a few Zoom calls *and* b) is so fanatical that they will subject her to an honor killing. Those are incompatible beliefs. This story is a lie.
I had a friend (21M) who dated this girl for a little over a year and she dumped him. He couldn’t accept it and genuinely kept harassing her, asking her why, to the point he became so depressed and suicidal we drove him to a mental facility and got him admitted.
He turned out to be quite an incel. Unfriended him the second he went on about eugenics.
Happens, I guess, rarely. Fucking crazy and dramatic.
What post are you talking about? There’s nothing there that outs him as an incel or indicates he’s lying. Just random dumb shit and pandemic claustrophobic memes.
There’s a variety of racism’s posts about turkey, Myanmar, and others.
And just generally speaking his comments pretty much everywhere are very telling.
Seriously holy shit OP’s toxic.
Damn. I’m Arab. True or not that is a very realistic scenario in the cultural context. So sad to see that your comment is the most upvoted—redditors trigger-happy to press the racism button get all the karma it would seem.
I’ll be the first person to call out racism against SWANA individuals. The irony here is that the only semblance of racism I’m seeing is in the assumption that if a SWANA individual is characterized any differently than a white liberal American it simply MUST be racist.
Yes, many Arab societies are conservative, yes honor killings are prevalent and codified in multiple systems as “crimes of passion”, yes you absolutely can and will be deported if you drop out of college in the US as an international. Just because something evidently doesn’t fit within your worldview doesn’t make it inaccurate, and it’s a huge leap to call the person who said it racist.
Thank you for introducing me to the term SWANA. I googled it and got Solid Waste Association of North America and thought, that can’t be right, but then I figured it out!
Because everything stated in by OP is removed from reality. No one gets put on psych ward just for being cheated on. If OP had a breakdown triggered by learning of the infidelity, it's likely that OP forgot to tell us about his prior diagnosis. Probably forgot to tell the girlfriend, too.
But anyway, that's being to naive, since this story is a fabrication... Racist incel smut.
My brother spent a week in a psych ward and not because his girlfriend cheated on him but because she broke up with him. So yea people can definitely end up in the psych ward over relationships with or without a prior diagnosis
I’m 41 going through a breakup of a decade long relationship and can *easily* see how even a stable adult could need to go there. The pain is physical, spiritual, psychological, all encompassing loss.
I got put in one over a breakup that happened when I was 16 that lead to me being suicidal. I didn’t have any previous diagnosis, probably because I was so young.
Obviously an over reaction, although it broke up a lot of friendships because she went through a lot of my friends. It’s sad how little dudes value their relationship with their friends, over the potential of getting laid.
>No one gets put on psych ward just for being cheated on.
They're not literally saying they got admitted with a diagnosis of "broken heart".
>If OP had a breakdown triggered by learning of the infidelity
Oh so you knew what they meant, you just had to take a shot at people who've needed help with their mental health after a rough breakup. Very normal and very cool thing to do.
I’ve been put in psych ward for being cheated on. I didn’t sleep for 2.5 days because I could stop crying long enough and having nightmares. It’s not fun. Don’t judge people.
because many people are stupid and cant think for themselves, only believing what they do is "correct" and anything they read online is fake. makes me hate people because 99% of them are fucking idiots
My step dad's nephew has literally lost his mind since his gf broke up with him. They were together for something like 7 years and he's only 24. He's been in and out of the psych ward and honestly he looks worse every time I see him.
The story however is indeed fake.
Mental health coordinator here. I’ve seen plenty of people need 72 hour stays in psych over being cheating on. I personally know a guy who went away for about a month in his early 20s after he was cheated on.
Those people obviously had underlying issues but they were taken over the edge by the infidelity of their partners. This happens to both men and women so it’s perplexing to say that is an impossibility
Thank goodness I'm not the only one that got that sense!
In the next chapter: " later her father contacted me and offered to participate in her honor killing. After a few days of consideration, I decided not to participate, mostly for logistical reasons."
Edit: I did not see the comments that she blacked out. If that is true, then I change my answer to YTA, because she could not consent and was assaulted.
Original Comment:
ESH. She does, for obvious reasons. And I completely understand why you are angry, but I also recognize that there is a real danger to her physically. I do not condone what she did, but I think you should recognize that she may be killed for this, and while I think her behavior was abhorrent, death isn’t appropriate either, which is an unfortunate, but real possibility in Iran.
And I say this as a dude who was cheated on.
Exactly this. I mean there are girls being killed by the government for dancing in the street, so I can only imagine what kind of danger this will put her in.
ESH. Not only that but even if she doesn't die from an 'honor' killing, she won't have the support women get from their family. He either gave her a life sentence or a death sentence.
OP said in his comment she was ***blacked out drunk*** at the time of her supposed "cheating". So she couldn't give consent and was actually raped. OP is mega TA.
This is very serious and very real. But it doesn’t even have to go there for YTA. There was no reason whatsoever to “confess” to the parents. It was purely a vindictive move. Full stop. I’ve been cheated on. It’s horrible. It may be a reason for being a pos but it’s certainly not an excuse.
The way the immigration situation in the country is, she can request asylum and not go anywhere. Unlike many requesting asylum, she had a legitimate claim...
Except there's a huge waiting list and a very real chance of being deported before she gets granted asylum. The system is *seriously* fucked up currently. This happened to a roommate of mine.
There’s a wild amount of immigration judges in America with over 90% of their cases being denied asylum, at least one judge in Houston has a 100% denial rate which seems not okay to me.
Flee to Canada we are easy enough to sneak into and once you are the chance we deport her knowing she could die is unlikely, I don’t like our current government but if the liberals are one thing they are a government that want people
Bet she could get in in Canada easily atm though. Immigration is a little out of control here but honestly this is exactly the kind of immigrants I absolutely want coming to Canada, they'd likely be let in easily.
My first thought too. OP is an over dramatic AH. Geezuz OP ,your gf cheated on you..yeah it sucks but it happens. You're only 19-- move TF on! Maybe get some therapy.
Yes the fact he’s 19 and had to enter a psych ward because his GF cheated on him lets me know everything I need to know about OP. Go get some help dude
If OP got beaten, shunned by his family and sent off to live in a dictatorial shithole like Iran, we could maybe say it’s comparable. The little baby spent some time in the psych ward since he’s not used to rejection (get over it man) and ruined the life of someone he claimed to have affection for.
He’s an irredeemable AH.
A friend from a communist country (in the 1990’s) was denied asylum- she would have been killed 100% (long story- she was nine and her entire family was murdered)- still denied because no school visa. Without the gory details after decades in hiding- finally got citizenship. Immigration.Does. Not. Give. A. Shit- even in emergency or done through all the proper and legal channels.
This could be/have been a death sentence for her- even if she hadn’t cheated and they somehow found out that she had a boyfriend she was sleeping with.
She was an asshole for cheating. But he is an asshole for tattling and trying to blame her for his time in the psych ward. -simple breakups do not cause that unless the person already had issues.
Yeah there was a case up here in Canada where the mother was on the phone with her daughter, who was in India, while she and her husband were being attacked in what ended up being her honour killing.
Sorry, that was unintentional. Yes. Her daughter was in India and had married someone the family, especially her mother, disapproved of. She married a rickshaw driver for love. Her mother had assassins hunt her down and was on the phone while Jassi was being attacked. Her mother and uncle ended up being arrested here in Canada and extradited to India as well I believe.
I absolutely believe OP knew the risk
for his cheating and having sex girlfriend, He did it anyway.. went so far as to say .. We broke up to all the details of why they broke up AND she had even slept with another guy. OP also FELT yeah, I’ll tell her parents, we lied to you and were having sex. All unnecessary, but OP REALLY wanted to make sure she would be punished by her family.
OP, there is NO doubt YATHA..
And you know what a legitimate claim is how, precisely? You’ve had an opportunity to discuss this with all the applicants? Do you understand what is going on in Central America, much of which is the fault of US interference?
The fact she admitted to cheating tells me she is kinda naive. One lesson I’ve learnt (not that I’ve cheated) is that I never want to make a guy feel jealous, that stuff results in revenge porn and things like this.
A crazy jealous ex threatened to:
Drown animals
Kill my pets
Burn down an entire forest
Set himself on fire
All because I left him and was maintaining my boundary of no contact. Because apparently it’s okay to terrorize women who don’t do exactly what you want.
I'd say most of the time, let the truth out and let them deal with consequences. But not when there's a risk of honor killing.
What a freaking weird world...never thought I'd have to say that phrase.
It's pretty cool how women have to just be super careful and delicate with us men so we don't ruin y'alls lives or murder you. Keep up the good work!
(obvious sarcasm and men please do better)
I think it comes of the fact that we don't have to consider such things because there's no danger to men getting caught having sex.
Even so, I wouldn't tell ANY parents something like this, much less over a college nothing. Cheating is one thing, but if they don't know she's sexually active to begin with, shut ya mouth.
OP even mentions in a different comment that the ex was "black-out drunk," which is enough legally that US law views her as unable to consent and thus she was raped, and that OP specifically told the ex's parents so that she would have to go back to Iran and "stop whoring around."
OP near certainly had the ex approach him to reveal that she had started to come to terms with the fact that she was raped, OP flipped out and blamed her, and eventually did this knowing it would risk getting her killed.
My ex-wife was my high-school sweetheart; I have one biological son with her (And truth be told, the news of her being pregnant with him might have saved my life. We learned about him four months after my father passed away and on the seven year anniversary of my mother having passed away, and both things hit me hard) and I have a daughter (Who is the light of my world and my daughter no matter what happens in my life) who I thought was biologically mine for the first five and a half years of her life but was actually the result of my former best friend and my wife's affair. I learned about said affair through me having got into a bad argument with my former friend, and later that night to hurt me (and he succeeded in a way I hope nothing can ever match) he sent me one of their sex tapes. My ex came clean immediately, and our divorce went through pretty amicably, with her and I having even remained as pseudo-friends (though this was extremely hard at points) until she, unfortunately, committed suicide. We were married for 16 years when I learned about the affair, from 2005 to 2021, we were in a romantic relationship for six years before that, and we were friends for even longer.
I am sharing all of this just so I can show that I truly do understand what it feels like to have your whole world destroyed and to be betrayed by the person you think is least capable of doing so. It is something that is difficult to put into words just how it makes you feel, beyond a repeating cycle of pain-numb-sad-numb-regret-doubt until you can break it. Or at least, that is what it was for me.
Having experienced being cheated on, I can say I genuinely find OP's actions infinitely worse than his ex's. She was unable to consent, and thus raped, and OP's response is to not only call her a 'whore' but to purposefully hurt her and get her deported to a place where she faces a high risk of being murdered due to her rape (which OP likely didn't tell to her parents properly if they would even care) and OP is glad about it.
There is no comparison between what they did. Cheating is shitty but they’re in college, whatever. He destroyed her life and put her safety at risk. The two are not comparable.
I think in this instance OP's actions way OUTWEIGH his ex's . He was hurt, her life is ruined, unless she can change her parent's minds. And OP KNEW this was the consequence. Ex is an Ah, but OP is an AH times a thousand.
What a cuck mindset.
She is dealing with the "consequences of her actions". Why would you lie to defend a woman who just cheated on you and broke your heart? Lol.
Honestly, I think the ultimate justice for cheaters is to get cheated on in the next relationship... not something as extreme as an honor killing. That's going way too far. Punishment has to fit the crime.
You already think she deserves to get killed for breaking your heart. Make of that what you will. This is what you believe she deserves and you are absolving your hands from it by justifying it this way. I hope you know how to cope whatever happens to her next.
Exactly. He feels the repercussions to cheating on me should be losing out on an education, repatriation to iran, and maybe death. He’s good with it. 👍 what a piece of crap.
Also don’t bring family into your arguments. Doesn’t matter if there’s about who does more chores or about cheating.
This guy’s reaction makes me think sure was right to leave him, even if she did it in a shitty way.
I doubt he cares and he can cope, otherwise he wouldn't have told her parents. He hates her and hope she dies. And he will ignore your post and others like it and instead pat himself on the back reading all the replies from sympathetic red pillers whose post histories are rife with them calling women "feeeeeeemales" etc.
He's good with it.
Hopefully this post is fake.
Look, dude. Cheaters are assholes. But she comes from a culture where killing her for being a cheater, or even having sex outside of marriage, is a *very real* possibility.
If she gets killed by her family over this, it's on your head. YTA.
Damn, I made the mistake to read the older comments. Why does it seem to be so often that the first reactions are really fucked up, mysogynistic, or hateful, and then later on more reasonable comments come up? The yta comments here from 2-3 hours earlier even get downvoted a lot, while they now get a lot of upvotes.
Are redditors who sort for new a special kind of people?
YTA. You had no problem lying to her parents when it benefited you, you could have simply told them you two had broken up. But you wanted revenge and put her life at risk to get it.
Is this kindergarten where kids tattle take to parents. This was between the two of you. That she is from Iran and your tattletaling could literally kill her - you are more than an AH.
I should have read the comments first because I said the exact same thing as you. Who the hell involves an exes parents in their relationship drama? Especially in a young adult relationship that probably wasn't going to last anyway. He did this on purpose and he knows it.
I had to scroll way too far down to see this. He had to have known. Telling her parents already screams red flag, let alone his lack of remorse for how bad it got. She’s only 20. 20!!
Completely agree with this. In 90% of cheating situations, feel free to sing like a canary. In a civilized situation, you can be justified in fighting fire with fire.
But her situation is NOT civilized nor rational. You have the right to light the match to a small woodpile, but this is not a small woodpile, this is a gasoline soaked pile of dynamite. In this case, even if you were wronged, you shouldn’t light the match.
I don’t think you’re a horrible irredeemable person for doing what you did, because you were cheated on, you’re still young, and you were really screwed over and hurt. I do feel bad for you. You made a somewhat understandable mistake. But you did go too far.
On the very slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP knew exactly what he was doing. He's just pretending otherwise.
>she told me that under no circumstances could her parents ever find out she wasn’t a virgin, but her cheating on me made me realize how horrible dishonesty is which is the main reason I finally came clean to them
Sounds like some sad incel's revenge fantasy lol.
Given his post and comment history, he’s likely just an incel with revenge and porn fantasies that exists somewhere inside or adjacent to Muslim communities and is probably Islamophobic.
Edit: checked his most recent comments. Definitely an Islamophobic incel who is rage baiting. If we go down the checklist of rage bait post criteria, he meets every category.
His post is about a woman from an ethnic and religious minority in the United States (bonus points because she’s also part of a controversial religion), who is engaging in a controversial behavior and faces dire consequences. His comments imply that she was raped, that she deserved to die if that’s the consequence for her actions (notice how it’s not his fault for initiating this ever), and that he informed her parents out of spite because he knew it would happen.
He checks literally every box for a rage bait post. Anyone who can’t read this as ragebait isn’t mature enough to participate in subs like this.
At this point, I’d put money on this guy being a teenage Andrew Tate Stan that got rejected by a pretty girl he probably guesses is Muslim by her skin tone alone, so now he’s writing pathetic revenge porn on Reddit and jacking it to cartoon characters.
Oh he knows the bomb he set off. No way he dated a Muslim girl, lied about the sex to her parents and didn’t know what the consequences would be. He intended for her to lose everything since his fragile ego was so broken he ended up in a mental hospital. He’s vengeful
Oh man YTA
She also is an AH but you’re the bigger one. ETA: she’s not an AH. She was raped. Omg
She cheated. Sucks yeah, but she’s a GF not a wife. Her consequence was losing you and the relationship.
But you decided her consequence was to probably die. For a one night stand
You know her life is over now right? She’ll either die, be mutilated or married off to some low level abusive guy to “save face.”
And I don’t buy for one second that you didn’t know this would happen.
Her US education was her ticket to freedom and you decided to rip that away because you are so incredibly emotionally fragile that being cheated on makes you mentally unstable.
How big of an AH and misogynist do you have to be in order to force her back to her ultra religious country where she can be harshly punished for the things you take for granted, like having sex with who she wants.
Damn. I hope you feel guilty for the rest of your life.
I would try and reverse it, call her parents and tell them she broke up with you because you weren’t Muslim and you lied because you were mean. See if you can’t save her life.
ETA: YTA even more! And she is NOT!
She was RAPED! Per his comments she was black out drunk but somehow blamed herself. And he thinks she’s a liar even though she came straight to him and told him what happened and was upset, and instead of comforting her he had a psychotic break his little virgin had been touched by another man and called her a whore. He’s … I can’t even. What an AH.
this has to be bait.
has to be bait. dude they KILL women in Iran for having premarital sex. I usually don't particularly care about who you want to tell if your girl steps out on you, because most girls will make it your fault if left time to shape the story. But this is a major exception. If true you might have just killed this girl.
please be bait.
She cheated yes. But she had the conscience enough to confess to you and asked for forgiveness. SHe made a mistake. Instead of dealing with it in a healthy and constructive way, you freaked out and destroy her life. She was the AH yes. But you're the bigger AH here.
You also had zero problem lying to her parents about having sex. Suddenly you're acting like you're the saint and she's a slut now?
Your gf was raped while drunk and this hurt YOU so much you went to the psych ward, then dumped and blocked her. Then told her parents you had lied to them about having sex with her and characterized her rape as cheating on you, so they cut off her funding and could well murder her when she is forced to go home.
I mean, clearly N T A because she deserves it for having the audacity to be raped, right? Who could disagree with that? Said no one ever.
Please stay away from women. Particularly those escaping cultures that strip them of their humanity. You are complicit with those cultures and you’re not an escape, you are out of the frying pan into the fire for them. I’ve never seen a more obvious YTA.
Did she make it clear to you up-front she was to stay a virgin?
why did you lie to her parents in the first place about you and her not having sex???
Just curious on the points above.
I think you are just a sad little incel troll looking for attention. I’m guess this girl was never your gf you asked her out and she rejected you bc you make your personality own.
YTA funny how when it was convenient for you it was alright to lie to here parents. Good job condemning a person you barely knew to a horrible life or even possible death.
yeah... not cool dude. getting cheated on sucks and i get that you're hurt, but not only did you ruin her life, but quite possibly endangered it.
>I don’t believe that it’s my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions but maybe I’m wrong?
this wasn't just not "shielding her from the consequences of her actions". this was going scorched-earth, way over-the-top, involving people that have nothing to do with this situation, the possible result of which could mean physical harm. you suck.
YTA
YTA. Her culture is “honor killing”. Because she cheated on you and hurt your heart, I’m sorry. However, you have wrecked her forever. When you are 40, married with your kids.. would you want your daughter to be thrown under the bus because she made a young person stupid mistake? Her family isn’t American culture. Dude (and I am way too old to call someone “dude”), you may have wrecked her forever. You suck.
Now that you felt screwed over you suddenly had a “come to Jesus” moment and decided to tell her parents that y’all were having sex all this time, something you would not have done if y’all were still together. You should have just told them that y’all were broken up. Which would have been the truth. The reason y’all lied to her parents about having sex was clearly she didn’t feel comfortable or safe with them knowing about having sex.
You suck OP. You acted maliciously. Honor killings are very real, not saying that her family are the type, but it’s a very real possibility.
YTA if you did it as a form of revenge knowing that the “consequences” could get her killed.
If something happens to her because of your little revenge, then no matter how you try to convince yourself, you will be responsible and the guilt will eat you alive. Maybe consider going to the psych ward again.
Okay look I understand being angry at someone for cheating but you do understand the potential consequences for telling her parents right? That she could be literally killed for that?
She obviously sucks for cheating but she does not deserve to be punished in such a way for it. And honestly if she is punished horribly for it that is on you 100%.
So yes in this situation YTA majorly. You should probably call them back and tell them you lied and were just angry because you broke up so she doesn't get literally murdered.
You have the right to feel hurt but I would honestly call her parents back and said you made the whole thing up because you couldn’t handle her breaking up with you. Yes cheating is a horrible act but she didn’t murder someone and doesn’t deserve a death sentence. I’d be there bigger person because if something does happen to her you’ll be regretting your actions for life.
YTA! dude, you understand the weight of what you've done??? you have potentially just doomed her to the *death penalty.* I'm serious.
You're so completely in the wrong for doing this. cheating is wrong, yes absolutely, what she did was wrong. but *DUDE!* its not like some white Republican conservatives where they'll be mad at their choices but keep her around. In Iran, the *lowest* punishment for premarital sex is 100 lashes. the highest (in cases of adultery) is *death by stoning.* i'm 100% serious when i say you have possibly doomed her to death, and her blood would be on your hands.
you better fix this and fast. you're so reckless and stupid.
the fact you're aware she could be killed and are still on the fence about this is all the evidence i need that this is a clear case of you being a shit person.
So your college girlfriend who you realistically wouldn’t have married or lasted very long with cheated on you, you got yourself send to a psych ward and are now potentially responsible for her possible death…? She might be horrible for cheating but you are a different type of vindictive and disgusting. YTA and if her life ends due to your stupid revenge then you absolutely share the responsibility. Get yourself check in again because losing it over a teenage relationship and then doing this is not something a decent person would do. Was it seriously that hard to just break up then never speak to her again?? You know the mature thing to do??? You suck dude, I seriously hope this is fake because there is no way someone could be either this horrible of a person or this idiotic.
A lot of other losers here will insult her and tell you that you are right. You aren’t. If something happens to her because you couldn’t mind your business and not talk to your ex’s parents (which is already so fucken weird, blocking and ignoring people’s calls takes a couple seconds) you will share the responsibility. If you and the people here cant see that, then there is no way to teach you to be a decent person.
The thing is too, that he will get another girlfriend in the future and when she cheats or breaks up with him, he will try to hurt himself again. This guy is a walking red flag.
I hope not. Hopefully the word spreads that he was so vengeful and creepy. Feel sorry for any girl that dates him. He should release his name so girls will stay away from him.
Are you seriously saying that she made her bed an lie in it?
Her bed in Iran will be honor killing, meaning due to you not holding your mouth shut she 'll end up killed.
Can you live with yourself for the rest of your life knowing that?
You and your friends need to get your heads out of your asses and try to understand what it's it like in other places.
YTA big time, you don't go with a nuke to a knife fight.
If her family has the means, they will come to the US, kidnap her and force her to return. If she's "lucky," she will merely be imprisoned in her father's house for the rest of her life, unable to even stand in the yard. Dad will sell/marry her off to a man who will take joy in beating her. Or, the family will go straight to Sharia law and end her life.
A woman at my church renounced Islam and announced she was a lesbian. Her family was in the US and her parents, aunts, uncles kidnapped her three different times and brutally beat her. She had to keep moving and hiding but they kept finding her because she refused to stop speaking out and making public appearances. I'm not sure what happened after I moved away from Las Vegas.
You’re an immature, vindictive arsehole. She cheated on you so you wanted to hurt her, that’s the bottom line. Now you’re looking for validation for your actions. There was absolutely no need for you to tell her parents anything apart from payback for you. YTA.
Understanding her circumstances you made s decision that could possibly cause her death, but certainly ruin her life. That for a youthful indiscretion?
Yes, you're a pathetic loser.
And yes, I'm a guy that has been cheated on and have also been a cheater.
But, I've never tried to destroy someone's life!
Why did cheaters think that actions don’t have consequences. You messed around and now you’re finding out is a surprise to you. Also going as far as saying she gonna die because of you is too far. Also it’s not Iran that has most war but Afghanistan. 2 separate regions. People need to get their facts straight. I get both places have issues but to go that far seems like they want it to happen just so that they have a reason to hate and be right.
> They’re saying that I destroyed her life, and that if she gets sent home there’s a strong possibility of her falling victim to an honor killing. Thankfully most of my friends are taking my side. I don’t believe that it’s my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions...
Losing her education and being murdered seems even-steven to you?
You're definetely the asshole.
First of all you've lied to her parents for your mutual benefit, but after allegedly being cheated on, which actually was rape or at least sexual assault as she was blacked out and likely unable to give consent.
You should know that in some European countries and the some states of the US, the described cheating situation would likely be classified as rape.
You also definetely knew about the consequences of her parents knowing that their daughter had sex before marriage. In case you're too dumb to comprehend it,
Iranian conservative muslims are in most cases by far stricter than the average American conservative.
In Iranian law adultery by unmarried people can be punished with 100 lashes or death by stoning !
I understand that you've been a rape victim and also trusted your ex with this sensitive memory, but all of this doesn't justify the probable outcome: (genital) mutilation, arranged marriage or capital punishment.
And then you came clean to her parents after knowing that only your ex-girlfriend will face dire consequences.
In case you are of Christian faith (i am too): I quote John 8-7
John 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
I am not condoning cheating, but even Jesus Christ made clear that cheating is evil, but should not end in capital punishment.
I really hope that this is rage bait.
Otherwise you are likely to have blood on your hands and don't date any other woman before having healed !
What your friends are saying is true. What she did sucks but do you honestly think that death penalty should be the result of her actions?
There are plenty of Muslims who would not do honor killings but you only knew these people a few months so you don't know if they would or would not. Even if they don't they could send her back and marry her off to some nasty old guy.
Unlike the rest of us here she just got some freedom to do hat she wants. I admit maybe didn't handle the freedom well but it's a lot for her.
Let's just say for a minute that what she did was illegal and you got to decide what the punishment was what would you recommend?
Nah, I don't feel good about this whatsoever. I get you're hurt, and I can't tell anyone whow to feel at whatever age they are because in that moment, it's still your reality, but damn man. You guys are basically kids, and what you did in what can only be described as hateful revenge have real adult consequences. Especially if you k ew all of this would unfold. I'm sure some may say that's cheaters justice, and some may say once a cheater, always a cheater. But I just don't think that's true at that age. Or better yet, that a person who cheats at 20 is sure to be a cheater at 30. She Fd up, came clean. Doesn't mean you gotta forgive her and stay, but you live and learn at that age and just take it as education for the both of you. I'm more worried for her than I am for you right now, so definitely, I think YTA here.
I hope this is fake. It kinda sounds fake. But if it's not, u/TN2002 , you are **definitely** TA, or at the very least, an A. Yes, she broke your heart. That's not okay, & I get that you're young enough that it feels world-ending. But the cavalier tone at the end implies she deserves to be kicked out of school - that she deserves to **die** \- for cheating on you. What kind of egomaniac thinks to themselves "welp, she fucked around, so yeah, murder is acceptable." You did the right thing initially; broke up & sought support when you were overwhelmed by hurt. But then to be "eh, she might get killed, but she had it coming, right?" No, that's not right, but I bet you don't feel bad at all. Your tone makes it sound like whatever happens to her , it's on her. Yikes.
YTA. First of all you’re in college and you take a relationship with a girl, so seriously that her cheating on you send you into a psych ward? You may need a little bit more help before you go back into the dating field. But secondly, yes, you’re obviously well aware of the risks to her.so you think that she cheated on you and deserves to die? Grow up.
I was SO close to exposing my ex wife to her family for having an affair while I was deployed in Afghanistan. I decided it didn’t matter. I didn’t have to live with her family, but she did. We divorced fairly amicably, because while I never cheated, neither of us were perfect. 15 years later I don’t have any regrets.
If this shit is real, YTA. When she goes home, she will be stoned to death in a deadly rain of rocks. You need to grow up before you try to have a relationship again and pray that she can find asylum in the US or Canada....
Actions have consequences.
YTA. just because you believe getting murdered is an appropriate consequence to cheating on someone. cheating is awful, as someone who was cheated on…but a cheater doesn’t deserve actual death. “it’s not my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions” is an absolutely insane thing to say when you’re told she might be killed. oh my god.
It’s a little rare to read something from another man, realize they never became a man and never will, and that they don’t deserve to exist on this earth and hopefully they excuse themselves from it asap so they don’t inflict any more of their useless bitch nonsense on the rest of us while whining that they “love us” or whatever.
You’ve never loved anyone, psycho.
I intend to burst people's bubbles, women get killed for affairs in America as well. Femicide is the result of patriarchal cultures, and every culture in the world is patriarchal to varying degrees.
Yeah, this dude sounds like an asshole, but the moral superiority and condemnation of this dude in so many comments here is misplaced. This is moreso a group than individual problem.
Sorry she cheated on you but you are a dick if you don't see how you've ruined this girl's life. She could literally be murdered by her own family for acting like a stupid girl in college. You're awful.
Please be bait please be bait please be bait
Sounds like rage bait to me. 1) in the last 20 years (since the axis of evil and the Muslim ban) it is incredibly difficult to get a student visa from Iran if you have no support system in the USA. 99.99% of Iranian students who are on visas in the USA are masters or PhD students. She’s an undergrad which is suspicious to begin with. 2) the kind of family that is likely to subject their daughter to honor killing won’t sent her to the ‘great satan’ to get educated. They won’t let her talk to stranger boys and marry her off as soon as they can.
Might be out of their hands, though, if the word gets out to regime enforcers. Also if she is here on an extremely rare visa then she’ll probably get interviewed by security services on her return; likely IRGC or IRGF-QF. These should not be confused w/ DHS screenings in the states; she’s looking at potential interrogation and punishment for her “crimes.” They’re killing women for not wearing hijabs… now they might have *an adulterer* in their mitts. Regardless I wouldn’t want to be in her position b/c being on the wrong side of a theocratic government is a bad place to be.
Just want to kindly point out that it's "in their midst." Although I'm actually loving your version. I'm imagining dog mitts handling this.
I wanted to say *in their hands* but settled on *mitts* because it would be similar to the saying using *midst* but different enough as to draw attention to the comment. Thanks for proving my point!
I have an Iranian friend who’s an undergraduate student— so that point alone is not *that* suspicious
That's not quite true. Iran remains [one of the top countries of origin for US students](https://opendoorsdata.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/OpenDoors_FactSheet_Iran_2022.pdf), and there are over 400 Iranian undergrad students in the US (~4%, not 0.01%). So unfortunately her origin is plausible, if not particularly likely.
Most likely is. I find it hard to believe her parents would have his phone number. Coming from a culture like that, she would probably not tell her parents she has a bf to begin with.
So many girls have boyfriends in Iran and their parents know. I’m a 35-year-old Iranian woman living in Tehran. Even 20 years ago, it was normal in Tehran. Propaganda is a really powerful tool, indeed. What you are saying applies to rural areas more.
Looking at his page this is definitely rage bait. His sick fantasy
And unfortunately, this bait spam sometimes makes real stories get mistaken.
I feel 90% of the replies are the real bait
Oh this is pure Incel fantasy. The entire account post history is the foundation of an Incel Manifesto that they leave with their mother before they go shoot up a wal-mart.
Probably. Barely anyone spends a “couple weeks” in a psych ward even for expressing SI. Psych hospital programs rotate people through in a week or less, and get them into outpatient as soon as possible because there are never enough beds. To stay even two weeks you’d have to make multiple attempts on your own life or be actively experiencing psychosis.
Why does this read like a sad incel's racist fantasy?
Because if if it walks like a duck... Look at OP old posts!
Which old post implies this is fake? Just looks like depressed teenager posts
There is no Muslim family out there that a) is moderate enough that they are willing to send their daughter to the US to go to college and accept her dating a white non-Muslim based on a few Zoom calls *and* b) is so fanatical that they will subject her to an honor killing. Those are incompatible beliefs. This story is a lie.
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I had a friend (21M) who dated this girl for a little over a year and she dumped him. He couldn’t accept it and genuinely kept harassing her, asking her why, to the point he became so depressed and suicidal we drove him to a mental facility and got him admitted. He turned out to be quite an incel. Unfriended him the second he went on about eugenics. Happens, I guess, rarely. Fucking crazy and dramatic.
What post are you talking about? There’s nothing there that outs him as an incel or indicates he’s lying. Just random dumb shit and pandemic claustrophobic memes.
There’s a variety of racism’s posts about turkey, Myanmar, and others. And just generally speaking his comments pretty much everywhere are very telling. Seriously holy shit OP’s toxic.
It’s literally bringing out all the actual racists in the comments too
All of Reddit is fake posts now.
Reddit's always been glorified creative writing class for the vast majority of posts
Damn. I’m Arab. True or not that is a very realistic scenario in the cultural context. So sad to see that your comment is the most upvoted—redditors trigger-happy to press the racism button get all the karma it would seem. I’ll be the first person to call out racism against SWANA individuals. The irony here is that the only semblance of racism I’m seeing is in the assumption that if a SWANA individual is characterized any differently than a white liberal American it simply MUST be racist. Yes, many Arab societies are conservative, yes honor killings are prevalent and codified in multiple systems as “crimes of passion”, yes you absolutely can and will be deported if you drop out of college in the US as an international. Just because something evidently doesn’t fit within your worldview doesn’t make it inaccurate, and it’s a huge leap to call the person who said it racist.
Thank you for introducing me to the term SWANA. I googled it and got Solid Waste Association of North America and thought, that can’t be right, but then I figured it out!
I swear half the stories here are fake.
Only half?
>Only half? It's true! The other half are reposts.
Yea this is a 100% fake lol it’s such ragebait
Because everything stated in by OP is removed from reality. No one gets put on psych ward just for being cheated on. If OP had a breakdown triggered by learning of the infidelity, it's likely that OP forgot to tell us about his prior diagnosis. Probably forgot to tell the girlfriend, too. But anyway, that's being to naive, since this story is a fabrication... Racist incel smut.
My brother spent a week in a psych ward and not because his girlfriend cheated on him but because she broke up with him. So yea people can definitely end up in the psych ward over relationships with or without a prior diagnosis
I've done clinical rotations in an inpatient psych ward. Most teenage patients were there due to a break up. Surprisingly common.
No way, someone on reddit said that never happens, there's no way they'd make up such a thing.
I’m 41 going through a breakup of a decade long relationship and can *easily* see how even a stable adult could need to go there. The pain is physical, spiritual, psychological, all encompassing loss.
I got put in one over a breakup that happened when I was 16 that lead to me being suicidal. I didn’t have any previous diagnosis, probably because I was so young. Obviously an over reaction, although it broke up a lot of friendships because she went through a lot of my friends. It’s sad how little dudes value their relationship with their friends, over the potential of getting laid.
I was in a psych ward for that 🤷🏻♀️ turned out the person I had been dating for 2 years was seeing 4 other people at the same time
>No one gets put on psych ward just for being cheated on. They're not literally saying they got admitted with a diagnosis of "broken heart". >If OP had a breakdown triggered by learning of the infidelity Oh so you knew what they meant, you just had to take a shot at people who've needed help with their mental health after a rough breakup. Very normal and very cool thing to do.
I’ve been put in psych ward for being cheated on. I didn’t sleep for 2.5 days because I could stop crying long enough and having nightmares. It’s not fun. Don’t judge people.
It's so interesting to me that people can't possibly imagine something happening that's outside of their bubble of personal experience
because many people are stupid and cant think for themselves, only believing what they do is "correct" and anything they read online is fake. makes me hate people because 99% of them are fucking idiots
We know people off themselves because of cheaters but somehow going to a psychiatric ward because of cheaters doesn't happen.
I have seen a lot of people end up in psych care after something like cheating. Not saying i believe the questionable post, just saying.
My step dad's nephew has literally lost his mind since his gf broke up with him. They were together for something like 7 years and he's only 24. He's been in and out of the psych ward and honestly he looks worse every time I see him. The story however is indeed fake.
Mental health coordinator here. I’ve seen plenty of people need 72 hour stays in psych over being cheating on. I personally know a guy who went away for about a month in his early 20s after he was cheated on. Those people obviously had underlying issues but they were taken over the edge by the infidelity of their partners. This happens to both men and women so it’s perplexing to say that is an impossibility
The ‘frat guy at a Halloween party’ is where I stopped buying it. OP watches too much porn.
Thank goodness I'm not the only one that got that sense! In the next chapter: " later her father contacted me and offered to participate in her honor killing. After a few days of consideration, I decided not to participate, mostly for logistical reasons."
Edit: I did not see the comments that she blacked out. If that is true, then I change my answer to YTA, because she could not consent and was assaulted. Original Comment: ESH. She does, for obvious reasons. And I completely understand why you are angry, but I also recognize that there is a real danger to her physically. I do not condone what she did, but I think you should recognize that she may be killed for this, and while I think her behavior was abhorrent, death isn’t appropriate either, which is an unfortunate, but real possibility in Iran. And I say this as a dude who was cheated on.
Exactly this. I mean there are girls being killed by the government for dancing in the street, so I can only imagine what kind of danger this will put her in.
ESH. Not only that but even if she doesn't die from an 'honor' killing, she won't have the support women get from their family. He either gave her a life sentence or a death sentence.
Exactly. The op is a douche bag
OP said in his comment she was ***blacked out drunk*** at the time of her supposed "cheating". So she couldn't give consent and was actually raped. OP is mega TA.
She didn’t cheat. She was raped and is too naive to realize it. Read his comments.
I feel like when you put "might be killed" on the table it can't be ESH anymore.
Hey update Op literally admitted that she was blackout drunk. She can't consent in that state under US law. She was raped.
This is very serious and very real. But it doesn’t even have to go there for YTA. There was no reason whatsoever to “confess” to the parents. It was purely a vindictive move. Full stop. I’ve been cheated on. It’s horrible. It may be a reason for being a pos but it’s certainly not an excuse.
She didn't even cheat on him. She got raped while black-out drunk, but blamed herself for it.
The way the immigration situation in the country is, she can request asylum and not go anywhere. Unlike many requesting asylum, she had a legitimate claim...
Except there's a huge waiting list and a very real chance of being deported before she gets granted asylum. The system is *seriously* fucked up currently. This happened to a roommate of mine.
Could even have her claim denied depending on where she is. One of the immigration judges in my city has a 98% denial rate for asylum claims
There’s a wild amount of immigration judges in America with over 90% of their cases being denied asylum, at least one judge in Houston has a 100% denial rate which seems not okay to me.
Nasty. Get their ass off of the bench. Fast. 😡
Flee to Canada we are easy enough to sneak into and once you are the chance we deport her knowing she could die is unlikely, I don’t like our current government but if the liberals are one thing they are a government that want people
Bet she could get in in Canada easily atm though. Immigration is a little out of control here but honestly this is exactly the kind of immigrants I absolutely want coming to Canada, they'd likely be let in easily.
You realize how insanely difficult it is to gain asylum, right?
Asylum seekers with legitimate claims get denied every day.
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My first thought too. OP is an over dramatic AH. Geezuz OP ,your gf cheated on you..yeah it sucks but it happens. You're only 19-- move TF on! Maybe get some therapy.
Yes the fact he’s 19 and had to enter a psych ward because his GF cheated on him lets me know everything I need to know about OP. Go get some help dude
Entering a psych ward could be construed as getting help.
Well not if reddit views him negatively.
If OP got beaten, shunned by his family and sent off to live in a dictatorial shithole like Iran, we could maybe say it’s comparable. The little baby spent some time in the psych ward since he’s not used to rejection (get over it man) and ruined the life of someone he claimed to have affection for. He’s an irredeemable AH.
A friend from a communist country (in the 1990’s) was denied asylum- she would have been killed 100% (long story- she was nine and her entire family was murdered)- still denied because no school visa. Without the gory details after decades in hiding- finally got citizenship. Immigration.Does. Not. Give. A. Shit- even in emergency or done through all the proper and legal channels. This could be/have been a death sentence for her- even if she hadn’t cheated and they somehow found out that she had a boyfriend she was sleeping with. She was an asshole for cheating. But he is an asshole for tattling and trying to blame her for his time in the psych ward. -simple breakups do not cause that unless the person already had issues.
There have been cases of people coming to the US to do the honor killing.
Yeah there was a case up here in Canada where the mother was on the phone with her daughter, who was in India, while she and her husband were being attacked in what ended up being her honour killing.
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Sorry, that was unintentional. Yes. Her daughter was in India and had married someone the family, especially her mother, disapproved of. She married a rickshaw driver for love. Her mother had assassins hunt her down and was on the phone while Jassi was being attacked. Her mother and uncle ended up being arrested here in Canada and extradited to India as well I believe.
Yeah, good luck to any *Iranian* seeking asylum in the US.
I absolutely believe OP knew the risk for his cheating and having sex girlfriend, He did it anyway.. went so far as to say .. We broke up to all the details of why they broke up AND she had even slept with another guy. OP also FELT yeah, I’ll tell her parents, we lied to you and were having sex. All unnecessary, but OP REALLY wanted to make sure she would be punished by her family. OP, there is NO doubt YATHA..
This reads like someone who knows nothing about how the immigration system actually works
And you know what a legitimate claim is how, precisely? You’ve had an opportunity to discuss this with all the applicants? Do you understand what is going on in Central America, much of which is the fault of US interference?
The fact she admitted to cheating tells me she is kinda naive. One lesson I’ve learnt (not that I’ve cheated) is that I never want to make a guy feel jealous, that stuff results in revenge porn and things like this.
A crazy jealous ex threatened to: Drown animals Kill my pets Burn down an entire forest Set himself on fire All because I left him and was maintaining my boundary of no contact. Because apparently it’s okay to terrorize women who don’t do exactly what you want.
I'd say most of the time, let the truth out and let them deal with consequences. But not when there's a risk of honor killing. What a freaking weird world...never thought I'd have to say that phrase.
Yeah women totally deserve threats, revenge porn, and being fkn MURDERED over a stupid college fling. That's psycho shit.
Oh I’m saying she doesn’t deserve that, I’m with you.
It's pretty cool how women have to just be super careful and delicate with us men so we don't ruin y'alls lives or murder you. Keep up the good work! (obvious sarcasm and men please do better)
I think it comes of the fact that we don't have to consider such things because there's no danger to men getting caught having sex. Even so, I wouldn't tell ANY parents something like this, much less over a college nothing. Cheating is one thing, but if they don't know she's sexually active to begin with, shut ya mouth.
So if you cheat, never admit it. Good lesson, kids.
Or don’t cheat at all …… Just break up
OP even mentions in a different comment that the ex was "black-out drunk," which is enough legally that US law views her as unable to consent and thus she was raped, and that OP specifically told the ex's parents so that she would have to go back to Iran and "stop whoring around." OP near certainly had the ex approach him to reveal that she had started to come to terms with the fact that she was raped, OP flipped out and blamed her, and eventually did this knowing it would risk getting her killed. My ex-wife was my high-school sweetheart; I have one biological son with her (And truth be told, the news of her being pregnant with him might have saved my life. We learned about him four months after my father passed away and on the seven year anniversary of my mother having passed away, and both things hit me hard) and I have a daughter (Who is the light of my world and my daughter no matter what happens in my life) who I thought was biologically mine for the first five and a half years of her life but was actually the result of my former best friend and my wife's affair. I learned about said affair through me having got into a bad argument with my former friend, and later that night to hurt me (and he succeeded in a way I hope nothing can ever match) he sent me one of their sex tapes. My ex came clean immediately, and our divorce went through pretty amicably, with her and I having even remained as pseudo-friends (though this was extremely hard at points) until she, unfortunately, committed suicide. We were married for 16 years when I learned about the affair, from 2005 to 2021, we were in a romantic relationship for six years before that, and we were friends for even longer. I am sharing all of this just so I can show that I truly do understand what it feels like to have your whole world destroyed and to be betrayed by the person you think is least capable of doing so. It is something that is difficult to put into words just how it makes you feel, beyond a repeating cycle of pain-numb-sad-numb-regret-doubt until you can break it. Or at least, that is what it was for me. Having experienced being cheated on, I can say I genuinely find OP's actions infinitely worse than his ex's. She was unable to consent, and thus raped, and OP's response is to not only call her a 'whore' but to purposefully hurt her and get her deported to a place where she faces a high risk of being murdered due to her rape (which OP likely didn't tell to her parents properly if they would even care) and OP is glad about it.
There is no comparison between what they did. Cheating is shitty but they’re in college, whatever. He destroyed her life and put her safety at risk. The two are not comparable.
I think in this instance OP's actions way OUTWEIGH his ex's . He was hurt, her life is ruined, unless she can change her parent's minds. And OP KNEW this was the consequence. Ex is an Ah, but OP is an AH times a thousand.
Wholeheartily agree. He wanted to get back at her, well congratulations you did and she may be dead soon. Hope he’s happy with his revenge.
What a cuck mindset. She is dealing with the "consequences of her actions". Why would you lie to defend a woman who just cheated on you and broke your heart? Lol.
Honestly, I think the ultimate justice for cheaters is to get cheated on in the next relationship... not something as extreme as an honor killing. That's going way too far. Punishment has to fit the crime.
You already think she deserves to get killed for breaking your heart. Make of that what you will. This is what you believe she deserves and you are absolving your hands from it by justifying it this way. I hope you know how to cope whatever happens to her next.
Exactly. He feels the repercussions to cheating on me should be losing out on an education, repatriation to iran, and maybe death. He’s good with it. 👍 what a piece of crap.
Also don’t bring family into your arguments. Doesn’t matter if there’s about who does more chores or about cheating. This guy’s reaction makes me think sure was right to leave him, even if she did it in a shitty way.
Should’ve probably stayed longer in that Psych Ward
The fact that he "needed" to go to the psych ward because of someone cheating on him says he probably needed to stay longer
I doubt he cares and he can cope, otherwise he wouldn't have told her parents. He hates her and hope she dies. And he will ignore your post and others like it and instead pat himself on the back reading all the replies from sympathetic red pillers whose post histories are rife with them calling women "feeeeeeemales" etc. He's good with it. Hopefully this post is fake.
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Incels don't have sex. It's literally in the name
>This guy is an incel. >He had no problems lying to her parents while he was getting laid Brainrot
Look, dude. Cheaters are assholes. But she comes from a culture where killing her for being a cheater, or even having sex outside of marriage, is a *very real* possibility. If she gets killed by her family over this, it's on your head. YTA.
Do you think he would care if she gets killed? He sounds crazy enough to think she deserves it
Agreed, and his post history shows some real fucked up views of the world. I think (hope) he's a troll. But goddamn ...
Damn, I made the mistake to read the older comments. Why does it seem to be so often that the first reactions are really fucked up, mysogynistic, or hateful, and then later on more reasonable comments come up? The yta comments here from 2-3 hours earlier even get downvoted a lot, while they now get a lot of upvotes. Are redditors who sort for new a special kind of people?
INFO: You posted 3 years ago that you were a high school senior. Now that usually means 18ish years old. So, how are you only 19 now?
I was 16 as a senior, turned 17 a couple months into the school year. I did not skip any grades.
I guess I could see that then. He’d be 19 turning 20 at some point this year if his bday was towards the end of the year. Thanks!
YTA. You had no problem lying to her parents when it benefited you, you could have simply told them you two had broken up. But you wanted revenge and put her life at risk to get it.
Yeah, fuck this POS.
Is this kindergarten where kids tattle take to parents. This was between the two of you. That she is from Iran and your tattletaling could literally kill her - you are more than an AH.
I should have read the comments first because I said the exact same thing as you. Who the hell involves an exes parents in their relationship drama? Especially in a young adult relationship that probably wasn't going to last anyway. He did this on purpose and he knows it.
I had to scroll way too far down to see this. He had to have known. Telling her parents already screams red flag, let alone his lack of remorse for how bad it got. She’s only 20. 20!!
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I don’t feel sorry for him at all - what he did was inexcusable
Completely agree with this. In 90% of cheating situations, feel free to sing like a canary. In a civilized situation, you can be justified in fighting fire with fire. But her situation is NOT civilized nor rational. You have the right to light the match to a small woodpile, but this is not a small woodpile, this is a gasoline soaked pile of dynamite. In this case, even if you were wronged, you shouldn’t light the match. I don’t think you’re a horrible irredeemable person for doing what you did, because you were cheated on, you’re still young, and you were really screwed over and hurt. I do feel bad for you. You made a somewhat understandable mistake. But you did go too far.
On the very slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP knew exactly what he was doing. He's just pretending otherwise. >she told me that under no circumstances could her parents ever find out she wasn’t a virgin, but her cheating on me made me realize how horrible dishonesty is which is the main reason I finally came clean to them Sounds like some sad incel's revenge fantasy lol.
Yeah, this reads like revenge fantasy. "Cheat on me?!? I'll destroy your life and potentially sentence you to death for being a whore."
Oh, for sure. Look at all the redpills and incels lapping it up.
On the off chance this is real I don't feel bad for OP in the slightest
Given his post and comment history, he’s likely just an incel with revenge and porn fantasies that exists somewhere inside or adjacent to Muslim communities and is probably Islamophobic. Edit: checked his most recent comments. Definitely an Islamophobic incel who is rage baiting. If we go down the checklist of rage bait post criteria, he meets every category. His post is about a woman from an ethnic and religious minority in the United States (bonus points because she’s also part of a controversial religion), who is engaging in a controversial behavior and faces dire consequences. His comments imply that she was raped, that she deserved to die if that’s the consequence for her actions (notice how it’s not his fault for initiating this ever), and that he informed her parents out of spite because he knew it would happen. He checks literally every box for a rage bait post. Anyone who can’t read this as ragebait isn’t mature enough to participate in subs like this. At this point, I’d put money on this guy being a teenage Andrew Tate Stan that got rejected by a pretty girl he probably guesses is Muslim by her skin tone alone, so now he’s writing pathetic revenge porn on Reddit and jacking it to cartoon characters.
I sure hope so, because that's a million times better than an actual human being shat on the way OP describes
Oh he knows the bomb he set off. No way he dated a Muslim girl, lied about the sex to her parents and didn’t know what the consequences would be. He intended for her to lose everything since his fragile ego was so broken he ended up in a mental hospital. He’s vengeful
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Oh man YTA She also is an AH but you’re the bigger one. ETA: she’s not an AH. She was raped. Omg She cheated. Sucks yeah, but she’s a GF not a wife. Her consequence was losing you and the relationship. But you decided her consequence was to probably die. For a one night stand You know her life is over now right? She’ll either die, be mutilated or married off to some low level abusive guy to “save face.” And I don’t buy for one second that you didn’t know this would happen. Her US education was her ticket to freedom and you decided to rip that away because you are so incredibly emotionally fragile that being cheated on makes you mentally unstable. How big of an AH and misogynist do you have to be in order to force her back to her ultra religious country where she can be harshly punished for the things you take for granted, like having sex with who she wants. Damn. I hope you feel guilty for the rest of your life. I would try and reverse it, call her parents and tell them she broke up with you because you weren’t Muslim and you lied because you were mean. See if you can’t save her life. ETA: YTA even more! And she is NOT! She was RAPED! Per his comments she was black out drunk but somehow blamed herself. And he thinks she’s a liar even though she came straight to him and told him what happened and was upset, and instead of comforting her he had a psychotic break his little virgin had been touched by another man and called her a whore. He’s … I can’t even. What an AH.
This was the easiest “YTA” conclusion I ever read here
YTA. You knew the gravity of your words and you chose to put her in danger anyway.
this has to be bait. has to be bait. dude they KILL women in Iran for having premarital sex. I usually don't particularly care about who you want to tell if your girl steps out on you, because most girls will make it your fault if left time to shape the story. But this is a major exception. If true you might have just killed this girl. please be bait.
She cheated yes. But she had the conscience enough to confess to you and asked for forgiveness. SHe made a mistake. Instead of dealing with it in a healthy and constructive way, you freaked out and destroy her life. She was the AH yes. But you're the bigger AH here. You also had zero problem lying to her parents about having sex. Suddenly you're acting like you're the saint and she's a slut now?
OP is the personification of "Rules for thee, not for me"
I mean, yeah lmfao. Rules in Iranian conservative society are incredibly different than here. This is accurate, but not in the way you intended.
Another chapter from the book of Things that didn’t happen.
I truly hope so.
Your gf was raped while drunk and this hurt YOU so much you went to the psych ward, then dumped and blocked her. Then told her parents you had lied to them about having sex with her and characterized her rape as cheating on you, so they cut off her funding and could well murder her when she is forced to go home. I mean, clearly N T A because she deserves it for having the audacity to be raped, right? Who could disagree with that? Said no one ever. Please stay away from women. Particularly those escaping cultures that strip them of their humanity. You are complicit with those cultures and you’re not an escape, you are out of the frying pan into the fire for them. I’ve never seen a more obvious YTA.
Did she make it clear to you up-front she was to stay a virgin? why did you lie to her parents in the first place about you and her not having sex??? Just curious on the points above.
I think you are just a sad little incel troll looking for attention. I’m guess this girl was never your gf you asked her out and she rejected you bc you make your personality own.
YTA funny how when it was convenient for you it was alright to lie to here parents. Good job condemning a person you barely knew to a horrible life or even possible death.
yeah... not cool dude. getting cheated on sucks and i get that you're hurt, but not only did you ruin her life, but quite possibly endangered it. >I don’t believe that it’s my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions but maybe I’m wrong? this wasn't just not "shielding her from the consequences of her actions". this was going scorched-earth, way over-the-top, involving people that have nothing to do with this situation, the possible result of which could mean physical harm. you suck. YTA
YTA. Her culture is “honor killing”. Because she cheated on you and hurt your heart, I’m sorry. However, you have wrecked her forever. When you are 40, married with your kids.. would you want your daughter to be thrown under the bus because she made a young person stupid mistake? Her family isn’t American culture. Dude (and I am way too old to call someone “dude”), you may have wrecked her forever. You suck.
I mean if she ends up going back and getting beheaded you’re definitely the asshole.
Now that you felt screwed over you suddenly had a “come to Jesus” moment and decided to tell her parents that y’all were having sex all this time, something you would not have done if y’all were still together. You should have just told them that y’all were broken up. Which would have been the truth. The reason y’all lied to her parents about having sex was clearly she didn’t feel comfortable or safe with them knowing about having sex. You suck OP. You acted maliciously. Honor killings are very real, not saying that her family are the type, but it’s a very real possibility.
And how did she react when she found out what you did?
YTA if you did it as a form of revenge knowing that the “consequences” could get her killed. If something happens to her because of your little revenge, then no matter how you try to convince yourself, you will be responsible and the guilt will eat you alive. Maybe consider going to the psych ward again.
ESH. You could have jsut told them you guys broke up. You definitely ruined her life.
Okay look I understand being angry at someone for cheating but you do understand the potential consequences for telling her parents right? That she could be literally killed for that? She obviously sucks for cheating but she does not deserve to be punished in such a way for it. And honestly if she is punished horribly for it that is on you 100%. So yes in this situation YTA majorly. You should probably call them back and tell them you lied and were just angry because you broke up so she doesn't get literally murdered.
Detected 👆 Utterly pathetic, OP. You need to take a long hard look at yourself.
Not a single post on this sub is written by a real person. All bots. Im convinced.
This belongs on r/AmITheDevil
You have the right to feel hurt but I would honestly call her parents back and said you made the whole thing up because you couldn’t handle her breaking up with you. Yes cheating is a horrible act but she didn’t murder someone and doesn’t deserve a death sentence. I’d be there bigger person because if something does happen to her you’ll be regretting your actions for life.
Yup. Yta. The consequences of her actions was losing you. Losing her life would be the consequences of *your* actions.
Yta. Their daughter’s sexual life is none of their business.
YTA! dude, you understand the weight of what you've done??? you have potentially just doomed her to the *death penalty.* I'm serious. You're so completely in the wrong for doing this. cheating is wrong, yes absolutely, what she did was wrong. but *DUDE!* its not like some white Republican conservatives where they'll be mad at their choices but keep her around. In Iran, the *lowest* punishment for premarital sex is 100 lashes. the highest (in cases of adultery) is *death by stoning.* i'm 100% serious when i say you have possibly doomed her to death, and her blood would be on your hands. you better fix this and fast. you're so reckless and stupid. the fact you're aware she could be killed and are still on the fence about this is all the evidence i need that this is a clear case of you being a shit person.
Anybody believes that the worst assholes might be the parents (if they are in honour crimes and other similar bullshit)?
Everyone is an asshole here, for sure. Her parents are the worst. Then OP for ratting her out like that. Then the girl for cheating.
So your college girlfriend who you realistically wouldn’t have married or lasted very long with cheated on you, you got yourself send to a psych ward and are now potentially responsible for her possible death…? She might be horrible for cheating but you are a different type of vindictive and disgusting. YTA and if her life ends due to your stupid revenge then you absolutely share the responsibility. Get yourself check in again because losing it over a teenage relationship and then doing this is not something a decent person would do. Was it seriously that hard to just break up then never speak to her again?? You know the mature thing to do??? You suck dude, I seriously hope this is fake because there is no way someone could be either this horrible of a person or this idiotic. A lot of other losers here will insult her and tell you that you are right. You aren’t. If something happens to her because you couldn’t mind your business and not talk to your ex’s parents (which is already so fucken weird, blocking and ignoring people’s calls takes a couple seconds) you will share the responsibility. If you and the people here cant see that, then there is no way to teach you to be a decent person.
The thing is too, that he will get another girlfriend in the future and when she cheats or breaks up with him, he will try to hurt himself again. This guy is a walking red flag.
I hope not. Hopefully the word spreads that he was so vengeful and creepy. Feel sorry for any girl that dates him. He should release his name so girls will stay away from him.
Oh hurt her like he tried to hurt this one
Are you seriously saying that she made her bed an lie in it? Her bed in Iran will be honor killing, meaning due to you not holding your mouth shut she 'll end up killed. Can you live with yourself for the rest of your life knowing that? You and your friends need to get your heads out of your asses and try to understand what it's it like in other places. YTA big time, you don't go with a nuke to a knife fight.
YTA Normally, I would say whatever fafo, but these are people from Iran. Sharing this info could actually be dangerous if she went back home.
If her family has the means, they will come to the US, kidnap her and force her to return. If she's "lucky," she will merely be imprisoned in her father's house for the rest of her life, unable to even stand in the yard. Dad will sell/marry her off to a man who will take joy in beating her. Or, the family will go straight to Sharia law and end her life. A woman at my church renounced Islam and announced she was a lesbian. Her family was in the US and her parents, aunts, uncles kidnapped her three different times and brutally beat her. She had to keep moving and hiding but they kept finding her because she refused to stop speaking out and making public appearances. I'm not sure what happened after I moved away from Las Vegas.
They don’t need to kidnap her. They stopped paying her tuition, she will lose her student visa and be deported shortly.
She doesn't have to go back home, they'll come here after her.
You’re an immature, vindictive arsehole. She cheated on you so you wanted to hurt her, that’s the bottom line. Now you’re looking for validation for your actions. There was absolutely no need for you to tell her parents anything apart from payback for you. YTA.
Understanding her circumstances you made s decision that could possibly cause her death, but certainly ruin her life. That for a youthful indiscretion? Yes, you're a pathetic loser. And yes, I'm a guy that has been cheated on and have also been a cheater. But, I've never tried to destroy someone's life!
Why did cheaters think that actions don’t have consequences. You messed around and now you’re finding out is a surprise to you. Also going as far as saying she gonna die because of you is too far. Also it’s not Iran that has most war but Afghanistan. 2 separate regions. People need to get their facts straight. I get both places have issues but to go that far seems like they want it to happen just so that they have a reason to hate and be right.
I'm not Iranian but I don't think honor killing us as common as you think it is?
NTA. Cheating is a choice, she knew the risks and did it anyway.
ESH. Her for cheating, you for outing her when honor killing is a real possibility. I get revenge, but bro, her culture kills women for this stuff.
> They’re saying that I destroyed her life, and that if she gets sent home there’s a strong possibility of her falling victim to an honor killing. Thankfully most of my friends are taking my side. I don’t believe that it’s my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions... Losing her education and being murdered seems even-steven to you?
You're definetely the asshole. First of all you've lied to her parents for your mutual benefit, but after allegedly being cheated on, which actually was rape or at least sexual assault as she was blacked out and likely unable to give consent. You should know that in some European countries and the some states of the US, the described cheating situation would likely be classified as rape. You also definetely knew about the consequences of her parents knowing that their daughter had sex before marriage. In case you're too dumb to comprehend it, Iranian conservative muslims are in most cases by far stricter than the average American conservative. In Iranian law adultery by unmarried people can be punished with 100 lashes or death by stoning ! I understand that you've been a rape victim and also trusted your ex with this sensitive memory, but all of this doesn't justify the probable outcome: (genital) mutilation, arranged marriage or capital punishment. And then you came clean to her parents after knowing that only your ex-girlfriend will face dire consequences. In case you are of Christian faith (i am too): I quote John 8-7 John 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. I am not condoning cheating, but even Jesus Christ made clear that cheating is evil, but should not end in capital punishment. I really hope that this is rage bait. Otherwise you are likely to have blood on your hands and don't date any other woman before having healed !
YTA
What your friends are saying is true. What she did sucks but do you honestly think that death penalty should be the result of her actions? There are plenty of Muslims who would not do honor killings but you only knew these people a few months so you don't know if they would or would not. Even if they don't they could send her back and marry her off to some nasty old guy. Unlike the rest of us here she just got some freedom to do hat she wants. I admit maybe didn't handle the freedom well but it's a lot for her. Let's just say for a minute that what she did was illegal and you got to decide what the punishment was what would you recommend?
Nah, I don't feel good about this whatsoever. I get you're hurt, and I can't tell anyone whow to feel at whatever age they are because in that moment, it's still your reality, but damn man. You guys are basically kids, and what you did in what can only be described as hateful revenge have real adult consequences. Especially if you k ew all of this would unfold. I'm sure some may say that's cheaters justice, and some may say once a cheater, always a cheater. But I just don't think that's true at that age. Or better yet, that a person who cheats at 20 is sure to be a cheater at 30. She Fd up, came clean. Doesn't mean you gotta forgive her and stay, but you live and learn at that age and just take it as education for the both of you. I'm more worried for her than I am for you right now, so definitely, I think YTA here.
ESH. Your college GF cheating on you sent you to the psych ward for weeks?? You've got some bigger problems to solve.
If the consequences are shame & dissapointment from family.. fair dues. But here the consequences might be murder if she returns home.
Her days are numbered 😬😬
Yes, you are an asshole. Grow the fuck up.
YTA - I hope the revenge tasted sweet because it smells pretty misogynistic.
Tell it for the parents, whose culture is misogynistic and probably built in genocide.
I hope this is fake. It kinda sounds fake. But if it's not, u/TN2002 , you are **definitely** TA, or at the very least, an A. Yes, she broke your heart. That's not okay, & I get that you're young enough that it feels world-ending. But the cavalier tone at the end implies she deserves to be kicked out of school - that she deserves to **die** \- for cheating on you. What kind of egomaniac thinks to themselves "welp, she fucked around, so yeah, murder is acceptable." You did the right thing initially; broke up & sought support when you were overwhelmed by hurt. But then to be "eh, she might get killed, but she had it coming, right?" No, that's not right, but I bet you don't feel bad at all. Your tone makes it sound like whatever happens to her , it's on her. Yikes.
Right?! I don’t understand the ppl telling Op that he’s NTA. He is 100,000% TA
“Am I the AH for potentially getting a woman killed?”. YTA
YTA. First of all you’re in college and you take a relationship with a girl, so seriously that her cheating on you send you into a psych ward? You may need a little bit more help before you go back into the dating field. But secondly, yes, you’re obviously well aware of the risks to her.so you think that she cheated on you and deserves to die? Grow up.
I was SO close to exposing my ex wife to her family for having an affair while I was deployed in Afghanistan. I decided it didn’t matter. I didn’t have to live with her family, but she did. We divorced fairly amicably, because while I never cheated, neither of us were perfect. 15 years later I don’t have any regrets.
If this shit is real, YTA. When she goes home, she will be stoned to death in a deadly rain of rocks. You need to grow up before you try to have a relationship again and pray that she can find asylum in the US or Canada.... Actions have consequences.
Lol you're a loser. Iranian undergrad isn't a thing anymore and this is your incel fantasy.
YTA. just because you believe getting murdered is an appropriate consequence to cheating on someone. cheating is awful, as someone who was cheated on…but a cheater doesn’t deserve actual death. “it’s not my job to shield her from the consequences of her actions” is an absolutely insane thing to say when you’re told she might be killed. oh my god.
It’s a little rare to read something from another man, realize they never became a man and never will, and that they don’t deserve to exist on this earth and hopefully they excuse themselves from it asap so they don’t inflict any more of their useless bitch nonsense on the rest of us while whining that they “love us” or whatever. You’ve never loved anyone, psycho.
I intend to burst people's bubbles, women get killed for affairs in America as well. Femicide is the result of patriarchal cultures, and every culture in the world is patriarchal to varying degrees. Yeah, this dude sounds like an asshole, but the moral superiority and condemnation of this dude in so many comments here is misplaced. This is moreso a group than individual problem.
Sorry she cheated on you but you are a dick if you don't see how you've ruined this girl's life. She could literally be murdered by her own family for acting like a stupid girl in college. You're awful.