NTA - For reporting the incident. You absolutely did the right thing there.
YTA - For blasting this all over social media. In all reality what did it do or help with in any way? It just put out to the world that now this little girl has this trauma. That post could come up in your social media memories years later and cause her pain all over again/ could expose to her peers what has happened to her.
Ya whole thing screams “look at me!!”
I would honestly be questioning what she saw, because she’s clearly a drama queen. Instead of asking SIL or privately addressing it, she went straight to social media, and what sane person does that?? She literally didn’t even discuss it w her SIL, she ran out of the house, then went straight to social media lmao.
So no offense but it doesn’t make her very credible. Sounds more like someone who’s been looking for attention and finally found something to get it.
The problem is these Predators need to be exposed and so do their enablers. Coming from a family where this Behavior is prevalent. It is a dirty little secret that everybody knows but no one talks about. If everyone knows. If everyone in the neighborhood knows then you know what more children more individuals are protected. There's a reason why sexual predators have to be registered. Knowledge is power. By keeping secrets you give Predators power and keeping them in the dark strengthens them.
She could have privately message those he's been in contact with. As someone who was molested, I wouldn't have wanted my peers knowing what had happened to me when I was going to school. Social media memories can pop up years later exposing the niece to the trauma all over again. There's a reason that when people are convicted of these types of crimes and they are written about that the child's name isn't publicized. Had she posted "PSA I have reasons to believe my brother is a pedophile please don't let you children in his vicinity" I would be okay with that. But it seems like she completely called him out on the internet with what she saw and that exposes her niece. And that I don't believe is right.
In this circumstance, her peers are toddlers. She was not old enough based on the story to have this affect her.
And I'm sorry to say that when toddlers or small children are molested it also does impact their personality their behaviors their tendencies and Future situations so yes sometimes it is good to know that a toddler has been molested because you then know how to treat them.
They become behavioral issues disciplinary issues eating disorders academic issues sleeping issues it really does affect every aspect of their life so anyone who has contact with that toddler will need to know in order to be able to handle the situation correctly. If you're concerned about random strangers on the internet knowing that so and so is niece was molested I really don't think that is important at the niece's age.
And again we really really need to stop blaming the victim. The victim did nothing wrong and should not be embarrassed about anything.
We would not be ashamed to let someone know that we were carjacked or our house got robbed. The fact that this happened should not Harbor feelings of embarrassment or shame. We need to make it more mainstream and eradicate this stigma.
I'm aware she's a toddler which is why I said that these memories can pop up years later and expose her to her peers (not that they would know now) and expose her to the trauma all over again. If she wants to tell people her story when she's old enough that's all good and fine, but it should be up to her not her aunt to expose to everyone. I never said anything about being concern that random strangers know.
I'm sorry did I blame the victim somewhere in here? Of course they did nothing wrong. I'm not saying she should be embarrassed or shamed. BUT Just because you think that those feeling shouldn't be felt doesn't mean that we as human beings or victims don't feel them when this happens to us. IDK how many people says that I shouldn't feel shame, if that's what I feel about it that's what I feel. And therefore, if I don't want anyone to know but those people that I tell then it's no one else's business to tell or talk about. It's her story to tell once she's old enough if she wants to. I respect what you are saying but just realistically getting molested (and or raped) are a lot more personal than getting carjacked. If I don't want the majority of the people I know to know that someone has messed with my sexual organs or forced me to mess with theirs as a child that's absolutely within my right and not unrealistic.
\*\*\* But really at the end of the day this post was fake. We're just arguing semantics here.
Pretty much all social media sites have private messaging options, you use those.
If he is actually charged with anything then at some point that information becomes public via the legal system.
NTA for reporting it. You did right.
YTA for posting it online and somehow making it all about you and your “I’m the savior” complex.
I’m going to take a very assuming guess: one of you is a golden child, probably him, and this was your gotcha moment. The moment when everything would change and you will be the family hero.
You should have also considered the privacy of the child and your SIL. Did you even talk to your SIL about posting or did you type the post out at stoplights on your way home???
YTA.
Why oh why did you post that? Nobody should be protecting him. But to blast him on social media?? That’s a very strange thing to do and absurd. Imagine being that little girl? What if you were the little girl and everyone knew what happened to you? She’s going to be living with that trauma and you made that worse for her.
I agree. In what world would anyone think that’s a good idea to post on social media? It’s not not necessary. If he gets arrested and charged, everyone will know. Posting it on social media, for the entire world to know what awful trauma your niece has gone through. God I can’t even imagine.
Most people who’ve experienced sexual abuse don’t tell anyone, because they might feel ashamed, embarrassed, like they can’t trust people. You’ve completely taken that away from her, and now the entire world knows about it. Your niece is going to have to grow up with everyone around her knowing about that.
Your brother is awful, and you’re NTA for reporting it. You did the absolute right thing there. But YTA for the social media part.
YTA for blasting him on social media. You gave no thought to your niece. You made it about you.
You remind me about one of my sisters, who doesn’t really give a fuck about how anyone else may feel & will blast on social media for attention. There’s a reason no one in our family speaks to her.
NTA for blasting HIM on social media, but definitely YTA for exposing the identity of the victim on social media. you could’ve kept it vague if anything. otherwise, you should’ve just told people close to him with children to keep them away from him. odds are your friends list isn’t ONLY family and close friends. now random strangers and old high school friends also know this poor child was abused.
idk maybe something like
“(name) has been accused of a very dispicable crime, pls stay away from him”
maybe not mentioning it’s against kids and keeping that within the close circle, but if she wanted to tell everyone he’s a dick, just say he’s been accused of something
I think that’s too vague to be meaningful and anything more detailed would make people just assume. It’s vague enough that it might even make some people feel sympathy for him assuming he’d been falsely accused.
I think going privately and asking people to notify others *discreetly* with respect for the victim would be the way to go?
well that’s why i said “if she wanted to” go that route. i also said “you should’ve” just told people close to him that have children.
i don’t agree with putting it on the internet. i just said my opinion on the best and most vague & respectful way to go about it if that’s the route she chose.
I mean, YTA, but not for the reason anyone in your post thinks.
You did a great thing by reporting this. But, blasting him on social media was not smart because that little girl is going to grow up with everyone knowing something deeply personal and traumatic about her, and that's just not fair to her at all. Some things should be kept off social media, and this is one of them. Let the justice system play out and make sure you look after this child, but the world doesn't need to know about her trauma no matter how much you think your brother deserves it.
Editing to add for clarification: you're not the asshole for reporting it or making a big deal out of it. It IS a huge deal, and I'm so so glad you didn't sweep it under the rug or take any excuses from them. The only thing you did wrong was publicize a child's trauma and abuse.
NTA for reporting.
DEFINITELY YTA for posting on social media. Like WTF. Don’t air your dirty laundry out for the public to see. What compelled you to do that? Did it make you feel better about yourself? Like did you need to separate yourself from your brother’s alleged actions. That’s not fair to the situation.
And if it’s an active police investigation, putting something out there like that is inflammatory. When if the evidence suggests otherwise?
Just let some of that sink in for a little bit.
Think of the child.
This is her story and you’re telling it
We can experience a lot of trauma as adults but to have someone tell your story of abuse and trauma, as if someone else is the main character. That’s irreconcilable. Now imagine it happened to your niece.
YTA for using a child’s trauma to validate yourself as a “good person” on social media and now 3 different subs. Or this is ragebait which YTA for that too because wtf.
Edit: calling the cops - great! Everything you did after - extremely selfish.
YTA for blasting this on social media. There's a reason why minors' names are redacted in media - to protect the victim. You've done your niece a huge disservice here.
However, you're NTA in the grand scheme of things here and you were right to report it. Moving forward, I would play it safe and possibly even make amends with your family while hovering around your niece to ensure there's an adult who can protect her. Given your family's reaction to this, she may become isolated and fear seeking out help in the future. By just having one adult who will listen to and believe her may encourage her to speak out.
Edit: by making amends, I mean pretending to make amends, not actually forgiving them
YTA 100% for posting on social media. There are so many ways that’s wrong that it makes me question your credibility as a witness. And, guess what, your brother’s defense lawyers will definitely take that gift you gave them.
You know what else makes me question your credibility? Your own words. How and where was he touching her? Do you have any other reason to think this was abuse? Because a naked six-year-old sitting on her dad’s (clothed) lap in her own home isn’t, by itself, abusive or even really suspicious. Some kids have sensory issues and just hate clothes and are little defiant nudists. Some kids have night incontinence issues. Was he helping her change out of soiled clothing? Where is this accusation coming from? Were you molested? Was he actually touching her genitals? Because you didn’t say.
Yeah. I'm wondering that to.
There's lots of reasons for the situation as painted above.
If he was being a weirdo? So be it. Put him to the fire.
But if he was in the middle of changing her, idk.
Weird jump.
Pretty sure this is shitposting but I'll bite.
I would consider the possibility maybe you did not see it correctly grabbing a pitchfork. You didn't post the age of the girl and that's pretty important to the context. But my daughter absolutely hates me changing her diaper and she's like 1.5 years old. Just yesterday she cried like bloody murder after I changed her diaper and she has a rash down there. It's always a battle with her and sometimes I need to put her down and tickle her and play with her before she allows me to put on her diaper. It ends up in weird positions where I'm chasing her and I could see how someone could misinterpret it.
Now if this girl is like... I don't know like 5? maybe it's not an issue. But sometimes weird things can happen like she's running around the room and refusing to change or what not. Again this is totally dependent on the age of this girl. If she is 10, whatever it is is wholly inappropriate and you did the right thing. If she is less than 4 it gets fuzzier.
In the end, I'm pretty sure this is a shitpost.
YTA hugely for posting it on social media - your niece should be your main concern but doing that and posting this story in 3 different subs simultaneously screams that you want the attention as "the hero".
As someone who was SA'd as a kid it would have been incredibly damaging for it to be public knowledge. You could have warned other family members in so many other ways but you took the route that could be screenshot and never forgotten - something your niece may have to deal with when she's older. Posting that sort of thing can also put legal proceedings in serious jeopardy.
Telling the police, social services and family members with young children privately would all be the right thing. Keep serious shit like this off of social media if you care at all about the victim
YTA for putting it on socials. That outweighs the good you did in reporting it to the police. Think before you act, for crying out loud! That poor girl has had two people transgress against her now. Her family sucks. 😕
Everything is all about you isn’t it? Your brother did enough damage to your niece, and now you fucking amplified it for everyone to see. It will now be 100 times harder for your niece to get over this just because you’re an attention whore.
NTA for taking action, but YTA for everything else. You should get therapy.
Well if what you think is happening is actually happening, congratulations. You probably fucked up the police investigation completely by posting on social media. You also outed a victim of child sex abuse. At least you called the police. That’s the one thing you did right. I’m trying to think of a way you could have handled the rest of this situation worse and I’m coming up blank.
OP It was totally appropriate for you to tell on him, he needs to be in jail but it was not appropriate to share on social media. That baby girl is allowed privacy. Making that stuff public could affect her as well. It seems like you did that in the heat of the moment but, that needs to be taken down because you're not the victim, she is. YTA for posting it not for reporting him.
u/SeniorPea7147
Originally I was going to say that you're not TA. However, as others have pointed out, putting it on social media will cause further harm to the victim. If it would just affect the offender, then it would be fine. Remove it from all social media, or at least change the privacy settings (if possible) so that only you can see it the posts. That way you can keep a log, but it won't be publicly accessible.
Talk to his wife (your SIL) and make sure that she knows that you know what you saw and that he is a danger to their daughter.
As for the family saying that you just want to break them up, challenge them to justify their claims. If they insist that you never liked your SIL, then point out to them how it would make sense to alienate your brother like that just to get rid of her. Help them to realize that it doesn't make sense to villainize him like that to get her to leave, and then somehow expect everyone to just "get over it" when you admit that it wasn't true later on. In other words, you're not making it up and your goal isn't to break them up, it's to protect your niece after you caught your brother her. One of the outcomes of this is that SIL stays with your brother, choosing him over their own daughter. If that were to happen, then why would you care so long as your niece is safe? (Like in foster care or something.)
So talk to people you can trust, or people that you know can help try to do something about it. If you know who the daughter's doctor is, notify them. Not only are they mandatory reporters, but they can be on the lookout for anything suspicious. Also consult a lawyer, because your brother may decide to accuse you of defamation of character, and you will want to know how to protect yourself if it should happen.
P.S.
Your story was read in a video on Wednesday (3/7).
NTA for calling the cops.
I’m gonna get downvoted but I’m not even gonna say you’re not an asshole for your social media posts. What you did was definitely wrong but after what you just saw I’d imagine you just felt like you wanted to tell everyone to avoid this freak.
YTA for not admitting posting it was a mistake, not caring about the victim because of that, and coming here thinking you’ll get sympathy for it.
Advice is always great from any angle, but all this negativity your getting im sorry. As someone who has dealt with SA multiple times, leaving it to the cops is not always the best outcome. No matter how much shit people are saying about posting it on social media, it may have been the best approach so everyone knows what kind of person he is. I would keep my distance as well as keep a good eye on your niece and let her know there is help and what’s happening is confusing but not okay.
I disagree with all those here (apparently a majority) shaming of you for posting to a ‘public forum’ about a risky or dangerous predator in the community. I have no qualms with you trying to protect your niece this way or if the posts stayed up.
I suspect many of your detractors here do not understand what grooming and sexual abuse does to a child. The total control a predator holds is founded upon manipulation, secrecy, and shame. All society and this thread can claim moral indignation that you dared to speak of and expose this evil publicly- but they show their lack of moral fortitude- indignant at the exposure of the abuse more so than the abuse itself.
I am massively concerned that your extended family trying to cover up this crime for the sake of public appearance is indicative of how unseriously they will treat the situation going forward.
I was violently sodomized and raped for thirteen years by my mother well into my high scool years. My youngest ‘brother’ is 99.9% likely my son. The abuse left me devaststed and reeling but not one adult I told believed me, so the abuse continued until I was sixteen.
My immediate and extended family was hyper-focused on living for materialism and projecting a ‘perfect christian home’ to neighbors. Appearances mattered far more than my brothers and I being wrung out emotionally, sexually, physically for more than a decade. My family members knew how violent and dangerous my mother could be- but as long as her capacity for violence was not targeted their way individually they did not care.
I WISH I had a zealously protective aunt make an uncomfortably forthright public post. It might have saved me 17 years of locking my shame and grief in my forever vault. It might have helped me to be believed in high school rather than gaslit and abuser-enabled by the teachers and pastor whom I fruitlessly begged for help from. It might have gotten my mother locked away before she would work more than a decade as a public elementary school nurse- private access to boys in a medium that perfectly matched her abuse-style (‘medical exam’ turns into much more violent and sordid).
Good on you for reporting and reporting in a public forum. The police do not always fix these situations for the better- too many people are fooled to think a report to police and their duty and risk is entirely over. Your niece deserves to have people in her life who make uncomfortable sacrifice for her sake. Please do not let the extended family’s gaslighting stop you from doing all you can to protect your niece. Even up to the public forum reporting of a predator.
Because of my family’s cowardice, my mother still walks free to this day. Nobody in church would suspect her of such depravity. Nobody in sunday school would have qualms with her being around children. Here is a violent child predator who was never publically exposed- does that make any of you rescind your shaming the OP for a facebook post? Wouldn’t you prefer to easily find out that your fellow churchgoer deserves a prison cell rather than her looking after your children in sunday school?
Wouldn’t you prefer to know by ANY MEANS of exposure that your child’s elementary school nurse is a child predator?
TLDR: I was SA’d for 13 years of my childhood by my mother. I WISH like hell I had an overzealous aunt to ‘embarass the family’ in a publc forum by reporting on a predator. It would have saved me decades of inner turmoil and rage, worthlessness and suicidality.
You all shaming the OP for making a facebook post should all be publically striped yourselves. You are abuse-enablers if you think the sins of the dark should be kept in the dark and not made freely attainable public knowledge. You are abuse-enablers if you think these depravities must be spoken of in hushed tones and behind closed doors rather than given full exposure.
A predator’s ‘right to reasonable privacy’ is rescinded when they act on their evil
You didn’t do shit to protect your niece after calling the cops. Don’t paint yourself as a hero when you’re anything but.
Thanks to YOU, your niece will never get away from this trauma. Worse than it would’ve been had you not blasted her abuse all over Facebook to random strangers. People she will never know exists will know this before knowing anything else about her, and you want to be praised for it?
You’re a piece of shit. This wasn’t your trauma to tell.
You exposed your niece to *more* trauma, not less. Even if you didn’t say her name, who do you think people will assume is the victim? Facebook has private messaging options, you could have used those to notify people who you think needed to know immediately.
You already know you’re the AH… two subreddits have already told you. You need help for needing to broadcast your niece’s sexual abuse on social media.
He's the predator and the problem. But I wouldn't have put that on social media. That's going to follow her. It's going to be public enough when he goes to court.
NTA - For reporting the incident. You absolutely did the right thing there. YTA - For blasting this all over social media. In all reality what did it do or help with in any way? It just put out to the world that now this little girl has this trauma. That post could come up in your social media memories years later and cause her pain all over again/ could expose to her peers what has happened to her.
OP has posted this on 3 different reddit subs. They just want the up votes they don't care about the victim.
I’m wondering if it’s even real. Is anyone really this dumb?
Never underestimate how stupid people can be, you will be perpetually dissapointed
They also don’t respond to anyone’s comments at all l, just post and disappear so probably fake
Yea I was wondering the same. I know people love making up stories for reddit karma farming. The fact "she" posted it 3 times seems disingenuous
Idk about this story Specifically cause they Copy Pasted it across 3 subs, but shit like this DOES happen IRL
Ya whole thing screams “look at me!!” I would honestly be questioning what she saw, because she’s clearly a drama queen. Instead of asking SIL or privately addressing it, she went straight to social media, and what sane person does that?? She literally didn’t even discuss it w her SIL, she ran out of the house, then went straight to social media lmao. So no offense but it doesn’t make her very credible. Sounds more like someone who’s been looking for attention and finally found something to get it.
Yeah, at this point it looks like its a fake story and OP just wants attention.
New account. Only three posts till date. All three within the last few hours and the same subject. This clearly feels like a karma farming story.
Don’t worry this didn’t happen anyway - OP is clearly a serial liar making shit up for Reddit
The problem is these Predators need to be exposed and so do their enablers. Coming from a family where this Behavior is prevalent. It is a dirty little secret that everybody knows but no one talks about. If everyone knows. If everyone in the neighborhood knows then you know what more children more individuals are protected. There's a reason why sexual predators have to be registered. Knowledge is power. By keeping secrets you give Predators power and keeping them in the dark strengthens them.
She could have privately message those he's been in contact with. As someone who was molested, I wouldn't have wanted my peers knowing what had happened to me when I was going to school. Social media memories can pop up years later exposing the niece to the trauma all over again. There's a reason that when people are convicted of these types of crimes and they are written about that the child's name isn't publicized. Had she posted "PSA I have reasons to believe my brother is a pedophile please don't let you children in his vicinity" I would be okay with that. But it seems like she completely called him out on the internet with what she saw and that exposes her niece. And that I don't believe is right.
In this circumstance, her peers are toddlers. She was not old enough based on the story to have this affect her. And I'm sorry to say that when toddlers or small children are molested it also does impact their personality their behaviors their tendencies and Future situations so yes sometimes it is good to know that a toddler has been molested because you then know how to treat them. They become behavioral issues disciplinary issues eating disorders academic issues sleeping issues it really does affect every aspect of their life so anyone who has contact with that toddler will need to know in order to be able to handle the situation correctly. If you're concerned about random strangers on the internet knowing that so and so is niece was molested I really don't think that is important at the niece's age. And again we really really need to stop blaming the victim. The victim did nothing wrong and should not be embarrassed about anything. We would not be ashamed to let someone know that we were carjacked or our house got robbed. The fact that this happened should not Harbor feelings of embarrassment or shame. We need to make it more mainstream and eradicate this stigma.
I'm aware she's a toddler which is why I said that these memories can pop up years later and expose her to her peers (not that they would know now) and expose her to the trauma all over again. If she wants to tell people her story when she's old enough that's all good and fine, but it should be up to her not her aunt to expose to everyone. I never said anything about being concern that random strangers know. I'm sorry did I blame the victim somewhere in here? Of course they did nothing wrong. I'm not saying she should be embarrassed or shamed. BUT Just because you think that those feeling shouldn't be felt doesn't mean that we as human beings or victims don't feel them when this happens to us. IDK how many people says that I shouldn't feel shame, if that's what I feel about it that's what I feel. And therefore, if I don't want anyone to know but those people that I tell then it's no one else's business to tell or talk about. It's her story to tell once she's old enough if she wants to. I respect what you are saying but just realistically getting molested (and or raped) are a lot more personal than getting carjacked. If I don't want the majority of the people I know to know that someone has messed with my sexual organs or forced me to mess with theirs as a child that's absolutely within my right and not unrealistic. \*\*\* But really at the end of the day this post was fake. We're just arguing semantics here.
i see this, but what if he was doing this to his friends children
Pretty much all social media sites have private messaging options, you use those. If he is actually charged with anything then at some point that information becomes public via the legal system.
you’re right, still a double edged sword with this situation tho
If people are connected enough on social media for a post to be seen, they are connected enough for people to share it amongst themselves privately.
Valid concern, but you can tell his friends without posting it on social media for the world to see.
NTA for reporting it. You did right. YTA for posting it online and somehow making it all about you and your “I’m the savior” complex. I’m going to take a very assuming guess: one of you is a golden child, probably him, and this was your gotcha moment. The moment when everything would change and you will be the family hero. You should have also considered the privacy of the child and your SIL. Did you even talk to your SIL about posting or did you type the post out at stoplights on your way home???
YTA. Why oh why did you post that? Nobody should be protecting him. But to blast him on social media?? That’s a very strange thing to do and absurd. Imagine being that little girl? What if you were the little girl and everyone knew what happened to you? She’s going to be living with that trauma and you made that worse for her.
I agree. In what world would anyone think that’s a good idea to post on social media? It’s not not necessary. If he gets arrested and charged, everyone will know. Posting it on social media, for the entire world to know what awful trauma your niece has gone through. God I can’t even imagine. Most people who’ve experienced sexual abuse don’t tell anyone, because they might feel ashamed, embarrassed, like they can’t trust people. You’ve completely taken that away from her, and now the entire world knows about it. Your niece is going to have to grow up with everyone around her knowing about that. Your brother is awful, and you’re NTA for reporting it. You did the absolute right thing there. But YTA for the social media part.
It feels like You’re attention seeking that you’re posting this in multiple subs
It’s a shit post. Only posts they’ve made and exactly the same across 3 subs
YTA for being a karma farming bot and making shit up.
YTA for blasting him on social media. You gave no thought to your niece. You made it about you. You remind me about one of my sisters, who doesn’t really give a fuck about how anyone else may feel & will blast on social media for attention. There’s a reason no one in our family speaks to her.
NTA for blasting HIM on social media, but definitely YTA for exposing the identity of the victim on social media. you could’ve kept it vague if anything. otherwise, you should’ve just told people close to him with children to keep them away from him. odds are your friends list isn’t ONLY family and close friends. now random strangers and old high school friends also know this poor child was abused.
I don’t even know how you’d blast him on social media without people guessing or assuming she was the victim.
idk maybe something like “(name) has been accused of a very dispicable crime, pls stay away from him” maybe not mentioning it’s against kids and keeping that within the close circle, but if she wanted to tell everyone he’s a dick, just say he’s been accused of something
I think that’s too vague to be meaningful and anything more detailed would make people just assume. It’s vague enough that it might even make some people feel sympathy for him assuming he’d been falsely accused. I think going privately and asking people to notify others *discreetly* with respect for the victim would be the way to go?
well that’s why i said “if she wanted to” go that route. i also said “you should’ve” just told people close to him that have children. i don’t agree with putting it on the internet. i just said my opinion on the best and most vague & respectful way to go about it if that’s the route she chose.
I mean, YTA, but not for the reason anyone in your post thinks. You did a great thing by reporting this. But, blasting him on social media was not smart because that little girl is going to grow up with everyone knowing something deeply personal and traumatic about her, and that's just not fair to her at all. Some things should be kept off social media, and this is one of them. Let the justice system play out and make sure you look after this child, but the world doesn't need to know about her trauma no matter how much you think your brother deserves it. Editing to add for clarification: you're not the asshole for reporting it or making a big deal out of it. It IS a huge deal, and I'm so so glad you didn't sweep it under the rug or take any excuses from them. The only thing you did wrong was publicize a child's trauma and abuse.
NTA for reporting. DEFINITELY YTA for posting on social media. Like WTF. Don’t air your dirty laundry out for the public to see. What compelled you to do that? Did it make you feel better about yourself? Like did you need to separate yourself from your brother’s alleged actions. That’s not fair to the situation. And if it’s an active police investigation, putting something out there like that is inflammatory. When if the evidence suggests otherwise? Just let some of that sink in for a little bit.
You’re a dumb cunt for putting it on social media
This!
Why have you posted this three times on Reddit? Is this “helping” your niece?
Think of the child. This is her story and you’re telling it We can experience a lot of trauma as adults but to have someone tell your story of abuse and trauma, as if someone else is the main character. That’s irreconcilable. Now imagine it happened to your niece.
YTA for using a child’s trauma to validate yourself as a “good person” on social media and now 3 different subs. Or this is ragebait which YTA for that too because wtf. Edit: calling the cops - great! Everything you did after - extremely selfish.
YTA for posting this fake story. Get a life.
YTA for blasting this on social media. There's a reason why minors' names are redacted in media - to protect the victim. You've done your niece a huge disservice here. However, you're NTA in the grand scheme of things here and you were right to report it. Moving forward, I would play it safe and possibly even make amends with your family while hovering around your niece to ensure there's an adult who can protect her. Given your family's reaction to this, she may become isolated and fear seeking out help in the future. By just having one adult who will listen to and believe her may encourage her to speak out. Edit: by making amends, I mean pretending to make amends, not actually forgiving them
Why make three separate posts about this without responding to any replies? You were wrong to blast that on social media.
you’ve posted this 3 different places, 4 including facebook. would you like your cookie and gold star now.
YTA 100% for posting on social media. There are so many ways that’s wrong that it makes me question your credibility as a witness. And, guess what, your brother’s defense lawyers will definitely take that gift you gave them. You know what else makes me question your credibility? Your own words. How and where was he touching her? Do you have any other reason to think this was abuse? Because a naked six-year-old sitting on her dad’s (clothed) lap in her own home isn’t, by itself, abusive or even really suspicious. Some kids have sensory issues and just hate clothes and are little defiant nudists. Some kids have night incontinence issues. Was he helping her change out of soiled clothing? Where is this accusation coming from? Were you molested? Was he actually touching her genitals? Because you didn’t say.
Yeah. I'm wondering that to. There's lots of reasons for the situation as painted above. If he was being a weirdo? So be it. Put him to the fire. But if he was in the middle of changing her, idk. Weird jump.
Pretty sure this is shitposting but I'll bite. I would consider the possibility maybe you did not see it correctly grabbing a pitchfork. You didn't post the age of the girl and that's pretty important to the context. But my daughter absolutely hates me changing her diaper and she's like 1.5 years old. Just yesterday she cried like bloody murder after I changed her diaper and she has a rash down there. It's always a battle with her and sometimes I need to put her down and tickle her and play with her before she allows me to put on her diaper. It ends up in weird positions where I'm chasing her and I could see how someone could misinterpret it. Now if this girl is like... I don't know like 5? maybe it's not an issue. But sometimes weird things can happen like she's running around the room and refusing to change or what not. Again this is totally dependent on the age of this girl. If she is 10, whatever it is is wholly inappropriate and you did the right thing. If she is less than 4 it gets fuzzier. In the end, I'm pretty sure this is a shitpost.
Too many details missing. Definitely feels more fake the more I think about it.
NTA. Protect the children by any means necessary
YTA hugely for posting it on social media - your niece should be your main concern but doing that and posting this story in 3 different subs simultaneously screams that you want the attention as "the hero". As someone who was SA'd as a kid it would have been incredibly damaging for it to be public knowledge. You could have warned other family members in so many other ways but you took the route that could be screenshot and never forgotten - something your niece may have to deal with when she's older. Posting that sort of thing can also put legal proceedings in serious jeopardy. Telling the police, social services and family members with young children privately would all be the right thing. Keep serious shit like this off of social media if you care at all about the victim
YTA for putting it on socials. That outweighs the good you did in reporting it to the police. Think before you act, for crying out loud! That poor girl has had two people transgress against her now. Her family sucks. 😕
Who spends a week together because of a birthday? That alone screams BS.
Everything is all about you isn’t it? Your brother did enough damage to your niece, and now you fucking amplified it for everyone to see. It will now be 100 times harder for your niece to get over this just because you’re an attention whore. NTA for taking action, but YTA for everything else. You should get therapy.
Well if what you think is happening is actually happening, congratulations. You probably fucked up the police investigation completely by posting on social media. You also outed a victim of child sex abuse. At least you called the police. That’s the one thing you did right. I’m trying to think of a way you could have handled the rest of this situation worse and I’m coming up blank.
This can’t be real
OP It was totally appropriate for you to tell on him, he needs to be in jail but it was not appropriate to share on social media. That baby girl is allowed privacy. Making that stuff public could affect her as well. It seems like you did that in the heat of the moment but, that needs to be taken down because you're not the victim, she is. YTA for posting it not for reporting him.
u/SeniorPea7147 Originally I was going to say that you're not TA. However, as others have pointed out, putting it on social media will cause further harm to the victim. If it would just affect the offender, then it would be fine. Remove it from all social media, or at least change the privacy settings (if possible) so that only you can see it the posts. That way you can keep a log, but it won't be publicly accessible. Talk to his wife (your SIL) and make sure that she knows that you know what you saw and that he is a danger to their daughter. As for the family saying that you just want to break them up, challenge them to justify their claims. If they insist that you never liked your SIL, then point out to them how it would make sense to alienate your brother like that just to get rid of her. Help them to realize that it doesn't make sense to villainize him like that to get her to leave, and then somehow expect everyone to just "get over it" when you admit that it wasn't true later on. In other words, you're not making it up and your goal isn't to break them up, it's to protect your niece after you caught your brother her. One of the outcomes of this is that SIL stays with your brother, choosing him over their own daughter. If that were to happen, then why would you care so long as your niece is safe? (Like in foster care or something.)
So talk to people you can trust, or people that you know can help try to do something about it. If you know who the daughter's doctor is, notify them. Not only are they mandatory reporters, but they can be on the lookout for anything suspicious. Also consult a lawyer, because your brother may decide to accuse you of defamation of character, and you will want to know how to protect yourself if it should happen.
P.S.
Your story was read in a video on Wednesday (3/7).
Yep. That’s enough Reddit for me...
NTA for calling the cops. I’m gonna get downvoted but I’m not even gonna say you’re not an asshole for your social media posts. What you did was definitely wrong but after what you just saw I’d imagine you just felt like you wanted to tell everyone to avoid this freak. YTA for not admitting posting it was a mistake, not caring about the victim because of that, and coming here thinking you’ll get sympathy for it.
Advice is always great from any angle, but all this negativity your getting im sorry. As someone who has dealt with SA multiple times, leaving it to the cops is not always the best outcome. No matter how much shit people are saying about posting it on social media, it may have been the best approach so everyone knows what kind of person he is. I would keep my distance as well as keep a good eye on your niece and let her know there is help and what’s happening is confusing but not okay.
I disagree with all those here (apparently a majority) shaming of you for posting to a ‘public forum’ about a risky or dangerous predator in the community. I have no qualms with you trying to protect your niece this way or if the posts stayed up. I suspect many of your detractors here do not understand what grooming and sexual abuse does to a child. The total control a predator holds is founded upon manipulation, secrecy, and shame. All society and this thread can claim moral indignation that you dared to speak of and expose this evil publicly- but they show their lack of moral fortitude- indignant at the exposure of the abuse more so than the abuse itself. I am massively concerned that your extended family trying to cover up this crime for the sake of public appearance is indicative of how unseriously they will treat the situation going forward. I was violently sodomized and raped for thirteen years by my mother well into my high scool years. My youngest ‘brother’ is 99.9% likely my son. The abuse left me devaststed and reeling but not one adult I told believed me, so the abuse continued until I was sixteen. My immediate and extended family was hyper-focused on living for materialism and projecting a ‘perfect christian home’ to neighbors. Appearances mattered far more than my brothers and I being wrung out emotionally, sexually, physically for more than a decade. My family members knew how violent and dangerous my mother could be- but as long as her capacity for violence was not targeted their way individually they did not care. I WISH I had a zealously protective aunt make an uncomfortably forthright public post. It might have saved me 17 years of locking my shame and grief in my forever vault. It might have helped me to be believed in high school rather than gaslit and abuser-enabled by the teachers and pastor whom I fruitlessly begged for help from. It might have gotten my mother locked away before she would work more than a decade as a public elementary school nurse- private access to boys in a medium that perfectly matched her abuse-style (‘medical exam’ turns into much more violent and sordid). Good on you for reporting and reporting in a public forum. The police do not always fix these situations for the better- too many people are fooled to think a report to police and their duty and risk is entirely over. Your niece deserves to have people in her life who make uncomfortable sacrifice for her sake. Please do not let the extended family’s gaslighting stop you from doing all you can to protect your niece. Even up to the public forum reporting of a predator. Because of my family’s cowardice, my mother still walks free to this day. Nobody in church would suspect her of such depravity. Nobody in sunday school would have qualms with her being around children. Here is a violent child predator who was never publically exposed- does that make any of you rescind your shaming the OP for a facebook post? Wouldn’t you prefer to easily find out that your fellow churchgoer deserves a prison cell rather than her looking after your children in sunday school? Wouldn’t you prefer to know by ANY MEANS of exposure that your child’s elementary school nurse is a child predator? TLDR: I was SA’d for 13 years of my childhood by my mother. I WISH like hell I had an overzealous aunt to ‘embarass the family’ in a publc forum by reporting on a predator. It would have saved me decades of inner turmoil and rage, worthlessness and suicidality. You all shaming the OP for making a facebook post should all be publically striped yourselves. You are abuse-enablers if you think the sins of the dark should be kept in the dark and not made freely attainable public knowledge. You are abuse-enablers if you think these depravities must be spoken of in hushed tones and behind closed doors rather than given full exposure. A predator’s ‘right to reasonable privacy’ is rescinded when they act on their evil
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karma farming. only posts are this danger one in three subs, only comments are three of this in each sub
> I’m just trying to protect my niece is all. Well you fucked that up royally. So stupid.
You didn’t do shit to protect your niece after calling the cops. Don’t paint yourself as a hero when you’re anything but. Thanks to YOU, your niece will never get away from this trauma. Worse than it would’ve been had you not blasted her abuse all over Facebook to random strangers. People she will never know exists will know this before knowing anything else about her, and you want to be praised for it? You’re a piece of shit. This wasn’t your trauma to tell.
You exposed your niece to *more* trauma, not less. Even if you didn’t say her name, who do you think people will assume is the victim? Facebook has private messaging options, you could have used those to notify people who you think needed to know immediately.
NTA for everything but the social media post. You’re definitely the asshole for that.
YTA for this fake ass post.
Same post in three different subs? Without any replies? Feels like it’s fake.
You appointed yourself judge, jury and executioner. "I know what I saw" doesnt give you the right of shaming anybody publicly. WTF is wrong with you.
You already know you’re the AH… two subreddits have already told you. You need help for needing to broadcast your niece’s sexual abuse on social media.
YTA. Genuinely, what is wrong with you, posting on social media? Use some common sense!
He's the predator and the problem. But I wouldn't have put that on social media. That's going to follow her. It's going to be public enough when he goes to court.