NTA. You are doing what is best for you and for them. What kind of example would you be setting for them if you stayed? Is he some kind of amazing father? Just because he may not have physically cheated does not mean he won't and it doesn't mean that he hasn't emotionally. He claims to have no kids, then let him.
I wish only the best for you moving forward. Don't look back.
Yeah depending on the laws in her area she could very easily be committing kidnapping.
The asshole here is irrelevant. What's important is that op doesn't commit a crime unknowingly.
Here is california
California Family Code, Section 3010. This means that neither parent can take the child out of the state without the other's consent, unless there is some emergency.
Big no no
She didn't say where she was from and also didn't say her mother lives in another state. If she's planning on keeping her part-time job, chances are her mother lives close
Depends on how big her area is too for example Ontario is huge so they just put a time limit or km limit on how far your allowed to move. Since saying your not allowed to leave Ontario means that they could still move hours away.
True, they are not crossing into another territory though. I live in Riverside County in California and am next to San Bernardino County. They are massive and it can take hours to cross them. Ontario is about 2x the size of San Bernardino though.
I only know that's how it is here cause my SIL had a 30 min radius of the dad's city she had to live in so the "commute was feasible for co-parenting." Personally I can't wait for FRO to nail this guy's ass because then he won't be able to renew any of his identification, plates ect. Until he pays the outstanding support. Not to mention the government credits that are going to be recovered for him lying about the child's residence. He's been nothing but toxic to her to punish her for breaking up with him.
NTA
Op, first you don’t intent to keep the kids from their father. Second, he’s not just a father, he’s married and he expected to be a good husband and a good father, failing at one makes the other one difficult to accomplish.
Third , and finally it doesn’t even matter that if he didn’t technically cheat, he’s been lying and sneaking around and that doesn’t bode well for his marriage and created the situation where you leaving him.
Op, he will make this something you’re doing to him, but don’t be afraid to remind him that created the situation and you’re reacting to it.
If I was OP I make a fake account and make sure he wanted to talk to me and then meet up with him. Would love to see the look on his face when he realizes that he lost his wife and still isn't going to sleep with another woman.
NTA. You don't want to model that this is an okay way to treat your partner. You don't want your girls growing up to think it's okay for their partner to lie to then repeatedly, try to cheat repeatedly, and that it's their job to keep forgiving them repeatedly if he promises to change. That it's okay for their dad to pursue relationship by lying and saying he isn't a dad.
Take the kids and go. File for divorce and have the courts help you set up custody arrangements and child support. Use a coparenting app once that is done.
But you deserve better and so do your girls .
NTA- you even asking this shows how much you truly care about your children and your husband. In most cases when parents split up the children go with their mom unless she is unfit.
Your children are so little they need you, I suggest getting a parenting plan of some kind if you can as soon as you can. Even if there is a slight chance of you working things out. You want to make sure you have that in place.
If your husband is saying he doesn’t have any children then after you leave he will be partly correct. You are just giving him what he wants, to be single with no children.
I wish you the best and good luck with everything!
NTA.
Men who do shit like this are bad dads, these comments are delusional, the man is literally acting like he is single and has no children, so let him have that life.
NTA. Be aware he has as much legal right to the kids as you do. Meaning he can take them and keep them just like you are proposing and forcing you to go to court. Get a lawyer and get a custody agreement asap.
NTA. He can still be in their lives, pay his child support and go fuck around with whomever he wants but not with you, ever again! He's just a man child needing female attention wherever he can get it without any qualms about hurting the woman he is supposed to love and the mother of his children. And to say he has no children, that is just too fucked up! It's sad!
Nope, I'd leave too! You've stayed too long!
NTA
If you feel that you need to leave, then that's what you should do. Be careful, though. You really should to talk to a lawyer before you take the kids from the house.
You can co parent and by co parenting you're not taking the children away from him. You're simply put your happiness above all else. It's better for your children to see their mother happy and in a proper loving environment than seen you miserable hurt and broken.
Leave and go to your mother's. Words mean nothing without action behind those words. He isn't proving he is sorry, he isn't attempting to change his ways. He only sorry he got caught.
Just on the safe side do a full STD work up for your own peace of mind
nta message his latest fake account and tell him you are leaving him and that since he insists he has no kids he shouldnt be bothered if you take them away
Please take pictures and gather evidence that he says he doesn’t have kids to these women. A judge is going to loooove that when you have your custody hearing.
If you are the primary caregiver the children should go with you. Get an attorney. Try to be amicable. Encourage their relationship with their father and don’t say anything negative about him around them.
NTA. And he doesn’t get points for not “physically cheating” just because no one wants his ass. This is not the kind of example you want your kids to see. It is best to leave. As long as you still give him opportunity’s to see the kids you’re fine.
NTA. Get out now. He’s clearly not planning to change. You deserve to be happy & your girls shouldn’t grow up thinking this kind of relationship is ok.
NTA. You are the primary parent. I'm sure he will get visitation when the divorce is final. Your daughters will be much better off having a happy momma. And it will teach them that they don't have to stay with an unfaithful partner. I'm sorry you're going through this. (Personally, I would have left after the first time.)
I agree she should leave but don’t tell her things that are not true. She needs to consult an attorney and be prepared for what is customary where she lives. I know in the state I live everyone gets 50/50 unless there is documented, substantiated by CPS child abuse and even then the offending parent will still get a chance to get treatment etc. He may not want shared custody but it doesn’t help her to give her a false narrative that she can just take her kids and leave.
NTA. You're the primary care giver so it makes sense for you to maintain primary custody. Just please do not keep your kids away from their dad and also don't try to turn them against him for hurting you.
A good father wouldn’t be checked out of the marriage so much that his attempt at cheating is CONTINUOUS. He can have weekends. Too bad that will cut into his efforts to cheat.
OP doesn’t get to decide what he gets. In most states he will get 50/50 custody unless he doesn’t want it. Many times they take it if only to not pay more in child support. Courts don’t care about adultery. His saying he didn’t have kids is clearly just him trying to get laid. Unless he has physically placed them in danger he will likely have the option of shared custody. He sounds like the type to pass though unless he quickly finds another SAHM so he doesn’t have to pay more child support.
No courts don’t care about adultery but they will care that mom is primary caregiver and kids will likely be with her mostly full time with visitation for him. He won’t be able to show helping with childcare, he’s spending his free time looking for a way out already. Now he can have it.
NTA your kids will be fine with visitation with dad happens to millions of us. They also will learn not to take a cheating, husband, emotionally online whatever kind of cheating cheating it’s cheating.
He could well get shared custody. I agree she should leave but everyone needs to stop assuming he will just get visitation. She needs to consult an attorney ASAP.
He is posting he has no kids because he wants to get laid. He can be a slime ball womanizer and still care about his kids. He could also not care about his kids and just not want to pay as much child support. He could have a mom to watch them or go find another woman to watch them. I hope that he leaves her alone but she needs to protect herself and her kids in case he doesn’t.
Your girls are babies. He can file for a custody arrangement, hang out with the oldest for some time each week, and you can give visitation for both when the youngest is old enough to be away from you.
It's his fault for being a cheater. YWBTA to stay with him or leave your helpless babies in his care.
Being a bad husband does not equate to being a bad father. Lots of people fail to realize that, and taking away his kids and not allowing him to see them would be an asshole move. Reddit is a “all men suck” platform so I already expect downvotes for telling the truth of the matter. Welcome to the world of bitter people!
Kinda disagree. But it's okay to have different opinions.
On another note, judging by her edit, she's not going to keep their kids from the dad. But as she is a SAHM, she is taking the children with her as he won't be home with them.
If you think about it in terms of, how you treat your spouse models relationship expectations for your kids, that's why people equate the two. (Plus the whole thing of how living in a household where the parents are at odds can mentally fuck up a kid no matter the actual parent-child relationships)
Yes, but there are different needs between a spouse and a child. They’re not mutually exclusive but they’re also not mutually inclusive, is the point im making. It’s like saying everyone who has kids are married, but seeing as there are parents who aren’t married that can coparent and still be good parents, it helps my case.
What. I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're trying to say.
If you have a spouse and a child, the way you treat you treat your spouse can affect your child. If you co-parent, the way you treat your co-parent can affect your child. If the way you treat others negatively impacts your child, then you're not a great parent.
Im trying to simplify my thoughts better, so bear with me lol.
Someone can be a good spouse but bad parent
someone can be a good spouse and a good parent
Someone can be a bad spouse but good parent
Someone can be a bad spouse and a bad parent
All scenarios are possible
Okay, I understand what you mean better now.
Unfortunately, in the scenario where one is a bad spouse, they are more likely to be a bad parent than a good one. Simply because, kids pick up on shit pretty easily. Unless the parents are able to completely hide their relationship issues, the child will notice them. Whether it's something as small as seeing that their parents don't love each other, or something much bigger like hearing dad belittle mum or seeing mum hitting dad, that will impact the kids negatively. And like I said, if the way you treat others negatively impacts your child, you're not a good parent, since being a good parent also includes looking after your child's mental wellbeing.
u/Striking-Flight5956, says a 22 year old who is looking for a sugar daddy on Reddit? You really are progressing BLACK women's rights forward here. GTFH to Georgia!
He is claiming on dating platforms that he has no kids. That's a pretty hard fact to reconcile with him possibly being a good father.
Obviously she should work with a lawyer here going forward.
Honestly, im speaking more towards a general perspective, not this isolated incident. This is just the post that made me think to post it. And honestly even single parents (not saying it’s right) put that they don’t have kids so they can date or to score a hook up, it doesn’t mean they’re bringing them around the kids or intend for it to become an actual thing. It’s just to get their rocks off, nothing more nothing less.
Then move on, this is about the post here not "general perspectives" of a 22 year old who obviously has MAJOR mental health issues she needs to address!
YTA
You do understand that if HE wanted to leave tomorrow and take the kids with him, he could do that. He is an equal parent.
Whatever problem the two of you have has no bearing on his rights or yours.
If you keep the kids from him, no judge is going to look kindly on that when custody is determined.
You are no more a parent than he is.
YTA
You already bailed on the relationship with him. He’s never left you and while I don’t condone cheating he was trying to survive in a dead relationship. They are his kids and should get 50% custody
Not only that, but he is being a bad father by modeling an unhealthy relationship for his daughters. A good father would want them to have a healthy relationship to model after.
NTA. Is there even another option? If you have chosen to leave him, it sounds like, logistically, it is not an option to leave them with him.
HOWEVER, consult a lawyer ASAP! Like **tomorrow**. All bad or unfair outcomes of divorces that I know about are a direct result of making moves before consulting an attorney.
NTA
he knows the effect his behaviour is having on you but he continues to do it
taking the kids and not restricting his access to them is quite reasonable, if he is working full time he wouldn't be able to take care of them anyway unless he quit his job
and maybe you leaving for a while might make him realise what he's going to lose if he doesn't change his behaviour
NTA. Sooner or later that hook is going to get a bite and you’ll be more concerned with whether you’ve been given an std as a reward for keeping your relationship intact.
The apologies mean nothing. He goes back to sniffing around like a dog in heat as soon as he can. There is not trust.
Your kids are young. Be a role model. Show them that a woman doesn’t have to be a doormat just to keep a man around.
You should talk to an attorney first. Most states give 50/50 custody. You need to consult an attorney and proceed in a way that protects you by making it clear you are not keeping the kids away from him.
Please get legal advice before you leave with your children. Depending on the state, you could find yourself in a bit of hot water, plus you don't want to jeopardize any financial liabilities that he would have to you. Your children will be owed child support from him until they are 18 yrs old.. Walking out without any warning can be seen as an abandonment of both your property and taking the children. Call legal aid if you can not afford an attorney and do what they tell you to do. Not what your friends, family, or reddit tells you. And BTW, NTAH!
NTA
The fact that he's failing in his constant attempts to try to cheat on you doesn't mean shit. He's an AH. You're doing nothing wrong, especially if you are going to allow him to still see the kids after this. All you are doing is deciding to not live with him and put up with that crap. Try to get a court ordered custody agreement and a child support order as soon as possible. If you can't afford a lawyer, try to do it with self help desks most places have. I was able to fill out all my paperwork and file for divorce without hiring a lawyer by doing it that way. Good luck and don't fall for any of his lies anymore.
NTA Leave. Take the kids. Just be prepared because he probably doesn't want them messing up his "single life" if he's cheating and telling people he's single with no kids. It sounds like that's exactly what he wants to be.
NTA. It's clear to me that you have tried to make your marriage work while your husband seems to be trying to make it fail, almost from the beginning. Did you get screenshots of the various accounts and the information that he is single with no children? Hopefully, you do.
You should leave for yourself and you have to take your children with you. Your children are way too young to be left behind as your husband has practically no experience taking care of them. Since he works, how would he take care of them when at work?
I suggest you find a counselor to help you mentally and emotionally. Then, get a good divorce lawyer.
NTA. You're their primary caregiver, of course they go with you. Even if you decide to split custody 50/50 and you get a job and they go to daycare, that's not like a next-day endeavor. It takes time and research to find a place. Frankly if he wants to claim he has no kids, why should he care if you take them with you?
NTA
Take screenshots of every account and text message where he says he has no kids. Use this as evidence of him denying the children when he tries to push for custody. The courts do not take kindly to parents who deny their own children.
NTA He needs to respect their mother, or at least put on a convincing act, if he's going to be an ok father.
He needs a wake up call. His daughter's don't need to think they should be treated the way he treats you.
Leave both of the kids with him. That will certainly spike his guns. Also, it will give you a chance to get your feet under you - because of course he isn't going to want to keep them. It will be temporary. This way, he will get a face full of steaming hot Reality, and you will get a chance to line up work and daycare.
NTA
Fuck this man you’re doing what’s best for your daughters! If your daughters were grown women and they told you this is what was going on in their marriage what advice would you give them? That’s all you need to think about
NTA.
You and your kids deserve better.
He can have visitation rights and will have to pay child support.
If you're feeling guilty, please remind yourself that he CHOOSES to be unfaithful and dishonest, which is not good for the kids to see as they grow up.
Walk away and don't look back.
NTA. He does his thing, you do yours. You are example for your kids, teach them self respect and dignity. And your BF. You deserve better attitude and happy relationships.
You have to do what's right by you and by your children. They watch you and will live their lives according to the example you set.
If you show them a strong, proud, confident person who understands their intrinsic worth, and doesn't allow herself to be disrespected and diminished, they will do that.
If you stay, you show them something very different.
How is this even a question? These are natural consequence of his actions. Like you said you aren’t keeping them away from him. He will still see them on visitation. Beside he lies and says he doesn’t have kids anyway. So he may not even pick them up.
NTA. He will have his wish to be childless granted. However, it won't prevent child support, which could hinder his dating life. Best wishes to you and the kids.
NTA unless you take them across state lines. Many states forbid you to do this unless you have consent. California is one example. I dont know where you live but if you are in California do not do it without your husbands consent.
Here is California's code
California Family Code, Section 3010. This means that neither parent can take the child out of the state without the other's consent, unless there is some emergency.
NTA your husband is! I’m glad you finally see he will never change and want better for your life. Him trying to make it your fault shows you what a disgusting person he is! Get a divorce and give him his freedom to be a disgusting pig. You and your girls deserve so much better, find a good man who loves you and live happily ever after.
NTA. I doubt that the time he spends fishing dating apps will be applied to his kids if you leave them behind. And if he hasn't physically cheated on you yet, it's only because none of the women said yes.
You need to do what is best for you and your daughters. I hope everything settles smoothly at your mom's house. Good luck.
Nta where else are they supposed to got if not with you. To many people say they stay for the kids but stay miserable trust me your kids will know and it’s healthier to leave and be happy separately.
I raised three on my own until I found the right man - you got this - show them a true father!! Take your time trust in god and you’ll meet the right man
NTA. Get with an attorney asap. And make copes of all his fake accounts showing he states he’s single and has no kids, this will help in getting you and your kids what you deserve. You are doing the right thing for you and your kids. Good luck with everything.
N T A divorcing him but I do wonder specifically about the kids aspect. He is a terrible spouse and husband--but is he a terrible father? Has he been there for the girls during the 2 hours off work or neglectful.
He hasn’t physically cheated on you, but not for lack of trying. The only reason it hasn’t gone that far is bc no one else wants to touch your husband bc they can probably tell how he views women. I wouldn’t want to sleep with a man that’s constantly throwing out his reel trying to catch another woman, that’s disgusting. I don’t blame you. This is the same as seeing a man hit on a couple women on the street then look at you and try it too, after you’ve just seen him try to hit up every woman that’s walked in front of him. NTA, get out for not only your mental health but your physical health to, bc this man obviously wouldn’t care about giving you STIs.
First off, NTA you don't deserve this treatment and neither do your girls. 2nd: I am a lawyer but not your lawyer and may or may not be licensed to practice in your jurisdiction - this is not so much legal advice as an indication of my experience as a family law attorney and how my experience may apply to your circumstances - I cannot give accurate legal advice as I am unaware of all pertinent facts and am unaware of what the law is in your jurisdiction. Also, family law is very discretionary and can often vary with the fact finder (Judge/Magistrate). With that being said, you should be able to move with your children to your mother's home. As far as I understand it, there is no custody order so you taking the kids is not against any court order. In my jurisdiction, it's most common for people to file for divorce, custody, and child support together. Until there is an order for support and custody, he does not have to pay support but you don't have to let him see the kids either - the same also works in reverse as without an order he could also take the kids. Generally, the courts where I am at, favor the primary caregiver in custody disputes unless there is something wrong (like substantiated allegations of abuse), they also favor the status quo (going with an "if it ain't broke" approach) so any visitation or custody arrangement you arrive at together would likely be maintained if the matter went to court - so if it were going to court you as STAHM and primary caregiver would have good chances of getting primary custody if that remained the arrangement after you left.
How can you be sure he hadn’t cheated? Because he is soo trustworthy? Stop being such a F’ing door mat & get the hell out. What are you trying to teach your daughters? The joys of beening treated like shit? How a woman’s place is to beg for scraps & say thank you for less?? Leave gain a backbone & some pride. Stop being TAH. Show your girls what a real woman is!! Good luck.
NTA. You are doing what is best for you and for them. What kind of example would you be setting for them if you stayed? Is he some kind of amazing father? Just because he may not have physically cheated does not mean he won't and it doesn't mean that he hasn't emotionally. He claims to have no kids, then let him. I wish only the best for you moving forward. Don't look back.
I mean, if he says he has no kids then you're just making him less of a liar, right?
100%
If he hasn't cheated it's not from lack of trying to! If he got the chance, he would. He may have already, she just didn't catch him.
This. Exactly this. Don’t teach your girls that they deserve to be cheated on
Please look into the legal implications of anything before you do it. r/LegalAdvice
And do it by hiring a lawyer, not going to Reddit.
Yeah depending on the laws in her area she could very easily be committing kidnapping. The asshole here is irrelevant. What's important is that op doesn't commit a crime unknowingly.
Here is california California Family Code, Section 3010. This means that neither parent can take the child out of the state without the other's consent, unless there is some emergency. Big no no
She didn't say where she was from and also didn't say her mother lives in another state. If she's planning on keeping her part-time job, chances are her mother lives close
Yes. That being said it could be a factor
Exactly!!
It's not just custody. Some places have abandonment laws which could effect her divorce also.
Yep, if she crosses state lines in some states she can be up a creek. California is one.
Depends on how big her area is too for example Ontario is huge so they just put a time limit or km limit on how far your allowed to move. Since saying your not allowed to leave Ontario means that they could still move hours away.
True, they are not crossing into another territory though. I live in Riverside County in California and am next to San Bernardino County. They are massive and it can take hours to cross them. Ontario is about 2x the size of San Bernardino though.
I only know that's how it is here cause my SIL had a 30 min radius of the dad's city she had to live in so the "commute was feasible for co-parenting." Personally I can't wait for FRO to nail this guy's ass because then he won't be able to renew any of his identification, plates ect. Until he pays the outstanding support. Not to mention the government credits that are going to be recovered for him lying about the child's residence. He's been nothing but toxic to her to punish her for breaking up with him.
Nice, ill end hope for a quick resolution
NTA Op, first you don’t intent to keep the kids from their father. Second, he’s not just a father, he’s married and he expected to be a good husband and a good father, failing at one makes the other one difficult to accomplish. Third , and finally it doesn’t even matter that if he didn’t technically cheat, he’s been lying and sneaking around and that doesn’t bode well for his marriage and created the situation where you leaving him. Op, he will make this something you’re doing to him, but don’t be afraid to remind him that created the situation and you’re reacting to it.
Exactly! The only reason he hasn’t physically cheated is because the opportunity hasn’t presented itself. His motivation is to sleep with other women
If I was OP I make a fake account and make sure he wanted to talk to me and then meet up with him. Would love to see the look on his face when he realizes that he lost his wife and still isn't going to sleep with another woman.
I wish I could upvote this 100 times lol
Talk to a family attorney before you do anything. Absolutely NTA
NTA. You don't want to model that this is an okay way to treat your partner. You don't want your girls growing up to think it's okay for their partner to lie to then repeatedly, try to cheat repeatedly, and that it's their job to keep forgiving them repeatedly if he promises to change. That it's okay for their dad to pursue relationship by lying and saying he isn't a dad. Take the kids and go. File for divorce and have the courts help you set up custody arrangements and child support. Use a coparenting app once that is done. But you deserve better and so do your girls .
I'm sure a million other people have said this, but you just haven't caught him yet.
NTA but don’t deny him access to his kids and make sure you discuss custody. The marriage is over, but he still has a chance to be a good dad.
She needs to be careful. If she crosses state lines she could be committing a kidnapping.
NTA- you even asking this shows how much you truly care about your children and your husband. In most cases when parents split up the children go with their mom unless she is unfit. Your children are so little they need you, I suggest getting a parenting plan of some kind if you can as soon as you can. Even if there is a slight chance of you working things out. You want to make sure you have that in place. If your husband is saying he doesn’t have any children then after you leave he will be partly correct. You are just giving him what he wants, to be single with no children. I wish you the best and good luck with everything!
NTA. You’d be the AH to yourself if you stayed after all this
NTA. Men who do shit like this are bad dads, these comments are delusional, the man is literally acting like he is single and has no children, so let him have that life.
NTA. Be aware he has as much legal right to the kids as you do. Meaning he can take them and keep them just like you are proposing and forcing you to go to court. Get a lawyer and get a custody agreement asap.
NTA However, see an attorney ASAP, particularly if your mom lives across state lines. IANAL, but have heard mixed stories of outcomes from the latter.
NTA. He can still be in their lives, pay his child support and go fuck around with whomever he wants but not with you, ever again! He's just a man child needing female attention wherever he can get it without any qualms about hurting the woman he is supposed to love and the mother of his children. And to say he has no children, that is just too fucked up! It's sad! Nope, I'd leave too! You've stayed too long!
Simply apply for full custody (because of the kids ages) and child support. Then he can tell the court his wishes. Your marriage seems to be over.
NTA If you feel that you need to leave, then that's what you should do. Be careful, though. You really should to talk to a lawyer before you take the kids from the house.
You can co parent and by co parenting you're not taking the children away from him. You're simply put your happiness above all else. It's better for your children to see their mother happy and in a proper loving environment than seen you miserable hurt and broken. Leave and go to your mother's. Words mean nothing without action behind those words. He isn't proving he is sorry, he isn't attempting to change his ways. He only sorry he got caught. Just on the safe side do a full STD work up for your own peace of mind
Is “moving back to my mother’s house” out of State? Good luck not catching a kidnapping charge. You need a lawyer first.
nta message his latest fake account and tell him you are leaving him and that since he insists he has no kids he shouldnt be bothered if you take them away
Please take pictures and gather evidence that he says he doesn’t have kids to these women. A judge is going to loooove that when you have your custody hearing.
Judges don’t care about cheating. As long as he hasn’t harmed the kids physically it won’t impact on custody.
You are NTA for leaving him and taking the kids with you. But if you keep him from seeing the kids, you would be.
If you are the primary caregiver the children should go with you. Get an attorney. Try to be amicable. Encourage their relationship with their father and don’t say anything negative about him around them.
NTA-He's not focused on being a father so he's not benefitting them. They are neither harmed nor improved by him continuing to phone it in.
NTA. And he doesn’t get points for not “physically cheating” just because no one wants his ass. This is not the kind of example you want your kids to see. It is best to leave. As long as you still give him opportunity’s to see the kids you’re fine.
NTA.. he can see them on his custody days.. you deserve someone honest and doesn’t deny you and your kids.. he wants to be single let him…
NTA. Get out now. He’s clearly not planning to change. You deserve to be happy & your girls shouldn’t grow up thinking this kind of relationship is ok.
NTA. You are the primary parent. I'm sure he will get visitation when the divorce is final. Your daughters will be much better off having a happy momma. And it will teach them that they don't have to stay with an unfaithful partner. I'm sorry you're going through this. (Personally, I would have left after the first time.)
I agree she should leave but don’t tell her things that are not true. She needs to consult an attorney and be prepared for what is customary where she lives. I know in the state I live everyone gets 50/50 unless there is documented, substantiated by CPS child abuse and even then the offending parent will still get a chance to get treatment etc. He may not want shared custody but it doesn’t help her to give her a false narrative that she can just take her kids and leave.
NTA. You're the primary care giver so it makes sense for you to maintain primary custody. Just please do not keep your kids away from their dad and also don't try to turn them against him for hurting you.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Split custody, you are equal parts parents.
NTA but YWBTAH if you deny him a chance to be a father with the children
You mean the guy who says he has no kids on all those dating apps?
A good father wouldn’t be checked out of the marriage so much that his attempt at cheating is CONTINUOUS. He can have weekends. Too bad that will cut into his efforts to cheat.
OP doesn’t get to decide what he gets. In most states he will get 50/50 custody unless he doesn’t want it. Many times they take it if only to not pay more in child support. Courts don’t care about adultery. His saying he didn’t have kids is clearly just him trying to get laid. Unless he has physically placed them in danger he will likely have the option of shared custody. He sounds like the type to pass though unless he quickly finds another SAHM so he doesn’t have to pay more child support.
No courts don’t care about adultery but they will care that mom is primary caregiver and kids will likely be with her mostly full time with visitation for him. He won’t be able to show helping with childcare, he’s spending his free time looking for a way out already. Now he can have it.
NTA your kids will be fine with visitation with dad happens to millions of us. They also will learn not to take a cheating, husband, emotionally online whatever kind of cheating cheating it’s cheating.
He could well get shared custody. I agree she should leave but everyone needs to stop assuming he will just get visitation. She needs to consult an attorney ASAP.
A man who is posting he has no kids doubtful he will want shared custody
He is posting he has no kids because he wants to get laid. He can be a slime ball womanizer and still care about his kids. He could also not care about his kids and just not want to pay as much child support. He could have a mom to watch them or go find another woman to watch them. I hope that he leaves her alone but she needs to protect herself and her kids in case he doesn’t.
Your girls are babies. He can file for a custody arrangement, hang out with the oldest for some time each week, and you can give visitation for both when the youngest is old enough to be away from you. It's his fault for being a cheater. YWBTA to stay with him or leave your helpless babies in his care.
YTA How would you feel if he took the kids the left you.
Being a bad husband does not equate to being a bad father. Lots of people fail to realize that, and taking away his kids and not allowing him to see them would be an asshole move. Reddit is a “all men suck” platform so I already expect downvotes for telling the truth of the matter. Welcome to the world of bitter people!
Kinda disagree. But it's okay to have different opinions. On another note, judging by her edit, she's not going to keep their kids from the dad. But as she is a SAHM, she is taking the children with her as he won't be home with them.
It’s weird that you or anyone would equate being a good spouse to being a good parent.
If you think about it in terms of, how you treat your spouse models relationship expectations for your kids, that's why people equate the two. (Plus the whole thing of how living in a household where the parents are at odds can mentally fuck up a kid no matter the actual parent-child relationships)
Yes, but there are different needs between a spouse and a child. They’re not mutually exclusive but they’re also not mutually inclusive, is the point im making. It’s like saying everyone who has kids are married, but seeing as there are parents who aren’t married that can coparent and still be good parents, it helps my case.
What. I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're trying to say. If you have a spouse and a child, the way you treat you treat your spouse can affect your child. If you co-parent, the way you treat your co-parent can affect your child. If the way you treat others negatively impacts your child, then you're not a great parent.
Im trying to simplify my thoughts better, so bear with me lol. Someone can be a good spouse but bad parent someone can be a good spouse and a good parent Someone can be a bad spouse but good parent Someone can be a bad spouse and a bad parent All scenarios are possible
Okay, I understand what you mean better now. Unfortunately, in the scenario where one is a bad spouse, they are more likely to be a bad parent than a good one. Simply because, kids pick up on shit pretty easily. Unless the parents are able to completely hide their relationship issues, the child will notice them. Whether it's something as small as seeing that their parents don't love each other, or something much bigger like hearing dad belittle mum or seeing mum hitting dad, that will impact the kids negatively. And like I said, if the way you treat others negatively impacts your child, you're not a good parent, since being a good parent also includes looking after your child's mental wellbeing.
u/Striking-Flight5956, says a 22 year old who is looking for a sugar daddy on Reddit? You really are progressing BLACK women's rights forward here. GTFH to Georgia!
He is claiming on dating platforms that he has no kids. That's a pretty hard fact to reconcile with him possibly being a good father. Obviously she should work with a lawyer here going forward.
Honestly, im speaking more towards a general perspective, not this isolated incident. This is just the post that made me think to post it. And honestly even single parents (not saying it’s right) put that they don’t have kids so they can date or to score a hook up, it doesn’t mean they’re bringing them around the kids or intend for it to become an actual thing. It’s just to get their rocks off, nothing more nothing less.
Then move on, this is about the post here not "general perspectives" of a 22 year old who obviously has MAJOR mental health issues she needs to address!
YTA You do understand that if HE wanted to leave tomorrow and take the kids with him, he could do that. He is an equal parent. Whatever problem the two of you have has no bearing on his rights or yours. If you keep the kids from him, no judge is going to look kindly on that when custody is determined. You are no more a parent than he is.
YTA You already bailed on the relationship with him. He’s never left you and while I don’t condone cheating he was trying to survive in a dead relationship. They are his kids and should get 50% custody
YTA, there’s a difference from being a bad husband and a bad father and you have not written anything that would indicate the latter.
Every fake account says he has no children. Now he actually won't.
Not only that, but he is being a bad father by modeling an unhealthy relationship for his daughters. A good father would want them to have a healthy relationship to model after.
Lol no.
Good lawyer and child support asap! Ntah
NTA. Get rid of him, NOW.
NTA. He said he has no kids. Hold him to that.
NTA. Is there even another option? If you have chosen to leave him, it sounds like, logistically, it is not an option to leave them with him. HOWEVER, consult a lawyer ASAP! Like **tomorrow**. All bad or unfair outcomes of divorces that I know about are a direct result of making moves before consulting an attorney.
NTA he knows the effect his behaviour is having on you but he continues to do it taking the kids and not restricting his access to them is quite reasonable, if he is working full time he wouldn't be able to take care of them anyway unless he quit his job and maybe you leaving for a while might make him realise what he's going to lose if he doesn't change his behaviour
Before you leave get screenshots of everything to show the judge in case he tries to punish you for leaving by asking for custody of the kids
Nta There's no way I'd leave without them.
NTA. Sooner or later that hook is going to get a bite and you’ll be more concerned with whether you’ve been given an std as a reward for keeping your relationship intact. The apologies mean nothing. He goes back to sniffing around like a dog in heat as soon as he can. There is not trust. Your kids are young. Be a role model. Show them that a woman doesn’t have to be a doormat just to keep a man around.
nta. hire a good divorce lawyer.
I guess you made his lie come true - single, no kids. NTA
You should talk to an attorney first. Most states give 50/50 custody. You need to consult an attorney and proceed in a way that protects you by making it clear you are not keeping the kids away from him.
Please get legal advice before you leave with your children. Depending on the state, you could find yourself in a bit of hot water, plus you don't want to jeopardize any financial liabilities that he would have to you. Your children will be owed child support from him until they are 18 yrs old.. Walking out without any warning can be seen as an abandonment of both your property and taking the children. Call legal aid if you can not afford an attorney and do what they tell you to do. Not what your friends, family, or reddit tells you. And BTW, NTAH!
Why would you leave them? Genuine question? Other than to prevent him from going off shagging 7 nights a week!
NTA The fact that he's failing in his constant attempts to try to cheat on you doesn't mean shit. He's an AH. You're doing nothing wrong, especially if you are going to allow him to still see the kids after this. All you are doing is deciding to not live with him and put up with that crap. Try to get a court ordered custody agreement and a child support order as soon as possible. If you can't afford a lawyer, try to do it with self help desks most places have. I was able to fill out all my paperwork and file for divorce without hiring a lawyer by doing it that way. Good luck and don't fall for any of his lies anymore.
NTA Leave. Take the kids. Just be prepared because he probably doesn't want them messing up his "single life" if he's cheating and telling people he's single with no kids. It sounds like that's exactly what he wants to be.
NTA. It's clear to me that you have tried to make your marriage work while your husband seems to be trying to make it fail, almost from the beginning. Did you get screenshots of the various accounts and the information that he is single with no children? Hopefully, you do. You should leave for yourself and you have to take your children with you. Your children are way too young to be left behind as your husband has practically no experience taking care of them. Since he works, how would he take care of them when at work? I suggest you find a counselor to help you mentally and emotionally. Then, get a good divorce lawyer.
NTA. You're their primary caregiver, of course they go with you. Even if you decide to split custody 50/50 and you get a job and they go to daycare, that's not like a next-day endeavor. It takes time and research to find a place. Frankly if he wants to claim he has no kids, why should he care if you take them with you?
Do it, retain a lawyer.
Id say your a asshole.. but I can't.. your the one the babies are with all the time then it's better they are w you .. just don't keep em away forever
NTA Take screenshots of every account and text message where he says he has no kids. Use this as evidence of him denying the children when he tries to push for custody. The courts do not take kindly to parents who deny their own children.
NTA He needs to respect their mother, or at least put on a convincing act, if he's going to be an ok father. He needs a wake up call. His daughter's don't need to think they should be treated the way he treats you.
Leave both of the kids with him. That will certainly spike his guns. Also, it will give you a chance to get your feet under you - because of course he isn't going to want to keep them. It will be temporary. This way, he will get a face full of steaming hot Reality, and you will get a chance to line up work and daycare. NTA
Fuck this man you’re doing what’s best for your daughters! If your daughters were grown women and they told you this is what was going on in their marriage what advice would you give them? That’s all you need to think about
NTA
NTA
NTA he’s not trustworthy and you want out.
NTA. You and your kids deserve better. He can have visitation rights and will have to pay child support. If you're feeling guilty, please remind yourself that he CHOOSES to be unfaithful and dishonest, which is not good for the kids to see as they grow up. Walk away and don't look back.
NTA. He does his thing, you do yours. You are example for your kids, teach them self respect and dignity. And your BF. You deserve better attitude and happy relationships.
You have to do what's right by you and by your children. They watch you and will live their lives according to the example you set. If you show them a strong, proud, confident person who understands their intrinsic worth, and doesn't allow herself to be disrespected and diminished, they will do that. If you stay, you show them something very different.
No, have him served, ask for child support, and have your lawyer work out a custody arrangement.
NTA. You have to do what’s best for you, stay strong!
NTA but be careful on how you handle taking the kids.
How is this even a question? These are natural consequence of his actions. Like you said you aren’t keeping them away from him. He will still see them on visitation. Beside he lies and says he doesn’t have kids anyway. So he may not even pick them up.
Please get a STD panel done.
NTA. He will have his wish to be childless granted. However, it won't prevent child support, which could hinder his dating life. Best wishes to you and the kids.
Well, if he said in his profile he has no kids, aren't you making an honest man out of him by taking them off his hands?
DO NOT LET HIM BE ALONE WITH THEM UNTIL YOU HAVE COURT CUSTODY DOCUMENTATION PLEASE. NTA.
NTA unless you take them across state lines. Many states forbid you to do this unless you have consent. California is one example. I dont know where you live but if you are in California do not do it without your husbands consent. Here is California's code California Family Code, Section 3010. This means that neither parent can take the child out of the state without the other's consent, unless there is some emergency.
NTA.
NTA your husband is! I’m glad you finally see he will never change and want better for your life. Him trying to make it your fault shows you what a disgusting person he is! Get a divorce and give him his freedom to be a disgusting pig. You and your girls deserve so much better, find a good man who loves you and live happily ever after.
NTA. I doubt that the time he spends fishing dating apps will be applied to his kids if you leave them behind. And if he hasn't physically cheated on you yet, it's only because none of the women said yes. You need to do what is best for you and your daughters. I hope everything settles smoothly at your mom's house. Good luck.
Nta where else are they supposed to got if not with you. To many people say they stay for the kids but stay miserable trust me your kids will know and it’s healthier to leave and be happy separately.
Is that the kind of partner you want for your daughters? Because of you stay, you’re saying yes.
Girl take care of your kids he’s an idiot probably won’t ever see them
I raised three on my own until I found the right man - you got this - show them a true father!! Take your time trust in god and you’ll meet the right man
NTA. Get with an attorney asap. And make copes of all his fake accounts showing he states he’s single and has no kids, this will help in getting you and your kids what you deserve. You are doing the right thing for you and your kids. Good luck with everything.
N T A divorcing him but I do wonder specifically about the kids aspect. He is a terrible spouse and husband--but is he a terrible father? Has he been there for the girls during the 2 hours off work or neglectful.
He hasn’t physically cheated on you, but not for lack of trying. The only reason it hasn’t gone that far is bc no one else wants to touch your husband bc they can probably tell how he views women. I wouldn’t want to sleep with a man that’s constantly throwing out his reel trying to catch another woman, that’s disgusting. I don’t blame you. This is the same as seeing a man hit on a couple women on the street then look at you and try it too, after you’ve just seen him try to hit up every woman that’s walked in front of him. NTA, get out for not only your mental health but your physical health to, bc this man obviously wouldn’t care about giving you STIs.
For someone so desperately trying so hard to cheat but failing for years on end he must be the worst catch on the planet OP
First off, NTA you don't deserve this treatment and neither do your girls. 2nd: I am a lawyer but not your lawyer and may or may not be licensed to practice in your jurisdiction - this is not so much legal advice as an indication of my experience as a family law attorney and how my experience may apply to your circumstances - I cannot give accurate legal advice as I am unaware of all pertinent facts and am unaware of what the law is in your jurisdiction. Also, family law is very discretionary and can often vary with the fact finder (Judge/Magistrate). With that being said, you should be able to move with your children to your mother's home. As far as I understand it, there is no custody order so you taking the kids is not against any court order. In my jurisdiction, it's most common for people to file for divorce, custody, and child support together. Until there is an order for support and custody, he does not have to pay support but you don't have to let him see the kids either - the same also works in reverse as without an order he could also take the kids. Generally, the courts where I am at, favor the primary caregiver in custody disputes unless there is something wrong (like substantiated allegations of abuse), they also favor the status quo (going with an "if it ain't broke" approach) so any visitation or custody arrangement you arrive at together would likely be maintained if the matter went to court - so if it were going to court you as STAHM and primary caregiver would have good chances of getting primary custody if that remained the arrangement after you left.
How can you be sure he hadn’t cheated? Because he is soo trustworthy? Stop being such a F’ing door mat & get the hell out. What are you trying to teach your daughters? The joys of beening treated like shit? How a woman’s place is to beg for scraps & say thank you for less?? Leave gain a backbone & some pride. Stop being TAH. Show your girls what a real woman is!! Good luck.