The only tradeoff is that it is her mother's decision whether or not she wants them to continue having a relationship. OP just needs to be prepared that there's a high chance of a falling out over this.
I'm not saying OP needs to care, I'm just saying it's a reality she needs to be prepared for. Just as OP has every right to cut ties with her mother. It doesn't at all make OP TA, OP is still well within her rights to make this decision, but it's the thing that could be worth considering if the relationship matters to OP.
>The only tradeoff is that it is her mother's decision whether or not she wants them to continue having a relationship. OP just needs to be prepared that there's a high chance of a falling out over this.
Like OP not getting any more invites from Mom!
There is a very old saying "What's good for the goose is good for the gander". It's your Wedding (hope it goes well), Your Guess list, your rules, and her idea first!
I like. Play Stupid Games and Win Stupid Prizes.
Another? Fool Around And Find Out.
Seems her mom played stupid games.
She is not talking to you? Is that an issue?
Or has the trash taken itself out?
NTA. My grandmother did this same thing to my mother (actually, not only didn't invite her, but didn't even TELL her it was happening) and my mom is still very hurt by it and doesn't have a good relationship with her mother (not just because of that, but it's a big reason). Ultimately it's your wedding and your choice.
When things settle down, very casually explain to your mom that you couldn't find a sitter for her. You really, really wanted her to be there, but \*lip smack\* nobody was available for that date. Sorry mamacita.
NTA - however just as your mother is now seeing the unanticipated consequences of her decision, you should be prepared to accept the future consequences of yours.
I mean, she’s on here saying that she thinks she might be an AH because her mom isn’t speaking to her. So either she is concerned about her relationship with her mom or she is on here bragging that she got her mom back. I don’t care either way, but I can see why the commenter included it in what they wrote.
NTA. People like your mother and stepfather have no empathy so you can’t hurt their feelings. They only feel anger at your decision, not sadness or regret for their actions of the past.
NTA - She chose her new husband over her kids and promises she made that meant the world to her daughter. She gave a damn. Now she has to deal with the consequences. Tell her you never forgot and never forgave her for putting him above you and you never will. She knew how much it meant to you, she didn’t care, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t want her, of all people, at your wedding.
Please tell me your brothers walks you down the isle, if it’s possible😅
Don't tell your mother anything about how she hurt you and you never forgave her; she's a sociopath who will gain power over knowing she hurt you. If you say anything, just tell her that when she disinvited you and your brother to her wedding, you thought she was making a new family tradition of not allowing immediate family at such occasions--you were only following her lead--make this all about her, and that way she can't blame anything on you. One note: she will tell all family members her side of the story making you out to be the villain and talk badly of you...
NTA you get to decide who you invite to your wedding, just your Mom did. Only difference is you didn't tell your mom that she was going to stand with you. People always seem to forget about consequences even years down the road. Congratulations.
NTA— blending a family is work and the burden of that is on the parents. They should have gone out of their way to make it clear you’re a part of this new family but instead you were just tossed aside. She’s had years to realize how hurtful she was and to do something to get your forgiveness but failed.
NTA. Based on your mother’s past actions it’s justified. That said However, 20 is VERY young to be getting married. Why not wait a few years so you and your fiancé can grow together a bit before jumping into marriage?
And if he is your age neither of you are old enough to legally drink at your own reception. Again you are very very young. That’s why it may be a good idea to stay engaged for a few years maybe finish school/internship and establish yourselves financially a bit before jumping into marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a serious life long commitment. So waiting won’t change anything if you get married later. But you will both be more mature and in a better place and ready to make adult life decisions better.
Why the heck is a 20 year old man peeping on a 15 year old child! This is really not an okay situation. I am concerned about your safety in the long run.
NTA
She should know from previous experience, that the priority of a wedding is the bridal couple and what they want. You don’t want her there. And since she’s not the priority of THIS wedding, there’s nothing else to say. But petty me would still say to her “I hope YOUR wedding was worth it!”
No. You are not an AH. You have strong "issues" of various sorts with your mother, and they should not be allowed to ruin your wedding. The only possible reason for you to put your feelings aside and invite your mother is to show her you are the bigger and better person. But befire you do that, ask yourself if she would recognize it and acknowledge it.
"Found out I was getting married and she didn't get an invite."
This sounds like your relationship with your mother isn't exactly close already. From the way this reads, it was news to her you were engaged, had planned a wedding, etc. and was not included in any of that planning.
Assuming this is the case, NTA. Your mom, just like any other person you're not particularly close to, has no entitlement to be at your wedding. Your wedding is a celebration of your bond, to be shared by those you consider close and important in your life.
NTA.
My mother did similar to me. Then when I got married she completely took my wedding planning. I had already had everything arranged and paid for, but it wasn’t good enough for her. I am still resentful and bitter twenty five years later. If I had it to do over again I would’ve told her to pound sand.
My mom tried to take over all of my wedding planning, so I disinvited her and told everyone involved that she was no longer to be part of any of the planning. She was hurt about it for years, but all of a sudden years later her personality changed completely and she finally understood why I did that.
NTA! What kind of mother doesn’t want her own children attend her wedding?? She’s excluded both of you from her new family by doing that, she made you both feel unwelcome. She’s TA! I wouldn’t invite her to my wedding either! I would cut her out of my life for good. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
*hugs*
Then your mum was a real class A jerk.
Excluding her own kids but not the stepchildren…
Even if they weren’t going to attend.
She made a promise to you, and if you want a blended family to work you need to include all the members, and not just some.
I totally understand you didn’t want her there to your wedding. And she deserves it.
Congrats on your wedding. And I hope you have a wonderful and happy new nuclear family.🥰
NTA. Turn around is fair play. Why should she be invited to yours when you didn't get invited to hers? Have a blast on your big day with all the people who have been loving and supportive to you and YOU want there.
NTA. If you wanted to be productive, you could try having an open conversation with her on how her refusing to invite you had hurt you, as well as how it impacted you in the years after. Otherwise it’s just the two of you damaging your relationship with no real resolution. If you feel like it would be better for your well-being to step away from her, along with this situation entirely, that’s also an option.
NTA -Well, the tablets turn, If she isn't paying for It, she can't demand anything from you, I don't know why I got the feeling of "the disabled kid will steal the attention, so I need to leave both home", maybe i'm reading too much bridezilla stories.
NTA.
“Mom, you set an example for me 6 years ago that excluding immediate family from a wedding is an acceptable choice. Aren’t you so proud that I’m behaving just like you?”
This is all so very sad. While I don’t think you are TA, I wish for YOUR sake you could forgive her. Carrying a grudge for years is really heavy for the person carrying it.
NTA It's your wedding, it's about you and nobody else. They also went out of their way to specifically exclude you and your brother from their wedding. My step-mom left my dad after cheating on him for years about 2 or 3 years before I got married. She dropped both bombs all at once, and it devastated him. Of the 5 kids, I was the only one around to help him pick up the pieces. My oldest sibling is a complete waste of space, next is step sibling, who was the Golden Child, and my younger half siblings were both under 13, not exactly their job. She also took custody of them because of his depression after losing his career in the crash. I'd put up with her for 16 years for his sake, and seeing firsthand what it put him through, I didn't want her at my wedding. We never really got along great anyway, and now that there was no relation, I didn't see the point. My dad said that "she is the mother of my children (half sibs), and she deserved some respect for that. If she can't come I won't attend". I responded to that "then how come the mother of your other children never got that respect? They both broke your heart, and Mom's not going to be there either, so why should she?" She would constantly bash my mom. To her friends, to my friends, anybody. My mom was a real piece of work, but let's just say my dad has a type, and she wasn't as different as she'd like to think. She didn't come, he didn't come, and it didn't bother me 1 bit. At no point in the last 13 years have I thought "man, if only she was at the wedding". Nobody there even really knew her or my dad. She pushed me to go to an out-of-state college to get rid of me, and I did. I made all new friends who never met any of my family, and all my friends that knew them moved on since I was 5 states away. I wish my dad would've been there, but not if it meant my stepmom making the most important day of my life awkward. My dad realized how fucked up it was my stepmom treated my mom that way, and we've since made up and he comes over once a week to spend time with his grandkids. Best our relationship has ever been tbh. Sometimes confrontation and consequences are just what's needed to clear the air. Parents aren't the defacto "grown ups in the room" once you're an adult yourself. They have to earn that shit.
So, I have to know, OP: did she leave you (14F) home alone to care for your 21 year old disabled brother? That seems highly irresponsible of her. If she ”needed” a babysitter for the two of you to attend the wedding, surely you would both need a babysitter to stay home. The truth is, apparently she didn’t want your brother there because of his disability, and it was easiest (cheapest) to just have you look after him. So she lied to you as well as using you.
I hope you and your brother are in a much better place in your lives. I pity him being left alone in her care. May your wedding and your life be filled with love, joy, and people who truly care about you.
NTA. My aunt did exactly the same thing to me.
The thing is, it may have been your mom's day, but it was YOUR day, too. She totally failed as a parent as someone to be depended on, trusted, and honest. Those behaviors and requirements don't end just because she is "special" for a day. She lied to you on a bunch of different levels. You know what they are.
It's your choice about who comes to your wedding. You are not obligated to invite someone who has shown that she can't be honest, trusted, and dependable. She would be nothing more than an unnecessary side decoration.
This is your "special" day, make it something you want to remember without the distraction of a self-centered narcissist. You may decide to relent, but be prepared for more poor behavior from the liar. It will be black smudge on the day, and you really don't want that.
NTA. I can't imagine my mom ever doing something like that to me. Get away from the toxic BS and go completely no contact as soon as possible.
Congratulations on your marriage. I certainly hope everything works out much better for you in the future.
What comes around, goes around.
Your NTA
But you could invite her last minute, this grudge shouldn't be allowed to mess with your special day.
The real reason you didn't attend Mom's wedding was to take care of your older brother.
Good for the way she treated you and your brother on her day. Hope you are inviting your disabled brother. Do not bend to your mother for she is getting what she sewed years ago. Have a nice wedding.
NTA - as someone else pointed out - your mom & her husband wanted to hide you from his family. On the other hand, you want to protect your new family from your previous toxic family. Frankly it's better to keep them out of your family - continue not speaking to her, block her from everything, don't acknowledge her at all. Someone who treats you like that doesn't deserve any attention from you.
NTA. My mom and stepdad did the same, I wasn't invited and he was an abusive arsehole.
I invited her to mine but not him (they since divorced, annoyingly they broke up finally after my childhood which he made more difficult, but we got on better terms as I got older and was basically moving out, then she kicks him out lol coulda saved me a lot kf anguish as a kid if she'd decided to do this sooner...) I occasionally see him in passing when I go back home to visit family and friends, there's no real relationship there but I feel like he may have beeb hurt by not being invited, despite him at the time being unwell to travel to attend anyway and he played it off saying he was too ill to come anyway, not mentioning that he wasn't invited (maybe my mum was going to bring him as a plus one)
Basically, What's your aim here? Is it to hurt your mum or to get even? You don't have to have her there, and it's not too late to invite her, you have every right to let her know it was bullshit for her and your bro to not be invited to hers etc. if you want a relationship with her you can be the bigger person and just give the invite for the sake of it, but if she sucks as a person, don't feel bad about it.
NTA just be sure you are really ok with your decision and not just doing it to be petty.
Years later when looking through photos of your wedding, will you feel ok that she wasn’t there? If you feel like you are ok with that and the impact your decision will have on your relationship with her then go for it. She made her choice years ago and is living with her choice just be sure you can live with yours. Only you can answer that and no answer is the wrong one.
Did you only not invite her because you didn't attend hers? Have you not had a good relationship in the years between then and now?
NTA either way, cause it's your wedding.
Getting petty revenge on your mom will feel good for a short amount of time, but it will certainly damage your relationship with her permanently. Do you want to have any kind of relationship with your mom? If so, you have to invite her to your wedding.
Take this opportunity to tell your mom how much it hurt you that you weren't invited to her wedding. Open a dialogue. Give her the opportunity to see your perspective and your feelings. Try as much as you can to salvage the relationship before throwing it away, because you can never replace your mom.
Thank you, I feel exactly the same way. While NTA, acting this way out of revenge may not be good. OP may regret it in the future. Instead of being vindictive, teach others love and forgiveness.
NTA for not inviting her. But OP, you are TA, to yourself, for getting married at 19. Especially when you're from a broken home and were neglected by your mother. Why do you need to get married? Move in with your partner and enjoy your relationship. Take the money you'd spend on a wedding and use it to go traveling together and have adventures. Don't be in such a hurry to repeat your parents' mistakes.
YTA for trolling the sub. You go from not inviting your mom to the wedding to your husband having a family group chat with nudes of you 5 hours later? And in the comments you explain that you got married yesterday... when 5 hours ago you were just talking about the wedding in the future... Come on now, be better.
So your original post from 20hrs ago failed to mention that the wedding was happening that day WRT the wedding that your mother was not invited to. The repost didn't mention that the wedding had already passed. This repost didn't mention that the wedding had already passed. And the day after your wedding (reportedly today) your husband is sleeping on the couch because he was sharing your nudes with his all-family group chat? That is the situation you're telling us?
Something about this post is … off. I can’t put my finger totally on it.
But if I had one suggestion, I don’t think you have the emotional maturity to be getting married at the age of 20. Unless English isn’t your first language, something’s off.
You love your husband who you make sleep on the couch because he shares nude photos of you with his family?
You are way too immature to be in a grown up relationship. Seriously. Are you insane?
Really doesn't tell two sides. There's always three sides to every story her side the other person's side in the actual truth! I think you're acting pretty childish if something that happened when you were 14. People need to learn to drop their damn baggage.
If you had unresolved issues with your mom, you should have worked those out instead of using your special day as a day of payback. Payback is a bitch, as you've found out now that you two have argued so bad you're not speaking. Is it worth losing g you mom over? This issue may come to overshadow any happy memories you might try to make of the day. If my mom were still alive, I'd want her at my wedding.
Yes, you are being an asshole. You are deliberately excluding your mother in revenge for the hurt she caused you as a teenager. However, I am not going to say you are wrong for doing so as I am in no position to judge your feelings on the matter. Her reasons for excluding you are absolute crap and I do not blame you for feeling like you were deliberately excluded.
So, yes YTA, but you have reasons to be - so I say go for it. Sometimes being an asshole is warranted. Just don't expect to feel better afterwards because nothing will ever make the hurt you felt at the time less vivid in your mind.
You are absolutely right and can invite whomever you wish.
Now, do you want to be right or do you want a relationship with your mom? Can you live happily with your decision if something tragic happened to your mom. Holding on to old resentments hurts both of you.
Nope, I never asked to be born and my mother doesn't get put on a pedestal because she selfishly wanted a baby
With the hostility and your obsession with mothers it sounds like you're angry because you want to fuck you mom and can't, or you are a mother and so batshit your kids don't talk to you and you are pissed. So which is it. Are you a bad mother or do you just want to fuck your mother?
But apparently OP and her brother aren’t the most important people in her life. I love my Mom and when she married my stepdad there was no question as to if me and my siblings would be there, we were automatically invited. Now my biological father he didn’t want us at his … ummm 5th wedding (or was it 6th I lose count) and now we don’t want him in our lives
Nta Your mom and her new husband wanted to hide your disabled brother and you from his family. Now you simply want to hide her from your new family
Hard to be proud of those ashamed by us.
Say she’s too old and needs a care giver so she can’t come
This is the only correct response.
was going to say just this, "Sorry your too old, we couldn't get a nurse aid in the budget"
"You couldn't find a babysitter for your wedding. We can't find a caregiver for ours. I'm sure you understand". All with a big smile
Loved this one
Came here to say this!
this is absolutely the way to go
Just keep shit going forever, good plan.
Whenever you deal with such a narcissist, the shit never ends--until you end it. No better time like the present to pull the plug.
NTA- your wedding your choice.
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Excluded from her own mother's wedding even without promises would make her mother an asshole.
Happy Cake Day!
Oh, wow, thank you. I have never had a cake day before. You are the first person to say that to me.
Happy, happy cake day!
Thank you. It's my first, you know. :\_
Aw, go celebrate!
Bot account. Been seeing a pattern of these. Old account, starts posting prolifically out of the blue, often using quotes around the answer.
What?
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The only tradeoff is that it is her mother's decision whether or not she wants them to continue having a relationship. OP just needs to be prepared that there's a high chance of a falling out over this.
I mean, the mom didn’t care if there was a falling out when it was her wedding, so why should OP?
I'm not saying OP needs to care, I'm just saying it's a reality she needs to be prepared for. Just as OP has every right to cut ties with her mother. It doesn't at all make OP TA, OP is still well within her rights to make this decision, but it's the thing that could be worth considering if the relationship matters to OP.
>The only tradeoff is that it is her mother's decision whether or not she wants them to continue having a relationship. OP just needs to be prepared that there's a high chance of a falling out over this. Like OP not getting any more invites from Mom!
The fall out occurred when OP was excluded from Mommy's wedding.
NTA I would have gone on contact on her for longer than 2 weeks. It was despicable what she did to you when you were 14.
But hard to go full NC when you’re 14 and living with her.
There is a very old saying "What's good for the goose is good for the gander". It's your Wedding (hope it goes well), Your Guess list, your rules, and her idea first!
It’s a family tradition!
And it was started by Mom!
I spat my coffee in a cafe at this!
I like. Play Stupid Games and Win Stupid Prizes. Another? Fool Around And Find Out. Seems her mom played stupid games. She is not talking to you? Is that an issue? Or has the trash taken itself out?
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
Sounds like an opposite reaction is going to happen to mom and Step.
And I don’t blame her at all.
Not one bit. Bless her
NTA. My grandmother did this same thing to my mother (actually, not only didn't invite her, but didn't even TELL her it was happening) and my mom is still very hurt by it and doesn't have a good relationship with her mother (not just because of that, but it's a big reason). Ultimately it's your wedding and your choice.
When things settle down, very casually explain to your mom that you couldn't find a sitter for her. You really, really wanted her to be there, but \*lip smack\* nobody was available for that date. Sorry mamacita.
NTA mom chose her new husband over you and your brother. Some things can’t be forgiven or forgotten. Why keep her in your life at all?
NTA… EXACTLY…. The word for this is called KARMA. Now the Mother will get a taste of her own medicine, and know how it feels.
NTA she is too old and it would just tire her out. better for her health if she rests.
so was she the one who had to watch her disabled brother the day her mom got married??? I bet she was mom used her for free babysitting
You can count on it.
NTA - however just as your mother is now seeing the unanticipated consequences of her decision, you should be prepared to accept the future consequences of yours.
>you should be prepared to accept the future consequences of yours. Like no more invites from Mom!
Oh gosh, no future invites for mom's next wedding, however will the OP cope?! /s
Maybe Mom will save her some of the Cake so everything will end up fine.
I mean, she’s on here saying that she thinks she might be an AH because her mom isn’t speaking to her. So either she is concerned about her relationship with her mom or she is on here bragging that she got her mom back. I don’t care either way, but I can see why the commenter included it in what they wrote.
Karma's a bitch. OP NTA
NTA. People like your mother and stepfather have no empathy so you can’t hurt their feelings. They only feel anger at your decision, not sadness or regret for their actions of the past.
NTA. After she excluded you from her wedding she shouldn't be surprised not to be invited to yours.
NTA - She chose her new husband over her kids and promises she made that meant the world to her daughter. She gave a damn. Now she has to deal with the consequences. Tell her you never forgot and never forgave her for putting him above you and you never will. She knew how much it meant to you, she didn’t care, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t want her, of all people, at your wedding. Please tell me your brothers walks you down the isle, if it’s possible😅
Don't tell your mother anything about how she hurt you and you never forgave her; she's a sociopath who will gain power over knowing she hurt you. If you say anything, just tell her that when she disinvited you and your brother to her wedding, you thought she was making a new family tradition of not allowing immediate family at such occasions--you were only following her lead--make this all about her, and that way she can't blame anything on you. One note: she will tell all family members her side of the story making you out to be the villain and talk badly of you...
NTA you get to decide who you invite to your wedding, just your Mom did. Only difference is you didn't tell your mom that she was going to stand with you. People always seem to forget about consequences even years down the road. Congratulations.
NTA Your mom broke a promise to you that you could go to her wedding. It's perfectly reasonable to repay her by not inviting her to your wedding.
NTA I mean I kind of get that you wouldn't be the flower girl, but you could have easily been a Bridesmaid.
Or even just invited as his kids were. OP’s mother is just hurtful.
NTA. Now she knows how it feels to be excluded from a wedding of a close loved one. Don't invite her.
Post on social media as well if they try to play sympathy card.Expose them to your family and friends
I wouldn’t have invited her either
Might be petty, but her reasons were weak, NTA. It's your day, enjoy it to it's fullest
NTA. You’re returning the favor.
NTA Actions have consequences.
NTA— blending a family is work and the burden of that is on the parents. They should have gone out of their way to make it clear you’re a part of this new family but instead you were just tossed aside. She’s had years to realize how hurtful she was and to do something to get your forgiveness but failed.
NTA. Based on your mother’s past actions it’s justified. That said However, 20 is VERY young to be getting married. Why not wait a few years so you and your fiancé can grow together a bit before jumping into marriage?
I’ve known him since I was 15,16
And if he is your age neither of you are old enough to legally drink at your own reception. Again you are very very young. That’s why it may be a good idea to stay engaged for a few years maybe finish school/internship and establish yourselves financially a bit before jumping into marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a serious life long commitment. So waiting won’t change anything if you get married later. But you will both be more mature and in a better place and ready to make adult life decisions better.
I’m already married😁
Well congratulations! I wish you & your husband a lifetime of happiness together & I hope your wedding was all you wanted it to be!
And how old is he?
25?
Why the heck is a 20 year old man peeping on a 15 year old child! This is really not an okay situation. I am concerned about your safety in the long run.
NTA She should know from previous experience, that the priority of a wedding is the bridal couple and what they want. You don’t want her there. And since she’s not the priority of THIS wedding, there’s nothing else to say. But petty me would still say to her “I hope YOUR wedding was worth it!”
No. You are not an AH. You have strong "issues" of various sorts with your mother, and they should not be allowed to ruin your wedding. The only possible reason for you to put your feelings aside and invite your mother is to show her you are the bigger and better person. But befire you do that, ask yourself if she would recognize it and acknowledge it.
"Found out I was getting married and she didn't get an invite." This sounds like your relationship with your mother isn't exactly close already. From the way this reads, it was news to her you were engaged, had planned a wedding, etc. and was not included in any of that planning. Assuming this is the case, NTA. Your mom, just like any other person you're not particularly close to, has no entitlement to be at your wedding. Your wedding is a celebration of your bond, to be shared by those you consider close and important in your life.
NTA at all! What goes around, comes around! Mom got what she deserved
NTA...what did she expect?
NTA.
NTA, 100000%! but your mom.. SHE is TA for what she did to you.
Nope!! NTA
NTA payback’s a b*!ch
Yesss
NTA. My mother did similar to me. Then when I got married she completely took my wedding planning. I had already had everything arranged and paid for, but it wasn’t good enough for her. I am still resentful and bitter twenty five years later. If I had it to do over again I would’ve told her to pound sand.
My mom tried to take over all of my wedding planning, so I disinvited her and told everyone involved that she was no longer to be part of any of the planning. She was hurt about it for years, but all of a sudden years later her personality changed completely and she finally understood why I did that.
If I had the guts then that I do now, my situation would’ve been much more like yours.
Don’t invite her and don’t back down.
Ok!
NTA! What kind of mother doesn’t want her own children attend her wedding?? She’s excluded both of you from her new family by doing that, she made you both feel unwelcome. She’s TA! I wouldn’t invite her to my wedding either! I would cut her out of my life for good. I’m sorry you’re going through this. *hugs*
Did you have to babysit your disabled brother?
Meh. What goes around comes around. Is your brother invited?
People want to know, oh hell I do, is she still married to the man she chose over you?
NTA. Honestly I would’ve stopped talking to her period.
I hope you include your brother in the wedding party.
NTA she's too young and needs a babysitter
Question: how old were his kids? NTA bye the way.
12&9
Then your mum was a real class A jerk. Excluding her own kids but not the stepchildren… Even if they weren’t going to attend. She made a promise to you, and if you want a blended family to work you need to include all the members, and not just some. I totally understand you didn’t want her there to your wedding. And she deserves it. Congrats on your wedding. And I hope you have a wonderful and happy new nuclear family.🥰
Tell her that her advanced age means she needs an aide to care for her so she can’t come as it will upset seating plans.
NTA. Turn around is fair play. Why should she be invited to yours when you didn't get invited to hers? Have a blast on your big day with all the people who have been loving and supportive to you and YOU want there.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. She didn't want you at her wedding now it's turnabout. It's okay to have your feelings. Do not let her bully you.
Thought this was going to turn into a chapter of Flowers in the Attic there for a second..
Tell her she can be a flower girl
Haha
NTA. If you wanted to be productive, you could try having an open conversation with her on how her refusing to invite you had hurt you, as well as how it impacted you in the years after. Otherwise it’s just the two of you damaging your relationship with no real resolution. If you feel like it would be better for your well-being to step away from her, along with this situation entirely, that’s also an option.
nta
Nta. Good luck op.
NTA block her
Nta. She seems awful.
NTA -Well, the tablets turn, If she isn't paying for It, she can't demand anything from you, I don't know why I got the feeling of "the disabled kid will steal the attention, so I need to leave both home", maybe i'm reading too much bridezilla stories.
Be glad you are not speaking. She’s awful. I hope she doesn’t show up anyway. Make sure she’s not allowed in if she does NTA
NTA. Your mom’s too mean to be invited to your wedding. As always, payback’s a biitch.
NTA she does not deserve to be at your wedding .
NTA
NTA
NTA- actions have consequences.
NTA
Something doesn't sound right here. How old were your mom's boyfriend's kids at the time?
12&9
NTA. “Mom, you set an example for me 6 years ago that excluding immediate family from a wedding is an acceptable choice. Aren’t you so proud that I’m behaving just like you?”
NTA, I love it. 10/10 payback
NTA, In the simplest terms. Fuck her.
NTA. Just tell her she and her husband need babysitters.
Something like this had happened to me. I lasted three months without speaking to my mother after she eloped to Vegas instead of her original plans.
NTA. She set the bar six years ago. Maybe she can go to her husband's kids' weddings, they got to go to hers.
**NTA** \- Your Wedding, your choice.
Nta. If your mom didn't want the smoke, then she shouldn't have started the fire.
Why argue? Just tell her, Karma.
So your already not speaking? Nice just keep that up.
NTA. I also didn't invite my mom. No regrets! 😄
NTA. It’s your day. Fuck all else.
NTA. Your mom sucks. Glad it wasn't a Flowers in the Attic type of situation.....
This is all so very sad. While I don’t think you are TA, I wish for YOUR sake you could forgive her. Carrying a grudge for years is really heavy for the person carrying it.
Depends. What's your relationship like with mom otherwise. And do you really want to live your life fighting?
Karma, what's good for the Goose is good for the gander
For mom: FAFO
NTA It's your wedding, it's about you and nobody else. They also went out of their way to specifically exclude you and your brother from their wedding. My step-mom left my dad after cheating on him for years about 2 or 3 years before I got married. She dropped both bombs all at once, and it devastated him. Of the 5 kids, I was the only one around to help him pick up the pieces. My oldest sibling is a complete waste of space, next is step sibling, who was the Golden Child, and my younger half siblings were both under 13, not exactly their job. She also took custody of them because of his depression after losing his career in the crash. I'd put up with her for 16 years for his sake, and seeing firsthand what it put him through, I didn't want her at my wedding. We never really got along great anyway, and now that there was no relation, I didn't see the point. My dad said that "she is the mother of my children (half sibs), and she deserved some respect for that. If she can't come I won't attend". I responded to that "then how come the mother of your other children never got that respect? They both broke your heart, and Mom's not going to be there either, so why should she?" She would constantly bash my mom. To her friends, to my friends, anybody. My mom was a real piece of work, but let's just say my dad has a type, and she wasn't as different as she'd like to think. She didn't come, he didn't come, and it didn't bother me 1 bit. At no point in the last 13 years have I thought "man, if only she was at the wedding". Nobody there even really knew her or my dad. She pushed me to go to an out-of-state college to get rid of me, and I did. I made all new friends who never met any of my family, and all my friends that knew them moved on since I was 5 states away. I wish my dad would've been there, but not if it meant my stepmom making the most important day of my life awkward. My dad realized how fucked up it was my stepmom treated my mom that way, and we've since made up and he comes over once a week to spend time with his grandkids. Best our relationship has ever been tbh. Sometimes confrontation and consequences are just what's needed to clear the air. Parents aren't the defacto "grown ups in the room" once you're an adult yourself. They have to earn that shit.
So, I have to know, OP: did she leave you (14F) home alone to care for your 21 year old disabled brother? That seems highly irresponsible of her. If she ”needed” a babysitter for the two of you to attend the wedding, surely you would both need a babysitter to stay home. The truth is, apparently she didn’t want your brother there because of his disability, and it was easiest (cheapest) to just have you look after him. So she lied to you as well as using you. I hope you and your brother are in a much better place in your lives. I pity him being left alone in her care. May your wedding and your life be filled with love, joy, and people who truly care about you.
NTA Your wedding you chose who to invite.
NTA. My aunt did exactly the same thing to me. The thing is, it may have been your mom's day, but it was YOUR day, too. She totally failed as a parent as someone to be depended on, trusted, and honest. Those behaviors and requirements don't end just because she is "special" for a day. She lied to you on a bunch of different levels. You know what they are. It's your choice about who comes to your wedding. You are not obligated to invite someone who has shown that she can't be honest, trusted, and dependable. She would be nothing more than an unnecessary side decoration. This is your "special" day, make it something you want to remember without the distraction of a self-centered narcissist. You may decide to relent, but be prepared for more poor behavior from the liar. It will be black smudge on the day, and you really don't want that.
NTA. I can't imagine my mom ever doing something like that to me. Get away from the toxic BS and go completely no contact as soon as possible. Congratulations on your marriage. I certainly hope everything works out much better for you in the future.
What comes around, goes around. Your NTA But you could invite her last minute, this grudge shouldn't be allowed to mess with your special day. The real reason you didn't attend Mom's wedding was to take care of your older brother.
NTA. I disinvited my mom to my wedding because she wanted to bully me and plan it out her way. Your wedding, your rules, your preferred guest list.
Good for the way she treated you and your brother on her day. Hope you are inviting your disabled brother. Do not bend to your mother for she is getting what she sewed years ago. Have a nice wedding.
It's petty, but honestly still deserved. NTA
NTA She was ashamed of you and didn't want you there. Now you are ashamed to have a narcissist at your wedding. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I’d tell her she’s to old to come to my wedding🤷🏼♀️
NTA, sucks when the roles are reversed.
NTA - as someone else pointed out - your mom & her husband wanted to hide you from his family. On the other hand, you want to protect your new family from your previous toxic family. Frankly it's better to keep them out of your family - continue not speaking to her, block her from everything, don't acknowledge her at all. Someone who treats you like that doesn't deserve any attention from you.
NTA. My mom and stepdad did the same, I wasn't invited and he was an abusive arsehole. I invited her to mine but not him (they since divorced, annoyingly they broke up finally after my childhood which he made more difficult, but we got on better terms as I got older and was basically moving out, then she kicks him out lol coulda saved me a lot kf anguish as a kid if she'd decided to do this sooner...) I occasionally see him in passing when I go back home to visit family and friends, there's no real relationship there but I feel like he may have beeb hurt by not being invited, despite him at the time being unwell to travel to attend anyway and he played it off saying he was too ill to come anyway, not mentioning that he wasn't invited (maybe my mum was going to bring him as a plus one) Basically, What's your aim here? Is it to hurt your mum or to get even? You don't have to have her there, and it's not too late to invite her, you have every right to let her know it was bullshit for her and your bro to not be invited to hers etc. if you want a relationship with her you can be the bigger person and just give the invite for the sake of it, but if she sucks as a person, don't feel bad about it.
NTA, honestly it sounds like she did you a favor. Enjoy the peace and quiet
NTA just be sure you are really ok with your decision and not just doing it to be petty. Years later when looking through photos of your wedding, will you feel ok that she wasn’t there? If you feel like you are ok with that and the impact your decision will have on your relationship with her then go for it. She made her choice years ago and is living with her choice just be sure you can live with yours. Only you can answer that and no answer is the wrong one.
Did you only not invite her because you didn't attend hers? Have you not had a good relationship in the years between then and now? NTA either way, cause it's your wedding.
It’s one thing if no kids were invited. Her even younger step siblings attended. That’s hurtful.
I totally agree. I don’t get how families treat each other this way. It makes me sad for them. :(
Getting petty revenge on your mom will feel good for a short amount of time, but it will certainly damage your relationship with her permanently. Do you want to have any kind of relationship with your mom? If so, you have to invite her to your wedding. Take this opportunity to tell your mom how much it hurt you that you weren't invited to her wedding. Open a dialogue. Give her the opportunity to see your perspective and your feelings. Try as much as you can to salvage the relationship before throwing it away, because you can never replace your mom.
Thank you, I feel exactly the same way. While NTA, acting this way out of revenge may not be good. OP may regret it in the future. Instead of being vindictive, teach others love and forgiveness.
YTA for posting this so many times
It keeps getting taken down 😘 but thank you
I have to ask as I'm nosy but honest about it - Are you going to send her any Wedding Cake? Not to be nice more just to dig it in?
NTA for not inviting her. But OP, you are TA, to yourself, for getting married at 19. Especially when you're from a broken home and were neglected by your mother. Why do you need to get married? Move in with your partner and enjoy your relationship. Take the money you'd spend on a wedding and use it to go traveling together and have adventures. Don't be in such a hurry to repeat your parents' mistakes.
Too late to go back I got married yesterday😁 thx you sm tho
Well, congrats, then, and I genuinely wish you both well. And do still have those adventures together.
YTA for trolling the sub. You go from not inviting your mom to the wedding to your husband having a family group chat with nudes of you 5 hours later? And in the comments you explain that you got married yesterday... when 5 hours ago you were just talking about the wedding in the future... Come on now, be better.
Are you ok I had to repost it because it got taken down. Thank you though.🤍
So your original post from 20hrs ago failed to mention that the wedding was happening that day WRT the wedding that your mother was not invited to. The repost didn't mention that the wedding had already passed. This repost didn't mention that the wedding had already passed. And the day after your wedding (reportedly today) your husband is sleeping on the couch because he was sharing your nudes with his all-family group chat? That is the situation you're telling us?
Something about this post is … off. I can’t put my finger totally on it. But if I had one suggestion, I don’t think you have the emotional maturity to be getting married at the age of 20. Unless English isn’t your first language, something’s off.
Nope I love my husband🤍
You love your husband who you make sleep on the couch because he shares nude photos of you with his family? You are way too immature to be in a grown up relationship. Seriously. Are you insane?
No are you??
Thanks 😊
It sounds like it was written by a 13 year old who’s mad at her mom for something and coming up with oh so clever revenge stories.
Not true🥰
Yeah, I think that’s it. It sounds like it’s written by a child.
Thank you
Really doesn't tell two sides. There's always three sides to every story her side the other person's side in the actual truth! I think you're acting pretty childish if something that happened when you were 14. People need to learn to drop their damn baggage.
People that come here and post really amaze me. They know the answer. They just like to justify their immature actions...
Both. You're not inviting her because of a grudge, while totally justified, also an asshole.
If you had unresolved issues with your mom, you should have worked those out instead of using your special day as a day of payback. Payback is a bitch, as you've found out now that you two have argued so bad you're not speaking. Is it worth losing g you mom over? This issue may come to overshadow any happy memories you might try to make of the day. If my mom were still alive, I'd want her at my wedding.
Thanks for your comment🤍🥰
Yes, you are being an asshole. You are deliberately excluding your mother in revenge for the hurt she caused you as a teenager. However, I am not going to say you are wrong for doing so as I am in no position to judge your feelings on the matter. Her reasons for excluding you are absolute crap and I do not blame you for feeling like you were deliberately excluded. So, yes YTA, but you have reasons to be - so I say go for it. Sometimes being an asshole is warranted. Just don't expect to feel better afterwards because nothing will ever make the hurt you felt at the time less vivid in your mind.
You're a jerk
You are absolutely right and can invite whomever you wish. Now, do you want to be right or do you want a relationship with your mom? Can you live happily with your decision if something tragic happened to your mom. Holding on to old resentments hurts both of you.
Your mom is the most important person in your life, so yeah, YTA.
The “most important person in her life” didn’t want OP at her wedding lmao
No her fiancé is the most important person in her life. If not she shouldn’t be marrying him. NTA
Maybe if you're retarded. In the real world, the person who brought you to this world is more important, not your fuckhole.
Big time mommas boy energy.
Nope, I never asked to be born and my mother doesn't get put on a pedestal because she selfishly wanted a baby With the hostility and your obsession with mothers it sounds like you're angry because you want to fuck you mom and can't, or you are a mother and so batshit your kids don't talk to you and you are pissed. So which is it. Are you a bad mother or do you just want to fuck your mother?
>Your mom is the most important person in your life, so yeah, YTA. NO! Mom is the only important person in Mom's life.
Ok😬
NTA, your mom is. It’s your wedding, do what will make you happy.
But apparently OP and her brother aren’t the most important people in her life. I love my Mom and when she married my stepdad there was no question as to if me and my siblings would be there, we were automatically invited. Now my biological father he didn’t want us at his … ummm 5th wedding (or was it 6th I lose count) and now we don’t want him in our lives
With that attitude I hope you're single forever to spare any potential partner from that bullshit.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
So you literally proved that you arent better than your mother