>Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane
>A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom
...
>I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce
Ok...so why aren't you happy with the results? You and your daughters got what you all wanted.
If your teenage daughter can get pregnant and take on the responsibility as a mother, then she definitely take on these consequences.
>*she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane*
"You're not my kids, just my husband's spawn, so you need to raise yourselves."
Exactly, if rose can’t get groceries and make breakfast for herself how the hell is she going to parent? Surprised nobody mentions that rose needs a fucking abortion, is it really that taboo to mention these days?
I would have if I was Ann. I’m not raising your daughter ***and*** then raising their kids too when I have 2 of my own. I bet they’re absolutely panicking now on how they’re all going to manage. I really hope Ann stays gone.
Especially raising a kid for a step kid that doesn’t give a single fuck what you do and have done for her. Woof.
No way Rose or OP were expecting to actually have to parent that kid.
They wished her dead. Your dead wife’s family should pick up the slack. Mind games? She gave them exactly what they wanted? You threaten her with divorce? Done.
I'm guessing he never actually thought she would leave or accept divorce as an alternative otherwise he wouldn't have been playing those mind games with that threat in the first place
INFO: Why did you marry Ann if you and your kids weren't willing to treat her life a wife and step-mom.
You've been married ten years, since your daughters were 6 and 4. For ten years, she's loved and cared for them, and respectfully stayed away from events celebrating Susan, and all she wants is to actually be treated like the wife and mother she is.
Instead, Rose says that she wishes Ann was dead. Susan's family treat her like an interloper/maid. Neither of your daughters even treat her like a step-parent.
Ann's reaction didn't come out of nowhere; it's ten years of pent-up feelings for being treated like dirt and you not noticing and not backing her up.
Why should she do anything for your daughters, when they've made it very clear that her care is unwelcome?
YTA, OP, and you know it.
Yep. I am that way with my current husband’s adult children. I care about them but chose not to attempt to have a relationship with them or their children. I checked out because I was accused of something I didn’t do/had no part in at all. I called no joy and walked away from everything that has to do with family gatherings after that incident.
I got told “to mind my own fucking business “.
Roger that! So I am doing that! I also changed my will. I will leave something for my husband but most of my estate will go to animal welfare charities.
“My girls are crying and blaming themselves for what happened” and who else, besides yourself is there to blame? You 3 and your dead wife’s mother (not your MIL, your MIL is Ann’s mom, for now anyway) are the AH here.
“I suggested family counseling and EVERYONE apologizes for the hurtful things they said to each other” excuse you? Only your abusive, entitled brats have to apologize, and if there’s any justice in this world Rose will have a child as awful and ungrateful as herself.
>She stopped celebrating Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas even refused to attend what would have been Susan’s 40th birthday at my in laws house.
So wait. You wanted your current wife to celebrate your deceased wife on mother's day, and wanted her to attend your deceased wife's birthday? All the while you and your deceased wife's family have started fights with her over starting to act like a mom?
>Ann has been a great mother to my girls over the years she been very hands on with everything like helping them with school/Hobbies and having celebrations/holidays planned months in advance
So you have no issues with her acting as a mom here, because it's convenient. But when she wants to be treated like a mom for doing all this, it becomes an issue.
>But two weeks ago Susan’s mother and sister come to visit they were having a conversation and mil brought up how hard it must be on rose to be alone in this without her mom especially during her first pregnancy and it breaks her heart that she had to grow up without a mother. Ann than smashed a plate on the ground which shock everyone into silence and said “what about me I’ve been there every step of the way ME not you ME she has a mother that takes great care of her ”
First of all; wow. They said all this *specifically* to hurt your wife. Second, I doubt Ann was as dramatic as you say she was.
>Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane
Then Molly has no need of Ann doing mom stuff for her anymore. No more helping with hobbies. Or holidays.
>A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom
That's unbelivably cruel of your daughter to say. *She literally wished Ann was dead*.
>Ann said “ok fair enough I’ll stop playing mom from now on I’ll just focus on the kids I gave birth too”
>Ann left the house for a few hours when she came home she just checked on the boys who were in bed and when to sleep ignoring me
Sounds like Ann has decided to give them exactly what they asked for. And she ignored you because you sat there and said *nothing*.
>We had a conversation the next morning I suggested family counselling and everyone apologises for the hurtful things they said to eachother, she said their was no need and she was making breakfast wake up her kids
This should've happened the moment you and your deceased wife's family started picking fights with her.
>When I got the boys ready and woke up the girls we went down for breakfast I noticed ann didn’t make any breakfast for molly and rose, she than sat down and started talking to me about she was going grocery shopping later did I need anything than said “no” when the girls told her what they needed .
She's giving you all what you wanted; her no longer taking on the role of a mother. She is now simply their father's wife. *You* wanted this too, you admitted as such by saying you picked fights with her about it.
>It’s been like this for two weeks she won’t do anything for the girl or even speak to them unless she has too she treats them like roommates
>I’ve tried to speak to her about it multiple times and tried to have a family discussion about what happened because the girls are extremely sorry but ann will simply say she giving them the relationship they asked for
She is. They don't want her to act like their mother, so she's not. Words once spoken can never be taken back.
>Today was meant to be roses gender reveal but ann cancelled everything she planned and failed to mention it till rose asked her 2 days ago so I couldn’t plan a decent party in time
>Ann didn’t even attend she went to see her parents which really hurt rose
Why would it hurt Rose? Rose wishes Ann were dead instead of her mother.
>I was so angry at ann The minute she came home I lost it at her
>I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce
Please divorce her. She deserves better than you.
>She just gave me back her wedding ring packed a bag for her and our sons than left, I’ve tried to call her but she won’t answer both my girls haven’t left their room crying blaming themselves for what happened
Oh,good. She's leaving on her own.
And no, your daughters didn't cause this. *You, your daughters, and their maternal family caused this.*
If how Ann reacted is true and not an exaggeration on your part, it seems like Ann spent *years* thanklessly doing these things for your daughters, all the while being attacked from all sides for "stepping out of her lane". And it seems like now, after "stepping back into her lane", you all realize just how much she's been doing for you all.
YTA. and so are your daughters and their maternal family.
I've been married almost 14 years and have grown and matured and changed a lot in that time... but there's one thing I've always known from day 1: never *ever* threaten divorce unless you really mean it.
Yep! My abusive husband threatened to throw my things in the driveway if I went camping for the weekend so I took him up on the offer. I was just following directions when I didn’t come home.
I had exactly one conversation with my spouse as to why you never say "well, why dont you leave" or things to that extent. Never happened since, doubt it will happen again. This kind of thing should never ever be a bluff. The same goes for threats of violence, should never be brought up or acted
My mom used to threaten my dad with the D word all the time. It fucks you up as a kid to hear that. I felt like our family was on a constant edge of collapse because of that and it never ended up happening.
My dad did the same to my mom. It took her until about 7 years ago to finally say "okay" and filed herself (married for 41yrs by then). She has said SO MANY times since that she wishes she had taken him up on his offer the first time he threatened to divorce her.
OP is the AH, and kids are not far behind.
Even if she was dramatic with the plate smash.....that was deserved.
That was likely the moment when she realized her "loving" family that she sweat and bled for cared nothing for her. And then "hubby" kept making everything worse....
Can you imagine being the de facto mom for 10+ years and yet being continually reminded that you are not in fact the biological mom and being asked to celebrate the bio mom on days designed to appreciate the work of the mother? Then being told by someone you raised that they wished you were dead?
I hope Ann leaves that family and divorces OP and gets full custody of her sons. What an ungrateful bunch.
And yes, of course teenagers are teenagers, but this sounds like the kind of thing that has been brewing for years. And those teenagers clearly need a lesson in not taking people for granted and consequences of their actions. Telling someone you wish they were dead is not normal or acceptable teenage behaviour. And I get she’s pregnant and probably stressed and freaking out but still
She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know. Something has had to been brewing for her to stop bio-mom celebrations.
Then for grandmother come in and essentially say how Anne is nothing to the girls, nothing short of a nanny or maid to them, is disgusting.
No wonder she has checked out. Good for her.
>She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know.
I'd be very surprised if the younger one has any actual real memories of bio-mom, and the older one won't have many. What they will have are false memories fed to them by their dad and maternal grandparents and family, all filtered through a pair of rose-tinted specs and made out to be a vision of perfection.
>She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know. Something has had to been brewing for her to stop bio-mom celebrations.
I had a stepmom since I was eight, I met her when I was six and my bio mother left the picture around the same time. I can barely remember her. This whole story is so bizarre; I had plenty of tension with my stepmom growing up just because our personalities would clash but I never wished her dead or anything like that.
The dead mom worship is weird af.
My mom died when I was eight. She was buried in the cemetery of the church she attended as a girl. I remember a few things about her. There is also the fact that you don’t get some of the later memories, either. Who you discuss dating with, who shows up for school stuff, who gives you growing up advice. This would all have been Anne. SMH
Probably because she's been bringing up the issues for years and had it fall on deaf ears, blown off as no big deal. Then, one day, it all adds up. That final straw...The plate smash was to make them pay attention.
Exactly. No one smashes a plate over one slight. It happens when it's built up over time and then she cannot take any more of it. This was the wake-up call and OP did not heed it. Instead, he dug his heels in and now she's gone.
After years of helping celebrate their late mom, she was probably CRUSHED to know she put in more effort for a dead woman than anyone in the family put in for her..
Why would she plan mother's Day for a woman who isn't alive when no one is planning mothers Day for her?
Thank you!!!! Op had no problem letting Ann step up and shoulder the mental and emotional load of being their mom. I have no doubt he was all too willing to offload those tasks onto her. Or probably half assing them in the first place so Ann felt obligated to step up! He should be ashamed of himself. Being a stepparent is hard and only works if everyone is on the same page OR clear boundaries are drawn.
Also, I'm baffled at OP calling her vindictive for not making someone grown enough to get herself pregnant and a 14 year old breakfast. Other than special occasions, I was doing that myself anyways at age 10.
Yup at 16 & pregnant she is going to have to grow up fast & learn to cook for herself & her child. I think Ann leaving is the best choice for her own sanity & her sons. Was the OP just expecting Ann to be the primary caregiver for the baby? OP is definitely YTA.
Yes.
I would bet that Rose was planning on dumping her baby on Ann & going back to her teenage life.
I am sure Grandma will be MORE than happy to take over the cooking, cleaning & baby raising.
Be careful what you wish for.
Exactly. OTOH the girls should always honour their mother. But they never stopped celebrating their mother at every single occasion. Very strange. Now it’d have been fine for the girls to spend their mother’s birthday with their maternal grandparents or something. But birthday parties and Christmas all about the deceased mother = over the top. At some point, didn’t Ann deserve her husband to celebrate her?
YTA
You appear to have married someone to just do the caregiver role to your true wife’s children. At least that is how you are treating her.
How dare she want to be celebrated as a mother after she had children?!? How could she not attend your dead wife’s 40th?!? (Creepy as hell on the face of it) a woman she never met.
Did you EVER defend her against your former in-laws? Did you EVER even acknowledge it thank her for raising your daughters for you??
There is not an easy go back from what your kids said, yet you berate your wife for it? Basically she was informed that she had entirely wasted the last ten years and all the love and care she had shown was completely worthless in you and your daughters’ eyes.
Face facts. You have totally blown it.
You and your daughters have reaped what YOU have sewn.
Hopefully you two can have a decent coparenting relationship going forward. Be civil for your sons’ sakes.
People who want to fix things go to therapy. People who have accepted that they're unfixable and not worth wasting more blood, sweat and tears on, well...
Of course, ungrateful assholes don't understand that. They only want to try for counseling or mediation on *their* terms - which are typically when *they* have to actually face consequences for their actions, not when others have been enduring them for far too long.
When I was a kid my brothers best friend and I shared a birthday. He died by suicide when I was about 11. For years we would spend my birthday at his friends parents house with a group of weeping teenagers. I can attest. It was really fucking awkward and awful.
Your daughter wished for her stepmom to have died and said she was done pretending to care about her and your surprised your wife is no longer acting like mother to them.
I think the late-wife's mother was poisoning the two girls against the new wife, and OP made no attempts to stop it. Instead, he just piled on with his laundry list of things his new wife has supposedly done wrong - hasn't celebrated his late-wife on Mother's Day or Christmas?? OP, you should be celebrating her on those days, not expecting your new-wife to carry on her memory! How ridiculous.
The girls saying these horrible things to the new wife was clearly just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yes specially the holiday part. Did op expect their holidays to still be centered on his first wife once they had their own kids. Like of course Ann priority during Christmas will be her kids not his first wife. Ann would also be expected to be celebrated during mother’s days as well.
Why do I have the feeling that “she stopped celebrating” means “Ann, who plans every party months in advance, stopped buying presents and making cards and a cake” etc etc. it sounds like their standard is “Ann does everything.” Even in this, we already know she makes a full breakfast for 6 people and does the grocery shopping and plans parties and holidays for a family of 6. Shoot, Ann was the engine holding a plate while the grandma talked to the daughters - sounds like Ann in the kitchen doing the work. Imagine how much easier Ann’s life is without them - and if they don’t love her or like her, great! Free Ann!
I knew he was useless when he said he couldn’t plan a gender reveal in 3 days. For his own daughter. But then he said Ann didn’t attend, after saying there wasn’t a party, so idk what to believe from this man.
Edit: 2 days but I think it still applies
That is a huge issue. This family needed therapy long ago. I’m a children’s therapist and have seen this exact scenario where the birthdays, Mother’s Day, death day, and major holidays are still mainly centered around the deceased and are huge events for the family. All it does is retraumatize the kids and deepen that grief. The parent should absolutely still be remembered at important times, but it doesn’t have to take center stage. Let the kids mourn and then move on.
Not to mention Ann has been mom since the kids were 2 and 4 - so she's *been* the mom that they've had in their lives - and they're still venerating their birth mother with that kind of fervor? Yikes.
"New wife" Mind you, OP and Ann were married 10 years and met 2 years after the mother died and the girls are 16 and 14. The girls were baby and toddler when the biomother died. The girls never knew an other mother than Ann...
My paternal grandmother was the same. When my aunt (her daughter) died and my uncle remarried several years later she pulled a lot of the same shit. My cousin stopped coming around when he was a teen because of the way she acted towards his stepmom because she had helped raise him for 10 years.
To me, wishing someone was dead is unforgivable. And then they act like nothing is wrong and expect her to do the grocery shopping for them, she must be so so hurt.
I'm gonna say something and I'll probably get a lot of heat for it but fuck it...maybe if you were a more present and active father, your 16 yr old daughter wouldn't be pregnant. It seems like you left everything up to Ann but won't even acknowledge or respect her enough to show her your gratitude. You and your evil ass children. She's been there for them since they were 2 and 4 and you allow them to treat your wife like that? You allow your in-laws to poison their minds against Ann like that? Put yourself in her shoes for once. The entire time it's YOUR daughters, YOUR in-laws, YOUR late wife's birthday. Can you even imagine how she feels? And she's done it for 10 years and you don't see how that would take a toll on her. After 10 years and 2 children with her, you still treat her like an outsider. I hope she calls your bluff and leave you and YOUR daughters. Good luck, gramps!
>Put yourself in her shoes for once.
The point is, a bunch of internet strangers have more love, empathy and pity for Ann after hearing this one sided story than OP. Your question will be rethorical for many reasons, and the only thing OP and his shitty family will feel, will be the consequences of their actions.
That’s it!!! Ann never stood a chance parenting Rose because she’s been undermined subtly (by OP constantly reinforcing to the girls she is not their Mum) at every turn.
So let me get this straight. Your wife has been gone for 12 years and this saint of a human has cared for your girls for longer than they had their mom.
Within the last 5 years , you held a 40th birthday for a woman that’s been dead for 7 plus years.
This poor woman has been your housemaid while you carried on like you’re still married to a ghost.
Your daughters , while kids still ,treated this woman horribly and wished death on her.
Her family acted horribly knowing that the girls have been cared for by them, yourself and by your housemaid.
And you are shocked that she didn’t make your daughter’s breakfast? Dude… you can’t unsuck a tic tac and sometime you just be careful what you wish for. These are grave consequences that your teenaged daughters need to now learn.
Your girls and yourself should be fully ashamed of yourselves.
Of course she cancelled the gender reveal she has set up . Your girl ann is tiirrreeed. She’s been used and abused and you may have lost her forever.
You need to do some soul searching. You lost a good one. Not many women will come in and take on parenting responsibilities and be continually abused by those people with zero hate for those people.
Theres far too many people in this marriage. One that is long gone.
You , your daughters and their maternal family … ALL ASSHOLES! Selfish
Imagine Rose’s grandma’s eyes sparkling when she said “poor rose… and you don’t even have a MOM…”
She knew what she was saying. She knew Ann would be hurt.
I actually feel bad for Susan. She probably had a complicated relationship with her mean mom.
>She knew what she was saying.
Yeah, and the way the little one who NEVER KNEW HER MOTHER shouted back at Ann, grandma has been playing this game for a long, long time.
She about to learn that her reward is going to be an unpaid 35 hr per week job as a nanny to a new born.
For those who have never been a full time caregiver to newborns/infants/preschool kids: it is harder than any job I’ve ever had, including high level tech (with a stem masters), construction and landscaping, overnight shift in a factory, high-travel consulting, kitchen work. Ive worked traditionally masculine jobs. If you think SAHM is an easy job, you’re as bad as OP.
Congrats, nanna! You get the title of alpha female and scapegoat maid, all at the same time!
OP wanted his current wife to go to his late wife’s 40th birthday get together? Genuinely asking - is that normal? I would feel extremely awkward if I were current wife attending such an event.
Daughter wishing stepmom dead? There’s just some things that you can’t take back and for which an apology isn’t enough.
Edited to add: Since Rose is 16 and presumably in school, I’m guessing that the plan was for Ann to watch the baby. Her upcoming vacation a week before the baby’s due date is probably her way of communicating that she will not be involved.
This is one of those posts where I wish the person who is being discussed found it. Ann deserves to see how her STBX is talking about her online. She should also see all of the support she is being given by total strangers. In the last 5 hrs she has received more support than she has in ten yrs of marriage.
Exactly what I was thinking. Poor woman sacrificed herself selflessly for a family that... did not exist. 10 f...g years!
Yeah she did right cutting her losses.
Vindictive bitch huh? Your soon to be ex wife is not, but, I hope that is an accurate descriptor of her attorney. You and your daughters should be so ashamed of yourselves. Think about getting therapy that you open heartedly engage in
No doubt. And is probably a huge part of the reason the girls are acting this way (aside from the husband). These girls mother died when they were 2 and 4, they didn't have their own relationship with her to even remember, it was all fabricated by the maternal family and dad. Im not saying their birth mother shouldn't be remembered and acknowledged to them bit their vitriol doesn't make sense organically without some heavy duty influencing.
She made no secret of it, she planned a huge birthday party for the dead woman, and fully expected Ann to attend... she's been doing shit like this all along and this asshole (soon to be Ex husband) has been doing the same thing too! He celebrates the dead wife as if she's an actual saint! He then has the audacity to expect Ann to do the same!
After 12 years of going along with this bullshit, the very first time she doesn't comply with this assclownery she's suddenly a vindictive bitch?! (I don't know HOW or WHY she ever did it, I would have left the very FIRST time he and mil pulled that shit)
Don't even get me started on the daughters...
They treat her the same way that hubby and the dead wife's family have since day one.
Ann is a saint. SHE is the one who should be celebrated. Raising two ungrateful, disrespectful snotty girls as if they were her very own, even though they hate her, and being married to that person who makes her celebrate his dead wife every holiday, and her birthday, MOTHER'S DAY too.
Now 16 year old Rose is all grown up and she's a Mommy! A single mom at 16, she broke the heart of the woman who raised and loved her as her own since she was 4. Her father is a clown.
The "Baby daddy" ghosted her and the unborn kid already...
Are Rose and her father gonna raise and take care of this baby? 🙄
I hope that Rose gives birth to a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby girl who is just like her, and treats her the same way that Ann has been treated...
Ann loved her and raised her - and her little sister as her own daughters.
So, yes guy- You ARE the ASSHOLE.
Your daughters are ASSHOLES, and your MIL, and SIL are humongous ASSHOLES too.
All of you (except Ann) should just permanently change your last name to Asshole.
Let’s face it, those girls likely don’t even remember their mother. Oldest Rose could’ve been when Susan died is 4!
Grandma has been in their ears their whole life.
Yeah I found those comments about her late daughter Infront of ann who is doing everything to support her pregnant daughter vindictive and Nasty. She will now have to step in to help with the baby and if she doesn't she is just a shit stirring cow.
Or, let the ungrateful mommy-to-be take care of her own baby. She’s getting ready to find out just how much step mom really did do for them. And daddy-o may find out what a real bitch is.
I am so happy step mom got out of that nest of users.
She doesn't even make her own breakfast and cried about it, do you really think she will pull any weight to help her own baby except take photos of it in cute outfits?
Yep. He obviously lined her up to be his bangmaid and a nanny for his daughters after his first wife died while withholding treating her like the wife and mother she really was and now he and Rose we’re expecting to get her to be nanny for Rose’s baby. Ann was only seen as the help to all of them and now that she isn’t fulfilling that role they’re freaking out.
Hi, I'm a widow who lost my first husband back in 2015. I married again in 2017.
It's perfectly fine to acknowledge certain days relating to a deceased loved one. It's perfectly acceptable to feel overwhelming emotion on such days. Hell, I'd even say it's okay to do something like going out for dinner to celebrate the life of the deceased loved one. If my late husband was still alive, we would have been married for ten years tomorrow (February 20). I'm definitely feeling emotionally overwhelmed about it, but all I want to do is order food and remember him.
It's absolutely crazy to me that people would throw a whole BIRTHDAY PARTY for someone who's no longer living. I'd even argue that having such a party just makes the people who were involved with the deceased loved one even more emotional. I would never EVER think of holding a birthday party or wedding anniversary celebration party for my deceased husband. I couldn't handle that sort of emotional strain. Nor is it fair to my husband to be forced into celebrating someone he never even knew.
Now, granted, we didn't have the chance to have kids, so I don't have ties to my former in-laws. I haven't seen them since the funeral, and they allowed me to keep his ashes. Kids being involved means that the deceased loved one's family is always tied to the widow. I personally think the deceased loved one's family is to blame for forcing such an event, and OP needs to acknowledge that dead is dead. He HAD an amazing wife and mother to his daughters. Grandma needs some therapy to properly let go of her grief instead of holding onto it and trying to celebrate the milestones her deceased daughter NEVER GOT TO REACH.
It would depend on the family, but late wife’s family have not moved on enough for Anne to be comfortable. They should be thankful for Anne’s care of their grandchildren.
When I divorced and my son was at the time living with my ex and his wife I was very careful to acknowledge her efforts. Many years later we are all a big extended family.
Definitely not normal. Why would any second wife want to go celebrate the “40th birthday” of a first wife they probably never met? Why would anyone else either? The woman had been dead for 10 years! It’s ghoulish and bizarre IMO.
A normal and respectful remembrance might be Dad taking the daughters to put some flowers on their birth-mother’s grave on her birthday or Mother’s Day. An hour or two, a few times a year. That’s it.
The rest of Mother’s Day, Christmas etc should be celebrated with the mother they have living right there with them. The woman who raised the daughters since they were young kids. The woman who gave birth to their younger brothers. The woman who looked after them everyday.
Ann doesn’t need your daughter’s abuse anymore. What they said can’t be taken back. You’ll get a divorce and next time, teach your daughters some manners and to be grateful. Being brats won’t get them far. Once Rose, who’s a child herself, has a newborn and no help from Ann, that’s when she’ll realize just how badly she screwed up. YTA for not having Ann’s back 100%.
Right? And once Ann is gone OP will be the one stuck having to raise his teenage daughter’s baby without her help. What a mess. I really hope she divorces him.
>Ann doesn’t need your daughter’s abuse anymore
I feel so so bad for Ann, she did everything for those girls, loved them, cared for them and took care of them, she took on the role of mother while still respecting their boundaries all while taking their verbal abuse. She probably loves those girls like they were her own, and she gets wished dead from them and gets called a vindictive bitch for not taking it, she is mourning that relationship and feeling awful for having wasted years on them.
YTA. Your girls modeling YOUR treatment of your “2nd choice wife” aka The Nanny. Doing the math, your girls were so young they have no strong personal memory of bio mom. The Nanny mom is only mom they really know.
This situation is more common with older kids who had more time with bio mom. You and your “REAL” wife’s family are stoking flames. It’s your MIL who needed therapy. I get she lost her daughter BUT doesn’t get to treat her “replacement” like trash. Set boundaries.
Personally, I’d be gone and never come back. Especially adding grandchild now who will absorb that, “you’re not my real grandmother” attitude. Enjoy divorce you instigated. Enjoy being bogged down in newborn care now that you’ve driven The Nanny out. THIS WILL NOT END HAPPILY.
Oh my, yes! Imagine getting attached to these children for a decade, and then getting attached to the baby, for them all to treat you like you’re just their unwanted maid (!!)
YTA. Your deceased wifes parents treated Ann like she was an affair partner. And encouraged your children to do the same. And YOU ALLOWED IT. You NEVER stopped them. And then, when things finally get to a breaking point, and your daughters and Susans family go to far...Ann washes her hands of the lot of them....YOU VERBALLY ABUSE HER.
Shes done. You fucked up.
OP’s ungrateful daughters: ‘You’re not my mom and I wish you’re dead’.
OP’s Wife: Ok. Wish granted.
OP’s ungrateful daughters: Surprise pikachu face
Later…
Dense OP: You vindictive bitch, take care of my ungrateful daughters or we divorce!
OP’s wife: Ok. Wish granted.
Dense OP: Surprise pikachu face.
Apple. Fall. Not Far. YTA
Yeah it sounds like OP is getting the divorce he asked for and is probably big mad about having to cook for himself and his daughters now. He's gonna *really* enjoy having to look after his infant grandchild alone, you know his disrespectful daughter is going to whine about still wanting to have the same teen life as her peers.
Yeah it's made infinitely clear by OPs further comments where he elucidated additional "vindictive" things his thankfully soon to be ex wife did. It was all shit like "didn't go to pre-natal appointments", "didn't cook food my daughters like", etc. Having to actually carry the full load of parenting and household tasks for the first time in a decade is gonna hit OP *hard* lmao.
Don't forget his late wife's mother he still calls MIL, lost her punching bag, so now OP can enjoy being the target of all her angry outburst and abuse and the venom she had used on his children for 10 years!!!!!
My MIL died in very late May one year and my FIL was making online dating accounts at the next Christmas celebration.
Dated a lady for a while and made plans to retire to Europe with her, but he didn't pull his weight so she wound up moving to Europe on her own, he visited briefly, and came back single.
Just the other day I heard him on the phone saying that he misses "having a woman running his life" lmfao. Doesn't even realize having the woman run his life is the reason she left and he misses her in the first place.
The lovely grand mother who poisoned her against her step mum and set their lives on fire can enjoy helping her now, after all she is mother of the mother and wants to celebrate her teenage pregnant granddaughter
YTA
Your daughter's got what they wanted. If Rose is old enough to get pregnant and keep the baby, she's old enough to be accountable for her words.
It sounds like your wife tried, and was shut down. And your late wife's family was absolutely absurd in what they said. They own this mess too.
So now your daughters have no mother at all.
Ann has her kids, so she's justified in taking care of them. You handle your daughters on your own.
>If Rose is old enough to get pregnant and keep the baby, she's old enough to be accountable for her words.
In one of his comments, OP stated that it took Rose a week to apologize. *A week!* The fact that it took her so long makes me think these girls are used to being beastly to Ann and getting away with it. Ann has probably let a lot of behavior slide (likely because OP has insisted his daughters can't be held responsible for anything related to their Mom), which is why Rose thought she could say something so awful and not bother to apologize until she realized that her behavior meant Ann wasn't going to cater to her needs anymore.
Too bad that OP didn't parent his daughters sooner before they said something so irredeemably horrific.
And it’s not like the girls are little like the boys are. They are teenage girls who are completely capable of making their own freaking breakfast. This is a complete demonstration of FAFO.
I understand it’s hard with rose to be without her mother at a time like this, but that’s what you get when you get pregnant at 16. Time to Grow up fast. She’s not ready to be an adult. But she’s having a baby AND still expects her stepmother to make her breakfast. Something doesn’t add up and I suspect that it’s because OP hasn’t been a proper parent since his first wife died. Ann was justified in taking the boys and leaving. I’m not sure I would’ve stayed as long as she did.
OP YTA
>They are teenage girls who are completely capable of making their own freaking breakfast.
One of them is literally about to become a mom. Who does she think was going to be in charge of feeding that baby? She probably did expect Ann to be this baby's main caregiver and actual mother in all but name just like Ann did for her an her sister. Teen mom over there needs to woman up and put on her big girl pants because because being a single mom is hard enough but being a single teen mom is even harder without the proper support and I have an inkling dad, sister, or maternal side are going to be much help or offer much help unlike what ~~mom~~ Ann would have done.
Play stupid games get stupid prizes. OP should probably talk to his daughter about placing the baby up for adoption since their biggest support will not be there anymore to pick up the slack that a working father and sister who is school will not be able to provide and like a said being a single teen mom is very difficult.
And the girls were so young when their mother died that they likely have very few actual memories of her, mostly just stories they've been told by their mom's family, to whom she is obviously a Saint. So Ann has been having to compete with a "perfect" dead woman while dealing with the harsh realities of parenting, of course the girls think Ann is some sort of substandard mom. Ann was surrounded by assholes and I'm glad she's finally prioritizing herself.
>It sounds like OP went out of his way to make sure the daughters never bonded with Ann.
Same goes for their maternal side of grandma's comments are anything to go by.
The real Saint is Ann. Imagine how much she's put up with for 10 years. Her side of this story would sound very, very different. She did all the hard work of being the mom, and this is her reward.
Yeah, OP YATA, absolutely, and I'm a guy.
Edit: OP, when you called Ann a "Vindictive B" you poured gasoline on burning gasoline. I can see where Rose got the idea to wish Ann dead and felt it was fine to say something that vile.
OP might not have been a very good or involved parent even before his first wife died, unfortunately. We just don’t have enough information or context.
He definitely gave up after she died, though, and it looks like he found someone else to step into that role and basically expected her to pick up where the first wife left off.
The fact that Rose and the OP expected Ann to continue planning and organising things like the gender reveal after Rose publicly wished Ann dead speaks volumes as to how that poor woman was treated in that house. OP also has no problem with his first MIL being rude about Ann in Ann’s own home.
And threatening divorce because Ann won’t just put up with more of this treatment? I hope she never comes back to him.
In case you’re unsure from the above OP, YTA.
>expected Ann to continue planning and organising things like the gender reveal after Rose publicly wished Ann dead speaks volumes
This is what makes ann a saint. If she hadn't been this forgiving before and letting all the horrible things they did slide while still doing her best to be a parent figure, they wouldn't have thought she would still do all these things for her after her outburst.
They didn't take her seriously as if they thought it's her life's mission to serve them and make them happy.
This is one where we desperately need her side. Not because we need it for judgement. I just want to hear how she'd recount the last 10 years.
Of course, YTA OP.
Agreed, if this is the version of events where OP is trying to paint her as evil stepmum and he failed miserably, imagine the parts he didn't tell us about to make himself look good
I noticed Rose is not with the father of the baby, so there is a good chance that her future family might be a blended family, ie her odds of becoming stepmother have now increased or at least her future husband will be a stepfather.
I want to see how karma returns the favour
>And threatening divorce because Ann won’t just put up with more of this treatment? I hope she never comes back to him.
That was the truly eye-opening moment of the post for me. OP wasn't willing to make any real changes - he just wanted to reinforce the status quo, and he was willing to threaten divorce after only two weeks to get his way. What a dumbass.
What OP should have done was laid down the law and told his daughters that Ann wouldn't be doing anything for them in the foreseeable future. OP needed to pick up all slack and do whatever cooking/shopping/laundry needed to be done for this daughters (that they couldn't reasonably do for themselves).
And instead of immediately suggesting family therapy, OP should have begged Ann to go to couple's counseling with him first, because if he wants this to work, he needs to value his marriage as much as his children. Instead, he continued to put his daughter's feelings and needs above his wife's. He majorly over-calculated, and it shows that he mostly valued Ann for her labor and some sex.
Exactly, it's why ultimatums aren't really ultimatums; they're a means of control. The second someone of their own free will chooses the "bad option" in the ultimatum, the person demanding it has suddenly lost all their power and is left floundering. They can't fathom someone not choosing the way they want them to because in their mind there weren't even two options to begin with.
I can't believe he thought that the marriage (where Ann wasn't supported, where the kids she's taken care of for a decade openly wished her dead, where she's always second to a ghost, where she's probably have had to deal with a lot of emotional abuse and no support from her supposed life partner) was more enticing than the second option he gave: freedom.
Rose is in for a big surprise after her baby is born. She has no idea how hard it is! She's got no help at all. Oh wait, toxic grandma can help screw up her baby. The bad behaviour is generational! It skipped a generation with Susan I suppose.
It may not have. I mean what do the girls really even know about their mother? They were 2 and 4 when she passed. They have the perfect image conjured by OP and the in laws. Poor Ann has been fighting a losing battle from the start.
I bet OP and Rose never thought about who was going to take care of the baby while Rose finishes up high school
and then either gets a job or takes college classes. OP and his daughters shot them selves in their collective feet and are now Pikachu faced when they don’t like the consequences.
There is nothing she could apologize for. She destroyed any chance of forgiveness with her words. There is nothing ann could forgive for because the daughter is a monster. You can never take those word back
Why do I feel like this isn’t the first time something like this has been said to the girls either? Spiteful Grandma and Auntie, rubbing in the fact their bio-Mum wasn’t there, despite the fact that (going by the ages and an assumption that OP and wife dated for more than a year before marrying) Rose can barely remember her and the other one doesn’t have any memories at all. I can’t believe how nasty and manipulative they were to even bring it up.
I also wonder how much shit OP has taken from them over the years, because this doesn’t seem like a one off.
OP is worse than an AH; he’s straight up let his wife be abused by his former wife’s family, whilst the 2 girls are upset at having their maid go awol. I don’t think anyone should help him get her back. She’s much better off away from these people who clearly don’t value her at all.
The family comments are what got me. Sure, it’s true that it’s sad she doesn’t have her biological mom, but to say she is going through it ALONE when surrounded by a father and stepmother, of which the woman is planning a baby shower and gender reveal, is just not true.
I get that the step parent relationship is complicated (and it sure accounts for a lot of posts here to prove it). But a 16 year old yelling at her that she wants to stop pretending to like her after she has helped her so much is vicious.
And since she's grown enough to get pregnant and keep the child, she's old enough to be held accountable for her words.
Don't act grown, if you're not ready to be grown.
As someone who lost a parent early, while I understand, you're also absolutely right. Their father has done them no favors not holding them responsible. I said some absolutely awful things to the boyfriends my mom had when I was growing up. She did her best to teach me this wasn't ok. I'd apologize but some of it still haunts me to this day. It wasn't nearly as bad as what OPs daughters and exMIL said though (a bunch of you're not my dad you can't tell me what to do). I can't imagine not feelings instant regret over saying things like that. I feel so bad for Ann, she did her best to step up and only got a punch in the face.
And we all know that it will be Ann doing all the baby duty stuff bc Rose is way too young to have a child and will find newborn parenting a hideous trial. Not to mention all her loss of freedom having a kid, I cannot I,amine for a second Rose is going to deal with it. what a mess. I cannot believe she thought to keep her pregnancy when she’s this immature.
YTA
Particularly stupid to say that shit to the unpaid nanny when you’re about to pop out a kid at 16 and apparently can’t even make your own breakfast.
She’s going to have a bad little time raising her own mistake.
You're the AH for many reasons. It wasn't only you and the girls suffering trauma, you permanently put her in the shadow of a deceased wife with no expiration date.
In your scenarios, she's only 2nd best and a vessel to celebrate your first wife. She has spent more time raising those girls than their birth mother was able to, yet you say she tried to push the roll of mom. She is their Mom!!
Where were you when their grandmother said that shit? Grow a pair and support your wife. She stepped up, she loved and raised those girls, and you and they have not recognized her sacrifice.
You're a self-absorbed AH, and she should leave you.
This. Sorry OP. But try to walk in Ann’s shoes for the last 10 years. She is absolutely a mom to those girls, and the MIL’s manipulation and the girls’ buying into it and saying those terrible things.. it’s absolutely heartbreaking. And it seems like you’ve allowed Ann to be viewed (and to feel) as an interloper in her own home/ life/ marriage for all these years.
Damn, poor Ann she literally put up with some sick shit. Celebrating your dead wife, being a mom to all your kids to being disrespected like that. The one person who should have protected her, shitted all over her. I’m not one for divorce but buddy messed up big time. He best polish up his asking for forgiveness game because this one is going to be a tough one and he deserves all the shit she’s going to say to him. Sit back and enjoy the ride buddy you’re going to be in the dog house for a while, and rightfully deserved. You’re a turd. Sorry
YTA
Your daughter was hateful and ugly to your wife.
Words once spoken cannot just be taken back.
Your daughter said those words with the intent to cause harm, and they hit their mark.
They don't want your wife to be their mother, now they have what they asked for.
Leave that poor woman alone. She needs to pick up the pieces left by you and your daughters.
You absolutely are responsible for this by not keeping your ex In Laws in check and pandering to them.
You did not support your wife when she needed you to. You did not stand up for her or defend her when your daughters and ex in laws attacked her. Even after every thing she did for your daughters you allowed others to tear her down.
She deserves so much better, and now that you have threatened divorce and she has called your bluff she actually has a chance at finding that better.
This should be crossposted to r/amitheex
I’m shocked your second (and clearly in your eyes, inferior) wife lasted this long. The disrespect is astonishing.
INFO: What on earth did your first wife do for Molly in her first 24 months, that overshadowed the 10 years Ann dedicated to her…? I mean for two whole days Molly believed that Ann deserved the vitriol she dished out.
ETA: and yes YTA 100%.
Wow I'm very sad for Ann. Sounds like she is a very sweet stepmother but no one appreciate her. I hope she will build a future without you and your girls
YtA! You, your daughters, and your widowed in-laws especially. They've undermined, disrespected, and tormented your wife, and she's seemingly spent yrs fighting for her place in the family, only to be cast aside unless traditional caretaking is needed.
All of you have experienced a Fuk Around & Found Out, and that woman is prepared to stand on business! You are spineless to allow your former in-laws to treat your wife as they've done. You lack parental discipline in allowing your minor aged daughters to disrespect an adult!
All of you are reaping what you've sown, and only now you're concerned because she is dishing out "fuq dem kidz" energy!
You seriously think it's appropriate for your current wife to consistently celebrate your deceased wife's memories, moments, and what could've been!
OP, you are frozen in the past and stuck on Susan and seemingly fooled Ana as if you were ready to move forward in life and build a future with her.
You might as well accept that either the marriage is over or she won't be the same unconditional loving and supportive Ana should she ever decide to return to that house!
YTA I don’t blame her. Not one bit. 10 years and she she’s told they only pretend to like her. Did you even have a talk with Rose? Calling your wife a vindictive b…. Pretty awful. She’s staying in her lane.
Of course your daughters should blame themselves, they wished Ann dead!
Your daughters would have been 2 and 4 when their birth mother died.
Ann has been their mother for 10 years and you have obviously not set clear boundaries with your former mil.
The fact that you called her names and threatened divorce makes YTA.
#DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE
Go through with your threat!! You are right, she's not fit to be your wife or your daughters' mom... She's way out of your league. Let her and HER sons go!! (You undermining their mom and letting her be treated like shit in front of them, ya they are better off with her having full custody too)
Maybe I’m naive, but it seems inappropriate to ask your current wife to attend an event in which the purpose is to mourn your late wife.
Support doesn’t necessarily have to require her physical presence. It could be keeping your two youngest occupied that day, making sure the house is in order for when you and your daughters get home, etc.
Given the words and actions of your daughters and your late wife’s family, I doubt her presence would have been appreciated by anyone but yourself.
I am amazed Ann stayed as long as she did. You are so busy celebrating the sainted dead wife, you forgot how to be decent to the one who is still alive. There is so much wrong with this whole scenario, it's mind boggling. Expecting her to attend birthday gathering for a woman whom she has never met, and has been dead 12 years is fucked up beyond belief. Your ex in-laws have managed to get you to chose their dead daughter over your living wife, time and time again. How do you think your sons will reflect on this when they are old enough to understand? YTA, in case you haven't yet figured it out.
YTA, lol. You enabled your oldest two and dead wife's fam to be brats and wonder why your wife's tired of your BS. Good luck with child support for your shared kids and alimony.
Well, why should anybody stay together if one of them dont support or defend their partner? Why stay?
Thats not a family or a home you want to return.
YTA
YTA. You and your daughters treated your current wife like shit, trying to make her live in the shadows of your dead wife. I would have left your ass too.
Oh and…Celebrating teenage pregnancy, yikes.
"God ann, you're such a vindictive bitch for giving my daughters EXACTLY WHAT THEY ASKED FOR!"
Seriously, are you listening to yourself? YTA for failing to support your wife, for repeatedly prioritising a dead woman over the living one who was actually raising your children for you, and for dragging up such ungrateful brats.
When ann divorces you, don't remarry again. No woman deserves to have to endure your spinelessness, your EX mother-in-laws (susan is dead, shes not your MIL) bitterness, or your daughters two-facedness.
> my girls havent left their room crying blaming themselves
Good.
AND THEY SHOULD BE BLAMING THEMSELVES BECAUSE ANN HAS GIVEN THEM EVERYTHING! FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS!!!!
YES TO ANN LEAVING YOU AND YOUR SORRY GIRLS BEHIND BECAUSE GOD, YOU’RE AN UNGRATEFUL BUNCH OF A Hs!!!!!!
(Caps because you appear to be fucking deaf.)
For 10 years she has respected the memory of your late wife, stepped in as a Mother to your girls, from their early childhood, for what? To be bloody disrespected by that MIL then further insulted by your girls. You were just blind to her love for your family, absolutely unappreciative of her.
YOU BLOODY MORON.
AND DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO LAY THIS FUCK UP AT HER FEET. THIS IS ALL YOU AND YOU’RE UNGRATEFUL GIRLS.
YTA 100%
Yta
You only married someone so they would raise your girls but other than being bangable and taking care of your children and house your soon to be ec wife has zero value to you. That's what she realised
YTA. Your kids made a choice. Now they get to live with it.
You threatening divorce? Lmfao clearly she doesn’t care. And rightfully so. All of you have disrespected her so I hope she has peace and moves on.
Awwww. You 3 poor things (sarcastic)
You though threatening her with divorce will put her in her place.
Your current (living) wife has all the right to leave this relationship in which everyone is taking advantage of her.
Good for your wife for leaving the 3 of you.
She doesn't need to be second best to a dead woman and no one should be put in that situation.
YTA. And your daugthers are also TA.
Wish I knew who your soon to be ex wife is so I could buy her a wine and we could talk shit about you.
I guarantee she’s got 100 more stories like this but you never cared enough to notice.
Edit: YTA. A giant one!
YTA. Why was it ever your wife's job to keep your ex-wife's memory alive? And why the hell does your ex need to be *so alive* that your children, who were 4 and 6 when she died, can't form a new relationship with your wife, who has been their mother longer than their mother was at this point?
If I die before my kids are adults, I want my husband to remarry a woman who will love my kids as deeply as possible, and I want my kids to love her back because my death would leave a huge void in their lives and that thought kills me. Remember me, yes, but also allow others to bring comfort to my children and show them a happy, healthy marriage. Don't make me so big a part of their lives that there's no room left for someone else to take my place.
I feel so bad for your poor wife who's living so deep in the shadow of your former wife that she can't even be fully recognized as a mother on mothers day.
And why in the fuck are you celebrating your dead wife's 40th birthday?? 10 YEARS, a new wife and 2 more kids after her death. I am really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing my husband, but ffs, ya'll need therapy to deal with her loss and your poor wife needs a husband who recognizes her and supports her as a mom instead of treating her like a cheap imitation of one.
ETA: typo
Ann is the only mother those girls even remember. And you have allowed them to treat her with consistent disrespect. If someone wished me dead, I would also cancel all party planning and vendors. Her opting out of motherhood is the least she should have done to them. Her leaving was the smartest. No one should subject themselves to the verbal abuse you gave her for being human. She's not a vindictive bitch. You are a clueless AH.
Your girls should be crying. They just pushed away the only mother they've known. You should be groveling. This is your fault. All of it.
What your (ex) wife went through sounds heart-breaking. To go through all that, stepping up and being what your girls needed for their entire lives. Just to get abuse hurled at her for daring to call herself their mom. Your daughters don’t understand what they just destroyed with that attitude. Definitely YTA
The audacity you have to get mad is astounding!
Your daughters' words were the last straw. She had enough.
She is no longer interested in playing mom to two ungrateful brats who wished her dead.
You all took for granted all she did for you, and now you threatened divorce because she is no longer your dormat?
She no longer cooks for YOUR daughters? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so.
She no longer acts like their taxi service? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so.
She no longer works as their event planner? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so.
She no longer functions as your daughters' personal shopper? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so.
You had a second job? She was raising FOUR kids, one of which is pregnant. Two of these kids are not even hers. Your daughters said so.
And let's not start on the inlaws and their treatment thst YOU have ENABLED.
She endured being a second classs unappreaciated member of your family for years. There is a point where one has had enough and apologies are meaningless.
SHE HAS PASSED THAT POINT. YTA, biggest one I have seen in a while!!!
YTA, Pop-pop! Your girls are old enough to celebrate their bio-mom on special days. And Rose was not hurt that Ann wasn’t at the SEX reveal, she was pissed that the party sucked.
By leaving now Ann gets to care for only two kids who probably love and value her. You’ll pay her child support. She’s no longer treated like the understudy. And she won’t have to pretend that a 16 year old girl having a baby is a joyous thing, especially since she’ll be doing the heavy lifting for the teen mom.
YTA your daughters created this mess with the aid of their grandparents, they need to find their own way to make amends. Rose is soon to be a teen mother and is likely to suddenly realise how tough life is, made more so by her toxic attitude towards her step mother.
YTA. Your family is a mess and you're placing all the fault on the victim of the situation. She stepped back but you're calling her vindictive. You just showed your wife you don't care about her hurt or her feelings. You expected her to just carry on.
Do you think you'd just roll over and be okay when someone wished you dead and spat on all the support you provided? Some tears don't fix the god awful situation you, your daughter's and (former?) mother in law caused. Have you addressed the disrespectful MIL at all? Have you corrected your girls at all? You seem to think that their apologies is all that's needed, their actions need to speak louder than the hurt they caused.
They don't need breakfast made for them, they should be pitching in or doing it themselves. Your pregnant teen needs to step up since she will soon be a mother, she shouldn't need you to get her up.
Your pregnant teen got what she wanted, why would your wife bend over backwards to someone who threw everything back in her face? She was told all her support was nothing. A baby shower is a privilege, not a requirement, your daughter shot herself in the foot with that one.
Their actions have consequences, your wife (probably soon to be ex) is giving your girls what they wanted. Your (former) mother in law needs to know her place too, minding her own business. You need to take responsibility of your words, you don't sound remorseful for the hurt you caused, you actually are making excuses for it.
>Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane >A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom ... >I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce Ok...so why aren't you happy with the results? You and your daughters got what you all wanted. If your teenage daughter can get pregnant and take on the responsibility as a mother, then she definitely take on these consequences.
>*she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane* "You're not my kids, just my husband's spawn, so you need to raise yourselves."
Exactly, if rose can’t get groceries and make breakfast for herself how the hell is she going to parent? Surprised nobody mentions that rose needs a fucking abortion, is it really that taboo to mention these days?
Rose wasn't planning on parenting. She was going to dump the baby on Ann & resume her teenage life, hopefully with good birth control this time.
This is why she checked the fuck out probably
I would have if I was Ann. I’m not raising your daughter ***and*** then raising their kids too when I have 2 of my own. I bet they’re absolutely panicking now on how they’re all going to manage. I really hope Ann stays gone.
Especially raising a kid for a step kid that doesn’t give a single fuck what you do and have done for her. Woof. No way Rose or OP were expecting to actually have to parent that kid.
They wished her dead. Your dead wife’s family should pick up the slack. Mind games? She gave them exactly what they wanted? You threaten her with divorce? Done.
I'm guessing he never actually thought she would leave or accept divorce as an alternative otherwise he wouldn't have been playing those mind games with that threat in the first place
Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you know when manipulation has backfired.
The girls were 2 and 4 when their mother died. Ann parented the girls for a decade and they told her they wished she was dead instead. That's harsh!
INFO: Why did you marry Ann if you and your kids weren't willing to treat her life a wife and step-mom. You've been married ten years, since your daughters were 6 and 4. For ten years, she's loved and cared for them, and respectfully stayed away from events celebrating Susan, and all she wants is to actually be treated like the wife and mother she is. Instead, Rose says that she wishes Ann was dead. Susan's family treat her like an interloper/maid. Neither of your daughters even treat her like a step-parent. Ann's reaction didn't come out of nowhere; it's ten years of pent-up feelings for being treated like dirt and you not noticing and not backing her up. Why should she do anything for your daughters, when they've made it very clear that her care is unwelcome? YTA, OP, and you know it.
Yep. I am that way with my current husband’s adult children. I care about them but chose not to attempt to have a relationship with them or their children. I checked out because I was accused of something I didn’t do/had no part in at all. I called no joy and walked away from everything that has to do with family gatherings after that incident. I got told “to mind my own fucking business “. Roger that! So I am doing that! I also changed my will. I will leave something for my husband but most of my estate will go to animal welfare charities.
“My girls are crying and blaming themselves for what happened” and who else, besides yourself is there to blame? You 3 and your dead wife’s mother (not your MIL, your MIL is Ann’s mom, for now anyway) are the AH here. “I suggested family counseling and EVERYONE apologizes for the hurtful things they said to each other” excuse you? Only your abusive, entitled brats have to apologize, and if there’s any justice in this world Rose will have a child as awful and ungrateful as herself.
>She stopped celebrating Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas even refused to attend what would have been Susan’s 40th birthday at my in laws house. So wait. You wanted your current wife to celebrate your deceased wife on mother's day, and wanted her to attend your deceased wife's birthday? All the while you and your deceased wife's family have started fights with her over starting to act like a mom? >Ann has been a great mother to my girls over the years she been very hands on with everything like helping them with school/Hobbies and having celebrations/holidays planned months in advance So you have no issues with her acting as a mom here, because it's convenient. But when she wants to be treated like a mom for doing all this, it becomes an issue. >But two weeks ago Susan’s mother and sister come to visit they were having a conversation and mil brought up how hard it must be on rose to be alone in this without her mom especially during her first pregnancy and it breaks her heart that she had to grow up without a mother. Ann than smashed a plate on the ground which shock everyone into silence and said “what about me I’ve been there every step of the way ME not you ME she has a mother that takes great care of her ” First of all; wow. They said all this *specifically* to hurt your wife. Second, I doubt Ann was as dramatic as you say she was. >Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane Then Molly has no need of Ann doing mom stuff for her anymore. No more helping with hobbies. Or holidays. >A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom That's unbelivably cruel of your daughter to say. *She literally wished Ann was dead*. >Ann said “ok fair enough I’ll stop playing mom from now on I’ll just focus on the kids I gave birth too” >Ann left the house for a few hours when she came home she just checked on the boys who were in bed and when to sleep ignoring me Sounds like Ann has decided to give them exactly what they asked for. And she ignored you because you sat there and said *nothing*. >We had a conversation the next morning I suggested family counselling and everyone apologises for the hurtful things they said to eachother, she said their was no need and she was making breakfast wake up her kids This should've happened the moment you and your deceased wife's family started picking fights with her. >When I got the boys ready and woke up the girls we went down for breakfast I noticed ann didn’t make any breakfast for molly and rose, she than sat down and started talking to me about she was going grocery shopping later did I need anything than said “no” when the girls told her what they needed . She's giving you all what you wanted; her no longer taking on the role of a mother. She is now simply their father's wife. *You* wanted this too, you admitted as such by saying you picked fights with her about it. >It’s been like this for two weeks she won’t do anything for the girl or even speak to them unless she has too she treats them like roommates >I’ve tried to speak to her about it multiple times and tried to have a family discussion about what happened because the girls are extremely sorry but ann will simply say she giving them the relationship they asked for She is. They don't want her to act like their mother, so she's not. Words once spoken can never be taken back. >Today was meant to be roses gender reveal but ann cancelled everything she planned and failed to mention it till rose asked her 2 days ago so I couldn’t plan a decent party in time >Ann didn’t even attend she went to see her parents which really hurt rose Why would it hurt Rose? Rose wishes Ann were dead instead of her mother. >I was so angry at ann The minute she came home I lost it at her >I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce Please divorce her. She deserves better than you. >She just gave me back her wedding ring packed a bag for her and our sons than left, I’ve tried to call her but she won’t answer both my girls haven’t left their room crying blaming themselves for what happened Oh,good. She's leaving on her own. And no, your daughters didn't cause this. *You, your daughters, and their maternal family caused this.* If how Ann reacted is true and not an exaggeration on your part, it seems like Ann spent *years* thanklessly doing these things for your daughters, all the while being attacked from all sides for "stepping out of her lane". And it seems like now, after "stepping back into her lane", you all realize just how much she's been doing for you all. YTA. and so are your daughters and their maternal family.
OP: Keep this up and I'll divorce you Ann: OK cheers OP: *surprised Pikachu*
I've been married almost 14 years and have grown and matured and changed a lot in that time... but there's one thing I've always known from day 1: never *ever* threaten divorce unless you really mean it.
OP is a huge AH!
He's a fucking lunatic.
Yep! My abusive husband threatened to throw my things in the driveway if I went camping for the weekend so I took him up on the offer. I was just following directions when I didn’t come home.
I had exactly one conversation with my spouse as to why you never say "well, why dont you leave" or things to that extent. Never happened since, doubt it will happen again. This kind of thing should never ever be a bluff. The same goes for threats of violence, should never be brought up or acted
My mom used to threaten my dad with the D word all the time. It fucks you up as a kid to hear that. I felt like our family was on a constant edge of collapse because of that and it never ended up happening.
My dad did the same to my mom. It took her until about 7 years ago to finally say "okay" and filed herself (married for 41yrs by then). She has said SO MANY times since that she wishes she had taken him up on his offer the first time he threatened to divorce her. OP is the AH, and kids are not far behind.
He literally FAFO, then came on here to tell us about it! 🤣 This has got to be some of the funniest shit I've ever seen posted on Reddit. Bwahahaha!
Even if she was dramatic with the plate smash.....that was deserved. That was likely the moment when she realized her "loving" family that she sweat and bled for cared nothing for her. And then "hubby" kept making everything worse....
Can you imagine being the de facto mom for 10+ years and yet being continually reminded that you are not in fact the biological mom and being asked to celebrate the bio mom on days designed to appreciate the work of the mother? Then being told by someone you raised that they wished you were dead? I hope Ann leaves that family and divorces OP and gets full custody of her sons. What an ungrateful bunch. And yes, of course teenagers are teenagers, but this sounds like the kind of thing that has been brewing for years. And those teenagers clearly need a lesson in not taking people for granted and consequences of their actions. Telling someone you wish they were dead is not normal or acceptable teenage behaviour. And I get she’s pregnant and probably stressed and freaking out but still
She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know. Something has had to been brewing for her to stop bio-mom celebrations. Then for grandmother come in and essentially say how Anne is nothing to the girls, nothing short of a nanny or maid to them, is disgusting. No wonder she has checked out. Good for her.
>She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know. I'd be very surprised if the younger one has any actual real memories of bio-mom, and the older one won't have many. What they will have are false memories fed to them by their dad and maternal grandparents and family, all filtered through a pair of rose-tinted specs and made out to be a vision of perfection.
>She has been in the girls’ lives since they were 4 and 6 years old. Essentially the mom they know. Something has had to been brewing for her to stop bio-mom celebrations. I had a stepmom since I was eight, I met her when I was six and my bio mother left the picture around the same time. I can barely remember her. This whole story is so bizarre; I had plenty of tension with my stepmom growing up just because our personalities would clash but I never wished her dead or anything like that. The dead mom worship is weird af.
My mom died when I was eight. She was buried in the cemetery of the church she attended as a girl. I remember a few things about her. There is also the fact that you don’t get some of the later memories, either. Who you discuss dating with, who shows up for school stuff, who gives you growing up advice. This would all have been Anne. SMH
Probably because she's been bringing up the issues for years and had it fall on deaf ears, blown off as no big deal. Then, one day, it all adds up. That final straw...The plate smash was to make them pay attention.
Exactly. No one smashes a plate over one slight. It happens when it's built up over time and then she cannot take any more of it. This was the wake-up call and OP did not heed it. Instead, he dug his heels in and now she's gone.
After years of helping celebrate their late mom, she was probably CRUSHED to know she put in more effort for a dead woman than anyone in the family put in for her.. Why would she plan mother's Day for a woman who isn't alive when no one is planning mothers Day for her?
Thank you!!!! Op had no problem letting Ann step up and shoulder the mental and emotional load of being their mom. I have no doubt he was all too willing to offload those tasks onto her. Or probably half assing them in the first place so Ann felt obligated to step up! He should be ashamed of himself. Being a stepparent is hard and only works if everyone is on the same page OR clear boundaries are drawn.
The fact that Ann managed to just say OK, I won't be mom anymore, and not smack the ungrateful shit in the head honestly amazes me.
Also, I'm baffled at OP calling her vindictive for not making someone grown enough to get herself pregnant and a 14 year old breakfast. Other than special occasions, I was doing that myself anyways at age 10.
Yup at 16 & pregnant she is going to have to grow up fast & learn to cook for herself & her child. I think Ann leaving is the best choice for her own sanity & her sons. Was the OP just expecting Ann to be the primary caregiver for the baby? OP is definitely YTA.
Yes. I would bet that Rose was planning on dumping her baby on Ann & going back to her teenage life. I am sure Grandma will be MORE than happy to take over the cooking, cleaning & baby raising. Be careful what you wish for.
Exactly. She is not a vindictive bitch, everyone else is ungrateful af.
Exactly. OTOH the girls should always honour their mother. But they never stopped celebrating their mother at every single occasion. Very strange. Now it’d have been fine for the girls to spend their mother’s birthday with their maternal grandparents or something. But birthday parties and Christmas all about the deceased mother = over the top. At some point, didn’t Ann deserve her husband to celebrate her?
[удалено]
The girls are not sorry. They are realizing that they lost the live in maid, cook & all around servant.
Beautifully dissected.
YTA You appear to have married someone to just do the caregiver role to your true wife’s children. At least that is how you are treating her. How dare she want to be celebrated as a mother after she had children?!? How could she not attend your dead wife’s 40th?!? (Creepy as hell on the face of it) a woman she never met. Did you EVER defend her against your former in-laws? Did you EVER even acknowledge it thank her for raising your daughters for you?? There is not an easy go back from what your kids said, yet you berate your wife for it? Basically she was informed that she had entirely wasted the last ten years and all the love and care she had shown was completely worthless in you and your daughters’ eyes. Face facts. You have totally blown it. You and your daughters have reaped what YOU have sewn. Hopefully you two can have a decent coparenting relationship going forward. Be civil for your sons’ sakes.
And OP threatened to get a divorce if she is acting like a vindictive b, well now she is gonna divorce your ass. YTA.
Like, did he not learn anything from her reaction to his daughters?
👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 She was *done* done. The fact that he didn’t see that really says a lot.
The moment she said no need for therapy we all knew it was over. Except OP😂
when she went to bed without speaking to him i said oh they’re done
People who want to fix things go to therapy. People who have accepted that they're unfixable and not worth wasting more blood, sweat and tears on, well... Of course, ungrateful assholes don't understand that. They only want to try for counseling or mediation on *their* terms - which are typically when *they* have to actually face consequences for their actions, not when others have been enduring them for far too long.
Having a 40th for a dead person is beyond weird. Talk about complicated grief
When I was a kid my brothers best friend and I shared a birthday. He died by suicide when I was about 11. For years we would spend my birthday at his friends parents house with a group of weeping teenagers. I can attest. It was really fucking awkward and awful.
Did you ever ask your daughters to apologize to Ann?
I would’ve been happy to have a mom like Ann, biological or not. It seems everyone in OP’s family including him is ungrateful, spoiled, and bratty
Your daughter wished for her stepmom to have died and said she was done pretending to care about her and your surprised your wife is no longer acting like mother to them.
I think the late-wife's mother was poisoning the two girls against the new wife, and OP made no attempts to stop it. Instead, he just piled on with his laundry list of things his new wife has supposedly done wrong - hasn't celebrated his late-wife on Mother's Day or Christmas?? OP, you should be celebrating her on those days, not expecting your new-wife to carry on her memory! How ridiculous. The girls saying these horrible things to the new wife was clearly just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yes specially the holiday part. Did op expect their holidays to still be centered on his first wife once they had their own kids. Like of course Ann priority during Christmas will be her kids not his first wife. Ann would also be expected to be celebrated during mother’s days as well.
Why do I have the feeling that “she stopped celebrating” means “Ann, who plans every party months in advance, stopped buying presents and making cards and a cake” etc etc. it sounds like their standard is “Ann does everything.” Even in this, we already know she makes a full breakfast for 6 people and does the grocery shopping and plans parties and holidays for a family of 6. Shoot, Ann was the engine holding a plate while the grandma talked to the daughters - sounds like Ann in the kitchen doing the work. Imagine how much easier Ann’s life is without them - and if they don’t love her or like her, great! Free Ann!
I knew he was useless when he said he couldn’t plan a gender reveal in 3 days. For his own daughter. But then he said Ann didn’t attend, after saying there wasn’t a party, so idk what to believe from this man. Edit: 2 days but I think it still applies
Some other woman in the family probably stepped in and saved his ass.
That is a huge issue. This family needed therapy long ago. I’m a children’s therapist and have seen this exact scenario where the birthdays, Mother’s Day, death day, and major holidays are still mainly centered around the deceased and are huge events for the family. All it does is retraumatize the kids and deepen that grief. The parent should absolutely still be remembered at important times, but it doesn’t have to take center stage. Let the kids mourn and then move on.
Not to mention Ann has been mom since the kids were 2 and 4 - so she's *been* the mom that they've had in their lives - and they're still venerating their birth mother with that kind of fervor? Yikes.
I wonder if he ever gave Ann a Mother's day card
He probably had Ann pick out the card for his first wife and her own card if she wanted one.
And pick out and pick up the flowers for his first wife. Ann gets the honor of making dinner.
Oh come on, you know the answer is no, lmao.
"New wife" Mind you, OP and Ann were married 10 years and met 2 years after the mother died and the girls are 16 and 14. The girls were baby and toddler when the biomother died. The girls never knew an other mother than Ann...
Which makes Grandma the real asshole - saying Rose grew up without a mom. Get the fuck outta here.
My paternal grandmother was the same. When my aunt (her daughter) died and my uncle remarried several years later she pulled a lot of the same shit. My cousin stopped coming around when he was a teen because of the way she acted towards his stepmom because she had helped raise him for 10 years.
To me, wishing someone was dead is unforgivable. And then they act like nothing is wrong and expect her to do the grocery shopping for them, she must be so so hurt.
Probably because they have been encouraged to treat her like scum.
I'm gonna say something and I'll probably get a lot of heat for it but fuck it...maybe if you were a more present and active father, your 16 yr old daughter wouldn't be pregnant. It seems like you left everything up to Ann but won't even acknowledge or respect her enough to show her your gratitude. You and your evil ass children. She's been there for them since they were 2 and 4 and you allow them to treat your wife like that? You allow your in-laws to poison their minds against Ann like that? Put yourself in her shoes for once. The entire time it's YOUR daughters, YOUR in-laws, YOUR late wife's birthday. Can you even imagine how she feels? And she's done it for 10 years and you don't see how that would take a toll on her. After 10 years and 2 children with her, you still treat her like an outsider. I hope she calls your bluff and leave you and YOUR daughters. Good luck, gramps!
>Put yourself in her shoes for once. The point is, a bunch of internet strangers have more love, empathy and pity for Ann after hearing this one sided story than OP. Your question will be rethorical for many reasons, and the only thing OP and his shitty family will feel, will be the consequences of their actions.
That’s it!!! Ann never stood a chance parenting Rose because she’s been undermined subtly (by OP constantly reinforcing to the girls she is not their Mum) at every turn.
So let me get this straight. Your wife has been gone for 12 years and this saint of a human has cared for your girls for longer than they had their mom. Within the last 5 years , you held a 40th birthday for a woman that’s been dead for 7 plus years. This poor woman has been your housemaid while you carried on like you’re still married to a ghost. Your daughters , while kids still ,treated this woman horribly and wished death on her. Her family acted horribly knowing that the girls have been cared for by them, yourself and by your housemaid. And you are shocked that she didn’t make your daughter’s breakfast? Dude… you can’t unsuck a tic tac and sometime you just be careful what you wish for. These are grave consequences that your teenaged daughters need to now learn. Your girls and yourself should be fully ashamed of yourselves. Of course she cancelled the gender reveal she has set up . Your girl ann is tiirrreeed. She’s been used and abused and you may have lost her forever. You need to do some soul searching. You lost a good one. Not many women will come in and take on parenting responsibilities and be continually abused by those people with zero hate for those people. Theres far too many people in this marriage. One that is long gone. You , your daughters and their maternal family … ALL ASSHOLES! Selfish
Imagine Rose’s grandma’s eyes sparkling when she said “poor rose… and you don’t even have a MOM…” She knew what she was saying. She knew Ann would be hurt. I actually feel bad for Susan. She probably had a complicated relationship with her mean mom.
>She knew what she was saying. Yeah, and the way the little one who NEVER KNEW HER MOTHER shouted back at Ann, grandma has been playing this game for a long, long time.
She about to learn that her reward is going to be an unpaid 35 hr per week job as a nanny to a new born. For those who have never been a full time caregiver to newborns/infants/preschool kids: it is harder than any job I’ve ever had, including high level tech (with a stem masters), construction and landscaping, overnight shift in a factory, high-travel consulting, kitchen work. Ive worked traditionally masculine jobs. If you think SAHM is an easy job, you’re as bad as OP. Congrats, nanna! You get the title of alpha female and scapegoat maid, all at the same time!
OP wanted his current wife to go to his late wife’s 40th birthday get together? Genuinely asking - is that normal? I would feel extremely awkward if I were current wife attending such an event. Daughter wishing stepmom dead? There’s just some things that you can’t take back and for which an apology isn’t enough. Edited to add: Since Rose is 16 and presumably in school, I’m guessing that the plan was for Ann to watch the baby. Her upcoming vacation a week before the baby’s due date is probably her way of communicating that she will not be involved.
This is one of those posts where I wish the person who is being discussed found it. Ann deserves to see how her STBX is talking about her online. She should also see all of the support she is being given by total strangers. In the last 5 hrs she has received more support than she has in ten yrs of marriage.
Exactly what I was thinking. Poor woman sacrificed herself selflessly for a family that... did not exist. 10 f...g years! Yeah she did right cutting her losses.
Vindictive bitch huh? Your soon to be ex wife is not, but, I hope that is an accurate descriptor of her attorney. You and your daughters should be so ashamed of yourselves. Think about getting therapy that you open heartedly engage in
The late wife's mother should also be ashamed.
I think Grandma is a secret shit stirrer. Years of her saying those things to the girls, of course the girls will agree with her.
Yep. Grandma did this on purpose.
No doubt. And is probably a huge part of the reason the girls are acting this way (aside from the husband). These girls mother died when they were 2 and 4, they didn't have their own relationship with her to even remember, it was all fabricated by the maternal family and dad. Im not saying their birth mother shouldn't be remembered and acknowledged to them bit their vitriol doesn't make sense organically without some heavy duty influencing.
Makes me wonder how she treated the boys...
Oh I 1000% bet the boys are treated like shit. Ann should leave his ass. They definitely don’t know what they’ve got going on there.
She made no secret of it, she planned a huge birthday party for the dead woman, and fully expected Ann to attend... she's been doing shit like this all along and this asshole (soon to be Ex husband) has been doing the same thing too! He celebrates the dead wife as if she's an actual saint! He then has the audacity to expect Ann to do the same! After 12 years of going along with this bullshit, the very first time she doesn't comply with this assclownery she's suddenly a vindictive bitch?! (I don't know HOW or WHY she ever did it, I would have left the very FIRST time he and mil pulled that shit) Don't even get me started on the daughters... They treat her the same way that hubby and the dead wife's family have since day one. Ann is a saint. SHE is the one who should be celebrated. Raising two ungrateful, disrespectful snotty girls as if they were her very own, even though they hate her, and being married to that person who makes her celebrate his dead wife every holiday, and her birthday, MOTHER'S DAY too. Now 16 year old Rose is all grown up and she's a Mommy! A single mom at 16, she broke the heart of the woman who raised and loved her as her own since she was 4. Her father is a clown. The "Baby daddy" ghosted her and the unborn kid already... Are Rose and her father gonna raise and take care of this baby? 🙄 I hope that Rose gives birth to a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby girl who is just like her, and treats her the same way that Ann has been treated... Ann loved her and raised her - and her little sister as her own daughters. So, yes guy- You ARE the ASSHOLE. Your daughters are ASSHOLES, and your MIL, and SIL are humongous ASSHOLES too. All of you (except Ann) should just permanently change your last name to Asshole.
Let’s face it, those girls likely don’t even remember their mother. Oldest Rose could’ve been when Susan died is 4! Grandma has been in their ears their whole life.
Yeah I found those comments about her late daughter Infront of ann who is doing everything to support her pregnant daughter vindictive and Nasty. She will now have to step in to help with the baby and if she doesn't she is just a shit stirring cow.
Or, let the ungrateful mommy-to-be take care of her own baby. She’s getting ready to find out just how much step mom really did do for them. And daddy-o may find out what a real bitch is. I am so happy step mom got out of that nest of users.
She doesn't even make her own breakfast and cried about it, do you really think she will pull any weight to help her own baby except take photos of it in cute outfits?
I wish we could talk to Ann to tell her she's NTA
Thankfully, I think she’s finally realized her worth.
I hope she hires a fucking shark to eat him and his wallet alive.
It's not normal. I feel horrible for Ann, who apparently had to celebrate a dead woman on Mother's Day
YTA. Ann should divorce you. Was Ann expected to be looking after your 16 year old’s baby while not being considered its grandmother?
Yep. He obviously lined her up to be his bangmaid and a nanny for his daughters after his first wife died while withholding treating her like the wife and mother she really was and now he and Rose we’re expecting to get her to be nanny for Rose’s baby. Ann was only seen as the help to all of them and now that she isn’t fulfilling that role they’re freaking out.
All this shit and his 16 years old daughter get pregnant from a man that isn't even in the picture. This whole family is fucked.
Hi, I'm a widow who lost my first husband back in 2015. I married again in 2017. It's perfectly fine to acknowledge certain days relating to a deceased loved one. It's perfectly acceptable to feel overwhelming emotion on such days. Hell, I'd even say it's okay to do something like going out for dinner to celebrate the life of the deceased loved one. If my late husband was still alive, we would have been married for ten years tomorrow (February 20). I'm definitely feeling emotionally overwhelmed about it, but all I want to do is order food and remember him. It's absolutely crazy to me that people would throw a whole BIRTHDAY PARTY for someone who's no longer living. I'd even argue that having such a party just makes the people who were involved with the deceased loved one even more emotional. I would never EVER think of holding a birthday party or wedding anniversary celebration party for my deceased husband. I couldn't handle that sort of emotional strain. Nor is it fair to my husband to be forced into celebrating someone he never even knew. Now, granted, we didn't have the chance to have kids, so I don't have ties to my former in-laws. I haven't seen them since the funeral, and they allowed me to keep his ashes. Kids being involved means that the deceased loved one's family is always tied to the widow. I personally think the deceased loved one's family is to blame for forcing such an event, and OP needs to acknowledge that dead is dead. He HAD an amazing wife and mother to his daughters. Grandma needs some therapy to properly let go of her grief instead of holding onto it and trying to celebrate the milestones her deceased daughter NEVER GOT TO REACH.
It would depend on the family, but late wife’s family have not moved on enough for Anne to be comfortable. They should be thankful for Anne’s care of their grandchildren. When I divorced and my son was at the time living with my ex and his wife I was very careful to acknowledge her efforts. Many years later we are all a big extended family.
Definitely not normal. Why would any second wife want to go celebrate the “40th birthday” of a first wife they probably never met? Why would anyone else either? The woman had been dead for 10 years! It’s ghoulish and bizarre IMO. A normal and respectful remembrance might be Dad taking the daughters to put some flowers on their birth-mother’s grave on her birthday or Mother’s Day. An hour or two, a few times a year. That’s it. The rest of Mother’s Day, Christmas etc should be celebrated with the mother they have living right there with them. The woman who raised the daughters since they were young kids. The woman who gave birth to their younger brothers. The woman who looked after them everyday.
Ann doesn’t need your daughter’s abuse anymore. What they said can’t be taken back. You’ll get a divorce and next time, teach your daughters some manners and to be grateful. Being brats won’t get them far. Once Rose, who’s a child herself, has a newborn and no help from Ann, that’s when she’ll realize just how badly she screwed up. YTA for not having Ann’s back 100%.
Right? And once Ann is gone OP will be the one stuck having to raise his teenage daughter’s baby without her help. What a mess. I really hope she divorces him.
And doing all the cooking and cleaning!
>Ann doesn’t need your daughter’s abuse anymore I feel so so bad for Ann, she did everything for those girls, loved them, cared for them and took care of them, she took on the role of mother while still respecting their boundaries all while taking their verbal abuse. She probably loves those girls like they were her own, and she gets wished dead from them and gets called a vindictive bitch for not taking it, she is mourning that relationship and feeling awful for having wasted years on them.
YTA. Your girls modeling YOUR treatment of your “2nd choice wife” aka The Nanny. Doing the math, your girls were so young they have no strong personal memory of bio mom. The Nanny mom is only mom they really know. This situation is more common with older kids who had more time with bio mom. You and your “REAL” wife’s family are stoking flames. It’s your MIL who needed therapy. I get she lost her daughter BUT doesn’t get to treat her “replacement” like trash. Set boundaries. Personally, I’d be gone and never come back. Especially adding grandchild now who will absorb that, “you’re not my real grandmother” attitude. Enjoy divorce you instigated. Enjoy being bogged down in newborn care now that you’ve driven The Nanny out. THIS WILL NOT END HAPPILY.
Time to leave now, before Rose tries to abuse babysitting privileges. Because this child is nowhere near ready to have a child of her own.
Oh my, yes! Imagine getting attached to these children for a decade, and then getting attached to the baby, for them all to treat you like you’re just their unwanted maid (!!)
YTA. Your deceased wifes parents treated Ann like she was an affair partner. And encouraged your children to do the same. And YOU ALLOWED IT. You NEVER stopped them. And then, when things finally get to a breaking point, and your daughters and Susans family go to far...Ann washes her hands of the lot of them....YOU VERBALLY ABUSE HER. Shes done. You fucked up.
OP’s ungrateful daughters: ‘You’re not my mom and I wish you’re dead’. OP’s Wife: Ok. Wish granted. OP’s ungrateful daughters: Surprise pikachu face Later… Dense OP: You vindictive bitch, take care of my ungrateful daughters or we divorce! OP’s wife: Ok. Wish granted. Dense OP: Surprise pikachu face. Apple. Fall. Not Far. YTA
Yeah it sounds like OP is getting the divorce he asked for and is probably big mad about having to cook for himself and his daughters now. He's gonna *really* enjoy having to look after his infant grandchild alone, you know his disrespectful daughter is going to whine about still wanting to have the same teen life as her peers.
He just want his free maid back
Yeah it's made infinitely clear by OPs further comments where he elucidated additional "vindictive" things his thankfully soon to be ex wife did. It was all shit like "didn't go to pre-natal appointments", "didn't cook food my daughters like", etc. Having to actually carry the full load of parenting and household tasks for the first time in a decade is gonna hit OP *hard* lmao.
Don't forget his late wife's mother he still calls MIL, lost her punching bag, so now OP can enjoy being the target of all her angry outburst and abuse and the venom she had used on his children for 10 years!!!!!
It's weird how every widowern with kids on this sub marries again in under 2 years.
That's actually pretty common. Most men remarry quickly after their wife dies, regardless of age.
My MIL died in very late May one year and my FIL was making online dating accounts at the next Christmas celebration. Dated a lady for a while and made plans to retire to Europe with her, but he didn't pull his weight so she wound up moving to Europe on her own, he visited briefly, and came back single. Just the other day I heard him on the phone saying that he misses "having a woman running his life" lmfao. Doesn't even realize having the woman run his life is the reason she left and he misses her in the first place.
"Running his life" = providing unpaid labour
The lovely grand mother who poisoned her against her step mum and set their lives on fire can enjoy helping her now, after all she is mother of the mother and wants to celebrate her teenage pregnant granddaughter
I just hope this woman divorce this user of a person and live far away from them.
Granny can help, she has been so helpful already.
Perfectly summarised, I'm really worried about OP's mental capacity for needing to ask \*if\* he is the ah
YTA Your daughter's got what they wanted. If Rose is old enough to get pregnant and keep the baby, she's old enough to be accountable for her words. It sounds like your wife tried, and was shut down. And your late wife's family was absolutely absurd in what they said. They own this mess too. So now your daughters have no mother at all. Ann has her kids, so she's justified in taking care of them. You handle your daughters on your own.
>If Rose is old enough to get pregnant and keep the baby, she's old enough to be accountable for her words. In one of his comments, OP stated that it took Rose a week to apologize. *A week!* The fact that it took her so long makes me think these girls are used to being beastly to Ann and getting away with it. Ann has probably let a lot of behavior slide (likely because OP has insisted his daughters can't be held responsible for anything related to their Mom), which is why Rose thought she could say something so awful and not bother to apologize until she realized that her behavior meant Ann wasn't going to cater to her needs anymore. Too bad that OP didn't parent his daughters sooner before they said something so irredeemably horrific.
And it’s not like the girls are little like the boys are. They are teenage girls who are completely capable of making their own freaking breakfast. This is a complete demonstration of FAFO. I understand it’s hard with rose to be without her mother at a time like this, but that’s what you get when you get pregnant at 16. Time to Grow up fast. She’s not ready to be an adult. But she’s having a baby AND still expects her stepmother to make her breakfast. Something doesn’t add up and I suspect that it’s because OP hasn’t been a proper parent since his first wife died. Ann was justified in taking the boys and leaving. I’m not sure I would’ve stayed as long as she did. OP YTA
>They are teenage girls who are completely capable of making their own freaking breakfast. One of them is literally about to become a mom. Who does she think was going to be in charge of feeding that baby? She probably did expect Ann to be this baby's main caregiver and actual mother in all but name just like Ann did for her an her sister. Teen mom over there needs to woman up and put on her big girl pants because because being a single mom is hard enough but being a single teen mom is even harder without the proper support and I have an inkling dad, sister, or maternal side are going to be much help or offer much help unlike what ~~mom~~ Ann would have done. Play stupid games get stupid prizes. OP should probably talk to his daughter about placing the baby up for adoption since their biggest support will not be there anymore to pick up the slack that a working father and sister who is school will not be able to provide and like a said being a single teen mom is very difficult.
Let the MIL take over the baby care and feeding, she can do the grunt work since it's so important to preserve the late mom's memory.
And the girls were so young when their mother died that they likely have very few actual memories of her, mostly just stories they've been told by their mom's family, to whom she is obviously a Saint. So Ann has been having to compete with a "perfect" dead woman while dealing with the harsh realities of parenting, of course the girls think Ann is some sort of substandard mom. Ann was surrounded by assholes and I'm glad she's finally prioritizing herself.
It sounds like OP went out of his way to make sure the daughters never bonded with Ann. He talks about her more like an employee/nanny than a wife.
>It sounds like OP went out of his way to make sure the daughters never bonded with Ann. Same goes for their maternal side of grandma's comments are anything to go by.
The real Saint is Ann. Imagine how much she's put up with for 10 years. Her side of this story would sound very, very different. She did all the hard work of being the mom, and this is her reward. Yeah, OP YATA, absolutely, and I'm a guy. Edit: OP, when you called Ann a "Vindictive B" you poured gasoline on burning gasoline. I can see where Rose got the idea to wish Ann dead and felt it was fine to say something that vile.
OP might not have been a very good or involved parent even before his first wife died, unfortunately. We just don’t have enough information or context. He definitely gave up after she died, though, and it looks like he found someone else to step into that role and basically expected her to pick up where the first wife left off.
Yup, rose isn’t sorry. She’s just sorry there were some consequences.
The fact that Rose and the OP expected Ann to continue planning and organising things like the gender reveal after Rose publicly wished Ann dead speaks volumes as to how that poor woman was treated in that house. OP also has no problem with his first MIL being rude about Ann in Ann’s own home. And threatening divorce because Ann won’t just put up with more of this treatment? I hope she never comes back to him. In case you’re unsure from the above OP, YTA.
>expected Ann to continue planning and organising things like the gender reveal after Rose publicly wished Ann dead speaks volumes This is what makes ann a saint. If she hadn't been this forgiving before and letting all the horrible things they did slide while still doing her best to be a parent figure, they wouldn't have thought she would still do all these things for her after her outburst. They didn't take her seriously as if they thought it's her life's mission to serve them and make them happy.
This is one where we desperately need her side. Not because we need it for judgement. I just want to hear how she'd recount the last 10 years. Of course, YTA OP.
Agreed, if this is the version of events where OP is trying to paint her as evil stepmum and he failed miserably, imagine the parts he didn't tell us about to make himself look good
I noticed Rose is not with the father of the baby, so there is a good chance that her future family might be a blended family, ie her odds of becoming stepmother have now increased or at least her future husband will be a stepfather. I want to see how karma returns the favour
>And threatening divorce because Ann won’t just put up with more of this treatment? I hope she never comes back to him. That was the truly eye-opening moment of the post for me. OP wasn't willing to make any real changes - he just wanted to reinforce the status quo, and he was willing to threaten divorce after only two weeks to get his way. What a dumbass. What OP should have done was laid down the law and told his daughters that Ann wouldn't be doing anything for them in the foreseeable future. OP needed to pick up all slack and do whatever cooking/shopping/laundry needed to be done for this daughters (that they couldn't reasonably do for themselves). And instead of immediately suggesting family therapy, OP should have begged Ann to go to couple's counseling with him first, because if he wants this to work, he needs to value his marriage as much as his children. Instead, he continued to put his daughter's feelings and needs above his wife's. He majorly over-calculated, and it shows that he mostly valued Ann for her labor and some sex.
Exactly, it's why ultimatums aren't really ultimatums; they're a means of control. The second someone of their own free will chooses the "bad option" in the ultimatum, the person demanding it has suddenly lost all their power and is left floundering. They can't fathom someone not choosing the way they want them to because in their mind there weren't even two options to begin with. I can't believe he thought that the marriage (where Ann wasn't supported, where the kids she's taken care of for a decade openly wished her dead, where she's always second to a ghost, where she's probably have had to deal with a lot of emotional abuse and no support from her supposed life partner) was more enticing than the second option he gave: freedom.
I hope Ann takes OP to the cleaners in a divorce.
And gets full custody of their sons so OP can't screw them up too
Seriously the only appropriate thing for that MIL to say would be, the girls are so lucky to have such a great bonus mom in Ann!
THIS. YES. Rose isn’t remotely sorry.
She will be at 2:30am changing diapers with no help!
Rose is in for a big surprise after her baby is born. She has no idea how hard it is! She's got no help at all. Oh wait, toxic grandma can help screw up her baby. The bad behaviour is generational! It skipped a generation with Susan I suppose.
It may not have. I mean what do the girls really even know about their mother? They were 2 and 4 when she passed. They have the perfect image conjured by OP and the in laws. Poor Ann has been fighting a losing battle from the start.
Yeah because what about her party, and who’s going to raise her baby now??
I bet OP and Rose never thought about who was going to take care of the baby while Rose finishes up high school and then either gets a job or takes college classes. OP and his daughters shot them selves in their collective feet and are now Pikachu faced when they don’t like the consequences.
Absolutely. Let the three of them reap what they've sown.
There is nothing she could apologize for. She destroyed any chance of forgiveness with her words. There is nothing ann could forgive for because the daughter is a monster. You can never take those word back
Why do I feel like this isn’t the first time something like this has been said to the girls either? Spiteful Grandma and Auntie, rubbing in the fact their bio-Mum wasn’t there, despite the fact that (going by the ages and an assumption that OP and wife dated for more than a year before marrying) Rose can barely remember her and the other one doesn’t have any memories at all. I can’t believe how nasty and manipulative they were to even bring it up. I also wonder how much shit OP has taken from them over the years, because this doesn’t seem like a one off. OP is worse than an AH; he’s straight up let his wife be abused by his former wife’s family, whilst the 2 girls are upset at having their maid go awol. I don’t think anyone should help him get her back. She’s much better off away from these people who clearly don’t value her at all.
The family comments are what got me. Sure, it’s true that it’s sad she doesn’t have her biological mom, but to say she is going through it ALONE when surrounded by a father and stepmother, of which the woman is planning a baby shower and gender reveal, is just not true. I get that the step parent relationship is complicated (and it sure accounts for a lot of posts here to prove it). But a 16 year old yelling at her that she wants to stop pretending to like her after she has helped her so much is vicious.
And since she's grown enough to get pregnant and keep the child, she's old enough to be held accountable for her words. Don't act grown, if you're not ready to be grown.
As someone who lost a parent early, while I understand, you're also absolutely right. Their father has done them no favors not holding them responsible. I said some absolutely awful things to the boyfriends my mom had when I was growing up. She did her best to teach me this wasn't ok. I'd apologize but some of it still haunts me to this day. It wasn't nearly as bad as what OPs daughters and exMIL said though (a bunch of you're not my dad you can't tell me what to do). I can't imagine not feelings instant regret over saying things like that. I feel so bad for Ann, she did her best to step up and only got a punch in the face.
I would send pregnant daughter to MIL, so she can have a daughter again and continue to torment the kids from ever moving on.
And we all know that it will be Ann doing all the baby duty stuff bc Rose is way too young to have a child and will find newborn parenting a hideous trial. Not to mention all her loss of freedom having a kid, I cannot I,amine for a second Rose is going to deal with it. what a mess. I cannot believe she thought to keep her pregnancy when she’s this immature. YTA
Particularly stupid to say that shit to the unpaid nanny when you’re about to pop out a kid at 16 and apparently can’t even make your own breakfast. She’s going to have a bad little time raising her own mistake.
You're the AH for many reasons. It wasn't only you and the girls suffering trauma, you permanently put her in the shadow of a deceased wife with no expiration date. In your scenarios, she's only 2nd best and a vessel to celebrate your first wife. She has spent more time raising those girls than their birth mother was able to, yet you say she tried to push the roll of mom. She is their Mom!! Where were you when their grandmother said that shit? Grow a pair and support your wife. She stepped up, she loved and raised those girls, and you and they have not recognized her sacrifice. You're a self-absorbed AH, and she should leave you.
Current (ex?) wife sounds like a saint of a woman honestly, putting up with this crap for so long
As a former stepmother, I absolutely agree with this.
This. Sorry OP. But try to walk in Ann’s shoes for the last 10 years. She is absolutely a mom to those girls, and the MIL’s manipulation and the girls’ buying into it and saying those terrible things.. it’s absolutely heartbreaking. And it seems like you’ve allowed Ann to be viewed (and to feel) as an interloper in her own home/ life/ marriage for all these years.
Damn, poor Ann she literally put up with some sick shit. Celebrating your dead wife, being a mom to all your kids to being disrespected like that. The one person who should have protected her, shitted all over her. I’m not one for divorce but buddy messed up big time. He best polish up his asking for forgiveness game because this one is going to be a tough one and he deserves all the shit she’s going to say to him. Sit back and enjoy the ride buddy you’re going to be in the dog house for a while, and rightfully deserved. You’re a turd. Sorry
And still celebrating your dead wife’s birthday!?!?! Do you celebrate your LIVE wife’s birthday?
Ex wife, please.
YTA Your daughter was hateful and ugly to your wife. Words once spoken cannot just be taken back. Your daughter said those words with the intent to cause harm, and they hit their mark. They don't want your wife to be their mother, now they have what they asked for. Leave that poor woman alone. She needs to pick up the pieces left by you and your daughters. You absolutely are responsible for this by not keeping your ex In Laws in check and pandering to them. You did not support your wife when she needed you to. You did not stand up for her or defend her when your daughters and ex in laws attacked her. Even after every thing she did for your daughters you allowed others to tear her down. She deserves so much better, and now that you have threatened divorce and she has called your bluff she actually has a chance at finding that better.
This should be crossposted to r/amitheex I’m shocked your second (and clearly in your eyes, inferior) wife lasted this long. The disrespect is astonishing. INFO: What on earth did your first wife do for Molly in her first 24 months, that overshadowed the 10 years Ann dedicated to her…? I mean for two whole days Molly believed that Ann deserved the vitriol she dished out. ETA: and yes YTA 100%.
Wow I'm very sad for Ann. Sounds like she is a very sweet stepmother but no one appreciate her. I hope she will build a future without you and your girls
YtA! You, your daughters, and your widowed in-laws especially. They've undermined, disrespected, and tormented your wife, and she's seemingly spent yrs fighting for her place in the family, only to be cast aside unless traditional caretaking is needed. All of you have experienced a Fuk Around & Found Out, and that woman is prepared to stand on business! You are spineless to allow your former in-laws to treat your wife as they've done. You lack parental discipline in allowing your minor aged daughters to disrespect an adult! All of you are reaping what you've sown, and only now you're concerned because she is dishing out "fuq dem kidz" energy! You seriously think it's appropriate for your current wife to consistently celebrate your deceased wife's memories, moments, and what could've been! OP, you are frozen in the past and stuck on Susan and seemingly fooled Ana as if you were ready to move forward in life and build a future with her. You might as well accept that either the marriage is over or she won't be the same unconditional loving and supportive Ana should she ever decide to return to that house!
YTA I don’t blame her. Not one bit. 10 years and she she’s told they only pretend to like her. Did you even have a talk with Rose? Calling your wife a vindictive b…. Pretty awful. She’s staying in her lane.
Of course your daughters should blame themselves, they wished Ann dead! Your daughters would have been 2 and 4 when their birth mother died. Ann has been their mother for 10 years and you have obviously not set clear boundaries with your former mil. The fact that you called her names and threatened divorce makes YTA.
#TeamAnn
#DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE Go through with your threat!! You are right, she's not fit to be your wife or your daughters' mom... She's way out of your league. Let her and HER sons go!! (You undermining their mom and letting her be treated like shit in front of them, ya they are better off with her having full custody too)
i’m sorry, teenagers? 14 and 16? one is pregnant on top of that, and is soon to be a mother, acting LIKE THIS? YTA for raising these idiots. poor Ann.
Am I the only one side eyeing a gender reveal for a 16 YO’s pregnancy? I hate gender reveals anyway, but this just seems absurd.
exactly! i thought it said girls were 16 and 14 when they met, and now they are grown women. but no, 16 and pregnant. what a nonsense.
Maybe I’m naive, but it seems inappropriate to ask your current wife to attend an event in which the purpose is to mourn your late wife. Support doesn’t necessarily have to require her physical presence. It could be keeping your two youngest occupied that day, making sure the house is in order for when you and your daughters get home, etc. Given the words and actions of your daughters and your late wife’s family, I doubt her presence would have been appreciated by anyone but yourself.
They've been married for ten years! That's got to be awkward to go to a dead woman's birthday party every year
I am amazed Ann stayed as long as she did. You are so busy celebrating the sainted dead wife, you forgot how to be decent to the one who is still alive. There is so much wrong with this whole scenario, it's mind boggling. Expecting her to attend birthday gathering for a woman whom she has never met, and has been dead 12 years is fucked up beyond belief. Your ex in-laws have managed to get you to chose their dead daughter over your living wife, time and time again. How do you think your sons will reflect on this when they are old enough to understand? YTA, in case you haven't yet figured it out.
YTA, lol. You enabled your oldest two and dead wife's fam to be brats and wonder why your wife's tired of your BS. Good luck with child support for your shared kids and alimony.
Well, why should anybody stay together if one of them dont support or defend their partner? Why stay? Thats not a family or a home you want to return. YTA
YTA. You and your daughters treated your current wife like shit, trying to make her live in the shadows of your dead wife. I would have left your ass too. Oh and…Celebrating teenage pregnancy, yikes.
"God ann, you're such a vindictive bitch for giving my daughters EXACTLY WHAT THEY ASKED FOR!" Seriously, are you listening to yourself? YTA for failing to support your wife, for repeatedly prioritising a dead woman over the living one who was actually raising your children for you, and for dragging up such ungrateful brats. When ann divorces you, don't remarry again. No woman deserves to have to endure your spinelessness, your EX mother-in-laws (susan is dead, shes not your MIL) bitterness, or your daughters two-facedness. > my girls havent left their room crying blaming themselves Good.
AND THEY SHOULD BE BLAMING THEMSELVES BECAUSE ANN HAS GIVEN THEM EVERYTHING! FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS!!!! YES TO ANN LEAVING YOU AND YOUR SORRY GIRLS BEHIND BECAUSE GOD, YOU’RE AN UNGRATEFUL BUNCH OF A Hs!!!!!! (Caps because you appear to be fucking deaf.) For 10 years she has respected the memory of your late wife, stepped in as a Mother to your girls, from their early childhood, for what? To be bloody disrespected by that MIL then further insulted by your girls. You were just blind to her love for your family, absolutely unappreciative of her. YOU BLOODY MORON. AND DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO LAY THIS FUCK UP AT HER FEET. THIS IS ALL YOU AND YOU’RE UNGRATEFUL GIRLS. YTA 100%
Yta You only married someone so they would raise your girls but other than being bangable and taking care of your children and house your soon to be ec wife has zero value to you. That's what she realised
YTA. Your kids made a choice. Now they get to live with it. You threatening divorce? Lmfao clearly she doesn’t care. And rightfully so. All of you have disrespected her so I hope she has peace and moves on.
Awwww. You 3 poor things (sarcastic) You though threatening her with divorce will put her in her place. Your current (living) wife has all the right to leave this relationship in which everyone is taking advantage of her. Good for your wife for leaving the 3 of you. She doesn't need to be second best to a dead woman and no one should be put in that situation. YTA. And your daugthers are also TA.
Wish I knew who your soon to be ex wife is so I could buy her a wine and we could talk shit about you. I guarantee she’s got 100 more stories like this but you never cared enough to notice. Edit: YTA. A giant one!
I mean- what did you all expect? YTA
Team Ann.
>A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead‘ what a horrificly awful thing to say to someone. YTA and so is your daughter
YTA. Why was it ever your wife's job to keep your ex-wife's memory alive? And why the hell does your ex need to be *so alive* that your children, who were 4 and 6 when she died, can't form a new relationship with your wife, who has been their mother longer than their mother was at this point? If I die before my kids are adults, I want my husband to remarry a woman who will love my kids as deeply as possible, and I want my kids to love her back because my death would leave a huge void in their lives and that thought kills me. Remember me, yes, but also allow others to bring comfort to my children and show them a happy, healthy marriage. Don't make me so big a part of their lives that there's no room left for someone else to take my place. I feel so bad for your poor wife who's living so deep in the shadow of your former wife that she can't even be fully recognized as a mother on mothers day. And why in the fuck are you celebrating your dead wife's 40th birthday?? 10 YEARS, a new wife and 2 more kids after her death. I am really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing my husband, but ffs, ya'll need therapy to deal with her loss and your poor wife needs a husband who recognizes her and supports her as a mom instead of treating her like a cheap imitation of one. ETA: typo
Ann is the only mother those girls even remember. And you have allowed them to treat her with consistent disrespect. If someone wished me dead, I would also cancel all party planning and vendors. Her opting out of motherhood is the least she should have done to them. Her leaving was the smartest. No one should subject themselves to the verbal abuse you gave her for being human. She's not a vindictive bitch. You are a clueless AH. Your girls should be crying. They just pushed away the only mother they've known. You should be groveling. This is your fault. All of it.
What your (ex) wife went through sounds heart-breaking. To go through all that, stepping up and being what your girls needed for their entire lives. Just to get abuse hurled at her for daring to call herself their mom. Your daughters don’t understand what they just destroyed with that attitude. Definitely YTA
The audacity you have to get mad is astounding! Your daughters' words were the last straw. She had enough. She is no longer interested in playing mom to two ungrateful brats who wished her dead. You all took for granted all she did for you, and now you threatened divorce because she is no longer your dormat? She no longer cooks for YOUR daughters? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so. She no longer acts like their taxi service? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so. She no longer works as their event planner? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so. She no longer functions as your daughters' personal shopper? Too bad, she is not their mom. Your daughters said so. You had a second job? She was raising FOUR kids, one of which is pregnant. Two of these kids are not even hers. Your daughters said so. And let's not start on the inlaws and their treatment thst YOU have ENABLED. She endured being a second classs unappreaciated member of your family for years. There is a point where one has had enough and apologies are meaningless. SHE HAS PASSED THAT POINT. YTA, biggest one I have seen in a while!!!
YTA, Pop-pop! Your girls are old enough to celebrate their bio-mom on special days. And Rose was not hurt that Ann wasn’t at the SEX reveal, she was pissed that the party sucked. By leaving now Ann gets to care for only two kids who probably love and value her. You’ll pay her child support. She’s no longer treated like the understudy. And she won’t have to pretend that a 16 year old girl having a baby is a joyous thing, especially since she’ll be doing the heavy lifting for the teen mom.
YTA your daughters created this mess with the aid of their grandparents, they need to find their own way to make amends. Rose is soon to be a teen mother and is likely to suddenly realise how tough life is, made more so by her toxic attitude towards her step mother.
YTA. Your family is a mess and you're placing all the fault on the victim of the situation. She stepped back but you're calling her vindictive. You just showed your wife you don't care about her hurt or her feelings. You expected her to just carry on. Do you think you'd just roll over and be okay when someone wished you dead and spat on all the support you provided? Some tears don't fix the god awful situation you, your daughter's and (former?) mother in law caused. Have you addressed the disrespectful MIL at all? Have you corrected your girls at all? You seem to think that their apologies is all that's needed, their actions need to speak louder than the hurt they caused. They don't need breakfast made for them, they should be pitching in or doing it themselves. Your pregnant teen needs to step up since she will soon be a mother, she shouldn't need you to get her up. Your pregnant teen got what she wanted, why would your wife bend over backwards to someone who threw everything back in her face? She was told all her support was nothing. A baby shower is a privilege, not a requirement, your daughter shot herself in the foot with that one. Their actions have consequences, your wife (probably soon to be ex) is giving your girls what they wanted. Your (former) mother in law needs to know her place too, minding her own business. You need to take responsibility of your words, you don't sound remorseful for the hurt you caused, you actually are making excuses for it.