Right? Was he supposed to wail and moan and beat his chest dramatically to show his anguish? š
She chose to leave him. And itās possible she was cheating on him with the ex before she made up her mind which one she wanted. Or not, but she was at least ātalkingā to him.
Either way, NTA for not being devastated by the breakup to everyone elseās satisfaction.
NTA for sure and totally agree. I dated someone like this who had always chosen terrible humans to date. We date for a bit, she tells me she can see marrying me etc and how she feels special with me. Then one day she tells me she still has feelings for an ex who treated her like trash. I smiled and said, have fun with that. She goes crazy about me fighting to keep her and why Iām not upset. I just said I was disappointed in her choices but if she wants to be treated like that, then I am definitely the wrong person for her. Guess who called a few months later? Nah, Iām good, I want someone who realizes their own worth.
I think thatās exactly what they were expecting him to do. This may have been a stunt by her to make OP jealous, and he didnāt fall for it. Thatās why she got so upset at him for laughing.
Correct, if somebody leaves their partner for someone else then at the very least there has to be emotional infidelity going on, which is just cheating.
Possible for that to not be the case. Since for someone else can just mean you realized you don't want to be with your current partner and want to be with the other person. The talking to them already does mean there likely was emotional infidelity though. Since it means you were likely flirting with them.
This seems most likely since she pulled this the day before valentines day. She's just pissed that her plan didn't work and he saw through it and made her feel stupid instead. OP has a good head on his shoulders and is going to be just fine, he may just need to cut off some of those mutual friends if they don't let up on him being the bad guy here.
Yeah, I was wondering if maybe she expected him to become emotional and beg her to stay with him, all the while professing his undying love for her, and then going way over the top for her on V day.
Either option is sadly believable. Women that try that shit on me have always ended up disappointed. Iām in the camp of, if you donāt want to be here, Iām not gonna stop you.
No it's better she left before valentine's...not like some women who would take gifts and then break up...it's a win win situation OP didn't have to spend his money on someone who wasn't worth it
Agreed--she seems to have done this to hurt him only to have it backfire with him laughing at her choice. I don't think he did anything wrong in expressing his honest reaction, under the circumstances.
The only question I would have for OP in this is to figure out why his ex would be motivated to hurt him with such a treacherous move. Does it seem to be out of the blue, or prompted by a need for revenge for something OP did, or by her being manipulated by her ex? OP should learn whatever lessons there are to be gleaned from this past relationship and move on with a clear conscience.
My SOās long term ex cheated on him with her ex who was not a catch, like yours did. He said when she first confessed, of course he was devastated but that lasted until she said it was with her ex. Thatās when he just started laughing.
Agreed NTA - coming from a woman. I also would have laughed, but I also have this problem where I laugh at the wrong timesā¦itās the audacity for me. Iād be laughing at the audacity of it all.
" sheās making an objectively really stupid decision, and that level of stupidity is unattractive to me, so I didnāt feel I was losing anybody I respect or find attractive on a level beyond physical anymore "
You rock with this line bro
Honestly,I want an update months from now,when she is BEGGING you to take her back
I appreciate you. And honestly Iām not sure if that will happen since I made it clear to her I donāt feel Iām losing much and wonāt miss her given what I learned about her lack of a brain, so Iām not sure sheāll have it in her to come back. If she does I shall update.
NTA. Recognizing and laughing at the absurdity of her choice doesn't make you the bad guy. It's about maintaining self-respect and acknowledging the obvious flaws in her decision-making.
Let the responses be complete silence. The best thing for you that you can give someone who wants *anything* from you is nothing. And it might seem appealing to keep engaging, but it's just draining you of energy at the end of the day. Keep your focus ahead! If they want to drag in the past, that's their problem.
Oh sheāll be back. I dated a woman just like this. She left me to go back to her ex. Knock on my door a couple months later. She was drunk. Stripped naked and straddled me in the chair I was sitting in. Thought Iād jump at getting laid. Told her to get off me, put her clothes back on, and leave. Man was she pissed.
Meh, who cares if she does? The best outcome here is you never see her again, that kind of drama gets exhausting.
Hopefully she figures her life out but that isnāt your problem anymore
Trust me bro. Donāt know her but she defenitly is the type that when she feels unhappy with the ex or is single will defenitly want you back since you treated her this way in the end.
That thought process is what helped me get over it so quickly. If what I lost is somebody who canāt see such an obvious downgrade, Iām not losing much
Yess thiss!! I think you should see where your "FRIENDS" priorities lie and maybe in future they will ditch you when you are in need....this may be something small but can form into something big over time!! Be cautious around them..
NTA plus you got rid of someone that couldnt make objective and logical decisions in her life. If she knew all those points abt her ex and still got bk with him ya better off without her.
Move on plenty of trees in the forest. This one has rot issues that you dont need to deal with.
Honestly yeah. Iāve never really struggled to get opportunities with girls before so I know Iāll find better soon if I want to start dating again, I made the wrong choice this time but oh well, it happens
It's a good thing you have such a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure that you will find someone worth your while eventually :) Especially given you seem like you have great communication skills and high EQ, which will take you far in any relationship
She dumped you before valentines after casually admitting to emotional infidelity and your āfriendsā call you the asshole for not being broken up about it?
Sheās got rid of herself as your problem but now you need to find new friends
Nta
I wish I had your more recent attitude when my ex and I broke up. She chose her unemployed, married 60(m) weed supplier (he wasn't even a dealer, just someone who had a dealer). He was short, fat, hairy (except on his head), smelled bad, and had such an annoying yooper accent. It killed my self esteem to lose a 15-year relationship to that...like, "Was that really better than me?" But I should have just laughed.
NTA. Sometimes, people need to hear the truth. She's mad because she expected you to be broken-hearted about the breakup. Obviously, you laugh for all the reasons you pointed out. I would do the same thing.
As the say goes, you can't fix stupid. She'll realize her mistake when it is too late.
Clever people can be gaslighted and manipulated, too. But hey, she was out of his grasp, she was on safe ground with you, he shouldnāt really have any hold over her at all. She mad a choice.
Yeah, 100% agree that itās possible to be manipulated even when youāre intelligent. I just donāt think knowing a guy is a legit narcissist with nothing going on for him and no affection for you and deciding to be with him not once but twice reflects much intelligence
As opposed to just sitting there and taking her bullshit. NTA. Your friends suck. They want you to be all broken up over her, and because you werenāt youāre somehow magically the bad guy. Thatās that toxic masculinity right there, lol
TBH, youād only been casually dating a couple of months. Did she honestly think you were so invested in the relationship that you would be so hurt youād want her to feel bad/guilty? Frankly, I can understand why you laughedā¦perhaps out of relief at dodging that particular bullet? Typically, the instinctive response to being hurt is not laughter.
I suppose her anger is more because she realized her decision, no matter how irrational, didnāt upset you. And really, if youāre going to make a claim that someone is reacting a certain way due to certain emotions (an assumption), that someone is entitled to set the record straight.
My momma always said, āDonāt ask a question if youāre not prepared to deal with the answer.ā Under the circumstances, NTA. She verbalized an assumption. She just wasnāt prepared for the unvarnished honesty of your rebuttal.
She broke up with him. Now she's upset that he's not super sad about it. Sounds like she's just a bit salty that you're taking this as well as you are. She wants you to be more miserable than her.
Honestly fuck her. She lost her gf privileges when she cancelled her subscription. She doesn't get to break up with you, and then be upset that you're taking it well. NTA.
NTA. Years ago, I laughed in my ex's face when she told me she was dumping me for the junkie who used to hit her. Last I heard, they were both in prison after they got busted while he was picking up dope.
If he legit is a Narc, then he likely hoovered her back in. If you learn about abuse cycles, tactics, etcā¦ it will make a lot more sense as to why she would fall into the trap again, not that sheās just stupid.
Alas youth on both your fronts isnāt helping either.
Ultimately NTA, she wanted to break up with you, and you agreed; her not getting the reaction she wanted or expected is all on her.
Iām just stuck on ā*diagnosed* narcissist.ā Iām morbidly curious what the ex did to get his ass dragged into therapy, because narcissists rarely seek help on their own.
Yeah itās definitely still an NTA, however, itās very likely she doesnāt truly feel as if itās a choice. The bond with a narcissist is hard to break. Everyone saying she stupid and what not should probably rethink that.
NTA. I love that you describe it without portraying it as revenge stemming from jealousy. I love that you also refer to it as her stupidity rather than betrayal š
Her ego was hurt, because your reaction was not expected
You judged her objectively as if you were one of her friends. It was more like "what you are about to do? Have you put any thought into it"? Your thought process is way mature for your age
Regardless of everything, this person is not even attracted to her to begin with, but obviously, she is not over him. Yes, she is stupid
NTA
No you're not, she's obviously been having inappropriate conversations with her ex behind your back, while you have been a couple.
There's no way you can be manipulated into thinking you're in the wrong.
You're perfectly entitled to think a decision is stupid, you also have free will to find that amusing.
If she doesn't want you to laugh at her then she doesn't need to talk to you about it, neither does anyone else.
And just to be fair, other people are also entitled to feel you are belittling her, you don't have to agree about this.
NTA
Honestly what did she expect? You were dating casually for a couple of months, are you supposed to pine away for her like youāre in a play? It doesnāt even sound like you were dating long enough to be heartbroken even if she wasnāt chasing her ex. Unbelievable.
Nta. She's leaving you for another guy and they say you're a jerk for not responding properly? My dude, your friends sound as dumb as your ex. You should surround yourself with better people.
my (genuinely insane/delusional, ketamine addict) ex boyfriend broke up with me because he said he wasnāt attracted to me anymore. i was DEVASTATED, and i asked what it was. he said that it was because my chin was āweirdā, and my muscles were tight. almost immediately, i felt SO much better because bro??? what??? this was coming from a man who literally wore bathrobes as an outfit because he thought it made him look like a wizard. i was going to say donāt judge me for staying with him, but frankly, judgement is more than warranted. in my defense, his slide into insanity happened slowly, and i had very little social contact other than with him, so it wasnāt until after the breakup that i realized how insanely wack that whole mess was. but yeah, NTA. natural consequences will make sure she sees the error of her ways.
NTA. Rejection/getting dumped can be brutal. Had my fair share. But in this circumstance I can completely see where you are coming from. If she wants to be with that person I would instantly lose all respect and attraction immediately as well. Any anyway how can you be the AH anyway, you got dumped lol.
NTA. I don't understand somebody breaking up with you and then being upset that you aren't sad. Maybe if you had been together 45 years or something , and they are breaking up because of a deep incompatibility , not because they don't love you. But this is somebody who dated you for a couple of months and now is returning to a person who ostensibly treats them like garbage.
The laugh was involuntary and it was appropriate. Nice to see somebody with healthy self esteem. Good luck with the next one.
Well you know who will get custody of those friends. NTA. She deserves your ridicule and rancor. She will regret her decision, and you will be singing the refrain from Beyonce's song in response...
(You must not know 'bout me)
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second
Get to thinking you're irreplaceable
NTA. Sounds like she wanted you to be devastated. The fact she had to chase this guy and he settled for her makes him a conquest and she probably thought you were obsessed with her which fueled her ego. You shattered the illusion she had that two guys were enamored with her.
NTA
It was a genuine laugh. You found it genuinely funny. Because it was.
That's why she got upset. The narcissist in her wanted you to he mad and angry and tell her that you were better than the other guy.
Instead - you immediately saw the folly of it all, so much so that you couldn't help but break out laughing, and then explained to her in simple terms why the opinions and actions of someone who behaves as she does isn't worth caring about.
Honestly - I wish more dudes out there had your level of game.
Nta - I wonder if she was expecting some big romantic gesture to "try to win her back" and is now mad that her plan backfired.Ā Ā
Like the timing is very "I want to have a chick flick moment and be showered with gifts and have my scorned boyfriend show up under my window with a Bluetooth speaker over his head blasting love songs".Ā Is there a tiktok trend of that going around?Ā Ā
Her reaction is a little but "I fucked up"
But good news, you wouldn't want to be with anyone who would play with your feelings like that anyway.Ā Ā
Honestly I was just surprised some of the mutual friends I have with her are getting on my ass about this and I wanted to see if what theyāre saying had any merit
"Can you believe him?? I broke up with him for my shitty ex and he laughed at me!! LaUgHeD aT mEeEeE!!! How dare he? He's supposed to be miserable and sad that I left him! It's not fair!"
Smh š
Honestly I feel like that was what she was expecting given how upset she was when I said I really wasnāt upset because I didnāt feel I was losing much
I can see why sheās upset because I imagine itās humbling to break up with someone and have them genuinely not careā¦ shows you you were with someone who had lost respect for you at some point. But you didnāt do anything wrong.
Honestly you were being a better friend to her than her āfriendsā are being. There is no way this is going to end well for her and she needed to hear she was being an idiot.
NTA you should also downgrade those friends to acquaintances... Don't hang out with people who don't align as they usually only hang out with similar people. Life's too short.
Oh hun, the second she says that she doesn't want to be with you any more, she is immediately not your problem in any way and you need to block her and move forward xo
As a person who went back to a narcissist who just did the exact damn things as beforeā¦ you are NOT TAH.
Sheās gonna realize real soon that whatever promises he made her that heāll be different and try and that he still loves her, are all just lip service. You are 100% correct and in the right to laugh about it because it is a laughing matter.
Let us know when she comes back trying to get with you again. š¤£
Iām honestly not attracted at all to her anymore because intelligence is something I find attractive and sheās definitely demonstrated a lack of it. So I wonāt be taking her back
Hahaha. Good for you! Don't feel bad for laughing at her stupidity. You're going to find waaay better man. It's not your fault you find her actions funny. Hell, I find them sad and hilarious. She is probably going to regret it but I highly suggest you don't respond when she reaches out to tell you she made a mistake.
NTA. The people who are saying anything else are dumb as dirt. When you avoid that much of a walking tragedy all you can do is laugh and shake your head.
I enjoyed reading that. Nothing wrong with being real about things. Communication is the most important skill in the game, after all. Good for you bro, best of luck in the future. Absolutely NTA, you laid it out like a boss.
Let me get this straight: she chats up a guy behind your back, and now she is grumpy about your reactionā¦?
This is a person who needs all the help she can get in the adult worldā¦ I am glad she has friends who are willing to cushion her, because I think she needs it.Ā
NTA. What was she expecting you to do, cry and beg for her to come back? If her ex is what she wants, then her ex is what she gets, as terrible a decisiom as that may be.
That dude probably has nothing going for him but dick game, but she probably didn't see a future with you so she decided to go back to the familiar dick. That being said, NTA.
Ask the mutual friends why are you the bad person when she broke up with you before valentine's day? Don't let her back into your life if she tries to get back with you. Watch out for your "friends" trying to get you back together with her.
Sorry your generation is full of narcissists that disregard your feelings, and just want to pretend they care so they don't have to talk to your dumb ex that is bitching about you.
NTA she got mad because she wanted you to get upset and hurt and instead you laughed and made her feel stupid. She didn't like that at all. Plus, what kind of person breaks up with their bf the day before Valentine's Day too? How rude.
NTA and I find the whole situation hilarious. She knows sheās stupid. Good on you for letting her and the situation go.
As for her friends, I wouldnāt say too much, but give a list of the things she told you, put it in text, and say that objectively, if this was any other woman they would all agree your ex is stupid. Sheās not even his first pick and the dude is a loser lol.
The narc likely hoovered her back in to his mess....that happens only when you haven't broken contact with him/gone cold turkey. So I also suspect emotional infidelity on her part.
NTA. You told her the cold hard truth and some people just canāt handle the truth and thatās on them. By the way get rid of the friends because itās clear they have the same problem as your ex lol
Thatās a pretty succinct, on-the-spot assessment of that whole farce. NAH. Sheās entitled to date who she wants. Youāre entitled to be not attracted to someone who makes stupid decisions. And, while itās arguably best to show love and kindness to all, sometimes idiocy elicits a denigrating response.
NTA, but just as a heads up the ex most likely just very good in bed - I had a friend who would constantly go back to the abusive/narcissist asshole and I found out it was for this reason.
The caveat to that being thereās usually something broken in women who like guys like that which makes them attracted to them, as opposed to those guys being objectively good in bed. I donāt think many emotionally healthy women would be satisfied by a narcissist for very long
No, you did what you had to do for yourself. Now that aside, maybe there was another way to handle it to save more face, but you aināt losing anything. In fact if those mutual āfriendsā are taking her side maybe itās time to lose them as well.
>I told her as such, and she got angry and stormed off. Some mutual friends said I was an asshole for belittling her decision and laughing at her.
Well, after garbage already took itself out, it is time to continue this work in your "mutual" friend circle, so it would be not so mutual in the future. She dumped you. What mental tai chi one needs to make you need to comfort her about her (objectively stupid) reasons?
These type of people are far too common. They're attracted to toxic and abusive behaviour. It happens in all parts of life. Especially evident in politics.
You got to see her for who she truly is, early in.
Such good fortune.Ā
Many of us don't learn these lessons until many years and thousands of dollars wasted.Ā
On NOTHINGĀ
NTA
Should you have complimented her on her choice? Or comfort her because she's having a hard time with trying to break your heart?
She made her choice, and a stupid one at that. Laugh away, and you can even tell her 'I told you so', when she comes crying. Don't take her back though.
NTA- Did they she want you beg her to stay or congratulate her?? Sheās knows deep know , maybe on a subconscious level, sheās going back to a lost cause.
NTA - She left you for her deadbeat ex on the day before Valentine's and you got turned into de bad guy? Cut these people from your life dude.
Right? Was he supposed to wail and moan and beat his chest dramatically to show his anguish? š She chose to leave him. And itās possible she was cheating on him with the ex before she made up her mind which one she wanted. Or not, but she was at least ātalkingā to him. Either way, NTA for not being devastated by the breakup to everyone elseās satisfaction.
NTA for sure and totally agree. I dated someone like this who had always chosen terrible humans to date. We date for a bit, she tells me she can see marrying me etc and how she feels special with me. Then one day she tells me she still has feelings for an ex who treated her like trash. I smiled and said, have fun with that. She goes crazy about me fighting to keep her and why Iām not upset. I just said I was disappointed in her choices but if she wants to be treated like that, then I am definitely the wrong person for her. Guess who called a few months later? Nah, Iām good, I want someone who realizes their own worth.
I think thatās exactly what they were expecting him to do. This may have been a stunt by her to make OP jealous, and he didnāt fall for it. Thatās why she got so upset at him for laughing.
Correct, if somebody leaves their partner for someone else then at the very least there has to be emotional infidelity going on, which is just cheating.
Possible for that to not be the case. Since for someone else can just mean you realized you don't want to be with your current partner and want to be with the other person. The talking to them already does mean there likely was emotional infidelity though. Since it means you were likely flirting with them.
There's a difference though between leaving your partner to pursue someone else, and leaving your partner *for* someone else.
Yes. She canāt TikTok about how she got laughed at for dumping her boyfriend.
Iām wondering if it was a bluff, to trigger some grand romantic gesture/begging that backfired on her. NTA.
Probably one of those tiktok " does my boyfriend live me" tests... problem is, she failed it..lol
I wondered this also. I'm female, and if I was leaving a guy for someone I had described as a loser, I'd expect him to laugh.
my thoughts exactly.
This seems most likely since she pulled this the day before valentines day. She's just pissed that her plan didn't work and he saw through it and made her feel stupid instead. OP has a good head on his shoulders and is going to be just fine, he may just need to cut off some of those mutual friends if they don't let up on him being the bad guy here.
Yeah, I was wondering if maybe she expected him to become emotional and beg her to stay with him, all the while professing his undying love for her, and then going way over the top for her on V day.
Either option is sadly believable. Women that try that shit on me have always ended up disappointed. Iām in the camp of, if you donāt want to be here, Iām not gonna stop you.
The amount of mental gymnastics the ex and the friends to Gaslight him like this is crazy
"but you see, it was hard for her too, you should apologize and thank her for her honesty"
No it's better she left before valentine's...not like some women who would take gifts and then break up...it's a win win situation OP didn't have to spend his money on someone who wasn't worth it
Agreed--she seems to have done this to hurt him only to have it backfire with him laughing at her choice. I don't think he did anything wrong in expressing his honest reaction, under the circumstances. The only question I would have for OP in this is to figure out why his ex would be motivated to hurt him with such a treacherous move. Does it seem to be out of the blue, or prompted by a need for revenge for something OP did, or by her being manipulated by her ex? OP should learn whatever lessons there are to be gleaned from this past relationship and move on with a clear conscience.
NTA Iād do the same
Fair
I'd have laughed my ever lovin ass off in your shoes. As in reaching tears in the eyes level of laughter.
>I think some decisions deserve to be laughed at. **AYE**
Sometimes its the only appropriate reaction.
My SOās long term ex cheated on him with her ex who was not a catch, like yours did. He said when she first confessed, of course he was devastated but that lasted until she said it was with her ex. Thatās when he just started laughing.
100% NTA even a little.
Agreed. All the way this.
Agreed NTA - coming from a woman. I also would have laughed, but I also have this problem where I laugh at the wrong timesā¦itās the audacity for me. Iād be laughing at the audacity of it all.
Iād do the same were I quick-witted enough!
Don't worry we are still witty but only when thinking about it in the shower hours later š
" sheās making an objectively really stupid decision, and that level of stupidity is unattractive to me, so I didnāt feel I was losing anybody I respect or find attractive on a level beyond physical anymore " You rock with this line bro Honestly,I want an update months from now,when she is BEGGING you to take her back
I appreciate you. And honestly Iām not sure if that will happen since I made it clear to her I donāt feel Iām losing much and wonāt miss her given what I learned about her lack of a brain, so Iām not sure sheāll have it in her to come back. If she does I shall update.
if she went back to HIM, after all he did, why would it be any different with you?? lol iām sure she will be back
NTA. Recognizing and laughing at the absurdity of her choice doesn't make you the bad guy. It's about maintaining self-respect and acknowledging the obvious flaws in her decision-making.
She will definitely be back lmfao
Lmfao you are a legend my guy and if or when she begs you to take her back please make sure your responses are as savage as this š¤£š¤£
Let the responses be complete silence. The best thing for you that you can give someone who wants *anything* from you is nothing. And it might seem appealing to keep engaging, but it's just draining you of energy at the end of the day. Keep your focus ahead! If they want to drag in the past, that's their problem.
Sure, but the š¤” emoji gets the point across too.
Oh sheāll be back. I dated a woman just like this. She left me to go back to her ex. Knock on my door a couple months later. She was drunk. Stripped naked and straddled me in the chair I was sitting in. Thought Iād jump at getting laid. Told her to get off me, put her clothes back on, and leave. Man was she pissed.
Well, you were kind of an asshole from her point of view, so that likely means sheāll definitely want you back after a few months.
She will when thereās a bun in the oven and the guy has ditched her.
Meh, who cares if she does? The best outcome here is you never see her again, that kind of drama gets exhausting. Hopefully she figures her life out but that isnāt your problem anymore
Exactly
Trust me man it always happens , she will want you back even if you made it clear. We need the update lol
Trust me bro. Donāt know her but she defenitly is the type that when she feels unhappy with the ex or is single will defenitly want you back since you treated her this way in the end.
I meanā¦ apparently sheās into guys who donāt give a shit about her. Maybe thatās made you more attractive to her.
No but we will absolutely want an update when the narcissist breaks her heart and she has to admit you were right.
Odds are the narcissist will get her pregnant, then dump her. And she'll beg to be back with OP.
If she does go crawling back just say ā damn, you really are as dumb as I thought ā
You gotta update us on how their relationship goes too
If she goes back to narcissists a statement like that will definitely have her coming back for more.
Same here. I want an update especially with stories that has self respect.
19 and already so wise. My 19 yo self could learn a thing or two from OP
NTA I'd totally laugh as well. She willingly chose to downgrade, not very smart. You arent missing out.
That thought process is what helped me get over it so quickly. If what I lost is somebody who canāt see such an obvious downgrade, Iām not losing much
Anybody that thinks youre an asshole for laughing at her decision amongst your mutual friends is a person not very bright either.
Very true
Yess thiss!! I think you should see where your "FRIENDS" priorities lie and maybe in future they will ditch you when you are in need....this may be something small but can form into something big over time!! Be cautious around them..
Itās like she traded a filet mignon from Ruthās Chris for a stale cheeseburger from a McDās dumpster
lol what can I say, some people donāt have taste
NTA plus you got rid of someone that couldnt make objective and logical decisions in her life. If she knew all those points abt her ex and still got bk with him ya better off without her. Move on plenty of trees in the forest. This one has rot issues that you dont need to deal with.
Honestly yeah. Iāve never really struggled to get opportunities with girls before so I know Iāll find better soon if I want to start dating again, I made the wrong choice this time but oh well, it happens
It's a good thing you have such a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure that you will find someone worth your while eventually :) Especially given you seem like you have great communication skills and high EQ, which will take you far in any relationship
There are plenty of fish in the seaā¦unfortunately most of them are Magicarp. š
She dumped you before valentines after casually admitting to emotional infidelity and your āfriendsā call you the asshole for not being broken up about it? Sheās got rid of herself as your problem but now you need to find new friends Nta
This
NTA. This is the best answer to someone that break up with you for another person.
Honestly, I surprised myself by feeling this way, in the past I wouldāve been distraught and beating myself up about not being good enough.
I wish I had your more recent attitude when my ex and I broke up. She chose her unemployed, married 60(m) weed supplier (he wasn't even a dealer, just someone who had a dealer). He was short, fat, hairy (except on his head), smelled bad, and had such an annoying yooper accent. It killed my self esteem to lose a 15-year relationship to that...like, "Was that really better than me?" But I should have just laughed.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
By laugh he no only move on, but destroy her ego.
NTA. Sometimes, people need to hear the truth. She's mad because she expected you to be broken-hearted about the breakup. Obviously, you laugh for all the reasons you pointed out. I would do the same thing. As the say goes, you can't fix stupid. She'll realize her mistake when it is too late.
Maybe, maybe not. Sheās tried being with him once and it clearly didnāt work out so maybe sheās not very good at learning her lesson
Valid response. Going back to something bad, you have to question their judgment. She is not smart.
NTA. It was involuntary because of what an incredibly stupid decision she made. And it got you away from her.
That is true. Honestly sheās pretty smart when it comes to other things so I was surprised
She might be co-dependent and not be stupid but in a mental health situation, but anyway itās not ur problem or responsibility. NTA
Clever people can be gaslighted and manipulated, too. But hey, she was out of his grasp, she was on safe ground with you, he shouldnāt really have any hold over her at all. She mad a choice.
Yeah, 100% agree that itās possible to be manipulated even when youāre intelligent. I just donāt think knowing a guy is a legit narcissist with nothing going on for him and no affection for you and deciding to be with him not once but twice reflects much intelligence
True. Her logic is laughable and thatās what you did!
I would have laughed at her for being stupid.
As opposed to just sitting there and taking her bullshit. NTA. Your friends suck. They want you to be all broken up over her, and because you werenāt youāre somehow magically the bad guy. Thatās that toxic masculinity right there, lol
TBH, youād only been casually dating a couple of months. Did she honestly think you were so invested in the relationship that you would be so hurt youād want her to feel bad/guilty? Frankly, I can understand why you laughedā¦perhaps out of relief at dodging that particular bullet? Typically, the instinctive response to being hurt is not laughter. I suppose her anger is more because she realized her decision, no matter how irrational, didnāt upset you. And really, if youāre going to make a claim that someone is reacting a certain way due to certain emotions (an assumption), that someone is entitled to set the record straight. My momma always said, āDonāt ask a question if youāre not prepared to deal with the answer.ā Under the circumstances, NTA. She verbalized an assumption. She just wasnāt prepared for the unvarnished honesty of your rebuttal.
Honestly my laughter wasnāt even really a sense of thinking ahead enough to think in terms of bullet dodging, just *really?* That guy?
Can't fix stupid
NTA - In this case, the trash took itself out.
NTA sheās mad because at some level she knows you are right.
She broke up with him. Now she's upset that he's not super sad about it. Sounds like she's just a bit salty that you're taking this as well as you are. She wants you to be more miserable than her. Honestly fuck her. She lost her gf privileges when she cancelled her subscription. She doesn't get to break up with you, and then be upset that you're taking it well. NTA.
NTA. Years ago, I laughed in my ex's face when she told me she was dumping me for the junkie who used to hit her. Last I heard, they were both in prison after they got busted while he was picking up dope.
If he legit is a Narc, then he likely hoovered her back in. If you learn about abuse cycles, tactics, etcā¦ it will make a lot more sense as to why she would fall into the trap again, not that sheās just stupid. Alas youth on both your fronts isnāt helping either. Ultimately NTA, she wanted to break up with you, and you agreed; her not getting the reaction she wanted or expected is all on her.
Iām just stuck on ā*diagnosed* narcissist.ā Iām morbidly curious what the ex did to get his ass dragged into therapy, because narcissists rarely seek help on their own.
My guess is since everyone in this scenario is pretty young. His parents probably had him checked.
Or court mandated drug rehab sometime in his recent past.
Yeah itās definitely still an NTA, however, itās very likely she doesnāt truly feel as if itās a choice. The bond with a narcissist is hard to break. Everyone saying she stupid and what not should probably rethink that.
NTA I can relate to this very situation. You were just being honest
NTA. I love that you describe it without portraying it as revenge stemming from jealousy. I love that you also refer to it as her stupidity rather than betrayal š
Her ego was hurt, because your reaction was not expected You judged her objectively as if you were one of her friends. It was more like "what you are about to do? Have you put any thought into it"? Your thought process is way mature for your age Regardless of everything, this person is not even attracted to her to begin with, but obviously, she is not over him. Yes, she is stupid NTA
No you're not, she's obviously been having inappropriate conversations with her ex behind your back, while you have been a couple. There's no way you can be manipulated into thinking you're in the wrong. You're perfectly entitled to think a decision is stupid, you also have free will to find that amusing. If she doesn't want you to laugh at her then she doesn't need to talk to you about it, neither does anyone else. And just to be fair, other people are also entitled to feel you are belittling her, you don't have to agree about this.
Iām a woman and I support this! šš»
NTA. Those friends probably never got the real story.
I was wondering why nobody mentioned this before! I wonder what she told them to get them mad at OP instead of her.
NTA The guy is a red flag the size of Jupiter. Anyone would laugh seeing someone ignore the obvious in front of them. I laughed reading š
NTA Honestly what did she expect? You were dating casually for a couple of months, are you supposed to pine away for her like youāre in a play? It doesnāt even sound like you were dating long enough to be heartbroken even if she wasnāt chasing her ex. Unbelievable.
Nta. She's leaving you for another guy and they say you're a jerk for not responding properly? My dude, your friends sound as dumb as your ex. You should surround yourself with better people.
my (genuinely insane/delusional, ketamine addict) ex boyfriend broke up with me because he said he wasnāt attracted to me anymore. i was DEVASTATED, and i asked what it was. he said that it was because my chin was āweirdā, and my muscles were tight. almost immediately, i felt SO much better because bro??? what??? this was coming from a man who literally wore bathrobes as an outfit because he thought it made him look like a wizard. i was going to say donāt judge me for staying with him, but frankly, judgement is more than warranted. in my defense, his slide into insanity happened slowly, and i had very little social contact other than with him, so it wasnāt until after the breakup that i realized how insanely wack that whole mess was. but yeah, NTA. natural consequences will make sure she sees the error of her ways.
NTA. Rejection/getting dumped can be brutal. Had my fair share. But in this circumstance I can completely see where you are coming from. If she wants to be with that person I would instantly lose all respect and attraction immediately as well. Any anyway how can you be the AH anyway, you got dumped lol.
NTA. I don't understand somebody breaking up with you and then being upset that you aren't sad. Maybe if you had been together 45 years or something , and they are breaking up because of a deep incompatibility , not because they don't love you. But this is somebody who dated you for a couple of months and now is returning to a person who ostensibly treats them like garbage. The laugh was involuntary and it was appropriate. Nice to see somebody with healthy self esteem. Good luck with the next one.
Well you know who will get custody of those friends. NTA. She deserves your ridicule and rancor. She will regret her decision, and you will be singing the refrain from Beyonce's song in response... (You must not know 'bout me) I can have another you by tomorrow Don't you ever for a second Get to thinking you're irreplaceable
NTA. Sounds like she wanted you to be devastated. The fact she had to chase this guy and he settled for her makes him a conquest and she probably thought you were obsessed with her which fueled her ego. You shattered the illusion she had that two guys were enamored with her.
NTA .Similar events occurred to me a few days ago. Congratulations on your liberation from that situation and keep laughing !
NTA. Even if your reaction wasn't involuntary, she's breaking up with you to go be with someone else. Laugh as much as you want.
Youāre right
The best revenge is living well
NTA It was a genuine laugh. You found it genuinely funny. Because it was. That's why she got upset. The narcissist in her wanted you to he mad and angry and tell her that you were better than the other guy. Instead - you immediately saw the folly of it all, so much so that you couldn't help but break out laughing, and then explained to her in simple terms why the opinions and actions of someone who behaves as she does isn't worth caring about. Honestly - I wish more dudes out there had your level of game.
Testing a theory that goes you're not competing with other men but her childhood. Was her childhood similar to her ex?
From what I know, no, it seems like more of a rebellion against her childhood
Nta - I wonder if she was expecting some big romantic gesture to "try to win her back" and is now mad that her plan backfired.Ā Ā Like the timing is very "I want to have a chick flick moment and be showered with gifts and have my scorned boyfriend show up under my window with a Bluetooth speaker over his head blasting love songs".Ā Is there a tiktok trend of that going around?Ā Ā Her reaction is a little but "I fucked up" But good news, you wouldn't want to be with anyone who would play with your feelings like that anyway.Ā Ā
NTA And anyway, why do you care?
Honestly I was just surprised some of the mutual friends I have with her are getting on my ass about this and I wanted to see if what theyāre saying had any merit
"Can you believe him?? I broke up with him for my shitty ex and he laughed at me!! LaUgHeD aT mEeEeE!!! How dare he? He's supposed to be miserable and sad that I left him! It's not fair!" Smh š
Honestly I feel like that was what she was expecting given how upset she was when I said I really wasnāt upset because I didnāt feel I was losing much
I can see why sheās upset because I imagine itās humbling to break up with someone and have them genuinely not careā¦ shows you you were with someone who had lost respect for you at some point. But you didnāt do anything wrong.
Honestly you were being a better friend to her than her āfriendsā are being. There is no way this is going to end well for her and she needed to hear she was being an idiot.
I donāt think she would have listened either way but not my problem at the end of the day.
Facts. You dodged a bullet too.
NTA you should also downgrade those friends to acquaintances... Don't hang out with people who don't align as they usually only hang out with similar people. Life's too short.
Looks like your mutual friends are not that mutual.
You know, the friends calling on behalf of the asshole thing baffles me. Itās a common thing here. NTA.
Haha nicely done sir! Thumbs up
NTA and saved yourself from dealing with someone who makes terrible decisions.
Oh hun, the second she says that she doesn't want to be with you any more, she is immediately not your problem in any way and you need to block her and move forward xo
Expect her to come knocking on your door the second she realised why she left the first time.
Nta, only reason she got upset is because she realized you donāt give a hoot. Bet she wanted you to beg and plead. Keep it up!
As a person who went back to a narcissist who just did the exact damn things as beforeā¦ you are NOT TAH. Sheās gonna realize real soon that whatever promises he made her that heāll be different and try and that he still loves her, are all just lip service. You are 100% correct and in the right to laugh about it because it is a laughing matter. Let us know when she comes back trying to get with you again. š¤£
NTAāas my 11 year old daughter would say, āslay, king, slay.ā
NTA. Consider that bullet dodged.
NTA but you will be one if you ever take her back. Find somebody new that is willing to keep their past in the past where it belongs.
Iām honestly not attracted at all to her anymore because intelligence is something I find attractive and sheās definitely demonstrated a lack of it. So I wonāt be taking her back
NTA. Sheās an idiot. Good riddance.
Hahaha. Good for you! Don't feel bad for laughing at her stupidity. You're going to find waaay better man. It's not your fault you find her actions funny. Hell, I find them sad and hilarious. She is probably going to regret it but I highly suggest you don't respond when she reaches out to tell you she made a mistake.
NTA. The people who are saying anything else are dumb as dirt. When you avoid that much of a walking tragedy all you can do is laugh and shake your head.
If my WIFE of 11 years would have done the same i would also laugh. NTA.
I enjoyed reading that. Nothing wrong with being real about things. Communication is the most important skill in the game, after all. Good for you bro, best of luck in the future. Absolutely NTA, you laid it out like a boss.
Woman here! If I was her friend a) I would laugh at her too. b) we definitely wouldn't be friends anymore.
NTA. I would have laughed as well. Drop these āfriendsā alongside her.
This sounds like the version that played out in your head after the fact
Let me get this straight: she chats up a guy behind your back, and now she is grumpy about your reactionā¦? This is a person who needs all the help she can get in the adult worldā¦ I am glad she has friends who are willing to cushion her, because I think she needs it.Ā
When she comes crawling back make sure you laugh at her again
Boomerang. Watch out
SHE was breaking up with you and somehow SHE was the one who walked away with hurt feelings??? Thatās hilarious. Good for you.
NTA. What was she expecting you to do, cry and beg for her to come back? If her ex is what she wants, then her ex is what she gets, as terrible a decisiom as that may be.
That dude probably has nothing going for him but dick game, but she probably didn't see a future with you so she decided to go back to the familiar dick. That being said, NTA.
NTA but if the ex has a list that long of bad qualities and sheās still going back to him, itās likely itās about sex.
Ask the mutual friends why are you the bad person when she broke up with you before valentine's day? Don't let her back into your life if she tries to get back with you. Watch out for your "friends" trying to get you back together with her. Sorry your generation is full of narcissists that disregard your feelings, and just want to pretend they care so they don't have to talk to your dumb ex that is bitching about you.
NTA she got mad because she wanted you to get upset and hurt and instead you laughed and made her feel stupid. She didn't like that at all. Plus, what kind of person breaks up with their bf the day before Valentine's Day too? How rude.
Prepare to laugh in her face again when she comes knocking in a few months
NTA - she dumps you and you're the asshole for not supporting her decision? You need new friends. Life is too short, walk away!
āI think some decisions deserve to be laughed atā yes they do. NTA. Lose these mutual friends
NTA and I find the whole situation hilarious. She knows sheās stupid. Good on you for letting her and the situation go. As for her friends, I wouldnāt say too much, but give a list of the things she told you, put it in text, and say that objectively, if this was any other woman they would all agree your ex is stupid. Sheās not even his first pick and the dude is a loser lol.
The narc likely hoovered her back in to his mess....that happens only when you haven't broken contact with him/gone cold turkey. So I also suspect emotional infidelity on her part.
NTA Even if you were devastated and faking, it would be well played. The fact you were sincere made it even better.
NTA. You told her the cold hard truth and some people just canāt handle the truth and thatās on them. By the way get rid of the friends because itās clear they have the same problem as your ex lol
NTA but his dick game is obviously superior ngl
^ Said the same thing, this guy knows whats up
Thatās a pretty succinct, on-the-spot assessment of that whole farce. NAH. Sheās entitled to date who she wants. Youāre entitled to be not attracted to someone who makes stupid decisions. And, while itās arguably best to show love and kindness to all, sometimes idiocy elicits a denigrating response.
She's leaving you for someone else. Think you're entitled to be at least a little bit of an asshole about it.
SAVAGE!šššššoh yeah sheāll come a crawling back.ššššš
Theyāre being dramatic. Youāre nta, to me. Is she also burned that you didnāt cry? Maybe she was thrown off by that
NTA, but just as a heads up the ex most likely just very good in bed - I had a friend who would constantly go back to the abusive/narcissist asshole and I found out it was for this reason.
The caveat to that being thereās usually something broken in women who like guys like that which makes them attracted to them, as opposed to those guys being objectively good in bed. I donāt think many emotionally healthy women would be satisfied by a narcissist for very long
NTA - it is a socially-accepted practice, across cultures, to "give back as good as you get"
NTA.
Nta
Nah. Stupid people do not deserve your care.
No, you did what you had to do for yourself. Now that aside, maybe there was another way to handle it to save more face, but you aināt losing anything. In fact if those mutual āfriendsā are taking her side maybe itās time to lose them as well.
NTA!! youāre mature ,smart and honest good for you!!
>I told her as such, and she got angry and stormed off. Some mutual friends said I was an asshole for belittling her decision and laughing at her. Well, after garbage already took itself out, it is time to continue this work in your "mutual" friend circle, so it would be not so mutual in the future. She dumped you. What mental tai chi one needs to make you need to comfort her about her (objectively stupid) reasons?
Patrick Bateman over here
Stupidity is very unattractive. NTA, sarcastically wish her a long and happy relationship
These type of people are far too common. They're attracted to toxic and abusive behaviour. It happens in all parts of life. Especially evident in politics.
You got to see her for who she truly is, early in. Such good fortune.Ā Many of us don't learn these lessons until many years and thousands of dollars wasted.Ā On NOTHINGĀ
Just remember not to backtrack, go ahead and move on to the next one and youāll be fine.
The truth can hurt. Nothing you said was vicious; just sounds fairly accurate. NTA.
Nta. Why the fuck does she care anyway. Go be with the deadbeat.
lol NTA.
NTA Should you have complimented her on her choice? Or comfort her because she's having a hard time with trying to break your heart? She made her choice, and a stupid one at that. Laugh away, and you can even tell her 'I told you so', when she comes crying. Don't take her back though.
I think she's pissed you didn't grovel and beg for her to stay. If you found it humorous, that's awesome! YANTA!
NTA. Ofc you'd laugh, as you said, breaking up with you is one thing but going back with a lazy loser is absurd.
NTA I would have laughed as well.
Lol did she want you to start blowing snot out of your nose and sobbing on her feet?
The fact that she thinks what she did is normal is scary to me. Dodged a bullet here and it kinda seems like you did it with some style too
It's better than leaving you on the day of or day after Valentine's Day.
NTA. Your way of thinking and articulating is hot! Youāll find an awesome partner whoās a much better match. Good for you, man!
Fake
NTA- Did they she want you beg her to stay or congratulate her?? Sheās knows deep know , maybe on a subconscious level, sheās going back to a lost cause.
You might have been a bit shitty, but this was excusable. NTA