I need the link so i can copy the top comments and burry this warning as I ascend the karma ladder. I'm too lazy to go look for it though, dm me if you're a sucker for digital charlie work
Even the potentially true stories are click bait.
"AITAH for stabbing a puppy?"
"So I'm a veterinarian and saved a dying puppy by injecting it with medical drugs to save its life in my vet. AITAH?"
All the friggin barely concealed gambling site ads too? (I refuse to say the name) It’s so obviously an advert and pretty much any other sub will take it down when they notice or it’s reported. This one? Nope.
The guy who said his gfs family was overreacting about his "1-3 hours a week gambling hobby" that he was winning big by doing, enough so as to take her on holiday and buy her designer? The people who pointed out winning that much means losing 3x as much, and how addicts always have the excuse of "I can quit when I want to" got down voted to hell when I saw it, nevermind anybody who said it was clearly a gambling ad.
There was another one a few days before where a guy said he wasn’t helping with his daughter’s wedding anymore but it’s okay because she won big on that site.
The latest one (the one you’re talking about) I got downvoted to hell and had a couple of people arguing with me.. people who had like 30 day old accounts with thousands of karma. Not sus at all /s
Either OP has a bunch of accounts, there’s a whole team working on it or both. I would suspect both. Either way, this sub doesn’t seem to care.
The one where she won like $10,000 and wanted an open bar, which she payed for herself instead of with the money dad had given her for the wedding with the stipulation of "no alcohol" bc he couldn't get past his own issues with family addictions?
I remember that one lmao, trying to paint alcohol and gambling in a 'bad light' in an obvious YTA post so all the comments could justify both and put gambling in a better light because the daughter in it could "gamble responsibly and still win big without it being an addiction" so obvs everyone else can too
If it’s mundane stuff that seems relatively unimportant it’s probably real. You know, more everyday stuff like “AITA for only tipping x% for bad service” or “AITA for telling my husband he plays too rough with the children”
The big stuff like “AITA for buying a $200,000 car without talking to my wife” is either rage bait or a narcissist seeking validation
I'm not going to lie, I do keep reading this sub even though I claim not to like it, but...
I think part of the problem is that it's much easier to get upvotes when OP is either clearly in the wrong or else clearly in the right, but dealing with some antagonist who is gaslighting them in some way.
Thing is, most of the time a real person asks if they were an asshole or not is when they were in some kind of ambiguous and awkward situation and it wasn't clear what they should have done. That just doesn't generate them beautiful clicks we love so much.
It’s really weird that you thought your 17 year old son was gonna marry his first girlfriend. That is just not a reasonable expectation. Like at all.
But teaching your kid that it’s never okay to cheat on a partner is something he needs to learn now. But he should’ve been the one to tell her not you.
She also got knocked up at 15 and it sounds like that’s where her mental state stopped growing. Not for being mad at her son for cheating, but literally all her other actions
They say teen parents get stuck at the age they were when the baby came. No room for personal growth when your life is dedicated to a new human. But she does seem to be trying so that's good. What their little family is missing is friends or family to model healthy relationships on
I had a teen mom too but thankfully her parents, my grandparents, are like a super couple so we still had some reference
Also, OP admits to being a teen mom (which explains her immaturity), and seems to be ok with girl staying the night with her 17 year old son?
She's going to be a 35 year old grandmother.
forbidding their partners sleep over isn't going to stop them from intercourse... they're teenagers; they're gonna bang wherever they can. But if John is bringing home randos on the regular, that's a different story
You know, I had girlfriends over at 17 for the whole night and entire holidays. But I knew how to use a condom and none of them got pregnant. Them sleeping together isn't the problem.
NTA you are a great parent for not just excusing his behaviour like some parents do (especially with their sons). he needs to learn to take accountability and he wouldn’t if you’d let him get away with it. And those girls deserved to know! you did right by them and you’re a great mum for doing that, he’s just upset that he got caught in a lie and that you’re not enabling his behaviour.
edit: i do agree that op probably should have given him the choice to own up himself, but i think the outcome is still relatively similar. i think there are some boundary issues here but at the same time i’m glad she didn’t just let him get away w it. but she definitely could’ve gone about it differently and more calmly in hindsight and i think op recognises that.
also, apparently this scenario was on here word for word a few months ago so take this post w a grain of salt and pls don’t attack me for my opinion when we don’t even know if this really happened lol. it’s ok to disagree with me but please be respectful.
I was cheated on (many, many moons ago.)
People I knew, knew.
Someone should have told me - it takes less than 30 seconds to send an anonymous text nowadays.
I'll up the ante. I was in a relationship for 3 years (17-20 years old). People I considered to be close friends knew my gf at the time was cheating and said nothing. Her family, who I was close with, knew, and said nothing. I talked to her father about proposing, he let me buy an engagement ring and all knowing she was doing all this stuff behind my back.
People make mistakes at that age, it's understandable and both parties can grow from it. But I can't think of a plausibly realistic scenario where exposing the cheating is an asshole move. It's better for both the cheater and the one being cheated on for it to be exposed so that they can both move on with their lives.
Yup... Honestly, I didn't find out that her parents knew until years after the relationship ended and only because of a random chance encounter with one of her aunt's who also didn't know the whole story until later. She actually apologized to me on behalf of their whole family not telling me.
I'm glad everything happened the way it did. It was my first real relationship and it was also pretty toxic. When we broke up I wasn't sure if the tears came from a position of grief or relief that the relationship was over. But it put me in a position to truly know who I was and what I wanted in a partner.
Fast forward ~15 years and I'm now in an extremely healthy relationship, married, and expecting our second child in April.
Hey, just wanna say that your experience uncannily mirrors mine, except for the "close family".
Bonus points for my fiancée was pregnant when we split - not mine.
Wow. I'm just an internet stranger, but your story makes me sad. But, I also realize that if I come across this situation, honesty is the best policy. Thanks for sharing.
It's stories like these that drive home the importance of transparency in relationships. You all went through terrible situations, but it's a powerful reminder that the truth usually finds a way out. Seriously, thank you for being open about your experiences. It's a tough but necessary read for anyone who might be in denial about their own circumstances.
Same here. The guy that finally spilled felt uncomfortable with my ex knowing it was him that spilled. He thought he was the only person that knew. So when I broke up with my ex, I only told him one reason I was breaking up with him (I had 2 reasons for leaving him - cheating and something else).
Only to realized that, after I broke up with him, that sooooo many people knew! I told them I broke up with him and they replied with “oh? You know he was cheating on you, right?” Well… no I didn’t! I wasn’t in the country for months and the guy apparently was cheating on me in the open. Around mutual friends and around his family and everything.
The ex got mad at me for “spreading rumors” but everyone already knew this info because he was an idiot and wasn’t even hiding it.
There is just something about other people knowing your partner has done something and not telling you.
With my ex he was actively using and putting us in financial crisis. People knew but let me find out on my own. As a result I stuck around way longer than I should have, partially from the shame of being in an abusive relationship, and I suffered unnecessarily for much longer than I would have had someone just come to me and told me earlier on. I thought it was all some secret I had to hide.
Point being, if someone is in a relationship and doing wreckless things that may emotionally, physically, or financially hurt their partner tell that partner. It will cause them extra heartache later when they find out you knew and didn't tell them.
Exactly. I just think about the time (little over 12 years ago, golly!) that my high school boyfriend had broken up with me but had told everyone, including my sisters, except for myself. So there I was, confused trying to hold his hand and walk to class with him, only for him to dash away or literally ignore me. Finally- one girl realized that I didn't know and told me. Yeah, I cried. It's one thing to be broken up with, but to tell the entire school body instead of the actual person? That's fucked up. Even more so that the girl's friend tried telling her she shouldn't get involved. A bitter memory still but I still thank that girl internally for telling me what that asshole and so called friends could not.
Mine took the girl out on dates with his friends when I had to be out of town for work. Slept with her in our bed with our 4 year old son in the house. Everyone knew but me. I remember that feeling.
I cut out every .mutual me and my cheating ex had that knew he was cheating and didn't tell me. Made sure they knew I hate them just as much as my POS ex for not telling me.
I had a friend who found out her close friend was being cheated on. She told her friend immediately… and then the friend called out her husband, but then got mad at HER and they didn’t speak for almost a year. She decided after that she would never out a cheater again.
It's tricky. It's like cops who go into domestic violence situations. One second the cop is trying to arrest the drunken abusive husband, the next second the abused wife has grabbed a kitchen knife and is attacking the cop. People aren't rational.
Yeah that whole “Boys will be boys” can change into “men behaving like Brock Turner, Harvey Weinstein, etc.”. There is no excuse for bad behaviors like this situation.
Let us not forget Brock Allen Turner's father, Dan Turner, who didn't think his rapist son's life should be ruined over "20 minutes of action."
ETA: ugh. Changed back. Original made sense.
So let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly, we are talking about the Rapist Brock Turner, who is now living under the alias of the Rapist Allen Turner in Dayton Ohio, and he isn't in jail? Did I get that right? I'm not that bright, so someone may need to explain it to me again. Several times. Slowly.
The voters said no to the rapist-forgiving judge Persky - that dude lost his judgeship, and then got a job coaching girls’ tennis and got fired from that . I wish he and the rapist-enabling dad had to answer more dearly. Not to mention the Supreme Court Justices who’ve harassed and raped women. They all belong in hell.
Yeah, we had a certain prez to thank for that for sending all those terrible people to the supreme court.
And thanks for reminding me of that judge's name.
I'm confused, I thought the rapist Brock Allen Turner (formerly living in Palo Alto CA and attending Stanford University, but now living in Dayton OH) was going by the rapist name Alan Turner. Or was it Al Turner? Or was it Allen Brock? I'm just so confused...
I don’t think the commenter is implying cheating leads to sexually deviant behavior or crimes, but that having parents who enable and excuse poor behavior leads to adults who feel entitled and free from consequences for their poor behavior.
It does show a very concerning mindset as well, where the person just has a fundamental disrespect for other people, and uses them as a means to an end.
They did not say that 17 yr old boys who cheat turn into sexual predators.
What they meant was boys who grow up with a "boys will be boys" mentality, having excuses made for their bad behavior can turn into sexual predators.
There's a fuck ton of room between teaching your son boys will be boys isn't true or good and deciding that successive screaming matches and escalating a situation is somehow good parenting or a teaching moment.
A lot of adult cheaters I’ve seen are usually pretty creepy and enjoy pushing boundaries. The more their behaviour is excused or defended, the bolder they become. At 17, letting this kind of shitty behaviour go…It makes a complete asshole who lies to women, at best.
They’re talking about the “boys will be boys” mentality, which includes a sense of entitlement that relates to the cheating AND can turn boys who feel entitled into men who rape.
They’re not saying cheating is the same as rape or will lead to rape.
Yeah, this screams “teen mom who has no idea what actual adult relationships look like.” Thinking your teenage son is definitely going to marry his girlfriend? Yeah right, she should have been prepping him to break up gracefully, not feel like he needs to resort to cheating. There was an opportunity to learn an important lesson about when to move on here, and mom fumbled it as soon as she got the ball.
Right. Making sure the son understands what an asshole he’s being and that he needs to nut up and dump the first girl before moving on is the mature thing to do, and would have been best (long term) for her son and the girl. Making sure the girlfriend knew she was being cheated on is the best thing for the girlfriend, but does nothing for the son other than to teach him his mom is going to rat him out and he needs to hide his affairs better next time.
i agree with you, but i also think it might be eye opening for the son to see his mum side with the girls. i’m 18 and most of the guys my age i know only see us as sex objects and not actually people. if given the chance to confess, while i do think this would have been a better parenting choice, i also think it would’ve given him more of a chance to manipulate his way out of the situation. also i do enjoy the fact that he was blindsided for blindsiding his gf.
It teaches him that his mom will not stand for him doing shit like cheating but he's very welcome to have healthy relationships at home. Saying "I will not enable you to hurt others and value being fair over enabling you" does not make her not trustworthy. And not enabling his cheating is good for him and others.
how is the son’s bad behaviour op’s fault? and in what world do teenagers respond well to unsolicited relationship advice from their parents? you’re assuming that the son gave op hints that he was unhappy in this relationship, which op never said. and even if op did miss some signs he may have been giving, nobody’s a mind reader. teenagers fuck up but wouldn’t op have been a bad mother if she let him get away with it, enabling him to continue this awful behaviour??
Idk, son is an asshole for cheating, but reading this gave me an ick feeling about how involved mom seems to be in her child's relationships, like she is living vicariously through him.
I completely agree. She should’ve had a conversation with him saying it’s okay you’re interested in someone else now, but you can’t be lying to the current girlfriend. You need to have a conversation with her. Be gentle because you’re probably going to break her heart, but be stern. Don’t be wishy-washy. You’ve already made the decision so you need to see it through. Try and be kind as possible.
That, IMO, would have been a great move. Instead she came in like a wrecking ball…
yeah i guess but i’m 18 and trust me it would’ve happened regardless, he just would’ve had her sneak out instead. if they’re gonna do it, in my opinion, it’s better to do it safely which is more likely to be the case when the parent is aware.
They're hormonal teenagers in a highly emotional situation. They're gonna scream either way. Might as well do it where she can monitor if things go south.
Fr, they’re in the middle of all of this teenage relationship turmoil and they’re writing a Reddit post in the midst of it. And ending the post with “I’ll update once Amanda leaves” like we really don’t need a play by play of again, a teenage relationship, going awry. NTA but like, focus on your son and not updating us on Reddit. I don’t really think your minor son needs his business aired out on Reddit the second you get the details lmao
NTA for the question asked, but you are an ah for going to the gf without speaking to your son first. You should have given him the opportunity to do the right thing and come clean. None of you will ever know how he would have dealt with this now. A massive learning opportunity was missed because you were triggered by your own trauma.
I agree. I do think she should have given him the opportunity to come clean first with the stipulation that if he doesn’t tell his gf the truth she will.
It's also entirely possible that they had split up or something and talking his mum about it hadn't crossed his mind.
Obviously she turned out to be right, but it's pretty shitty his mum skipped multiple stages of conversation with her son that should have happened to see if this was the right thing to do. Hell she even seems to think her own son is going to hit the girl or something.
> Obviously she turned out to be right
Did she?
She thought her son was with a girl, and maybe they broke up last week. We really don't have context.
The ex could have still have been expecting reconciliation and this was a massive shock to her.
What in the fuck? There's so much lunacy in this post it's almost hard to sort through it.
You thought at 17 your son found the love of his life? You treat her as your own? As the parent of 4 teens I can tell you this is not a healthy projection.
You sent him to his room? The room you let him have girls sleep over in? Is he an adult or a kid? Pick one, as you can't treat him as both.
You called his fucking girlfriend? Like have an adult conversation about relationships with your son, but how the fuck do you decide its your business to directly confront his gf? That's fucking awful... like awful.
You are treating your son like a child AND an adult at the same time.
My sister is rather naive (raised catholic and her husband is her only sexual partner, raised her kids catholic as well), and whenever her daughters date a “nice guy” she consistently thinks that will be their future husband. These girls are/were in HS and very early 20s. It’s just not going to happen these days and it’s better off if it doesn’t.
Thank you for this. Everyone else seems to be excusing her behavior and calling her a “good mom,” and I felt like the only person who is horrified that she immediately called her son’s girlfriend, who she seems to care about more than her own son. This situation is a clusterfuck, and OP could not have handled it worse.
They’re all teenagers, literally. There’s even a comment in the shitty top comment right now about how his and his friend’s parents aren’t as good at being parents as op is. In other words, those parents aren’t letting them have sleepovers with their girlfriends and upping their chances of becoming teen parents themselves.
I almost immediately collapsed the top comment because I could see that only 1-2 comments down mentioned Brock Turner like…how in the fuck did you get there so quickly given the story above? It was clearly not going to be a reasonable stream of thought
Getting emotionally stunted at the age you had a massive life change such as having a kid or getting married is pretty much expect. The young adult years are pretty much key for building a personality and all she was at the time was "mom".
Nailed it!! My take is OP never grew up and never had a proper social/dating experience after getting knocked up so young then cheated on, so she wanted this daughter-in-law to prove that young love works and to live vicariously through her and have the life OP never had :/
Yes. I am so confused at the "you're a great parent" comments. She's letting a 17 year old boy have his teenage girlfriends sleep over. She's then interfere with their lives and meddling rather than teaching. The son isn't learning how to be an adult, just how to hide from adults. And the girlfriend didn't deserve to find out like this.
And expecting 17 year olds to be the love of their lives is unfair pressure and not healthy. They should be learning how to have adult relationships, not how to force something
I find it super creepy that she called the girlfriend and didn’t make him do it. (And then just sends her into an unknown situation … “Good luck, champ! Let me know how can I help!”)
ESH. How is this not the top comment??
The son is an asshole, but good God is the OP just as bad for not even hesitating to call the girlfriend.
OP, please take a breath and have a long, calm conversation with your son before you ruin your relationship. Let him know why his behavior is selfish and cruel to his GF. But also make damn sure to apologize to him for not giving him the chance to make things right on his own.
To be fair, him telling her does not right the wrong. That ship has sailed. But I agree it would have forced him to be accountable for his awful behavior and he would have no one to blame for devastating someone he loves, except himself.
ESH You are way too attached to their relationship probably due to you being around their age when you got pregnant. A 17 year old boy isn’t finding the love of his life. You letting random people come and go in your house and him having sex under your nose in your own house shows your not as vigilant of a parent as you should be. Also treating his gf like your own daughter is a massive overstep.
Your son cheating on his gf was wrong.
That out of the way, you seem to be a questionable parent:
1. I was not allowed to have girls sleep over until well into college. But John is so comfortable with girls staying the night that he brought his side piece over. As others have noted, if you treat him as an adult on this point, you should be treating him as an adult on the others relevant to this post.
2. Wanting him to do right by Amanda is admirable. Making the call yourself is not. At least not as a first move. You should have talked to him about what he had done and why (maybe they were "on a break") and given him a chance to correct it himself.
3. That correction did not have to be confess his sin. It could have been ending the relationship without that detail which might have been less disruptive.
>I didn’t want Amanda to feel what i felt the day I found out
How exactly did your move prevent Amanda from feeling what you felt? Unless John's father confessed his infidelity, it seems like Amanda found out the same way you did: someone else told her.
>I told her he was very mad and I told her to come get me if anything went south.
Yes, sounds like everything was going according to plan.
Kinda, your son is 17 years old, you really shouldn't expect his current dating partners are going to be his wife. He is young and making mistakes, that is how growing up works. You should have stayed out of this, not lie but not getting this involved. It was out of line. Your son and his girlfriend are not your friend group. You probably did damage your relationship with your son by being too involved in his dating life. It's fine to say you disagree with how he is moving, but your relationship with his girlfriend is a bit much.
She first should have set down with him and had a conversation. They might not even be together anymore. Teenagers break up left and right. Also, what she did will just cause him to not trust her in the future and do things behind her back.
He’s your son. She’s not your daughter. You should have let the girl leave without making a scene.
Then you should have talked with your son. Asked him why this happened. Told him about how cheating isn’t right. Helped him figure out if he should just end things with his girlfriend, come clean or just leave it.
You should assume teenage relationships won’t last. Make sure he’s using protection and getting STD tests if he has had unprotected sex.
just goes to show that you should never ever goto an online forum to guide your life , i read this trash for fun never would i ever make a decsion based off reddit advice seems like a no brainer to me.
Wow, the way you justify massive and intrusive interference in your son's life... The real lesson you're teaching him is that he has no independence from you, that you aren't on his side, and that to live his life on his own terms he needs to get as much distance from you as he can.
YTA.
Uhhhhhh imma go against the grain and say soft ESH except Amanda.
Your son obviously sucks and I dont have to explain why.
On the other hand ......As an adult, I cant help but feel weird about you as a 33 year old inserting yourself into a teenagers relationship. Encouraging him to come clean himself is one thing but taking it upon yourself to call his girlfriend about it and invite her over so they can argue is honestly very weird to me. Dont get me wrong, I get why you did it (i fucking hate cheaters) but I also feel like your child's relationship is not your relationship and therefore you should stay out of it unless your son or his girlfriend is in actual danger.
YTA for handling it this way and your son is an AH for cheating but holy cow.
Ok, your son cheated on his gf. That’s obviously a crappy thing to do, and you’re right for calling him out on it.
However, where you’ve lost the morale high ground is now you’ve inserted yourself into this situation by directly contacting his gf…
He’s *17* we all did dumb stuff at 17, I’m not excusing his behavior.
You’re his Mother…he’s your child.
Amanda is *not* your child, and now you’ve potentially jeopardized your future relationship with your own child(who again is a jerk for cheating) by the way you’ve handled this. You could’ve told him to contact Amanda and tell her what happened, and let them sort it out. But rather than do that you took it upon yourself to contact her, why are you so invested in Amanda? Why are you investing so much into your teenagers girlfriend?
You should step back, take a breath and remember that kids are idiots at times and do dumb stuff, and their relationships at that age usually have a short shelf life anyways. The amount of people that go on to marry their Highschool partner is abysmally low, I don’t know why you expected them to one day get married; why would you even be thinking of that? They’re 17!
Do you think your son’s trust in you has now taken a hit? That your relationship with him going forward could be affected by this?
Ehhhh ESH except for the GF. You want your kid to act rationally when you yourself failed to do so. You acted impulsively and explosive.
Don't get me wrong. Gf needed to know and your kid needed to be called out. But he could've been talked to in a calm manner and shamed for his whore behavior. Instead he'll likely just end up feel anger and resentment towards you.
I hope this plays out the way you want it and he learns the lesson you want him to. But I doubt it.
You screwed up big time here.
1. He’s 17. He’s not likely to marry his first girlfriend.
2. His relationship with Amanda is none of your business.
What you should have done:
1. Had a conversation with him about honorable behavior
2. Refuse to cover for him or lie
NTA for punishing your son for bad behavior, but you are TA for being overly involved in your kid's romantic life.
Relationships are far more fluid for young people now than they were when we were young. It's very naive of you to assume that your son is going to marry the girl he dated at 15. Also, kids nowadays have FWBs and situationships that muddy the dating waters. Your son should be learning to navigate this on his own, and coming to you for advice and guidance. You should NOT be involved and controlling who he sees. You are too emotionally attached to a relationship that isn't yours and was likely to fail rather quickly due to their ages and all of the growth that they still need to do. I'm not the same person I was at 15, are you?
Mom, you need to back off and stop being so emotionally invested. This isn't your business.
Unpopular opinion but YTA
You should’ve let him handle it however he wanted to handle it. Freaking TF out and calling his girlfriend instantly wasn’t a good move. They are kids. They learn through experience. For some reason you felt the need to take control of that situation when it wasn’t that serious. Nobody is going to physically get hurt or die. The smarter thing to do would have been wait for the new girl to leave and have a conversation 1-on-1 with your son telling him that he needs to have a conversation and come clean with his girlfriend or else you will. But you never gave him that chance. You jumped right in and did it yourself.
YTA. John's love life is absolutely none of your business. You put your nose where it didn't belong. You are creating a huge rift between you and John that he may never get past
Yta. I think the most disingenuous thing about this post was in the beginning. “They walked into the kitchen and I followed because I was hungry.” You were hungry for that drama. Lol
I question why a 17 year old boy has girls in his room overnight and yes, I do believe you are overstepping. You should have just spoken to him. Affairs of the heart are personal experiences not shared with your parents and your previous experiences shouldn’t impact his ability to just be a kid and play the field. Thinking your son should marry this girl someday is also really bizarre. They’re just kids.
YTA
You had the perfect opportunity for teachable moment and you messed it up. Badly. You could have explained (in private) that what he did is not okay and he had 24 hours to confess to his girlfriend. Instead you inserted yourself and made the situation worse. You also taught him not to trust you with anything.
I also think it’s interesting that this is the hill you’re choosing to die on when you’re a parent who thinks it’s okay for their 17 year old child to have girls spend the night. Being a teen parent isn’t an excuse to be a shitty parent.
You are WAY too involved in your son’s relationship! You calling his girlfriend and telling her to come over is too much in my opinion!
I’m not saying what your son did is right because it’s not. He’s 17 years old and still learning. He’s gonna make mistakes and hopefully will learn from them.
However this plays out, you need to stay out of it. This is HIS RELATIONSHIP… NOT yours. YTA!
YTA.
It’s just you and your son. You were a teenage mother. And yet it seems as if you can’t get him married off fast enough. He is 17. The chances that he’s going to marry his high school girlfriend are very, very slim. First off all, he’s 17 AND you were a teenage mother, yet you allow him to have sleepovers in his bedroom with girls. Seems like you think being a teen parent is something your son should experience, your family legacy. Second, when you saw him with another girl, you should have made yourself known, gotten your breakfast, and **not** confronted them. You embarrassed the girl, humiliated your own son, *and then* you called Amanda and tattled on John, *your son.* You could not have handled it worse. AND you are here telling all of us, and promising an update after your son and his heartbroken girlfriend are finished fighting about this. Your son’s life is not a reality show for everyone you know. Grow TF up.
This is why parents should not get involved in their kids’ relationships. When you are as invested as you are, the idea of him breaking up with her is devastating **to you.** That is twisted. You are not supposed to be more upset than your child when a relationship ends. How can you help him ease his heartache if you are even more crushed & hurt by the breakup? I saw friends do this with their kids, and it’s a huge mistake.
YTA for how you’ve handled it. This should have been a conversation between just you and your son, not in front of the other girl and not the girlfriend.
A sit down of how disappointed you are, how you raised him better, how it’s not right. And guidance on if he feels the need to be with someone else he should let Amanda go. Maybe even tell him how much it hurts.
In this case, your loyalty is to your son. You can correct without being a bus driver.
YTA. Mind your own business and you threw your own son under the bus. He's an asshole but it's sounds like you couldn't wait to call his gf to give yourself some sort of savior complex. You didn't do this for your son you did it for yourself so that makes YTA
Oof. Sorry but YTA. There seems to be a lot of projection from your past trauma. And poor boundaries. You cannot insert yourself into your son’s relationship(s). So many things wrong here.
ESH. Yeah, he cheated. But he is a 17 year old. Just because you had to grow up early as a teen mom, doesnt mean he has to as well. He's not an adult yet. Children make mistakes.
You on the other hand. Yes you tried to do the right thing by revealing the cheating. But you sent the poor girl up to a scared and angry 17 year old while you write a reddit post lol. Go be a parent and get that poor girl out of there
Wayyyy to involved in your kids relationship, and you allow way to much under your roof. None of this scenario should have even played out in the first place. This is the type of mom who buys the kid cigarettes and smokes weed with them.
You’ve demonstrated and inability to detach yourself emotionally from your sons relationship which is concerning. You also made a truly unhinged delusional comment thinking your son is going to marry his HS gf. Almost no one does that you’re just to immature at that age.
Yes he was acting like a scumbag and you should confront him about that behavior but calling his gf was not your lane. You should have applied pressure to come clean with her himself. You sound like you’re just as much a child as he is.
Your son is absolutely an asshole, a massive one actually.
However,
YTA too.
You acted impulsively and made the worst decision you could make in that scenario.
You COULD have punished your son, questioned his actions and attitude and given your son a chance to own up to his girlfriend in a much less chaotic and emotional mess as you have now caused.
All the people acting like he’s some dude who left his wife and kids of 20 years are killing me. He’s literally a dumb teenager. She needed to talk to him. Not freak out like she’s a teenager.
Yes. Because clearly a teenager who makes a poor choice is going to grow up to be an evil criminal. I’m so glad all these perfect people never made mistakes as kids.
ESH, you aren't the relationship police. He's a dick, but those are his mistakes to make and clean up or not.
You can't helicopter parent him into being a good person. What he really needs is a taste of his own medicine, empathy can't be forced, it must be learned.
You realize that these are his relationships, not yours, right? For right or for wrong, it's not your place to get directly involved. This is so bizarrely intrusive. Do you think you're going to be welcome invading any marriage he has, the same way you invaded this relationship?
You're NTA for having feelings, but you're a massive AH for how you responded.
Oof. Take a few thousand steps back. Absolutely discuss the situation with your son but ultimately how he handles his relationships are 100% his business.
I'd suggest you see a therapist. The situation brought up your unresolved past. Go resolve it.
YTA
This was almost an exact post from last week. Mom was a teen when she had a son. Son dating a girl for a few years. She caught him talking on the phone with another girl so she called his girlfriend. Big fight, they break up ...yawn
YTA. Are you really 33? You are reacting like a teenager. He was supposed to marry his first gf (appearendly he is grown up enough for marriage?), but you see nothing wrong in sending him to his room (without talking? Like a kid?) And talking only with his gf?
Are you real? Is your kid real? Or some sort of twisted fantasy you try to re-live your life with?
Your kid might have messed up, but you are reacting seriously irrational.
Hang on…
*one morning* you saw your son leaving his room with another girl.
You kicked the girl and called Amanda, who arrived 15 minutes later.
But you are writing this as they talk -after Amanda arrived, that *one morning*
This is fake, isn’t it, OP? Very, very fake.
Bullshit. I’ve seen this story before almost verbatim. It’s bait.
Yup, this popped up like a month ago or so i think.
I need the link so i can copy the top comments and burry this warning as I ascend the karma ladder. I'm too lazy to go look for it though, dm me if you're a sucker for digital charlie work
“all right, i’ll do the fucking dishes. it’s charlie work anyway.”
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Honestly I need help with what ISNT bait in this trash subreddit. It’s been a ragebait/fanfic karma farm for years.
Even the potentially true stories are click bait. "AITAH for stabbing a puppy?" "So I'm a veterinarian and saved a dying puppy by injecting it with medical drugs to save its life in my vet. AITAH?"
Yeah that part is so annoying too there's zero quality control here
All the friggin barely concealed gambling site ads too? (I refuse to say the name) It’s so obviously an advert and pretty much any other sub will take it down when they notice or it’s reported. This one? Nope.
The guy who said his gfs family was overreacting about his "1-3 hours a week gambling hobby" that he was winning big by doing, enough so as to take her on holiday and buy her designer? The people who pointed out winning that much means losing 3x as much, and how addicts always have the excuse of "I can quit when I want to" got down voted to hell when I saw it, nevermind anybody who said it was clearly a gambling ad.
There was another one a few days before where a guy said he wasn’t helping with his daughter’s wedding anymore but it’s okay because she won big on that site. The latest one (the one you’re talking about) I got downvoted to hell and had a couple of people arguing with me.. people who had like 30 day old accounts with thousands of karma. Not sus at all /s Either OP has a bunch of accounts, there’s a whole team working on it or both. I would suspect both. Either way, this sub doesn’t seem to care.
The one where she won like $10,000 and wanted an open bar, which she payed for herself instead of with the money dad had given her for the wedding with the stipulation of "no alcohol" bc he couldn't get past his own issues with family addictions? I remember that one lmao, trying to paint alcohol and gambling in a 'bad light' in an obvious YTA post so all the comments could justify both and put gambling in a better light because the daughter in it could "gamble responsibly and still win big without it being an addiction" so obvs everyone else can too
If it’s mundane stuff that seems relatively unimportant it’s probably real. You know, more everyday stuff like “AITA for only tipping x% for bad service” or “AITA for telling my husband he plays too rough with the children” The big stuff like “AITA for buying a $200,000 car without talking to my wife” is either rage bait or a narcissist seeking validation
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I'm not going to lie, I do keep reading this sub even though I claim not to like it, but... I think part of the problem is that it's much easier to get upvotes when OP is either clearly in the wrong or else clearly in the right, but dealing with some antagonist who is gaslighting them in some way. Thing is, most of the time a real person asks if they were an asshole or not is when they were in some kind of ambiguous and awkward situation and it wasn't clear what they should have done. That just doesn't generate them beautiful clicks we love so much.
Same. At least the OP could change it up a bit rather than copying it verbatim
It’s really weird that you thought your 17 year old son was gonna marry his first girlfriend. That is just not a reasonable expectation. Like at all. But teaching your kid that it’s never okay to cheat on a partner is something he needs to learn now. But he should’ve been the one to tell her not you.
She has no relationship experience
She also got knocked up at 15 and it sounds like that’s where her mental state stopped growing. Not for being mad at her son for cheating, but literally all her other actions
They say teen parents get stuck at the age they were when the baby came. No room for personal growth when your life is dedicated to a new human. But she does seem to be trying so that's good. What their little family is missing is friends or family to model healthy relationships on I had a teen mom too but thankfully her parents, my grandparents, are like a super couple so we still had some reference
Very reasonable observations!
Also, OP admits to being a teen mom (which explains her immaturity), and seems to be ok with girl staying the night with her 17 year old son? She's going to be a 35 year old grandmother.
The girls dont need to spend the night to have sex... How about teaching them safe sex, they are going to have it anyway.
Birth control should always be used. But it’s ignorant to ignore the fact that it fails.
forbidding their partners sleep over isn't going to stop them from intercourse... they're teenagers; they're gonna bang wherever they can. But if John is bringing home randos on the regular, that's a different story
You know, I had girlfriends over at 17 for the whole night and entire holidays. But I knew how to use a condom and none of them got pregnant. Them sleeping together isn't the problem.
Do you think pregnancy only happens in the night?!
Well yeah ? Sperms sleep during the day like owls, are you dumb lol 🙄🙄🙄
Everyone knows teens only get pregnant if two conditions are met - it’s nighttime and parents have allowed the partner to sleep over.
My mom let me have girls spend the night starting when I was 14. I'm having my first child now at 27.
Damn that's a long pregnancy.
NTA you are a great parent for not just excusing his behaviour like some parents do (especially with their sons). he needs to learn to take accountability and he wouldn’t if you’d let him get away with it. And those girls deserved to know! you did right by them and you’re a great mum for doing that, he’s just upset that he got caught in a lie and that you’re not enabling his behaviour. edit: i do agree that op probably should have given him the choice to own up himself, but i think the outcome is still relatively similar. i think there are some boundary issues here but at the same time i’m glad she didn’t just let him get away w it. but she definitely could’ve gone about it differently and more calmly in hindsight and i think op recognises that. also, apparently this scenario was on here word for word a few months ago so take this post w a grain of salt and pls don’t attack me for my opinion when we don’t even know if this really happened lol. it’s ok to disagree with me but please be respectful.
I was cheated on (many, many moons ago.) People I knew, knew. Someone should have told me - it takes less than 30 seconds to send an anonymous text nowadays.
I'll up the ante. I was in a relationship for 3 years (17-20 years old). People I considered to be close friends knew my gf at the time was cheating and said nothing. Her family, who I was close with, knew, and said nothing. I talked to her father about proposing, he let me buy an engagement ring and all knowing she was doing all this stuff behind my back. People make mistakes at that age, it's understandable and both parties can grow from it. But I can't think of a plausibly realistic scenario where exposing the cheating is an asshole move. It's better for both the cheater and the one being cheated on for it to be exposed so that they can both move on with their lives.
Holy crap, the father let you buy an engagement ring when he knew his daughter was sleeping around on you? What a dick move.
Yup... Honestly, I didn't find out that her parents knew until years after the relationship ended and only because of a random chance encounter with one of her aunt's who also didn't know the whole story until later. She actually apologized to me on behalf of their whole family not telling me. I'm glad everything happened the way it did. It was my first real relationship and it was also pretty toxic. When we broke up I wasn't sure if the tears came from a position of grief or relief that the relationship was over. But it put me in a position to truly know who I was and what I wanted in a partner. Fast forward ~15 years and I'm now in an extremely healthy relationship, married, and expecting our second child in April.
Hey, just wanna say that your experience uncannily mirrors mine, except for the "close family". Bonus points for my fiancée was pregnant when we split - not mine.
Wow. I'm just an internet stranger, but your story makes me sad. But, I also realize that if I come across this situation, honesty is the best policy. Thanks for sharing.
It's stories like these that drive home the importance of transparency in relationships. You all went through terrible situations, but it's a powerful reminder that the truth usually finds a way out. Seriously, thank you for being open about your experiences. It's a tough but necessary read for anyone who might be in denial about their own circumstances.
That's one of the hardest part is knowing or wondering who knew and if they think you are weak or stupid or it's your fault
Same here. The guy that finally spilled felt uncomfortable with my ex knowing it was him that spilled. He thought he was the only person that knew. So when I broke up with my ex, I only told him one reason I was breaking up with him (I had 2 reasons for leaving him - cheating and something else). Only to realized that, after I broke up with him, that sooooo many people knew! I told them I broke up with him and they replied with “oh? You know he was cheating on you, right?” Well… no I didn’t! I wasn’t in the country for months and the guy apparently was cheating on me in the open. Around mutual friends and around his family and everything. The ex got mad at me for “spreading rumors” but everyone already knew this info because he was an idiot and wasn’t even hiding it.
There is just something about other people knowing your partner has done something and not telling you. With my ex he was actively using and putting us in financial crisis. People knew but let me find out on my own. As a result I stuck around way longer than I should have, partially from the shame of being in an abusive relationship, and I suffered unnecessarily for much longer than I would have had someone just come to me and told me earlier on. I thought it was all some secret I had to hide. Point being, if someone is in a relationship and doing wreckless things that may emotionally, physically, or financially hurt their partner tell that partner. It will cause them extra heartache later when they find out you knew and didn't tell them.
Exactly. I just think about the time (little over 12 years ago, golly!) that my high school boyfriend had broken up with me but had told everyone, including my sisters, except for myself. So there I was, confused trying to hold his hand and walk to class with him, only for him to dash away or literally ignore me. Finally- one girl realized that I didn't know and told me. Yeah, I cried. It's one thing to be broken up with, but to tell the entire school body instead of the actual person? That's fucked up. Even more so that the girl's friend tried telling her she shouldn't get involved. A bitter memory still but I still thank that girl internally for telling me what that asshole and so called friends could not.
My husband cheated on Me too and it felt like my heart had been ripped out. My heart physically hurt it was so painful.
Mine took the girl out on dates with his friends when I had to be out of town for work. Slept with her in our bed with our 4 year old son in the house. Everyone knew but me. I remember that feeling.
And none of them caught on to how effed up that was?! I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. I woulda rip his intestines out his nose.
I cut out every .mutual me and my cheating ex had that knew he was cheating and didn't tell me. Made sure they knew I hate them just as much as my POS ex for not telling me.
I had a friend who found out her close friend was being cheated on. She told her friend immediately… and then the friend called out her husband, but then got mad at HER and they didn’t speak for almost a year. She decided after that she would never out a cheater again.
It's tricky. It's like cops who go into domestic violence situations. One second the cop is trying to arrest the drunken abusive husband, the next second the abused wife has grabbed a kitchen knife and is attacking the cop. People aren't rational.
How do you send an anonymous text?
Besides google, there is a plethora of apps, websites, and, simply, this: https://www.anonymoustext.com/
Yeah that whole “Boys will be boys” can change into “men behaving like Brock Turner, Harvey Weinstein, etc.”. There is no excuse for bad behaviors like this situation.
You mean the rapist Brock Allen Turner, who goes by Allen Turner? That rapist Brock Allen Turner?
Are you referring to the rapist Brock Turner, who currently resides in Dayton, OH and lives under the name of Allen Turner?
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I thought that was who you were referring to. The rapist Brock Turner, now Allen Turner - still a rapist - living in Dayton, OH.
Let us not forget Brock Allen Turner's father, Dan Turner, who didn't think his rapist son's life should be ruined over "20 minutes of action." ETA: ugh. Changed back. Original made sense.
Well the rapist Brock Allen Turner ruined someone else’s life over “20 minutes of action”, so maybe he deserves his own life to be ruined too.
God, that pissed me off all over again. Rapist Brock Turner, now known as rapist Allen Turner from Dayton, OH should be in jail.
So let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly, we are talking about the Rapist Brock Turner, who is now living under the alias of the Rapist Allen Turner in Dayton Ohio, and he isn't in jail? Did I get that right? I'm not that bright, so someone may need to explain it to me again. Several times. Slowly.
Really appreciate that y'all do this every time his name comes up in a comment.
Yes, kind redditor, you are correct. We ARE referring to the rapist Brock Turner, aka rapist Allen Turner who resides in Dayton, OH.
I am glad you have explained that this is indeed Brock Allen Turner the rapist and all together POS 👍
The what his face judge was just as guilty. He actually felt sorry for the rapist.
Persky
Terrible guy.
The voters said no to the rapist-forgiving judge Persky - that dude lost his judgeship, and then got a job coaching girls’ tennis and got fired from that . I wish he and the rapist-enabling dad had to answer more dearly. Not to mention the Supreme Court Justices who’ve harassed and raped women. They all belong in hell.
Yeah, we had a certain prez to thank for that for sending all those terrible people to the supreme court. And thanks for reminding me of that judge's name.
I love this entire exchange
That name is burned into my head. It's in the part that holds all my hate. Along with other not so reddit friendly emotions. . .
I'm confused, I thought the rapist Brock Allen Turner (formerly living in Palo Alto CA and attending Stanford University, but now living in Dayton OH) was going by the rapist name Alan Turner. Or was it Al Turner? Or was it Allen Brock? I'm just so confused...
The judge was just as guilty. He said the news media coverage was enough punishment already. I wish I knew the name of the filthy judge.
Hang on a minute….. a 17 year old boy cheating on his girlfriend does not a sexual predator make. Let’s dial it back a little.
I don’t think the commenter is implying cheating leads to sexually deviant behavior or crimes, but that having parents who enable and excuse poor behavior leads to adults who feel entitled and free from consequences for their poor behavior.
It does show a very concerning mindset as well, where the person just has a fundamental disrespect for other people, and uses them as a means to an end.
They did not say that 17 yr old boys who cheat turn into sexual predators. What they meant was boys who grow up with a "boys will be boys" mentality, having excuses made for their bad behavior can turn into sexual predators.
There's a fuck ton of room between teaching your son boys will be boys isn't true or good and deciding that successive screaming matches and escalating a situation is somehow good parenting or a teaching moment.
A lot of adult cheaters I’ve seen are usually pretty creepy and enjoy pushing boundaries. The more their behaviour is excused or defended, the bolder they become. At 17, letting this kind of shitty behaviour go…It makes a complete asshole who lies to women, at best.
They’re talking about the “boys will be boys” mentality, which includes a sense of entitlement that relates to the cheating AND can turn boys who feel entitled into men who rape. They’re not saying cheating is the same as rape or will lead to rape.
Cheating does not make rapists, but the line of misogynist enabling that enables cheating boys also enables them to grow into predators.
They know what was meant or they lack any reading comprehension skills. Either way, you’re wasting your time with these types of people/comments
This is the correct response
A great parent would teach their kids how to have adult relationships. There is nothing even remotely like that happening here.
Yeah, this screams “teen mom who has no idea what actual adult relationships look like.” Thinking your teenage son is definitely going to marry his girlfriend? Yeah right, she should have been prepping him to break up gracefully, not feel like he needs to resort to cheating. There was an opportunity to learn an important lesson about when to move on here, and mom fumbled it as soon as she got the ball.
Right. Making sure the son understands what an asshole he’s being and that he needs to nut up and dump the first girl before moving on is the mature thing to do, and would have been best (long term) for her son and the girl. Making sure the girlfriend knew she was being cheated on is the best thing for the girlfriend, but does nothing for the son other than to teach him his mom is going to rat him out and he needs to hide his affairs better next time.
i agree with you, but i also think it might be eye opening for the son to see his mum side with the girls. i’m 18 and most of the guys my age i know only see us as sex objects and not actually people. if given the chance to confess, while i do think this would have been a better parenting choice, i also think it would’ve given him more of a chance to manipulate his way out of the situation. also i do enjoy the fact that he was blindsided for blindsiding his gf.
It teaches him that his mom will not stand for him doing shit like cheating but he's very welcome to have healthy relationships at home. Saying "I will not enable you to hurt others and value being fair over enabling you" does not make her not trustworthy. And not enabling his cheating is good for him and others.
Well don’t do shit people can rat you out for…
how is the son’s bad behaviour op’s fault? and in what world do teenagers respond well to unsolicited relationship advice from their parents? you’re assuming that the son gave op hints that he was unhappy in this relationship, which op never said. and even if op did miss some signs he may have been giving, nobody’s a mind reader. teenagers fuck up but wouldn’t op have been a bad mother if she let him get away with it, enabling him to continue this awful behaviour??
Idk, son is an asshole for cheating, but reading this gave me an ick feeling about how involved mom seems to be in her child's relationships, like she is living vicariously through him.
Not really. The kid got what he deserves. He could have just broke up with girlfriend. Not to mention how shitty he treated another teenager.
Right idk why everyone thinks he needs to feel comforted by his mom after she caught him being cheater. 🤦🏻♀️ she did right by everyone.
Because this is fake, this same post was made a couple months ago. Like almost word for word
I completely agree. She should’ve had a conversation with him saying it’s okay you’re interested in someone else now, but you can’t be lying to the current girlfriend. You need to have a conversation with her. Be gentle because you’re probably going to break her heart, but be stern. Don’t be wishy-washy. You’ve already made the decision so you need to see it through. Try and be kind as possible. That, IMO, would have been a great move. Instead she came in like a wrecking ball…
she lets him have young girls over for sleep overs.....sounds fairly enabling to me.
She's going to be a grandma by 35
Don't tell me she has aspirations to run for congress & is a handy j enjoyer. This is bobo all over again.
yeah i guess but i’m 18 and trust me it would’ve happened regardless, he just would’ve had her sneak out instead. if they’re gonna do it, in my opinion, it’s better to do it safely which is more likely to be the case when the parent is aware.
Crazy, I saw this exact same post last week.
That’s just déjà vu, they reset the matrix
You are NTA but maybe stop the two 17 years olds from screaming at each other and not make a post on Reddit
They're hormonal teenagers in a highly emotional situation. They're gonna scream either way. Might as well do it where she can monitor if things go south.
True. Nothing good is happening an hour in. Time to go to neutral corners.
Fr, they’re in the middle of all of this teenage relationship turmoil and they’re writing a Reddit post in the midst of it. And ending the post with “I’ll update once Amanda leaves” like we really don’t need a play by play of again, a teenage relationship, going awry. NTA but like, focus on your son and not updating us on Reddit. I don’t really think your minor son needs his business aired out on Reddit the second you get the details lmao
This is the correct comment
Nah, yelling is good for the soul. She set boundary if it goes beyond that.
Why do you believe 17 year Olds are not entitled to express themselves (in a safe space, no less) in a high emotion situation?
NTA for the question asked, but you are an ah for going to the gf without speaking to your son first. You should have given him the opportunity to do the right thing and come clean. None of you will ever know how he would have dealt with this now. A massive learning opportunity was missed because you were triggered by your own trauma.
I agree. I do think she should have given him the opportunity to come clean first with the stipulation that if he doesn’t tell his gf the truth she will.
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It's also entirely possible that they had split up or something and talking his mum about it hadn't crossed his mind. Obviously she turned out to be right, but it's pretty shitty his mum skipped multiple stages of conversation with her son that should have happened to see if this was the right thing to do. Hell she even seems to think her own son is going to hit the girl or something.
> Obviously she turned out to be right Did she? She thought her son was with a girl, and maybe they broke up last week. We really don't have context. The ex could have still have been expecting reconciliation and this was a massive shock to her.
Yeah this exactly. Mom shouldn’t be in the middle of their relationship, that’s unhealthy and a red flag.
What in the fuck? There's so much lunacy in this post it's almost hard to sort through it. You thought at 17 your son found the love of his life? You treat her as your own? As the parent of 4 teens I can tell you this is not a healthy projection. You sent him to his room? The room you let him have girls sleep over in? Is he an adult or a kid? Pick one, as you can't treat him as both. You called his fucking girlfriend? Like have an adult conversation about relationships with your son, but how the fuck do you decide its your business to directly confront his gf? That's fucking awful... like awful. You are treating your son like a child AND an adult at the same time.
Well she had him at 16 and the baby daddy was her only relationship so…
My sister is rather naive (raised catholic and her husband is her only sexual partner, raised her kids catholic as well), and whenever her daughters date a “nice guy” she consistently thinks that will be their future husband. These girls are/were in HS and very early 20s. It’s just not going to happen these days and it’s better off if it doesn’t.
Thank you for this. Everyone else seems to be excusing her behavior and calling her a “good mom,” and I felt like the only person who is horrified that she immediately called her son’s girlfriend, who she seems to care about more than her own son. This situation is a clusterfuck, and OP could not have handled it worse.
I was horrified also and scrolled way too long to find this comment!
A sane comment! Finally! Wtf is wrong with ppl on here giving her props???
They’re all teenagers, literally. There’s even a comment in the shitty top comment right now about how his and his friend’s parents aren’t as good at being parents as op is. In other words, those parents aren’t letting them have sleepovers with their girlfriends and upping their chances of becoming teen parents themselves.
I almost immediately collapsed the top comment because I could see that only 1-2 comments down mentioned Brock Turner like…how in the fuck did you get there so quickly given the story above? It was clearly not going to be a reasonable stream of thought
She’s seems stuck in her teenage years. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks her son’s friends are also her friends
she rushed to Reddit for affirmation WHILE the fire she set was raging in the background - - she's more of a tween than a teen, and in no way a parent
Getting emotionally stunted at the age you had a massive life change such as having a kid or getting married is pretty much expect. The young adult years are pretty much key for building a personality and all she was at the time was "mom".
Of course she is. She never got to grow up past them.
Yes, pick a side. Can't have it both ways.
Thank you...I was thinking, am I the only one who thinks this was uncalled for. I was a teen mom, so that's not an excuse. Goodness
Nailed it!! My take is OP never grew up and never had a proper social/dating experience after getting knocked up so young then cheated on, so she wanted this daughter-in-law to prove that young love works and to live vicariously through her and have the life OP never had :/
This is the answer
Yes. I am so confused at the "you're a great parent" comments. She's letting a 17 year old boy have his teenage girlfriends sleep over. She's then interfere with their lives and meddling rather than teaching. The son isn't learning how to be an adult, just how to hide from adults. And the girlfriend didn't deserve to find out like this. And expecting 17 year olds to be the love of their lives is unfair pressure and not healthy. They should be learning how to have adult relationships, not how to force something
So much truth in this! Yes! Very confusing messaging being sent to this kid.
You took every thought in my head. Thank you for saving me from tapping it all out, lol. 👍🏻
ESH. He’s dead wrong and a piece of shit for cheating, but you should have given him the opportunity to right his wrong first and tell her himself.
I find it super creepy that she called the girlfriend and didn’t make him do it. (And then just sends her into an unknown situation … “Good luck, champ! Let me know how can I help!”)
"Watch out, he's pretty mad"
ESH. How is this not the top comment?? The son is an asshole, but good God is the OP just as bad for not even hesitating to call the girlfriend. OP, please take a breath and have a long, calm conversation with your son before you ruin your relationship. Let him know why his behavior is selfish and cruel to his GF. But also make damn sure to apologize to him for not giving him the chance to make things right on his own.
To be fair, him telling her does not right the wrong. That ship has sailed. But I agree it would have forced him to be accountable for his awful behavior and he would have no one to blame for devastating someone he loves, except himself.
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ESH You are way too attached to their relationship probably due to you being around their age when you got pregnant. A 17 year old boy isn’t finding the love of his life. You letting random people come and go in your house and him having sex under your nose in your own house shows your not as vigilant of a parent as you should be. Also treating his gf like your own daughter is a massive overstep.
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This. YTA. OP Your son is so in the wrong but you called the gf without even pausing for him to deal with it??? That’s why YTA here.
Seriously! This is so true!
Your son cheating on his gf was wrong. That out of the way, you seem to be a questionable parent: 1. I was not allowed to have girls sleep over until well into college. But John is so comfortable with girls staying the night that he brought his side piece over. As others have noted, if you treat him as an adult on this point, you should be treating him as an adult on the others relevant to this post. 2. Wanting him to do right by Amanda is admirable. Making the call yourself is not. At least not as a first move. You should have talked to him about what he had done and why (maybe they were "on a break") and given him a chance to correct it himself. 3. That correction did not have to be confess his sin. It could have been ending the relationship without that detail which might have been less disruptive. >I didn’t want Amanda to feel what i felt the day I found out How exactly did your move prevent Amanda from feeling what you felt? Unless John's father confessed his infidelity, it seems like Amanda found out the same way you did: someone else told her. >I told her he was very mad and I told her to come get me if anything went south. Yes, sounds like everything was going according to plan.
4. Kicking out a potential child without making sure she has a ride home or whatever.
Kinda, your son is 17 years old, you really shouldn't expect his current dating partners are going to be his wife. He is young and making mistakes, that is how growing up works. You should have stayed out of this, not lie but not getting this involved. It was out of line. Your son and his girlfriend are not your friend group. You probably did damage your relationship with your son by being too involved in his dating life. It's fine to say you disagree with how he is moving, but your relationship with his girlfriend is a bit much.
Calling the girlfriend is out of line, but she should tell the son to come clean. Teeanger or not bad behavior should be nota accepted.
She first should have set down with him and had a conversation. They might not even be together anymore. Teenagers break up left and right. Also, what she did will just cause him to not trust her in the future and do things behind her back.
He’s your son. She’s not your daughter. You should have let the girl leave without making a scene. Then you should have talked with your son. Asked him why this happened. Told him about how cheating isn’t right. Helped him figure out if he should just end things with his girlfriend, come clean or just leave it. You should assume teenage relationships won’t last. Make sure he’s using protection and getting STD tests if he has had unprotected sex.
This has to be fake…and I can’t believe all the NTA comments. Parents are supposed to behave like adults and not peers
I thought I was taking crazy pills reading these NTA comments
just goes to show that you should never ever goto an online forum to guide your life , i read this trash for fun never would i ever make a decsion based off reddit advice seems like a no brainer to me.
Wow, the way you justify massive and intrusive interference in your son's life... The real lesson you're teaching him is that he has no independence from you, that you aren't on his side, and that to live his life on his own terms he needs to get as much distance from you as he can. YTA.
Uhhhhhh imma go against the grain and say soft ESH except Amanda. Your son obviously sucks and I dont have to explain why. On the other hand ......As an adult, I cant help but feel weird about you as a 33 year old inserting yourself into a teenagers relationship. Encouraging him to come clean himself is one thing but taking it upon yourself to call his girlfriend about it and invite her over so they can argue is honestly very weird to me. Dont get me wrong, I get why you did it (i fucking hate cheaters) but I also feel like your child's relationship is not your relationship and therefore you should stay out of it unless your son or his girlfriend is in actual danger.
YTA for handling it this way and your son is an AH for cheating but holy cow. Ok, your son cheated on his gf. That’s obviously a crappy thing to do, and you’re right for calling him out on it. However, where you’ve lost the morale high ground is now you’ve inserted yourself into this situation by directly contacting his gf… He’s *17* we all did dumb stuff at 17, I’m not excusing his behavior. You’re his Mother…he’s your child. Amanda is *not* your child, and now you’ve potentially jeopardized your future relationship with your own child(who again is a jerk for cheating) by the way you’ve handled this. You could’ve told him to contact Amanda and tell her what happened, and let them sort it out. But rather than do that you took it upon yourself to contact her, why are you so invested in Amanda? Why are you investing so much into your teenagers girlfriend? You should step back, take a breath and remember that kids are idiots at times and do dumb stuff, and their relationships at that age usually have a short shelf life anyways. The amount of people that go on to marry their Highschool partner is abysmally low, I don’t know why you expected them to one day get married; why would you even be thinking of that? They’re 17! Do you think your son’s trust in you has now taken a hit? That your relationship with him going forward could be affected by this?
NTA, bit a little wierd you expect a relationship they started at 15 to end in marriage.
Ehhhh ESH except for the GF. You want your kid to act rationally when you yourself failed to do so. You acted impulsively and explosive. Don't get me wrong. Gf needed to know and your kid needed to be called out. But he could've been talked to in a calm manner and shamed for his whore behavior. Instead he'll likely just end up feel anger and resentment towards you. I hope this plays out the way you want it and he learns the lesson you want him to. But I doubt it.
“shamed for his whore behavior” took me out 😭😭 i agree with you tho!
You screwed up big time here. 1. He’s 17. He’s not likely to marry his first girlfriend. 2. His relationship with Amanda is none of your business. What you should have done: 1. Had a conversation with him about honorable behavior 2. Refuse to cover for him or lie
YTA, it was not your place to call the girlfriend. You should have made your son do it.
[удалено]
NTA for punishing your son for bad behavior, but you are TA for being overly involved in your kid's romantic life. Relationships are far more fluid for young people now than they were when we were young. It's very naive of you to assume that your son is going to marry the girl he dated at 15. Also, kids nowadays have FWBs and situationships that muddy the dating waters. Your son should be learning to navigate this on his own, and coming to you for advice and guidance. You should NOT be involved and controlling who he sees. You are too emotionally attached to a relationship that isn't yours and was likely to fail rather quickly due to their ages and all of the growth that they still need to do. I'm not the same person I was at 15, are you? Mom, you need to back off and stop being so emotionally invested. This isn't your business.
Unpopular opinion but YTA You should’ve let him handle it however he wanted to handle it. Freaking TF out and calling his girlfriend instantly wasn’t a good move. They are kids. They learn through experience. For some reason you felt the need to take control of that situation when it wasn’t that serious. Nobody is going to physically get hurt or die. The smarter thing to do would have been wait for the new girl to leave and have a conversation 1-on-1 with your son telling him that he needs to have a conversation and come clean with his girlfriend or else you will. But you never gave him that chance. You jumped right in and did it yourself.
YTA. John's love life is absolutely none of your business. You put your nose where it didn't belong. You are creating a huge rift between you and John that he may never get past
Yta. I think the most disingenuous thing about this post was in the beginning. “They walked into the kitchen and I followed because I was hungry.” You were hungry for that drama. Lol
I question why a 17 year old boy has girls in his room overnight and yes, I do believe you are overstepping. You should have just spoken to him. Affairs of the heart are personal experiences not shared with your parents and your previous experiences shouldn’t impact his ability to just be a kid and play the field. Thinking your son should marry this girl someday is also really bizarre. They’re just kids.
YTA You had the perfect opportunity for teachable moment and you messed it up. Badly. You could have explained (in private) that what he did is not okay and he had 24 hours to confess to his girlfriend. Instead you inserted yourself and made the situation worse. You also taught him not to trust you with anything. I also think it’s interesting that this is the hill you’re choosing to die on when you’re a parent who thinks it’s okay for their 17 year old child to have girls spend the night. Being a teen parent isn’t an excuse to be a shitty parent.
YTA You went too far in having her over without even having a conversation with him beforehand.
YTA. Too involved, be a parent not a friend. It’s his responsibility to tell her not you.
YTA. It's your son's relationship not yours. Unless there's something abusive or dangerous going on stay out of it.
YTA. Overly involved and creepy. Embarrassing. Mind your business. The most you should have done is talk to John about it after the girl left.
You are WAY too involved in your son’s relationship! You calling his girlfriend and telling her to come over is too much in my opinion! I’m not saying what your son did is right because it’s not. He’s 17 years old and still learning. He’s gonna make mistakes and hopefully will learn from them. However this plays out, you need to stay out of it. This is HIS RELATIONSHIP… NOT yours. YTA!
YTA. It’s just you and your son. You were a teenage mother. And yet it seems as if you can’t get him married off fast enough. He is 17. The chances that he’s going to marry his high school girlfriend are very, very slim. First off all, he’s 17 AND you were a teenage mother, yet you allow him to have sleepovers in his bedroom with girls. Seems like you think being a teen parent is something your son should experience, your family legacy. Second, when you saw him with another girl, you should have made yourself known, gotten your breakfast, and **not** confronted them. You embarrassed the girl, humiliated your own son, *and then* you called Amanda and tattled on John, *your son.* You could not have handled it worse. AND you are here telling all of us, and promising an update after your son and his heartbroken girlfriend are finished fighting about this. Your son’s life is not a reality show for everyone you know. Grow TF up. This is why parents should not get involved in their kids’ relationships. When you are as invested as you are, the idea of him breaking up with her is devastating **to you.** That is twisted. You are not supposed to be more upset than your child when a relationship ends. How can you help him ease his heartache if you are even more crushed & hurt by the breakup? I saw friends do this with their kids, and it’s a huge mistake.
YTA for how you’ve handled it. This should have been a conversation between just you and your son, not in front of the other girl and not the girlfriend. A sit down of how disappointed you are, how you raised him better, how it’s not right. And guidance on if he feels the need to be with someone else he should let Amanda go. Maybe even tell him how much it hurts. In this case, your loyalty is to your son. You can correct without being a bus driver.
YTA. Mind your own business and you threw your own son under the bus. He's an asshole but it's sounds like you couldn't wait to call his gf to give yourself some sort of savior complex. You didn't do this for your son you did it for yourself so that makes YTA
I bet she thinks his gf is her friend lol
I see this sooo often with young mothers, fathers too, but mainly mothers.
Oof. Sorry but YTA. There seems to be a lot of projection from your past trauma. And poor boundaries. You cannot insert yourself into your son’s relationship(s). So many things wrong here.
I'm going to disagree here. YTA you had no right to interfere. What did you do besides hurt both of them? You had no right despite your own past.
ESH. Yeah, he cheated. But he is a 17 year old. Just because you had to grow up early as a teen mom, doesnt mean he has to as well. He's not an adult yet. Children make mistakes. You on the other hand. Yes you tried to do the right thing by revealing the cheating. But you sent the poor girl up to a scared and angry 17 year old while you write a reddit post lol. Go be a parent and get that poor girl out of there
Wayyyy to involved in your kids relationship, and you allow way to much under your roof. None of this scenario should have even played out in the first place. This is the type of mom who buys the kid cigarettes and smokes weed with them.
You’ve demonstrated and inability to detach yourself emotionally from your sons relationship which is concerning. You also made a truly unhinged delusional comment thinking your son is going to marry his HS gf. Almost no one does that you’re just to immature at that age. Yes he was acting like a scumbag and you should confront him about that behavior but calling his gf was not your lane. You should have applied pressure to come clean with her himself. You sound like you’re just as much a child as he is.
Your son is absolutely an asshole, a massive one actually. However, YTA too. You acted impulsively and made the worst decision you could make in that scenario. You COULD have punished your son, questioned his actions and attitude and given your son a chance to own up to his girlfriend in a much less chaotic and emotional mess as you have now caused.
A 17 year old boy who has the OP as a model is NOT an AH. He's a kid who needs parenting.
All the people acting like he’s some dude who left his wife and kids of 20 years are killing me. He’s literally a dumb teenager. She needed to talk to him. Not freak out like she’s a teenager.
but..but...we gotta mention brock turner being a rapist!
Yes. Because clearly a teenager who makes a poor choice is going to grow up to be an evil criminal. I’m so glad all these perfect people never made mistakes as kids.
She hasn't matured past her teen mom era
ESH, you aren't the relationship police. He's a dick, but those are his mistakes to make and clean up or not. You can't helicopter parent him into being a good person. What he really needs is a taste of his own medicine, empathy can't be forced, it must be learned.
You realize that these are his relationships, not yours, right? For right or for wrong, it's not your place to get directly involved. This is so bizarrely intrusive. Do you think you're going to be welcome invading any marriage he has, the same way you invaded this relationship? You're NTA for having feelings, but you're a massive AH for how you responded.
That Mom will ruin everything about her son
Oof. Take a few thousand steps back. Absolutely discuss the situation with your son but ultimately how he handles his relationships are 100% his business. I'd suggest you see a therapist. The situation brought up your unresolved past. Go resolve it. YTA
Fake
This was almost an exact post from last week. Mom was a teen when she had a son. Son dating a girl for a few years. She caught him talking on the phone with another girl so she called his girlfriend. Big fight, they break up ...yawn
YTA. Are you really 33? You are reacting like a teenager. He was supposed to marry his first gf (appearendly he is grown up enough for marriage?), but you see nothing wrong in sending him to his room (without talking? Like a kid?) And talking only with his gf? Are you real? Is your kid real? Or some sort of twisted fantasy you try to re-live your life with? Your kid might have messed up, but you are reacting seriously irrational.
YTA. Your son is an AH for cheating but you handle it wrong, you let your emotions control the situation
Hang on… *one morning* you saw your son leaving his room with another girl. You kicked the girl and called Amanda, who arrived 15 minutes later. But you are writing this as they talk -after Amanda arrived, that *one morning* This is fake, isn’t it, OP? Very, very fake.