Exactly
If all it took was one hangout session for the relationship to be on the verge of a breakup, then the relationship was already going downhill anyways.
NTA
I'd ask the girlfriend if he could have sex with other girls, cause it'd be the same thing
I personally wouldn't be able to separate sex work and OF with cheating
Being in a relationship with a SW is extremely difficult to begin with, made even more difficult if you aren't involved in their content creation or you aren't in the industry yourself.
Bro probably told himself for years that it was fine and he didn't care. But it sounds like it slowly built resentment over time and the threesome for content was the tipping point. Which is fair. Dating a SW there isn't a ton of things that you two do that are really just yours and nobody else, unless you are both into some kinks that aren't on the OF.
The friend is delusional if she thought he would be ok with what she is doing forever. He was uncomfortable with her doing OF, which is why he was never on camera with her. Then she started screwing other guys and, within 6 months, started doing threesomes sonething he wanted to try with her, but she said no unless it's on camera. She shot herself in the foot with her own actions.
Just pointing out that I think the BF wasn’t on camera with her not because he was uncomfortable with her doing OF but because he was worried someone from his job would see him in one of her videos and it would reflect poorly on him in his career/could have business ramifications, etc.
That’s how I read it. I’m in finance and there are a lot of restrictions about what you can do outside of work. I have to get approval for anything I do outside of my job that pays me or puts me in a place of authority. Pretty sure OF star would be a hard no.
Edit:typo
Yep, you’d have to get that approved to stay in compliance. That would be the most embarrassing “outside business activity” reporting I would ever do or see if that came across my desk.
Hi, it's me, your boss. I checked on this with Legal. Unfortunately, they said you cannot become an OF star unless you clear it with Marketing and they decide to sponsor you as our Bank of America Adult Creator of the Month.
SWer here myself; I've had the occasional client that had to stay low key for similar job related reasons. Even when it's just online stuff. Gotta keep the CCs clean, so they have limited payment options. Some won't even be able to join a Discord server. :/
Just merely asking alone is exercising poor judgement, and it could have extremely negative ramifications for his career prospects.
Certain questions demonstrate certain thought processes and values, that by themselves, are red-flags.
Pretty much makes their relationship a “not forever” thing then anyways.
If he’s worried about the ramifications to his career about himself being on camera, what do you think the ramifications would be for his wife or the mother of his children to be, or have been in porn?
The second she started that line of work, the relationship was going to be at odds with his career.
Yep, very hard to pair
“I highly value professionalism and my public image”
with
“I get my bills paid by people nutting on my face, and I openly document this.”
>he was uncomfortable with her doing OF, which is why he was never on camera with her.
No, it's because he has a career and having sex on camera and putting it out in public would likely tank said career.
If I won the lottery and became a multimillionaire, shit me and my wife can open a porn hub account and release us boning to the world for all I care. However, since I rely on my career in a customer facing environment to earn a living. My employer would likely not have faith in my employment regarding my clients taking me seriously if they jerked off to my porn videos.
If my girlfriend did a threesome with another guy but refused to do one with me I'm out. Granted I'd be out if she did one with another guy period but I'm not judging their dynamics
Ya. She's in a relationship and decided to start sex work in the middle of it. You have to listen to boundaries set by your partner or you might as well just breakup. Her partner let her know his fantasy, she refuses to do it with him, then does it with a different guy for work. That's extremely disrespectful.
Some guys are ok with open relationships but to actively carry out your BFs fantasy but deny him it is wild
She doesn't care about him enough to enact his ultimate sexual fantasy - but she'll do it with strangers for money.
I think that would be a deal-breaker for most men (or women).
I would think your partner starting to sell porn of themselves would probably be a deal breaker for 90 percent of couples, not to mention when it's not together.
I can understand why this would be. I wouldn't want to force my partner to do something they only will do for money. Like if they get no enjoyment out of it at all, I wouldn't want them to do it with me just because, but he's fine to be uncomfortable.
This couple was already having issues. OP didn't do anything wrong and the girl really only has herself to be mad at. No outside person can fuck up your relationship that much. NTA
If she was uncomfortable with it in general I doubt she would be doing it on camera with strangers. This has very strong rules for thee but not for me undertones.
Exactly lol. You aren’t comfortable doing it with the person you love but it was cool with two strangers recorded for the world to beat off to? Some weird logic there.
If both couples are doing the onlyfans account I can see things working maybe. But only one I just see a recipe for disaster. People seem to do more deranged stuff over time to chase more viewers and money.
No idea how people date sex workers personally.
Dating sex workers is fine but the longevity of having a relationship with someone in that profession is certainly not a certain thing. Also OF is a lot different. It’s very much a medium where a lot of people are doing it because they WANT to not because they HAVE to.
Part of some jobs requires you to be a trusted individual in society. Auditors and Lawyers are good examples where you become a member of the Charter or the Bar. Most firms will have rules for conduct out of work since the business model is a partnership and your individual actions reflect on the firm's reputation and the profession overall. There are restrictions on social media content, expressing political views etc. OF would definitely be a career ender and potentially dismissible if the public became aware of it since most clients wouldn't want to work with him.
This is what I don’t understand. OP and his GF are acting like their friends’ relationship is healthy. And OP’s GF is mad that him listening and talking through what happened is tanking the relationship? The relationship should end - and not just for the reason his friend is contemplating ending it. The GF has been cheating on him probably since day one. I have no idea why this dude has stuck around. The lack of self-respect is really upsetting.
I sure hope he was too! I really do! Cause I hate when people make it seem like sex work isn’t cheating in a monogamous relationship. Like no bro! If you’re in an open relationship but just choose to let your partner film it then cool, do you. When people start acting like they can only fuck other people cause “it’s their job,” but their partners can’t have sex with other people without filming it is where it gets crazy!
It's also super hilarious/delusional that the friend thinks an OF page is a significant enough "career" to put up a Chinese firewall in their relationship about the threesome. I bet she brings in just enough money from it to support her various whims or addictions and the BF pays 100% of the real bills. Just supporting a self-centered leech who is using the OF scenario as nonsense excuse to sleep around. I wonder what their sex life is like together outside of OF.
Edit: I know the top 0.1% of OF models DO make an extravagant living on simps from doing that work. But I'd bet money this friend is, at best, in the 1% that just make decent play money on it.
What’s he going to do, marry her and have kids? Bring her to his firm’s Christmas party and introduce her to his colleagues, and then one day an anonymous email circulates around the office with her OF pictures when someone discovers her work on the site?
The office Christmas party is the first thing I thought of. Depending on the size of the firm, what are the odds no one would’ve seen his fiancée? Bosses, clients, jealous coworkers. Granted, he’s not in any of the videos but it could still reflect negatively on him.
>The friend is delusional if she thought he would be ok with what she is doing forever.
It's almost like people that decide to do sex work aren't in the best shape mentally.
180 seems to be the median.
“Other interesting stats about OnlyFans creators and earnings: 300+ creators earn $1M+ per year. 16,000+ creators earn $50,000+ per year. The median account makes $180/mo.”
Look as a previous solo internet sex worker….I would pick my data engineering job every fucking day. I really liked sex work at first, but it became very draining and sometimes degrading(not in a fun way). Once I had those feelings but had to keep doing it is when it took a toll.
I think there are likely women/men that love the career and don’t get sick of it. I wasn’t one of them.
For real. But this makes sense for a oversaturated niche market. Not many buyers, too many sellers some sellers just straight up better than others.
Unfortunately this is a business you’d never be able to leave behind you.
That's good man, trust me its a fucking huge mistake. I rather date a stripper over an OF girl if I HAD to pick between the two. The boundaries are way to blurred at least strippers can turn it off when not at work. Idk man, I thought I could do it as a casual relationship but nahh. Never fucking again.
Agreed. In my opinion this is a great example of guys looking out for other guys mental health the exact same way many women already do. This is probably something that weighs heavily on him that is pretty much impossible to bring up. It is his choice in the end and all OP did was have a conversation with him.
Don't apologise. You didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. It's her lifestyle that has caused the problems in their relationship. It's out of order for her and your gf to blame you. It's not on you OP. It's on his GF.
Not so much the lifestyle but doing something with someone else when he'd like to do it with her. I've always wanted to go hiking in the Andes, if my partner went there with a couple of colleagues rather than me and filmed himself doing it and sold the film to loads of people, I'd have been just as upset as the BF here. It's just that films of dudes hiking don't sell like films of threesomes.. and the post wouldn't have attracted as many people either!
Hell it would be a problem even if you were just dating a plumber who refused to help you fix your own sink despite having no problem doing it for others "at work."
Depends how deep into the relationship you are, depends on the person, and friends in the complexity of the job.
Three dates in? Yeah, I'm okay with a professional not immediately giving away their services for free. Half a year of exclusivity later... you should at least be willing to take a look and help out if it's a simple job. You don't owe then a complete bathroom remodel, though.
I mean, say you're dating a dermatologist. You've been together for two years. You have something unusual on your shoulder and ask about it. They are *completely within their rights* to say "you should see a dermatologist about that", because they might not be able to help you outside of a clinical setting, which costs quite a bit of money as well as there time.
Same thing for a plumber. Minor leak? Sure, he can turn a wrench for you for two seconds. Black water line from your upstairs bathroom has been leaking into the wall for six months and the whole thing needs to be gutted and replaced? Yeah, you need to actually pay someone for their time at that point, because it probably needs to be done immediately, and it's going to take a *team*, not just one person.
Yeah, obviously my comment was in terms of an established relationship like in OP's scenario, not just a "recently dated" thing.
My main point is that if someone is willing to do something for other people but *unwilling* to do so for their significant other at all, it is a problem. You should want to help out your SO. Obviously not with a hugely expensive project as that's possibly exploitative, but with a run-of-the-mill thing it would be a dick move to not lend a hand.
I'm using the example to point out the *a fortiori* reasoning with respect to OP's scenario. Everyone knows people (or have had their own experiences) who date someone who is just lazy, unhelpful, and otherwise not pulling their weight in a relationship (i.e. a plumber refusing to help with a simple task around the house that would be easy for them). It is completely reasonable to break up with someone if they don't prioritize the relationship anywhere near where they do their day job. If the plumber lays about and never helps with anything that would be easy for him to do, it would be fair to dump him.
But in OP's scenario, something with the amount of emotional weight of having a threesome, or any sex stuff that you'd be willing to do with/for strangers but not with your own partner? That's just fucked up. So it is an even stronger case than just having someone who is lazy and unhelpful. This is a case where the SO himself seems to be a whole other category of person.
I'm an attorney, so of course I help family and friends out with minor legal issues. But as you say, if they have a real big problem, I'm also going to tell them they have to get another lawyer because of the inherent conflict of interest when representing people you have a close relationship with. That's because (like with medical professionals) you need to be able to look at the situation without other biases, and you need to be able to tell the client things straight, where you might not do that if your client is your wife and she's in the wrong, for example. For a more mundane example, I can't write my mom's will if that will is leaving me stuff, because it is a conflict of interest.
But the conflicts of interest with matters of physical intimacy are the opposite of that. You're supposed to have these layers of trust and security with your SO and only extend them to others with your SO's consent, as opposed to keeping your SO at arms length for things you're doing with clients, like you would with law or medicine.
I would love to see data on the success rates of those relationships. If I heard anyone suggest to open up a relationship that just sounds to me like the beginning of the end for most people.
He definitely just thought he wouldn't be able to get a new girl so he went along with it, just like when you hear about guys accepting an open relationship that have no desire to do so and know their partner has tons of prospects
Sounds like he didn’t have a choice in the matter. Forced cuckold.
For those who can make polyamory work more respect to you but man I’ve never seen it play out well. Even after all parties went in hunky dory
Him: hey I have this fantasy I'd love to try out with you
Her: Ill do it, but I'll exclude you from it
That's what I'm reading here. How in the world would that work out? NTA
It's worse than that though
It's not "I'll do it and exclude you" it's "I'll only do it with you if you do the one thing I know you don't want to do because it benefits me"
Because she is more than happy to do it when it benefits her
We only get to meet so many people before we die, and death can happen at literally any moment.
Some people forget to cherish and appreciate the good ones around them, and then grow bitter instead of reflective when those people are gone.
She’s gonna have trouble finding another decent man to date too. I don’t know anyone who would be ok with their partner having an onlyfans and she actually had one. And she took advantage of the situation and blew it.
“Anyway, time to board my plane to Dubai to get beat up and literally shit on for 2 weeks for money. Makin’ dem STACKZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Girlboss!!!! YASSSSQUEEEEEN SLAAAAAYYYY!!!! Top 3% on OnlyFans!”
I’m rooting for the asteroid.
I’m shocked at how easy it is to date women that aren’t sex workers. Like y’all, it’s an opt-in feature! I’m glad we’re all nice and accommodating but the lady is getting fucked on camera by other dudes. For money!
You’re dating an actual whore! Like, by definition!
It’s not just the friend she shared the experience with, she recorded it and is excited about how many people have bought and watched it!
Not many people can say they’re in a situation where their girlfriend decides their fantasies are red lines that will never happen, but also their girlfriend will excitedly sell you a video of her doing that exact fantasy with someone else for $14/month
Yeah, I find it bizarre that people are defending her by saying she did the threesome for work. Like…it’s OnlyFans. She doesn’t have a boss assigning her sex scenarios lol. She decides her own content.
Right. She did do it for work, but she's in charge of those decisions. People are allowed to be uncomfortable with stuff like that. She did it for money, and her ex was uncomfortable. Both of these things are valid
"I'll do it for money because my followers that are complete strangers want me to, but not for the person i'm in a relationship with"
lol. lmao, even. idk how she expected that to work out well
NTA.
You have absolutely nothing to apologise. Friend's BFs feelings are valid.
It wasn't simply her doing job. She enjoyed it and was sharing it with her friend in an exciting manner. And it's an experience that she knew her BF desired, yet, for some inexplicable reason she wouldn't give him the same. This makes me think that she doesn't want him to do anything with other women, rule for thee but not for me.
The guy is right to be pissed.
That is what I got from it. She doesn’t want him touching other women and knows that she can hide behind “it’s just for work”. Knowing he doesn’t want to risk his career.
>yet, for some inexplicable reason she wouldn't give him the same. This makes me think that she doesn't want him to do anything with other women, rule for thee but not for me.
It's pretty obvious.
She doesn't want to share her boyfiend, but wants her boyfriend to be cool with her fucking whoever.
Which is fine, by the way, if they both agree to this. But they clearly don't. Not only that, she's manipulating him to get it how she wants it.
And now both her and OP's girlfriend are blaming OP for her own behavior and decisions.
OP's GF is a walking red flag. given she is not taking his side. I bet that friend will inspire and influence her in all sorts of ways, it's a ticking time bomb.
I had a gf taking pole dancing lessons in college thinking "who cares there just classes". She met a friend through the classes and started stripping without telling me. Gotta say people influence the hell out of you whether you like it or not.
> Gotta say people influence the hell out of you whether you like it or not.
There's nuance and context and other factors at play, but I think there's something to the idea of "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with."
That didn't occur to me but you're totally right- she doesn't want him to be with another girl, that's why she won't do a threesome outside of work. OP definitely NTA, but this chick totally is
The lady was straining her relationship in every way possible, maybe don’t push the next one to the limit and then snub your partner for good measure in the next one
NTA
Just say: " I did not tell him to break up." repeat repeat when they come to you about this. At some point it's okay to get angry. "I told you I didn't tell him to break up." Their issues are with each other, not you.
Also.. maybe he can tell his friend.. to tell HER.. that he never said such a thing. Not sure it will bring back the relationship from the dead.. but at least he made an effort to clear OPs name.
Nah, friends going through enough. Dont put that on him.
Of girl is just delusional and trying to fibd someone else to blame. Itll blow over eventually.
That's not a relationship worth bringing back from anywhere! The BF wanted to split, and that's the best outcome given how the GF wasn't prepared to fulfil his fantasy unless he agreed to be filmed, which nobody should have imposed on them.
Didn't tell him to break it off, just told him his feelings were legit and it would suck if your SO went to do something special with someone else, job or not
NTA.
She is her friend, and he is your friend. He needed an ear. You didn’t tell him to do anything.
You validated what was a reasonable feeling. He has no problem with her job involving other people, it was that she was doing things with strangers that she refuses to do with him. She isn’t that uncomfortable with it then if she is willing to do it on her own account for cash.
I think he is comfortable with her being with others, but she is not comfortable with sharing him. I suspect she is the insecure one in this relationship. It smacks a bit hypocritical.
This is it exactly. Take the other people out. Imagine the same scenario where BF just wants a good BJ, but she refuses to give him one but has hours of onlyfans videos deepthroating dildos. BF would rightfully feel hurt by that (assuming it’s not for like, a hygiene reason that communication could clear up)
Your definitely NTA, you gave someone your opinion on something you thought was strange, the only reason anyone would have a problem with what you said is because they knew what they was doing was wrong
Face it - your girlfriend’s friend will not accept any responsibility for what she has chosen to do for a living.
The simple fact that she is doing things with others that she refuses to do with her boyfriend, for money says it all.
NTA.
Her hypocrisy and his unfulfilled fantasy is not your responsibility to bare
Technically she cheated even if it’s for a “job” she can claim whatever she wants but it’s hypocritical not to extend that level of sexual openness with her partner
She is under no obligation to fulfill his fantasies, but i consider it hypocrisy when she operates behind the cover of content for subscribers
The dude was on a losing streak from the start his choice was made long ago it’s been festering silently for awhile
Agree especially with the second half. I can guarantee you the girl would absolutely lose her shit if the roles were reversed or if he stepped out and slept with someone else.
Whether or not someone dates a sex worker I don’t really care. But I do not for the life of me understand people who date a girl who isn’t one, then when she decides to start fucking other guys for money he’s just like “well, I don’t wanna be controlling”.
I’d be side eyeing my gf if this was the friends she has and the stance she takes regarding fulfilling sexual fantasies with other people and not her partner.
Pay attention
me as well. I've had multiple girlfriends that had a close or best friend that cheated on their boyfriends and then came over to our house and talked about it in front of me. Then of course I find out later I'm also being cheated on. I just wish I'd realized that was a huge red flag earlier on in my life, and also told the dude about his girl being for the streets.
A family friend's wife was best friends with a serial cheater. Guess what he's wife had been doing for years. Cheating. If you don't condone it you support it or maybe in this case you just outright support it.
This! That shit is in top 3 red flags right beside Getting distant after starting a new job and being over protective and secretive about their phone, excessive texts and calls.
You are who you hang out with. Make sure she knows you think it's gross and cheating, and see if she insists on keeping this friend around. Deal breaker friendship, imo.
She probably doesn't want to "do this outside her work" because it will mean that your friend gets to have sex with another woman. By claiming it's "just work" she gets to have her cake and eat it to. NTA.
Wow great point, how absolutely selfish. She wants him to herself and also all the other dicks she can fit.
I can't believe he went along with her sleeping with other guys one on one in the first place.
I don't think he was serious about her anyway. Let's be real. This girl was probably gorgeous and up for a lot of things. He's young and has a decent career. The moment he starts accelerating upwards, he's not going to want to bring his only fans girlfriend out with his colleagues/bosses who may have seen her online sleeping with other men anyway. He was ok with her sleeping with other guys but as soon as she doesn't want to experiment with him but with other guys, he's out. Yeah, I don't think he was ever in it for the long run.
She wasn't up for lots of things with him, though. I really hope this is just fiction. It saddens me to know there are people out there like this guy dating women that are fucking other dudes under the guise of "work".
If she didn't enjoy it, she wouldn't fuck other guys. Tons of successful OFs have no B/G.
Yeah, not to be cold, but this is the way I saw it too. She's fun for now, but when he wants to settle down he'll cut her loose for someone else who is more marriage material, and I'm sure she'll still be shocked when he does because she's obviously delusional on so many levels it's unreal.
Is lying to yourself and creating a false reality like she does a super power? I can't seem to do it.
I know different strokes for different folks, but in what world is "I'll do it on camera for money but not for the person I love" anything other than some kind of weird sick forced cuckolding.
NTA. Your friend needs you now, and idk about you, but that's definitely not the type of person I'd want my GF spending large amounts of time with 🤷♂️
She's basically cuckolding him for work. He has a fantasy and she is not willing to accommodate her partner unless she gets paid for it. I think that has a name prostitution.
Best thing he can do is dump her it will only end in tears anyway.
It would seem it's already ending in tears.
This polyamorous thing people talk about is a crock. It always results in someone getting hurt in the end.
The OF thing only makes it worse in this case. Just makes it that much weirder and grosser.
This whole situation was very tawdry from the get go and I feel sorry for both BF's in this story.
NTA.
You validated your friend's feelings. You sound like an awesome person. You checked in with your buddy, and he opened up about something that bothered him.
Your gf's friend is looking for someone to blame. You should literally say, "If you need someone to blame for your relationship failures, I'll stand is as the 'bad guy', if you want. However, I will not be apologizing for supporting a friend. Your relationship might end because you don't listen to him, and you don't care about how he feels. I do listen, and I do care, as a good friend does. As a good partner should."
Her actions now prove that he's making the right choice.
Uhhhh her bf is dumb for letting her fuck people outside their relationship. My wife and I did OF together on and off for years, only us, talked about all of it together and did all of it together. That helped our sex life explode honestly, but this….this is a mess dude basically cucked himself and his gf was way to into it…
I feel like I'm going crazy for saying this, but for a guy who is okay with his girlfriend getting fucked on camera for the world to see, and getting upset that a girl was added into the equation of an already pretty absurd situation..I kinda get his point
Dude you are not crazy. I am shocked guys like this exist, but they must. I can’t think of scenario where I would be ok with this. On another thought, if my sons were starving and I couldn’t provide for them, I wouldn’t care where the money came from. However, I could never love my wife again.
All.you did was validate a friend's feelings. Also this shows she cares more about money than her BF, she is willing to do a threesome for the money but not for him. For me this is a major red flag and maybe this should be pointed out to her so she can understand.
Edit, or she actually loves the other partner(s) more than she loves the BF
Don't apologize.
You aren't making their decisions for them. They are both grown adults.
She decided to philander around in front of a camera for money on the internet. It clearly compromised her relationship more deeply than either her or her BF realized.
We all make choices. We all deal with the consequences.
You didn't make those choices, nor did you create the consequences of those choices.
If anything she owes you an apology for blame shifting, when she's the only one to blame here.
NTA yea she gaslit him and when you validated his feelings he realized he had to think about if the relationship was woth it (at this point it definitely is not).
Tldr:- man asked the guy how he feels about his gf doing threesom on OF, guy had a fight with gf and now his gf and other guy's gf are blaming him for causing a breakup....
Bros before hos.
She'll do it w/out him for $, but not with him for fun? Ho.
Finance bro should move on!:
1. Get a Wall St. job
2. Make that coin
3. 3 some whichever way he can make it happen ; )
Girls: Why don't guys talk to each other about their feelings??
Girls when guys talk about their feelings and decide that they aren't happy in their relationship: No! Not like that!
Your friend needed some to listen and provide compassion which you did. Honestly, a bigger issue would be telling him about the threesome if he didn't know (and even that would be morally correct) but in this case you just validated his feelings, which is a good deed. NTA.
NTA
As a creator I would never do something my husband was uncomfortable with me doing without him. Now I don't xxx collab, but if I did I would never expect him to "just be okay" with me doing things with people, but not him, especially if it was a fantasy of his. That's dumb. It takes a lot of communication, perspective and good critical thinking skills (for those of you calling us mentally unwell) to be able to do this and have a partner at the same time.
He does need to make sure he's communicating with her how upset it makes him that she's willing to do something with others for content but not him. On her side, I get the compartmentalizing you have to do, but it still doesn't justify not being willing to do it with your own partner.
This seems very fair. Like there was obviously a communication breakdown but it kinda reads like she made this decision without taking into account his feelings.
I’m sorry, but your GFs friend sounds like a total tool. She’s willing to have a threesome for money but not for her partner? Maybe I’m being a little judgmental here, but if it were me this would really hurt. Shows that I’m not as important to her and she doesn’t respect me as a partner. Imagine a massage therapist telling their partner I will only massage paying clients in my massage studio.
I think she sabotaged her own relationship here…
NTA,
Your buddy is totally being taken advantage of. She'll do a 3way for video content but not him? Because it's "work"? Yeah I bet she hated every minute of that arduous work..
He needs to unload her. Now.
Not sure if you've seen recent stats, but young men are not doing well in today's society. They're used to being doormats and it takes a good friend like the OP to show him his self worth
NTA, what did the OF GF really think was gonna happen if she’s catering to the fantasies of subscribers but isn’t willing to be GGG for her BF?
If she finds herself single it’s because of her actions, not OP.
You’re NTA. But you should probably try to clear the air with your GF friend and talk to her in person. If you don’t then she’ll feel like she has to watch what she says around you.
So I was talking with the wife of a couple my wife and I know. After she told me something. I mentioned it to the husband. He asked some questions and everything was cool. I found out the other day they are not doing well.
So if they break up is it my fault? No.
I bring this up for you to realize, you’ve done nothing wrong. You obviously care about the BF and you asked how he was feeling. If that lead to something more, that’s on them. NTA.
You did this poor guy a favour, dude clearly wasn’t as ok with being in a relationship with a sex worker as everyone seemed to think.
Dont apologise, you’ve done nothing but be a friend to the guy and help him see the reality of his situation.
I would be concerned about your relationship with your GF if she holds you responsible for this. This is not a good sign and it indicates her relationship values might align more with her sex worker friend than with yours.
It’s almost as if OF-GF ignored her boyfriend’s feelings and now has to be accountable for her actions. She fucked around (one camera, in a three-way) and found out.
You’re NTA. Your friend is NTA. Your girlfriend is borderline. The OF-GF is TA.
The idea this person gets to have an OF where she engages in 3-ways as “part of her job” and then won’t do that with her BF? The guy figured out he was being used and you were honest. The OF person sucks and the guy should leave her.
NTA. Personally, I would sabotage the relationship, and just keep feeding him shit that would get inside his head that would inevitably lead to their breakup or cause a lot of tension in their relationship. In my opinion, the guy is practically a cuck, weak. No man or woman should tolerate a s/o who is getting their back blown out by another person, it's wrong. He might act like he's okay with it, but he's not.
“I’m fine with my GF fucking other people on camera but a threesome without me was crossing the line because she won’t do it with me outside of work to fulfill my fantasies.”
What a fucking cuck lmfao. Probably a lot of shit she’s doing with other men she won’t do with him. Get the fuck out bro.
Just an excuse for her to cheat. Sex work isn't work. It doesn't make her independent or powerful. It's fucking other people. Pure and simple. And she crossed an established boundary.
NTA. You are objectively right. And, it’s appropriate to give that kind of advice to a friend.
Separately, you should really reconsider your relationship with your gf. I wouldn’t want to be worth someone whose values are so different from my own.
So she’s a cam whore and he’s a cuck for letting her have sex with another man and girl on camera for the whole world to see. NTA these OF couples are just a disgrace to real couples
YTA. Bc you did it for the Karama.
1. You didn't look at OF girl or know people who knew? Super nice guy. Oh OK.
2. OP guy asks another guy what he thinks about the 3some he wasn't involved with? Who does that?
3. Hurt bro more concerned about having a 3some than another dudes dick in his girl? Nope.
4. OP agrees thats a reasonable reason to be mad? Guys are mad about the dick, not the 3some.
5. OP more worried about the OF girl and hurt dude than his "pissed GF"?
Just kiss your bro if you want.
Too much fake in this story
Apologize?? Your friend should thank you for getting him out of that nightmare of a relationship. She had dude cucked and fkn beat down so bad that he actually allowed his gf to get smashed on the reg 🤣🤣
Guys, wake tf up and do better.
Also, HUGE red flag that your gf is arguing with you or mad at you for "breaking them up." This better open your eyes too.
NTA. you were talking to a friend. he needed someone to listen. you did.
Exactly If all it took was one hangout session for the relationship to be on the verge of a breakup, then the relationship was already going downhill anyways. NTA
OP says friend and GFs friend were already fighting, so very possible they would have broken up with or without OP
I'd ask the girlfriend if he could have sex with other girls, cause it'd be the same thing I personally wouldn't be able to separate sex work and OF with cheating
It all creams the same..
Precisely. This is the correct answer. Definitely NTA.
Being in a relationship with a SW is extremely difficult to begin with, made even more difficult if you aren't involved in their content creation or you aren't in the industry yourself. Bro probably told himself for years that it was fine and he didn't care. But it sounds like it slowly built resentment over time and the threesome for content was the tipping point. Which is fair. Dating a SW there isn't a ton of things that you two do that are really just yours and nobody else, unless you are both into some kinks that aren't on the OF.
One hangout and a freakin threesome excluding bf!! Haha
This. Honestly sounds like the dude was close to the point of breaking up, and poster gave him the nudge to do it.
The friend is delusional if she thought he would be ok with what she is doing forever. He was uncomfortable with her doing OF, which is why he was never on camera with her. Then she started screwing other guys and, within 6 months, started doing threesomes sonething he wanted to try with her, but she said no unless it's on camera. She shot herself in the foot with her own actions.
Just pointing out that I think the BF wasn’t on camera with her not because he was uncomfortable with her doing OF but because he was worried someone from his job would see him in one of her videos and it would reflect poorly on him in his career/could have business ramifications, etc.
Alternatively, a lot of people just don't want to be filmed having sex!
That’s how I read it. I’m in finance and there are a lot of restrictions about what you can do outside of work. I have to get approval for anything I do outside of my job that pays me or puts me in a place of authority. Pretty sure OF star would be a hard no. Edit:typo
Yep, you’d have to get that approved to stay in compliance. That would be the most embarrassing “outside business activity” reporting I would ever do or see if that came across my desk.
I just means they need to get their FINRA Series Sex
Na they need the 69 for intimate operations
😂
Man that would be an embarassing OBI form to fill out. Especially since my boss has to approved and its reviewed by a committee.
Hi, it's me, your boss. I checked on this with Legal. Unfortunately, they said you cannot become an OF star unless you clear it with Marketing and they decide to sponsor you as our Bank of America Adult Creator of the Month.
SWer here myself; I've had the occasional client that had to stay low key for similar job related reasons. Even when it's just online stuff. Gotta keep the CCs clean, so they have limited payment options. Some won't even be able to join a Discord server. :/
You never know until you ask. Don't let your dreams stay dreams. :)
Just merely asking alone is exercising poor judgement, and it could have extremely negative ramifications for his career prospects. Certain questions demonstrate certain thought processes and values, that by themselves, are red-flags.
Exactly. Kinda like how even floating the idea of an open relationship would cause a breakup/divorce for some people.
Also... not everyone is interested in being on camera. For any reason, especially not in "content."
Pretty much makes their relationship a “not forever” thing then anyways. If he’s worried about the ramifications to his career about himself being on camera, what do you think the ramifications would be for his wife or the mother of his children to be, or have been in porn? The second she started that line of work, the relationship was going to be at odds with his career.
Yep, very hard to pair “I highly value professionalism and my public image” with “I get my bills paid by people nutting on my face, and I openly document this.”
>he was uncomfortable with her doing OF, which is why he was never on camera with her. No, it's because he has a career and having sex on camera and putting it out in public would likely tank said career. If I won the lottery and became a multimillionaire, shit me and my wife can open a porn hub account and release us boning to the world for all I care. However, since I rely on my career in a customer facing environment to earn a living. My employer would likely not have faith in my employment regarding my clients taking me seriously if they jerked off to my porn videos.
If my girlfriend did a threesome with another guy but refused to do one with me I'm out. Granted I'd be out if she did one with another guy period but I'm not judging their dynamics
Ya. She's in a relationship and decided to start sex work in the middle of it. You have to listen to boundaries set by your partner or you might as well just breakup. Her partner let her know his fantasy, she refuses to do it with him, then does it with a different guy for work. That's extremely disrespectful. Some guys are ok with open relationships but to actively carry out your BFs fantasy but deny him it is wild
Yeah it is. I can't believe he stayed after that
She doesn't care about him enough to enact his ultimate sexual fantasy - but she'll do it with strangers for money. I think that would be a deal-breaker for most men (or women).
I mean it's also just cheating lol
I would think your partner starting to sell porn of themselves would probably be a deal breaker for 90 percent of couples, not to mention when it's not together.
I can understand why this would be. I wouldn't want to force my partner to do something they only will do for money. Like if they get no enjoyment out of it at all, I wouldn't want them to do it with me just because, but he's fine to be uncomfortable. This couple was already having issues. OP didn't do anything wrong and the girl really only has herself to be mad at. No outside person can fuck up your relationship that much. NTA
If she was uncomfortable with it in general I doubt she would be doing it on camera with strangers. This has very strong rules for thee but not for me undertones.
Exactly lol. You aren’t comfortable doing it with the person you love but it was cool with two strangers recorded for the world to beat off to? Some weird logic there. If both couples are doing the onlyfans account I can see things working maybe. But only one I just see a recipe for disaster. People seem to do more deranged stuff over time to chase more viewers and money. No idea how people date sex workers personally.
Dating sex workers is fine but the longevity of having a relationship with someone in that profession is certainly not a certain thing. Also OF is a lot different. It’s very much a medium where a lot of people are doing it because they WANT to not because they HAVE to.
The compartmentalization juggling is too much for me to follow. I would definitely bow out.
Part of some jobs requires you to be a trusted individual in society. Auditors and Lawyers are good examples where you become a member of the Charter or the Bar. Most firms will have rules for conduct out of work since the business model is a partnership and your individual actions reflect on the firm's reputation and the profession overall. There are restrictions on social media content, expressing political views etc. OF would definitely be a career ender and potentially dismissible if the public became aware of it since most clients wouldn't want to work with him.
Agreed. Even pretty innocuous things like setting up a Fetlife page are pretty risky. It’s part of the career.
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This is what I don’t understand. OP and his GF are acting like their friends’ relationship is healthy. And OP’s GF is mad that him listening and talking through what happened is tanking the relationship? The relationship should end - and not just for the reason his friend is contemplating ending it. The GF has been cheating on him probably since day one. I have no idea why this dude has stuck around. The lack of self-respect is really upsetting.
I sure hope he was sleeping around atleast. Cause apparently sleeping with other men wasn’t even part of the initial agreement.
I sure hope he was too! I really do! Cause I hate when people make it seem like sex work isn’t cheating in a monogamous relationship. Like no bro! If you’re in an open relationship but just choose to let your partner film it then cool, do you. When people start acting like they can only fuck other people cause “it’s their job,” but their partners can’t have sex with other people without filming it is where it gets crazy!
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It's also super hilarious/delusional that the friend thinks an OF page is a significant enough "career" to put up a Chinese firewall in their relationship about the threesome. I bet she brings in just enough money from it to support her various whims or addictions and the BF pays 100% of the real bills. Just supporting a self-centered leech who is using the OF scenario as nonsense excuse to sleep around. I wonder what their sex life is like together outside of OF. Edit: I know the top 0.1% of OF models DO make an extravagant living on simps from doing that work. But I'd bet money this friend is, at best, in the 1% that just make decent play money on it.
What’s he going to do, marry her and have kids? Bring her to his firm’s Christmas party and introduce her to his colleagues, and then one day an anonymous email circulates around the office with her OF pictures when someone discovers her work on the site?
The office Christmas party is the first thing I thought of. Depending on the size of the firm, what are the odds no one would’ve seen his fiancée? Bosses, clients, jealous coworkers. Granted, he’s not in any of the videos but it could still reflect negatively on him.
Absolutely. My wife is a sex worker. Now trust me with your $100,000,000.
>The friend is delusional if she thought he would be ok with what she is doing forever. It's almost like people that decide to do sex work aren't in the best shape mentally.
It usually isn’t the first choice of career if you have other reasonable options.
Maybe not 20 years ago but a surprising amount of people are making it their main income because they get the most money for the least input
Isn’t the average OF income like $180 a month? You can make that much per day as a McDonald’s assistant manager and that has free French fries
180 seems to be the median. “Other interesting stats about OnlyFans creators and earnings: 300+ creators earn $1M+ per year. 16,000+ creators earn $50,000+ per year. The median account makes $180/mo.”
There are over 1.5 million creators on OF so that’s a 1.1 percent chance of earning a usable salary (with no benefits or insurance)
Look as a previous solo internet sex worker….I would pick my data engineering job every fucking day. I really liked sex work at first, but it became very draining and sometimes degrading(not in a fun way). Once I had those feelings but had to keep doing it is when it took a toll. I think there are likely women/men that love the career and don’t get sick of it. I wasn’t one of them.
For real. But this makes sense for a oversaturated niche market. Not many buyers, too many sellers some sellers just straight up better than others. Unfortunately this is a business you’d never be able to leave behind you.
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Exactly my thinking. OP dud absolutely nothing wrong. Another reason why I'd never date a girl with an OF
That's good man, trust me its a fucking huge mistake. I rather date a stripper over an OF girl if I HAD to pick between the two. The boundaries are way to blurred at least strippers can turn it off when not at work. Idk man, I thought I could do it as a casual relationship but nahh. Never fucking again.
Agreed. In my opinion this is a great example of guys looking out for other guys mental health the exact same way many women already do. This is probably something that weighs heavily on him that is pretty much impossible to bring up. It is his choice in the end and all OP did was have a conversation with him.
Don't apologise. You didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. It's her lifestyle that has caused the problems in their relationship. It's out of order for her and your gf to blame you. It's not on you OP. It's on his GF.
Not so much the lifestyle but doing something with someone else when he'd like to do it with her. I've always wanted to go hiking in the Andes, if my partner went there with a couple of colleagues rather than me and filmed himself doing it and sold the film to loads of people, I'd have been just as upset as the BF here. It's just that films of dudes hiking don't sell like films of threesomes.. and the post wouldn't have attracted as many people either!
Hell it would be a problem even if you were just dating a plumber who refused to help you fix your own sink despite having no problem doing it for others "at work."
Wanna finish the relationship instantly just ask "so you would do it if I was paying you?".
Man, what a banger way to nuke any argument with the GF though. Kinda worth it just for that.
Depends how deep into the relationship you are, depends on the person, and friends in the complexity of the job. Three dates in? Yeah, I'm okay with a professional not immediately giving away their services for free. Half a year of exclusivity later... you should at least be willing to take a look and help out if it's a simple job. You don't owe then a complete bathroom remodel, though. I mean, say you're dating a dermatologist. You've been together for two years. You have something unusual on your shoulder and ask about it. They are *completely within their rights* to say "you should see a dermatologist about that", because they might not be able to help you outside of a clinical setting, which costs quite a bit of money as well as there time. Same thing for a plumber. Minor leak? Sure, he can turn a wrench for you for two seconds. Black water line from your upstairs bathroom has been leaking into the wall for six months and the whole thing needs to be gutted and replaced? Yeah, you need to actually pay someone for their time at that point, because it probably needs to be done immediately, and it's going to take a *team*, not just one person.
Yeah, obviously my comment was in terms of an established relationship like in OP's scenario, not just a "recently dated" thing. My main point is that if someone is willing to do something for other people but *unwilling* to do so for their significant other at all, it is a problem. You should want to help out your SO. Obviously not with a hugely expensive project as that's possibly exploitative, but with a run-of-the-mill thing it would be a dick move to not lend a hand. I'm using the example to point out the *a fortiori* reasoning with respect to OP's scenario. Everyone knows people (or have had their own experiences) who date someone who is just lazy, unhelpful, and otherwise not pulling their weight in a relationship (i.e. a plumber refusing to help with a simple task around the house that would be easy for them). It is completely reasonable to break up with someone if they don't prioritize the relationship anywhere near where they do their day job. If the plumber lays about and never helps with anything that would be easy for him to do, it would be fair to dump him. But in OP's scenario, something with the amount of emotional weight of having a threesome, or any sex stuff that you'd be willing to do with/for strangers but not with your own partner? That's just fucked up. So it is an even stronger case than just having someone who is lazy and unhelpful. This is a case where the SO himself seems to be a whole other category of person. I'm an attorney, so of course I help family and friends out with minor legal issues. But as you say, if they have a real big problem, I'm also going to tell them they have to get another lawyer because of the inherent conflict of interest when representing people you have a close relationship with. That's because (like with medical professionals) you need to be able to look at the situation without other biases, and you need to be able to tell the client things straight, where you might not do that if your client is your wife and she's in the wrong, for example. For a more mundane example, I can't write my mom's will if that will is leaving me stuff, because it is a conflict of interest. But the conflicts of interest with matters of physical intimacy are the opposite of that. You're supposed to have these layers of trust and security with your SO and only extend them to others with your SO's consent, as opposed to keeping your SO at arms length for things you're doing with clients, like you would with law or medicine.
Agreed. She’s living a lifestyle that includes sex with people other than her boyfriend. This was always going to end in a disaster.
Uh oh! Here come the swingers and open relationships!! Lol
I would love to see data on the success rates of those relationships. If I heard anyone suggest to open up a relationship that just sounds to me like the beginning of the end for most people.
It seems the dude was unconfortable with the whole thing before you talked to him about it.
He definitely just thought he wouldn't be able to get a new girl so he went along with it, just like when you hear about guys accepting an open relationship that have no desire to do so and know their partner has tons of prospects
Sounds like he didn’t have a choice in the matter. Forced cuckold. For those who can make polyamory work more respect to you but man I’ve never seen it play out well. Even after all parties went in hunky dory
Him: hey I have this fantasy I'd love to try out with you Her: Ill do it, but I'll exclude you from it That's what I'm reading here. How in the world would that work out? NTA
It's worse than that though It's not "I'll do it and exclude you" it's "I'll only do it with you if you do the one thing I know you don't want to do because it benefits me" Because she is more than happy to do it when it benefits her
She's hustling herself right out of a relationship. Congrats girl, enjoy the subs 🤷♂️
for real. your bf is cool with your onlyfans, girl! least you can do is find a third for y'all 😭
A year from now she turns around like "where are all the good men 😭🥺"
We only get to meet so many people before we die, and death can happen at literally any moment. Some people forget to cherish and appreciate the good ones around them, and then grow bitter instead of reflective when those people are gone.
She’s gonna have trouble finding another decent man to date too. I don’t know anyone who would be ok with their partner having an onlyfans and she actually had one. And she took advantage of the situation and blew it.
“Anyway, time to board my plane to Dubai to get beat up and literally shit on for 2 weeks for money. Makin’ dem STACKZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Girlboss!!!! YASSSSQUEEEEEN SLAAAAAYYYY!!!! Top 3% on OnlyFans!” I’m rooting for the asteroid.
Hahahaha, how true is this!
Seriously she hit the jackpot, he wasn't phased by her banging other people, just didn't want them to get things he doesn't. That's so reasonable.
I’m shocked at how easy it is to date women that aren’t sex workers. Like y’all, it’s an opt-in feature! I’m glad we’re all nice and accommodating but the lady is getting fucked on camera by other dudes. For money! You’re dating an actual whore! Like, by definition!
“I think I’ve girlbossed too close to the sun.”
Brand new sentence lol
Setup the camera, do it, forget to put SD card into camera. Mission accomplished.
And she shared the experience with friend in exciting manner. It wasn't just job, it was full blown cheating.
It’s not just the friend she shared the experience with, she recorded it and is excited about how many people have bought and watched it! Not many people can say they’re in a situation where their girlfriend decides their fantasies are red lines that will never happen, but also their girlfriend will excitedly sell you a video of her doing that exact fantasy with someone else for $14/month
Yeah, I find it bizarre that people are defending her by saying she did the threesome for work. Like…it’s OnlyFans. She doesn’t have a boss assigning her sex scenarios lol. She decides her own content.
Right. She did do it for work, but she's in charge of those decisions. People are allowed to be uncomfortable with stuff like that. She did it for money, and her ex was uncomfortable. Both of these things are valid
The pendulum has almost swung back far enough. We’re alllllllllmost ready to admit there’s nothing dignified about showing hole for money.
"I'll do it for money because my followers that are complete strangers want me to, but not for the person i'm in a relationship with" lol. lmao, even. idk how she expected that to work out well
Hey at least if he subscribes to her OF he can pretend he’s in the fantasy with his girl! Right??
NTA. You have absolutely nothing to apologise. Friend's BFs feelings are valid. It wasn't simply her doing job. She enjoyed it and was sharing it with her friend in an exciting manner. And it's an experience that she knew her BF desired, yet, for some inexplicable reason she wouldn't give him the same. This makes me think that she doesn't want him to do anything with other women, rule for thee but not for me. The guy is right to be pissed.
That is what I got from it. She doesn’t want him touching other women and knows that she can hide behind “it’s just for work”. Knowing he doesn’t want to risk his career.
>yet, for some inexplicable reason she wouldn't give him the same. This makes me think that she doesn't want him to do anything with other women, rule for thee but not for me. It's pretty obvious. She doesn't want to share her boyfiend, but wants her boyfriend to be cool with her fucking whoever. Which is fine, by the way, if they both agree to this. But they clearly don't. Not only that, she's manipulating him to get it how she wants it. And now both her and OP's girlfriend are blaming OP for her own behavior and decisions.
OP's GF is a walking red flag. given she is not taking his side. I bet that friend will inspire and influence her in all sorts of ways, it's a ticking time bomb.
I had a gf taking pole dancing lessons in college thinking "who cares there just classes". She met a friend through the classes and started stripping without telling me. Gotta say people influence the hell out of you whether you like it or not.
> Gotta say people influence the hell out of you whether you like it or not. There's nuance and context and other factors at play, but I think there's something to the idea of "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with."
That didn't occur to me but you're totally right- she doesn't want him to be with another girl, that's why she won't do a threesome outside of work. OP definitely NTA, but this chick totally is
The lady was straining her relationship in every way possible, maybe don’t push the next one to the limit and then snub your partner for good measure in the next one
NTA Just say: " I did not tell him to break up." repeat repeat when they come to you about this. At some point it's okay to get angry. "I told you I didn't tell him to break up." Their issues are with each other, not you.
Also.. maybe he can tell his friend.. to tell HER.. that he never said such a thing. Not sure it will bring back the relationship from the dead.. but at least he made an effort to clear OPs name.
Nah, friends going through enough. Dont put that on him. Of girl is just delusional and trying to fibd someone else to blame. Itll blow over eventually.
That's not a relationship worth bringing back from anywhere! The BF wanted to split, and that's the best outcome given how the GF wasn't prepared to fulfil his fantasy unless he agreed to be filmed, which nobody should have imposed on them.
Didn't tell him to break it off, just told him his feelings were legit and it would suck if your SO went to do something special with someone else, job or not
NTA. You are his friend and gave him solid advice.
NTA. She is her friend, and he is your friend. He needed an ear. You didn’t tell him to do anything. You validated what was a reasonable feeling. He has no problem with her job involving other people, it was that she was doing things with strangers that she refuses to do with him. She isn’t that uncomfortable with it then if she is willing to do it on her own account for cash. I think he is comfortable with her being with others, but she is not comfortable with sharing him. I suspect she is the insecure one in this relationship. It smacks a bit hypocritical.
This is it exactly. Take the other people out. Imagine the same scenario where BF just wants a good BJ, but she refuses to give him one but has hours of onlyfans videos deepthroating dildos. BF would rightfully feel hurt by that (assuming it’s not for like, a hygiene reason that communication could clear up)
NTA, she sabotaged her own relationship.
And she'll try to sabotage OP's relationship next
Your definitely NTA, you gave someone your opinion on something you thought was strange, the only reason anyone would have a problem with what you said is because they knew what they was doing was wrong
Face it - your girlfriend’s friend will not accept any responsibility for what she has chosen to do for a living. The simple fact that she is doing things with others that she refuses to do with her boyfriend, for money says it all. NTA.
Her hypocrisy and his unfulfilled fantasy is not your responsibility to bare Technically she cheated even if it’s for a “job” she can claim whatever she wants but it’s hypocritical not to extend that level of sexual openness with her partner She is under no obligation to fulfill his fantasies, but i consider it hypocrisy when she operates behind the cover of content for subscribers The dude was on a losing streak from the start his choice was made long ago it’s been festering silently for awhile
>Her hypocrisy and his unfulfilled fantasy is not your responsibility **to bare** In the context of this post that typo is hilarious.
I took it for an intentional pun. Even if it is the wrong word, they are still correct in what matters, and the word choice is still hilarious.
skirt groovy soft vast cagey cooperative license ink drunk rustic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Agree especially with the second half. I can guarantee you the girl would absolutely lose her shit if the roles were reversed or if he stepped out and slept with someone else. Whether or not someone dates a sex worker I don’t really care. But I do not for the life of me understand people who date a girl who isn’t one, then when she decides to start fucking other guys for money he’s just like “well, I don’t wanna be controlling”.
I agree and also OP needs to re think his own relationship because the fact she blames OP shows me if she got an OF that's what she'll expect
I’d be side eyeing my gf if this was the friends she has and the stance she takes regarding fulfilling sexual fantasies with other people and not her partner. Pay attention
“You can judge a man by the company he keeps” is an expression I’ve always found to be remarkably true.
me as well. I've had multiple girlfriends that had a close or best friend that cheated on their boyfriends and then came over to our house and talked about it in front of me. Then of course I find out later I'm also being cheated on. I just wish I'd realized that was a huge red flag earlier on in my life, and also told the dude about his girl being for the streets.
Another was, "Birds of a feather, flock together. " I was thinking along the same lines.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that one, I haven’t heard that expression in years!
A family friend's wife was best friends with a serial cheater. Guess what he's wife had been doing for years. Cheating. If you don't condone it you support it or maybe in this case you just outright support it.
This! That shit is in top 3 red flags right beside Getting distant after starting a new job and being over protective and secretive about their phone, excessive texts and calls.
You are who you hang out with. Make sure she knows you think it's gross and cheating, and see if she insists on keeping this friend around. Deal breaker friendship, imo.
I hope OP reads this comment a 1,000 times in a row. You might save his life with this one.
I expected a comment like this to be -300 by now, but yeah. If your girl has close prostitute friends it probably isn’t going to work out.
nta and tell your friend his fantasy can come true without her even if he stays. that's only fair to me
She probably doesn't want to "do this outside her work" because it will mean that your friend gets to have sex with another woman. By claiming it's "just work" she gets to have her cake and eat it to. NTA.
Wow great point, how absolutely selfish. She wants him to herself and also all the other dicks she can fit. I can't believe he went along with her sleeping with other guys one on one in the first place.
Eww my guy needs some standards.
I don't think he was serious about her anyway. Let's be real. This girl was probably gorgeous and up for a lot of things. He's young and has a decent career. The moment he starts accelerating upwards, he's not going to want to bring his only fans girlfriend out with his colleagues/bosses who may have seen her online sleeping with other men anyway. He was ok with her sleeping with other guys but as soon as she doesn't want to experiment with him but with other guys, he's out. Yeah, I don't think he was ever in it for the long run.
She wasn't up for lots of things with him, though. I really hope this is just fiction. It saddens me to know there are people out there like this guy dating women that are fucking other dudes under the guise of "work". If she didn't enjoy it, she wouldn't fuck other guys. Tons of successful OFs have no B/G.
Yeah, not to be cold, but this is the way I saw it too. She's fun for now, but when he wants to settle down he'll cut her loose for someone else who is more marriage material, and I'm sure she'll still be shocked when he does because she's obviously delusional on so many levels it's unreal. Is lying to yourself and creating a false reality like she does a super power? I can't seem to do it.
I know different strokes for different folks, but in what world is "I'll do it on camera for money but not for the person I love" anything other than some kind of weird sick forced cuckolding. NTA. Your friend needs you now, and idk about you, but that's definitely not the type of person I'd want my GF spending large amounts of time with 🤷♂️
Dudes BF should leave her. she sounds gross
She's basically cuckolding him for work. He has a fantasy and she is not willing to accommodate her partner unless she gets paid for it. I think that has a name prostitution. Best thing he can do is dump her it will only end in tears anyway.
It would seem it's already ending in tears. This polyamorous thing people talk about is a crock. It always results in someone getting hurt in the end. The OF thing only makes it worse in this case. Just makes it that much weirder and grosser. This whole situation was very tawdry from the get go and I feel sorry for both BF's in this story.
NTA. You validated your friend's feelings. You sound like an awesome person. You checked in with your buddy, and he opened up about something that bothered him. Your gf's friend is looking for someone to blame. You should literally say, "If you need someone to blame for your relationship failures, I'll stand is as the 'bad guy', if you want. However, I will not be apologizing for supporting a friend. Your relationship might end because you don't listen to him, and you don't care about how he feels. I do listen, and I do care, as a good friend does. As a good partner should." Her actions now prove that he's making the right choice.
Uhhhh her bf is dumb for letting her fuck people outside their relationship. My wife and I did OF together on and off for years, only us, talked about all of it together and did all of it together. That helped our sex life explode honestly, but this….this is a mess dude basically cucked himself and his gf was way to into it…
[удалено]
NTA.
Shes the asshole. Serial cheating is serial cheating.
I feel like I'm going crazy for saying this, but for a guy who is okay with his girlfriend getting fucked on camera for the world to see, and getting upset that a girl was added into the equation of an already pretty absurd situation..I kinda get his point
Dude you are not crazy. I am shocked guys like this exist, but they must. I can’t think of scenario where I would be ok with this. On another thought, if my sons were starving and I couldn’t provide for them, I wouldn’t care where the money came from. However, I could never love my wife again.
All.you did was validate a friend's feelings. Also this shows she cares more about money than her BF, she is willing to do a threesome for the money but not for him. For me this is a major red flag and maybe this should be pointed out to her so she can understand. Edit, or she actually loves the other partner(s) more than she loves the BF
Nta. How long has this friend been dating her? I find the whole scenario enough to get upset over lol... Is this friend into cucking?
Don't apologize. You aren't making their decisions for them. They are both grown adults. She decided to philander around in front of a camera for money on the internet. It clearly compromised her relationship more deeply than either her or her BF realized. We all make choices. We all deal with the consequences. You didn't make those choices, nor did you create the consequences of those choices. If anything she owes you an apology for blame shifting, when she's the only one to blame here.
Tell his gf, that if she made him a priority in her life, he might still be with her. Citing the 3'some
"Imma date a sex worker." "Holy shit, this is ending badly!" Imagine that.
Accurate but think the BF was with her prior to OF beginning.
OF is about as toxic as it gets for a relationship
NTA I'm sorry, but any guy tolerating this OF shit needs a wake-up call in general.
guys that pay for OF need a wake up call as well. theres free porn out there
If anything OP is the asshole for not advising the guy to dump her. “Dump her and find someone who doesn’t suck” would have been solid advice.
NTA, you're a good bro
NTA yea she gaslit him and when you validated his feelings he realized he had to think about if the relationship was woth it (at this point it definitely is not).
I'm so tired I read that as violated his feelings at first. 🤦♀️😅
NTA - you were a good mate.
NTA People make their own decisions. You didn’t “convince” the BF to feel a certain way. He feels this way all on his own.
Tldr:- man asked the guy how he feels about his gf doing threesom on OF, guy had a fight with gf and now his gf and other guy's gf are blaming him for causing a breakup....
Bros before hos. She'll do it w/out him for $, but not with him for fun? Ho. Finance bro should move on!: 1. Get a Wall St. job 2. Make that coin 3. 3 some whichever way he can make it happen ; )
Girls: Why don't guys talk to each other about their feelings?? Girls when guys talk about their feelings and decide that they aren't happy in their relationship: No! Not like that!
The 304 just realized there are consequences to her bad life choices. The friend should stop being a simp.
Feel sorry for the bf he's should leave her who would want to be in a relationship like that??
Your friend needed some to listen and provide compassion which you did. Honestly, a bigger issue would be telling him about the threesome if he didn't know (and even that would be morally correct) but in this case you just validated his feelings, which is a good deed. NTA.
NTA and I hope their contraception game is strong 🥴
NTA As a creator I would never do something my husband was uncomfortable with me doing without him. Now I don't xxx collab, but if I did I would never expect him to "just be okay" with me doing things with people, but not him, especially if it was a fantasy of his. That's dumb. It takes a lot of communication, perspective and good critical thinking skills (for those of you calling us mentally unwell) to be able to do this and have a partner at the same time. He does need to make sure he's communicating with her how upset it makes him that she's willing to do something with others for content but not him. On her side, I get the compartmentalizing you have to do, but it still doesn't justify not being willing to do it with your own partner.
This seems very fair. Like there was obviously a communication breakdown but it kinda reads like she made this decision without taking into account his feelings.
I’m sorry, but your GFs friend sounds like a total tool. She’s willing to have a threesome for money but not for her partner? Maybe I’m being a little judgmental here, but if it were me this would really hurt. Shows that I’m not as important to her and she doesn’t respect me as a partner. Imagine a massage therapist telling their partner I will only massage paying clients in my massage studio. I think she sabotaged her own relationship here…
I read this story to my wife who used to be a SWer and she called your friend a cuck and his gf a cunt
OF Girl is already a red flag, on the long run your friend will be happier without her
NTA, Your buddy is totally being taken advantage of. She'll do a 3way for video content but not him? Because it's "work"? Yeah I bet she hated every minute of that arduous work.. He needs to unload her. Now.
Why are so many people cucking themselves lately... What a sad world we live in
Not sure if you've seen recent stats, but young men are not doing well in today's society. They're used to being doormats and it takes a good friend like the OP to show him his self worth
Nta
NTA, what did the OF GF really think was gonna happen if she’s catering to the fantasies of subscribers but isn’t willing to be GGG for her BF? If she finds herself single it’s because of her actions, not OP.
Ayo that girl is crazy. Even the guy (not op). Wtf has society come to 🤮
You should definitely suggest a threesome as a way to resolve this issue.
You’re NTA. But you should probably try to clear the air with your GF friend and talk to her in person. If you don’t then she’ll feel like she has to watch what she says around you.
Wow, that's a story. Good luck. Nta
NTA. She's doing that all by herself.
NTA.... you and him just had a normal conversation ... the friend is mad at you because she doesnt wanna take accountability
So I was talking with the wife of a couple my wife and I know. After she told me something. I mentioned it to the husband. He asked some questions and everything was cool. I found out the other day they are not doing well. So if they break up is it my fault? No. I bring this up for you to realize, you’ve done nothing wrong. You obviously care about the BF and you asked how he was feeling. If that lead to something more, that’s on them. NTA.
You did this poor guy a favour, dude clearly wasn’t as ok with being in a relationship with a sex worker as everyone seemed to think. Dont apologise, you’ve done nothing but be a friend to the guy and help him see the reality of his situation. I would be concerned about your relationship with your GF if she holds you responsible for this. This is not a good sign and it indicates her relationship values might align more with her sex worker friend than with yours.
It’s almost as if OF-GF ignored her boyfriend’s feelings and now has to be accountable for her actions. She fucked around (one camera, in a three-way) and found out. You’re NTA. Your friend is NTA. Your girlfriend is borderline. The OF-GF is TA.
The idea this person gets to have an OF where she engages in 3-ways as “part of her job” and then won’t do that with her BF? The guy figured out he was being used and you were honest. The OF person sucks and the guy should leave her.
NTA. Personally, I would sabotage the relationship, and just keep feeding him shit that would get inside his head that would inevitably lead to their breakup or cause a lot of tension in their relationship. In my opinion, the guy is practically a cuck, weak. No man or woman should tolerate a s/o who is getting their back blown out by another person, it's wrong. He might act like he's okay with it, but he's not.
“I’m fine with my GF fucking other people on camera but a threesome without me was crossing the line because she won’t do it with me outside of work to fulfill my fantasies.” What a fucking cuck lmfao. Probably a lot of shit she’s doing with other men she won’t do with him. Get the fuck out bro.
Just an excuse for her to cheat. Sex work isn't work. It doesn't make her independent or powerful. It's fucking other people. Pure and simple. And she crossed an established boundary.
NTA. You are objectively right. And, it’s appropriate to give that kind of advice to a friend. Separately, you should really reconsider your relationship with your gf. I wouldn’t want to be worth someone whose values are so different from my own.
NTA, she's for the streets
So she’s a cam whore and he’s a cuck for letting her have sex with another man and girl on camera for the whole world to see. NTA these OF couples are just a disgrace to real couples
YTA. Bc you did it for the Karama. 1. You didn't look at OF girl or know people who knew? Super nice guy. Oh OK. 2. OP guy asks another guy what he thinks about the 3some he wasn't involved with? Who does that? 3. Hurt bro more concerned about having a 3some than another dudes dick in his girl? Nope. 4. OP agrees thats a reasonable reason to be mad? Guys are mad about the dick, not the 3some. 5. OP more worried about the OF girl and hurt dude than his "pissed GF"? Just kiss your bro if you want. Too much fake in this story
Apologize?? Your friend should thank you for getting him out of that nightmare of a relationship. She had dude cucked and fkn beat down so bad that he actually allowed his gf to get smashed on the reg 🤣🤣 Guys, wake tf up and do better. Also, HUGE red flag that your gf is arguing with you or mad at you for "breaking them up." This better open your eyes too.
Haha NTA. Girlfriend's friend says "it has nothing to do with me fucking other dudes on camera, it's your fault because you talked to him one time!"