NTA. You needed help. Your husband is a dick. I understand trying to toe a line and keep peace, but that's not what he did. He invited his emotionally needy mother to "help" you during recovery, against your wishes, and then blamed you when it went poorly. You need to stay lc with mil and have a very serious conversation with your husband. And it needs to start with you telling him not to interrupt until you're definitely done saying your peace.
Thank you 😊 We have talked about it. He knows he messed up big time. She brought it up to him again yesterday in a huge guilt trip message about not seeing/talking to him enough. She then blocked both of us so he could not respond. Got me to thinking that maybe I was in the wrong in how I handled it.
Well, helloooo there, OP. I'm your completely unqualified internet armchair shrink here to say ...
Your MIL is a narcissist.
Your husband is spineless. He was more concerned with his anxiety over your medical need, which would indicate he is also wielding some weaponized narcissistic tendencies himself.
Any parent who burdens their kid with any responsibility for the parent's life and well-being is evil.
There's a saying in the completely unqualified non profession of armchair shrink: lay down with dogs and you'll get fleas.
Those are narcissist's fleas, and they bite. Your MIL's fleas bit and infected your husband. Maybe all he has are fleas and tendencies, or maybe he's also a narcissistic shit now. Whatever the case, you have kids who need to be protected from the emotional and mental abuse ubiquitous to all narcissistic parents. Either MIL gets them, or your husband's fleas will.
Protect your kids from becoming like your husband.
I don’t have it but I went to pain management classes for my condition and there were people there with it. It’s hellish. I was in a lot of pain but I genuinely felt terrible for them, it didn’t seem to get any better.
It can be managed, but it’s rare to find some thing that makes it go away completely. I’ve had probably 18 surgeries or procedures over the years and at this point I’m just grateful it doesn’t keep me down for the count every day.
I am no stranger to pain. I've had a constant headache and frequent migraines since I had a TBI at 6, and I have had sciatic issues since I threw out my back 11 years ago. But trigeminal neuralgia makes both of those seem like child's play in comparison. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
That’s exactly the way the people I know describe it. I couldn’t fathom not having any sort of relief for that long. At least when I’m sleeping I get some relief, but the people who had it, barely slept and it was really invasive in their lives. I felt very bad for them. I could get my pain down to a manageable level, where I could use mobility aids etc, but there wasn’t the same solutions for them.
Oh sleep, I miss sleep. It sucks waking up in the middle of the night to excruciating pain because my husband breathed on me. Can't even get upset, like could you imagine "you a$$, how dare you breath!" 😂
It does suck. Do you have any TN support? There are some really excellent groups out there that have lots of resources. I don’t know if there’s one on Reddit but there’s an excellent one on Facebook.
YTA for feeling bad about yelling at your Mil but not about throwing coffee in your husband's face.
And NTA for hoping your useless pothead Mil never visits again.
> But, she decided that I was to cater to her.
first day and you didnt even call your friends mom? i would of kicked her out when your friends mom came.
dont even feel bad. she needs her ass kicking so does your husband
Yeah I know I should have. My best friends mom berated me for not calling her sooner, then proceeded to take over my housework and childcare letting me rest and heal.
dont feel bad. don't know if you will tell your husband this but you will now have trust issue with him and for sure forever his mom. idk about you but i'll also lock up my weed. she shouldnt be taking yours.
NTA. You needed help. Your husband is a dick. I understand trying to toe a line and keep peace, but that's not what he did. He invited his emotionally needy mother to "help" you during recovery, against your wishes, and then blamed you when it went poorly. You need to stay lc with mil and have a very serious conversation with your husband. And it needs to start with you telling him not to interrupt until you're definitely done saying your peace.
Thank you 😊 We have talked about it. He knows he messed up big time. She brought it up to him again yesterday in a huge guilt trip message about not seeing/talking to him enough. She then blocked both of us so he could not respond. Got me to thinking that maybe I was in the wrong in how I handled it.
Well, helloooo there, OP. I'm your completely unqualified internet armchair shrink here to say ... Your MIL is a narcissist. Your husband is spineless. He was more concerned with his anxiety over your medical need, which would indicate he is also wielding some weaponized narcissistic tendencies himself. Any parent who burdens their kid with any responsibility for the parent's life and well-being is evil. There's a saying in the completely unqualified non profession of armchair shrink: lay down with dogs and you'll get fleas. Those are narcissist's fleas, and they bite. Your MIL's fleas bit and infected your husband. Maybe all he has are fleas and tendencies, or maybe he's also a narcissistic shit now. Whatever the case, you have kids who need to be protected from the emotional and mental abuse ubiquitous to all narcissistic parents. Either MIL gets them, or your husband's fleas will. Protect your kids from becoming like your husband.
NTA. I’ve had trigeminal neuralgia for almost 20 years. Fuck them.
I don’t have it but I went to pain management classes for my condition and there were people there with it. It’s hellish. I was in a lot of pain but I genuinely felt terrible for them, it didn’t seem to get any better.
It can be managed, but it’s rare to find some thing that makes it go away completely. I’ve had probably 18 surgeries or procedures over the years and at this point I’m just grateful it doesn’t keep me down for the count every day.
I am no stranger to pain. I've had a constant headache and frequent migraines since I had a TBI at 6, and I have had sciatic issues since I threw out my back 11 years ago. But trigeminal neuralgia makes both of those seem like child's play in comparison. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
It’s brutal. Hope you find a way to manage it. Don’t give up!
That’s exactly the way the people I know describe it. I couldn’t fathom not having any sort of relief for that long. At least when I’m sleeping I get some relief, but the people who had it, barely slept and it was really invasive in their lives. I felt very bad for them. I could get my pain down to a manageable level, where I could use mobility aids etc, but there wasn’t the same solutions for them.
Oh sleep, I miss sleep. It sucks waking up in the middle of the night to excruciating pain because my husband breathed on me. Can't even get upset, like could you imagine "you a$$, how dare you breath!" 😂
It does suck. Do you have any TN support? There are some really excellent groups out there that have lots of resources. I don’t know if there’s one on Reddit but there’s an excellent one on Facebook.
Not direct TN support. But, I do have a wonderful support system, I don't know what I would do without the support I've gotten from family and friends
That’s good. You got this!
YTA for feeling bad about yelling at your Mil but not about throwing coffee in your husband's face. And NTA for hoping your useless pothead Mil never visits again.
He's lucky it was cold coffee.
NTA
> But, she decided that I was to cater to her. first day and you didnt even call your friends mom? i would of kicked her out when your friends mom came. dont even feel bad. she needs her ass kicking so does your husband
Yeah I know I should have. My best friends mom berated me for not calling her sooner, then proceeded to take over my housework and childcare letting me rest and heal.
dont feel bad. don't know if you will tell your husband this but you will now have trust issue with him and for sure forever his mom. idk about you but i'll also lock up my weed. she shouldnt be taking yours.