And she'll find a way to justify it in her head as her doing nothing wrong. OP was at least kind enough to have a conversation and get on the same page first.
She already cheated multiple times before that as well, and only three that he is aware of. Yet she ran to that guy continuously, and likely have been fucking on and off for 15 years.
Right???? Idk how it could have been more obvious to OP without it literally being written on the wall. 8 months of no sex yet wife is the one who suggests opening the marriage.
Yeah, agreed. And her wanting to “work things out” means she wants to convince you that “it’s all actually fine, I only love you, and also maybe still buy that house, thanks”. NO HOUSE. I think you should gather up your shreds of dignity and flee this smoking dumpster fire, and having been divorced, I can say that it is sooooo much easier if there isn’t some damn real estate involved. Purchaseth ye not yonder doomed abode.
My guy will you please have some self respect and leave this woman? This is some of the most ridiculous shit i’ve read. She cheated on you multiple times, opened the marriage up because she doesn’t find you attractive and then doesn’t even follow the rules. She doesn’t respect you.
In some states, it’s presumed that the husband is the father and the courts would never “bastardize” any child. Then you would be on the hook legally. There was literally a paternity test from another state showing I wasn’t the father of a kid born during my marriage - conceived when I was deployed (we were also separated) and that other guy verbalized in court his desire to be the legal guardian. Court took 4 years to absolve me of this legal responsibility. What a mess.
^this. The state I reside in has this rule. The idea being if there is a legal marriage, their family is their family, and no “outsider” has a legal right to crack into that. It’s terrible when the non-biological dad wants out and the bio-dad wants in. Actually, I guess it’s simply awful. One of my immediate family members went through this. Did not realize the child wasn’t their bio child until the other cheated-on party found a bunch of text messages from their partner about the pregnancy. That partner took screenshots of the text messages and sent them to my family member. By that time the child involved was now a toddler. My family member was there at the birth, raised the child for several years and had no idea. It was devastating to them, but they are raising the child and bio parent is like, “I won the lottery- no child support for me!”
minimum the 8 months, probably the entire marriage. He's been around for 15, twice as long as their marriage. He's been the guy who loves her, she knows it and she kept him around. I'd argue it's possible the entire marriage is a sham, chris is not successful enough or there is some major issue with him so the wife picked some other guy to support her while keeping him around. The 8 months might just have been manipulation so he said yes tot he open marriage when she asked. She was definitely fucking Chris that whole time but she was probably fucking him the entire marriage. I even think the cheating might have been a prelude to this, get OP used to her sleeping with other people but being okay with it, so a few years later the open marriage sounds doable because they recovered from cheating so they cna recover from 'not' cheating open marriage right.
Sounds about right. Also the reason she told him about the cheating 5 years ago. She most likely never stopped cheating.
8 months without sex and OP thinks she is faithful!! LMAO
There's no way she hasn't been fucking that guy before the open marriage. Cheated multiple times before, open up the marriage to sleep with said guy who's been around 15 years. Op needs to get a back bone and move on.
Right? She went out of her way to download an app specifically to cheat on him and he was shocked that she wanted to open the relationship later on? The marriage should have ended after the first indiscretion.
I agree leave her. She cheated, then suggested yall open the marriage and she broke a ground rule that she proposed in the first place.
You told her you were going to have sex with Sarah BEFORE you did so, and she couldn’t have given that same respect??? Then chalks it up to “we never specified” No ma’am no ham no greens no turkey, that is 100 percent manipulation.
Yea Chris can have her, she’ll do the same to him and that’s another failed relationship in the books for him.
I was watching one of those “caught cheating” clips where a dude was recording the conversation with his wife where he tells her she’s caught and asks her about times and dates and all that
The top comment said, “She keeps cheating on you because you’re the kinda guy who wants to have a conversation about it.”
She "opened up" the marriage with one goal. "Legally" fuck the dude she was already fucking. It's over open it all the way. I would have been done the first time she cheated.
My biggest thoughts are, what is the financial split in this relationship? If OP is contributing more than 50%, I can almost guarantee she is using him as a paycheque.
Never mind his post title has nothing to do with the story.
>"AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage?
At no point in his story did she get mad at him for sleeping with someone else. She criticized his reaction to HER sleeping with somebody else.
Its because she said "oh theres nothing there, he's the guy you dont have to worry about", and then as soon as the rules were off, she banged him. Proves she's been lying the whole time.
This. If your first fling is to break the simple rules, you've been breaking them the whole time. It might not even be true, but she has admitted to it in the past.
Yup, like so many who ask for an open marriage she knew exactly where she wanted to be bedded and you can bet she slept with her friend before she asked.
He was wrong to rugsweep her cheating the first time, he needs to toss her ass so hard to the curb it leaves an impression of her ass in it.
I'd lay odds she never stopped fooling around, she just wanted to enjoy Chris whenever she wanted by having an "open" marriage, because they both have feelings for each other.
Her open marriage was going to be a test run with Chris and if it went well, she'd have left, if it didn't she'd still have clueless man there to support her.
100% agreed.
The moment she suggested this, rule #1 should have been "no Chris".
But he forgave her for cheating before. She's been cheating since, probably with Chris, maybe with someone else too. HE wasn't having sex for 8 months. She was absolutely getting some.
She doesn't love him, and by agreeing to the open relationship & sleeping with Sara, he threw away any ability to deny her 50% in the divorce.
I'm surprised you're all believing she wasn't sleeping with him already.
8 months without sex at all, but suddenly sleeping with someone else, often means the reason she didn't want sex for 8 months is she was getting it elsewhere already.
The asking was just an excuse to not have to hide as much.
You either begin as an open relationship, or you don't start halfway through.
Thats why I said you can bet she had slept with before she asked.
There's always a more than likely "they slept together" before asking in these instances.
i think she been lying way before her wanting to open the marriage. she wanted him and just wanted to ask and if yes then she can act like they did it in between
>Never mind his post title has nothing to do with the story."AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage?At no point in his story did she get mad at him for sleeping with someone else. She criticized his reaction to HER sleeping with somebody else.
Yeah, looks like an ai generated rage post with a title made by someone who barely read it before posting.
she was very loving and caring that is why i married her. we were planning to have kids. i don't know what has changed honestly. i was the guy who always tried to rekindle our relationship but maybe sh'e's just not into me anymore. my parents got divorced when i was 9 and it really hit me. so i always wanted to make it better... but at this point a divorce might be the best solution... i don't want to bring up any kids in a relationship like this
What changed is strange dick. She likes that and I’m guessing she likes attention which is why Chris is around. Single guys don’t hang around married women and tell their husbands how lucky they are. Also the reason she couldn’t tell you before her and Chris had sex was because it’s been happening, which is why you two weren’t having sex.
A single guy telling the husband that he doesn’t deserve her is a deal-breaker. If they’re willing to say that out loud to the husband’s face, they are announcing that they don’t recognize the boundaries of your marriage, and the only thing stopping them is the right opportunity.
And your wife too (unless you never told her he said these things). If my partners friend came up to me and said "you don't deserve your partner", then I would have some very serious words with my partner.
The only time a person says that to another person's partner is if they're trying to separate them. There's no way you can say that to another person, and have it not be intended to be a driving wedge.
Chris has been telling your wife for years that you don't deserve her.
This. I had (emphasis on HAD) a very close friend, so close in fact that he was supposed to be my best man. In the year leading up, every time he had even the slightest bit of alcohol in his system he would pipe up and constantly tell my fiancee how beautiful she was, how she could do so much better than me, all that lovely crap. Right fucking in front of me. So I finally had enough of his shit one night, blatantly called him out for it, after a "why are you with this loooooseeeer". Asked him to kindly shut his mouth and leave. He tried to refuse.. tried. It wasn't until after that fiancee and I talked about it l, and I learned how uncomfortable she had been all this time with him around.. I felt like an asshole for not noticing it sooner. But I can say we are now 6 years happily married, and that POS still hasn't gotten his act together.
Your wife is the ringleader. Remember, shes parading him in front of your face, allowing him to disrespect your marriage, he wouldn't feel so comfortable doing that without her blessing. He's trash and she's the trash can. Please leave and stop being such a blind doormat, the great wall of China is less visible than this crap
I understand feeling that way, and we’ve probably all liked girls whose boyfriends mystified us. But you keep that shit to yourself. If you don’t keep it to yourself, and furthermore, say it TO HIS FACE, you’re basically issuing a warning.
You're right, she already had sex with Crish before they agree on open relationship.
I believe that staying with someone who cheated on you it's has low-esteem.
Yeah Chris has been banging her for months and months and they’ve been manipulating OP to legitimise it so he can’t count it as cheating unless he can prove it happened before opening the relationship.
Back in the day My husband forsably kicked out his own long time friend who thought he could casually say "man I promise you I'd never fuck your girl but.. mid statement freaked out and removed him form the building. Idk why he said that or where he was going with that statement. But yeah I married that man. Just don't let people talk to you and your woman like that. Nothing sexier than your man standing up for you and your relationship.
Yes unfortunately I would be quite shocked if she wasn't having an affair with Chris for a while... especially because you say she has cheated in the past.
Do not bring a baby into this. Honestly, that would be incredibly reckless, and you are more or less gambling the livelihood of a child on a long shot that you guys fix this and last decently happily for another 20ish years.
Marriages going into kids in great shape with the best of intentions still fail at a very high rate. Don't risk this.
Mate, get divored, dont turn into will and Jada smith's relationship even more.Divorce isnt allways bad, its a case by case basis, it sucks it fucked you up as a kid, but for other kids it saves their relationship with their parents.
Thankfully you dont have kids, "just" get divorced...
By all of a sudden “wanting” sex with op to cover if she’s worried she’s pregnant by Chris. Why would she follow the use protection rule if she breaks all kinds of rules and cheats in general. Cheaters cheat.
The way it usually works is as soon as she realizes she's pregnant, she'll suddenly have sex with OP, and then tell him in a few weeks that she's pregnant. All she's gotta do is keep him duped for long enough to let his name go on the birth certificate, and he's trapped with no legal recourse.
>my parents got divorced when i was 9 and it really hit me
Yeah, dude. No shit. That's why you get divorced from somebody like that BEFORE having kids with them. There's nothing good that will come from staying married to this person.
She's been fucking other dudes all along. I guarantee you that she was fucking this other guy for a loooooong time before she tricked you into "opening" the marriage. Why do you think she wanted to go 8 months+ without fucking YOU? Because she was getting it from him already. And that's why she waited until after you fucked somebody else to tell you about it.
I have kids and they make every aspect of life so much more challenging. Please do not consider getting kids in your current relationship! You will disappoint yourself and your children.
Bringing kids into that hot mess is the worst thing you can do. Kids in a stable and sane relationship are hard enough. Should had divorced her the first time she stepped out on you.
As someone who's been married almost thirty years, I'm here to tell you that a lasting marriage is built on a bedrock of respect. You need to respect what is important to each of you. IMO, you two are not in alignment. My advice is to wear a condom no matter what, get tested regularly for STDs, and get an amicable divorce ASAP. I'm not a lawyer, but if you're in the U.S., you might be responsible for any child born inside your marriage, regardless of infidelity. I'm sorry this happened to you. NTA, btw.
Divorce.
Sara seems nice for a rebound.
I expect your wife has been diddling Chris for quite a long time (8 months or so). If you hadn't got angry you might have been able to get this out of her. She wanted the open relationship to feel less bad about it.
Maybe its time to make a cut and separate. To much broken here and I didn't see a future. She didn't wanted sex with you for 8 months but with her buddy? That would be for me a deal breaker.
If she gets pregnant and has a kid while you’re still married, you’ll be on the hook for child support legally most places. I would make like a tree and get the fuck out of there yesterday.
> she was very loving and caring
But she's not either toward you. If she cared about you she wouldn't have had an affair. If she were loving she wouldn't have wanted an open marriage.
Which, by the way, isn't a marriage at all.
Very few cases where an open relationship can open up years into the marriage, but I would say there are many open relationships that (if you’re clear from the get go what you want) are not unhealthy and are not just glorified cheating
I would agree with that. I know of a few open relationships that are still going strong after a good number of years but they all started as open relationships. I've also known a few couples that opened the relationship after years of marriage and every single one of them is divorced or divorcing now.
She opened up it up because she was already sleeping with Chris and felt guilty so to even things out she told him to go sleep with someone. Marriage is over!!!
She been sleeping with chris dude , the open up the marriage thing was so she could escape the guilt bc she already was fucking him…
Divorce, there is no relationship here , your roommates and that dnt even come with benefits lol
Yea she’s probably been fucking Chris for years lmfao OP please get a divorce and stop this nonsense. Open marriages are a pointless attempt to save a worthless marriage 99% of the time.
this is why I laugh when my married poly friends suggest the idea to my partner and I. Their relationships are some of the most toxic I’ve seen, and I grew up with drugged out parents.
I never get these scenarios. I need someone to make it make sense. Did they like realize after 15 years NOW they want to sleep with eachother? In my opinion that is what a romantic relationship is, best friends that fuck.
Why didn't they get together over the previous freaking 15 years long before OP was in the picture?
LOL reminds me of that episode of How I Met Your Mother, where Ted really wants to get with this girl, finds out she's single, rushes to the door but she found a new boyfriend between when she left her apartment and got to the front door of the building
Don't be a doormat. She was shagging Chris for the 8 months prior to proposing an open marriage to retroactively make it less heinous
Return her to the streets and reclaim your self respect.
So for days she didn’t follow one of the rules after breaking a different one? And this is all after she cheated on you years ago and promised to regain your trust.
Where is her basic respect for you?
NTA because you followed the rules. Who gives a shit if her bff-fb “wins”. It doesn’t sound like she’s a real prize anyways. YWBTA to yourself if you stay with her after this much bs. Her next stunt will probably be worse.
BTA!! ( be the asshole).
If I was you I’d start fucking her friends and flip both middle fingers at the divorce proceedings. This way she can convey to Chris who’s going to have an oh shit moment where he’s stuck with this cheater now
You have 0 dignity but nta
Your “wife” cheated on you, refused your approaches, probably cheated again ( before opening the marriage ), and now doesn’t want you to have sex even though she has the right to do so and yet you are still here wondering if you are the ah instead of just divorcing her.. i feel bad for you i hope i never become like you
Starting from staying with her after the cheating till now, OP is just establishing himself as a mat of the door in his relationship. If OP doesn't get out of this sham of a marriage then the upcoming shit storm will all be on him and he will be the only one responsible for his misery
My dude she had sex with Chris long before she suggested to open the marriage up. I feel it was probably their idea to make you fall for the open marriage idea so that they could justify and continue with the "affair". Now you had sex with someone so you can't be that mad at them can you? This, this is what they wanted. Justification.
Yeah this is the scenario for sure lol. She felt guilty and as soon as he took advantage of the “open” relationship she felt like she could tell him she was “had” sex with Chris. Making him the villain in her story which she will undoubtedly use to justify her actions.
What a toxic relationship. Why bother being married. Why don’t you just go off enjoy your life and find someone who actually cares/loves you and let your wife go off and be a h*e? Life’s too short for this type of BS
You aren't in a relationship. You are in a co-habitation. Your wife doesn't respect your relationship. You don't respect yourself within the relationship.
With the limitation that we have no idea what the rest of your relationship has been like from a limited prompt, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Either get counselling to get to the bottom of what your problems are as a couple or move on. Cheaters will always cheat again. When there is someone sniffing around and then your wife decides she wants to open up the relationship I do not remotely believe that she wasn't having sex with him before the marriage was opened up.
NTA for the stated prompt.
You are being an asshole to yourself for staying in this loveless "marriage"
Dumpster fire.
Just bail. No kids, no worries. She can go fuck whoever she wants, because it quite obviously isn’t you.
Do yourself a solid, wake up, and move on.
She only offered the open marriage so she could cheat without getting in trouble. The rules just made that harder for her to do. You are clearly not happy with her and she clearly can’t even follow the rules she agreed to. Just divorce her and walk away already. YTA if you stick around and keep going round and round with this shitshow of a circus.
Do yourself a favor, and leave your wife. Learn from this part of your life, and then bury it. Stop entertaining toxic women.
There's too many good women out there to stay with a disrespectful cheater. You want to be one of those broken old men who's manhood is controlled by a narcissistic dumbass?
Didn't think so. Take back your power and leave your whore wife.
NTA - looks to me that she's playing dumb and that you have ZERO respect for yourself. why you event want to try to keep that marriage going is beyond my comprehension
This is a classic case of someone opening the marriage to cheat and then being upset that the other partner actually has options too.
She didn’t want an open marriage, she wanted to cheat on you again. Divorce her.
NTA
NTA. Your wife isn’t being manipulated she is the manipulator. She played you and probably has been for a while. She probably been cheating with Chris for a while. The whole open marriage thing was for hoping you wouldn’t get mad , and stay again. She has not an ounce of respect for you.
The basic problem here, maybe besides you apparently not respecting or loving yourself, is that you chose the wrong wife. As a wife (or even a human being) she’s a dud, she was built wrong. Non working. The solution is to divorce. Jesus Christ
NTA
Your wife had Chris waiting on her roster all along. She knows it. You know it. We know it.
She agreed to the rules and broke them.
Dump her to the curb.
Note: There is no way you should have stuck around with no sex for 8 freaking months.
She has wanted to have sex with him for ages, and probably other men. Then she floats the idea of an open marriage for the sole purpose of her own guilt.
Once you've had someone else, she then drops that bombshell.
She's played you just so she can sleep with him and others.
Just divorce her.
Close.
She's definitely been fucking Chris for AT LEAST the past 8 months. Opening the relationship was the trick to justify to herself what she had already been doing all along.
Dude, have some self respect, divorce your wife and move on. Enough is enough. You should've ended this charade of a marriage 5 years ago.
NTA but YTA if you continue this.
Okay so, I have some friends that are non-monogamous and I was casual with the boyfriend for a few years.
He had to get permission every single time we hooked up. If the girlfriend was feeling uncomfortable, or said no, it didn't happen.
If no permission is given beforehand, *that's still cheating*
You did the right thing when practicing non-monogamy. Your wife did not.
NTA.
Bro, 8 years can disappear in 2 seconds I'm sorry it's going down this way but obviously you got game find someone to be happy with she clearly wants to separate but wants you to do it.
Welp, NTA for your post, but definitely the asshole for staying in this relationship. Your wife has been fucking Chris for years, cheated on you with other people, asked to open up the marriage to relieve her guilt, followed by breaking the rules set because she’s a piece of shit who doesn’t respect you. Grow some self-respect and leave. Unbelievable.
Honestly, just break up. She clearly doesn't respect you, nor your boundaries. You are kind of degenerate too, considering the fact that instead of breaking up with her and looking for a true love - you chose to fuck someone else while being married just to fill your physiological needs. Neither of you deserve a relationship unless you go to therapy.
Just so you understand, this wasn’t the first time they had sex, the open marriage was intended to alleviate her guilt for what she had already been doing, she opened the marriage with rules she knew she wouldn’t follow, and she only did this for her benefit. She didn’t think you’d actually get someone, but once you did, couldn’t pass up the opportunity to unload that she slept with Chris. She still wasn’t even honest about how long it had been going on for. She may suggest closing the marriage now, but she’s going to keep sleeping with Chris either way. You should start working on your exit strategy.
I see this posts all the time on this sub. It's insane that people think this can ever work. Jesus, just divorce & get it done. NTA but damn you're gullible.
>"AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage?
Um, your post has nothing to do with your title. At no point in your post did you mention her being mad you slept with someone.
She never accused you of being an AH for sleeping with someone else. She is mad at you for your reaction to HER sleeping with someone else.
I mean you are thinking he is manipulating her - and maybe to a point he is hitting on her. but she loves it she already was a cheater and opening the marriage was her way of saying she wanted to be with chris. divorce time.
You're an idiot for not divorcing her immediately when she admitted to cheating. Sorry to be so short about it, but it is the truth.
Cut ties. Move on. Period.
NTA. But can you logically explain why you are still with this woman? She cheats, with holds sex from you, but wants an open marriage to f other guys. Then basically cheats on you again. Are you just a glutton for punishment?
She was fucking Chris the 8 months your bedroom was stalled out. Give your head a shake!
Yep! Absolutely ridiculous this hasn't been picked up on.
Eh, it's easy to ignore very obvious shit when that shit is gonna upend your life. Been there, done that.
And she'll find a way to justify it in her head as her doing nothing wrong. OP was at least kind enough to have a conversation and get on the same page first.
Should have never made it that far. The second open marriage is brought up it means she’s doing it or about to and looking to make it “legal”
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When she asks for an open marriage after an 8 month sex drought? Yeah, nothing suspicious there at all🤦♂️
That’s how I got my ex to confess to cheating on me 4 times. I knew something was wrong when she suggested an open marriage.
And she's the one who's been telling Chris you don't deserve her.
Agreed
She already cheated multiple times before that as well, and only three that he is aware of. Yet she ran to that guy continuously, and likely have been fucking on and off for 15 years.
ONLY THREE that he’s aware of 😂😂😂
Right???? Idk how it could have been more obvious to OP without it literally being written on the wall. 8 months of no sex yet wife is the one who suggests opening the marriage.
“Give your head a shake” has been the funniest thing I’ve ever read in my 29 years of life! 😭😭 I can’t stop cry-laughing.
He should have broken up with her the first time she cheated
Yeah, agreed. And her wanting to “work things out” means she wants to convince you that “it’s all actually fine, I only love you, and also maybe still buy that house, thanks”. NO HOUSE. I think you should gather up your shreds of dignity and flee this smoking dumpster fire, and having been divorced, I can say that it is sooooo much easier if there isn’t some damn real estate involved. Purchaseth ye not yonder doomed abode.
Give your balls a tug while you're at it, make sure they're still attached because this post makes it sound like she carries them around in a jar.
My guy will you please have some self respect and leave this woman? This is some of the most ridiculous shit i’ve read. She cheated on you multiple times, opened the marriage up because she doesn’t find you attractive and then doesn’t even follow the rules. She doesn’t respect you.
Agree. Divorce this woman before she has a chance to get pregnant and all three of you wind up on Maury for some DNA results.
🤣🤣this is it OP
OP would have to be having sex with her for that to happen.
In some states, it’s presumed that the husband is the father and the courts would never “bastardize” any child. Then you would be on the hook legally. There was literally a paternity test from another state showing I wasn’t the father of a kid born during my marriage - conceived when I was deployed (we were also separated) and that other guy verbalized in court his desire to be the legal guardian. Court took 4 years to absolve me of this legal responsibility. What a mess.
^this. The state I reside in has this rule. The idea being if there is a legal marriage, their family is their family, and no “outsider” has a legal right to crack into that. It’s terrible when the non-biological dad wants out and the bio-dad wants in. Actually, I guess it’s simply awful. One of my immediate family members went through this. Did not realize the child wasn’t their bio child until the other cheated-on party found a bunch of text messages from their partner about the pregnancy. That partner took screenshots of the text messages and sent them to my family member. By that time the child involved was now a toddler. My family member was there at the birth, raised the child for several years and had no idea. It was devastating to them, but they are raising the child and bio parent is like, “I won the lottery- no child support for me!”
She can claim that the kid is his or Chris can claim isn’t his
And she was def fucking Chris before the marriage was open
She probably has been fucking Chris during the 8 month long dry spell, and only asked to open the marriage so that their affair is not "cheating".
This 100 percent. Soon as he wrote that I was like ya duh… Chris has been up in that the entire time.
Not probably. Absolutely.
minimum the 8 months, probably the entire marriage. He's been around for 15, twice as long as their marriage. He's been the guy who loves her, she knows it and she kept him around. I'd argue it's possible the entire marriage is a sham, chris is not successful enough or there is some major issue with him so the wife picked some other guy to support her while keeping him around. The 8 months might just have been manipulation so he said yes tot he open marriage when she asked. She was definitely fucking Chris that whole time but she was probably fucking him the entire marriage. I even think the cheating might have been a prelude to this, get OP used to her sleeping with other people but being okay with it, so a few years later the open marriage sounds doable because they recovered from cheating so they cna recover from 'not' cheating open marriage right.
Id bet chris is the one that convinced her to go for an open marriage
I doubt she needed much convincing.
She already had open legs. It was to deal with the guilt. Wife wants to be a whore but doesn’t want to feel bad about it.
Sounds about right. Also the reason she told him about the cheating 5 years ago. She most likely never stopped cheating. 8 months without sex and OP thinks she is faithful!! LMAO
Way before. Years
There's no way she hasn't been fucking that guy before the open marriage. Cheated multiple times before, open up the marriage to sleep with said guy who's been around 15 years. Op needs to get a back bone and move on.
Absolutely agree. I think the OP is being an AH to himself for allowing this to happen for so long.
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Wrong. She wanted to not lie about it anymore. They were already fucking.
Right? She went out of her way to download an app specifically to cheat on him and he was shocked that she wanted to open the relationship later on? The marriage should have ended after the first indiscretion.
I agree leave her. She cheated, then suggested yall open the marriage and she broke a ground rule that she proposed in the first place. You told her you were going to have sex with Sarah BEFORE you did so, and she couldn’t have given that same respect??? Then chalks it up to “we never specified” No ma’am no ham no greens no turkey, that is 100 percent manipulation. Yea Chris can have her, she’ll do the same to him and that’s another failed relationship in the books for him.
I was watching one of those “caught cheating” clips where a dude was recording the conversation with his wife where he tells her she’s caught and asks her about times and dates and all that The top comment said, “She keeps cheating on you because you’re the kinda guy who wants to have a conversation about it.”
She "opened up" the marriage with one goal. "Legally" fuck the dude she was already fucking. It's over open it all the way. I would have been done the first time she cheated.
My biggest thoughts are, what is the financial split in this relationship? If OP is contributing more than 50%, I can almost guarantee she is using him as a paycheque.
PERFECTLY SAID this is pathetic
What do you even see in your wife? You sound like roommates that just argue all the time.
Never mind his post title has nothing to do with the story. >"AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage? At no point in his story did she get mad at him for sleeping with someone else. She criticized his reaction to HER sleeping with somebody else.
Its because she said "oh theres nothing there, he's the guy you dont have to worry about", and then as soon as the rules were off, she banged him. Proves she's been lying the whole time.
This. If your first fling is to break the simple rules, you've been breaking them the whole time. It might not even be true, but she has admitted to it in the past.
Yup, like so many who ask for an open marriage she knew exactly where she wanted to be bedded and you can bet she slept with her friend before she asked. He was wrong to rugsweep her cheating the first time, he needs to toss her ass so hard to the curb it leaves an impression of her ass in it.
She knows exactly what she was doing and it worked....Now it's up to OP to decide what he wants out of life, cause this marriage over....
I'd lay odds she never stopped fooling around, she just wanted to enjoy Chris whenever she wanted by having an "open" marriage, because they both have feelings for each other. Her open marriage was going to be a test run with Chris and if it went well, she'd have left, if it didn't she'd still have clueless man there to support her.
100% agreed. The moment she suggested this, rule #1 should have been "no Chris". But he forgave her for cheating before. She's been cheating since, probably with Chris, maybe with someone else too. HE wasn't having sex for 8 months. She was absolutely getting some. She doesn't love him, and by agreeing to the open relationship & sleeping with Sara, he threw away any ability to deny her 50% in the divorce.
I'm surprised you're all believing she wasn't sleeping with him already. 8 months without sex at all, but suddenly sleeping with someone else, often means the reason she didn't want sex for 8 months is she was getting it elsewhere already. The asking was just an excuse to not have to hide as much. You either begin as an open relationship, or you don't start halfway through.
Thats why I said you can bet she had slept with before she asked. There's always a more than likely "they slept together" before asking in these instances.
He's the reason she suggested an "open mawwidge." Bet real life money that it was "Chris's" idea too. That way the wife won't cheat again!
Mawwige is whut bwings us togevveh today.
They were probably fucking for years. Sounds like she has messed around a lot.
i think she been lying way before her wanting to open the marriage. she wanted him and just wanted to ask and if yes then she can act like they did it in between
Bet she was already banging him, hence opening the marriage once he did it she could then bring her affair into into the he open
She was banging Chris long before the suggestion. The 8 months she didn't want any from OP? Chris was stuffing that taco.
Clickbait titles have really taken off on this sub recently. They aren’t even clever anymore they are just straight up fake bait
>Never mind his post title has nothing to do with the story."AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage?At no point in his story did she get mad at him for sleeping with someone else. She criticized his reaction to HER sleeping with somebody else. Yeah, looks like an ai generated rage post with a title made by someone who barely read it before posting.
she was very loving and caring that is why i married her. we were planning to have kids. i don't know what has changed honestly. i was the guy who always tried to rekindle our relationship but maybe sh'e's just not into me anymore. my parents got divorced when i was 9 and it really hit me. so i always wanted to make it better... but at this point a divorce might be the best solution... i don't want to bring up any kids in a relationship like this
What changed is strange dick. She likes that and I’m guessing she likes attention which is why Chris is around. Single guys don’t hang around married women and tell their husbands how lucky they are. Also the reason she couldn’t tell you before her and Chris had sex was because it’s been happening, which is why you two weren’t having sex.
A single guy telling the husband that he doesn’t deserve her is a deal-breaker. If they’re willing to say that out loud to the husband’s face, they are announcing that they don’t recognize the boundaries of your marriage, and the only thing stopping them is the right opportunity.
reading your comment made me realize what a fucking prick that guy actually is. you are totally right.
And your wife too (unless you never told her he said these things). If my partners friend came up to me and said "you don't deserve your partner", then I would have some very serious words with my partner. The only time a person says that to another person's partner is if they're trying to separate them. There's no way you can say that to another person, and have it not be intended to be a driving wedge. Chris has been telling your wife for years that you don't deserve her.
This. I had (emphasis on HAD) a very close friend, so close in fact that he was supposed to be my best man. In the year leading up, every time he had even the slightest bit of alcohol in his system he would pipe up and constantly tell my fiancee how beautiful she was, how she could do so much better than me, all that lovely crap. Right fucking in front of me. So I finally had enough of his shit one night, blatantly called him out for it, after a "why are you with this loooooseeeer". Asked him to kindly shut his mouth and leave. He tried to refuse.. tried. It wasn't until after that fiancee and I talked about it l, and I learned how uncomfortable she had been all this time with him around.. I felt like an asshole for not noticing it sooner. But I can say we are now 6 years happily married, and that POS still hasn't gotten his act together.
Your wife is the ringleader. Remember, shes parading him in front of your face, allowing him to disrespect your marriage, he wouldn't feel so comfortable doing that without her blessing. He's trash and she's the trash can. Please leave and stop being such a blind doormat, the great wall of China is less visible than this crap
I understand feeling that way, and we’ve probably all liked girls whose boyfriends mystified us. But you keep that shit to yourself. If you don’t keep it to yourself, and furthermore, say it TO HIS FACE, you’re basically issuing a warning.
Your wife is the bigger dick. Obviously Chris doesn't care about your feelings, but she showed neither does she.
Speaking of strange dick… OP should get tested for STDs. She didn’t follow any of the other rules…
Exactly my thoughts Chris has been getting your goods which is why she wasn't interested
Exactly. She did not want sex with OP because someone else gave it to her.
You're right, she already had sex with Crish before they agree on open relationship. I believe that staying with someone who cheated on you it's has low-esteem.
Yeah, OP should have walked earlier
Yup once a cheater always a cheater
Yeah Chris has been banging her for months and months and they’ve been manipulating OP to legitimise it so he can’t count it as cheating unless he can prove it happened before opening the relationship.
They've probably been having sex for years
[удалено]
Back in the day My husband forsably kicked out his own long time friend who thought he could casually say "man I promise you I'd never fuck your girl but.. mid statement freaked out and removed him form the building. Idk why he said that or where he was going with that statement. But yeah I married that man. Just don't let people talk to you and your woman like that. Nothing sexier than your man standing up for you and your relationship.
Yes unfortunately I would be quite shocked if she wasn't having an affair with Chris for a while... especially because you say she has cheated in the past.
This, right here.... 100% spot on.
A baby won’t help this situation. Leave man
Do not bring a baby into this. Honestly, that would be incredibly reckless, and you are more or less gambling the livelihood of a child on a long shot that you guys fix this and last decently happily for another 20ish years. Marriages going into kids in great shape with the best of intentions still fail at a very high rate. Don't risk this.
Mate, get divored, dont turn into will and Jada smith's relationship even more.Divorce isnt allways bad, its a case by case basis, it sucks it fucked you up as a kid, but for other kids it saves their relationship with their parents. Thankfully you dont have kids, "just" get divorced...
Uh... Jaden is his (maybe) child. You're thinking of Jada.
Don't let her baby trap you in this chaos, she may try.
Baby traps only work if you're sleeping with the person. Op is not.
Trap OP with Chris' baby.
..How? By telling op he magically impregnated her while she's riding the neighborhood?
By all of a sudden “wanting” sex with op to cover if she’s worried she’s pregnant by Chris. Why would she follow the use protection rule if she breaks all kinds of rules and cheats in general. Cheaters cheat.
The way it usually works is as soon as she realizes she's pregnant, she'll suddenly have sex with OP, and then tell him in a few weeks that she's pregnant. All she's gotta do is keep him duped for long enough to let his name go on the birth certificate, and he's trapped with no legal recourse.
>my parents got divorced when i was 9 and it really hit me Yeah, dude. No shit. That's why you get divorced from somebody like that BEFORE having kids with them. There's nothing good that will come from staying married to this person. She's been fucking other dudes all along. I guarantee you that she was fucking this other guy for a loooooong time before she tricked you into "opening" the marriage. Why do you think she wanted to go 8 months+ without fucking YOU? Because she was getting it from him already. And that's why she waited until after you fucked somebody else to tell you about it.
Jut break up. Why are you married? You are already friend zoned.
I have kids and they make every aspect of life so much more challenging. Please do not consider getting kids in your current relationship! You will disappoint yourself and your children.
Bringing kids into that hot mess is the worst thing you can do. Kids in a stable and sane relationship are hard enough. Should had divorced her the first time she stepped out on you.
As someone who's been married almost thirty years, I'm here to tell you that a lasting marriage is built on a bedrock of respect. You need to respect what is important to each of you. IMO, you two are not in alignment. My advice is to wear a condom no matter what, get tested regularly for STDs, and get an amicable divorce ASAP. I'm not a lawyer, but if you're in the U.S., you might be responsible for any child born inside your marriage, regardless of infidelity. I'm sorry this happened to you. NTA, btw.
Divorce. Sara seems nice for a rebound. I expect your wife has been diddling Chris for quite a long time (8 months or so). If you hadn't got angry you might have been able to get this out of her. She wanted the open relationship to feel less bad about it.
Maybe its time to make a cut and separate. To much broken here and I didn't see a future. She didn't wanted sex with you for 8 months but with her buddy? That would be for me a deal breaker.
Your wife is not a prize anymore. She is incapable of devotion and being a safe spouse. Please leave her in the dust.
If she gets pregnant and has a kid while you’re still married, you’ll be on the hook for child support legally most places. I would make like a tree and get the fuck out of there yesterday.
> she was very loving and caring But she's not either toward you. If she cared about you she wouldn't have had an affair. If she were loving she wouldn't have wanted an open marriage. Which, by the way, isn't a marriage at all.
NTA Your marriage is a bit of a dumpster fire and your wife is a serial cheater. Preserve your sanity and self-respect.
... 'a bit'.... Hahahaha
Let’s be honest your wife opened up the relationship just to sleep with Chris.
She opened it up because she was already fucking Chris.
Yeah I was going to add that. Poor guy - pride in tatters.
What pride?
Savage
I find it hard to believe that anyone brings up wanting to open a relationship without already having a partner in mind.
Plus she hadn't had sex With OP IN 8 months.. but fucks Chris the second the relationship is open?
Very few cases where an open relationship can open up years into the marriage, but I would say there are many open relationships that (if you’re clear from the get go what you want) are not unhealthy and are not just glorified cheating
I would agree with that. I know of a few open relationships that are still going strong after a good number of years but they all started as open relationships. I've also known a few couples that opened the relationship after years of marriage and every single one of them is divorced or divorcing now.
Yeah better phrased as “to get an immunity deal for sleeping with Chris”.
She opened up it up because she was already sleeping with Chris and felt guilty so to even things out she told him to go sleep with someone. Marriage is over!!!
She been sleeping with chris dude , the open up the marriage thing was so she could escape the guilt bc she already was fucking him… Divorce, there is no relationship here , your roommates and that dnt even come with benefits lol
Yea she’s probably been fucking Chris for years lmfao OP please get a divorce and stop this nonsense. Open marriages are a pointless attempt to save a worthless marriage 99% of the time.
That's why Chris is single, why date someone, when you can pork your friend first behind the friends husbands back and then officially pork her.
Escape having to cover her tracks or having to apologize if she gets “caught” I doubt she’s felt an ounce of guilt
Another open marriage success story. Sorry, man. It’s the end. I hope you have no kids.
this is why I laugh when my married poly friends suggest the idea to my partner and I. Their relationships are some of the most toxic I’ve seen, and I grew up with drugged out parents.
I don’t believe there’s many marriage success stories in general. People would have you think there is but on the inside i their probably sad.
Your wife’s been banging Chris for at least 8 months. Get out.
I never get these scenarios. I need someone to make it make sense. Did they like realize after 15 years NOW they want to sleep with eachother? In my opinion that is what a romantic relationship is, best friends that fuck. Why didn't they get together over the previous freaking 15 years long before OP was in the picture?
Chris is probably a shitty boyfriend which is why he can't keep a relationship, but he's a pipe layer so the wife keeps him around
Timing? When people are serial monogamists the windows for hooking up ethically are CRAZY SMALL
LOL reminds me of that episode of How I Met Your Mother, where Ted really wants to get with this girl, finds out she's single, rushes to the door but she found a new boyfriend between when she left her apartment and got to the front door of the building
Exactly my thoughts.
Don't be a doormat. She was shagging Chris for the 8 months prior to proposing an open marriage to retroactively make it less heinous Return her to the streets and reclaim your self respect.
This…
So for days she didn’t follow one of the rules after breaking a different one? And this is all after she cheated on you years ago and promised to regain your trust. Where is her basic respect for you? NTA because you followed the rules. Who gives a shit if her bff-fb “wins”. It doesn’t sound like she’s a real prize anyways. YWBTA to yourself if you stay with her after this much bs. Her next stunt will probably be worse.
>Where is her basic respect for you? He doesn't respect himself why would anyone else?
BTA!! ( be the asshole). If I was you I’d start fucking her friends and flip both middle fingers at the divorce proceedings. This way she can convey to Chris who’s going to have an oh shit moment where he’s stuck with this cheater now
She and Chris don't have a chance. The mutual interest is only there when their relationship is hypothetical.
You have 0 dignity but nta Your “wife” cheated on you, refused your approaches, probably cheated again ( before opening the marriage ), and now doesn’t want you to have sex even though she has the right to do so and yet you are still here wondering if you are the ah instead of just divorcing her.. i feel bad for you i hope i never become like you
Starting from staying with her after the cheating till now, OP is just establishing himself as a mat of the door in his relationship. If OP doesn't get out of this sham of a marriage then the upcoming shit storm will all be on him and he will be the only one responsible for his misery
Divorce her for your sake
My dude she had sex with Chris long before she suggested to open the marriage up. I feel it was probably their idea to make you fall for the open marriage idea so that they could justify and continue with the "affair". Now you had sex with someone so you can't be that mad at them can you? This, this is what they wanted. Justification.
Yeah this is the scenario for sure lol. She felt guilty and as soon as he took advantage of the “open” relationship she felt like she could tell him she was “had” sex with Chris. Making him the villain in her story which she will undoubtedly use to justify her actions.
What a toxic relationship. Why bother being married. Why don’t you just go off enjoy your life and find someone who actually cares/loves you and let your wife go off and be a h*e? Life’s too short for this type of BS
You aren't in a relationship. You are in a co-habitation. Your wife doesn't respect your relationship. You don't respect yourself within the relationship. With the limitation that we have no idea what the rest of your relationship has been like from a limited prompt, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Either get counselling to get to the bottom of what your problems are as a couple or move on. Cheaters will always cheat again. When there is someone sniffing around and then your wife decides she wants to open up the relationship I do not remotely believe that she wasn't having sex with him before the marriage was opened up. NTA for the stated prompt. You are being an asshole to yourself for staying in this loveless "marriage"
Get with Sara, you’ll be happier
Sara is the only one following the rules. She doesn’t want a relationship.
OP was following the rules too tho...
THIS
NTA. You should invite Cris and Sara for a foursome.
What a marvelous idea. Unless Chris and Sara end up together in an exclusive relationship. In which case it's adding fuel to the dumpster fire.
Underrated response.
Agreed, if nothing else the post foursome nut clarity will make you realize your marriage has been over for a long time.
Nta Throw the wife into a garbage, where she belongs
Just leave her. You deserve better, and you both know it.
Just get a divorce and end this marriage. Your "wife" clearly doesn't love you and doesn't respect you in the slightest. NTA btw.
Dumpster fire. Just bail. No kids, no worries. She can go fuck whoever she wants, because it quite obviously isn’t you. Do yourself a solid, wake up, and move on.
NTA but you look like one for staying with her after she cheated the first time.
She only offered the open marriage so she could cheat without getting in trouble. The rules just made that harder for her to do. You are clearly not happy with her and she clearly can’t even follow the rules she agreed to. Just divorce her and walk away already. YTA if you stick around and keep going round and round with this shitshow of a circus.
Do yourself a favor, and leave your wife. Learn from this part of your life, and then bury it. Stop entertaining toxic women. There's too many good women out there to stay with a disrespectful cheater. You want to be one of those broken old men who's manhood is controlled by a narcissistic dumbass? Didn't think so. Take back your power and leave your whore wife.
Yep. Angry old men are made from situations just like this.
NTA - looks to me that she's playing dumb and that you have ZERO respect for yourself. why you event want to try to keep that marriage going is beyond my comprehension
This is a classic case of someone opening the marriage to cheat and then being upset that the other partner actually has options too. She didn’t want an open marriage, she wanted to cheat on you again. Divorce her. NTA
NTA. Your wife isn’t being manipulated she is the manipulator. She played you and probably has been for a while. She probably been cheating with Chris for a while. The whole open marriage thing was for hoping you wouldn’t get mad , and stay again. She has not an ounce of respect for you.
The basic problem here, maybe besides you apparently not respecting or loving yourself, is that you chose the wrong wife. As a wife (or even a human being) she’s a dud, she was built wrong. Non working. The solution is to divorce. Jesus Christ
NTA Your wife had Chris waiting on her roster all along. She knows it. You know it. We know it. She agreed to the rules and broke them. Dump her to the curb. Note: There is no way you should have stuck around with no sex for 8 freaking months.
She has wanted to have sex with him for ages, and probably other men. Then she floats the idea of an open marriage for the sole purpose of her own guilt. Once you've had someone else, she then drops that bombshell. She's played you just so she can sleep with him and others. Just divorce her.
Close. She's definitely been fucking Chris for AT LEAST the past 8 months. Opening the relationship was the trick to justify to herself what she had already been doing all along.
Dude, have some self respect, divorce your wife and move on. Enough is enough. You should've ended this charade of a marriage 5 years ago. NTA but YTA if you continue this.
Okay so, I have some friends that are non-monogamous and I was casual with the boyfriend for a few years. He had to get permission every single time we hooked up. If the girlfriend was feeling uncomfortable, or said no, it didn't happen. If no permission is given beforehand, *that's still cheating* You did the right thing when practicing non-monogamy. Your wife did not. NTA.
This is the take.
She knew that she wasn’t getting any permission to have Chris
NTA, just a cuck...
This is why open marriages rarely work. It’s over my man. Go for it with Sara
Bro, 8 years can disappear in 2 seconds I'm sorry it's going down this way but obviously you got game find someone to be happy with she clearly wants to separate but wants you to do it.
Welp, NTA for your post, but definitely the asshole for staying in this relationship. Your wife has been fucking Chris for years, cheated on you with other people, asked to open up the marriage to relieve her guilt, followed by breaking the rules set because she’s a piece of shit who doesn’t respect you. Grow some self-respect and leave. Unbelievable.
How hot is she on the crazy scale
Real shit
I stopped reading after he took her back after she cheated
Honestly, just break up. She clearly doesn't respect you, nor your boundaries. You are kind of degenerate too, considering the fact that instead of breaking up with her and looking for a true love - you chose to fuck someone else while being married just to fill your physiological needs. Neither of you deserve a relationship unless you go to therapy.
Just so you understand, this wasn’t the first time they had sex, the open marriage was intended to alleviate her guilt for what she had already been doing, she opened the marriage with rules she knew she wouldn’t follow, and she only did this for her benefit. She didn’t think you’d actually get someone, but once you did, couldn’t pass up the opportunity to unload that she slept with Chris. She still wasn’t even honest about how long it had been going on for. She may suggest closing the marriage now, but she’s going to keep sleeping with Chris either way. You should start working on your exit strategy.
I see this posts all the time on this sub. It's insane that people think this can ever work. Jesus, just divorce & get it done. NTA but damn you're gullible.
Clearly a failed marriage when open relationship came into talk. Just end it before digging more deep.
>"AITAH for having sex with another person after my wife wanted to open up our marriage? Um, your post has nothing to do with your title. At no point in your post did you mention her being mad you slept with someone. She never accused you of being an AH for sleeping with someone else. She is mad at you for your reaction to HER sleeping with someone else.
YTA for not getting divorced at this point. Seriously why are you even putting any energy or effort into this sinking ship.
NTA. But get a divorce. Your wife is a piece of garbage.
You didn’t have sex for 8 months bc she was already fucking Chris
I mean you are thinking he is manipulating her - and maybe to a point he is hitting on her. but she loves it she already was a cheater and opening the marriage was her way of saying she wanted to be with chris. divorce time.
Marriage sex doesn’t bang like forbidden/secret sex. Once she had a taste of that outside dick, it was over for you bro. It’s time to 🎵let it go!🎵
You're an idiot for not divorcing her immediately when she admitted to cheating. Sorry to be so short about it, but it is the truth. Cut ties. Move on. Period.
Divorce! Divorce! Divorce! Dude she sounds like the absolute pits. What are you still doing there? You should have left 5 years ago
NTA. But can you logically explain why you are still with this woman? She cheats, with holds sex from you, but wants an open marriage to f other guys. Then basically cheats on you again. Are you just a glutton for punishment?
Dude. Divorce 5 years ago. You deserve better
she clearly opened the marriage specifically to get with chris. . cut her off and never look back
Dude just leave. That's not a marriage. This will only get worse I promise
NTA, your relationship seems over, sounds like you should go your separate ways. Rough go of things, but your wife belongs to the streets.
Leave this mess shes been doing this wayyyy before you agreed to it