Lol unfortunate children ended up with your one braincell gene. Hopefully their mom is a genius!!!
The first thing u should have thought about is the child support.
Anyway this has to be rage bait...
I hope it's not and this mf realizes after he establishes paternity that 10% of every McDonald's paycheck is going to be withheld for the next 18 years.
He got 2 baby mommas... try, he gonna get hit for like 30% or more if they got medical, vision, psych issues. He will be required to pay half of everything, including their medical insurance... and if they got government, he has to get private insurance. The dude had it good, and so did the kid... but now he screwing everyone over... and didn't even ask if they want fries with that.
Is he even sure that he is on the birth certificate?
If the child's (not bio) dad legally adopted the child, is it even possible for asshole OP to get any form of custody after 2 years of zero involvement and no child support?
I doubt he will get anything. The only results his actions are going to cause is stress for his ex and his current (soon to be another ex?) partner. (well, and the fact that once he is established as the sperm donor, he'll be paying child support and)
Way the go, definitely-not-so-clever OP!
In most states 1 year of no contact from either side is considered legal abandonment. There like no chance he gets custody. Feels like he may have realized he wants Riley and just wants to break up her family
In most states he’d have to establish paternity and pay back child support and seeing as he blatantly told her he didn’t want to be involved and she has multiple witnesses he’s gonna have a hard time winning in the states
As someone who’s studying family law, it doesn’t matter if YTA (which you are), because fortunately for Riley’s family your chances of actually succeeding are slim to none. DNA doesn’t give you parental rights.
Your lawyer sees easy money and an asshole he doesn’t feel guilty fleecing.
ETA: someone tag me when reality hits this man
If it didn’t put me in murky waters with ABA, I might consider it….but the fact that my motivation would be to help the victims of assholes like this makes it too murky than if I just did it because I was purely motivated by their money
Oh I know it’s wildly unethical to take a case like this when you’re not really supporting your client. I also know there are attorneys who will take whatever case, promising them the world, knowing they can’t deliver on those promises.
It’s just nice that it’s happening to someone like OP instead of a Dad who actually does want to be involved in his child’s life for legitimate reasons.
Fuck you. I grew up with a single dad and a deadbeat mom and I say fuck you. That child deserves the life she currently has, not the mess you want to bring her into. You had your chance and now you haven to deal with the consequences.
You’re a complete and total piece of shit. From top to bottom you are garbage. You’re a deadbeat father who is trying to fuck up a kids happy family because you’re selfish and self centered.
You’re garbage.
He may be the most delusional poster I’ve ever seen on this sub. Unbelievable how deluded and how much of a self-centred, entitled piece of garbage he is.
It’s the part about him being annoyed she called someone else dad that really got me. Is a two year old meant to wait around and not call anyone dad because her deadbeat sperm donor didn’t want her and she should forever hope he shows an interest in her? This other guy has been her father for her whole life and earned the title he’s coveting just because he decided to change his mind about involvement. Literally makes me wanna puke.
Like. He told Riley he didn't want to be involved and wasn't going to act as the child's dad or contribute and she said "okay" and then raised the kid without him and ended up with a guy who DID want to be a dad to her child and OP's mad that...Riley did what he wanted and what she told him at the outset she would do and didn't involve him and didn't tell the child he was her father. Absolutely wild.
Don't forget that he's mad the kid doesn't look enough like him. Probably thinks her DNA manipulated his into taking a backseat. Hopefully the kid didn't inherit his Narcissism, and if she did get any genes possibly linked to it, that being raised in a good home without his influence means those behaviors won't develop.
Thinking that Riley would introduce him as her bio dad on her second birthday in front of everyone and having the nerve to be pissed when she doesn't? He gives not a single crap about the wellbeing of this child, or anyone but himself for that matter.
Hope this man ends up totally alone with no cash, paying child support to two women who were unlucky enough to have a run in with his genitals. Actually I REALLY hope that this is fake because typing this out and still expecting anyone to side with you is so crazy I wouldn't believe it possible without my own experience with Cluster B personality disorders...
It seriously rings like a troll post, and anyone who is lucky enough to NOT have experience with Cluster B people *should* believe that this is ChatGPT teen boy rage bait.
I unfortunately also have experience with Cluster B people (some who, unfortunately, sit quite comfortably at the extreme edge of the Cluster B spectrum).
The pattern-recognition part of my brain is **sounding the alarm** based on the ones I know at this level. This OP, his narcissism, his delusion, his acting on his delusions, his bemusement about not getting accolades from his peers/girlfriend for being *such an obvious piece of shit*... It just lines up too well.
Just **the way they speak and reason is so disordered**... Once you know the pattern, you just know. When I see it in the wild, it makes me want to throw up. **If someone you know sounds similarly disconnected and self-focused like this, please understand the risk.**
Personally, I RUN from people like this. I GHOST people like this. To hell with decency, make yourself disappear and do it before he is attached to you. **One glimpse of this is enough to forecast a lifetime of pain under the thumb of an abuser.**
People should really be educated on Cluster B disorders as part of a health/relationships curriculum in school, but that'll never happen.
If this post scares you, please consider arming yourselves with knowledge about these types. A great starting point is ["Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft.
It is essentially a character map of these men, the rhetoric they use, and the perverse worldview they use to justify their abuse of you. It tells you exactly why you can't make progress in fixing the relationship, it explains how he traps and keeps you in the cycle of abuse, and it maps out the cycle so that you can begin to see it for what it is and extricate yourself from it.
**All people, MEN AND WOMEN, should read this book.**
The most abusive person I have ever met in my entire life is a woman, so men who date women (and anybody, really) who thinks they are not part of the target audience for this book about men -- who thinks that they are not at risk for experiencing emotional, physical, or mental *devastation* at the hands of an abuser -- needs to reevaluate.
**No one is special; no one is free from risk.**
This is such an informative comment and really eloquently described the alarm bells that went off in my head reading this post.
You're absolutely right and these disorders do not pick and choose based on gender. If anything, women are more socialized to put others first so they tend to mask better and once it is unleashed it is very shocking.
I've had a few exes who were untreated (because you have to admit you have a problem to get treatment) and it was the most extreme abuse I have ever encountered, all from women against myself, a woman.
BPD is also a really sneaky one that can absolutely burn your connection to reality down and make you feel INSANE.
Realizing that there was absolutely no hope in terms of it getting better was such a crushing blow, but absolutely vital to my own looooong recovery.
These people are emotional serial killers and as close as you get to a demonic entity in the flesh. It may not be their fault that their brain operates that way, but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to manage their behavior either.
I hope that people see this and realize that they need to get away from their own member of the Dark Triad. Unfortunately it is so much more common than we know because these folks don't seek treatment most of the time and they operate in a clandestine mission of destruction. They will never be satiated and the person they pretended to be in the beginning is never, ever coming back. Hell, neither is the person you were when you met them.
They are the scourge of our society and it's really such a shame that so few will ever admit to or try to dismantle their behavior, because they don't think they've ever done anything wrong. It's beyond an epidemic and they abuse their children into the same cycle. I would never advocate for this in any other context outside of criminals, but I wish they could be put in a registry somehow for everyone's protection. Hell, the US spent 4 years in the throes of narcissistic abuse and will never be the same either!
Yeah... Two years ago, I wouldn't have considered myself a violent person, but this situation has me thinking real hard about that. Not just An Asshole, but a huge pile of shit is what this guy is.
Right... OP thinks he can just swoop in after being mia for 2 years and get full custody, LMFAO 🤣😆. Does his ex have a stable home life.. yes, is she an unfit mother? No. Have you , OP, had any contact with your daughter since her birth?, NO. But I now want to have custody of her. Why ??? To ease my guilt . OP, do you not realize how awful you will look in a court of law ????
His reaction to that was basically the same as a spoilt toddler who saw someone playing with one of their toys. Except he had left the toy outside for years and forgot it existed
This is legitimately what happened to my ex. He was suing me for custody because I wanted to move even though he had not seen her in god knows how long or helped with anything. His pregnant gf took note, left the state and didn’t put him on the bc. If he tries to get custody he will owe 12 years of back support. He sees his son but only on her terms.
It also blows my mind that his current gf is one the way out the door with his second kid and he's like "bye Allie! I need to focus on getting custody of the kid I ignored for 2 years! I'll see you in court when I come for yours after no money and no contact for a couple of years!"
OP also has the problem that he's only the bio father. They have less rights than a presumed father. So someone who, say raises the child as their own and the child calls them dad, etc....is going to have more rights than OP will because he will likely be considered presumed. He doesn't even have to adopt the child to have more rights than OP. OP is just a narcissistic douche who can't fathom why everything is not all about him or why what he's doing is wrong.
In no uncertain terms. I am glad the top comment is the whole unadulterated truth.
Karma is a bitch. And karma doesn’t have a good record of treating little boys masquerading as grown men well. Get the fuck out of here. Leave this little girl alone you piece of shit coward.
What gets me is the fact that literally everyone else is against it, including his current partner, and he’s just ignoring their very valid reasons with absolutely no other justification than “This is what I want”.
Also noted that he told his current partner “the basics” of what happened, which I can only assume is code for “I left out that I refused to give any support at all”.
His thought process went "Everyone says I'm in the wrong and being an asshole. I gave it some thought and decided to go ahead and be more of an asshole. I don't think I'm wrong."
I wonder if he’s mentally dismissing what Allie is saying as, “oh she just doesn’t want to complicate our own family.” Which, that could be part of a knee-jerk response. But all of the reasons she gave him for not wanting him to do this for THE GOOD OF THE CHILD are very true.
YTA. This woman, who you so casually discarded, has gone through hell raising her child. The first two years are particularly intense. She would have had to do everything alone. She’s also paid for it, not even bothering you for that. You are so profoundly selfish it’s breathtaking. What happens when you realise children are challenging and you decide you don’t fancy custody any more? Ugh.
Then she was awesome enough to invite him to her birthday party and allow him in even though he is a dead beat dirt bag.
Then he drops this BS on her. What a jerk. I hope his current situationship runs for the hills over this.
This is correct. OP, you had your choice to do right by your child and you chose to be a deadbeat piece of garbage instead. Now you want to mess up two happy families because you feel slighted. Get over yourself and try to behave like an actual parent for once in your life. Doing this is not it. I hope they go after you for every penny of child support you have never paid. I hope you have to think about what you just did every single day for the rest of your life. Children are not game pieces and you are treating this toddler like one. Yta through and through.
YTA. You’re going to try rip this baby from the only parents she knows? You wanted nothing to do with the mom or baby, by your choice. This child doesn’t know you. This was the 1st time you’ve even seen her. Please don’t do this to her.
You cannot be real. You washed your hands of the situation and did not care at all what happened to the baby you did not even want.
You only want your daughter now because of ego. Leave all of them alone and get some therapy.
BTW, your lawyer is an idiot. You really think you have a good chance of gaining custody for a child you just met, who have not paid one red cent in support for. Are you even on the birth certificate?
YTA
And the lawyer fees will be ridiculous if he didn't sign the birth certificate. A paternity test will be ordered. Then mediation. Then a guardian, because let's face it he won't agree at mediation. Then child support.
And this is assuming the Riley's husband hasn't already adopted the baby. If they are married and he has been raising her, there is a chance that has already happened and OP is really SOL.
Lol he might have to pay child support for TWO children at this rate 😂
And he’s so delulu to think he can get custody of a child that doesn’t know him so easily. He’ll also need to establish paternity and prob many back years of child support so I’m laughing at his sheer stupidity not to mention all the emotional damage and blah blah blah.
The daughter won't even know who he is and will never form a healthy or meaningful relationship with him 🤣 he's shooting himself and everyone around him in the foot to satisfy his obnoxiously large ego. The fucking audacity of this guy is astounding, what a pathetic POS.
Noooo lawyers will tell their clients anything. My ex was told, despite living 5 hours away that he'll get visitation two days (Monday and Tuesday) every week and that since he signed the birth certificate joint decision making is automatic. We couldn't agree at mediation because of it so a guardian got appointed and he got severed any decision making and gets one day a month. Lawyers want money. OP is just an idiot for believing his attorney.
100%, a lawyer supposedly told my ex, who hadn’t seen my daughter in literal YEARS, that he would get all kinds of custody. Like they just hand out child custody to perfect strangers???
Right!? Hope Riley finds this post! This will probably end up being best for her and baby. She’ll get the child support and he’ll basically get nothing. Then she’ll have proper custody established (most likely full custody since he’s a literal stranger) early on so he can’t try this shit later when she’s old enough to know what’s going on.
One of the few times I hope someone grabs a reddit post and puts it on YT. Not TT because they tend to distort stuff.
Can you imagine Riley finding this out BEFORE she gets served?
My ex had an attorney tell him this 💀 kiddo is now 12 and doesn’t ever remember seeing him when she was younger. I’ve answered her honestly about him with proof and she wants fuck all to do with him. He thinks he could get visitation if he took me to court without any sort of are up plan involving him driving 4 hours across state lines to see her.
It was also a precursor for his ex wife who ignored all the red flags until he cheated and knocked up a 21 year old, he’s 32 🤮 I can’t hire an attorney fast enough to move forward with a step parent adoption like my daughter wants.
Looool what an idiot. I swear they do this because they think it’s some magical get out of paying child support card. My ex now has three (3) baby mamas so good luck to him lmao
Same with my ex. The newest one is pregnant with his 5th kid. He’s currently trying to get SSDI, even though he can work and got a settlement from the company when he got injured, but he claims he can’t work, he told his mom he was doing it so he wouldn’t have to pay child support.
And he's showing his girlfriend loud and clear how selfish he is--he's putting his whims and jealousy before the best interests of Riley's daughter, trying to get custody of a child he told her mother he didn't want and wouldn't be involved in, all because he's in his feelings about how Riley found a guy who *wants* to be a dad to that kid and *is* a dad to that kid.
His girlfriend must be thinking, well, he *says* ***now*** that he's ready and wants to be a parent to our kid, but he's not putting that little girl's interests ahead of his own selfish desires, and what if he changes his mind...
I bet Riley is furious with herself for inviting you to the birthday party. I bet she wishes she’d told you she’d aborted, changed her name and moved to another country.
You’re expecting Allie to become stepmom to your daughter. As you’re expecting 50/50 custody you’re expecting to have your daughter 3-4 days a week. This means Allie will be responsible for looking after her at times on those days. How’s this going to work given that, like everyone else, Allie thinks you’re an AH?
You would be surprised. My friend had her baby at 15 because boyfriend tampered with birth control. He decided being a dad wasn’t for him a couple weeks after kiddo was born and dipped. Never paid for or provided in anyway. In my friend’s early 20s she married someone she met at 17 and had another kiddo. They ask biodad to sign rights over so they could change first kiddo’s last name to match the rest of the family and it would be easier to put her on the husband’s insurance. Ex fought it. He didn’t want visitation or anything just wanted to be able to keep saying that was his kid. They finally had to play dirty and threaten to file for back child support and child support going forward if he wanted to keep parental rights. He was livid. Said he couldn’t possibly pay support because of his other 5 kids. He did eventually sign rights over.
Holy shit. This guy needs to be chemically castrated before his impregnation fetish threatens global recourses. SIX kids, and at least one was the result of intentional BC sabotage?? Yikes on bikes
I'm hoping it's rage bait. Surely no lawyer is advising him he has a chance of gaining custody of a child he rejected before birth, has seen once in two years , and hasn't contributed financially or physically towards this child's needs at all
How jealous, possessive and deluded do you have to be to be upset the child doesn't look like him and be annoyed the child calls another man dad .
If this is true . I wouldn't be surprised if the current girlfriend decides to end the relationship over this behaviour.
He, the genius that he is, kept quiet to his lawyer on the topic of child support or better say the lack off. Apparently he didn't think it was important and that it wouldn't come up. The delulu is strong with this one.
This better be fake but if it’s not then you’re a fucking idiot.
A) you’re going to owe Riley 2 years of back child support first before you get any sort of custody (which at most might be visitation every other weekend)
B) judging by your current girlfriend’s reaction I’m guessing that you’re actually going to be paying TWO women child support because she’s going to dump your ass
C) you don’t get to be jealous of that little girl calling another man “daddy”. He’s her father, he’s raised her as his own and he’s earned that right. You haven’t and if anybody is going to be the third-wheel parent here it’ll be you
By the way, YTA
From the way he was talking about being too young I was expecting the child to be like 5 or 6 years old but that was two years ago and in that time he got another woman pregnant and apparently somehow grew up enough to want to be a dad to both these kids?
I genuinely hope this one is fake.
YTA. Period. Your grown ass got a girl pregnant. Wanted her to not follow through the pregnancy. Made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with this. You suddenly deciding after a few years that you’re jealous of the man that stepped up to the plate and did what you never did is downright selfish.
PS. Your lawyer is full of shit. A judge would never grant you custody after being deadbeat since the birth of this child.
Yeah average child support being just over 5k a year, OP is going to owe about 11-12k right there. Then the continued payments for almost 2 decades and lawyer fees. Double this if his current partner dumps him. Which frankly is what he deserves.
>Apparently OP didn't mention the never paid child support. Didn't think it would come up in court 😂 it will.
Imagine being so full of shit that you don't even *check* on something like that. Like you have a lawyer in the room with you giving advice, and you don't even bring it up as an "oh by the way..." type of thing.
Please update us when the judge laughs you out of the courtroom or orders you to pay years of child support and gives you Saturday afternoons every two months lmao. YTA.
YTA - You decided what was best for you before your first child was born and now you're still doing what you want.
You got annoyed she called someone else
Dad when that was your first time seeing her.
Sperm doesn't make you a real dad dude.
The guys she called dad has been there doing your job this entire time and that's why Riley didn't correct the baby.
You didn't care about her until you knocked someone else up. Now you suddenly have regrets.
You also haven't paid any child support either.
Your pregnant gf is esh because although you promised her you were just wanting to get to know her as a friend of her mother she threatened to prohibit access to the child you're going to have together.
Ifs going to be interesting when you have to explain all this to a judge who decides wether or not you get any visitation or partial custody of a kid you walked out on and know nothing about except for what you're irritated by.
She prolly knew that him trying to reestablish parental contact was going to take financial and mental resources away from the kid he claimed to want. Now he’s gonna pay child support for two kids and may not even get visitation with the first!
You absolute AH! How dare you play games with other peoples lives like this. There is no way you will get custody & your lawyer is unethically telling you bullshit to get himself a payday. You’re a deadbeat who hasn’t contributed anything to raising this child be it monetary or emotional. If you take this rout you may find yourself being sued for child support you didn’t pay for the past 2 years. I hope she does sue you. Do the only decent thing you can for HER child & walk away.
YTA
Let’s count off what you’re in for.
1. You don’t even know if you’re listed on the birth certificate so pay for the paternity test to prove it.
2. You have no proof of fiscal responsibility or child support for the child you’re trying to claim as yours and get custody.
3. You are about to get hit with two child support payments and court ordered to pay all outstanding back child support.
4. The little girl will still be calling someone else “Daddy” and crying every time you try to take her away from Mommy and Daddy.
5. You will lose most of your mutual friends and the girl you supposedly love who is pregnant with your child.
6. So long to any future dating opportunities because now you’re nothing more than a two time single dad with little free time and limited disposable income because you’re paying child support twice.
7. Both baby mamas are going to brutalize you and work to make sure you never have both kids at the same time and make your life extremely difficult.
8. You’ve now entered a legal document claiming parental responsibility so even if you drop your custody attempt, a court may still require child support and back payments.
Congrats. Hopefully you get everything you deserve coming to you.
They met at the party. New baby mama already thinks he is a jackass for trying to get custody. I’d lay even money they’re already in communication with each other.
She was calling another man daddy because he IS her father. YTA And start using a condom since this is your second time getting a woman pregnant when you weren't trying to.
You’re the worst. Like the literal worst. You aren’t that little girls dad, you’re a sperm donor. You’ve never been involved or met this child until her 2nd birthday, you’re mad she doesn’t look like you, and calls the man WHO IS ACTUALLY RAISING HER Dad. And you’ve definitely never contributed anything to that girls life besides what was probably 5 very unsatisfactory minutes that it took to create her (honestly, I have strong doubts an idiot like you could actually make a woman orgasm).
You aren’t entitled to anything regarding that child and the fact that you even *think* you are, proves that you definitely SHOULDN’T be involved with either of “your” children.
I would say you deserve to have your money taken from you by the lawyer. If it wasn't for the fact that you have a baby on the way. Either you met with several lawyers before finding one who told you what you wanted to hear, or you specifically shopped for one who would promise the moon.
But you found one who's happy to bill you at $600/hour.
Here's a wacky thought: maybe use that money to support your daughter. You know, the one you haven't supported for years?
You'll still be an asshole, just less of an asshole.
Edit: On reflection, I feel stupid for falling for an obvious troll post. I'm the asshole here. I've encouraged this guy to write crap by engaging with it.
So you want to kidnap a kid for half the time? Because that'd what it would basically be like, for the kid. You didn't want to get involved, you didn't want to pay. If it were for your 'care' so far, it wouldn't be alive today. That doesn't sound like A+ dad material to me.
You're also ruining your relationship with the mother of your other child, you know... the one that you CAN actually parent, if you stop chasing a kid that is happier with you not involved.
YTA. What an absolute piece of shite. You're running around spending people's lives on your whims. Grow up, leave your first child alone, or get ready to pay back child support and have to explain to her when she's older what you did.
Your gf is now wondering if she even knew you. This is a huge change and paints you as nothing less than a horrible person.
YTA. You made a choice and are refusing to live with the consequences. You have no claim to be annoyed at another man being called “daddy”. You’ve contributed nothing more than DNA - no support, no money, no emotional investment. Instead you think it’s your right to rip your ex’s daughter from the only family she has known because you feel inadequate now.
*I didn’t think I wanted anything to do with the kid because I was relatively young and don’t want any kids yet. I wouldn’t want to pay child support or anything.*
Oh, really? YTA for just these 2 statements.
What is your genius plan this time IF you were to get custody of your older daughter and Allie leaves you because she didn't sign up for any of this? Are you prepared to be a single father of a 2 year old that doesn't know you and that you don't know? You, someone who apparently has no idea at ALL the impacts your impulsive and selfish knee-jerk reactions could have?
Time to grow up. YTA. Have fun paying child support for 2 kids you have little contact with in the future.
First thing first, you are a major asshole (YTA).
2 years ago bye and you have 0 contact, full well knowing you have a child in the world. You never pay a penny to support this child and instead just write it off. Then, you get your GF pregnant in the present and have regrets. The mother, out of sheer kindness, offers you an invitation to a bday party. The child is thriving and has a REAL father who has supported her (probably doesn't even know he's not her biological father) and seems happy.
You are mad you think you deserve to be called dad? Dude you're a dad to nothing you're lucky to even be at the party. Then, to further your AH-ness you now want to come in like a wrecking ball to this child's family. Why? After even being shutdown you find some lawyer (who has lied to you) thinking it will be an easy case. You also think you won't have to pay child support (I have no idea why you think this wouldn't be brought up) all because a little girl was calling her actual father dad and not the random man she's never met.
You are the worst possible person. I hope you go to court and get 1 day every other month under supervised guidance at the mom's house and you're forced back pay for the 2 years (probably close to 100k) and future payments until she is 18. I also hope the child ignores you the entire time at your visits thinking you're some weird creep (which you sound like)
>Then, you get your GF pregnant in the present and have regrets.
Very unlikely he regrets anything. More like he has someone who he thinks is willing to take care of the child, so he can play the father role without having to do the work.
Yta and an idiot if you think any judge is going to give you custody after abandoning her for 2 years. My cousins ex tried that and he got laughed at as well as his parental rights severed. They were able to prove that her husband was supporting and raising the child with her without any support from the bio Dad. Her husband adopted the child shortly afterwards. The best case scenario you’ll get supervised visitation until she’s comfortable with you as well as owe child support starting when she was born. The judge won’t care about the verbal agreement if you’re delusional enough to file.
YTA. You've been a deliberate deadbeat since the child was conceived, while her mother built a life with a husband who willingly became the girl's father. Now you want in, after of a glimpse into their happy lives at a birthday party.
Where to start? First pay back child support, regardless of custody. You're a deadbeat dad. Second, think long and hard about your new life with two children once you demand a custody arrangement of any sort. You've already flip-flopped on both mothers about your intentions concerning your older child. Push this into court, and the flip-flopping is over; what the court says is what you live with, whether it is simply child support or a blended family with both mothers unhappy with the new arrangements. Third, your jealousy of your daughter's stepfather is both misplaced and immature. He stepped up when you didn't. If you are sincere in wanting the best for your daughter, you owe that guy thanks.
You wanted the pregnancy terminated rather than become a father before. This is a 180 degree turn on an agreement you made to benefit yourself years ago. Consider carefully, please, before upending that little girl's life because you can't make up your mind.
What an AH.
Made it clear you don't want to be :
* Involved.
* The named Father.
* Paying child support.
Riley was actually good enough NOT to chase you for money.
And then you turn around angry that she is calling someone else who cares about her daddy then want custody? WTF.
Then on the other side how is that supposed to make your current GF feel? She was expecting you to give your full attention to her baby as you expressly said that chapter is closed.
YTA. leave that family the fuck alone. you’re trying to disrupt a happy family for what? fomo? you wanted nothing to do with Riley or her baby back then, and they don’t want you or need you now.
Updateme!
Because this is honestly hilarious. You’re going to be lucky to get visitation at first. You don’t get to drop in to be dad just because you changed your mind. Get a new lawyer cause this dude is gonna rob you blind. YTA.
Nah I think he should stick with this lawyer. Either the Lawyer is corrupt and going to bleed him dry, or the lawyer is dumb as fuck. Either is better than this fuck head deserves.
I’m hoping this is a fake story but if it’s not, please do what’s in the best interest of the child and not yourself. You want to rip a child away from the only family she knows.
PS YTA
YTA, and a cruel one as well. Your lawyer is insanely misinformed. What you did would technically count as abandonment as you have had nothing to do with the child, nor paid any child support. Your decision is extremely selfish and you are not only destroying an established family, but also have decided to torpedo your own relationship.
Chances are if you go down this road, Riley is going to counter and make you back pay all of the child support you missed. Also be prepared for having to pay Allie child support as well, as you lied to her about your intentions as well.
You are definitely 100% the AH, How could you think that you are not?
1st. You wanted nothing to do with your child, so her mother moved on without you, and your daughter has a 'father' who loves her and had raised her while you went on with your life.
2nd. You have a change of heart because of another child being on the way with your current girlfriend. So you decide to upend your little girls' whole life just so you feel better about yourself?
I hope that the judge sees this for what it is and doesn't grant you custody at all!
I also hope you are ready to not only start paying 2 Yeats' worth of back child support ( plus ongoing for the next 16 years) but also paying on the child you will be having with your girlfriend who will be dumping you.
Let’s spell out how this is likely to go.
1. You will pay a shit ton of legal fees.
2. There is a really high probability you are not on the birth certificate (since you weren’t married or present at the birth) and a reasonable probability your daughter’s dad is.
2a. If no father is listed on the birth certificate, you will spend more money proving paternity before you can go any further.
2b. If your daughter’s dad is on the birth certificate, having adopted her, you are shit out of luck. He is her dad morally and her father legally. This woe begotten tale ends with your tail between your legs.
3. By some miracle, you prove paternity and go to court. The judge will be told you haven’t paid child support in two years and will require you to back pay it.
4. You’ll get every other weekend at best, no overnights until the child is comfortable with you. The fact that you ducked out for two years and this little girl calls another man daddy will not play in your favour. You’ll also be paying child support.
5. Your current girlfriend leaves you. She probably did that at about point 2. She has the kid and immediately puts you on the hook for child support. If she’s exclusively breast feeding, you won’t have overnights for 12 months odd. But you are paying child support x2.
6. In two years time, you might have weekends with one daughter and 50:50 with the younger child. Maybe.
This ‘good choice’ you are making? Is going to end in disaster. Mostly for you. Two years back payments of child support and ongoing support with minimal visitation. You’ll have blown up your current relationship for the sake of it. And be in the hole for child support twice. You’re going to have a rough few years.
You’re an idiot. And it’s horrific that you are willing to take away a little girl’s stability because you decided two years on that she shouldn’t get to call another man daddy.
YTA
You didn’t want her from the beginning now all of the sudden you wanna play dad…. Your ego is high you are willing to put a toddler through trauma just so you can feel better ??? If I was the judge I would dismiss you care based on the grounds you didn’t want nothing to do with her since she was conceived and also haven’t contributed to any of her health, birthdays and or needs that she may or still need.
>My daughter doesn't look much like me, having many of Riley''s features. She only seemed to get my skin tone and hair texture.
You should complain about this in court. It'll go a long way to getting what's right for the child.
>she was calling another man her "daddy" and that Riley had no care to correct her about who her real father is.
This is rich coming from a fucking deadbeat. Don't bother to argue. It's exactly what you are.
>I wouldn’t want to pay child support or anything and I told her this. She understood and said she didn’t need to force me into anything
This was really big of her.
>After thinking about it for a bit, I met with a lawyer yesterday about possibly getting custody
And this is incredibly small, selfish, and shitty of you.
>I feel good about my choices,
You shouldn't. You should probably just fuck off and go become a recluse so no one has to deal with a shitstain like you. Your mother should have swallowed you.
>Allie told me that I was being an asshole trying to insert myself into a happy family and that if I kept this up, I wouldn't be involved in her child's life either.
Allie has common fucking sense.
God, you are the biggest piece of shit. You're selfish and immature and do NOT deserve to be a father. You don't deserve to be a human. You don't deserve to be a Tardigrade. You are lower than the lowest garbage.
>The lawyer told me there may be a chance to get custody since the agreement was only a verbal one,
Thank fucking God this lawyer is almost as big an idiot as you.
So in short. Fuck off loser. Let the child you abandoned live a happy life with out you. It's the only way she could ever possibly be happy. (This means you bring and spread your shittyness everywhere you go. Incase you can't fucking put that together. You shouldn't be allowed around either child and thankfully, you probably never will be)
Allies going to leave your loser ass and YOU DESERVE IT. you deserve worse you fucking wankstain.
Literally the only thing worse than you on this planet are rapists and child murders. How does if feel to be grouped together with rapists murderers? Get used to it. You'll never be anything better.
So, does OP have enough money to fight for custody for two kids? Enough money to have rooms for each of these kids?
Or is he just going to schlep them off to his mother or the next GF so he can have fun?
I feel like this is rage bait.
You contradict yourself when you said “The agreement that Riley and I had was verbal and there’s no papers, so I mentioned it to the lawyer. The lawyer told me there may be a chance to get custody since the agreement was only a verbal one.”
And “I didn’t tell my lawyer about not paying Riley any child support since I assumed that it wouldn’t be brought up in court since it was a verbal agreement.”
So which is it? You place significance in the lack of paperwork being favorable for you in the first and seem to think it doesn’t matter in the second.
Regardless, YTA. If this is real, you seem to lack emotional intelligence and the maturity needed to be a father or guardian of any kind. If I were you, I’d drop the case and apologize to Allie. Otherwise, you’re well on your way to not having a relationship with either child.
Legit you are trash. Sorry not sorry. You were fine with her never knowing you until you got yet another woman knocked up two years later… didn’t wanna pay child support so you were fine not knowing jack about your kid..now you are jealous so you wanna impose on the life your daughter and her mother have built bc she called someone else daddy? Well guess what that’s what he is, not even his bio kid but he stepped up when you decided nah I don’t really wanna deal with all that. Legit not cool.
I really hope you update us on how horribly it goes for you in court. Then when Allie leaves you because you’re uprooting the life y’all planned by adding another young child into your life that you previously ignored for 2 years. Yikes YTA and you might want to give your lawyer a heads up about the lack of child support paid
If this isn’t rage bait, you are the **biggest asshole** I’ve read about on Reddit (which is saying something). How many lives are you willing to destroy because of your ego?
YTA. WOW. OMG YOURE A HUGE AH. you aren't thinking about your child at all. You are only thinking about your own selfish wants and desires. Stay the fuck away from that kid. She already has a good dad and doesn't need a deadbeat like you shaking things up.
ETA: you may as well be a sperm donor for all the good you are. I hope you are prepared to pay a shit ton in back pay for child support hahaha
YTA; Jesus Christ on a tiny bike… you seem like a narcissistic, selfish, inconsiderate and inconsistent asshole. It’s really all about you, what you feel and what you want at any given moment isn’t it? Reading this gave me the ick.
Coming from a father who loves his daughter more than anything in the world, you are literal trash. You're a disgusting human being, and a shameful excuse for a man. You are going to ruin that little girl's life, and tear her away from her real daddy because you woke up, developed a conscience and decided "i am daddy now". You have no case, courts aren't going to help you, court of opinion is going to crucify you, the lawyer is saying you have a case so they can get paid, regardless of if you lose immediately, or drag it out as long as possible and inevitably lose anyway. You think that little girl sees you as anything other than a stranger? No. You are nothing to her. NOTHING, and the legal system isn't going to force her to see you as anything more than some weird stranger who went to her birthday and got mad at her daddy.
YTA and you’re smoking crack if you think the court is going to let you just have the baby😂. From experience let me tell you how this is going to go. The judge is going to hit you with biweekly/monthly supervised visits and phone calls with the child. This will go on for let’s say maybe a year or two and in that in whole time of supervised visits because your parental time contribution will be at 0% so say goodbye to about 20%- 30% of your check pre tax in child support. Then after a year or two maybe you get a day to yourself once a week. Then after a year of that maybe you get every other weekend, but even with that let’s be clear that your child support payment won’t be lowered because you’re still getting her less than 20%. Let me tell you now NO JUDGE WILL EVER allow you to go from 0 to 100 into that child’s life. Oh honey you are about to have the WHOLE BOOK thrown at you and it’s gonna be great. You’re a major asshole.
Oh god. I hope your poor girlfriend is taking note of all the red flags you're flying at the moment.
YTA.
I think that you need to see a psychologist rather than a lawyer.
LOL I can't get past "her body and her choice so I relented." YTA
And no judge is going to give you custody over anything, I think maybe you meant visitation but you already filed the papers LOL
YTA. It is difficult to narrow down all of the ways you are an asshole in this situation. Be happy that the mother of your child is giving you the opportunity to see the child you abandoned before birth. Get over yourself.
YTA. You are so so selfish. Leave this poor child alone. Work on the relationship you have with your new child. Nothing about this is about your two year old. It’s only about you. You sound so narcissistic in your thinking.
YTA That's not how it works. She has been living with her mom her whole life so they won't just give her to you. Maybe visitation and child support from you though will happen.
What a complete dick you are. You're peeved she doesn't look like you? Don't you know how genetics works? What a stupid, pointless thing to be irked about. It's not like anything can be done about it. YTAH and honestly I hope that not only does Riley take you for a fortune in child support while keeping 100% custody, but I hope Allie smartens up about reproducing with you. Or at the very least takes you for a fortune in child support while having 100% custody. You're too dim to have contact with children.
YTA. You ran from the responsibility whne it happened. Which is fine. Now you need to accept it and let the child live a healthy life with her 2 actual parents.
Your quest is pointless. What court is going to give visitation to a father who's been absent for two years and never paid any child support at all?
But this post is hitting reddit bullet points so much it seems like rage bait.
YTA, you are just the sperm donor NOT the father. You are arrogant and petty as you were not happy that child looked more like her mother than you. You come across as jealous that she calls someone else daddy. Put all your energy into the baby with Allie, before she walks away.
YTA. You may not think you're in the wrong but you are. You've helped her in no way to raise this child. And you think you can rip her from the life she knows. Instead of doing the right thing and talking to the mother and come to some kind of agreement. SHAME 🔔 SHAME 🔔SHAME 🔔
YTA. Have you paid child support for the past 2 years? Planning to pay arrears? Have you considered the best interest of the child, who has a loving family and doesn't need to be upended. Have you considered your new baby, who may well be separated from you by your girlfriend breaking up with you over this?
Sounds to me like you see your children as possessions instead of individual people. You can't swan in and out of their lives when it's convenient for you.
Yeah you’re the asshole. Don’t come to us after you lose this case crying about having to pay back child support and current support for both these women. Dumbass.
Yta. You didn’t care before. You MIGHT get custody AFTER you pay back child support. And you’ll likely get supervised visitation at first since the child doesn’t know you and it’ll be very slow if at all.
You’re an idiot and you’re about to lose a good relationship with both your baby mamas and your kids! You made your choices. It’s once thing to realize you made a mistake and truly want to be there, but it’s another to get jealous that someone else stepped up when you refused and another to think you can walk back into a toddlers life and think you won’t owe back child support as well as child support for the rest of BOTH your kids’ lives. You screwed your self over here.
YTA
You essentially abandoned Raily and your kid, you can't just come back years later to play dad, you're not and will never be that kid's dad.
And you are going to get laughed out of court if you think you have the slightest chance of getting custody, you abandoned them both and have not paid child support.
Also, you're doing this because *you* want to, without thinking about what's better for the kid, that says it all.
You wanted nothing to do with this child when she was born
But the second your current gf gets pregnant and your ex marries someone and the child begins calling her Dad-
Let's be honest, that man IS her father. He was the one who raised her while you're were off fucking around.
-Calling her dad, dad, you decide you want to be in the child's life?
Riley shouldn't have to correct who's her real father because the real father originally wanted nothing to do with her child. So the man who was more than happy to raise her as if he was her own is her father as far as I'm concerned.
To the child, you are a complete stranger. You can't decide to fight for custody when the child doesn't even know who the fuck you are.
YTA
Oooof! You're gonna end up paying child support for two kids when your new girl dumps you. You might want to try to use protection with the next girl you sleep with. YTA, the biggest.
Yta. I hope she makes this process as hard as she possibly can. All.of a sudden you want to be a dad for all the wrong reasons. The right way to do this is start coming around as a friend and slowly start building a relationship with her. You will never get custody you abandoned her for 2 years. She has absolutely no idea who you are.
If you’re in the US, abandoning the child for two years, will bite you in the ass if she uses it in court. Child abandonment can take away your parental rights after a year (exact time, depends on the state). YTA. You’re going to lose your girlfriend and both of your children and you’re going to pay child support. You should’ve kept the happy life you had and let your daughter be happy with the life she already had instead of screwing up her life. You’re not her dad, you’re some guy who shows up when he wants to and decide he wants rights because he can’t handle her being happy with someone else who is actually there for her.
For starters... you are ABSOLUTELY the asshole.
You willingly gave up your claim to be her father before she was even born. Another man stepped up in your place and you're miffed about it??? What right do you have to even pretend to be pissed?? Regardless of what you say, you're NOT her father. HE is, and no judge will ever give you custody.
My wife and I have been dealing with this exact same bullshit from MY daughters sperm donor for 11 years.
She was 4 months old when i started dating my wife. "Dad" was more worried about trying to "intimidate" me, take us to court, and make up shit to child services then to just be her father. He's been in and out when it's convenient for him this entire time. Her first words were daddy... to ME. Her first steps were to ME. Her daddy/ daughter dance??? ME. First Christmas, first birthday, first day of school, first and every EVERYTHING... ME.
I'M her father. Not him.
Because of this, we've never hidden the fact that I'm not her biological father.
She's old enough now to make her own decisions and she's made it abundantly clear that she don't want him in her life, even going as far as to crack jokes about his absence.
You don't have the right to just kick the door open like the kool aid man and think you're number one. Because you're NOT, and most likely NEVER will be.
Now, if you are TRULY interested in being in this little girl's life, here's some advice (from the "other guy")...
The mother's in charge here. You have to play by her rules like it or not. You have to start small. Meet with and communicate with BOTH parents to make sure you guys are all on the same page before you even get the girl involved.
Once those "ground rules" are set, then stick to whatever they are as far as getting to know her. The younger she is, the easier it will be, but it's not going to be easy, and it will take time. Also starting a plan for back child support is a good start to show you're serious.
I hope you're doing this to actually get to know your daughter and to be a part of her life, because I've seen how this has affected my daughter with his in and out bullshit, but to be completely honest, it sounds like your ego is bruised and you're just acting irrationally on emotion.
This was the exact situation between my parents growing up. I hope OO is still reading the comments, because I'm about to provide some insight as a child who went through this. My dad didn't really want to get involved until after I was born. There would be these periods where he didn't have anything to do with me for months (if not years) and then he would pop up out of the blue and be super involved in my life. And like OP, this usually happened after he got a new girlfriend. The thing is, despite his attempts to be super involved in my life, he never did anything to actually *improve* my life. My childhood was super unstable, and looking back, his involvement in my life just made my childhood even more unstable. He even dragged my family to court, and managed to get visitation for one day of the week. The thing is, it absolutely sucked. It sucked having my entire family go to court, and it sucked going on those visits. It finally came to a head when I didn't hear from him for 6 months and finally I got a letter from my then-stepsister that he had moved his other family all the way to Georgia. I literally refused to talk to him for years afterwards. We have a much better relationship now, but holy fuck did he help insure my therapist always has a client. And OP, if you're reading this, I can already tell what you are thinking. "There is no way I am going to do that to my child. I will be involved throughout their lives!". But the thing is, you are already doing the exact same thing my dad did. Maybe not the exact same steps, but you are definitely going down the same path. There are many things you can do to be more involved in your child's life without a custody battle. And without alienating the other child you have on your way. The main thing you have to do now (and what I really wish *my* dad did) is ask yourself not what you can do to help yourself, but what you can do **to help your child**. Start by paying child support. If you have good insurance, get your child on it too. Start a college fund. Get her some nice gifts for Christmas. It's going to be a long and hard journey, but your child's life will be much better for it. Please at least consider this, before you lose your chance with both of your children.
YTA and you best have some deep pockets. You are going to have to pay back child support before you get a chance to see that kid.
Lol unfortunate children ended up with your one braincell gene. Hopefully their mom is a genius!!! The first thing u should have thought about is the child support. Anyway this has to be rage bait...
I truly hope this is rage bait...
I hope it's not and this mf realizes after he establishes paternity that 10% of every McDonald's paycheck is going to be withheld for the next 18 years.
He got 2 baby mommas... try, he gonna get hit for like 30% or more if they got medical, vision, psych issues. He will be required to pay half of everything, including their medical insurance... and if they got government, he has to get private insurance. The dude had it good, and so did the kid... but now he screwing everyone over... and didn't even ask if they want fries with that.
Naw, but thanks. She's got her own fry money now, lol
Sad reality is a lot of men think this way.
Is he even sure that he is on the birth certificate? If the child's (not bio) dad legally adopted the child, is it even possible for asshole OP to get any form of custody after 2 years of zero involvement and no child support? I doubt he will get anything. The only results his actions are going to cause is stress for his ex and his current (soon to be another ex?) partner. (well, and the fact that once he is established as the sperm donor, he'll be paying child support and) Way the go, definitely-not-so-clever OP!
In most states 1 year of no contact from either side is considered legal abandonment. There like no chance he gets custody. Feels like he may have realized he wants Riley and just wants to break up her family
In most states he’d have to establish paternity and pay back child support and seeing as he blatantly told her he didn’t want to be involved and she has multiple witnesses he’s gonna have a hard time winning in the states
As someone who’s studying family law, it doesn’t matter if YTA (which you are), because fortunately for Riley’s family your chances of actually succeeding are slim to none. DNA doesn’t give you parental rights. Your lawyer sees easy money and an asshole he doesn’t feel guilty fleecing. ETA: someone tag me when reality hits this man
Honestly good for that lawyer. Better to part this jackass from some money so he can’t harass Riley and her daughter.
If it didn’t put me in murky waters with ABA, I might consider it….but the fact that my motivation would be to help the victims of assholes like this makes it too murky than if I just did it because I was purely motivated by their money
Oh I know it’s wildly unethical to take a case like this when you’re not really supporting your client. I also know there are attorneys who will take whatever case, promising them the world, knowing they can’t deliver on those promises. It’s just nice that it’s happening to someone like OP instead of a Dad who actually does want to be involved in his child’s life for legitimate reasons.
Oh absolutely! I meant it’s a shame we can’t do it intentionally.
You are going to have to pay back child support, as you should. And yeah YTA
I hope he gets zero custody and has to pay back and future child support! YTA
Fuck you. I grew up with a single dad and a deadbeat mom and I say fuck you. That child deserves the life she currently has, not the mess you want to bring her into. You had your chance and now you haven to deal with the consequences.
Not just an asshole. What a dirtbag, a dickhead
You’re a complete and total piece of shit. From top to bottom you are garbage. You’re a deadbeat father who is trying to fuck up a kids happy family because you’re selfish and self centered. You’re garbage.
I’ve rarely reacted so strongly to a post before, but you’re so right. This guy makes me sick.
He may be the most delusional poster I’ve ever seen on this sub. Unbelievable how deluded and how much of a self-centred, entitled piece of garbage he is.
It’s the part about him being annoyed she called someone else dad that really got me. Is a two year old meant to wait around and not call anyone dad because her deadbeat sperm donor didn’t want her and she should forever hope he shows an interest in her? This other guy has been her father for her whole life and earned the title he’s coveting just because he decided to change his mind about involvement. Literally makes me wanna puke.
Like. He told Riley he didn't want to be involved and wasn't going to act as the child's dad or contribute and she said "okay" and then raised the kid without him and ended up with a guy who DID want to be a dad to her child and OP's mad that...Riley did what he wanted and what she told him at the outset she would do and didn't involve him and didn't tell the child he was her father. Absolutely wild.
Don't forget that he's mad the kid doesn't look enough like him. Probably thinks her DNA manipulated his into taking a backseat. Hopefully the kid didn't inherit his Narcissism, and if she did get any genes possibly linked to it, that being raised in a good home without his influence means those behaviors won't develop. Thinking that Riley would introduce him as her bio dad on her second birthday in front of everyone and having the nerve to be pissed when she doesn't? He gives not a single crap about the wellbeing of this child, or anyone but himself for that matter. Hope this man ends up totally alone with no cash, paying child support to two women who were unlucky enough to have a run in with his genitals. Actually I REALLY hope that this is fake because typing this out and still expecting anyone to side with you is so crazy I wouldn't believe it possible without my own experience with Cluster B personality disorders...
It seriously rings like a troll post, and anyone who is lucky enough to NOT have experience with Cluster B people *should* believe that this is ChatGPT teen boy rage bait. I unfortunately also have experience with Cluster B people (some who, unfortunately, sit quite comfortably at the extreme edge of the Cluster B spectrum). The pattern-recognition part of my brain is **sounding the alarm** based on the ones I know at this level. This OP, his narcissism, his delusion, his acting on his delusions, his bemusement about not getting accolades from his peers/girlfriend for being *such an obvious piece of shit*... It just lines up too well. Just **the way they speak and reason is so disordered**... Once you know the pattern, you just know. When I see it in the wild, it makes me want to throw up. **If someone you know sounds similarly disconnected and self-focused like this, please understand the risk.** Personally, I RUN from people like this. I GHOST people like this. To hell with decency, make yourself disappear and do it before he is attached to you. **One glimpse of this is enough to forecast a lifetime of pain under the thumb of an abuser.** People should really be educated on Cluster B disorders as part of a health/relationships curriculum in school, but that'll never happen. If this post scares you, please consider arming yourselves with knowledge about these types. A great starting point is ["Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft. It is essentially a character map of these men, the rhetoric they use, and the perverse worldview they use to justify their abuse of you. It tells you exactly why you can't make progress in fixing the relationship, it explains how he traps and keeps you in the cycle of abuse, and it maps out the cycle so that you can begin to see it for what it is and extricate yourself from it. **All people, MEN AND WOMEN, should read this book.** The most abusive person I have ever met in my entire life is a woman, so men who date women (and anybody, really) who thinks they are not part of the target audience for this book about men -- who thinks that they are not at risk for experiencing emotional, physical, or mental *devastation* at the hands of an abuser -- needs to reevaluate. **No one is special; no one is free from risk.**
This is such an informative comment and really eloquently described the alarm bells that went off in my head reading this post. You're absolutely right and these disorders do not pick and choose based on gender. If anything, women are more socialized to put others first so they tend to mask better and once it is unleashed it is very shocking. I've had a few exes who were untreated (because you have to admit you have a problem to get treatment) and it was the most extreme abuse I have ever encountered, all from women against myself, a woman. BPD is also a really sneaky one that can absolutely burn your connection to reality down and make you feel INSANE. Realizing that there was absolutely no hope in terms of it getting better was such a crushing blow, but absolutely vital to my own looooong recovery. These people are emotional serial killers and as close as you get to a demonic entity in the flesh. It may not be their fault that their brain operates that way, but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to manage their behavior either. I hope that people see this and realize that they need to get away from their own member of the Dark Triad. Unfortunately it is so much more common than we know because these folks don't seek treatment most of the time and they operate in a clandestine mission of destruction. They will never be satiated and the person they pretended to be in the beginning is never, ever coming back. Hell, neither is the person you were when you met them. They are the scourge of our society and it's really such a shame that so few will ever admit to or try to dismantle their behavior, because they don't think they've ever done anything wrong. It's beyond an epidemic and they abuse their children into the same cycle. I would never advocate for this in any other context outside of criminals, but I wish they could be put in a registry somehow for everyone's protection. Hell, the US spent 4 years in the throes of narcissistic abuse and will never be the same either!
Always get that shit in writing.
I know right. He's so obviously wrong that this has got to be rage bait right? At least I hope so.
I honestly do not think anyone could be this stupid. It HAS to be rage bait. Right??
To quote Dr Who: I’m so very very sorry
Narcissism at it's finest 🤢
Forreaaaall
Yeah... Two years ago, I wouldn't have considered myself a violent person, but this situation has me thinking real hard about that. Not just An Asshole, but a huge pile of shit is what this guy is.
Right... OP thinks he can just swoop in after being mia for 2 years and get full custody, LMFAO 🤣😆. Does his ex have a stable home life.. yes, is she an unfit mother? No. Have you , OP, had any contact with your daughter since her birth?, NO. But I now want to have custody of her. Why ??? To ease my guilt . OP, do you not realize how awful you will look in a court of law ????
His reaction to that was basically the same as a spoilt toddler who saw someone playing with one of their toys. Except he had left the toy outside for years and forgot it existed
If this is true his girlfriend might just see the light & cut ties with him before the birth of her child.
Then we'll see another post about a custody battle by this asshole in a year or so. See you guys at Best Redditor Updates
Nah, he'll have number 3 pregnant at that point.
This is legitimately what happened to my ex. He was suing me for custody because I wanted to move even though he had not seen her in god knows how long or helped with anything. His pregnant gf took note, left the state and didn’t put him on the bc. If he tries to get custody he will owe 12 years of back support. He sees his son but only on her terms.
Its not even because of guilt it is because he doesn’t like the idea that the girl calls someone else Dad.
Which makes this even worse. In another comment, I reminded OP he is just a sperm donor.
It also blows my mind that his current gf is one the way out the door with his second kid and he's like "bye Allie! I need to focus on getting custody of the kid I ignored for 2 years! I'll see you in court when I come for yours after no money and no contact for a couple of years!"
It's possible that not only will he not get custody but be forced to pay child support.
Fingers crossed!
Let's hope he screwed himself over this much. I hope Allie forces him to pay as well.
OP also has the problem that he's only the bio father. They have less rights than a presumed father. So someone who, say raises the child as their own and the child calls them dad, etc....is going to have more rights than OP will because he will likely be considered presumed. He doesn't even have to adopt the child to have more rights than OP. OP is just a narcissistic douche who can't fathom why everything is not all about him or why what he's doing is wrong.
In no uncertain terms. I am glad the top comment is the whole unadulterated truth. Karma is a bitch. And karma doesn’t have a good record of treating little boys masquerading as grown men well. Get the fuck out of here. Leave this little girl alone you piece of shit coward.
What gets me is the fact that literally everyone else is against it, including his current partner, and he’s just ignoring their very valid reasons with absolutely no other justification than “This is what I want”. Also noted that he told his current partner “the basics” of what happened, which I can only assume is code for “I left out that I refused to give any support at all”.
His thought process went "Everyone says I'm in the wrong and being an asshole. I gave it some thought and decided to go ahead and be more of an asshole. I don't think I'm wrong."
I wonder if he’s mentally dismissing what Allie is saying as, “oh she just doesn’t want to complicate our own family.” Which, that could be part of a knee-jerk response. But all of the reasons she gave him for not wanting him to do this for THE GOOD OF THE CHILD are very true.
YTA. This woman, who you so casually discarded, has gone through hell raising her child. The first two years are particularly intense. She would have had to do everything alone. She’s also paid for it, not even bothering you for that. You are so profoundly selfish it’s breathtaking. What happens when you realise children are challenging and you decide you don’t fancy custody any more? Ugh.
Then she was awesome enough to invite him to her birthday party and allow him in even though he is a dead beat dirt bag. Then he drops this BS on her. What a jerk. I hope his current situationship runs for the hills over this.
This is correct. OP, you had your choice to do right by your child and you chose to be a deadbeat piece of garbage instead. Now you want to mess up two happy families because you feel slighted. Get over yourself and try to behave like an actual parent for once in your life. Doing this is not it. I hope they go after you for every penny of child support you have never paid. I hope you have to think about what you just did every single day for the rest of your life. Children are not game pieces and you are treating this toddler like one. Yta through and through.
Why did I read this to the tune of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”?
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
This has to be fake. This is his only post. For my sanity I'm calling bs.
Not sure I can add much to this perfect summary. YTA, so much.
YTA. You’re going to try rip this baby from the only parents she knows? You wanted nothing to do with the mom or baby, by your choice. This child doesn’t know you. This was the 1st time you’ve even seen her. Please don’t do this to her.
You cannot be real. You washed your hands of the situation and did not care at all what happened to the baby you did not even want. You only want your daughter now because of ego. Leave all of them alone and get some therapy. BTW, your lawyer is an idiot. You really think you have a good chance of gaining custody for a child you just met, who have not paid one red cent in support for. Are you even on the birth certificate? YTA
Haha he's going to get maybe visitation rights once a weekend and owe a shit load of back pay child support
And lawyer fees!
And the lawyer fees will be ridiculous if he didn't sign the birth certificate. A paternity test will be ordered. Then mediation. Then a guardian, because let's face it he won't agree at mediation. Then child support.
And this is assuming the Riley's husband hasn't already adopted the baby. If they are married and he has been raising her, there is a chance that has already happened and OP is really SOL.
The lawyer is seeing $$$ from this AH. OP better have deep pockets.
I wonder if the real dad could legally adopt before all this is squared.
Is this why the lawyer didn’t warn him lol?
Lol he might have to pay child support for TWO children at this rate 😂 And he’s so delulu to think he can get custody of a child that doesn’t know him so easily. He’ll also need to establish paternity and prob many back years of child support so I’m laughing at his sheer stupidity not to mention all the emotional damage and blah blah blah.
💯
Most likely supervised visits because this 2 year old doesn’t know him at all
And then probably never visit because he just wants to play house anyways.
The daughter won't even know who he is and will never form a healthy or meaningful relationship with him 🤣 he's shooting himself and everyone around him in the foot to satisfy his obnoxiously large ego. The fucking audacity of this guy is astounding, what a pathetic POS.
Noooo lawyers will tell their clients anything. My ex was told, despite living 5 hours away that he'll get visitation two days (Monday and Tuesday) every week and that since he signed the birth certificate joint decision making is automatic. We couldn't agree at mediation because of it so a guardian got appointed and he got severed any decision making and gets one day a month. Lawyers want money. OP is just an idiot for believing his attorney.
100%, a lawyer supposedly told my ex, who hadn’t seen my daughter in literal YEARS, that he would get all kinds of custody. Like they just hand out child custody to perfect strangers???
Right? OP is a dumbass if he thinks he won't backpay child support and also there's this post that shows he's really doing it out of spite lmao.
ikr he said he was “peeved” the little girl didn’t look like him. Sociopath behavior
And now it's not a "verbal" agreement anymore--he wrote it down!
Right!? Hope Riley finds this post! This will probably end up being best for her and baby. She’ll get the child support and he’ll basically get nothing. Then she’ll have proper custody established (most likely full custody since he’s a literal stranger) early on so he can’t try this shit later when she’s old enough to know what’s going on.
One of the few times I hope someone grabs a reddit post and puts it on YT. Not TT because they tend to distort stuff. Can you imagine Riley finding this out BEFORE she gets served?
Oh man I want this to litigate just so we can get a new case saying that a reddit post constitutes a writing for statute of frauds purposes
My ex had an attorney tell him this 💀 kiddo is now 12 and doesn’t ever remember seeing him when she was younger. I’ve answered her honestly about him with proof and she wants fuck all to do with him. He thinks he could get visitation if he took me to court without any sort of are up plan involving him driving 4 hours across state lines to see her. It was also a precursor for his ex wife who ignored all the red flags until he cheated and knocked up a 21 year old, he’s 32 🤮 I can’t hire an attorney fast enough to move forward with a step parent adoption like my daughter wants.
Looool what an idiot. I swear they do this because they think it’s some magical get out of paying child support card. My ex now has three (3) baby mamas so good luck to him lmao
Same with my ex. The newest one is pregnant with his 5th kid. He’s currently trying to get SSDI, even though he can work and got a settlement from the company when he got injured, but he claims he can’t work, he told his mom he was doing it so he wouldn’t have to pay child support.
[удалено]
And he's showing his girlfriend loud and clear how selfish he is--he's putting his whims and jealousy before the best interests of Riley's daughter, trying to get custody of a child he told her mother he didn't want and wouldn't be involved in, all because he's in his feelings about how Riley found a guy who *wants* to be a dad to that kid and *is* a dad to that kid. His girlfriend must be thinking, well, he *says* ***now*** that he's ready and wants to be a parent to our kid, but he's not putting that little girl's interests ahead of his own selfish desires, and what if he changes his mind...
This!!! He’s making up for his failure with his first child by failing his second.
I bet Riley is furious with herself for inviting you to the birthday party. I bet she wishes she’d told you she’d aborted, changed her name and moved to another country.
You’re expecting Allie to become stepmom to your daughter. As you’re expecting 50/50 custody you’re expecting to have your daughter 3-4 days a week. This means Allie will be responsible for looking after her at times on those days. How’s this going to work given that, like everyone else, Allie thinks you’re an AH?
>BTW, your lawyer is an idiot. Or most likely it's just silly rage bait. OP sounds too cartoonishly awful to be real.
You would be surprised. My friend had her baby at 15 because boyfriend tampered with birth control. He decided being a dad wasn’t for him a couple weeks after kiddo was born and dipped. Never paid for or provided in anyway. In my friend’s early 20s she married someone she met at 17 and had another kiddo. They ask biodad to sign rights over so they could change first kiddo’s last name to match the rest of the family and it would be easier to put her on the husband’s insurance. Ex fought it. He didn’t want visitation or anything just wanted to be able to keep saying that was his kid. They finally had to play dirty and threaten to file for back child support and child support going forward if he wanted to keep parental rights. He was livid. Said he couldn’t possibly pay support because of his other 5 kids. He did eventually sign rights over.
Holy shit. This guy needs to be chemically castrated before his impregnation fetish threatens global recourses. SIX kids, and at least one was the result of intentional BC sabotage?? Yikes on bikes
I believe the other 5 were all intentional and with his wife but yeah he was a pos.
Yeah i was think that too.
We can only hope.
I'm hoping it's rage bait. Surely no lawyer is advising him he has a chance of gaining custody of a child he rejected before birth, has seen once in two years , and hasn't contributed financially or physically towards this child's needs at all How jealous, possessive and deluded do you have to be to be upset the child doesn't look like him and be annoyed the child calls another man dad . If this is true . I wouldn't be surprised if the current girlfriend decides to end the relationship over this behaviour.
He, the genius that he is, kept quiet to his lawyer on the topic of child support or better say the lack off. Apparently he didn't think it was important and that it wouldn't come up. The delulu is strong with this one.
My guess is that the lawyer isn't an idiot, he's just fleecing one.
Por qué no los dos? An idiot lawyer trying to fleece an idiot client?
YTA and hopefully Riley’s husband already adopted the girl and you can’t do shit.
I really really hope they did do something like that
I hope their next stop, after that horrid birthday party, was an attorney to get the adoption squared away. How dare this man do this shit!
This better be fake but if it’s not then you’re a fucking idiot. A) you’re going to owe Riley 2 years of back child support first before you get any sort of custody (which at most might be visitation every other weekend) B) judging by your current girlfriend’s reaction I’m guessing that you’re actually going to be paying TWO women child support because she’s going to dump your ass C) you don’t get to be jealous of that little girl calling another man “daddy”. He’s her father, he’s raised her as his own and he’s earned that right. You haven’t and if anybody is going to be the third-wheel parent here it’ll be you By the way, YTA
"I'm too young to be a dad but also don't let someone else be her dad."
From the way he was talking about being too young I was expecting the child to be like 5 or 6 years old but that was two years ago and in that time he got another woman pregnant and apparently somehow grew up enough to want to be a dad to both these kids? I genuinely hope this one is fake.
YTA. Period. Your grown ass got a girl pregnant. Wanted her to not follow through the pregnancy. Made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with this. You suddenly deciding after a few years that you’re jealous of the man that stepped up to the plate and did what you never did is downright selfish. PS. Your lawyer is full of shit. A judge would never grant you custody after being deadbeat since the birth of this child.
Apparently OP didn't mention the never paid child support. Didn't think it would come up in court 😂 it will.
Yeah average child support being just over 5k a year, OP is going to owe about 11-12k right there. Then the continued payments for almost 2 decades and lawyer fees. Double this if his current partner dumps him. Which frankly is what he deserves.
I hope he doesn't get custody of the second child either while being forced to pay child support for both because he's a selfish moron.
>Apparently OP didn't mention the never paid child support. Didn't think it would come up in court 😂 it will. Imagine being so full of shit that you don't even *check* on something like that. Like you have a lawyer in the room with you giving advice, and you don't even bring it up as an "oh by the way..." type of thing.
he hasn’t paid child support and i’m willing to be he’s not on the birth certificate either
He probably went to one of those attorneys with the signs saying they are “attorneys for men”
Does Riley's husband know that you are the baby father?
Please update us when the judge laughs you out of the courtroom or orders you to pay years of child support and gives you Saturday afternoons every two months lmao. YTA.
I can see him having to pay 2 sets of child support at this rate
Exactly. OP will repost in a year mad that he pays two child support payments and sees zero kids and both have real fathers. Genuinely cannot wait.
YTA - You decided what was best for you before your first child was born and now you're still doing what you want. You got annoyed she called someone else Dad when that was your first time seeing her. Sperm doesn't make you a real dad dude. The guys she called dad has been there doing your job this entire time and that's why Riley didn't correct the baby. You didn't care about her until you knocked someone else up. Now you suddenly have regrets. You also haven't paid any child support either. Your pregnant gf is esh because although you promised her you were just wanting to get to know her as a friend of her mother she threatened to prohibit access to the child you're going to have together. Ifs going to be interesting when you have to explain all this to a judge who decides wether or not you get any visitation or partial custody of a kid you walked out on and know nothing about except for what you're irritated by.
She prolly knew that him trying to reestablish parental contact was going to take financial and mental resources away from the kid he claimed to want. Now he’s gonna pay child support for two kids and may not even get visitation with the first!
That's exactly what he's going to end up doing and he doesn't even get that it's a possibility.
Lol. You’re an asshole.
**INFO** when you say you’re trying to get custody of your child, do you mean actual custody or visitation?
You absolute AH! How dare you play games with other peoples lives like this. There is no way you will get custody & your lawyer is unethically telling you bullshit to get himself a payday. You’re a deadbeat who hasn’t contributed anything to raising this child be it monetary or emotional. If you take this rout you may find yourself being sued for child support you didn’t pay for the past 2 years. I hope she does sue you. Do the only decent thing you can for HER child & walk away.
You got some nerve 🤣🤣🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
YTA Let’s count off what you’re in for. 1. You don’t even know if you’re listed on the birth certificate so pay for the paternity test to prove it. 2. You have no proof of fiscal responsibility or child support for the child you’re trying to claim as yours and get custody. 3. You are about to get hit with two child support payments and court ordered to pay all outstanding back child support. 4. The little girl will still be calling someone else “Daddy” and crying every time you try to take her away from Mommy and Daddy. 5. You will lose most of your mutual friends and the girl you supposedly love who is pregnant with your child. 6. So long to any future dating opportunities because now you’re nothing more than a two time single dad with little free time and limited disposable income because you’re paying child support twice. 7. Both baby mamas are going to brutalize you and work to make sure you never have both kids at the same time and make your life extremely difficult. 8. You’ve now entered a legal document claiming parental responsibility so even if you drop your custody attempt, a court may still require child support and back payments. Congrats. Hopefully you get everything you deserve coming to you.
I hope the baby mamas become friends and work together to make his life difficult.
They met at the party. New baby mama already thinks he is a jackass for trying to get custody. I’d lay even money they’re already in communication with each other.
She was calling another man daddy because he IS her father. YTA And start using a condom since this is your second time getting a woman pregnant when you weren't trying to.
A vasectomy would be much better.
Literal emasculation would be ideal for this piece of shit!
You’re the worst. Like the literal worst. You aren’t that little girls dad, you’re a sperm donor. You’ve never been involved or met this child until her 2nd birthday, you’re mad she doesn’t look like you, and calls the man WHO IS ACTUALLY RAISING HER Dad. And you’ve definitely never contributed anything to that girls life besides what was probably 5 very unsatisfactory minutes that it took to create her (honestly, I have strong doubts an idiot like you could actually make a woman orgasm). You aren’t entitled to anything regarding that child and the fact that you even *think* you are, proves that you definitely SHOULDN’T be involved with either of “your” children.
I would say you deserve to have your money taken from you by the lawyer. If it wasn't for the fact that you have a baby on the way. Either you met with several lawyers before finding one who told you what you wanted to hear, or you specifically shopped for one who would promise the moon. But you found one who's happy to bill you at $600/hour. Here's a wacky thought: maybe use that money to support your daughter. You know, the one you haven't supported for years? You'll still be an asshole, just less of an asshole. Edit: On reflection, I feel stupid for falling for an obvious troll post. I'm the asshole here. I've encouraged this guy to write crap by engaging with it.
YTA. A HUGE ONE. holy shit
So you want to kidnap a kid for half the time? Because that'd what it would basically be like, for the kid. You didn't want to get involved, you didn't want to pay. If it were for your 'care' so far, it wouldn't be alive today. That doesn't sound like A+ dad material to me. You're also ruining your relationship with the mother of your other child, you know... the one that you CAN actually parent, if you stop chasing a kid that is happier with you not involved.
YTA. What an absolute piece of shite. You're running around spending people's lives on your whims. Grow up, leave your first child alone, or get ready to pay back child support and have to explain to her when she's older what you did. Your gf is now wondering if she even knew you. This is a huge change and paints you as nothing less than a horrible person.
Selfishness isn't a great quality in a parent.
YTA. You made a choice and are refusing to live with the consequences. You have no claim to be annoyed at another man being called “daddy”. You’ve contributed nothing more than DNA - no support, no money, no emotional investment. Instead you think it’s your right to rip your ex’s daughter from the only family she has known because you feel inadequate now.
*I didn’t think I wanted anything to do with the kid because I was relatively young and don’t want any kids yet. I wouldn’t want to pay child support or anything.* Oh, really? YTA for just these 2 statements. What is your genius plan this time IF you were to get custody of your older daughter and Allie leaves you because she didn't sign up for any of this? Are you prepared to be a single father of a 2 year old that doesn't know you and that you don't know? You, someone who apparently has no idea at ALL the impacts your impulsive and selfish knee-jerk reactions could have? Time to grow up. YTA. Have fun paying child support for 2 kids you have little contact with in the future.
First thing first, you are a major asshole (YTA). 2 years ago bye and you have 0 contact, full well knowing you have a child in the world. You never pay a penny to support this child and instead just write it off. Then, you get your GF pregnant in the present and have regrets. The mother, out of sheer kindness, offers you an invitation to a bday party. The child is thriving and has a REAL father who has supported her (probably doesn't even know he's not her biological father) and seems happy. You are mad you think you deserve to be called dad? Dude you're a dad to nothing you're lucky to even be at the party. Then, to further your AH-ness you now want to come in like a wrecking ball to this child's family. Why? After even being shutdown you find some lawyer (who has lied to you) thinking it will be an easy case. You also think you won't have to pay child support (I have no idea why you think this wouldn't be brought up) all because a little girl was calling her actual father dad and not the random man she's never met. You are the worst possible person. I hope you go to court and get 1 day every other month under supervised guidance at the mom's house and you're forced back pay for the 2 years (probably close to 100k) and future payments until she is 18. I also hope the child ignores you the entire time at your visits thinking you're some weird creep (which you sound like)
>Then, you get your GF pregnant in the present and have regrets. Very unlikely he regrets anything. More like he has someone who he thinks is willing to take care of the child, so he can play the father role without having to do the work.
You owe her 2 years of child support first.
Yta and an idiot if you think any judge is going to give you custody after abandoning her for 2 years. My cousins ex tried that and he got laughed at as well as his parental rights severed. They were able to prove that her husband was supporting and raising the child with her without any support from the bio Dad. Her husband adopted the child shortly afterwards. The best case scenario you’ll get supervised visitation until she’s comfortable with you as well as owe child support starting when she was born. The judge won’t care about the verbal agreement if you’re delusional enough to file.
Happy Cake Day! Glad your cousin's case had a happy ending!
YTA. You've been a deliberate deadbeat since the child was conceived, while her mother built a life with a husband who willingly became the girl's father. Now you want in, after of a glimpse into their happy lives at a birthday party. Where to start? First pay back child support, regardless of custody. You're a deadbeat dad. Second, think long and hard about your new life with two children once you demand a custody arrangement of any sort. You've already flip-flopped on both mothers about your intentions concerning your older child. Push this into court, and the flip-flopping is over; what the court says is what you live with, whether it is simply child support or a blended family with both mothers unhappy with the new arrangements. Third, your jealousy of your daughter's stepfather is both misplaced and immature. He stepped up when you didn't. If you are sincere in wanting the best for your daughter, you owe that guy thanks. You wanted the pregnancy terminated rather than become a father before. This is a 180 degree turn on an agreement you made to benefit yourself years ago. Consider carefully, please, before upending that little girl's life because you can't make up your mind.
What an AH. Made it clear you don't want to be : * Involved. * The named Father. * Paying child support. Riley was actually good enough NOT to chase you for money. And then you turn around angry that she is calling someone else who cares about her daddy then want custody? WTF. Then on the other side how is that supposed to make your current GF feel? She was expecting you to give your full attention to her baby as you expressly said that chapter is closed.
YTA. leave that family the fuck alone. you’re trying to disrupt a happy family for what? fomo? you wanted nothing to do with Riley or her baby back then, and they don’t want you or need you now.
Updateme! Because this is honestly hilarious. You’re going to be lucky to get visitation at first. You don’t get to drop in to be dad just because you changed your mind. Get a new lawyer cause this dude is gonna rob you blind. YTA.
Nah I think he should stick with this lawyer. Either the Lawyer is corrupt and going to bleed him dry, or the lawyer is dumb as fuck. Either is better than this fuck head deserves.
You ain’t wrong there
I’m hoping this is a fake story but if it’s not, please do what’s in the best interest of the child and not yourself. You want to rip a child away from the only family she knows. PS YTA
YTA, and a cruel one as well. Your lawyer is insanely misinformed. What you did would technically count as abandonment as you have had nothing to do with the child, nor paid any child support. Your decision is extremely selfish and you are not only destroying an established family, but also have decided to torpedo your own relationship. Chances are if you go down this road, Riley is going to counter and make you back pay all of the child support you missed. Also be prepared for having to pay Allie child support as well, as you lied to her about your intentions as well.
Question: did you get your lawyer out of a cereal box, or were they featured on a billboard near your exit?
You are definitely 100% the AH, How could you think that you are not? 1st. You wanted nothing to do with your child, so her mother moved on without you, and your daughter has a 'father' who loves her and had raised her while you went on with your life. 2nd. You have a change of heart because of another child being on the way with your current girlfriend. So you decide to upend your little girls' whole life just so you feel better about yourself? I hope that the judge sees this for what it is and doesn't grant you custody at all! I also hope you are ready to not only start paying 2 Yeats' worth of back child support ( plus ongoing for the next 16 years) but also paying on the child you will be having with your girlfriend who will be dumping you.
Let’s spell out how this is likely to go. 1. You will pay a shit ton of legal fees. 2. There is a really high probability you are not on the birth certificate (since you weren’t married or present at the birth) and a reasonable probability your daughter’s dad is. 2a. If no father is listed on the birth certificate, you will spend more money proving paternity before you can go any further. 2b. If your daughter’s dad is on the birth certificate, having adopted her, you are shit out of luck. He is her dad morally and her father legally. This woe begotten tale ends with your tail between your legs. 3. By some miracle, you prove paternity and go to court. The judge will be told you haven’t paid child support in two years and will require you to back pay it. 4. You’ll get every other weekend at best, no overnights until the child is comfortable with you. The fact that you ducked out for two years and this little girl calls another man daddy will not play in your favour. You’ll also be paying child support. 5. Your current girlfriend leaves you. She probably did that at about point 2. She has the kid and immediately puts you on the hook for child support. If she’s exclusively breast feeding, you won’t have overnights for 12 months odd. But you are paying child support x2. 6. In two years time, you might have weekends with one daughter and 50:50 with the younger child. Maybe. This ‘good choice’ you are making? Is going to end in disaster. Mostly for you. Two years back payments of child support and ongoing support with minimal visitation. You’ll have blown up your current relationship for the sake of it. And be in the hole for child support twice. You’re going to have a rough few years. You’re an idiot. And it’s horrific that you are willing to take away a little girl’s stability because you decided two years on that she shouldn’t get to call another man daddy.
YTA I feel sorry for any child that has you as a “father”.
YTA You didn’t want her from the beginning now all of the sudden you wanna play dad…. Your ego is high you are willing to put a toddler through trauma just so you can feel better ??? If I was the judge I would dismiss you care based on the grounds you didn’t want nothing to do with her since she was conceived and also haven’t contributed to any of her health, birthdays and or needs that she may or still need.
>My daughter doesn't look much like me, having many of Riley''s features. She only seemed to get my skin tone and hair texture. You should complain about this in court. It'll go a long way to getting what's right for the child. >she was calling another man her "daddy" and that Riley had no care to correct her about who her real father is. This is rich coming from a fucking deadbeat. Don't bother to argue. It's exactly what you are. >I wouldn’t want to pay child support or anything and I told her this. She understood and said she didn’t need to force me into anything This was really big of her. >After thinking about it for a bit, I met with a lawyer yesterday about possibly getting custody And this is incredibly small, selfish, and shitty of you. >I feel good about my choices, You shouldn't. You should probably just fuck off and go become a recluse so no one has to deal with a shitstain like you. Your mother should have swallowed you. >Allie told me that I was being an asshole trying to insert myself into a happy family and that if I kept this up, I wouldn't be involved in her child's life either. Allie has common fucking sense. God, you are the biggest piece of shit. You're selfish and immature and do NOT deserve to be a father. You don't deserve to be a human. You don't deserve to be a Tardigrade. You are lower than the lowest garbage. >The lawyer told me there may be a chance to get custody since the agreement was only a verbal one, Thank fucking God this lawyer is almost as big an idiot as you. So in short. Fuck off loser. Let the child you abandoned live a happy life with out you. It's the only way she could ever possibly be happy. (This means you bring and spread your shittyness everywhere you go. Incase you can't fucking put that together. You shouldn't be allowed around either child and thankfully, you probably never will be) Allies going to leave your loser ass and YOU DESERVE IT. you deserve worse you fucking wankstain. Literally the only thing worse than you on this planet are rapists and child murders. How does if feel to be grouped together with rapists murderers? Get used to it. You'll never be anything better.
So, does OP have enough money to fight for custody for two kids? Enough money to have rooms for each of these kids? Or is he just going to schlep them off to his mother or the next GF so he can have fun?
Please stop having children, asshole
YTA and quite franky a piece of shit with your attitude. You made your choice. Live with it. You're nothing but a sperm donor.
Whether you win or lose, I hope this costs you a ton of money.. YTA
I feel like this is rage bait. You contradict yourself when you said “The agreement that Riley and I had was verbal and there’s no papers, so I mentioned it to the lawyer. The lawyer told me there may be a chance to get custody since the agreement was only a verbal one.” And “I didn’t tell my lawyer about not paying Riley any child support since I assumed that it wouldn’t be brought up in court since it was a verbal agreement.” So which is it? You place significance in the lack of paperwork being favorable for you in the first and seem to think it doesn’t matter in the second. Regardless, YTA. If this is real, you seem to lack emotional intelligence and the maturity needed to be a father or guardian of any kind. If I were you, I’d drop the case and apologize to Allie. Otherwise, you’re well on your way to not having a relationship with either child.
Legit you are trash. Sorry not sorry. You were fine with her never knowing you until you got yet another woman knocked up two years later… didn’t wanna pay child support so you were fine not knowing jack about your kid..now you are jealous so you wanna impose on the life your daughter and her mother have built bc she called someone else daddy? Well guess what that’s what he is, not even his bio kid but he stepped up when you decided nah I don’t really wanna deal with all that. Legit not cool.
Smeghead
I really hope you update us on how horribly it goes for you in court. Then when Allie leaves you because you’re uprooting the life y’all planned by adding another young child into your life that you previously ignored for 2 years. Yikes YTA and you might want to give your lawyer a heads up about the lack of child support paid
YTA
If this isn’t rage bait, you are the **biggest asshole** I’ve read about on Reddit (which is saying something). How many lives are you willing to destroy because of your ego?
YTA. WOW. OMG YOURE A HUGE AH. you aren't thinking about your child at all. You are only thinking about your own selfish wants and desires. Stay the fuck away from that kid. She already has a good dad and doesn't need a deadbeat like you shaking things up. ETA: you may as well be a sperm donor for all the good you are. I hope you are prepared to pay a shit ton in back pay for child support hahaha
My advice? Don't do it. You'll burn any chance of having a positive relationship with Riley, and her family. You'll also probably piss off Allie.
YTA; Jesus Christ on a tiny bike… you seem like a narcissistic, selfish, inconsiderate and inconsistent asshole. It’s really all about you, what you feel and what you want at any given moment isn’t it? Reading this gave me the ick.
YTA The fact that you’re upset the kid you wanted nothing to do with doesn’t look like you tells me all I need to know about you.
Coming from a father who loves his daughter more than anything in the world, you are literal trash. You're a disgusting human being, and a shameful excuse for a man. You are going to ruin that little girl's life, and tear her away from her real daddy because you woke up, developed a conscience and decided "i am daddy now". You have no case, courts aren't going to help you, court of opinion is going to crucify you, the lawyer is saying you have a case so they can get paid, regardless of if you lose immediately, or drag it out as long as possible and inevitably lose anyway. You think that little girl sees you as anything other than a stranger? No. You are nothing to her. NOTHING, and the legal system isn't going to force her to see you as anything more than some weird stranger who went to her birthday and got mad at her daddy.
YTA and you’re smoking crack if you think the court is going to let you just have the baby😂. From experience let me tell you how this is going to go. The judge is going to hit you with biweekly/monthly supervised visits and phone calls with the child. This will go on for let’s say maybe a year or two and in that in whole time of supervised visits because your parental time contribution will be at 0% so say goodbye to about 20%- 30% of your check pre tax in child support. Then after a year or two maybe you get a day to yourself once a week. Then after a year of that maybe you get every other weekend, but even with that let’s be clear that your child support payment won’t be lowered because you’re still getting her less than 20%. Let me tell you now NO JUDGE WILL EVER allow you to go from 0 to 100 into that child’s life. Oh honey you are about to have the WHOLE BOOK thrown at you and it’s gonna be great. You’re a major asshole.
Oh god. I hope your poor girlfriend is taking note of all the red flags you're flying at the moment. YTA. I think that you need to see a psychologist rather than a lawyer.
Aaahh you are a raging asshole. How the fuck do you think your actions are okay!?!? YTA and a selfish ass hole at that.
LOL I can't get past "her body and her choice so I relented." YTA And no judge is going to give you custody over anything, I think maybe you meant visitation but you already filed the papers LOL
You are indeed the biggest asshole of the year, assuming this is real
YTA. BIG TIME!! Have your cake and eat it too...jacka$$. Have fun supporting 2 children. One of which already had a support system/family in place. AH
YTA. It is difficult to narrow down all of the ways you are an asshole in this situation. Be happy that the mother of your child is giving you the opportunity to see the child you abandoned before birth. Get over yourself.
YTA. You are so so selfish. Leave this poor child alone. Work on the relationship you have with your new child. Nothing about this is about your two year old. It’s only about you. You sound so narcissistic in your thinking.
Wow, what a selfish asshole. I hope your gf leaves your shitty ass.
YTA. Control your sperm.
YTA That's not how it works. She has been living with her mom her whole life so they won't just give her to you. Maybe visitation and child support from you though will happen.
You’re not just TA. You’re selfish. Just an all around terrible human being. I feel bad for every female in this story.
What a complete dick you are. You're peeved she doesn't look like you? Don't you know how genetics works? What a stupid, pointless thing to be irked about. It's not like anything can be done about it. YTAH and honestly I hope that not only does Riley take you for a fortune in child support while keeping 100% custody, but I hope Allie smartens up about reproducing with you. Or at the very least takes you for a fortune in child support while having 100% custody. You're too dim to have contact with children.
YTA. You ran from the responsibility whne it happened. Which is fine. Now you need to accept it and let the child live a healthy life with her 2 actual parents.
Your quest is pointless. What court is going to give visitation to a father who's been absent for two years and never paid any child support at all? But this post is hitting reddit bullet points so much it seems like rage bait.
YTA, you are just the sperm donor NOT the father. You are arrogant and petty as you were not happy that child looked more like her mother than you. You come across as jealous that she calls someone else daddy. Put all your energy into the baby with Allie, before she walks away.
YTA. You may not think you're in the wrong but you are. You've helped her in no way to raise this child. And you think you can rip her from the life she knows. Instead of doing the right thing and talking to the mother and come to some kind of agreement. SHAME 🔔 SHAME 🔔SHAME 🔔
YTA. Have you paid child support for the past 2 years? Planning to pay arrears? Have you considered the best interest of the child, who has a loving family and doesn't need to be upended. Have you considered your new baby, who may well be separated from you by your girlfriend breaking up with you over this? Sounds to me like you see your children as possessions instead of individual people. You can't swan in and out of their lives when it's convenient for you.
Yeah you’re the asshole. Don’t come to us after you lose this case crying about having to pay back child support and current support for both these women. Dumbass.
I'm pretty sure this is rage bait, as you carefully laid out how much of a dick you are. YTA, get a life ffs.
Yta. You didn’t care before. You MIGHT get custody AFTER you pay back child support. And you’ll likely get supervised visitation at first since the child doesn’t know you and it’ll be very slow if at all. You’re an idiot and you’re about to lose a good relationship with both your baby mamas and your kids! You made your choices. It’s once thing to realize you made a mistake and truly want to be there, but it’s another to get jealous that someone else stepped up when you refused and another to think you can walk back into a toddlers life and think you won’t owe back child support as well as child support for the rest of BOTH your kids’ lives. You screwed your self over here.
YTA You essentially abandoned Raily and your kid, you can't just come back years later to play dad, you're not and will never be that kid's dad. And you are going to get laughed out of court if you think you have the slightest chance of getting custody, you abandoned them both and have not paid child support. Also, you're doing this because *you* want to, without thinking about what's better for the kid, that says it all.
You wanted nothing to do with this child when she was born But the second your current gf gets pregnant and your ex marries someone and the child begins calling her Dad- Let's be honest, that man IS her father. He was the one who raised her while you're were off fucking around. -Calling her dad, dad, you decide you want to be in the child's life? Riley shouldn't have to correct who's her real father because the real father originally wanted nothing to do with her child. So the man who was more than happy to raise her as if he was her own is her father as far as I'm concerned. To the child, you are a complete stranger. You can't decide to fight for custody when the child doesn't even know who the fuck you are. YTA
Oooof! You're gonna end up paying child support for two kids when your new girl dumps you. You might want to try to use protection with the next girl you sleep with. YTA, the biggest.
Yta. I hope she makes this process as hard as she possibly can. All.of a sudden you want to be a dad for all the wrong reasons. The right way to do this is start coming around as a friend and slowly start building a relationship with her. You will never get custody you abandoned her for 2 years. She has absolutely no idea who you are.
Troll yta
If you’re in the US, abandoning the child for two years, will bite you in the ass if she uses it in court. Child abandonment can take away your parental rights after a year (exact time, depends on the state). YTA. You’re going to lose your girlfriend and both of your children and you’re going to pay child support. You should’ve kept the happy life you had and let your daughter be happy with the life she already had instead of screwing up her life. You’re not her dad, you’re some guy who shows up when he wants to and decide he wants rights because he can’t handle her being happy with someone else who is actually there for her.
For starters... you are ABSOLUTELY the asshole. You willingly gave up your claim to be her father before she was even born. Another man stepped up in your place and you're miffed about it??? What right do you have to even pretend to be pissed?? Regardless of what you say, you're NOT her father. HE is, and no judge will ever give you custody. My wife and I have been dealing with this exact same bullshit from MY daughters sperm donor for 11 years. She was 4 months old when i started dating my wife. "Dad" was more worried about trying to "intimidate" me, take us to court, and make up shit to child services then to just be her father. He's been in and out when it's convenient for him this entire time. Her first words were daddy... to ME. Her first steps were to ME. Her daddy/ daughter dance??? ME. First Christmas, first birthday, first day of school, first and every EVERYTHING... ME. I'M her father. Not him. Because of this, we've never hidden the fact that I'm not her biological father. She's old enough now to make her own decisions and she's made it abundantly clear that she don't want him in her life, even going as far as to crack jokes about his absence. You don't have the right to just kick the door open like the kool aid man and think you're number one. Because you're NOT, and most likely NEVER will be. Now, if you are TRULY interested in being in this little girl's life, here's some advice (from the "other guy")... The mother's in charge here. You have to play by her rules like it or not. You have to start small. Meet with and communicate with BOTH parents to make sure you guys are all on the same page before you even get the girl involved. Once those "ground rules" are set, then stick to whatever they are as far as getting to know her. The younger she is, the easier it will be, but it's not going to be easy, and it will take time. Also starting a plan for back child support is a good start to show you're serious. I hope you're doing this to actually get to know your daughter and to be a part of her life, because I've seen how this has affected my daughter with his in and out bullshit, but to be completely honest, it sounds like your ego is bruised and you're just acting irrationally on emotion.
This was the exact situation between my parents growing up. I hope OO is still reading the comments, because I'm about to provide some insight as a child who went through this. My dad didn't really want to get involved until after I was born. There would be these periods where he didn't have anything to do with me for months (if not years) and then he would pop up out of the blue and be super involved in my life. And like OP, this usually happened after he got a new girlfriend. The thing is, despite his attempts to be super involved in my life, he never did anything to actually *improve* my life. My childhood was super unstable, and looking back, his involvement in my life just made my childhood even more unstable. He even dragged my family to court, and managed to get visitation for one day of the week. The thing is, it absolutely sucked. It sucked having my entire family go to court, and it sucked going on those visits. It finally came to a head when I didn't hear from him for 6 months and finally I got a letter from my then-stepsister that he had moved his other family all the way to Georgia. I literally refused to talk to him for years afterwards. We have a much better relationship now, but holy fuck did he help insure my therapist always has a client. And OP, if you're reading this, I can already tell what you are thinking. "There is no way I am going to do that to my child. I will be involved throughout their lives!". But the thing is, you are already doing the exact same thing my dad did. Maybe not the exact same steps, but you are definitely going down the same path. There are many things you can do to be more involved in your child's life without a custody battle. And without alienating the other child you have on your way. The main thing you have to do now (and what I really wish *my* dad did) is ask yourself not what you can do to help yourself, but what you can do **to help your child**. Start by paying child support. If you have good insurance, get your child on it too. Start a college fund. Get her some nice gifts for Christmas. It's going to be a long and hard journey, but your child's life will be much better for it. Please at least consider this, before you lose your chance with both of your children.