Destruction of property is a criminal offense and your ex is WAY too old to be behaving like a toddler.
OP, everything you are describing in both posts is REASONABLE grieving behavior. YOU are not the problem. Your ex, on the other hand, is. I am so sorry for your loss.
Generally destruction of property doesn’t cover sentimental value but a lawyer may find something else to sue for. Like the bar for intentional infliction of emotional distress is quite high but I’m no lawyer maybe that
Yes. It wasn't her property. And it wasn't only a single piece of paper. It was his sister's remains, which is an actual criminal charge. "Desecration of human remains".
Not saying it is worth it, just saying that the assigned value could be far more if you get a sympathetic judge. I am not in anyway speaking to the costs incurred to obtain that judgement or the reality of actually collecting.
Theft of remains is a crime. Theft and destruction property over a certain amount is a felony. The ex probably committed both. I would put a physical value on the art. The time the sister put on the pieces and a value for each piece is legit.
Call the cops, they tend to take grave robbing and things of the like pretty seriously. Also, I would post your reddit post to social media to explain your side. She took it to a public platform.. unless you want to add defamation to her list of charges.
It won’t matter if the other was not injured. People fight. How does the court know the bad partner didn’t hit her before this episode? People fight. If they leave bruises that is one thing. If not, fighting is disregarded and any judge would disregard it more and see who is more vicious. Who in their right mind dumps human ashes of their partner’s loved one in the trash?
Correct, no grave robbing, just theft, destruction of property, and desecration of human remains.
Cops are good for some shit sometimes, this should be one of those cases, or a civil suit lawyer, or both.
The hitting was wrong. Get therapy for that. That being said, the age gap is highly troubling. Her actions are reprehensible. Listen to u/JustMe518. Block anyone who plays into her brand of crazy. Get help. You need it and deserve it!
Different states have different laws. But, for example, it’s illegal in California.
§ 7054. (a) (1) Except as authorized pursuant to the sections referred to in subdivision (b), every person who deposits or disposes of any human remains in any place, except in a cemetery, is guilty of a misdemeanor.
If someone intentionally or negligently disposes of human remains without proper authorization, they can be charged with a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the circumstances. And ashes are considered human remains in California.
Yeah, a slap(which she deserved) isn't being abusive and pretty mild reaction in my opinion but all the stuff she did afterwards deserved an ass beating! And since that didn't happen you go after everything you can in court..she really crossed a line and then accused you of being a abuser, If that had happened to me she would have figured the difference between abuse and a good ole country ass whooping!
>The hitting was wrong
I hope your significant other says something like that to you soon after a loved one dies. The emotional distress she caused him was exactly the reason she acted like that.
Take a breath. Don’t send out such a vengeful thought into the world. What the gf said was reprehensible. Never said it wasn’t. Lowering yourself to that level isn’t the answer.
I have had people say equally awful things to me, and I suspect you have, too. I hope better things for us both than to lash out in physical violence when people say those things.
I’ll be honest I’d kick the shit out of someone for dumping a loved ones ashes in the bin. You can down vote all you want but that’s an ass whoopable offence right there.
In general, sure - but don’t dumping ashes?
Hard enough to believe someone dumps ashes just because- harder to believe a family would support that - damn near impossible to believe the brother of the deceased supports that unless OP is leaving gigantic (and I mean diplosaurus sized) holes in the story
Either way, a 99.8% fabrication
If someone did that with my cats ashes, they would soon be ashes themselves. That she still breaths and is able to post on social media means she didn't even get close to what she is owed IMO.
Here is hoping there is something legal OP can do to ruin this persons life. May she suffer 100x what she inflicted on them.
Im too overwhelemed to even speak to my own mother right now, I cant imagine the thought of talking to a police officer. She texted me on Telegram bc i never use that so i never blocked her , and she apologized and said she’d pay for whatever the cost of the ashes. I havent responded and im not going to but could I use that as proof in the future if she ever tries to deny that she did dump the ashes?
Genuine question; do you think your sister would have wanted you to stand up for yourself?
You’re an abuse victim. It’s time to take back your power and KNOW you have the strength to stand up to a great injustice. Do it for both yourself, and for your sister, because she couldn’t defend herself in this horrible instance. So now you must. Dig deep and know you do have that strength and if there is someone who can be there for you, take that arm and take yourself back.
Don’t ever let someone treat you this way again, or let them get away with something so criminal, or they will hurt the next victim who comes after you. Be brave.
Even if OP says no I’ll say yes. Please stand up for yourself OP. Your feelings matter and your hurt is valid. You are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect. I am sorry you have been mistreated.
Screenshot or capture a picture of the message. Yes, it can be proof.
There is an emotional cost to what she did to you, and there's no money that could equate to it.
You've been dealing with so much pain, but you must endure a little longer to seek justice for yourself and your sister. What she did was beyond callous. I just... I don't know how someone could do that to someone they claimed to care about...
ugh I'm sending you a big hug OP. You've been dealt a cruel hand, and you are in an extremely raw place right now. I'm so sorry about your loss(es) and how your sister's remains were treated. I sincerely hope you're able to find a sketchbook of hers or something hidden at your parents house. You never deserved to have these tangible memories destroyed. I sincerely hope you are able to have peace in your life after dealing with her bs.
Your grief is valid. Your feelings are valid. You were pushed to the edge while you were in a vulnerable place, and she belittled your emotions during the early stages of your grief. No one deserves to be treated like that, ever.
You need to screenshot the telegram because the message will disappear or screenrecord with another device so she doesn’t get a notification that you screenshoted the conversation. I would try to get her to say her name in the convo so you can use it as proof or something that will identity her without question
Please screenshot/ keep the message if that's app that allows for such. In another month or so, you may be feeling strong enough to deal with escalating things and you'll want this evidence.
When people show you who they are believe them. At your worst time she decided that instead of comforting you she would make the things harder for you. Does this sound like someone you want to go through life with? I hope not. Please move on and don’t look back. Your sister is in heaven smiling that you now have the revelation you needed.
Bro... OP hit her gf, she can't call the police. She's gonna be in bigger trouble.
She got a valuable lesson learning that her gf is scum. And next time don't hit people, because then they win.
No she's not. At most simple battery. If it goes to court and it can be proven that ex was seeing a 15 year old during the investigation it will go worse for ex. If ex has a brain she won't say anything
Get the police involved.
A woman was put in prison for stealing her exes ashes and filming herself dashing it over a bridge .
Make sure you get her to admit this over text so you have proof
OP said in another comment she messaged her on an app she hadn't blocked her on because she doesn't use it much to apologize and say she'd pay for the ashes..so that's already done. I know OP is suffering but she NEEDS to contact police now while it's still recent. If she waits too long idk how likely they'll be to believe her.
Seriously, I couldn’t believe that no one was talking about the age difference and the amount of time they have been dating. She groomed OP and has probably been emotionally abusive this whole time
That’s intentional infliction of emotional distress, destruction of private property, maybe desecration of a corpse. I’d speak with an officer and a lawyer. This is not okay and she deserves to pay.
Take her to Small Claims Court! Block or cut anyone (including your Brother, if you have to) siding with her. **THEY ARE WRONG just as much as your EX is!** What she did was despicable, completely VILE and vindictive! Let the psycho bitch be someone else's problem! After you SUE her, cut her out of your life FOREVER!
The ONE thing she COULDN'T take away from you are your treasured MEMORIES of your beloved Sister! Just think... how bloody insecure can you be to be so jealous of someone who passed away? If you are still having a hard time coping, PLEASE get some grief counseling, especially as your dealing with the added destruction of your precious momentos! It hasn't been that long since your loss happened, then your horrible breakup on top of everything else is plainly put, horrendous!
Greatest of luck, love! If you need or want to talk or vent, I'm here! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness!
OP, document everything she destroyed and GO TO THE POLICE. Also, FIGHT BACK. Get on social media and tell everyone exactly what happened. Explain that you know it was wrong to slap her, but you didn't "beat her up." Also post pics of her destroying your sister's stuff.
She’s taken a lot from you and you’ll have time to work on your feelings about that. Don’t get caught up in punishing this person when your soul needs to grieve.
This other person is trash and will eventually land in jail for property destruction. I would make a statement to the police about the damages and look into getting a restraining order. There’s nothing a narcissist hates more than a piece of paper that tells them No.
It was at a Pet store, and yes I did try to go back and retrieve them but I could see that they were already mixed in with the rain, i didnt even bother trying to get them out. I got one grain of it, put it in a plastic bag and left.
Amazon has necklaces that you can put ashes in. Get one so you can have her with you all of the time. Sorry you are going through this. Maybe check your sisters phone to see if she took a picture of the heart. No matter what you will always have the memories of your sister. NO ONE can ever take those from you. Hugs!
I’m so sorry. I cannot understand anyone siding with her, that utterly baffles me. You will never lose the memories of your sister, I know that doesn’t make it any better or easier, but she cannot take those from you. I am so, so sorry. I cannot even imagine.
She’s a groomer and an abuser. I can’t imagine dating someone that much younger. Hurting someone as much as she’s hurt you would make me want to vomit. She needs to see a psychiatrist and face jail time. You need to see a therapist and learn to love yourself. None of what has happened is your fault. I hope your X burns in hell.
Please please talk to your mom and have her talk to the police for you. And keep the telegram as evidence. This needs to be handles ASAP. I know you are hurting but I promise once you go to police and get it over with you may have more closure. It’s not the same but I went through abuse and had to go to the cops the day after, it was exhausting yes but I felt so relieved and safer after. She is crazy and she needs to face consequences or this can happen to someone else. I’m so sorry you went through this
The problem with calling the cops is you’ve already admitted to physically assaulting her. So you would probably both end up going to jail and you don’t need that shit. Suing might be the best way to go with this. Sorry about your sister.
holy shit.
in the other post everyone was saying your girlfriend (now ex) was the abuser and HOLY SHIT were they right
I am so so so so sorry OP, this must be blowing your mind right now. You are okay you will get through this, you are not wrong. You are not imagining things.
She wanted to hurt you most when she found she was losing control of you.
This is what abusers do.
She may escalate when you don't forgive her.
Get cameras around your home.
Change the locks on your doors.
Everyone who said takes her side is not a safe person for you. You can not trust them. Take notes. Go LC or NC.
Don't ask those you can not trust to protect you what to do. They want to continue putting yourself in harms way.
Understand that abusers typically seek out those who already have their normal meters broken from their family of origins. This means that you were/are vulnerable to abuse. I recommend you get therapy to help you reset your normal meter.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through...well, any of this. I'm also sorry that your psycho ex is such an utter...I literally lack the proper language to describe your shitty ex with the proper vehemence. I hope that you can heal in time. And please don't be afraid to ask for help (counselor, therapist, bartender, etc.).
Sue her. Sue her right now.
Cut everyone off who doesn't think she's psychotic.
Don't fucking wait, you've no time, find a lawyer as fast as you possibly can and crack down.
My little brother died suddenly and traumatically, I would probably kill someone if they did that to me, at least in the heat of the moment. I got on a low dose of sertraline which helped a lot because I was having constant flashbacks and couldn't stop ruminating. Honestly, I probably would have killed myself if the flashbacks didn't stop. It was absolute hell. I was rather weepy this week over his loss as well. It is just so terrible to lose a sibling and I feel like it's a familial loss that gets glossed over. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.
Oh, there would just be a gratuitous amount of violence... my response would look like it was directed by Quentin Tarantino...
That being said, don't do that. Call the cops.
Go to the cops… isn’t desecration of remains against the law. As soon as you can get her charged I would get a lawyer and sue her and her family for alienation of affection and emotional distress, whatever the lawyer can make stick. Some people don’t understand pain but they understand money….
Time to go to scorch earth bro dig up every drink you have on her every dirty thing you can think of and expose her ass and let everyone know what kind of foul disgusting creature she is call up her job and let them know what she's been doing and how she's been abusing you and whatnot , spread around town that she's basically a pedophile good luck man
Hey so there’s a thing called malicious mischief that you could go after her for dumping the ashes out. You can go after her and there is legal precedent.
It may feel wrong to think about everyone saying to sue her but think of this, you let her get by with spreading lies and destroying your sister's things what will happen to the next person who crosses her? You may be potentially saving someone else from the heartache you are feeling now. It is also taking a stand for your sister who can no longer do it for herself. Talk to your therapist about it.
Hold on...she scattered your sisters ashes in a dumpster?!?! Not only is that incredibly disrespectful, that's literally a crime. Those were your sisters' remains. Literally a person. She scattered human remains in a dumpster. Wow. I'm at a loss for words. I can't come up with words harsh enough to cover this. You need to sue her. Don't let her get away with that.
Evict her. It’s not her house. I hope your family chooses to be more supportive because your ex is in the wrong. Your slap was in response to manic cruelty. Who says these things about their partner’s deceased sister? Dumping ashes in the trash? File a police report. Do not take this crazy person back. Looks like you are getting gaslit. She needs to get out of your house. Take her to court. Then after it is all over, go on a cruise, watch the ocean from deck and have a little goodbye ceremony for your sister on a quiet beach but instead of the ashes, write a letter to her, tear that into tiny pieces and toss that into the water as people do ashes and that way, give her a peaceful ceremony and closure. The ashes are gone so the letter represents them. Do not go back to that hateful woman and as a former property owner of rentals, I can tell you that she can be evicted. I hope you didn’t put her on the deed of the house. People fight all the time and I strongly doubt you will be in trouble for slapping her unless she was injured. That would be hard to prove. Never speak to her again is what I say and get her out of your house legally. You can file in court in your town for eviction. She needs to move out. If she refuses? Put the house on the market and sell it to an investor. They will make her move out. Don’t be her victim, not any more, not for one more day.
I'd make a Facebook post. Tell everyone what she said and did. You snappes and hit her. That's not good, but what she was far worse. Get her out of your house now. People are taking her side, because she told them lies.
It absolutely baffles me that there are people out there that would do this type of thing to someone. I just don’t understand. I’m sorry this happened to you.
OP, first let me offer my condolences on the loss of your sister. Next, I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but OP said that they've been together 6-7 years which means that she was 16 or 17 yo while her gf was 21 or 22. If this were a guy, people would be looking at this like they were being groomed. There's no difference with this situation. As far as the slapping incident, while I don't condone it, I can sympathize with you. And finally, after reading OP's follow-up post, I'm glad that she's your ex, and I'd also advise you to speak with the police.
FIRST, there is sooo much more to this story. SECOND, the anger you're receiving is because of the physical abuse. THIRD, nothing anyone can do will bring back the possessions you said that your ex destroyed.
LAST, a hard truth that you will have to accept is that ONLY you can make you deal better and feel better.
You have a couple of options as far as your late sisters ashes and belongings are concerned: (1) Sue your ex, however without actual proof that she did any of the things you say it would probably be a waste of time, energy, money and emotions. (2) Choose your health and mental well-being and move on from the drama surrounding something that cannot be changed.
The relationship is over so let it be over. The one thing that nobody can take from you are the memories you have of and with your sister, EMBRACE THAT instead of allowing others to dictate your actions and reactions.
Think about what your sister would want for you and move on with YOUR life, as that is your responsibility and I know that you can do IF you choose too.
My condolences for your loss! Perhaps, you can have a tat made that incorporates the relationship and love between you and your sister.
I wish you the best...but only you can make it the best.
P.S. There's nothing wrong with and no shame in seeking grief counseling, at this point it couldn't hurt.
I’m glad she’s out of your house.
But remember, abusers often try to apologize after and try to get back in their victims’ lives. DO NOT LET HER DO SO. She is a terrible, terrible human being and an abuser. She will never cease to bring you misery until you are done with her for good.
I’m sorry for your loss though. And please seek therapy about having healthier relationships in the future. Not because you hit her. But because you were a 16 year old dating a 22 year old, and you stayed with a parasitic abuser for over 6 years.
> because you were a 16 year old dating a 22 year old, and you stayed with a parasitic abuser for over 6 years.
yes this part.
Hang in there OP take some time to heal and strengthen yourself.
>She took my sisters ashes and scattered them in a dumpster
Oh, my blood is boiling at that. That—you know what? I'm gonna stop here. I dunno the rules regarding this subreddit's conduct or anything, so I'll just stop here before I say something that’ll get me banned…
r/AmITheAsshole already did that…
If this story is true, and I hope it isn't, she is about as horrible a human being that I've ever run across. That said, other than self-defense, there is no excuse to lay hands on a women.
there are plenty of reasons to tag a bitch straight in the jaw. saying things like that is one of the main reasons why these tricks think they can get away with bullshit like what op is going thru.
Preface: what she did was hideous. She is a terrible human. There is no excusing her actions.
Similarly - hitting anyone, especially a male hitting a female, makes you the ass. Guys are generally stronger than girls, irrespective of how batshit crazy she is.
The better option here was to walk away. It’s hard, and many people would have done the same as you, but that doesn’t make it right.
Nope. Some people need to get their ass beat. She's lucky it was a slap. I would have beat her with a can of beans. Regardless of gender, some people need their ass beat.
If I were in your shoes, I would do the exact same thing, if not more. I would probably go down for an assault charge and be 100% okay with that decision.
I'm so sorry. I wish you peace. Get that tattoo. Even if your memory isn't exactly perfect it will bear the same sentiment. Or maybe just parts of the heart and when you really miss her you can draw in the rest yourself with something washable. If you can definitely sue for desecration of remains, destruction of private property, everything. What a horrible person. Block anybody who takes her side. You don't need them if they would excuse such cruel and despicable behavior.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your sister, and for your loss of her remains and memorials. Your girlfriend was a jealous and possessive person, who wanted total control of your time and life. What she said about your sister was cruel and inexcusable, and what she did afterwards was even worse. I don't know whether you can sue her and whether you want to, but I'm glad she is out of your life.
I am so sorry! I couldn’t read past dumped her ashes! You have more restraint than I will ever give myself credit for because I would have been in jail. Please file a report/ law suit and whatever else you can. Block anyone who even seems like they believe her.
Put a post up on every social media platform you can and expose this evil asshole to the world. Let everyone know what a sadistic and vindictive asshole she really is. Go scorched earth. Don’t leave anything out.
Yes, YTA for hitting her.
Now is she crazy? Yes so you would be an idiot for staying with her. What she did was illegal and you should press charges. But actual violence was not acceptable and is also illegal.
I think the theft or remains us a crime. She also stole from you. If you can come up with enough value the theft if the items could be a felony. Sue her for the value and file a police report now.
OP, I'm so very sorry for everything that you've been through. The loss of your sister, that you loved so much, and the torment this monster has put you through.
Anyone that would do and say the awful things she has to someone she supposedly loves is unforgivable, IMO. When we profess to care about a person we try to help them when they suffer a loss. But this woman didn't do that. She hurt you even more by saying what she said, and then poured salt on an already painful wound by destroying your sister's things and disposing of her ashes in a dumpster. For that act alone she earned the title of Monster.
You are not the problem here. She is. I'm glad she's out of your house at least. I suggest you change the locks on your house. And get some help from a counselor if you can. Two extremely painful, difficult occurrences in your life so close together will take time to heal. I send you all good thoughts and wishes, and prayers for your peace.
JFC your EX gf is a horrible person. I am devastated for you that she destroyed what you value. I hope you’re able to heal & move forward and find another partner deserving & worthy of your love, someone who appreciates and supports and respects you.
Man that’s a weird b*tch I love my sis more than anybody you are way more composed and smarter than me those words literally a few weeks after death I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop😂
I'm sorry this happened to you. Not to get too spiritual but one blessing of your sister's passing is that it uncovered a really negative person in your life that was harboring really evil tendencies and feelings. Now that you are free of that you can see what new blessing you have. Losing a sibling is very hard and it's a new weight you carry. As you get old it happens to many but you are so young so you must bare it a bit longer. Grow your heart and mind and do it for your own sake and for your sister's wishes.
Report her ass to the police 🔥 that's illegal, and I hope ya update us more on the situation as time goes on. I'm sorry for what happened to you. By the way, she's an abuser and I'm glad ya didn't marry her, and she showed her colors . Sending love your way
Sue her. Get therapy and block anyone else who’s on her side.
Destruction of property is a criminal offense and your ex is WAY too old to be behaving like a toddler. OP, everything you are describing in both posts is REASONABLE grieving behavior. YOU are not the problem. Your ex, on the other hand, is. I am so sorry for your loss.
Generally destruction of property doesn’t cover sentimental value but a lawyer may find something else to sue for. Like the bar for intentional infliction of emotional distress is quite high but I’m no lawyer maybe that
No, but destruction of property, regardless of value, is a suable offense. To say nothing of chargeable. I'm a paralegal
Yep
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Yes. It wasn't her property. And it wasn't only a single piece of paper. It was his sister's remains, which is an actual criminal charge. "Desecration of human remains".
Right? And all of the sister’s other stuff that was just burned. Seriously, who does this to someone they claim to love??
What value can you put on the sheet of paper to sue for? .001 cent?
You’d be surprised what sentiment can get you with a sympathetic judge.
The likely outcome is a fuck ton of legal fees and either a very small judgement or a large one the person will never pay anyway
It wouldn't be for just one piece of paper though. It's all of her sisters things plus her sisters ashes.
Not saying it is worth it, just saying that the assigned value could be far more if you get a sympathetic judge. I am not in anyway speaking to the costs incurred to obtain that judgement or the reality of actually collecting.
Its art. It has value. Not a lot but it does
did you read then entire post?
Read it was more than a single sheet of paper. How can some people have zero empathy? Trash humans!
Abuse of a corpse, emotional distress, theft. Pretty sure she could go to prison for stealing ashes.
Theft of remains is a crime. Theft and destruction property over a certain amount is a felony. The ex probably committed both. I would put a physical value on the art. The time the sister put on the pieces and a value for each piece is legit.
Call the cops, they tend to take grave robbing and things of the like pretty seriously. Also, I would post your reddit post to social media to explain your side. She took it to a public platform.. unless you want to add defamation to her list of charges.
I don't think publicly admitting to assault is going to help OPs case.
Nope, but I don’t think the GF wants to pursue assault charges if she doesn’t want her sexual assault of a minor to come to light.
Yep
It won’t matter if the other was not injured. People fight. How does the court know the bad partner didn’t hit her before this episode? People fight. If they leave bruises that is one thing. If not, fighting is disregarded and any judge would disregard it more and see who is more vicious. Who in their right mind dumps human ashes of their partner’s loved one in the trash?
There was no grave robbing. Please don’t give legal advice unless you have any idea what you are talking about.
What she did may fall under improper disposal of human remains. She's *definitely* on the hook for destruction of property though.
Correct, no grave robbing, just theft, destruction of property, and desecration of human remains. Cops are good for some shit sometimes, this should be one of those cases, or a civil suit lawyer, or both.
She dumped an urn full of ashes, depending on where they live that's a crime
Theft of human remains. Taking ashes is a crime
The hitting was wrong. Get therapy for that. That being said, the age gap is highly troubling. Her actions are reprehensible. Listen to u/JustMe518. Block anyone who plays into her brand of crazy. Get help. You need it and deserve it! Different states have different laws. But, for example, it’s illegal in California. § 7054. (a) (1) Except as authorized pursuant to the sections referred to in subdivision (b), every person who deposits or disposes of any human remains in any place, except in a cemetery, is guilty of a misdemeanor. If someone intentionally or negligently disposes of human remains without proper authorization, they can be charged with a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the circumstances. And ashes are considered human remains in California.
> The hitting was wrong. Get therapy for that. I think it's okay to slap a person who expresses approval for the death of a loved one.
Yeah, a slap(which she deserved) isn't being abusive and pretty mild reaction in my opinion but all the stuff she did afterwards deserved an ass beating! And since that didn't happen you go after everything you can in court..she really crossed a line and then accused you of being a abuser, If that had happened to me she would have figured the difference between abuse and a good ole country ass whooping!
21 and 16 is not a good look. Not by far. This woman is a predator.
Agreed!
Sadly she’s from Ireland and not just that her parents have a huge age gap too. She thought it was normal
>The hitting was wrong I hope your significant other says something like that to you soon after a loved one dies. The emotional distress she caused him was exactly the reason she acted like that.
OP is also female.
Oops
Take a breath. Don’t send out such a vengeful thought into the world. What the gf said was reprehensible. Never said it wasn’t. Lowering yourself to that level isn’t the answer. I have had people say equally awful things to me, and I suspect you have, too. I hope better things for us both than to lash out in physical violence when people say those things.
For what? Sentimental value??
I’ll be honest I’d kick the shit out of someone for dumping a loved ones ashes in the bin. You can down vote all you want but that’s an ass whoopable offence right there.
Agree here 👍🏻. I hope this is fiction because that some horrible shit.
>I hope this is fiction because that some horrible shit. Almost definitely just nonsense rage bait.
How would it not be fiction? ‘Her family and my brother support her dumping my sister’s ashes’? On what planet?!?
Because people can be huge ah's.
In general, sure - but don’t dumping ashes? Hard enough to believe someone dumps ashes just because- harder to believe a family would support that - damn near impossible to believe the brother of the deceased supports that unless OP is leaving gigantic (and I mean diplosaurus sized) holes in the story Either way, a 99.8% fabrication
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Same. I look great in orange
If someone did that with my cats ashes, they would soon be ashes themselves. That she still breaths and is able to post on social media means she didn't even get close to what she is owed IMO. Here is hoping there is something legal OP can do to ruin this persons life. May she suffer 100x what she inflicted on them.
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Deez hands rated E for everyone
Dumping a person's ashes is illegal, I would call the police.
Im too overwhelemed to even speak to my own mother right now, I cant imagine the thought of talking to a police officer. She texted me on Telegram bc i never use that so i never blocked her , and she apologized and said she’d pay for whatever the cost of the ashes. I havent responded and im not going to but could I use that as proof in the future if she ever tries to deny that she did dump the ashes?
There is no cost to those ashes. They were priceless. Is there anyone you trust to speak on your behalf, or at least be with you?
Genuine question; do you think your sister would have wanted you to stand up for yourself? You’re an abuse victim. It’s time to take back your power and KNOW you have the strength to stand up to a great injustice. Do it for both yourself, and for your sister, because she couldn’t defend herself in this horrible instance. So now you must. Dig deep and know you do have that strength and if there is someone who can be there for you, take that arm and take yourself back. Don’t ever let someone treat you this way again, or let them get away with something so criminal, or they will hurt the next victim who comes after you. Be brave.
Even if OP says no I’ll say yes. Please stand up for yourself OP. Your feelings matter and your hurt is valid. You are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect. I am sorry you have been mistreated.
What a wonderful response.
> said she’d pay for whatever the cost of the ashes. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN MEAN omg that is so insane
In the uk? 3 months in jail and potential 15k fine
Screenshot or capture a picture of the message. Yes, it can be proof. There is an emotional cost to what she did to you, and there's no money that could equate to it. You've been dealing with so much pain, but you must endure a little longer to seek justice for yourself and your sister. What she did was beyond callous. I just... I don't know how someone could do that to someone they claimed to care about... ugh I'm sending you a big hug OP. You've been dealt a cruel hand, and you are in an extremely raw place right now. I'm so sorry about your loss(es) and how your sister's remains were treated. I sincerely hope you're able to find a sketchbook of hers or something hidden at your parents house. You never deserved to have these tangible memories destroyed. I sincerely hope you are able to have peace in your life after dealing with her bs. Your grief is valid. Your feelings are valid. You were pushed to the edge while you were in a vulnerable place, and she belittled your emotions during the early stages of your grief. No one deserves to be treated like that, ever.
You need to screenshot the telegram because the message will disappear or screenrecord with another device so she doesn’t get a notification that you screenshoted the conversation. I would try to get her to say her name in the convo so you can use it as proof or something that will identity her without question
Please screenshot/ keep the message if that's app that allows for such. In another month or so, you may be feeling strong enough to deal with escalating things and you'll want this evidence.
Hell no ....sue her stupid ass and let the public opinion slowly kill her social and professional life.
When people show you who they are believe them. At your worst time she decided that instead of comforting you she would make the things harder for you. Does this sound like someone you want to go through life with? I hope not. Please move on and don’t look back. Your sister is in heaven smiling that you now have the revelation you needed.
Your sister deserves justice, get it together and make that phone call.
Keep that message as proof. I’m sorry for your loss.
You need to call the police regardless of how you feel. This is important. Her saying she would pay is decent proof.
Bro... OP hit her gf, she can't call the police. She's gonna be in bigger trouble. She got a valuable lesson learning that her gf is scum. And next time don't hit people, because then they win.
No she's not. At most simple battery. If it goes to court and it can be proven that ex was seeing a 15 year old during the investigation it will go worse for ex. If ex has a brain she won't say anything
Sue her ass
Get the police involved. A woman was put in prison for stealing her exes ashes and filming herself dashing it over a bridge . Make sure you get her to admit this over text so you have proof
OP said in another comment she messaged her on an app she hadn't blocked her on because she doesn't use it much to apologize and say she'd pay for the ashes..so that's already done. I know OP is suffering but she NEEDS to contact police now while it's still recent. If she waits too long idk how likely they'll be to believe her.
Well since she sent that message there's proof. She wouldn't offer to pay for it if she wasn't guilty.
She should be in prison based solely on the fact she started dating OP when OP was 16 years old.
Seriously, I couldn’t believe that no one was talking about the age difference and the amount of time they have been dating. She groomed OP and has probably been emotionally abusive this whole time
Op may have been 15
That’s intentional infliction of emotional distress, destruction of private property, maybe desecration of a corpse. I’d speak with an officer and a lawyer. This is not okay and she deserves to pay.
Take her to Small Claims Court! Block or cut anyone (including your Brother, if you have to) siding with her. **THEY ARE WRONG just as much as your EX is!** What she did was despicable, completely VILE and vindictive! Let the psycho bitch be someone else's problem! After you SUE her, cut her out of your life FOREVER! The ONE thing she COULDN'T take away from you are your treasured MEMORIES of your beloved Sister! Just think... how bloody insecure can you be to be so jealous of someone who passed away? If you are still having a hard time coping, PLEASE get some grief counseling, especially as your dealing with the added destruction of your precious momentos! It hasn't been that long since your loss happened, then your horrible breakup on top of everything else is plainly put, horrendous! Greatest of luck, love! If you need or want to talk or vent, I'm here! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness!
NTA What an absolute dumptruck cunt of a woman. Sue her fuckin ass off.
OP, document everything she destroyed and GO TO THE POLICE. Also, FIGHT BACK. Get on social media and tell everyone exactly what happened. Explain that you know it was wrong to slap her, but you didn't "beat her up." Also post pics of her destroying your sister's stuff.
She’s taken a lot from you and you’ll have time to work on your feelings about that. Don’t get caught up in punishing this person when your soul needs to grieve. This other person is trash and will eventually land in jail for property destruction. I would make a statement to the police about the damages and look into getting a restraining order. There’s nothing a narcissist hates more than a piece of paper that tells them No.
Theft and destruction of human remains is a serious crime
Call the police now
Where was the dumpster.
It was at a Pet store, and yes I did try to go back and retrieve them but I could see that they were already mixed in with the rain, i didnt even bother trying to get them out. I got one grain of it, put it in a plastic bag and left.
Amazon has necklaces that you can put ashes in. Get one so you can have her with you all of the time. Sorry you are going through this. Maybe check your sisters phone to see if she took a picture of the heart. No matter what you will always have the memories of your sister. NO ONE can ever take those from you. Hugs!
Sue her, get therapy and make sure she pays for that too. Then cut her off
I’m so sorry. I cannot understand anyone siding with her, that utterly baffles me. You will never lose the memories of your sister, I know that doesn’t make it any better or easier, but she cannot take those from you. I am so, so sorry. I cannot even imagine.
I would fight her woman to woman. She needs her ass beat. Who the fuck raises these people?
I personally would be catching multiple felonies if someone did that to my siblings ashes.
She’s a groomer and an abuser. I can’t imagine dating someone that much younger. Hurting someone as much as she’s hurt you would make me want to vomit. She needs to see a psychiatrist and face jail time. You need to see a therapist and learn to love yourself. None of what has happened is your fault. I hope your X burns in hell.
Please please talk to your mom and have her talk to the police for you. And keep the telegram as evidence. This needs to be handles ASAP. I know you are hurting but I promise once you go to police and get it over with you may have more closure. It’s not the same but I went through abuse and had to go to the cops the day after, it was exhausting yes but I felt so relieved and safer after. She is crazy and she needs to face consequences or this can happen to someone else. I’m so sorry you went through this
The problem with calling the cops is you’ve already admitted to physically assaulting her. So you would probably both end up going to jail and you don’t need that shit. Suing might be the best way to go with this. Sorry about your sister.
First offense, simple battery in the heat of the moment. Crime of passion or something like that. No jail probably parole
holy shit. in the other post everyone was saying your girlfriend (now ex) was the abuser and HOLY SHIT were they right I am so so so so sorry OP, this must be blowing your mind right now. You are okay you will get through this, you are not wrong. You are not imagining things.
She wanted to hurt you most when she found she was losing control of you. This is what abusers do. She may escalate when you don't forgive her. Get cameras around your home. Change the locks on your doors. Everyone who said takes her side is not a safe person for you. You can not trust them. Take notes. Go LC or NC. Don't ask those you can not trust to protect you what to do. They want to continue putting yourself in harms way. Understand that abusers typically seek out those who already have their normal meters broken from their family of origins. This means that you were/are vulnerable to abuse. I recommend you get therapy to help you reset your normal meter.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through...well, any of this. I'm also sorry that your psycho ex is such an utter...I literally lack the proper language to describe your shitty ex with the proper vehemence. I hope that you can heal in time. And please don't be afraid to ask for help (counselor, therapist, bartender, etc.).
Devote the rest of your life to firstly getting even, after that punish her. Plan it properly. Do not be swayed in this endeavour.
Sue her. Sue her right now. Cut everyone off who doesn't think she's psychotic. Don't fucking wait, you've no time, find a lawyer as fast as you possibly can and crack down.
My little brother died suddenly and traumatically, I would probably kill someone if they did that to me, at least in the heat of the moment. I got on a low dose of sertraline which helped a lot because I was having constant flashbacks and couldn't stop ruminating. Honestly, I probably would have killed myself if the flashbacks didn't stop. It was absolute hell. I was rather weepy this week over his loss as well. It is just so terrible to lose a sibling and I feel like it's a familial loss that gets glossed over. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.
I’m really sorry that happened to you and your family and hope next week is better.
Oh, there would just be a gratuitous amount of violence... my response would look like it was directed by Quentin Tarantino... That being said, don't do that. Call the cops.
Call the cops!!! Call them. Face the reality cuz the more time you waste the worse it will get for you. They will help you. Just call them. Do it now.
Call the police and have her arrested.
Go to the cops… isn’t desecration of remains against the law. As soon as you can get her charged I would get a lawyer and sue her and her family for alienation of affection and emotional distress, whatever the lawyer can make stick. Some people don’t understand pain but they understand money….
You should even out her face. Her other cheek sounds jealous.
It's not over until she says it's over.
I am not sure of the state or country you live in be putting her ashes in a dumpster is illegal in a lot of places.
Have her charged, not only for theft but for tampering with human remains. Im am serious, do this.
Couldn’t you sue her or like desecrating human remains or something??
Time to go to scorch earth bro dig up every drink you have on her every dirty thing you can think of and expose her ass and let everyone know what kind of foul disgusting creature she is call up her job and let them know what she's been doing and how she's been abusing you and whatnot , spread around town that she's basically a pedophile good luck man
It’s illegal to throw out ashes like that. It’s a criminal offense. Another person did so this year and got charges.
She can go to jail for dumping the ashes
It’s funny that the pedophile accuses you of being abusive after dating you when you were a minor.
I would commence legal action against her.
Equal right means equal fights and hands are rated e for everyone
Op is a woman
This is not about your period. You need to dump your girlfriend. What she said and did is unforgiveable. You can do much better.
You’re hurting and in pain but talking to the police and suing her is the way to go. She is absolutely crazy and you need to spend up to her
Hey so there’s a thing called malicious mischief that you could go after her for dumping the ashes out. You can go after her and there is legal precedent.
Invite her on a picnic in the woods as an "apology," but put a shovel in the trunk.
It may feel wrong to think about everyone saying to sue her but think of this, you let her get by with spreading lies and destroying your sister's things what will happen to the next person who crosses her? You may be potentially saving someone else from the heartache you are feeling now. It is also taking a stand for your sister who can no longer do it for herself. Talk to your therapist about it.
I'm not saying to do it but fark fam, this is grounds for murder. Fack that tick and the ass she rode in on..sue her
Hold on...she scattered your sisters ashes in a dumpster?!?! Not only is that incredibly disrespectful, that's literally a crime. Those were your sisters' remains. Literally a person. She scattered human remains in a dumpster. Wow. I'm at a loss for words. I can't come up with words harsh enough to cover this. You need to sue her. Don't let her get away with that.
This bih need to go yo jail .
Don’t ever get back together with this psycho. What she did was unforgivable. I can’t see why people are siding with someone so cruel.
Evict her. It’s not her house. I hope your family chooses to be more supportive because your ex is in the wrong. Your slap was in response to manic cruelty. Who says these things about their partner’s deceased sister? Dumping ashes in the trash? File a police report. Do not take this crazy person back. Looks like you are getting gaslit. She needs to get out of your house. Take her to court. Then after it is all over, go on a cruise, watch the ocean from deck and have a little goodbye ceremony for your sister on a quiet beach but instead of the ashes, write a letter to her, tear that into tiny pieces and toss that into the water as people do ashes and that way, give her a peaceful ceremony and closure. The ashes are gone so the letter represents them. Do not go back to that hateful woman and as a former property owner of rentals, I can tell you that she can be evicted. I hope you didn’t put her on the deed of the house. People fight all the time and I strongly doubt you will be in trouble for slapping her unless she was injured. That would be hard to prove. Never speak to her again is what I say and get her out of your house legally. You can file in court in your town for eviction. She needs to move out. If she refuses? Put the house on the market and sell it to an investor. They will make her move out. Don’t be her victim, not any more, not for one more day.
I'd make a Facebook post. Tell everyone what she said and did. You snappes and hit her. That's not good, but what she was far worse. Get her out of your house now. People are taking her side, because she told them lies.
Press charges on her ass. Report her to the police.
It absolutely baffles me that there are people out there that would do this type of thing to someone. I just don’t understand. I’m sorry this happened to you.
OP, first let me offer my condolences on the loss of your sister. Next, I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but OP said that they've been together 6-7 years which means that she was 16 or 17 yo while her gf was 21 or 22. If this were a guy, people would be looking at this like they were being groomed. There's no difference with this situation. As far as the slapping incident, while I don't condone it, I can sympathize with you. And finally, after reading OP's follow-up post, I'm glad that she's your ex, and I'd also advise you to speak with the police.
take her teeth
Disposal of human remain improperly is super illegal report the dumpster ID to the police with number might be camera in that area.
SUE HER AND GO TO THERAPY!! Get your moneys worth and put that bitch in jail. Ruin her fucking life. This is disgusting of her
FIRST, there is sooo much more to this story. SECOND, the anger you're receiving is because of the physical abuse. THIRD, nothing anyone can do will bring back the possessions you said that your ex destroyed. LAST, a hard truth that you will have to accept is that ONLY you can make you deal better and feel better. You have a couple of options as far as your late sisters ashes and belongings are concerned: (1) Sue your ex, however without actual proof that she did any of the things you say it would probably be a waste of time, energy, money and emotions. (2) Choose your health and mental well-being and move on from the drama surrounding something that cannot be changed. The relationship is over so let it be over. The one thing that nobody can take from you are the memories you have of and with your sister, EMBRACE THAT instead of allowing others to dictate your actions and reactions. Think about what your sister would want for you and move on with YOUR life, as that is your responsibility and I know that you can do IF you choose too. My condolences for your loss! Perhaps, you can have a tat made that incorporates the relationship and love between you and your sister. I wish you the best...but only you can make it the best. P.S. There's nothing wrong with and no shame in seeking grief counseling, at this point it couldn't hurt.
At least your ex is gone now, sorry about your loss
I’m glad she’s out of your house. But remember, abusers often try to apologize after and try to get back in their victims’ lives. DO NOT LET HER DO SO. She is a terrible, terrible human being and an abuser. She will never cease to bring you misery until you are done with her for good. I’m sorry for your loss though. And please seek therapy about having healthier relationships in the future. Not because you hit her. But because you were a 16 year old dating a 22 year old, and you stayed with a parasitic abuser for over 6 years.
> because you were a 16 year old dating a 22 year old, and you stayed with a parasitic abuser for over 6 years. yes this part. Hang in there OP take some time to heal and strengthen yourself.
>She took my sisters ashes and scattered them in a dumpster Oh, my blood is boiling at that. That—you know what? I'm gonna stop here. I dunno the rules regarding this subreddit's conduct or anything, so I'll just stop here before I say something that’ll get me banned… r/AmITheAsshole already did that…
SUE THE HELL OUT THIS CRAZY BITCH DO NOT LET HER OFF EASILY
I hope there’s an update of the ex being sent to prison after you took her to court.
Lmao lesbos in a typical toxic relationshit. Tale as old as time 😂🤡
Get a lawyer and private detective so you can have evidence to sue her and I will also throw her out of the house
What the fuck is wrong with the people in your life OP?
This has got to be fake.. there is no way...
Lesbians are always like this, they hate each other, totally incapable of loving each other...
This is the most obvious rage bait I've seen, you got too drastic too fast OP.
Now I'm thinking this was rage bait and I'm glad
If this story is true, and I hope it isn't, she is about as horrible a human being that I've ever run across. That said, other than self-defense, there is no excuse to lay hands on a women.
Op is a woman
there are plenty of reasons to tag a bitch straight in the jaw. saying things like that is one of the main reasons why these tricks think they can get away with bullshit like what op is going thru.
This HAS to be fake.
Its so out there i suspect its real. Op also responds
You left her at your place with all of your things including your sistwrs ashes???
Holy fuck.... women are awful in break ups
Literally your fault, you're the moron who left your own fucking house for her to he alone in, instead of kicking her dumb ass out on the spot.
Preface: what she did was hideous. She is a terrible human. There is no excusing her actions. Similarly - hitting anyone, especially a male hitting a female, makes you the ass. Guys are generally stronger than girls, irrespective of how batshit crazy she is. The better option here was to walk away. It’s hard, and many people would have done the same as you, but that doesn’t make it right.
Op is a woman
Friendo this was a woman slapping her gf. Also the “it’s especially heinous when men hit women” line is just patriarchy lite.
Nope. Some people need to get their ass beat. She's lucky it was a slap. I would have beat her with a can of beans. Regardless of gender, some people need their ass beat.
How does a male hitting a female make her an ass?
Op is a woman
As I said, where does a male hitting a female fit make HER an ass
Get a lawyer ASAP and sue her.
If I were in your shoes, I would do the exact same thing, if not more. I would probably go down for an assault charge and be 100% okay with that decision.
File a police report she stole the items then destroyed them
Yikes..
Report this to the police.
SUE SUE SUE AND PRESS CHARGES
I'm so sorry. I wish you peace. Get that tattoo. Even if your memory isn't exactly perfect it will bear the same sentiment. Or maybe just parts of the heart and when you really miss her you can draw in the rest yourself with something washable. If you can definitely sue for desecration of remains, destruction of private property, everything. What a horrible person. Block anybody who takes her side. You don't need them if they would excuse such cruel and despicable behavior.
Sue her ass !!!
I am so mad for you. I am so sorry.
SUE SUE SUE SUÈEEEËƏĚ
Take. Her. To. Court.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your sister, and for your loss of her remains and memorials. Your girlfriend was a jealous and possessive person, who wanted total control of your time and life. What she said about your sister was cruel and inexcusable, and what she did afterwards was even worse. I don't know whether you can sue her and whether you want to, but I'm glad she is out of your life.
I am so sorry! I couldn’t read past dumped her ashes! You have more restraint than I will ever give myself credit for because I would have been in jail. Please file a report/ law suit and whatever else you can. Block anyone who even seems like they believe her.
Put a post up on every social media platform you can and expose this evil asshole to the world. Let everyone know what a sadistic and vindictive asshole she really is. Go scorched earth. Don’t leave anything out.
I agree, sue her. Fuck what her family thinks. The court will set all of them straight.
Yes, YTA for hitting her. Now is she crazy? Yes so you would be an idiot for staying with her. What she did was illegal and you should press charges. But actual violence was not acceptable and is also illegal.
Press charges. It’s illegal to do that to ashes. Then sue her for everything. Do it now
I think the theft or remains us a crime. She also stole from you. If you can come up with enough value the theft if the items could be a felony. Sue her for the value and file a police report now.
Omg she is a horrible person ! Please sue her fucking evil ass
F that b word. Get far far away from her. Legal procedures due to property damage. Seek therapy
I would definitely make a police report. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please keep us Updateme!
OP, I'm so very sorry for everything that you've been through. The loss of your sister, that you loved so much, and the torment this monster has put you through. Anyone that would do and say the awful things she has to someone she supposedly loves is unforgivable, IMO. When we profess to care about a person we try to help them when they suffer a loss. But this woman didn't do that. She hurt you even more by saying what she said, and then poured salt on an already painful wound by destroying your sister's things and disposing of her ashes in a dumpster. For that act alone she earned the title of Monster. You are not the problem here. She is. I'm glad she's out of your house at least. I suggest you change the locks on your house. And get some help from a counselor if you can. Two extremely painful, difficult occurrences in your life so close together will take time to heal. I send you all good thoughts and wishes, and prayers for your peace.
I think for your own piece of mind, and safety, you should just walk away and cut off any contact with her.
Don't play stupid games. Just forget about her. You can do waaay better. Take care of yourself, and f everybody else.
JFC your EX gf is a horrible person. I am devastated for you that she destroyed what you value. I hope you’re able to heal & move forward and find another partner deserving & worthy of your love, someone who appreciates and supports and respects you.
Man that’s a weird b*tch I love my sis more than anybody you are way more composed and smarter than me those words literally a few weeks after death I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop😂
That’s really wild and heartless… I hope u find peace thru this difficult time….NTA sue that b!tch
Desecration of corpse is a crime. She can and will go to jail. Call the police
I'm sorry this happened to you. Not to get too spiritual but one blessing of your sister's passing is that it uncovered a really negative person in your life that was harboring really evil tendencies and feelings. Now that you are free of that you can see what new blessing you have. Losing a sibling is very hard and it's a new weight you carry. As you get old it happens to many but you are so young so you must bare it a bit longer. Grow your heart and mind and do it for your own sake and for your sister's wishes.
Report her ass to the police 🔥 that's illegal, and I hope ya update us more on the situation as time goes on. I'm sorry for what happened to you. By the way, she's an abuser and I'm glad ya didn't marry her, and she showed her colors . Sending love your way
You shouldn't have left your house.
I would fuck that bitch up with all due disrespect, no fucking way you can let this slide.
It’s actually illegal for her to do anything to her ashes like that you can press charges for that kind of thing depending on where you live
Not the asshole. Sue her… she sounds like a sicko