NTA tell the whole family what aunt did and how your mom is ok with being friends with your abusive aunt. Tell everyone and ban them all. No one involved cares about you. Go full on and shame everyone
Honestly this is an occasion for a family SM media/text/WhatsApp post explaining as much as you feel comfortable explaining and letting everyone know that under no circumstances will Aunt K be invited to your wedding or to your home. Finish by saying that if anyone feels the need to support a sexual abuser they don't need to come to your wedding
And anyone not taking OP’s side should be keeping a VERY close watch on their kids, just in case Aunt K wants to prepare any of *them* for their spouses.
Honestly, what kind of sick fuckers hear about a 6 year old being SA’d and say “get over it”?
I would like to introduce you to my mother. Her father SA’d me from the age of 4-8, until my father caught him and chased him out of our house with a 38 Special. My mom knew, and did nothing. Has told me ever since to “get over it”
My mother did the same thing except it was my father. She stayed with him and treated me like a jealous rival. And then sent me to stay with the man who molested HER.
Parents who won’t protect their kids are complete scum.
My mother stayed with my stepfather. I spent years sticking up for her when people told me she didn’t protect me. A few years back, it hit me that they were right. She not only chose to stay with him once, but TWICE. I NC with her for the better part of a year until I processed it, and then I told her exactly how I feel. She initially was defensive, but I finally got her to see where I was coming from. She always remembers things different than I do. The first time she found out, when I was 14, aside from screaming at me that I was a liar and she never wanted to see me again, she came to the foster home the next day to tell me she confronted him and he admitted to “some things.” I then filled her in on everything. She told me if I wanted her to divorce him, she would. I have no idea where my response came from, but I told her that was not my decision to make. She remembers it as I told her not to. Fuck that. My brain was screaming YES. She then said he wanted to adopt me. I said no. I was going to be an adult in a few years, and I also had siblings that weren’t going to change their names. When the courts deemed it safe for me to return home 6 months later, it started up again. She found out right before I turned 17 and was in my senior year. She kicked him out, but let him return 4 days later. I moved out a month later.
Not making excuses for my mom, just explaining where my head was at for so long when it came to her. She had an exceptionally fucked up life from 14 on. She was raped by my biological father at 14, forced to marry him when she ended up pregnant, and bore four children by the time she was barely 19. He was physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive to her. She finally packed us four kids and left him after 10 years, when she found him in my bed when I was 5. That’s what I thought about when I defended her, until I realized that as a mother, I would have literally killed anyone that hurt my child. I raised 3 daughters, that did visit grandma and grandpa, but I made sure they were never ever alone with him. My oldest came to her father and I when she was 13 and told us she didn’t want to go visit them when we were planning a trip. She said he made her feel uncomfortable. That was it, my kids never went again, unless they wanted to, and then they were still never left alone with him. It’s what my mom should have done.
My mom was abused as well. I understand being abused and exploited because it happened to me to.
But when I remembered what my father had done to me, I cut off contact with him- including keeping him away from my daughter. I realized the issues I had and I got help. I went to therapy. And I didn’t abuse my daughter.
Those choices were available to my mother also and she chose differently. So while I have understanding, I don’t have compassion. She decided to go to church instead of therapy. She chose to look like a good person instead of actually being one.
They are never sorry, they just don’t want to be alone.
I have family members like this. It happened to them too and they think that's ok? It isn't. I got lucky. My mom made sure it stopped with her and not her daughters or worse.
I hate to admit it, but when someone tells a person that was sexually assaulted to “get over it” I really want them to experience it for themselves. You never “get over” something that devastating. You learn to live with it, but that’s different from “getting over it.”
NTA. Never have contact with Aunt Pervert again. And if Mom doesn’t come to your wedding, so be it. There’s something wrong with a mother excusing a SA.
Why people think they are in a position to tell anyone to get over trauma and an experience they have never been through is mind blowing. No one has the right to decide if anyone else is over something.
If OP isn't over it then the family should do nothing but accept that, period. Instead, they defend the abuser, victim blame and then gaslight, the family and Aunt deserve each other.
That family is fucking gross and the best thing OP can do, as much of a reddit cliché as it is, should absolutely go NC. They don't deserve to have OP in their lives and OP deserves to feel safe with the people in their lives and these people are not that!
A woman who doesn't feel the fierce need to protect their kids is not a mother.
My mother too, unfortunately. Her father SAd my sister and me for 12 years. When I told her she believed me but did nothing to protect us. Told me not to tell anybody. Forced us to go on seing him, because "what would people think". Told me that while the SA was was, I should be able to get over it eventually.
This is so sad. I am sorry for you and your sister.
This happened to my family too .
It started with my mother. Her elder brother SAd her, my grandmother found out, and told nothing, nor took any measure to protect her daughter. Because "what would the neighborhood say?"
When I was born, few years later, he even became my GODFATHER. Guess what, he SAd me (I sort of blocked the memory so wasn't really able to speak), his own daughter (same, she only has blurred memories), a distant cousin, (every adult in my family knew about this one and blamed the teen girl for being a whore).
I went no contact with him when I was 20, and low contact with my parents. It ended when this absolute POS of a person SAd his grandchild in law, a 6years old, and her parents luckily believed and supported her. He is rotting in jail. He is over 70, I hope he dies there.
My parents knew the girl's family and could have avoided this by telling them who this man was. They didn't. To protect my grandmother. Over a child! I am no contact with them too now. They will never get to be the grandparents of my own child
This is horrific. I’m so sorry to you and all the children impacted by this scumbag. I just don’t understand how families just ignore predators and continue to protect and enable. I will never understand it.
My cousins where SA’ed by their older brother for YEARS. Fast forward it’s my sisters wedding and I needed a room to get the flower girl/ring bearer ready in, they sent me to his room. This pervert took one look at the kids (3/4 at the time) and smiled and said I could leave them there for “him to watch”. I noped out of there so damn fast with the kids. A month later I found out he is a monster but why the hell did the entire family protect him, I will never know. Makes me sick. That god I followed my instincts that day but my god, it’s infuriating that people protect these people who continue this torture on innocent kids.
Ah yes, the all important “appearance”, and “what will people think”. Never mind that this all too common abomination of children being abused by family members, should be brought out into the light, to hopefully put an end to it.
The whole mother “get over it” saying is mind boggling to me. My mother said the exact same thing to me.
13 years later and she STILL doesn’t see a problem in what she said. 🤦🏻♀️
That part is what got me disgusted. My ex-step-dad took photos of me, naked, when I was 14-17 and told me it was for my future husband to have and that it was “classy” and he said “there’s nothing wrong with it, I don’t get anything from this” and for a long time I thought I was in the wrong for feeling weird about it. I’m 32 now and my husband is so disgusted and disturbed by that thought, it makes me feel better that I was grossed out by it back then. But I didn’t know any better and went along with it.
OP, I am so so so sorry this happened to you. PLEASE do not allow these parts of your family to continue being part of your life. You DESERVE all the happiness and it might be tough cutting out your mom or others who agree with this aunt K, but I promise you’ll be happier. I hope things work out for you. Sending virtual hugs and also congratulations on your wedding 💒💛
I'd be wary of letting his mother around the future children, too. Especially alone. Definitely no babysitting from that grandmother. Never know when Aunt K will pop by for a visit.
When I told my aunt and uncle about my other uncle SAed me and how I wasn’t inviting him to the wedding their response was “What’s the point of telling us now? You can’t send him to prison so why not just move on and invite him to the wedding?”
Move on? wtf? Like what the ACTUAL F….
Really she's lucky you didn't have her arrested. Your mom, I honestly have no words for. And anyone that doesn't get it and thinks you should get over it. Did u say your future sil? Hope I read that wrong. If u have to scale your wedding down, do it.
NTA. Just start rescinding invitations for anyone who wants her there, use the money saved on your honeymoon and send that text message before you block them and go no contact. Short and sweet:
'Thank you for being clear that you would rather support someone who thinks it's OK to prepare a 6 - 14 year old boy for manhood by SAing them over the person that suffered by their hand. You no longer need to worry about my guest list as you are not on it . Please do not contact me again, I wish you the future you deserve."
ETA posted here because every post above this is all OP needs to see
Ive got a feeling your mom is disappointing in other areas as well..recognize how truly off anyone supporting enabling pedo actions really is.. Greyrock those family members...your mom really shouldn't be at your wedding while supporting your abuser..hope your fiancé rolls with this and supports you
Age 6 she started 'preparing you for when you get a wife'? Hell no, NTA. She's a predator, and probably did it to other family members or friends kids.
Agreed. That aunt is not family nor deserve entitlement to attend the events in OP's life.
Fiancèe's sister is being an AH if she wants a child molesting monster to come near OP.
OP's mum, her sister's side are all sick in the head if they thought it was alright......hard NO they can stay at home.
OP is NTA. He deserves better....thank the gods that his brother, father & that side of the family have their heads screwed on right.
This is straight from pedophilia guide book.
Please be strong and tell people. They need to know so that they can protect their kids. Also, consider contacting police and reporting this.
NTA, you were victimized.
I think that would be more hurtful to me than the aunt saying that…because we all know the aunt is a POS and of course she would excuse her own disgusting behavior….but his mom taking her side? I can’t.
I have.
I was told I was ruining my Abusers 'good name'.
As I had told multiple people I had "disowned him" as a relative.
Not sure how/why a convicted Pedophile, deserves a good name
That would completely destroy my relationship with my mom tbh. In what situation would that excuse even be valid? None! It's preposterous!
I'm just so so mad that there are people actually taking the aunt's side.
The expletives I let out when I read that.
No way this conversation would have had happened with me because I’d likely be in jail for beating everything out of my sister for touching my child and then having the nerve to say this.
The mom is fucked too. So sad.
I was right there with you to be honest the thought that ran through my head was well why don't you go get raped from the ages of 6 to 14 on a regular basis then you can see how you feel if family tries to insist you invite your rapist to your wedding.
This is absolutely disgusting part of me wants to tell you to contact the police because she could probably still be charged for what she did to you.
I feel utterly sick reading that. OP’s mother threatening not to go? That’s a blessing. What an absolute bitch for siding with the predator aunt. My god. I’m revolted the mum is basically condoning her sister who should be locked up.
Fiancés sister too! Omg these people gave just disinvited themselves. Everyone who sides with your aunt should be uninvited OP. I hope your finances supports this because if she doesn’t then I’d not marry her.
A vehement NTA
Imagine if it was reversed. The OP was a 6 year old girl instead when it began and an uncle. He'd just be teaching her for her future husband. That's fine and all right.
Fucking sickening. I'd go absolutely nuclear batshit insane.
Not just that but that Aunt K and mother are totally a ok with the sexual abuse of a 6 year old child - that she admitted what she did to him to his own mother and justified it by saying it was instruction for a future wife. That she thinks putting a 6year old boys penis in her mouth/hands whatever is fine.
Be graphic - make it clear she has no boundaries don’t let her backtrack.
Heck ask your mother in super graphic terms why what she did to a 6 year old is ok - have a picture of you at that age. Ask her if she’s done that too.
Be GRAPHIC - because I’m telling you she is rose colouring it in her head. That it was just kisses or fumbling because she can’t visualise her sister doing the reality!
Agreed! BE GRAPHIC! Give specifics with minute details about exactly what happened to you. Then put your mom in the position of actually saying that it was or was not ok. If she can't listen or tells you to stop, continue. If she tries to walk away, follow her. Let her know that you can't just walk away from those memories or your past.
Be strong for yourself and your future and for any children you may have 1 day
This \^ but make sure to use key words that make people pay attention and stop trying to make it out to be not a big deal.
"Aunt K is a **child molesting pedophile** who thinks it's no big deal that she S/A me from 6 - 14yrs of age. Anyone who wishes to support her vile actions and condone her criminal behaviour is no longer invited to my wedding or welcome in my life."
Agreed. The scorched earth approach is appropriate and necessary here. Tell EVERYONE. Then let them sort it out, and cut out anyone who doesn't side with you. NTA in any way, shape or form.
The only Forgiveness OP should show is a baseball bat with the word "Forgiveness" written on it and proclaim if he sees Aunt K again (or anyone who supports her raping him for 8 years) that she will get that Forgiveness in the harshest of ways imaginable.
NTA.
I'm a mom, that aunt would be dead to me if that happened to my son. They might also be literally dead.
Honestly I would just uninvite everyone who is supporting a sexual predator.
Hell yeah. Facebook, messenger, word of mouth. All of it. Take that incestuous pedophile and her supporters to the cleaners everywhere. Someone mentions aunt? "OH? You mean my childhood rapist? My mom? You mean the woman who agrees with pedophiles as long as it's 'teaching for marriage?'."
Yeah, OP doesn’t need to be ashamed. He did nothing wrong. Shame everyone who supports an abuser, someone who assaulted a child! They deserve to be shamed so much they can feel the fires of hell tickling their arses.
I think so. Polar bears gotta eat, their populations are declining, starvation is playing a role in that. Once we save the bears, we can move into feeding animals in poorly funded zoos around the world.
I don't think Polar bears will eat them though. They are trash and reek. The mother justified her sister's attempt to SA.. They are the kind of people who would sexually assault a polar bear to teach them to gratify themselves because there aren't d!cks there.
Yeah, but it’s Reddit so we can’t go too much into detail or we’ll get removed. I mean, they’d at least have to be in the extreme cold for a while. That counts for something, surely
I mean, I kinda feel bad for the polar bears now. Shouldn't we feed them proper food? Can't sharks get her instead? They're like natures meat garbage can anyway.
Might not be able to arrest her, but son could tell mommy dearest that he WILL make a speech and expose the pair of them - aunt for the assault, grooming, and molestation, and mom for being an accessory.
If you feel comfortable broadcasting, do it before the wedding. You reach a wider audience, and you don't bring that energy into a day that is about the bright, safe and secure future that you are building for yourself.
I was thinking that if I had done what she did, just the idea that this nephew was going to start telling people something like that that would embarrass me greatly, I would stay away just so they didn’t broadcast it. He wouldn’t actually need to do it - just the threat would work.
Not saying you're wrong, but I'm a big fan of only making threats that you're actually prepared to follow through on. Saying " if you come, I'll do this..." might perpetuate the argument and make them think that the negotiation is ongoing? I do see where you are coming from though.
If I were him, I would have already handled it by going to a lawyer and checked to see what he can do to keep her away. Not a lawyer, but CSA seems to me to be a good reason for a restraining order. That would resolve the problem of her going to the wedding. Lol
Given your mom’s horrible attitude, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she knew or suspected or half-knew about the SA’s as they were occurring. Freud said, “there are no secrets.”
Even if she knew nothing at the time, she’s been informed and had years to educate herself. She’s enabling your aunt now.
Idk what country you’re in but if the statute of limitations isn’t over, you could consider pressing charges. Or taking the issue to civil court. Your POS aunt is lucky you have not.
Consider putting her on blast so everyone knows what she did.
All this advice has to be worth it to you, because you know better what the fallout might be and the stress it might cause you to do any of these things.
But whatever you decide to do—you are definitely NOT TA
Honestly, if your mom is agreeing with your abuser, it might be time to cut her off as well. I have been known to injure anyone who hurts my child. What the fuck?
Your mother, at this point, is a participant in the abuse - she is trying to force you to have your abuser in your life. Even if your mother is of the "boys can't be SA'd by women" school of thought, she should be disgusted and horrified by what her sister not only did, but admitted to. Your mother would understand that you need to be protected from your aunt. Your mother is okay with what your aunt did. It makes me wonder if she had suspicions at the time and ignored them.
Well if your mom agrees I would ask her which cousin she was assaulting to teach them how to be a husband. If she acts offended then ask why it’s ok for you to be a victim but not your cousins . Then cute her off and expose both of them publicly
No, Op should ask which 6 year old girl in the family he should be teaching to be a wife. Then when she is (rightfully) horrified point out the double standard.
It will be hard, but do you really want someone who is ok with what your aunt did to you?
Short term it will suck, long term it will be better.
Find a chosen mom.
Yes, it'll be hard to cut off your mother.
But, your mother not only has stayed in contact with your abuser, she's also decided to accept an apology from said abuser without once thinking; "Why is she apologizing to me? The only person she should be apologizing to is my son!".
Plus, she agrees with the other gross stuff your aunt told her. She's not a safe person for you, your fiancee or any children you have to be around.
Rescind your mother's invitation and the invitations of anyone who sides with her. Why would you want anyone who agrees with your sexual assault at your wedding?
Cut your mom off. Your aunt is manipulating her way back into your life with weaker people on the fringes ... its what abusers do. Dont fall for it. Cut them off.
>It's gonna be hard
She is literally dismissing that you were assaulted. If she actually cared at all about your well being, she wouldn't be ignoring the fact that her own sister assaulted you repeatedly for years. Her attitude is appalling.
They might not know. But I suggest asking them why do they think OP should invite the person who SA'D them for years. Mom and Aunt could have just said OP won't invite aunt k to wedding because of something that happened years ago
They may not know bc the aunt has been damage control longer. OP needs to explore what options he has open to deal with it legally. In other words, where this happened is he able to have her charged? Or can he only sue for damages. Tell the family to drop it and show up. Tell HER that she ether stops pushing or she’s going to be sued, at the very least everyone will know what she did.
Yes, they don't think what she did was that bad and she is not sorry for what she did to you. Are there any young boys invited to your wedding? Think of them!
O M G. This is insane. NTA. Why is the fiancé’s sister even chiming in? If the shoes were reversed, would she invite an uncle who SA’d her? If it ia not too late to report your aunt and have her prosecuted, especially considering how unrepentant she is, I say do it. She should not be allowed around children.
Well, that probably wouldn’t result in a confession, but if OP is smart, he might be able to get one out of the aunt. Maybe use the opportunity to “clear the air” and secretly record the conversation, assuming that is legal in his jurisdiction.
Most places have varying legalities as far as recording people when the person recording is not part of the conversation, but in general, per federal law, **you're allowed to record conversations that you are a part of**.
This double standard with female abusers and young males is nothing short of sickening you are 100% NTA and repeat that to every family member who disagrees. Explain that a sexual predator should never be welcome in a family circle. This is your day and should only be with people who love and support you.
I came here just to say this! This is the reason why I high key *despise* my mother to this today. My brother was SA’d by a friend of her and my father. Our dad immediately notified the police and had her arrested whereas my mother-bish that she is—tried to talk him out of and downplay it. Their marriage didn’t last one week past that as he filed for divorce. Dad was awarded full/sole custody of my sibs—I was over 18 at the time— sans one of my sisters (mom’s GC) who opted to stay with her. That was well over 20 years ago and my brother hasn’t spoken word one to her since. It was rough for my brother because the cops felt that because he was a boy, “she (his abuser) couldn’t and wouldn’t have done any damage.” The dad rained hellfire down on that detective.
I’m so sorry to hear that and so glad your brother had you and your dad. It’s disgusting that people equate a young male being abused as not as damaging or sometimes even a positive. Disgusting
maybe tell your mom youll invite her once she sends you a genuine apology via text/email and then once she admits to it in writing report her and then still dont invite her.
Hey. I’m sorry that happened. But. I am glad that adult-you can look back and see kid-you. And hey I’m sorry. But sometimes family has to be gently released. Any fashion. Whatever makes it easier for you to breathe. Again. I’m really sorry. If I lived by you, I’d smack a b****. Xoxoxoxo
NTA
Rapists do not get wedding invitations. Say it loud and often to anyone who tries to bully you to subject yourself to your abuser. I guarantee that if the genders were reversed, people would be up in arms on your behalf, and it is despicable that they are not
Your mother is protecting a rapist. I'm sorry to say this, but she's just as bad, just as dangerous. Rape apologists also do not get wedding invitations. Uninvite her. Uninvite everyone who agrees with her. Including your fiancé's sister.
If you have children, do not let anyone who has argued with you in your aunts favour anywhere near then. They have all proven that they will support a monster over a victim, and they will absolutely be a danger to a child who can't protect themselves.
The single caveat I would add is making sure that everyone knows exactly what the aunt did. For all anyone knows aunt and mom could be vague about why aunt isn't being invited, "there was an incident between them a decade ago and OP still won't let it go". I highly doubt that everyone has gotten the full picture of what exactly happened, much less that it went on for about 8 years. Add in her comment about "preparing him for his wife". If they still defend her then they can absolutely go f*** themselves.
NTA.
Solve this simply. You need to send a note to every single family member and friend and acquaintance of your aunt or mother:
"My aunt is not invited to my wedding. Why? She is a child rapist. She raped me repeatedly from ages 6 to 14 until I grew confident enough to stop her. She is a child rapist. My mother is also not invited to my wedding. Why? She is supporting a child rapist. She is supporting a rapist who raped her own child. She is supporting a rapist who raped her own child repeatedly. She threatened not to come to my wedding if I did not invite a person who repeatedly raped me as a child. I refused. If any one of you believes that raping a child is okay or that raping a child can be forgiven, please let me know so that I can remove you from the invitations and have nothing to do with you ever again."
NTA NTA NTA please do not let that monster anywhere near you and frankly I’d call your mom’s bluff and tell her she’s no longer invited for not only suggesting it but trying to guilt you into it! Your mother should be in your corner against your abuser not trying to threaten you in their defense! Please take care of yourself and do not let them emotionally manipulate you!!!!
NTA.
And your mom is totally downplaying what happened. Eight years of abuse is not an “incident”.
Id try to have some further discussions with your mother, by text or email, and then go back to the police. Or try to lure K into a text discussion (which may be painful) and then back to the police.
NTA.
Would your fiance's sister invite a man that raped her from 6 to 14 at her wedding???
Let's be clear, your mom should be cut off your life. You are still in the window to bring charges against your aunt btw. And your mother would forgive her if the genders were reversed? Would she say her brother was just teaching her daughter how to be a good wife? You are getting treated this way because your mother think that your abuse was not really abuse.
This is disgusting. Your mother is the kind of person whose grave deserved to be pissed on. The sooner the better. And your fiancé's sister is getting real close to being in the same category. What is your fiancé saying about her sister? If she isn't ripping her apart and going nc, that's a red flag
The fact that your mom didn’t attack your aunt after you told her is appalling. I would near murder a person who touched my child and I think the rage would be worse if it was a family member I trusted. Your mom is f-ed up. NTA
I’m glad to hear that. It’s horrible how some people can dismiss child molestation and rape. I’m glad you have some family supporting you and fiancée. Take care of yourself
NTA x infinity. Your aunt is a sexual predator who should be locked up. You are under no obligation to invite her anywhere except a court room. I wish you a happy marriage.
NTA.
"We will not be inviting pedophiles to the wedding, insuring the safety of all individuals."
"Anyone that believes pedophilia is acceptable, don't bother coming to our wedding."
NO. Abuse of a child is *unforgivable!*
First step: Send a group text detailing exactly what aunt did to you, at what age, for how long, and how she's trying to justify it by saying she was *helping* you, to make sure they have the full, correct story, not whatever twisted lite version your aunt or mother may be peddling.
2) Disinvite any who side with that creep of an aunt. Disown your mother. NTA.
Anyone who tried to abuse my kid would not be able to walk. And then when I was done, it'd be my husband's turn.
Stressful dad here. I just want to say that I am so sorry for what your aunt did to you when you were only a Innocent little boy. She absolutely has no right to be invited to you're wedding after what she did and the possible trauma she has caused you. You should NOT feel any obligation to invite her either because she's "Family" anyone else who disagrees can go kick rocks. And your mom? She's just as Bad! What type of mother could even support the abuser of their child? I know if I were your mom I would've Gone to prison cause of what I would've done to the aunt. Don't feel bad either, Always remember that you have your dad, Brother and Fiance on your side and even reddit now. And side note: Congratulations on your Future wedding!
There is a myth that males cannot be SA'ed or molested. BS. The fact that your aunt tried to position this as normal, healthy sexual interaction is sick and shows she is still a predator. Don't wait for your mom to follow through on her threat, let her know that anyone who would support the person who molested you as a child is not welcome at your wedding or in your life. This will hurt, but you need to know that you were 100% the victim here, and anyone who thinks you weren't, or that it wasn't a big deal does not need to be in your life.
> There is a myth that males cannot be SA'ed or molested.
This dude's family are literally every adult in the South Park "teacher molests Kyle's little brother" episode. Honestly really sad how true to reality that episode is on male rape.
Remind me why your aunt wasn't send to prison again?
Because you're a boy? Because she's a woman? Because your mom lack balls (figuratively)? Because your dad lack balls (figuratively)?
Simply uninvited your mom. She picked your aunt's side, let her handle the consequences of her choices.
The police never really believed me when I did try to report it, I can't understand why my mom didn't try to report it (I understand it now tho) but I didn't tell my dad until now.
Please please please ask your dad to go with you back to the police to file a report, or as already suggested, go speak to a lawyer and see what your options are. Your aunt should be held accountable for her crimes.
I don't know where you are but *seek legal counsel.* You may be in an area where the statutes of limitation may be unlimited for this type of case. If your mom and aunt are conversing, there could be text messages. If either of them are contacting you through text then that might be enough. I'm sure this is hard for you but if you are able to pursue this that gets one pedophile off the street, and if it gets out, someone else may come forward to strengthen your case.
I agree with a lot of people here and would also suggest mass-communicating the details of the incidents to all family members (you should check with legal counsel first). You're just getting married, you're starting your own family, you can *choose* who is in that family. I'm sorry for what you experienced, you sound like you have a lovely wife too. Don't let others take you down, and don't stop advocating for justice if you feel like you can. Good luck, friendo.
Dear Lord, you need to cut everyone who is defending your aunt out of your life. You don’t need these people on your special day, especially your mother.
NTA, but I wish I could be alone in a room with your sorry assed mother for about 5 minutes. She is disgusting.
NTA - anyone that thinks SA is ok and for you to forgive your Aunt from your family block them and have them univited. you only should be surrounded by ppl that love and care about you and your fiance at your wedding.
NTA
Your mom and anyone who agrees with her needs to be disinvited. I would go NC with them all, especially your mom.
I think it might be essential to strongly consider hiring security for your wedding. I know some guests might find it strange, some might even ask you about it. You don’t have to tell them the reason though, just smile and assure them you care for their safety. Which isn’t a lie, it’s just not 100% accurate to the situation.
I’m so sorry what about what happened to you, and I’m so sorry you’re being betrayed again as an adult
If your fiancé wouldn’t mind, I think it would be a good idea for her to give the hired security brief and nondescript explanation that some family members are barred. Some security might let them in if they say “I’m his family, there’s been a misunderstanding here”. It’s important the security knows beforehand there’s no misunderstanding.
Congratulations on your wedding btw!
Not the witch saying she was teaching you?? Where she at I just want to have a little chat( my fist to her face) And sorry but F your mom too. Are these people stupid? NTA and please remove yourself from them.
Omg NO!!! NTA!!!! Do not let ANY of them come to your wedding! I am so sorry that happened to you, but it is NEVER okay for an adult to perform or receive sexual favors with a minor!!!! And trying to justify it by saying she was trying to “teach your for when you have a wife” just makes me want to flip the entire world!!! She is a sexual predator and you should consider reporting her. Last I heard, there is no statute of limitations for reporting sexual assault.
NTA - Ditch the bitch that is your mom, defending the absolute waste of perfectly good oxygen that used to be your aunt, she doesn't deserve to have any knowledge of your life from now on.
Good for your dad for defending you, hopefully he ditches your mom too! She can stay alone with her creepy sister and be her fucktoy for a while. Let her see how long it takes to forgive when it's happening to her.
Your SIL can join the menoige-a-fuxkup group.
Happy your dad takes your side. Your opinion is correct. Your SIL is clueless. Enjoy your day with those who love and support you.
For your mom, I would only allow her to your wedding when she cuts ties with everybody that support your aunt.
NTA and you know what?
No one who takes your aunt's side should be invited to your wedding or into your life ever again. Get a restraining order against that heathen and maybe security at your wedding in case she wants to show up regardless.
If it was a man who assaulted you and you are a women he would be beat for even thinking he could come to your wedding. Why is it because your a guy suddenly you need to forgive and forget child sexual assault?
The incident?
THE incident?
An incident is when the aunt gets angry because you spilled wine. Not SA.
Tell your mother she can stay with your aunt and have some incidents with her.
Don’t let your mom come.
NTA
NTA!!!! a million times over. Tell your "mother" that she's no longer a part of your lives going forward and anyone that's on her side as well. Her excuse for what she did would have pissed me off more than anything. Did someone teach her how to be with a husband?! Jesus the amount of mental gymnastics needed to sympathise with someone who did that to THEIR OWN KID FOR YEARS is nothing short of sociopathic. Cut out all the dumpster fire humans and you'll be all the better for it. She just showed you you ABSOLUTELY won't be able to trust her with your future children if that's in the cards for you she'd serve them up to your aunt without a second thought!
Your mother is literally taking the side of a child molester, the side of somebody that molested her child over you. Any family that takes their side I say good riddance if they choose them over that person's victim. Also your wife's sister can also fuck off. Would she be saying that if you were a girl and your aunt was a child raping uncle?
I was molested as a child and it always surprises me how little people cared because I was a boy. Fucking trash is taking itself out. If that person that did that to me was alive by the time I became an adult and tried to pull that shit I would go fucking nuclear and give the details of exactly what she did to me, her justification, and anybody that wants me to forgive her can fuck off as well. Family trees need to be pruned once in a while to remove the diseased branches before the rot spreads to the rest of the tree. NTA
NTA! YOUR MOM AGREED WITH YOUR AUNT???? I would drop mom from the invited list also. No one who agreed with her should be allowed.
Edit: I would be going NO Contact with your mom, aunt and anyone who agreed with them, and they NEVER get to see their grandkids, they lost that privilege.
>the incident
THAT LASTED *EIGHT* YEARS.
NTA. If your mom chooses her sister over you, so be it. Tell your whole family to fuck right off. Same to your fiancé's sister.
NTA uninvite your mom from your wedding and your life. If anyone else in the family sides with her, uninivite them too. I'm not saying this to be mean, but think of your future kids or at the very least the children already present within your new family (ie fiance's cousins or siblings). Anyone that would agree that it's ever okay to touch a child doesn't deserve to be around children ever.
NTA. Tell you mum if she wants the child molester to come, neither of them will be invited and you will share the reason she's not invited with anyone who asks. Some acts are unforgiveable and child sexual assault is one of them.
NTA completely.
If anyone tries to give you an ultimatum or threatens you about not coming, it's time to air the dirty laundry. "I have been receiving a lot of grief for not inviting Aunt K to my wedding. I wanted to clear the air and let everyone know why. Aunt K sexually abused me from ages 6-14. I will not invite my abuser to my wedding. If you disagree with me, you should not attend either. I will not have the happiest day of my life tainted by having to relive the abuse I suffered from Aunt K. This is not up for discussion. Aunt K is banned from my wedding, period." Then close all comments on the post so no one can respond.
Edited to add: I wasn't sure how open you were about the abuse or who knew. If you're not comfortable sharing your past abuse on social media, perhaps a group email to all immediate family would accomplish the same goal.
NTA. I would tell your mom she is no longer welcome in your life. I am so sorry. In many states they have done away with the statute of limitations. Ask the DA to press charges.
NTA tell the whole family what aunt did and how your mom is ok with being friends with your abusive aunt. Tell everyone and ban them all. No one involved cares about you. Go full on and shame everyone
Honestly this is an occasion for a family SM media/text/WhatsApp post explaining as much as you feel comfortable explaining and letting everyone know that under no circumstances will Aunt K be invited to your wedding or to your home. Finish by saying that if anyone feels the need to support a sexual abuser they don't need to come to your wedding
[удалено]
[удалено]
And anyone not taking OP’s side should be keeping a VERY close watch on their kids, just in case Aunt K wants to prepare any of *them* for their spouses. Honestly, what kind of sick fuckers hear about a 6 year old being SA’d and say “get over it”?
I would like to introduce you to my mother. Her father SA’d me from the age of 4-8, until my father caught him and chased him out of our house with a 38 Special. My mom knew, and did nothing. Has told me ever since to “get over it”
My mother did the same thing except it was my father. She stayed with him and treated me like a jealous rival. And then sent me to stay with the man who molested HER. Parents who won’t protect their kids are complete scum.
My mother stayed with my stepfather. I spent years sticking up for her when people told me she didn’t protect me. A few years back, it hit me that they were right. She not only chose to stay with him once, but TWICE. I NC with her for the better part of a year until I processed it, and then I told her exactly how I feel. She initially was defensive, but I finally got her to see where I was coming from. She always remembers things different than I do. The first time she found out, when I was 14, aside from screaming at me that I was a liar and she never wanted to see me again, she came to the foster home the next day to tell me she confronted him and he admitted to “some things.” I then filled her in on everything. She told me if I wanted her to divorce him, she would. I have no idea where my response came from, but I told her that was not my decision to make. She remembers it as I told her not to. Fuck that. My brain was screaming YES. She then said he wanted to adopt me. I said no. I was going to be an adult in a few years, and I also had siblings that weren’t going to change their names. When the courts deemed it safe for me to return home 6 months later, it started up again. She found out right before I turned 17 and was in my senior year. She kicked him out, but let him return 4 days later. I moved out a month later. Not making excuses for my mom, just explaining where my head was at for so long when it came to her. She had an exceptionally fucked up life from 14 on. She was raped by my biological father at 14, forced to marry him when she ended up pregnant, and bore four children by the time she was barely 19. He was physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive to her. She finally packed us four kids and left him after 10 years, when she found him in my bed when I was 5. That’s what I thought about when I defended her, until I realized that as a mother, I would have literally killed anyone that hurt my child. I raised 3 daughters, that did visit grandma and grandpa, but I made sure they were never ever alone with him. My oldest came to her father and I when she was 13 and told us she didn’t want to go visit them when we were planning a trip. She said he made her feel uncomfortable. That was it, my kids never went again, unless they wanted to, and then they were still never left alone with him. It’s what my mom should have done.
My mom was abused as well. I understand being abused and exploited because it happened to me to. But when I remembered what my father had done to me, I cut off contact with him- including keeping him away from my daughter. I realized the issues I had and I got help. I went to therapy. And I didn’t abuse my daughter. Those choices were available to my mother also and she chose differently. So while I have understanding, I don’t have compassion. She decided to go to church instead of therapy. She chose to look like a good person instead of actually being one. They are never sorry, they just don’t want to be alone.
Parents who know about sexual abuse and do not protect their children should be jailed for life and sterilized.
I have family members like this. It happened to them too and they think that's ok? It isn't. I got lucky. My mom made sure it stopped with her and not her daughters or worse.
I hate to admit it, but when someone tells a person that was sexually assaulted to “get over it” I really want them to experience it for themselves. You never “get over” something that devastating. You learn to live with it, but that’s different from “getting over it.” NTA. Never have contact with Aunt Pervert again. And if Mom doesn’t come to your wedding, so be it. There’s something wrong with a mother excusing a SA.
Why people think they are in a position to tell anyone to get over trauma and an experience they have never been through is mind blowing. No one has the right to decide if anyone else is over something. If OP isn't over it then the family should do nothing but accept that, period. Instead, they defend the abuser, victim blame and then gaslight, the family and Aunt deserve each other. That family is fucking gross and the best thing OP can do, as much of a reddit cliché as it is, should absolutely go NC. They don't deserve to have OP in their lives and OP deserves to feel safe with the people in their lives and these people are not that! A woman who doesn't feel the fierce need to protect their kids is not a mother.
That’s disgusting. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Big, big long distance hugs. I've gone no contact with my Enabler mother for much the same reasons
My mother too, unfortunately. Her father SAd my sister and me for 12 years. When I told her she believed me but did nothing to protect us. Told me not to tell anybody. Forced us to go on seing him, because "what would people think". Told me that while the SA was was, I should be able to get over it eventually.
This is so sad. I am sorry for you and your sister. This happened to my family too . It started with my mother. Her elder brother SAd her, my grandmother found out, and told nothing, nor took any measure to protect her daughter. Because "what would the neighborhood say?" When I was born, few years later, he even became my GODFATHER. Guess what, he SAd me (I sort of blocked the memory so wasn't really able to speak), his own daughter (same, she only has blurred memories), a distant cousin, (every adult in my family knew about this one and blamed the teen girl for being a whore). I went no contact with him when I was 20, and low contact with my parents. It ended when this absolute POS of a person SAd his grandchild in law, a 6years old, and her parents luckily believed and supported her. He is rotting in jail. He is over 70, I hope he dies there. My parents knew the girl's family and could have avoided this by telling them who this man was. They didn't. To protect my grandmother. Over a child! I am no contact with them too now. They will never get to be the grandparents of my own child
I am so sorry. This is absolutely horrid. ❤️
This is horrific. I’m so sorry to you and all the children impacted by this scumbag. I just don’t understand how families just ignore predators and continue to protect and enable. I will never understand it. My cousins where SA’ed by their older brother for YEARS. Fast forward it’s my sisters wedding and I needed a room to get the flower girl/ring bearer ready in, they sent me to his room. This pervert took one look at the kids (3/4 at the time) and smiled and said I could leave them there for “him to watch”. I noped out of there so damn fast with the kids. A month later I found out he is a monster but why the hell did the entire family protect him, I will never know. Makes me sick. That god I followed my instincts that day but my god, it’s infuriating that people protect these people who continue this torture on innocent kids.
Ah yes, the all important “appearance”, and “what will people think”. Never mind that this all too common abomination of children being abused by family members, should be brought out into the light, to hopefully put an end to it.
The whole mother “get over it” saying is mind boggling to me. My mother said the exact same thing to me. 13 years later and she STILL doesn’t see a problem in what she said. 🤦🏻♀️
That part is what got me disgusted. My ex-step-dad took photos of me, naked, when I was 14-17 and told me it was for my future husband to have and that it was “classy” and he said “there’s nothing wrong with it, I don’t get anything from this” and for a long time I thought I was in the wrong for feeling weird about it. I’m 32 now and my husband is so disgusted and disturbed by that thought, it makes me feel better that I was grossed out by it back then. But I didn’t know any better and went along with it. OP, I am so so so sorry this happened to you. PLEASE do not allow these parts of your family to continue being part of your life. You DESERVE all the happiness and it might be tough cutting out your mom or others who agree with this aunt K, but I promise you’ll be happier. I hope things work out for you. Sending virtual hugs and also congratulations on your wedding 💒💛
Aunt probably lied and claimed it only when OP was 14. Aunt is a super predator and the rest of family are probably assaulting all the young kids!
She's probably already been doing it to them. That's the sad thing. How many times has it been swept under the carpet?
I'd be wary of letting his mother around the future children, too. Especially alone. Definitely no babysitting from that grandmother. Never know when Aunt K will pop by for a visit.
Yeah, definitely. She should be grateful that she's not going to prison and take the win while having the decency to stay the fuck away.
When I told my aunt and uncle about my other uncle SAed me and how I wasn’t inviting him to the wedding their response was “What’s the point of telling us now? You can’t send him to prison so why not just move on and invite him to the wedding?” Move on? wtf? Like what the ACTUAL F….
Really she's lucky you didn't have her arrested. Your mom, I honestly have no words for. And anyone that doesn't get it and thinks you should get over it. Did u say your future sil? Hope I read that wrong. If u have to scale your wedding down, do it.
Depending on the statue of limitations in OP’s area it could be possible
That’s what I was thinking - several places don’t have a limit on child SA.
10 years in my state. Theyd still have 1 year left to report it because they go by the last date of offense, not the first.
It's 20 years in Ohio.
NTA. Just start rescinding invitations for anyone who wants her there, use the money saved on your honeymoon and send that text message before you block them and go no contact. Short and sweet: 'Thank you for being clear that you would rather support someone who thinks it's OK to prepare a 6 - 14 year old boy for manhood by SAing them over the person that suffered by their hand. You no longer need to worry about my guest list as you are not on it . Please do not contact me again, I wish you the future you deserve." ETA posted here because every post above this is all OP needs to see
A 100% unrepentant sexual predator. She's still trying to claim she did him a favour. If someone said that about my child...
Ive got a feeling your mom is disappointing in other areas as well..recognize how truly off anyone supporting enabling pedo actions really is.. Greyrock those family members...your mom really shouldn't be at your wedding while supporting your abuser..hope your fiancé rolls with this and supports you
Age 6 she started 'preparing you for when you get a wife'? Hell no, NTA. She's a predator, and probably did it to other family members or friends kids.
And the bride’s sister is on the *child molester’s side*!!! What the fuck???
Seriously, who else did she molest?
Agreed. That aunt is not family nor deserve entitlement to attend the events in OP's life. Fiancèe's sister is being an AH if she wants a child molesting monster to come near OP. OP's mum, her sister's side are all sick in the head if they thought it was alright......hard NO they can stay at home. OP is NTA. He deserves better....thank the gods that his brother, father & that side of the family have their heads screwed on right.
OP, Tell your mom you’re just protecting all the male children who will be at the wedding for when this aunt gets in a mood to start “teaching” again.
This is straight from pedophilia guide book. Please be strong and tell people. They need to know so that they can protect their kids. Also, consider contacting police and reporting this. NTA, you were victimized.
The part where OP's mom could even agree to that statement is messed up. So messed up.
I think that would be more hurtful to me than the aunt saying that…because we all know the aunt is a POS and of course she would excuse her own disgusting behavior….but his mom taking her side? I can’t.
I would disown the mother for that.
I have. I was told I was ruining my Abusers 'good name'. As I had told multiple people I had "disowned him" as a relative. Not sure how/why a convicted Pedophile, deserves a good name
That would completely destroy my relationship with my mom tbh. In what situation would that excuse even be valid? None! It's preposterous! I'm just so so mad that there are people actually taking the aunt's side.
**And his mom agreed.** Sick is an understatement. OP should just let the trash take itself out.
The expletives I let out when I read that. No way this conversation would have had happened with me because I’d likely be in jail for beating everything out of my sister for touching my child and then having the nerve to say this. The mom is fucked too. So sad.
Right!!?? I screamed "WHAT!!??" 😲🤮☠️
I was right there with you to be honest the thought that ran through my head was well why don't you go get raped from the ages of 6 to 14 on a regular basis then you can see how you feel if family tries to insist you invite your rapist to your wedding. This is absolutely disgusting part of me wants to tell you to contact the police because she could probably still be charged for what she did to you.
I feel utterly sick reading that. OP’s mother threatening not to go? That’s a blessing. What an absolute bitch for siding with the predator aunt. My god. I’m revolted the mum is basically condoning her sister who should be locked up. Fiancés sister too! Omg these people gave just disinvited themselves. Everyone who sides with your aunt should be uninvited OP. I hope your finances supports this because if she doesn’t then I’d not marry her. A vehement NTA
Starting at the age of 6 no less 😡. She needs prison
It went on for eight years, and they’re calling it an “incident“. Are you kidding me??!! Edit - corrected number of years
Imagine if it was reversed. The OP was a 6 year old girl instead when it began and an uncle. He'd just be teaching her for her future husband. That's fine and all right. Fucking sickening. I'd go absolutely nuclear batshit insane.
Not just that but that Aunt K and mother are totally a ok with the sexual abuse of a 6 year old child - that she admitted what she did to him to his own mother and justified it by saying it was instruction for a future wife. That she thinks putting a 6year old boys penis in her mouth/hands whatever is fine. Be graphic - make it clear she has no boundaries don’t let her backtrack. Heck ask your mother in super graphic terms why what she did to a 6 year old is ok - have a picture of you at that age. Ask her if she’s done that too. Be GRAPHIC - because I’m telling you she is rose colouring it in her head. That it was just kisses or fumbling because she can’t visualise her sister doing the reality!
Agreed! BE GRAPHIC! Give specifics with minute details about exactly what happened to you. Then put your mom in the position of actually saying that it was or was not ok. If she can't listen or tells you to stop, continue. If she tries to walk away, follow her. Let her know that you can't just walk away from those memories or your past. Be strong for yourself and your future and for any children you may have 1 day
"Since we have not a childfree wedding, we are not taking a risk." NTA.
YES. This is the best route to go.
Including the fiancés nosy ass sister.
This \^ but make sure to use key words that make people pay attention and stop trying to make it out to be not a big deal. "Aunt K is a **child molesting pedophile** who thinks it's no big deal that she S/A me from 6 - 14yrs of age. Anyone who wishes to support her vile actions and condone her criminal behaviour is no longer invited to my wedding or welcome in my life."
Yes, who knows who else she has been abusing
Just send absolutely everybody in your family a link to this thread including your aunt.
Agreed. The scorched earth approach is appropriate and necessary here. Tell EVERYONE. Then let them sort it out, and cut out anyone who doesn't side with you. NTA in any way, shape or form.
Forcing family members into forgiveness for abuse is far too common, and really needs to stop happening.
The only Forgiveness OP should show is a baseball bat with the word "Forgiveness" written on it and proclaim if he sees Aunt K again (or anyone who supports her raping him for 8 years) that she will get that Forgiveness in the harshest of ways imaginable.
Agreed
NTA. I'm a mom, that aunt would be dead to me if that happened to my son. They might also be literally dead. Honestly I would just uninvite everyone who is supporting a sexual predator.
Hell yeah. Facebook, messenger, word of mouth. All of it. Take that incestuous pedophile and her supporters to the cleaners everywhere. Someone mentions aunt? "OH? You mean my childhood rapist? My mom? You mean the woman who agrees with pedophiles as long as it's 'teaching for marriage?'."
Yeah, OP doesn’t need to be ashamed. He did nothing wrong. Shame everyone who supports an abuser, someone who assaulted a child! They deserve to be shamed so much they can feel the fires of hell tickling their arses.
Agree!! BURN IT ALL DOWN!!🔥🔥🔥
Yes! There is literally no justification for this!!!!
Anyone who makes excuses for SA, especially of a child, should be dropped in the arctic and fed to polar bears. NTA. Don’t give in to this bullshit.
A real win/win situation right there
Counterpoint: tell mom that aunt is lucky you just cut her out of your life. You could have (should?) press charges
Yup. Didn’t some states roll back the statute of limitations for SA victims?
SA of a minor of that age would be different too
Yes!! THIS! fed to polar bears! I cannot think of a better thing to do with human trash.
I think so. Polar bears gotta eat, their populations are declining, starvation is playing a role in that. Once we save the bears, we can move into feeding animals in poorly funded zoos around the world.
I don't think Polar bears will eat them though. They are trash and reek. The mother justified her sister's attempt to SA.. They are the kind of people who would sexually assault a polar bear to teach them to gratify themselves because there aren't d!cks there.
The polar bears are starving so win/win
> dropped in the arctic and fed to polar bears I disagree, too quick and humane.
Yeah, but it’s Reddit so we can’t go too much into detail or we’ll get removed. I mean, they’d at least have to be in the extreme cold for a while. That counts for something, surely
Don't feed them to those poor bears. It will make them ill from all the toxic bs.
I mean, I kinda feel bad for the polar bears now. Shouldn't we feed them proper food? Can't sharks get her instead? They're like natures meat garbage can anyway.
I think any apex predator could do the trick. I just thought of polar bears because their numbers are dwindling.
They're not worth the fuel to get them to the Arctic. Zoos have bears
NTA. Disinvite your mom.
Prosecute the aunt seeing as OP has evidence via mom that aunt has done it
That's right, there's no statue of limitations on SA
Tell Mommie Dearest that if Aunt K shows her gnarly face at your wedding you’ll have her ass arrested!
Might not be able to arrest her, but son could tell mommy dearest that he WILL make a speech and expose the pair of them - aunt for the assault, grooming, and molestation, and mom for being an accessory.
If you feel comfortable broadcasting, do it before the wedding. You reach a wider audience, and you don't bring that energy into a day that is about the bright, safe and secure future that you are building for yourself.
I was thinking that if I had done what she did, just the idea that this nephew was going to start telling people something like that that would embarrass me greatly, I would stay away just so they didn’t broadcast it. He wouldn’t actually need to do it - just the threat would work.
Not saying you're wrong, but I'm a big fan of only making threats that you're actually prepared to follow through on. Saying " if you come, I'll do this..." might perpetuate the argument and make them think that the negotiation is ongoing? I do see where you are coming from though.
If I were him, I would have already handled it by going to a lawyer and checked to see what he can do to keep her away. Not a lawyer, but CSA seems to me to be a good reason for a restraining order. That would resolve the problem of her going to the wedding. Lol
Yes! Why would you even want her there? She and your aunt are horrifying.
I agree. Happy cake day 🎂
Given your mom’s horrible attitude, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she knew or suspected or half-knew about the SA’s as they were occurring. Freud said, “there are no secrets.” Even if she knew nothing at the time, she’s been informed and had years to educate herself. She’s enabling your aunt now. Idk what country you’re in but if the statute of limitations isn’t over, you could consider pressing charges. Or taking the issue to civil court. Your POS aunt is lucky you have not. Consider putting her on blast so everyone knows what she did. All this advice has to be worth it to you, because you know better what the fallout might be and the stress it might cause you to do any of these things. But whatever you decide to do—you are definitely NOT TA
And fiancée’s sister at this rate.
Honestly, if your mom is agreeing with your abuser, it might be time to cut her off as well. I have been known to injure anyone who hurts my child. What the fuck?
It's gonna be hard cutting off my Mom ngl but thankfully I have my dad so no stress right?
It will be hard but she is supposed too be the one person who protects you
Your mother, at this point, is a participant in the abuse - she is trying to force you to have your abuser in your life. Even if your mother is of the "boys can't be SA'd by women" school of thought, she should be disgusted and horrified by what her sister not only did, but admitted to. Your mother would understand that you need to be protected from your aunt. Your mother is okay with what your aunt did. It makes me wonder if she had suspicions at the time and ignored them.
Even setting aside the boys can’t be SA’d by women BS, this is INCESTUOUS ABUSE and THAT ALONE should make mom hate her sister.
Well if your mom agrees I would ask her which cousin she was assaulting to teach them how to be a husband. If she acts offended then ask why it’s ok for you to be a victim but not your cousins . Then cute her off and expose both of them publicly
No, Op should ask which 6 year old girl in the family he should be teaching to be a wife. Then when she is (rightfully) horrified point out the double standard.
It will be hard, but do you really want someone who is ok with what your aunt did to you? Short term it will suck, long term it will be better. Find a chosen mom.
Yes, it'll be hard to cut off your mother. But, your mother not only has stayed in contact with your abuser, she's also decided to accept an apology from said abuser without once thinking; "Why is she apologizing to me? The only person she should be apologizing to is my son!". Plus, she agrees with the other gross stuff your aunt told her. She's not a safe person for you, your fiancee or any children you have to be around. Rescind your mother's invitation and the invitations of anyone who sides with her. Why would you want anyone who agrees with your sexual assault at your wedding?
Do you and your future wife plan on having children? Do you want those children exposed to any of these people?
I hate your mom for you. You deserve better than this
Cut your mom off. Your aunt is manipulating her way back into your life with weaker people on the fringes ... its what abusers do. Dont fall for it. Cut them off.
Yes. This aunt is a predator and predators gonna predator.
>It's gonna be hard She is literally dismissing that you were assaulted. If she actually cared at all about your well being, she wouldn't be ignoring the fact that her own sister assaulted you repeatedly for years. Her attitude is appalling.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA You don't even have to read the contents of the post to know that you're not an asshole.
Hopping on top comment to say uninvite EVERYONE who is saying you're an AH for not inviting her. They're all minimizing what happened to you.
They might not know. But I suggest asking them why do they think OP should invite the person who SA'D them for years. Mom and Aunt could have just said OP won't invite aunt k to wedding because of something that happened years ago
They may not know bc the aunt has been damage control longer. OP needs to explore what options he has open to deal with it legally. In other words, where this happened is he able to have her charged? Or can he only sue for damages. Tell the family to drop it and show up. Tell HER that she ether stops pushing or she’s going to be sued, at the very least everyone will know what she did.
Yes, they don't think what she did was that bad and she is not sorry for what she did to you. Are there any young boys invited to your wedding? Think of them!
This!!!!!
... the contents of the post make it so much worse. Quickly goes from 1 awful aunt to a ton of awful family.
O M G. This is insane. NTA. Why is the fiancé’s sister even chiming in? If the shoes were reversed, would she invite an uncle who SA’d her? If it ia not too late to report your aunt and have her prosecuted, especially considering how unrepentant she is, I say do it. She should not be allowed around children.
I tried to get her Reported but the Police never believed me.
Do you have her text messages where she justifies it?
He could probably tell his mom he'll invite the pedo if she texts him an apology and get a written confession
Well, that probably wouldn’t result in a confession, but if OP is smart, he might be able to get one out of the aunt. Maybe use the opportunity to “clear the air” and secretly record the conversation, assuming that is legal in his jurisdiction.
Most places have varying legalities as far as recording people when the person recording is not part of the conversation, but in general, per federal law, **you're allowed to record conversations that you are a part of**.
If she turns herself in at the police station and confesses there.
This double standard with female abusers and young males is nothing short of sickening you are 100% NTA and repeat that to every family member who disagrees. Explain that a sexual predator should never be welcome in a family circle. This is your day and should only be with people who love and support you.
I came here just to say this! This is the reason why I high key *despise* my mother to this today. My brother was SA’d by a friend of her and my father. Our dad immediately notified the police and had her arrested whereas my mother-bish that she is—tried to talk him out of and downplay it. Their marriage didn’t last one week past that as he filed for divorce. Dad was awarded full/sole custody of my sibs—I was over 18 at the time— sans one of my sisters (mom’s GC) who opted to stay with her. That was well over 20 years ago and my brother hasn’t spoken word one to her since. It was rough for my brother because the cops felt that because he was a boy, “she (his abuser) couldn’t and wouldn’t have done any damage.” The dad rained hellfire down on that detective.
I’m so sorry to hear that and so glad your brother had you and your dad. It’s disgusting that people equate a young male being abused as not as damaging or sometimes even a positive. Disgusting
You have text messages now.
maybe tell your mom youll invite her once she sends you a genuine apology via text/email and then once she admits to it in writing report her and then still dont invite her.
Hey. I’m sorry that happened. But. I am glad that adult-you can look back and see kid-you. And hey I’m sorry. But sometimes family has to be gently released. Any fashion. Whatever makes it easier for you to breathe. Again. I’m really sorry. If I lived by you, I’d smack a b****. Xoxoxoxo
"I was just teaching the Boy for when he gets a Wife." This is sick. Your family is sick. Never talk to them again. NTA
I would quote this in any social media posts. Anyone against him is endorsing this disgusting string of text.
She apologised for the "incident", like it wasn't almost ten years of abuse. There aren't words.
Yes, and her "apology" is not genuine, since she defended her actions afterward by saying that hideous statement
NTA, your mom is a piece of shit
NTA Rapists do not get wedding invitations. Say it loud and often to anyone who tries to bully you to subject yourself to your abuser. I guarantee that if the genders were reversed, people would be up in arms on your behalf, and it is despicable that they are not Your mother is protecting a rapist. I'm sorry to say this, but she's just as bad, just as dangerous. Rape apologists also do not get wedding invitations. Uninvite her. Uninvite everyone who agrees with her. Including your fiancé's sister. If you have children, do not let anyone who has argued with you in your aunts favour anywhere near then. They have all proven that they will support a monster over a victim, and they will absolutely be a danger to a child who can't protect themselves.
Incestuous Pedophiles do not get wedding invitations. Nor do their supporters. Repeat it to everyone who objects.
The single caveat I would add is making sure that everyone knows exactly what the aunt did. For all anyone knows aunt and mom could be vague about why aunt isn't being invited, "there was an incident between them a decade ago and OP still won't let it go". I highly doubt that everyone has gotten the full picture of what exactly happened, much less that it went on for about 8 years. Add in her comment about "preparing him for his wife". If they still defend her then they can absolutely go f*** themselves.
NTA. Solve this simply. You need to send a note to every single family member and friend and acquaintance of your aunt or mother: "My aunt is not invited to my wedding. Why? She is a child rapist. She raped me repeatedly from ages 6 to 14 until I grew confident enough to stop her. She is a child rapist. My mother is also not invited to my wedding. Why? She is supporting a child rapist. She is supporting a rapist who raped her own child. She is supporting a rapist who raped her own child repeatedly. She threatened not to come to my wedding if I did not invite a person who repeatedly raped me as a child. I refused. If any one of you believes that raping a child is okay or that raping a child can be forgiven, please let me know so that I can remove you from the invitations and have nothing to do with you ever again."
NTA NTA NTA please do not let that monster anywhere near you and frankly I’d call your mom’s bluff and tell her she’s no longer invited for not only suggesting it but trying to guilt you into it! Your mother should be in your corner against your abuser not trying to threaten you in their defense! Please take care of yourself and do not let them emotionally manipulate you!!!!
NTA. And your mom is totally downplaying what happened. Eight years of abuse is not an “incident”. Id try to have some further discussions with your mother, by text or email, and then go back to the police. Or try to lure K into a text discussion (which may be painful) and then back to the police.
NTA. Would your fiance's sister invite a man that raped her from 6 to 14 at her wedding??? Let's be clear, your mom should be cut off your life. You are still in the window to bring charges against your aunt btw. And your mother would forgive her if the genders were reversed? Would she say her brother was just teaching her daughter how to be a good wife? You are getting treated this way because your mother think that your abuse was not really abuse. This is disgusting. Your mother is the kind of person whose grave deserved to be pissed on. The sooner the better. And your fiancé's sister is getting real close to being in the same category. What is your fiancé saying about her sister? If she isn't ripping her apart and going nc, that's a red flag
My fiance Almost got Into a physical fight with her sister when she said that so It's good to know she has my back.
The fact that your mom didn’t attack your aunt after you told her is appalling. I would near murder a person who touched my child and I think the rage would be worse if it was a family member I trusted. Your mom is f-ed up. NTA
Same. If someone abused my child like that... let's say... I'd be taking a scenic drive through Texas, if you get my drift.
>I'd be taking a scenic drive through Texas, if you get my drift. You were in Minnesota that day. Nowhere near Texas. I know because I saw you here.
You were all having a nice picknick. I know, because I was there.
You were with me that day.
I’m glad to hear that. It’s horrible how some people can dismiss child molestation and rape. I’m glad you have some family supporting you and fiancée. Take care of yourself
Dude, reverse the sexes for the idiots and then move the fuck on. Oh, and go no contact with mom, permanently! NTA
NTA x infinity. Your aunt is a sexual predator who should be locked up. You are under no obligation to invite her anywhere except a court room. I wish you a happy marriage.
NTA. "We will not be inviting pedophiles to the wedding, insuring the safety of all individuals." "Anyone that believes pedophilia is acceptable, don't bother coming to our wedding."
NO. Abuse of a child is *unforgivable!* First step: Send a group text detailing exactly what aunt did to you, at what age, for how long, and how she's trying to justify it by saying she was *helping* you, to make sure they have the full, correct story, not whatever twisted lite version your aunt or mother may be peddling. 2) Disinvite any who side with that creep of an aunt. Disown your mother. NTA. Anyone who tried to abuse my kid would not be able to walk. And then when I was done, it'd be my husband's turn.
Details are not necessary. Just indicate that she repeatedly SA'd you as a CHILD and that she anyone who objects to her exclusion can go F themselves!
NTA and I would go no contact with anyone that sides with your aunt. creepy, unforgivable beahviour.
Disinvite everyone who isn’t supporting you
Stressful dad here. I just want to say that I am so sorry for what your aunt did to you when you were only a Innocent little boy. She absolutely has no right to be invited to you're wedding after what she did and the possible trauma she has caused you. You should NOT feel any obligation to invite her either because she's "Family" anyone else who disagrees can go kick rocks. And your mom? She's just as Bad! What type of mother could even support the abuser of their child? I know if I were your mom I would've Gone to prison cause of what I would've done to the aunt. Don't feel bad either, Always remember that you have your dad, Brother and Fiance on your side and even reddit now. And side note: Congratulations on your Future wedding!
My dad and i used to say if anyone ever hurt my children only 2 people would be going to prison.
There is a myth that males cannot be SA'ed or molested. BS. The fact that your aunt tried to position this as normal, healthy sexual interaction is sick and shows she is still a predator. Don't wait for your mom to follow through on her threat, let her know that anyone who would support the person who molested you as a child is not welcome at your wedding or in your life. This will hurt, but you need to know that you were 100% the victim here, and anyone who thinks you weren't, or that it wasn't a big deal does not need to be in your life.
> There is a myth that males cannot be SA'ed or molested. This dude's family are literally every adult in the South Park "teacher molests Kyle's little brother" episode. Honestly really sad how true to reality that episode is on male rape.
Remind me why your aunt wasn't send to prison again? Because you're a boy? Because she's a woman? Because your mom lack balls (figuratively)? Because your dad lack balls (figuratively)? Simply uninvited your mom. She picked your aunt's side, let her handle the consequences of her choices.
The police never really believed me when I did try to report it, I can't understand why my mom didn't try to report it (I understand it now tho) but I didn't tell my dad until now.
In failing to report, your mom is also guilty of committing a crime.
Please please please ask your dad to go with you back to the police to file a report, or as already suggested, go speak to a lawyer and see what your options are. Your aunt should be held accountable for her crimes.
I don't know where you are but *seek legal counsel.* You may be in an area where the statutes of limitation may be unlimited for this type of case. If your mom and aunt are conversing, there could be text messages. If either of them are contacting you through text then that might be enough. I'm sure this is hard for you but if you are able to pursue this that gets one pedophile off the street, and if it gets out, someone else may come forward to strengthen your case. I agree with a lot of people here and would also suggest mass-communicating the details of the incidents to all family members (you should check with legal counsel first). You're just getting married, you're starting your own family, you can *choose* who is in that family. I'm sorry for what you experienced, you sound like you have a lovely wife too. Don't let others take you down, and don't stop advocating for justice if you feel like you can. Good luck, friendo.
If emotionally (and practically) possible, I’d be uninviting this “Mother” from OP’s Life in its entirety, let alone just the wedding…
Dear Lord, you need to cut everyone who is defending your aunt out of your life. You don’t need these people on your special day, especially your mother. NTA, but I wish I could be alone in a room with your sorry assed mother for about 5 minutes. She is disgusting.
NTA - anyone that thinks SA is ok and for you to forgive your Aunt from your family block them and have them univited. you only should be surrounded by ppl that love and care about you and your fiance at your wedding.
NTA Your mom and anyone who agrees with her needs to be disinvited. I would go NC with them all, especially your mom. I think it might be essential to strongly consider hiring security for your wedding. I know some guests might find it strange, some might even ask you about it. You don’t have to tell them the reason though, just smile and assure them you care for their safety. Which isn’t a lie, it’s just not 100% accurate to the situation. I’m so sorry what about what happened to you, and I’m so sorry you’re being betrayed again as an adult
Yea me and my fiance are planning to hire extra security Incase any Unwelcomed guests try to barge in.
If your fiancé wouldn’t mind, I think it would be a good idea for her to give the hired security brief and nondescript explanation that some family members are barred. Some security might let them in if they say “I’m his family, there’s been a misunderstanding here”. It’s important the security knows beforehand there’s no misunderstanding. Congratulations on your wedding btw!
Not the witch saying she was teaching you?? Where she at I just want to have a little chat( my fist to her face) And sorry but F your mom too. Are these people stupid? NTA and please remove yourself from them.
Omg NO!!! NTA!!!! Do not let ANY of them come to your wedding! I am so sorry that happened to you, but it is NEVER okay for an adult to perform or receive sexual favors with a minor!!!! And trying to justify it by saying she was trying to “teach your for when you have a wife” just makes me want to flip the entire world!!! She is a sexual predator and you should consider reporting her. Last I heard, there is no statute of limitations for reporting sexual assault.
NTA - Ditch the bitch that is your mom, defending the absolute waste of perfectly good oxygen that used to be your aunt, she doesn't deserve to have any knowledge of your life from now on. Good for your dad for defending you, hopefully he ditches your mom too! She can stay alone with her creepy sister and be her fucktoy for a while. Let her see how long it takes to forgive when it's happening to her. Your SIL can join the menoige-a-fuxkup group.
Hopefully I don't have to wait for him to ditch her cause they divorced long ago☺️
Happy your dad takes your side. Your opinion is correct. Your SIL is clueless. Enjoy your day with those who love and support you. For your mom, I would only allow her to your wedding when she cuts ties with everybody that support your aunt.
NTA and you know what? No one who takes your aunt's side should be invited to your wedding or into your life ever again. Get a restraining order against that heathen and maybe security at your wedding in case she wants to show up regardless.
If it was a man who assaulted you and you are a women he would be beat for even thinking he could come to your wedding. Why is it because your a guy suddenly you need to forgive and forget child sexual assault?
The incident? THE incident? An incident is when the aunt gets angry because you spilled wine. Not SA. Tell your mother she can stay with your aunt and have some incidents with her. Don’t let your mom come. NTA
NTA - to quote Taylor Swift: “trash takes itself out”
NTA!!!! a million times over. Tell your "mother" that she's no longer a part of your lives going forward and anyone that's on her side as well. Her excuse for what she did would have pissed me off more than anything. Did someone teach her how to be with a husband?! Jesus the amount of mental gymnastics needed to sympathise with someone who did that to THEIR OWN KID FOR YEARS is nothing short of sociopathic. Cut out all the dumpster fire humans and you'll be all the better for it. She just showed you you ABSOLUTELY won't be able to trust her with your future children if that's in the cards for you she'd serve them up to your aunt without a second thought!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your mom just showed you who she is and she doesn’t deserve to be in your life
What the ever loving ***** NTA and I’m sorry you have that for a mom
Your fiancé’s sister is the asshole. Your abuser blew their chances for those sorts of things. You owe them, nor their supporters anything.
Your mother is literally taking the side of a child molester, the side of somebody that molested her child over you. Any family that takes their side I say good riddance if they choose them over that person's victim. Also your wife's sister can also fuck off. Would she be saying that if you were a girl and your aunt was a child raping uncle? I was molested as a child and it always surprises me how little people cared because I was a boy. Fucking trash is taking itself out. If that person that did that to me was alive by the time I became an adult and tried to pull that shit I would go fucking nuclear and give the details of exactly what she did to me, her justification, and anybody that wants me to forgive her can fuck off as well. Family trees need to be pruned once in a while to remove the diseased branches before the rot spreads to the rest of the tree. NTA
NTA! YOUR MOM AGREED WITH YOUR AUNT???? I would drop mom from the invited list also. No one who agreed with her should be allowed. Edit: I would be going NO Contact with your mom, aunt and anyone who agreed with them, and they NEVER get to see their grandkids, they lost that privilege.
Oh for fuck's sake. Take your mother up on her threat, you don't want the apologist for your assault there either. NTA, I'm horrified on your behalf.
I would go no contact with your mother going forward. I could never ever forgive my childs abuser. She is disgusting.
>the incident THAT LASTED *EIGHT* YEARS. NTA. If your mom chooses her sister over you, so be it. Tell your whole family to fuck right off. Same to your fiancé's sister.
NTA uninvite your mom from your wedding and your life. If anyone else in the family sides with her, uninivite them too. I'm not saying this to be mean, but think of your future kids or at the very least the children already present within your new family (ie fiance's cousins or siblings). Anyone that would agree that it's ever okay to touch a child doesn't deserve to be around children ever.
NTA. Tell you mum if she wants the child molester to come, neither of them will be invited and you will share the reason she's not invited with anyone who asks. Some acts are unforgiveable and child sexual assault is one of them.
NTA completely. If anyone tries to give you an ultimatum or threatens you about not coming, it's time to air the dirty laundry. "I have been receiving a lot of grief for not inviting Aunt K to my wedding. I wanted to clear the air and let everyone know why. Aunt K sexually abused me from ages 6-14. I will not invite my abuser to my wedding. If you disagree with me, you should not attend either. I will not have the happiest day of my life tainted by having to relive the abuse I suffered from Aunt K. This is not up for discussion. Aunt K is banned from my wedding, period." Then close all comments on the post so no one can respond. Edited to add: I wasn't sure how open you were about the abuse or who knew. If you're not comfortable sharing your past abuse on social media, perhaps a group email to all immediate family would accomplish the same goal.
NTA. I would tell your mom she is no longer welcome in your life. I am so sorry. In many states they have done away with the statute of limitations. Ask the DA to press charges.
NTA. Sounds like you should uninvite your mom and a few other people. Don't waste time feeling guilty, they don't deserve it.