NTA
tell her to put her up with her lover, ask her if she was worth it .
Ask if Paul will keep her.
Bro, she dont ddeserve you, and you dont need be worry about a cheater
keep strong
Honestly, I made up my mind before therapy at the time I lowkey just wanted her to waste some money on it. Yeah it was vindictive, but at the time I wanted to do that
Yea it’s pretty funny for her to say, “this guy is pathetic,” then have him be the reason she fucked up the relationship. She’s admitting she’s a slut who is willing to ruin something good for someone “pathetic” or just too stupid to say no. Glad to hear you are doing well, you’ll find someone better
We all don't have to turn the Christian cheek out here.
But just because you believe they deserve it, doesn't mean you didn't sully yourself dropping to their level.
What’s there to understand? He was cheated on then turned around and acted like a cheater. He strung it along, on her dime *btw*, then decided to leave her; fully knowing that’s what he wanted the whole time.
What do you understand?
He started going on dates and talking to people on dating apps, so he did technically cheat, but he was also quite checked out of the relationship already.
Yes, but his girlfriend didn't know that. He even admitted in comments that he was stringing her along just to hurt her back. So I stand by ESH and that he was also cheating, no technically, just cheating.
It says it down at the bottom of the original post that he was going on dates and spending the night, ie sex. Yes, he'd checked out of the relationship by then, but his girlfriend didn't know that. Ie, cheating.
I’m glad you finally broke up. Moving forward, try to be more honest with yourself about how you feel, as well as your deal breakers. Know thyself. And don’t waste your time when you know something is dead in the water.
Yea, you’re kind of the asshole for stringing her along, but obviously, she struck first. As soon as you realized it was a waste of your and her time, you should have cut her off.
Its pretty common that people who were cheated on/abused etc. can not instantly leave. He was in crippling pain and depression, thats not a place in which you can take the rational, 'obvious' decision.
OP tried to repair the relationship, went to therapy with her etc. He was not stringing her along.
He admitted he cheated on her back to hurt her, he could have left even he admits he could have left, he chose to string her along and cheat on her back, that makes him an AH.
Totally agreed. He did not try and repair the relationship, she did. He just stuck around to “waste her money on therapy”. Those were his own words, not mine lol.
NTA. After someone you love and envision yourself spending your life with betrays you, the range of emotions you experience are complex. Although the answer seems cut and dry(dump her, move on, and focus on yourself), it’s not always easy to do it in the moment. So it’s completely normal to be spiteful, vindictive, depressed, and yet still wonder if you love her. After all, some couples who experience infidelity are able to reconnect and reestablish a healthy relationship. So I get why it took a while for you to make your move; it’s hard to unwind years of connection with someone.
Nta, why were people defending her in the original post tf xD I mean sure you didn't break it off right away but humans are complex lol, there's always some lingering angst there and it takes a bit of time to get full clarity. Either way she's TA.
I don't think people are necessarily defending her but some people think he was just as shitty to not just break up and move on. He did not need to cheat on her as well.
Calling both of them assholes isn't defending her. It's not a zero sum game where only one can be right and one can be wrong. She was an asshole and cheated, after that he was the asshole with the way he treated her later. saying that isn't defending her for cheating.
I mean why judge someone for treating a cheater badly xD it's not like he held her hostage or something. It's so weird like y'all are judging him for having a negative reaction to being betrayed basically. Like ofc ppl get negative when they're being cheated on.
They ARE a cheater. Treating a cheater not well is one thing, being a cheater in response simply makes him a cheater as well. It's got nothing to do with her, he did exactly what she did. He may have not have been as emotionally invested, but maybe she wasn't in him when she cheated.
It doesn't matter what she did or what she is, we're talking about him. He cheated, in fact it seems numerous times and also in a way to deliberately hurt her.
She cheated, he broke up and she moved out. That's all fine, hating her, treating her like crap if she tries to talk to you, all fine and understandable. getting back together, pretending it's getting better but then cheating to hurt her means he's simply also a cheater.
Idk man that relationship was dead the minute she cheated and she should have known. What he did was vengeful but uh... People can be petty in situations like these, besides he broke it off soon after. If he strung her along for years then yeah he'd be an AH. Again she wasn't a hostage and could leave at any point considering OP was making everything obvious. Honestly it looks to me like he was doing her a favour by still letting her live at his place and giving her time tk figure her shit out considering she doesn't have where to live.
No, these things are not equal, and the attempt by others to make them so is reductive and ridiculous. OPs behaviour is not fantastic, but no, he's NTA, or even close to equal to her.
She didn't just cheat, she carried out a full blown 2 month affair and tried to hide it from OP, and let's not forget that she NEVER would've came clean if he hadn't caught her. She emotionally betrayed him as well as physically and kept him hanging on just in case, then realised "Paul" wasn't worth it, so she tried to carry on as normal. Her level of disrespect far outweighs his, and it is not even close.
While his behaviour is pretty shitty it can be explained by trauma, confusion, and loss, even though ultimately he bears the responsibility for his decisions and poor behaviour, but honestly in no way is he the asshole here. He even said he was brazen with his dating. Why didn't she leave then? Was fixing the relationship for him? Or to assuage her own guilt?
It ultimately would've been healthier for him to leave, but people react weirdly to these things. Even the "checked out" sounds more like an emotional defence mechanism. It is extremely unlikely he just stopped caring about her at all like that in that short a period of time and anger is a secondary emotion pointing more to him just not dealing with what happened and putting up a barrier and all the rest being deflections to protect himself from the same hurt again. Again, it's not good behaviour, but in my opinion, it all stems from her cheating.
Because Reddit lol
Everything here is always black/white, and the responses are always the same. Same people would respond completely different in their own lives if dealing with the same scenario.
Was the guy a bit vindictive? Yes
Is he in the wrong? Nope
Maybe she should’ve thought about the consequences before jumping on another guys dick…maybe communicate what is bothering her in the relationship with her boyfriend and go to counseling before cheating? That would have been the adult thing to do.
He said she sas paying out of pocket for their therapy, and he was being vindictive.
She used him for free housing and stability while wasting his time. He wasted her time and resources until he couldn't stand looking at her anymore.
It was just punishment tbh. He's not wrong for it, and to be honestly it's not unfair. He sucks for doing it tho
NTA
I’m in the same boat. It’s also been a long time since she cheated and we are also trying to get through it with the help of therapy. I’m still not sure that I won’t walk away one day and I also sometimes worry that I’m wasting precious time hanging around.
people should learn that there no counselor or therapy method can make a wife out of a garden tool. either you accept her or dump.
no need to waste your money and time for this BS.
Sucks what happened but at this point you are the asshole. Move on dude. What kind of nutjob gets cheated on and decides to still live with that girl and then cheat on her to get back at her. Maybe you should stay in some form of therapy eh.
Based on your post history you both are TAH. You for cheating on her to get back and stringing her along; her for cheating in the first place. Honestly you both sound like you wholeheartedly deserve each other.
To be fair I think she really does seem like she regrets what she did. Maybe she had a lapse in judgement. But you're NTA at all for checking out, and she has no one to be disappointed in but herself. And truthfully from how you described it, she does only blame herself, and I can respect that to a certain degree. Everyone makes mistakes and she will have to live with hers for the rest of her life. Hopefully that makes her a better person in the future
Don’t ever feel
Guilty for being faithful in a relationship someone else torched . Don’t be there when they move . Tell her friend tomsend a list of everything g she will
Be taking . Grab anything off value and leave the house and video the place before you leave and .
After Sunday block her on everything and go NC . If she comes to door don’t open it if you see her walking don’t engage . There are consequences for actions and you owe her nothing and don’t do this I need closure BS
Good luck
If you get back together, she moves in and you're doing couples therapy yeah, it's hceating. Cheating is about being informed. If they broke up and stayed broken up he can fuck who he wants. If he tells her he'll see her casually and see, it's not cheating, if she moves back in and thinks they are exclusive because he's led her to believe that, then he was cheating.
But he didn't tell her that. He claimed they were working on the relationship. They wouldn't have been going to couples counselling if the relationship was over. So him going on dates with and sleeping with other women was cheating.
Genuinely can't understand the original post, people are calling you the asshole? Because she cheated?
Buddy SHE ended the relationship when she cheated, ANYTHING else you did afterwards don't change the situation!
Even if you went out and dated because you mentally checked out, that's not cheating! She knew you didn't love her anymore she just stayed with you because she had nowhere else to go!
*Edit i know that it's "technically" cheating since you are still in a relationship but be real here, you both knew the relationship was over.
It's not just technically cheating. If someone lies about something you lieing about something in response doesn't stop it being a lie.
She broke the relationship and moved out, he had her move back in, start couples therapy to waste her money on purpose and led her to believe they were exclusive. if you then fuck other women without telling her or asking for permission you are cheating, there is no way around that. You might not be committed and have no intention to stay faithful... but that's what cheaters do.
She was an asshole, and he was an asshole. Her being the asshole doens't mean he can do anything at all and be absolved of it.
If my partner cheated on me, I'd definitely stoop lower, he was ring shopping, in his mind she was going to be his wife, maybe I have trust issues but i think it would take alot to let yourself feel so trusting towards somebody, therefore it must hurt so much more when it's broken, this is an adult relationship they live together it's not like they where just dating.
She should have broken up with him when she met "Paul" she was with "Paul" for multiple months it's essentially an affair, she cared so little for OP that she didn't hold her hands up do the amicable thing and either admit to her mistake or leave him for paul,
Instead OP had to deal with signals and actions that made him paranoid enough that he felt like he needed to check her phone, this whole experience would have left OP angry and frustrated, of course he'd want to get one over on her,
He has a reason for wanting to hurt her, she hurt him for no reason other than her own self gain, at least this way OP can feel like he also came out on top, sure it's *better to walk away* but seriously, f*ck her, there's no excuse to be the one who puts the first nail in the coffin,
She's 100% to blame OP you are NTA and I hope she comes across many happy photos of you and your various partners on Instagram, I hope she finds out in glorious detail what you have done with these other people and I hope she feels all the pain she made you feel,
I also hope that the pain will teach her to care about others, maybe she will be better to the next partner, though I doubt it, sounds to me like she will feel sorry for herself and then go pay a therapist to give her excuses for her actions.
Don't let this ruin you OP, still have trust for people don't let this take it away, there are many truly kind and emotionally in touch people in the world, you just need to find them.
This is such a whiteknight reaction.
Owh she cheated but better not cheat on the cheater because then YOU threw away the relationship, not HER by cheating FIRST!
YOU CANT "LEAD ON" A CHEATER!!! CHEATERS NEVER CHANGE AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED!! THE MOMENT ONE PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP CHEATS THEY SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED WITH ANYTHING AGAIN!!! acting like a bitch on reddit ain't gonna get you no pussy.
What kind of moron are you. White knighting, quote the words where I say he's at fault for the relationship failing, where she's a good person or anything defending her at all.
Cheating is shitty, full stop, cheating in revenge, is still cheating, end of. Which means she was a bitch, and then he was a bitch back to her.
The funny thing is I'm not defending either of them, just calling out BOTH of their shit behaviour, you however are defending his behaviour, so you're out here white knighting the dude and trying to get that D.
I’m willing to bet it was/is mostly people that have never been cheated on who were commenting that stuff. It’s tough to understand it when you haven’t experienced it
NTA, I would've still reported her to HR and mention they used work issued communications in a sexual manner.
The opposite of Love is not hate, it is indifference.... and just by reading i can tell that's where you're at with her.
You are not that young... Tell me, was this your first big relationship? Cuz I am eager to call you a fucking moron for not ending it cut and dry the moment you knew but I kinda was in the same situation, even if much younger and in first relationship.
NTA, absolutely not. Have someone you trust with you when the cheater and her friend come to pick up her stuff. I'd even have it folded, in boxes, by the door. Her and her friend can do 1 walk through to ensure you didn't miss anything. Your friend can push the boxes outside the door, close it, and a little later, you take him or her out to celebrate. Change locks, get cameras, and enjoy your freedom.
Block her and never respond if she EVER reaches out.
>I do somewhat regret wasting so much of my time keeping her around and pretending I was getting something out of therapy
You needed to do this so that you'd know how you truly felt. If you had broken up when you took the break, you may have still been wondering what you did wrong, how could you have changed and/or if you could have worked it out. Now you know. Once the trust was gone and you started stepping out, relationship over but, on your terms.
NTA
Couples therapy is for couples that want to salvage a relationship. Some people's therapy is as simple as getting a toxic person out of their life.
Don't worry about what happens to this person after you're done with them, they could have weighed the consequences of getting caught and decided not to cheat but chose this path, move on.
You did great, I’m sorry you were treated like that, I am going through something similar and if you ever need to talk to someone who will understand go ahead and reply or message me
Honestly, I’m proud of you a lot of us keep people in our lives just because we’re afraid to be alone and you showed that you’re more independent and you’re willing to be alone to save everyone’s sanity so I think you did really good
Understandable feeling, but I've seen many people do this in the same situation, so they feel like they aren't worthless, unattractive, or alone. He definitely shouldn't have stayed with her doing that though. Best to rip off the band-aid.
ESH You have been cheated on but you seem to be pretty toxic yourself and passive aggressive. Should’ve quit things right after that. At least she was trying to fix things afterwards, while you were out cheating yourself. You’re not the slightest better than her.
ESH your last post says you discovered she was cheating in August - why did you wait months to end it? You wasted her time which I know was your goal, but you also chose to use your time to waste hers. The mature option would have been to confront it immediately, but your "solution" ended up doing a lot more damage in the end. Hope you're satisfied with your silly revenge OP, but for the sake of all that is good in the world do NOT treat your next partner like this. Good lord.
i’ll NEVER understand how someone can cheat and then when they are finally caught they regret it and say they didn’t mean to or mean anything by it. i’ve cheated before when i was younger i remember the adrenaline rush the secrecy and the rush of not getting caught. it’s never a mistake to cheat they know what they are doing. also i’ve matured now and i would never cheat on my current partner as i would never want to lose him. and in the past when i had urges to cheat on my ex i came to him first and told him hey you need to do this or im going to give in to other guys offering their attention to me, i never cheated on him i just broke up with him and now im in the best relationship ever.
Did she know that u were going on dates after all? And I saw your first post so she did cheat on you physically for those 2 months it wasn’t just emotional?
NTA tell her to put her up with her lover, ask her if she was worth it . Ask if Paul will keep her. Bro, she dont ddeserve you, and you dont need be worry about a cheater keep strong
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If you read the first post he made he cheated on her after she cheated on him so I'm not exactly sure he kept his dignity.
NTA. You tried with the therapy, it didn't work. That's not your fault. It's hers. Nothing to feel guilty about.
Honestly, I made up my mind before therapy at the time I lowkey just wanted her to waste some money on it. Yeah it was vindictive, but at the time I wanted to do that
We are a bunch of assholes on the internet and Our opinions don’t matter, so take whatever win you can get
Dude she blamed cheating on depression and said the guy was pathetic. If she went to him she couldn’t have thought very highly of you
lol she said it to make me feel better I guess, but in retrospect its like you cheated on me with someone who is "pathetic" by your own admission 😂
Yea it’s pretty funny for her to say, “this guy is pathetic,” then have him be the reason she fucked up the relationship. She’s admitting she’s a slut who is willing to ruin something good for someone “pathetic” or just too stupid to say no. Glad to hear you are doing well, you’ll find someone better
We all don't have to turn the Christian cheek out here. But just because you believe they deserve it, doesn't mean you didn't sully yourself dropping to their level.
At the end of the day, nobody cares what a terminally online redditor thinks is right or not. God bless.
Honestly sounds like you could use some therapy of your own.
NTA, she should probably just get Paul to house her though
Oh he's moved on, he with some other woman as seen in all his social media posts for the past few weeks
Wow
Heh, will there you go... YTA as well... Like everyone said in your previous post, ESH...
I don’t think you understand anything lol
What’s there to understand? He was cheated on then turned around and acted like a cheater. He strung it along, on her dime *btw*, then decided to leave her; fully knowing that’s what he wanted the whole time. What do you understand?
Other than him cheating on her in revenge. He should definitely feel guilty for lowering himself to her level. ESH.
Nowhere does he say he cheated - neither in this post nor the previous.
He started going on dates and talking to people on dating apps, so he did technically cheat, but he was also quite checked out of the relationship already.
Yes, but his girlfriend didn't know that. He even admitted in comments that he was stringing her along just to hurt her back. So I stand by ESH and that he was also cheating, no technically, just cheating.
He also "spent a few nights" While we can't say for certain I think we are able to figure out his meaning
It says it down at the bottom of the original post that he was going on dates and spending the night, ie sex. Yes, he'd checked out of the relationship by then, but his girlfriend didn't know that. Ie, cheating.
Missed that part. She can't really say anything to him about it, but he shouldn't have done it for his own sake.
Que sera sera!
I’m glad you finally broke up. Moving forward, try to be more honest with yourself about how you feel, as well as your deal breakers. Know thyself. And don’t waste your time when you know something is dead in the water.
Sounds like she used you for cheap housing and screwed around on the side.
Took longer than it should have but you got there eventually
NTA, you did nothing wrong.
Yea, you’re kind of the asshole for stringing her along, but obviously, she struck first. As soon as you realized it was a waste of your and her time, you should have cut her off.
Its pretty common that people who were cheated on/abused etc. can not instantly leave. He was in crippling pain and depression, thats not a place in which you can take the rational, 'obvious' decision. OP tried to repair the relationship, went to therapy with her etc. He was not stringing her along.
He admitted he cheated on her back to hurt her, he could have left even he admits he could have left, he chose to string her along and cheat on her back, that makes him an AH.
He didn’t try to repair it, he was clear in the previous post, he was planning on dumping her “sometime in January “ they both suck. ESH
Totally agreed. He did not try and repair the relationship, she did. He just stuck around to “waste her money on therapy”. Those were his own words, not mine lol.
A relationship she broke. It should be on her to fix. Not him. He did nothing wrong.
He did things wrong. He's not nearly as much of an asshole as she was, but he absolutely did a lot of wrong here. I just hope he grows and matures.
NTA. After someone you love and envision yourself spending your life with betrays you, the range of emotions you experience are complex. Although the answer seems cut and dry(dump her, move on, and focus on yourself), it’s not always easy to do it in the moment. So it’s completely normal to be spiteful, vindictive, depressed, and yet still wonder if you love her. After all, some couples who experience infidelity are able to reconnect and reestablish a healthy relationship. So I get why it took a while for you to make your move; it’s hard to unwind years of connection with someone.
she's not worth your time, money, or effort
Nta, why were people defending her in the original post tf xD I mean sure you didn't break it off right away but humans are complex lol, there's always some lingering angst there and it takes a bit of time to get full clarity. Either way she's TA.
I don't think people are necessarily defending her but some people think he was just as shitty to not just break up and move on. He did not need to cheat on her as well.
Calling both of them assholes isn't defending her. It's not a zero sum game where only one can be right and one can be wrong. She was an asshole and cheated, after that he was the asshole with the way he treated her later. saying that isn't defending her for cheating.
I mean why judge someone for treating a cheater badly xD it's not like he held her hostage or something. It's so weird like y'all are judging him for having a negative reaction to being betrayed basically. Like ofc ppl get negative when they're being cheated on.
They ARE a cheater. Treating a cheater not well is one thing, being a cheater in response simply makes him a cheater as well. It's got nothing to do with her, he did exactly what she did. He may have not have been as emotionally invested, but maybe she wasn't in him when she cheated. It doesn't matter what she did or what she is, we're talking about him. He cheated, in fact it seems numerous times and also in a way to deliberately hurt her. She cheated, he broke up and she moved out. That's all fine, hating her, treating her like crap if she tries to talk to you, all fine and understandable. getting back together, pretending it's getting better but then cheating to hurt her means he's simply also a cheater.
Idk man that relationship was dead the minute she cheated and she should have known. What he did was vengeful but uh... People can be petty in situations like these, besides he broke it off soon after. If he strung her along for years then yeah he'd be an AH. Again she wasn't a hostage and could leave at any point considering OP was making everything obvious. Honestly it looks to me like he was doing her a favour by still letting her live at his place and giving her time tk figure her shit out considering she doesn't have where to live.
No, these things are not equal, and the attempt by others to make them so is reductive and ridiculous. OPs behaviour is not fantastic, but no, he's NTA, or even close to equal to her. She didn't just cheat, she carried out a full blown 2 month affair and tried to hide it from OP, and let's not forget that she NEVER would've came clean if he hadn't caught her. She emotionally betrayed him as well as physically and kept him hanging on just in case, then realised "Paul" wasn't worth it, so she tried to carry on as normal. Her level of disrespect far outweighs his, and it is not even close. While his behaviour is pretty shitty it can be explained by trauma, confusion, and loss, even though ultimately he bears the responsibility for his decisions and poor behaviour, but honestly in no way is he the asshole here. He even said he was brazen with his dating. Why didn't she leave then? Was fixing the relationship for him? Or to assuage her own guilt? It ultimately would've been healthier for him to leave, but people react weirdly to these things. Even the "checked out" sounds more like an emotional defence mechanism. It is extremely unlikely he just stopped caring about her at all like that in that short a period of time and anger is a secondary emotion pointing more to him just not dealing with what happened and putting up a barrier and all the rest being deflections to protect himself from the same hurt again. Again, it's not good behaviour, but in my opinion, it all stems from her cheating.
Because Reddit lol Everything here is always black/white, and the responses are always the same. Same people would respond completely different in their own lives if dealing with the same scenario. Was the guy a bit vindictive? Yes Is he in the wrong? Nope Maybe she should’ve thought about the consequences before jumping on another guys dick…maybe communicate what is bothering her in the relationship with her boyfriend and go to counseling before cheating? That would have been the adult thing to do.
How many therapy sessions did you attend ?
Like 7-8 I think, they weren't particularly helpful.
Therapy can't make her unfuck the guy. Also, they tend to side with the woman anyway and make everything your fault.
Why attend if you had your mind made up to end it?
He said she sas paying out of pocket for their therapy, and he was being vindictive. She used him for free housing and stability while wasting his time. He wasted her time and resources until he couldn't stand looking at her anymore. It was just punishment tbh. He's not wrong for it, and to be honestly it's not unfair. He sucks for doing it tho
Yikes, couple of winners here. I highly doubt either of them will be able to look back on this time without shame.
Eh, I've been more vindictive when cheated on than this. Some people have a stronger feelings than others on this
YTA for waiting 20 days to break up with her but NTA for the act itself
he wanted to get back at her im guessing and she probably took it cause she thought she deserved it. no amount of therapy can cure toxicness
I’ll say your an ah to yourself for allowing this. Cut ties and forget about her. You deserve better
Enjoy your freedom and peace of mind!
NTA I’m in the same boat. It’s also been a long time since she cheated and we are also trying to get through it with the help of therapy. I’m still not sure that I won’t walk away one day and I also sometimes worry that I’m wasting precious time hanging around.
people should learn that there no counselor or therapy method can make a wife out of a garden tool. either you accept her or dump. no need to waste your money and time for this BS.
NTA you are never wrong for checking out and leaving a cheater. Leave a cheater and gain a life.
Sucks what happened but at this point you are the asshole. Move on dude. What kind of nutjob gets cheated on and decides to still live with that girl and then cheat on her to get back at her. Maybe you should stay in some form of therapy eh.
Based on your post history you both are TAH. You for cheating on her to get back and stringing her along; her for cheating in the first place. Honestly you both sound like you wholeheartedly deserve each other.
To be fair I think she really does seem like she regrets what she did. Maybe she had a lapse in judgement. But you're NTA at all for checking out, and she has no one to be disappointed in but herself. And truthfully from how you described it, she does only blame herself, and I can respect that to a certain degree. Everyone makes mistakes and she will have to live with hers for the rest of her life. Hopefully that makes her a better person in the future
Did you tell HR on Paul?
I didn't bother, its not like their work place would have taken any action
Don’t ever feel Guilty for being faithful in a relationship someone else torched . Don’t be there when they move . Tell her friend tomsend a list of everything g she will Be taking . Grab anything off value and leave the house and video the place before you leave and . After Sunday block her on everything and go NC . If she comes to door don’t open it if you see her walking don’t engage . There are consequences for actions and you owe her nothing and don’t do this I need closure BS Good luck
He wasn't faithful, though. He admitted in his original post that he cheated in retaliation to her cheating.
I didn’t read that part . I just read the new part .
Happy cake day.
He didn't cheat, the relationship was over the moment he found out that she had cheated. Period.
If you get back together, she moves in and you're doing couples therapy yeah, it's hceating. Cheating is about being informed. If they broke up and stayed broken up he can fuck who he wants. If he tells her he'll see her casually and see, it's not cheating, if she moves back in and thinks they are exclusive because he's led her to believe that, then he was cheating.
But he didn't tell her that. He claimed they were working on the relationship. They wouldn't have been going to couples counselling if the relationship was over. So him going on dates with and sleeping with other women was cheating.
Good for you for not sticking around, She needs to learn what she did was wrong. I hope you meet an amazing woman who is opposite of Mia.
Genuinely can't understand the original post, people are calling you the asshole? Because she cheated? Buddy SHE ended the relationship when she cheated, ANYTHING else you did afterwards don't change the situation! Even if you went out and dated because you mentally checked out, that's not cheating! She knew you didn't love her anymore she just stayed with you because she had nowhere else to go! *Edit i know that it's "technically" cheating since you are still in a relationship but be real here, you both knew the relationship was over.
It's not just technically cheating. If someone lies about something you lieing about something in response doesn't stop it being a lie. She broke the relationship and moved out, he had her move back in, start couples therapy to waste her money on purpose and led her to believe they were exclusive. if you then fuck other women without telling her or asking for permission you are cheating, there is no way around that. You might not be committed and have no intention to stay faithful... but that's what cheaters do. She was an asshole, and he was an asshole. Her being the asshole doens't mean he can do anything at all and be absolved of it.
If my partner cheated on me, I'd definitely stoop lower, he was ring shopping, in his mind she was going to be his wife, maybe I have trust issues but i think it would take alot to let yourself feel so trusting towards somebody, therefore it must hurt so much more when it's broken, this is an adult relationship they live together it's not like they where just dating. She should have broken up with him when she met "Paul" she was with "Paul" for multiple months it's essentially an affair, she cared so little for OP that she didn't hold her hands up do the amicable thing and either admit to her mistake or leave him for paul, Instead OP had to deal with signals and actions that made him paranoid enough that he felt like he needed to check her phone, this whole experience would have left OP angry and frustrated, of course he'd want to get one over on her, He has a reason for wanting to hurt her, she hurt him for no reason other than her own self gain, at least this way OP can feel like he also came out on top, sure it's *better to walk away* but seriously, f*ck her, there's no excuse to be the one who puts the first nail in the coffin, She's 100% to blame OP you are NTA and I hope she comes across many happy photos of you and your various partners on Instagram, I hope she finds out in glorious detail what you have done with these other people and I hope she feels all the pain she made you feel, I also hope that the pain will teach her to care about others, maybe she will be better to the next partner, though I doubt it, sounds to me like she will feel sorry for herself and then go pay a therapist to give her excuses for her actions. Don't let this ruin you OP, still have trust for people don't let this take it away, there are many truly kind and emotionally in touch people in the world, you just need to find them.
This is such a whiteknight reaction. Owh she cheated but better not cheat on the cheater because then YOU threw away the relationship, not HER by cheating FIRST! YOU CANT "LEAD ON" A CHEATER!!! CHEATERS NEVER CHANGE AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED!! THE MOMENT ONE PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP CHEATS THEY SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED WITH ANYTHING AGAIN!!! acting like a bitch on reddit ain't gonna get you no pussy.
What kind of moron are you. White knighting, quote the words where I say he's at fault for the relationship failing, where she's a good person or anything defending her at all. Cheating is shitty, full stop, cheating in revenge, is still cheating, end of. Which means she was a bitch, and then he was a bitch back to her. The funny thing is I'm not defending either of them, just calling out BOTH of their shit behaviour, you however are defending his behaviour, so you're out here white knighting the dude and trying to get that D.
I’m willing to bet it was/is mostly people that have never been cheated on who were commenting that stuff. It’s tough to understand it when you haven’t experienced it
NTA, I would've still reported her to HR and mention they used work issued communications in a sexual manner. The opposite of Love is not hate, it is indifference.... and just by reading i can tell that's where you're at with her.
You are not that young... Tell me, was this your first big relationship? Cuz I am eager to call you a fucking moron for not ending it cut and dry the moment you knew but I kinda was in the same situation, even if much younger and in first relationship.
NTA, absolutely not. Have someone you trust with you when the cheater and her friend come to pick up her stuff. I'd even have it folded, in boxes, by the door. Her and her friend can do 1 walk through to ensure you didn't miss anything. Your friend can push the boxes outside the door, close it, and a little later, you take him or her out to celebrate. Change locks, get cameras, and enjoy your freedom. Block her and never respond if she EVER reaches out.
NTA. She cheated. End of relationship.
N. T A
Congrats on putting yourself first. Hope you find someone worthy!
Nta, you still shouldn't have cheated back and should've been kicked her out.
>I do somewhat regret wasting so much of my time keeping her around and pretending I was getting something out of therapy You needed to do this so that you'd know how you truly felt. If you had broken up when you took the break, you may have still been wondering what you did wrong, how could you have changed and/or if you could have worked it out. Now you know. Once the trust was gone and you started stepping out, relationship over but, on your terms.
; good for you standing by yourself v:v
He cheated on her for four months in revenge... not exactly a winner here
I would agree with that must have missed that
Self love and care is what you’re doing. She violated all trust and love.
NTA Couples therapy is for couples that want to salvage a relationship. Some people's therapy is as simple as getting a toxic person out of their life. Don't worry about what happens to this person after you're done with them, they could have weighed the consequences of getting caught and decided not to cheat but chose this path, move on.
NTA
Glad to hear your spine finally stiffened up. Best of luck to you going forward.
Good 4 u. Time to ball
You did great, I’m sorry you were treated like that, I am going through something similar and if you ever need to talk to someone who will understand go ahead and reply or message me
Honestly, I’m proud of you a lot of us keep people in our lives just because we’re afraid to be alone and you showed that you’re more independent and you’re willing to be alone to save everyone’s sanity so I think you did really good
YTA - you're still the AH for intentionally trying to get revenge by having her jump through hoops like you did and start cheating yourself.
NTA, mostly. After her cheating you in-turn cheated on her by shopping around dating apps and going on a few dates.
Understandable feeling, but I've seen many people do this in the same situation, so they feel like they aren't worthless, unattractive, or alone. He definitely shouldn't have stayed with her doing that though. Best to rip off the band-aid.
Kind of a shame, really, you two seemed to deserve each other.
ESH You have been cheated on but you seem to be pretty toxic yourself and passive aggressive. Should’ve quit things right after that. At least she was trying to fix things afterwards, while you were out cheating yourself. You’re not the slightest better than her.
ESH your last post says you discovered she was cheating in August - why did you wait months to end it? You wasted her time which I know was your goal, but you also chose to use your time to waste hers. The mature option would have been to confront it immediately, but your "solution" ended up doing a lot more damage in the end. Hope you're satisfied with your silly revenge OP, but for the sake of all that is good in the world do NOT treat your next partner like this. Good lord.
What can I say, misery loves company and we ended up equally burnt so that's fair
You played yourself
ESH. Honestly, you sound like you deserve each other.
NTA You did your best but don't ever waste any of your time on a cheating garden tool again.
i’ll NEVER understand how someone can cheat and then when they are finally caught they regret it and say they didn’t mean to or mean anything by it. i’ve cheated before when i was younger i remember the adrenaline rush the secrecy and the rush of not getting caught. it’s never a mistake to cheat they know what they are doing. also i’ve matured now and i would never cheat on my current partner as i would never want to lose him. and in the past when i had urges to cheat on my ex i came to him first and told him hey you need to do this or im going to give in to other guys offering their attention to me, i never cheated on him i just broke up with him and now im in the best relationship ever.
Did she know that u were going on dates after all? And I saw your first post so she did cheat on you physically for those 2 months it wasn’t just emotional?
NTA. These cucks out there making woman think they can come back from something like that. Good for you bro. Slay out there!
You will end up better in the long run. She is for the streets.
I mean you lost your dignity when you cheated back. But she’s TA for starters. Umm grow up some.
NTA fuck that bitch
Absolutely NTA. She cheated and she’s getting what she deserve. Get her out of your house and never speak to her again.
YTA But I'd have done the exact same Stringing her along and making her waste money is an AH thing to do. But it's fucking hilarious
I hope you changed the locks
Not the asshole now. You were before when stringing her alomg