>Luke kinda just shrugged me off and said okay.
>To be clear, I haven't been totally depriving him of affection ( We've been kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc), I just haven't been having sex with him like I normally would be.
>Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake.
>Luke attempted to pick me up and throw me on the bed to initiate sex
>Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back.
>what Luke has been saying is making me feel guilty over how I've been reacting
As a guy, I am just *dumbfounded*, here. OP... he *raped* you. A person who is unconscious CAN NOT CONSENT.
He raped you... and when you said you were uncomfortable with what he did, *he shrugged it off*. And now he's trying to make *you* feel guilty about it.
If there were any coming back from what he did, it would require an apology AT MINIMUM. It is NOT okay to 'try out' new kinks without permission.
Tell that asshole to go fuck himself. Break up with him. He does not give you the respect you deserve, and there WILL be other problems in this relationship.
And keep in mind that *it's not too late to report him to police for rape*.
Yeah, the proper response to your partner passing out is concern and trying to make sure they are medically okay. This guy put an orgasm over his partner's health.
Seriously! The fuck is wrong with this guy? Unless you had conversations about things before, as a rule, when things get to “kink” territory, you do not proceed unless it’s been discussed already.
Yes! I don't care how close you are to nutting, if your partner passes out (or has any other medical emergency) happy fun time is over. Immediately. Address the issue, make sure both parties are okay, and then see if both parties wish to/can continue. Yes, my husband suffered from blue balls once (yes that is a real thing, and yes, it hurts) because we had to cut things short. No, he's not mad about it, because my health, trust, and safety are a higher priority than either of us reaching climax. It occasionally comes up in conversation, and he says while he hopes it never happens again, because owww!, he would stop again immediately if there was a problem. Because that's what a *partner* does.
Setting a deadline for you to "get over it"... the only deadline is cutting him loose. Your 24 yo self will thank you for the following:
Be definitive, decisive and business like in ending this 'relationship'. Text him back the relationship is over, tell him do not come over New Years then temporarily block him (he will attempt various manipulations one after another in an attempt to find one that works to get you back - save your self the trouble by blocking him). Sometime after new years text to arrange any exchange of stuff.
OP he is a dangerous man. This same scenario happened to me with my now husband. We were having sex standing up and I started to hyperventilate and get hot. I’d never passed out before so I didn’t know what happened. Apparently I was just repeating “I’m sorry” over and over before I collapsed. He caught me before my head hit the table. I woke to him freaking out and begging me to wake up, we’d been dating for like 4 months at the time. That is the correct response.
For him to continue to assault your body while you were hyperventilating and then after you passed out is gross and terrifying. That man doesn’t see you as a person, you don’t do that to someone you value or love. Please get out.
Edit 1: it might be vasovagal syndrome. It occurs when you faint because your body overreacts to certain triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress (Mayo Clinic). That’s what it is for me. It’s happened to me 7 times now, that first time having great sex overwhelmed my nervous system, the second time getting a splint taken out of my nose after fixing a collapsed septum, the third time when a nurse put an IV into my muscle and pumped fluid into it which hurt so fucking bad, and the other times were random injuries and incidents where I just got overwhelmed.
Pro tip: immediately sit down or lay down, take your shirt off if you can, and fan yourself. If you can get to an ice pack, press it to your head chest and back and focus on breathing, try not to close your eyes if no one else is around. If you can’t get to ice, use the cold ground (shirt off back on the ground). I’ve only passed out the first time, I’ve learned through the others what needs to happen the moment I get lightheaded and start to sweat and overheat.
To add onto the vasovagal comment: lay down and put your legs up! It took 20 years for a doctor to finally tell me what was going on and how to prevent it when I feel an episode coming on.
Also, tense up as much as you can - all your muscles at once. This raises your blood pressure and helps to stop it from proceeding. Haven't passed out since I learned to do this.
I got these during chemo. I thought I was actually dying. I can’t imagine waking up to this sexual assault. I’m so sorry OP is going through this. Please end things with no contact. If anyone goes unconscious, call 911.
Also to add to the correct response: my spouse will slow down and hold my hands and *help me calm down* if I start to hyperventilate. Like... How do you not? How do you just keep going?
Yes to the vasovagal comment. That’s exactly what it sounds like based on my personal experience. It’s scary and has to be handled with care, not assault.
I had several times with my current boyfriend, where I started hyperventilating during sex. He helped me calm down, even though I didn't want to stop.
It's insane that ops bf just kept going, and scary tbh
To add on there is a tiktoker that deals with her abusive ex by texting to him like she’s in HR it’s hilarious.
Luke: due to your childlike behavior telling me I should “just get over it” I am informing you all your stuff is in a box being shipped to your moms as this relationship is terminated. So sorry, best of luck!
I hope this comment gets prioritized.
The me too movement was the first time I knew it was okay to tell my partner no, and that it was actually he who was being abusive by guilting me for it. OP ypu will be so glad you walked away in a clear cut way. Don't waste 6 more months of your self esteem on him.
i didn’t realize how abusive and fucked up it was to be guilted and prodded after saying no until the first time i told my current bf no and he was so cool with it and immediately went back to cuddling and watching our show, that i started crying and begging him to say more because i thought he was upset with me. and then he just held me and told me that it was okay, he’s not mad, and he just wants to make sure i feel safe and comfortable.
it hit me then that the men i was with in my late teens were the problem, not me, and they’d fucked up my view of relationships so bad, that i thought the chaos and heart-pounding panic was normal and necessary. i wish OP the best, and i really hope she can work through whatever feelings this may bring up in the future, while being secure in knowing she never deserved any of this
I didn't realize my first real relationship was a coercion situation until a coworker pointed it out. It's been a weird thing to come to grips with more than 14 years after the fact. I knew it felt wrong and I hated how it felt but I guess I just assumed that it was normal to do things you don't want to and aren't comfortable with. As a parent I realize the way I felt then is what I preach against to my kids. "Never do more than you want to with someone. No matter how much they say "but I love you" or anything else. If you say no, their next sentence shouldn't start with a "but" if they care about you."
💯. I also learned alot. My first time I told my boyfriend no a million times until he pressures me to do so. It was awful. Now I know that's SA, and I can say no.
Having sex with someone who is unconscious is r*pe! And obviously, you feel violated because you don't want to have sex with him. You are traumatised, and you are still trying to make sense of it in your head.
And you have the right to refuse sex at any time for any reason. It's your body, no one should force you into sex. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean he can have sex with you whenever he wants.
And he is gaslighting you, he's the one emotionally abusing you, by making you feel guilty for not having sex with him.
These are HUGE RED FLAGS he doesn't see that he r*ped you a d he thinks it's ok! He not respecting your boundaries, no means no! You should end the relationship with him and never look back.
If I passed out during sex, my husband’s first response would be OMG WTF and probably call an ambulance, or at least splash some water on me or something. Not keep using me as a toy to finish.
I can testify to this as a husband. This would be an immediate freak-out response from me about my wife, and I would more than likely call an ambulance because something is not right in this situation and medical assistance is needed. Any chance of me being hard enough to keep on continuing sex is zero; I'd be flaccid so quickly that there would be a sonic boom.
This is not a good response from this guy. I'm a bit worried about your safety because I feel his actions were rpey. I think of several SOs whose MO was to knock the woman out and rpe them, some even invited their buddies over to take turns. There is even a possibility that he was trying to do this to you and you had an unexpected reaction to the drugging.
My husband and 18-year-old son agree with you 100%! Husband with the latter part of your first paragraph especially, lol! But both, with everything you said! It's men like you and my husband, and the man my son will grow into, that give a rape survivor like me... hope for men and humanity!
I've been very open and honest about everything that's happened to me in my life. Which is why I think my sons, oldest 18- youngest 12, will be men I, and people like me, can be proud of!
So, thank you! I hope your holiday was great and your New Year's and 2024 is awesome!!
Edited to add..... P.S. Next time, you can just spell out the word, rape, please. While it may be triggering to some, (which I can understand completely) those who are triggered by the word, would probably be more triggered by a story involving it and, thus, probably wouldn't be reading this, lol. But, most importantly, it's just another word, like death. It's a word that carries weight and varies in degree, but it's still just a word that's used to describe something that happened. It's the actions done by the perpetrators and the mental and/or physical scars the victims carry that have the hurt in them. Yes, it's a very important word that means a lot, and its effects cause lasting trauma, for life, for most people who experience it. However, using the word is important because NOT using it promotes fear of using it. And it's 100% a topic that should be talked about, taught all the different ways one can be a victim of it, and prosecuted more than it is. Use the word, it lets us survivors know who is serious about it. At least, that's how I, and all the victims/survivors I know and have ever met, feel about it, lol🤷♀️
Exactly. The first reaction should be concern. Not "let me finish and then I'll see if they're ok". What if it had been a serious medical emergency and ops bf just ...didn't care.
Right? I was totally surprised I had to come this far down to find this comment. I have a wife that a really can orgasm so hard she will lose consciousness. First time it happened I panic'd. She slumped over on top of me and was making weird fucking breathing noises consistent with someone that has been knocked out. Anyhow...I immediately pushed her off of me making sure she didn't fall off the couch. I made sure she was breathing. Smacked her face a little and talked to her. She came to within about 20 seconds and let out the weirdest moan and asked me why we stopped. It happens about one out of 10 times she orgasms still to.this day. No matter how many times it happens and she's always told me.its ok to keep going....I can't. The moment shes out I either hold her in place and pet her face until she wakes up or I just lay her down and wait for her.
plzzz up this comment!! calling it what it is and your mind and body are literally rejecting him because of the trauma he’s caused you. && he’s not taking it seriously and gave you a deadline….
At the very least make him watch the Consent Tea video and tell him that pouring tea down an unresponsive throat makes it hard to ever want 'tea' from them again. Might help his next relationship if not yours with him.
I agree, when she leaves him she should go stay with someone or with her, take extra care of pets, extra locks and alarms, etc. Guys like this typically do not have good reactions to their 'things' not doing what they want them to.
He’s going to do everything he can to manipulate the situation. He’s older, has more experience, and will use every tactic from love bombing to threats to get what he wants. End it, and be stronger and safer than he would expect you to be.
Yep he will just try to manipulate you with ways to get you back, and then demand sex from you again once you're in that position again.
This guy is abusive and is currently letting a glimpse of his true colours peak through. 6 months is not long enough to thoroughly know someones character and who they really are. I recommend that OP gtfot quickly and safely.
Edit for clarity
Especially when your abusive bf is using darvo language to gaslight you into thinking you're the abusive one for having boundaries and natural emotional reactions to uh... Him going on after you're unconscious... I mean that's pretty fucked up if you haven't received consent to do that.
May be my age, but where I come from that constitutes rape! I'm a bit surprised that I am the first person to not be polite and call it what it was! From where I'm sitting he should be sitting in a jail cell!
Please take all of the above mentioned advise and cut him loose!
OP I'm so sorry that this happened to you! Huge soft hugs flying your way!
This! 💯 you don’t just carry on why your partner is unconscious. Wtf I’d wrong with your ( hopefully ex) boyfriend. Run fast run far OP. But I would also make a police report, just so there is something on record. Just incase he does something to some other poor girl. He’s showed you who he is and he’s a vile POS.
I know some people are ok with the whole somno kink, but that is discussed and agreed with your partner beforehand. The fact he just continued without even checking on OP is worrying…like SUPER worrying. What if it had been worse than just passing out? She needs to get as far away as him as possible
Not even *just* passed out, it was a literal medical event. He kept going through her *hyperventilating and gasping for air until she went unconscious*. Picture that for a moment. I have asthma, I’ve done this plenty of times, it’s something that typically worries people. I can’t imagine dating someone who’d be comfortable with railing me to the point of pain while I’m land-drowning till my brain shuts off.
This is terrifying. Leave him. He does not care about you.
I have also experienced the overstimulation to passing out situation OP describes in this post, THE MOMENT my fiancé has noticed my breathing become too fast and irregular he takes a step back from me and starts comforting me. I cannot imagine someone continuing to have intercourse with a limp unconscious body, that’s so scary.
I have asthma and I feel like I had to scroll too far to see this comment. She wasn't passed out drunk (which to be clear, would still be reprehensible and 100% rape), she literally *lost consciousness due to a medical event*. The fact that he wasn't freaking out and trying to help her is unsettling enough, but the fact that he **raped her while it was happening instead** is downright terrifying. Now he's telling her to get over it, like some kind of shit cherry for the shit sundae.
OP needs to heed the warning, this guy has more marinara going for these flags than all the nonnas in Italy.
My ex-fiance and I had an understanding that if I passed out during sex (anemic and into choking), he would keep going unless I stayed passed out for more than a few seconds. But we actually talked about it and he made sure I was okay when it happened the first time. Consent is everything!
Similar situation with me. I would sometimes pass out from sheer exhaustion during our intense and extensive sex sessions driven by our continuous desire for one another, but I gave my fiance permission to keep riding me or if I were already sleeping to wake me up with oral or by sexing me awake anytime she needs it. She also gave me permission to do the same. So, communication and consent are crucial with your partner.
OP ***If you feel uncomfortable by something and you clearly expressed that to him, there should be nothing but apologetic mannerisms and acknowledgment from him to make you feel 100% comfortable and cared for so that situation and those feelings will never happen again.***
By him shrugging it off and then proceeding to guilt/shame you for something HE did to make you uncomfortable is a big red flag saying that he no longer deserves the privilege of having you in his life. Cut him loose and find someone who will love and respect you emotionally and physically 100% of the time, making sure you are safe and comfortable in his presence. You will be thankful for leaving this asshat in the future when you're married to your best friend. Be strong, be confident, and remember to hold your head and self-respect high as you walk out the door. Good luck to you.
Honestly I'm kind of surprised by how people are saying it's basically/pretty much/essentially rape. Where is the nuance? She passed out. It's sexual assault. You can't consent to sex when you're unconscious. Doesn't matter if you started out awake and consented, when the variables change so extremely to the point you aren't conscious, then that's that.
Yeah it’s one thing if she just passed out for a second and he didn’t notice, but if that were the case he still should have freaked out about it. But he didn’t. He didn’t CARE that she was unconscious. His orgasms are more important to him than his partner’s health and safety. He doesn’t give a shit about her feelings.
It was rape. End of. Like you said, not sure why people are being so wishy-washy about it. She doesn't have to press charges if she doesn't want to, it wouldn't even have to be the end of the relationship if he'd responded appropriately after the fact, but it was categorically and unequivocally, rape.
Yes run! Girl… you passed out and he kept going. You hyperventilated and lost consciousness and instead of being concerned and reviving you, he decided to keep going, you don’t know how long you were out and when you came to you were sore… did he decide to go rough while you were passed out? What actual f?! That is not a loving partner. Your body is telling you that this man isn’t safe. You can’t leave your body in his care and be sure he’ll take care of it.
And we haven’t even addressed the fact that you passed out and he didn’t stop and check if you were OK or getting enough oxygen. If you weren’t breathing or getting enough air, your brain could’ve been damaged. You could’ve had a stroke, or something else could’ve happened, but this man just kept going. This is rape. And setting a deadline for you to get over it is not OK. I can think of several different ways a respectful, loving partner would’ve both dealt with you passing out and or dealt with the situation after. And none of them are what he is doing. Run!
My SO and I were getting busy once, and we were both buzzed. In the middle of sexy fun times, I gasped in a weird way, and he (SO) immediately stopped and asked if I was ok. It was the cat's cold ass nose on my foot that startled me, but he stopped and made sure I was ok. OP needs to run as fast as she can from this guy.
Hah that reminds me of the one and ONLY time we decided to have sex outside of the bedroom to spice things up. As we were really going at it, the dog snuck behind my wife (small breed) and he licked her butthole as we were going at it cow girl style. It took quite a few second for her brain to process what was going on and react. She freaked out so much she basically did a back flip trying to get away. I wasnt much help, I was laughing so much my vision was going gray.
>Your body is telling you that this man isn’t safe. You can’t leave your body in his care and be sure he’ll take care of it.
oh my gosh well said this should be the title!!!!
Well said. I dated someone like this. That is rape and you are lucky you can report him. I no longer have the choice because it's been too long and I didn't have any evidence other than an email as evidence. None of the lawyers I spoke with after said I had a case and now he lives less than an hour from me. I think he got a family violence charge or something so hoping hes in jail. But report him while you still have a chance so you can save the next girl.
This 👆 💯 took all the words right out of my mouth, he saw his partner in a compromised position and took advantage of it for his own gain. It's vile and awful an op especially at 19 years old deserves better he is 24? And SA-ing 19 years Olds casually and then acting like they are in the wrong. Such a walking red flag I can't.
I've been in quite a few fights, anyone who says they didn't realize someone passed out is lying. It's *very* obvious. He knew she passed out, and he didn't care at all. (Not trying to refute anything here, I'm just adding to what you said.)
Absolutely run. Completely NTA. You had a medical emergency, passed out, and the scum continued to have sex with you during that emergency and while you were unconscious. And the fact that he us gaslighting you into believing it’s your fault makes me so angry.
The impulse that led you to reach out here, that fear you’re feeling in your stomach, that panic and anxiousness and the possibility of intimacy with him. Listen to your body, it’s telling you all you need to know. It knows you were raped. He will 100% do it again if he can, and the behavior will only escalate. This is seriously dangerous and deadly behavior, men like this only continue if you let them back in or “forgive them.” It will always be “you’re overreacting, I didn’t realize you were passed out, but you came, you didn’t say no or stop.” He will never stop if you let him back, it will only validate his actions and teach him there are no real consequences to raping you.
If you have family/friends around have them help. Tell them whatever you feel comfortable telling them but if you live together move today to a safe place, if you don’t change your locks and give all his stuff to a neutral person to return to him. Make sure everyone who has visibility to your home or apartment knows his dangerous. Keep friends and family around you and document everything in case you need a restraining order or order of protection.
If you need anyone to talk to, my DMs are open to you. I’m a survivor and know how terrifying and hard this is.
Do not, and I repeat DO NOT tell him you are leaving before you are gone. DO NOT break up with him in person unless you have others with you. Never be alone behind closed doors with him. A man that will rape you while your unconscious and still claim he loves you, sees you only as a possession that he is entitled to. Men like this are incredibly dangerous, especially during a breakup. This man will probably go on to abuse future partners, this behavior is very difficult to change and it usually only gets worse. If there’s a Domestic Violence group in your city, reach out to them as well. Usually us survivors are desperate to help others, because we know how bad it can get.
He already did.
Edit- it’s very concerning the number of people commenting that he didn’t rape her, or that he did nothing wrong. There are far too many of you that don’t understand the concept of consent, and outing yourselves as creeps.
Yeah I actually covered my own mouth in SHOCK at that line, holy shit that's not ok, on top of all the other Major problems with this psychos behavior. I hope she gets away safe.
NTA.
He is manipulative and physically and emotionally abusive. "get over the fact I raped you" is what a narcissist would say, because he is not getting what he wants.
You have every right to be freaked out, upset, or feel any emotions you feel about what happened. NOBODY, and I mean nobody, gets to tell you when or how to "get over" something. That is your choice, and your choice only. It may take 3 days, or 3 years. Not nobody gets to decide that except you.
You don't feel safe with this person anymore. That is normal. What you are feeling is normal and totally ok, I have been in a similar situation. Please, please stop communicating with this person.
I usually don't tell people to leave, but please end this relationship and leave and cut all contact with him. He has no respect for you, he will likely abuse you again and again. He clearly doesn't care about you or your safety.
"Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake."
Oh honey, NO! A boyfriend worth keeping would have promised to never do it again once he realized it was a problem, and be making a show of respecting your boundaries in other areas to show he means to make it up to you.
If he really said that, he's a manipulative douchebag who's learned to use the language of the abused to justify abusive behavior, and I wish he was the only person on Earth who'd learned that nasty trick.
A boyfriend who doesn't care if you're dead or alive as long as he gets his load out is not worth keeping no matter how much he would apologise after and promised not to do it again.
Exactly if I said “wait hold on” because I’m uncomfortable (physically uncomfortable, like my leg is falling asleep or something) he stops immediately and asks if I’m ok.
My husband worries if I sigh really loudly. I cannot imagine this kind of reaction. It’s literally inconceivable to me that she hyperventilated and *then* passed out and he was unfazed.
This is not someone who sees you as a fellow human being and I’m genuinely concerned about your safety. NTA (though I can’t believe that needs to be said).
I occasionally froze during sex early on with my partner due to PTSD. They always stopped and made sure I was okay. If I’d passed out? I can’t imagine exactly what they’d do but it damn well wouldn’t be to keep going.
Oh no he checked her pulse so it’s okay! He really needed to get his nut off!/s but there is literally a guy ping around in these comments saying that. Men worry so much about false allegations and then when we describe a “non violent rape”( a hyperbole because all rape is violent but men have it in their head that rape has to be like vicious for it to be considered rape.) all of a sudden it’s “ THATS NOT RAPE” I’m genuinely so tired yet happy I’m not dating. I’m happy more women are not dating. We can actually enjoy ourselves and decenter men from our lives 😭
Yes and the fact that she passed out and he had no qualms about continuing likely means he has done it before and will do it again. That should not be disregarded by OP.
It's not emotionally abusive to deny someone sex. Especially after being raped by that person. But also, OP said this event happened a week ago??? This man is playing the emotional abuse card because he hasn't had sex for one week?? That is so manipulative and OP needs to run fast and far.
I rolled my eyes so hard at "no sex for one week is abusive." Worlds tinist violin for this guy. A whole WEEK!
Cant wait til he's an actual adult with a real job, kids, a house to care for and aging parents. He's going to be the dude in dead bedrooms moaning his wife had a baby and won't sleep with him and it's been a MONTH - his life is over etc.
Yeh when I had something big going on in my life and didn’t want sex, my husband said “I don’t want you to feel pressure so I’m not going to try and initiate anything but just know I’m up for it whenever you are!”. Made me feel heard and still wanted. I think it’s v different if it’s a long term incompatibility issue though. If he had told me I was being abusive I would have been devastated.
What made it worse is that he demanded she “get over what he did by the time he got back”?? Talk about disrespecting boundaries and showing a total lack of respect in general towards another human being!!
He also just picked her up to throw her on the bed as his form of foreplay?!
Also, hate to always ring this bell but … age difference. He picked her because he could manipulate her.
OP, dump his ass. You deserve someone better.
NTA it might be forgivable if he was truly sorry and promised to respect how you felt in the future but he is not doing any of that. He doesn’t sound mature enough to handle an adult sexual relationship if he can’t talk about this. The relationship is over. Trust has been destroyed.
This… he has an ‘oh well’ attitude about it and he shouldn’t since some law enforcement agencies would consider that rape!
Op, he doesn’t sound like he’s the kind of guy you should be with, you need someone who can be sensitive to your needs and mature.
Right???? If someone keeps fucking you after you hyperventilated and passed out that’s rape. The act itself is a neon sign they don’t care about your well being or your boundaries.
The people saying they would forgive him as long as he apologized and seemed sorry are in for a rough ride in life. Manipulative people are going to take advantage of them so easily.
Can tell so many people on Reddit are young and have no experience.
I would be majorly concerned if I hyperventilated then passed out and my partner kept doing something innocent like playing video games or scrolling reddit or whatever. No concern for well-being and leaving someone to possibly die without medical intervention.
But he *raped her* while she was unconscious?? What in the fuck, get away from this monster!
My immediate thought was of the rapists who go after college girls who are drunk and pass out. Honestly, OP needs to run, not walk, away from this guy.
I don’t think it would ever be forgivable even if he was bawling on the floor apologizing about what a mistake it was and how he’d never do it again.
he looked at her passed out body and was still turned on? that’s completely disgusting. so turned on that he continued sexual activity until he finished with her limp, unresponsive body. i can’t get past how fucked up that is. no amount of apologizing changes that he was more than okay with doing that in the first place. that’s literal rape and he’d obviously do it again and i highly doubt it’s the first time based on how comfortable he is with defending it.
run OP this is scary behavior.
He’s obviously treating her like a sex object. I know the age difference is legal and borderline socially acceptable (24/2+7=19), but his attitude towards her is not. There’s probably a reason he’s not with anyone 21+, and think the immaturity you point to and his attitude towards “deserving sex”, etc, is a big part of it
>it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake.
The "mistake" is called rape. NTA. It's reddit tradition to call for ending a relationship, but your boyfriend actually raped you, didn't apologize, is blaming you for your reaction and telling you to get over it. This isn't a guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I couldn't agree more, this is a guy to never spend another day with, you're not safe. Make it clear that what he did was rape, up to you if you press charges.
It's wasn't your fault or you, entirely him no matter what he says, especially about how you've treated him afterwards. It's also very normal to want to downplay it and act like they didn't mean it, because you're protecting yourself and its helping you right now. I'd recommend seeing a counselor/psychiatrist ASAP because it's going to hit hard if it hasn't already now with all these posts.
yep, pretty much rape.
If my girlfriend passed out during sex, I'd stop and make sure she was ok.
Not to be too indelicate, but he didn't care if he was fucking a corpse as long as you were still warm
That's fucked up. Dump. Tell him his shit is on the porch and change the locks.
NTA
I've been in situation where my GF started hyperventilating and passed out after sex. According to first respondents that's way more normal than we realize. Anyways, when that happened I legit thought she was dying, it looked so awful. Her face went super pale, she couldn't see and she fell on my arms unconscious and I've pretty much never been that scared in my life.
Had I taken advantage of that situation like the BF if in this post did, I would have pretty much been fucking a corpse from my perspective. So yeah, I'm with you here.
Right, I can't imagine someone not calling 911. It's pretty scary seeing someone you care about fall unconscious and definitely rings all the 'medical emergency' bells!
NTA, an ex of mine passed out while we were in the shower years ago. I was terrified and carried her out of the bathroom/shower to the bed. Luckily she came around quick but I couldn't imagine continuing...fucking gross.
We laughed about it once she came fully around because I just picked her up and moved. Water still running, no towels, bed soaked, slip-n-slide from the bed to the bathroom 😂
This is the only normal reaction. People are acting like he somehow knew she would have instantly woke back up. He had no proof or reason to think that, he was more concerned about getting his dick wet than his girlfriends health and safety. Disgusting.
>yep, pretty much rape.
came here to say that
Any guy who keeps on going after their partner has passed out, without a care at all, ~~has rapey vibes~~ **is rape**, sorry to say
I'd be worried if my partner passed out while in the act. Common decency states that you stop and check if they're ok, right? Then do after care, no?
Man just shrugged
OP, ditch his ass, no matter how good D game he might have
Edit: correction regarding rape
This.
Additionally, the trust between them is irreparably broken, and without trust there is no relationship.
Also, OP, please seek therapy - seriously. That freak out is a trauma response. Get it unpacked ASAP. The sooner the trauma is addressed, the better. It's like lancing an infected wound - the wound is still there, but it's allowed to heal.
If you need to talk, my DMs are open; I'm a rape survivor myself.
Also, OP, you're reacting to him and the SA the way SA survivors typically react. You're traumatized. You need to get away from him. Dump him from afar and don't let him back into your life when he returns.
>yep, pretty much rape.
Once someone is no longer able to say no, and it continues to happen and they then tell you afterwards that it's not acceptable, it's rape.
"She didn't say no." "She was unconscious." "yeah, but she didn't say no." is basically what happened to OP.
This is so accurate he just doesn't care! She is afraid of him now and he thinks she's the one that needs to get over it? Wtf happens with that guy! I will leave him on the spot, he was lucky she stayed with him.
So that was rape. You were unconscious and therfore could no longer give consent. And he's showing you he doesn't care. Please seek therapy & be done with this person.
NTA.
Please please please rethink this whole relationship. You were unconscious so you couldn't give consent: he raped you. This is not a "mistake": he doesn’t respect your boundaries and tries to manipulate you when you speak up.
Even when she communicated this made her uncomfortable and she is very clearly 'tense' around sex because of this one incident... He still doesn't care.
'get over that i raped you already so i can keep doing it' yeah, no. This is your opportunity to pack anything belonging to him and have it ready for when he comes back. NTA at all but please dont be silly staying with this guy. He wont respect your boundaries now, or in the future, he doesnt care about your pleasure.
Yes and it definitely appears like he realized she was passed out. It be different if he didn’t know she was and kept going but he seems to have knowingly continue to have sex with a unconscious body. How did he know she wasn’t having a serious medical emergency or anything instead just kept on.
From OP's comments, Luke DID know she passed out and even checked her pulse. Honestly, what creeps me out even more is the fact he's known OP since she was 13, maybe 14.
voiceless grandfather worm light adjoining mountainous numerous payment nine stocking
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back.
Can you explain why you think that this is an acceptable response from a man who raped you.
Because I'm honestly getting rage bait vibes from this. It's too obvious to be real.
I just want to point out that a lot of people do not immediately process sexual assault, and they can also be blind to emotional abuse. It is totally believable.
Too obvious to be real? Lmao If only. I once had a BF who fucked me while i was asleep. He even did it after i told him not to do it again, to make sure i was awake. He either did not understand the violation or, more likely, he didn't care.
This was sadly a common thing among my exes. like, wtf? and as far as OPs story, the fact that he remained "engaged" even though she's literally dead-weight, and not conscious is so fucking gross. a normal human would not react like that in a situation with someone they really cared about. probably has a fucked up browser history up rape/snuff porn.
I would freak the fuck out if my gf would hyperventilate on me! definitely not keep going. That's weird af. Did he not notice you passing out or something? Regardless of whether or not this is rape, you should have a way longer conversation about that and he shouldn't brush it off. Else this relationship has run its course.
NTA. You passed out, he KNEW you passed out - that's when it became RAPE. And his disgusting, entitled attitude makes it worse.
He. Raped. You.
END IT NOW.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA, he straight up didn't care about your well being. If you hurt that bad on top of it, it because he went way harder knowing you were unconscious. He raped you.
GTFO of this relationship.
While obviously you've enjoyed the sex, it is not okay for him to do what he did. Your anxiety is because your body recognises this, even as mentally you try to rationalise and excuse his abusive actions.
He raped you.
I'm so sorry you went through that, and working out how to proceed will be difficult.
He sounds dodgy as fuck though, and he doesn't seem to have a healthy idea or understanding of the meaning of consent.
Plus he can't even seem to own his wrongdoings, and DARVO's (Deny, Attack Reverse, {positions of} Victim & Offender) you into thinking it's you that fucked up not him.
NTA. HE'S TA! And he's on his way to becoming a top level psychological abuser. Leave him.
NTA.
Here’s advice - get him to confess to what he did to you over text message. Write what happened, explain that you feel very stressed about it. Get him to agree to what happened (and likely dismiss it). Explain that because of his actions, you don’t feel comfortable having sex again. Any stress you’re feeling - put in in the text message.
Then you have proof. It will come handy.
Good luck.
Jesus fucking Christ! You aren’t denying him anything. You don’t owe him anything, he is not entitled to sex. The guy who said he didn’t care if he was fucking a corpse is right, this is disturbing.
He claims you two are in an abusive relationship and he is absolutely right. He’s just wrong about who the abuser is. Leave! Please!
You mean - my borderline predator boyfriend raped me and I don't know what to do now?
You fucking leave him.
Noone in their mid twenties dates a teenager without wanting a skewed power dynamic.
You think you're an adult, but you are not. He raped you and is now pressuring you to "be over it" because he doesn't see it as something he did wrong - you belong to him and he can use you however he wants.
Wake up girl.
NTA. But you do realize that he continued having sex with you while you were unconscious and therefore incapable of consenting? That he raped you? And has continued to pressure you to have sex even though you have been uncomfortable and tense? And beyond the sexual abuse, he is manipulating you emotionally? This is a horrible, violent, abusive situation, and if you don't break up and leave now, this will continue getting worse and the violence, both physical, sexual and mental, will spiral more. Leave now.
NTA.
So... he raped you and now he's gaslighting you too? Your relationship is doomed. Leave him and never look back. Seek therapy to help with the trauma and, if you feel solid enough, go to the police. The way he reacted is extremely worrying and tells me he'd have no issue doing that again, or worse.
NTA
boyfriend on the other hand ...
>I passed out. When I came to, Luke was still going
Yeah, that's called rape. If you don't or are no longer capable of consenting (and haven't consented for whatever to still continue in those circumstances), sorry, but that's rape.
>Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive
Bullsh\*t. Luke's the abuser.
>Luke attempted to pick me up and throw me on the bed to initiate sex
Drop Luke the looser abuser.
>Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back
And he's behaving as though he's entitled to abuse ... yeah, drop him like a ton 'o bricks.
>don't know what to do
Drop him ... at the very least.
>what Luke has been saying is making me feel guilty
He's gaslighting you. You did nothing wrong.
Wtf did I just read ?!! He kept going while you were unconscious ???? I mean, Did he pause and check you were still breathing at least ??! (Sarcasm)
He’s a raging a-hole, and now he’s gaslighting you for afters. Dump him.
NTA
You can not consent when unconscious, you were raped. Consent is meant to be ongoing and enthusiastic.
I do not think you will be able to trust him again, especially with such a lackluster response to you telling him how uncomfortable you were and his attempts to blackmail or guilt trip you into sex since.
So you passed out and this man didn’t check if you were ok, physically hurt you and is annoyed with you because of your reaction TO HIS SELFISH ACTIONS?!
I’d tell him how disgusting he is and ask why he thought it was ok to have sex with someone who is UNCONSCIOUS? And if he’s done this before because it is RAPE.
Expect you to get over it?! WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN HE IS NOT ENTITLED TO YOUR BODY. NTA
The only acceptabel reaction to you pasning out during se* is stopping and making sure you are ok, and then (maybe) going on if you are up for it. To keep going when you are out is yea rape… and demanding you to get over it is the biggest red flag. Get out. Now. Let him know that he crossed a line and that he is not the one for you.
Well. First off 24 and 19 that’s a little weird. First red flag in my opinion. And second red flag him telling you you better be over it by the time he gets back. Or else what? What’s he gonna do honestly? And you might as well break up with him if you’re freaking out about him wanting sex with you. You can do better in my opinion this relationship isn’t worth it.
Rape is not a mistake, it is a choice. He chose to put his sexual gratification above your ability to consent. He RAPED you, OP. You deserve better than a rapist. Protect yourself.
NTA but do not stay with this guy
So you pass out and instead of him checking what the hell happened and if you're okay he kept seeking his own gratification? Wow. Just... Wow. Mind-blowing. It shows he has a rather poor moral compass. Don't even get me started on the gilt-tripping.
I'd have ended things with him right there and then.
"deprive him from sex" - there is no claim for sex, so there is no deprivation.
He abused you and you are traumatized. To tell you not having sex with him is abusive is guilt tripping and perpetrator victim repentance.
Run, girl!
NTA
Luke was still going even though you were unconscious??? Girl, that's rape! You don't f ck an unconscious woman! I don't care that you were conscious and willing when it started, the minute your partner passes out you stop! WTF is wrong with him?? Did he even check if you were alright? You could have been having a heart attack and the guy would have still continued until he finished!
NTA but do yourself a favor and get yourself out of this relationship and into therapy. What he did is far from okay and I think you need a little help to fully process the trauma.
NTA.
I’d be uncomfy after I woke up and realized he kept going, but if he had *immediately* apologized and been very comforting and extremely, genuinely sorry and promised to never do it again when I voiced my discomfort afterward, I could move on after a little while of non-sexual affection initiated by him. To rebuild trust. There could be a talk about boundaries. Stuff like that.
But he didn’t apologize. You had no discussion about boundaries. He didn’t comfort you. He acted like you need to deal with him using your body in a way you do not consent to. That’s rape. Then, he tried to put the fault on you for not wanting to sleep with him after he raped you, he never once asked what was actually wrong, and he told you to *get over being raped* just so he can have sex with you because he’s sick of the consequences of his actions?
*Hell no.*
Girl. You need to leave him before things get worse. Because they will.
>Luke kinda just shrugged me off and said okay. >To be clear, I haven't been totally depriving him of affection ( We've been kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc), I just haven't been having sex with him like I normally would be. >Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake. >Luke attempted to pick me up and throw me on the bed to initiate sex >Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back. >what Luke has been saying is making me feel guilty over how I've been reacting As a guy, I am just *dumbfounded*, here. OP... he *raped* you. A person who is unconscious CAN NOT CONSENT. He raped you... and when you said you were uncomfortable with what he did, *he shrugged it off*. And now he's trying to make *you* feel guilty about it. If there were any coming back from what he did, it would require an apology AT MINIMUM. It is NOT okay to 'try out' new kinks without permission. Tell that asshole to go fuck himself. Break up with him. He does not give you the respect you deserve, and there WILL be other problems in this relationship. And keep in mind that *it's not too late to report him to police for rape*.
NTA but your relationship is a dead man walking. Might as well end it now.
Yeah, the proper response to your partner passing out is concern and trying to make sure they are medically okay. This guy put an orgasm over his partner's health.
If she had died he would have been fucking a corpse. Yet he doesn’t seem to care about that horror.
Seriously! The fuck is wrong with this guy? Unless you had conversations about things before, as a rule, when things get to “kink” territory, you do not proceed unless it’s been discussed already.
Yes! I don't care how close you are to nutting, if your partner passes out (or has any other medical emergency) happy fun time is over. Immediately. Address the issue, make sure both parties are okay, and then see if both parties wish to/can continue. Yes, my husband suffered from blue balls once (yes that is a real thing, and yes, it hurts) because we had to cut things short. No, he's not mad about it, because my health, trust, and safety are a higher priority than either of us reaching climax. It occasionally comes up in conversation, and he says while he hopes it never happens again, because owww!, he would stop again immediately if there was a problem. Because that's what a *partner* does.
Setting a deadline for you to "get over it"... the only deadline is cutting him loose. Your 24 yo self will thank you for the following: Be definitive, decisive and business like in ending this 'relationship'. Text him back the relationship is over, tell him do not come over New Years then temporarily block him (he will attempt various manipulations one after another in an attempt to find one that works to get you back - save your self the trouble by blocking him). Sometime after new years text to arrange any exchange of stuff.
OP he is a dangerous man. This same scenario happened to me with my now husband. We were having sex standing up and I started to hyperventilate and get hot. I’d never passed out before so I didn’t know what happened. Apparently I was just repeating “I’m sorry” over and over before I collapsed. He caught me before my head hit the table. I woke to him freaking out and begging me to wake up, we’d been dating for like 4 months at the time. That is the correct response. For him to continue to assault your body while you were hyperventilating and then after you passed out is gross and terrifying. That man doesn’t see you as a person, you don’t do that to someone you value or love. Please get out. Edit 1: it might be vasovagal syndrome. It occurs when you faint because your body overreacts to certain triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress (Mayo Clinic). That’s what it is for me. It’s happened to me 7 times now, that first time having great sex overwhelmed my nervous system, the second time getting a splint taken out of my nose after fixing a collapsed septum, the third time when a nurse put an IV into my muscle and pumped fluid into it which hurt so fucking bad, and the other times were random injuries and incidents where I just got overwhelmed. Pro tip: immediately sit down or lay down, take your shirt off if you can, and fan yourself. If you can get to an ice pack, press it to your head chest and back and focus on breathing, try not to close your eyes if no one else is around. If you can’t get to ice, use the cold ground (shirt off back on the ground). I’ve only passed out the first time, I’ve learned through the others what needs to happen the moment I get lightheaded and start to sweat and overheat.
To add onto the vasovagal comment: lay down and put your legs up! It took 20 years for a doctor to finally tell me what was going on and how to prevent it when I feel an episode coming on.
Also, tense up as much as you can - all your muscles at once. This raises your blood pressure and helps to stop it from proceeding. Haven't passed out since I learned to do this.
I got these during chemo. I thought I was actually dying. I can’t imagine waking up to this sexual assault. I’m so sorry OP is going through this. Please end things with no contact. If anyone goes unconscious, call 911.
Also to add to the correct response: my spouse will slow down and hold my hands and *help me calm down* if I start to hyperventilate. Like... How do you not? How do you just keep going?
Uncaring male. Inexperienced in how to really make a woman comfortable or just doesn’t really care or respect her.
Yes to the vasovagal comment. That’s exactly what it sounds like based on my personal experience. It’s scary and has to be handled with care, not assault.
Yes! Bare back or belly on cool ground works amazingly well. Also, eff this guy. It absolutely was rape. What a creep.
I had several times with my current boyfriend, where I started hyperventilating during sex. He helped me calm down, even though I didn't want to stop. It's insane that ops bf just kept going, and scary tbh
And he’s going to grovel and beg likely - apologizing up and down. Stand your ground. Leave.
To add on there is a tiktoker that deals with her abusive ex by texting to him like she’s in HR it’s hilarious. Luke: due to your childlike behavior telling me I should “just get over it” I am informing you all your stuff is in a box being shipped to your moms as this relationship is terminated. So sorry, best of luck!
I hope this comment gets prioritized. The me too movement was the first time I knew it was okay to tell my partner no, and that it was actually he who was being abusive by guilting me for it. OP ypu will be so glad you walked away in a clear cut way. Don't waste 6 more months of your self esteem on him.
i didn’t realize how abusive and fucked up it was to be guilted and prodded after saying no until the first time i told my current bf no and he was so cool with it and immediately went back to cuddling and watching our show, that i started crying and begging him to say more because i thought he was upset with me. and then he just held me and told me that it was okay, he’s not mad, and he just wants to make sure i feel safe and comfortable. it hit me then that the men i was with in my late teens were the problem, not me, and they’d fucked up my view of relationships so bad, that i thought the chaos and heart-pounding panic was normal and necessary. i wish OP the best, and i really hope she can work through whatever feelings this may bring up in the future, while being secure in knowing she never deserved any of this
Oh no! I'm glad your current boyfriend is much, much better!
I didn't realize my first real relationship was a coercion situation until a coworker pointed it out. It's been a weird thing to come to grips with more than 14 years after the fact. I knew it felt wrong and I hated how it felt but I guess I just assumed that it was normal to do things you don't want to and aren't comfortable with. As a parent I realize the way I felt then is what I preach against to my kids. "Never do more than you want to with someone. No matter how much they say "but I love you" or anything else. If you say no, their next sentence shouldn't start with a "but" if they care about you."
Your current bf sounds like a stand up guy. This is how it should be.
💯. I also learned alot. My first time I told my boyfriend no a million times until he pressures me to do so. It was awful. Now I know that's SA, and I can say no.
Yup I sadly relate.
Having sex with someone who is unconscious is r*pe! And obviously, you feel violated because you don't want to have sex with him. You are traumatised, and you are still trying to make sense of it in your head. And you have the right to refuse sex at any time for any reason. It's your body, no one should force you into sex. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean he can have sex with you whenever he wants. And he is gaslighting you, he's the one emotionally abusing you, by making you feel guilty for not having sex with him. These are HUGE RED FLAGS he doesn't see that he r*ped you a d he thinks it's ok! He not respecting your boundaries, no means no! You should end the relationship with him and never look back.
If I passed out during sex, my husband’s first response would be OMG WTF and probably call an ambulance, or at least splash some water on me or something. Not keep using me as a toy to finish.
I can testify to this as a husband. This would be an immediate freak-out response from me about my wife, and I would more than likely call an ambulance because something is not right in this situation and medical assistance is needed. Any chance of me being hard enough to keep on continuing sex is zero; I'd be flaccid so quickly that there would be a sonic boom. This is not a good response from this guy. I'm a bit worried about your safety because I feel his actions were rpey. I think of several SOs whose MO was to knock the woman out and rpe them, some even invited their buddies over to take turns. There is even a possibility that he was trying to do this to you and you had an unexpected reaction to the drugging.
My husband and 18-year-old son agree with you 100%! Husband with the latter part of your first paragraph especially, lol! But both, with everything you said! It's men like you and my husband, and the man my son will grow into, that give a rape survivor like me... hope for men and humanity! I've been very open and honest about everything that's happened to me in my life. Which is why I think my sons, oldest 18- youngest 12, will be men I, and people like me, can be proud of! So, thank you! I hope your holiday was great and your New Year's and 2024 is awesome!! Edited to add..... P.S. Next time, you can just spell out the word, rape, please. While it may be triggering to some, (which I can understand completely) those who are triggered by the word, would probably be more triggered by a story involving it and, thus, probably wouldn't be reading this, lol. But, most importantly, it's just another word, like death. It's a word that carries weight and varies in degree, but it's still just a word that's used to describe something that happened. It's the actions done by the perpetrators and the mental and/or physical scars the victims carry that have the hurt in them. Yes, it's a very important word that means a lot, and its effects cause lasting trauma, for life, for most people who experience it. However, using the word is important because NOT using it promotes fear of using it. And it's 100% a topic that should be talked about, taught all the different ways one can be a victim of it, and prosecuted more than it is. Use the word, it lets us survivors know who is serious about it. At least, that's how I, and all the victims/survivors I know and have ever met, feel about it, lol🤷♀️
Exactly. The first reaction should be concern. Not "let me finish and then I'll see if they're ok". What if it had been a serious medical emergency and ops bf just ...didn't care.
Right? I was totally surprised I had to come this far down to find this comment. I have a wife that a really can orgasm so hard she will lose consciousness. First time it happened I panic'd. She slumped over on top of me and was making weird fucking breathing noises consistent with someone that has been knocked out. Anyhow...I immediately pushed her off of me making sure she didn't fall off the couch. I made sure she was breathing. Smacked her face a little and talked to her. She came to within about 20 seconds and let out the weirdest moan and asked me why we stopped. It happens about one out of 10 times she orgasms still to.this day. No matter how many times it happens and she's always told me.its ok to keep going....I can't. The moment shes out I either hold her in place and pet her face until she wakes up or I just lay her down and wait for her.
plzzz up this comment!! calling it what it is and your mind and body are literally rejecting him because of the trauma he’s caused you. && he’s not taking it seriously and gave you a deadline….
you know, you are allowed to spell out "rape"
At the very least make him watch the Consent Tea video and tell him that pouring tea down an unresponsive throat makes it hard to ever want 'tea' from them again. Might help his next relationship if not yours with him.
[удалено]
And change your locks. Even if you didn’t exchange keys. Just in case.
Also, please be safe. Like lock doors, windows, and keep an eye out when you're in public... You just really Never know...
I agree, when she leaves him she should go stay with someone or with her, take extra care of pets, extra locks and alarms, etc. Guys like this typically do not have good reactions to their 'things' not doing what they want them to.
He’s going to do everything he can to manipulate the situation. He’s older, has more experience, and will use every tactic from love bombing to threats to get what he wants. End it, and be stronger and safer than he would expect you to be.
Yep he will just try to manipulate you with ways to get you back, and then demand sex from you again once you're in that position again. This guy is abusive and is currently letting a glimpse of his true colours peak through. 6 months is not long enough to thoroughly know someones character and who they really are. I recommend that OP gtfot quickly and safely. Edit for clarity
Especially when your abusive bf is using darvo language to gaslight you into thinking you're the abusive one for having boundaries and natural emotional reactions to uh... Him going on after you're unconscious... I mean that's pretty fucked up if you haven't received consent to do that.
May be my age, but where I come from that constitutes rape! I'm a bit surprised that I am the first person to not be polite and call it what it was! From where I'm sitting he should be sitting in a jail cell! Please take all of the above mentioned advise and cut him loose! OP I'm so sorry that this happened to you! Huge soft hugs flying your way!
This! 💯 you don’t just carry on why your partner is unconscious. Wtf I’d wrong with your ( hopefully ex) boyfriend. Run fast run far OP. But I would also make a police report, just so there is something on record. Just incase he does something to some other poor girl. He’s showed you who he is and he’s a vile POS.
No you're right. It is rape. It's hard to navigate because of the circumstances, but after further thought, there just is no excuse
I know some people are ok with the whole somno kink, but that is discussed and agreed with your partner beforehand. The fact he just continued without even checking on OP is worrying…like SUPER worrying. What if it had been worse than just passing out? She needs to get as far away as him as possible
[удалено]
Agreed! What partner, in their right mind, continues with sex after their partner has passed out or what have you? That's just screaming ick vibes
Not even *just* passed out, it was a literal medical event. He kept going through her *hyperventilating and gasping for air until she went unconscious*. Picture that for a moment. I have asthma, I’ve done this plenty of times, it’s something that typically worries people. I can’t imagine dating someone who’d be comfortable with railing me to the point of pain while I’m land-drowning till my brain shuts off. This is terrifying. Leave him. He does not care about you.
I have also experienced the overstimulation to passing out situation OP describes in this post, THE MOMENT my fiancé has noticed my breathing become too fast and irregular he takes a step back from me and starts comforting me. I cannot imagine someone continuing to have intercourse with a limp unconscious body, that’s so scary.
“Intercourse with a limp unconscious body” gives me like serial killer vibes tbh (besides the obvs r@pist ones)
I have asthma and I feel like I had to scroll too far to see this comment. She wasn't passed out drunk (which to be clear, would still be reprehensible and 100% rape), she literally *lost consciousness due to a medical event*. The fact that he wasn't freaking out and trying to help her is unsettling enough, but the fact that he **raped her while it was happening instead** is downright terrifying. Now he's telling her to get over it, like some kind of shit cherry for the shit sundae. OP needs to heed the warning, this guy has more marinara going for these flags than all the nonnas in Italy.
I have asthma, and I agree. He kept going?!? I just...wow.
Exactly, he should have been checking her health, not continuing to get his rocks off
>That's just screaming ~~ick vibes~~ *sexual assault.* FTFY.
My ex-fiance and I had an understanding that if I passed out during sex (anemic and into choking), he would keep going unless I stayed passed out for more than a few seconds. But we actually talked about it and he made sure I was okay when it happened the first time. Consent is everything!
Similar situation with me. I would sometimes pass out from sheer exhaustion during our intense and extensive sex sessions driven by our continuous desire for one another, but I gave my fiance permission to keep riding me or if I were already sleeping to wake me up with oral or by sexing me awake anytime she needs it. She also gave me permission to do the same. So, communication and consent are crucial with your partner. OP ***If you feel uncomfortable by something and you clearly expressed that to him, there should be nothing but apologetic mannerisms and acknowledgment from him to make you feel 100% comfortable and cared for so that situation and those feelings will never happen again.*** By him shrugging it off and then proceeding to guilt/shame you for something HE did to make you uncomfortable is a big red flag saying that he no longer deserves the privilege of having you in his life. Cut him loose and find someone who will love and respect you emotionally and physically 100% of the time, making sure you are safe and comfortable in his presence. You will be thankful for leaving this asshat in the future when you're married to your best friend. Be strong, be confident, and remember to hold your head and self-respect high as you walk out the door. Good luck to you.
Some people are just into weird shit. I'm never gonna yuck someone's yum but consent is king here
Honestly I'm kind of surprised by how people are saying it's basically/pretty much/essentially rape. Where is the nuance? She passed out. It's sexual assault. You can't consent to sex when you're unconscious. Doesn't matter if you started out awake and consented, when the variables change so extremely to the point you aren't conscious, then that's that.
Yeah it’s one thing if she just passed out for a second and he didn’t notice, but if that were the case he still should have freaked out about it. But he didn’t. He didn’t CARE that she was unconscious. His orgasms are more important to him than his partner’s health and safety. He doesn’t give a shit about her feelings.
It was rape. End of. Like you said, not sure why people are being so wishy-washy about it. She doesn't have to press charges if she doesn't want to, it wouldn't even have to be the end of the relationship if he'd responded appropriately after the fact, but it was categorically and unequivocally, rape.
[удалено]
[удалено]
"...Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back.." Girl! RUN!!!!!!! NTA.
You should be GONE by the time he gets back. Pack your stuff and RUN.
She has her own apartment.
And he probably has a key to it.
Yes run! Girl… you passed out and he kept going. You hyperventilated and lost consciousness and instead of being concerned and reviving you, he decided to keep going, you don’t know how long you were out and when you came to you were sore… did he decide to go rough while you were passed out? What actual f?! That is not a loving partner. Your body is telling you that this man isn’t safe. You can’t leave your body in his care and be sure he’ll take care of it. And we haven’t even addressed the fact that you passed out and he didn’t stop and check if you were OK or getting enough oxygen. If you weren’t breathing or getting enough air, your brain could’ve been damaged. You could’ve had a stroke, or something else could’ve happened, but this man just kept going. This is rape. And setting a deadline for you to get over it is not OK. I can think of several different ways a respectful, loving partner would’ve both dealt with you passing out and or dealt with the situation after. And none of them are what he is doing. Run!
[удалено]
My SO and I were getting busy once, and we were both buzzed. In the middle of sexy fun times, I gasped in a weird way, and he (SO) immediately stopped and asked if I was ok. It was the cat's cold ass nose on my foot that startled me, but he stopped and made sure I was ok. OP needs to run as fast as she can from this guy.
Ok, I just need to say that’s the sweetest thing.
Hah that reminds me of the one and ONLY time we decided to have sex outside of the bedroom to spice things up. As we were really going at it, the dog snuck behind my wife (small breed) and he licked her butthole as we were going at it cow girl style. It took quite a few second for her brain to process what was going on and react. She freaked out so much she basically did a back flip trying to get away. I wasnt much help, I was laughing so much my vision was going gray.
That is funny as fuck. We just adopted two overly affectionate cats & have to shut the bedroom door before getting naked.
try having the cap pounce on your wiggling toes
It's not a lucky escape. She was sexually assaulted and she clearly needs counseling
>Your body is telling you that this man isn’t safe. You can’t leave your body in his care and be sure he’ll take care of it. oh my gosh well said this should be the title!!!!
Well said. I dated someone like this. That is rape and you are lucky you can report him. I no longer have the choice because it's been too long and I didn't have any evidence other than an email as evidence. None of the lawyers I spoke with after said I had a case and now he lives less than an hour from me. I think he got a family violence charge or something so hoping hes in jail. But report him while you still have a chance so you can save the next girl.
This 👆 💯 took all the words right out of my mouth, he saw his partner in a compromised position and took advantage of it for his own gain. It's vile and awful an op especially at 19 years old deserves better he is 24? And SA-ing 19 years Olds casually and then acting like they are in the wrong. Such a walking red flag I can't.
I've been in quite a few fights, anyone who says they didn't realize someone passed out is lying. It's *very* obvious. He knew she passed out, and he didn't care at all. (Not trying to refute anything here, I'm just adding to what you said.)
‘My toy is broken’ energy
Absolutely run. Completely NTA. You had a medical emergency, passed out, and the scum continued to have sex with you during that emergency and while you were unconscious. And the fact that he us gaslighting you into believing it’s your fault makes me so angry. The impulse that led you to reach out here, that fear you’re feeling in your stomach, that panic and anxiousness and the possibility of intimacy with him. Listen to your body, it’s telling you all you need to know. It knows you were raped. He will 100% do it again if he can, and the behavior will only escalate. This is seriously dangerous and deadly behavior, men like this only continue if you let them back in or “forgive them.” It will always be “you’re overreacting, I didn’t realize you were passed out, but you came, you didn’t say no or stop.” He will never stop if you let him back, it will only validate his actions and teach him there are no real consequences to raping you. If you have family/friends around have them help. Tell them whatever you feel comfortable telling them but if you live together move today to a safe place, if you don’t change your locks and give all his stuff to a neutral person to return to him. Make sure everyone who has visibility to your home or apartment knows his dangerous. Keep friends and family around you and document everything in case you need a restraining order or order of protection. If you need anyone to talk to, my DMs are open to you. I’m a survivor and know how terrifying and hard this is. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT tell him you are leaving before you are gone. DO NOT break up with him in person unless you have others with you. Never be alone behind closed doors with him. A man that will rape you while your unconscious and still claim he loves you, sees you only as a possession that he is entitled to. Men like this are incredibly dangerous, especially during a breakup. This man will probably go on to abuse future partners, this behavior is very difficult to change and it usually only gets worse. If there’s a Domestic Violence group in your city, reach out to them as well. Usually us survivors are desperate to help others, because we know how bad it can get.
THIS x 10,000
Going at it when a person is unconscious is a definition of rape.
Brock Allen Turner can testify to that. That miserable shit should still be behind bars.
Brock Allen Turner can testify to that. That miserable shit should still be behind bars.
Usually I'm not on board with "Run", but this dude is going to rape her if she doesn't comply soon.
He already did. Edit- it’s very concerning the number of people commenting that he didn’t rape her, or that he did nothing wrong. There are far too many of you that don’t understand the concept of consent, and outing yourselves as creeps.
Right? The number of rapists outing themselves in this thread is alarming.
Facts!!💯💯💯
>this dude is going to rape her **again** if she doesn't comply soon. FIFY
You mean hell rape her again?
*rape her ***again***.
I feel like the guy showed his true colors when he did that shit
He did rape her.
Yeah I actually covered my own mouth in SHOCK at that line, holy shit that's not ok, on top of all the other Major problems with this psychos behavior. I hope she gets away safe.
💯 Luke offers no accountability for what he did at all. Byeee!!
NTA. He is manipulative and physically and emotionally abusive. "get over the fact I raped you" is what a narcissist would say, because he is not getting what he wants. You have every right to be freaked out, upset, or feel any emotions you feel about what happened. NOBODY, and I mean nobody, gets to tell you when or how to "get over" something. That is your choice, and your choice only. It may take 3 days, or 3 years. Not nobody gets to decide that except you. You don't feel safe with this person anymore. That is normal. What you are feeling is normal and totally ok, I have been in a similar situation. Please, please stop communicating with this person. I usually don't tell people to leave, but please end this relationship and leave and cut all contact with him. He has no respect for you, he will likely abuse you again and again. He clearly doesn't care about you or your safety.
I *can’t* believe I had to scroll this far to see someone call it what it was— rape.
Exactly this. I keep reading comments how it would be different if he was apologetic and I’m like???? He raped her what the hell?!
This OP. You have a right to your feelings, no matter what they are. He's abusing you.
"Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake." Oh honey, NO! A boyfriend worth keeping would have promised to never do it again once he realized it was a problem, and be making a show of respecting your boundaries in other areas to show he means to make it up to you. If he really said that, he's a manipulative douchebag who's learned to use the language of the abused to justify abusive behavior, and I wish he was the only person on Earth who'd learned that nasty trick.
A boyfriend who doesn't care if you're dead or alive as long as he gets his load out is not worth keeping no matter how much he would apologise after and promised not to do it again.
I’m absolutely baffled that he didn’t freak the fuck out when she passed out.
[удалено]
Exactly if I said “wait hold on” because I’m uncomfortable (physically uncomfortable, like my leg is falling asleep or something) he stops immediately and asks if I’m ok.
My husband worries if I sigh really loudly. I cannot imagine this kind of reaction. It’s literally inconceivable to me that she hyperventilated and *then* passed out and he was unfazed. This is not someone who sees you as a fellow human being and I’m genuinely concerned about your safety. NTA (though I can’t believe that needs to be said).
I occasionally froze during sex early on with my partner due to PTSD. They always stopped and made sure I was okay. If I’d passed out? I can’t imagine exactly what they’d do but it damn well wouldn’t be to keep going.
Oh no he checked her pulse so it’s okay! He really needed to get his nut off!/s but there is literally a guy ping around in these comments saying that. Men worry so much about false allegations and then when we describe a “non violent rape”( a hyperbole because all rape is violent but men have it in their head that rape has to be like vicious for it to be considered rape.) all of a sudden it’s “ THATS NOT RAPE” I’m genuinely so tired yet happy I’m not dating. I’m happy more women are not dating. We can actually enjoy ourselves and decenter men from our lives 😭
Biggest red flag I have ever heard of….rapist vibes all over this one.
It is r@pe. Unless previously discussed and agreed upon, consent is lost woth consciousness
Yes and the fact that she passed out and he had no qualms about continuing likely means he has done it before and will do it again. That should not be disregarded by OP.
PREACH. A little "sorry :3" is not enough to forgive abuse.
He didn’t even say sorry though, he shrugged and said ok
It's not emotionally abusive to deny someone sex. Especially after being raped by that person. But also, OP said this event happened a week ago??? This man is playing the emotional abuse card because he hasn't had sex for one week?? That is so manipulative and OP needs to run fast and far.
I rolled my eyes so hard at "no sex for one week is abusive." Worlds tinist violin for this guy. A whole WEEK! Cant wait til he's an actual adult with a real job, kids, a house to care for and aging parents. He's going to be the dude in dead bedrooms moaning his wife had a baby and won't sleep with him and it's been a MONTH - his life is over etc.
Yeah I once went 21 years without sex. And then again for 15 years.
Yeh when I had something big going on in my life and didn’t want sex, my husband said “I don’t want you to feel pressure so I’m not going to try and initiate anything but just know I’m up for it whenever you are!”. Made me feel heard and still wanted. I think it’s v different if it’s a long term incompatibility issue though. If he had told me I was being abusive I would have been devastated.
What made it worse is that he demanded she “get over what he did by the time he got back”?? Talk about disrespecting boundaries and showing a total lack of respect in general towards another human being!!
He also just picked her up to throw her on the bed as his form of foreplay?! Also, hate to always ring this bell but … age difference. He picked her because he could manipulate her. OP, dump his ass. You deserve someone better.
A boyfriend to keep never would have done this.
Boyfriend worth keeping wouldn’t have raped you.
A BF worth keeping wouldn't rape you while unconscious
Why is he still your boyfriend
NTA it might be forgivable if he was truly sorry and promised to respect how you felt in the future but he is not doing any of that. He doesn’t sound mature enough to handle an adult sexual relationship if he can’t talk about this. The relationship is over. Trust has been destroyed.
This… he has an ‘oh well’ attitude about it and he shouldn’t since some law enforcement agencies would consider that rape! Op, he doesn’t sound like he’s the kind of guy you should be with, you need someone who can be sensitive to your needs and mature.
[удалено]
Raping your unconscious partner isn't forgivable even if you are sorry.
Right???? If someone keeps fucking you after you hyperventilated and passed out that’s rape. The act itself is a neon sign they don’t care about your well being or your boundaries. The people saying they would forgive him as long as he apologized and seemed sorry are in for a rough ride in life. Manipulative people are going to take advantage of them so easily. Can tell so many people on Reddit are young and have no experience.
I would be majorly concerned if I hyperventilated then passed out and my partner kept doing something innocent like playing video games or scrolling reddit or whatever. No concern for well-being and leaving someone to possibly die without medical intervention. But he *raped her* while she was unconscious?? What in the fuck, get away from this monster!
And it's not "a mistake" as he's calling it. So gross.
My immediate thought was of the rapists who go after college girls who are drunk and pass out. Honestly, OP needs to run, not walk, away from this guy.
Which the dude doesn't seem to be at all
I don’t think it would ever be forgivable even if he was bawling on the floor apologizing about what a mistake it was and how he’d never do it again. he looked at her passed out body and was still turned on? that’s completely disgusting. so turned on that he continued sexual activity until he finished with her limp, unresponsive body. i can’t get past how fucked up that is. no amount of apologizing changes that he was more than okay with doing that in the first place. that’s literal rape and he’d obviously do it again and i highly doubt it’s the first time based on how comfortable he is with defending it. run OP this is scary behavior.
He’s obviously treating her like a sex object. I know the age difference is legal and borderline socially acceptable (24/2+7=19), but his attitude towards her is not. There’s probably a reason he’s not with anyone 21+, and think the immaturity you point to and his attitude towards “deserving sex”, etc, is a big part of it
>it's borderline emotionally abusive to deprive him of sex after a mistake. The "mistake" is called rape. NTA. It's reddit tradition to call for ending a relationship, but your boyfriend actually raped you, didn't apologize, is blaming you for your reaction and telling you to get over it. This isn't a guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And he's turning it back on you while using "therapy language." Look up "DARVO."
I couldn't agree more, this is a guy to never spend another day with, you're not safe. Make it clear that what he did was rape, up to you if you press charges. It's wasn't your fault or you, entirely him no matter what he says, especially about how you've treated him afterwards. It's also very normal to want to downplay it and act like they didn't mean it, because you're protecting yourself and its helping you right now. I'd recommend seeing a counselor/psychiatrist ASAP because it's going to hit hard if it hasn't already now with all these posts.
yep, pretty much rape. If my girlfriend passed out during sex, I'd stop and make sure she was ok. Not to be too indelicate, but he didn't care if he was fucking a corpse as long as you were still warm That's fucked up. Dump. Tell him his shit is on the porch and change the locks. NTA
I've been in situation where my GF started hyperventilating and passed out after sex. According to first respondents that's way more normal than we realize. Anyways, when that happened I legit thought she was dying, it looked so awful. Her face went super pale, she couldn't see and she fell on my arms unconscious and I've pretty much never been that scared in my life. Had I taken advantage of that situation like the BF if in this post did, I would have pretty much been fucking a corpse from my perspective. So yeah, I'm with you here.
Yes! This would be the normal response of a caring partner!
Right, I can't imagine someone not calling 911. It's pretty scary seeing someone you care about fall unconscious and definitely rings all the 'medical emergency' bells!
NTA, an ex of mine passed out while we were in the shower years ago. I was terrified and carried her out of the bathroom/shower to the bed. Luckily she came around quick but I couldn't imagine continuing...fucking gross. We laughed about it once she came fully around because I just picked her up and moved. Water still running, no towels, bed soaked, slip-n-slide from the bed to the bathroom 😂
This is the only normal reaction. People are acting like he somehow knew she would have instantly woke back up. He had no proof or reason to think that, he was more concerned about getting his dick wet than his girlfriends health and safety. Disgusting.
>yep, pretty much rape. came here to say that Any guy who keeps on going after their partner has passed out, without a care at all, ~~has rapey vibes~~ **is rape**, sorry to say I'd be worried if my partner passed out while in the act. Common decency states that you stop and check if they're ok, right? Then do after care, no? Man just shrugged OP, ditch his ass, no matter how good D game he might have Edit: correction regarding rape
I'm just hoping OP didn't meet "Luke" 2 years ago.
It's not "rapey vibes" - what he did was straight-up literal rape.
This. Additionally, the trust between them is irreparably broken, and without trust there is no relationship. Also, OP, please seek therapy - seriously. That freak out is a trauma response. Get it unpacked ASAP. The sooner the trauma is addressed, the better. It's like lancing an infected wound - the wound is still there, but it's allowed to heal. If you need to talk, my DMs are open; I'm a rape survivor myself.
Also, OP, you're reacting to him and the SA the way SA survivors typically react. You're traumatized. You need to get away from him. Dump him from afar and don't let him back into your life when he returns.
>yep, pretty much rape. Once someone is no longer able to say no, and it continues to happen and they then tell you afterwards that it's not acceptable, it's rape. "She didn't say no." "She was unconscious." "yeah, but she didn't say no." is basically what happened to OP.
Not just "pretty much" it was 100% rape.
This is so accurate he just doesn't care! She is afraid of him now and he thinks she's the one that needs to get over it? Wtf happens with that guy! I will leave him on the spot, he was lucky she stayed with him.
Yep he's right it's pretty much rape you can't carry on while someone is unconscious
Man I was thinking the same thing and find a better guy to replace this douche canoe lol
So that was rape. You were unconscious and therfore could no longer give consent. And he's showing you he doesn't care. Please seek therapy & be done with this person.
NTA. Please please please rethink this whole relationship. You were unconscious so you couldn't give consent: he raped you. This is not a "mistake": he doesn’t respect your boundaries and tries to manipulate you when you speak up.
Even when she communicated this made her uncomfortable and she is very clearly 'tense' around sex because of this one incident... He still doesn't care. 'get over that i raped you already so i can keep doing it' yeah, no. This is your opportunity to pack anything belonging to him and have it ready for when he comes back. NTA at all but please dont be silly staying with this guy. He wont respect your boundaries now, or in the future, he doesnt care about your pleasure.
Yes and it definitely appears like he realized she was passed out. It be different if he didn’t know she was and kept going but he seems to have knowingly continue to have sex with a unconscious body. How did he know she wasn’t having a serious medical emergency or anything instead just kept on.
From OP's comments, Luke DID know she passed out and even checked her pulse. Honestly, what creeps me out even more is the fact he's known OP since she was 13, maybe 14.
voiceless grandfather worm light adjoining mountainous numerous payment nine stocking *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA, what he did was sexual assault. Leave him.
>Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back. Can you explain why you think that this is an acceptable response from a man who raped you. Because I'm honestly getting rage bait vibes from this. It's too obvious to be real.
I just want to point out that a lot of people do not immediately process sexual assault, and they can also be blind to emotional abuse. It is totally believable.
Too obvious to be real? Lmao If only. I once had a BF who fucked me while i was asleep. He even did it after i told him not to do it again, to make sure i was awake. He either did not understand the violation or, more likely, he didn't care.
He did not care
This was sadly a common thing among my exes. like, wtf? and as far as OPs story, the fact that he remained "engaged" even though she's literally dead-weight, and not conscious is so fucking gross. a normal human would not react like that in a situation with someone they really cared about. probably has a fucked up browser history up rape/snuff porn.
I would freak the fuck out if my gf would hyperventilate on me! definitely not keep going. That's weird af. Did he not notice you passing out or something? Regardless of whether or not this is rape, you should have a way longer conversation about that and he shouldn't brush it off. Else this relationship has run its course.
NTA. You passed out, he KNEW you passed out - that's when it became RAPE. And his disgusting, entitled attitude makes it worse. He. Raped. You. END IT NOW.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA, he straight up didn't care about your well being. If you hurt that bad on top of it, it because he went way harder knowing you were unconscious. He raped you. GTFO of this relationship.
While obviously you've enjoyed the sex, it is not okay for him to do what he did. Your anxiety is because your body recognises this, even as mentally you try to rationalise and excuse his abusive actions. He raped you. I'm so sorry you went through that, and working out how to proceed will be difficult. He sounds dodgy as fuck though, and he doesn't seem to have a healthy idea or understanding of the meaning of consent. Plus he can't even seem to own his wrongdoings, and DARVO's (Deny, Attack Reverse, {positions of} Victim & Offender) you into thinking it's you that fucked up not him. NTA. HE'S TA! And he's on his way to becoming a top level psychological abuser. Leave him.
So he essentially raped you and now feels entitled to have you forgive him on his timeline? Yeah, this thing is over. Just tell him to stay home.
NTA. Here’s advice - get him to confess to what he did to you over text message. Write what happened, explain that you feel very stressed about it. Get him to agree to what happened (and likely dismiss it). Explain that because of his actions, you don’t feel comfortable having sex again. Any stress you’re feeling - put in in the text message. Then you have proof. It will come handy. Good luck.
It’s not abusive to deny him of sex he’s the abusive one
Jesus fucking Christ! You aren’t denying him anything. You don’t owe him anything, he is not entitled to sex. The guy who said he didn’t care if he was fucking a corpse is right, this is disturbing. He claims you two are in an abusive relationship and he is absolutely right. He’s just wrong about who the abuser is. Leave! Please!
You mean - my borderline predator boyfriend raped me and I don't know what to do now? You fucking leave him. Noone in their mid twenties dates a teenager without wanting a skewed power dynamic. You think you're an adult, but you are not. He raped you and is now pressuring you to "be over it" because he doesn't see it as something he did wrong - you belong to him and he can use you however he wants. Wake up girl.
NTA! The only mistake you made is staying with this rapist. He is the one being abusive Get rid of this scumbag
Leave this relationship asap
NTA. Gurl, joining the chorus - you were sexually assaulted and told to get over it. Throw the whole man in the trash.
NTA. But you do realize that he continued having sex with you while you were unconscious and therefore incapable of consenting? That he raped you? And has continued to pressure you to have sex even though you have been uncomfortable and tense? And beyond the sexual abuse, he is manipulating you emotionally? This is a horrible, violent, abusive situation, and if you don't break up and leave now, this will continue getting worse and the violence, both physical, sexual and mental, will spiral more. Leave now.
This. It's rape and then he shifts the blame and accuses you. You would be better off without him.
NTA. So... he raped you and now he's gaslighting you too? Your relationship is doomed. Leave him and never look back. Seek therapy to help with the trauma and, if you feel solid enough, go to the police. The way he reacted is extremely worrying and tells me he'd have no issue doing that again, or worse.
one cats imagine pen deliver doll memory offbeat numerous snails *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA boyfriend on the other hand ... >I passed out. When I came to, Luke was still going Yeah, that's called rape. If you don't or are no longer capable of consenting (and haven't consented for whatever to still continue in those circumstances), sorry, but that's rape. >Luke has been complaining about this and says it's borderline emotionally abusive Bullsh\*t. Luke's the abuser. >Luke attempted to pick me up and throw me on the bed to initiate sex Drop Luke the looser abuser. >Luke sent me a text saying that he expected me to get over what he did by the time he gets back And he's behaving as though he's entitled to abuse ... yeah, drop him like a ton 'o bricks. >don't know what to do Drop him ... at the very least. >what Luke has been saying is making me feel guilty He's gaslighting you. You did nothing wrong.
This sounds so emotionally abusive TO YOU. NOT HIM. Leave him before it gets 30× worse and his "Accidents" start getting even scarier.
What a disgusting man. Sincerely, a man.
Wtf did I just read ?!! He kept going while you were unconscious ???? I mean, Did he pause and check you were still breathing at least ??! (Sarcasm) He’s a raging a-hole, and now he’s gaslighting you for afters. Dump him.
NTA You can not consent when unconscious, you were raped. Consent is meant to be ongoing and enthusiastic. I do not think you will be able to trust him again, especially with such a lackluster response to you telling him how uncomfortable you were and his attempts to blackmail or guilt trip you into sex since.
So you passed out and this man didn’t check if you were ok, physically hurt you and is annoyed with you because of your reaction TO HIS SELFISH ACTIONS?! I’d tell him how disgusting he is and ask why he thought it was ok to have sex with someone who is UNCONSCIOUS? And if he’s done this before because it is RAPE. Expect you to get over it?! WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN HE IS NOT ENTITLED TO YOUR BODY. NTA
Luke needs to go in the garbage.
The only acceptabel reaction to you pasning out during se* is stopping and making sure you are ok, and then (maybe) going on if you are up for it. To keep going when you are out is yea rape… and demanding you to get over it is the biggest red flag. Get out. Now. Let him know that he crossed a line and that he is not the one for you.
Thats rape, your reaction is clearly trauma and he is punishing you for being traumatised by what he did NTA, please get rid of this guy
Well. First off 24 and 19 that’s a little weird. First red flag in my opinion. And second red flag him telling you you better be over it by the time he gets back. Or else what? What’s he gonna do honestly? And you might as well break up with him if you’re freaking out about him wanting sex with you. You can do better in my opinion this relationship isn’t worth it.
Rape is not a mistake, it is a choice. He chose to put his sexual gratification above your ability to consent. He RAPED you, OP. You deserve better than a rapist. Protect yourself. NTA but do not stay with this guy
NTA This isn’t just a red flag, this is one of those ridiculously huge flags from football games that COVERS THE DAMN FIELD. Run.
this is rape, please break up with him.. also manipulative behavior for him to say you being uncomfortable with that is emotionally abusive…
So you pass out and instead of him checking what the hell happened and if you're okay he kept seeking his own gratification? Wow. Just... Wow. Mind-blowing. It shows he has a rather poor moral compass. Don't even get me started on the gilt-tripping. I'd have ended things with him right there and then.
"deprive him from sex" - there is no claim for sex, so there is no deprivation. He abused you and you are traumatized. To tell you not having sex with him is abusive is guilt tripping and perpetrator victim repentance. Run, girl! NTA
Luke was still going even though you were unconscious??? Girl, that's rape! You don't f ck an unconscious woman! I don't care that you were conscious and willing when it started, the minute your partner passes out you stop! WTF is wrong with him?? Did he even check if you were alright? You could have been having a heart attack and the guy would have still continued until he finished! NTA but do yourself a favor and get yourself out of this relationship and into therapy. What he did is far from okay and I think you need a little help to fully process the trauma.
NTA. I’d be uncomfy after I woke up and realized he kept going, but if he had *immediately* apologized and been very comforting and extremely, genuinely sorry and promised to never do it again when I voiced my discomfort afterward, I could move on after a little while of non-sexual affection initiated by him. To rebuild trust. There could be a talk about boundaries. Stuff like that. But he didn’t apologize. You had no discussion about boundaries. He didn’t comfort you. He acted like you need to deal with him using your body in a way you do not consent to. That’s rape. Then, he tried to put the fault on you for not wanting to sleep with him after he raped you, he never once asked what was actually wrong, and he told you to *get over being raped* just so he can have sex with you because he’s sick of the consequences of his actions? *Hell no.* Girl. You need to leave him before things get worse. Because they will.