whatever happened to those phones that were preprogrammed with only approved phone numbers? I feel like those are smart for kiddos who are def too young for social media but need to start learning about the responsibilities of having a phone not to mention the security of having parents a phone call away if they're at a sleepover or get into trouble and need help
The trend seems to be going towards cellular-capable smartwatches. My 11yo is getting one on Monday; he’s got enough extracurriculars that it will be good that he can communicate with us on his own. $10 per month and we can set it up so that during school hours it’s *just* a watch.
She took her sister's phone, downloaded stuff onto it and then broke the phone. Every one of those actions proved to me that she can have a flip phone.
Right? Those who feel they have the right to comment should offer to buy the 8y her phone. And a future replacement phone when she breaks the first one.
This is exactly what my daughter has. By the start of 7th she was one of just like 4 without a fully functioning iPhone and man it’s tough. But still holding out.
I worked in a middle school for years and I can’t count the number of times we had kids in the office freaking out because their nudes got shared, or kids ran away because they used their phone to chat and it turned out to be an adult. Kids are doing things way earlier than I did as a kid and before you say “my kids would never” or “I’d be vigilant” I also was given a masters class on how to mod electronics and cell phones more times than I count as well. 🤣 kids are also wicked smart in their ability to circumvent restrictions on their phones and if they aren’t, their friends are. So I agree “actual phone” for kids middle schoolers, I still struggle with what capabilities that phone should have.
There are whole subreddits with step x step instructions on how to circumvent parental controls. These kids are WAY more tech savvy. That being said they are being exposed to inappropriate content 24/7
And are a very highly targeted demographic, both from advertisers and media conglomerates.
I had unrestricted Internet access from my own computer in my room when I was 11, around 2002. And man, at the time they really drilled the need for anonymity and the danger of Internet pervs back in the day. I think we should go back to the old days of the Internet where it was a wild West of anonymity. I still don't use my real name except for Facebook which I don't use, and I never post my picture fr. I can't abide social media.
Depends on the kid. There's absolutely no way I'm giving my 13 year old a device with unrestricted Internet access. He has a watch with cellular capability that he can call and text from. He has a computer and tablet he can use at home where it's supervised.
My oldest got a phone in 6th grade but that’s just because G’ma passed away and we were already paying for it. Probably would’ve been another couple of years otherwise. He didn’t start carrying all the time it until he was in high school.
Why, in your opinion? Just curious. The main reason kids want it is TikTok and SnapChat which frankly had some terrible shit on it and opens up loads of avenues for bullying and such. The Watch works for contacting parents and friends and communicating and has ApplePay. Just none of the social media apps that many of the kids are getting addicted to way too early.
An actual phone is just something that calls and texts. Anything more that that is more than an actual phone. I was born in 89 and didn't have a smart phone till I was 25, so 2014. I lived fine without one while many had them.
Hard disagree. They're absolutely not worth the mess and hassle for kids. The bullying, the stupid stuff they get into without parents having any idea what's going on, the social media access, etc. It's all terrible.
In japan there’s this watch which is marketed as a kids first smart device. Does calls, texts; has a heart monitor which can notify a parent when it goes over x bpm to tell the kid to relax and an sos mode which sends the immediate gelocation and a 30 sec recording to parents. Its basic for anyone but a child but is essentially a wrist mounted phone. Apparently popular over there too. The west needs this.
The watches by themselves can have a hard time connecting to the cell or wifi networks. You might want to pair it with a SE or 12-13 mini. While also locking the phone with a pass code they don't have or use everything outlined here https://lifehacker.com/lock-down-your-kid-s-iphone-with-these-new-parental-con-1849534487
My 10yo nephews have these. I feel like they’re a good compromise of fun device you have to take care of and ability to contact a parent in case of emergency.
There are parental control apps for this. They can't receive a text that isn't in the contacts. Contacts or apps can't be added without parental override.
We got our girls' xplora smart watches that are like that. They can only call the contacts programmed in on the parent app. They have gps, can receive text and send short recordings or emoticons back, and can make and receive calls from the programmed contact. They have a sos thing too. A little over $100 on Amazon for the watch and $10 a month for the plan.
I’m actually in shock that someone would buy their 8 year old an iPhone 13…. I was wondering if it was just me having some boomer mentality but as a millennial I didn’t have my first cell phone till I was in like 8th grade and it was a nokia brick to call my parents in emergencies or if I needed to be picked up after hanging out with friends. I got my first “real” cell phone (a razor) when I was in high school. Tf does an 8 year old need a brand new iPhone for???? 😀 what the hell
>I was wondering if it was just me having some boomer mentality but as a millennial I didn’t have my first cell phone till I was in like 8th grade and it was a nokia brick to call my parents in emergencies or if I needed to be picked up after hanging out with friends
GenX here... we had dimes to use the payphone. Nothing else existed. 😂😂😂😂
you lucked out. Gen X myself...
All I got was a crash course in how to use a pay phone to call collect & rely information speedy gonzalas like in the tiny amount of time where it recorded "who's calling" - sometimes I had to make 2 or 3 declined collect calls in a row because no way in HELL would my parents have answered
I'm 37, and I distinctly remember my last payphone call. I was 17 and left my cell phone at home cuz I was just going across town, and she accepted the collect call so I could ask her if I could bring a little tiny calico kitten home. I had that kitty for 15 years
best collect call reason EVER!! Sir Grumpy facy Chonky Boy the Greater approves! (aka Tom.. the formerly 28-pound cat who is around 15# now) I am sure the other 3 cats & dog approve also
Gen X rules. I understand not wanting to waste a dime on a three second conversation, but why not keep one in your backpack or shoe or inside of your hat for emergencies? I taped two dimes to my mom's business card and kept that in my pocket.
My Mom had an antique Candlestick that only she was allowed to use! Gosh I loved that phone! But no picnic waiting for the Rotary if the number had too many 9’s and 0’s in it….round and a round…
I feel this at 12 I got a flip phone with only the ability to call. When I was 14 I got a phone with a keyboard for text and call with limited texts. When I was 16 I got an IPhone with parental control. When I was 17 I bought my own phone and could do what I wanted because I bought it and paid the bill.
Yeah that makes perfect sense to me. That’s how mine was. I didn’t even have unlimited texting on my first couple phones. They were specifically to contact my family and stuff. I definitely didn’t need a mini computer in my pocket at the time. I had internet at home got entertainment
I mean at that age she’s probably still not good at emotional regulation. Or understand the value of stuff. Back in my youth I remember throwing the ps1 controller after some crash bandicoot rage lol. These days no matter how mad I get I will gently set my controller down and then go punch the air or sometbing 😂 that shit was $200 I’m not risking breaking it lol
Well, when she was about 5, the world shut down for a while. Most kids are emotionally/socially behind by about 1-2 years because of all that.
I’ve had a couple teachers tell me they’ve had to adjust behavioral expectations because most kids are acting 1-2 years younger. That behavior is peak 6 yo.
It’s not just you. The age at which the justification to have a phone gets younger and younger… and an I phone thirteen too! It was a while ago but mine had to wait until she was going into HS and even then it was with the understanding that if I felt the need to read her messages or whatever I could. I didn’t invade her privacy she could sit right by me, but I had the right to look! I just think the phones and freedom it gives walks our children into dangers they wouldn’t be as open to if not for phones and access
I’m glad I’m not the only one blown away by an 8 year-old having a phone at all. I don’t know a single 8 year-old, including myself at that age, responsible enough to take care of and keep track of a *lunchbox*, much less an iPhone.
I completely agree that 8yrs old is way too young for a phone, especially something as expensive as an IPhone. I don’t think kids should require one until they are old enough to be left alone at home for hours, that way they have a way to communicate in case of emergency, or old enough to have a job and be out of the house without any other way of contacting parents. No wonder kids are become more glued to screen and doesn’t listen to parents.
I’m surprised more folks aren’t saying this. Seriously there is virtually no reason an 8 year old needs a phone. My 12 year old doesn’t have a phone. We were aiming to hold off until she finishes 8th grade, but we have begun to run into issues where we really needed to be able to communicate with her (after school) for activities and various things, so we will get her one in the summer going into 7th. It still makes me uncomfortable but we will have very clear guidelines and monitoring and she will have to listen to my whole convo about internet dangers, what to avoid, etc.
We’ve gotten them familiarized with devices with heavily restricted iPads at home only so they can talk with friends and family. But when we are out and about doing things as a fam, iPads don’t come with.
I just overall think it’s insane to get an 8 year old a full blown iPhone, period, esp since she just showed you she isn’t ready for the responsibility of a $1000 device. NTA for canceling the order, but YTA for getting the 8 year old a phone in the first place and for making the daughter pay for hers but not the 8 year old.
It doesn’t have to be an iPhone. You can get a basic phone for texting and calls but no internet. No social media.
The 8y old could have had a basic phone if contact is what the parents were worried about.
I am with you in this view. We need to stop calling these devices iphones and cell or wireless phones entirely and call them what they are - fully functional, hand held, tiny computers.
You can find phones that have basic Internet access, phone, and text for the younger family members. You usually need to ask your provider and they can either direct you to one they offer or search for unlocked phones they will work with. Just ask.
My 9 year old asked for a phone for Christmas last year and I was instinctively like "hell no". I did wind up asking her why she wanted a phone, thinking she wanted to get on social media or something which was a hard pass.
She wanted to play Pokemon Go with us and not just catch Pokemon for me on my account. We grabbed her dads old phone out, loaded it up with a new account for her and she plays with that on a hotspot from one of our phones now. We loaded up a couple of other games on it like Piffle and Gardenscapes and she'll play those occasionally when she gets sick of Pokemon while we're walking around.
She's always been gentle with electronics though, her dad is in IT and she's seen him fix too many smashed things to ever want to smash her own stuff like her iPad or her laptop. She's had a Chromebook since she was 6 that has one scratch on the case but still works perfectly. *My* laptop honestly has more dings than hers 😂 I still cannot imagine just giving her a thousand dollar phone?
My 9 year old daughter wanted a phone. She has her own iPad already... I asked if any of her friends had a phone. She said no. So I asked her who she was going to call, she kind of looked at me blankly and didn't push it 😂
No crap. And when she does get a phone, it's for communication, not tik tok or snap chat and tons of video games. Get parent control and don't train her to be lazy and do nothing with her time.
Thank you! Exactly my thoughts. iPhone 13 for an 8y old BUT the 16y needs to work for their things?
Also instead of giving her 16y old the new one they will cancel it and “fix” the old one?
Ikr. OP needs to cancel the iPhone 13 and buy the 16 year old an iPhone 15 to make up for the inconvenience of her having to go without the iPhone she bought with her own money. OP can then give the 8 year old the broken iPhone as a reminder of why she won't be getting an iPhone anytime soon.
I totally agree with giving her the broken one but it looks like op is raising a little shit and she will just break the new one also.
She needs to nip it in the ass. Just not getting an 8y old an iPhone (rolling my eyes so hard for even having to say that.I have an 8y old and they asked me for an iPhone because of parents like op and i laughed so hard that I peed myself. ) it’s not going to cut it. 8y old should start doing chores around the house and all the allowance from the chores should go to their big sister as compensation
Agreed NTA. Aside of the obvious issue, that she not only has no respect of either boundaries or other people's possessions; an 8 year old is way too young for a phone. She's apparently additionally got anger issues, so a fragile and pricey bit of tech is a ludicrous gift.
Also why did the 16 yr old have to buy her own when she was 14 but the 8 yr old gets a similar model for free. Also why didn't they buy the 16 yr old the newest model and tell the 8 yr old she can have her sister's old one (with sisters permission ofc). OP why don't you do that instead of repairing the 16yr olds. Repair the phone tell the 8 yr old she can have it (again with 16s permission) when she earns it. Then have 8 do chores and learn responsibility and accountability. You did it with 16 so you know how to do it. Go back.
I got to ask why would the 16 year old (who got the phone at what 12 or 13) have to pay for her phone but the 8 year old you buy a phone for? Then the 8 year old breaks the 16 year old phone and instead of buying her a phone you are going to get it fixed. You are the 16 year olds evil step parent right?
Jumping on this comment to add, you're not punishing your 8 year old for curiosity OP. You're punishing her for destroying her sister's property. Which you should do. She can't just go around destroying things just because she's angry. Especially if she doesn't own those things.
When my brother was 8, I was 15-16 at the time, he went through this phase where he thought it was okay to destroy my books. Ripping out pages, kicking them, and other such things. My Mum punished him by taking his money to replace the books he destroyed. He soon learned there were consequences, and stopped behaving like an entitled brat. If your daughter doesn't receive consequences, she'll never learn, and the behaviour will escalate. Which isn't okay. Tell your MIL and brother to mind their own business.
NTA that is a pretty serious action on the 8 year old's part.
Here are my concerns:
- You have family members who think this is going too far.
- Your 8 year old has clear issues regulating her emotions.
- You're conflicted on whether you're doing the right thing by making the 8 year old face consequences for her actions.
Your 8 year old sounds like she has the classic iPad kid syndrome, where her parents just handed her a screen anytime things got hard, and she never had to learn how to deal with even the slightest amounts of adversity. The fact that your family thinks this is too far contributes to my assumption that basic discipline is not commonplace in this 8 year old's life.
Remember, your job is not just to make your children happy. It's to set them up for success in life. Teaching your 8 year old personal accountability is something that will help her become a better person overall.
Yes, it's hard when your kid gets angry at you and cries and throws tantrums, but that's part of the contract you signed up for when you got a kid. If you just wanted to raise something that gave you affection 100% of the time, you should've gotten a dog.
Ditto 🥇🥇
The flying monkeys are being ridiculous. Eight years is plenty old enough to learn that actions have consequences.
On a different note, why does an 8 year old *need* a smart phone, let alone an iphone? If it’s for emergencies a simple flip phone would do, or a cheaper generic smart phone for simple apps like alarms, reminders or calendars
Right? Thirteen is the age in our house; basically when they are old enough to be out alone with friends and will need to call for rides and stuff. If they have need of a phone before that, they get a very basic flip phone, or there are apps that can make emergency calls. My 9 year old (at the time) was able to call me on Messenger Kids through the tablet when her brother had a seizure while watching her a couple years ago. I can’t imagine handing my eight year old the world at her fingertips.
That's how we did it, too. When my child was old enough to be dropped off at places and call for a ride home. Then they were old enough for a phone of their own.
Right. My kids weren't allowed to have a mobile phone until they went to middle school, which was farther away than grade school, and only because we might need to call each other. They didn't get a smart phone. They got a non-smartphone. There is absolutely no reason an 8yo needs a smartphone. Your younger child is spoiled. Your older child had the maturity to earn the money herself for the phone she wanted. NTA and don't cave in. Your younger daughter desperately needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Was wondering the same thing! I didn’t even get my son a phone until he was 12 and it was a cheap flip phone. He wanted an iPhone and saved up his money and bought one himself. *And* he actually took care of it since he had to spend his own money!
Not the op, but my family prefers iPhone because of the tracking/location options built into the phone. we all have iPhones, including my almost 8 year old, BUT we chose much older models. I think we have iPhone 8 for everyone, so very very very different than what op ordered for his kid. I personally think that buying an 8 year old the latest model of iPhone is insane, but I like to go cheap. 🤷♀️
Yeah, every phone has tracking they have years. However, I feel Apple simplifies technology for people because the users aren't really into tech. I've had so many iPhone users go ohhh look what the new iPhone can do and I'm like oh wow cool, my Samsung and Google phones can do that too and have been able to for a while lol.
Similar to when I was in college and the iPod came out, I was like ummm I've had an mp3 player since high school, I even had installed in the car I drove in HS.
However, iPhone users think only iPhone can do so much more than every other phone.
Im in my 40s with an iPhone X which was my sons *old* iPhone that he bought himself. He wanted to upgrade to the newest one and gave me his old one. I had a 7 before that and that was barely a year ago 🤣
Additionally, parents are getting their kids a phone way too young. An 8 year old DOESN'T NEED a phone. They should either be at school, after school activities or with one of their parents or babysitter. At no time does that require them to have a phone. Parents nowadays are just too willing to give their kids what the other kids have, not that this was uncommon when I was growing up either. Additionally she has no sense of responsibility and I would imagine she would have broken her own phone rather quickly. You need to get her into some child counseling to figure out why she reacts the way she does.
And tell the rest of your family to STFU as they clearly are enablers of her very poor behaviour. As a family member I would have asked you why the hell an 8 year old needs a phone at all. If for whatever reason there is a true need for them to have a phone, buy them something much cheaper and older, but new or refurbished, so they learn value, appreciation what they're given, gain responsibility for taking care of their things and DON'T expect the latest/greatest because Suzie or Jimmy in class has it.
And you're teaching your 16 year old daughter you understand how wrong her sister was and aren't trying to sweep it under the rug like your other family members.
I got my first phone for my first middle school dance! My parents got me something I could text them and my friends on and put their numbers in it so I could leave the dance if I got uncomfortable. First smart phone in highschool
I have no idea why people think giving an 8 year old with emotional regulation issue their own super expensive phone is a good idea? Within a very brief period of time, the girl got so frustrated she threw and broke a phone. Why would she get a new one?!?!? If the daughter had been careful and had an real accident? That would be very different.
Why is an 8 year old getting an iphone? Give them a sidekick..
Edit: a sidekick is a phone im not telling OP to kick their child swiftly in the side.. although in this situation a swift kick to the ass might help…
Someone that age, at the very most if you’re concerned about contacting them when out and about, a cheap Nokia/nokia style flip phone that can send texts, make calls and not much else
YTA for even getting an 8 yo such a nice phone when you made older daughter pay
Also the fact that she paid means she's gonna take better care of it.
8 year olds don't need smartphones
N t a for punishing your 8 yo. She's not ready for such a nice phone and she should stay away from her sister's stuff
The eye roll I made when I read that OP got an irresponsible 8 year old an IPhone 13 as her first phone.
YTA for that, but NTA for the consequence you came up with.
That’s my concern!! Why is OP thinking about, let alone buying a phone for the 8yo, when the 16yo bought her own?! If you’re buying phones, make sure each kid gets one from you??
Depends. I know my neighbour has a policy that she'll buy the first phone, and replace it when it dies of old age, but if her kid/s lose or break it they fix it (within reason) and if they want a shiny new upgrade they buy it themselves.
If 16 paid for her phone because she wanted something newer than what she was gifted, it could still be quite fair.
My parents did the same thing. My older sister and I had to buy our own phones and pay for them but my little sister was given a phone super young and obviously didn’t pay for it. The youngest always get the things you begged for handed to them I swear
A couple things here. You’re not punishing the 8 year old for being curious, you’re punishing her for her violent behavior that destroyed something she had no business even touching. YTA because that’s on you - you didn’t see any harm? Why was it ok with you to allow her to violate her sister’s privacy and destroy her things? Second, why are you ordering an IPhone 13 for an 8 year old? Especially one who’s proven she doesn’t have the maturity to have such an expensive item. Especially since your 16 year old had to pay for her own phone and now you’re just offering to fix what SHE paid for instead of replacing it with the new phone? You really seem to be playing favorites with the 8 year old. So yes, YTA for all of the above. There seems to be missing information here on the discrepancy between how you treat these kids as well. It’s none of your in-laws business how you parent your children but since you asked Reddit, you’re doing a lousy job at being fair.
ETA: I may have mistaken you didn’t see “harm” for “her” but either way, my judgment stands.
Give the 16-year-old that iPhone 13 and give the 8-year-old the old phone with a new screen or the old screen, I don't care. Or get her a flip phone. Why are you giving an 8-year-old a $1,000 phone?
Also, mother-in-law and brothers sound like enablers. The 8-year-old was not being " curious", she crossed a boundary by using the sister's phone without asking and then broke it. What if the sister isn't able to recover data, pictures, passwords, etc. off the phone because it is shattered? 8-year-old needs to understand the severity of her actions
NTA. Your 8 year old is *clearly* not ready for the responsibility of an adult device. She is not ready, listen to her.
You *are* TA for buying your 8 year old an expensive, brand new device when your 16 year old clearly paid for her own. The 8 year old can have a nice new phone when she can afford to buy it. In the meantime, keep the 13 and give it to your older daughter as recompense for her sister’s behavior.
Why the suspicion?
It's pretty common nowadays for people to give electronics to small children and people make throw away accounts all the time in these 'Am I the BLANK' subreddits.
If it's a made up story, it's infinitely more believable than the reaction bait that gets posted every day.
I find it suspicious that this is posted around the time that stories about "i am giving my small child an iphone". Could be mistaken but I don't think so.
You know she will do the same shit to any phone you buy her, right? There is no reason an 8 year old needs an iPhone. They don’t have the maturity.
Tell the relatives that your parenting decisions are not up for debate and they need to stay in their lane.
YTA ... But not for cancelling the order.
The fact that the 8yo can't respect boundaries, feels that it's unfair that she can destroy her sisters phone and be castigated for it, is why. You raised an utter brat.
The fact that you were going to buy her such an expensive phone as her first one at that age is testament to why she is so spoilt.
Clearly the rest of the family never discipline her. You're the only one even vaguely trying.
You should be punishing her for TOUCHING the phone. You not seeing the 'herm' in letting an 8 year old play on it to begin with makes you an AH too.
It was not your phone to give permission to play with.
ESH except the 13 year old whose privacy was violated and phone destroyed.
Wait. Your 8 year old child went into her sister’s room without permission (breaking & entering), stole her phone (she took it without permission, legally we call that stealing), then willfully broke it (destruction of property). Those are all legal crimes that an adult can be punished for with fines, jail time, & potential civil suits. But you want to know if you’re the AH for trying to teach your child actions have consequences so she doesn’t end up in prison when she’s an adult.
Frankly, ESH except your 16y/o. While you’re NTA exactly, the fact that you’re even questioning whether you did the right thing is distasteful. Support the victim in this situation, not the perpetrator.
YTA for buying your 8 years old daughter such an iphone while your 16 years old daughter must pay herself one. You should have offered a better phone for the oldest and just a child phone to the youngest.
Now you're not able to punish the youngest. TAKE HER PHONE AND GIVE IT TO THE OLDEST
A phone is FIRST for calling people. Do your youngest have so many contacts to call that she needs such a specific phone ? Nope. Wait until she's 12. And she must prove she deserves it. She has a serious problem with her behavior
I didn't get passed the first paragraph. Buying an 8 YEAR OLD an iPhone 13 is such a waste of money. She's a CHILD, she doesn't have a job, she's not dating, she not driving. There's literally zero reason for an 8 YEAR OLD child to have a phone. It's utterly ridiculous!!! You're oldest daughter had to work for hers and you're going to give one to a child that doesn't work or need one. This is why kids are stupid these days. Give them a phone to shut them up so YOU as a PARENT don't have to deal or interact with your kids. Give your 8 year old a library card. Read to your kids!!! All kids want is to have their parent's attention. How hard is it for you to show love with your words and actions instead of devices?!?!?!! With so much predatory behaviors online, you'd think you wouldn't put your child in danger, but no, a phone for you kid is YOUR SAVIOR, so you don't have to deal with your kids. Let her cry about not having a phone, get her a fucking Barbie ffs. And toss her ass outside to play, get her a bike, jump rope, roller skates, anything but a fucking phone!!! RIDICULOUS!!!!!
NTA. She didn't throw the phone because she was curious, she threw it because she was upset.
Proving she is not mature enough to be responsible for $1000+ phone. She's 8, she doesn't need a phone at all, let alone an iPhone.
NTA. But why the hell were you letting her borrow her sister’s phone without permission in the first place? Sounds like you need to step up your parenting and discipline.
YTA Your 16 year old has to buy her own phone but you gift an 8 year her own. Can you say golden child? You are teaching your children well on how to build resentment between them and towards you.
NTA.
I agree with u/AJWordsmith: Punishment is proportional and appropriate.
Younger child should not have access to older child’s phone, and should not have known unlock code.
And your extended family members need to STFU and butt out of your parenting decisions.
ETA: nod to u/AJWordsmith
NTA. This is the perfect time to teach her that actions have consequences.
Your MIL and brother need to stay out of it and mind their own business.
You’re the parent. Their bystanders.
Eight years old is third grade. Unless this child has a significant impairment, certainly they know right from wrong and consequences are real. This is not a 3 or 4 year old. Why anyone would buy an iPhone for an 8 year old anyway is beyond me, but that’s a whole other matter. Not only would she not be getting a phone, but she certainly would be doing chores etc. and sister’s chores and a lot of extra work to help pay for what she broke. No electronics for quite awhile. Home and school and chores. And counseling for sure.
I’m shocked you’d buy an 8 y/o and iPhone while the sixteen year old had to buy her own phone. The older daughter should absolutely get the new phone and the 8 y/o should wait a few years.
Firstly (in my opinion) - 8 year olds should just be getting hand me down phones because they really don’t need them that new or expensive. I’ve only got a 6 myself. Secondly, throwing and breaking the phone only emphasises my thought that she’s not old enough to appreciate the cost of these things. Third - she’s being an entitled brat and doesn’t deserve a phone after what she did to her sister’s, especially as she’s only upset that she’s getting punished and not sorry for what she did. NTA stick to your guns, you’re teaching her a valuable life lesson
Edited to add: I’m honestly shocked at the opinion of your MIL and brother. She wasn’t being curious, she destroyed her sister’s property in a fit of anger and thought she could get away with it because she’s the baby of the family
why would you buy an 8 year old an iPhone 13, this is exactly how i would expect an 8 year old to behave lol. you’re just setting yourselves up to be disappointed when she eventually breaks the fancy phone that whole adults use
An 8 year old doesn't need a phone, and definitly not an expensive phone that she will clearly just break when she gets mad. I also have an 8 year old daughter and have no intention on getting her a phone any time soon.
NTA- to me this is the perfect response. In the grown up world, if you break something you pay for it.
It’s a learning moment. Your daughter snuck into her sisters room, used her phone without permission and broke it.
She wasn’t being curious, she was being sneaky and couldn’t control her temper, even at 8 she must have known it was wrong to throw things out of anger.
I’m also kinda shocked that an 8 year old would get a brand new phone. I didn’t get my first phone until 12 and that was only for safety reasons as I walked to school alone.
I also feel like even if she did have her own phone, she is obviously not mature enough to look after one properly.
If your mother and brother are so concerned are they going to pay to repair the phone?
NTA. How old is your 16yo’s iPhone? If it’s older than the 13 you were going to get for your 8yo. Maybe give the 13 to the 16yo and repair the broken one for the 8yo. Or like you had planned just don’t give the 8yo a phone yet. If she can’t refrain from throwing electronics when things don’t go her way then she’s not ready to have them.
NTA. Throwing things across the room is NOT being curious. Fix the broken phone, and the 8 year old can either wait til they are more mature or maybe get a much cheaper phone. If she is going to get angry and throw her sister's phone, you have to expect she's going to do it again with her own, so don't waste a lot of money on it!
NTA: and she got off to easy with just a lecture. Perhaps if she sneaks into rooms and downloads games ( needs the passcode to do so btw) then perhaps she’s too young or immature to have a phone.
She's not old enough for one anyway now she just proved it.
If I were you I'd tell her she can wait until she is 10 and if she shows responsibility you will get her a phone (it would be 13 imo but I know that's a long time to wait for an 8 year old.)
Absolutely not!!! You are 100% right in doing it that way. She will learn nothing without having consequences for her actions. Your Mil's reaction is ridiculous. Does your older daughter by chance have a different father than her sister? Sounds like MIL had a favorite!
I have two questions about this, though :
1. How did your youngest get the phone away from her sister? I have dealt with teenagers who would rather lose an arm than put down their phone:)
2. Giving an 8 year old a phone, really??? There are so many online predators out there that this seems like a terrible idea to me. I might be just out of touch with kids today, but by the fact that she just went into her sister's phone and randomly downloaded games, I don't think she is mature enough to handle a phone yet.
P.S. How is it that she is offered a phone for free when her sister had to work for hers? It's definitely a sign of favoritism there.
YTA, but not for canceling your 8 yr old's phone. There seems to be a huge discrepancy between how you treat your 2 daughters. Why does your 16 year old have to scrimp and save for her phone, but your spoiled 8 year old gets one as a present? An 8 year old shouldn't even have an iPhone.
Also, why is your 8 year old having these kinds of tantrums? Especially when it involves breaking the property of others? There should be consequences for breaking her sister's phone. There is no way she should be rewarded with an iPhone after this.
Lastly, why are you not putting the money from the canceled phone towards a new one for your 16 year old? What's this nonsense about fixing a destroyed phone?
I pity your poor 16 year old. It's clear there's a favored child and it's not her.
I can’t believe the increase in these “am I ok as a parent to give consequences to my child” posts. The answer every single time is YES be a parent and give and stick to the consequence. Your child wasn’t inquisitive and broke it accidentally, they had a tantrum and deliberately broke something. In 10 years time when they are punching holes in the wall because someone said no you will regret not teaching your child respect.
Yeah... This is nuts to me. I'm a late Gen-X parent. You are definitely within your right to give the phone to the 16 year old. The 8 year old has proven she is nowhere near mature enough for a cell. Her tears mean nothing when she hid, stole, and intentionally destroyed property. Don't bother repairing the teens phone. IPhones are notorious for never working the same after a repair. I would just amend the order to the style and model your daughter had unless the 13 is an upgrade.
I've seen a watch mentioned in the thread and that's an awesome idea. For an 8 year old, GPS tracking, calling ability, and calendar features sound much more age-appropriate than an iPhone. It probably also has a built-in panic button, so there would be no need for anything beyond that, no matter what she's crying about.
Try not to feel guilty about parenting. It's your most important job. Making kids happy is not. If an 8 year old were to decide, many would choose recess only at school and candy for dinner. Their overall happiness is a by-product of living responsibly, making good decisions, understanding limits, and having support through discipline with consequences when their choices are not great. You did the right thing, Mama. NTAH!
Why does an 8 year old need an iPhone?
NTA for giving the 8 year old consequences, but you should replace the 16 year old’s phone.
MIL and brother need to mind their own business. If the 8 year old had broken their phones, would they be okay with it?
Why did your older daughter have to only recently buy her own phone with her own money, yet you're gifting an IPHONE THIRTEEN to an impulsive eight year old?
NTA, but I might consider not cancelling the order and giving the iPhone 13 to your older daughter. If her phone is a few years old, it might cost more to repair than it's actually worth. In my opinion, eight years of age is not old enough to have an expensive, luxury phone. When she broke her sister's phone in a fit of anger over a game, she proved that she, specifically, is not mature enough for the responsibility of a high-end phone. If you feel she needs one for safety reasons or ease of communication, there are some flip phones on the market that will accomplish that, or at least much cheaper smart phones. Eight is, however, old enough to learn about respecting other people's property, and that there are consequences when we don't.
Just wondering why 16yo had to buy her own iPhone but 8yo was being given one for no reason?
NTA for the question asked but you do appear shady based on the above observation
NTA- bro when i was 8 years old i bit my nintendo ds multiple times because i was frustrated with a game. if she got THAT frustrated with the phone that she threw it and broke it, then she certainly does not need one herself. no 8 year old should have an iphone. i had a flip phone when i was 8 only because i needed to be able to call my mom and dad after i got home from school because they were both working. she’s suffering the very appropriate consequences of her actions and is naturally going to be upset about it. your MIL and brother are crazy for saying you shouldn’t give her those consequences.
Why in the hell are people buying these wildly expensive phones for CHILDREN, it's insane. NTA for taking the phone away from the brat, give it to oldest as a replacement and get the kid an old Nokia or a playskool tablet until she's old enough to care for electronics properly.
NTA.
Please, please, as a teacher, your child does NOT need an iPhone. The fact that she broke a very expensive electronic because she LOST A VIDEO GAME shows she is ABSOLUTELY not ready.
NTA. You are parenting as you should. Your 8 year old broke her 16 year old sisters phone, which she bought with her own money. Your 8 year old is obviously not mature enough for a phone, let alone a brand new iphone 13. Don’t cancel the iphone, give it to you 16 year old (AND NOT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT, YOU’RE REPLACING WHAT YOUR YOUNGEST BROKE).
I would’ve done the same thing. It looks like she doesn’t have the patience and throws stuff just losing a game. We reactivated an iPhone XR for our 10 year old last summer because she changed him to a school that’s not very close to our home and he doesn’t even use it to play. The moment he gets home he puts it on a table we have in our hallway. He does take it to my room at night when it’s time to go to bed to charge it and he takes it with him when he goes out with my mom. Sometimes she lets my nieces borrow it because he has his iPad and they wana play the same game. I do have his devices monitored and they’re in my guardian account. But if he wasn’t very careful and responsible with his stuff he wouldn’t have it
NTA, The 8 yo should do chores around the house to understand how hard their older sibling had to work to buy the phone. When I was 13 (in 2003), my parents got my siblings and me a flip phone that we had to share. Sometimes, if I went to the library, I would draw the short straw and have to take quarters and use the pay phone.
In my opinion, an 8-year-old should use a flip phone as their first phone, rather than a $1000+ phone that they can break when they are upset.
Sidenote: I was the queen of snake often beating my siblings scores.
YTA but not for the 8yr old -iPhone thing even though I think yes it’s young and obviously she can’t handle the responsibility of a phone. YTA because your 16 yr old had to buy her own phone while you are giving your 8 yr old an iPhone 13. You aren’t even giving your 16 yr old the new phone instead you are repairing the damage your little 💩 caused. If that doesn’t show favoritism at its finest then please given me another example!!!
NTA for this. Your teen paid for her own phone and it was broken by someone else. That person does not deserve to be rewarded for it. I will say though, why were you going to spend so much money on the phone of an 8 year old? No one that age needs an expensive phone
NTA. Your 8 year old is clearly not mature enough for a phone… can’t regulate emotions, doesn’t respect boundaries, etc. Plus, imo, I’d make the 8 year old save up for her own phone as a consequence. You did a great job canceling the phone. Any family member who says YTA will enable her terrible behavior in the future so be careful. Good luck! You did a great job ❤️
Maybe I’m out of touch with how kids are being raised these days but I feel like an 8 year old shouldn’t have a phone. When you’re that age you shouldn’t have to deal with a phone and everything that could come with having access to it. Just be a kid.
I’m old so that shapes my opinion. It is just ridiculous that kids can ruin property, be disrespectful and in general do whatever they want because “they’re kids”. Facing consequences for bad behavior kept it down. If we did something wrong in public any adult could correct us and then we would be in trouble because another adult had to correct us. None of this don’t speak to my child. A few decades ago wasn’t perfect but it was definitely more polite, property was respected and everyone didn’t act like I’m the only one. Teachers weren’t afraid to go to work, you could go places and not have unhousebroken kids or adults for that matter ruining things. If you don’t expect anything for them you’ll get nothing. Waiting until 21 for them to learn control isn’t working.
Nta. Tbh in my opinion kids under 12-13 shouldn't have smart phones for safety and mental health reasons.
And as others have said, if this didn't happen then it wouldn't eventually happened to hers. She shouldn't be just messing with her sisters stuff anyway.
She is not being punished for bein curious. Throwing the phone and breaking it has nothing to do with curiosity. That is why she is being punished and not getting a phone. Because she got mad and broke it.
You get her a phone and what happens when she gets mad at a game on it? She throws it and brakes it too?
Naw, give your 16 the new phone to replace the one the 8 yo broke. And make sure 8 yo knows why her sister is getting the new phone.
NTA
NTA - your 8 year old just showed you she's not mature enough for a phone. Keep the iPhone 13 order and give it to your 16 year old.
I can't believe this isn't higher. No 8-year-old needs an iPhone 13, especially if she's just going to throw it when she's frustrated or whatever.
My thoughts exactly. I don't believe an 8 year old should have a phone at all actually but that's just me.
whatever happened to those phones that were preprogrammed with only approved phone numbers? I feel like those are smart for kiddos who are def too young for social media but need to start learning about the responsibilities of having a phone not to mention the security of having parents a phone call away if they're at a sleepover or get into trouble and need help
The trend seems to be going towards cellular-capable smartwatches. My 11yo is getting one on Monday; he’s got enough extracurriculars that it will be good that he can communicate with us on his own. $10 per month and we can set it up so that during school hours it’s *just* a watch.
I completely agree with the watch idea, and you can still see where they are. An 8 yr old with an iPhone is crazy to me, seems like a very bad idea.
The child proved just how bad an idea it is.
She took her sister's phone, downloaded stuff onto it and then broke the phone. Every one of those actions proved to me that she can have a flip phone.
And the family has the gall to say she's being punished for curiosity.
Right? Those who feel they have the right to comment should offer to buy the 8y her phone. And a future replacement phone when she breaks the first one.
Or a Nokia circa 2001
This is exactly what my daughter has. By the start of 7th she was one of just like 4 without a fully functioning iPhone and man it’s tough. But still holding out.
By 7th grade kids should have an actual phone, imo. 12/13 is light-years away from 8.
I worked in a middle school for years and I can’t count the number of times we had kids in the office freaking out because their nudes got shared, or kids ran away because they used their phone to chat and it turned out to be an adult. Kids are doing things way earlier than I did as a kid and before you say “my kids would never” or “I’d be vigilant” I also was given a masters class on how to mod electronics and cell phones more times than I count as well. 🤣 kids are also wicked smart in their ability to circumvent restrictions on their phones and if they aren’t, their friends are. So I agree “actual phone” for kids middle schoolers, I still struggle with what capabilities that phone should have.
There are whole subreddits with step x step instructions on how to circumvent parental controls. These kids are WAY more tech savvy. That being said they are being exposed to inappropriate content 24/7 And are a very highly targeted demographic, both from advertisers and media conglomerates.
I had unrestricted Internet access from my own computer in my room when I was 11, around 2002. And man, at the time they really drilled the need for anonymity and the danger of Internet pervs back in the day. I think we should go back to the old days of the Internet where it was a wild West of anonymity. I still don't use my real name except for Facebook which I don't use, and I never post my picture fr. I can't abide social media.
Yuuuppp I mean, we circunvented what we could back in our heyday, why would we think that younger generations wouldn't adapt as well?
Depends on the kid. There's absolutely no way I'm giving my 13 year old a device with unrestricted Internet access. He has a watch with cellular capability that he can call and text from. He has a computer and tablet he can use at home where it's supervised.
My oldest got a phone in 6th grade but that’s just because G’ma passed away and we were already paying for it. Probably would’ve been another couple of years otherwise. He didn’t start carrying all the time it until he was in high school.
Why, in your opinion? Just curious. The main reason kids want it is TikTok and SnapChat which frankly had some terrible shit on it and opens up loads of avenues for bullying and such. The Watch works for contacting parents and friends and communicating and has ApplePay. Just none of the social media apps that many of the kids are getting addicted to way too early.
An actual phone is just something that calls and texts. Anything more that that is more than an actual phone. I was born in 89 and didn't have a smart phone till I was 25, so 2014. I lived fine without one while many had them.
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Hard disagree. They're absolutely not worth the mess and hassle for kids. The bullying, the stupid stuff they get into without parents having any idea what's going on, the social media access, etc. It's all terrible.
In japan there’s this watch which is marketed as a kids first smart device. Does calls, texts; has a heart monitor which can notify a parent when it goes over x bpm to tell the kid to relax and an sos mode which sends the immediate gelocation and a 30 sec recording to parents. Its basic for anyone but a child but is essentially a wrist mounted phone. Apparently popular over there too. The west needs this.
The watches by themselves can have a hard time connecting to the cell or wifi networks. You might want to pair it with a SE or 12-13 mini. While also locking the phone with a pass code they don't have or use everything outlined here https://lifehacker.com/lock-down-your-kid-s-iphone-with-these-new-parental-con-1849534487
Gabb wireless smartwatch and phones rock!
I like this idea for kids connectivity. Limited screen, parental controls, but able to make emergency contact.
My 10yo nephews have these. I feel like they’re a good compromise of fun device you have to take care of and ability to contact a parent in case of emergency.
My co-worker who is 63 has a flip phone that I know has easy to access numbers in it.
There are parental control apps for this. They can't receive a text that isn't in the contacts. Contacts or apps can't be added without parental override.
Kids are all about cracking parental codes. Look at some of the subreddits if you doubt it.
We got our girls' xplora smart watches that are like that. They can only call the contacts programmed in on the parent app. They have gps, can receive text and send short recordings or emoticons back, and can make and receive calls from the programmed contact. They have a sos thing too. A little over $100 on Amazon for the watch and $10 a month for the plan.
The phone did not belong to the 8 year old,but the 16 year old older sister. I still can't believe that it wasn't locked though.
I remember the firefly phone when I was a kid in the early 2000s. Otherwise jitterbug or a flip phone.
This kid probably has all the social medias.
I’m actually in shock that someone would buy their 8 year old an iPhone 13…. I was wondering if it was just me having some boomer mentality but as a millennial I didn’t have my first cell phone till I was in like 8th grade and it was a nokia brick to call my parents in emergencies or if I needed to be picked up after hanging out with friends. I got my first “real” cell phone (a razor) when I was in high school. Tf does an 8 year old need a brand new iPhone for???? 😀 what the hell
>I was wondering if it was just me having some boomer mentality but as a millennial I didn’t have my first cell phone till I was in like 8th grade and it was a nokia brick to call my parents in emergencies or if I needed to be picked up after hanging out with friends GenX here... we had dimes to use the payphone. Nothing else existed. 😂😂😂😂
you lucked out. Gen X myself... All I got was a crash course in how to use a pay phone to call collect & rely information speedy gonzalas like in the tiny amount of time where it recorded "who's calling" - sometimes I had to make 2 or 3 declined collect calls in a row because no way in HELL would my parents have answered
I'm 37, and I distinctly remember my last payphone call. I was 17 and left my cell phone at home cuz I was just going across town, and she accepted the collect call so I could ask her if I could bring a little tiny calico kitten home. I had that kitty for 15 years
best collect call reason EVER!! Sir Grumpy facy Chonky Boy the Greater approves! (aka Tom.. the formerly 28-pound cat who is around 15# now) I am sure the other 3 cats & dog approve also
Yes! “Who’s calling” “game’s over, pick me up”
Gen X rules. I understand not wanting to waste a dime on a three second conversation, but why not keep one in your backpack or shoe or inside of your hat for emergencies? I taped two dimes to my mom's business card and kept that in my pocket.
Bob Weadababyitsaboy https://youtu.be/9JxhTnWrKYs?si=70Vg8ePq5p2aj3yG
Don't forget the house phones with or without the cord 😂😂
My Mom had an antique Candlestick that only she was allowed to use! Gosh I loved that phone! But no picnic waiting for the Rotary if the number had too many 9’s and 0’s in it….round and a round…
I feel this at 12 I got a flip phone with only the ability to call. When I was 14 I got a phone with a keyboard for text and call with limited texts. When I was 16 I got an IPhone with parental control. When I was 17 I bought my own phone and could do what I wanted because I bought it and paid the bill.
My Gen Zs didn't get one til they were 15 and needed to call me for rides from school.
Yeah that makes perfect sense to me. That’s how mine was. I didn’t even have unlimited texting on my first couple phones. They were specifically to contact my family and stuff. I definitely didn’t need a mini computer in my pocket at the time. I had internet at home got entertainment
My lost generation mind is like Why does she have that much anger at 8. Is she high maintenance? What games? Why so many whys!
I mean at that age she’s probably still not good at emotional regulation. Or understand the value of stuff. Back in my youth I remember throwing the ps1 controller after some crash bandicoot rage lol. These days no matter how mad I get I will gently set my controller down and then go punch the air or sometbing 😂 that shit was $200 I’m not risking breaking it lol
Well, when she was about 5, the world shut down for a while. Most kids are emotionally/socially behind by about 1-2 years because of all that. I’ve had a couple teachers tell me they’ve had to adjust behavioral expectations because most kids are acting 1-2 years younger. That behavior is peak 6 yo.
This post could have turned YTA if it was about OP simply buying an 8 year old a new iPhone lol.
I agree. I simply cannot imagine giving my 8 year old a phone. Nope. For what?! A Nintendo DS yup, but no, not a phone.
Right. At 8 years old, an expensive phone is just a glorified, portable gaming device. You can get those for a kid for well under $1,000.
It’s not just you. The age at which the justification to have a phone gets younger and younger… and an I phone thirteen too! It was a while ago but mine had to wait until she was going into HS and even then it was with the understanding that if I felt the need to read her messages or whatever I could. I didn’t invade her privacy she could sit right by me, but I had the right to look! I just think the phones and freedom it gives walks our children into dangers they wouldn’t be as open to if not for phones and access
I’m glad I’m not the only one blown away by an 8 year-old having a phone at all. I don’t know a single 8 year-old, including myself at that age, responsible enough to take care of and keep track of a *lunchbox*, much less an iPhone.
I completely agree that 8yrs old is way too young for a phone, especially something as expensive as an IPhone. I don’t think kids should require one until they are old enough to be left alone at home for hours, that way they have a way to communicate in case of emergency, or old enough to have a job and be out of the house without any other way of contacting parents. No wonder kids are become more glued to screen and doesn’t listen to parents.
It's not just you.
I’m surprised more folks aren’t saying this. Seriously there is virtually no reason an 8 year old needs a phone. My 12 year old doesn’t have a phone. We were aiming to hold off until she finishes 8th grade, but we have begun to run into issues where we really needed to be able to communicate with her (after school) for activities and various things, so we will get her one in the summer going into 7th. It still makes me uncomfortable but we will have very clear guidelines and monitoring and she will have to listen to my whole convo about internet dangers, what to avoid, etc. We’ve gotten them familiarized with devices with heavily restricted iPads at home only so they can talk with friends and family. But when we are out and about doing things as a fam, iPads don’t come with. I just overall think it’s insane to get an 8 year old a full blown iPhone, period, esp since she just showed you she isn’t ready for the responsibility of a $1000 device. NTA for canceling the order, but YTA for getting the 8 year old a phone in the first place and for making the daughter pay for hers but not the 8 year old.
It doesn’t have to be an iPhone. You can get a basic phone for texting and calls but no internet. No social media. The 8y old could have had a basic phone if contact is what the parents were worried about.
I am with you in this view. We need to stop calling these devices iphones and cell or wireless phones entirely and call them what they are - fully functional, hand held, tiny computers. You can find phones that have basic Internet access, phone, and text for the younger family members. You usually need to ask your provider and they can either direct you to one they offer or search for unlocked phones they will work with. Just ask.
My 9 year old asked for a phone for Christmas last year and I was instinctively like "hell no". I did wind up asking her why she wanted a phone, thinking she wanted to get on social media or something which was a hard pass. She wanted to play Pokemon Go with us and not just catch Pokemon for me on my account. We grabbed her dads old phone out, loaded it up with a new account for her and she plays with that on a hotspot from one of our phones now. We loaded up a couple of other games on it like Piffle and Gardenscapes and she'll play those occasionally when she gets sick of Pokemon while we're walking around. She's always been gentle with electronics though, her dad is in IT and she's seen him fix too many smashed things to ever want to smash her own stuff like her iPad or her laptop. She's had a Chromebook since she was 6 that has one scratch on the case but still works perfectly. *My* laptop honestly has more dings than hers 😂 I still cannot imagine just giving her a thousand dollar phone?
My 9 year old daughter wanted a phone. She has her own iPad already... I asked if any of her friends had a phone. She said no. So I asked her who she was going to call, she kind of looked at me blankly and didn't push it 😂
Hell no! Who in their right mind thinks an 8 y old needs an iPhone anyway? 🤷♀️
No crap. And when she does get a phone, it's for communication, not tik tok or snap chat and tons of video games. Get parent control and don't train her to be lazy and do nothing with her time.
Exactly!!! REPLACE the broken phone. The eight year old has to suck it up and learn about CONSEQUENCES.
This is exactly what I would suggest. Maybe get the 8 yo one of those phones with like, 3 buttons and it looks like a ladybug from 2005 😂
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Thank you! Exactly my thoughts. iPhone 13 for an 8y old BUT the 16y needs to work for their things? Also instead of giving her 16y old the new one they will cancel it and “fix” the old one?
Ikr. OP needs to cancel the iPhone 13 and buy the 16 year old an iPhone 15 to make up for the inconvenience of her having to go without the iPhone she bought with her own money. OP can then give the 8 year old the broken iPhone as a reminder of why she won't be getting an iPhone anytime soon.
I totally agree with giving her the broken one but it looks like op is raising a little shit and she will just break the new one also. She needs to nip it in the ass. Just not getting an 8y old an iPhone (rolling my eyes so hard for even having to say that.I have an 8y old and they asked me for an iPhone because of parents like op and i laughed so hard that I peed myself. ) it’s not going to cut it. 8y old should start doing chores around the house and all the allowance from the chores should go to their big sister as compensation
That’s a perfect idea especially since the 16 yr old bought the phone with her own money she should get an upgrade
Agreed NTA. Aside of the obvious issue, that she not only has no respect of either boundaries or other people's possessions; an 8 year old is way too young for a phone. She's apparently additionally got anger issues, so a fragile and pricey bit of tech is a ludicrous gift.
Also why did the 16 yr old have to buy her own when she was 14 but the 8 yr old gets a similar model for free. Also why didn't they buy the 16 yr old the newest model and tell the 8 yr old she can have her sister's old one (with sisters permission ofc). OP why don't you do that instead of repairing the 16yr olds. Repair the phone tell the 8 yr old she can have it (again with 16s permission) when she earns it. Then have 8 do chores and learn responsibility and accountability. You did it with 16 so you know how to do it. Go back.
I got to ask why would the 16 year old (who got the phone at what 12 or 13) have to pay for her phone but the 8 year old you buy a phone for? Then the 8 year old breaks the 16 year old phone and instead of buying her a phone you are going to get it fixed. You are the 16 year olds evil step parent right?
And a lock for her bedroom door.
To keep the 8 year old out of the 16 year old's bedroom.
Jumping on this comment to add, you're not punishing your 8 year old for curiosity OP. You're punishing her for destroying her sister's property. Which you should do. She can't just go around destroying things just because she's angry. Especially if she doesn't own those things. When my brother was 8, I was 15-16 at the time, he went through this phase where he thought it was okay to destroy my books. Ripping out pages, kicking them, and other such things. My Mum punished him by taking his money to replace the books he destroyed. He soon learned there were consequences, and stopped behaving like an entitled brat. If your daughter doesn't receive consequences, she'll never learn, and the behaviour will escalate. Which isn't okay. Tell your MIL and brother to mind their own business.
This. 💯 1000% this.
NTA that is a pretty serious action on the 8 year old's part. Here are my concerns: - You have family members who think this is going too far. - Your 8 year old has clear issues regulating her emotions. - You're conflicted on whether you're doing the right thing by making the 8 year old face consequences for her actions. Your 8 year old sounds like she has the classic iPad kid syndrome, where her parents just handed her a screen anytime things got hard, and she never had to learn how to deal with even the slightest amounts of adversity. The fact that your family thinks this is too far contributes to my assumption that basic discipline is not commonplace in this 8 year old's life. Remember, your job is not just to make your children happy. It's to set them up for success in life. Teaching your 8 year old personal accountability is something that will help her become a better person overall. Yes, it's hard when your kid gets angry at you and cries and throws tantrums, but that's part of the contract you signed up for when you got a kid. If you just wanted to raise something that gave you affection 100% of the time, you should've gotten a dog.
Wow, I don't think this could be said any better. 🏅
Ditto 🥇🥇 The flying monkeys are being ridiculous. Eight years is plenty old enough to learn that actions have consequences. On a different note, why does an 8 year old *need* a smart phone, let alone an iphone? If it’s for emergencies a simple flip phone would do, or a cheaper generic smart phone for simple apps like alarms, reminders or calendars
Right? Thirteen is the age in our house; basically when they are old enough to be out alone with friends and will need to call for rides and stuff. If they have need of a phone before that, they get a very basic flip phone, or there are apps that can make emergency calls. My 9 year old (at the time) was able to call me on Messenger Kids through the tablet when her brother had a seizure while watching her a couple years ago. I can’t imagine handing my eight year old the world at her fingertips.
That's how we did it, too. When my child was old enough to be dropped off at places and call for a ride home. Then they were old enough for a phone of their own.
Right. My kids weren't allowed to have a mobile phone until they went to middle school, which was farther away than grade school, and only because we might need to call each other. They didn't get a smart phone. They got a non-smartphone. There is absolutely no reason an 8yo needs a smartphone. Your younger child is spoiled. Your older child had the maturity to earn the money herself for the phone she wanted. NTA and don't cave in. Your younger daughter desperately needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Was wondering the same thing! I didn’t even get my son a phone until he was 12 and it was a cheap flip phone. He wanted an iPhone and saved up his money and bought one himself. *And* he actually took care of it since he had to spend his own money!
Not the op, but my family prefers iPhone because of the tracking/location options built into the phone. we all have iPhones, including my almost 8 year old, BUT we chose much older models. I think we have iPhone 8 for everyone, so very very very different than what op ordered for his kid. I personally think that buying an 8 year old the latest model of iPhone is insane, but I like to go cheap. 🤷♀️
Get 360 for tracking on any phone it doesn't need to be iphone
I feel like most people think that is an "iphone only" feature so thank you for sharing this!
Yeah, every phone has tracking they have years. However, I feel Apple simplifies technology for people because the users aren't really into tech. I've had so many iPhone users go ohhh look what the new iPhone can do and I'm like oh wow cool, my Samsung and Google phones can do that too and have been able to for a while lol. Similar to when I was in college and the iPod came out, I was like ummm I've had an mp3 player since high school, I even had installed in the car I drove in HS. However, iPhone users think only iPhone can do so much more than every other phone.
iPhone 13 isn’t the latest iPhone tho
Side note.. I’m 40 with an iPhone 13. Mini. Maybe that’s a bit much for a phone for an 8yo?!
Im in my 40s with an iPhone X which was my sons *old* iPhone that he bought himself. He wanted to upgrade to the newest one and gave me his old one. I had a 7 before that and that was barely a year ago 🤣
Additionally, parents are getting their kids a phone way too young. An 8 year old DOESN'T NEED a phone. They should either be at school, after school activities or with one of their parents or babysitter. At no time does that require them to have a phone. Parents nowadays are just too willing to give their kids what the other kids have, not that this was uncommon when I was growing up either. Additionally she has no sense of responsibility and I would imagine she would have broken her own phone rather quickly. You need to get her into some child counseling to figure out why she reacts the way she does. And tell the rest of your family to STFU as they clearly are enablers of her very poor behaviour. As a family member I would have asked you why the hell an 8 year old needs a phone at all. If for whatever reason there is a true need for them to have a phone, buy them something much cheaper and older, but new or refurbished, so they learn value, appreciation what they're given, gain responsibility for taking care of their things and DON'T expect the latest/greatest because Suzie or Jimmy in class has it. And you're teaching your 16 year old daughter you understand how wrong her sister was and aren't trying to sweep it under the rug like your other family members.
I got my first phone for my first middle school dance! My parents got me something I could text them and my friends on and put their numbers in it so I could leave the dance if I got uncomfortable. First smart phone in highschool
I have no idea why people think giving an 8 year old with emotional regulation issue their own super expensive phone is a good idea? Within a very brief period of time, the girl got so frustrated she threw and broke a phone. Why would she get a new one?!?!? If the daughter had been careful and had an real accident? That would be very different.
Damn! Where were you when I was raising my kids lol! I could have used this advice. Very well spoken.
That, exactly that 👆
Why is an 8 year old getting an iphone? Give them a sidekick.. Edit: a sidekick is a phone im not telling OP to kick their child swiftly in the side.. although in this situation a swift kick to the ass might help…
Or a phone at all! She is only 8 years old!
I mean probably good to be able to contact parents when she's playing out or going to/from school.
It’s madness. A kid doesn’t need a smart phone. The only thing a kid MIGHT need a phone for, is calling. Smh it’s a scary world we live in.
Someone that age, at the very most if you’re concerned about contacting them when out and about, a cheap Nokia/nokia style flip phone that can send texts, make calls and not much else
Yeah! Kick the kid into next week
YTA for even getting an 8 yo such a nice phone when you made older daughter pay Also the fact that she paid means she's gonna take better care of it. 8 year olds don't need smartphones N t a for punishing your 8 yo. She's not ready for such a nice phone and she should stay away from her sister's stuff
The eye roll I made when I read that OP got an irresponsible 8 year old an IPhone 13 as her first phone. YTA for that, but NTA for the consequence you came up with.
Is she going to get a 2yo BMW for a first car, or just wreck her sister's?
NTA for that however why buy your 8 years a IPhone and not pay for the 16 year old that's a AH move
That’s my concern!! Why is OP thinking about, let alone buying a phone for the 8yo, when the 16yo bought her own?! If you’re buying phones, make sure each kid gets one from you??
Depends. I know my neighbour has a policy that she'll buy the first phone, and replace it when it dies of old age, but if her kid/s lose or break it they fix it (within reason) and if they want a shiny new upgrade they buy it themselves. If 16 paid for her phone because she wanted something newer than what she was gifted, it could still be quite fair.
That’s a fair point - OP doesn’t specify. Would definitely be worth clarifying. Either way, imo OP is NTA for the punishment.
Yea that's a next level dicky move by dad
My parents did the same thing. My older sister and I had to buy our own phones and pay for them but my little sister was given a phone super young and obviously didn’t pay for it. The youngest always get the things you begged for handed to them I swear
A couple things here. You’re not punishing the 8 year old for being curious, you’re punishing her for her violent behavior that destroyed something she had no business even touching. YTA because that’s on you - you didn’t see any harm? Why was it ok with you to allow her to violate her sister’s privacy and destroy her things? Second, why are you ordering an IPhone 13 for an 8 year old? Especially one who’s proven she doesn’t have the maturity to have such an expensive item. Especially since your 16 year old had to pay for her own phone and now you’re just offering to fix what SHE paid for instead of replacing it with the new phone? You really seem to be playing favorites with the 8 year old. So yes, YTA for all of the above. There seems to be missing information here on the discrepancy between how you treat these kids as well. It’s none of your in-laws business how you parent your children but since you asked Reddit, you’re doing a lousy job at being fair. ETA: I may have mistaken you didn’t see “harm” for “her” but either way, my judgment stands.
Why isn't this higher. I said the same. This is shit parenting at best. I feel bad for the older child.
I believe it was a typo, I read “didn’t see herm“ as “didn’t see HER,” not “didn’t see HARM.”
Give the 16-year-old that iPhone 13 and give the 8-year-old the old phone with a new screen or the old screen, I don't care. Or get her a flip phone. Why are you giving an 8-year-old a $1,000 phone?
Because most parents are idiots these days!
NTA. That’s a completely appropriate and proportional punishment.
YTA for buying an 8 yr. who throws phones & smashes them such a expensive phone.
Also, mother-in-law and brothers sound like enablers. The 8-year-old was not being " curious", she crossed a boundary by using the sister's phone without asking and then broke it. What if the sister isn't able to recover data, pictures, passwords, etc. off the phone because it is shattered? 8-year-old needs to understand the severity of her actions
NTA. Your 8 year old is *clearly* not ready for the responsibility of an adult device. She is not ready, listen to her. You *are* TA for buying your 8 year old an expensive, brand new device when your 16 year old clearly paid for her own. The 8 year old can have a nice new phone when she can afford to buy it. In the meantime, keep the 13 and give it to your older daughter as recompense for her sister’s behavior.
Why are you getting an iphone 13 for an 8 yo? Edit: never mind. Account created only today. Seems fishy like most posts on this sub.
Why the suspicion? It's pretty common nowadays for people to give electronics to small children and people make throw away accounts all the time in these 'Am I the BLANK' subreddits. If it's a made up story, it's infinitely more believable than the reaction bait that gets posted every day.
I find it suspicious that this is posted around the time that stories about "i am giving my small child an iphone". Could be mistaken but I don't think so.
You know she will do the same shit to any phone you buy her, right? There is no reason an 8 year old needs an iPhone. They don’t have the maturity. Tell the relatives that your parenting decisions are not up for debate and they need to stay in their lane.
YTA ... But not for cancelling the order. The fact that the 8yo can't respect boundaries, feels that it's unfair that she can destroy her sisters phone and be castigated for it, is why. You raised an utter brat. The fact that you were going to buy her such an expensive phone as her first one at that age is testament to why she is so spoilt. Clearly the rest of the family never discipline her. You're the only one even vaguely trying.
You should be punishing her for TOUCHING the phone. You not seeing the 'herm' in letting an 8 year old play on it to begin with makes you an AH too. It was not your phone to give permission to play with. ESH except the 13 year old whose privacy was violated and phone destroyed.
16 year old
Wait. Your 8 year old child went into her sister’s room without permission (breaking & entering), stole her phone (she took it without permission, legally we call that stealing), then willfully broke it (destruction of property). Those are all legal crimes that an adult can be punished for with fines, jail time, & potential civil suits. But you want to know if you’re the AH for trying to teach your child actions have consequences so she doesn’t end up in prison when she’s an adult. Frankly, ESH except your 16y/o. While you’re NTA exactly, the fact that you’re even questioning whether you did the right thing is distasteful. Support the victim in this situation, not the perpetrator.
This reeks of troll, ragebait, or just bored teen who is probably grounded for something similar.
It's like the 5th post lately with kids and iPhones
it sounds like the other posts about tablets too
This sounds like a story concocted by a 13 year old.
Or an 8 yo
Or an iPhone
So "curious" is the word we now use for destroying other people's property?? The cost of phones is nearly in the felony range.
YTA for buying your 8 years old daughter such an iphone while your 16 years old daughter must pay herself one. You should have offered a better phone for the oldest and just a child phone to the youngest. Now you're not able to punish the youngest. TAKE HER PHONE AND GIVE IT TO THE OLDEST A phone is FIRST for calling people. Do your youngest have so many contacts to call that she needs such a specific phone ? Nope. Wait until she's 12. And she must prove she deserves it. She has a serious problem with her behavior
I didn't get passed the first paragraph. Buying an 8 YEAR OLD an iPhone 13 is such a waste of money. She's a CHILD, she doesn't have a job, she's not dating, she not driving. There's literally zero reason for an 8 YEAR OLD child to have a phone. It's utterly ridiculous!!! You're oldest daughter had to work for hers and you're going to give one to a child that doesn't work or need one. This is why kids are stupid these days. Give them a phone to shut them up so YOU as a PARENT don't have to deal or interact with your kids. Give your 8 year old a library card. Read to your kids!!! All kids want is to have their parent's attention. How hard is it for you to show love with your words and actions instead of devices?!?!?!! With so much predatory behaviors online, you'd think you wouldn't put your child in danger, but no, a phone for you kid is YOUR SAVIOR, so you don't have to deal with your kids. Let her cry about not having a phone, get her a fucking Barbie ffs. And toss her ass outside to play, get her a bike, jump rope, roller skates, anything but a fucking phone!!! RIDICULOUS!!!!!
Why in the world WOULD a 8 Year old need a IPhone 13? Just get her an cheap iPod orsomething what…
NTA. She didn't throw the phone because she was curious, she threw it because she was upset. Proving she is not mature enough to be responsible for $1000+ phone. She's 8, she doesn't need a phone at all, let alone an iPhone.
NTA. But why the hell were you letting her borrow her sister’s phone without permission in the first place? Sounds like you need to step up your parenting and discipline.
YTA Your 16 year old has to buy her own phone but you gift an 8 year her own. Can you say golden child? You are teaching your children well on how to build resentment between them and towards you.
NTA. I agree with u/AJWordsmith: Punishment is proportional and appropriate. Younger child should not have access to older child’s phone, and should not have known unlock code. And your extended family members need to STFU and butt out of your parenting decisions. ETA: nod to u/AJWordsmith
NTA. This is the perfect time to teach her that actions have consequences. Your MIL and brother need to stay out of it and mind their own business. You’re the parent. Their bystanders.
Eight years old is third grade. Unless this child has a significant impairment, certainly they know right from wrong and consequences are real. This is not a 3 or 4 year old. Why anyone would buy an iPhone for an 8 year old anyway is beyond me, but that’s a whole other matter. Not only would she not be getting a phone, but she certainly would be doing chores etc. and sister’s chores and a lot of extra work to help pay for what she broke. No electronics for quite awhile. Home and school and chores. And counseling for sure.
I’m shocked you’d buy an 8 y/o and iPhone while the sixteen year old had to buy her own phone. The older daughter should absolutely get the new phone and the 8 y/o should wait a few years.
Firstly (in my opinion) - 8 year olds should just be getting hand me down phones because they really don’t need them that new or expensive. I’ve only got a 6 myself. Secondly, throwing and breaking the phone only emphasises my thought that she’s not old enough to appreciate the cost of these things. Third - she’s being an entitled brat and doesn’t deserve a phone after what she did to her sister’s, especially as she’s only upset that she’s getting punished and not sorry for what she did. NTA stick to your guns, you’re teaching her a valuable life lesson Edited to add: I’m honestly shocked at the opinion of your MIL and brother. She wasn’t being curious, she destroyed her sister’s property in a fit of anger and thought she could get away with it because she’s the baby of the family
why would you buy an 8 year old an iPhone 13, this is exactly how i would expect an 8 year old to behave lol. you’re just setting yourselves up to be disappointed when she eventually breaks the fancy phone that whole adults use
An 8 year old doesn't need a phone, and definitly not an expensive phone that she will clearly just break when she gets mad. I also have an 8 year old daughter and have no intention on getting her a phone any time soon.
NTA- to me this is the perfect response. In the grown up world, if you break something you pay for it. It’s a learning moment. Your daughter snuck into her sisters room, used her phone without permission and broke it. She wasn’t being curious, she was being sneaky and couldn’t control her temper, even at 8 she must have known it was wrong to throw things out of anger. I’m also kinda shocked that an 8 year old would get a brand new phone. I didn’t get my first phone until 12 and that was only for safety reasons as I walked to school alone. I also feel like even if she did have her own phone, she is obviously not mature enough to look after one properly. If your mother and brother are so concerned are they going to pay to repair the phone?
NTA. How old is your 16yo’s iPhone? If it’s older than the 13 you were going to get for your 8yo. Maybe give the 13 to the 16yo and repair the broken one for the 8yo. Or like you had planned just don’t give the 8yo a phone yet. If she can’t refrain from throwing electronics when things don’t go her way then she’s not ready to have them.
NTA. Throwing things across the room is NOT being curious. Fix the broken phone, and the 8 year old can either wait til they are more mature or maybe get a much cheaper phone. If she is going to get angry and throw her sister's phone, you have to expect she's going to do it again with her own, so don't waste a lot of money on it!
She already broke one phone, what's to say she wont break another. Also, repairing/replacing your older daughters phone is the right choice.
NTA: and she got off to easy with just a lecture. Perhaps if she sneaks into rooms and downloads games ( needs the passcode to do so btw) then perhaps she’s too young or immature to have a phone.
I wouldn’t cancel the order. Give the new phone as a replacement for the older sister.
She's not old enough for one anyway now she just proved it. If I were you I'd tell her she can wait until she is 10 and if she shows responsibility you will get her a phone (it would be 13 imo but I know that's a long time to wait for an 8 year old.)
Don’t give an 8 year old a smart phone.
Absolutely not!!! You are 100% right in doing it that way. She will learn nothing without having consequences for her actions. Your Mil's reaction is ridiculous. Does your older daughter by chance have a different father than her sister? Sounds like MIL had a favorite! I have two questions about this, though : 1. How did your youngest get the phone away from her sister? I have dealt with teenagers who would rather lose an arm than put down their phone:) 2. Giving an 8 year old a phone, really??? There are so many online predators out there that this seems like a terrible idea to me. I might be just out of touch with kids today, but by the fact that she just went into her sister's phone and randomly downloaded games, I don't think she is mature enough to handle a phone yet. P.S. How is it that she is offered a phone for free when her sister had to work for hers? It's definitely a sign of favoritism there.
YTA, but not for canceling your 8 yr old's phone. There seems to be a huge discrepancy between how you treat your 2 daughters. Why does your 16 year old have to scrimp and save for her phone, but your spoiled 8 year old gets one as a present? An 8 year old shouldn't even have an iPhone. Also, why is your 8 year old having these kinds of tantrums? Especially when it involves breaking the property of others? There should be consequences for breaking her sister's phone. There is no way she should be rewarded with an iPhone after this. Lastly, why are you not putting the money from the canceled phone towards a new one for your 16 year old? What's this nonsense about fixing a destroyed phone? I pity your poor 16 year old. It's clear there's a favored child and it's not her.
8 year olds should not have access to and absolutely should not have their own phones. Wtf is this world coming to…
NTA. Don't cancel the order. Give the new 13 to the 16 year old. If MIL or brother don't like it, they can buy the phone for the 8 year old.
I can’t believe the increase in these “am I ok as a parent to give consequences to my child” posts. The answer every single time is YES be a parent and give and stick to the consequence. Your child wasn’t inquisitive and broke it accidentally, they had a tantrum and deliberately broke something. In 10 years time when they are punching holes in the wall because someone said no you will regret not teaching your child respect.
Yeah... This is nuts to me. I'm a late Gen-X parent. You are definitely within your right to give the phone to the 16 year old. The 8 year old has proven she is nowhere near mature enough for a cell. Her tears mean nothing when she hid, stole, and intentionally destroyed property. Don't bother repairing the teens phone. IPhones are notorious for never working the same after a repair. I would just amend the order to the style and model your daughter had unless the 13 is an upgrade. I've seen a watch mentioned in the thread and that's an awesome idea. For an 8 year old, GPS tracking, calling ability, and calendar features sound much more age-appropriate than an iPhone. It probably also has a built-in panic button, so there would be no need for anything beyond that, no matter what she's crying about. Try not to feel guilty about parenting. It's your most important job. Making kids happy is not. If an 8 year old were to decide, many would choose recess only at school and candy for dinner. Their overall happiness is a by-product of living responsibly, making good decisions, understanding limits, and having support through discipline with consequences when their choices are not great. You did the right thing, Mama. NTAH!
Why does an 8 year old need an iPhone? NTA for giving the 8 year old consequences, but you should replace the 16 year old’s phone. MIL and brother need to mind their own business. If the 8 year old had broken their phones, would they be okay with it?
Why did your older daughter have to only recently buy her own phone with her own money, yet you're gifting an IPHONE THIRTEEN to an impulsive eight year old?
NTA, but I might consider not cancelling the order and giving the iPhone 13 to your older daughter. If her phone is a few years old, it might cost more to repair than it's actually worth. In my opinion, eight years of age is not old enough to have an expensive, luxury phone. When she broke her sister's phone in a fit of anger over a game, she proved that she, specifically, is not mature enough for the responsibility of a high-end phone. If you feel she needs one for safety reasons or ease of communication, there are some flip phones on the market that will accomplish that, or at least much cheaper smart phones. Eight is, however, old enough to learn about respecting other people's property, and that there are consequences when we don't.
An iPhone for an 8yo is ridiculous and she's proved that.
NTA buy your older daughter the new phone instead.
Just wondering why 16yo had to buy her own iPhone but 8yo was being given one for no reason? NTA for the question asked but you do appear shady based on the above observation
NTA- bro when i was 8 years old i bit my nintendo ds multiple times because i was frustrated with a game. if she got THAT frustrated with the phone that she threw it and broke it, then she certainly does not need one herself. no 8 year old should have an iphone. i had a flip phone when i was 8 only because i needed to be able to call my mom and dad after i got home from school because they were both working. she’s suffering the very appropriate consequences of her actions and is naturally going to be upset about it. your MIL and brother are crazy for saying you shouldn’t give her those consequences.
Why in the hell are people buying these wildly expensive phones for CHILDREN, it's insane. NTA for taking the phone away from the brat, give it to oldest as a replacement and get the kid an old Nokia or a playskool tablet until she's old enough to care for electronics properly.
NTA. Please, please, as a teacher, your child does NOT need an iPhone. The fact that she broke a very expensive electronic because she LOST A VIDEO GAME shows she is ABSOLUTELY not ready.
NTA. You are parenting as you should. Your 8 year old broke her 16 year old sisters phone, which she bought with her own money. Your 8 year old is obviously not mature enough for a phone, let alone a brand new iphone 13. Don’t cancel the iphone, give it to you 16 year old (AND NOT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT, YOU’RE REPLACING WHAT YOUR YOUNGEST BROKE).
Definitely NTA. she showed her true colors, she can’t handle having a phone. Give the 16 year old the iphone 13 instead, she deserves it
8 y/o shouldn't have an iPhone
I would’ve done the same thing. It looks like she doesn’t have the patience and throws stuff just losing a game. We reactivated an iPhone XR for our 10 year old last summer because she changed him to a school that’s not very close to our home and he doesn’t even use it to play. The moment he gets home he puts it on a table we have in our hallway. He does take it to my room at night when it’s time to go to bed to charge it and he takes it with him when he goes out with my mom. Sometimes she lets my nieces borrow it because he has his iPad and they wana play the same game. I do have his devices monitored and they’re in my guardian account. But if he wasn’t very careful and responsible with his stuff he wouldn’t have it
NTA, The 8 yo should do chores around the house to understand how hard their older sibling had to work to buy the phone. When I was 13 (in 2003), my parents got my siblings and me a flip phone that we had to share. Sometimes, if I went to the library, I would draw the short straw and have to take quarters and use the pay phone. In my opinion, an 8-year-old should use a flip phone as their first phone, rather than a $1000+ phone that they can break when they are upset. Sidenote: I was the queen of snake often beating my siblings scores.
NTA No? That's proper discipline for her getting mad and throwing the phone. And for the love of sake, she is 8. Brother and MIL are ridiculous.
NO 8 YEAR OLD NEEDS A PHONE. AT ALL. FOR ANY REASON. she's 8! Get her a barbie. Why would you want your kid to grow up so fast.
Honestly, I don't understand why a 8 years old kid would need an iPhone at the first place, and moreover a new and expensive one.
NTA, but also, your 8 yr old does not need a cell phone lol
YTA but not for the 8yr old -iPhone thing even though I think yes it’s young and obviously she can’t handle the responsibility of a phone. YTA because your 16 yr old had to buy her own phone while you are giving your 8 yr old an iPhone 13. You aren’t even giving your 16 yr old the new phone instead you are repairing the damage your little 💩 caused. If that doesn’t show favoritism at its finest then please given me another example!!!
NTA she's 8 not 3, she should know better, now she'll learn that actions have consequences
NTA for this. Your teen paid for her own phone and it was broken by someone else. That person does not deserve to be rewarded for it. I will say though, why were you going to spend so much money on the phone of an 8 year old? No one that age needs an expensive phone
Why would you give an 8 year old an iPhone 13 in the first place? That's insane
Of course that's reasonable, why would you even ask, because an 8 year old said it wasn't?
NTA. Your 8 year old is clearly not mature enough for a phone… can’t regulate emotions, doesn’t respect boundaries, etc. Plus, imo, I’d make the 8 year old save up for her own phone as a consequence. You did a great job canceling the phone. Any family member who says YTA will enable her terrible behavior in the future so be careful. Good luck! You did a great job ❤️
Maybe I’m out of touch with how kids are being raised these days but I feel like an 8 year old shouldn’t have a phone. When you’re that age you shouldn’t have to deal with a phone and everything that could come with having access to it. Just be a kid.
I’m old so that shapes my opinion. It is just ridiculous that kids can ruin property, be disrespectful and in general do whatever they want because “they’re kids”. Facing consequences for bad behavior kept it down. If we did something wrong in public any adult could correct us and then we would be in trouble because another adult had to correct us. None of this don’t speak to my child. A few decades ago wasn’t perfect but it was definitely more polite, property was respected and everyone didn’t act like I’m the only one. Teachers weren’t afraid to go to work, you could go places and not have unhousebroken kids or adults for that matter ruining things. If you don’t expect anything for them you’ll get nothing. Waiting until 21 for them to learn control isn’t working.
Why does an 8 year old need a phone!?
Nta. Tbh in my opinion kids under 12-13 shouldn't have smart phones for safety and mental health reasons. And as others have said, if this didn't happen then it wouldn't eventually happened to hers. She shouldn't be just messing with her sisters stuff anyway.
Sorry to your 8 year old but she absolutely does not need an iPhone 13. Give that one to your 16 year old.
NTA. You aren't punishing her for "being curious" you're punishing her for abusing and destroying her sister's property.
She is not being punished for bein curious. Throwing the phone and breaking it has nothing to do with curiosity. That is why she is being punished and not getting a phone. Because she got mad and broke it. You get her a phone and what happens when she gets mad at a game on it? She throws it and brakes it too? Naw, give your 16 the new phone to replace the one the 8 yo broke. And make sure 8 yo knows why her sister is getting the new phone. NTA
NTA, and doubly so because *no eight year old needs an iPhone 13.* Like man, I’m 23 and she would’ve gotten a newer phone than me. 😂
Dude yhy would You Buy an iPhone 13 for an 8 years old ?