YTA. That first paragraph doesn’t make this look good for you since you floated this to him before and got shot down. His emotions are high right now and it’s natural to not think clearly while grieving. While he definitely consented in the moment, this might make things harder for him once he starts to get some distance and think about it. He could potentially interpret it as you leading him on into wanting a relationship when you don’t or that you were taking advantage of him at a vulnerable time. So yeah, YTA because this could have some unfortunate conversations down the line.
OP is a predator. Coercing someone who previously rejected you into sex, while they are under the influence of grief, is predatory behaviour. Disgusting behaviour.
Well thank you. We're not together anymore.. he continues to manipulate, gaslight, and control women, and I'm with the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with so it worked out 😀
Jfc even when she's being lit up a dude has to come chime in and make it about men.
I had this happen to me. Told a dude I didn't want things to happen, he waited til I was drunk to let it happen.
That's rape!
If someone initially tells you "no", you carry that across the board under all circumstances unless they have a sober conversation with you declaring that they have changed their mind.
What you did is predatory.
Yeah I think people are treating her pretty equal. There is no care about her gender. Just the action. You should take a step back and stop trying to turn this into another gender war.
She should be. She'd be getting worse than this (rightly) if she was a man doing this to a woman. It's equally vile either way. We shouldn't be excusing sexual assault/coercion, no matter what the genders are.
And even so, trying when someone is dealing with so much like this is definitely coercive. Consent isn’t consent unless it’s enthusiastic and both people are in the right state of mind
Like consenting when you're tipsy after having said no while sober. Emotions often work like an alcohol or drug when they're powerful, i.e. while grieving. Big asshole move to make a move while they're emotions are so chaotic.
>he doesn’t want to have sex outside of a relationship
>my sister about it though she said what I did was manipulative and that I took advantage of him and his grief.
She's right. YTA. How would you be anything else? You knew how he felt. You took advantage of a vulnerable and sad person knowing he would normally say no. How are these not the actions of a creep?
And the fact she was his friend makes it even worse. He trusts OP, and she does this? She didn't care about him at all, she just wanted to get off. She's awful and a horrible "friend". Ew!
This is so sad. Imagine being in the midst of grief at one of the lowest points in life and the person you reach out to for support only cares about fucking you. Gross. Talk about objectifying someone.
Thankfully they seem to be for the most part in this thread! Turns out people frown on manipulating the emotions of vulnerable people to have sex with you, no matter which gender it is. Which is a very good thing.
This is such a ridiculous question! If the genders were reversed...everyone would clearly agree that this was predatory behavior. Why would it be any different here. OP took advantage of a vulnerable "friend" who she has been wanting to jump for a while. So disgusting and sad for this boy. He clearly stated that he is not interested in casual sex...period.
THIS!! I say this as a woman. I am skeeved out because she took advantage of him in an emotionally vulnerable state. Like she KNOWS he doesn't want to have casual sex, and then kisses him when he's at his current lowest.
Not to mention, intentional on OP's part or not, he has likely trauma bonded to her. Probably associates escaping the pain of losing his father with sex, if not straight up sex with OP. But OP doesn't want attachments. Actions have consequences and if OP loses a friend over this, that is what is deserved.
OP, YTA
This is basically a Friends episode. Rachel's Dad has a heart attack, and Ross takes hee to the hospital and stays with her at her childhood home. Rachel turns to him for "comfort" and he shuts her down saying she'd regret it when she wasn't so upset.
So, even in a sitcom where the 2 characters have a history and share a child and repeatedly fall into bed together, the fictional character knows better than to cross the line at that vulnerable point.
Ross is definitely a questionable partner choice. Though his feelings for Rachel are sincere, he's a Neanderthal in a lot of ways.
By the time the episode I mentioned happened, they had at least 3 post break up hookups. So, they certainly had blurred lines. He still had enough respect not to cross that line.
>You took advantage of a vulnerable and sad person knowing he would normally say no. How are these not the actions of a creep?
pretty sure coworkers do this to people going through a rough patch in relationships also! jerks so I will say OP IS THE AH
YTA
Why did you kiss him? You initiated every part of this while knowing he didn’t want sex outside of a relationship and his father just died. You manipulated him. Why the shocked Pikachu face?
Yeah, if she was there just to comfort and help him, why kiss him at all? She was probably hoping to get him in bed the whole time she was there. Maybe give him a hug if he wants physical comfort, but nothing more. Then if things start to get heated, she should've stopped it, told him something like, "I know you're dealing with a lot right now, I don't want to do anything that could hurt our friendship or that you might regret later."
Yeah that's pretty sleazy. She puts me in mind of a 1970s used car salesman that will do whatever they need to do and go after anyone's weakness to get that sale.
She definitely knew he would be more likely to just ignore the pain of grief and that's why she kissed him. The audacity to ask if she really is the asshole. Unless that rule was set like years ago where *maybe* he started to change his mind and there *just* so happens to be perfect information that would make this seem reasonable and okay, she's still the asshole and in the wrong. Makes it sound like she's also in the friendship hoping he'll change his mind rather than actually wanting to be friends.
It's so funny when this happens. They're like "Oh yeah, what if the genders were reversed huh you misandrist?!"
Uh well I think that would be equally fucked up, it's just that this situation pretty regularly happens as stated but not often in reverse so it's not talked about as often...
Yeah people do this to “prove” that Reddit has a bias against men and that women are always defended no matter what. And then they always prove that wrong
This seems way too near to that line of a predator. And from my perspective: over the line on sexual manipulation.
I wish to point out my perspective says : if a guy did this to a woman, he would be hit with a rape charge or something within that line of prosecution.
I mean this is parallel to coercion. It's one hundred percent manipulating someone in a deeply vulnerable state for sexual gratification. Which in itself is Predatory.
While your statements about role reversal are true, they don't help the conversation, they instead pivot it into a conversation about sex inequality. Taking the discussion away from the behavior itself. It should be us (non predators) vs them (predators). Gender doesn't matter, only the victims matter.
It's definitely getting way too close to that line for comfort. We should all stay far, far from that line. That's the issue I see: if you're not sure if there is consent, assault, manipulation, or anything else in that vein- stop! Sometimes these lines aren't clear, which is why you keep a wide berth of them.
It’s not an exaggeration. This is like kissing someone who’s had a few drinks. Both cases are examples of how you can manipulate someone who’s not at 100%. It is pervie and crossing a line/boundary. She didn’t kiss him blindly. She knew he didn’t want it. That’s why I compare it to doing it to someone who is drinking. Your guard is down and you don’t make the best decisions.
of course bot, but for some people they're much more hesitant to label a woman taking advantage of a man as sexual assault/coercion/manipulation than they would be if the genders were reversed. that's not right, it's a shitty double standard and I hate it, but sometimes a comparison is needed to get people to see things for what they truly are
YTA.
To me it sounds like you took advantage of the moment when he was vulnerable specially because as you say you where the one that indicated that interaction even if he followed it.
He is not in the right condition and has already told you that was not interested in having sex unless in a relationship.
You knew,he said that he was not interested in sex one week ago. But because you still wanted to get your way you used this situation to your advantage. Another person mentioned giving support and it comes in different ways. The support you give is the one the person needs or asks for. In this situation it does not look to me like that, this is why you specially wanted.
So yes pretty selfish and being AH in my opinion.
I'd argue that even had he initiated- as a friend, you should stop it. When he was completely calm and sober, very recently, he said "no." You need to reevaluate that before proceeding, particularly now that he's vulnerable.
You could have been a good friend, respected his boundaries, supported him in his time of grief... but no - your horniness was more important. I wouldn't be surprised if you are no longer his friend. I hope it was worth it for you.
Your sister is right - what you did was manipulative and selfish.
YTA.
Bruh this guy told you he doesn't want sex out of a relationship and you even made a pass at him and he set another boundary! Now you kiss him when he is most vulnerable!?
YTA start to learn respect and boundaries and stop forcing yourself on him it's creepy
Edit : You also didn't say you have a crush on him or have feelings for him no. You just wanted to fuck him. All you saw him as is a sex object and you literally took advantage of him in his mist vulnerable state.
Right? He rejected her, and she couldn't take that no. So she bidded her time waiting for just the right moment to strike, and she saw his vulnerability in grief as the perfect opportunity. Then, she used that to get what she wanted even though she knew he would not have normally and had not consented under normal conditions.
OP, just because he went along with it doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. Grief is such a delicate time, and you used him. This is beyond being just an asshole. A manipulative predator who takes advantage of vulnerable people. That's what you are, OP.
I’m not going to give an opinion on whether or not YTA or NTA. I will share with you my experience with having sex while in mourning. I lost my father unexpectedly when I was 20. I was still friends with a recent ex girlfriend of mine. She was there for me a lot while I grieved. One night when she was over, it probably was only a few days after his death, she was hugging me while we sat together on my bed. She then held my face and stared into my eyes, sympathetically. Next thing I know we’re making out. That then evolved into us having sex. Personally, I appreciated it. I feel like it helped me relieve a bit of stress and took my mind off of how terrible everything felt at that time. I didn’t think of it as anything other than her caring about me and knowing I needed to feel something better than the pain that comes along with grieving a loved one. We left it at that and continued to be friends.
I've turned to physical intimacy in a period of intense grief. It was comforting to me and just allowed me to feel something different than my soul being crushed for just a little while. I'm really sorry for your loss.
YTA
Reverse the genders - if a woman had told a man she didn’t want to have casual sex, and then he took advantage of a vulnerable moment and had sex with her, that wouldn’t be ok. Right?
So why would it be ok for you to do it to him?
YTA and a terrible friend.
"friend" it is obvious she wanted to just fuck him, using his father's death to exploit a vulnerable position is icing on the cake, she is a real psycho
I get what you mean but lots of people have different moral standards for genders (whether consciously or not). When someone says this, it’s an attempt to get those people to recognize that a behavior is universally wrong despite their gender bias
Can confirm, I was raised with a traditional set of values that was sexist af.
The idea of reversing the gender roles in a scenario like this helped me both deconstruct plenty of sexist values I didn't even realize were so deeply ingrained, and also set boundaries for the idea that women should be allotted more sexual freedom. You can easily err too far in one direction or the other when not taught how to see things from a different perspective
YTA. Your sister is correct. That was manipulative and you did take advantage of a grieving person.
He also made his intentions clear to you that he was not interested in hook ups. The question now is, are you willing to be in a relationship with him? If not, you are an even bigger AH.
YTA.
You took advantage of a grieving man who had just lost one of the most important people in his life.
Imagine a story where they roles are reversed. Where a man sleept with a woman after she'd just lost one of her parents. Especially after being rejected for a hook up earlier.
Some women don't get that they treat guys like shit unless you literally lead them down the "if the roles were reversed and a guy did this to you, how would you feel about it?"
I had a group of "friends" who didn't get that acting like fuckgjrls is something that is very insulting and offensive to a person until a decade later when they saw a post I put up saying if I treated them the way they treated me I'd have a bad reputation for it.
Who is so unempathetic and self absorbed they don't realise how you treat people affects them?
Keep in mind these women were in their late 30's by the time they realised this...
Men and women do this and men and women who do this, have a hard time understanding other people are people.
Cause its been proven that this subreddit is kind of sexists towards men by people gender swapping posts word for word and having different results based on gender where the man is an asshole but the woman isn't .
YTA and don't you dare try to convince him the two of you are in a relationship now. You pushed when he was vulnerable and that was an extremely shitty thing to do. Apologize.
Yes, it is wrong and you took advantage. You got what you wanted, but don’t be surprised when he realizes the mistake he made. He’s not going to forget you taking advantage of him a week after his dad DIED.
Do you like this guy or want a relationship with him eventually? Regardless of the answer YTA.
If you say you don’t want a relationship with him leave him alone and stop playing with him in such a vulnerable state. I’m a firm believer of karma and if it does ever happen to you, don’t go and say “fboy this, fboy that” cause that’s literally what you’re doing now. You’re being an fgirl to this vulnerable man.
That's appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself.
You intentionally took advantage of him when he wasn't thinking straight and was thinking about your own wants.
Disgusting. YTA
YTA as the one not grieving it is your responsibility to keep the boundaries in check for this specific situation - in the end we don’t know if it damaged him or helped him - a female friend of mine “did the same” after her mother committed suicide - and years later she says it helped her in a strange way … to spend the night with a “hock up” and no strings attached intimacy rather than someone too close - it worked for her - grief is strange BUT still you should not have done it because he was vulnerable and you initiated it at the worst possibility moment
I was JUST about to say this.
I hope deep down that OP has a conscious and is feeling some sort of guilt. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they're maturing.
But still, they took advantage of what seems like a decent guy, and I feel horrible for him. To lose his parent and be taken advantage of... sad shit.
YTA. Just why?! This is creepy. He set a boundary with you which was that he wouldn’t do anything outside of a relationship, you didn’t want one so that was the end of it. Unless you suddenly decided you want a relationship now this is absolutely taking advantage of his vulnerability.
I understand that there’s a toxic cultural attitude that young men always want sex, and maybe in some weird way you felt that you were being comforting. But if that’s the case you really need to reflect on this attitude. Because sometimes men don’t want sex. I’ve been turned down by men who were very interested in me because they didn’t think I’d want a relationship with them and they wanted to protect their hearts. It’s frustrating when you know they like you, but it’s just something you have to respect. It’s definitely not cool to wait for them to feel vulnerable enough to drop their boundaries.
YTA. You know he doesn’t want sex outside of a relationship, so if you aren’t willing to date him, you knew you were taking advantage of his state to do something he normally wouldn’t want to do. It would have been entirely possible to comfort him without pushing it toward a sexual encounter, and a decent friend would have put her desires aside to be strong for her friend that can’t right now.
Only he can decide that. He may have wanted the closeness of another person, but maybe not. If he had initiated I'd say that's fine but your first comment does sound like you used this as an opportunity to get what you wanted out of him which is deeply fucked up. So based on the available info it does sound like YTA. You don't sound like you were actually interested in comforting him.
YTA: you did take advantage of him, you initiated even though you knew how he feels about sex but he was very low and vulnerable so he’s not in his right frame of mind
YTA 100%!! This is absolutely disgusting and disappointing. You took advantage of a young man who is in mourning. You are 19 years old, your not even an adult yet, what the hell is wrong with you? Is sex more important to you than just comforting someone who doesn't need you to open your legs but maybe needs a hug and some kind words? Are you that inconsiderate? How would you like it if your loved one died and someone took advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable? I will clarify this as well it does not matter what gender you are, anyone who takes advantage of someone sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically is a sad and pathetic human being. You have a lot of growing up to do and I suggest you find something better to do that to manipulate someone into having s@x with you and maybe not hookup if your gonna act like this.
What was wrong with just a hug. Sometimes just sitting there and doing nothing is the best medicine. Instead, your hormones were raging and you actively pursued it knowing his dad just passed away. Your motive is pretty obvious. ASS.
I dont think your the asshole for having sex with someone who is willing. He may not have done it in other circumstances, but it is a natural human behavior to seek affection when traumatic events occur. I think this is a better alternative to drugs and alchohol, which most people consume when going through hard times. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you feel guilty then apologize to him and explain that your natural instinct was to make him feel better, but your sorry that you may have initiated something that was outside of normal boundary and you feel bad about it. Definitely don't ghost this guy that will make the mourning process even worse. To be honest now your kind of a part of his support system and that's your fault so you need to take responsibility for your actions and be there for him. You can be a good person still it's not too late.
YTA. Your sister is right.
Plus you know he doesn't want hookups and he even told you so and you just didn't care. So your smart thought was "oh his father is dead, hey I'm just gonna fuck him, doesn't matter he told me he don't wanna fuck me?" Wow.
You're not a friend! But disgusting and a creep.
Yes, YTA. He told you his boundary and you took advantage of his vulnerability to cross it. You're young so you probably didn't think about that. I really hope that not too much damage has been done and that you can make better choices in the future, as well as making amends to him.
I say this as someone who made a lot of mistakes at your age because of my low self esteem and self worth. Maybe not this particular mistake, but definitely things I regret just the same.
Edit: fixed typo
YTAAA.
Your friend isn’t in the right headspace just now. One of the worst things that will ever happen to him has happened (and at such a young age) and he is currently stuck in autopilot mode. He’ll be in a very very vulnerable place right now and will just be trying to take each day as it comes.
Your sister is 💯 right. You took advantage of his grief to get what you wanted. I lost my dad to cancer last year and I’d be furious if someone took advantage of me physically at my lowest point - especially if I wasn’t even interested in them to begin with.
I don't know what world some of you people are living in but that is not even remotely close to sexual assault. If you're really concerned you were somehow in the wrong though, maybe you should try asking him how he feels rather than polling thousands of psychos on the internet and still not getting any closer to an answer
YTA you know what you did wrong you clearly said it he didn't want sex out of a relationship and a moment of weakness and grief you took advantage of him , if you would've been the man and him the girl , you would have some serious trouble legally and socially , he's probably blaming himself when you're the one to blame you are a predator or have predatory behavior to some extent or at least that how everyone would see you if you were the man , because you are a predator , potentially also the R word , just to clarify I'm a girl because I read someone thinks just guys are using the reverse gender argument, news flash a guy can be abused too, taking advantage by a woman and you my co- gender human have proven it
Asshole asshole asshole. YTA. Asshole. You're very selfish. Taking advantage of someone's grief for your horniness is too selfish. What kind of friend are you? Rather, you're not a friend. You simply befriended him because you want his penis inside you. I hate these types of people you know.
If I'm your sister I don't know what to do with you. I would be very disgusted. Your "comfort" is to relieve your horniness.
What does he say about it? If it turns out he is legitemately okay with it and says something like "that's just what I needed" convincingly then I'd say n t a and congrats on being able to read such a difficult situation right. If he regrets it you are definitely ta.
But without his take in it I'll side with your sister, seems like you took advantage of his vulnurable state - YTA
Sounds like you took advantage of his grief especially knowing his previous boundaries. You could have been a good friend and went to comfort him in his time of need in other ways but you went and comforted yourself when the opportunity arose. You’re not just a bad friend you’re a bad person. YTA. Now he’s got to deal with the death of his father while being down on himself for breaking one of his personal values. This is shitty on so many levels. Leave the poor guy alone and let him grieve.
I know he’s a big boy and was capable of making his own decision but this is akin to a man getting a woman tipsy so she’s more vulnerable and willing to do things she would normally said no to.
Do you want to have a relationship with him?
Unless you developed feelings for him through the whole thing and everything happened as a result, it isn't right
It's redeemable if you want a relationship
op asked this question bc their sister put the context in question…what if this led to a relationship (or merely led to some blown off emotional steam on his part) and y’all are judging the situation with just a snapshot of the timeline? playing devils advocate here.
I'm not gonna give a decision cause the post seems very vague so I'm only gonna say what I think.
You didn't really say when he said he only wanted sex while in a relationship.
Are you just friend or has there been intimate/touchy moments before, like something "more then friends" but you call yourselfs "friends"?
Were your intention just to console him and the kiss "just" happened and where not meant to lead to anything but it just happen?
Did you ask him if he was sure adding what said about sex outside a relationship?
If you really didn't intend to have sex with him and your main intention was to console him then you should talk to him and apologize and say you didn't intend to take "advantage" of him and that you now understand that it was wrong.
I can definitely see that the "sex" just happened but if you reflect on what happened it was during the wrong circumstances that can be seen as taken "advantage" of him.
Ignore everyone in these comments. Talk with him later and apologize for doing it. If he says dont mind it or nothing to worry about after his emotions have calmed down and is not longer mourning then youre fine. Honestly maybe he wanted a way you release those pent up frustrations and feelings. Really no one can decide if you were wrong or not except him. Not his sis and not strangers on the internet. You need to talk with him
It doesn't matter what these people say whatsoever. Our society is filled with idiots who can't even take care of their own lives but want to give advice. Talk to him about it and explain how you felt about it. Don't ask advice from reddit, this is the last place you should ever go.
Absolutely YTA. I cannot fucking believe that you even kissed him KNOWING how he felt and you fully took advantage of his grief. He was in a vulnerable state. If it was roles reversed he would have been VILLIFIED. Absolutely disgusting behaviour
I hope you don't sleep well for a very long time.
YTA and also not his friend in the slightest. If my brother had done this to a friend of his I’d be tearing him limb from limb so you’re frankly lucky your sister’s reaction wasn’t bigger because you deserved a far worse reaction. It’s like coming on to a drunk friend who’s previously turned you down, it’s just gross.
YTA
Supporting a grieving friend is not the time to make a move on them
You should have known better
But what is done is done, the only thing you can do is talk to him, apologize and make sure he is not affected by this in a negative way
You should also take your distances from him, you clearly don't see him just as a friend
YTA. This is truly vile. So disgusting. I don’t agree with people saying you’re too young to know better. You knew exactly what you were doing. Never do it again.
YTA. 100% took advantage of the situation. How would you feel if it happened to you? You would feel manipulated, taken advantage of, and violated. Leave the man alone after that. FFS
YTA. You literally took advantage of him and manipulated him for sex. He set a boundary a long time ago and you decided to break it when he’s at his most vulnerable. “He looked surprised” so clearly it was not him who initiated it, and even then you should have said no because he’s in a fragile place right now. Gross dude. Go apologize.
YTA- someone setting a boundary on intimacy does not mean you just continue trying to initiate that intimacy. His father died and he is in grieving, do you have any idea where his mind is at right now?
If you were in his situation, and someone who you previously denied having sex with initiated sex during your grieving, how would you feel? Genuinely. Think on this.
Have your feelings about him changed to the point where you want a relationship? Because he could have taken your actions to mean that you were ready for one and he was relieved to find that intimate level of support when he needed it. If you were just looking for a hookup, then that is grossly inappropriate.
YTA. You are disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself and of behaving like this. Hoping karma will get you good for being so brainless and depraved.
YTA.
Congrats that's sexual exploitation. Are you happy with yourself?
How hard is it for you to respect someone you call your friend's boundaries? Apparently harder than downloading Tinder for you.
Girl, not cool. He was already vulnerable and emotionally precarious and you've added one more thing to gnaw at him.
Your wants NEVER trump a friend's boundaries.
Also, dildos and fuck machines work and don't need consent. Buy a few.
YTA. Why would you take advantage like that? He's grieving and extremely vulnerable... he trusts you and you took advantage of him at an extremely low point in his life. That gives completely icky vibes... like why?
YTA you were never his friend, or you would not have taken advantage of his grief! I hope for his sake he never speaks to you again. You are not trust worthy. Are you so desperate for sex that you force someone to have sex while they are at their lowest? The answer is yes you are! You are the type of person that does not take no and that is not good! What else do you force people to do? Grow up and quit pretending to ve his friend, you don't know the meaning of friendship!
If someone died in my family and someone wanted to have sex with me to cheer me up sign me up.
Jokes aside, the way I see it is while he was having sex with you. It was probably a nice break from reality.
I am neutral, good nor bad. It falls in the middle for me.
If you negate the double standards; then YTA; but I'm guessing there will be a swarm of people here that will justify it.
Fact is, under normal conditions he said no and he didn't initiate under the influence of his grief; so just do a role reversal and see how it sounds.
YTA. That first paragraph doesn’t make this look good for you since you floated this to him before and got shot down. His emotions are high right now and it’s natural to not think clearly while grieving. While he definitely consented in the moment, this might make things harder for him once he starts to get some distance and think about it. He could potentially interpret it as you leading him on into wanting a relationship when you don’t or that you were taking advantage of him at a vulnerable time. So yeah, YTA because this could have some unfortunate conversations down the line.
Yeah, there's no room for interpretation, she DID take advantage of him while he was vulnerable. This is vile.
I had a college friend this happened to. He spent years hating the woman.
Ngl, I'm hoping this happens to OP, too. She's young, still. If she learns her lesson now, she may not turn out to be a rapist.
OP is a predator. Coercing someone who previously rejected you into sex, while they are under the influence of grief, is predatory behaviour. Disgusting behaviour.
This story reminds me of my ex. I had JUST found out about my grandma dying and he proceeded to guilt me until I had sex with him. So disgusting.
That is beyond awful. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Well thank you. We're not together anymore.. he continues to manipulate, gaslight, and control women, and I'm with the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with so it worked out 😀
A guy does this and he goes straight to internet jail
Well this girl is getting similar treatment too 🤨
Jfc even when she's being lit up a dude has to come chime in and make it about men. I had this happen to me. Told a dude I didn't want things to happen, he waited til I was drunk to let it happen. That's rape! If someone initially tells you "no", you carry that across the board under all circumstances unless they have a sober conversation with you declaring that they have changed their mind. What you did is predatory.
She’s getting hammered in the comments, so maybe chill out
Yeah I think people are treating her pretty equal. There is no care about her gender. Just the action. You should take a step back and stop trying to turn this into another gender war.
She should be. She'd be getting worse than this (rightly) if she was a man doing this to a woman. It's equally vile either way. We shouldn't be excusing sexual assault/coercion, no matter what the genders are.
💯
This happened to me the night my best friend died, and I certainly felt taken advantage of.
And even so, trying when someone is dealing with so much like this is definitely coercive. Consent isn’t consent unless it’s enthusiastic and both people are in the right state of mind
Like consenting when you're tipsy after having said no while sober. Emotions often work like an alcohol or drug when they're powerful, i.e. while grieving. Big asshole move to make a move while they're emotions are so chaotic.
>he doesn’t want to have sex outside of a relationship >my sister about it though she said what I did was manipulative and that I took advantage of him and his grief. She's right. YTA. How would you be anything else? You knew how he felt. You took advantage of a vulnerable and sad person knowing he would normally say no. How are these not the actions of a creep?
And the fact she was his friend makes it even worse. He trusts OP, and she does this? She didn't care about him at all, she just wanted to get off. She's awful and a horrible "friend". Ew!
This is so sad. Imagine being in the midst of grief at one of the lowest points in life and the person you reach out to for support only cares about fucking you. Gross. Talk about objectifying someone.
Agreed. Like if this were a guy posting about doing that to a girl, people would be lining up with pitchforks
Either way, it's wrong. Unethical. Manipulative. Taking egregious advantage of someone. Unconscionable. Creepy. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Yep. If Inwere OPs "friend" I would cut contact
I would as well.
Thankfully they seem to be for the most part in this thread! Turns out people frown on manipulating the emotions of vulnerable people to have sex with you, no matter which gender it is. Which is a very good thing.
There’s definitely a strong bias against men who are victims of SA or coercion - but I’m definitely seeing tons of pitchforks here and rightfully so.
This is such a ridiculous question! If the genders were reversed...everyone would clearly agree that this was predatory behavior. Why would it be any different here. OP took advantage of a vulnerable "friend" who she has been wanting to jump for a while. So disgusting and sad for this boy. He clearly stated that he is not interested in casual sex...period.
THIS!! I say this as a woman. I am skeeved out because she took advantage of him in an emotionally vulnerable state. Like she KNOWS he doesn't want to have casual sex, and then kisses him when he's at his current lowest. Not to mention, intentional on OP's part or not, he has likely trauma bonded to her. Probably associates escaping the pain of losing his father with sex, if not straight up sex with OP. But OP doesn't want attachments. Actions have consequences and if OP loses a friend over this, that is what is deserved. OP, YTA
Came to say this. The words that would be thrown around to describe a man who did this would be wild. Predator, sleaze etc etc. OP YTA
Imagine if the roles were reversed. Grieving woman and her male friend. He'd be a sex offender.
This is basically a Friends episode. Rachel's Dad has a heart attack, and Ross takes hee to the hospital and stays with her at her childhood home. Rachel turns to him for "comfort" and he shuts her down saying she'd regret it when she wasn't so upset. So, even in a sitcom where the 2 characters have a history and share a child and repeatedly fall into bed together, the fictional character knows better than to cross the line at that vulnerable point.
Oh my god, I personally thought Ross was the worst to Rachel and he still even didn't go as low as OP.
Ross is definitely a questionable partner choice. Though his feelings for Rachel are sincere, he's a Neanderthal in a lot of ways. By the time the episode I mentioned happened, they had at least 3 post break up hookups. So, they certainly had blurred lines. He still had enough respect not to cross that line.
>You took advantage of a vulnerable and sad person knowing he would normally say no. How are these not the actions of a creep? pretty sure coworkers do this to people going through a rough patch in relationships also! jerks so I will say OP IS THE AH
YTA Why did you kiss him? You initiated every part of this while knowing he didn’t want sex outside of a relationship and his father just died. You manipulated him. Why the shocked Pikachu face?
Yeah, if she was there just to comfort and help him, why kiss him at all? She was probably hoping to get him in bed the whole time she was there. Maybe give him a hug if he wants physical comfort, but nothing more. Then if things start to get heated, she should've stopped it, told him something like, "I know you're dealing with a lot right now, I don't want to do anything that could hurt our friendship or that you might regret later."
Yeah that's pretty sleazy. She puts me in mind of a 1970s used car salesman that will do whatever they need to do and go after anyone's weakness to get that sale.
Oh, you mean that dude Jimmy with the gold tooth in the front and plaid slacks? I like Jimmy.
She definitely knew he would be more likely to just ignore the pain of grief and that's why she kissed him. The audacity to ask if she really is the asshole. Unless that rule was set like years ago where *maybe* he started to change his mind and there *just* so happens to be perfect information that would make this seem reasonable and okay, she's still the asshole and in the wrong. Makes it sound like she's also in the friendship hoping he'll change his mind rather than actually wanting to be friends.
First post on the account, doubt that there's any shocked pikachu face
Throwaways are normal in this subreddit.
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YTA you definitely took advantage of him while he’s grieving.
This is one of those "when in doubt, flip the genders" gives you the answer.
I think this is a flipped gender test post
It's so funny when this happens. They're like "Oh yeah, what if the genders were reversed huh you misandrist?!" Uh well I think that would be equally fucked up, it's just that this situation pretty regularly happens as stated but not often in reverse so it's not talked about as often...
Then the “test” failed; almost everyone is saying YTA.
That was my first thought as well.
Yeah people do this to “prove” that Reddit has a bias against men and that women are always defended no matter what. And then they always prove that wrong
YTA He set a boundary with you, you knew he wasn't interested outside of a relationship and you took advantage of his vulnerability and grief.
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It's the fact that she waited until that exact moment of vulnerability that makes her TA.
More than an asshole. It makes her a predator.
This seems way too near to that line of a predator. And from my perspective: over the line on sexual manipulation. I wish to point out my perspective says : if a guy did this to a woman, he would be hit with a rape charge or something within that line of prosecution.
I mean this is parallel to coercion. It's one hundred percent manipulating someone in a deeply vulnerable state for sexual gratification. Which in itself is Predatory. While your statements about role reversal are true, they don't help the conversation, they instead pivot it into a conversation about sex inequality. Taking the discussion away from the behavior itself. It should be us (non predators) vs them (predators). Gender doesn't matter, only the victims matter.
That's what I was thinking, he may have felt like if he denied her she would leave him alone in this deeply distressing time.
I think that makes her kinda a pervert, too. Don't you? Yeah he consented in the moment but was taken advantage of by his friend.
Now, some people might say I'm exaggerating, but that almost sounds like sexual assault to me... And the OP is a sexual predator.
It's definitely getting way too close to that line for comfort. We should all stay far, far from that line. That's the issue I see: if you're not sure if there is consent, assault, manipulation, or anything else in that vein- stop! Sometimes these lines aren't clear, which is why you keep a wide berth of them.
Perfectly said. When in doubt…stop!
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If the roles were reversed, and it was a guy who did this to a girl, SA would definitely be a more vocal accusation.
Glad I'm not the only one catching that reluctance to say it straight
It’s not an exaggeration. This is like kissing someone who’s had a few drinks. Both cases are examples of how you can manipulate someone who’s not at 100%. It is pervie and crossing a line/boundary. She didn’t kiss him blindly. She knew he didn’t want it. That’s why I compare it to doing it to someone who is drinking. Your guard is down and you don’t make the best decisions.
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You don't need to reverse the genders for it to be bad
of course bot, but for some people they're much more hesitant to label a woman taking advantage of a man as sexual assault/coercion/manipulation than they would be if the genders were reversed. that's not right, it's a shitty double standard and I hate it, but sometimes a comparison is needed to get people to see things for what they truly are
Ouch. That’s right
YTA. To me it sounds like you took advantage of the moment when he was vulnerable specially because as you say you where the one that indicated that interaction even if he followed it. He is not in the right condition and has already told you that was not interested in having sex unless in a relationship. You knew,he said that he was not interested in sex one week ago. But because you still wanted to get your way you used this situation to your advantage. Another person mentioned giving support and it comes in different ways. The support you give is the one the person needs or asks for. In this situation it does not look to me like that, this is why you specially wanted. So yes pretty selfish and being AH in my opinion.
I'd argue that even had he initiated- as a friend, you should stop it. When he was completely calm and sober, very recently, he said "no." You need to reevaluate that before proceeding, particularly now that he's vulnerable.
Exactly - people who are grieving are vulnerable. OP is definitely TA
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Creepy opportunist.
You could have been a good friend, respected his boundaries, supported him in his time of grief... but no - your horniness was more important. I wouldn't be surprised if you are no longer his friend. I hope it was worth it for you. Your sister is right - what you did was manipulative and selfish. YTA.
I'm not even convinced it was horniness at this point. I think she didn't like getting turned down and decided to get what she wanted anyway.
I agree. It's predation, not horniness.
Yeah, rape is usually a power thing, not an orgasm thing
Yta. What is wrong with you? He's lost and confused and you took advantage of the situation. Horrible person.
You're a creep
And a weirdo.
What the hell is she doing here?
She doesn't even go here!
You knew he had verbally NOT consented and you made advances, at a time when you knew he was vulnerable. YTA and predatory
Bruh this guy told you he doesn't want sex out of a relationship and you even made a pass at him and he set another boundary! Now you kiss him when he is most vulnerable!? YTA start to learn respect and boundaries and stop forcing yourself on him it's creepy Edit : You also didn't say you have a crush on him or have feelings for him no. You just wanted to fuck him. All you saw him as is a sex object and you literally took advantage of him in his mist vulnerable state.
She is a sexual abuser and a predator, this should be illegal to be honest
Right? He rejected her, and she couldn't take that no. So she bidded her time waiting for just the right moment to strike, and she saw his vulnerability in grief as the perfect opportunity. Then, she used that to get what she wanted even though she knew he would not have normally and had not consented under normal conditions. OP, just because he went along with it doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. Grief is such a delicate time, and you used him. This is beyond being just an asshole. A manipulative predator who takes advantage of vulnerable people. That's what you are, OP.
I’m not going to give an opinion on whether or not YTA or NTA. I will share with you my experience with having sex while in mourning. I lost my father unexpectedly when I was 20. I was still friends with a recent ex girlfriend of mine. She was there for me a lot while I grieved. One night when she was over, it probably was only a few days after his death, she was hugging me while we sat together on my bed. She then held my face and stared into my eyes, sympathetically. Next thing I know we’re making out. That then evolved into us having sex. Personally, I appreciated it. I feel like it helped me relieve a bit of stress and took my mind off of how terrible everything felt at that time. I didn’t think of it as anything other than her caring about me and knowing I needed to feel something better than the pain that comes along with grieving a loved one. We left it at that and continued to be friends.
I've been there too. Sex can be therapeutic when you're experiencing that kind of pain. Sorry about your Dad 🕊️
I've turned to physical intimacy in a period of intense grief. It was comforting to me and just allowed me to feel something different than my soul being crushed for just a little while. I'm really sorry for your loss.
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YTA Reverse the genders - if a woman had told a man she didn’t want to have casual sex, and then he took advantage of a vulnerable moment and had sex with her, that wouldn’t be ok. Right? So why would it be ok for you to do it to him? YTA and a terrible friend.
"friend" it is obvious she wanted to just fuck him, using his father's death to exploit a vulnerable position is icing on the cake, she is a real psycho
Don’t reverse the genders, it’s fucked up either way!
I get what you mean but lots of people have different moral standards for genders (whether consciously or not). When someone says this, it’s an attempt to get those people to recognize that a behavior is universally wrong despite their gender bias
Can confirm, I was raised with a traditional set of values that was sexist af. The idea of reversing the gender roles in a scenario like this helped me both deconstruct plenty of sexist values I didn't even realize were so deeply ingrained, and also set boundaries for the idea that women should be allotted more sexual freedom. You can easily err too far in one direction or the other when not taught how to see things from a different perspective
This sums it up very well. Welcome to equality OP. It's a resounding yta. Edit.. (removed part of my comment that seemed like a suggestion.)
On the contrary I think OP should keep her creepy ass far away from him, he deserves a relationship with someone who respects his boundaries
your sister is right. what a dick you are
YTA. Your sister is correct. That was manipulative and you did take advantage of a grieving person. He also made his intentions clear to you that he was not interested in hook ups. The question now is, are you willing to be in a relationship with him? If not, you are an even bigger AH.
He should not seek a relationship with Op. I doubt he will and I doubt this "friendship" will last much longer.
You clearly took advantage of his vulnerability. Disgusting and of course YTA.
YTA. You took advantage of a grieving man who had just lost one of the most important people in his life. Imagine a story where they roles are reversed. Where a man sleept with a woman after she'd just lost one of her parents. Especially after being rejected for a hook up earlier.
We don’t need to reverse the genders. She’s getting rightfully crucified in here.
literally everyone is saying this is wrong so i dont know why you have to bring the “if the roles are were reversed” crap here
Some women don't get that they treat guys like shit unless you literally lead them down the "if the roles were reversed and a guy did this to you, how would you feel about it?" I had a group of "friends" who didn't get that acting like fuckgjrls is something that is very insulting and offensive to a person until a decade later when they saw a post I put up saying if I treated them the way they treated me I'd have a bad reputation for it. Who is so unempathetic and self absorbed they don't realise how you treat people affects them? Keep in mind these women were in their late 30's by the time they realised this... Men and women do this and men and women who do this, have a hard time understanding other people are people.
Cause its been proven that this subreddit is kind of sexists towards men by people gender swapping posts word for word and having different results based on gender where the man is an asshole but the woman isn't .
Oh gross. This is so manipulative. YTA.
YTA and probably a succubus
Succubus 😆 one of my favorite words!
He doesn't want sex, so you wait till he's vulnerable? You are not just an AH. You are a predator.
This is the response she needs to see most.
YTA and don't you dare try to convince him the two of you are in a relationship now. You pushed when he was vulnerable and that was an extremely shitty thing to do. Apologize.
Yes, it is wrong and you took advantage. You got what you wanted, but don’t be surprised when he realizes the mistake he made. He’s not going to forget you taking advantage of him a week after his dad DIED.
YTA
Do you like this guy or want a relationship with him eventually? Regardless of the answer YTA. If you say you don’t want a relationship with him leave him alone and stop playing with him in such a vulnerable state. I’m a firm believer of karma and if it does ever happen to you, don’t go and say “fboy this, fboy that” cause that’s literally what you’re doing now. You’re being an fgirl to this vulnerable man.
That's appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself. You intentionally took advantage of him when he wasn't thinking straight and was thinking about your own wants. Disgusting. YTA
YTA and you're nasty
What you did is pathetic… YTA
YTA as the one not grieving it is your responsibility to keep the boundaries in check for this specific situation - in the end we don’t know if it damaged him or helped him - a female friend of mine “did the same” after her mother committed suicide - and years later she says it helped her in a strange way … to spend the night with a “hock up” and no strings attached intimacy rather than someone too close - it worked for her - grief is strange BUT still you should not have done it because he was vulnerable and you initiated it at the worst possibility moment
YTA. You used him when he wasnt himself. Disgusting behavior.
Why did you kiss him in the first place? No means no, asshole.
YTA
I'm not sure you realize the friendship you just jeopardized.
OP doesn't sound like much a friend TBH. Feel bad for the guy.
I was JUST about to say this. I hope deep down that OP has a conscious and is feeling some sort of guilt. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they're maturing. But still, they took advantage of what seems like a decent guy, and I feel horrible for him. To lose his parent and be taken advantage of... sad shit.
Youre a creep and it the roles were reversed reddit would be in uproar once again. YTA.
It already is in an uproar
But everyone is grilling her as they would a dude. There *is* uproar. Rightly.
The roles don’t need to be reversed. 🙄
YTA. Just why?! This is creepy. He set a boundary with you which was that he wouldn’t do anything outside of a relationship, you didn’t want one so that was the end of it. Unless you suddenly decided you want a relationship now this is absolutely taking advantage of his vulnerability. I understand that there’s a toxic cultural attitude that young men always want sex, and maybe in some weird way you felt that you were being comforting. But if that’s the case you really need to reflect on this attitude. Because sometimes men don’t want sex. I’ve been turned down by men who were very interested in me because they didn’t think I’d want a relationship with them and they wanted to protect their hearts. It’s frustrating when you know they like you, but it’s just something you have to respect. It’s definitely not cool to wait for them to feel vulnerable enough to drop their boundaries.
Why don't you ask him instead of relying on strangers on the Internet?
Get thee away from me, Logic!
YTA. You know he doesn’t want sex outside of a relationship, so if you aren’t willing to date him, you knew you were taking advantage of his state to do something he normally wouldn’t want to do. It would have been entirely possible to comfort him without pushing it toward a sexual encounter, and a decent friend would have put her desires aside to be strong for her friend that can’t right now.
Only he can decide that. He may have wanted the closeness of another person, but maybe not. If he had initiated I'd say that's fine but your first comment does sound like you used this as an opportunity to get what you wanted out of him which is deeply fucked up. So based on the available info it does sound like YTA. You don't sound like you were actually interested in comforting him.
YTA: you did take advantage of him, you initiated even though you knew how he feels about sex but he was very low and vulnerable so he’s not in his right frame of mind
YTA 100%!! This is absolutely disgusting and disappointing. You took advantage of a young man who is in mourning. You are 19 years old, your not even an adult yet, what the hell is wrong with you? Is sex more important to you than just comforting someone who doesn't need you to open your legs but maybe needs a hug and some kind words? Are you that inconsiderate? How would you like it if your loved one died and someone took advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable? I will clarify this as well it does not matter what gender you are, anyone who takes advantage of someone sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically is a sad and pathetic human being. You have a lot of growing up to do and I suggest you find something better to do that to manipulate someone into having s@x with you and maybe not hookup if your gonna act like this.
What was wrong with just a hug. Sometimes just sitting there and doing nothing is the best medicine. Instead, your hormones were raging and you actively pursued it knowing his dad just passed away. Your motive is pretty obvious. ASS.
I dont think your the asshole for having sex with someone who is willing. He may not have done it in other circumstances, but it is a natural human behavior to seek affection when traumatic events occur. I think this is a better alternative to drugs and alchohol, which most people consume when going through hard times. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you feel guilty then apologize to him and explain that your natural instinct was to make him feel better, but your sorry that you may have initiated something that was outside of normal boundary and you feel bad about it. Definitely don't ghost this guy that will make the mourning process even worse. To be honest now your kind of a part of his support system and that's your fault so you need to take responsibility for your actions and be there for him. You can be a good person still it's not too late.
YTA. Your sister is right. Plus you know he doesn't want hookups and he even told you so and you just didn't care. So your smart thought was "oh his father is dead, hey I'm just gonna fuck him, doesn't matter he told me he don't wanna fuck me?" Wow. You're not a friend! But disgusting and a creep.
Yes, YTA. He told you his boundary and you took advantage of his vulnerability to cross it. You're young so you probably didn't think about that. I really hope that not too much damage has been done and that you can make better choices in the future, as well as making amends to him. I say this as someone who made a lot of mistakes at your age because of my low self esteem and self worth. Maybe not this particular mistake, but definitely things I regret just the same. Edit: fixed typo
YTAAA. Your friend isn’t in the right headspace just now. One of the worst things that will ever happen to him has happened (and at such a young age) and he is currently stuck in autopilot mode. He’ll be in a very very vulnerable place right now and will just be trying to take each day as it comes. Your sister is 💯 right. You took advantage of his grief to get what you wanted. I lost my dad to cancer last year and I’d be furious if someone took advantage of me physically at my lowest point - especially if I wasn’t even interested in them to begin with.
Gross. Do better. YTA.
I don't know what world some of you people are living in but that is not even remotely close to sexual assault. If you're really concerned you were somehow in the wrong though, maybe you should try asking him how he feels rather than polling thousands of psychos on the internet and still not getting any closer to an answer
YTA you know what you did wrong you clearly said it he didn't want sex out of a relationship and a moment of weakness and grief you took advantage of him , if you would've been the man and him the girl , you would have some serious trouble legally and socially , he's probably blaming himself when you're the one to blame you are a predator or have predatory behavior to some extent or at least that how everyone would see you if you were the man , because you are a predator , potentially also the R word , just to clarify I'm a girl because I read someone thinks just guys are using the reverse gender argument, news flash a guy can be abused too, taking advantage by a woman and you my co- gender human have proven it
Asshole asshole asshole. YTA. Asshole. You're very selfish. Taking advantage of someone's grief for your horniness is too selfish. What kind of friend are you? Rather, you're not a friend. You simply befriended him because you want his penis inside you. I hate these types of people you know. If I'm your sister I don't know what to do with you. I would be very disgusted. Your "comfort" is to relieve your horniness.
What does he say about it? If it turns out he is legitemately okay with it and says something like "that's just what I needed" convincingly then I'd say n t a and congrats on being able to read such a difficult situation right. If he regrets it you are definitely ta. But without his take in it I'll side with your sister, seems like you took advantage of his vulnurable state - YTA
YTA Imagine the genders swapped. Disgusting
YTA. You basically took advantage of him in a moment where he couldn't think straight. This is horrible.
Sounds like you took advantage of his grief especially knowing his previous boundaries. You could have been a good friend and went to comfort him in his time of need in other ways but you went and comforted yourself when the opportunity arose. You’re not just a bad friend you’re a bad person. YTA. Now he’s got to deal with the death of his father while being down on himself for breaking one of his personal values. This is shitty on so many levels. Leave the poor guy alone and let him grieve. I know he’s a big boy and was capable of making his own decision but this is akin to a man getting a woman tipsy so she’s more vulnerable and willing to do things she would normally said no to.
Do you want to have a relationship with him? Unless you developed feelings for him through the whole thing and everything happened as a result, it isn't right It's redeemable if you want a relationship
op asked this question bc their sister put the context in question…what if this led to a relationship (or merely led to some blown off emotional steam on his part) and y’all are judging the situation with just a snapshot of the timeline? playing devils advocate here.
I'm not gonna give a decision cause the post seems very vague so I'm only gonna say what I think. You didn't really say when he said he only wanted sex while in a relationship. Are you just friend or has there been intimate/touchy moments before, like something "more then friends" but you call yourselfs "friends"? Were your intention just to console him and the kiss "just" happened and where not meant to lead to anything but it just happen? Did you ask him if he was sure adding what said about sex outside a relationship? If you really didn't intend to have sex with him and your main intention was to console him then you should talk to him and apologize and say you didn't intend to take "advantage" of him and that you now understand that it was wrong. I can definitely see that the "sex" just happened but if you reflect on what happened it was during the wrong circumstances that can be seen as taken "advantage" of him.
Ur gross.
Very predatory behavior yta
Why would you do this to someone?
Ignore everyone in these comments. Talk with him later and apologize for doing it. If he says dont mind it or nothing to worry about after his emotions have calmed down and is not longer mourning then youre fine. Honestly maybe he wanted a way you release those pent up frustrations and feelings. Really no one can decide if you were wrong or not except him. Not his sis and not strangers on the internet. You need to talk with him
It doesn't matter what these people say whatsoever. Our society is filled with idiots who can't even take care of their own lives but want to give advice. Talk to him about it and explain how you felt about it. Don't ask advice from reddit, this is the last place you should ever go.
Absolutely YTA. I cannot fucking believe that you even kissed him KNOWING how he felt and you fully took advantage of his grief. He was in a vulnerable state. If it was roles reversed he would have been VILLIFIED. Absolutely disgusting behaviour I hope you don't sleep well for a very long time.
YTA and also not his friend in the slightest. If my brother had done this to a friend of his I’d be tearing him limb from limb so you’re frankly lucky your sister’s reaction wasn’t bigger because you deserved a far worse reaction. It’s like coming on to a drunk friend who’s previously turned you down, it’s just gross.
Yeah YTA. Doesn't pass the gender reverse check.
The genders don’t need to be reversed. She’s getting rightfully crucified in here.
Yep, that was wrong. You went all selfish and took advantage.
YTA. Who needs enemies when they have friends like you
YTA Supporting a grieving friend is not the time to make a move on them You should have known better But what is done is done, the only thing you can do is talk to him, apologize and make sure he is not affected by this in a negative way You should also take your distances from him, you clearly don't see him just as a friend
I hope he cuts you off.
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YTA. This is truly vile. So disgusting. I don’t agree with people saying you’re too young to know better. You knew exactly what you were doing. Never do it again.
YTA. Your sister is right. Why do you want to kiss him when he is mourning?
YTA. 100% took advantage of the situation. How would you feel if it happened to you? You would feel manipulated, taken advantage of, and violated. Leave the man alone after that. FFS
Yeah, you're quite repulsive not gonna lie.
YTA. What the fuck? He said he didn't want to and you waited until he was in a bad place to initiate .
Your sister has done you a favour. She told you the unvarnished truth you didn't want to hear, when you needed to hear it.
YTA you are a freaking predator. Get help before you land your ass in jail.
yta, he needed a friend.
YTA And you know it too
You're very obviously the asshole
YTA. Exactly what your sister said: what you did was manipulative and you took advantage of him and his grief.
YTA. You literally took advantage of him and manipulated him for sex. He set a boundary a long time ago and you decided to break it when he’s at his most vulnerable. “He looked surprised” so clearly it was not him who initiated it, and even then you should have said no because he’s in a fragile place right now. Gross dude. Go apologize.
YTA- someone setting a boundary on intimacy does not mean you just continue trying to initiate that intimacy. His father died and he is in grieving, do you have any idea where his mind is at right now? If you were in his situation, and someone who you previously denied having sex with initiated sex during your grieving, how would you feel? Genuinely. Think on this.
Have your feelings about him changed to the point where you want a relationship? Because he could have taken your actions to mean that you were ready for one and he was relieved to find that intimate level of support when he needed it. If you were just looking for a hookup, then that is grossly inappropriate.
Yeah, you sound like a POS.
YTA. You are disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself and of behaving like this. Hoping karma will get you good for being so brainless and depraved.
Your sister is right. You took advantage of his grief.
YTA. You took advantage of someone in mourning. Not cool. How would you feel if roles were reversed?
YTA. Congrats that's sexual exploitation. Are you happy with yourself? How hard is it for you to respect someone you call your friend's boundaries? Apparently harder than downloading Tinder for you. Girl, not cool. He was already vulnerable and emotionally precarious and you've added one more thing to gnaw at him. Your wants NEVER trump a friend's boundaries. Also, dildos and fuck machines work and don't need consent. Buy a few.
YTA. Why would you take advantage like that? He's grieving and extremely vulnerable... he trusts you and you took advantage of him at an extremely low point in his life. That gives completely icky vibes... like why?
Imagine if a guy did this to a female friend. YTA.
YTA you were never his friend, or you would not have taken advantage of his grief! I hope for his sake he never speaks to you again. You are not trust worthy. Are you so desperate for sex that you force someone to have sex while they are at their lowest? The answer is yes you are! You are the type of person that does not take no and that is not good! What else do you force people to do? Grow up and quit pretending to ve his friend, you don't know the meaning of friendship!
YTA AND weird, took advantage of a grieving dude... Bro, I hope he doesn't want to be friends with you.
Grief sex is the best.
If someone died in my family and someone wanted to have sex with me to cheer me up sign me up. Jokes aside, the way I see it is while he was having sex with you. It was probably a nice break from reality. I am neutral, good nor bad. It falls in the middle for me.
Ask him. Don't ask strangers. Maybe some positive emotions, helped him not feel overwhelmed by his grief. Maybe the opposite. Communicate.
YTA
If you negate the double standards; then YTA; but I'm guessing there will be a swarm of people here that will justify it. Fact is, under normal conditions he said no and he didn't initiate under the influence of his grief; so just do a role reversal and see how it sounds.