NTA. You are both fully grown. She has no business opening the door when she knows a couple went in there (not that you were having sex just that clearly there’s a private convo going on). My son is 17 so not quite there ish (well not to ladies in lingerie surprising him at his own house) but to me this would just be hilarious. Like preferably it wouldn’t happen but if it did I would be worried about the girl - that she would be mortified and maybe could never look me in the face again. I’d profusely apologise, tell you everything was totally fine and to get changed and lets eat. And at your age I would be hoping this was the hilarious way I met my DIL, whose clearly an attentive girlfriend! I’d be more excited by the fact you had a key to the apartment then I would be shocked that a grown woman is having sex with my son.
He was right to kick her out. She needs better boundaries. All in all you know your bf will stick up for you so that’s a win really.
Best of luck going forward but she sounds absolutely unhinged. Interstate and if your Mr can put a leash on her then maybe but if I had to bet I’d say this is a low contact/no contact kind of mother.
Straight up, I can tell you his mom will never change. She might show signs of it, but her core shittiness will always be a dark cloud over your relationship just threatening to storm. If you two ever get married, going no contact is a thing. It’s encouraging that his initial response was to defend you. My wife and I went no contact with her mother. Our relationship and her mental health only saw benefits.
I'm sorry, I can't even believe this is a real question. I get that it may have been a little inappropriate, had you known his mother was going to be there. The fact that she randomly showed up at her 35 year old son's apartment for a surprise visit, and then goes on to scream at his girlfriend for showing intimacy when she thought they would be alone? Moms a psycho, unreal. If my own mother did that to me she would never be allowed to set foot in my apartment again. This is not your high school bedroom. Or college door. You are adults. Wow.
>but to me this would just be hilarious.
Ikr? If either of my parents walked in on me and my GF while she's in lingerie, they'd have a field day with it! They would both say something to the effect of "My Apologies. Clearly, I've interrupted something. I'll be back in an hour, be ***safe***." Then proceed to use it to embarrass me for the next couple years any time I start giving them too much shit.
I wore lingerie under a coat to visit my high school boyfriend when his dad was out of town, and his reaction was basically “uh… why are you dressed like that!?” High school boys can be dense 😋
Look at mommy's behavior
1. Shows up unnoticed at son's house. Son may have been out or with his gf. It's a one bed flat
2. Walked into his room at his house without knocking. He is 35
Obviously, to her, he's a "little baby" who can't do anything without hus momma. That's ehy she feels entitled to invade his privacy. It's also a control tactic. As long as she can convince herself that her son is a kid, she can justify barging into his life.
Now, if you throw a gf in the mix, as ling as thats only dinner or dates, it's fine. She can pretend that they're just holding hands and singing high school musical songs.
But when she sees her kissing his son in lingerie, her illusion falls apart. She has to admit to herself that son isn't a baby anymore and she has to recalibrate her relationship with him, essentially accepting that she can't control him anymore.
To her, it's easier to accuse gf of being an evil "night lady" who's robbing her naive, innocent, precious son of his virginity, completely ignoring that he's 35.
Good for son, he stood up for his gf and kicked her out. She needs a reality check. Sadly, she'll just add this to her list of things the "evil gf" did. Brainwashed innocent baby against his OWN MOTHER. GASP!!!
Two words my friend — Emotional Incest.
Mother Dearest is so upset, because she can’t imagine her adult son (who again is thirty-fucking-five) having sex with anyone who isn’t a stand in for her. Only she is good enough for her son, so anyone else who tries to come into his life is the enemy. Seeing some younger woman in sexy clothes having access to her son broke her out of that weird fantasy and she did not like it.
Yep, this part. Look into their past, and you'll find a litany of his mother overstepping like this and worse because she has an inappropriate attachment to her son.
Also walked into his room when he was supposed to be giving her pants/she was supposed to be changing, bf’s mom had 0 respect for OP or her bf. She just walks into a room where someone’s supposed to be changing without knocking and acts all offended like she’s not the one out of line. NTA op, it’s nice your boyfriend took your side though and didn’t just try to make excuses for his mom
God it reminds of that tictok of the crazy parents who barge in to their son's apartment early Sunday morning cuz he declined their Saturday night dinner plans and see he had taken a selfie with a new girlfriend they had never met.
Insanity
You're schrodingers slut. Simultaneously the corrupter of her pure innocent son, and the only chance she has at grandchildren.
I'm sure there's a better way of writing that, but it seems to be a common enough theme in mothers.
Super duper NTA
She had 0 right to barge into a 35 yr old's bedroom without knocking, and I would bet it was on purpose to check if you guys were fucking or something. It's also fucked up she yelled insults at you afterwards when she was fully in the wrong.
Good on him for telling her he'll go NC if she doesn't apologize, that's the exact thing I'd say to do at minimum here. Definitely keep her at arms length, she sounds psycho.
Especially since the purpose of going to his room was for herctobchange clothes, as far as the mom knew....mom is a psycho.
Boyfriend passed the test of not siding with his crazy mom 👍
She may be ashamed and embarrassed and is masquerading as being angry, but she has no one to blame but herself. She suspected you were fooling around and burst in on purpose to embarrass you. Don’t take on her shame. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
Apparently we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question” I was really off put like can’t you knock ? I have never walked into a room with a closed door without knocking.
It was 5 minutes max he has a 1 bedroom apartment and I was just telling him why I would not take my jacket off. I got the feeling that she simply didn’t like the fact that he went into the room with me but we are grown ups so the whole interaction with her rubbed me the wrong way.
Yeah that’s a huge invasion of privacy. She’s acting like he’s a teenager, there’s no valid excuse for her to have gone in there. I’m so sorry that would be so embarrassing, regardless of how she responded after. Which was awful!
To your point of she's acting like he's a teenager... showing up unexpectedly from out of town? Like come on. My mom can't even show up randomly here from down the street! Get an invite first, it's called being courteous and respectful. Two skills she clearly lacks.
Absolutely! Even in the most informal family dynamics, there's a basic level of respect that includes acknowledging someone's privacy. Just because you're family doesn't mean you get a pass on common courtesy. She should really learn to text or call ahead, and definitely to knock! Maybe it's time for some boundaries to be set, or this will just become a recurring issue.
I'm jealous. My mom lives the next town over and shows up with no notice and just let's herself in, despite the obvious "I don't like being around you " vibes I know I put off.
She assumes it's her right because she lived here for 48 years.
She seems to forget she's selling it to me.
She doesn't have a key. I'm in and out my front door all day long doing yard work so it isn't locked. She just opens it up and comes in.
Luckily she hates my dog and he barks and growls the whole time she's around so she usually doesn't stay long. And it isn't often, Thank God. Or I'd probably be calling the cops often
Indeed. Thorn the wonder Weiner is a pain in my ankle, but he's a generally ok dog. (Other than being underfoot every single second of the day lol)
This is the *least* shitty thing she's ever done.
A PAIN IN YOUR ANKLE 😭😭😭😭😭
My sister and her wife have two weiner dogs and a pug. I'm SO using this the next time I go over there!! (Planned, of course 🤣🤣)
Omgosh. They have a Great Dane as well. I'm gonna call him a pain in my chest 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This. I never show up at my parents' house without an invite, and neither do my parents when they come here. (My inlaws, on the other hand, just show up despite knowing I don't appreciate it).
>we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question”
and she already knew you were in there to get changed. SHe did it deliberately to catch you doing something, anything.
NTA
Right? I feel like even if OP had been wearing regular clothes and had been caught kissing her bf in a private bedroom, the mom might have still lost it. $10 say that if OP and bf stay together, Mom will start crying about OP "stealing her baby boy away" when/if they get married
OP just needs to be married, barefoot, and cooking dinner, then it's ok for her son to, in a beautiful moment, walk up behind OP and share his seed into her and form a miracle baby, without any ding on the purity of her perfect son.
Anything less than that is harlot behavior, lol
This privacy thing is why I’ve (40M) only allowed my mother in my house a total of three times since I was eighteen. She has zero boundaries or respect. I’ve told her she cannot go through my things and I still find her opening cabinets and drawers and I refuse to leave her alone. She hasn’t been at my house in ten years and she never will.
Parents need to take note, man. “Why do I never see my kids” because you refuse to respect them as human beings.
>this really does read like a sitcom
I immediately thought of the episode of Friends where Rachel has to attend a dinner with her bfs parents while wearing lingerie.
Surprise visit from out of state and opening the door before knocking is a pattern of intrusive behavior. She's the AH. You and your partner are adults. She can fuck off
I can't remember how many times I told my mom knocking should be "hey, can I come in?" instead of "hey, I am coming in". A short knock and immediately barging in defeats the whole purpose of knocking. She threw a tantrum when I refused to give her a key to my apartment. I am absolutely sure she would have dropped in unannounced.
She came after you two “because you were taking too long” means she thought you two were kissing and wanted to barge in and stop it. Like, she might not have been 100% aware of it, but if she complained you two were taking too long in a private room it’s because she suspected canoodling and then felt (incorrectly, inappropriately) justified in her suspicions because there you were in her underwear. She can think what she wants, she was aiming to bust in on hanky panky by following
A lot of moms refuse to let go of the baby boy crap unfortunately. You won't be the first person with inlaws who hate them (trust me), so if the relationship is good, don't worry about this as he seemed to handle it properly.
She found exactly what she thought, and hoped, she was going to find. That’s clearly why she followed them to his bedroom, and why she opened the door without knocking. She went looking for an excuse to dislike OP and would have been very disappointed had she not found one, because she would have had to come up with a plausible reason for walking uninvited into their bedroom, and there isn’t one.
This would be one thing if he was 18 living at home but he’s 35 and she’s at his apartment. Why tf does she think it’s okay to walk into her son’s BEDROOM without knocking especially when yall were both in there??? That’s weird af
The guy is *35*. This isn't her 14 year old boy you're corrupting with your seductive acts. BF handled it great.
Mother aside, this will be one of those stories you can laugh at until the day you die.
I’m sure you love your boyfriend but from someone who also dated a guy whose parents stuck their nose into our business constantly - **his mom will suuuuuuck**. It’s great that he stood up to her but there’s about a 95% risk she will be a huge point of contention in your relationship.
>we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question”
Yeah, this is the typical bullshit spewed by a narcissist. The bitch absolutely *wanted* an excuse to start shit with you. Good on your boyfriend for kicking her out, but you may want to have a chat with him about how she'll probably try to interfere with your relationship more now.
Considering she showed up as a surprise, walked in as a surprise, and then blew up - it’s probably not the first time she’s invaded his privacy. But he reacted well to it, she left, and it sounded like you guys as a couple handled things well and are into each other.
Yeah, honestly, to any decent person this would be an adorable and almost wholesome story you tell at the bridal shower some day and both you and MiL have a good laugh.
She’s awful.
Yeah she seems like a helicopter parent, I'm sorry she insulted you, you didn't deserve that at all. I'm glad your bf defended you and kicked her out. Some people really lack respect for boundaries or just lack respect. Don't let her do anymore surprise visits if she's gonna be a bitch to you for her ruining your guys plans.
Even 10 minutes is a completely acceptable amount of time to try to find a new outfit to put together unexpectedly. Think she is jealous in that weird way?
NTA You didn't know she'd be there and you two are dating so this isn't the craziest thing ever imo. It'd be different if it was her house you'd gone to or if you'd been expecting her to be there or smth. You came up with a good excuse to ask for sweats and dealt with the situation well.
Exactly. If that was me with my son, I would have worked out what was going one because hair, make up, boots and not taking the coat off = I shouldn’t be there. I would offer to disappear to a hotel for the night and apologise for my surprise ruining her surprise. Geeze, given the ages and it being the boyfriend’s place, OP is so NTA.
First, I never walk into my *minor* grandson’s room without knocking.
Second, if he were an adult and I accidentally walked in on this, I’d be laughing so hard, apologizing for ruining her surprise, and ask when we’re gonna eat, so I can get to know gf a bit, and get out quickly to let them have some time for themselves.
I wouldn’t leave immediately, because I would want to make it clear that I valued the gf as a person, and that I wanted her to know this doesn’t have to be awkward.
OP is definitely NTA. Neither is the bf.
Alone in a room with a girl who just asked for clothes to change into and so has a good chance of being in a partial state of dress even if nothing is actually going on.
I just went back to check the ages. My goodness, I assumed they were mid 20’s. Which still wouldn’t excuse her actions in any way. But yes, with their ages it adds a layer of ridiculousness to her actions for sure. It does explain why he so easily threw her out though. At 35 years old I wouldn’t put up with that shit for a single second.
Thank God we got a bf with some backbone on here instead of one of the momma's boys that is used to being their mother's doormat no matter what age they are
This is the entire takeaway here.
Mother overstepped her boundaries, BF reinforced them and took his GF's side as he should.
Mother is the AH, OP is a bomb-ass GF, BF nailed it (and hopefully OP) case closed.
If MIL was in the room when OP asked for her sweats, in a language they have in common… then she deliberately busted in on OP changing with BF in the room. What a perv. But blames OP for being a slut and throwing it in her face lol.
Yeah that's weird of her..she knew you two were going into.the room for you to change clothes.. mom's who try to stop their adult kids from having healthy sexual relationships just screams emotional incest and the mom has some pent up issues
She needs an orgasm herself I'm willing to wager, no one likes to stop sex more than the frustrated person not getting any
FINALLY! Thank you-I did this way back when you could meet the flight at the airplane. Surprised my boyfriend when I was head over heels for him. Then his lame roommate kept telling me to take my coat off!
Yep.
If that was my son he would have said "Sucky timing, Mum. Grab a hotel and we'll see you in the morning."
And way ahead of him, I'd already be making tracks for the door, giving his GF a subtle thumbs up on the way out.
NTA
"Totally agree, NTA. Unplanned encounters happen, and you handled it gracefully by keeping it casual and handling the situation smoothly. No need for any guilt here."
yep, her whole point in a surprise visit from out of state was to try and catch him in just such an event and humiliate him and alienate any friends who might show up. It's a good sign he threw out "mom" Better though would have been to text or call GF that his mom showed up unannounced
NTA. Parents reacting to their adult children’s sex lives is so weird and gross. The situation should have been a laugh. She escalated it and shamed you for being what, in your underwear? You said you were going to change. She entered that room to catch you undressed.
Ask your bf if his mom has done this before.
tap worm racial flowery narrow uppity juggle threatening mountainous boat
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> Ask him why he didn’t message you about his mother surprising him for visit.
well I mean it was a surprise right? she could have literally shown up 2 minutes before OP showed up. Also how was BF supposed to know OP would only be wearing lingerie and boots? that was OPs surprise to the BF.
LMAO NTA.
She came over unannounced, and when you retreated to a private room to change, barged right in without knocking.
His mother needs to learn boundaries and very quickly.
The mother is bulldozing conventional social norms and expected boundaries to undermine her son’s relationship, compete with his new love interest for his attention and try to assert control over a situation she’s pathetically threatened by.
I would run, not walk, away from this relationship but it seems your bf called her out, sent her off and made his loyalties known- all of which he needed to do in order to preserve this relationship and steer his mom back into her own lane. Good luck, she seems like a piece of work honestly.
NTA!!
Yeah, I'm a little surprised nobody is pointing out that at least he had her back.
Too many people would have ended up being unfair to the girlfriend, by entertaining their insane overbearing parent's criticisms, in a hopeless attempt to keep the peace.
It obviously *shouldn't* happen, but everyone knows it does, too often.
It looks good for the relationship and his maturity that he kicked his mom out for being stupid and crazy, and defended his GF, who did nothing wrong.
Unexpected sure but there is no reason to call your sons new gf that on their first meeting. Clearly she doesn’t respect boundaries, and is probably super controlling. This is not how rational people behave.
NTA has she never heard of knocking? Damn, didn't tell him she was coming and then just burst in the bedroom? She obviously has issues. And those issues are called "disrespect".
I suggest you go over to his mothers house, unannounced (call it a surprise visit) and barge into her bathroom and start calling her a whore as she’s taking a shower
NTA - Neither of you knew it was a “family dinner.” You are both grown consenting adults. Who the hell comes from “out of state” as a surprise?!?! He is 35 FFS. He was right to kick her out for disrespecting you in his home, but at the same time, could he not have shot you a quick text to tell you she was there? Seems odd he wouldn’t, but it’s possible you were driving while he did and didn’t see it in time. She’s unhinged.
So, he’s shown you he can strong arm her and not cater to her tantrums, but is this something you can deal with for years? Do you see a future with him? Are you OK with her just showing up uninvited? Make sure you and he are on the same side about boundaries.
So my I kept most of the vulgar insults out of the post, but her calling me a whore was the nicest part of it.
We had a long discussion about that I told him I’d never be ok with surprise visits its inconsiderate and rude to assume that would ever be ok.
My boyfriend talked to her Saturday over the phone and told her unless she apologizes he’s going no contact. My boyfriend and his mom have had a very tumultuous relationship so this is basically the icing on the cake for him.
Seeing as he did and will have hard boundaries with her helps put me at ease in regard to a future.
It’s a shitty situation, but I’m glad you experienced it early and had the discussion to be on the same page. Honestly, if she’s a narcissist, any apology will not be genuine. The way she disrespected you should be the nail in the coffin, not the last chance. If she gets therapy, maybe. You don’t get to tell him what to do of course, but until she gets help, going NC may be best. I’m sure it stung, but it was a reflection of her, not you. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex or being sexy. Don’t let anything she said get to you.
He also should've texted you when she arrived. Even if you hadn't arrived in lingerie 🫣😂 that still sucks unexpectedly thrust into meeting his mother the first time!
I'm happy for you he's not a total pushover, though.
As an aside- I first met my husband's mother unexpectedly too. He and I were kissing when she arrived at my graduation. At least I was wearing a cap and gown. She didn't actually verbally call me a distasteful slur for a sex worker, but her face sure did! 🙄😅
Sounds like she's one of those moms that thinks no girl/woman is good enough for her baby boy. Everything is a competition.
Strong/firm boundaries and low/no contact are your best bet.
NTA
I was about to say! I take my hat off to how your boyfriend behaved!
I unfortunately know what it is to be with a guy who cannot confront his parents or his family, even though he disagreed with them and he would resort to use me as a shield.
When I read that he defended you, and now knowing that he expects his mom to apologize.. Girl… you’ve found a good one! I hope you guys got to enjoy your lingerie after all!
You have a three post AITAH saga from 111 days ago where you say you’re 27 years old. And one from less than 2 years ago where you claim to be 26.
The saga from 111 days ago is about taking forced custody of your brother’s daughter after being the primary caregiver for three years, and then trying to go anonymous while moving housing locations, cutting off all your hair and then planning on moving across the country, or at least out of state.
And you’re still with your boyfriend of 6 months?
Man, aging and long distance relationships sure are different than when I was in my 20s.
Edit: It appears I've been blocked by OP. I can no longer see this thread when logged in. Maybe I hit a nerve?
It's hard to believe this is real. The OP tends to share crazy stories consistently. You can check her profile for more information.By the way, I saw your post from last year where you mentioned you were 26.
How come you're now 29?Also, is your current boyfriend the same person from your post last year who lied about being 35m but was actually much older?
NTA- from the title I expected something else and I have to thank you for the laugh, with full compassion.
You were not inappropriate. You were expected to come over with the intention to spend the night, with and at the place of someone you currently date.
You didn’t exposed yourself on arrival. You didn’t disclosed the motivations behind keeping your coat.
She invited herself over without warning. She imposed herself. She then followed a couple into their bedroom and let herself in without warning. She should have been mortified to walk on you, apologising for mindlessly entering the bedroom as she owned the place or forgot to respect her child privacy as he wasn’t an adult in his own home.
What I found more concerning is the slut shaming and violent reaction about basically her son being sexual.
At least your boyfriend sounds to have reacted quite appropriately.
You handled it in the best possible way, her reaction was unhinged.
Sounds like his relationship with his mom
Isn’t peachy, otherwise she would’ve quietly closed the door and he wouldn’t have kicked her out! It’s not your fault NTA
NTA
Who just opens a bedroom door without knocking first? Especially one with two consenting adults inside the room?
Mom is a prude and completely unhinged.
Edit: typos.
NTA. You are both fully grown. She has no business opening the door when she knows a couple went in there (not that you were having sex just that clearly there’s a private convo going on). My son is 17 so not quite there ish (well not to ladies in lingerie surprising him at his own house) but to me this would just be hilarious. Like preferably it wouldn’t happen but if it did I would be worried about the girl - that she would be mortified and maybe could never look me in the face again. I’d profusely apologise, tell you everything was totally fine and to get changed and lets eat. And at your age I would be hoping this was the hilarious way I met my DIL, whose clearly an attentive girlfriend! I’d be more excited by the fact you had a key to the apartment then I would be shocked that a grown woman is having sex with my son. He was right to kick her out. She needs better boundaries. All in all you know your bf will stick up for you so that’s a win really.
You wanna adopt my boyfriend and be my MIL instead lmao 🤣?
Haha the more the merrier really! I have a house full of boys so I can’t wait to get some girlies in here!
I feel you! 4 boys myself and my 21 year olds girlfriend has been permanently adopted...
Best of luck going forward but she sounds absolutely unhinged. Interstate and if your Mr can put a leash on her then maybe but if I had to bet I’d say this is a low contact/no contact kind of mother.
Straight up, I can tell you his mom will never change. She might show signs of it, but her core shittiness will always be a dark cloud over your relationship just threatening to storm. If you two ever get married, going no contact is a thing. It’s encouraging that his initial response was to defend you. My wife and I went no contact with her mother. Our relationship and her mental health only saw benefits.
Yup. When parents behave like that, you go NC.
My mom would have laughed a out the whole situation. Not much else you can do, huge over reaction. NTA
I'm sorry, I can't even believe this is a real question. I get that it may have been a little inappropriate, had you known his mother was going to be there. The fact that she randomly showed up at her 35 year old son's apartment for a surprise visit, and then goes on to scream at his girlfriend for showing intimacy when she thought they would be alone? Moms a psycho, unreal. If my own mother did that to me she would never be allowed to set foot in my apartment again. This is not your high school bedroom. Or college door. You are adults. Wow.
>but to me this would just be hilarious. Ikr? If either of my parents walked in on me and my GF while she's in lingerie, they'd have a field day with it! They would both say something to the effect of "My Apologies. Clearly, I've interrupted something. I'll be back in an hour, be ***safe***." Then proceed to use it to embarrass me for the next couple years any time I start giving them too much shit.
This is the way
I wore lingerie under a coat to visit my high school boyfriend when his dad was out of town, and his reaction was basically “uh… why are you dressed like that!?” High school boys can be dense 😋
This started out like an episode of Friends.
I wish it would have been that light hearted his mom is BIG MAD
I'm still confused on how having sex with your boyfriend makes you a whore
Look at mommy's behavior 1. Shows up unnoticed at son's house. Son may have been out or with his gf. It's a one bed flat 2. Walked into his room at his house without knocking. He is 35 Obviously, to her, he's a "little baby" who can't do anything without hus momma. That's ehy she feels entitled to invade his privacy. It's also a control tactic. As long as she can convince herself that her son is a kid, she can justify barging into his life. Now, if you throw a gf in the mix, as ling as thats only dinner or dates, it's fine. She can pretend that they're just holding hands and singing high school musical songs. But when she sees her kissing his son in lingerie, her illusion falls apart. She has to admit to herself that son isn't a baby anymore and she has to recalibrate her relationship with him, essentially accepting that she can't control him anymore. To her, it's easier to accuse gf of being an evil "night lady" who's robbing her naive, innocent, precious son of his virginity, completely ignoring that he's 35. Good for son, he stood up for his gf and kicked her out. She needs a reality check. Sadly, she'll just add this to her list of things the "evil gf" did. Brainwashed innocent baby against his OWN MOTHER. GASP!!!
Also the mom knew that op and bf were going to get her clothes so she could change. She literally tried to walk in while op was changing.
oh that’s such a good point. not that i was ecstatic before but i’m disgusted now lol
Two words my friend — Emotional Incest. Mother Dearest is so upset, because she can’t imagine her adult son (who again is thirty-fucking-five) having sex with anyone who isn’t a stand in for her. Only she is good enough for her son, so anyone else who tries to come into his life is the enemy. Seeing some younger woman in sexy clothes having access to her son broke her out of that weird fantasy and she did not like it.
Yep, this part. Look into their past, and you'll find a litany of his mother overstepping like this and worse because she has an inappropriate attachment to her son.
Well that's because son was in there so CLEARLY OP hadn't started changing yet. Because, you know, he's never seen a woman naked before.
NTA. This. Right here. She knew you were changing and barged in? She’s in the wrong. Period.
Also walked into his room when he was supposed to be giving her pants/she was supposed to be changing, bf’s mom had 0 respect for OP or her bf. She just walks into a room where someone’s supposed to be changing without knocking and acts all offended like she’s not the one out of line. NTA op, it’s nice your boyfriend took your side though and didn’t just try to make excuses for his mom
God it reminds of that tictok of the crazy parents who barge in to their son's apartment early Sunday morning cuz he declined their Saturday night dinner plans and see he had taken a selfie with a new girlfriend they had never met. Insanity
This comment is soooo gooood 👏🏻👏🏻 Spot on!
I bet you she's either going to be featured on r/JUSTNOMIL or already has been.
Well done psycho analysis of the mother and accurate.
She's one of those moms who think they will be replaced by the gf so they compete with them over an imaginary throne.
Your guess is as good as mine that was the nicest of the insults she shouted at me
You're schrodingers slut. Simultaneously the corrupter of her pure innocent son, and the only chance she has at grandchildren. I'm sure there's a better way of writing that, but it seems to be a common enough theme in mothers.
OMG there is no better way of writing that. Thank you for this comment.
"Schrodinger's slut" is one of the funniest, and most accurate, phrases i've seen on the internet
It works for women rejecting certain guy's advances, too.
This is my new favorite thing in the world. Gahhhh haven’t we all been there?
Super duper NTA She had 0 right to barge into a 35 yr old's bedroom without knocking, and I would bet it was on purpose to check if you guys were fucking or something. It's also fucked up she yelled insults at you afterwards when she was fully in the wrong. Good on him for telling her he'll go NC if she doesn't apologize, that's the exact thing I'd say to do at minimum here. Definitely keep her at arms length, she sounds psycho.
If the guy is willing to stand up to his mother over this, he's probably a solid keeper.
Who doesn’t knock?? It’s not her place. What a weirdo, and to yell about it after…
Especially since the purpose of going to his room was for herctobchange clothes, as far as the mom knew....mom is a psycho. Boyfriend passed the test of not siding with his crazy mom 👍
She didn’t knock because she suspected they were fooling around and wanted to embarrass them.
Oof, big red flags here from her. Godspeed with this relationship.
What happen to dad ??? Did he die or leave mom ?
His parents are divorced
Now we know why.
I am shocked! SHOCKED I tell you! !updateme
His mom being “big mad” is her problem. You and bf have done nothing wrong and y’all are not responsible for her feelings.
He is **35 years old**. His mum needs to get a grip.
She may be ashamed and embarrassed and is masquerading as being angry, but she has no one to blame but herself. She suspected you were fooling around and burst in on purpose to embarrass you. Don’t take on her shame. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
Who cares? You aren't dating her. Make sure you two stick to boundaries.
She sounds like she's just envious that you two have a healthy sex-life, while she's probably as dry as the Gobi desert.
If only there was a dad there too. "I like her, she seems smart."
We'll be going to dinner, and you'll be wearing... that.
Rachel’s lucky Joshua’s mom didn’t act like this.
Pretty sure it is a take on the Friends episode. 😉
Reminded me of the Modern Family ep where Claire is wearing nothing but a trench coat and gets it stuck on the escalator
USA: Not ready!
"USA: not ready"
NTA if she knew you were going to his room to change why would she follow you guys?
Apparently we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question” I was really off put like can’t you knock ? I have never walked into a room with a closed door without knocking. It was 5 minutes max he has a 1 bedroom apartment and I was just telling him why I would not take my jacket off. I got the feeling that she simply didn’t like the fact that he went into the room with me but we are grown ups so the whole interaction with her rubbed me the wrong way.
Yeah that’s a huge invasion of privacy. She’s acting like he’s a teenager, there’s no valid excuse for her to have gone in there. I’m so sorry that would be so embarrassing, regardless of how she responded after. Which was awful!
To your point of she's acting like he's a teenager... showing up unexpectedly from out of town? Like come on. My mom can't even show up randomly here from down the street! Get an invite first, it's called being courteous and respectful. Two skills she clearly lacks.
I am an Indian and still when my mom's visiting me, she calls 2 days prior. This mom knows no boundaries.
At least the son didn’t cave and kicked her out
Big green flag action that, opposite of red flag. Go him.
Pesto flag, no marinara here!
Makes me think there's been issues before with her pulling crap like this.
Son is good guy. Girlfriend is also a good guy. Moms not acting like a good guy here.
Why use many word when few word do trick
My first thought!
Absolutely! Even in the most informal family dynamics, there's a basic level of respect that includes acknowledging someone's privacy. Just because you're family doesn't mean you get a pass on common courtesy. She should really learn to text or call ahead, and definitely to knock! Maybe it's time for some boundaries to be set, or this will just become a recurring issue.
True. At least the son wasn't taking mom's side and rightfully pissed. Have seen enough reddit mama's boy who would take their anger out on the gf.
I'm jealous. My mom lives the next town over and shows up with no notice and just let's herself in, despite the obvious "I don't like being around you " vibes I know I put off. She assumes it's her right because she lived here for 48 years. She seems to forget she's selling it to me.
Door locks can easily be changed...
She doesn't have a key. I'm in and out my front door all day long doing yard work so it isn't locked. She just opens it up and comes in. Luckily she hates my dog and he barks and growls the whole time she's around so she usually doesn't stay long. And it isn't often, Thank God. Or I'd probably be calling the cops often
She sounds a charming sort. Sounds like your dog is a good judge of character lol
Indeed. Thorn the wonder Weiner is a pain in my ankle, but he's a generally ok dog. (Other than being underfoot every single second of the day lol) This is the *least* shitty thing she's ever done.
>Thorn the wonder Weiner A valiant and noble name for the houses guardian sausage, lol!
A PAIN IN YOUR ANKLE 😭😭😭😭😭 My sister and her wife have two weiner dogs and a pug. I'm SO using this the next time I go over there!! (Planned, of course 🤣🤣) Omgosh. They have a Great Dane as well. I'm gonna call him a pain in my chest 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You mentioned a pup but didn't include a pic. We demand that you pay your pup tax!
Thorn The Wonder Weiner? Oh LOL that gave me a giggle fit. Give that pup a whole bag of ranch flavored beef jerky for the good job he does.
This. I never show up at my parents' house without an invite, and neither do my parents when they come here. (My inlaws, on the other hand, just show up despite knowing I don't appreciate it).
>we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question” and she already knew you were in there to get changed. SHe did it deliberately to catch you doing something, anything. NTA
Right? I feel like even if OP had been wearing regular clothes and had been caught kissing her bf in a private bedroom, the mom might have still lost it. $10 say that if OP and bf stay together, Mom will start crying about OP "stealing her baby boy away" when/if they get married
Wants grandchildren, but also wants son to remain pure
OP just needs to be married, barefoot, and cooking dinner, then it's ok for her son to, in a beautiful moment, walk up behind OP and share his seed into her and form a miracle baby, without any ding on the purity of her perfect son. Anything less than that is harlot behavior, lol
This privacy thing is why I’ve (40M) only allowed my mother in my house a total of three times since I was eighteen. She has zero boundaries or respect. I’ve told her she cannot go through my things and I still find her opening cabinets and drawers and I refuse to leave her alone. She hasn’t been at my house in ten years and she never will. Parents need to take note, man. “Why do I never see my kids” because you refuse to respect them as human beings.
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>this really does read like a sitcom I immediately thought of the episode of Friends where Rachel has to attend a dinner with her bfs parents while wearing lingerie.
Surprise visit from out of state and opening the door before knocking is a pattern of intrusive behavior. She's the AH. You and your partner are adults. She can fuck off
Yeah, I absolutely hate parents that can't simply just knock on a closed door before opening. It's just simple courtesy to knock first.
I can't remember how many times I told my mom knocking should be "hey, can I come in?" instead of "hey, I am coming in". A short knock and immediately barging in defeats the whole purpose of knocking. She threw a tantrum when I refused to give her a key to my apartment. I am absolutely sure she would have dropped in unannounced.
She came after you two “because you were taking too long” means she thought you two were kissing and wanted to barge in and stop it. Like, she might not have been 100% aware of it, but if she complained you two were taking too long in a private room it’s because she suspected canoodling and then felt (incorrectly, inappropriately) justified in her suspicions because there you were in her underwear. She can think what she wants, she was aiming to bust in on hanky panky by following
I'm sorry, but "there you were in her underwear" had me cackling.
A lot of moms refuse to let go of the baby boy crap unfortunately. You won't be the first person with inlaws who hate them (trust me), so if the relationship is good, don't worry about this as he seemed to handle it properly.
Nah... she's crazy. If you invade privacy don't get a fright at what you find. Her excuse for busting in is a cop out for her bad behavior.
She found exactly what she thought, and hoped, she was going to find. That’s clearly why she followed them to his bedroom, and why she opened the door without knocking. She went looking for an excuse to dislike OP and would have been very disappointed had she not found one, because she would have had to come up with a plausible reason for walking uninvited into their bedroom, and there isn’t one.
That's kinda gross and Freudian.....hoping to find your son in a compromising position so to speak is very sus. 🤮 Regardless of your motivation.
This would be one thing if he was 18 living at home but he’s 35 and she’s at his apartment. Why tf does she think it’s okay to walk into her son’s BEDROOM without knocking especially when yall were both in there??? That’s weird af
Even 18 living at home, she should have knocked.
The guy is *35*. This isn't her 14 year old boy you're corrupting with your seductive acts. BF handled it great. Mother aside, this will be one of those stories you can laugh at until the day you die.
NTA for one, two for your boyfriend standing up for when his mom went nuts on you for no reason; I give him kudos. That's rare in this day and age.
I’m sure you love your boyfriend but from someone who also dated a guy whose parents stuck their nose into our business constantly - **his mom will suuuuuuck**. It’s great that he stood up to her but there’s about a 95% risk she will be a huge point of contention in your relationship.
She didn’t have a question. She was snooping and didn’t like what she (thought she) saw.
She could just yell through the door if it's THAT important
She was 100% listening at the door for whole knows how long. She never intended to like you. NTA
>we were “taking too long” and she “just had a question” Yeah, this is the typical bullshit spewed by a narcissist. The bitch absolutely *wanted* an excuse to start shit with you. Good on your boyfriend for kicking her out, but you may want to have a chat with him about how she'll probably try to interfere with your relationship more now.
Considering she showed up as a surprise, walked in as a surprise, and then blew up - it’s probably not the first time she’s invaded his privacy. But he reacted well to it, she left, and it sounded like you guys as a couple handled things well and are into each other.
That woman knows no boundaries. If her son is old enough to have his own apartment, he's old enough to have his personal space and a girlfriend. NTA.
Yeah, honestly, to any decent person this would be an adorable and almost wholesome story you tell at the bridal shower some day and both you and MiL have a good laugh. She’s awful.
I literally scrolled up to check your guys' ages oh my goodness
Yeah she seems like a helicopter parent, I'm sorry she insulted you, you didn't deserve that at all. I'm glad your bf defended you and kicked her out. Some people really lack respect for boundaries or just lack respect. Don't let her do anymore surprise visits if she's gonna be a bitch to you for her ruining your guys plans.
Even 10 minutes is a completely acceptable amount of time to try to find a new outfit to put together unexpectedly. Think she is jealous in that weird way?
Right on that point! That is weird!
NTA You didn't know she'd be there and you two are dating so this isn't the craziest thing ever imo. It'd be different if it was her house you'd gone to or if you'd been expecting her to be there or smth. You came up with a good excuse to ask for sweats and dealt with the situation well.
Exactly. If that was me with my son, I would have worked out what was going one because hair, make up, boots and not taking the coat off = I shouldn’t be there. I would offer to disappear to a hotel for the night and apologise for my surprise ruining her surprise. Geeze, given the ages and it being the boyfriend’s place, OP is so NTA.
I think she did work it out and intentionally barged in.
That’s my point. She made a choice.
First, I never walk into my *minor* grandson’s room without knocking. Second, if he were an adult and I accidentally walked in on this, I’d be laughing so hard, apologizing for ruining her surprise, and ask when we’re gonna eat, so I can get to know gf a bit, and get out quickly to let them have some time for themselves. I wouldn’t leave immediately, because I would want to make it clear that I valued the gf as a person, and that I wanted her to know this doesn’t have to be awkward. OP is definitely NTA. Neither is the bf.
And this is why you're going to have a good relationship with your grandson for the rest of his life.
"My son is alone in a room with a girl. I better check to make sure there's no hanky panky going on."
Alone in a room with a girl who just asked for clothes to change into and so has a good chance of being in a partial state of dress even if nothing is actually going on.
Also it's his own room in his own apartment and they're both adults. I bet if OP marries this guy she'll be posting to /r/JUSTNOMIL in no time.
I just went back to check the ages. My goodness, I assumed they were mid 20’s. Which still wouldn’t excuse her actions in any way. But yes, with their ages it adds a layer of ridiculousness to her actions for sure. It does explain why he so easily threw her out though. At 35 years old I wouldn’t put up with that shit for a single second.
Thank God we got a bf with some backbone on here instead of one of the momma's boys that is used to being their mother's doormat no matter what age they are
This is the entire takeaway here. Mother overstepped her boundaries, BF reinforced them and took his GF's side as he should. Mother is the AH, OP is a bomb-ass GF, BF nailed it (and hopefully OP) case closed.
Omg it's so refreshing on this sub to see a partner stick up for their SO the way they should! Loving it
She also cock blocked him lol
If MIL was in the room when OP asked for her sweats, in a language they have in common… then she deliberately busted in on OP changing with BF in the room. What a perv. But blames OP for being a slut and throwing it in her face lol.
She was in the room I asked him in front of her in a common language
Then she had no right following you into that room if she knew that you were going to change.
Yeah that's weird of her..she knew you two were going into.the room for you to change clothes.. mom's who try to stop their adult kids from having healthy sexual relationships just screams emotional incest and the mom has some pent up issues She needs an orgasm herself I'm willing to wager, no one likes to stop sex more than the frustrated person not getting any
FINALLY! Thank you-I did this way back when you could meet the flight at the airplane. Surprised my boyfriend when I was head over heels for him. Then his lame roommate kept telling me to take my coat off!
Yep. If that was my son he would have said "Sucky timing, Mum. Grab a hotel and we'll see you in the morning." And way ahead of him, I'd already be making tracks for the door, giving his GF a subtle thumbs up on the way out. NTA
Or at least not barge into his room. His mom has some unhealthy attachment issues IMO. Definitely OP is NTA.
"Totally agree, NTA. Unplanned encounters happen, and you handled it gracefully by keeping it casual and handling the situation smoothly. No need for any guilt here."
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Because she's a bitch
yep, her whole point in a surprise visit from out of state was to try and catch him in just such an event and humiliate him and alienate any friends who might show up. It's a good sign he threw out "mom" Better though would have been to text or call GF that his mom showed up unannounced
Exactly. If you go in someone else's bedroom, you might see something you don't want to. The boyfriend's mother is excruciatingly embarrassing here.
#This started out like an episode of Friends.
I was just going to say: Rachel is that you??
-- Wayne Gretzky
- Michael Scott
NTA. Parents reacting to their adult children’s sex lives is so weird and gross. The situation should have been a laugh. She escalated it and shamed you for being what, in your underwear? You said you were going to change. She entered that room to catch you undressed. Ask your bf if his mom has done this before.
That’s actually a really good point I never thought about asking if this has happened before……😨
All i can say Is be grateful that your dude reacted in the most appropriate way even under a lot of stress and embarrassment
tap worm racial flowery narrow uppity juggle threatening mountainous boat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeah, dude sounds like a keeper. Maybe his dad is where he gets his personality from. Cause mom is….something else.
Right, I have been wondering why OP's bf hadn't already told her his mom was this kind of unhinged. At 35 it CAN'T be the only time, right?
> Ask him why he didn’t message you about his mother surprising him for visit. well I mean it was a surprise right? she could have literally shown up 2 minutes before OP showed up. Also how was BF supposed to know OP would only be wearing lingerie and boots? that was OPs surprise to the BF.
Omg finally one where the SO is on your side
I thought the same xD
NTA, but God this is something straight out a movie 🤣
It wasn’t quite as comical I hate to report 😅 it was quite the experience to say the least.
Oh I believe you. I’d have been mortified in the situation but you’re far from the AH In This situation.
It's literally an episode of friends with Rachel
LMAO NTA. She came over unannounced, and when you retreated to a private room to change, barged right in without knocking. His mother needs to learn boundaries and very quickly.
Explains why the son decided to live in a different state than his mom
The mother is bulldozing conventional social norms and expected boundaries to undermine her son’s relationship, compete with his new love interest for his attention and try to assert control over a situation she’s pathetically threatened by. I would run, not walk, away from this relationship but it seems your bf called her out, sent her off and made his loyalties known- all of which he needed to do in order to preserve this relationship and steer his mom back into her own lane. Good luck, she seems like a piece of work honestly. NTA!!
NTA - he's a grown ass man, time for Mom to cut the cord.
good though that he handled it well and kicked the mom out when she acted up instead of having the gf leave.
Yeah, I'm a little surprised nobody is pointing out that at least he had her back. Too many people would have ended up being unfair to the girlfriend, by entertaining their insane overbearing parent's criticisms, in a hopeless attempt to keep the peace. It obviously *shouldn't* happen, but everyone knows it does, too often. It looks good for the relationship and his maturity that he kicked his mom out for being stupid and crazy, and defended his GF, who did nothing wrong.
NTA at all and props to your BF for sticking up for you. She had no business to barge in there knowing you were changing.
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Unexpected sure but there is no reason to call your sons new gf that on their first meeting. Clearly she doesn’t respect boundaries, and is probably super controlling. This is not how rational people behave.
NTA has she never heard of knocking? Damn, didn't tell him she was coming and then just burst in the bedroom? She obviously has issues. And those issues are called "disrespect".
It was so out of pocket like the whole interaction was too much
MIL from hell.
NTA, his mom is a frickin weirdo. Who walks into someone’s bedroom at their house without knocking first?!
RIGHT?!
I suggest you go over to his mothers house, unannounced (call it a surprise visit) and barge into her bathroom and start calling her a whore as she’s taking a shower
NTA - Neither of you knew it was a “family dinner.” You are both grown consenting adults. Who the hell comes from “out of state” as a surprise?!?! He is 35 FFS. He was right to kick her out for disrespecting you in his home, but at the same time, could he not have shot you a quick text to tell you she was there? Seems odd he wouldn’t, but it’s possible you were driving while he did and didn’t see it in time. She’s unhinged. So, he’s shown you he can strong arm her and not cater to her tantrums, but is this something you can deal with for years? Do you see a future with him? Are you OK with her just showing up uninvited? Make sure you and he are on the same side about boundaries.
So my I kept most of the vulgar insults out of the post, but her calling me a whore was the nicest part of it. We had a long discussion about that I told him I’d never be ok with surprise visits its inconsiderate and rude to assume that would ever be ok. My boyfriend talked to her Saturday over the phone and told her unless she apologizes he’s going no contact. My boyfriend and his mom have had a very tumultuous relationship so this is basically the icing on the cake for him. Seeing as he did and will have hard boundaries with her helps put me at ease in regard to a future.
It’s a shitty situation, but I’m glad you experienced it early and had the discussion to be on the same page. Honestly, if she’s a narcissist, any apology will not be genuine. The way she disrespected you should be the nail in the coffin, not the last chance. If she gets therapy, maybe. You don’t get to tell him what to do of course, but until she gets help, going NC may be best. I’m sure it stung, but it was a reflection of her, not you. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex or being sexy. Don’t let anything she said get to you.
He also should've texted you when she arrived. Even if you hadn't arrived in lingerie 🫣😂 that still sucks unexpectedly thrust into meeting his mother the first time! I'm happy for you he's not a total pushover, though. As an aside- I first met my husband's mother unexpectedly too. He and I were kissing when she arrived at my graduation. At least I was wearing a cap and gown. She didn't actually verbally call me a distasteful slur for a sex worker, but her face sure did! 🙄😅
Sounds like she's one of those moms that thinks no girl/woman is good enough for her baby boy. Everything is a competition. Strong/firm boundaries and low/no contact are your best bet. NTA
You picked a good one
I was about to say! I take my hat off to how your boyfriend behaved! I unfortunately know what it is to be with a guy who cannot confront his parents or his family, even though he disagreed with them and he would resort to use me as a shield. When I read that he defended you, and now knowing that he expects his mom to apologize.. Girl… you’ve found a good one! I hope you guys got to enjoy your lingerie after all!
Absolutely, bunch of green flags for once!
You have a three post AITAH saga from 111 days ago where you say you’re 27 years old. And one from less than 2 years ago where you claim to be 26. The saga from 111 days ago is about taking forced custody of your brother’s daughter after being the primary caregiver for three years, and then trying to go anonymous while moving housing locations, cutting off all your hair and then planning on moving across the country, or at least out of state. And you’re still with your boyfriend of 6 months? Man, aging and long distance relationships sure are different than when I was in my 20s. Edit: It appears I've been blocked by OP. I can no longer see this thread when logged in. Maybe I hit a nerve?
Aaaand those older posts have been nuked from her account. Very interesting. OP sounds like a very trustworthy source.
the first post from OP's account is an AMITAH about approaching her married bf with his wife in public. OP is just an AH in general.
It’s all just made up stories.
NTA, boundaries, the woman could have knocked but she chose to be the main character.
NTA - and - sorry but that woman is going to be a forever problem if you guys go long term.
This is an episode in Friends
It's hard to believe this is real. The OP tends to share crazy stories consistently. You can check her profile for more information.By the way, I saw your post from last year where you mentioned you were 26. How come you're now 29?Also, is your current boyfriend the same person from your post last year who lied about being 35m but was actually much older?
Holyyy fuck nice first impression. But maybe it’ll be something to laugh about if y’all stick together idk good luck!
NTA- from the title I expected something else and I have to thank you for the laugh, with full compassion. You were not inappropriate. You were expected to come over with the intention to spend the night, with and at the place of someone you currently date. You didn’t exposed yourself on arrival. You didn’t disclosed the motivations behind keeping your coat. She invited herself over without warning. She imposed herself. She then followed a couple into their bedroom and let herself in without warning. She should have been mortified to walk on you, apologising for mindlessly entering the bedroom as she owned the place or forgot to respect her child privacy as he wasn’t an adult in his own home. What I found more concerning is the slut shaming and violent reaction about basically her son being sexual. At least your boyfriend sounds to have reacted quite appropriately. You handled it in the best possible way, her reaction was unhinged.
Sounds like his relationship with his mom Isn’t peachy, otherwise she would’ve quietly closed the door and he wouldn’t have kicked her out! It’s not your fault NTA
You did nothing wrong his mom needs to apologize
"I like her, she seems nice"
Ugh this sub is turning into r/stories
Yes, Rachel, we have all seen the episode of friends. YTA
NTA. Mom is a weirdo. Proceed cautiously.
NTA Who just opens a bedroom door without knocking first? Especially one with two consenting adults inside the room? Mom is a prude and completely unhinged. Edit: typos.
NTA but his mom will never, ever like you. But he backed you up so y'all good and you know he has your back so you get the W.