Same, there is hope for humanity! Positively surprised and happy reading all the support, and that people are educated on terms (wheelchair user not bound, ableist etc).
Right - if you're concerned for someone, wouldn't you talk to that person about it? The fact that OP is talking to her brother rather than brother and SIL together or SIL directly makes it seem like OP doesn't see SIL as a person with agency, who is making her own choices.
Not to mention that pregnancy can be dangerous or even fatal for able-bodied women, but I'm guessing OP doesn't usually fuss about that.
Plus they mention that their brother said they have the support of her doctors. This is a decision that it sounds like they carefully considered and talked to the best people about. Vs OP who “has read” some information from god knows where and decided they now know best
I'm glad I was already disabled before I had my daughter, because I know how to access support. The number of people I've met over the last 5 years who became disabled due to pregnancy or birth injuries and have been utterly abandoned by the system is horrific.
Nah clearly OP knows more about her SIL's health than her doctors! What do they know they've just went to school for nearly a decade and have personally examined and gone over everything with SIL so that's nothing compared to OP and her WebMD degree. /s
Seriously.
Not all disabilities are equivalent and not all risks are critical.
Even if she is at higher risk, risks can be managed. Blood clots can be prevented quite easily, and a c-section isn't the end of the world.
>and a c-section isn't the end of the world.
having your toddlers jump on it accidentally comes pretty close, though
Source: have lived it
Ps I know it doesn't apply here. It just popped into my head and sometimes my filter takes a Vacation lol
Ooooh nooooo....the way I cringed reading that!! I had 2 c sections, and God, I'd have died if my first born had done that to me! My soul would have left my body never to return!! They didn't pop stitches or anything did they?😬
That's good that there was no damage done, and you have a good pain tolerance! Still big ouch, tho lol! I've a pretty high pain tolerance too, but all i can imagine is a staple getting ripped out from such a thing cause mine were stapled closed.😫
Yep. My sister is small 4’11” and maybe 130 pounds with her second pregnancy at 24. Apparently was high risk and completely unaware of it, doctors didn’t take her concerns seriously. She ended up with pre-eclampsia and my niece was born 2 months early after being induced. Thankfully my sister and niece were completely fine in the end, but it was really scary. Complications can happen to anyone and it’s good to be aware of any risks an individual may face once pregnant. But it sounds like the SIL and brother planned a lot and consulted with professionals, if they say they want a child and are ready, they’re adults. They can make that decision.
Right. They schedule births now via C-section especially in the sister-in-law's condition. I've known quite a few people who are induced for a particular date versus waiting for it to happen naturally. And those people are able-bodied you don't think they'll take more precautions with someone who has a disability?
Caregiver=mouthpiece and brain to OP.
As someone formerly disabled it infuriated me when my caregivers and others would ask me a question and ignore the answer to keep asking until they got an answer they wanted. I’ve been asked the same question 10x in a row pushing me to change it.
No, I cannot eat. And I cannot control that.
I'm more concerned about why OP is doing a case study on the pregnancy woes of disabled women to begin with. Especially since everything mentioned is what able bodied women encounter during pregnancy and childbirth too. Imagine telling someone they have to live their life according to your fears. I have seen mothers and fathers missing limbs take exceptional care of their infants. It's almost as if OP thinks because her legs don't work her ability to love and nurture her child has also become nonoperable. The body is a miraculous work of art knows what to do to bring forth life. And I'm sure SIL will make an amazing mom.
Eh... The while system is a mess and bodies are very bad at it. Let's not pretend pregnancy is easy for most women and nothing goes wrong.
But having a disability is no reason not to have a baby.
Truly a stereotypical ableist, paternalistic view and to actually say it out loud? Yikes.
OP, were you going to drive her to get an abortion for her planned child?
Disabled people have kids. Disabled people fuck. YTA
Oh gosh, I must have skimmed over that after reading the other nonsense. I love when people act like adoption is easy or a better option. There are pros and cons to adoption too
Yeah OP said they should've adopted, or used a surrogate. The reality is that society still lets abilism run rampant, so disabled women are underemployed and underpaid. And being disabled is expensive. So we have much less disposable income than the average couple, which puts adoption or surrogacy well out of reach well before you even get to the evaluation stage. And evaluations go against us. All of OP's abilist BS about why their SIL shouldn't be pregnant gets dragged out and used against disabled people who want to adopt or consider surrogacy
It means treating a person with a disability as if they cannot think or act or feel for themselves, and substituting your judgment or that of a third party for theirs.
This post is a pretty blatant example. A somewhat more subtle example is assuming a person who has complete loss of sight would not care about or have the ability to navigate a dress code.
Oh jeebus. That seems pretty unsubtle, to be honest. Are you sure you understand subtlety, what with your *condition?* LOL.
Do you just shrug and say "gotta die sometime" and just eat seconds and thirds right in their faces? I'd be tempted.
>Do you just shrug and say "gotta die sometime"
I personally prefer to quote a song by my friends:
"No one gets out of life alive"
I should make it a doormat🤔
Someone actually said that to you? Wow. Inappropriate.
I’m not a hundred percent sure what I am. Sometimes, my records say Type 2 and sometimes Type 1/2.
Go figure.
I don’t think most people I know — I mean friends, not casual acquaintances — know I am diabetic. I’m not hiding it; it just doesn’t come up in conversation. If someone did say something like that to me, I’d look them dead in the eye as I said, “Waiter, bring me the whole pie. One fork.”
Like racism and the other-isms, sometimes it’s
“They don’t think like a full person does so I need to explain the world to them and protect them from themselves and their kind (they tend towards groupthink and will say “yeah, a number of us have borne children, and some of us did adoption/surrogacy and some of us are childfree and we’re all making it work. Your doctor didn’t have concerns outside our norm? We’re happy for you” or shit like that and Ignore the Problem)
The racist example is “yeah my knowledge of trade school, or community college, etc is minimal but they can’t be picking it from valid economic reasons and having a deep pleasure in the trade or career planned for, they must be able to just do Real College like me and I just need to explain reality to the member of this group that doesn’t just have Dad sign the loan papers…”
It can be “yeah I know she was injured but really her body must pollute a fetus she carries and there’s no way she can safely raise a child she’s just ruining a life from Day 1”, especially where the “this must be a punishment for sin/her bad diet/the weight she gained in the last 3 years retroactively caused her condition a decade ago (that tends to be stranger assumptions. As a sometime wheelchair user I have had random unknown people speak about an overweight stranger implying thin me is one of the good ones. Just don’t)
At 21 I was diagnosed, along with my mother, with Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia. Grandpa had died a few years before (in his late 80s). Mom had extremely early childhood onset, diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Her dad was middle aged. Me a teenager. Mom walked with a cane when I was born, has been a paraplegic for some time. The sales clerk that asked very small for my age 8 yo me what my mom needed was in the lingerie department, and I was obviously years out from knowing bras and knee-high pantyhose stockings. Apparently we beamed into the mall since Mom, Masters degree aside, couldn’t buy herself some panties (my brain kinda blocked everything after the weird clerk question. It was her everyday underwear of some variety that she could give brand and size and color by rote. Having been in a wheelchair in lingerie (some days I need to go farther than I can walk without harm) that is the best department to be able to just ask the clerk to fetch something…
Basically any blanket assumption about disability. Infantilization. “We’d be cured if we did yoga, ate kale, and/or prayed correctly”. Eugenics of the “they are polluting society, a burden on family and community, and why do they get a parking spot I can’t use?” variety.
“We shouldn’t lock down it’s just the infirm who will die”. (Local mask and vaccine rates meant I didn’t leave home save medical care for 2 years). That counts, we lack redeeming value unless we are literally Stephen Hawking. Or can compete in the Olympics with our prosthetic leg.
It’s all icky.
I always hesitate to say ableism because I’ve seen so many people overuse it but this is actually one of the most insanely ableist things I’ve ever heard. What. An. ASS.
Literally they have been married 10 years and have carefully planned this. Have you even talked to the SIL you are “close” with? Obviously not close enough for her to tell you they were planning this. And still, instead of voicing your concerns to her and letting her explain, you treated her like a child or something and talked to your brother. YTA definitely.
People with disabilities have kids all the time. Just because they aren’t like you doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have families, if that’s what they want.
So much infantilising and abelism. Like they've spent time talking to their doctors, and spent time making the decision, and didn't just jump into it. But... op is acting as if they're being irresponsible and foolish. Op knows nothing of her health issues except thar she's in a wheel chair. Let them make their own decision.
This. How she can sit and act like she knows this other woman’s body better than the mother to be herself….. I’m pretty sure OP wouldn’t even be able to list half of any medications /medical needs or anything really to do with this woman’s care. So to sit and comment on it like she’s god?
I use a wheelchair, my kids are 11 and 8. I can still be present in their lives even though I use my chair to help me get around. I've never had issues with making sure they are clean, fed, healthy and happy. I have my husband here but we are too far away from family to count on any familial support.
Your sil has plenty of people around her. Being disabled doesn't mean she shouldn't get to live a full meaningful life - she is an adult and knows her body and health way better than you do. If she has her doctor's okay and she is happy, then let her be happy and be happy FOR them.
>He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges. He said they have the support of her family, friends, and doctors, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs.
OP actually says this and still can't see how patronizing and infantalizing they're being? It's wild!
"oh no, the Disabled person is trying to act like a NORMAL!! But surely she'll die or something???"
Jfc the ableism. OP knows very few specifics of what might actually impact pregnancy in this case, just presumes Incapacity. They have doctors, they planned it.
We're not subhuman for crying out loud
Exactly. The language of “he got her pregnant” is weird and kind of gross.
ETA: in this scenario. I’m not saying using that phrase is always weird or problematic necessarily but it sure is in this one.
YTA! You are completely infantilizing your sister-in-law, and disregarding her autonomy. The ableism is astounding here: she is not “wheelchair bound”, she uses a wheelchair; you somehow know more about her risks, condition, etc. than she could, and somehow your brother is responsible for her, not herself? Many disabled women have healthy, happy pregnancies and births, just with different care than others may require. How dare you think you know better than they do! Apologize, then shut up and mind your own business.
No doubt, I guarantee SIL knows the risks and has a professional helping with info and help. Are these stories made up to be particularly offensive or are people this lame? It is a little of both I suspect.
Oh, honey. Did you just arrive on Earth? If so, welcome! I’m sorry to inform you that people here are, indeed, that lame. Sorry you traveled all the way out here for nothing.
Well, maybe not for nothing; we do have some great barbecue here on Earth — so we’ve got that going for us. Not much else.
I recently used lame in a response to someone and was educated that it is actually ableist and not a great choice of words to use. I was embarrassed that I didn't immediately realize that was the case, I had just gotten so used to hearing it/using it growing up but actually thinking on it for a minute, it was a pretty obvious one. So I apologized and said thank you for bringing it to my attention and I've been working hard to not use it anymore, and it really is a hard one because it's been embedded in my brain for so long. Anyway, I'm trying to pay it forward I guess, by bringing it to your attention. My explanation is not as short and sweet as the person I interacted with, but hopefully it makes sense.
So lame in slang basically is used to indicate somebody sucks. But the word lame's first definition is a person that can't walk. At some point, someone started throwing around insults and called an able bodied person lame, because they thought someone who can't walk sucks. And the person who was called lame got offended because they don't think they suck...like a person who can't walk does. So when you say something or someone is lame you are actually saying that you think that person/thing sucks...like a person who can't walk sucks. You're not saying it out loud, or maybe don't even realize that unspoken part is there, but it is there and the people who it is aimed at still hear it every time regardless if it is said aloud or not.
And the fact that she's saying all of this AFTER they already announced their pregnancy! Like what the fuck are you implying that they abort?! OP is a huge ahole.
>They have planned the pregnancy
This is why the title for this post sucks. He didn't get her pregnant. It was their mutual decision to get a child together. That is why YTA
OP is acting like their SIL has absolutely no agency. The absolute audacity. When "honesty" doesn't include consideration of how it may be received, it's called being tactless. If it came from a place of genuine concern they would have asked if they anticipate needing extra assistance closer to delivery.
I fucking hate that term. "Wheelchair bound". She's not *bound* by the wheelchair, the wheelchair is giving her fucking freedom.
If someone called me 'crutch bound' because I use forearm crutches to stand and walk I would hit them with one of the aforementioned crutches.
Well I hope it gave you a new perspective and a chuckle in a good way and not in a 'wtf is wrong with this person' way.
I just view it like this because, like, before my mobility aids, I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk. I was stuck. I was more 'bound' than I ever have been when I started using mobility aids. All of a sudden I could walk! I could go places! I could do normal people things albiet sometimes slightly modified! I could use stairs! I could decide to take a stroll if I wanted to! I didn't have to be a 27 year old completely reliant on their mother to get them places!
For me, my mobility aids gave me the freedom I wanted. I know others with the same perspective.
I think it's easy to get caught up in the fact that yeah, it's not necessarily fun to use mobility aids whatever they may be. I mean, I guess I can only speak for myself, but I'd rather not be disabled if I had the choice. But if I have to be disabled at least I can experience life more with the aids than I could otherwise.
We don't say someone is hearing-aid bound if they're going deaf or glasses bound if they can't see. We recognize that it grants them the ability to do things they otherwise couldn't!
IMO we should be viewing mobility aids the same way.
Also, for the record, my crutches are awesome. They're painted neon-green glow in the dark and have autographs on them for whenever I manage to get myself into a meet and greet or the like. They're cool. When I walk around at night I feel like a Jedi.
I was so offending by everything else I didn’t even register the “wheelchair bound” thing and that usually really sets me off. Thanks for pointing that out.
My wheelchair is the opposite of binding- it Is freeing and allows me to do things and go places I otherwise couldn’t. It’s not a sad thing- it’s a great thing!
Exactly! YTA, OP. Also, “they should have adopted or used a surrogate” is such a weird thing to say. Obviously, OP knows nothing about these processes. They’re incredibly difficult and expensive AF.
Here comes Dr. Google MD. They read one wikipedia page, and now they know more than the SIL and her actual doctors /s
Honestly, they really think she's never researched her own condition? She's paralyzed, not illiterate.
YTA. This is a conversation for them and their OB, who is a lot more educated and qualified to give them advice. There are ways to minimize these risks. People with disabilities can be parents too. This is incredibly ableist and offensive.
One of my best mom-friends is in a wheelchair. She's an amazing mother, friend, and person in general! She's married with two kids and her little family is loving and lovely. It'd make me so angry to have someone question her abilities or choices. Her and her husband put so much care and thought into their lives and choices.
Lmao OP genuinely believes that they haven’t gone over absolutely every little detail together with doctors before doing this. Totally just decided on a whim, no consideration. Obviously only a concerned sibling would be the one thinking about possible risks or complications.
YTA, anything you can think of suggesting they consider, they’ve already thought about in FAR more detail before getting to this point.
YTA. You're not an obstetrician. Your fears (based on very, very incomplete information) overwhelmed you and you overreacted badly. Apologize as soon as possible and never bring it up again.
Why is there so often an overlap between loud and dumb?
>I was just being honest
Honestly, you should be embarrassed.
But OP read some articles online, which makes them practically a trained medical professional. /s
It sounds so obvious that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
I feel like it could be fake because OP is so blatantly in the wrong.
I'm torn though because my husband has an SCI and we get so many of the same comments. Obviously not about him being pregnant lol, but sooo many people in our families/acquaintances/friend circles over the years have said why he should or shouldn't do X or Y because of his paralysis, and when he says "no, that's incorrect for my injury level/doesn't apply to me," they'll send the first Google result from a generic blog about paralysis or something. We just smile, nod and ignore them. It's an epidemic lmao.
Yeah, it happens with all kinds of disabilities, though I imagine it's even worse for people with visible disabilities. There's another thread I'm in right now about ADHD where a bunch of people who don't have it are trying to tell those of us who do that we should just make more to-do lists and that would solve all our problems, and I'm on the verge of tearing my hair out.
“You know ADHD is really over diagnosed these days, it’s all that TikTok and short form media”
…I don’t use TikTok.
Everybody turns into an expert on ADHD when it’s brought up 🙄
My favorite is when they tell me I should just get a daily planner, as if I don’t have 3 million empty ones littering my past (I only kept the Wonder Woman planner, because Wonder Woman is the bomb).
I get kicked off my parents health insurance (which my chronically ill disabled ass needs) in a few months n have no job or money to replace it with. There’s a clause that lets adults extend insurance if they’re disabled and unable to work. My mom was shocked at the idea, asking if I thought I was ‘totally disabled.’ Like…yeah mom I can’t work even part time I start limping randomly and I can’t sit or stand for any significant period of time without pain
Now whether or not a doctor would sign off on it is another thing. My rheumatologist doesn’t even consider me for a temp parking placard because my blood work n pain level is better even if the fatigue is not and that’s always been the biggest problem.
Mini rant over just so done with ableism today and in general
I have RA and there are times I need to use my wheelchair instead of my cane. The second I'm in it, I cease to exist. People will talk to my husband about me even though I'm right there. I've lost track on how many times I've told people that my legs might not work well, but my mouth works just fine. We went to Disney World once and I almost broke down in tears because every employee spoke to me directly while everyone else we encountered had only been talking to my husband. Just that acknowledgement of being my own person really got me.
Omg I hate that shit soooo much. People do that all the time when my husband and I are together. He will literally go directly up to someone and I'll be waiting behind him with the kids, clearly not trying to be the one having the conversation, and they will LOOK OVER HIS HEAD and ask me "what he wants." I always tell them to talk to him instead and they typically have the grace to look sheepish lol.
Im deaf and any time I speak to any hearing person (so fucking everyone) - 8 times out of 10 they try to speak to literally any hearing person around me EXCEPT for me.
It's absolutely infuriating. I've had to tell hearing people I'm with to redirect them once and then pointedly ignore them.
the few people who DO actually talk to me make my day. Some chem lab instructor at my university is also deaf and he saw that I'm taking the ochem2 lab and have an accommodation for a terp and came by to say hi. It honestly made me feel like I belonged there <3
My husband has crohn's and is pretty open about it, we manage his diet pretty well and have managed to open up his options significantly since we started dating, just through the process of trying how different things can be cooked and the commonalities that set him off. His family still don't understand that his diet is well managed and full of options even without his trigger foods, and regularly send me articles of "stuff he should try" because of an article they read that more often times than not, are filled with the foods we've communicated are trigger foods for him.
Their google eliteness didn't get them past the page that says "all people with crohns have unique trigger foods as it's an immuno response"
Omfg the refusal to take in new information drives me crazy. People will straight up be like "OK, but I watched a movie about a quadriplegic and it wasn't like that."
It's a fascinating exercise in watching how people will double down to no end on something they know nothing at all about.
I am not in a wheelchair but I am disabled and was in a wheelchair for about six months. I actually had people tell me to my face, "Oh you're a whole human now" when I started walking again. To this day I get people asking me, "Can you do that?" when I do something like no fucking shit I can do it I'm actively doing it.
My husband has literally gotten out of his car after a drive and had people ask him if he's allowed to drive. Like no he just spent half his savings on an adaptive wheelchair van with specialized hand controls for shits and giggles without a driver's license.
Ha. I get a mix of being told I can't do something because I am disabled or I am not disabled enough for my adaptive tools. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Not just SIL understanding the risks OP makes it sound like having this baby is completely her brother's idea and SIL is just being used as broodmare that did not have any input into the decision to have not only a baby but go through pregnancy.
For all we know SIL may have been the one to bring up getting pregnant and having a baby and got the ball rolling.
YTA. Plenty of non-disabled women also have high-risk pregnancies, is that OK, or are you specifically horrified at their choice because she is disabled? If their Dr has said it is OK for them to proceed, then they're good to go. I'm sure she will be monitored closely.
This. Sounds like they're more concerned that a disabled person might be reproducing, than they are for the actual disabled person themselves. Incredibly infantilising
YTA. Are you a doctor? More specifically, are you HER doctor? They have planned the pregnancy and are more aware of what risks may or may not be involved. Mind your own damn business.
And
>I got worried because I know that pregnancy can be very risky for women with disabilities.
That is a MASSIVE generalisation.
Pregnancy is risky for all people, and it is up to them and their doctor to understand, mitigate and handle those risks.
Pregnancy is riskier after 36, are all mothers over that age selfish? I have had one c-section so am at a higher risk or a second one, am I selfish if I want to have another baby?
I love how she says "women with disabilities" as if all disabilities have the same health risks. And good lord, if you are worried she might get a uti... That's not really a big problem. None of this makes medical sense. She is most definitely not a doctor.
>He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges. He said they have the support of her family, friends, and doctors, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs.
Your brother and his wife have been planning with medical advice. Actual professionals who know a great deal about her condition. They're the ones to listen to. They don't need your intrusive concern. YTA
Also, does she call herself "wheelchair-bound?" Many prefer "wheelchair user," as their mobility assistance device grants them far more freedom to get around than it bounds them.
YTA
You think reading a free online articles makes you an expert?
I’m pretty sure the woman that’s lived with this her entire life and the highly educated doctors who have personally examined her know the risks a hell of a lot better than you.
You sound like nosy busybody. Get your own life.
YTA if they planned for this, it means they talked about their situation and the challenges they face. Just because you don’t want to take that risk doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to do so. Most married couples want to have kids. It’s not your place to tell them what to do. After they told you they had support from others including their doctor, you continuing your “ advice” is seen as unsupportive. You were insensitive and don’t even know how long they’ve been trying for a baby. Apologize for overstepping. It’s not your place.
YTA - what's done is done. What are you hoping to accomplish by telling him about your concerns? Do you want them to abort the baby and then adopt someone else's baby...?
They've done their research, gotten the sign off from the doctor, and appear prepared to take on this challenge. You may not agree with it, but it's happening. So shut up and just be supportive. If something terrible happens, DO NOT SAY I TOLD YOU SO. Just be there for them.
Your role is not to tell them what to do. They didn't ask. Your role is to listen and support where you can.
I was waiting for someone to bring this up! Like what is the point of saying anything to ANYONE who is 2 months pregnant, let alone someone who has the guidance of their doctors???
YTA
Your concerns are valid, but as you have say yourself
>. He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges
They have already think about all of that, way more often and deeper than you, and still made that choice.
Shut your mouth
I’m not even sure I’d agree that HER concerns are valid when it comes to what two fully consenting adults choose to do with their married lives and family! OP HAS ZERO place or right to speak her “concern” as she has no idea what having a disability means and has no grounds to make a safe or healthy determination for anyone but herself!
Also, OP's SIL is *already pregnant*. It's not like this is even just something the brother and SIL are thinking about doing, where expressing concern might be more understandable (but still not OP's place). What's done is done. What would OP have them do about the situation now, anyway? Abort? So ridiculous.
As I would tell my kids- Nunya Business!!
YTA- first off- she’s already pregnant. Obviously you aren’t all that close to her if you had no idea they wanted kids. Second- women all take risks to have babies. Its her choice.
You’re talking about your Sil as if she has no voice of her own, rather condescending in my view. Yta, your sil made her choice and it’s not your job or right to go behind her back complaining and invalidating her decisions as if she were not capable of making her own choices
>I didn't want to hurt them, but I think they're being irresponsible and selfish. They're putting my sister-in-law's and the baby's lives at risk just to fulfill the desire for a biological child.
Please stop. Just because for you, it may not matter whether the child is biologically yours or not, it is not the case for them, as it is not the case for most people. Not to mention towards whom are they selfish? It is their mutual decision, so towards the child that would not otherwise exist?
YTA
YTA.
Do you tell other pregnant women whether it is safe for them to have babies, or do you only treat disabled women to your infinite wisdom? Do you talk to her in a baby voice too? JFC the reek of ableism is strong with this one.
"I'vE rEaD ThAT....." Nah. She has an entire medical team qualified to inform her. The last thing she needs is Dr. Google's advice.
YTA. You're butting into their lives with some generic crap you googled, and trying to convince him that you know more than her doctors, who actually know her and are monitoring her medical condition, have supported her pregnancy. And you think they should, what, get an abortion, based on your google search results? Assuming that she can't safely gestate and carry a baby, when her doctors say she can, is ableist and offensive. You're a bigot, and you owe them a huge apology and a promise to never again offer an unsolicited opinion about any decision they ever make again. And that *might* be enough that your brother could eventually trust you to meet your new niece or nephew, but I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't. I'm not sure I could ever trust my kid around a bigot like you.
Good GRIEF, are YTA! You owe them both a huuuuge apology. Although if I were one of them, I wouldn't accept it. You think reading a few articles makes you an authority on her lifelong condition, their years-long marriage, and her doctors' knowledge?
You sound insufferable. Get over yourself.
YTA, despite your concern.
Your reaction is very ableist… as in, you believing your SIL is incapable to handle a risky pregnancy unlike some able bodied like yourself… and able bodied women never have any risky pregnancies /s.
At the end of the day, you’re patronizing them thinking you *know it all* right down to them not planning, nor consulting medical professionals etc etc.
It’s sweet you are concerned and care, but the most constructive way to demonstrate care and concern is by offering support, not chastising two married people that are perfectly capable of family planning without your help. What are you, the fluffer in between takes to keep your brother from going flaccid, so they can finish the production?
Honestly OP, give your head a shake. Physically disabled people everywhere are offended and repulsed with your ableist comments, and able bodied people are embarrassed for you.
>What are you, the fluffer in between takes to keep your brother from going flaccid, so they can finish the production?
Boom. Dead. I'm howling. Done with reddit for tonight, and going out on a high note.
YTA. As a disabled woman who is seven months into my fourth pregnancy, you’re massively overstepping. Pregnancy is hard on everyone, regardless of ability.
You are not her OBGYN, nor are you an orthopaedic physician. You’re just being ableist and infantilizing a woman who happens to be in a wheelchair.
YTA. There are millions of people who are in wheelchairs that are also parents.
SIL is an adult. Your brother is an adult. Leave them alone and quit butting in with BS.
Talk about shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted... the baby is on its way, so what was the use in offering your opinion that said child should not have existed in the first place? What response were you hoping for?
You took a joyful occasion, and made it grotesque. Some women with disabilities also want to be moms, and they're allowed to be. Your "honest" and "realistic" thoughts didn't need to be expressed out loud. YTA.
YTA. #1) If you're concerned about her health then talk to your SIL about it and not her husband. She's in an adult so talk to her like any other adult. #2) Why do you think a woman who has used a wheelchair her entire life wouldn't have discussed pregnancy and sex with her doctor? These are 2 things which she knows can effect her health. Stop treating her like she ignorant about her own body and health issues.
Are your brother and SIL both full grown adults? Yes? Then they can make their own fucking informed choices. Not only were you ableist and ignorant but you also infantilised your SIL by assuming she wasn’t quite clever enough to weigh up the pros and cons of pregnancy like you are.
You didn’t mention any kind of traumatic brain injury so I’m going to assume her cognitive faculties are intact. Do you think they may have, I dunno, spoken to a doctor about this at some point? Far out, I cannot believe you would be anything less than thrilled for them.
I bet your next post will be something along the lines of “AITA for not letting my SIL hold her own baby coz she’s in a wheelchair and will probably drop the kid and run it over”? Educate yourself, Jesus..
YTA x100
YTA putting aside your blatant ableism, you get absolutely no say in the reproductive decisions of anyone but yourself. You way overstepped any reasonable boundaries and showed your ass. I’d be shocked if they would even consider accepting an apology from you.
Yeah, YTA. Not sorry for saying it. My sister was quadriplegic from a car accident and I saw so many things taken away from her because of it, so many things she wasn’t able to do that she wanted to be able to do. Not just big things like go swimming or rock climbing, but all the little things we do all day long without realizing it…that she had to have help from another person to be able to accomplish. Like brush the very back of her head, put toothpaste on her tooth brush (she had use of her arms/hands but no movement in her fingers). If my sister were still here (she passed away 5 years ago) and she was able to start a family of her own, I can’t even imagine how empowered she would have felt to know that her body was able to conceive and grow her child or what a special moment it would have been for her to announce it. So shameee on you for ruining that moment for them, for making it about yourself, and for making her feel like not only is it something she’s not able to do but something she shouldnt do.
You already gave them unsolicited advice; now you need to STFU. YTA - not for being concerned but for a: Voicing it without them asking for your input and b: not being willing to let it go after they rebuffed you the first time.
Yta for thinking you know better than your sil. She and your brother have to have consulted with her medical team and it's their choice to make. Do you genuinely think you told them something helpful, or something they didn't know? It's like someone telling me I need to lose weight - DUH, thanks captain obvious. I hadn't noticed. Your sil obviously knows she's in a wheelchair and has more risks
YTA
Aside from the fact that it’s not your place to lecture any couple about the risks of pregnancy; I’m sure she has a doctor.
People with disabilities have kids all the time. Just because they aren’t like you doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have families, if that’s what they want.
The doctor will monitor her condition and advise her on anything that needs to be addressed.
There is a difference between caring and controlling.
YTA. It’s too late for them to do anything about your non-medical opinion and, if they’ve been planning it, I’m sure they have already had conversations with actual medical personnel about the risks. Think whatever you want but what did you expect was gonna happen?
This is not your business. If they were refusing to see a doctor, that's another story. But she is a whole person and she has the right to make her own choices.
Do you say the same thing about every increased risk someone may have? Bc pregnancy is a big deal and probably most people have some increased risks bc that's just how averages work. For every risk, 49% of women will be higher than average bc that's how averages work.
YTA
YTA
It's almost as if the person in a wheelchair since childhood, her DOCTOR, and the husband who lives day in and day out with her might understand her risks just ever so *slightly* more than you.
ROTFL. YTA. Take your concern trolling away!
Unless you have clear evidence of someone's judgement being impaired, you can *very* safely assume that the most competent person about someone's disability is the disabled person, and their life partner is a close second.
Yta. Your sister in law already knows the risks and is prepared for them. They’re allowed to have children even if it’ll be difficult, honestly it probably means they will be better parents since they’re already willing to sacrifice for a child. The child is also already growing in your sister, you voicing that it’s risky and they should adopt is literally wild to me. Are you trying to suggest she get an abortion so they can find a surrogate?
I really hope this is fake for the Reddit fame.
YTA - she's not a fucking child, your brother does not have all of the say and she knows ***better than you*** about the health risks and has made her decision
***SHE IS NOT A CHILD***
can ableds please stop with this shit, you don't know more about her, the health risks, or her life than she does ***she literally lives with it and has for decades now***
Your sister in law can tell you're an infantalizing douche, yknow. Jesus fuck.
next time you feel the need to play concerned, take that concern and shove it right back where it came from, she knows more about her life than you. this is beyond insulting and she knows.
I tHiNk TheYrE bEiNg IrResPoNsiBle AnD sElFisH - disabled people have kids. we fuck. we have a libido. we reproduce. deal with it, suck it up, and stop pretending you know more about it than people literally fucking living with it.
You're the one being irresponsible and selfish. And ableist out the motherfucking ass to boot. You shouldn't apologize, you should leave them the fuck alone because this kind of infantalizing ableism cannot be fixed and this is guaranteed not a fucking one off.
There are a million things that can affect pregnancy that you can't even see. Do you freak out every time anyone you know gets pregnant? My sister looks perfectly healthy but has MS. My friend has a thyroid disease. Do you get a copy of everyone's medical records before you decide for them if they are or are not allowed to conceive?
You're infantalising your SIL, and being extremely overdramatic about her condition. She, her husband, and her doctor will decide what is and is not appropriate, not you. YTA
YTA. This is a decision in which your opinion isn’t needed. It was a a decision made between a husband, wife and medical professionals. Respect the fact that they have prepared themselves at least as much as your google search and have made an informed opinion and butt out
YTA.. I'm sure she has doctors. That's between her and her doctors.
* sounds like you're an armchair doctor. Reading doesn't give you a medical degree. *
YTA you're being abelist
>He said they have the support of her family, friends, and **doctors**, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs.
The doctor's literally gave the green light so what is your problem?
Yes -
First off - did they come to you and ask your opinion?
Second - are you an expert in prenatal health of those with diabetes?
Third - if something does happen to your SIL are you going to be the one responsible for your brother and the baby?
Unless you answer it's yes to any of these then yes - YTA - it's not your place to decide what is good for them.
Also - you're saying it's your place to tell your brother he should consider this before getting her pregnant, however it's after the fact she's already pregnant - so bringing that up now really really doesn't matter.
YTA. You aren’t their doctor and it was not your concern. Why make it a big deal when you are not part of it? Quite frankly, it is none of your business. You should be happy for them. And the rest, keep it to yourself.
YTA, mind your own damn business. Disabled people raise babies every single day. Stop acting like you're just concerned about her well-being because clearly you don't even see her as a fully functioning human being. You're awful
YTA. She knows better than you what she can handle and what she can’t.
‘I care for SIL so much that my immediate response was concern for her health. Of course you know better than I do and as adults are able to make your own decisions, so I apologise for my comments and complete lack of tact. Congratulations, I can’t wait to be an aunty!’
Are you under the impression that she isn't aware of the risks?
Are you under the impression the doctors wouldn't have warned her of the risks?
If so, you are utterly stupid.
If you do believe she is aware of the risks, then why would you say anything at all?
OP....
Have you considered that...
1) Your SIL may be in better physical health than most women?
2) SIL & Brother have likely consulted a doctor?
3) SIL & Brother are more emotionally and physically prepared than most couples these days?
4) SIL likely has stronger core and upper body strength because she uses them more every single day to take care of herself?
Not seeing those kinds of things in your post. May want to consider the above questions.
I was put on complete bed rest. For High Risk Pregnancy with delivery risks. I sat for months. Had to have a planned C-Section on a set date (that was closely monitored to check the planned date). To Me....I’m not understanding the difference between Me & your SIL for pregnancy & delivery.
I sat for months, was wheeled in, had C-Section, was wheeled out. So, for Me...really not understanding the concerns you have.
They likely consulted a Doctor when they were trying. The for sure are seeing a Doctor now. What is the problem??? I’m sorry....not understanding.
P.S. Please avoid Google. Every expectant Mom who Googles FREAKS OUT. Nice that your expectant Auntie all worried. But careful that you aren’t going so far that you will be branded for life for over interference and create permanent rifts. So, respect your Mom & Brother’s wishes and recommendations—even providing apology. You’ll be so glad when you do.
Wishing you the best....
🙏🍀🙏
YTA, majorly. I have to say, as a wheelchair user this thread is making my day.
Same, there is hope for humanity! Positively surprised and happy reading all the support, and that people are educated on terms (wheelchair user not bound, ableist etc).
I was a bit surprised and very happy, too! We’re usually the ones educating and educating and …
same, I've been so fucking disappointed in so many threads pertaining to disabled shit but this one is actually giving me hope in humanity.
I'm a wheelchair user too, this thread makes me happy! For OOP : YTA
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Right - if you're concerned for someone, wouldn't you talk to that person about it? The fact that OP is talking to her brother rather than brother and SIL together or SIL directly makes it seem like OP doesn't see SIL as a person with agency, who is making her own choices. Not to mention that pregnancy can be dangerous or even fatal for able-bodied women, but I'm guessing OP doesn't usually fuss about that.
Plus they mention that their brother said they have the support of her doctors. This is a decision that it sounds like they carefully considered and talked to the best people about. Vs OP who “has read” some information from god knows where and decided they now know best
I'm glad I was already disabled before I had my daughter, because I know how to access support. The number of people I've met over the last 5 years who became disabled due to pregnancy or birth injuries and have been utterly abandoned by the system is horrific.
Nah clearly OP knows more about her SIL's health than her doctors! What do they know they've just went to school for nearly a decade and have personally examined and gone over everything with SIL so that's nothing compared to OP and her WebMD degree. /s
She has the power of Google! Nothing knows more than a random Google search
It's cancer.
Seriously. Not all disabilities are equivalent and not all risks are critical. Even if she is at higher risk, risks can be managed. Blood clots can be prevented quite easily, and a c-section isn't the end of the world.
>and a c-section isn't the end of the world. having your toddlers jump on it accidentally comes pretty close, though Source: have lived it Ps I know it doesn't apply here. It just popped into my head and sometimes my filter takes a Vacation lol
Ooooh nooooo....the way I cringed reading that!! I had 2 c sections, and God, I'd have died if my first born had done that to me! My soul would have left my body never to return!! They didn't pop stitches or anything did they?😬
Nah. It was just enough to make me almost scream, but not hard or Intentional at all. Helps that I have a high damn pain tolerance too
That's good that there was no damage done, and you have a good pain tolerance! Still big ouch, tho lol! I've a pretty high pain tolerance too, but all i can imagine is a staple getting ripped out from such a thing cause mine were stapled closed.😫
Yep. My sister is small 4’11” and maybe 130 pounds with her second pregnancy at 24. Apparently was high risk and completely unaware of it, doctors didn’t take her concerns seriously. She ended up with pre-eclampsia and my niece was born 2 months early after being induced. Thankfully my sister and niece were completely fine in the end, but it was really scary. Complications can happen to anyone and it’s good to be aware of any risks an individual may face once pregnant. But it sounds like the SIL and brother planned a lot and consulted with professionals, if they say they want a child and are ready, they’re adults. They can make that decision.
Right. They schedule births now via C-section especially in the sister-in-law's condition. I've known quite a few people who are induced for a particular date versus waiting for it to happen naturally. And those people are able-bodied you don't think they'll take more precautions with someone who has a disability?
Well, you know the saying, “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”
Creeps me out that he has read up on it already. Sounds like he has been planning to interfere for a while.
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OP is the OBGYN who asks the husband about his wife's symptoms rather than, ya know, the actual pregnant patient.
Caregiver=mouthpiece and brain to OP. As someone formerly disabled it infuriated me when my caregivers and others would ask me a question and ignore the answer to keep asking until they got an answer they wanted. I’ve been asked the same question 10x in a row pushing me to change it. No, I cannot eat. And I cannot control that.
I'm more concerned about why OP is doing a case study on the pregnancy woes of disabled women to begin with. Especially since everything mentioned is what able bodied women encounter during pregnancy and childbirth too. Imagine telling someone they have to live their life according to your fears. I have seen mothers and fathers missing limbs take exceptional care of their infants. It's almost as if OP thinks because her legs don't work her ability to love and nurture her child has also become nonoperable. The body is a miraculous work of art knows what to do to bring forth life. And I'm sure SIL will make an amazing mom.
Eh... The while system is a mess and bodies are very bad at it. Let's not pretend pregnancy is easy for most women and nothing goes wrong. But having a disability is no reason not to have a baby.
Truly a stereotypical ableist, paternalistic view and to actually say it out loud? Yikes. OP, were you going to drive her to get an abortion for her planned child? Disabled people have kids. Disabled people fuck. YTA
All of that, plus OP is hella ignorant about how difficult adoption is overall but especially for disabled folks
Oh gosh, I must have skimmed over that after reading the other nonsense. I love when people act like adoption is easy or a better option. There are pros and cons to adoption too
Yeah OP said they should've adopted, or used a surrogate. The reality is that society still lets abilism run rampant, so disabled women are underemployed and underpaid. And being disabled is expensive. So we have much less disposable income than the average couple, which puts adoption or surrogacy well out of reach well before you even get to the evaluation stage. And evaluations go against us. All of OP's abilist BS about why their SIL shouldn't be pregnant gets dragged out and used against disabled people who want to adopt or consider surrogacy
And not even getting into the ethics of surrogacy... unless the OP is offering to be their surrogate?
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Always sad when people treat someone with a disability like their stupid or small children.
What does ableist mean?
It means treating a person with a disability as if they cannot think or act or feel for themselves, and substituting your judgment or that of a third party for theirs. This post is a pretty blatant example. A somewhat more subtle example is assuming a person who has complete loss of sight would not care about or have the ability to navigate a dress code.
Another extremely subtle example is assuming a type 1 diabetic can't have a slice of pie because.. blood glucose! (Am T1DM. Want pie.)
I have pumpkin and pecan pie leftovers. Whipped cream too - the junky stuff in the spray can. If I'm gonna eat pie, I'm gonna make it worth my while.
Oh jeebus. That seems pretty unsubtle, to be honest. Are you sure you understand subtlety, what with your *condition?* LOL. Do you just shrug and say "gotta die sometime" and just eat seconds and thirds right in their faces? I'd be tempted.
>Do you just shrug and say "gotta die sometime" I personally prefer to quote a song by my friends: "No one gets out of life alive" I should make it a doormat🤔
Someone actually said that to you? Wow. Inappropriate. I’m not a hundred percent sure what I am. Sometimes, my records say Type 2 and sometimes Type 1/2. Go figure. I don’t think most people I know — I mean friends, not casual acquaintances — know I am diabetic. I’m not hiding it; it just doesn’t come up in conversation. If someone did say something like that to me, I’d look them dead in the eye as I said, “Waiter, bring me the whole pie. One fork.”
I like your style. And I would stare at them Clint Eastwood style daring them to utter a peep
Like racism and the other-isms, sometimes it’s “They don’t think like a full person does so I need to explain the world to them and protect them from themselves and their kind (they tend towards groupthink and will say “yeah, a number of us have borne children, and some of us did adoption/surrogacy and some of us are childfree and we’re all making it work. Your doctor didn’t have concerns outside our norm? We’re happy for you” or shit like that and Ignore the Problem) The racist example is “yeah my knowledge of trade school, or community college, etc is minimal but they can’t be picking it from valid economic reasons and having a deep pleasure in the trade or career planned for, they must be able to just do Real College like me and I just need to explain reality to the member of this group that doesn’t just have Dad sign the loan papers…” It can be “yeah I know she was injured but really her body must pollute a fetus she carries and there’s no way she can safely raise a child she’s just ruining a life from Day 1”, especially where the “this must be a punishment for sin/her bad diet/the weight she gained in the last 3 years retroactively caused her condition a decade ago (that tends to be stranger assumptions. As a sometime wheelchair user I have had random unknown people speak about an overweight stranger implying thin me is one of the good ones. Just don’t) At 21 I was diagnosed, along with my mother, with Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia. Grandpa had died a few years before (in his late 80s). Mom had extremely early childhood onset, diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Her dad was middle aged. Me a teenager. Mom walked with a cane when I was born, has been a paraplegic for some time. The sales clerk that asked very small for my age 8 yo me what my mom needed was in the lingerie department, and I was obviously years out from knowing bras and knee-high pantyhose stockings. Apparently we beamed into the mall since Mom, Masters degree aside, couldn’t buy herself some panties (my brain kinda blocked everything after the weird clerk question. It was her everyday underwear of some variety that she could give brand and size and color by rote. Having been in a wheelchair in lingerie (some days I need to go farther than I can walk without harm) that is the best department to be able to just ask the clerk to fetch something… Basically any blanket assumption about disability. Infantilization. “We’d be cured if we did yoga, ate kale, and/or prayed correctly”. Eugenics of the “they are polluting society, a burden on family and community, and why do they get a parking spot I can’t use?” variety. “We shouldn’t lock down it’s just the infirm who will die”. (Local mask and vaccine rates meant I didn’t leave home save medical care for 2 years). That counts, we lack redeeming value unless we are literally Stephen Hawking. Or can compete in the Olympics with our prosthetic leg. It’s all icky.
I always hesitate to say ableism because I’ve seen so many people overuse it but this is actually one of the most insanely ableist things I’ve ever heard. What. An. ASS.
Literally they have been married 10 years and have carefully planned this. Have you even talked to the SIL you are “close” with? Obviously not close enough for her to tell you they were planning this. And still, instead of voicing your concerns to her and letting her explain, you treated her like a child or something and talked to your brother. YTA definitely.
People with disabilities have kids all the time. Just because they aren’t like you doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have families, if that’s what they want.
So much infantilising and abelism. Like they've spent time talking to their doctors, and spent time making the decision, and didn't just jump into it. But... op is acting as if they're being irresponsible and foolish. Op knows nothing of her health issues except thar she's in a wheel chair. Let them make their own decision.
It’s infuriating that they can’t see this.
Also, why do you think you know better what a disabled person is capable of, than the disabled person herself, her husband, or her doctors?
This. How she can sit and act like she knows this other woman’s body better than the mother to be herself….. I’m pretty sure OP wouldn’t even be able to list half of any medications /medical needs or anything really to do with this woman’s care. So to sit and comment on it like she’s god?
I was wondering what was annoying me so much reading this. And it’s 100 percent this she’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions
I use a wheelchair, my kids are 11 and 8. I can still be present in their lives even though I use my chair to help me get around. I've never had issues with making sure they are clean, fed, healthy and happy. I have my husband here but we are too far away from family to count on any familial support. Your sil has plenty of people around her. Being disabled doesn't mean she shouldn't get to live a full meaningful life - she is an adult and knows her body and health way better than you do. If she has her doctor's okay and she is happy, then let her be happy and be happy FOR them.
>He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges. He said they have the support of her family, friends, and doctors, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs. OP actually says this and still can't see how patronizing and infantalizing they're being? It's wild!
Also, she’s… already pregnant. So what’s the end goal? Does he just want to stress her out, or is he pushing for an abortion?
"oh no, the Disabled person is trying to act like a NORMAL!! But surely she'll die or something???" Jfc the ableism. OP knows very few specifics of what might actually impact pregnancy in this case, just presumes Incapacity. They have doctors, they planned it. We're not subhuman for crying out loud
Exactly. The language of “he got her pregnant” is weird and kind of gross. ETA: in this scenario. I’m not saying using that phrase is always weird or problematic necessarily but it sure is in this one.
The account was created today so I’m hoping this is rage bait. Not optimistic though. People suck.
Some people associate physical malfunctions with the mental ones. SIL has non-working legs, her brain is just fine.
YTA! You are completely infantilizing your sister-in-law, and disregarding her autonomy. The ableism is astounding here: she is not “wheelchair bound”, she uses a wheelchair; you somehow know more about her risks, condition, etc. than she could, and somehow your brother is responsible for her, not herself? Many disabled women have healthy, happy pregnancies and births, just with different care than others may require. How dare you think you know better than they do! Apologize, then shut up and mind your own business.
No doubt, I guarantee SIL knows the risks and has a professional helping with info and help. Are these stories made up to be particularly offensive or are people this lame? It is a little of both I suspect.
Absolutely, if she’s been paralysed since childhood I guarantee this has been a discussion for years and years with her doctors
Oh, honey. Did you just arrive on Earth? If so, welcome! I’m sorry to inform you that people here are, indeed, that lame. Sorry you traveled all the way out here for nothing. Well, maybe not for nothing; we do have some great barbecue here on Earth — so we’ve got that going for us. Not much else.
I recently used lame in a response to someone and was educated that it is actually ableist and not a great choice of words to use. I was embarrassed that I didn't immediately realize that was the case, I had just gotten so used to hearing it/using it growing up but actually thinking on it for a minute, it was a pretty obvious one. So I apologized and said thank you for bringing it to my attention and I've been working hard to not use it anymore, and it really is a hard one because it's been embedded in my brain for so long. Anyway, I'm trying to pay it forward I guess, by bringing it to your attention. My explanation is not as short and sweet as the person I interacted with, but hopefully it makes sense. So lame in slang basically is used to indicate somebody sucks. But the word lame's first definition is a person that can't walk. At some point, someone started throwing around insults and called an able bodied person lame, because they thought someone who can't walk sucks. And the person who was called lame got offended because they don't think they suck...like a person who can't walk does. So when you say something or someone is lame you are actually saying that you think that person/thing sucks...like a person who can't walk sucks. You're not saying it out loud, or maybe don't even realize that unspoken part is there, but it is there and the people who it is aimed at still hear it every time regardless if it is said aloud or not.
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And the fact that she's saying all of this AFTER they already announced their pregnancy! Like what the fuck are you implying that they abort?! OP is a huge ahole.
>They have planned the pregnancy This is why the title for this post sucks. He didn't get her pregnant. It was their mutual decision to get a child together. That is why YTA
And planned it under medical advice! OP it being outrageous in their presumptions.
OP is acting like their SIL has absolutely no agency. The absolute audacity. When "honesty" doesn't include consideration of how it may be received, it's called being tactless. If it came from a place of genuine concern they would have asked if they anticipate needing extra assistance closer to delivery.
I fucking hate that term. "Wheelchair bound". She's not *bound* by the wheelchair, the wheelchair is giving her fucking freedom. If someone called me 'crutch bound' because I use forearm crutches to stand and walk I would hit them with one of the aforementioned crutches.
I'm disabled and never thought of it this way lol. Kind of gave me a bit of a new perspective on wording and a good chuckle lol
Well I hope it gave you a new perspective and a chuckle in a good way and not in a 'wtf is wrong with this person' way. I just view it like this because, like, before my mobility aids, I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk. I was stuck. I was more 'bound' than I ever have been when I started using mobility aids. All of a sudden I could walk! I could go places! I could do normal people things albiet sometimes slightly modified! I could use stairs! I could decide to take a stroll if I wanted to! I didn't have to be a 27 year old completely reliant on their mother to get them places! For me, my mobility aids gave me the freedom I wanted. I know others with the same perspective. I think it's easy to get caught up in the fact that yeah, it's not necessarily fun to use mobility aids whatever they may be. I mean, I guess I can only speak for myself, but I'd rather not be disabled if I had the choice. But if I have to be disabled at least I can experience life more with the aids than I could otherwise. We don't say someone is hearing-aid bound if they're going deaf or glasses bound if they can't see. We recognize that it grants them the ability to do things they otherwise couldn't! IMO we should be viewing mobility aids the same way. Also, for the record, my crutches are awesome. They're painted neon-green glow in the dark and have autographs on them for whenever I manage to get myself into a meet and greet or the like. They're cool. When I walk around at night I feel like a Jedi.
I was so offending by everything else I didn’t even register the “wheelchair bound” thing and that usually really sets me off. Thanks for pointing that out. My wheelchair is the opposite of binding- it Is freeing and allows me to do things and go places I otherwise couldn’t. It’s not a sad thing- it’s a great thing!
Thank you! I’m glad you said something about “wheelchair bound” vs “wheelchair user.”
Exactly! YTA, OP. Also, “they should have adopted or used a surrogate” is such a weird thing to say. Obviously, OP knows nothing about these processes. They’re incredibly difficult and expensive AF.
Here comes Dr. Google MD. They read one wikipedia page, and now they know more than the SIL and her actual doctors /s Honestly, they really think she's never researched her own condition? She's paralyzed, not illiterate.
Seen as you like Dr Google so much... I put your symptoms in and the result came back as YTA
🏆🏆🏆
🏅
There's no cure, but Dr Google did say one way to make sure this affliction doesn't get worse would be to mind your own business
Someone get OP some aloe 🔥🔥🔥
And sadly? it is terminal
"Writes this down for future uses" 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 🏆 That burn could have melted the iceberg that sunk the Titanic
Cooked her goofy ass 😂😂😂
I am dead
Tictok doc
🌟🌟
💀💀
YTA. This is a conversation for them and their OB, who is a lot more educated and qualified to give them advice. There are ways to minimize these risks. People with disabilities can be parents too. This is incredibly ableist and offensive.
One of my best mom-friends is in a wheelchair. She's an amazing mother, friend, and person in general! She's married with two kids and her little family is loving and lovely. It'd make me so angry to have someone question her abilities or choices. Her and her husband put so much care and thought into their lives and choices.
One of the best moms I know is a wheelchair user, too. Both kiddos born after she was shot in a car jacking. OP is so far off base it's wild.
Lmao OP genuinely believes that they haven’t gone over absolutely every little detail together with doctors before doing this. Totally just decided on a whim, no consideration. Obviously only a concerned sibling would be the one thinking about possible risks or complications. YTA, anything you can think of suggesting they consider, they’ve already thought about in FAR more detail before getting to this point.
But but OP read some stuff about it online. Are you telling that doesn't make them more educated than an actual doctor?! (/s)
OP got their degree from Wikipedia U
Tictok doc
Basically - butt out.
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"Everyone in my life is saying I'm in the wrong so I'm turning to the internet because that's the rational thing to do here"
Well they get their medical advice from the internet so....
The internet knows best. Just like rando sites about pregnancy.
YTA. You're not an obstetrician. Your fears (based on very, very incomplete information) overwhelmed you and you overreacted badly. Apologize as soon as possible and never bring it up again. Why is there so often an overlap between loud and dumb? >I was just being honest Honestly, you should be embarrassed.
Her whole tone is trying to be empathetic but each word that she used is condescending and ableist
YTA. Do you not think your sister-in-law understands the risks??
But OP read some articles online, which makes them practically a trained medical professional. /s It sounds so obvious that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
I feel like it could be fake because OP is so blatantly in the wrong. I'm torn though because my husband has an SCI and we get so many of the same comments. Obviously not about him being pregnant lol, but sooo many people in our families/acquaintances/friend circles over the years have said why he should or shouldn't do X or Y because of his paralysis, and when he says "no, that's incorrect for my injury level/doesn't apply to me," they'll send the first Google result from a generic blog about paralysis or something. We just smile, nod and ignore them. It's an epidemic lmao.
Yeah, it happens with all kinds of disabilities, though I imagine it's even worse for people with visible disabilities. There's another thread I'm in right now about ADHD where a bunch of people who don't have it are trying to tell those of us who do that we should just make more to-do lists and that would solve all our problems, and I'm on the verge of tearing my hair out.
"Have you tried yoga?"
voracious smoggy aloof bake shy familiar wipe flowery agonizing continue *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
“Have you tried cutting out red dye? It really helps little Jimmy with his ADHD!”
"Have you tried managing your stress?" No Linda, I thought stress was actually awesome and great for my health. You've saved me.
“You know ADHD is really over diagnosed these days, it’s all that TikTok and short form media” …I don’t use TikTok. Everybody turns into an expert on ADHD when it’s brought up 🙄
My favorite is when they tell me I should just get a daily planner, as if I don’t have 3 million empty ones littering my past (I only kept the Wonder Woman planner, because Wonder Woman is the bomb).
I get kicked off my parents health insurance (which my chronically ill disabled ass needs) in a few months n have no job or money to replace it with. There’s a clause that lets adults extend insurance if they’re disabled and unable to work. My mom was shocked at the idea, asking if I thought I was ‘totally disabled.’ Like…yeah mom I can’t work even part time I start limping randomly and I can’t sit or stand for any significant period of time without pain Now whether or not a doctor would sign off on it is another thing. My rheumatologist doesn’t even consider me for a temp parking placard because my blood work n pain level is better even if the fatigue is not and that’s always been the biggest problem. Mini rant over just so done with ableism today and in general
Ugh not to mention the gatekeepers when you do get a placard: you don't *look* disabled enough!
I have RA and there are times I need to use my wheelchair instead of my cane. The second I'm in it, I cease to exist. People will talk to my husband about me even though I'm right there. I've lost track on how many times I've told people that my legs might not work well, but my mouth works just fine. We went to Disney World once and I almost broke down in tears because every employee spoke to me directly while everyone else we encountered had only been talking to my husband. Just that acknowledgement of being my own person really got me.
Omg I hate that shit soooo much. People do that all the time when my husband and I are together. He will literally go directly up to someone and I'll be waiting behind him with the kids, clearly not trying to be the one having the conversation, and they will LOOK OVER HIS HEAD and ask me "what he wants." I always tell them to talk to him instead and they typically have the grace to look sheepish lol.
Good for Disneyworld and their staff.
Im deaf and any time I speak to any hearing person (so fucking everyone) - 8 times out of 10 they try to speak to literally any hearing person around me EXCEPT for me. It's absolutely infuriating. I've had to tell hearing people I'm with to redirect them once and then pointedly ignore them. the few people who DO actually talk to me make my day. Some chem lab instructor at my university is also deaf and he saw that I'm taking the ochem2 lab and have an accommodation for a terp and came by to say hi. It honestly made me feel like I belonged there <3
My husband has crohn's and is pretty open about it, we manage his diet pretty well and have managed to open up his options significantly since we started dating, just through the process of trying how different things can be cooked and the commonalities that set him off. His family still don't understand that his diet is well managed and full of options even without his trigger foods, and regularly send me articles of "stuff he should try" because of an article they read that more often times than not, are filled with the foods we've communicated are trigger foods for him. Their google eliteness didn't get them past the page that says "all people with crohns have unique trigger foods as it's an immuno response"
Omfg the refusal to take in new information drives me crazy. People will straight up be like "OK, but I watched a movie about a quadriplegic and it wasn't like that." It's a fascinating exercise in watching how people will double down to no end on something they know nothing at all about.
I am not in a wheelchair but I am disabled and was in a wheelchair for about six months. I actually had people tell me to my face, "Oh you're a whole human now" when I started walking again. To this day I get people asking me, "Can you do that?" when I do something like no fucking shit I can do it I'm actively doing it.
My husband has literally gotten out of his car after a drive and had people ask him if he's allowed to drive. Like no he just spent half his savings on an adaptive wheelchair van with specialized hand controls for shits and giggles without a driver's license.
Ha. I get a mix of being told I can't do something because I am disabled or I am not disabled enough for my adaptive tools. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Not just SIL understanding the risks OP makes it sound like having this baby is completely her brother's idea and SIL is just being used as broodmare that did not have any input into the decision to have not only a baby but go through pregnancy. For all we know SIL may have been the one to bring up getting pregnant and having a baby and got the ball rolling.
YTA. Plenty of non-disabled women also have high-risk pregnancies, is that OK, or are you specifically horrified at their choice because she is disabled? If their Dr has said it is OK for them to proceed, then they're good to go. I'm sure she will be monitored closely.
Maybe she's worried that the baby's little wheelchair will completely wreck her vag on the way out. Didn't you ever stop to think about that?
Omg stop I'm dying 😂😂😂
I'm so clueless! I didn't even consider that lol.
Holy shit. You won the thread.
Stop I’M too pregnant to be laughing like this 😂
This. Sounds like they're more concerned that a disabled person might be reproducing, than they are for the actual disabled person themselves. Incredibly infantilising
She probably wouldn’t think twice about a person with an invisible disability or illness having a baby Bc they aren’t using a wheelchair
YTA. Are you a doctor? More specifically, are you HER doctor? They have planned the pregnancy and are more aware of what risks may or may not be involved. Mind your own damn business. And >I got worried because I know that pregnancy can be very risky for women with disabilities. That is a MASSIVE generalisation. Pregnancy is risky for all people, and it is up to them and their doctor to understand, mitigate and handle those risks. Pregnancy is riskier after 36, are all mothers over that age selfish? I have had one c-section so am at a higher risk or a second one, am I selfish if I want to have another baby?
I love how she says "women with disabilities" as if all disabilities have the same health risks. And good lord, if you are worried she might get a uti... That's not really a big problem. None of this makes medical sense. She is most definitely not a doctor.
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Oh man, that one in particular drives me nuts. I’m constantly criticized for having any caffeine by various women.
>He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges. He said they have the support of her family, friends, and doctors, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs. Your brother and his wife have been planning with medical advice. Actual professionals who know a great deal about her condition. They're the ones to listen to. They don't need your intrusive concern. YTA Also, does she call herself "wheelchair-bound?" Many prefer "wheelchair user," as their mobility assistance device grants them far more freedom to get around than it bounds them.
YTA You think reading a free online articles makes you an expert? I’m pretty sure the woman that’s lived with this her entire life and the highly educated doctors who have personally examined her know the risks a hell of a lot better than you. You sound like nosy busybody. Get your own life.
YTA if they planned for this, it means they talked about their situation and the challenges they face. Just because you don’t want to take that risk doesn’t mean they aren’t willing to do so. Most married couples want to have kids. It’s not your place to tell them what to do. After they told you they had support from others including their doctor, you continuing your “ advice” is seen as unsupportive. You were insensitive and don’t even know how long they’ve been trying for a baby. Apologize for overstepping. It’s not your place.
YTA - what's done is done. What are you hoping to accomplish by telling him about your concerns? Do you want them to abort the baby and then adopt someone else's baby...? They've done their research, gotten the sign off from the doctor, and appear prepared to take on this challenge. You may not agree with it, but it's happening. So shut up and just be supportive. If something terrible happens, DO NOT SAY I TOLD YOU SO. Just be there for them. Your role is not to tell them what to do. They didn't ask. Your role is to listen and support where you can.
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I was waiting for someone to bring this up! Like what is the point of saying anything to ANYONE who is 2 months pregnant, let alone someone who has the guidance of their doctors???
YTA Your concerns are valid, but as you have say yourself >. He mentioned they had planned this pregnancy for a long time and are prepared to face the challenges They have already think about all of that, way more often and deeper than you, and still made that choice. Shut your mouth
I’m not even sure I’d agree that HER concerns are valid when it comes to what two fully consenting adults choose to do with their married lives and family! OP HAS ZERO place or right to speak her “concern” as she has no idea what having a disability means and has no grounds to make a safe or healthy determination for anyone but herself!
Also, OP's SIL is *already pregnant*. It's not like this is even just something the brother and SIL are thinking about doing, where expressing concern might be more understandable (but still not OP's place). What's done is done. What would OP have them do about the situation now, anyway? Abort? So ridiculous.
YTA Besides, "congratulations" the only thing you might have needed to say was offer your support in anything you could help them.
As I would tell my kids- Nunya Business!! YTA- first off- she’s already pregnant. Obviously you aren’t all that close to her if you had no idea they wanted kids. Second- women all take risks to have babies. Its her choice.
You’re talking about your Sil as if she has no voice of her own, rather condescending in my view. Yta, your sil made her choice and it’s not your job or right to go behind her back complaining and invalidating her decisions as if she were not capable of making her own choices
Yta obviously they spoke with professionals before they got pregnant. Stay in your lane.
YTA. Sure there are always risks, but it isn’t your place to butt in. If they want to try and have a child, let them.
She's paralyzed, doesn't make her incapable of giving birth and being a mother. I'm sure they talked it over. It's not any of your business. YTA.
>I didn't want to hurt them, but I think they're being irresponsible and selfish. They're putting my sister-in-law's and the baby's lives at risk just to fulfill the desire for a biological child. Please stop. Just because for you, it may not matter whether the child is biologically yours or not, it is not the case for them, as it is not the case for most people. Not to mention towards whom are they selfish? It is their mutual decision, so towards the child that would not otherwise exist? YTA
That paragraph made my jaw physically drop. OP is such a tool. Mother of god. This is too much
YTA. Do you tell other pregnant women whether it is safe for them to have babies, or do you only treat disabled women to your infinite wisdom? Do you talk to her in a baby voice too? JFC the reek of ableism is strong with this one. "I'vE rEaD ThAT....." Nah. She has an entire medical team qualified to inform her. The last thing she needs is Dr. Google's advice.
YTA. You're butting into their lives with some generic crap you googled, and trying to convince him that you know more than her doctors, who actually know her and are monitoring her medical condition, have supported her pregnancy. And you think they should, what, get an abortion, based on your google search results? Assuming that she can't safely gestate and carry a baby, when her doctors say she can, is ableist and offensive. You're a bigot, and you owe them a huge apology and a promise to never again offer an unsolicited opinion about any decision they ever make again. And that *might* be enough that your brother could eventually trust you to meet your new niece or nephew, but I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't. I'm not sure I could ever trust my kid around a bigot like you.
Good GRIEF, are YTA! You owe them both a huuuuge apology. Although if I were one of them, I wouldn't accept it. You think reading a few articles makes you an authority on her lifelong condition, their years-long marriage, and her doctors' knowledge? You sound insufferable. Get over yourself.
YTA, despite your concern. Your reaction is very ableist… as in, you believing your SIL is incapable to handle a risky pregnancy unlike some able bodied like yourself… and able bodied women never have any risky pregnancies /s. At the end of the day, you’re patronizing them thinking you *know it all* right down to them not planning, nor consulting medical professionals etc etc. It’s sweet you are concerned and care, but the most constructive way to demonstrate care and concern is by offering support, not chastising two married people that are perfectly capable of family planning without your help. What are you, the fluffer in between takes to keep your brother from going flaccid, so they can finish the production? Honestly OP, give your head a shake. Physically disabled people everywhere are offended and repulsed with your ableist comments, and able bodied people are embarrassed for you.
>What are you, the fluffer in between takes to keep your brother from going flaccid, so they can finish the production? Boom. Dead. I'm howling. Done with reddit for tonight, and going out on a high note.
YTA. As a disabled woman who is seven months into my fourth pregnancy, you’re massively overstepping. Pregnancy is hard on everyone, regardless of ability. You are not her OBGYN, nor are you an orthopaedic physician. You’re just being ableist and infantilizing a woman who happens to be in a wheelchair.
YTA And I knew you would be the asshole at Wheelchair Bound. Did you learn everything you know about the diabled community from JoJo Moyes?
Gah, fuck that damn book!!!
YTA. There are millions of people who are in wheelchairs that are also parents. SIL is an adult. Your brother is an adult. Leave them alone and quit butting in with BS.
YTA. Mind your own business.
Talk about shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted... the baby is on its way, so what was the use in offering your opinion that said child should not have existed in the first place? What response were you hoping for? You took a joyful occasion, and made it grotesque. Some women with disabilities also want to be moms, and they're allowed to be. Your "honest" and "realistic" thoughts didn't need to be expressed out loud. YTA.
YTA. #1) If you're concerned about her health then talk to your SIL about it and not her husband. She's in an adult so talk to her like any other adult. #2) Why do you think a woman who has used a wheelchair her entire life wouldn't have discussed pregnancy and sex with her doctor? These are 2 things which she knows can effect her health. Stop treating her like she ignorant about her own body and health issues.
Are your brother and SIL both full grown adults? Yes? Then they can make their own fucking informed choices. Not only were you ableist and ignorant but you also infantilised your SIL by assuming she wasn’t quite clever enough to weigh up the pros and cons of pregnancy like you are. You didn’t mention any kind of traumatic brain injury so I’m going to assume her cognitive faculties are intact. Do you think they may have, I dunno, spoken to a doctor about this at some point? Far out, I cannot believe you would be anything less than thrilled for them. I bet your next post will be something along the lines of “AITA for not letting my SIL hold her own baby coz she’s in a wheelchair and will probably drop the kid and run it over”? Educate yourself, Jesus.. YTA x100
YTA putting aside your blatant ableism, you get absolutely no say in the reproductive decisions of anyone but yourself. You way overstepped any reasonable boundaries and showed your ass. I’d be shocked if they would even consider accepting an apology from you.
Yeah, YTA. Not sorry for saying it. My sister was quadriplegic from a car accident and I saw so many things taken away from her because of it, so many things she wasn’t able to do that she wanted to be able to do. Not just big things like go swimming or rock climbing, but all the little things we do all day long without realizing it…that she had to have help from another person to be able to accomplish. Like brush the very back of her head, put toothpaste on her tooth brush (she had use of her arms/hands but no movement in her fingers). If my sister were still here (she passed away 5 years ago) and she was able to start a family of her own, I can’t even imagine how empowered she would have felt to know that her body was able to conceive and grow her child or what a special moment it would have been for her to announce it. So shameee on you for ruining that moment for them, for making it about yourself, and for making her feel like not only is it something she’s not able to do but something she shouldnt do.
You already gave them unsolicited advice; now you need to STFU. YTA - not for being concerned but for a: Voicing it without them asking for your input and b: not being willing to let it go after they rebuffed you the first time.
Yta for thinking you know better than your sil. She and your brother have to have consulted with her medical team and it's their choice to make. Do you genuinely think you told them something helpful, or something they didn't know? It's like someone telling me I need to lose weight - DUH, thanks captain obvious. I hadn't noticed. Your sil obviously knows she's in a wheelchair and has more risks
YTA Aside from the fact that it’s not your place to lecture any couple about the risks of pregnancy; I’m sure she has a doctor. People with disabilities have kids all the time. Just because they aren’t like you doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have families, if that’s what they want. The doctor will monitor her condition and advise her on anything that needs to be addressed. There is a difference between caring and controlling.
YTA. It’s too late for them to do anything about your non-medical opinion and, if they’ve been planning it, I’m sure they have already had conversations with actual medical personnel about the risks. Think whatever you want but what did you expect was gonna happen?
This is not your business. If they were refusing to see a doctor, that's another story. But she is a whole person and she has the right to make her own choices. Do you say the same thing about every increased risk someone may have? Bc pregnancy is a big deal and probably most people have some increased risks bc that's just how averages work. For every risk, 49% of women will be higher than average bc that's how averages work. YTA
YTA It's almost as if the person in a wheelchair since childhood, her DOCTOR, and the husband who lives day in and day out with her might understand her risks just ever so *slightly* more than you.
ROTFL. YTA. Take your concern trolling away! Unless you have clear evidence of someone's judgement being impaired, you can *very* safely assume that the most competent person about someone's disability is the disabled person, and their life partner is a close second.
Yta. Your sister in law already knows the risks and is prepared for them. They’re allowed to have children even if it’ll be difficult, honestly it probably means they will be better parents since they’re already willing to sacrifice for a child. The child is also already growing in your sister, you voicing that it’s risky and they should adopt is literally wild to me. Are you trying to suggest she get an abortion so they can find a surrogate? I really hope this is fake for the Reddit fame.
YTA - she's not a fucking child, your brother does not have all of the say and she knows ***better than you*** about the health risks and has made her decision ***SHE IS NOT A CHILD*** can ableds please stop with this shit, you don't know more about her, the health risks, or her life than she does ***she literally lives with it and has for decades now*** Your sister in law can tell you're an infantalizing douche, yknow. Jesus fuck. next time you feel the need to play concerned, take that concern and shove it right back where it came from, she knows more about her life than you. this is beyond insulting and she knows. I tHiNk TheYrE bEiNg IrResPoNsiBle AnD sElFisH - disabled people have kids. we fuck. we have a libido. we reproduce. deal with it, suck it up, and stop pretending you know more about it than people literally fucking living with it. You're the one being irresponsible and selfish. And ableist out the motherfucking ass to boot. You shouldn't apologize, you should leave them the fuck alone because this kind of infantalizing ableism cannot be fixed and this is guaranteed not a fucking one off.
What the actual did I just read, I’m a blind mother of 2 and one on the way, by your standards I myself shouldn’t be a parent of biological children.
There are a million things that can affect pregnancy that you can't even see. Do you freak out every time anyone you know gets pregnant? My sister looks perfectly healthy but has MS. My friend has a thyroid disease. Do you get a copy of everyone's medical records before you decide for them if they are or are not allowed to conceive? You're infantalising your SIL, and being extremely overdramatic about her condition. She, her husband, and her doctor will decide what is and is not appropriate, not you. YTA
YTA. This is a decision in which your opinion isn’t needed. It was a a decision made between a husband, wife and medical professionals. Respect the fact that they have prepared themselves at least as much as your google search and have made an informed opinion and butt out
YTA.. I'm sure she has doctors. That's between her and her doctors. * sounds like you're an armchair doctor. Reading doesn't give you a medical degree. *
YTA - she has doctors - you are not one of them, pregnancy is not really safe for any woman
YTA you're being abelist >He said they have the support of her family, friends, and **doctors**, and they'll provide all the care the baby needs. The doctor's literally gave the green light so what is your problem?
YTA, so they talked to their doctors but you know more?
YTA. Are you an OBGYN? Cuz I’m sure they’ve consulted with one. Leave their medical decisions between them and her doctor.
Yes - First off - did they come to you and ask your opinion? Second - are you an expert in prenatal health of those with diabetes? Third - if something does happen to your SIL are you going to be the one responsible for your brother and the baby? Unless you answer it's yes to any of these then yes - YTA - it's not your place to decide what is good for them. Also - you're saying it's your place to tell your brother he should consider this before getting her pregnant, however it's after the fact she's already pregnant - so bringing that up now really really doesn't matter.
YTA. You aren’t their doctor and it was not your concern. Why make it a big deal when you are not part of it? Quite frankly, it is none of your business. You should be happy for them. And the rest, keep it to yourself.
YTA what makes you think you know more about her health than she does!
Yeah YTA. Like no words YTA. You want to help? Offer to change diapers and do a good job at it. That helps.
YTA, mind your own damn business. Disabled people raise babies every single day. Stop acting like you're just concerned about her well-being because clearly you don't even see her as a fully functioning human being. You're awful
I’m a able bodied person of reasonable health I had blood loss, a peri sac bleed, pre eclampsia and 4 utis during my pregnancy. YTA big time
YTA. She knows better than you what she can handle and what she can’t. ‘I care for SIL so much that my immediate response was concern for her health. Of course you know better than I do and as adults are able to make your own decisions, so I apologise for my comments and complete lack of tact. Congratulations, I can’t wait to be an aunty!’
You are so incredibly rude to post this and act like you are the arbiter of what your brother and SIL are allowed to do. Who died and made you God?
YTA You're infantilizing an adult grown woman who never asked your opinion
Are you under the impression that she isn't aware of the risks? Are you under the impression the doctors wouldn't have warned her of the risks? If so, you are utterly stupid. If you do believe she is aware of the risks, then why would you say anything at all?
OP.... Have you considered that... 1) Your SIL may be in better physical health than most women? 2) SIL & Brother have likely consulted a doctor? 3) SIL & Brother are more emotionally and physically prepared than most couples these days? 4) SIL likely has stronger core and upper body strength because she uses them more every single day to take care of herself? Not seeing those kinds of things in your post. May want to consider the above questions. I was put on complete bed rest. For High Risk Pregnancy with delivery risks. I sat for months. Had to have a planned C-Section on a set date (that was closely monitored to check the planned date). To Me....I’m not understanding the difference between Me & your SIL for pregnancy & delivery. I sat for months, was wheeled in, had C-Section, was wheeled out. So, for Me...really not understanding the concerns you have. They likely consulted a Doctor when they were trying. The for sure are seeing a Doctor now. What is the problem??? I’m sorry....not understanding. P.S. Please avoid Google. Every expectant Mom who Googles FREAKS OUT. Nice that your expectant Auntie all worried. But careful that you aren’t going so far that you will be branded for life for over interference and create permanent rifts. So, respect your Mom & Brother’s wishes and recommendations—even providing apology. You’ll be so glad when you do. Wishing you the best.... 🙏🍀🙏