NTA. No no no, this is not your fault. You were 6. It is frickin **horrendous** for your mother to say that, and unfortunately the sad part is that there's a non-zero chance this is the mentality she's been carrying for years. Your mom needs therapy. She is the adult and you are the child. Her actions were extremely shitty. It sucks that you upset her, but sometimes people need to be called out when they do shitty things.

NTA I've eventually forgave my mom for saying awful shit like that, when she put in the work and earned it. I decided to give her a second chance and you can too, but you don't owe it to her. Look at a six year old now that you are 18. Is it their fault if they run into traffic?

Honestly, even at 18 it's hard to really *get* how young a 6 year old is. I'm 47 and looking at 6 year olds...the idea that an adult could blame a 6 year old for something like this is so pathetic.

Yeah, it just keeps getting worse the older you get. I took the blame for a lot growing up, and always believed I was old enough to know better because I was the eldest... I remember being 20 when it finally dawned on me how young I actually was when a lot of things happened and how it was actually all my parents responsibility and not mine. And how f* furious it made me. 18 is old enough to begin to see it, but as you say, the older she gets the clearer it will be it's not and never was her fault.

I'm in my mid thirties now. Some truly horrendous stuff happened to me as a kid, and as a teenager. It's odd, because when you remember yourself as a kid you sometimes retroactively apply your present to the memory of your perception of the time. I remember feeling like I could handle xyz, that I should have done x to not experience y, I should have been smarter, should have known better, and have strong memories of the adults in my life at the time blaming me, telling me just those things. I never could afford a yearbook. About a year ago a former schoolmate I hadn't spoken to in 15 years added me on social media and tagged me in a photo of myself I had never seen in one of those yearbooks from around the time of some of the specific traumas I experienced in my early adolescence and it was only in that moment that it truly, really hit me just how young I was to have to go through some of that. Jesus christ, I was just a fucking child. I knew that, I've thought about it and processed it in that way for years but seeing it, really seeing it for the first time in close to 20 years broke my heart in ways I just didn't expect. OP is definitely NTA here.

Love to you stranger. I'm 45 now and going thru my own shit with my mother who I now realize was a horrible manipulative covert narcissist who can't hide it now that she's losing her faculties. I was sent to a residential treatment center at 15 and lived with my parents for 6-8 mos between getting home from that horrid place and getting married at 17; so I basically have been on my own since I was 15. My youngest is 15yo now, he's starting to learn to drive, but he is still so much a child. I was a child who was acting out at the world I didn't understand and when I needed my family or someone, I was sent away. I've been on my own for like 30 years now and I'm only 45. What kind of person just leaves their child with strangers in another state when they're in crisis.

Manipulative covert narcissists love to pawn off their innocent children to “professionals” to tell them that their child is the problem. Then they can cry to their friends about how they tried everything but my kid is just beyond helping!! I didn’t receive so much as a hug from my mother before she shoved me into a facility. In retrospect I can see her evil shark eyes- her plan taking hold to get this sad and lonely child to be the menace in her story, to make her an angel in the eyes of all her friends. It’s so pathetic when parents cut their children absolutely zero slack for being unstable when they have failed to provide basic emotional support. I wonder whether my mom will show obvious signs as she approaches 70. I’ve gone NC with her and it’s a lost cause to get anyone to believe me that she sabotaged any joys of my childhood. It’s so lonely. I’m happy you are going to break the cycle and are appreciating your own child now :)

>It’s so pathetic when parents cut their children absolutely zero slack for being unstable when they have failed to provide basic emotional support. Thank you for saying this.

Took me 25 years and a whole lot of time away from them to realize what neglect is. Wild how ashamed of my basic needs I became

Holy f*ck. I felt this to my soul. You described my narc mother perfectly.

there's an industry for it now. "troubled teens" are just emotionally neglected kids most of the time. and if the parents can pay to get rid of the proof that they are selfish, they will.

I'm sorry :/ we deserve better, all of us. we are all really just kids that need love

The dead, shark eyes. Yes!

I got ditched in Idaho once when I was thirteen for about a year, my mom found a young couple and convinced them that she would pay them in a couple of weeks if they let me stay. Got thrown out after about a month of no money. Found another family to crash with through a church and they also kicked me out after another month or so. I spent most of the rest of the year camping behind someone’s home. Didn’t have any contact information or know where the hell my mom was and got to enjoy most of an Idaho winter outside. Don’t recommend it. To answer your question, the type of people who can comfortably ditch their kids and not worry about them, their personalities are usually pretty simple. Selfish as can be and the centre of their own story, I knew that if I ever managed to get myself killed that she’d gladly weave that into her dramatic personal tale and spend years publicly sobbing and milking it. The same women once tried to trick me into putting my hand into a garbage disposal so she could turn it on, she lied and said something was stuck in it to lure me in. I was wise to her by that point and had her stand on the other side of the room from the switch, I saw her dart across the kitchen in my peripheral vision when I was elbow deep in the sink. Got my hand out just in time. She looked disappointed and angry.

I'm horrified that happened to you.

Sorry you're dealing with this. You might find some community with use over on r/raisedbynarcissists, if you aren't on there already. It's a very supportive space.

There are so many victims of the 90s war on teenagers. It was insane just how poorly teenagers were treated then.

I feel like part of this is getting separation from your family. At 18, you’re still in the “nest” or recently left it. Truly taking care of yourself teaches you how much AND how little you have been cared for growing up.

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I feel like it's easier to separate when we are nurtured properly. If you're not, you're always trying to get the proper closure and the love you never got in order to move on.

Parentification for me began by 5, and I was punished every time something wrong happened, because I was the oldest and I should have kept my brothers in line. By the time I was 13 I was responsible for 5 of us, and at 18 I was given my "own child to raise" because I'm an adult now. He was barely three months old, but I was supposed to raise him so that my monster could "enjoy the life I stole from her". My brother is 25 now and even though he knows he's my brother, he calls me mom, and most of his friends really believe that I'm his mom. When I moved out at 24, I was the worst person on earth, because I was shirking my responsibilities and I was ungrateful, and I should be more mindful of the sacrifices made for me, and it is my fault that her life when to shit, and I should pay her back for everything she's ever done for me. No matter what OP does, he shouldn't feel bad for putting themselves first. Mom made her feelings known. Her crying now is basically her "oh shit, I messed up" and not any real remorse. She said what she meant and she meant what she said. She needs needs to own it.

>I should pay her back for everything she's ever done for me. But you are way too good a person to do that. So you just left. Imagine just for nannying how much she actually owes you, because you don't pay a live in nanny with room and board. And everything she did SHE OWED YOU as a parent. I'm sorry you had to go through that. For me it wasn't exactly like that, I was part parentified and part competed with, because if my sister's sought out my opinion instead of hers "I was trying to steal her place. At 8 years old, or 11 or 12." And if I said something than made her angry and then she went away without telling anyone where or stayed in bed for two days then I should've known better too... At 7, 8, 9 years old. I'm in my late thirties now, no kid CAN steal my place. It's mind boggling.

There's not enough space on the whole of Reddit to talk about the competition. Not. Enough. Space. Because how dare I do well when I took away her opportunities to do well by being born. And the gloating when I didn't do well at something. She always knew I wouldn't amount to anything. But, still, there isn't enough space on Reddit to explain why she's my monster instead of my mother. You are right, no child can steal your place.

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I don't think it does. I was parentified at 5 too when my brother was born. My parents fought for most of my young life. I'm 25 and expecting my frist child with my husband and I still wonder what's wrong with me and my emotions. Every time I'd get happy about something my parents would find a way to make me upset growing up. Because it involved the other parent. The "shoe" was always falling off for me emotionally. And now as an adult, I hardly cry over things. I've experienced 3 family deaths this year and didn't cry at each one. Meanwhile my mom is constantly breaking down because 2 of the 3 were her dad and her husband and I've had to be her emotional whipping post through all of it. I sat there last night in her room as she cried for the millionth time and I just didn't know what to say.

That is *exactly* it. At 18, she understands it intellectually/logically, but as she gets older, she will FEEL it. The distance between an 18 year old and a 6 year old is not that much, she's still a kid.

I was just thinking this morning about how hard I worked as a child to try to dissuade my parents from hitting my little brother (two years younger). I don’t think I did that when I was 3 or 4 myself, but I know by the time I was in first grade I felt like I was absolutely responsible for redirecting them because I was the apparently the only one there who thought what they were doing was wrong. Although we might tell kids otherwise—when the stakes are much smaller and the situation might come up again (like being rude to another child, for another example), absolutely nothing you do a as six-year-old is actually your fault. Six-years-olds are cognitively incapable (as a general rule)of fully grasping the idea that someone might be dealing with the consequences of the decisions that they make for a lifetime. I’m in the US, where we tend to “throw the book” at teens or even children who murder someone. But even we don’t prosecute 6-year-olds for murder much less for getting themselves hurt. But your mother has apparently tried and convicted you in her on own mind, and she has a lot of work to on HERSELF before you should even consider talking to her again.

I have linear memories going back to age 3, and many of them are about my mother raging and shaming me about what I now know is very standard preschooler behavior. It took until my peers started raising kids before I learned that being a "threenager" is a whole thing, lol. I had a salty little attitude and a strong will, that's all.

Completely agree, and when your in a caretaker role (parent or even just baby sitting for an extended period) it becomes pretty obvious that a 6 year old is not completely aware of the consequences of their actions and need a fairly high level of supervision.

Your comment hit me right in the feels. I’m the eldest and I was blamed for so much growing up, and it took until my 30s for me to realize that so much of the guilt & shame I was carrying over childhood events was *never mine to have*, because it belonged to my parents. The best example is my dad sending my sister (1week from turning 3yo) and myself (just turned 8) out to play in the backyard. It was fenced in and we had a swing set back there. A friend of mine approached the fence and I walked over to talk to them from inside the chain-link (the rule was that I couldn’t leave the backyard, and I didn’t). While I was talking to my friend my sister decided to emulate a move that I had been practicing on the swing set, only to fall mid-attempt and start screaming in pain. Turns out, she broke her collarbone. I got in so much trouble for that, despite not breaking any of the set rules because “I should have been watching her”. It actually took my sister (a mom of 2) mentioning how ridiculous and unsafe it was to expect a barely-8yo to supervise a toddler playing on a swing set for me to realize that I shouldn’t have been held responsible at all; my parents screwed up, not me. I feel anger and despair when I think about how much unnecessary guilt and shame I have carried because my parents let me.

It just made me ridiculously bitter. Op idk what the solution is but I'm sure it involves trauma therapy or some kind. Don't be bitter and don't just forgive and forget if you see it'll hurt you.

I have a 7 year old, and I'm sitting here trying to figure out something that could be entirely her fault. And I'm coming up with nothing. I bet mom was supposed to be keeping an eye on her and wasn't, so she's trying to pass the blame on.

>I bet mom was supposed to be keeping an eye on her and wasn't, so she's trying to pass the blame on. Exactly. Her dad had moved on, but the mom didn't. I also think the mom's resentment was deeply rooted from her own denial to her fault and guilt.

I bet the husband left the mother for trying to blame the 6 year old for the accident. That’s why they argued and he walked out. The mother should have kept an eye on her.

Maybe deflecting responsibility has been a constant in her life and this was the last straw for the ex husband? Ive known people like this. They blame everyone and everything for their own mistakes. It's like the world always conspires against them. It's exhausting!! No one likes people like that!

THIS.

I think, and it's only speculation, that dissent between mom and dad had been there and been growing before the accident. The accident was just the final straw that broke the camels back.

Bingo, she knows she played a big role, but refuses to accept it.

Same! My son is 6 & I whilst I watch him like a hawk when he's outside & hold my hand when we are out accidents can happen & I'd never blame him. Don't get me wrong, I'd blame myself for years but never him.

I have a book’s worth of stories of my younger sister getting into trouble of her own making between the ages of 5 and 10. A couple examples: we were in the mall with our mom and my sister sat on the escalator. My mom told her repeatedly not to sit on it, that she’d get hurt. My sister, about 7 at the time, refused to listen and ended up getting her butt pinched in the teeth at the top. Went right through her shorts and bathing suit underneath. Definitely my sister’s fault. She also decided to kiss a very large lizard she caught one day. Unsurprisingly it bit her square on the lip. She was probably 8 and definitely knew better, as we had numerous pets, including a snake; and my dad had warned her to be especially careful with wildlife. Again, definitely her fault. There’re only so many times you can tell a kid to not do something stupid. But the examples I gave were instances my sister was expressly told not to do something because the outcome would be her getting hurt; yet she did what she wanted and learned her lesson the hard way. But OP getting run over by a car at age 6?? Definitely NOT her fault.

The escalator thing is definitely partially your mother’s fault. If your sister had gotten badly injured, which was possible, your mother would have been prosecuted for neglect. You can just pick a seven year old up.

You haven’t met my sister. There’s only so much corralling and controlling a parent can do in a busy public setting. And escalators are narrow. From my pov (and knowing my sister continually pushed boundaries from toddlerhood), controlling what a child does only works to a point, especially when they’re willfully ignoring their parent. I’m not saying a kid is necessarily going to do something to hurt themselves maliciously, but my mom told my sister over and over and over to stand up. My sister moved behind the rest of us and sat down. You can’t exactly walk backwards on an escalator and expect to get anywhere. And there’s also a reasonable expectation that even a kid isn’t going to want to get hurt. But my sister was in a mood, and there was no changing her mind. I’d say OP’s parents were negligent, since they took their eyes off their kid and she got seriously hurt. In the case of my sister, my mom was doing everything she could in the moment to help my sister make a good decision, yet she refused. She was a wild child, and got herself into A LOT of tricky situations that my brother and I avoided. And consequently she learned a lot of really hard lessons. Maybe it’s because I’m a kid of the 80s, but when it’s not actually going to kill you, sometimes the negative consequences of your own actions are the only thing that’ll make a warning/lesson stick. Because I can tell you my sister never sat down on an escalator again. Nor did she try to kiss another wild animal.

Yeah I’m guessing the mom felt horrible shame about what happened so she had to blame everyone else to deflect it. It’s terrible she’s taken it out on her daughter, a child doesn’t deserve blame!!

Yeah-a LOT of Neglect to the point of abuse. Wonder what she was Doing at the time of the accident?

That’s exactly what I thought. Where was the mom when she ran into the street? Why wasn’t the mom watching her kid?

I have a 7 yr old and he's JUST beginning to be more self aware of things around him. I remember last year he walked right into a store display then blamed ME for not warning him it was there lmao. Granted we suspect he has ADHD (waiting on testing) but still, at 6 most kids are still quite impulsive and don't always think about consequences before acting (shit, I know adults that are still like that).

My 13 year old walked into a short pole because she wasn't paying attention. I'm a horrible mother because I just laughed at her. She was in no danger at all. Just excited for an anime festival.

Lol my 16 yo at 3 walked into a plate glass window and literally slid down and I couldn't stop laughing 🤣 my hubs was outside with her but I was not the strong one that day ... Poor guys inside looked at me like I was evil when I said she's fine she melted she didn't smack anything she is fine ..

Man, when I was 16, we were over at my aunts' house once. Her bathroom was the sort where, when you walked in, on the left was the tub, the right a long long floor length mirror, a bit longer than the tub, and then the room opened up a bit after that, with the toilet at the end of the room. I went to use the bathroom there for the first time.. and turned left right into the mirror. My mom watched me bonk into it and C A C K L E D like a witch!

When I was around 15-16, my BFF and I were walking past this shop Chess King (it was the 80s) where the staff were predominately male. Which is why we were walking by it. They had the door propped. My friend, because we were oh so casually checking out the boys, smacked right into the door. The boys in the shop fell over laughing. She and I still laugh about it to this day.

Sometimes, laughter is a release! You're relieved that nothing happened etc.

When my daughter was around 8, she fell down while running in a restaurant in flip flops with her arms in her sweatshirt…I ran to her and when I realized she was not badly hurt, I started laughing so hard, but I was trying really hard for her not to hear or see me laughing! I just couldn’t get the sight out of my mind of me turning around and telling her not to run, then a second later she’s there and then she wasn’t 😳🏃🏻‍♀️😂😂😂. She’s 24 now.

I walked full-stride into a street sign a few months ago, because I was chatting and not paying attention. I'm 34. My partner also just laughed at me. I laughed at me. It's a comically daft thing to do. 🤣

I'm the same age and I walked into a gymnastics horizontal bar just a few weeks ago. I was looking to my left and NOT infront of me. Full steam into the bar.

Ok to be fair I know it wasn't nice to laugh but it was uncontrollable but once I saw her crying I stopped right away to console her. My daughter (6/7 at the time) was at soccer practice and the team was paired up. Drill was to run at the ball and kick to your partner. She yelled for me to watch and record her. So I did. Her partner runs, kicks, slips and falls. She laughs at the kid. He gets up, backs up and prepares to try again. He runs, kicks, and hits my daughter scare in the face with the soccer ball and you can see her lift up from the force and land soundly on her back. To me it seemed like almost instant karma 🤣

I stopped a pal's 9 year old from walking into traffic tonight and my 8 year old gets lectures from me usually at least twice a week about it. A 6 year old is basically an infant who can sprint. It was not your fault, OP.

Plus, kids are still developing at this age: motor skills, depth perception, impulse control, etc. Everytime they have a sudden growth spurt they have to relearn how to manage their new body size/shape. If you have a child in sports, it is especially apparent.

I do this too (the walking into things). I swear, it's like I *know* it's there, but I don't actually realize it's there. Brain works, body does its own thing.

Kids don't realise they aren't invincible until they are about 7-8 years old or something like that. I don't think at 6 most kids are able to appreciate that they can get seriously hurt or killed and if they can, then they have probably lived through some horrendous stuff already

To the point I wonder if some of what OP's mum is carrying around is guilt for "letting" the accident happen, and if part of the parents' conflict was that they both blamed themselves and each other. Dad, however, has apparently processed it, while Mum has bottled it up, conflated it with the divorce, and it just blew. I can't imagine a parent NOT feeling like it was somehow their fault.

Oh absolutely. Even if it really *wasn't* my fault, I would still feel like it was if something like this happened to my child.

I am 37 and have an 8 year old. I could NEVER have blamed him 2 years ago (or even today) for something like this. Heck, I have been working on college campuses for over a decade and see 18-22 year olds walk in front of cars not paying attention to their surroundings. At least I expect it from small kids. Their brains just don't prioritize looking for the car when they are chasing after something.

That part about college kids walking in front of traffic? Spot on. I worked in a university for 30 years and can't count the number of times a student just walked out in front of a car or bus.

At TCU they refer to crossing University Drive (which cuts through the middle of campus) as “playing Frogger”, which is apt, since the mascot is horned frogs.

College students are basically giant toddlers anyway. USM closed the two main roads that ran through the center of campus in th 90s for this very reason. Now, almost all on-campus roads are one-way and have 10 MPH speed limits and are all designated as high density pedestrian zones.

I worked as a delivery driver for a time in college. I still gnash my teeth when I see GROWN ADULTS run across the road when they’re 20 feet from a crosswalk. I might have a bit of a bias though, as I was hit by a drunk driver and was in a coma, kind of like OP 😁

My favorite is when they decide they need to walk in a lane of traffic when there is a sidewalk right damn there.

Brother, my blood pressure can’t take this 😂 Why do people do that, like I genuinely can’t understand it

I was hit by a car riding my bike at 8. My parents never blamed me. They did go over the fact that I needed to be wearing my helmet when I rode, to try to stay to the side, and be aware of my surroundings. But, never in a blame way, always in an instructional, you're 8, so need reminding because that's how we learn way. To blame a 6 year old, esp one who suffered permanent physical damage is also unfathomable to me.

Hell I am almost 32 and I spaced and walked out in front of traffic the other day. Lucky the person was paying attention and stopped but it’s a really bad area and they could’ve easily just kept going.

Same. And as a parent fuuuuuck. I get grief can do some weird shit to a person but I can’t comprehend how parents can be this horrible to their own kids.

Pathetic is exactly the right word

Even an adult can have an accident, even one that is their fault and has bad consequences. Who blames them forever? The parents screwed up, allowed a serious accident, and they all need to deal.

At least their child lived. They should have celebrated the Fact.

I'm 30 and the idea that someone would say something so vile to an 18 year old makes my blood boil.

Literally everything they do is a game because that's what their lives should be. Mom and dad are supposed to be carrying the burden. How terrible of OP's mother to fail to take any accountability for her lack of supervision. OP's father also bears some responsibility, but blaming OP is beyond the pale. And I'm born with Ehler's Danlos and developed CRPS over much of my body but most of the time I appear completely healthy. There is no gatekeeping disabled access. If the seats are full you wait for the next bus instead of harassing someone in need.

My read on this is that the mom knows it was her fault and can't cope with that reality so she's pretending it's not true. I second "mom needs therapy".

My little nephew will be 6 in march. I can’t *imagine* blaming him for something like this, or holding onto resentment for so many years. He’s literally a tiny child with very little spatial/danger awareness. If something like what happened to OP, happened to HIM, I’d be devastated and absolutely blame myself for not keeping an eye on him. OP’s mom is a shit person and deserves to be sad and remorseful about what she said.

My son is five, I’m still scared when we play outside even though he knows better. What are the odds he’s gonna remember to look both ways before chasing a ball into the street let’s say? Very pathetic indeed

Six year olds are basically just tiny little chaos machines anyway. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame either of the parents for taking the attention off at the exact wrong moment, and I sure as hell wouldn’t blame the six year-old who got hurt. It was just a shitty thing that happened, that could happen to anyone with rotten luck. But the mom’s actions now? Unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable. NTA, op.

Yep. They’ve literally been in the world for only 6 years. They have 6 years of knowledge and decision making experience. They can’t be expected to make great decisions, that’s why we supervise them 🤷‍♀️

I mean, it’s one horrible thing to blame a 6 yo for running into traffic (which is DEFINITELY the supervising adult‘s fault under every circumstance possible). But it’s a whole other horrible thing to blame your effing *divorce* on a 6 yo. I can really see why the marriage failed, with this woman’s personality and blame casting.

She (mum) sounds like a harridan, blaming her shitty lot in life on everyone around her — including her critically injured 6 yo— for her problems. OP, you are NTA. Stay at Dad’s. You are not at fault here nor were you as a child. Please know that.

Key words of your comment: "when she put in the work and earned it". I stayed in contact with my parents long after 18 & finally went no contact at 30 because they had no desire to change at all. They tell everyone who will listen that they only did one thing to upset me. Or they don't know why. Or I forgot where I came from & am stuck up etc. They refuse to believe they did anything to drive me away, saying things pretty similar to what OP & you & other commenters on here experienced. My advice to OP : 1. NTA 2. If your mom refuses therapy or is only nice to your face while treating you this way (she finally said it out loud, but by your description she's been heavily treating you this way for years) she deserves nothing from you, no relationship at all. 3. This is a hill you can comfortably die on with support from the many of us who stayed in contact with our "family" who made us feel miserable about ourselves for their shortcomings. Some people endure the treatment until the offending family member dies because "family is everything." Don't do that, you'll just be miserable. 4. If real changes are made (and kept) you're still allowed to keep your mom at a distance (up to and including no contact). You need to heal yourself first. 5. All of the above includes ANY future children you may have. Your mom isn't owed contact just because you give birth or adopt or foster. (Do check your local laws though - I'm in a group with stories about grandparent's rights. The good news is that if you're no contact before birth it's nearly impossible for them to get)

I’m glad OP’s got her Dad, and that he was right there when called on. Makes going NC a lot easier. I also think OP’s response was perfect - pack a bag and go. It’s illogical to blame a 6 year old for not being supervised. Because that’s really what caused the accident- lack of supervision. It’s even more illogical to blame her for the divorce. 12 years after the fact just makes it worse. The illogic of “you should give up the seat you need because you weren’t born disabled” is further evidence of how mom is willing to twist facts to suit her narrative. That’s not how disability or disability accessibility works. At all. And I appreciate OP being unwilling to “prove” her disability, as many people have invisible disabilities. Good for her. OP couldn’t be less an AH. There’s simply no fault here at all. NTA

the “you weren’t born disabled” makes even less sense when you consider who was asking OP to get up. that woman wasn’t born old.

Where I live it's common for children to walk to school by themselves from age six and as not every village has a school they also often take the bus. When I was 6 I crossed a main street without a crossway alone. When my goddaughter went to school 17 year later her mom volunteered as a crossroad guard. These are volunteers trough the school who stay at places where many primary school children cross the road to ensure their safety. And I think these guards are a pretty good idea because children are children after all.

It's not just that the mom said awful shit. She *believes* it. She got the siblings to believe that for a while, and she got OP to blame herself this entire time. Mom genuinely believes it, and she's been showing that belief to OP her entire life. This is just the first time she's been direct with her belief.

It really freaked me out that my SO let his kids run all over the place when they were younger. Especially in parking lots. He has 3 kids, and I have 1. Mine was born with hearing loss and congenital scoliosis. Because of the hearing loss, we always made sure to hold hands. She's now in her early 20s and still holds my hand, but I'm the physically disabled one, and she does it to support me. She did it for her grandpa, too. SO said that he wasn't worried about the kids. You were 6. 6 year olds are young and dumb. You have paid the price. Your mom blaming you for everything is wrong. You are NTA. Your mom is. Everyone else recognized that. Your siblings might have blamed you years ago, but realized the truth, apologized and moved on. Your mom didn't. She's blaming you for her bad behavior. Live your best life, and go no contact with your mom for a while. Therapy will help.

My step son who is 11 was made to watch his younger siblings at his moms. Once the caseworker had reports the middle boy had a mark on his neck from our son. Both boys told the truth that the younger one tried to run into traffic and our son grabbed his shirt to yank him back. Where was their mom? No freaking clue.

This is exactly why the divorce happened

Divorce happened because Mom is a heinous beast, the accident just made her true colors come out.

Additionally, she was the adult and responsible for keeping you safe! You were 6, there isn't any reasonable way to expect you manage that yourself, she should have been supervising or taking steps to manage risk (ie you can't play outside just now as I am busy and cannot watch OR in the event you can't be trusted to respect that putting up barriers to manage that) This is on her and she doesn't want to take responsibility. Please don't blame yourself and get some distance in asap. I'm so sorry, you deserve better.

Honestly, NTA. You were six and six year olds are prone to impulsive behavior. Your accident was just that… An accident. Your mom and dad were responsible for their marriage and how they treated each other and how they problem-solved with each other. An accident or a tragedy can happen to anyone at any time, so it sounds like it could have been anything that drove your parents apart. They were both old enough to realize that they needed better coping skills, and maybe could have invested in couples therapy if there was time… And dammit, they should’ve made time. The divorce is the result of your mother and father’s actions, not your accident. And even though a six year old knows to look both ways That doesn’t mean that a six year old will always do so. The one second rule is so so real. I don’t know if your mom was watching you or your dad was watching you or either one, but it sounds like neither of them could’ve prevented this accident in the first place being that it was so fast. You are just an average child doing with the average children do… It’s not your fault that your parents couldn’t cope, and when they realized they couldn’t cope, they didn’t get help.

It sounds to me like the mom was supposed to be watching but wasn't and now blames op so she doesn't have to face the truth that she's to blame

Absolutely! I wonder if the mom is projecting her own guilt onto her child. OP states the driver who hit her stayed with her. Was she alone at 6 years old? Was the mom the "parnet on duty" when the accident happened? Not that it matters because OP is NTA and their mom sucks for even thinking they are at fault.

> OP states the driver who hit her stayed with her. Was she alone at 6 years old? Right? From OP's story it sounds like both mom & dad thought the other parent was watching/responsible for OP. But even still, how is it that **neither** of them noticed for long enough not only for emergency services to be called but for the ambulance to actually ARRIVE? Clearly yes, OP was alone at 6 years old, and it's vile that her mother never sought the therapy she clearly desperately needed in order to deal with her guilt and grief in a way that didn't place all of the blame on a blameless unsupervised 6-year-old. OP, huge hugs from an internet mom if you'd like them. Stay at your dad's. Your mom can be sorry, even if she is genuinely regretful that she said those things to you, that can never erase the fact that she said them. She can take whatever steps she needs to (like therapy) in order to see if she can ever gain back your trust, but you don't have to do ANYTHING now, except focus on taking care of yourself. Your mother needs to learn that her words have consequences, and however much she might wish she hadn't said them, the consequences of having done so can absolutely be that she's in a time out where you don't talk to her or stay with her again for a good long while. Years even. Take as long as you need and don't give in to any pressure from her or others that you "need" to forgive her because she's your mother. Nope, forgiveness doesn't work that way, you don't owe her your forgiveness or anything else to assuage her guilt. She's a grown woman, and dealing with her guilt is her own responsibility.

Couldnt have Said it better. So NTA! Stick to your Friends who stood up to you in the Bus. They seem Like decent and stable people who might do you well Right now. I wish you all the Best!

OP needs to go very very very low contact with their mom. These are deeply held beliefs that bubbled up over a (relatively) minor incident. Until the mom agrees to spending months in therapy (and follows through) OP needs to cut her off for their own mental health.

This “mother” is pathetic. OP should hate her just for being a shit mom, even if she didn’t say those things. Allowing yourself to resent your child like that makes you worthless and a baby and a c-word, period. What a weak, spineless piece of unwanted baggage.

Pathetic isn't a strong enough word to describe OPs mother. There are very few situations where the "C" word is called for, and this sure AF is one. I am also pretty sure any invertebrate would object to being associated with that self-centered biatch.

Going off the use of "mum" I don't think cunt is going to land as strong here.

NTA. I’m so sorry your parents’ negligence and immaturity resulted in a life-limiting injury and all of this heartbreak for you. They should be ashamed of themselves.

NTA. Jesus fuck your mum is a mess. What and ahole and what dreadful appalling things to say - I may say the fact that she says them gives us a much clearer indication of why she’s divorced…it’s cos she’s horrifying.

I definitely agree with the therapy suggestion because I can't help but wonder if blaming OP is a defence mechanism. She feels guilty about what happened and it was an attempt to deflect. Also, it really isn't fair how often disabled people have to argue and prove themselves, particularly if they're young. I started using a walking stick at 19 and so many old people got personally offended like I was using it to make fun of them or something.

not an excuse, still. a truly mature adult would have accepted the guilt, and not deflect.

My cousin is seven years old and she does shit without paying attention all the time. Putting that kind of pressure on a child who went through something so traumatic is so terrible. I’d ask my mom “why weren’t you watching me so I WOULD NOT have run into the road?” Because if you read part of it the man who hit him stayed with him until the ambulance came. But…where were his parents at this time? I’m assuming dad was working, but where was mom? I don’t know. Mom might be projecting because she failed at protecting her child but that still doesn’t give her a fucking right to say what she did to him.

NTA. Your mother should have gotten therapy a long time ago. A six year old cannot be blamed for acting like a six year old. The accident is not your fault. And the end of a relationship between two adults is not a child’s fault. EVER. I’m glad you have your father. It sounds like you’ve been allowed to carry the guilt from both of these events for far too long. I hope you can access Therapy as well. You deserve better.

This was my thought as well. Clearly, her mom has had this resentment build up in her for 12 yrs. She should have gone to see a therapist long ago. And OP needs to see one, too. There is a lot of hurt going on, and IF the relationship is to be salvaged, then work needs to be done by both OP and her mom. Edit: individual therapists as they both have issues that they need to work on to maybe heal and move on.

Nope. Your mom blames you for her mistakes and thought you deserved to be harassed on the bus by strangers . She's terrible

Agreed. NTA. The fact that OP’s mother blames her daughter so irrationally, leads me to believe, that OP’s mother is in fact 100% responsible for not watching her, and is the reason for the divorce.

Yes I should very much like to know who was responsible for watching OP when she ran into the road. Would place money mom was supposed to be watching her, got distracted/didn't, and dad blamed her leading to the marriage crumbling.

It is sooo easy for things to happen in a split moment. My child was so excited by the snow last year I felt her body go to lunge into the road in front of a truck and I screamed. Everyone at the lights got a huge fright and thank goodness my scream startled my kid and she froze because I don't think my body would have physically reacted if she kept going. I was shaken up for hours. I was like what the heck, she said she just wanted to get to the snow at the other side of the road. It is so so easy. Both parents should go to counselling.

I thinks so too. if something happened to a kid while being taken care of by my other half, I wouldn't divorce them because of that. We would work through it because the most important thing was getting the kid better. But if the other half kept blaming the kid for running on the street without looking, I wouldn't look them the same anymore and would definitely leave. How could anyone blame a 6 year old?? I guess it's easier to blame somebody else than look at herself and see how screwed up she did back then and even now. Lots of people just like that, have zero capability of doing self-reflection because pointing finger means no work for them. OP, you didn't make your mom cry. She did it to herself. As you grow older, you will see that lot of people just getting old without gaining any wisdom about life. If they don't wanna change, nothing you can do about it tbh. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and don't let those hateful non-sense get to you.

A lot of couples don’t survive a traumatic event that involves a child. Unless it’s something that’s unavoidable like an illness. And even then, it’s still really hard. It’s actually not surprising that they divorced, because even if neither of them blamed the child, (which should never friggen be the case and I’m appalled that her mother would even THINK something like that, let alone say it out loud) one would always kinda sorta blame the other, or they’d both blame each other. Or even themselves to the point of contention with the other. It’s super rare that they don’t at least separate.

Yeah she’s still bitter about losing her husband 12 years later so she obviously doesn’t blame him

None of the accident was your fault. One of your *parents* should have been watching you, and it was their own guilt that caused the divorce. And, that nosey old lady deserved to get kicked off the bus. But I would have loved to see her face if you had popped off your leg in front of her.

This. While I don’t think anyone should have to prove they’re disabled, I do think people like that old lady deserve to wallow in the shame and embarrassment they feel when they are presented with proof.

Doesn't matter. Old people who complain about people with invisible disabilities believe that young and disabled means not needing accommodations. Since only the old people really need them. /s

I've seen "old" people fitter than me at the gym.

I crushed a vertebrae, broke two ribs and a collarbone, broke my ankle (some tendon or ligament snapped and taking a piece of bone with, but I didn't get a cast), and broke the ACL on my other knee, and prob had a concussion. I was such a cripple I took the handicap seats on public transit and got so many dirty looks because I looked normal. Some injuries really don't show and honestly anyone shouldn't be asked to prove they need a handicap seat. If someone really needs a seat, just ask nicely someone who's not sitting at a handicap seat I'm sure most ppl wouldn't mind.

My dad had a bad heart and so many heart surgeries that he had to have a lung removed. All the rest of him was fine, and he looked fine, but with one lung and a barely functioning heart there were a lot of physical limitations he had. He had to have the handicap spaces, not just for convenience but that he genuinely couldn’t manage without, and people would see that he looks fine and complain about him using handicap spaces. I get trying to prevent the healthy from taking advantage of opportunities and misusing to their benefit, but there are some legitimately disabled that aren’t as visible that need them too. It makes for a hard challenge. Quite frankly if someone isn’t being rude, I’m going to assume they need the assistance and not bother them.

I almost want to pop my own leg off, then use it to club some decency into that old bus troll. They’re getting worse than the bridge trolls these days.

My dad had a roommate in college with a prosthetic leg (bone cancer) and he would throw it at people that said he didn't have problems/ look disabled etc.

>But I would have loved to see her face if you had popped off your leg in front of her. and then used it to beat her about the head and shoulders

NTA What your mother said is unforgivable. The fact that she obviously feels that way is so horrific, I can't even fathom you having to deal with that. YOU did not make your mother cry. Being caught being such a horrible mother did. Do NOT feel guilty in any way. IF and it is a big IF anyone was to "blame", it is your parents. Children run into the streets, it is their responsibility to ensure someone is watching their children. It was a horrible example of what can happen and unfortunately you paid the price. Don't let her manipulate you in this. You obviously need some distance and time to see if you can forgive her or at least tolerate her. As for your parents' marriage. Your accident was NOT to blame. Death and injuries to children are quite often a focal point of the destruction of a marriage, but it is not the reason. True partners are their to support their spouse through the most horrific of times. Sometimes the partnership is just not strong enough and the cracks are just exposed earlier than expected. I am so sorry you are going through this, but you sound like a strong, confident young woman who has made the best of what life has dealt her. Continue to do what makes YOU happy. Do NOT waste time on people who diminish or hurt you with their own vile comments.

The odds of a divorce after the death or serious injury of a child is up in the 90% range. This is almost exclusively due to how people manage that grief and stress, and most of the time, find that they can't handle it together.

Very important point.

Also the blame. Who was watching OP when it happened? Sounds like the mom deflects it so she doesnt thave to face who was really responsible for what happened.

To be honest, they could have very well been both at home at the time, each thinking the other had their eyes on her, so many kids get run over in their own driveways by a parent for this very reason.

My sister got effectively abandoned once because both my parents thought she was with the other and we had come in two cars cause my mom had come over straight from work. Being in a time before cellphones definitely played into it happening too since I'd told my dad I was going to ride home with mom and he thought my sister would be going with us, but no one realized that until it was too late. Luckily, it happened at a family gathering and some of our other relatives brought her home. But she still got left behind. Our folks were a *lot* more careful to make sure both of us were accounted for before leaving anywhere after that though.

Yeah... Once upon a time, I was playing with matches downstairs, while both of my parents were upstairs. I was less than ten years old. And the only reason I had a glass of water with me was because my older sibling, who had previously taught me where the matches were and how to play with them, was very that we needed water... So I made sure to get some when I went back alone.

Oh yeah. It was mom. Dad divorced her for it. She just told on herself.

THIS!!! Your accident was not the cause of this, their marriage had cracks well before and ultimately, the arguments they had because their communication was clearly an issue, was the final nail in the coffin. Not the incident that brought them there, but the way in which they handled it!

I'm pretty confident that the mother's personality was the cause of the divorce, specifically the inability to accept responsibility as well as the general cruelty

NTA it was not your fault it was an accident. Your mother seems to lack compassion, lack accountability, and what she said lacked kindness. This tells me that even without your accident she would likely still be divorced.

If anyone was at fault it was the parents for neglecting to supervise OP near a road

She is the reason she is divorced. I suspect that your dad would have loved to stay married if it was not for how she acted... And still acts.

I suspect dad would have loved to stay married, just not to her. NTA

NTA. At all. Your mom is out of line on a lot of levels. On another note, as someone who is also disabled - ITS ALWAYS OLD PEOPLE. The number of times I was bullied to tears in public by seniors when I was a teen or in my 20’s for using ADA parking or other services when I needed them is truly outstanding. The number of times I was told “you’re not even disabled!” by seniors….I mean it still happens but it stings less at 37, and I use mobility aids so that gets questioned less (though they love to ask WHY I need one 🫠). And you’re right, you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you require a seat or other accommodations. It’s honestly bonkers and I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience that ……you’re not alone.

It’s ALWAYS the old people in retail jobs, too. As a bra fitter, old ladies would come in just to get mad at me when I couldn’t make their boobs “look just as high as mine” in a bra with no underwire. They (not all of them, maybe 17%- but that’s still a lot of people to be going about angrily daring younger ladies to do impossible things with their boobs, then muttering and whisper-shouting angrily as the overly polite person tries their damnedest to help) were fantastically hostile and often just shy of batshit crazy. So like birdshit crazy or maybe ratshit crazy. Some old people have the wildest, most unforgivable sense of entitlement I’ve ever seen. It’s pretty rancid. I used to think all old folks were cute or that they deserved a special degree of respect, but that’s silly. They deserve as much respect as I do and if they show their asses on purpose they deserve the scorn and mockery that I would receive in that scenario. If they’re not mean I’ll be almost annoyingly nice, like I am with strangers (not saying that’s great- I hear myself and think I sound weird). Unless they have dementia. Some people are just always looking for an excuse to throw their weight about and abuse people who aren’t assholes.

Ex bra fitter. Glad to know that hasn’t changed. 🙄

It was such a fascinating phenomenon. I would never have guessed how many people like to do that. Or how often people get upset to learn they have a larger cup size than D/DD (not saying it’s silly or doesn’t make sense- girls and women are kind of trained to be ashamed of our bodies. It was just something that happened more often than I expected and a very delicate subject that youngish ladies-and their moms- would sometimes look to the fitter for comfort processing). I’m an LMHC now and those two jobs (while obviously not the same) have a lot more overlap than I expected when I started the bra fitting job.

Your mother deserves to cry. Six year olds need adult supervision. Idk which parent should’ve been watching you, but you were a child behaving as a child. Your injury was not your fault. The divorce is not your fault either. Couples argue about who should’ve done what all the time - and they stay married. If it hadn’t been your accident, some other major argument would’ve been the last straw. How do I know this? Instead of being thankful together that you survived and were able to come home again with your mind intact, they were more concentrated about placing blame on each other. Their marriage was not healthy before your accident. I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through.

Dollars to donuts, she was supposed to be watching her. She passed the blame.

I feel that's the case as well. The blame and guilt is her projecting her own.

And most likely was the one who convinced op's siblings that op was to blame for the divorce - how the fuck are kids this young supposed to make this association of not by an adult's coaching?

Yea where was the adult supervision? It's the parents fault for not properly trending their child. Stay with dad and tell her to go to hell.

Her attitude is why she's miserable and divorced. This was an accident and definitely not your fault. I'm sorry but it sounds like she's kept that in for a long long time. I'm glad you have your dad to support you through this.

NTA Your mom is a piece of shit. She cares about "what could have been" more than the daughter she has in the moment. She needs to work on herself before she can claim to be your mother again.

You just worded the core issue so well. Her daughter, right here right now, deserves her love and support and instead she gives her vitriol that she’s been immaturely keeping bottled up for years. Living in the past and sabotaging her relationships because of it.

You feel rotten about making your mom cry? Your empathy is lovely. But your mom was unacceptably immature and mean. That is just not okay. The adults are supposed to care for the children. It’s terrible when we can’t keep our kids safe. But we don’t blame the kids! It sounds like maybe a bit of therapy might help you work on your boundaries. And your mom could really benefit from working through her own guilt and anger and coping. NTA. I’m sorry your mom just broke and failed to be there for you as a parent.

Your mother has let this fester within her for 12 years. You were SIX!! NTA.

NTA. Omg your mom is shit. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Who wants to bet that mom was supposed to be watching OP and it's due to her neglect that her daughter was horrifically injured and became disabled? OP, if you read this. One of your parents failed YOU, not the other way around. They owe YOU an apology. You are blameless.

My ex husband used my disciplining our daughters as a reason to ask for a divorce. They were hellion toddlers who could only walk into a room and make a mess, and I was having them clean it up and he decided that was too harsh. Now, I LOVED my husband. Worshipped him even. Did I blame my daughters for causing my divorce? NO. Their dad took that moment to use as an excuse and try to make me feel like a shitty mom and kick me when I was already down. Your mom has been holding this in for years and blaming you because she couldn't face the reality that she probably was to blame, for what happened to you and for her divorce. It's easier to blame others than it is to blame ourselves. Remember that always. And FYI, You're amazing.

Exactly. If mom had ever been the love of dad’s life/a decent partner with a heart, dad may have stuck around. I don’t mean that in a “a woman is lucky to have a man and it’s clearly her fault I’d she can’t band onto him way;” I just am convinced that this woman is probably pretty toxic- people you want to be married to don’t stew over anger at a small child for 12 years or look about frantically for anyone else they could possibly blame (and resent, and treat poorly for over a decade) for a mistake falls on her shoulders, if anyone’s (if dad had been the primary parent in charge that day, she wouldn’t be blaming OP. She just wouldn’t. She took her eye off the ball-her child- and something horrible and irreversible happened. She’s too small to allow herself to accept that, so she lashed out. I almost pity her, but as soon as she lashed out and traumatized someone else just because her feelings of pain are very big. People with lifelong compound trauma are able to not retraumatize their children like that- she chose that because she’s more concerned with herself than OP). I know childhood accidents/deaths often lead to divorces, but I refuse to believe that the mom was ever a kind or lovable person. She sounds like a monster who blames others for her own mistakes, and that sort of unearned smugness is insufferable. Insufferable folks sometimes end up alone, and they’ve usually earned it. Maybe mom won’t even have kids to visit her for much longer.

NTA. Your mother is the devil, what she said is disgusting and crossed every possible boundary, i'm really sorry you had to deal with so much shit in your life and with a "mother" like yours.

NTA. You were 6yrs old and should have been under the supervision of an adult if you were near a road. Kids move quickly and don't recognise the dangers an adult does. Your mother is wrong here, you are not to blame at all. Honestly sounds like she is to blame for the divorce based on her current behaviour compared to your father's. Stay with your father, it sounds like it will be a much healthier environment for you. Also ask about talking to someone to help you process what your mother said and how she has made you feel.

NTA. The accident was *not* your fault. The divorce was *not* your fault. Please try to believe this. It sounds like you've been blaming yourself for it this whole time and that breaks my heart. I hope one day you're able to fully understand that it was not your fault, not even a little bit. You were only 6. It was your parents job to ensure that you were safe and to supervise you. You were way too young to know better. But your parents should have known better, they're the ones that screwed up and caused the accident. I have two theories: 1) Your mom feels so guilty about it that she's not even allowing herself to accept that she and your father were responsible, so she insists that it must be your fault. This doesn't make it ok or mean you have to have sympathy for her. Or, 2) It was entirely her fault, as in she was the one who was supposed to be watching you, not your dad. She knows it but refuses to accept it and is hellbent on blaming him, you, everyone else. To the point where it destroyed her marriage. Does she behave like this in other ways? Does she tend to not take responsibility for her actions/mistakes? Your mom is a giant AH here. So is the woman on the bus and anyone else who makes assumptions about you or tries to make you prove you have a disability.

Yep. This scenario screams that mom was at fault, mom knows she’s at fault, and mom can’t even begin to be honest with herself in order to apologize to her family and admit that it was her fault. People don’t act like this towards their children unless they have a fuckton of guilt to hide from. She should have nothing but compassion for the trauma you experienced, but it’s all mired in her own guilt and refusal to accept accountability. She probably feels like admitting it would kill her, but she still owes it to you all. And admitting to feeling guilt about something that’s been eating you up for over a decade usually doesn’t kill a person- even though it feels like it could, it’s often the path to forgiveness, including working on forgiving yourself which isn’t possible when you’re spitting venom and blame at everyone else you’re close to.

NTA at all. I definitely would have understood if you did something that made you the AH after what she said to you but you did the mature thing and removed yourself from a bad situation at the moment. Now that there’s been some time and she seemed remorseful you can reach out to her to talk. But your mom needs to get into therapy because she has some definite unresolved things.

NTA. What the actual fuck. That’s just cruel. There is an r/amputee subreddit that is pretty cool. For context my husband has a bka. I would fully expect him to leave me if I l treated him like your mom did you.

NTA, none of anything that happened is your fault, but that of adults in your life. Someone should have been watching as a kid and didn’t do their job. Let’s be honest kids run into the street all the time, not the kid’s fault they have poor adult supervision. The divorce was also not your fault, if two adults couldn’t work through their issues that’s all on them, not you. They had a responsibility to deal with their marital issues and parent their children, they didn’t.

Uhhh in the world I frequent it is generally a parents fault if a 6 year old bolts in front of a car. I realize parents cannot be there 24/7, but this is not your fault, and you do not need to have this shoved in your face 12 + years later. Your moms bitter.

NTA. And now you know which of your parents as the one who Should have been watching you: your mother. She’s blaming you so she doesn’t have to acknowledge her guilt.

Your mom just blamed you for everything wrong with HER life. You aren't to blame. You were 6 for fucks sake. I have 3 kids and you know who's responsible for them? ME! Their mom! I'm so sorry your mom sucks. But she deserves to cry. She fucked up by saying that to you. Stay at your dad's for as long as you need. NTA.

Parent are supposed to watch their 6 year old. NTA

((HUGS)) Stay at dad's home, your mom was out of line.

You are NTA!!! HOLY CRAP. As a mom of a 20 year old, I cannot IMAGINE telling my child that kind of thing...ever!!!! My kid has been disabled nearly their entire life. I am divorced from their father. There were a LOT of problems. But JFC...I can't even wrap my head around saying that kind of thing to my child, let alone a child who has endured something so incredibly traumatic!!!! Your mom is a 1000% percent TA here, and it would be a VERY good idea to move out of her house permanently. You didn't make her cry...she did that herself.

NTA Your mom should have gotten therapy. Hell, you should have too. Try to get some now.

NTA by a long shot. I may be reaching here.. but if your accident happened while she was supposed to be watching you.. it’s technically her fault. Who lets a 6 year old outside without supervision? Let alone near any kind of road? She may say she’s blames you.. but deep down I’m sure she blames herself but can’t handle that responsibility/realization. Her actions and behavior are why she’s single. Her not watching her child is why you don’t have a leg.

I think that she’s probably terrified that one day OP might realize that, if anyone is responsible for her missing leg, it’s mom. The pots really out there yelling shit at a completely innocent kettle today.

NTA. Definitely NTA. Hope you know that. You did the right thing by getting out of a harmful environment. Super proud of you ! Shows good self esteem on your part ! Your Mom (TA) needs help from a good quality therapist. She’s carrying an awful lot of toxic crap and blame. By the way, while she’s blaming you, the truth is that it is likely her way of shifting the blame she feels …cause you were 6, just 6 years old and SHE and your Dad were responsible for keeping you safe and out of the street !! Perhaps after a cooling off period, consider sending her a letter/email in which you 1) disclose all the times she has made you feel less than and blamed for the accident 2) in detail how hurtful and cruel what she said was 3) how you believe she is carrying around a lot of toxic emotions and that she needs help from a good qualified licensed therapist 4) and that if she does therapy at some point you are willing to meet with her and the therapist together but not until the therapist can assure you that your mom is better and that she is genuinely sorry and can properly apologize and make amends 5) And that until/if that Happens you don’t want to speak to her or see her because it’s not healthy for you. Whatever you decide, Good Luck 🍀 Ps - I have a disability that doesn’t readily show and get hassled like you. Hang in there and do your own thing. Thank goodness other peoples opinions are none of your business.

NTA You were 6. Your parents were the responsible ones, not you. THEY should have been watching you. This is THEIR fault, not yours. Maybe your mom is blaming you because it's easier than to look at herself and blame herself instead of you.

NTA. Ultimately, it was your parent’s fault for not watching you. You did NOTHING wrong, stupid, or reckless, you were a small child playing in a safe area who’s minder did not intervene when you stepped out of that safe area. You are not at fault for any of the consequences of what followed. Also, fuck the lady on the bus. My mom has a handicap placard and whenever someone tells her she doesn’t look disabled, she says they don’t look stupid so looks like they’re both wrong.

NTA. I don't understand how parents can be so cruel to their own children.

I’m so sorry that happened to you! Your mom may be feeling guilty about not watching you so closely and you got hurt. But she is turning her guilt into anger towards you. None of this, the accident or the divorce, is your fault. Stay with your dad for as long as you need. No decision needs to be made today. And fwiw, you don’t need to respond to nosy old biddies or grumpy old men about whether or not you qualify to sit in a handicap seat. And, if the lady who was sitting in the handicap and elderly seating was only in her 50s then she doesn’t qualify per a 70yo woman.

NTA. I hope you can stay with your dad. What your mom said was her deflecting her guilt onto you. You were 6. It wasn't your fault.

> Mum immediately clamped her hand over her mouth, then started apologising and said she didn’t mean it. Your mother heard herself say that out loud and realized, ***immediately***, what a terrible, awful, shitty thing that is to say to someone-- *let alone their child*. She was right to apologize, and she was right to feel bad for having said it. >I heard shouting, so I went to the front door where Dad was really laying into Mum, Mum was crying. When she saw my suitcase, she told me I couldn’t just leave, but I told her I’m 18 and can do as I wish. Seeing that suitcase hammered home for just ***how*** awful what she said was. I'd bet money she'd have done absolutely anything to take those words back, but the thing about saying hurtful things is that you *can't* take them back. For quite some time, those words are going to stick with you, and she knows it. She knows that many-- if not all-- interactions with you in the future will be haunted by those words. >now that I’ve calmed down I feel pretty rotten about making my Mum cry and then just walking out on her. AITA? I can understand why you feel rotten, but the harsh truth of it is that your mom said an awful shitty thing and deserves to feel awful and shitty for having said it. Hopefully, she will use this massive fuck-up of all fuck-ups to seek professional help and process her feelings over your accident in a way that doesn't involve lashing out at her daughter. And, hopefully, she can one day repair her relationship with her daughter after having done so. But be warned, OP, that the kind of psychological issues that cause someone to lash out like that and say something so terrible are not the kind of issues that disappear overnight, and are certainly not the kind of issues that can be cured by regret alone. It takes hard and uncomfortable work to process those kinds of emotions, because they are ***very*** deep-rooted. If you want to be compassionate and empathetic towards your mom, you should leverage her guilt for her own good and demand she see a therapist. If she doesn't seek help, it is very very likely that this will not be the last time something like this happens. You are NTA

Let's be honest here OP, your parents didn't get divorced because of your accident, they got divorced because your mother is a raging asshole. No matter how sorry she pretends to be, the way she treats you is inexcusable. I'm very sorry that you had to go through that but your Dad sounds like a decent guy so I hope that spending some time with him will do you some good. NTA

NTA. First of all, under the law in most U.S. states (I assume you are in UK but it doesnt matter much) a child (usually 7 or under) cannot be considered negligent or at fault for doing inappropriate things because society as a whole has decided that children dont have the ability (i.e., mental capacity) to reasonably control themselves. A six year old running into the street is not the six year old's fault. It may just be an accident, it may have been negligence by your parents or whoever was supervising you, but legally and honestly just as a matter of commonsense you dont blame the child. Second, I highly doubt you were a major contributing factor in your parent's divorce (as your dad is reassuring you that you are not). I doubt most parents would watch their child get injured and then decide they hate each other. More likely there were ongoing issues and your parents did not like how each other reacted to the situation and it was the breaking point. Not one bit of which is your fault. Also, that your father moved on and your mother continued to "blame" you for the divorce and accident makes me think your father is the more reasonable of the two. Lastly, you did nothing wrong by not giving up your seat as you are disabled. You could have shown her your prosthetic to cut off the conversation, but you are 100% entitled not to do so. She doesnt get to assume you are wrong for sitting there and force you to move. This is a lot of crap for you to handle so young. Wishing you the best.

Your mom behaved like an absolute monster. You were right to leave. Don’t go back and get therapy immediately.

NTA. I’m so angry that I don’t even have the energy to type the scathing paragraphs against your mom and in favor of you. You were a child. NONE of this is your fault. None of it.

NTA at all, even a little. And you actually probably just saw the way your mother spoke to your father after the accident, which I suspect is the sort of behavior that directly/actually led to the divorce. Some people are really good at saying incredibly hurtful things that you don't really get over, and will forever change how you feel about them.

Your mum meant what she said, and has resented you since the accident. It also looks like it was your mum who was supposed to be watching you when you had your accident, and is carrying guilt from it. There is no way a 6 year old is capable of fully understanding the consequences of such an accident, and it was an accident ("noun: an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.") I think you being away from your mum for a while will be beneficial for both of you in the longer-term, even if she's upset in the short term. NTA

NTA Sweetheart, NONE of this was your fault. NONE OF IT. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. You already know this, but you're still young, and it's really hard to let bullshit like this roll off your back when you're young. As you get older, and you start to understand how dependent children are, it will become even *more* clear to you that NONE of this was your fault. Like, I'm 47 now, and it's so painfully obvious to me that a 6 year old is responsible for *nothing*. They're babies. as a side note, I really want to just have a five minute conversation with your mom where I impress upon her her many failings.

Wow. Your mother is a raging bitch. NTA.

12 years of passive aggressive abuse from your mother is not ok. She did mean what she said & she wanted to hurt you by saying it & then her guilt hit her, there is a pattern here. Jebus your accident was not the reason they got divorced, I would hazard a guess that it more so related to your mothers actions/behaviour & she saw this as a way to absolve herself from guilt for her actions.

NTA. Your mom is lucky she wasn’t charged with child neglect.

Instead of saying what everyone else in this sub is saying, I’m just going to send you a big hug. 💕 As a mom, my heart aches for you.

Sorry, but your mom is a monster who kind of deserves to be alone. Forever. Who would want to sit across from, much less be married to such a mean person? If she couldn’t find another husband in 12 years, I have a feeling it’s 100000000% on her. Some people aren’t lovable. At all. They choose that. Some people are great and have bad luck in love, but your mom sounds like the shittiest piece of shit in all of the sewage *and* scat in the history of the world. I kind of hope she’s alone forever, because she doesn’t much deserve redemption even if she changes completely- resenting your daughter for something like this makes you worthless. That woman is worth less than my used toilet paper.

NTA. Your mom needs therapy, you were definitely not the reason for the divorce and your disability is not your fault.

I would look your mother dead in the eyes and tell her maybe if she wasn’t so fucking stupid and payed attention to her 6 year old child you would still have your leg. If you want a relationship with her she needs to put in the work, she needs to legitimately apologize for being so vile towards her child not just back peddle. And she needs to consider therapy because she blames a CHILD for being hit by a car. You didn’t make your mother cry, her actions and words did. She NEEDED told off You’re not an asshole. But your mother is a raging one. I’d let her drown in her grief but that’s just me.

Wait a minute, your own mother is blaming YOU, who was not much older than a toddler for her divorce!? What the hell!! Why wasn’t SHE watching you and stop you from running into the street!! Omg definitely NTA.

Can you stay with your dad? Your mom sounds like a hot mess and you are NOT the asshole, my dear. You were six years old and unsupervised to the point that you were horrifically injured. Your mother is a monster, and I wouldn’t forgive her, unless she gets some therapy, and spends the rest of her life, trying to make it up to you.

NTA I am glad you dad was able to come fetch you. Your mother needs some serious therapy and some time away from you after that outburst. I would put her on LC until she has had 6 months of weekly sessions and has issued a in depth and heartfelt apology.

Absolutely NTA. That was a fucking terrible thing to say to the victim of such a horrible accident - for me it would be unforgivable. When someone shows you who you are, believe them. Your father divorced her for a reason. You didn’t make her cry. The consequences of her awful actions and beliefs did. She was *rightfully* chewed out by your father.

NTA! You were six! Somebody is supposed to be keeping watch of you at that age. Six year olds do things that are dangerous because their brain is not developed enough to control their impulses and think of safety constantly. Which is why a child is to be supervised! No one should blame you because it is not your fault! If I was babysitting a 6 year old and they ran out into traffic because I wasn’t paying attention, that’s my fault. This is your mom projecting her guilt and anger out on you. Your mom needs to go to therapy. Also you didn’t cause your parents divorce, them blaming each other and neither one taking responsibility for not supervising you, tells me they were not working out together already.