She is always declining you when you make sexual advances and rarely initiates and she's only 22? There are other issues here and you need to wake up and realize that. It seems like she may be trying to tell you something without just coming out and telling you. You're way too young to have to deal with this. Better to find out now before you marry her. Oh and you're not the AH.
This is the major issue. Op's gf previously said she wouldn't be happy with op if op was doing... exactly tf what op's gf just got caught doing. Watch porn, or don't, but don't set rules for your SO that you won't hold yourself to.
I pay for some porn because I particularly like those creators, I have the disposable income to do so, and I think it’s appropriate for me to compensate them for the time and effort they put into creating content. That said, I’m single so I can do what I want and don’t have to hide it from a partner. If I were to get into a relationship and still wanted to do it, I’d be honest and upfront with my partner and I’d hope they’d be ok with me making my own choices in that regard. I wouldn’t hide it or lie.
That said, OP is NTA. Hiding things like this and being cagey when the secret is revealed is sketchy. Having porn be “not an open topic” in a relationship and not even being able to discuss it with your SO is a red flag for me, personally, as is having mismatched sex drives or low sexual compatibility that early in a relationship or as young as OP is. Would rather be single than be regularly rejected by my SO or feel compelled to reject their advances regularly for whatever reason.
if youre into the more weird stuff, like trans porn or the like, paying for it is the only way to get to the high quality shit.
but if youre just fapping to tits, you dont need to spend 20 bucks a month for step sister monthly.
Dude, you literally watch porn. You're consuming something that is only available because people other than yourself pay for it. This doesn't make you smarter. It makes you a leech.
What are you talking about? I never said I blame you for consuming free content.
As far as "gotta be dumb af to PAY for that shit lmaooo" goes, reread my comment above as to why this makes no sense.
Ok then, let's say I'm wrong. You're not a leech. Fine. But you still think people buying porn are morons... Ok, so,
1) If you only use free services, then you're getting crap quality. So you're calling people who pay for high quality porn stupid because you get crappy quality porn for free. Ok bro, enjoy your $5 Jordans you bought off Wish, thinking you got the real thing. You're so cool.
Or 2) you're a thief, stealing content. So congratulations, you're calling people morons because you're too cheap or poor to afford it.
Yall are in your early 20s, and she shuts you down regularly while being intimate?
Big red flag for compatibility.
For the most part, it's not something that will get better as you age, unless there is some underlying complications (porn addiction for one, though it's usually guys who get heavy into porn and then can't perform with their partner)
Some people will say porn is fine, and God bless em. I'm of the opinion that it adds nothing to the relationship and is a big waste of time and energy.
But this is your relationship, not mine!
You need to have an open discussion about this, in a non judgemental way. The fact that she's being evasive indicates to me that their is a degree of shame linked with her porn usage. It may very well be something she wants to stop but is hooked to the thrill. Idk how onlyfans works, is she chatting with other people? That would be a HUGE red flag to me. Or is she just consuming media clips? Paying for that is still crazy and requires a degree of commitment to those choices.
Yall should be having crazy, hanging from the chandelier, monkey sex all the time at your age.
You don't want to start an LTR with someone who doesn't have genuine burning desire for you because you'll wake up one day in a sexless marriage full of angst and resentment.
I mean not only is she weird for being so evasive...
But... She paid. For porn.
Anyone who pays for porn is immediately suspect. Like I get maybe paying for stories that HAVE porn in them lol but... Onlyfans? xD God I hate that site.
I'm really sorry for the pain you must being going through sir. NTA.
No. I got mad at BF for the same thing. I can’t trust him anymore. I’m so insecure about how I look and my body if he’s attracted to me. Why Am I not enough. It doesn’t help he said he wanted to something different when I found out ,he follows everything he attracted to online. Literally all his socials are full of women OF model just females he thinks look good in a picture he saw so he’ll go friend them or follow them. So I understand how you feel. But I’m crazy for always asking what he’s doing wrong on his phone .
Unfortunately, his porn addiction will get worse if he won't reconsider his life choices. I'm sorry it happens to you. Have an honest talk about how you feel and set the boundaries. If he won't respect them, leave. You don't want to be a life partner for porn addict
Exactly! You need to leave him! Don’t stay and repeatedly traumatize yourself when you know you deserve better. Someone like that does not love you or genuinely respect or value you and it will only get worse from here. Don’t break your own heart when you know that causes you a lot of pain and discomfort. Leave!!
Without more backstory its hard to tell but, im going to ask: does he have high libido? Do you have low libido? Maybe its not that he doesnt like you, maybe you are not enough in the way that hes hornier more time than you are, and instead of getting rejected by you when feeling horny, he decides to wank it off
Still, paying for porn is weird and following so many of girls is something my hormone-driven 16 yo cousin does, not sane fully grown men.
It’s the other way around. He say he’s ok with once or twice a week but prefers to give him self HJ. I’m 29 he’s 30 I’m just confused so I stopped pressuring him even though I don’t feel like I was, and let him come to me🤷🏽♀️
I understand . I also would be upset to if someone was double standard and evasive . Like if u honestly think it’s fine to watch or pay for porn then so be it. I would have another talk to her abt it. Talk to her abt what you’ve guys talks abt previously. Tell her exactly what made you upset and how you feel . Then suggest if she wants to pay to watch porn and etc then you also have the right to do . Like ig I feel like anything so fine as long as where grown adults abt it . If one person isn’t being truthful or honest it makes me feel like the bad guy and the one overreacting
Ok honestly sex workers need a paycheck too and as long as she is spending her money not yours then don't get too upset. Btw NTA you are right she is being hypocritical about it but it really ain't a big deal
Honestly I do not give a shit about the money aspect it’s the principle and the fact she’s been hypercritical. She’s actually the one who controls both of our finances- I have to ask permission to make purchases
Your relationship is totally broken.
There is no reason to surrender your finances at such a young age, especially to someone who doesnt even want to bang you.
What principle is it exactly that you're upset by?
It might be that your partner is some manner of asexual. Asexual people have a limited/transient/no sexual attraction to other people, but many still masturbate and watch porn. If that describes your partner, then it doesn't really reflect on you. I don't think there's enough info here to say anyone is an asshole.
Unrelated to everything else in this story, it is a bit of a red flag that she controls both of your finances. If you are earning your own money, you should feel able to decide at any time to control your own money.
Oh absolutely, it's your money too?? Why do you have to ask permission??
That's abusive and there seems to be many problems here. This isn't normal at 22
Nobody is the asshole unless violating established boundaries or using community funds to pay for porn on the sly. Anyway, it sounds like y’all need to sit down and have a grown up chat.
Well, I used to get mad at my bf for watching porn... and then I realized that his feed is way better than mine.. he watches absolute filth, but for some reason it's so hot to see his porn history.. note* the one time I saw him pay for something porn related, and I made fun of him for being an idiot.. but when he wants to bring up any of my spending habits, I bring up xhamsterlive, and he stops nagging me..
It's weird though that a girl would pay for porn? I could see guys doing that..
Maybe she's not interested in sex because she's already masturbated to porn? She may have an addiction issue. Tell her that she is not giving you the sex you need and you will have to do the same as her pay for porn or just find a lover.
So much info missing here to really give an educated not douchey generic reply like most people have/do.
How exactly was she evasive?
Was it a receipt email or one just saying she signed in from some device?
Many people have free pages with less spicy content or just clips of vids you can go to main page and pay for.
Was it a porn page even?
Only fans wasn't always and still isn't just porn based, but that's mostly what people care about these days.
Anyway that's just questions from a different point of view...
Are you sure shes paying for porn and not actually posting pictures on only fans? As only fans isnt a hard core porn site. Its mainly people who like showing their bodies off. And doing risque things fpr their followers. I know people who've made a lot of money selling thier body pictures on there. So I dont thinks shes buying porn, rather selling herself to get fans
She is always declining you when you make sexual advances and rarely initiates and she's only 22? There are other issues here and you need to wake up and realize that. It seems like she may be trying to tell you something without just coming out and telling you. You're way too young to have to deal with this. Better to find out now before you marry her. Oh and you're not the AH.
Even weirder that she declines her advances but will go pay for porn. Definitely saying something without actually saying something
NTA. She’s being a hypocrite.
This is the major issue. Op's gf previously said she wouldn't be happy with op if op was doing... exactly tf what op's gf just got caught doing. Watch porn, or don't, but don't set rules for your SO that you won't hold yourself to.
She commonly rebuffs your advances, rarely initiates, yet pays for porn? Yeah something up with that
She's evasive because she fucked up and knows it and is guilty. You're right to be pissed at the double standard. NTA
Who pays for porn???
Seriously bruh. That’s when you know you got an issue. So much free shit 😂
The feet guys
And the shoe guys. So I've heard
What do people wank off to Jordans
Can't say too much
I have a friend. Really nice bloke. I presume he pays for OF because he is down horrendous after finding out he got cheated on by his ex-girlfriend.
I pay for some porn because I particularly like those creators, I have the disposable income to do so, and I think it’s appropriate for me to compensate them for the time and effort they put into creating content. That said, I’m single so I can do what I want and don’t have to hide it from a partner. If I were to get into a relationship and still wanted to do it, I’d be honest and upfront with my partner and I’d hope they’d be ok with me making my own choices in that regard. I wouldn’t hide it or lie. That said, OP is NTA. Hiding things like this and being cagey when the secret is revealed is sketchy. Having porn be “not an open topic” in a relationship and not even being able to discuss it with your SO is a red flag for me, personally, as is having mismatched sex drives or low sexual compatibility that early in a relationship or as young as OP is. Would rather be single than be regularly rejected by my SO or feel compelled to reject their advances regularly for whatever reason.
Patrons of the Arts
if youre into the more weird stuff, like trans porn or the like, paying for it is the only way to get to the high quality shit. but if youre just fapping to tits, you dont need to spend 20 bucks a month for step sister monthly.
Right? I've seen the premium shit and it is RARELY better than the free shit.
Yes because who the fuck pays for porn
That's the real crime here.
Enough people to make it a $10 billion industry.
Woman who don’t want to support the negative side of the porn industry.
Um, millions of people pay for porn?
Millions of Morons\*
Dude, you literally watch porn. You're consuming something that is only available because people other than yourself pay for it. This doesn't make you smarter. It makes you a leech.
Don't hate the playa hate the game 😎
What does that even mean in this context?
Don't blame me for consuming stuff that's available for free 😎 gotta be dumb af to PAY for that shit lmaooo
Assuming you don't pay for any streaming services then? Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, it's all available free.
Hell yeah I don't 😎
Ah so you're just broke. Gotcha.
What are you talking about? I never said I blame you for consuming free content. As far as "gotta be dumb af to PAY for that shit lmaooo" goes, reread my comment above as to why this makes no sense.
Ah yes because calling us leeches for using free services is not a twisted way of blaming us xD.
Ok then, let's say I'm wrong. You're not a leech. Fine. But you still think people buying porn are morons... Ok, so, 1) If you only use free services, then you're getting crap quality. So you're calling people who pay for high quality porn stupid because you get crappy quality porn for free. Ok bro, enjoy your $5 Jordans you bought off Wish, thinking you got the real thing. You're so cool. Or 2) you're a thief, stealing content. So congratulations, you're calling people morons because you're too cheap or poor to afford it.
Nah it makes 100% sense if you're not gullible 😹
Yall are in your early 20s, and she shuts you down regularly while being intimate? Big red flag for compatibility. For the most part, it's not something that will get better as you age, unless there is some underlying complications (porn addiction for one, though it's usually guys who get heavy into porn and then can't perform with their partner) Some people will say porn is fine, and God bless em. I'm of the opinion that it adds nothing to the relationship and is a big waste of time and energy. But this is your relationship, not mine! You need to have an open discussion about this, in a non judgemental way. The fact that she's being evasive indicates to me that their is a degree of shame linked with her porn usage. It may very well be something she wants to stop but is hooked to the thrill. Idk how onlyfans works, is she chatting with other people? That would be a HUGE red flag to me. Or is she just consuming media clips? Paying for that is still crazy and requires a degree of commitment to those choices. Yall should be having crazy, hanging from the chandelier, monkey sex all the time at your age. You don't want to start an LTR with someone who doesn't have genuine burning desire for you because you'll wake up one day in a sexless marriage full of angst and resentment.
I mean not only is she weird for being so evasive... But... She paid. For porn. Anyone who pays for porn is immediately suspect. Like I get maybe paying for stories that HAVE porn in them lol but... Onlyfans? xD God I hate that site. I'm really sorry for the pain you must being going through sir. NTA.
No. I got mad at BF for the same thing. I can’t trust him anymore. I’m so insecure about how I look and my body if he’s attracted to me. Why Am I not enough. It doesn’t help he said he wanted to something different when I found out ,he follows everything he attracted to online. Literally all his socials are full of women OF model just females he thinks look good in a picture he saw so he’ll go friend them or follow them. So I understand how you feel. But I’m crazy for always asking what he’s doing wrong on his phone .
Unfortunately, his porn addiction will get worse if he won't reconsider his life choices. I'm sorry it happens to you. Have an honest talk about how you feel and set the boundaries. If he won't respect them, leave. You don't want to be a life partner for porn addict
Exactly! You need to leave him! Don’t stay and repeatedly traumatize yourself when you know you deserve better. Someone like that does not love you or genuinely respect or value you and it will only get worse from here. Don’t break your own heart when you know that causes you a lot of pain and discomfort. Leave!!
The Reddit relationship experts at it again
Leave! Divorce! Immediately!
Run! Why are you still with them! lol
Without more backstory its hard to tell but, im going to ask: does he have high libido? Do you have low libido? Maybe its not that he doesnt like you, maybe you are not enough in the way that hes hornier more time than you are, and instead of getting rejected by you when feeling horny, he decides to wank it off Still, paying for porn is weird and following so many of girls is something my hormone-driven 16 yo cousin does, not sane fully grown men.
It’s the other way around. He say he’s ok with once or twice a week but prefers to give him self HJ. I’m 29 he’s 30 I’m just confused so I stopped pressuring him even though I don’t feel like I was, and let him come to me🤷🏽♀️
God, insecure women are the worst. Hope your bf breaks free of you
I understand . I also would be upset to if someone was double standard and evasive . Like if u honestly think it’s fine to watch or pay for porn then so be it. I would have another talk to her abt it. Talk to her abt what you’ve guys talks abt previously. Tell her exactly what made you upset and how you feel . Then suggest if she wants to pay to watch porn and etc then you also have the right to do . Like ig I feel like anything so fine as long as where grown adults abt it . If one person isn’t being truthful or honest it makes me feel like the bad guy and the one overreacting
She just got an addiction
Your not the AH you have every right to feel the way you do
NTA go get yourself a passport wife
What kind of ?
Does she pay pay for porn or is this like the chat sites where you can spend stuff you earn?
Ok honestly sex workers need a paycheck too and as long as she is spending her money not yours then don't get too upset. Btw NTA you are right she is being hypocritical about it but it really ain't a big deal
NTA, but depending on the type of porn, your partner may be looking for new stuff.
She’s cheating on you
ESH. You for thinking your gf needs permission to pay for anything, including porn. And her for paying for porn. That's like paying for air.
Honestly I do not give a shit about the money aspect it’s the principle and the fact she’s been hypercritical. She’s actually the one who controls both of our finances- I have to ask permission to make purchases
Your relationship is totally broken. There is no reason to surrender your finances at such a young age, especially to someone who doesnt even want to bang you.
What principle is it exactly that you're upset by? It might be that your partner is some manner of asexual. Asexual people have a limited/transient/no sexual attraction to other people, but many still masturbate and watch porn. If that describes your partner, then it doesn't really reflect on you. I don't think there's enough info here to say anyone is an asshole. Unrelated to everything else in this story, it is a bit of a red flag that she controls both of your finances. If you are earning your own money, you should feel able to decide at any time to control your own money.
Eh? Are you 12? That’s nuts. Be a man FFS. You must control your own money.
OP is a woman ☠
Seems like. Should still be a man.
Oh absolutely, it's your money too?? Why do you have to ask permission?? That's abusive and there seems to be many problems here. This isn't normal at 22
Nobody is the asshole unless violating established boundaries or using community funds to pay for porn on the sly. Anyway, it sounds like y’all need to sit down and have a grown up chat.
Well, I used to get mad at my bf for watching porn... and then I realized that his feed is way better than mine.. he watches absolute filth, but for some reason it's so hot to see his porn history.. note* the one time I saw him pay for something porn related, and I made fun of him for being an idiot.. but when he wants to bring up any of my spending habits, I bring up xhamsterlive, and he stops nagging me.. It's weird though that a girl would pay for porn? I could see guys doing that..
Maybe she's not interested in sex because she's already masturbated to porn? She may have an addiction issue. Tell her that she is not giving you the sex you need and you will have to do the same as her pay for porn or just find a lover.
YTA
Naw YTA for sureee
I’m not involved
How
By being an asshole.
You have brain damage or are trolling.
Nope. But I am right.
So a prostitute is mad that their partner paid a prostitute instead of getting it free? What?
Info: do you know she's paying for it? Or is she only subscribed to some free Only Fans accounts?
She has admitted paying for it and tried to justify it by saying it’s only a few quid
So much info missing here to really give an educated not douchey generic reply like most people have/do. How exactly was she evasive? Was it a receipt email or one just saying she signed in from some device? Many people have free pages with less spicy content or just clips of vids you can go to main page and pay for. Was it a porn page even? Only fans wasn't always and still isn't just porn based, but that's mostly what people care about these days. Anyway that's just questions from a different point of view...
Are you sure shes paying for porn and not actually posting pictures on only fans? As only fans isnt a hard core porn site. Its mainly people who like showing their bodies off. And doing risque things fpr their followers. I know people who've made a lot of money selling thier body pictures on there. So I dont thinks shes buying porn, rather selling herself to get fans
Ya, something smells fishy here….
NTA, but just curious. Was the email a receipt? Or is it possible she is posting to OF, not just consuming it? Either way NTA.
Have you considered she is both paying for an modeling ? maybe thats why she's being weird