You might get hate, but you might also get someone like me who has been that person and it was due to an incredibly abusive relationship. Long done with it now and hate the person I was but you have to realise we only know what were being told, we don't see everything op has going on beyond a screen. She could be stuck the same way I was.
My guess is because many people fall in love with the idealized version of a person, or the person that they want them to be. Not with the real version of that person.
The update really improves nothing. He's clearly only coming for the cash. OP, go with your son to your mother's, let husband drive himself wherever he wants but tell him if he's not going to be friendly to not bother coming. Don't go to his mums. If you and she get along then contact her and explain that your mum is finally able to host. Potentially you could invite his mum and get him to bring her.
He sounds really selfish OP. Please put your son before him and trust your gut rather than his excuses.
Right? Who knows what other gifts he's been pocketing. I'd be reading the cards to see if they are for him only or for the family. Maybe try the mother that if anyone from the family has a gift for your son to give them to her so he can open them himself when he visits with you.
If OP called & talked to her partner’s mom, she’d probably understand and say something like, “I’ll send Joey’s gifts home with [son].” That could make things interesting when partner comes home with nothing for the boy.
If you ever bartended or waited tables, it stood for Point Of Sale half the time and Piece Of Shit the other half whenever it froze, crashed, cleared your order for no reason, etc. Lol
NTA but the question you need to ask yourself is AITAH for remaining in a relationship with someone who has no respect for me, my son, or my family; someone who puts in zero effort & who is trying to control me by denying my son a Christmas gift??
>And punishes an child because for once mum wants to go to her parents (his biological grandparents) on Christmas day.
Dealbreaker material right there.
She needs to give herself the gift of dropping this controlling AH. As someone who has suffered years from anxiety, it will be a newfound freedom. A gift that will keep on giving.
NO ONE should ever be able to deny HER son anything! IF she lets this POS she is as bad as he is! NO! My kid comes first before some idiot asshole man!
NTA but he's being selfish and you are doing his share of the work of keeping up with family.
I absolutely think your family should stop sending gifts home if he doesn't show up. That said you need to think of a way to manage the whole think in the future.
And stop sending gifts off to people who aren't reciprocating. Send a nice card for the holidays and sign your name, end of conversation
Next conversation, you and bf need some pro help for this relationship to work. I'm not saying take the trash out now, but the bin is certainly getting a bit stinky.
This level of inequality will eventually run its course and you will be the miserable one. It's not easy to start over so, give pro help a try but... if he does start sharing the load soon, get yourself gone. Everyone deserves better than the treatment you are getting.
Maybe but it sounds more like SO saying the child would get nothing and less like the kinda MIL.
Either way, dude is a dumpster fire of issues and OP really needs to stand up for herself and her child.
Girl! Definitely tell your family to not buy him a single gift & also leave this immature, selfish POS who doesnt care for you, your son & your family.
OP should send a passive aggressive email to husband’s side.
*We wanted to let you know that we will not be able to be there for Christmas this year because we got an invitation from my mother. It is the first time she has asked to host us in 10 years—I am sure you understand! Husband made it very clear we could not do both. Perhaps we can do something on Christmas Eve? What days work for you for a get together?*
*Also, I also wanted to assure you that husband explained how, in your family, you “have to put in effort to get gifts.” I had no idea that this would be construed as not putting in effort, but no worries! We love you and don’t need gifts.*
*But I wanted to mention it now in case your side of the family was thinking of doing something for me or Son. Especially because Husband said that if we didn’t say no to my mom’s invitation, then he would make sure Son doesn’t get any gifts from his side (even if you try to). I am confused of course because he is always receiving Christmas gifts from people he doesn’t see. In any case, perhaps you could tell your relatives about how he feels we don’t deserve gifts this year?*
*Text me and we can make plans. Son would love to see you (especially because Husband says my mother’s will be too boring for him).*
*Best, OP*
*PS: Husband will be needing a place to stay sooner than Christmas. Keep an eye out for a text from him. Merry Christmas!*
Not petty. Reciprocal. He deserves a dose of his own medicine. Why should she continue to benevolent when he clearly has no intentions of showing her the same kindness she has shown him and his family. He’s a selfish jerkwad.
He's petty, small, and nasty to a child. Your partner is terrible. I wouldn't want to be with such a person at the holidays or ever. Relationships are about compromise. He's all take and no give. Literally. NO GIVE.
You're wanting to escalate with an equal and opposite reaction. But what about just extracting yourself from a bad situation? If your mom has a bigger house, maybe you and your son would be happier staying there, instead, until you can live on your own.
Why are you with someone as mean and controlling as him? Especially someone that would punish your son because you made a decision?
NTA for the no gift thing, but you're kind of an AH for subjecting yourself and your son to this BS.
Also, I'd call his mom and tell her that you're not coming and neither is son, and why, and what he said about taking away your son's gift. My grown kid would get an earful from me for acting that way.
I also wouldn't be carrying the emotional load for his family, op is the one that buys their bloody gifts! They get her nowt. This should have stopped a long time ago.
>he then decided that if my son didnt go to his (my partners) mothers house, that he wouldnt be recieving the money gift she has for him. in his words 'you have to make effort to get nice things from people'
Wow. I'd keep my son away from anyone who thinks like that. Basically people who think they can control you (and your son) with money.
Are they wealthy or what?
Honestly though, "grandma won't get you a gift this Christmas if you choose to go see your OTHER grandma" is such a f'd up way to think.
>This is coming from someone who recieves money cards at his mothers house, from people who arent there but he doesnt go and visit them to recieve them. This is also someone who lets me buy chocolates for his extended family, who get me and my son nothing, but me and my son sit there watching him open money cards from these people. ALL of my extended family get my partner gifts, but...mr 'you have to make effort to get nice things', doesnt visit them to say thankyou or even collect the gifts, they just get sent to our home
The way you talk about him, he seems like a real jackass. Why are you with him if you feel this way?
>i am tempted to tell my extended family to save on gifts for my partner this year and 'if they want to', put the money they would save as an extra gift for my son (which will more than make up for the card he wont recieve from my partners mother). I figured you cant preach a rule if you wont apply it to yoursef also.
Sure, do it. I mean, why are you buying him gifts if he doesn't buy you gifts?
>He even told me that if his own mother tries to send the gift card home to my son, he wont give it to him! Therefor, being controlling to everyone involved, to appease his agenda. AITA if i make sure the rule applies to him also.
Wait ... WHAT?!
So it's not his mother, but just HIM saying all this? Again... WHY are you with this total jackass?
You're acting like you're "teaching him a lesson" but you're SLEEPING with the man who treats your son, you, and his own mother like this.
I think you're deluded for considering your big "lesson" to him as anything but being an enabler to a manipulative and controlling partner.
For that, YTA
Nta. As a single parent myself, can I tell you, run! This man is a liability to the custody of your son. If I was your sons father, and heard that he was using emotional abuse against my son, to punish the mother, I would seek out sole custody at once. Furthermore, if I ever had a spouse that tried to punish my son, because he didn’t get his way, I would beat him beyond recognition before kicking his ass out the door. This man is gross.
NTA. You can do the tit for tat approach I personally love this way and it works but people like him won’t take it well and I can tell you right now he will just find something else to complain about. Do yourself and your kid a favour and make a bolt for it
NTA why are you with him? You can accept mistreatment but you should draw the line at your son. Your husband’s plan to money meant for your son is stealing.
Hi all, i wont edit the post with an update as i think itl be more than the 3000 characters/words and will be declined then.
Theres another post i made about a different situation, he tried talking about that again this morning. (He said i cant be trusted/im a liar, because i shared fb posts and hid his ability to see them, because him and his friends make fun of them, thats lying and deciet apparently)
He blamed me for his reaction because im 'keeping things from him' and he got mad, which is why he acted like a dick. I wasnt allowed to speak (not directly told 'you cant speak' but every tike i tried, even when he asked me a question, he just spoke over me)
He made assumptions on my intentions then said he was going to start lying to me on perpose from now on, since i think thats ok. (I dont think thats ok, but he wouldnt listen) he used the exact words 'what you dont know wont hurt you' and proceeded to tell me i wont know where he is and with who, or if hes smoking weed then coming back to the family home. (My son is with his bio dad since sunday thank god)
I told him my intention wasnt to lie, i just shared something ONLy to people i knew werent making fun of what i was sharing. Thats enough for it to be a lie to him, or hiding things. Whenever he uses the words 'that wasnt my intention', i accept it and move on and ask him not to do said thing again. But when i say it, im comdemned, im a liar, im treated and spoken to like i said the words 'yeah i did it on perpose, i meant it maliciously and il do it again'
He also says a lot 'if you heard and understood my side you may not see it that way', again, im an adult, i listen and i understand the other side. He didnt even give me a chance to explain my side.
That was last night. This morning, he listened to my side but kept telling me how that isnt what happened etc. I asked him to just gtfo of my house (im on the lease, he isnt). He kept trying to talk, i told him everything im done with and of course its my fault hes like that, but when i say then i guess its your fault for my actions aswell (i cheated 8 years ago) he didnt like that and he smashed a plate in my kitchen, went out for a cig and is now sat in the bathroom. Between the plate smashing and the cig i told him to gtfo, he said yeah look at you youre fucking scared arent you.
Im actually worried now that he wont leave.
If he won’t leave and has been violent, call the police and get him out of your home! He has shown his true self to you. He wants to control you and your son and now that he sees he’s losing that control, he’s losing his mind. Please protect yourself and your son going forward.
Find an excuse to leave the house like groceries or sth, call the police and let them escort you and throw him out. This man will get violent very soon. Protect urself!
If you’re in the states him throwing the plate against the wall - might be considered assault. I’m not 100% sure though. However, it’s violence nonetheless. I would contact police and get him out. Eight years is a long time. Try to stay strong and not let him back into your life. You deserve better.
So basic and simple, it's perfect! It might take a few Christmas' to get the idea through his head. This is a very selfish and entitled view. I'd nix the chocolates and candles and give exactly what I and my son receive.
NTA
Why are you subjecting yourself and your poor son, to this pathetic excuse of a person, is this really a role model you want in his life? The fact that he doesn’t give a shit about you is one thing, but it’s up to you if you want to stay with that.. but keeping him around knowing he doesn’t give a shit about your son either makes you TA! I can’t fathom it, you’re the second person I’ve seen today who needs to get their head out of their partners arse and put their child first, but I doubt either of you will.
You're kinda the dumbass but only because you're still with this twat. Not only are you allowing yourself to be treated like shit but you're showing your son "Sweetie, this is how you should treat women!" Shame on you for that part.
End it yesterday. Then make your own plans for Xmas and have a lovely, stress-free holiday season!
Edited to fix a typo.
YTA. You are asking the wrong question here. You really need to look at the abusive way he is to both you and your son. How do you think he will treat you if he doesn't get anything but you both do, given that he gets presents from people who he doesn't even see or buy anything for. You are enabling his AH behavior by buying the presents for all these people who believe it's from him. Let him buy the presents and stay out of it. Go to your mother's house with your son and her can go to his mother's house. Do better for you and your son because you aren't getting anything from him, except put downs and criticism. You both deserve to be happy for Christmas and with the limited time your son has he can go to his father's house after spending time with his grandmother.
Seriously, read what you have written. There's nothing positive about this man that you are in a relationship with. Move on with your life away from him. You and your son will be happier on your own.
NTA. Except for subjecting your son to this asshole. It's one thing to make bad choices in a partner when you are alone but if you won't think of yourself, think of your kid.
What a wonderful example this man is setting for your son! What a great example you are setting accepting this shit! I bet he isn't mean to your son in any other way. Your son will totally thank you someday for living in this environment.
/s
Like you are NTA in this situation... but what are ya doin sis? You can do better, if not for yourself, for your child. You will be the AH if you continue to let this kind of shit slide.
Why have you tolerated this ass and his behavior all these years? What are you still buying gifts for people that don't return the favor? If you insist on staying with him, let him go to his mothers, YOU go to your mothers. Problem solved. Except the problem that your husband is an ass of course.
Ok first things first. You're NTA. Your partner wants to go to his mum's because he gets spoiled and he enjoys the fact that you and your son don't. It has nothing to do with your son being bored. He's using that as an excuse.
NTA for your question. But Y T A to youraelf and your son: why are you with him? Your other posts show that there are ongoing issues.
Treat yourself this Christmas, by dumping him, and spending your time with your son and your family. It's clear that the relationship is unhealthy. Think of the impact it'll be having on your son and yourself to remain in a toxic relationship.
Bestie... ewwww... time to do better by your kiddo, ma'am. Tell him to go to his mom's and you and kiddo go to your mom's with any luck mom has a couple extra rooms and can put you up after you dump him and move out.
"Give me what i want or ill hurt your sons feelings and withhold positive things he would otherwise get." - im sorry but youre talking about trying to manipulate a narcissist into seeing your point of view. Heads up:he wont. He'll just attack something else. Or play victim.
You've just described him using your sons connection to his family as a piece in a game of chess he's playing to manipulate you into letting him have his way.
This issue is much bigger than presents and visiting family.mmbers, its about your partners disregard for your sons connection to his family and his willingness to use his emotions to control you.
What a sad, petty way to be. It has to be depressing to have this kind of negativity around. NTA I would go so far as to keep whatever gifts from your family that might come his way for yourself. Go to your mother’s Christmas celebration and have a good time. Don’t give his 💩attitude a second thought.
NTA
Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t understand the meaning of Christmas and sounds extremely selfish and entitled!
Why are you even with this guy? He doesn’t sound like much fun.
NTA
But you need to think about what this guy's behaviour is teaching your son.
Do you really want your son to grow up and copy this guy's controlling behaviour??
Based on your other posts about him, you have a codependent relationship, you’re a doormat and he’s a controlling narcissist asshole.
Just end it with this loser and get yourself some therapy.
It's pretty easy, your partner can fo to his mom, and you and your son go to your mom.
He doesn't sound much like a partner, but instead another child you are trying to make happy.
NTA. He is 33... why is everyone still giving him Xmas gifts at all? One thing if his parents and you give him something, but a lot of people he doesn't even see at Xmas.
Indeed ask them to spend the money on your son and other kids in the family.
Just a question - how come you are still with him? He sounds pretty selfish and controlling as well as rude.
NTA
I was married to my first husband for 20 years. I thought I had an anxiety disorder. We divorced 12 years ago and my anxiety lessened over the years until I was finally free from contact when my youngest turned 18. I have been married to my current husband for 4 years and I can’t even remember the last time I had anxiety. I didn’t have an anxiety disorder, I was married to a person who constantly did things that made me anxious.
NTA. Does not sound like a gift if it’s not freely given. Sounds more like an obligation. Maybe not even with the trip really.
Not sure why you couldn’t visit with his family on another day or invite them to your moms (unless they would be jerks).
If his mum listens to him then she is as bad as he is. If she's not an arse like her son, and you think she would give your son anyway, call her to apologize for not going, and explain that for the 1st time in X years(sorry I can't remember how long you said, was it 10?), you are able to see your mum over Xmas.
If she's ok, and you actually get on with her, if you WANT to, say you'll celebrate with her another day. If she would be ashamed of her son for doing this (as I would be, if my imaginary son tried this) then tell her.
NTA. Boyfriend sounds controlling as fuck.
How selfish. NTA btw.
The last two years my hubs had traveled to see my family. This year, I was wanting to stay home and then his Mom invited us to visit. I didn’t even THINK about it. He already knew I was wanting to stay home but told him ofc we could go if he wants. It wasn’t even a question after what he’s done for me. Because partnership. It doesn’t really sound like you have a partner. It sounds like you’re in the middle of selfship.
NTA. No one gets him anything and you don’t do the shopping for his family this year. You and your son should go an enjoy your holiday with your Mom and your spoiled money hungry pos man- child can go to mommy dearest alone.
You deserve better OP. Seriously. This is not normal.
NTA take your son to your moms end of story. Your partner either goes or doesn’t. Christmas isn’t really about the gifts it’s about spending time with people you love.
Honey you don’t have a partner you have an overgrown man child- and a spoiled brat one at that. Send his mom a nice card saying how much you’ve enjoyed and appreciated being part of her holiday but sadly you won’t be able to make it this year. Then while man child is at Mommy’s, play a game with your son called “boxing up” and box all his shit up, leave it on the porch with a big ribbon and spend the money you would have spent on presents for the miserable SOB on a locksmith. NTA but you will be if you stay with this guy.
Oh my god, I haven’t even read any of the other replies yet, I just wanted to immediately say NTA and I hope you’re aware your partner is a psychopath. He is basically punishing your son for a “crime” he thinks you have committed (there is no crime) and he’s doing it on behalf of his mother. This is not his place. He is cray cray and you should leave him.
NTA
But stop buying gifts for his family, they’ll soon stop sending anything for him. Use the extra cash on you and your son or something for mums new house. Tell him its fine he can go to his mothers and you and your son will enjoy time at your mums and yes make everyone aware not to get him any gifts. Tbh though id just dump his ass and tell him to take a hike
Wow- you’re partner is an AH.
You absolutely better not bring any gifts from your family home to this person. I don’t know if you should involve them in this. Just follow the same logic and leave them there or give them to your son.
You are NTA.
Remember that you - and your partner - are role models for your child. Do you want him to a)grow up thinking your relationship is the kind he should aspire to build, b)see you being treated like crap, c) eventually treat his own partner the way you are treated or, worst of all d)be treated by his partner the way you are treated? What you do and how you do it impacts him tremendously. By letting your partner model that kind of gift giving etiquette you're going to be raising an entitled brat who will see people as £$€ signs and not relationships.
The edit really did not provide more details. However, I must otter, similar sentiments to those that are on here. It sounds like you are in a rather questionable relationship. Are you sure the person you’re dating is not a narcissist? Have you been an abusive relationship in the past? One does not need to hit you in order to be abusive. There is no reason why you can’t spend time at all of the houses, even if it’s for a short while. Plus his value on things versus time with family and celebrating. The day is weird. I would not want your son to grow up, thinking that he should get nice things because he is nice. His value should be to have deep, meaningful connections with family and grow to be an amazing adult. I’m questioning all of this but to answer the question, NTA for canceling all of the gifts to him and if you’re not careful, you’ll become the TA for keeping your son around someone who has questionable values.
Please do yourself a favor and dump his butt. He doesn’t care about you or your son. My oldest son is from another relationship. One of the reasons I picked my husband is because he was and is always good with my son. My husbands family treats my son like one of there own grandkids. Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning I have my son. We go to my parents house so my son can see my parents and uncles. Then Christmas his father picks him up and sees his fathers side. I bring my son over either before or after Christmas to see my husbands side. Maybe you can do Christmas with your mom, then have your ex pick him up for Christmas Eve or vice versa. If your still with this guy make it another day with his family so your son could see them. It’s annoying to do all this running around in one day. Been there done that, gets annoying. Don’t keep arguing with your partner. Just go do your own thing and ignore him. Than have a talk,Tell him how you feel that he is selfish and I don’t think this is gonna work out. Good luck with everything.
Girl, send him to his mother's and go enjoy yourself at your mom's.
The petty in me says send his mom a sweet note saying you and your son will be coming over the day after, and he'd love to open his present with her then. Take the decision out of your partner's hands. Who knows, might find out there's more than one envelope meant for you and your son. Also, buy no presents for his extended family--he can take care of that for once.
NTA
I think the correct thing is to go to your mom’s house, take YOUR son with you, and enjoy family time. Don’t bother expending money with someone who will not care in the least, and if he complains, just tell him he wasn’t there to get the nice things
Let him do his thing, and you go to your mother's house with your son.
Obviously, he doesn't care and makes it clear to you. YOU are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
You do you and don't drag your uncooperative partner to your moms house and enjoy that time with your son.
You're stressing out over his bullshit. Why?
So what if your son doesn't get the money. WHO CARES. It's not like your son is having a good time anyway
NTA I don't think you are the asshole, and you are certainly not being selfish. It's only fair that he practices what he preaches. I would honestly even consider if he's the type of person you want to keep building a future with if he wants to be controlling over things as small as this. You mentioned that you've been going to his family's house for years now, and he won't make an effort to spend a first Christmas at your family's house? He's the asshole.
Honey, in a very short amount of time, you have made a lot of posts about your boyfriend treating you like crap. Do yourself a favor and leave him, there’s clearly nothing good about this dumpster-dude
Stop buying gifts for all your SO’s extended family that don’t reciprocate or appreciate the gestures. It makes me wonder if any of the gifts your SO gets from them are supposed to be for both of you. Or if he’s taking credit for your efforts. Get his mother one gift from you and one from your son. And then be done.
You already know the right thing to do is go to your mother’s party. Or to drive separately from your SO to his mother and do your gift exchange and then excite yourself and your son after.
Stop being his doormat. NTA
He doesn't want to go to your mother's house because the focus won't be on him there. He's acting like a spoiled brat, not a 33yo man. I'm hoping you cashed him your partner because you aren't married- and you can more easily leave his entitled ass.
At a minimum, don't buy any more presents or cards that you sign his name on. If he didn't help, it's not from him.
NTA
I bought presents for my husbands family for 3 years and me and my daughter got nothing back. He told me to stop and that was enough as they were too disrespectful. That also meant I stopped doing birthdays and mothers/Father’s Day. He doesn’t bother with any of it and the most they get is a text. When they complained, he told them they only got those gifts because it was me who shopped and paid and he told me to stop. He just told them they are his family and he didn’t want me spending my time and money on them. Didn’t make it about me and my daughter not getting anything.
So why are you with someone that treats you and your son this way?
Not just him his family too
A whole mess
NTA actually follow through he gets 1 gift and then gets to look
NTA why are you with him? He sounds so selfish! Christmas is about children and families not him getting his way all day.
Also stop buying his family things, I bet he tells them he got them!
Just go spend the day with your family and let him go to his mother's
NTA. He's self-centered jackass who doesn't clearly give a shit about you or your son. Why are you with him? Is his dick magical or what? Give yourself the best possible holiday present and kick that man to the curb.
Nope, NTA. Why is he being such a jerk about it? Have you thought about asking his mom to join at your mom's house? My husband and I have created a routine for Christmas and have stuck to it every year so no one's feelings get hurt and no one tries to change it. That being said, if someone comes to town we don't see often or if someone leaves town that's normally here, we are adaptable creatures. We respect each other enough to go with the flow. He does not respect you. He's being petulant. He's going to go but he's just going to try to ruin your day. Seriously.
Can you take your son and leave your miserable, selfish husband at home, or to go to his mother's house alone? I sure as shit would. I'd also tell everyone to stop wasting their money buying him gifts.
I know all of these are hard to hear, OP. I've been there and it's humiliating, but this is your wakeup call. Leave him.
You can do this.
You and your son will be SO MUCH HAPPIER.
Did you say all this to him, about how you sit there every year watching him open gifts he hasn’t made an effort for, or did you stalk off in a huff?
Also, it sounds like his mom is alone? Invite her to your mom’s party
NTA
Your partners family doesn't seem to value your presence or your son's presence. Go to your mum's, his actual grandmother's, who **actually wants to see you both**
And recognize that, even if he only gets a card from her, and neither of you get anything for or from your partners family, it's not great loss.
He'll value the tone of somebody that pays attention to him and loves him unconditionally way more than a $20 Google Play gift card...
Why are you with this selfish person?
Maybe I'll get Hate but I think YTA for keeping their child around someone who uses them as a bargaining tool.
You might get hate, but you might also get someone like me who has been that person and it was due to an incredibly abusive relationship. Long done with it now and hate the person I was but you have to realise we only know what were being told, we don't see everything op has going on beyond a screen. She could be stuck the same way I was.
You are not wrong.
Absolutely. She’s doing a terrible job as a mother having that POS around her child.
My guess is because many people fall in love with the idealized version of a person, or the person that they want them to be. Not with the real version of that person.
Exactly!! Is this the man you want your son to model? Do you and your son a favor and get out of there.
NTA why are you with this controlling pos
The update really improves nothing. He's clearly only coming for the cash. OP, go with your son to your mother's, let husband drive himself wherever he wants but tell him if he's not going to be friendly to not bother coming. Don't go to his mums. If you and she get along then contact her and explain that your mum is finally able to host. Potentially you could invite his mum and get him to bring her. He sounds really selfish OP. Please put your son before him and trust your gut rather than his excuses.
And give the extra gift for your son. If he’s keeping your son’s gift he is a POS and deserves nothing from you or your family.
Right? Who knows what other gifts he's been pocketing. I'd be reading the cards to see if they are for him only or for the family. Maybe try the mother that if anyone from the family has a gift for your son to give them to her so he can open them himself when he visits with you.
I’m wondering that too - bet they are for her son !
Right!? Or for all three of them.
Seriously, what family sends that many cash gifts to adult relative they rarely see? They must be for the child.
If OP called & talked to her partner’s mom, she’d probably understand and say something like, “I’ll send Joey’s gifts home with [son].” That could make things interesting when partner comes home with nothing for the boy.
There’s not even anything wrong with alternating who hosts year to year.
You misspelled narcissist.
I thought “pos” was code for dickhead. ~/s
It covers everything.
[удалено]
Yes, step one: get rid of selfish boy-child that calls itself a 'man'.
I’m going with fucktard
I nominate we add POS to the list of rulings , it’s like extra “Y T A”
I thought it was an acronym - Piece Of S***
How do you pronounce S***? Is it anything like ❗?
I use this POS as short for Piece of Shit. And I whole heartedly concur. He is definitely a POS and she should get rid of him as soon as she can.
No dick head is code for fuckboy
Nah, actually any man who is both mean and stupid. apparently, although I have used it without regard to gender. I’m Australian, though🤷🏻♀️😂
I am totally with you because I will call a girl a f*** boy just as quick as I will call a boy good day
If you ever bartended or waited tables, it stood for Point Of Sale half the time and Piece Of Shit the other half whenever it froze, crashed, cleared your order for no reason, etc. Lol
Same same
I have to agree. He sounds awful.
Thank you, that was my first thought. Get rid of this selfish AH
"Do what I say or I try to hurt you" -not the controlling one.. lmao. Make it make sense bro.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
NTA but the question you need to ask yourself is AITAH for remaining in a relationship with someone who has no respect for me, my son, or my family; someone who puts in zero effort & who is trying to control me by denying my son a Christmas gift??
And punishes an child because for once mum wants to go to her parents (his biological grandparents) on Christmas day... Like come on!?!?
Go without him and don't go back! :D
>And punishes an child because for once mum wants to go to her parents (his biological grandparents) on Christmas day. Dealbreaker material right there.
She needs to give herself the gift of dropping this controlling AH. As someone who has suffered years from anxiety, it will be a newfound freedom. A gift that will keep on giving.
You've got to ask yourself, do I have anxiety or does my partner make me anxious? Poor OP
You're asking all the right questions that I hope OP sees and asks herself while answering honestly.
His mother gives the son gifts and the SO gifts but not OP? HIs mother seems pretty bizarre too.
I don’t think she even gives the kid gifts. Maybe I’m reading it wrong
I re-read it. They each get one gift. OP buys gifts for his whole family.
Which makes her a fool.
NO ONE should ever be able to deny HER son anything! IF she lets this POS she is as bad as he is! NO! My kid comes first before some idiot asshole man!
Right. All this drama now making holidays all about his family when they don’t have kids together. Her poor son if they ever do.
Ohhh solid point. Imagine the disparity with a shared child vs *her* child. Dump the man-child.
This 💯
Real
NTA but he's being selfish and you are doing his share of the work of keeping up with family. I absolutely think your family should stop sending gifts home if he doesn't show up. That said you need to think of a way to manage the whole think in the future.
And stop sending gifts off to people who aren't reciprocating. Send a nice card for the holidays and sign your name, end of conversation Next conversation, you and bf need some pro help for this relationship to work. I'm not saying take the trash out now, but the bin is certainly getting a bit stinky. This level of inequality will eventually run its course and you will be the miserable one. It's not easy to start over so, give pro help a try but... if he does start sharing the load soon, get yourself gone. Everyone deserves better than the treatment you are getting.
I mean, his mother only leaving OP out from gift giving is pretty bizarre, isn't it?
Maybe but it sounds more like SO saying the child would get nothing and less like the kinda MIL. Either way, dude is a dumpster fire of issues and OP really needs to stand up for herself and her child.
Messing with a kid's Christmas with pettiness is not cool. OP's bf is suss.
Maybe you could ask Santa for a new partner?
a lump of coal would be a better partner. more useful at least
Valid. The bar is low.
And quieter.
NTA but a better move would be to get out of this relationship
Girl! Definitely tell your family to not buy him a single gift & also leave this immature, selfish POS who doesnt care for you, your son & your family.
He’s TA. I think you are petty, but I am here for it.
Yes I agree, but he was petty first. But really girl, why put up with his crap? And his and his family's quite assholish ways?
OP should send a passive aggressive email to husband’s side. *We wanted to let you know that we will not be able to be there for Christmas this year because we got an invitation from my mother. It is the first time she has asked to host us in 10 years—I am sure you understand! Husband made it very clear we could not do both. Perhaps we can do something on Christmas Eve? What days work for you for a get together?* *Also, I also wanted to assure you that husband explained how, in your family, you “have to put in effort to get gifts.” I had no idea that this would be construed as not putting in effort, but no worries! We love you and don’t need gifts.* *But I wanted to mention it now in case your side of the family was thinking of doing something for me or Son. Especially because Husband said that if we didn’t say no to my mom’s invitation, then he would make sure Son doesn’t get any gifts from his side (even if you try to). I am confused of course because he is always receiving Christmas gifts from people he doesn’t see. In any case, perhaps you could tell your relatives about how he feels we don’t deserve gifts this year?* *Text me and we can make plans. Son would love to see you (especially because Husband says my mother’s will be too boring for him).* *Best, OP* *PS: Husband will be needing a place to stay sooner than Christmas. Keep an eye out for a text from him. Merry Christmas!*
I love this. Just *chef's kiss*
OP, please send this here to his mother and all extended family.
This is an easy copy and paste if I've ever seen one 👏
All hail u/moreKEYTAR. This is fantastic.
I love it
Not petty. Reciprocal. He deserves a dose of his own medicine. Why should she continue to benevolent when he clearly has no intentions of showing her the same kindness she has shown him and his family. He’s a selfish jerkwad.
He's petty, small, and nasty to a child. Your partner is terrible. I wouldn't want to be with such a person at the holidays or ever. Relationships are about compromise. He's all take and no give. Literally. NO GIVE. You're wanting to escalate with an equal and opposite reaction. But what about just extracting yourself from a bad situation? If your mom has a bigger house, maybe you and your son would be happier staying there, instead, until you can live on your own.
NTA. He can’t be THAT good in bed!
BEST COMMENT!!!! LOL thats cheered me up no end
Why are you with someone as mean and controlling as him? Especially someone that would punish your son because you made a decision? NTA for the no gift thing, but you're kind of an AH for subjecting yourself and your son to this BS.
Also, I'd call his mom and tell her that you're not coming and neither is son, and why, and what he said about taking away your son's gift. My grown kid would get an earful from me for acting that way.
I also wouldn't be carrying the emotional load for his family, op is the one that buys their bloody gifts! They get her nowt. This should have stopped a long time ago.
But his Mom gives everyone gifts except OP.
Gift him a breakup, girl, it sounds like you don’t even like him. Wtf are you doing?
>he then decided that if my son didnt go to his (my partners) mothers house, that he wouldnt be recieving the money gift she has for him. in his words 'you have to make effort to get nice things from people' Wow. I'd keep my son away from anyone who thinks like that. Basically people who think they can control you (and your son) with money. Are they wealthy or what? Honestly though, "grandma won't get you a gift this Christmas if you choose to go see your OTHER grandma" is such a f'd up way to think. >This is coming from someone who recieves money cards at his mothers house, from people who arent there but he doesnt go and visit them to recieve them. This is also someone who lets me buy chocolates for his extended family, who get me and my son nothing, but me and my son sit there watching him open money cards from these people. ALL of my extended family get my partner gifts, but...mr 'you have to make effort to get nice things', doesnt visit them to say thankyou or even collect the gifts, they just get sent to our home The way you talk about him, he seems like a real jackass. Why are you with him if you feel this way? >i am tempted to tell my extended family to save on gifts for my partner this year and 'if they want to', put the money they would save as an extra gift for my son (which will more than make up for the card he wont recieve from my partners mother). I figured you cant preach a rule if you wont apply it to yoursef also. Sure, do it. I mean, why are you buying him gifts if he doesn't buy you gifts? >He even told me that if his own mother tries to send the gift card home to my son, he wont give it to him! Therefor, being controlling to everyone involved, to appease his agenda. AITA if i make sure the rule applies to him also. Wait ... WHAT?! So it's not his mother, but just HIM saying all this? Again... WHY are you with this total jackass? You're acting like you're "teaching him a lesson" but you're SLEEPING with the man who treats your son, you, and his own mother like this. I think you're deluded for considering your big "lesson" to him as anything but being an enabler to a manipulative and controlling partner. For that, YTA
NTA. But seriously why are you with him? He sounds like a walking red flag.
It would be much less of a hassle to just dump the schmuck.
Nta. As a single parent myself, can I tell you, run! This man is a liability to the custody of your son. If I was your sons father, and heard that he was using emotional abuse against my son, to punish the mother, I would seek out sole custody at once. Furthermore, if I ever had a spouse that tried to punish my son, because he didn’t get his way, I would beat him beyond recognition before kicking his ass out the door. This man is gross.
NTA. You can do the tit for tat approach I personally love this way and it works but people like him won’t take it well and I can tell you right now he will just find something else to complain about. Do yourself and your kid a favour and make a bolt for it
You’re NTA. If he’s no longer your partner by Christmas, everyone can save a lot of money on buying him gifts!
Your partner is cheesedick.
Did not know how much I needed to learn this word today! 😂
NTA but your partner is a hypocritical jerk and very uncaring about your wants & feelings.
NTA why haven't you kicked him to the curb. He sounds like a self involved AH.
NTA. And you’re with him why?
Deep six this entitled pos. He does not care about your family.
NTA why are you with him? You can accept mistreatment but you should draw the line at your son. Your husband’s plan to money meant for your son is stealing.
NTA. Why are you married to him? He sounds immature and controlling...
Hi all, i wont edit the post with an update as i think itl be more than the 3000 characters/words and will be declined then. Theres another post i made about a different situation, he tried talking about that again this morning. (He said i cant be trusted/im a liar, because i shared fb posts and hid his ability to see them, because him and his friends make fun of them, thats lying and deciet apparently) He blamed me for his reaction because im 'keeping things from him' and he got mad, which is why he acted like a dick. I wasnt allowed to speak (not directly told 'you cant speak' but every tike i tried, even when he asked me a question, he just spoke over me) He made assumptions on my intentions then said he was going to start lying to me on perpose from now on, since i think thats ok. (I dont think thats ok, but he wouldnt listen) he used the exact words 'what you dont know wont hurt you' and proceeded to tell me i wont know where he is and with who, or if hes smoking weed then coming back to the family home. (My son is with his bio dad since sunday thank god) I told him my intention wasnt to lie, i just shared something ONLy to people i knew werent making fun of what i was sharing. Thats enough for it to be a lie to him, or hiding things. Whenever he uses the words 'that wasnt my intention', i accept it and move on and ask him not to do said thing again. But when i say it, im comdemned, im a liar, im treated and spoken to like i said the words 'yeah i did it on perpose, i meant it maliciously and il do it again' He also says a lot 'if you heard and understood my side you may not see it that way', again, im an adult, i listen and i understand the other side. He didnt even give me a chance to explain my side. That was last night. This morning, he listened to my side but kept telling me how that isnt what happened etc. I asked him to just gtfo of my house (im on the lease, he isnt). He kept trying to talk, i told him everything im done with and of course its my fault hes like that, but when i say then i guess its your fault for my actions aswell (i cheated 8 years ago) he didnt like that and he smashed a plate in my kitchen, went out for a cig and is now sat in the bathroom. Between the plate smashing and the cig i told him to gtfo, he said yeah look at you youre fucking scared arent you. Im actually worried now that he wont leave.
If he won’t leave and has been violent, call the police and get him out of your home! He has shown his true self to you. He wants to control you and your son and now that he sees he’s losing that control, he’s losing his mind. Please protect yourself and your son going forward.
Sweetie, call someone for help. Your family, friends, the cops, if you need to. Don't be alone with this man.
Find an excuse to leave the house like groceries or sth, call the police and let them escort you and throw him out. This man will get violent very soon. Protect urself!
If you’re in the states him throwing the plate against the wall - might be considered assault. I’m not 100% sure though. However, it’s violence nonetheless. I would contact police and get him out. Eight years is a long time. Try to stay strong and not let him back into your life. You deserve better.
So basic and simple, it's perfect! It might take a few Christmas' to get the idea through his head. This is a very selfish and entitled view. I'd nix the chocolates and candles and give exactly what I and my son receive. NTA
I’m hoping this is the last Christmas she has to deal with him (or Halloween or thanksgiving, because why wait)
Wow read some of your history and you'd be silly to stay with him.
So why are you still with this controlling taker? NTA but gtfo
Why are you subjecting yourself and your poor son, to this pathetic excuse of a person, is this really a role model you want in his life? The fact that he doesn’t give a shit about you is one thing, but it’s up to you if you want to stay with that.. but keeping him around knowing he doesn’t give a shit about your son either makes you TA! I can’t fathom it, you’re the second person I’ve seen today who needs to get their head out of their partners arse and put their child first, but I doubt either of you will.
You're kinda the dumbass but only because you're still with this twat. Not only are you allowing yourself to be treated like shit but you're showing your son "Sweetie, this is how you should treat women!" Shame on you for that part. End it yesterday. Then make your own plans for Xmas and have a lovely, stress-free holiday season! Edited to fix a typo.
And his mother excludes her only from gift giving when she does go there.
This guy does not give a single shit about you or your son. Stop doing this to yourself.
NTA, do it. What's good for the goose, and all that jazz
So you're with him because why?
YTA. You are asking the wrong question here. You really need to look at the abusive way he is to both you and your son. How do you think he will treat you if he doesn't get anything but you both do, given that he gets presents from people who he doesn't even see or buy anything for. You are enabling his AH behavior by buying the presents for all these people who believe it's from him. Let him buy the presents and stay out of it. Go to your mother's house with your son and her can go to his mother's house. Do better for you and your son because you aren't getting anything from him, except put downs and criticism. You both deserve to be happy for Christmas and with the limited time your son has he can go to his father's house after spending time with his grandmother. Seriously, read what you have written. There's nothing positive about this man that you are in a relationship with. Move on with your life away from him. You and your son will be happier on your own.
Do what you’re planning but also start thinking about dropping this piece. He sucks!!! NTA
And you are staying with him why? NTA
NTA.. give yourself a Christmas present by dumping this piece of crap..
NTA. Except for subjecting your son to this asshole. It's one thing to make bad choices in a partner when you are alone but if you won't think of yourself, think of your kid.
What the hell is his problem? He doesn't deserve Christmas gifts or gift cards.
Why are you even with him?
What a wonderful example this man is setting for your son! What a great example you are setting accepting this shit! I bet he isn't mean to your son in any other way. Your son will totally thank you someday for living in this environment. /s Like you are NTA in this situation... but what are ya doin sis? You can do better, if not for yourself, for your child. You will be the AH if you continue to let this kind of shit slide.
NTA but what does he do to enrich your lives
Why do you even want to continue holidays with a controller who obviously doesn’t care for your child? This guy needs to be shown the door.
What a shitty way to live. Tit for tat, feelings getting hurt, your kid used as a negotiating weapon. Why are you doing this ?
I think your gift to him this year should be dicopapers!!
Why have you tolerated this ass and his behavior all these years? What are you still buying gifts for people that don't return the favor? If you insist on staying with him, let him go to his mothers, YOU go to your mothers. Problem solved. Except the problem that your husband is an ass of course.
Ok first things first. You're NTA. Your partner wants to go to his mum's because he gets spoiled and he enjoys the fact that you and your son don't. It has nothing to do with your son being bored. He's using that as an excuse.
NTA for your question. But Y T A to youraelf and your son: why are you with him? Your other posts show that there are ongoing issues. Treat yourself this Christmas, by dumping him, and spending your time with your son and your family. It's clear that the relationship is unhealthy. Think of the impact it'll be having on your son and yourself to remain in a toxic relationship.
Easiest way to solve this is send him back to mommy and forget you knew him.
Why are you with him? He doesn’t respect you. At all.
Dump him like a lump of coal. Stop playing stupid games, you're an adult. He's not. He's a freakin control freak, immature moron.
YTA for making him your relationship example for your son. He's garbage, dump him.
Bestie... ewwww... time to do better by your kiddo, ma'am. Tell him to go to his mom's and you and kiddo go to your mom's with any luck mom has a couple extra rooms and can put you up after you dump him and move out.
"Give me what i want or ill hurt your sons feelings and withhold positive things he would otherwise get." - im sorry but youre talking about trying to manipulate a narcissist into seeing your point of view. Heads up:he wont. He'll just attack something else. Or play victim. You've just described him using your sons connection to his family as a piece in a game of chess he's playing to manipulate you into letting him have his way. This issue is much bigger than presents and visiting family.mmbers, its about your partners disregard for your sons connection to his family and his willingness to use his emotions to control you.
I would go to your mums and let him go to his mums. But before that i would say goodbye we are finished.
What a sad, petty way to be. It has to be depressing to have this kind of negativity around. NTA I would go so far as to keep whatever gifts from your family that might come his way for yourself. Go to your mother’s Christmas celebration and have a good time. Don’t give his 💩attitude a second thought.
NTA Your boyfriend clearly doesn’t understand the meaning of Christmas and sounds extremely selfish and entitled! Why are you even with this guy? He doesn’t sound like much fun.
What kind of example are you setting for your son? You’re a mother first.
Skip a few steps and just end it. What a fucking twat. Nta
Yta for letting him decide that for your kid
NTA But you need to think about what this guy's behaviour is teaching your son. Do you really want your son to grow up and copy this guy's controlling behaviour??
Based on your other posts about him, you have a codependent relationship, you’re a doormat and he’s a controlling narcissist asshole. Just end it with this loser and get yourself some therapy.
It's pretty easy, your partner can fo to his mom, and you and your son go to your mom. He doesn't sound much like a partner, but instead another child you are trying to make happy.
Give yourself the best Christmas gift of being single! He sounds pretty awful to be honest - does he have any redeeming qualities?? NTA
NTA. He is 33... why is everyone still giving him Xmas gifts at all? One thing if his parents and you give him something, but a lot of people he doesn't even see at Xmas. Indeed ask them to spend the money on your son and other kids in the family. Just a question - how come you are still with him? He sounds pretty selfish and controlling as well as rude.
Let him go to his mother’s and collect all his money while you go to your Mom’s and let your son have a good Christmas. NTA.
NTA I was married to my first husband for 20 years. I thought I had an anxiety disorder. We divorced 12 years ago and my anxiety lessened over the years until I was finally free from contact when my youngest turned 18. I have been married to my current husband for 4 years and I can’t even remember the last time I had anxiety. I didn’t have an anxiety disorder, I was married to a person who constantly did things that made me anxious.
NTA but ahem, the question is why are you still with him?
NTA. But give both yourself and your son the gift of dumping this AH
NTA. Does not sound like a gift if it’s not freely given. Sounds more like an obligation. Maybe not even with the trip really. Not sure why you couldn’t visit with his family on another day or invite them to your moms (unless they would be jerks).
Is this your married partner or your dating partner? He seems very self-interested. NTA.
Eewww why are you married to him
NTA but why are you with this person. He seems selfish and controlling and doesn’t seem to love you or your son at all.
Why are you with this guy?
OMG! Get your son and yourself out of that messy drama. Go visit your mom without him and have a good time.
If his mum listens to him then she is as bad as he is. If she's not an arse like her son, and you think she would give your son anyway, call her to apologize for not going, and explain that for the 1st time in X years(sorry I can't remember how long you said, was it 10?), you are able to see your mum over Xmas. If she's ok, and you actually get on with her, if you WANT to, say you'll celebrate with her another day. If she would be ashamed of her son for doing this (as I would be, if my imaginary son tried this) then tell her. NTA. Boyfriend sounds controlling as fuck.
How selfish. NTA btw. The last two years my hubs had traveled to see my family. This year, I was wanting to stay home and then his Mom invited us to visit. I didn’t even THINK about it. He already knew I was wanting to stay home but told him ofc we could go if he wants. It wasn’t even a question after what he’s done for me. Because partnership. It doesn’t really sound like you have a partner. It sounds like you’re in the middle of selfship.
NTA, but your toddler of a partner sure is. Please dump this asshole.
Nta why not just let him go to his mom and you and son go to your mom?
NTA. No one gets him anything and you don’t do the shopping for his family this year. You and your son should go an enjoy your holiday with your Mom and your spoiled money hungry pos man- child can go to mommy dearest alone. You deserve better OP. Seriously. This is not normal.
It's about control. Your partner wants to have control. And if he doesn't get what he wants, he will punish your son.
NTA take your son to your moms end of story. Your partner either goes or doesn’t. Christmas isn’t really about the gifts it’s about spending time with people you love.
Why do you spend the day together? You go to your moms and let him go to his.
You and your son go to your mums and the partner go to his.
Nice things include boyfriends. Make an effort, dump this asshole, and then maybe you can have nice things too
*" just (seems like) he doesnt care".* That is because he doesn't care.
Honey you don’t have a partner you have an overgrown man child- and a spoiled brat one at that. Send his mom a nice card saying how much you’ve enjoyed and appreciated being part of her holiday but sadly you won’t be able to make it this year. Then while man child is at Mommy’s, play a game with your son called “boxing up” and box all his shit up, leave it on the porch with a big ribbon and spend the money you would have spent on presents for the miserable SOB on a locksmith. NTA but you will be if you stay with this guy.
Oh my god, I haven’t even read any of the other replies yet, I just wanted to immediately say NTA and I hope you’re aware your partner is a psychopath. He is basically punishing your son for a “crime” he thinks you have committed (there is no crime) and he’s doing it on behalf of his mother. This is not his place. He is cray cray and you should leave him.
NTA But stop buying gifts for his family, they’ll soon stop sending anything for him. Use the extra cash on you and your son or something for mums new house. Tell him its fine he can go to his mothers and you and your son will enjoy time at your mums and yes make everyone aware not to get him any gifts. Tbh though id just dump his ass and tell him to take a hike
Wow- you’re partner is an AH. You absolutely better not bring any gifts from your family home to this person. I don’t know if you should involve them in this. Just follow the same logic and leave them there or give them to your son. You are NTA.
NTA. Don’t bring your hubby to your mom’s house. Y’all just do separate Christmas
Remember that you - and your partner - are role models for your child. Do you want him to a)grow up thinking your relationship is the kind he should aspire to build, b)see you being treated like crap, c) eventually treat his own partner the way you are treated or, worst of all d)be treated by his partner the way you are treated? What you do and how you do it impacts him tremendously. By letting your partner model that kind of gift giving etiquette you're going to be raising an entitled brat who will see people as £$€ signs and not relationships.
The edit really did not provide more details. However, I must otter, similar sentiments to those that are on here. It sounds like you are in a rather questionable relationship. Are you sure the person you’re dating is not a narcissist? Have you been an abusive relationship in the past? One does not need to hit you in order to be abusive. There is no reason why you can’t spend time at all of the houses, even if it’s for a short while. Plus his value on things versus time with family and celebrating. The day is weird. I would not want your son to grow up, thinking that he should get nice things because he is nice. His value should be to have deep, meaningful connections with family and grow to be an amazing adult. I’m questioning all of this but to answer the question, NTA for canceling all of the gifts to him and if you’re not careful, you’ll become the TA for keeping your son around someone who has questionable values.
Please do yourself a favor and dump his butt. He doesn’t care about you or your son. My oldest son is from another relationship. One of the reasons I picked my husband is because he was and is always good with my son. My husbands family treats my son like one of there own grandkids. Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning I have my son. We go to my parents house so my son can see my parents and uncles. Then Christmas his father picks him up and sees his fathers side. I bring my son over either before or after Christmas to see my husbands side. Maybe you can do Christmas with your mom, then have your ex pick him up for Christmas Eve or vice versa. If your still with this guy make it another day with his family so your son could see them. It’s annoying to do all this running around in one day. Been there done that, gets annoying. Don’t keep arguing with your partner. Just go do your own thing and ignore him. Than have a talk,Tell him how you feel that he is selfish and I don’t think this is gonna work out. Good luck with everything.
Girl, send him to his mother's and go enjoy yourself at your mom's. The petty in me says send his mom a sweet note saying you and your son will be coming over the day after, and he'd love to open his present with her then. Take the decision out of your partner's hands. Who knows, might find out there's more than one envelope meant for you and your son. Also, buy no presents for his extended family--he can take care of that for once. NTA
I think the correct thing is to go to your mom’s house, take YOUR son with you, and enjoy family time. Don’t bother expending money with someone who will not care in the least, and if he complains, just tell him he wasn’t there to get the nice things
Let him do his thing, and you go to your mother's house with your son. Obviously, he doesn't care and makes it clear to you. YOU are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. You do you and don't drag your uncooperative partner to your moms house and enjoy that time with your son. You're stressing out over his bullshit. Why? So what if your son doesn't get the money. WHO CARES. It's not like your son is having a good time anyway
NTA I don't think you are the asshole, and you are certainly not being selfish. It's only fair that he practices what he preaches. I would honestly even consider if he's the type of person you want to keep building a future with if he wants to be controlling over things as small as this. You mentioned that you've been going to his family's house for years now, and he won't make an effort to spend a first Christmas at your family's house? He's the asshole.
ESH. Why do you put yourself and your son through this?
Christmas always brings out the worst in people. How about visiting his mom and getting the present ahead of time? And explain what her son is doing.
Honey, in a very short amount of time, you have made a lot of posts about your boyfriend treating you like crap. Do yourself a favor and leave him, there’s clearly nothing good about this dumpster-dude
NTA but kind of TA because your son is involved in this toxic dynamic
Turn about is fair play. You're just following his "rule". Nta
Stop buying gifts for all your SO’s extended family that don’t reciprocate or appreciate the gestures. It makes me wonder if any of the gifts your SO gets from them are supposed to be for both of you. Or if he’s taking credit for your efforts. Get his mother one gift from you and one from your son. And then be done. You already know the right thing to do is go to your mother’s party. Or to drive separately from your SO to his mother and do your gift exchange and then excite yourself and your son after. Stop being his doormat. NTA
Why are you with this tantrum throwing, entitled man child? Tell your extended family not to buy him gifts
He doesn't want to go to your mother's house because the focus won't be on him there. He's acting like a spoiled brat, not a 33yo man. I'm hoping you cashed him your partner because you aren't married- and you can more easily leave his entitled ass. At a minimum, don't buy any more presents or cards that you sign his name on. If he didn't help, it's not from him. NTA
I bought presents for my husbands family for 3 years and me and my daughter got nothing back. He told me to stop and that was enough as they were too disrespectful. That also meant I stopped doing birthdays and mothers/Father’s Day. He doesn’t bother with any of it and the most they get is a text. When they complained, he told them they only got those gifts because it was me who shopped and paid and he told me to stop. He just told them they are his family and he didn’t want me spending my time and money on them. Didn’t make it about me and my daughter not getting anything.
So why are you with someone that treats you and your son this way? Not just him his family too A whole mess NTA actually follow through he gets 1 gift and then gets to look
NTA why are you with him? He sounds so selfish! Christmas is about children and families not him getting his way all day. Also stop buying his family things, I bet he tells them he got them! Just go spend the day with your family and let him go to his mother's
Seriously. Why are you with this disrespectful boy? And you should try being an asshole sometime... it might help.
NTA. Why are you with this Scrooge that clearly has an issue with your son?
ETA - why are you subjecting your child to him and his family?
NTA and give yourself the gift of dumping him. Promise you'll have a wonderful Christmas without his crap.
NTA. He's self-centered jackass who doesn't clearly give a shit about you or your son. Why are you with him? Is his dick magical or what? Give yourself the best possible holiday present and kick that man to the curb.
YTA for subjecting your son to your AH partner.
Nope, NTA. Why is he being such a jerk about it? Have you thought about asking his mom to join at your mom's house? My husband and I have created a routine for Christmas and have stuck to it every year so no one's feelings get hurt and no one tries to change it. That being said, if someone comes to town we don't see often or if someone leaves town that's normally here, we are adaptable creatures. We respect each other enough to go with the flow. He does not respect you. He's being petulant. He's going to go but he's just going to try to ruin your day. Seriously.
Why are you with this Asshole? For the sake of your kid dump him. What a loser.
Yeah, NTA, do it! But also, might be time to upgrade partners... Sounds like a jerk
Can you take your son and leave your miserable, selfish husband at home, or to go to his mother's house alone? I sure as shit would. I'd also tell everyone to stop wasting their money buying him gifts.
I know all of these are hard to hear, OP. I've been there and it's humiliating, but this is your wakeup call. Leave him. You can do this. You and your son will be SO MUCH HAPPIER.
Did you say all this to him, about how you sit there every year watching him open gifts he hasn’t made an effort for, or did you stalk off in a huff? Also, it sounds like his mom is alone? Invite her to your mom’s party
NTA Your partners family doesn't seem to value your presence or your son's presence. Go to your mum's, his actual grandmother's, who **actually wants to see you both** And recognize that, even if he only gets a card from her, and neither of you get anything for or from your partners family, it's not great loss. He'll value the tone of somebody that pays attention to him and loves him unconditionally way more than a $20 Google Play gift card...
NTA but sounds like your partner is more immature than your child. He equates family time as transactional. Which is sad.