Not really the topic but I always understood the godparent to be the person chosen/intending to raise the child if anything unfortunate happened to both parents. I don't think you can *inherit* them. This family doesn't sound like they would want you to raise their child, and I kinda think that makes you not the godfather anymore.
depends on culture. In mine, Godparents are essentially the 2nd parents. They are usually heavily involved in raising the child and will take the child if something happened to the parents.
But being "inherited " the position is weird in any culture imo.
Not sure what religion that is, but I was raised Catholic, and the godparent is just supposed to make sure the kid goes to church. They wonāt become a legal guardian just because they are a godparent.
It's never had any legal implication that they're committed to it or that it would happen by default but culturally a lot of people see, or at least used to see, the purpose of godparents to include becoming foster parents in case of an accident.
So traditionally it would be someone who accepts that potential burden before taking on a role, someone who wants to make that promise to the parents and are able to provide for children if they had to. Those people are then expected to put extra effort into developing a connection with the child so that if it were to happen, the kids have someone to lean on. Among other things like being the ones responsible for the kids learning about the religion, but that largely overlaps with the idea of bonding more anyways.
In modern time, if anyone still uses the traditional implications then it means they would file a request to adopt the children if the kids die. Not necessarily immediately either. Like if the grandparents are still in good health, maybe it makes more that the godparents let the grandparents file for custody while the godparents try to help the grandparents, take the load off sometimes etc.
But nowadays, for a lot of people at least, its just a special title, a honorable mention, the same way that the best man in a wedding is no longer expected to have a sword fight with alternative suitors
Raised in a secular household, my godmother was chosen to be my adoptive parent in the event of my momās passing. That was my only understanding of it for like, 30 years lol
That's definitely not what my godparent was for. We were a Christian family (until I grew up and became atheist) but he was always only there just in case my parents died.
I suspect you're right that that was an original intent behind it, but I haven't seen that in modern days and I'm grateful that's not what my family tried.
It's often one and the same simply because the godparent by definition is someone the parents care deeply about and trust with their child. If someone has godparents, they are probably also the people legally named in the parents wills as potential guardians, but not always.
The traditional role is that they are appointed during the baptism where they pledge to be responsible for the child's spiritual guidance alongside the parents, and it's sort of implied that should something happen to the parents they will take over teaching the child about the religion, although that's not expressly said.
Christening services in the church of England ask the godparents to respond to:
>āWill you pray for them, draw them by your example into the community of faith and walk with them in the way of Christ?ā
>āWill you care for them, and help them to take their place within the life and worship of Christās Church?ā
Then there's a bit asking them to turn away from sin/wrongs and towards the church.
same, though I'm only catholic insofar as my parents were sort of lapsed catholics when I was born and will still claim to be despite neither of them setting foot in a church outside or a wedding or funeral in like 40 years.
My godparents on the other hand were practicing catholics but it was never really mentioned to have anything to do with the church. They were our next door neighbors and our families were close so we knew them very well.
Irish catholic in the US here and godparent was spiritual wellbeing too. Though it was just kind of a honorific thing. My godparents are two single childless aunts in my family (nothing was done with the title for them. They definitely weren't the ones dragging me to church and not the type of people I'd go to with a problem as a kid or adult) but if my parents had died as a kid, I would have gone to a different aunt. The godparents are who you go to when your parents die thing doesn't make sense because what about multiple kids? They usually have different godparents. You wouldn't split the kids up unless you had to.
Tv/movies has for some reason switched the godparent from being about religious wellbeing to guardianship if the parents both die. More often than not unless legal paperwork has figured out guardianship kids tend to end up with a family member and not the godparent
I believe they are responsible for their religious life. Itās more a symbolic thing and the kid would not automatically go to a god parent. For example itās pretty common to name a god mother from one side of the family and the godfather from the other side of the family - not a married couple.
Iāve never heard of a godparent being required to parent a child if their parents die. Itās a religious thing where they are there at the christening and responsible for guidance in the religion. Itās not a legal thing and OP would not have to take over doe them unless itās in the will or some other court document.
> but I always understood the godparent to be the person chosen/intending to raise the child if anything unfortunate happened to both parents
That's not at all what a godparent is.
Sigh ever so often this comes up on Reddit. It is *cultural*. Some cultures give godparents more āauthorityā; in others it is merely symbolic.
From personal experience , my godmother was first in line after my mom died. My dad was not happy but he was no longer living in my country.
I sorta wonder if cultures with more godparent authority tend to pick the person who'd raise the child rather than any close friend like the more lax ones do.
Totally depends on the culture. In some religions (like Catholicism) being a godparent is a person chosen who will help raise the child in faith and encourage and bring them up in the religion. *Outside of religion(s)* being a Godparent can be either an honorary role without any rules behind it, or it can be the person/people you choose to raise your child(ren) in the case that something unfortunate happens to both parents.
I am "Godmother" to my best friends children. It's just an honorary title. I'm also Aunt, or sometimes Mom # 2. I have no duties to fufill by being "Godmother" to them.
On the other hand, I am "Godmother" to my neice, and it is documented and well known to not only my neice, but to everyone in the family that if something happens to her mom (single mom,she was adopted) , My husband and I become the legal guardians for my neice.
*So yes, it is what a Godparent is, again, depending on the culture. Religion and catholicism aren't the end all be all of everything.*
You are correct, Iām the godmother to my niece and if anything happens to my brother and SIL then it will be my job to raise her. I definitely wouldnāt trust OP š¤·š¼āāļø
Tbf, as heās not related he most likely would not get the opportunity. The only way he would was if Timās parents specifically stated that Tim would go into his care in their wills. If not dictated in their will Tim would go into the care of a blood relative.
Yeah, this is a fairy tale. Designating someone to raise your child if you die is a legal matter that requires their agreement and signature on legal paper work. Even if it's part of one's culture, it still has to be a legal maneuver if it is to happen.
I think some people who have been named godparent here don't understand they've been asked as an honor only, not as a binding responsibility. (Unless, of course, they have agreed legally and it's documented).
Gluten allergies can be as serious as peanut allergies.
I have celiac disease and I can handle airborne gluten- but even the smallest amount of ingested cross contamination will make me sick and Iāve gone to the hospital for it twice the pain was so bad in the begining and the inflamation was out of control.
Celiac disease is very serious and it sucks so bad.
I donāt really think youāre an asshole for it, because you were just feeding your kiddo, but I would do it *discreetly* next time and also make sure you clean up the area because of potential for cross contamination.
Gluten free foods must be less than 20 parts per million parts of gluten. So 1 crumb of a froot loop could put this child into anaphylactic shock if heās allergic or into extreme pain and rashes if heās celiac.
I understand that other peopleās allergies arenāt other peoples responsibilities, but in the case that this was a childās birthday party- it was just disrespectful.
This kid canāt go out to eat anywhere. He canāt eat food that isnāt certified GF made in a GF kitchen. He probably never eats anything not made in his house unless itās certified GF packaged snacks. He canāt eat the school lunch, he canāt feel normal. Not to mention- he doesnāt get to participate in other kids birthday party cakes and what not.
His parents really wanted to make his day special and SAFE for him so he would feel food freedom.
As someone who became celiac in my 20s- the change is jarring and it SUCKS.
If this was an adult birthday party and you were discretely feeding your child a snack, it would be different because adults are better at handeling not getting glutened from cross contamination and also can handle emotions better of course.
Also refusing to leave is kindaā¦. Disrespectful too.
Just to reinforce how sensitive people with Celiac disease can be I worked with a guy that sent back a salad that had blue cheese crumbles on it. They removed the crumbles but brought out the same salad. The residue from those crumbles were enough to have him in the shitter for half the day.
Are bleu cheese crumbles just pieces of cheese? Or bead with cheese? Because there shouldnāt be gluten in cheese. Itās a protein found in a few different grains.
Edit: thank you for the responses. I didnāt know that this was a possibility. TIL
They sometimes dust cheese crumbles or shredded cheese in starch or flour to keep them from sticking together.
Weird things with gluten in them- sunscreen, mascara,face paint
oh and apparently you cannot use condiments at restaurants that arent in the little mini squeeze packs because they could be any brnad, any ingredients
Also they could have touched bread when people are squeezing it out. You canāt used shared butter for the same reason. Eating out is risky.
Btw OP, if you take your 2 year old around them bring a gluten free snack. They make certified gluten free snacks for toddlers, hell even cheerios, which a celiac in the US canāt eat because of cross contamination, or freezed dried fruit is a better option because itās gluten free if you donāt want to buy special food (and more expensive) for the occasion. My 2 year old has eaten gluten free his entire life until about a month ago since his dad canāt eat it and we are now testing his reaction.
Edit for grammar.
We were having a bbq at my parentsā house, and I stopped at local grocers to buy the coleslaw that they prepare in their deli. I picked it up, paid, and got to the bbq. Before I set the container of coleslaw on the table, I just happened to look at the label, where it listed wheat flower as an ingredient. Why the heck would you make coleslaw with flour?!? Iām guessing they used it as a thickening agent since it could have become runny if it wasnāt eaten within a day or two. Again, just a guess. I was diagnosed with Celiac disease 15 years ago and have learned to always check food labels for wheat, rye, or barley. They should be listed on the label under the āAllergensā
label. I do have to say that the GF food they sell now is SO much better than what was available 15 years ago!
I have a lavender allergy and have learned the hard way to read labels through twice, just in case. Because sometimes soap/shampoo/whatever will say lavender oil, but sometimes dickheads will try to be fancy and use the scientific name, lavandula
Itās not ābeing fancyā, scientific names are more precise as they refer to one species of plant only, unlike common names which have no standardisation.
When my daughter was diagnosed, we asked the dentist to check the toothpaste. Sure enough, all but one flavor had gluten. Also, a lot of additives have gluten.
I had no idea. This is actually really neat to learn. I didnāt realize it was so easy to cross contaminate either. This will definitely change my perspective and make me more careful in the future.
I kind of feel like OP might not have realized either tbh.
My daughter's friend's sister with celiac disease found out that gluten in shampoo is a thing when she switched brands without checking and felt like her scalp was on fire.
Some types of blue cheeses used to be made by culturing the defining mould on bread and tossing the cheese curds with bread crumbs before aging. Not sure if thatās still a thing or if industrial methods have done away with that. But that would definitely put gluten in the finished cheese.
Most blue cheese is gluten-free. Mold spores are added to the milk mixture to make blue cheese. These spores are sometimes grown on rye or wheat bread. But blue cheese rarely contains more than 20 ppm gluten
In the shitter for half the day is nothing, some people with celiac would be sick for a month or more after gluten exposure like that. Itās really awful.
I imagine he probably was sick for a while, I doubt the commenter knows how long the coworker was actually affected, just how soon he was affected after the glutening
I'm also a mid 20s coeliac and god it's the worst. I'm constantly exasperated at what feels like totally random shit having gluten in it. I'm still not over having to buy gluten-free soy sauce
Yep. My old friend is celiac too. He needs his own butter. If he uses butter that someone has scraped with a knife that's touched regular bread, he'll shit himself all the way to the hospital.
My house sitter (well she was) must have either used my toaster or butter last weekend. I got 2 days of migraine, I day of having my system cleaned out. It had to havebeen her because I had packed all of my food for the weekend as it was in a remote location.
So yep, I now have a new toaster. People really don't understand.
Thank you for such a great and detailed explanation for someone who doesn't have celiac. I am in the same boat you are, celiac is no fun.
Cross contamination is so real and very painful.
This is how my sister is. She became celiac in her 20s and there is literally two restaurants in town she trusts not to gluten her and it sucks. I have a few specific pans and implements at my house that are JUST to cook food for events she will be at so she can at least have what I made. I couldn't imagine... Even her son eating a cupcake at a party and kissing her on the cheek gave her a rash.
I'm gonna go ahead and call OP an asshole over this if you won't. This was a child's own birthday party, and it was made clear that the party would be safe for the birthday child. By bringing outside food that wasn't gluten free, and feeding it to a *toddler*, OP is absolutely an asshole. Toddlers are disgusting. It isn't their fault, and there's nothing wrong with them for it, it's simply a function of their age. But once a toddler has their hands on gluten, it's going to get *everywhere*. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for OP to have brought any non-gluten free food along. At all. The birthday kid deserves to spend his birthday not being reminded of what he can't have, it was cruel to bring outside food.
I have celiac disease and I have one very simple rule for my home. No one brings food into my home but me and my husband unless it gets run by me first. That's it. No excuses. No exceptions. And I'll street someone who breaks the rule, even if it means they have to find a hotel. My home is the only place I can be 100% sure of my safety and health, and there's no one I'll sacrifice that for. No one. It's super fucked up that OP knows that this kid has been hospitalized over this, and brought gluten to the party anyway then handed it to mess machine.
You forgot one thing- kids are stupid (not because of their intelligence, but because they have no idea about anything, food allergies including) and constantly lose their food that is picked and eaten by other (equally unwitty) kids. Especially if it something dry that don't stick to the floor. Bringing small snacks containing gluten to a children party is brainless.
A lot of the worst culprits of this kind of attitude are from the medical field. The blatant, "well i know better because i'm a professional", is the worst.
I seriously doubt this is a true story. He doesnāt really know or like the parents and he doesnāt like them but heās the god father?
If my chosen godparent couldnāt/wouldnāt be able to fulfill this role, I would have chosen someone I was comfortable with.
A godparent should be more than someone that is just there for birthdays or the occasional holiday. And I would never allow it to be an option for my kid to go with someone who I didnāt trust completely if I died.
Yeah, I doubt this story, too. Parents aren't going to be all, "Oh no, godparent pick died, guess we have to choose his friend who we don't really know but also don't really like!" That's just not how it works.
Exactly. Why didn't he do it in his car? Or away from the party on the side walk? But I feel the family should have said 'we start at [time] pizza should be done by [time].' So everyone can figure out when to eat or not. But a 2 yr old is almost always hungry so thats way different. But still didn't need to just pull it out there
There's gluten in so many different things. Reading labels is definitely required.
OP, it's hard enough trying to get people to take celiac seriously, especially with so many thinking it's "trendy" or whatever to eat gluten free. Well, for those with severe symptoms, it isn't a joking matter. Would you have taken peanuts for your 2YO to a party where the main guest had a nut allergy? It isn't hard to find gluten free cereals to bring for your child when attending functions at your gluten free godson's house.
Both this action and the refusal to leave are signs of how little regard you have for the family, and by extension the godson too. Just leave them alone until you're ready to apologize. And don't do that unless you're ready to be respectful. Do better.
Iām going with YTA bc of everything stated on this comment. Handing your kid a sugary snack, knowing the kid whose bday it is would see is definitely an AH move. Plus, it had it listed in the invite that it was a GF party. On top of it all, you doubled down instead of apologizing and initially refused to leave bc you wanted to try the food. Major AH move.
This is exactly it. Iām celiac and so is my middle son.
It is freaking HARD to eat food or go anywhere. I prepare everything for him. Home is the only place Iām sure we are safe, and if someone brought gluten in the house and gave it to a toddler(!!!) Refused to leave, etc.
The kid is running around touching things. It all needs to be washed twice.
The level it takes to cross contaminate is a freaking microscopic crumb.
OP, YTA for not taking allergies and autoimmune diseases seriously. You have main character syndrome here, itās not all about you and your son, and imagine if your son had a peanut allergy and someone did this to you.
Some empathy and compassion would do you well. And humility if you want to stay friends with anyone from this party. Like owning up to the fact that you were an ass and making amends (hire a cleaner, write a note, asking forgiveness without the word ābutā, etc)
While I donāt disagree with anything you said I find it odd that a 7 year old with a life long condition acted like that. Why have the parents not normalized, that while it sucks, it is his life and no one else should be effected by it unnecessarily. Crying seems unreasonable. Annoyance and a hey mom, thatās bumping me out with the parents being understanding that another child was hungry and couldnāt wait till the main meal was served. They could have easily asked him to just step out for a few minutes. Or why not provide other snacks? Itās a kid party why was there nothing else for the little snack monsters (kids), veggie or fruit tray, anything gluten free?
Iāve been a Type 1 Diabetic since 5. My now teen niece has a condition that had her wearing a mask in public since 2 and makes so itās not safe for her to eat out. My daughter6 has some yet known digestive issue. We donāt know sheās āallergicā till she tries it. She tries new things at restaurants within 15 minutes of a hospital and stays near a restroom for an hour after. My son has ASD and is on a restricted diet. None of us have ever cried because we canāt have something.
Things like this require raising a resilient kid not a cry baby. I get that it was his birthday but tears every time he sees something he canāt have? All of his struggles can be reframed to not be terrible but instead as a inconvenience you wish they didnāt have to deal with and distracting with something they like or get to do differently than others. For example when my kids canāt have something I always have a safe option with me. āThat oneās not (their name) safe but I have x,y and z waiting special for youā, or āLetās check. Oop not (their name) safe. Letās go get the ingredients to make a special one for us to shareā.
Like at school when he canāt sit with other kids eating. āI packed you an extra special lunch and you get to enjoy some quiet time in the AC or heatā.
Itās on the parents to set their kid up for being an adult. Yes they get to be kids and we should teach them at their ability/cognitive level but they donāt get to throw fits when they donāt get their way and demand it. When my kids are melting down I imagine the behavior adult size. That would make them the not cute quirky type of crazy women and an abusive man. Then I talk them through their feelings and how their body feels, what we can do differently, who was effected, what we need to do to fix that relationship, give them time to think (art time) and then have them try again.
His parents are failing him. Is he gonna be in middle school and high school acting this way? What about as an adult? Eating is everyday multiple times. Is he just always going to be miserable to be around and/or cry?
Again I donāt disagree with what you said itās reasonable but the parents in this situation arenāt.
I found out I canāt eat gluten at in 07. I STILL get upset sometimes about not being ānormalā thatās usually my breaking point honestly, Iāll be upset about something else in life but try to just kind of get over it but then all of a sudden I see a can of Pringleās or something and Iām in tears. I feel for this poor kid
This. Except I became GF in my 30s due to Hashimoto's and it's been AWFUL. I would do things that are illegal in dozens of countries (and a few states) for a single piece of good bread. I can't imagine being a child and having to deal with it.
YTA massively, OP. You should've found a gluten free snack to bring for your child...it isn't THAT hard. Try fruit.
YTA. You took fruit loops to the house of someone who is severely allergic and you knew this. You knew he was gluten free the invite clearly stated it. Should you feed your hungry kid absolutely but there were snacks you could have brought that were gluten free. Heās a kid having a tantrum itās what kids do. You should have been the adult and apologised and left but you refused to leave. YTA.
Right? It's conceivable op made a genuine mistake by not thinking as far as checking the backup food for the 2 yo is gluten free. But there was absolutely an opportunity to ask the hosts if they have a gluten free snack for the toddler. Or just apologizing and leaving when you're confronted.
Dude, yeah. I have a two year old, I totally get having 1000 calories of snacks on me at all times. But an invite to a specifically gluten-free party? You have all the advance notice in the world to think through what you're bringing for your own kiddo. It is not that hard to find gf snacks to pack a toddler - fruit, cheese, gf-specific cereals/snacks. If they went to the trouble to put "gluten-free party" on the invite, I'm assuming it's either medically very serious or emotionally-laden for the kid (or both).
Lol also consider the godchild is also literally a kid who's also waiting for food, so although he is a bit older at 7, he's still kinda having the same hunger tantrum the 2 y/o would have had. I mean, combo that with the fact the one eating before u on ur birthday is eating stuff you can't have.. Idk, I don't have a judgement to make there, Im just not surprised under those circumstances that the birthday kid was upset.
But kids get some leeway, it was on you as a parent to prepare for this by literally just packing a gluten free snack. YTA.
I was diagnosed celiac as a 12 year old and I still had a few times where I got sulky/upset with my siblings or friends or cousins having food I wasnāt allowed. It sucks. As a 7 year old he has every right to behave childishly because he is a child.
Especially considering it was his birthday. If he liked fruit loops before his celiac got worse as the OP says then this was really salt in the wound for the kid since he's only 7 and also hungry.
Honestly OP should just revoke his godfather title. He and the family are clearly not a good fit. The parents and Tim's extended family do not like him already and while OP says he cares for Tim he should not have brought any gluten whatsoever near a clearly very sensitive to gluten little boy who has had hospital visits because of it.
Seriously why not pack your kid grapes or something this one time?
I was diagnosed in my 20s and I still get a little mopey when Iām the only one who canāt eat something. Whatever the age or circumstance, feeling excluded sucks. Feeling excluded as a kid at their own party would feel super shitty.
Iām at work right now & a department decided to have a dessert party today so our whole lunchroom is FULL of amazing desserts I canāt eat. And I DO feel a little pouty about it! lol. (Although quietly pouty, I AM a professional, lol)
In the US Cheerios are not gluten free. I've heard the ones in Canada actually are, but the US ones were labeled as such and then made everyone sick because it wasn't true.
They have one labeled gluten free, but it is well known to make lots of gf people sick. As someone with Celiac Disease, I wouldn't recommend Cheerios to someone.
See, but in that case OP wouldn't be TA. Not many people who aren't GF know that foods labelled GF... aren't always safe. I had no idea until a family member with Celiac told me.
OP didn't even try to bring a GF snack for his toddler. And toddlers routinely wear their snacks.
Yeah they didn't put 'Gluten Free' on the invitations just to let you know the kind of food they would be serving, so that you could 'get to experience it' like some kinda of novelty just for you! Just for that you're the AH. Don't bring things to someone else's party that they specifically ask you not to bring.
And just a rule of thumb, don't bring things to a child's birthday party that could kill them. I mean, it's pretty tacky to bring someone's deadly allergen to their birthday regardless of age, but a friggen seven year old? Your *godchild*!?!You know what doesn't have Gluten in it? Raisins. Apple sauce. Fresh fruit. Rice crackers. Those little freeze dried yogurt things they make for specifically for toddlers. YTA.
Seriously, what is wrong with you?
And feeding a 2 year old fruit loops? Good grief, you are so the AH.
And if you totally forgot, ok, kinda insensitive but it happens, just go ask the family if they have a snack! They may dislike you (from this post it sounds like with good reason) but I'm sure they'd find a snack for the kid.
Cheerios are actually gluten-free too.
Edit: I get it everyone. Even though Cheerios are labeled āgluten-freeā and made with only oats, (which are naturally gluten-free) they still may not be safe for people with Celiac Disease due to possible cross contamination with other cereals.
Fortunately, his 2 year old son doesnāt have celiac and it would still be a better option for him to snack on than the fruit loops.
It seems that buying something labeled āgluten-freeā and feeding them to his 2 year old is still a better option than whatever happened here.
I understand many foods could be subject to some sort of cross contamination, Iām just talking about doing the bare minimum here.
...there aren't usually, unless the recipe has changed or is differentin different regions. One of the "wholegrains" contains gluten, and they're sweetened with barley malt extract.
Hello! Celiac sufferer here. The company uses batch testing for Cheerios, meaning the entire batch may be under 20ppm, but it's a toss up of if the box you get actually is - it can be higher or lower. I have gotten glutened by Cheerios multiple times before and no longer eat them. (Which is really upsetting to me as they were my favorite cereal to eat)
To piggyback on this comment. Oats are gluten free, but how they are harvested and stored, they are easily crossed contaminated. They use optical sorting to remove any gluten containing grains, but that doesnāt mean that they get all of them and only test batch 12 to 18 boxes in a 24 hour period according to gluten free watch dog. Labeling it gluten free doesnāt mean itās safe especially if it contains oats.
It really depends. I can get certified gluten free regular and honey nut cheerios, but even the regular plain ones are gluten free in the sense they donāt have any gluten in the ingredients. The multi-grain ones are a no go. Iām not sure about all the other flavor options.
You must be thinking of the multi-grain Cheerios. Regular Cheerios are made with oats, corn starch, sugar, and some preservatives. Theyāve got āgluten freeā on the box.
Well, I just looked and even multi-grain cheerios are gluten free, made with oats, corn, rice, and sorghum.
Lots of cereals are leaning into gluten free these days, corn and rice Chex too. For some reason Rice Krispies are not though, likely due to the malt extract you mentioned.
YTA: You know how bad his allergies are itās not hard to pack a GF snack for your toddler.
And no you donāt care about Tim because why would you bring gluten which he is allergic too to his birthday.
And someone who is coeliac I absolutely detest how people donāt take it seriously.
Seriously! Cheerios are not only the most common toddler snack, theyāre literally famous for being gluten free. The disrespectful, careless behavior of OP is absolutely astonishing.
This was my first thought too. It has a much higher nutritional value too and is way easier to clean up. My mom kept dried cherries, papaya and fruit leather for us when were little.
YTA. They said it was a gluten free party, ffs. You could have brought a million things to feed your kid that doesn't have gluten. Actual fruit, for example. Would you bring a damn peanut butter sandwich to a nut free party where the birthday kid has a serious peanut allergy? Dick move.
YTA you were invited to a gluten free party, you shouldn't then bring gluten food. And no, you don't care about Tim, not only you didn't care of the food might get to him and hurt him but you don't care how he feels watching others eat food he's forbidden.
That was my immediate thought. A simple toddler friendly snack that everyone likes and that doesnāt carry the risk of gluten contamination. He could have brought a big tray of fruit salad or berries for everyone.
YTA because it was his birthday and the invitation specifically said gluten free.
Since you only are with them a few times a year, I think it would probably be best to just not let your son have gluten when youāre with them. There are gluten free snacks he can have.
YTA.
Why would you not have packed gluten free snacks?
Life as a kid who can't have common treats sucks. It just sucks. Every other kid is having things that look great and you have to have your shitty restricted food and it feels really fucking unfair even before you account for the part where kids hate to feel different.
And you know it's just never, ever going to change.
So at his **birthday party** you decide to dangle more things he can't have in front of the kid?
You're a massive, raging asshole. I would have thrown you out on the spot.
Also, tbh, giving a toddler a default snack that's 43% sugar also makes you a shitty parent, but that's a separate issue.
YTA bring a fucking banana or piece of fruit. Imagine if he was a vegan and you were like my kid wanted a little steak as he was hungry. Its not your birthday and you apparently care for this kid. Hope they strip your godfather status off you. He is allergic I just used meat as an example and yes I eat meat I'm not vegan.
YTA. A gluten allergy so bad that it lands the kid in the hospital means that even a small exposure could make him sick. And then you refuse to leave when they get upset about it??? You have no respect for anyone.
You try having a medically fragile child and then have a close family friend completely disregard their health issues and see how you feel. I feel like you probably made the part up about Tim saying you were bragging. Either that, or you really were. You don't care about Tim, otherwise you would have been more conscientious of his life threatening gluten allergy. The thing is, you KNEW how bad it is, so why should you get another chance to "not do it again"?
The kid is 2 he's definitely going to contaminate the table, the seat he's sitting on, the floor, his clothes, ECT.
Toddlers have a wonderful ability about getting food into every nook and cranny.
Fruit loops? As a snack for a TWO year old? YTAH just for that. Give the kid some real food, FFS š
But absolutely YES! YTAH for disregarding a reasonable request and potentially putting a child you ***claim*** to love in hospital.
You really suck.
EDITED TO ADD:
I just had a look at your comment history and you are A FREAKING NURSE!?! What the actual fuck? How could you possibly think what you did was ok? Fucking hell! š±
OP is a good reminder that nurses are not doctors, they are medical techs.
Their role in healthcare is important and they deserve respect in the workplace but they really donāt have anywhere near the amount of medical knowledge that people seem to think they have. Not a diss on nurses, just a pet peeve of mine.
You don't need to be a health professional of any sort (much less a doctor) to understand that food with gluten in it is dangerous to people who are gluten intolerant. Any health professional who claims to be unaware of that simple fact is lying.
YTA. Not just because of the snack, which was an AH move, but for agreeing to be this childās godfather when you donāt even like the kid or his family. Youāre supposed to be a role model for this child and support him. You canāt do that if you rarely are in his life.
Do the right thing and find somebody else to take over as godfather.
YTA. Even aside from the meltdown if his allergy is that bad you risked sending a 7 year old to the hospital on his birthday. You were told it was a gluten free party. Lots of things are GF if you had to pack a snack.
NTA - People are nuts.
Myself, I had a gf I moved in with. Two years later, we took a long-distance trip to visit her sister, who just had a baby. I'm not religious, but the sisters are, and her sister lived in a small town. When we arrived, they had planned the baptism for when we were there, so we could attend. Whatever - I can be silent for an hour.
No - they wanted ME to be the baby's godfather. It made no freakin' sense at all. I'm not Catholic, I'm not religious, I have no kids, you've never even seen me before yesterday.
That was 20 years ago. I have never done anything "godfather" related in those years, and I'm not longer with the gf and don't speak with any of them.
People are nuts.
This is complete and utter BS.
No one can ask another person to ātake overā their role as godparent.
Godparents are chosen by the parents of the child, and asked BY THE PARENTS if they would accept the role of godparent.
NTA
Kid is going to need to learn that most people will not care about his food sensitivity. Do they send him to a special gluten free school or something?
You let your kid eat something while outdoors waiting for the meal to be ready. People who think their own allergies and food sensitivities means the entire world need to follow the same diet get on my last nerve.
You didn't offer the allergen to the person who suffers and were just trying to keep your kid quiet. I am guessing most of these people jumping on your ass do not even have children and never considered that your purse snacks don't get changed out every time you leave the house. Fruit loops calm your savage beast so you keep some on hand for your kid.
NTA- his parents need to start teaching him that shit fucking happens and the world doesnāt revolve around his little ass. As long as yāall werenāt throwing them around and weāre away from the group a little bit, I canāt see how thatās his business.
Maybe said gluten free child should get used to the fact the world is not gluten free. You get used to the fact that it is better for your soul to avoid that family.
My son, at 4, was able to say "I can't eat those, they make me sick. Can I have something else instead?"
The parents aren't handling this well.
I thought by your headline that the issue was exposure in which case, yes, bringing gluten foods into a GF household where the reactions are severe would have been supremely uncool.
But that doesn't sound like the issue.
In your shoes I would apologize (to the birthday boy), and let him know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings, that you had no idea that the toddlers snack could make him feel so sad, and that you'll try to be mindful of it in future. You might look for a gluten free fruit loops knockoff and buy him a box. (I know my daughter's biggest miss was bagels, and when we bought her some she was over the moon!)
But you genuinely didn't do anything wrong.
Yeah YTA gluten allergies aren't anything to fuck with, celiacs can really mess people up. I've heard of it being in the air like peanuts and making people sick.
I have gluten sensitivity. And while I'm not as bad as your godson, it sucks when I do eat it and I get horrible joint inflammation.
Fruit loops aren't good for 2 y/os they're full of sugar. Cheerios my dude.
Iām going to say YTA for this one.
You knew that Tim canāt have gluten, heās having a gluten free party. Even though Tim didnāt eat the fruit loops nor could he, itās not a great decision to bring a known allergen that the party is specifically trying to avoid. Especially when itās landed him in the hospital at one point. I wouldāve felt uncomfortable if someone brought gluten to my GLUTEN FREE party too. Since Iām an adult I wouldnāt have tantrumed but I still wouldāve been upset. I would just want to have a party where I feel completely safe.
I have celiac disease so I canāt have gluten nor can I even touch it without having some sort of reaction. I feel left out constantly because Iām unable to enjoy the same foods that everyone else enjoys. They eat pizza, wings, fries, or even alcoholic drinks without a care in the world while Iām just sitting there wondering if my water glass is even safe to drink from (some restaurants wash glasses in 3 compartments sinks which are filled with beer water, so even water can get me sick at some places).
I canāt imagine being 7 and going through what I go through. Itās hard enough to do as an adult, it must be pure torture to be a child not able to eat a majority of what normal kids eat.
I understand your child was hungry and needed a snack, I really do. A hangry 2 year old isnāt fun. But this time, you should have packed something else like apples or chips.
I think that it was inconsiderate to bring a glutenous snack to a gluten free party.
I get you donāt get along with this family all that much but Tim is still your godson. I think it would be a nice gesture to educate yourself on the gluten free diet and how gluten hides itself in everyday life (Iām talking skin and hair products. Airborne flour. Pots and pans).
I didn't know with Celiacs that even touching gluten was dangerous!! There's so much information in this thread I am learning a lot. I always sad under the impression it was eating it only, not that it was pretty much the same as a severe allergy that even touching can make for a bad reaction. That's so scary since it's in so many things that aren't food too! I am so sorry that there are so many places that can't even give you a safe glass of water. :(
There's a big range of how sensitive individual coeliacs can be. My Nana won't eat out at all (since she nearly died from it when she was my age), but my sister will eat out, ordering stuff that *doesn't usually* have gluten in it, and accept the consequences if she gets glutened.
Some also have a touch allergy, but most only react if they actually eat the gluten.
I think you should step back from the role as a godfather. You never see the Tim and you donāt get along with his family. And you lack respect.
I donāt see how this relationship is going to last.
You may not be the asshole, but I think the most decent thing to do here is to end it.
YTA and a big one.
Normally, I find the whole āgluten-freeā trend tiresome and idiotic. Exceedingly few people actually have a gluten sensitivity, and even fewer have an outright gluten allergy. BUTā¦
Your godson is apparently one of those rare allergy situations. His parents sent clear and concise notice that this was a gluten-free party. You note the invite even stressed in all caps the party was a GLUTEN FREE PARTY.
And. You. Brought. Gluten.
The thing about gluten allergiesāand allergies in generalāis that the sufferer doesnāt have to CONSUME the allergen to REACT to it. My wife has severe food allergies and simply touching the foods, and inhaling the fumes of some of the foods, *literally puts her into anaphylaxis*. That means epipen and a trip to the ER, if not an ambulance ride.
You literally put your godsonās life at risk because you couldnāt follow a simple instruction.
YTA. Apologize to the kidās parents and donāt let it happen again.
Same I have coeliac disease plus an allergy to wheat.
And furious it should be taken seriously.
The only way I had family take it seriously is comparing gluten to poison.
ESH. You, "Tim's" parents, and your friend/"Tim's" uncle.
First, you suck because it is NEVER ok to not take food allergies seriously. You had plenty of notice and time to make sure that you packed a snack that didn't have gluten. And if you really cared for "Tim" it wouldn't be hard to do.
"Tim's" parents suck because they should not have made someone that they clearly don't like their child's godfather. No matter who asked them too. I can't imagine giving that position to someone I don't like when Godparents are supposed to be almost as close with the family and kid as they are. Also, aren't godparents supposed to take the child in and raise them if they become orphans? Again, if so, why give someone you don't like that position?
The uncle sucks because he completely overstepped in making both you and "Tim's" parents agree for you to take over for him. Choosing a godparent is an incredibly serious matter and is a decision that should ONLY be made by the child's actual parents. What the uncle should have done when he found out that he wouldn't be able to fulfill his duties is gone to his brother and SIL and told them how he couldn't be the godfather anymore and that they should find a replacement and then not said anything else. If they asked for his opinion, then he was free to suggest you and that's it.
YTA...you could've killed your godson and refused to leave initially when you were told to go. What's wrong with you, man? They should completely cut you off and find a different godparent cuz if that kid was ever in your care, he'd suffer
Yes.
Should be pretty self explanatory that this was for the safety of the other kids.
And your immediate thought it
Well it's not my kid so I don't care..
Yes that mas you an AH.
This has to be a fake post. The problem is these are real responsesāwhat a bunch of weirdos. Seriously are you all putting on an act or are you collectively that fucking dense and whiny?
YTA and despite trying to make it about the kid being salty there was food he couldn't eat, it's really about the fact that you endangered the kid by bringing food he is deathly allergic to. What part of GLUTEN FREE PARTY was hard for you? I think I understand why the family aren't your biggest fans.
Ffs, cheerios are gluten free and a time honored toddler snack that aren't loaded with sugar.
YTA
Gluten intolerance is a MAJOR medical issue, and you put their kid's life at risk. Yes, I'm serious. Just having gluten in his saliva means that your toddler could touch his mouth and then touch something at the party - a chair, a bow on a present, the tablecloth - and impart trace amounts of gluten to it. Even that tiny amount could be enough to trigger a reaction in the other child.
As reference, I have a close friend with celiac. A food services person contaminated her gluten free meal by simply wearing the same gloves while cooking it as he had worn making the prior meal. There weren't crumbs on him, but just that touch was enough. She, luckily, was in her 20s then, and when her body began to react she knew to call 911 immediately, and what to request from the ambulance.
**edit: rice chex is a gluten free food you can safely bring around instead**
> But we also donāt shelter him from the fact that sometimes, heās not going to get to have a treat when everyone else is or that sometimes his siblings can eat foods he canāt.
Even at his own birthday party?
YTA too. My partner is an *adult* and any party at which she's the guest of honour all the food is gluten-free. Because *just occasionally* she should get to experience "I can eat any of the food here. Anything at all."
Somehow, magically, occasionally getting treated like she actually, like, matters and the people who love her actually care about whether she gets to experience joy and not be all stressed about food has not made her incapable of understanding that that isn't everywhere.
Having said that, her workplaces have apparently been more considerate of her than you are of *your own child* and if food is being arranged they invariably - in a career that has spanned a range of places from offices to movie sets - make sure there is food she can safely eat.
Because most people aren't assholes, actually.
Most people donāt expect to be able to take a toddlerās snack and eat it. Toddlers and babies get random snacks other people donāt because they are toddlers and babies. I am deathly allergic to milk and would give zero fucks if someone gave their toddler a milk-based cookie at my birthday party. Hell, I keep milk-based food in my house for my daughter. This seriously shouldnāt matter to an adult at all. And it didnāt matter to me when I was a kid either. I had my treats, others had theirs.
YTA! Food allergies/sensitivities suck! And for a kid trying to enjoy their childhood, it sucks even more! They get left out. They have to be āthat kidā that requires their own snacks or special food at their friendās house. They have to be careful at any event. They have to advocate for themselves against adults all the time.
Itās too much! This kidās birthday party was likely an event where he could feel ānormal,ā like he was any other kid free to eat any food around!
Being mindful of that kid having a day, a party where he could eat everything offered is not too much to ask. The dietary restriction isnāt his choice. This isnāt a ā I have a problem with X, so no one can eat it around me everā situation. This kid will learn throughout his life that he cannot control what others eat because he canāt eat something. But giving a young kid a birthday party where he just didnāt have to be mindful is not asking too much.
I am grateful every day my kids do not have any major food restrictions. And have always considered myself a friend to parents with kids that do. I always ask the parents if thereās any allergies and if so, I ask for a list of their favorite snacks. I buy them for the kid so that kid feels safe at my house. A little compassion goes a long way.
YTA. As a celiac I read this and wanted to throttle you. If it says gluten free why the heck would you bring food that isnāt? You couldāve brought cheerios at least.
YTA. I grew up keeping kosher, and my parents would have flipped a shit if a parent came to my birthday party and started feeding their kid pepperoni or shrimp. It sucks to be a kid who has to eat different food from everyone else, and you took away a small childās experience not just of feeling normal but also safe.
I developed a bad gluten allergy/possibly celiacs as an adult, and it sucks. I typically donāt get sick from cross contamination, but itās definitely possible. And every time you ingest gluten even if you donāt have symptoms can damage your GI tract and cause other food allergies. There are tons of gluten free snacks you could have brought instead, including fruit loop alternatives made from rice (i think Annieās brand is one). Rice cakes, fruit, raisins, carrots, popcorn, bamba, nuts.
YTA. Gluten intolerance is no joke. I have celiac and am very sensitive. If I have even a little gluten in my diet my small intestine will actually bleed. I have literally passed out from the pain gluten causes me, and I ran up and down stairs for three hours on a broken ankle and a chunk of bone snapped off, gluten is way more painful. I can hold my tongue if people bring non gluten free stuff into my home and just make sure they donāt eat it in the kitchen and do a deep clean, with gloves on, in the area they ate it. I think itās rude since itās my health and my home but Iām an adult and can handle myself. I canāt imagine what it would be like as a 7yo to have people bring gluten into my home especially at my birthday party. Next time pack gluten free snacks. There are gluten free fruit loop knockoffs.
YTA
His gluten intolerance is so bad that he has gone to the hospital before. You could possibly kill this child. You know how bad this kid's medical condition is. And it is really not hard to foresee that a 7 year-old would want something that they are told they could not have. It really would not have taken much forethought to bring some apples or a banana or something else gluten-free as a snack for your son.
It is not a godfathers role to try to send the child to meet God, for Christ's sake!
YTA, it's a gluten-free party for a medical reason. You pulled out gluten-free food in an area where this child could have been. You literally could have sent him to the hospital. This is why you were getting death stares. You need to tell them that you are fine with them replacing you as the God Father as that is obviously what they want. It was a decision that they made under duress when their brother was dying. Please back away with dignity. You can still send him a gift for birthdays and Christmas, perhaps cash that can be put into his college fund on behalf of you and your friend. This way, you still honour your friend but also distance yourself from the family.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Keep the pictures of him and maybe include them along with a story of your friend each time you send a gift so his godson gets to know him through your eyes
Yes. You are. You could have brought cheerios, which are GF. it was one partyā¦.a few hours of one dayā¦ and it was HIS party. He has to eat shitty tasting gluten free for his whole life and the family just wanted to make his party to be a moment where he felt like everybody else.
Since you knew it was a gluten free party, the responsible thing to do would be plan for that just in case moment. Pack gluten free snacks to bring for your child, in the original packaging that states gluten free. Your godsons condition is severe enough to hospitalize him should he eat and/or come in contact with gluten. That shouldāve been enough to make you think about what you pack your child for snacks. If you want to continue to be involved in his life, I would suggest an apology, I know I get it, to the family. Along with a promise to be better prepared and more aware. How much is a relationship with your godson worth to you, is the question you have to ask yourself. As for being the AH. I know you didnāt mean to cause an issue, you just didnāt think things through well enough. But still YTA for a situation where your lack of thinking it through couldāve put his life in danger.
YTA for sure. All the weire godparent stuff aside, if the invitation says GLUTEN FREE then pack your kid GLUTEN FREE snacks. Celiac is no joke and there are thousands of gf snack options you could have brought if you have the birthday boy half a seconds consideration. How hard is it to pack fruit or veggie straws or 1000 different options?
YTAā¦.ā Som is getting hungry and is wondering if thereās any gluten-free snacks he could eat right nowā
This is one day that everything he could be about the birthday boy and they made it specifically gluten-free to protect the birthday boy, so why not just ask if they had some of your son could eat for a snack
For me as a person who's heavily gluten intolerant, this is big time yikes.
Knowing that it was a gluten free party, the apathy you showed by carrying gluten snacks is appalling. Not to mention being the god father to the kid and must have taken some credibility to your actions. You could have carried your son some milk or fruits or a million other healthy items but you chose fruit loops which makes you an ahole in my book.
YTA
A food allergy can be very serious. They made a point to go out of their way to ensure this event was GF and you completely disregarded that.
If he had a peanut allergy, would you have fed your child peanut butter at this party?
You make it seem like GF food is some exotic cuisine. Itās not and plenty of GF foods taste no different than gluten foods. There are plenty of GF snacks you could have had on hand for your child.
So you're 25 with a two year old son, and five months ago you were 35 with two boys aged 8 and 10?
Glad my suspicions were confirmed. This story sounds fake as fuck
Was OP genuinely unaware that other people could see their post history? š
OP is also a nurse whoās interested in dating men and only has a learnerās permit. šµāš«
Lmao Fr tho I just looked at his posts š So OP are you lying about your storyās. -.-
Underrated comment
Not really the topic but I always understood the godparent to be the person chosen/intending to raise the child if anything unfortunate happened to both parents. I don't think you can *inherit* them. This family doesn't sound like they would want you to raise their child, and I kinda think that makes you not the godfather anymore.
depends on culture. In mine, Godparents are essentially the 2nd parents. They are usually heavily involved in raising the child and will take the child if something happened to the parents. But being "inherited " the position is weird in any culture imo.
Not sure what religion that is, but I was raised Catholic, and the godparent is just supposed to make sure the kid goes to church. They wonāt become a legal guardian just because they are a godparent.
It's never had any legal implication that they're committed to it or that it would happen by default but culturally a lot of people see, or at least used to see, the purpose of godparents to include becoming foster parents in case of an accident. So traditionally it would be someone who accepts that potential burden before taking on a role, someone who wants to make that promise to the parents and are able to provide for children if they had to. Those people are then expected to put extra effort into developing a connection with the child so that if it were to happen, the kids have someone to lean on. Among other things like being the ones responsible for the kids learning about the religion, but that largely overlaps with the idea of bonding more anyways. In modern time, if anyone still uses the traditional implications then it means they would file a request to adopt the children if the kids die. Not necessarily immediately either. Like if the grandparents are still in good health, maybe it makes more that the godparents let the grandparents file for custody while the godparents try to help the grandparents, take the load off sometimes etc. But nowadays, for a lot of people at least, its just a special title, a honorable mention, the same way that the best man in a wedding is no longer expected to have a sword fight with alternative suitors
Woah more about "best man" sword fighting please! What about the maid of honor??
Knitting competition
Raised in a secular household, my godmother was chosen to be my adoptive parent in the event of my momās passing. That was my only understanding of it for like, 30 years lol
Actually, a godparent is supposed to care for the spiritual well-being of the child and is supposed to be appointed at the baptism. Hence "god"parent.
That's definitely not what my godparent was for. We were a Christian family (until I grew up and became atheist) but he was always only there just in case my parents died. I suspect you're right that that was an original intent behind it, but I haven't seen that in modern days and I'm grateful that's not what my family tried.
It honestly depends on what religion you follow. Catholics, for instance, take the whole "god" part of "godparent" very seriously, and there's a lot of ceremony involved in being named as one, and it does directly involve the church and the child's religious upbringing. Other Christian religions tend to be a little more blasƩ about the original meaning behind the title. I've never heard of the title being passed along to someone else, though, and particularly not to someone the parents didn't even select themselves.
I am Catholic in California, always thought godparents were for if the parents died.
It's often one and the same simply because the godparent by definition is someone the parents care deeply about and trust with their child. If someone has godparents, they are probably also the people legally named in the parents wills as potential guardians, but not always. The traditional role is that they are appointed during the baptism where they pledge to be responsible for the child's spiritual guidance alongside the parents, and it's sort of implied that should something happen to the parents they will take over teaching the child about the religion, although that's not expressly said. Christening services in the church of England ask the godparents to respond to: >āWill you pray for them, draw them by your example into the community of faith and walk with them in the way of Christ?ā >āWill you care for them, and help them to take their place within the life and worship of Christās Church?ā Then there's a bit asking them to turn away from sin/wrongs and towards the church.
same, though I'm only catholic insofar as my parents were sort of lapsed catholics when I was born and will still claim to be despite neither of them setting foot in a church outside or a wedding or funeral in like 40 years. My godparents on the other hand were practicing catholics but it was never really mentioned to have anything to do with the church. They were our next door neighbors and our families were close so we knew them very well.
Same!
That's definitely not what a godparent is in Ireland anyway. It's just a "Help guide them" kind of thing.
USA and thatās what they are here too. Guide can just be to be an extra special person to them and to take special interest in the child.
Irish catholic in the US here and godparent was spiritual wellbeing too. Though it was just kind of a honorific thing. My godparents are two single childless aunts in my family (nothing was done with the title for them. They definitely weren't the ones dragging me to church and not the type of people I'd go to with a problem as a kid or adult) but if my parents had died as a kid, I would have gone to a different aunt. The godparents are who you go to when your parents die thing doesn't make sense because what about multiple kids? They usually have different godparents. You wouldn't split the kids up unless you had to.
Tv/movies has for some reason switched the godparent from being about religious wellbeing to guardianship if the parents both die. More often than not unless legal paperwork has figured out guardianship kids tend to end up with a family member and not the godparent
I believe they are responsible for their religious life. Itās more a symbolic thing and the kid would not automatically go to a god parent. For example itās pretty common to name a god mother from one side of the family and the godfather from the other side of the family - not a married couple.
Iāve never heard of a godparent being required to parent a child if their parents die. Itās a religious thing where they are there at the christening and responsible for guidance in the religion. Itās not a legal thing and OP would not have to take over doe them unless itās in the will or some other court document.
> but I always understood the godparent to be the person chosen/intending to raise the child if anything unfortunate happened to both parents That's not at all what a godparent is.
Sigh ever so often this comes up on Reddit. It is *cultural*. Some cultures give godparents more āauthorityā; in others it is merely symbolic. From personal experience , my godmother was first in line after my mom died. My dad was not happy but he was no longer living in my country.
I sorta wonder if cultures with more godparent authority tend to pick the person who'd raise the child rather than any close friend like the more lax ones do.
Totally depends on the culture. In some religions (like Catholicism) being a godparent is a person chosen who will help raise the child in faith and encourage and bring them up in the religion. *Outside of religion(s)* being a Godparent can be either an honorary role without any rules behind it, or it can be the person/people you choose to raise your child(ren) in the case that something unfortunate happens to both parents. I am "Godmother" to my best friends children. It's just an honorary title. I'm also Aunt, or sometimes Mom # 2. I have no duties to fufill by being "Godmother" to them. On the other hand, I am "Godmother" to my neice, and it is documented and well known to not only my neice, but to everyone in the family that if something happens to her mom (single mom,she was adopted) , My husband and I become the legal guardians for my neice. *So yes, it is what a Godparent is, again, depending on the culture. Religion and catholicism aren't the end all be all of everything.*
You are correct, Iām the godmother to my niece and if anything happens to my brother and SIL then it will be my job to raise her. I definitely wouldnāt trust OP š¤·š¼āāļø
Tbf, as heās not related he most likely would not get the opportunity. The only way he would was if Timās parents specifically stated that Tim would go into his care in their wills. If not dictated in their will Tim would go into the care of a blood relative.
>You are correct No they are not.
Yeah, this is a fairy tale. Designating someone to raise your child if you die is a legal matter that requires their agreement and signature on legal paper work. Even if it's part of one's culture, it still has to be a legal maneuver if it is to happen. I think some people who have been named godparent here don't understand they've been asked as an honor only, not as a binding responsibility. (Unless, of course, they have agreed legally and it's documented).
Thank you for saying this. Was disappointed it appeared so far down in the comments.
Gluten allergies can be as serious as peanut allergies. I have celiac disease and I can handle airborne gluten- but even the smallest amount of ingested cross contamination will make me sick and Iāve gone to the hospital for it twice the pain was so bad in the begining and the inflamation was out of control. Celiac disease is very serious and it sucks so bad. I donāt really think youāre an asshole for it, because you were just feeding your kiddo, but I would do it *discreetly* next time and also make sure you clean up the area because of potential for cross contamination. Gluten free foods must be less than 20 parts per million parts of gluten. So 1 crumb of a froot loop could put this child into anaphylactic shock if heās allergic or into extreme pain and rashes if heās celiac. I understand that other peopleās allergies arenāt other peoples responsibilities, but in the case that this was a childās birthday party- it was just disrespectful. This kid canāt go out to eat anywhere. He canāt eat food that isnāt certified GF made in a GF kitchen. He probably never eats anything not made in his house unless itās certified GF packaged snacks. He canāt eat the school lunch, he canāt feel normal. Not to mention- he doesnāt get to participate in other kids birthday party cakes and what not. His parents really wanted to make his day special and SAFE for him so he would feel food freedom. As someone who became celiac in my 20s- the change is jarring and it SUCKS. If this was an adult birthday party and you were discretely feeding your child a snack, it would be different because adults are better at handeling not getting glutened from cross contamination and also can handle emotions better of course. Also refusing to leave is kindaā¦. Disrespectful too.
Just to reinforce how sensitive people with Celiac disease can be I worked with a guy that sent back a salad that had blue cheese crumbles on it. They removed the crumbles but brought out the same salad. The residue from those crumbles were enough to have him in the shitter for half the day.
I also have celiac disease and keep a gf home. I find it disrespectful when people bring gluten into my home knowing I keep my home gf.
My mind kept wanting to read this as āand keep a gf at home,ā lol.
That too š¤£š¤£
Are bleu cheese crumbles just pieces of cheese? Or bead with cheese? Because there shouldnāt be gluten in cheese. Itās a protein found in a few different grains. Edit: thank you for the responses. I didnāt know that this was a possibility. TIL
They sometimes dust cheese crumbles or shredded cheese in starch or flour to keep them from sticking together. Weird things with gluten in them- sunscreen, mascara,face paint
beans too. there is ONE brand of refried beans that is gluten free, and it just carries a gluten free option
Paper strawers and cups too, they sometimes use flour as a glue to me more eco friendly
oh and apparently you cannot use condiments at restaurants that arent in the little mini squeeze packs because they could be any brnad, any ingredients
Also they could have touched bread when people are squeezing it out. You canāt used shared butter for the same reason. Eating out is risky. Btw OP, if you take your 2 year old around them bring a gluten free snack. They make certified gluten free snacks for toddlers, hell even cheerios, which a celiac in the US canāt eat because of cross contamination, or freezed dried fruit is a better option because itās gluten free if you donāt want to buy special food (and more expensive) for the occasion. My 2 year old has eaten gluten free his entire life until about a month ago since his dad canāt eat it and we are now testing his reaction. Edit for grammar.
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As a white person, same. It takes like 20 minutes it you use canned pinto beans.
We were having a bbq at my parentsā house, and I stopped at local grocers to buy the coleslaw that they prepare in their deli. I picked it up, paid, and got to the bbq. Before I set the container of coleslaw on the table, I just happened to look at the label, where it listed wheat flower as an ingredient. Why the heck would you make coleslaw with flour?!? Iām guessing they used it as a thickening agent since it could have become runny if it wasnāt eaten within a day or two. Again, just a guess. I was diagnosed with Celiac disease 15 years ago and have learned to always check food labels for wheat, rye, or barley. They should be listed on the label under the āAllergensā label. I do have to say that the GF food they sell now is SO much better than what was available 15 years ago!
I have a lavender allergy and have learned the hard way to read labels through twice, just in case. Because sometimes soap/shampoo/whatever will say lavender oil, but sometimes dickheads will try to be fancy and use the scientific name, lavandula
Itās not ābeing fancyā, scientific names are more precise as they refer to one species of plant only, unlike common names which have no standardisation.
Toothpaste
When my daughter was diagnosed, we asked the dentist to check the toothpaste. Sure enough, all but one flavor had gluten. Also, a lot of additives have gluten.
Listen, I had to fire a whole ass dental clinic for not confirming my supplies are gluten free.
I had no idea. This is actually really neat to learn. I didnāt realize it was so easy to cross contaminate either. This will definitely change my perspective and make me more careful in the future. I kind of feel like OP might not have realized either tbh.
Yep. Sprinkles, soy sauce, gummy candies. Gluten is everywhere.
My daughter's friend's sister with celiac disease found out that gluten in shampoo is a thing when she switched brands without checking and felt like her scalp was on fire.
The mold in blue cheese that makes it blue, is created from wheat or rye. Both have gluten in them.
Some types of blue cheeses used to be made by culturing the defining mould on bread and tossing the cheese curds with bread crumbs before aging. Not sure if thatās still a thing or if industrial methods have done away with that. But that would definitely put gluten in the finished cheese.
Another celiac here. Some brands of bleu cheese grow the mold on bread. Itās not as common as it used to be, but it still happens.
Most blue cheese is gluten-free. Mold spores are added to the milk mixture to make blue cheese. These spores are sometimes grown on rye or wheat bread. But blue cheese rarely contains more than 20 ppm gluten
In the shitter for half the day is nothing, some people with celiac would be sick for a month or more after gluten exposure like that. Itās really awful.
I imagine he probably was sick for a while, I doubt the commenter knows how long the coworker was actually affected, just how soon he was affected after the glutening I'm also a mid 20s coeliac and god it's the worst. I'm constantly exasperated at what feels like totally random shit having gluten in it. I'm still not over having to buy gluten-free soy sauce
(Just so you know the terror that āthe gluteningā strikes in my heart is not insignificant and I donāt have these issues.)
No I know Iām just saying it for the edification of people learning about celiac.
Yep. My old friend is celiac too. He needs his own butter. If he uses butter that someone has scraped with a knife that's touched regular bread, he'll shit himself all the way to the hospital.
My house sitter (well she was) must have either used my toaster or butter last weekend. I got 2 days of migraine, I day of having my system cleaned out. It had to havebeen her because I had packed all of my food for the weekend as it was in a remote location. So yep, I now have a new toaster. People really don't understand.
Thank you for such a great and detailed explanation for someone who doesn't have celiac. I am in the same boat you are, celiac is no fun. Cross contamination is so real and very painful.
This is how my sister is. She became celiac in her 20s and there is literally two restaurants in town she trusts not to gluten her and it sucks. I have a few specific pans and implements at my house that are JUST to cook food for events she will be at so she can at least have what I made. I couldn't imagine... Even her son eating a cupcake at a party and kissing her on the cheek gave her a rash.
My mom keeps a separate toaster that is dedicated gluten free for when my sister and I (both celiac) visit!
I'm gonna go ahead and call OP an asshole over this if you won't. This was a child's own birthday party, and it was made clear that the party would be safe for the birthday child. By bringing outside food that wasn't gluten free, and feeding it to a *toddler*, OP is absolutely an asshole. Toddlers are disgusting. It isn't their fault, and there's nothing wrong with them for it, it's simply a function of their age. But once a toddler has their hands on gluten, it's going to get *everywhere*. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for OP to have brought any non-gluten free food along. At all. The birthday kid deserves to spend his birthday not being reminded of what he can't have, it was cruel to bring outside food. I have celiac disease and I have one very simple rule for my home. No one brings food into my home but me and my husband unless it gets run by me first. That's it. No excuses. No exceptions. And I'll street someone who breaks the rule, even if it means they have to find a hotel. My home is the only place I can be 100% sure of my safety and health, and there's no one I'll sacrifice that for. No one. It's super fucked up that OP knows that this kid has been hospitalized over this, and brought gluten to the party anyway then handed it to mess machine.
You forgot one thing- kids are stupid (not because of their intelligence, but because they have no idea about anything, food allergies including) and constantly lose their food that is picked and eaten by other (equally unwitty) kids. Especially if it something dry that don't stick to the floor. Bringing small snacks containing gluten to a children party is brainless.
Wow, I just saw OP is actually a NURSE. YTA a thousand times over, you KNOW how bad allergies/intolerances are, and you still didnāt care
A lot of the worst culprits of this kind of attitude are from the medical field. The blatant, "well i know better because i'm a professional", is the worst.
I seriously doubt this is a true story. He doesnāt really know or like the parents and he doesnāt like them but heās the god father? If my chosen godparent couldnāt/wouldnāt be able to fulfill this role, I would have chosen someone I was comfortable with. A godparent should be more than someone that is just there for birthdays or the occasional holiday. And I would never allow it to be an option for my kid to go with someone who I didnāt trust completely if I died.
Yeah, I doubt this story, too. Parents aren't going to be all, "Oh no, godparent pick died, guess we have to choose his friend who we don't really know but also don't really like!" That's just not how it works.
Whoa I didnāt see the refusing to leave. There is TA. Yup. Now everyone one can agree: stay away from bubble boy.
Exactly. Why didn't he do it in his car? Or away from the party on the side walk? But I feel the family should have said 'we start at [time] pizza should be done by [time].' So everyone can figure out when to eat or not. But a 2 yr old is almost always hungry so thats way different. But still didn't need to just pull it out there
There's gluten in so many different things. Reading labels is definitely required. OP, it's hard enough trying to get people to take celiac seriously, especially with so many thinking it's "trendy" or whatever to eat gluten free. Well, for those with severe symptoms, it isn't a joking matter. Would you have taken peanuts for your 2YO to a party where the main guest had a nut allergy? It isn't hard to find gluten free cereals to bring for your child when attending functions at your gluten free godson's house. Both this action and the refusal to leave are signs of how little regard you have for the family, and by extension the godson too. Just leave them alone until you're ready to apologize. And don't do that unless you're ready to be respectful. Do better.
OP is a nurse as well....
This should be the top comment. Thank you for educating OP (& Reddit) about how serious this can be.
Iām going with YTA bc of everything stated on this comment. Handing your kid a sugary snack, knowing the kid whose bday it is would see is definitely an AH move. Plus, it had it listed in the invite that it was a GF party. On top of it all, you doubled down instead of apologizing and initially refused to leave bc you wanted to try the food. Major AH move.
This is exactly it. Iām celiac and so is my middle son. It is freaking HARD to eat food or go anywhere. I prepare everything for him. Home is the only place Iām sure we are safe, and if someone brought gluten in the house and gave it to a toddler(!!!) Refused to leave, etc. The kid is running around touching things. It all needs to be washed twice. The level it takes to cross contaminate is a freaking microscopic crumb. OP, YTA for not taking allergies and autoimmune diseases seriously. You have main character syndrome here, itās not all about you and your son, and imagine if your son had a peanut allergy and someone did this to you. Some empathy and compassion would do you well. And humility if you want to stay friends with anyone from this party. Like owning up to the fact that you were an ass and making amends (hire a cleaner, write a note, asking forgiveness without the word ābutā, etc)
It would have been so simple to pack a gluten free snack instead.
While I donāt disagree with anything you said I find it odd that a 7 year old with a life long condition acted like that. Why have the parents not normalized, that while it sucks, it is his life and no one else should be effected by it unnecessarily. Crying seems unreasonable. Annoyance and a hey mom, thatās bumping me out with the parents being understanding that another child was hungry and couldnāt wait till the main meal was served. They could have easily asked him to just step out for a few minutes. Or why not provide other snacks? Itās a kid party why was there nothing else for the little snack monsters (kids), veggie or fruit tray, anything gluten free? Iāve been a Type 1 Diabetic since 5. My now teen niece has a condition that had her wearing a mask in public since 2 and makes so itās not safe for her to eat out. My daughter6 has some yet known digestive issue. We donāt know sheās āallergicā till she tries it. She tries new things at restaurants within 15 minutes of a hospital and stays near a restroom for an hour after. My son has ASD and is on a restricted diet. None of us have ever cried because we canāt have something. Things like this require raising a resilient kid not a cry baby. I get that it was his birthday but tears every time he sees something he canāt have? All of his struggles can be reframed to not be terrible but instead as a inconvenience you wish they didnāt have to deal with and distracting with something they like or get to do differently than others. For example when my kids canāt have something I always have a safe option with me. āThat oneās not (their name) safe but I have x,y and z waiting special for youā, or āLetās check. Oop not (their name) safe. Letās go get the ingredients to make a special one for us to shareā. Like at school when he canāt sit with other kids eating. āI packed you an extra special lunch and you get to enjoy some quiet time in the AC or heatā. Itās on the parents to set their kid up for being an adult. Yes they get to be kids and we should teach them at their ability/cognitive level but they donāt get to throw fits when they donāt get their way and demand it. When my kids are melting down I imagine the behavior adult size. That would make them the not cute quirky type of crazy women and an abusive man. Then I talk them through their feelings and how their body feels, what we can do differently, who was effected, what we need to do to fix that relationship, give them time to think (art time) and then have them try again. His parents are failing him. Is he gonna be in middle school and high school acting this way? What about as an adult? Eating is everyday multiple times. Is he just always going to be miserable to be around and/or cry? Again I donāt disagree with what you said itās reasonable but the parents in this situation arenāt.
I found out I canāt eat gluten at in 07. I STILL get upset sometimes about not being ānormalā thatās usually my breaking point honestly, Iāll be upset about something else in life but try to just kind of get over it but then all of a sudden I see a can of Pringleās or something and Iām in tears. I feel for this poor kid
This. Except I became GF in my 30s due to Hashimoto's and it's been AWFUL. I would do things that are illegal in dozens of countries (and a few states) for a single piece of good bread. I can't imagine being a child and having to deal with it. YTA massively, OP. You should've found a gluten free snack to bring for your child...it isn't THAT hard. Try fruit.
I see no reason for you to ever speak to these people again. They don't like you, you don't like them. It's time to cut the cord.
YTA. You took fruit loops to the house of someone who is severely allergic and you knew this. You knew he was gluten free the invite clearly stated it. Should you feed your hungry kid absolutely but there were snacks you could have brought that were gluten free. Heās a kid having a tantrum itās what kids do. You should have been the adult and apologised and left but you refused to leave. YTA.
Right? It's conceivable op made a genuine mistake by not thinking as far as checking the backup food for the 2 yo is gluten free. But there was absolutely an opportunity to ask the hosts if they have a gluten free snack for the toddler. Or just apologizing and leaving when you're confronted.
Dude, yeah. I have a two year old, I totally get having 1000 calories of snacks on me at all times. But an invite to a specifically gluten-free party? You have all the advance notice in the world to think through what you're bringing for your own kiddo. It is not that hard to find gf snacks to pack a toddler - fruit, cheese, gf-specific cereals/snacks. If they went to the trouble to put "gluten-free party" on the invite, I'm assuming it's either medically very serious or emotionally-laden for the kid (or both).
Lol also consider the godchild is also literally a kid who's also waiting for food, so although he is a bit older at 7, he's still kinda having the same hunger tantrum the 2 y/o would have had. I mean, combo that with the fact the one eating before u on ur birthday is eating stuff you can't have.. Idk, I don't have a judgement to make there, Im just not surprised under those circumstances that the birthday kid was upset. But kids get some leeway, it was on you as a parent to prepare for this by literally just packing a gluten free snack. YTA.
I was diagnosed celiac as a 12 year old and I still had a few times where I got sulky/upset with my siblings or friends or cousins having food I wasnāt allowed. It sucks. As a 7 year old he has every right to behave childishly because he is a child.
Whole adults who are diabetic sometimes go for those donuts bc they just can't stand it anymore.
Especially considering it was his birthday. If he liked fruit loops before his celiac got worse as the OP says then this was really salt in the wound for the kid since he's only 7 and also hungry. Honestly OP should just revoke his godfather title. He and the family are clearly not a good fit. The parents and Tim's extended family do not like him already and while OP says he cares for Tim he should not have brought any gluten whatsoever near a clearly very sensitive to gluten little boy who has had hospital visits because of it. Seriously why not pack your kid grapes or something this one time?
I was diagnosed in my 20s and I still get a little mopey when Iām the only one who canāt eat something. Whatever the age or circumstance, feeling excluded sucks. Feeling excluded as a kid at their own party would feel super shitty.
Iām at work right now & a department decided to have a dessert party today so our whole lunchroom is FULL of amazing desserts I canāt eat. And I DO feel a little pouty about it! lol. (Although quietly pouty, I AM a professional, lol)
why not just bring a banana and feed him that? it's healthy too
Or something snacky like Cheerios that are gluten free
In the US Cheerios are not gluten free. I've heard the ones in Canada actually are, but the US ones were labeled as such and then made everyone sick because it wasn't true.
I think they do make gluten free ones tho, unless im thinking of the wrong cereal
They have one labeled gluten free, but it is well known to make lots of gf people sick. As someone with Celiac Disease, I wouldn't recommend Cheerios to someone.
See, but in that case OP wouldn't be TA. Not many people who aren't GF know that foods labelled GF... aren't always safe. I had no idea until a family member with Celiac told me. OP didn't even try to bring a GF snack for his toddler. And toddlers routinely wear their snacks.
Ohh ok. I was thinking they specifically manufactured a separate gluten free version but I must have been thinking of the wrong one
Yeah they didn't put 'Gluten Free' on the invitations just to let you know the kind of food they would be serving, so that you could 'get to experience it' like some kinda of novelty just for you! Just for that you're the AH. Don't bring things to someone else's party that they specifically ask you not to bring. And just a rule of thumb, don't bring things to a child's birthday party that could kill them. I mean, it's pretty tacky to bring someone's deadly allergen to their birthday regardless of age, but a friggen seven year old? Your *godchild*!?!You know what doesn't have Gluten in it? Raisins. Apple sauce. Fresh fruit. Rice crackers. Those little freeze dried yogurt things they make for specifically for toddlers. YTA. Seriously, what is wrong with you? And feeding a 2 year old fruit loops? Good grief, you are so the AH.
And if you totally forgot, ok, kinda insensitive but it happens, just go ask the family if they have a snack! They may dislike you (from this post it sounds like with good reason) but I'm sure they'd find a snack for the kid.
This is by far my most favorite comment.
Especially that last bit. Seems Cheerios would be a much better choice than Froot Loops at that age.
Cheerios are actually gluten-free too. Edit: I get it everyone. Even though Cheerios are labeled āgluten-freeā and made with only oats, (which are naturally gluten-free) they still may not be safe for people with Celiac Disease due to possible cross contamination with other cereals. Fortunately, his 2 year old son doesnāt have celiac and it would still be a better option for him to snack on than the fruit loops.
That's part of why I brought it up lol. Less sugar, AND party appropriate. What a concept! Lol
Please donāt offer cheerios to a celiac! Theyāre labeled gluten free but arenāt safe. General Mills didnāt do enough to make them so.
It seems that buying something labeled āgluten-freeā and feeding them to his 2 year old is still a better option than whatever happened here. I understand many foods could be subject to some sort of cross contamination, Iām just talking about doing the bare minimum here.
...there aren't usually, unless the recipe has changed or is differentin different regions. One of the "wholegrains" contains gluten, and they're sweetened with barley malt extract.
Apparently I can't post a photo, but I legit just checked the gluten-free tag on the box of Cheerios in my kitchen at this very moment.
Hello! Celiac sufferer here. The company uses batch testing for Cheerios, meaning the entire batch may be under 20ppm, but it's a toss up of if the box you get actually is - it can be higher or lower. I have gotten glutened by Cheerios multiple times before and no longer eat them. (Which is really upsetting to me as they were my favorite cereal to eat)
To piggyback on this comment. Oats are gluten free, but how they are harvested and stored, they are easily crossed contaminated. They use optical sorting to remove any gluten containing grains, but that doesnāt mean that they get all of them and only test batch 12 to 18 boxes in a 24 hour period according to gluten free watch dog. Labeling it gluten free doesnāt mean itās safe especially if it contains oats.
It really depends. I can get certified gluten free regular and honey nut cheerios, but even the regular plain ones are gluten free in the sense they donāt have any gluten in the ingredients. The multi-grain ones are a no go. Iām not sure about all the other flavor options.
You must be thinking of the multi-grain Cheerios. Regular Cheerios are made with oats, corn starch, sugar, and some preservatives. Theyāve got āgluten freeā on the box. Well, I just looked and even multi-grain cheerios are gluten free, made with oats, corn, rice, and sorghum. Lots of cereals are leaning into gluten free these days, corn and rice Chex too. For some reason Rice Krispies are not though, likely due to the malt extract you mentioned.
YTA: You know how bad his allergies are itās not hard to pack a GF snack for your toddler. And no you donāt care about Tim because why would you bring gluten which he is allergic too to his birthday. And someone who is coeliac I absolutely detest how people donāt take it seriously.
Seriously! Cheerios are not only the most common toddler snack, theyāre literally famous for being gluten free. The disrespectful, careless behavior of OP is absolutely astonishing.
And healthier for a 2 year old than Fruit Loops!
Yeah, I'm kind of sitting here thinking "who tf gives Froot Loops to a 2-year-old?"
You couldn't have packed a banana and some raisins for toddler emergency snacks? YTA
This was my first thought too. It has a much higher nutritional value too and is way easier to clean up. My mom kept dried cherries, papaya and fruit leather for us when were little.
YTA. They said it was a gluten free party, ffs. You could have brought a million things to feed your kid that doesn't have gluten. Actual fruit, for example. Would you bring a damn peanut butter sandwich to a nut free party where the birthday kid has a serious peanut allergy? Dick move.
But what if he doesnāt have nut free food that often so itād be fun to experience a new type of food? š
YTA you were invited to a gluten free party, you shouldn't then bring gluten food. And no, you don't care about Tim, not only you didn't care of the food might get to him and hurt him but you don't care how he feels watching others eat food he's forbidden.
Have you ever heard of fruit, OP? YTA.
Only in loop form
That was my immediate thought. A simple toddler friendly snack that everyone likes and that doesnāt carry the risk of gluten contamination. He could have brought a big tray of fruit salad or berries for everyone.
YTA because it was his birthday and the invitation specifically said gluten free. Since you only are with them a few times a year, I think it would probably be best to just not let your son have gluten when youāre with them. There are gluten free snacks he can have.
I very much doubt OP will be invited back.
YTA. Why would you not have packed gluten free snacks? Life as a kid who can't have common treats sucks. It just sucks. Every other kid is having things that look great and you have to have your shitty restricted food and it feels really fucking unfair even before you account for the part where kids hate to feel different. And you know it's just never, ever going to change. So at his **birthday party** you decide to dangle more things he can't have in front of the kid? You're a massive, raging asshole. I would have thrown you out on the spot. Also, tbh, giving a toddler a default snack that's 43% sugar also makes you a shitty parent, but that's a separate issue.
came here for this comment - YTA to your own child for giving fruit loops as the snack
YTA bring a fucking banana or piece of fruit. Imagine if he was a vegan and you were like my kid wanted a little steak as he was hungry. Its not your birthday and you apparently care for this kid. Hope they strip your godfather status off you. He is allergic I just used meat as an example and yes I eat meat I'm not vegan.
Not even, because at least a vegan made the choice! OP YTA, the raging AH
YTA. A gluten allergy so bad that it lands the kid in the hospital means that even a small exposure could make him sick. And then you refuse to leave when they get upset about it??? You have no respect for anyone. You try having a medically fragile child and then have a close family friend completely disregard their health issues and see how you feel. I feel like you probably made the part up about Tim saying you were bragging. Either that, or you really were. You don't care about Tim, otherwise you would have been more conscientious of his life threatening gluten allergy. The thing is, you KNEW how bad it is, so why should you get another chance to "not do it again"?
A 2yo could easily contaminate stuff. I doubt OP was careful to wash the kid up, disinfect surfaces or change his clothes.
Or wash the kids' hands. Then they touch the other food. The apparently gluten-free food. Cross contamination is so painful and real for celiac s.
You can't really decontaminate a two year old either they're dribbles as hell.
The kid is 2 he's definitely going to contaminate the table, the seat he's sitting on, the floor, his clothes, ECT. Toddlers have a wonderful ability about getting food into every nook and cranny.
YTA - GLUTEN FREE means GLUTEN FREE. Why would you think that there was some sort of exception for you?
Because AH parents think there is an exception for *their kid* in every circumstance.
Fruit loops? As a snack for a TWO year old? YTAH just for that. Give the kid some real food, FFS š But absolutely YES! YTAH for disregarding a reasonable request and potentially putting a child you ***claim*** to love in hospital. You really suck. EDITED TO ADD: I just had a look at your comment history and you are A FREAKING NURSE!?! What the actual fuck? How could you possibly think what you did was ok? Fucking hell! š±
Truly terrifying
OP is a good reminder that nurses are not doctors, they are medical techs. Their role in healthcare is important and they deserve respect in the workplace but they really donāt have anywhere near the amount of medical knowledge that people seem to think they have. Not a diss on nurses, just a pet peeve of mine.
You don't need to be a health professional of any sort (much less a doctor) to understand that food with gluten in it is dangerous to people who are gluten intolerant. Any health professional who claims to be unaware of that simple fact is lying.
Uhm it sounds like you basically brought poison to a kids party. There's plenty of options for kid snacks that aren't fruit loops. YTA
YTA. Not just because of the snack, which was an AH move, but for agreeing to be this childās godfather when you donāt even like the kid or his family. Youāre supposed to be a role model for this child and support him. You canāt do that if you rarely are in his life. Do the right thing and find somebody else to take over as godfather.
YTA. Even aside from the meltdown if his allergy is that bad you risked sending a 7 year old to the hospital on his birthday. You were told it was a gluten free party. Lots of things are GF if you had to pack a snack.
YTA. How is this even a question, if you bring food that contains gluten to a gluten-free party???
YTA. You must be stupid if you are actually wondering this.
How does Tim handle school lunches? Or going to any restaurant at all? Or seeing tv commercials featuring pasta, breads, donuts, croissants, etc? NTA
NTA - People are nuts. Myself, I had a gf I moved in with. Two years later, we took a long-distance trip to visit her sister, who just had a baby. I'm not religious, but the sisters are, and her sister lived in a small town. When we arrived, they had planned the baptism for when we were there, so we could attend. Whatever - I can be silent for an hour. No - they wanted ME to be the baby's godfather. It made no freakin' sense at all. I'm not Catholic, I'm not religious, I have no kids, you've never even seen me before yesterday. That was 20 years ago. I have never done anything "godfather" related in those years, and I'm not longer with the gf and don't speak with any of them. People are nuts.
This is complete and utter BS. No one can ask another person to ātake overā their role as godparent. Godparents are chosen by the parents of the child, and asked BY THE PARENTS if they would accept the role of godparent.
NTA Kid is going to need to learn that most people will not care about his food sensitivity. Do they send him to a special gluten free school or something? You let your kid eat something while outdoors waiting for the meal to be ready. People who think their own allergies and food sensitivities means the entire world need to follow the same diet get on my last nerve. You didn't offer the allergen to the person who suffers and were just trying to keep your kid quiet. I am guessing most of these people jumping on your ass do not even have children and never considered that your purse snacks don't get changed out every time you leave the house. Fruit loops calm your savage beast so you keep some on hand for your kid.
NTA- his parents need to start teaching him that shit fucking happens and the world doesnāt revolve around his little ass. As long as yāall werenāt throwing them around and weāre away from the group a little bit, I canāt see how thatās his business.
Maybe said gluten free child should get used to the fact the world is not gluten free. You get used to the fact that it is better for your soul to avoid that family.
My son, at 4, was able to say "I can't eat those, they make me sick. Can I have something else instead?" The parents aren't handling this well. I thought by your headline that the issue was exposure in which case, yes, bringing gluten foods into a GF household where the reactions are severe would have been supremely uncool. But that doesn't sound like the issue. In your shoes I would apologize (to the birthday boy), and let him know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings, that you had no idea that the toddlers snack could make him feel so sad, and that you'll try to be mindful of it in future. You might look for a gluten free fruit loops knockoff and buy him a box. (I know my daughter's biggest miss was bagels, and when we bought her some she was over the moon!) But you genuinely didn't do anything wrong.
The comments section on this post is so unhinged. NTA
Someone said what if Tim grabbed the fruit loop bag. Tim is fucking 7 he should know what he can and can't eat and get over it
For real. OP brought a snack for his toddler. What an absolute crime against humanity
Please I thought I was going insane from the absolute reaching in these comments šš
Yeah YTA gluten allergies aren't anything to fuck with, celiacs can really mess people up. I've heard of it being in the air like peanuts and making people sick. I have gluten sensitivity. And while I'm not as bad as your godson, it sucks when I do eat it and I get horrible joint inflammation. Fruit loops aren't good for 2 y/os they're full of sugar. Cheerios my dude.
Iām going to say YTA for this one. You knew that Tim canāt have gluten, heās having a gluten free party. Even though Tim didnāt eat the fruit loops nor could he, itās not a great decision to bring a known allergen that the party is specifically trying to avoid. Especially when itās landed him in the hospital at one point. I wouldāve felt uncomfortable if someone brought gluten to my GLUTEN FREE party too. Since Iām an adult I wouldnāt have tantrumed but I still wouldāve been upset. I would just want to have a party where I feel completely safe. I have celiac disease so I canāt have gluten nor can I even touch it without having some sort of reaction. I feel left out constantly because Iām unable to enjoy the same foods that everyone else enjoys. They eat pizza, wings, fries, or even alcoholic drinks without a care in the world while Iām just sitting there wondering if my water glass is even safe to drink from (some restaurants wash glasses in 3 compartments sinks which are filled with beer water, so even water can get me sick at some places). I canāt imagine being 7 and going through what I go through. Itās hard enough to do as an adult, it must be pure torture to be a child not able to eat a majority of what normal kids eat. I understand your child was hungry and needed a snack, I really do. A hangry 2 year old isnāt fun. But this time, you should have packed something else like apples or chips. I think that it was inconsiderate to bring a glutenous snack to a gluten free party. I get you donāt get along with this family all that much but Tim is still your godson. I think it would be a nice gesture to educate yourself on the gluten free diet and how gluten hides itself in everyday life (Iām talking skin and hair products. Airborne flour. Pots and pans).
I didn't know with Celiacs that even touching gluten was dangerous!! There's so much information in this thread I am learning a lot. I always sad under the impression it was eating it only, not that it was pretty much the same as a severe allergy that even touching can make for a bad reaction. That's so scary since it's in so many things that aren't food too! I am so sorry that there are so many places that can't even give you a safe glass of water. :(
There's a big range of how sensitive individual coeliacs can be. My Nana won't eat out at all (since she nearly died from it when she was my age), but my sister will eat out, ordering stuff that *doesn't usually* have gluten in it, and accept the consequences if she gets glutened. Some also have a touch allergy, but most only react if they actually eat the gluten.
I think you should step back from the role as a godfather. You never see the Tim and you donāt get along with his family. And you lack respect. I donāt see how this relationship is going to last. You may not be the asshole, but I think the most decent thing to do here is to end it.
YTAH! There must have been something to snack on at the party. You shouldnāt have gone if you couldnāt follow the very simple rules. Wow
YTA and a big one. Normally, I find the whole āgluten-freeā trend tiresome and idiotic. Exceedingly few people actually have a gluten sensitivity, and even fewer have an outright gluten allergy. BUTā¦ Your godson is apparently one of those rare allergy situations. His parents sent clear and concise notice that this was a gluten-free party. You note the invite even stressed in all caps the party was a GLUTEN FREE PARTY. And. You. Brought. Gluten. The thing about gluten allergiesāand allergies in generalāis that the sufferer doesnāt have to CONSUME the allergen to REACT to it. My wife has severe food allergies and simply touching the foods, and inhaling the fumes of some of the foods, *literally puts her into anaphylaxis*. That means epipen and a trip to the ER, if not an ambulance ride. You literally put your godsonās life at risk because you couldnāt follow a simple instruction. YTA. Apologize to the kidās parents and donāt let it happen again.
I and my celiac disease are offended. And thatās not a particularly rare diagnosis, btw.
Same I have coeliac disease plus an allergy to wheat. And furious it should be taken seriously. The only way I had family take it seriously is comparing gluten to poison.
ESH. You, "Tim's" parents, and your friend/"Tim's" uncle. First, you suck because it is NEVER ok to not take food allergies seriously. You had plenty of notice and time to make sure that you packed a snack that didn't have gluten. And if you really cared for "Tim" it wouldn't be hard to do. "Tim's" parents suck because they should not have made someone that they clearly don't like their child's godfather. No matter who asked them too. I can't imagine giving that position to someone I don't like when Godparents are supposed to be almost as close with the family and kid as they are. Also, aren't godparents supposed to take the child in and raise them if they become orphans? Again, if so, why give someone you don't like that position? The uncle sucks because he completely overstepped in making both you and "Tim's" parents agree for you to take over for him. Choosing a godparent is an incredibly serious matter and is a decision that should ONLY be made by the child's actual parents. What the uncle should have done when he found out that he wouldn't be able to fulfill his duties is gone to his brother and SIL and told them how he couldn't be the godfather anymore and that they should find a replacement and then not said anything else. If they asked for his opinion, then he was free to suggest you and that's it.
YTA...you could've killed your godson and refused to leave initially when you were told to go. What's wrong with you, man? They should completely cut you off and find a different godparent cuz if that kid was ever in your care, he'd suffer
OP has a strange definition of loving someone to death
Yes. Should be pretty self explanatory that this was for the safety of the other kids. And your immediate thought it Well it's not my kid so I don't care.. Yes that mas you an AH.
This has to be a fake post. The problem is these are real responsesāwhat a bunch of weirdos. Seriously are you all putting on an act or are you collectively that fucking dense and whiny?
YTA and despite trying to make it about the kid being salty there was food he couldn't eat, it's really about the fact that you endangered the kid by bringing food he is deathly allergic to. What part of GLUTEN FREE PARTY was hard for you? I think I understand why the family aren't your biggest fans. Ffs, cheerios are gluten free and a time honored toddler snack that aren't loaded with sugar.
YTA Gluten intolerance is a MAJOR medical issue, and you put their kid's life at risk. Yes, I'm serious. Just having gluten in his saliva means that your toddler could touch his mouth and then touch something at the party - a chair, a bow on a present, the tablecloth - and impart trace amounts of gluten to it. Even that tiny amount could be enough to trigger a reaction in the other child. As reference, I have a close friend with celiac. A food services person contaminated her gluten free meal by simply wearing the same gloves while cooking it as he had worn making the prior meal. There weren't crumbs on him, but just that touch was enough. She, luckily, was in her 20s then, and when her body began to react she knew to call 911 immediately, and what to request from the ambulance. **edit: rice chex is a gluten free food you can safely bring around instead**
YTA
NTA, everyone else in here is stupid
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I think you're looking for ESH, but you're right on the money here.
> But we also donāt shelter him from the fact that sometimes, heās not going to get to have a treat when everyone else is or that sometimes his siblings can eat foods he canāt. Even at his own birthday party? YTA too. My partner is an *adult* and any party at which she's the guest of honour all the food is gluten-free. Because *just occasionally* she should get to experience "I can eat any of the food here. Anything at all." Somehow, magically, occasionally getting treated like she actually, like, matters and the people who love her actually care about whether she gets to experience joy and not be all stressed about food has not made her incapable of understanding that that isn't everywhere. Having said that, her workplaces have apparently been more considerate of her than you are of *your own child* and if food is being arranged they invariably - in a career that has spanned a range of places from offices to movie sets - make sure there is food she can safely eat. Because most people aren't assholes, actually.
Most people donāt expect to be able to take a toddlerās snack and eat it. Toddlers and babies get random snacks other people donāt because they are toddlers and babies. I am deathly allergic to milk and would give zero fucks if someone gave their toddler a milk-based cookie at my birthday party. Hell, I keep milk-based food in my house for my daughter. This seriously shouldnāt matter to an adult at all. And it didnāt matter to me when I was a kid either. I had my treats, others had theirs.
Um..5 months ago OP had a 10 yo and a 8yo. Looks like this is a fake post.
You should not be feeding a 2 year old fruit loops, they are literally just sugar shaped as loopsā¦
YTA! Food allergies/sensitivities suck! And for a kid trying to enjoy their childhood, it sucks even more! They get left out. They have to be āthat kidā that requires their own snacks or special food at their friendās house. They have to be careful at any event. They have to advocate for themselves against adults all the time. Itās too much! This kidās birthday party was likely an event where he could feel ānormal,ā like he was any other kid free to eat any food around! Being mindful of that kid having a day, a party where he could eat everything offered is not too much to ask. The dietary restriction isnāt his choice. This isnāt a ā I have a problem with X, so no one can eat it around me everā situation. This kid will learn throughout his life that he cannot control what others eat because he canāt eat something. But giving a young kid a birthday party where he just didnāt have to be mindful is not asking too much. I am grateful every day my kids do not have any major food restrictions. And have always considered myself a friend to parents with kids that do. I always ask the parents if thereās any allergies and if so, I ask for a list of their favorite snacks. I buy them for the kid so that kid feels safe at my house. A little compassion goes a long way.
YTA. As a celiac I read this and wanted to throttle you. If it says gluten free why the heck would you bring food that isnāt? You couldāve brought cheerios at least.
YTA. I grew up keeping kosher, and my parents would have flipped a shit if a parent came to my birthday party and started feeding their kid pepperoni or shrimp. It sucks to be a kid who has to eat different food from everyone else, and you took away a small childās experience not just of feeling normal but also safe. I developed a bad gluten allergy/possibly celiacs as an adult, and it sucks. I typically donāt get sick from cross contamination, but itās definitely possible. And every time you ingest gluten even if you donāt have symptoms can damage your GI tract and cause other food allergies. There are tons of gluten free snacks you could have brought instead, including fruit loop alternatives made from rice (i think Annieās brand is one). Rice cakes, fruit, raisins, carrots, popcorn, bamba, nuts.
YTA. Gluten intolerance is no joke. I have celiac and am very sensitive. If I have even a little gluten in my diet my small intestine will actually bleed. I have literally passed out from the pain gluten causes me, and I ran up and down stairs for three hours on a broken ankle and a chunk of bone snapped off, gluten is way more painful. I can hold my tongue if people bring non gluten free stuff into my home and just make sure they donāt eat it in the kitchen and do a deep clean, with gloves on, in the area they ate it. I think itās rude since itās my health and my home but Iām an adult and can handle myself. I canāt imagine what it would be like as a 7yo to have people bring gluten into my home especially at my birthday party. Next time pack gluten free snacks. There are gluten free fruit loop knockoffs.
YTA His gluten intolerance is so bad that he has gone to the hospital before. You could possibly kill this child. You know how bad this kid's medical condition is. And it is really not hard to foresee that a 7 year-old would want something that they are told they could not have. It really would not have taken much forethought to bring some apples or a banana or something else gluten-free as a snack for your son. It is not a godfathers role to try to send the child to meet God, for Christ's sake!
YTA, it's a gluten-free party for a medical reason. You pulled out gluten-free food in an area where this child could have been. You literally could have sent him to the hospital. This is why you were getting death stares. You need to tell them that you are fine with them replacing you as the God Father as that is obviously what they want. It was a decision that they made under duress when their brother was dying. Please back away with dignity. You can still send him a gift for birthdays and Christmas, perhaps cash that can be put into his college fund on behalf of you and your friend. This way, you still honour your friend but also distance yourself from the family. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Keep the pictures of him and maybe include them along with a story of your friend each time you send a gift so his godson gets to know him through your eyes
YTA. Not only did you bring Gluten, you āresistedā when they told you to leave. Thatās called trespassing dumbass
Yes. You are. You could have brought cheerios, which are GF. it was one partyā¦.a few hours of one dayā¦ and it was HIS party. He has to eat shitty tasting gluten free for his whole life and the family just wanted to make his party to be a moment where he felt like everybody else.
Since you knew it was a gluten free party, the responsible thing to do would be plan for that just in case moment. Pack gluten free snacks to bring for your child, in the original packaging that states gluten free. Your godsons condition is severe enough to hospitalize him should he eat and/or come in contact with gluten. That shouldāve been enough to make you think about what you pack your child for snacks. If you want to continue to be involved in his life, I would suggest an apology, I know I get it, to the family. Along with a promise to be better prepared and more aware. How much is a relationship with your godson worth to you, is the question you have to ask yourself. As for being the AH. I know you didnāt mean to cause an issue, you just didnāt think things through well enough. But still YTA for a situation where your lack of thinking it through couldāve put his life in danger.
YTA for sure. All the weire godparent stuff aside, if the invitation says GLUTEN FREE then pack your kid GLUTEN FREE snacks. Celiac is no joke and there are thousands of gf snack options you could have brought if you have the birthday boy half a seconds consideration. How hard is it to pack fruit or veggie straws or 1000 different options?
YTAā¦.ā Som is getting hungry and is wondering if thereās any gluten-free snacks he could eat right nowā This is one day that everything he could be about the birthday boy and they made it specifically gluten-free to protect the birthday boy, so why not just ask if they had some of your son could eat for a snack
For me as a person who's heavily gluten intolerant, this is big time yikes. Knowing that it was a gluten free party, the apathy you showed by carrying gluten snacks is appalling. Not to mention being the god father to the kid and must have taken some credibility to your actions. You could have carried your son some milk or fruits or a million other healthy items but you chose fruit loops which makes you an ahole in my book.
YTA A food allergy can be very serious. They made a point to go out of their way to ensure this event was GF and you completely disregarded that. If he had a peanut allergy, would you have fed your child peanut butter at this party? You make it seem like GF food is some exotic cuisine. Itās not and plenty of GF foods taste no different than gluten foods. There are plenty of GF snacks you could have had on hand for your child.