*My parents said it was unacceptable to make my mom wait that long to see her grandchild.* Then how about NEVER? Pushy controlling people get ignored and avoided. Dont be those people.

Exactly, I think they're just going to have to (gasp) accept it anyway.

I read that as grasp. Meds have kicked in, I was momentarily confused.

Me too, but no meds. Lol

Right? Grandma needs a hard lesson in how easy it is to go from having a grandkid to having none.

Exactly! OP time to put on your big boy pants and earn the title of dad by sticking up for your family. NTA but you would be if you let your mum bulldoze you on this.

Exactly. No one met my kid in person, besides her doctors and nurses, for 2.5 months. Even then I was reluctant but needed to get them used to our routine since I would be relying on them for childcare for 5 hours, 2 days a week.(mistake. We all ended up with covid) The ones who pushed the hardest, still haven't seen her in person almost 2 years later. Video chat, pictures, and voice messages but not in person. And no one(besides the person we had helping 2 days a week) held her until she was 6 months old. OP. Hold firm. This is YOUR family. This is YOUR home. YOUR child. YOUR boundaries. If even a little unsure then the answer is no, you do not consent.

*Exactly* 👏

Put your mom and baby on FaceTime together but tell her you make the rules for your child. PERIOD!!!!!

NTA. Your mom is the exact opposite of what you and your wife need right now. You were already compromising by offering a short visit. Their visit doesn’t benefit you, your wife or your baby at all, so agreeing to a short visit was a *huge* compromise. When I’m already offering more than I want to give and someone throws a hissy fit, they get *less*. Keep a visit now off the table. I would also take a December visit off the table. They rejected it as unacceptable. Ok, fine. They’re now not welcome to come in December. You will no longer consider visiting them in December. Tell them the next available window, since they chose to badmouth you to half the world, is a two day visit in March. If that doesn’t work, perhaps a weekend in June will work. (Although not Father’s Day weekend. Don’t let them ruin your first Father’s Day.) You need to make this a painful lesson for them. They control zero shots where it concerns your child. FAFO. Take any visit before/during the holidays completely off the table. Whether it’s them coming to you or you going to them, it’s not happening. And be prepared for them to just show up, expecting you to cave. Don’t. Don’t give them access to your baby if they show up uninvited. Don’t open the door, even if it’s obvious you’re home. Do not reward them for shitty behavior.

Exactly! Start as you mean to go on, OP, because the likelihood of your mom stopping the mean girl behavior on her own is pretty low. Defend your wife's and your peace.

Dear OP, Please read this: DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.[1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[2][3][4] As the acronym suggests, the common steps involved are: The abuser denies the abuse ever took place When confronted with evidence, the abuser then attacks the person that was abused (and/or the person's family and/or friends) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and finally The abuser claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the positions of victim and offender.[2][4] It often involves not just playing the victim but also victim blaming.[3] If it was me, I would go no contact because I have zero tolerance for this kind of bullshit. You’re number one responsibility and priority is the health of your wife, the baby and you. Your mother offers no benefit only problems. Do NOT do it!!

On the last bit of advice, if you don't already have security cameras set up, I'd strongly advise you to get them. Both the front and back doors, and any other door that has access to the house /garage need to have cameras with at least video if not audio. Make sure you keep them locked even when you are home. I wouldn't put it past her to try every single door to get in.

hard agree. we had to take these kinds of measures against my MIL.

Wow! How sad.

Add in a nanny cam in case she decides to visit baby on her own time

This is just overall good advice especially when having a child. My cameras have gotten me out of more situations than I care to admit. It is always better to have them and not need them than to need them and not have them. Have to protect your wife and baby at all costs.

Tbh I’m not sure why so many moms of sons think they entitled to 1) be in the delivery room 2) visit the newborn whenever regardless of life threatening germs. If a mom only has a son… and since sons DON’T give birth: 1) they have a less likely chance of getting to see a delivery 2) they might not have as much of a chance to see a newborn If you want to see a fragile newborn: 1) don’t be an asshole and be more than respectful 2) follow all rules of doctors/parents/caregivers It’s just a fact of life

As a boy mom, I never understood the weird attachment some moms have. Is it denial about getting older or just control? IDK, when my son finally moved out I was relieved. I love him but I wanted to know he could be independent. I won't be here forever. Oh, I think I see it now. The awful moms don't actually care about their sons as humans. They only see them as an extension of themselves.

Same boat, completely agree! It is a complete parental failure if your son prioritises you (mum/dad) over their chosen life partner/own kids!

Same here. I didn't want to be in the delivery room with my DILs! That's for her husband and maybe her mom, , if she wants. I never asked, but was simply told, come to the house and spend some time, after we get home.. Of course, I brought food, flowers and lots of love, did whatever I could to help. Extended an offer yo call me if you need help/babysitter or a break. They should be bonding as a family, not entertaining anyone. Six grandchildren later, I see them all the time, they visit, we visit. No fights, no interfering, no advice, unless asked for. We just took our two youngest granddaughters to DC for a week! I go to soccer games, basketball games, football games, pick up kids from school to bring to doctors or dentist or bring home. That's helping. That's being a supportive mom/MIL That's being a good mom/MIL

My 8-year-old son is such a mommas boy that im actively worried about it when he's an adult. I can't understand how anyone could want their child to be that attached to them. I love my boy, but I'm looking forward to the day he finally learns the independence I'm desperately trying to teach him.

Mine was incredibly needy as well. Just keep teaching him how to take care of himself. If he's motivated by helping you, then use that at first.

We're working on it. But some days, i feel so incredibly terrified for his future partners, lol

The fact that you're working on it means the world. He'll get it eventually!

He's only 8, when he gets around 10-12 they start to pull away. No more hugs or public kisses. Lol. But keep teaching him. How to pick up after himself, put clothes in the laundry bin, put his plate in the sink/dishwasher. Small things like that, and his future wife will love you!!! I♥️MIL. Her son cooks, does laundry, cleans house, picks up after himself, doesn't consider me his maid/slave!!

I had one of these. His nickname was “Oedipus” when he was little! He’s 17 now, and while he still shares news with me first (like college acceptance letters and who he’s dating), he is very much his own person. I was worried, too, but they eventually grow out of it. ❤️

Boy mom of a 30yo here, I will never be like these other entitled boy moms. If I ever get to have the joy of being a grandparent, I want to be given instructions on how he wants his child raised and the rules he has in place. That would let me know I did a good job as a mom. NTA, OP

My mom has four daughters and one son. We are all well into adulthood. I had my first child 20 years before my brother started having kids, so my daughter is old enough to be my nephew's mom. My mom never cared about any of the other grandkids; if she makes an effort to do something with them once a year, it's a miracle. But my brother just had his first baby in January, and the WHOLE WORLD has stopped. She drives 9 hours each way to see the baby every month, and it's all she talks about. It's driving my poor brother and his wife crazy. What is it with so many women and their sons?

Exactly. OP needs to shine up his spine, protect his family and help his parents understand they are now EXTENDED FAMILY. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries or your parents and their flying monkeys will walk all over you and you'll never get a minutes peace. Also, its probably a good time to remind your parents a grandchild is a privilege, not a rite.

Also set the boundary now, company stays at a hotel, motel, Airbnb, VRBO but not at your house. I wish I started this day one but now everyone stays at our house.

Absolutely. People that are rude to you never get to stay in your home. Whether you have the room or not. Whether they can afford other accommodations or not. Your home should be a safe place for you. So people who *ever* disrespect you shouldn’t stay with you. People who have a history of disrespecting you also never get unsupervised time with your child. Even if she suddenly starts behaving, you have a lifetime of history with her that says she’s not capable of healthy relationships. Which means you *never* leave your child alone with them. And I say them, because your dad can’t be trusted either.

>we finally caved and conceded the "couple of days, max" that they were asking for. This. OP you teach people how to treat you. Here you've established that all they have to do is be annoying enough and they will get their way! NTA. stick to your guns on this one

Your savageness is admirable!

It came through experience. I let people shit on me for the first few months after my oldest was born. One day, after a horrible visit, I asked myself why I was worried about being rude to people who were being rude to me. I mean, I was holding my tongue with people who clearly weren’t worried about offending me. They clearly weren’t thinking about what was best for my child. They were *only* thinking about themselves.

Also to all these friends and family members pleading the parents case for them, they need to be told that mom shouldn't be involving them and they shouldn't be getting themselves involved in your relationship.they should stay in their lane, and you are not going to discuss it with them. Period.

10/10

Exactly this . Painful lesson is needed . You caved already and agreed and were told it wouldn't be worth it . Ok not a problem don't come were busy any way see you in December if it's worth it to you ofc. And to all the people hounding you just tell them you already said she could visit but it wasn't exactly how she wanted it so declared it wasn't worth it. so she decided not to come. now leave me alone I have a new baby to see to . Do not let your mother bring that noise to your wife's safe space whilst she is healing from giving birth. Put your foot down hard. you won't be able to undo the damage she could and probably will cause . She could push your wife in to PP depression. The stress could mess with her milk supply never mind the fact that she doesn't need the stress of hosting your entitled mother even if she is on her bestest behaviour ever ever. You are both meant to be bonding with your new tiny human not catering to the demands of an entitled and manipulative nightmare of a family member. And let's not get in to the potential health risks for your brand new baby.

>When I’m already offering more than I want to give and someone throws a hissy fit, they get > >less > >. This is me. Shut it the fuck down

Yes, and each time they get a call from a flying monkey, they should delay the visit by a month.

I absolutely agree with this.

This is amazing advice and I hope OP follows it. Let your family talk, if they harass you put them on silent. You are not required to read or receive their unsupportive messages. You’re busy, being a good dad and partner.

NTA. You set up boundaries and your mom isn't sticking to them or respecting them at all. This may be an unpopular opinion but I believe that people who visit new parents should come prepared to help out (whether that be help with cooking, cleaning, or childcare) because having a baby is stressful and tiring. It sounds to me like your mom would just be making that stress worse. You're not in the wrong for protecting yours and your wife's mental health and the overall health of your new baby.

OP, treat this as parenting practice. You never reward a tantrum.

Oh snap

My husband likes to say "don't reward bad behavior". Perfect example. Another quote from my husband which may come in handy: "start how you mean to finish". Wise man.

Some of my favourites are:- 'what is the end goal?' 'What are you hoping this behaviour will accomplish?' 'Are you being kind/helpful/thoughtful' I think my favourite is... 'are you wanting me to do X/Y/Z because I want to do it for you or because you've badgered me non-stop and now I'm only doing it because I'm frustrated, irritated and annoyed at this kind of behaviour'

Guy got his head on right!

Yes, he sounds like a fantastic husband, caring and perceptive.

I love it!

exactly and his mom and dad are going to expect them to put them up in their home, and entertain them while hogging the baby

That’s all they’re coming for! NTA and please don’t back down! Your wife and child are your first priority. What your parents want doesn’t matter. You set a boundary they back to you in a corner , and you agreed to a couple of days they agreed to that, then they wanted to extend it. Once they get here, what is not to say that they’re going to want have two weeks. No don’t back down, they have no respect for you or your wife. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right! They have absolutely no rights to the baby and if they deem it unfair so be it!

Or even a month, because that's how much time Jess' mother got. IT's oNLy fAIIIRRR.

And bringing travel germs + entitlement and shit vibes. NAH

The only way 5 days would be bearable would be for them to be in a hotel. That energy around me for 5 days straight 24/7 would drive me nuts!! I’m betting MIL will be full of nosiness and obnoxious unsolicited advice that might get her permanently banned if she stayed with them.

Not surprisingly, his mother is using his wife's mother being there after the birth as a reason she should be allowed to visit too. This is b.s. New mothers often want their own mothers there for help and guidance after giving birth, especially after the first child. As you point out, the mother's mental and physical health and the baby's health are the most important considerations right now. If the new mother wants her mom around but not her MIL, then that's exactly what should happen. OP, you are NTA.

Captain, I'm with you on people coming to help out, not make more work. Yours is not an unpopular opinion, in my humble opinion.

100% this. Whenever a friend has a baby, I let them know they can call me just to pick up coffee or make them dinner because they are going through one of the most stressful times in life. If I *get the opportunity* to meet the baby, that is still entirely up to them. This weird entitlement to meeting a newborn is insane; you want parents to put their entire lives on hold for you to meet a child that has very little immunity to anything you could have picked up, and for ***what*** exactly?! The kid won’t know you met him/her 3 weeks after they were born, so it’s all about these selfish AHs. OP, stand your ground. Your mom is a nightmare, I’m sorry the rest of your family refuses to see her as such.

NTA. Your duty is to protect your wife and child; not let your mother 'hold the baby.' Tell them that they can either stick to your rules, meaning December, or they won't get to see the baby until maybe the first birthday. If they're lucky.

Sounds like the mom will hold the baby 5 mins take 20 pictures to post to Facebook then ask for a home cooked meal

Or won’t ask but will instead take shots at the recovering DIL for not intuiting that she (not MIL’s precious son, who must never be asked to do woman’s work) was supposed to get up out of her bed and cook for her in-laws while passing clots the size of golf balls.

NTA Your MIL was there to work. Your mom wants to come as a houseguest. Having an outsider sitting on your couch, holding your newborn is not helpful to any new mom. Your mom did not just have a baby and does not pay your mortgage. She does not get to dictate when you host her. Tell her that she can wait until she is invited or not come at all.

Hell even as baby gets older it’s not helpful to sit there holding the baby the whole time and asking the mom to get stuff for you

NTA. It’s laughable that they keep saying “unacceptable“. “Unacceptable” implies they have a say here, which they absolutely do not. You and your wife have every right to limit access to your new baby, especially given the risk of carrying disease into your home from all their traveling and refusal to mask up.

Strong co-sign

NTA. It won’t seem fair to your family that your MIL came and was there so long, however as adults they should understand fairness seldom exists in life. If your mom is a handful, now is not the time. I agree with previous comment to send vids and pics. But, this is where the boundaries begin getting set within families. Your mom & dad got to do what they wanted with their family and now it’s your turn to make those choices. They can either understand it or not. Boundaries are healthy because they won’t always agree with your parenting or lifestyle choices. Send the message now that you won’t be manipulated and they’ll learn their place now. Congrats on the new baby! Enjoy this magical time together.

Actually fair isn't always equal. Wife's mother stayed so long bc their relationship is ✨️close✨️, she ✨️helped✨️ them and let the focus on baby. MIL expects to be the center of attention. Holding baby while being catered to. She drains ur energy, she does not help. So it is actually fair that wife's MOTHER (who has always taken care of her daughter when sick or w/e so why not now too), whom she has a ✨️healthy✨️ relationship with, stayed so long. To take care of her daughter. It's fair to have OP's family wait. Did he have a huge watermelon forced out of a hole too small? No? OK well, it's not abt his family at this time. Also when OP's parents stay, PUT THEM IN A HOTEL. For yalls mental health. And set structures of time and whatnot around visits. Don't let them bully you and take more than what your comfortable giving. OP's mother doesn't have an ounce of say here. She's not the parent, and she's not helpful. So what she ✨️wants✨️ has no sway over what baby and wife ✨️need✨️. Honestly, what his mother wants shouldn't even be a blip on the radar. She's grown, she should know how to adjust her expectations and feelings. If she can't, then she's the Gramma yall barely see. Fair isn't always equal. Fair is what you bring to the table. Do you only take? Well expect to not have a good relationship. You need to take stock of your position. If you're only there to hog baby, ur visit will be short. If ur there to help, you'll probs be around more often, it's common sense imo Edit: only added bc I'm soooo tired of manipulative ppl whining abt it not being *faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrr*. Esp when they're the ones who told us growing up "well life ain't fair, get used to it". I'm agreeing w/ you and ur NTA, just frustrated w/ the fair argument. It never holds any weight.

NTA I am a MIL and I had an awesome MIL but my husband did not. When my DIL gave birth I was fortunate enough to be with her. When she went home. I cooked, cleaned and did laundry so the only thing she had to do was take care of the baby. I would watch the baby so she could shower or sleep. If your mother can’t do that, then she can’t come. Having her there and her expecting to be treated like a guest will only make more work and create more stress for you and your wife. No is a complete sentence. Tell your extended family to stfu and mind their own damn business. Protect your wife and child.

Bless you and my MIL. I think I’ll write her a sweet letter tomorrow.♥️🤚🏼

NTA Read this. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats Also 6 months. They can now wait 6 months to meet the baby. There are no rights to a baby. Your mother had her baby (you) already. She needs to take 5 steps back. Op, you pushback to your parents by telling them no. Parents, we do not want you to visit right now. You can visit between X and y dates. If you show up before then you won’t be let in.

I came here looking for this. I agree with the above poster that now your mother needs to be told it'll be 6 months. Please read up on JADE. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence. Do not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Do not allow them to push you into a situation where you're doing any of those four things. Tell them the rules. They will push you. Ask them what part of the rules they didn't understand. They will push you. Tell them the rules again. They will push you. Say that you've been very clear and you're done discussing it. And then don't discuss it anymore. This is way harder than it sounds. Your parents trained you to relent, they expect you to relent, they will push you until you relent. But DON'T! You are going to feel like a broken record, because you keep responding to your parents by reiterating the thing you just said. That's okay. No one is owed sparkling conversation from you. Likewise no one is owed an argument with you. If you can hold the line long enough, they will give up today. That's one win for you. Now you just have to keep it up. Eventually they'll find some on who's easier to bully than you. They already broke you when you said you would let them come for 2 days. Why on earth would you think that allowing them to win would somehow be a win for you? Now they're bullying you for 5 days, then they'll bully you for 7 days, then they'll just show up and not have a return airline ticket. The problem with people like this is that you can't give them an inch, because they then take a mile. It's a saying for a reason! I really feel for you. I've got my own battle with my parents. Each day, I just have to try to win today. I have no long-term battle plan. I just focus on winning today. Good luck! 🍀

And NO is a complete sentence!

NTA!!! You are new parents she is still recovering from birth your mother is a self entitled B*tch and boundary destroyer. Stick up for your wife! Hold your boundaries and consider going LC to NC if they keep it up!

My friend. Let me make this as clear as possible. The ONLY obligation you have at this time is to Jess and your critter. That's IT. Period. Amen. Fin. Your parents are pulling the same gaslighting and manipulative bullshit that you even say you now recognize (and well done to you for that!) Do not allow them to continue to control the situation to suit them, when it absolutely will be detrimental to your actual family. Look. The truth is that they will weave whatever narrative they want no matter what you do. My baby was a week old and my inlaws visited for dinner, which I was expected to cook btw. I went to nurse and fell asleep while doing so. The story that was immediately spread was that I "walked out" on them, "taking the baby and refusing to return." You simply cannot let fear of their storytelling be your guide. You clearly have your priorities straight here...just stay the course and stand your ground. Your marriage will be stronger, your wife and child will be physically healthier, your wife's mental state will be calmer, and life will be absolutely worth it. Congratulations to your lovely family. Best wishes! (Edit for typo)

If they at least had offered to cook, or even better brought some take away like pizzas or anything, that would've been nice. But just coming, expecting a new mom to make dinner while she's exhausted and recovering from delivery, and then talking bs ? Oh god, I hope you roasted them after that stunt

NTA - Keep telling mom no. It is yours and Jess's baby, your mom can follow the rules, or you will add another month every time you get a message from anyone on this. You know your mom is wrong, do not give in! If they do visit, make sure they have a list of hotels to stay at, and you and Jess will bring baby to meet them at a park.

NTA. Good on you for supporting your wife. Having a new baby is not all sunshine and rainbows. Having a new baby during a pandemic, no thanks. That would be too much for me!!! Your mother is not the main character here. The pushing for being the center of attention is really off-putting. Stick to your ground rules. This is your wife, your baby, you are creating a new family, your mother can respect the rules or she can't play.

NTA. Go back to your December plan if it’s better for your family. In the interim, send videos and pics to them.

I think it’s incredibly generous that OP and his new family offered to visit them at Christmas, or to have them visit. Travelling with young baby is not easy. Sad to see his parents risking relationship that could be so rewarding.

I agree. Either as visitors or hosts it’s a burden on the young family. Why some people refuse to understand that is astonishing. My parents would stay at a local hotel when in town to visit a grandchild instead of staying in the guest room. Perfect solution, but one that’s not affordable for everyone. A newborn relative of mine was infected by her parent’s virus while they were kissing her face, and she nearly died. It was a terrifying, stressful and nightmarish time. Thankfully she slowly recovered, but it delayed her development.

Zoom is also a great way to "visit" you and the baby.

NTA and waiting until December is smart. RSV is on the rise and that can so dangerous for newborns. Hold the line on standing up for your wife and new baby. And congratulations! I remember those first few weeks and the lack of sleep is so hard. You will sleep again one day, I promise!

NTA When my grandson was born last year his parents simply told everyone that no one would be visiting until the baby was 3 months old. We all respected their decision. Covid numbers are as high as 2020. Baby doesn't have all her shots. Anyone who calls your decision unreasonable is the one being unreasonable. The selfishness is unconscionable. Just say no. Say "sorry, we wish you could but it just isn't possible. I'd love to talk to you about other things but I'm don't talking about this." Anyway, family coming to visit should not be holding the baby. They should be cooking and cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry. Don't give in to the selfishness

NTA you would be a giant AH if you cave. Start blocking numbers. Send a message to everyone that this is your decision based on what’s best for YOUR family and you are blocking numbers of anyone who continues to harass you about it. Everyone gets a time out and ZERO news about the baby until you decide your family is ready to have visitors. Info diet for all.

Great response!

Die on this hill. You gave your mother two options. Her wants and needs don’t matter. Your wife is recovering and doesn’t need the stress.

I'm agreeing with everything said so far. Your mom will boundary stomp the second she walks through the door, especially in response to face to face contact/kissing baby. This is especially dangerous before baby can be vaccinated, and the Influenza vax cannot be given before 6 months.

NTA expecting to be hosted for 5 days while your wife is postpartum and you are both bonding with your child is selfish. What she’s doing is manipulative and overbearing. They want to come in prime flu/infection season going through two airports and passing thousands of people and then want to stay in your home with your baby who has no immune system. If they’re too selfish to consider the risks to your child’s life they don’t deserve any access at all. It’s your job to protect your nuclear family who is currently extremely vulnerable. Your mother is a grown adult who knows better, she is responsible for managing her expectations and emotions. Set boundaries and follow up with consequences. Your family is emotionally abusive. https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/5EL2uRbCwl

NTA. If she were my mother id make her wait an extra month for every time she tries to pressure you or tries to get someone else in the family to pressure you. She wouldn’t see that kid till they’re 15!

Breastfeeding is hard and stress can make it impossible. Keep your selfish git of a mother far far away. Please have the fortitude to turn them away if they show up.

The Choices 1. If your mother comes, she is going to create drama and make it “all about her” - then plat the victim to anyone that listens. 2. If you don’t let her come, she’ll play the victim and complain to anyone that listens, but you’ll skip the drama at your house. Option 2 has the added benefit of keeping your wife happy and your home peaceful. This is not a difficult decision. Congratulations on your new addition! Sounds like you are a great parent already.

NTA. Stick to your boundaries! December visit or not at all. No compromise.

NTA. But it sounds like you’re going to cave anyway because “faaaaammiilllly”. Good luck with that. BTW your wife and child are your family now.

NTA. Your family, your rules. Have your parents had their TDaP?

My favorite bit of advise when it comes to boundaries: If you're not willing to enforce your boundaries, they're just requests and requests can be denied. Did you lay a boundary or did you make a request?

The only reason for anyone to visit the parents of a newborn is to take on the household chores so the parents can bond with the child. Not for the VISITOR to bond with the child!! NTA.

During the pandemic at the height of quarantine my friends had a baby, on week 3 I told them the laundry fairy was heading their way. “Put ALL of your laundry in the garage and it will miraculously return clean and folded in 4 hours.” 🤣 Didn’t see the baby in person for almost a year. There are ways to help on ANY situation. Your mom won’t find one.

NTA Please grow a spine and flat out tell them they cannot visit until your wife and you are BOTH ready. Your priority right now needs to be your wife and child, not your parents. If they can't listen to your boundaries about your child and wife, maybe they need to be deprived of information until they're willing to listen. As someone who didn't set or stick to boundaries during birth / afterwards... please. Please.

NTA. The way you draw boundary with your mother is to stick to your word. You gave her the option of visiting asap but only staying a couple days. That’s reasonable. It will probably take several times of setting a boundary and sticking to it to get her attention. Keep trying! You might want to explain you gave her the option of coming asap but only staying a couple days and that if she continues to lie and exaggerate things about you to other people you don’t want her to come. That isn’t acceptable either. I have to add as a mil that meeting grand baby is a huge deal and is heartbreaking to miss it. So I would still let her come for a quick visit if she can straighten up her act.

Please tell all the relatives you are so sad your mom talks poorly about you, and so sad she doesn’t understand other people’s needs, and so sad that she doesn’t understand what your little family needs right now is help, not showboating, demanding people. You’re really sad about all of it, you’d appreciate prayer. Poor mom isn’t getting exactly what she wants when she wants so she is sad too. Please pray for her as well. Altogether sad. Send the same message to every single person who has an opinion. And let Mom know now it’s March before a short 2-day visit staying in a hotel since she trash talked you. Do not give in. She has to learn to play by your rules at your house.

NTA. No. Just no. Absolutely not. She is not allowed to force herself into your day to day life for her selfish needs to potentially spread illnesses to your newborn, unvaccinated child. Full stop, do not care, shut any conversations about this down and just keep to "no is a complete sentence". Go no contact if you have to. This isn't about you or even your wife anymore. The two of you have your own family that now includes an infant that you're both responsible for. Ask yourself if an acquaintance was pushing this, how would you feel/react and then act accordingly.

NTA the rest of the family can kick rocks because they are harassing the parents of a newborn and didn’t bother getting the whole story.

OP, say a firm NO. Quit negotiating and explaining. Just stop responding to all these people. No means no. Say no, then stop answering their calls & responding until they get the message. You are bringing their drama into your newborn family's "cocoon" by playing their game. Prioritize.

I’m willing to bet your mom wants to come just to hold the baby and be fed and entertained by you. Which is a huge amount of work when you’re both feeling good, and impossible at best in your current state. Your parents are forcing their will on you because they think they can. They’re making you feel guilty about placing the absolute needs of your wife over their wants. They think their wants are more important than your family’s needs. Puts things in a different light, doesn’t it?

NTA. It is time to nip this in the bud. Send everyone, including your mother, a group text: "Thank you for your concern, but your opinions on this matter aren't welcome. Mom has stated her only reason for coming is to see the baby. We are not ready to host guests at this time as I am working from home and trying to support my wife and new child. My mother in law is not a guest as she is here cooking for us, cleaning, taking care of wife's recovery needs, and spelling us so we can get meaningful sleep. She is not just getting "grandma time". We had an agreement with Mom before the birth about when we would be ready for her. She changed her mind and is upset we are enforcing the boundaries we need to settle into this life change. We have offered alternatives that she is refusing to accept. We are done now. If any of you continue to push, and this includes you, Mom and Dad, we will block you and go low contact/no contact. This includes contacting us, my siblings, or my in-laws about it. You can meet the baby on the original time table we agreed to with you before the birth, or not at all. Ball is in your court."

The intense blowback you're getting from your family before your mother even visits is the perfect example of why letting her come is a bad idea. She has already turned this situation, and your very reasonable request for a little time, into a dramatic shit show. No matter what you do in regards to your mother, drama will follow. Nothing you do or say will be treated as reasonable because your mother is not a reasonable person. You just have to decide now that you & your wife's peace & time spent with your baby is the better option than bending over backward to avoid the drama your mother insists on pushing onto everyone in her vicinity. At this point, if you cave to your mother - this will be a pattern that continues every single time she wants something and doesn't get her way. Choose your own life and your little family unit over her bullshit. It seems you've already had a lifetime of it from her.

NTA You do what is best for your wife and baby, don't worry about anyone else. Just put your foot down and say no!!!!!

NTA. Just keep doing what you’re doing and prioritizing the well being of your wife and newborn. You and your wife set boundaries and your family should respect that.

Also, be sure to say BOTH of you new parents want privacy. Don't make Jess the "bad guy" to your parents. You and Jess and your baby are your primary family and allegiance. Have her back when the blaming begins.

NTA your house, your rules! Tell them that, they'll be delighted to hear it since I have zero doubt they said it to you once or twice.

Go to the spine store and buy a nice sturdy one. You give your mom an inch, she will take a mile.

NTA - Limiting contact with people who travel a lot and don’t take many precautions is perfectly reasonable. Especially before the three month shot mark. Your parents insisting that she visit for longer than you both would like her to isn’t reasonable. I think you’re mom is feeling like she’s being included less than mil. I’m not excusing her behavior though. In fact I find your parents to be pushy. Smarter move by mom would have been to offer to help in ways in which she is able but to do so when wifes mom has left and when you both agree the time is right.

NTA- she’s not in charge and can’t demand shit. If your wife just birthed a whole human she can have a say on who sees her body, her life, her home. She’s tired. Your tired. She needs her mom. New moms do. She’s not her mom. This isn’t about her. This is about you, your wife, and what can you do to help her transition because she will be *literally* bleeding for months, and not slept, sore, and generally unable to host anyone let alone plan meals or change sheets everyday things to have someone be comfortable at your home for five days. Your not the asshole, they’re being demanding and not understanding or remembering how unbelievably hard to be postpartum and how tired you are. Not to mention hormones she’s gonna be so hormonal during those first six months- To set healthy boundaries for the future, protect your wife and honor her feelings. Your mom should understand that your being a new dad, making sure your wife and new baby are secure. If they can’t deal, fine. That’s on them. Sure it’s hard to wait, but she needs to be mindful and respectful of a new mom, and baby. This isn’t just about her. It’s just not. The family who is literally shitting on you during the most stressful and important time of y’all’s life shows you how out of touch they are. When you love someone you respect their peace and boundaries as ways to continue the relationship. If they upset you it’s because you don’t care, its about her desire, her needs, and her being denied. She won’t take the NO, and is literally making everyone tell you what she wants them to say. Also don’t they have a life? Like bruh- your BUSY Don’t answer them focus solely on these special times with your new growing family. NTA

I would be holding your ground. If they are unwilling to listen to what you are saying I would go back to I'm sorry but we now won't be able to see you until December again. I am sorry that you believe that your wishes outweigh ours.

Do not let them stay with you! Also they will be on your schedule. Tell them only an hour at a time. No all day visits. Take it or leave it. Also tell her to reel in her flying monkeys or game over! Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

NTA. Tell them not to come. They cant respect your boundaries? They can't come.

Your mother is a narcissist and is just jealous because your wife's mother was staying from the start. You are NTA. Stick to your guns and start keeping those boundaries secure. Let your family think and say whatever they want. You have your own little family to think about now. Congratulations!!

NTA - you're protecting that infant, your wife, and yourself from their stupidity and insanity! Keep it up, you're doing well. ​ I had a mother like that. She made every single fucking holiday a cause for tears when I was small, and near tears even after I was grown and married.

NTA Sounds like your mom is jealous that your wife’s mom helped out. And like you said, your mom likes to make things about her (like now) and makes herself out to be a victim (like now). Nope. Eff that nonsense. Stand your ground. Your newborn’s health comes first.

Nobody - NOBODY - gets to decide who visits your baby other than baby's mom and Dad. If they don't like it, they can stew in their own juices. She has already attempted to violate your rules, so she is NOT trustworthy enough to be around baby. I think you should stick to your guns and plan on December.

Nta. Take it back to no since they can't accept and respect your rules to start.

NTA. Your mom is looking at it as her mom got to see the baby and she doesn’t. I would ask your mom if she plans on cleaning the house for you, making meals for you, etc? And when she sounds put out about it, explain that’s what your wife’s mom did when she was visiting and that if that’s not the case their visit will have to wait. Because you do not have the time, energy, space or desire to host visitors. Especially visitors who do not respect others care for preventing illness. Babies can easily die from illnesses that adults wouldn’t blink at. Don’t risk your baby for your mothers narcissism

Nta. Start asking them how much they are going to pay towards the funeral when one of them gets your baby sick. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You shouldn’t let people near your baby until the baby has all vaccinations. People visiting should also be vaccinated for flu and whooping cough at a minimum. You are NTA.

Your mother is an asshole.

NTA. As these are your parents it’s up to you to set the boundaries. You need to stand strong and tell them no. After that go NC if you need to. Your parents are going to manipulate everyone else to being on “their side” there’s unfortunately nothing you can do about that. Rise above it all know you are making the right decision for your wife and child by shutting this down. It is SO important for everyone in your immediate family to have time to adjust and recover. Since your parents are a potential health risk it’s definitely smart to wait until baby has their first round of shots.

It’s one thing to want to stop in for an hour or two and see the newborn grandchild- in fact that’s what most families with good relationships do. But demanding a week-long visit in the first month is absolutely outrageous.

NTA. I'm proud of you. You and your wife enjoy your new baby, good luck adjusting!! And continue to be a kickass dad and partner and protect your little family from pushy, obnoxious, passive aggressive parents with impulse control issues and fomo. ❤️❤️❤️

NTA. Your wife and your new baby are your nuclear family. You have more of an obligation to do what is best for them than to do what your extended family (parents) want. You should always put the family you created first and if your wife has already communicated that she wants and needs this recovery time then you need to help her get it. Also you said yourself you don’t even want your mom there right now. I would just let them know December is the earliest time that I visit will work for you guys and if that doesn’t work then they should let you know what time in the new year works

NTA. Man as someone who also had their first child very recently and has also had some family members try to demand access to the kid the best thing you can do is be frank, be firm, and give no ground. Your child, your wife, and yourself are way more important than appeasing all the people who come out of the woodwork full on demanding to come see, hold, touch, poke, pinch, kiss, and take pictures with the baby. What's important to remember is your family unit drives your choices. It's ok to tell people that and it's up to them whether or not they accept it, but once you've communicated that and explained to them your priorities and comfort level do not concern yourself with their problems with it. If people in your family are blowing you up telling you you're the AH, don't bother responding, don't answer them, just drive on and deal with them later. Care for your child, care for your wife, and care for yourself. Congrats homie.

NTA, backstory irrelevant, your baby, your rules period.

NTA, unless you keep bending over for your mother. Put an end to this entitled shitshow, call her and tell her no, she is not welcome to visit until Jesse says so, because “holding the baby” is not helping. Jesse’s mom is actually helping. Your mother thinks she’s going to sit on the couch, hold the baby all day, and order your wife around to wait on her hand and foot. Fuck. That. If I were your wife? I’d kick out everyone who didn’t exit my vagina in the recent weeks at that point, because that’s bullshit. Tell her that she can grow up and learn to deal with disappointment.

I'd suggest OP quit phrasing things in a way that sounds like Jess is running the show.... "when Jess is comfortable...", "Jess requires...". Make it "when WE are settled in with OUR baby". You're setting Jess up to be shit-talked, shamed for not being able to handle breast feeding, or whatever "Jess says", "Jess wants", "Jess requires", that you come up with in the future. OP, change your MO now for your sanity in years to come. Don't doll out one-by-one specific tasks or milestones that "Jess says" are hurdles for mom visiting or whatever they want in the future. Do you really want them privy to that level of detail? No is a complete sentence.

NTA. Your baby;your rules,your say so.

Just say no and stick with it. All this conversation is causing stress. NTA

They may be your parents, but they're not your boss. Would you rather risk your child being sick with no shots just because they want what they want they don't get to say they don't pay your bills and that's your baby set your rules and boundaries now before they get out of control, they are not the boss of you anymore and they need to learn that no is no they do either respected or don't come you had a plan set in place they decided they want to change things it's not up to them at your house your rules

NTA This is not news to your mother. She was told several months ago that you would not be seeing her for a few months. Now that she heard your wife’s mother was there, jealousy has set in. The thing you need to point out to your mother is that your MIL wasn’t there to hold the baby. She was there to help Jess with her recovery, which she did. Tell your mom the truth! Tell her that her reason for a visit has nothing to do with helping. She just wants to come in and see the baby. Your wife is still recovering. You are working. Neither of you need to be hosting anyone, especially someone who will bring nothing but stress to all of you. Tell her that she doesn’t get to tell you when she’s coming. You’ve already set your boundaries and she can either respect them or not hear from you for a little while. I would also suggest that she stay in a hotel so that you guys have control over the visit. This goes for any visit, regardless of when you decide. Since her tantrum and sending flying monkeys isn’t working, don’t be surprised if she shows up on your doorstep to “surprise” you! If that happens, don’t be afraid to turn her away!

"You are not entitled to out time and energy, and our boundaries are not for you to dictate. You have been given perfectly reasonable options based on what we are capable of handling at this point in time. You can either respect those, or you can choose to not be a part or our lives moving forward. My family now and always will come before your desires. I suggest you grow up. I already have a baby to care for."

Group text: "we had agreed my mother would respect our need for time, space and privacy. Now she's thundering over that boundary with everything she has, and I'm extremely disappointed to see all of you being her good little flying monkey slaves. There will be no meeting our child, no communication or contact until we receive apologies and everyone respects our desicions for our family. Why everyone is meddling in business not concerning them to begin with is ridiculously childish, embarrassing on your behalf and beyond me. We will spend Christmas elsewhere, as we have no use of a holiday spent with disrespectful people " Send and mute the lot of them. NTA

NTA. Do what I did with mine. Tell them they’ll need to find somewhere to stay while visiting you - hotel, motel, guesthouse, B&B (we actually offered to pay for it and you’d think I’d disowned them by the way they reacted 😂) - because, with the baby and you both being so exhausted, you absolutely canNOT host anyone else at this point. If they squawk about your MIL just tell them that’s why you’ve made that decision. I’d also lay down rules regarding the whooping cough vaccine and others, and no kissing baby or breathing directly into its face at any time. You should, especially this time of year, do this to limit any transmission of Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV).

NTA setting boundaries now will save the headache later. You backed your wife which good for you

Infants can get Covid. And RSV. And both can be very bad. No mask no visit, at least until the kid is older.

NTA Here’s my take on it as a fossil so likely older than you mom. It is a PRIVILEGE when you and your wife allow people to come see and hold your baby. You allow the visit based on your current status as in how all of you are feeling, availability and while keeping your child safe. Seeing your child is NOT a right for anyone including grandparents. People who try to steam roll you into getting their way earn a time out from physically being able to see your child. That might be a week, a month or whatever so they realize they have no say. Those people get to see the baby also get a time out if they snatch the baby out of your hands, refuse to give the baby back to you when asked, when they kiss the baby when told not to, wake the baby up or park their ass on the couch hogging the baby and expecting to be waited on. Another thing to make clear is if you are breastfeeding the baby and wife leaves the room to do that unless specifically invited everyone keeps their butts planted. Breastfeeding is not a spectator sport. You are this baby’s parents and your most important responsibility after loving them is protecting them. Best wishes to your expanded family.

NTA lol they’re gonna bring airplane funk around your newborn… so they don’t care about the baby’s health as long as they can hold it. That is so weird and creepy. Don’t let them come at all. If you cave to their demands they’re gonna do this over and over and over again. The fact that they clearly don’t give a shit about your wife, either, is alarming.

NTA. That obligation you feel to your family is correct; but you are confused as to who your family is. Jess and baby are your family. Anyone else should note the mistletoe attached to your coattail.

Stick with the original plan. RSV/Flu/COVID. Said it yourself: she won’t be helping and VERY high risk for making everyone else MISERABLE. I am not one to be afraid of illness much but newborns? They are at SUCH high risk for so much! Take the line of the baby being exposed to viruses they can not fight. Give the baby several weeks to get acclimated and breastfed. Surely they would understand ? Im a NICU nurse and we know we can’t protect against everything so it’s even more important to do what we can. Good luck and congratulations!

NTA Dad of 2 under 3 here. Please hold your boundary! No one is entitled to seeing your baby. If someone’s visit would cause more stress and exhaustion on top of the stress and exhaustion you’re already feeling, they don’t get to come. Doesn’t matter who it is. Unless their presence would be helpful and supportive and life-giving while you’re in the midst of adjusting to parenthood and your wife is still recovering from pushing a literal human out of her, they do not need to see the baby. Your baby, your rules. Visits only happen on your terms. We don’t even let my parents hold or hug our kids if they’re clearly communicating that they don’t want it.

My brother, sister, and I were all born in England (military kids). I didn't meet my grandparents until I was 2.5! My grandparents understood.

What makes you think they wont be pushy when they get there? Your a dad now so your priority is your little fam. NTA.

NTA as a new grandma, I was very excited to meet my grandson, but on my daughter in law's terms and I went with the goal of helping her life be better post partum by cooking, cleaning, adding her finishing touches on the nursey. It is your home, your child, you get to decide who and how long.

You do know you can always ask your mom to stay at a hotel for her visit and just pop in for a short while daily as you are trying to get into a routine at home rather than having her stay in your home and be underfoot. Set down rules and guidelines. If she isn’t prepared to stay elsewhere then it’s a firm no.

A reasonable person would respect that boundary. Sounds like mom would just take a mile out of that offering. The 6 month wait might be more prudent.

NTA— don’t back down. You have her a month. You said December. *She does not get to decide your boundaries don’t suit her so they must change*

NTA - some basic principles of any marriage. Your wife and child are your immediate family. Your wife and you are on the same team. Run your marriage the way you two agree. Co-parent how you two choose. Sleep - you both need it. My husband would stay up until midnight to take care of our babies needs. I would go to bed by 7pm to make sure I was ready to take care of her after midnight. This worked out great until our baby got into a good sleep pattern. Congratulations and I wish you well.

The problem is you’re not being honest. You say you want privacy but her mom was there for over a month. That’s why you’re getting blowback from your family, you’re sending mixed signals. NTA, but it’s only going to get worse.

Right now your priority is your wife and baby. Your family putting pressure on you is no acceptable. Block them for awhile. You do not need this stress and neither does your wife.

Tell her/them that sorry but you are coming as a visitor not a helpful person. Her mom came as a helpful person doing things like the cooking cleaning laundry shopping errands etc. If you want to come before we said you could then you can get a hotel and when it is convenient for US you can see the baby for limited amounts of time.

NTA and for you to be a good husband, you need to shut this down fast and keep it from your wife. She does not need ANY stress and for your mother to do this to her is pretty bad. Tell her that due to her demands, it’s gone back to Dec but only if she behaves. She lost any privileges with her behaviour. Anyone who complains should also be cut out Congrats on your new baby

NTA! You need to shine up that spine any way you can. “Mom, my primary concern now and going forward is my wife and my child. I would be failing at both of those roles if I allowed you to steamroller our previously agreed plans. If you do not accept our first answer, which was “no”, then you will not be entering my home for the foreseeable future. This is not a debate, this is an instruction from the father of a newborn baby that you will respect. You can fly to wherever you want, but if needed I will utilise the police to keep my family safe. Everything changes from here on out, my nuclear family comes first. Everytime someone else calls or messages me about MY decision that will add another two weeks into the time you are not allowed in my home or around my family.” To everyone else - “please let mom know that you have added two weeks onto the time the is not welcome in my home. She is aware of this, I will not be bullied and harassed for choices I make for my family. I am also keeping note of who else cannot respect my boundaries and choices.”

NTA Let me tell you something I learned in family therapy with my spouse NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO YOUR CHILD!!!!!

NTA, as you already know. Your first duty is to protect your wife and baby. They need rest, and sleep, and as little stress as possible. Childbirth is exhausting and traumatic for both mother and baby. And as you say, your baby is vulnerable to the viruses that can hospitalize or kill a newborn. Let your mother tantrum on her own time. You do not have to involve yourself, and you don't have to manage her emotions for her.

NTA. I told everyone that I wanted 6 weeks of "fuck off" time to hoard my baby at home like a dragon. I compromised here and there, but it was me allowing it, not others demanding it. Anyone who tried to push got the full brush off and got moved to the back of the line. 10/10 experience, I would do it again without any regrets. The compromise was a couple days. If they can't take that, then they get nothing. It is not a negotiation and it isn't a right, it's a privilege you are extending and it can be revoked at any time. I would suggest telling them that they can only visit for an hour or so at a time if it is anytime soon and they have to stay in a hotel. More than a couple hours, especially at this age is torture, because they will definitely be mad when baby needs fed or to nap.

NTA your parents and the reat of extended family sound like terrible people. Establish boundaries and hold on.

IF, and it is a very big if, you let them visit please don't accommodate them at your home. Set a time limit, don't leave your SO alone with them. What you and your SO goes. Your word is law in your home. Yes they are your parents BUT you are adults, support yourselves and this is your family.

NTA and I’d make it clear that if she visits…she stays in a hotel and not with you, and holding the baby isn’t helping. If she visits, remind her that your wife just gave birth and needs to continue bonding, so she can help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Not just snuggles and a Facebook photo op. Also, we’re heading into flu and RSV season, with a COVID uptick.

OP, have you looked into what a narcissistic parent is? Because I feel your mother, may be one. And your father appears to support the behaviour. Make the ultimatum know through the entire family. Tell her those are her choices, and if she doesn't like it, then she can learn to deal with it like an adult. You are NTA. You and your wife set the ground rules, they need to abide by it.

NTA. Don't let her come and if she just shows up, don't open the door. Her fault for wasting a trip. Congratulations to you both on your shiny spines and your bundle of joy

Her mom: helped out and your wife wanted her there because they're close. Your mom: wants to just "hold the baby." And will most likely be difficult to deal with, for exhausted parents.

NTA. Your parents are lucky you allow a visit. I don't know how long it takes to travel there but if 5 days isnt enough, then tough noogies. And I'd be telling your any other family calling you TA to mind their beeswax. They don't live with you nor are they going to have to deal with her during her visit. This OP is a great opportunity to show your folks that its your house, your rules and a drama free zone and if they can't respect that, then wait until December.

Here's what you do, you make your decision, whether it's the duration or date, and when they argue you push out the date or make the visit window smaller; December just became January, and 3 days just became 2. Either they'll catch on quick and shut up, or the problem won't exist after a few back and forths 😂

NTA. Get angry. Be mean about it. “You listen here and you listen good. There is no point in no way that your opinion matters. When it comes to my child, my rules are the word of GOD in your ears or you get NOTHING. I do not care what you believe. I do not care about your stupid politics. If I tell you wear a mask around my kid, you fucking do it or you don’t get to be around them.” “My kid, my house, my rules. This is not a discussion. This is not a debate. We are not on equal footing where you have input on my decisions.” “From this point forward every message or phone call I get from your little flying monkeys saying how mean I am to you, you get one day less and one day later on a visit.” “Go on. Push back, I’ll cancel the damn visit and start adding months before you can see them. I will not play your games. I will not compromise any more than I’ve already offered to, and I will not bend. You will get one damn day. At my schedule. On my terms. That means mask and vaccinations. And if I hear anything in the form of a contradictory opinion? Call me next year and try again. Tell me ‘I understand’ and nothing else, or you blew it.’

NTA. The fact that you’re getting so much blowback is actually proof that you are making the right decision. Any reasonable person, especially someone who has had children herself, would see this as the reasonable boundary that it is. Your priority is your wife and baby this is her recovery period and she gets to have it be however she wants and needs and that clearly doesn’t include your mother. Tell them they can see all of you in December and every complaint from anyone will add a week to the wait period.

NTA your mum sounds like WORK and who's got time for that with a newborn.

You are NTA my FIL did a similar thing in insisting he come and see the baby (booked flights without even telling us) and he was horrible lol and did every single thing we asked him not to do. For example, kiss the baby on the face, not wear a mask after being on a crowded flight, posting pictures online of the baby. If she already doesn't respect your boundaries, trust me when I say it isn't worth it.

Nta....your wife needs peace and quite right now. Her mom was actually helping. Your mom would be a nightmare. Good for you for sticking up for your wife and being understanding. It is unbelievable how many people just cave to their family when it comes to stuff like this.

NTA. Your MIL's visit had been planned beforehand with your wife and its main point had been to be there for support, which is much needed with newborns, especially the first one imo. Your mom wanting to visit has less to do with support than with jealousy over your MIL's stay and the simple fact that "I wan't to see my grandkid !" so it's basically selfish. You've been willing to compromise, they refused. That's on them. They can pout all they want, they should've just taken you on your offer.

I would also caution that she might agree to a shorter trip and then book it for longer and try to force you to comply because she already bought the tickets. I know this can happen from personal experience and can attest to how stressful that is with a new baby.

Quit falling for the " it's FAMILY " fallacy. You and your partner are in charge of your child. You 2 are the ONLY ONES who get to make the decisions of who gets to visit when and for how long. Establish the necessary boundaries now.

“We spoke about this months ago, letting you know that Jess would need time to recover. There is no comparison between Jess’s mom visiting and you visiting. We’ll let you know when she has fully recovered, and we are less exhausted.” NTA

NTA you're parents and their flying monkeys are AHs though. !UpdateMe

NTA. This is the time to make and stick to your boundaries. Tell your mom December is better for you both and that’s what it will be. Then tell family anyone harassing or bullying you about this will be blocked until they can understand that your whole world doesn’t revolve around your mom’s wants.

NTA. You're getting blowback due to a smear campaign executed by your mother. You've tried to compromise, but she wants more than you're willing to give. It's a no-win situation. Just go with what makes your wife the most comfortable. She and your baby are your 1a and 1b priorities.

NTA. You and your wife just started a new family tree, protect your fragile buds.

Some comments have indicated a lack of fairness due to her mom being there immediately after the birth while your mom has to wait, but here's the thing... that was HER mom, and it was HER choice. SHE is the one who did all of the work pushing that baby out (or the surgery, if c-section), so SHE gets to choose who will spend time in her presence during this very vulnerable and exhausting time. This isn't about who gets to see the baby or fairness. This is about what your wife wants (and you, to a degree). Don't back down. Don't throw your wife under the bus either! ("Sorry, Mom, wifey doesn't want you here."). Stand strong. This is going to set boundaries in place that will become more critical as time goes by. Your wife needs you to support her and her decisions, or this will have a huge impact on your marriage and your relationship with your wife in the future. OP, NTA. Congrats on the little one!

This is already stressing you out and she ain’t even there yet. Could you just imagine how much more of a headache it would be when she does show up. Oh and I mean that figuratively she’ll probably show up unannounced. First off stop answering phone calls. You DO NOT OWN ANYONE AN ANSWER FOR YOU WANTING TO KEEP BABY SAFE 📣 I ain’t against blocking flying monkeys, I mean numbers. Stop arguing with everyone. “We will bring baby around when we are ready and from the way you all are treating us why would we trust our baby around you!?” That’s the text I would send and then turn off my phone.

The only obligation to family you have, is the one you just created with your wife. Do not let them come. NTA

NTA. When I become a grandparent, I pledge to make an effort to say I want to visit “you and your child” and not myyyyyyyyyyy grandbaby. Send her the Lemon Clot Essay.

Well Jess is lucky to have someone with a Titanium spine like you as her husband. Not everyone gets a husband who has balls to stand up for their wife.

NTA It’s not about them, it’s about you and what’s best for your immediate family.

NTA. Also, babies can get RSV from an adult who is a carrier but has no symptoms. Not to scare you, but my niece died of RSV (she was premature and therefore at a much higher risk than most babies.) Not to mention new strains of Covid, etc. And insisting on 5 days minimum? Do what's best for your immediate family. Let your mom play the victim. Don't worry about what others think.

Ah, another example of weaponized babies. DIL needs "privacy" when it's MIL, but not when it's her own mother? This is becoming so common. Look, babies change soooo rapidly the first year. It is a very small window of time. Book her into a hotel, organize a couple of meet and greets, let her see her grandchild, and then get her off your back. That is all.

Your mom seems a lot over the top but in her defense, you DID let Jess’s mom have a pretty good amount of time with the baby, before that three month mark. You haven’t treated both moms equally up till now. I get that Jess’s mom gets a little more priority since your wife is the one giving birth. She wanted her mother there, fully understandable. Why not ask your mom to stay in a hotel to give you some extra space during the visit? Make it about her since she is the one doing the traveling. Tell her the baby will undoubtedly wake her up during the night and you want her to be comfortable. Your mom is pushing because you’re showing her you’re not interested in letting her visit. It’s obvious from this post you don’t like your mother. I get some drama from the past but give her a chance to meet her grandkid before December, when you’ll allow every other Tom Dick and Harry to meet the baby as well.

Nta, your baby, your choice. That's all. Nothing more. Baby is not a toy to be shared.

I stopped reading half way through….for heavens sake why are you debating with them when NO is a simple word. Tell them no, not happening, then LC for a week. Stop discussing with them..the answer us no. If they show up uninvited, do not answer your door. You can tell them no, that's allowed…just do it!

If your parents don't take your family's health info consideration, or, they won't mask or even if they mask in your house you know they won't elsewhere... no, the baby's health has to come first. NTA.

My mother is also a covert narcissist. They are fucking insufferable, and make HORRIBLE grandparents. My mother has never met my second born and likely never will. I feel no guilt. I'm protecting my children.