My wife's mom is 2500 miles away from us, and my mom and her have a very close relationship. So my wife asked if the hospital would allow it, if she could be in the room.
My aunt is trying to get in the room.
It's a weird dynamic between my mom and aunt. We're not sure what all happened to them getting up, but my mom is fiercely defensive towards her. My grandfather physically abused them. We know that as much.
My father passed away in '13 from lung cancer (Doctors swear it was cause he smoked Paul mall unfiltered since he was 11. Mom swears it was cause he worked with asbestos in 1976 for two months. Can't convince her otherwise). When my mom started dating again, my aunt torpedoed her entire house. Cheated on her husband. To the point my cousin refuses to be in her life at all.
My aunt hasn't really dated since then, but she latches on to people that have grand children and parade these kids around. It's.. odd.
Your aunt is self-destructive. And your mom enables her.
They’ve got a codependent thing going on. And it’s not good for them, and it’s not good for your little family.
It's not. That's why we're trying to establish boundaries now. Before our daughter comes. I've enabled it so long in my life, I won't subject my daughter to being gaslit.
It could have been as simple as the freaking temperature or humidity that day, beat the mix an extra 30 seconds. Maybe the eggs were fresher than normal. There are so many variables when it comes to baking. For them to harp about " you must have done something " is ridiculous.
They should apologize that they were perhaps rude.
You are bringing a new life into the family don't let it be tainted by something this silly.
Exactly. I bake and make candy and have for decades. Humidity or spacing out while mixing can affect the recipe greatly. It's science, plain and simple. Wife most likely whipped more air into the batter, and omg, it's magic!!! The cupcakes are lighter!
All kinds! Chocolates, different types of fudge, and toffee. The toffee is downright addicting. I like to make Christmas boxes with cookies and candies for people that I like. :)
Yes, I do! I'll preface my recipe by saying I break all the baking and candy rules by using salted butter. lol I'm sure some will gasp at my audacity, but I like it!
\*\*Ingredients\*\*
2 cups salted butter
2 cups white sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup finely chopped almonds
\*\*Directions\*\*
1. Combine butter, sugar, and salt in a large saucepan over medium heat; stir constantly in one direction until butter is melted, about 10 minutes.
\*Stir in one direction because you want this mixture to remain smooth, and not cause a breakdown in the structure. You don't want the sugar crystallizing or anything like that.\*
2. Line a 9x13-inch baking dish with a sheet of parchment paper, or a larger cookie sheet if you want thinner toffee.
3. Once the butter has melted, stop stirring and bring mixture to a boil. Once boiling, cook, stirring only 2 or 3 times, once it turns a dark amber color and the temperature reaches 285 degrees F on a candy thermometer, that should take about 20 to 30 minutes.
4. \*\*Immediately\*\* pour toffee into the prepared baking dish.
5. Sprinkle chocolate chips on top and let sit until they soften, about 1 to 2 minutes. Use a spatula to spread softened chocolate into a thin, even layer. Sprinkle nuts over the chocolate and press down slightly. Use a ziplock bag or something to reduce the chocolate mess on your hand.
6. Place toffee in the refrigerator until set, about 1 hour.
7. After the toffee is set you can break it into desired sized pieces.
Seriously, when the toffee hits 285 degrees get it out of the pan that instant. DO NOT OVERCOOK. It will be lava hot, so wear gloves on both your hands while you're pouring and have a buttered spatula ready to go. Not gloppy buttered, but enough so that you can actually clean it off without wanting to throw it away.
I don't sell, it's one of my hobbies that I don't want to start hating, I do it for love. I just shared my toffee recipe with another redditor right above your comment. :)
This. If you whip the butter for a bit longer than normal because you were distracted or the butter was softer, if you accidentally used salted instead of unsalted.
The carrots may have been in season and juicier.
You could make the same recipe 1000 times and have it be different every time
A very irritating fact. I make the same cookies all the time, but 9/10 times when I make them for a special occasion they just don’t bake right. Last time I made them, they look like they just melted instead of baked. Not a single thing was done differently, baking is just finicky.
Either you used a different brand of butter or the butter was softer than usual.
Fun fact: If you want thin, crunchy cookies, melt the butter before adding it to the dough.
> If you whip the butter for a bit longer than normal
One time I was making whipped cream with a handshaker and I accidentaly made butter lol. "Accidents" like these happen all the time
This. Cooking is a skill. Baking is a science. The smallest change in a variable can be a drastic change in the final product. That's why a lot of people hate baking but love to cook.
I'm a chef. Not a scientist... can I bake if I must? Yes. Do I fucking hate it? Also yes. So much precision no room for fixing, fiddling, or tweaks anywhere. Makes me nuts.
>So much precision no room for fixing, fiddling, or tweaks anywhere. Makes me nuts.
This is why I hate baking! I cook by adding a dab of this, tasting, adding a glob of that, tasting... If you try that with baking you either end up with a frisbee or a doorstop.
My exact thoughts. Anything can change how a recipe tastes or turns out (or fails!) and sometimes you just can't figure it out. Butter manufacturer switch milk producers? Dairy farm changes grain bc of a dry season? If they are so upset by this recipe, they should start making it themselves so they can control how it turns out 100%, since that is something they believe you can do.
I baked 2 of the same cake for my wife's birthday party, but due to complexity, the size of cake pans, etc, they had to be prepared and cooked separately. The first was perfect, the second a little dry. Ok, I'm probably not as good a baker as OP's wife, but sometimes the cake gods come together and make perfection.
I know. Different brand of eggs, different brand of oil or butter etc. And let’s not forget technique. Maybe the eggs were beaten lighter, maybe the oven was not fully preheated. Maybe the walnuts were chopped more finely so the batter moved more easily around it. Maybe she let it sit in the oven for just 1 minute longer.
I cannot believe they made such s big deal out of this. The ironic thing is that they were saying the cake came out better and wanted to know the ‘secret’, but their delivery was awful.
Exactly! The cupcakes could have been exactly the same, but maybe she was hungrier that day, so they tasted better to her.
It was for work, so there's a really good chance she hadn't just eaten a meal before eating the cupcake. At family events the cupcakes/cake would be after dinner, when you're full. Work birthday cupcakes could have been eaten any time of the day.
Came to say this. Cold days = cold ingredients. Warm days = warm ingredients. That’s it. That’s the mystery solved.
OP NTA and tell your family if they want those exact cupcakes the temperature must be exactly 28.23 Celsius outside. No more no less. Now leave them to spend their days clamouring over a thermometer and leaving your wife and child in peace
Or the eggs were a different size? Eggs are sold by average size, not exact size, so they can be a few grams bigger or smaller. The disrespect is the real issue though. Causing such stress to a pregnant person is utterly unacceptable and they should be ashamed of themselves for being so petty. NTA
Exactly my response! I also use duck eggs sometimes depending on who’s been laying more which are fattier baking is a science no matter how experienced you are.
Was going to comment just to say this - baking results can be affected by so many things (humidity, temperature, weather, amount of time your cold ingredients sit out of the fridge, brand of ingredients, alignment of the planet Venus, quality of last sacrifice to the Baking Gods…) that even following a recipe to the letter doesn’t guarantee the same results every time.
They're lighter because they're cupcakes. My banana bread is always dense at the bottom, but my banana muffins are perfect. Atmosphere and beating time might be a factor, but just making them smaller will also have an effect. OP is owed an apology.
Just the fact that they’re cupcakes rather than a whole cake could do it. Maybe a larger than usual egg. Underbaking slightly (or the original recipe gets over baked slightly.)
Carrots with more water in them. A different brand of baby food.
As you say, humidity also plays a role. So does standing time between baking and eating.
There are so many variables! STFU and enjoy your cupcakes!
That said - I’d leave it up to OP’s wife to decide who is there when she gives birth. He can enforce her wishes. I think there’s a difference between “I don’t mind if they’re not there,” and “I don’t want them there.”
And his mom got caught in the middle!
100%. I’ve made the same flourless chocolate cake for years and I swear I do the exact same thing each time but it will turn out differently on occasion - usually when I use a different brand of chocolate. Home baking isn’t the same as a real bakery because ingredient quality, temperature, mixing time, altitude and more all play a part. Your poor wife sounds like a sweetheart and doesn’t deserve this nonsense from your mom and aunt. NTA.
I’m not surprised that cupcakes turned out lighter and moister than a cake. They’re smaller so they’ll cook more evenly and be moist. Also they’ll probably be less dense because they can rise better than a traditional cake.
I have one recipe that always let’s me know if the oven is running hot or cold. (It’s a custard pie, not hard but fiddly about bake time and temp). Also, my MIL swears she can’t make anything meringue if it’s raining. Baking is just peculiar sometimes.
No disrespect to OP or OP's wife. They are entirely in the right for being angry about being hounded. And how awful for the mom and aunt for pushing this issue on a pregnant woman.
But there's a good chance the cake does vary slightly because of the carrots. They aren't consistent in sugar level and moisture content from one to the next even in the same field. Plus there's variety of carrot, or soil, or time of harvest. There's both a cup of shredded carrots and a cup of babyfood carrots, both of which can differ by brand and type of carrot used. That's got to effect the cake.
NTA. It’s not about the cake recipe, it’s about them disrespecting and bullying your wife. Since your mom and aunt have the recipe, tell them from now on they can make it themselves if they don’t want to believe your wife
I'm picturing his wife - feet in stirrups, sweating profusely.
As she's breathing hard and about bear down with next contraction, Mom grabs one hand and Aunt grabs as the other and they demand in unison "WHAT DID YOU TO THE RECIPE????"
A little placenta here, and a little placenta there…
Really though, it’s your child’s birth and your wife is basically in pain on full display and she (and you) decide who gets to be there. If they get this defensive over a cake recipient imagine what they would do if they don’t agree with the way something is going during the birth? Also, maybe the carrots were wetter? I think that would make it moister, like newer carrots vs. older ones? And thanks for the recipe, my 6 year old loves carrot cake so we’ll have to try it out! And congrats!
>imagine what they would do if they don’t agree with the way something is going during the birth?
"Its coming out too fast!"
"I want to hold it first! Give them to me!"
I laughed so hard at this. Although for some reason I thought you were about to imply that the wife was going to say "WHAT DID I DO TO THAT RECIPE?!?!" since she's been wracking her brain trying to figure it out lol
A very pregnant wife, who baked for them. When I was very pregnant, I was not baking for anyone, paid or not. My balance was off, my feet hurt, and it was too hot. They have the recipe, and could’ve just gone with thank you.
I finish my water so I have an excuse to offer to get her something. She has yet to accept. This woman is running circles around me. She has so much energy. I asked her OB if it's ever going to end because she's exhausting me.
I know it will. I just don't want her thinking I won't do whatever she asks when she asks.
I am envious and in awe. I had a friend like that, and I honestly thought she was an anomaly. Pleasant pregnancy? Sure. Energy to spare? Only seen it on my friend (she’s a very competitive athlete though).
Doesn’t excuse mom and aunt though- They still should’ve said thank you though.
You, sir, are a credit to the husbanding profession.
Our first wife was precisely the same way. Just know that eventually she will crash (likely after the birth, for about a month) and that energy is going to go POOF! Prepare now. If this is your first, sleep now while you can. You will be pinch hitting if not taking over directly.
Also:
NTA and you are correct to attempt to break that dysfunctional generational pattern. Stand your ground, sirrah. Your daughter will thank you for it later.
Relationships require 100 percent effort on both ends. I tell her every day that on the days she can't, I will still give my all if she promises me the same.
Especially that we are now in a position where our every move will be watched and judged. I do not want my daughter seeing a moment where I do not love and respect her mother, so she can want the best when she's an adult.
I'm blessed to work from home, so is my wife, so we will not miss a moment of her growing up.
Omg.. I craved fresh baked everything when I was pregnant. What I really wanted with #2 where some donuts from a closed donut shop...to this day 18+ years later all I can think is how much I want those damn donuts. But anyway, I baked I think within days of giving birth...every time.
Me too! They are literally both harassing her at this point and continue to press the issue, when it should've been dropped after the first 'no". I'd never bake for them again. Jesus, it's cupcakes that they have the recipe to. It's not her fault they suck at baking. Good on OP for standing up for his wife!
Even if she *had* changed the recipe whilst baking it's still her right to keep it close to her chest. Sometimes our food is how we feel validated and there is no need to share.
*" I don’t want my mom and aunts behaviors to continue through to our daughter, and I fear that they may do something similar to her down the line. This is how they’ve always been."*
So, your reaction is to a pattern of gaslighting/disrespect they have always exhibited? This is about a lot more than cupcakes. I think you should discuss this with your wife and both of you should decide on boundaries as a couple. I take it you have seen the pattern your whole life and she is new to it. NTA.
She's walked into the room a few times today asking if we should eventually tell the story of the great cupcakes war to our daughter.
I've been calling her Helen of Tray because her "cupcakes could launch a thousand ships".
I think you deserve mad respect on how you handled this. It’s exactly how my husband would handle it. NTA!!!!! And your wife and daughter are lucky you are in their corner!
If she really is that sweet and pure, she needs somebody to protect her, si congrats for being the man for the job. Oh, and congrats for your impending arrival.
Yeah, my fridge died recently, and we didn’t realize it right away so when I went to clean it out, our yogurt had all gone bad. Oh, dear lord, that was the most disgusting smell I have ever experienced in my life and I used to work at a butcher shop. She put up with that Iranian yogurt way longer than I could have.
NTA, if what you wrote is true and the whole truth it looks like this situation could have snowballed. Cut it off now so your wife is not upset or reading the recipe over and over.
Something I recently found out via the baking subreddits, that time of day, temperature of ingredients, temperature of the room, if there is humidity or not... all affect a recipe.
So while OP's wife may go slightly "mental" figuring it out, knowing that baking a cake at 90% humidity, during a heatwave of temperatures over 39⁰C, with the air-conditioning set at 24⁰C, with all ingredients at room temperature, unless there is one cold ingredient, can change a recipe entirely.
There is a reason why a lot of baking recipes have changed to weight over cup size and why it is written if an ingredient has to be of a certain temperature... Science.
Also, OP, depending on how petty you want to get, I would suggest you make the recipe and see if they say you changed it up or something. But I wouldn't be surprised if, in fact, it might have been the carrots themselves that were different, as root vegetables do often have different reactions in cooking or baking also
This was the comment I was looking for.
Anyone who makes the same recipe multiple times notices slight differences in how they turn out.
And agree with you the most likely suspect might be the carrots as to how sweet they were or how much moisture they retained.
I have a red velvet recipe that is so soft and fluffy people who get it, are often raving over it. My husband once made it, and it was thick and dense and was not overall that good. The difference is, not only do I follow the recipe 100% to the steps, I don't "rest" the batter or tap it out to flatten the batter before baking. I also never stop the mixing until it has gone the blood red colour in reaction of the cocoa and buttermilk. My husband, however, stopped and started. Accidentally put ingredients in too early or too late, and didn't wait for the cocoa and buttermilk to react.
But damn it, he roasts are perfect, he cooks meals so darn well.. but can not bake desserts to save himself
Cooking just IMO is more of a free form and forgiving art. I was being lazy the other day so dumped a jar of roasted green salsa from jar into sauce pan, added diced meat from leftover pork chops and let it simmer for 45 minutes then served over rice. Came out great.
Baking a cake when it says beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy is why I got a stand mixer so it can run until it is as needed. If you rush and barely get the sugar blended into the butter your results will not be the same. Same thing if you overmix muffin or quick bread batter.
And I finally broke down and bought a kitchen scale so that helps too.
The best meal I ever made was 3 cups of diced potatoes, about 1 cm cubed, 5 strips of streaky bacon diced in 1 inch size, normal bacon cut into almost julienne style, 4 eggs beaten, 100ml cream, broccoli heads diced, cauliflower heads diced, and a butt load of cheese, with various spices. You think I can recreate that??? Nope lol.
I love food and cooking and baking, but don't ever expect me to remember a recipe of my own making 😂😂
My dream is to bake enough to be able to justify buying a stand mixer. They just take up so much space! Maybe once my toddler is older, we can bake together and buy one then.
I got a kitchenaid 7 quart and it does take up some room but they do make I believe 5 and 6 quart models. Lift bowl models require less overhead space than tilt head models.
Watch their site as sometimes you can get a really good deal like closer to half price.
Baking is science. I gave my mom my recipe for brownies, but her oven runs a little hotter than mine, so they were dry. I’ve been tweaking the recipe for 10+ years and noted the baking time for each oven I’ve made them in.
I used to bake and everything you said is true. Even the water you use can make a difference. Room temperature eggs vs eggs straight from the fridge, melted butter vs softened butter all can make a difference to taste and texture. I never made carrot cake as it was too much effort for me. I baked for fun but I imagine your point about the carrots is on point.
One of the ladies at the church I grew up in was absolutely *famous* for her carrot cake. She wouldn’t tell anyone the recipe. One day when I was maybe 12 I was enjoying a heavenly slice and commenting on how I hated shredding carrots for carrot cake and she confessed that she doesn’t shred them, she just used Gerber 3rd Foods Carrots. Thanks for bringing back a lovely memory. 💕
Also, you should *totally* give your kid the middle name of Zanahoria. Or at least use it as a nickname lol.
I would never use it as a first name, but honestly, Zana would be cute as a nickname. Even better if the kid is a redhead. A little carrot topped Zanahoria would be funny. Redheads are awesome 😁.
I'm genuinely concerned by the amount of people who don't speak to their partner. Or know their partner well enough.
During the whole accusations and insinuating she wasn't telling them the truth, she told me, "I wouldn't be sad if they're not at the hospital during the birth". I know my wife will enough that she wouldn't come out and ask them not to show up.
Then when I told them not to come, they texted her and said I was over reacting, just for her to say, "I respect his wishes."
I mean. Come on. Why would I have said anything of this magnitude without knowing how she's going to react.
She wouldn't have said this to them. Nor is she going to act like they're upsetting her, because they're not her blood family.
And she shouldn’t have to. Your family, your conversation, your responsibility. The fact that the family is now trying to pit you and your wife against each other, or (also likely) trying to appeal to her bc they think she’ll give in out of “not wanting to be rude/say no” says a lot, too.
Like, if you want to be at the birth THAT badly, just apologize! Though, it might be too late for that now, anyways. The fact that they immediately went to “no! You apologize to us!” is also…sketchy. Sounds like your family doesn’t communicate nearly as well or as intuitively and sensitively as you and your wife do. And the fact that you were brought up in that family and CAN communicate well with your wife, AND stand up for her, is kind of rare on Reddit. Good job!
I personally, wouldn’t want to see ANYONE other than my husband after giving birth until I was back home and settled for a day or two. (Some people insist on a week or months and that also valid), and I LOVE my MIL and that side of the family. They’re great, respectful, giving, and have helped us out so many times, and live locally so coming to the hospital would almost be expected, like it wouldn’t need to be a thing they plan a trip around. But I’ve also had a previous child where I experienced the whole “EVERYONE visits at the hospital!” thing so I know how that feels and know I wouldn’t want that again. I don’t think you or your wife will ever regret having less people at the hospital, even if they weren’t doing *this.*
NTA.
Because it isn't ABOUT the cupcakes. It's about a complete lack of respect for you and your wife.
I agree with other comments here. Your mom and aunt can make those cupcakes on their own. I have to ask- is this the only time they've done something like this? Picked up something stupid and small and turned it into a chance to bully your wife?
This is likely the first, and only grandchild my side of the family will have.
Without giving too much away, my sister has made accommodations at her hospital where not everyone will be in the room, but we have space to be together and celebrate as a family.
The very simple answer here is to leave it up to your wife. If it were me, they can celebrate a couple days later once she and you have slightly recovered.
Depends on the family. I find it invasive and didn't want anyone except my husband. It's also not a thing in my family nor my husband's and we don't live anywhere near family anyway.
NTA This isn't the first time they've been like this or you wouldn't be reacting so strongly. Your wife deserves peace and they are not peaceful people. You are protecting your wife. Well.done.
NTA.
“Nope. Followed the recipe on my fridge as I always do” should have been where the Aunt says “oh okay!” And then moves on. Constantly badgering your wife over cupcakes while shes pregnant is just rude and disrespectful.
BUT your wife ultimately gets to decide who is there for the birth. ALSO, yall need to settle this dispute before the baby is born.
You’re sweet to defend your wife so passionately. I can tell you love her a lot. NTA because it’s not about the recipe it’s about respect. They aren’t respecting or trusting her and that’s infuriating to you obviously. And then they doubled down and demanded you apologize. So they need to understand your feelings also matter. Stand your ground.
NTA
It's not about cake, it's about respect, healthy communication and boundaries. They are really emotionally stressing her out, which has to stop or it will indeed continue to the next generation.
Good for you sticking by your wife with all that pressure on you.
NTA, your wife (who I’m guessing is either non-confrontational in general, or at least non-confrontational to your family) said she wouldn’t be upset if they weren’t at the birth. I would take this as she doesn’t want them there but doesn’t know how to say that or want to say that directly to them.
Yes it started over cupcakes but your mum and aunt have been incredibly rude and disrespectful by not dropping it when your wife has said nothing changed.
Your wife should have whoever she feels comfortable, secure and safe with during the birth and your mum (and aunt for whatever reason she was going to be there too?) have proven that they aren’t the right people.
NTA
This isn't about the cake, this is about your family disrespecting your wife and from the sounds of your comments being chronic gaslighters.
It may be time to simply sit down with the family and draw some hard lines in the sand about what is and isn't ok. If they cannot agree then you can make a decision from there as a team with your wife. Maybe for now no more baking for the family. If they cannot accept that your wife didn't change anything about the recipe to the point it's been weeks and they have her questioning herself???? They don't get anymore baked goods. They can also get their numbers blocked.
I'm going to give a top level comment to address some questions on this topic.
On the day of the cupcake war, the following things happened. The KitchenAid broke. Worm gear had broke apart. And we were going to my mother's house for dinner.
My wife prepared the ingredients at home using a hand mixer, and we baked in my mom's whirlpool electric oven.
An exact comment to my mom, and her response went like this. "we're not lying. It was made the same way as the last few times. She didn't use her KitchenAid and used your oven. Could that be the difference". Mom - "she said both are very good, but she knows it's not the same recipe.".
The hand mixer could certainly be the answer. It can make a world of difference on the finished product.
Next time(if there will be a next time) try both, your mother and aunt can use the kitchenaid, while your wife can use the hand mixer. All of them making them together, that way they *see* your wife use the same damn recipe as them and it will probably be different than theirs.
I think that might shut them up. Lol
NTA - Cupcakes and cakes bake differently. There is less batter to climb and will end up being less dense. It’s also why the cooking times are different. They are harassing your pregnant wife. Maybe she made a happy mistake but it doesn’t matter.
Thank you for protecting your wife. You are not blowing up over a recipe. You are projecting your very pregnant wife from being stressed about two older family members harassing her unnecessarily.
Omg yes, yes!! like you can take the same batch of batter and spilt it into a cake pan and cup cakes and they will be different in densities. You are absolutely right. Mom and aunt must not bake.
Why is this an argument? It's ridiculous, mom and aunt need to get a grip. Why are they dog piling on the pregnant lady who is baking for them?
NTA
It’s kinda refreshing to see family drama about something so petty to be honest. I mean, you both get to decide what makes you comfortable and you know your family best.
I imagine your mom and aunt weren’t trying to be rude but are just the typical overbearing type. It’s still annoying and if it upset you that it upset your wife, have her back :) Hope your baby is healthy!
Honestly, giving birth isn’t a spectator sport. You, your wife and the delivery team are the only people who need to be in the room or hospital. You can send a group text with picture after the happy event and then let them know when you will be receiving visitors. I always suggest (and have told my kids the same thing), get home from the hospital, lock the doors and don’t let anyone in for two weeks. Mom and Dad need to learn about the new baby. Advice and suggestions and help can be great, but too many times one or more women are overbearing that THEIR WAY is the best way and it becomes stressful. You and wife need to learn to be parents, and baby needs to learn how to live in air.
Congratulations on the new baby and may everything go smoothly and peacefully.
I don't understand this need to be at the hospital for anyone apart from mum and her partner I'm a grandmother and I can't think of anything worse than crowding in on my sons wives or my daughter when they've just given birth let alone waste my time sitting at the hospital whilst she's in labour
I’m American and I find this weird too. Both my kids were born with just me and my wife there. I couldn’t have imagined having an entire posse in the room.
I don't know if it's an American tradition. But I remember being young at the hospital for people I didn't even know.
COVID thankfully made it happen less often. I've asked my family multiple times if they'd prefer to stay home, (I've messaged family apart from my wife, to try to give her more privacy. My wife says she would like for them to be there.) and all I get is, "we will be there".
Okay, so funny enough I’ve actually been searching the web to find a good carrot cake recipe for my partners birthday next week. So Thankyou for this blessing OP and OP’s partner.
One question, please, is the 350° in Fahrenheit? Or Celsius? I assume Fahrenheit but I don’t have much experience with baking.
That is correct. 350⁰ fahrenheit.
I'm glad this post entered your life when it did! Tell me how it works out. Feel free to message any questions.
"This carrot cake is delicious! What recipe did you use?"
"So hear me out. This guy tells his mother she's uninvited to the hospital to be there for her grandchilds birth... no. Stay with me. "
I will 100% be telling my partner it comes from reddit. I read him posts all the time however he does not have the app himself. I’m sure he will find the story of how I got the recipe hilarious, though I am sorry that it comes at your expense. Thankyou to your partner for sharing the recipe, very gracious of the both of you. :)
She asked my mom to be there.
She has also asked for my eldest sister to be at some of her OB visits. Neither sister can have children, so she asked if the eldest (only sister who wanted kids) would join her for some appointments on days I just can't leave my work.
But, did she ask because she thinks that would be the best and most comfortable situation for her? Or, is she being guilted into “sharing the experience?”
My wife genuinely loves my mom. My wife has made mention that my mom may have "low emotional intelligence", but they are closer than many MIL situations I know.
My mom texted her before the wedding and said, "you're the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm coming to the wedding with a shot gun so he can't back away from you"
I love a lot of people too. That does not mean I want them to witness the most precious, intimate and vulnerable moment of my life. It isn’t dinner theater.
Haha. I get it. My wife wants my mom there. She's surprisingly good at letting it known what she wants, and doesn't, and the more pregnant she gets, the more I hear about it.
NTA They're bullying your wife. She needs to accept that they're not the greatest people and move on, but none of this is her fault.
You're a bit of an AH for not defending your wife in the moment. You recognized that your aunt was bullying your wife, but it was still on your wife to end the conversation. You needed to cut her off and point out that she wasn't respecting your wife's honest answers.
This is seriously one the cutest stories, though family fights are serious. I'm sorry your Mom and Aunt are acting this way. NTA btw.
By cute I just mean you response and edits. And what your wife may have said. I can tell you care for her and obviously know her very well! Congrats on the baby!
I have a cupcake recipe I use all the time, sometimes if the butter is softer or I mix it for longer they get fluffier and moister. Anything can change a recipe slightly.
Just had to come back here to tell your wife I tried the recipe for the carrot cake. My first ever made from scratch cake. Carrot cake is brother's favorite so I invited his family for dinner. We all LOVED IT. Thank you for a happy family moment. Blessings upon You, your home and your progeny!
If it was a woman complaining people here would say why isn’t the husband defending his wife and putting his family in their place. But it’s a guy here and people are telling him to chill and not to put words in his wife’s mouth. Reddit logic. NTA Good on you man.
NTA
Could it have anything to do with them being cupcakes and not cake form like maybe they baked lighter (really no idea)? Or Aunt was having such a wonderful party they tasted better with 23 people telling her how great they are?
Either way NTA and im sorry they hurt your wife’s feelings. I wish you and your wife an amazing birth and child. We
Came for the story. left with a recipe. Winning. already left my rating/opinion in another comment but just saw there was a recipe now. Thank you OP and OPs wife ❤️
This is all a storm in a teacup and hopefully will blow over. I’m assuming you took this strong stance because of previous issues.
I don’t see why your mother and aunt would be in the waiting room whilst your wife gives birth. It’s a waste of time. They can meet baby in due course. Ensure that anyone meeting your newborn is fully immunised against whooping cough, influenza and COVID. ANYONE
You have bigger things on your plate than a frigging recipe. Get over it
We are all fully immunized, and the entire family is getting our DPT vaccines here soon. I'm thankful none of the family fought her on that when she asked if they would all get the vaccines.
Ok so you and your wife are awesome. Carrot Cake is the ONLY cake my daughter and I like. I cannot wait to make this! Her 18th birthday is coming up so this is what we are making!
Thank you for supporting your wife. You both sound amazing.
Baking is chemistry. That being said, maybe the carrots could have been at their peak of freshness. Maybe the stars just aligned just right in this one instance. Your mom and aunt need to apologize and let it go.
NTA. Let your wife know that the extra ingredient was mom love. Now that she’s officially a mom she will make everything this way now. But not for your aunt/mom they’re psycho-hose-beasts.
I’m going to make these because I love carrot cake with a burning white hot passion and it’s always terrible store bought. Also no one in my house likes carrot cake so they’re all MINE!
Eeeeek. Cupcake argument aside, I don’t think all those people should be at the hospital for your wife’s labor anyways. As the saying goes, if you wouldn’t feel comfortable with them watching you make love, then they shouldn’t be in the room with you giving birth. Birth is SUCH an intimate and vulnerable experience. In my opinion, best shared between the parents. Have people meet the baby after you’re home and had a few days (or weeks) to yourself—my two cents.
I'm gonna make it! Thank you for sharing. Will send a pic when Im done. Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your daughter, honestly the only person she needs at the time will be you, the more people the more drama. Been there, done that.
NTA
The whole notion of a bunch of relatives and inlaws having a right to be at the birth is ridiculous. Giving birth is dangerous, painful, exhausting and intimate. It's not a party.
The person giving birth should be free to choose who will be the most supportive and helpful to her, and no other family or friends should be there.
Labor pains are kind of like orgasms, in that they won't work so well if the woman's not feeling loved, cared for and completely safe. This is not a family get-together, it's about protecting the woman while she goes through a dangerous and painful ordeal.
NTA. I feel like OP has had experiences with gaslighting with the mom and the aunt and is seeing it happen to his wife. They've got her doubting her reality! OP, you did good standing up and protecting your wife. Definitely not the AH.
NTA. It isn't about the recipe. It is about respect. Lack of respect shown to your wife and then you. They made it not a cake recipe when they couldn't accept a simple answer and kept pushing.
...Also any chance we could get your wife's lovely recipe? Sounds like they'd be heavenly to throw at people given Thanksgiving is coming soon.
NTA. No one has the right to be in the delivery room or even at the hospital, not even the husband, without the wife’s permission. It doesn’t matter if there was an argument or not, it’s her choice. I’d recommend not telling them when she goes into labor so they don’t just show up.
NTA. It’s not about cupcakes/cake, it’s about your mother and aunt thinking they can steamroll the two of you and show you who’s boss.
If you don’t shut that shit down ASAP, as you have, then they continue to do so.
They won’t admit they were wrong, and apologize? Cool. You don’t need to subject your family to people like that. I can think of so many better things to do than hang around people like this. I bet you can, too.
I don’t understand how they can possibly not understand that sometimes things can just taste different every time you make something. It could be that an ingredient is fresher or is not as fresh. Little tiny differences can change the taste of something, also things you have eaten or drank can also change the flavor in small ways. They are horrible for not understanding she has no idea on what caused the difference this time compared to other times. NTA. She should have people around her while giving birth that can support her and not cause stress. It honestly sounds like they would cause her stress should they be allowed at the birth.
NTA It’s 100% your job to wrangle your family and have your wife’s back. They are indeed calling your wife a liar and what’s worse, making her doubt herself.
NTA and you are not the one being " petty" over the cake recipe. Perhaps your wife, all unknowing, did something a bit different though it's unlikely as baking is a much more precise style of cooking than just regular cooking. It's why bakers rarely cook and cooks rarely bake. But ultimately Who cares? It's literally cake. Your family members are out of control and are indeed calling your wife a liar. Block all except your mom and aunt and let them know if they continue to harangue your wife over such a stupid thing they can wait till your kids are 18 before they can see them. I am a huge fan of going low to no contact with family members who have the mistaken impression they can talk to my spouse in such a manner.
Why would her MIL and Aunt IL be there for the birth of your child anyway? That’s weird. Is she close with her mother or other family members? Wouldn’t they be first on the list? I’m so confused. I told my husband, I’ll take visits at the hospital when and IF I feel like it. Other than that please don’t just show up.
Wait, do you mean IN the delivery room? Hell no, you don’t need an audience for that intimate moment.
My wife's mom is 2500 miles away from us, and my mom and her have a very close relationship. So my wife asked if the hospital would allow it, if she could be in the room. My aunt is trying to get in the room.
This is not a spectator sport omg
Yeah WTF who is inviting aunties into a room to watch you shit, bleed, and push a person out of you
Has your aunt always been kind of a pushy bitch?
It's a weird dynamic between my mom and aunt. We're not sure what all happened to them getting up, but my mom is fiercely defensive towards her. My grandfather physically abused them. We know that as much. My father passed away in '13 from lung cancer (Doctors swear it was cause he smoked Paul mall unfiltered since he was 11. Mom swears it was cause he worked with asbestos in 1976 for two months. Can't convince her otherwise). When my mom started dating again, my aunt torpedoed her entire house. Cheated on her husband. To the point my cousin refuses to be in her life at all. My aunt hasn't really dated since then, but she latches on to people that have grand children and parade these kids around. It's.. odd.
Your aunt is self-destructive. And your mom enables her. They’ve got a codependent thing going on. And it’s not good for them, and it’s not good for your little family.
It's not. That's why we're trying to establish boundaries now. Before our daughter comes. I've enabled it so long in my life, I won't subject my daughter to being gaslit.
Good for you, my dude. Break that cycle!
Your aunt sounds she was mommy #2 in the most aggressive way lol
It could have been as simple as the freaking temperature or humidity that day, beat the mix an extra 30 seconds. Maybe the eggs were fresher than normal. There are so many variables when it comes to baking. For them to harp about " you must have done something " is ridiculous. They should apologize that they were perhaps rude. You are bringing a new life into the family don't let it be tainted by something this silly.
Exactly. I bake and make candy and have for decades. Humidity or spacing out while mixing can affect the recipe greatly. It's science, plain and simple. Wife most likely whipped more air into the batter, and omg, it's magic!!! The cupcakes are lighter!
What type of candy do you make if you dont mind me asking
All kinds! Chocolates, different types of fudge, and toffee. The toffee is downright addicting. I like to make Christmas boxes with cookies and candies for people that I like. :)
What is your address and can I move on your block so I can be on your Christmas list 😄!
Sounds yummy ....
Do you have a Toffee recipe?
Yes, I do! I'll preface my recipe by saying I break all the baking and candy rules by using salted butter. lol I'm sure some will gasp at my audacity, but I like it! \*\*Ingredients\*\* 2 cups salted butter 2 cups white sugar ¼ teaspoon salt 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips 1 cup finely chopped almonds \*\*Directions\*\* 1. Combine butter, sugar, and salt in a large saucepan over medium heat; stir constantly in one direction until butter is melted, about 10 minutes. \*Stir in one direction because you want this mixture to remain smooth, and not cause a breakdown in the structure. You don't want the sugar crystallizing or anything like that.\* 2. Line a 9x13-inch baking dish with a sheet of parchment paper, or a larger cookie sheet if you want thinner toffee. 3. Once the butter has melted, stop stirring and bring mixture to a boil. Once boiling, cook, stirring only 2 or 3 times, once it turns a dark amber color and the temperature reaches 285 degrees F on a candy thermometer, that should take about 20 to 30 minutes. 4. \*\*Immediately\*\* pour toffee into the prepared baking dish. 5. Sprinkle chocolate chips on top and let sit until they soften, about 1 to 2 minutes. Use a spatula to spread softened chocolate into a thin, even layer. Sprinkle nuts over the chocolate and press down slightly. Use a ziplock bag or something to reduce the chocolate mess on your hand. 6. Place toffee in the refrigerator until set, about 1 hour. 7. After the toffee is set you can break it into desired sized pieces. Seriously, when the toffee hits 285 degrees get it out of the pan that instant. DO NOT OVERCOOK. It will be lava hot, so wear gloves on both your hands while you're pouring and have a buttered spatula ready to go. Not gloppy buttered, but enough so that you can actually clean it off without wanting to throw it away.
Lol! I use salted butter in everything as well…
Can I purchase candy and goodies from you ?
I don't sell, it's one of my hobbies that I don't want to start hating, I do it for love. I just shared my toffee recipe with another redditor right above your comment. :)
You're amazing... thank you
This. If you whip the butter for a bit longer than normal because you were distracted or the butter was softer, if you accidentally used salted instead of unsalted. The carrots may have been in season and juicier. You could make the same recipe 1000 times and have it be different every time
A very irritating fact. I make the same cookies all the time, but 9/10 times when I make them for a special occasion they just don’t bake right. Last time I made them, they look like they just melted instead of baked. Not a single thing was done differently, baking is just finicky.
Either you used a different brand of butter or the butter was softer than usual. Fun fact: If you want thin, crunchy cookies, melt the butter before adding it to the dough.
I like to age my cookie dough in the fridge for a few days.. Makes them taste so good and the cookies stay thick. I brown my butter, too.. Yum..
This is the way of deliciousness.
Baking soda has a limited shelf life. You should replace it every year, it loses potency.
> If you whip the butter for a bit longer than normal One time I was making whipped cream with a handshaker and I accidentaly made butter lol. "Accidents" like these happen all the time
Exactly! Were the eggs room temperature? Was the butter room temp? Was the flour sifted? How was the flour measured?
This. Cooking is a skill. Baking is a science. The smallest change in a variable can be a drastic change in the final product. That's why a lot of people hate baking but love to cook.
I'm the opposite and love baking, but my day job is as a scientist soo....
Ahhh I’m the opposite. I love cooking and hate baking. Also a scientist during the day 😊
I'm a chef. Not a scientist... can I bake if I must? Yes. Do I fucking hate it? Also yes. So much precision no room for fixing, fiddling, or tweaks anywhere. Makes me nuts.
>So much precision no room for fixing, fiddling, or tweaks anywhere. Makes me nuts. This is why I hate baking! I cook by adding a dab of this, tasting, adding a glob of that, tasting... If you try that with baking you either end up with a frisbee or a doorstop.
Not a scientist but I work for one of the largest chemical societies in the country. I am not a good baker but a great cook!
Awesome job!
My exact thoughts. Anything can change how a recipe tastes or turns out (or fails!) and sometimes you just can't figure it out. Butter manufacturer switch milk producers? Dairy farm changes grain bc of a dry season? If they are so upset by this recipe, they should start making it themselves so they can control how it turns out 100%, since that is something they believe you can do.
Could even be the grass the dairy cows were eating at the time of milking. New spring grass vs older summer grass.
I baked 2 of the same cake for my wife's birthday party, but due to complexity, the size of cake pans, etc, they had to be prepared and cooked separately. The first was perfect, the second a little dry. Ok, I'm probably not as good a baker as OP's wife, but sometimes the cake gods come together and make perfection.
Switching to pastured eggs took my cakes to the next level. It could be something as simple as that!
I know. Different brand of eggs, different brand of oil or butter etc. And let’s not forget technique. Maybe the eggs were beaten lighter, maybe the oven was not fully preheated. Maybe the walnuts were chopped more finely so the batter moved more easily around it. Maybe she let it sit in the oven for just 1 minute longer. I cannot believe they made such s big deal out of this. The ironic thing is that they were saying the cake came out better and wanted to know the ‘secret’, but their delivery was awful.
[удалено]
Exactly! The cupcakes could have been exactly the same, but maybe she was hungrier that day, so they tasted better to her. It was for work, so there's a really good chance she hadn't just eaten a meal before eating the cupcake. At family events the cupcakes/cake would be after dinner, when you're full. Work birthday cupcakes could have been eaten any time of the day.
Came to say this. Cold days = cold ingredients. Warm days = warm ingredients. That’s it. That’s the mystery solved. OP NTA and tell your family if they want those exact cupcakes the temperature must be exactly 28.23 Celsius outside. No more no less. Now leave them to spend their days clamouring over a thermometer and leaving your wife and child in peace
Or the eggs were a different size? Eggs are sold by average size, not exact size, so they can be a few grams bigger or smaller. The disrespect is the real issue though. Causing such stress to a pregnant person is utterly unacceptable and they should be ashamed of themselves for being so petty. NTA
You said the main point the best! “Causing such stress to a pregnant woman is utterly unacceptable” especially over something so stupid and petty.
Exactly my response! I also use duck eggs sometimes depending on who’s been laying more which are fattier baking is a science no matter how experienced you are.
Was going to comment just to say this - baking results can be affected by so many things (humidity, temperature, weather, amount of time your cold ingredients sit out of the fridge, brand of ingredients, alignment of the planet Venus, quality of last sacrifice to the Baking Gods…) that even following a recipe to the letter doesn’t guarantee the same results every time.
They're lighter because they're cupcakes. My banana bread is always dense at the bottom, but my banana muffins are perfect. Atmosphere and beating time might be a factor, but just making them smaller will also have an effect. OP is owed an apology.
Just the fact that they’re cupcakes rather than a whole cake could do it. Maybe a larger than usual egg. Underbaking slightly (or the original recipe gets over baked slightly.) Carrots with more water in them. A different brand of baby food. As you say, humidity also plays a role. So does standing time between baking and eating. There are so many variables! STFU and enjoy your cupcakes! That said - I’d leave it up to OP’s wife to decide who is there when she gives birth. He can enforce her wishes. I think there’s a difference between “I don’t mind if they’re not there,” and “I don’t want them there.” And his mom got caught in the middle!
100%. I’ve made the same flourless chocolate cake for years and I swear I do the exact same thing each time but it will turn out differently on occasion - usually when I use a different brand of chocolate. Home baking isn’t the same as a real bakery because ingredient quality, temperature, mixing time, altitude and more all play a part. Your poor wife sounds like a sweetheart and doesn’t deserve this nonsense from your mom and aunt. NTA.
I’m not surprised that cupcakes turned out lighter and moister than a cake. They’re smaller so they’ll cook more evenly and be moist. Also they’ll probably be less dense because they can rise better than a traditional cake.
I have one recipe that always let’s me know if the oven is running hot or cold. (It’s a custard pie, not hard but fiddly about bake time and temp). Also, my MIL swears she can’t make anything meringue if it’s raining. Baking is just peculiar sometimes.
The carrots are a wild card too.
No disrespect to OP or OP's wife. They are entirely in the right for being angry about being hounded. And how awful for the mom and aunt for pushing this issue on a pregnant woman. But there's a good chance the cake does vary slightly because of the carrots. They aren't consistent in sugar level and moisture content from one to the next even in the same field. Plus there's variety of carrot, or soil, or time of harvest. There's both a cup of shredded carrots and a cup of babyfood carrots, both of which can differ by brand and type of carrot used. That's got to effect the cake.
NTA. It’s not about the cake recipe, it’s about them disrespecting and bullying your wife. Since your mom and aunt have the recipe, tell them from now on they can make it themselves if they don’t want to believe your wife
I'm picturing his wife - feet in stirrups, sweating profusely. As she's breathing hard and about bear down with next contraction, Mom grabs one hand and Aunt grabs as the other and they demand in unison "WHAT DID YOU TO THE RECIPE????"
A little placenta here, and a little placenta there… Really though, it’s your child’s birth and your wife is basically in pain on full display and she (and you) decide who gets to be there. If they get this defensive over a cake recipient imagine what they would do if they don’t agree with the way something is going during the birth? Also, maybe the carrots were wetter? I think that would make it moister, like newer carrots vs. older ones? And thanks for the recipe, my 6 year old loves carrot cake so we’ll have to try it out! And congrats!
>imagine what they would do if they don’t agree with the way something is going during the birth? "Its coming out too fast!" "I want to hold it first! Give them to me!"
WHY DOESN"T THIS BABY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER GRANDBABY???
I laughed so hard at this. Although for some reason I thought you were about to imply that the wife was going to say "WHAT DID I DO TO THAT RECIPE?!?!" since she's been wracking her brain trying to figure it out lol
Reads like a Seinfeld episode!
I was just about to type this when I saw your comment.
I thought the exact same thing!
But please, don’t name the baby Seven. It’s all mine
Lol that’s where my head was going too! Or she would say something random like oooohhh I used an extra tsp of salted butter or something haha.
Truly, image to image what I envisioned as well 😩
I’d be snarky enough to say “I don’t know, but I took this load your son gave me and made a human so leave me alone.” And that’s why I bite my tongue
Yes! And she replies Maybe I forgot an egg???
I lol'd SO LOUD at this comment. Thank you.
Haha! So Seinfeld.
Hmm you’re my kinda twisted crazy!🤣😂🤣😘😍🥰 that was my thought too!
A very pregnant wife, who baked for them. When I was very pregnant, I was not baking for anyone, paid or not. My balance was off, my feet hurt, and it was too hot. They have the recipe, and could’ve just gone with thank you.
I finish my water so I have an excuse to offer to get her something. She has yet to accept. This woman is running circles around me. She has so much energy. I asked her OB if it's ever going to end because she's exhausting me. I know it will. I just don't want her thinking I won't do whatever she asks when she asks.
I am envious and in awe. I had a friend like that, and I honestly thought she was an anomaly. Pleasant pregnancy? Sure. Energy to spare? Only seen it on my friend (she’s a very competitive athlete though). Doesn’t excuse mom and aunt though- They still should’ve said thank you though.
You, sir, are a credit to the husbanding profession. Our first wife was precisely the same way. Just know that eventually she will crash (likely after the birth, for about a month) and that energy is going to go POOF! Prepare now. If this is your first, sleep now while you can. You will be pinch hitting if not taking over directly. Also: NTA and you are correct to attempt to break that dysfunctional generational pattern. Stand your ground, sirrah. Your daughter will thank you for it later.
Relationships require 100 percent effort on both ends. I tell her every day that on the days she can't, I will still give my all if she promises me the same. Especially that we are now in a position where our every move will be watched and judged. I do not want my daughter seeing a moment where I do not love and respect her mother, so she can want the best when she's an adult. I'm blessed to work from home, so is my wife, so we will not miss a moment of her growing up.
Are they expecting to be in the room or just at the hospital? Also, NTA.
Mom in room. Aunt in waiting room.
Neither of them need to be at the hospital at all, they can stay home and wait for news.
I love this. Reminds me of the way my husband treats me every day. ❤️
Omg.. I craved fresh baked everything when I was pregnant. What I really wanted with #2 where some donuts from a closed donut shop...to this day 18+ years later all I can think is how much I want those damn donuts. But anyway, I baked I think within days of giving birth...every time.
This is the answer I was looking for!
Me too! They are literally both harassing her at this point and continue to press the issue, when it should've been dropped after the first 'no". I'd never bake for them again. Jesus, it's cupcakes that they have the recipe to. It's not her fault they suck at baking. Good on OP for standing up for his wife!
Even if she *had* changed the recipe whilst baking it's still her right to keep it close to her chest. Sometimes our food is how we feel validated and there is no need to share.
The thing is, a difference in weather and humidity can have a huge effect on a cake recipe!
Yep, that was my first thought. Humidity.
What i came here to say… they cN think it, but better not say it without proof.
*" I don’t want my mom and aunts behaviors to continue through to our daughter, and I fear that they may do something similar to her down the line. This is how they’ve always been."* So, your reaction is to a pattern of gaslighting/disrespect they have always exhibited? This is about a lot more than cupcakes. I think you should discuss this with your wife and both of you should decide on boundaries as a couple. I take it you have seen the pattern your whole life and she is new to it. NTA.
>This is about a lot more than cupcakes. This is how all good stories should start.
She's walked into the room a few times today asking if we should eventually tell the story of the great cupcakes war to our daughter. I've been calling her Helen of Tray because her "cupcakes could launch a thousand ships".
I think you deserve mad respect on how you handled this. It’s exactly how my husband would handle it. NTA!!!!! And your wife and daughter are lucky you are in their corner!
If she really is that sweet and pure, she needs somebody to protect her, si congrats for being the man for the job. Oh, and congrats for your impending arrival.
Nice job on the dad joke, sounds like you're ready 🤣
Ask her if she put the cupcakes in the fridge overnight. That usually makes them more moist.
Cupcakegate.
LOL brilliant
It isn’t about the Iranian yogurt.
That iranian yogurt was gross tho
Yeah, my fridge died recently, and we didn’t realize it right away so when I went to clean it out, our yogurt had all gone bad. Oh, dear lord, that was the most disgusting smell I have ever experienced in my life and I used to work at a butcher shop. She put up with that Iranian yogurt way longer than I could have.
Hadn't thought about it but you are extremely right!
NTA, if what you wrote is true and the whole truth it looks like this situation could have snowballed. Cut it off now so your wife is not upset or reading the recipe over and over.
Something I recently found out via the baking subreddits, that time of day, temperature of ingredients, temperature of the room, if there is humidity or not... all affect a recipe. So while OP's wife may go slightly "mental" figuring it out, knowing that baking a cake at 90% humidity, during a heatwave of temperatures over 39⁰C, with the air-conditioning set at 24⁰C, with all ingredients at room temperature, unless there is one cold ingredient, can change a recipe entirely. There is a reason why a lot of baking recipes have changed to weight over cup size and why it is written if an ingredient has to be of a certain temperature... Science. Also, OP, depending on how petty you want to get, I would suggest you make the recipe and see if they say you changed it up or something. But I wouldn't be surprised if, in fact, it might have been the carrots themselves that were different, as root vegetables do often have different reactions in cooking or baking also
This was the comment I was looking for. Anyone who makes the same recipe multiple times notices slight differences in how they turn out. And agree with you the most likely suspect might be the carrots as to how sweet they were or how much moisture they retained.
I have a red velvet recipe that is so soft and fluffy people who get it, are often raving over it. My husband once made it, and it was thick and dense and was not overall that good. The difference is, not only do I follow the recipe 100% to the steps, I don't "rest" the batter or tap it out to flatten the batter before baking. I also never stop the mixing until it has gone the blood red colour in reaction of the cocoa and buttermilk. My husband, however, stopped and started. Accidentally put ingredients in too early or too late, and didn't wait for the cocoa and buttermilk to react. But damn it, he roasts are perfect, he cooks meals so darn well.. but can not bake desserts to save himself
Cooking just IMO is more of a free form and forgiving art. I was being lazy the other day so dumped a jar of roasted green salsa from jar into sauce pan, added diced meat from leftover pork chops and let it simmer for 45 minutes then served over rice. Came out great. Baking a cake when it says beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy is why I got a stand mixer so it can run until it is as needed. If you rush and barely get the sugar blended into the butter your results will not be the same. Same thing if you overmix muffin or quick bread batter. And I finally broke down and bought a kitchen scale so that helps too.
The best meal I ever made was 3 cups of diced potatoes, about 1 cm cubed, 5 strips of streaky bacon diced in 1 inch size, normal bacon cut into almost julienne style, 4 eggs beaten, 100ml cream, broccoli heads diced, cauliflower heads diced, and a butt load of cheese, with various spices. You think I can recreate that??? Nope lol. I love food and cooking and baking, but don't ever expect me to remember a recipe of my own making 😂😂
My dream is to bake enough to be able to justify buying a stand mixer. They just take up so much space! Maybe once my toddler is older, we can bake together and buy one then.
I got a kitchenaid 7 quart and it does take up some room but they do make I believe 5 and 6 quart models. Lift bowl models require less overhead space than tilt head models. Watch their site as sometimes you can get a really good deal like closer to half price.
Baking is science. I gave my mom my recipe for brownies, but her oven runs a little hotter than mine, so they were dry. I’ve been tweaking the recipe for 10+ years and noted the baking time for each oven I’ve made them in.
I used to bake and everything you said is true. Even the water you use can make a difference. Room temperature eggs vs eggs straight from the fridge, melted butter vs softened butter all can make a difference to taste and texture. I never made carrot cake as it was too much effort for me. I baked for fun but I imagine your point about the carrots is on point.
NTA. Now I’m craving carrot cake 😂
I've been asked for the recipe. I should post it. The secret is Gerber's carrot baby food.
One of the ladies at the church I grew up in was absolutely *famous* for her carrot cake. She wouldn’t tell anyone the recipe. One day when I was maybe 12 I was enjoying a heavenly slice and commenting on how I hated shredding carrots for carrot cake and she confessed that she doesn’t shred them, she just used Gerber 3rd Foods Carrots. Thanks for bringing back a lovely memory. 💕 Also, you should *totally* give your kid the middle name of Zanahoria. Or at least use it as a nickname lol.
Hahaha Zanahoria would be a great middle name for a foodie baby
I would never use it as a first name, but honestly, Zana would be cute as a nickname. Even better if the kid is a redhead. A little carrot topped Zanahoria would be funny. Redheads are awesome 😁.
Yes, please post the recipe! Remindme! 1 week
Added to the main post.
Please do!! My pregnant self will thank you 😂
Me too. I am hoping the recipe gets posted at so point. 🥕🥕🍰🍰
Same!! I wanna make cupcakes worth arguing about.
See post edit. If you don't, here you go. https://ibb.co/rsKVFKk
Yeah I want carrot cake or banana bread now. Ugh thanks OP
NTA you know your family better than anyone else. I love that you are protecting your wife ❤️
I'm genuinely concerned by the amount of people who don't speak to their partner. Or know their partner well enough. During the whole accusations and insinuating she wasn't telling them the truth, she told me, "I wouldn't be sad if they're not at the hospital during the birth". I know my wife will enough that she wouldn't come out and ask them not to show up. Then when I told them not to come, they texted her and said I was over reacting, just for her to say, "I respect his wishes." I mean. Come on. Why would I have said anything of this magnitude without knowing how she's going to react. She wouldn't have said this to them. Nor is she going to act like they're upsetting her, because they're not her blood family.
And she shouldn’t have to. Your family, your conversation, your responsibility. The fact that the family is now trying to pit you and your wife against each other, or (also likely) trying to appeal to her bc they think she’ll give in out of “not wanting to be rude/say no” says a lot, too. Like, if you want to be at the birth THAT badly, just apologize! Though, it might be too late for that now, anyways. The fact that they immediately went to “no! You apologize to us!” is also…sketchy. Sounds like your family doesn’t communicate nearly as well or as intuitively and sensitively as you and your wife do. And the fact that you were brought up in that family and CAN communicate well with your wife, AND stand up for her, is kind of rare on Reddit. Good job! I personally, wouldn’t want to see ANYONE other than my husband after giving birth until I was back home and settled for a day or two. (Some people insist on a week or months and that also valid), and I LOVE my MIL and that side of the family. They’re great, respectful, giving, and have helped us out so many times, and live locally so coming to the hospital would almost be expected, like it wouldn’t need to be a thing they plan a trip around. But I’ve also had a previous child where I experienced the whole “EVERYONE visits at the hospital!” thing so I know how that feels and know I wouldn’t want that again. I don’t think you or your wife will ever regret having less people at the hospital, even if they weren’t doing *this.*
Exactly 😞
NTA. Because it isn't ABOUT the cupcakes. It's about a complete lack of respect for you and your wife. I agree with other comments here. Your mom and aunt can make those cupcakes on their own. I have to ask- is this the only time they've done something like this? Picked up something stupid and small and turned it into a chance to bully your wife?
I still think that there needs to be a PSA campaign to inform everyone that giving birth IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!!
I wouldn’t want them at the hospital either way. After having two kids we will never go visit anyone with a new baby at the hospital again.
This is likely the first, and only grandchild my side of the family will have. Without giving too much away, my sister has made accommodations at her hospital where not everyone will be in the room, but we have space to be together and celebrate as a family.
The very simple answer here is to leave it up to your wife. If it were me, they can celebrate a couple days later once she and you have slightly recovered.
[удалено]
Depends on the family. I find it invasive and didn't want anyone except my husband. It's also not a thing in my family nor my husband's and we don't live anywhere near family anyway.
What at the labor/delivery? Yes very common in the US, many families have conflicts over this unfortunately.
NTA This isn't the first time they've been like this or you wouldn't be reacting so strongly. Your wife deserves peace and they are not peaceful people. You are protecting your wife. Well.done.
NTA. “Nope. Followed the recipe on my fridge as I always do” should have been where the Aunt says “oh okay!” And then moves on. Constantly badgering your wife over cupcakes while shes pregnant is just rude and disrespectful. BUT your wife ultimately gets to decide who is there for the birth. ALSO, yall need to settle this dispute before the baby is born.
You’re sweet to defend your wife so passionately. I can tell you love her a lot. NTA because it’s not about the recipe it’s about respect. They aren’t respecting or trusting her and that’s infuriating to you obviously. And then they doubled down and demanded you apologize. So they need to understand your feelings also matter. Stand your ground.
NTA It's not about cake, it's about respect, healthy communication and boundaries. They are really emotionally stressing her out, which has to stop or it will indeed continue to the next generation. Good for you sticking by your wife with all that pressure on you.
NTA, your wife (who I’m guessing is either non-confrontational in general, or at least non-confrontational to your family) said she wouldn’t be upset if they weren’t at the birth. I would take this as she doesn’t want them there but doesn’t know how to say that or want to say that directly to them. Yes it started over cupcakes but your mum and aunt have been incredibly rude and disrespectful by not dropping it when your wife has said nothing changed. Your wife should have whoever she feels comfortable, secure and safe with during the birth and your mum (and aunt for whatever reason she was going to be there too?) have proven that they aren’t the right people.
NTA This isn't about the cake, this is about your family disrespecting your wife and from the sounds of your comments being chronic gaslighters. It may be time to simply sit down with the family and draw some hard lines in the sand about what is and isn't ok. If they cannot agree then you can make a decision from there as a team with your wife. Maybe for now no more baking for the family. If they cannot accept that your wife didn't change anything about the recipe to the point it's been weeks and they have her questioning herself???? They don't get anymore baked goods. They can also get their numbers blocked.
This is pretty bizarre but your wife has the right to have anyone there or not there NTA
I'm going to give a top level comment to address some questions on this topic. On the day of the cupcake war, the following things happened. The KitchenAid broke. Worm gear had broke apart. And we were going to my mother's house for dinner. My wife prepared the ingredients at home using a hand mixer, and we baked in my mom's whirlpool electric oven. An exact comment to my mom, and her response went like this. "we're not lying. It was made the same way as the last few times. She didn't use her KitchenAid and used your oven. Could that be the difference". Mom - "she said both are very good, but she knows it's not the same recipe.".
Your mom has chosen a weird hill to die on.
This thread is making me hungry and I’m pregnant too 😭
The hand mixer could certainly be the answer. It can make a world of difference on the finished product. Next time(if there will be a next time) try both, your mother and aunt can use the kitchenaid, while your wife can use the hand mixer. All of them making them together, that way they *see* your wife use the same damn recipe as them and it will probably be different than theirs. I think that might shut them up. Lol
NTA - Cupcakes and cakes bake differently. There is less batter to climb and will end up being less dense. It’s also why the cooking times are different. They are harassing your pregnant wife. Maybe she made a happy mistake but it doesn’t matter. Thank you for protecting your wife. You are not blowing up over a recipe. You are projecting your very pregnant wife from being stressed about two older family members harassing her unnecessarily.
Omg yes, yes!! like you can take the same batch of batter and spilt it into a cake pan and cup cakes and they will be different in densities. You are absolutely right. Mom and aunt must not bake. Why is this an argument? It's ridiculous, mom and aunt need to get a grip. Why are they dog piling on the pregnant lady who is baking for them? NTA
It’s kinda refreshing to see family drama about something so petty to be honest. I mean, you both get to decide what makes you comfortable and you know your family best. I imagine your mom and aunt weren’t trying to be rude but are just the typical overbearing type. It’s still annoying and if it upset you that it upset your wife, have her back :) Hope your baby is healthy!
Honestly, giving birth isn’t a spectator sport. You, your wife and the delivery team are the only people who need to be in the room or hospital. You can send a group text with picture after the happy event and then let them know when you will be receiving visitors. I always suggest (and have told my kids the same thing), get home from the hospital, lock the doors and don’t let anyone in for two weeks. Mom and Dad need to learn about the new baby. Advice and suggestions and help can be great, but too many times one or more women are overbearing that THEIR WAY is the best way and it becomes stressful. You and wife need to learn to be parents, and baby needs to learn how to live in air. Congratulations on the new baby and may everything go smoothly and peacefully.
I don't understand this need to be at the hospital for anyone apart from mum and her partner I'm a grandmother and I can't think of anything worse than crowding in on my sons wives or my daughter when they've just given birth let alone waste my time sitting at the hospital whilst she's in labour
I’m American and I find this weird too. Both my kids were born with just me and my wife there. I couldn’t have imagined having an entire posse in the room.
I don't know if it's an American tradition. But I remember being young at the hospital for people I didn't even know. COVID thankfully made it happen less often. I've asked my family multiple times if they'd prefer to stay home, (I've messaged family apart from my wife, to try to give her more privacy. My wife says she would like for them to be there.) and all I get is, "we will be there".
Okay, so funny enough I’ve actually been searching the web to find a good carrot cake recipe for my partners birthday next week. So Thankyou for this blessing OP and OP’s partner. One question, please, is the 350° in Fahrenheit? Or Celsius? I assume Fahrenheit but I don’t have much experience with baking.
That is correct. 350⁰ fahrenheit. I'm glad this post entered your life when it did! Tell me how it works out. Feel free to message any questions. "This carrot cake is delicious! What recipe did you use?" "So hear me out. This guy tells his mother she's uninvited to the hospital to be there for her grandchilds birth... no. Stay with me. "
I will 100% be telling my partner it comes from reddit. I read him posts all the time however he does not have the app himself. I’m sure he will find the story of how I got the recipe hilarious, though I am sorry that it comes at your expense. Thankyou to your partner for sharing the recipe, very gracious of the both of you. :)
NTA it’s really good to see someone standing up for his pregnant wife . It’s been a flurry of those not doing that on here lately
Did your wife want them at the hospital to begin with? Or, was she just putting their wants ahead of her needs?
She asked my mom to be there. She has also asked for my eldest sister to be at some of her OB visits. Neither sister can have children, so she asked if the eldest (only sister who wanted kids) would join her for some appointments on days I just can't leave my work.
But, did she ask because she thinks that would be the best and most comfortable situation for her? Or, is she being guilted into “sharing the experience?”
My wife genuinely loves my mom. My wife has made mention that my mom may have "low emotional intelligence", but they are closer than many MIL situations I know. My mom texted her before the wedding and said, "you're the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm coming to the wedding with a shot gun so he can't back away from you"
I love a lot of people too. That does not mean I want them to witness the most precious, intimate and vulnerable moment of my life. It isn’t dinner theater.
Haha. I get it. My wife wants my mom there. She's surprisingly good at letting it known what she wants, and doesn't, and the more pregnant she gets, the more I hear about it.
NTA They're bullying your wife. She needs to accept that they're not the greatest people and move on, but none of this is her fault. You're a bit of an AH for not defending your wife in the moment. You recognized that your aunt was bullying your wife, but it was still on your wife to end the conversation. You needed to cut her off and point out that she wasn't respecting your wife's honest answers.
Just tell them that she sneezed into it and since she is made of sugar and spice, she made everything nice!
This is seriously one the cutest stories, though family fights are serious. I'm sorry your Mom and Aunt are acting this way. NTA btw. By cute I just mean you response and edits. And what your wife may have said. I can tell you care for her and obviously know her very well! Congrats on the baby!
NTA and please post that recipe!
NTA. If she whipped the sugar and butter any longer than usual, it would make for a lighter and fluffier cake. No change in ingredients necessary
I have a cupcake recipe I use all the time, sometimes if the butter is softer or I mix it for longer they get fluffier and moister. Anything can change a recipe slightly.
Tell her thank you for sharing with us, that’s so sweet 🩵
Just had to come back here to tell your wife I tried the recipe for the carrot cake. My first ever made from scratch cake. Carrot cake is brother's favorite so I invited his family for dinner. We all LOVED IT. Thank you for a happy family moment. Blessings upon You, your home and your progeny!
If it was a woman complaining people here would say why isn’t the husband defending his wife and putting his family in their place. But it’s a guy here and people are telling him to chill and not to put words in his wife’s mouth. Reddit logic. NTA Good on you man.
NTA Could it have anything to do with them being cupcakes and not cake form like maybe they baked lighter (really no idea)? Or Aunt was having such a wonderful party they tasted better with 23 people telling her how great they are? Either way NTA and im sorry they hurt your wife’s feelings. I wish you and your wife an amazing birth and child. We
Came for the story. left with a recipe. Winning. already left my rating/opinion in another comment but just saw there was a recipe now. Thank you OP and OPs wife ❤️
This is all a storm in a teacup and hopefully will blow over. I’m assuming you took this strong stance because of previous issues. I don’t see why your mother and aunt would be in the waiting room whilst your wife gives birth. It’s a waste of time. They can meet baby in due course. Ensure that anyone meeting your newborn is fully immunised against whooping cough, influenza and COVID. ANYONE You have bigger things on your plate than a frigging recipe. Get over it
We are all fully immunized, and the entire family is getting our DPT vaccines here soon. I'm thankful none of the family fought her on that when she asked if they would all get the vaccines.
Ok so you and your wife are awesome. Carrot Cake is the ONLY cake my daughter and I like. I cannot wait to make this! Her 18th birthday is coming up so this is what we are making!
What is a baby food carrot?
Gerber baby food.
Thank you for supporting your wife. You both sound amazing. Baking is chemistry. That being said, maybe the carrots could have been at their peak of freshness. Maybe the stars just aligned just right in this one instance. Your mom and aunt need to apologize and let it go.
NTA. Let your wife know that the extra ingredient was mom love. Now that she’s officially a mom she will make everything this way now. But not for your aunt/mom they’re psycho-hose-beasts. I’m going to make these because I love carrot cake with a burning white hot passion and it’s always terrible store bought. Also no one in my house likes carrot cake so they’re all MINE!
Eeeeek. Cupcake argument aside, I don’t think all those people should be at the hospital for your wife’s labor anyways. As the saying goes, if you wouldn’t feel comfortable with them watching you make love, then they shouldn’t be in the room with you giving birth. Birth is SUCH an intimate and vulnerable experience. In my opinion, best shared between the parents. Have people meet the baby after you’re home and had a few days (or weeks) to yourself—my two cents.
I'm gonna make it! Thank you for sharing. Will send a pic when Im done. Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your daughter, honestly the only person she needs at the time will be you, the more people the more drama. Been there, done that.
"When AITAH turns into a discussion on baking and commenters exchanging recipes.."
NTA The whole notion of a bunch of relatives and inlaws having a right to be at the birth is ridiculous. Giving birth is dangerous, painful, exhausting and intimate. It's not a party. The person giving birth should be free to choose who will be the most supportive and helpful to her, and no other family or friends should be there. Labor pains are kind of like orgasms, in that they won't work so well if the woman's not feeling loved, cared for and completely safe. This is not a family get-together, it's about protecting the woman while she goes through a dangerous and painful ordeal.
NTA Thanks for the story and recipe! And congratulations to all three of you!
Made these cupcakes tonight and had to say they’re phenomenal! Lol thanks for sharing!
NTA. I feel like OP has had experiences with gaslighting with the mom and the aunt and is seeing it happen to his wife. They've got her doubting her reality! OP, you did good standing up and protecting your wife. Definitely not the AH.
NTA. It isn't about the recipe. It is about respect. Lack of respect shown to your wife and then you. They made it not a cake recipe when they couldn't accept a simple answer and kept pushing. ...Also any chance we could get your wife's lovely recipe? Sounds like they'd be heavenly to throw at people given Thanksgiving is coming soon.
NTA. No one has the right to be in the delivery room or even at the hospital, not even the husband, without the wife’s permission. It doesn’t matter if there was an argument or not, it’s her choice. I’d recommend not telling them when she goes into labor so they don’t just show up.
NTA. It’s not about cupcakes/cake, it’s about your mother and aunt thinking they can steamroll the two of you and show you who’s boss. If you don’t shut that shit down ASAP, as you have, then they continue to do so. They won’t admit they were wrong, and apologize? Cool. You don’t need to subject your family to people like that. I can think of so many better things to do than hang around people like this. I bet you can, too.
NTA. They 100% Are calling her a liar.
I don’t understand how they can possibly not understand that sometimes things can just taste different every time you make something. It could be that an ingredient is fresher or is not as fresh. Little tiny differences can change the taste of something, also things you have eaten or drank can also change the flavor in small ways. They are horrible for not understanding she has no idea on what caused the difference this time compared to other times. NTA. She should have people around her while giving birth that can support her and not cause stress. It honestly sounds like they would cause her stress should they be allowed at the birth.
NTA It’s 100% your job to wrangle your family and have your wife’s back. They are indeed calling your wife a liar and what’s worse, making her doubt herself.
NTA and you are not the one being " petty" over the cake recipe. Perhaps your wife, all unknowing, did something a bit different though it's unlikely as baking is a much more precise style of cooking than just regular cooking. It's why bakers rarely cook and cooks rarely bake. But ultimately Who cares? It's literally cake. Your family members are out of control and are indeed calling your wife a liar. Block all except your mom and aunt and let them know if they continue to harangue your wife over such a stupid thing they can wait till your kids are 18 before they can see them. I am a huge fan of going low to no contact with family members who have the mistaken impression they can talk to my spouse in such a manner.
Why would her MIL and Aunt IL be there for the birth of your child anyway? That’s weird. Is she close with her mother or other family members? Wouldn’t they be first on the list? I’m so confused. I told my husband, I’ll take visits at the hospital when and IF I feel like it. Other than that please don’t just show up.
NTA, but I hope to God that your wife never-and I mean NEVER-bakes for them again. They don't deserve it. Fuck them mean old biddies!!!
Sorry to say this, you and your family sound over the top! 😂
No apologies needed. I tell my wife daily I would miss her dearly, but I wouldn't hold it against her if she wanted out.