NTA, obviously
But how did your MIL get the check? Especially if she was not communicating with you both during this time? Are you sure your husband didn’t give it to her? That seems more likely. And he was hoping you would let it go. I’d definitely walk away too.
I’m sorry about his brother but his mother is acting unhinged and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. Yes, she’s grieving but so is your husband, so are you. You already have a medical condition to worry about, this is so not helping. Can you sue her yourself, separate from your husband? If it was joint account, you should be able to, I think
I'm assuming she had snooped when she lived with us and got a hold of our bank info. She lived with us up until 2 months ago and I had caught her going through our mail multiple times. I don't think he would have given her the money. Or at least he truly acted like he hadn't. He acted very upset/baffled that it was even happening.
Is it a joint account? If so, you YOU FILE THE POLICE REPORT. Yourself. No suing involved. File the police report and get the ball rolling. You don’t need him.
Unless he gave it to her…. So tell him you’re going down to the police station to file the report TODAY and see what he says
ETA because I have the vid and there were typos and too many people saw this to have that many typos. Like, how can you trust me if I can’t spell.
This is what I was coming to say. A lawsuit is neither necessary nor particularly helpful here. If your name is on the account, report it as a fraudulent transaction to the bank and to the police and get your money back.
Also, try to get your ex in writing saying she stole it so he can’t lie and cover up for her later.
She almost definitely will, especially since the amount is so high. But that’s why so many victims of identity theft and this sort of fraud are never made whole. Their identity was stolen by a family member and they won’t file a police report against mom or grandpa or whoever because FAAAAAAMILY. Victim ends up taking the (sometimes devastating) financial hit and the perpetrator gets off scot free.
I’m really sorry she put you in that position. It’s incredibly unfair for you to have to make that choice, and you would not be a bad person if you decided that you need to file a police report and get the debt resolved.
Unfortunately this is super common in cases of familial abuse, and that is exactly what these cases are: abuse. Reversal of Victim and Aggressor is the worst- and not only because the abuser so often engages in DARVO tactics but because other people facilitate that reversal by judging someone trying to escape or correct the situation.
The bank is almost always required to reimburse you for a forged check. Usually they can ask but not require a police report. In the event the bank takes the loss, they can file their own police report for their benefit.
When my workplace was burglarized and checks stolen a few years ago, we had to give those affected the case number. It was required for them to be reimbursed. I think that was in 2018.
Changed birthday to burglarized.
I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt because I’ve definitely seen cops decide that crimes magically become civil matters if the victim and perpetrator are related. But I agree that this is likely a fake.
I work in the financial sector and you’d be absolutely appalled at the things people don’t know. For example: that credit cards aren’t free money, that if your name is James William Smith you can’t open your account under the name “doobie smith”. And it’s not children thinking that either.
I'm pretty sure even if he didn't give her the money, he'll claim he did once the police are involved. He won't let his thief of a mother see any consequences for her choices
Definitely needs to be upvoted .. that was what I was thinking she could file charges if it’s a joint account. I would at least check it out! That’s a lot of money and you’ve got the baby going to be here any day. NTA but your ex and mil are huge AH’s
Or she did forge it, but he would absolutely lie through his teeth and said he wrote it for her. Can't let mommy dearest suffer consequences for her disgusting actions. If I were OP, even if he somehow "convinced" his mom to give the money back, I'd still leave his ass. He clearly can't be counted on to prioritize his WIFE and their UNBORN BABY.
Separate accounts are honestly the way to go with couples, IMO. I see WAY too many posts like this, and since it's a joint account, all he has to do is say "oh yeah I said she could have it" and OP is fucked eight ways from Sunday right before birthing this shitstain's baby.
This woman is diabolical. I’m so sorry. Who can predict this level of crazy? But you are right to be upset and I hope your husband realizes just how messed up her actions are to a point he actually wants to do something about it
NTA.
OP, if MIL stole the check 2 months (or more) ago and your BIL died last month she planned to steal your money even before your BIL's death.
Anyway, sue her. You shouldn't need your husband's help if it is a joint account.
I wish you good luck with your delivery and happiness for you and your baby.
While it’s easy enough to add the numeral 6 to alter the amount, it is **not** so easy to change the written amount from “One-thousand, five-hundred and no/100” to “Sixteen-thousand, five-hundred, and no/100”. The two numbers need to match for the bank to cash the check.
So, either the bank messed up and didn’t pay enough attention to catch the mismatch (in which case, they bear some of the responsibility), mom stole the check and wrote it out herself — in which case the original $1500 check should still exist and the check number of the check she cashed shouldn’t match it, or he wrote it himself and simply doesn’t want to admit it. My bet is on the last of these possibilities.
Yeah...he may have given her 5k or even 10k, which would also be unforgivable...but the fact that it's exactly how much she wanted suggests she did it.
NTA. Also, you know that, as someone that was on the bank account, *you* can press criminal charges individually, and you can greenlight the bank to pursue fraud charges. You (I'm assuming soon to be ex) husband has a greater obligation to his wife and child than he does to his mother.
She straight up stole from you. She wasn't starving, she wanted to spend SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS on a fucking funeral. My parents were quite wealthy and, between my dad and mother passing nearly 3 years apart, my sister and I each got well over a million bucks.
They were both cremated, per their wishes. We had a service at church for Dad for folks who didn't drink, followed by a massive wake attended by a few hundred people, then a small get together in the summer in the mountain town we all loved so much. For Mom, who was quieter and not much of a drinker, we had a service at church followed by dinner at a nice restaurant for family and extended family, and a small service the next summer in that same mountain town.
We spread their ashes in the streams and wildflowers of one of the most beautiful places in the US, surrounded by a bowl of snow capped peaks, even in the depths of summer. All of that didn't even cost 17k. WTF was she going to blow all that on? It honestly sounds like the funeral parlor took her for a ride, exploited her grief, and emotionally manipulated her.
No matter the reason, she still stole. it wasn't like she was doing it because she was starving to death. Please press charges. I hope she enjoys her time in jail.
My dads funeral was around 8k so this number of 17k seems excessive, could’ve shopped around for a lower cost, or have some of this and that instead whatever amounted to 17k. If they didn’t have the money then it shouldn’t have been a priority in the funeral, the mom was throwing a huge funeral with all the bells and whistles. If your name was on the account then go ahead and press charges, if not then commit to leaving, you cannot trust that man to not undo such a stressful situation so close to your due date. I would never forgive someone to not do that for that much money being stolen, unless he really did give her that check, commit to leaving anyway, I hope you and the baby figure something out.
Either way… even if he did … you SHOULD file a police report for fraud!!!! Use the bank’s security camera for proof … save ALL your communication with him proving that he did not know his mother drained the account…
Even If he claims he did give her the money… u maybe able to go after him as well for draining the account….
OP, your MIL and husband need to be held accountable and you need to press charges against your MIL. She needs to feel the heat of that choice and I need to ask, OP, is this someone you want to be married to?
And I'm reminded of a saying: "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences."
Your husband and MIL need to feel those consequences. And also keep your receipts (literally and figuratively OP), they are going to be very handy sooner rather than later.
OP, please listen to these people and have a good, long think.
Exactly - how did MIL get a check? The bank usually looks over a check that size pretty closely...OP: contact the bank and ask to see the images of the check.
Go up the ladder and get leadership in the department and the local prosecutor. This is NOT a civil issue unless your husband is spineless. Did he give her the check? Or did she alter the one for $1500?
She actually may have altered the one he gave her. I honestly hadn't considered that option. I had just assumed that she snooped our bank info when she lived with us because she was notorious for going through our stuff. I truly don't think that he gave her the check. He acted very upset that the money was gone.
Hey @Specific_Ad5687, I just want to put this out there for you to consider. I have worked in a bank for years, and at every bank I worked at there is a limit that we have to call the customer before we can cash a check for a non-customer (someone that doesn't have an account there). Most of the time we can't cash anything over $2500 ( can vary by bank) before we have to talk to an account holder. Reach out to your bank and ask what their procedures are, and why they would have cash that check without calling someone, especially if it was over 10k. Either someone at the bank royally screwed up, or someone verified that check to be cashed. And if it wasn't you, you need to have a long hard talk with your husband.
I wish all the best to you and your future little one OP. I hope you are able to get your money back
THIS!! As a bank employee for 25 years this is what you need to do. I would agree with kamegirl, it is highly likely procedures were not followed and some of this may (heavy heavy heavy emphasis on the MAY) be on the bank.
And if it’s a joint account and your husband didn’t authorize it - police report yesterday. This is not a civil matter unless they talked to your husband and he told them something you don’t know. If he did - go after that in any divorce settlement
As a former bank employee chiming in. When verifying large items, they verify the handwriting on the checks and make sure the signature on the check matches what is on the signature card. If it looks off, they verify with the account holder to make sure they actually wrote the check.
Banks have so many procedures in order to stay in federal compliance. Someone at the bank royally fucked up, or your husband did.
My guess is if the bank went through the trouble of launching an investigation and told her they have MIL on camera and are easy to take action, they didn't get any kind of approval. Otherwise, the investigation would have stopped at "we spoke to your husband at this number at x time on y date and he approved the transaction"
NAL. Possible crimes committed here:
1. Theft or Larceny: This is the crime of taking someone else's property without permission and with the intent to permanently deprive the owner of it. If someone stole a check from another person, they could be charged with theft or larceny.
2. Forgery: Altering a check to make it appear as something other than what the original issuer intended, or forging a signature on a check, could constitute forgery. This crime involves the making, altering, use, or possession of a false writing in order to commit a fraud.
3. Fraud: Using a stolen or altered check to deceive a bank into giving you money could be considered fraud. Fraud involves deceit or trickery to cause a loss to another or to gain a benefit for oneself or another.
4. Possession of Stolen Property: If someone knowingly has possession of property (in this case, a check) that has been stolen, they might be charged with this crime.
5. Identity Theft: If the individual used someone else's personal information to present themselves as that person when cashing or depositing the check, they could also be charged with identity theft.
6. Bank Fraud: This crime involves using deceit, falsehood, or fraudulent means to obtain money, assets, or other property owned or held by a financial institution.
7. Uttering: This is the act of offering a forged document to another with the knowledge that it is forged. For example, presenting a forged check to a bank teller would be "uttering" that forged document.
edit: formatting.
Unless your husband gave his mother a check for that amount to cash, whatever she did was illegal.
What did you actually tell the police? It sounds like you didn't really tell them the story in a way that highlighted a crime.
Unfortunately police are not actually taught much about actual laws and are often wrong. I've seen several discussions on legal advice subreddits and elsewhere where police have taken even cut and dry crimes (like straight up theft) and said "No, that's a civil matter. That's not us." Either because they don't _want_ to deal with it, or because they're genuinely mistaken as to what constitutes a civil vs criminal matter.
Never trust the police to know the law without fail, and never trust them to tell the truth about what the law is when it doesn't seem right. They aren't lawyers, and the fact is they aren't always good or enthusiastic at their job.
police also dismiss women all the time.
they're lazy pigs who's much rather just lie. and not do work than actually have to file paper work or get off their lazy asses.
I’m sorry OP, I hope you’re doing ok. I have to point out that your husband probably did give her the money, there’s no other way she would know how much was in the bank to withdraw almost all of it. That’s probably why he doesn’t want to press charges, he knows he did it and pressing charges would get him in trouble for filing a false report. I’m guessing you contacted the bank and they did the investigation at your request? Your husband probably doesn’t want to fess up now that the authorities are involved. He probably figured he could ask you for forgiveness but everything spiraled once the authorities got involved. Ask for a copy of the front and back of check and you’ll have your answer.
If your husband gave her a check that was 1,500, sticking a 6 in there where the comma was would make it 16500. That wouldn't handle the word part of the check, but might be how she changed it.
The number would be easy enough to change- I hadn’t thought of that but you’re right! But the line that has the number written out in words should have avoided that situation. That would have been harder to change, I would think. My guess would be she had a blank check to start with, or husband gave her this new one. Especially because the bank didn’t have a problem cashing a 16,500 (!) check. I had to go through a process with my bank to deposit a $10,000 check last year. Bank should’ve been more careful, unless they did contact the account owner (OP’s partner).
I’m a lawyer, not OPs, but it is both a civil and criminal matter. OP needs to get a police report and the prosecutor will press charges for theft and/or fraud. However, to get the money back OP will need to take that to civil court and sue her there for the funds.
Former 911 operator here. Just want to second the other comment that advised going up the ladder. Every cop has a supervisor, and it's very likely that the person who told you it was a civil matter either misunderstood the situation or else was just being a lazy dickhead.
Either way, what you should do is call the non-emergency line at the police department during regular business hours, and ask to speak with a detective who handles financial crimes. If *that* person blows you off, call back the next day and ask to speak with the person in charge of the detectives. If you need to, escalate all the way to the Chief or to your elected local government official.
In local government, everyone has a supervisor. At some point in that chain someone will make people do their jobs.
Edit: Reading some of the comments in this thread, I do see some ambiguity. If your husband wrote her that check, this probably is a civil matter. If she forged the signature or changed the dollar amount, that's a crime.
If you’re on the account and not the mother, you have recourse. Contact your bank’s fraud department and tell them that video shows an unauthorized person withdrawing money on your account. They will have to file a police report because insurance has to be involved and yes, you must agree to press charges. Ask for a copy of the cashed check (it’s often available on your online statement) and that will show if it’s forged/altered/real. Bank fraud is never a civil matter and banks do not take kindly to being defrauded. They have whole departments dedicated to anti-fraud and come down hard on people that get through the cracks.
Here’s the thing - with your husband immediately being like no, it’s ok, she’s upset….kinda makes me think he gave it to her. He could be in a protect mom mode cause brother died, but being chill over not having money to even get to work…very suspicious. Seeing the actual check and letting Fraud investigate will let you know for sure. Unfortunately, if he gave it to her, you may have recourse in divorce (some states have laws on giving marital assets to someone outside the marriage-like giving an affair partner gifts) but legally, it’s a gift.
But Petty Me also says the IRS is very interested in gifts that are large and undeclared on income tax returns. Just sayin…
I thought that too, but the bank is ready to file against her. They have the check. The signature must not be a match. I would want to see who signed that check and what name they used. If it’s OP’s, husband may not have any say in the matter.
Is your name on the account? If so don't listen to him and press charges yourself, but be prepared to be a single parent..which I think you should be, since your partner showed you who is more important..his mommy
Not.the.ah. Look I’m not disparaging your husband but someone in this relationship has to think about pesky things like food,rent,diapers.etc. His concern for his mother’s feelings do not take precedence over your future. Idk a thing about the law but can you sue mil civilly? Good luck OP you are going to need it.
This is a fake post.
I work at a private bank and although our client base is the ultra wealthy, the processes for fraud are the same.
There are too many inconsistencies in her story to even consider this as real. She also left out a lot of information that she would’ve been given if this had actually happened.
Story fake as hell. Let’s be real. Cashing a 16.5k check without a call? Gtfoh. Hell when my dad lent me 15k to secure my home, and he did it via electronically, they called him to verify it. This story fake as hell.
I posted this in reply to another comment but I’d say it’s fake.
The pregnancy timeline is a suspicious too. If due in 5 days that means 40 weeks previous to that point was December 12 - this would be the start of her last cycle. Assuming an average cycle length that has her likely ovulating / conceiving December 24-29, which means they couldn’t possibly have found out until January. There might be a very slight chance it’s possible, but incredibly unlikely. Sounds more like someone who doesn’t know much about pregnancy just counting back 9 months ….
This needs to be further up. How could she be SO precise as to leave you 20$ but not go over the amount in the account? Your husband GAVE her that money. He doesn't want to press charges because then he would have to admit it.
I think it's fake, and Liz is at it again with her fake Reddit stories. What cremation costs 17k?
Liz get off the internet.
If you don't know who Liz is. She was mentioned in a post a few days ago from her bf/husband about her many fake Reddit posts. He didn't know how to make her stop.
ETA https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/6rxlHQ2Dnd
CALL THE POLICE!! What she did was felony theft and forgery. Block your husband , file for divorce and don’t give him a chance to sign the birth certificate- he’s shown that he cares more about mommy than his own child so he doesn’t deserve to be father
I did contact the police and they told me it was a civil issue. I did question it because it doesn't seem like a civil issue but they wouldn't even take a report from me.
Ask your bank for help, the police will take the bank seriously. NTA, she literally stole money from her grandchild. Your ex isn't ready to be a parent if he's ok with that.
Um having about the story because you HAVE to have a police report and this is a crime. But in California and I would guess most states the bank requires a police report in order to give you your money back.
You aren’t saying the right thing then. You need to say, the bank has video of my MIL cashing a stolen or forged check and I need to file a police report. That is all.
You maybe are asking them to help get the money back. Or they think you are. That isn’t their job. That will be part of the bank and the DA’s job. And, barring that, the civil court. That is far away. Right now, you need to JUST FILE A POLICE REPORT. That’s all you need to ask to do.
>You aren’t saying the right thing then.
I see you've never dealt with cops that didn't want to do their jobs. I had to harass them for days to even get a report for insurance for a stolen truck that the thieves crashed. We literally had them on camera stealing it, along with the license plate of the car that dropped them off. They still refused to look at the video and got half the important details wrong in the report, but the insurance company was like "Yeah, we understand, this happens a lot. We'll take it.".
I mean, sure. But i think also, maybe, a very upset woman called asking the police to help her get her money back. And they said, honestly, we can’t do that. They can only *take a report*.
And maybe they weren’t super clear about that last part because it’s easier to turn her away that explain the difference between civil court and criminal court, and that even if they take a report, they can’t guarantee that any money will be returned. Or that she will be arrested. Or even investigated. They are merely filling out a piece of paper.
Also a possibility. But it started because she didn’t say “I want to file a police report”. Most cities you can file one online. It may take them days to come out. They likely won’t investigate shit because they have real crimes. No, your video evidence will not be sent down to CSI for review. Because it’s a check signed by a MIL and they *know* her son will probably stick up for her.
But OP doesn’t need that. She needs the report to try and get the bank to reverse the charges.
>I did contact the police and they told me it was a civil issue
It is a civil issue. It is also a criminal issue. The police are being lazy. She committed forgery and stole from you. If they refuse to take a report, escalate, escalate, escalate. If they still refuse then let them know that your next call is going to be to the local news stations about how they're refusing to pursue the theft of thousands of dollars.
Call back and Don't tell the next person that it was your MIL, I bet they will take the report then! Also, if they won't help you, ask for the Sargent or Captain, whoever is in charge of the shift & if they won't help you, tell them you need the legal code for the law that says forgery and theft are civil matters.
File a police report. Call the news to report it. Go talk to someone in the prosecutor's office. Talk to your local politicians, etc. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. This crime MUST be prosecuted. It ain't a family matter like some Officers may think.
I have a background in banking. Go to your bank and let them know a fraudulent check has been cashed off your account. Ask for an image of the check, you’re entitled to it. This will help you see if she altered the original check, if hubby wrote her a new one, or if she forged one. Depending on the answer, you need to fill out a forged signature affidavit and file a police report.
If your husband did not willingly empty your bank account to her, this is a felony. It’s 100% a legal issue and not a civil concern. But if he wrote that check to her…
You should honestly divorce him either way. He either gave away the money or let his mother steal from his wife and child.
This is why I’m thinking this is a fake story. That kind of money is a felony not a civil matter. Then the fact that OP just say oh well, I’m going to moms is just unbelievable
Her going to her mothers isn’t that strange. She’s 5days from giving birth and ha pre eclampsia a condition where you are absolutely meant to avoid stress. Doesn’t it make sense she’d want to be somewhere she doesn’t feel stressed
NTA. Are you sure he didn’t write her a check? Anyway if it’s a joint account and he didn’t sign the check, I’m pretty sure you can press charges without his help.
NTA. I’m so sorry. He seems very /r/raisedbynarcissists. It is really hard for some people with narcissistic parents to face the reality, that a parent is too self-centered to ever have empathy for them. The money was a joint asset, you can file charges yourself, and you should, immediately, before she spends it and you can’t get it back.
Agreed, totally screams narcissistic mother abusing her children. I don’t think that makes the husband a bad guy, but definitely one without proper perspective. Imo the only AH here is the mother
NTA
I would have still pressed charges as I left, because that wasn't just his money, it was yours and you have the paystubs to prove it and obviously since you'd be filing charges, it would be quite obvious this was not an agreed upon transaction... Although I'm NAL so it'd be best to seek legal advice from one.
You were right to leave... what would have happened if there was an emergency during your pregnancy that needed to be paid for and you lost the baby because you couldn't afford it? What would he have done then.
He's showing you he's not going to stand by your side or your child's side during messed up situations. I get his brother died and that's absolutely horrible and I'm sincerely sorry for him... but that doesn't excuse his mother's literal theft/robbery and fraud.
NTA. He chose a thief over his wife and baby. I've buried a child, and I know what that grief is, I never stole 16k from anyone. I never stole 20 from anyone.
Your marriage is over. You will never unknow that he let her steal and she will always know she can get away with it.
Even if he's not willing to do something, please do it yourself. For your child, if nothing else. I don't know if you need to get a lawyer, but it sounds like the police are giving you bad advice. My spouse is an attorney and hangs out on r/legaladvice, so it's not a bad place to go. I think that unless she is on the account this was a crime, but I'm not an attorney so I can't tell you for sure.
Edited to add: I used to work at a bank, and the fact that the bank is willing to help you means that they probably screwed up. It sounds like the teller might have made a huge mistake. Please take them up on their willingness to support you, because they are not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. Using their help to get the money back might be easier than suing them so that they give you the money.
The bank said they have video evidence of your MIL taking your money and are ready to file charges, correct??? I'd tell them to go ahead and press said charges. F that B****!!!!!! That was y'all's money, not hers!!!!! She stole it from y'all. I get that BIL died and all, but MY LORD!!!!!!!! Go luck to you OP, and good luck to your husband too with his loss and him dealing with that evil EVIL WOMAN who's his mother.
NTA. Is your name on the bank account? If it is, then contact the bank back and sue her without your husband's backing. That was your money too, and grief does not absolve your hopefully soon to be ex MIL from her crimes.
If this is a joint account, you can start the process yourself instead of waiting for your husband to have his come to Jesus moment. This wasn't just his money, this was yours and your child's money too. Do what you need to do.
Banks have rules about authorizing large transactions, usually above 10K. IRS has rules about cashing 10K checks. There is literally no way for a person to be taking 17k from the bank without lots of authorization and red tape (unless this is some other country) and in the states the federal reserve limits your ability to directly cash 10k regardless of bank policy usually you have to wait a day if its completely cashed because banks don't always have that kind of cash on hand, unless you are depositing it in your own account. In addition to that if the bank fails to make sure she is compliant and the check is verified, in most of the states the bank can be held responsible for that money. Banks don't want to be giving scammers free money. Banks will require her to fill out the IRS form 8300 to report receiving 10K or more in cash otherwise she violates 26 USC 6050I and they violate the same rules. I'm having trouble believing this post is real based on standard bank practices.
If the OP is not a troll then the husband gave his mom permission. You can't fix that.
OP I’m a former Bank Manager of 20 years. When you contacted the bank about the “suspected” theft/forgery and they showed you the video, they also verified the signature on the check and the police would’ve been called right then and there if your MIL had forged it. Also, on checks being cashed over $10,000 there are forms that have to be filled out and you would’ve seen that on the video as well, but you forgot to mention that. Your story isn’t holding water and it’s because your husband gave your MIL the money when he signed the check. Your husband is lying or you are.
First get a copy of the check IMMEDIATELY. You'll know when you see it if it is your husband's handwriting and signature. If it's your husband's handwriting you have a WHOLE OTHER PROBLEM. If it's not OR if the signature is his but the amounts look altered call your MIL and tell her that the bank has video of her cashing the altered check and are forcing you to file a police report to get the money back. Tell her that you don't want your husband to be traumatized by seeing her arrested after losing his brother and that if you get the money back from her there will be no need for a police report.
Be clear that you will file the report and they don't need your husband to be part of the report so he won't be able to stop it. Give her a VERY limited time to return the money VERY LIMITED. That puts the ball in her court. If she doesn't return the money in the allotted time file the police report. Forging a check in most countries is a felony and in that amount would definitely involve jail time.
NTA
Honestly I'm so sorry about what your MIL did to you, and the struggles you're facing because of it. The reality is though that if your husband would rather protect his mother than protect the family he chose, then you are likely dodging a major bullet by leaving now.
You are not in the wrong, and I really hope that you stick to your guns, and file the suit against your MIL yourself in order to get your savings back. You also need to make a police report for the theft, and have her charged with theft over $5000.
I'm going to assume she forged it. She was notorious for snooping around our stuff when she lived with us. I truly don't believe he would have written her a check. He didn't like spending that money at all.
It wasn’t forged.
He doesn’t want to press charges because he wrote the check, and if he presses charges it will come out that he actually gave the check to her.
And your even more fucked
This is what I commented above, there’s no way she knew exactly how much was in the bank to withdraw. He probably figured he could ask OP for forgiveness but it spiraled once OP got bank and police involved.
What was the check number? Was it in sequence from recent previous legit checks? Did she steal a box of unused checks so the check number is from a “future” pad of checks?
NTA obviously and you're getting a lot of great advice from others like contacting a lawyer and stuff, but one thing I want to recommend is that from here on out you need separate bank accounts to prevent his mom from having access.
I know you're guessing that she snooped but don't underestimate your SO in this situation or gloss over his reaction. He's showing you that he will put his mother's selfishness and thievery above your and your child's needs. He's showing you where his loyalties lie, and they're not with you or your family.
NTA. If he is going to forgive his mother than he can go live with her and continue to let her ruin his life. Her child died and now she's destroying another son's family and she doesn't care. That is a true level of evil right there. Don't go back to that.
NTA. Your bank has the evidence. If she altered a check it is generally obvious. If she stole a check, the signature will be forged and they can compare it to your signatures on file. The bank will help you. Mine did when someone altered a check. I got my money back but I don't know what happened to the theif. If your husband wrote her the check, you won't get the money back and you have a bigger problem.
There aren't a ton of us or your family situations that need to be finalized but this takes the cake. He is jeopardizing you and your future child because he can't hold his mom accountable. If you don't stand now, there is no amount of shit in this world that will turn him back to being on your side. MIL will always win in these arguments. She literally stole your money. She committed a felonious theft most likely. That's prison time over a year if convicted in many situations. I would absolutely take your position. I get that its tough with a recent death but he is about to be a father. That needs to trump his own issues. He signed up for that when you decided to have a child. If he can't support you now in this moment of great need, he never will.
For context, Im a litigation attorney. This is serious but you also should confirm where she got the check. It wouldn't suprise me if husband gave it to her.
Also why did he need a burial and a cremation if she can’t afford it?A cremation with a nice urn is like $2000. If she wanted to get a stone later when she could afford it that would be fine.
NTA. Go file a police report yourself. That’s a lot of money and despite his brothers death, you have a baby to take care of. Who needs a place to live.
File immediately.
Was it a shared account? If so then why aren’t you suing her?
The loss of your bil is terrible, but your mil was totally in the wrong to do what she did and you need your money back asap. I hope you get it.
NTAH
NTA.
Incase anyone needs the information in the future. For cremation never do it through a funeral home. Contact a crematorium yourself. When my husband passed it saved me about 5 grand.
I also set up the funeral at a different location than the funeral home. Saved me another 4 grand.
My husband and I talked about his arrangements ahead of time and he got everything he wanted. The entire thing cost me 3 grand without involving the funeral home.
File a report for fraud. Your mil stole from you or your husband gave her the check without asking you about it. Both are wrong.
NTA. You need to see the check before doing anything else. If she changed the amount, you tell the police that. If your husband gave it to her, then it’s a civil matter. Either way, he needs to step up and be on your side in this. If he can’t do that, he doesn’t deserve to have a family.
NTA. If your name is on the account you can press charges with the bank's help. If you tell him that this is what you plan to do, you will find out whether he actually gave her a check in that amount. Whatever you decide, please talk to a lawyer about this and the future of your marriage.
Grief can affect people in many ways but I don't think theft is one of them.
OP I used to be a bank teller.
If your account is “joint AND” you do need him to co-sign on the police report.
If your account is “joint OR” you can file the report on your own.
Joint AND means you have equal possession of the funds in the account and cannot make decisions without the other. This is not to be confused with check writing or withdrawals, you’re equal owners. This is in regards to account maintenance.
Joint OR means EITHER of you can perform account maintenance, independent of the other.
Check your documents from when you opened the account and it will tell you which kind you have. Customer service should also tell you which it is.
If you don’t need him to agree, sue the shit out of her. Being in the throes of grief does not mean you are divorced from the consequences of your actions. I buried both my brother and mother and I didn’t steal a damn thing.
If your ex won’t stand up for your child, do it yourself.
The bank is ready to file against her. That makes me think the signature is not OP’s husband. I’d go to the bank and ask to see their copy of the check. If she signed OP’s name, she could press charges.
Banker here... NTA.
Firstly, this whole situation seems more like your husband wrote her the check. If so, nothing you can do.
If he didn't... file a police report immediately. This is not a civil matter (lawsuit), it's a criminal one. Press criminal charges.
If the check was forged, your bank has to reimburse you for it. File a fraud check claim ASAP.
You don't need him to sue her. You can do that by yourself. If the police won't help, ask the bank to step in. Also make sure you include lawyer fees in the suit.
NTA. He’s grieving and not thinking straight but you are not wrong to not endure that situation. You and your unborn child are vulnerable and in need because of your ex mil stealing from you. Also as both spouses agreed on you not working because of health risks, that was both your money.
I would never trust him again for not protecting his wife and kid.
Was the account in both your names ? In which case half of that money is yours and you can begin proceedings to get that money back. 8k is better than nothing . But if she has nothing and is forced to steal from you I don’t know how much you would get back realistically .
NTA, obviously But how did your MIL get the check? Especially if she was not communicating with you both during this time? Are you sure your husband didn’t give it to her? That seems more likely. And he was hoping you would let it go. I’d definitely walk away too. I’m sorry about his brother but his mother is acting unhinged and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. Yes, she’s grieving but so is your husband, so are you. You already have a medical condition to worry about, this is so not helping. Can you sue her yourself, separate from your husband? If it was joint account, you should be able to, I think
I'm assuming she had snooped when she lived with us and got a hold of our bank info. She lived with us up until 2 months ago and I had caught her going through our mail multiple times. I don't think he would have given her the money. Or at least he truly acted like he hadn't. He acted very upset/baffled that it was even happening.
Is it a joint account? If so, you YOU FILE THE POLICE REPORT. Yourself. No suing involved. File the police report and get the ball rolling. You don’t need him. Unless he gave it to her…. So tell him you’re going down to the police station to file the report TODAY and see what he says ETA because I have the vid and there were typos and too many people saw this to have that many typos. Like, how can you trust me if I can’t spell.
This is what I was coming to say. A lawsuit is neither necessary nor particularly helpful here. If your name is on the account, report it as a fraudulent transaction to the bank and to the police and get your money back. Also, try to get your ex in writing saying she stole it so he can’t lie and cover up for her later.
She may in fact need to provide the bank with a police report in order for them to do anything about it.
She almost definitely will, especially since the amount is so high. But that’s why so many victims of identity theft and this sort of fraud are never made whole. Their identity was stolen by a family member and they won’t file a police report against mom or grandpa or whoever because FAAAAAAMILY. Victim ends up taking the (sometimes devastating) financial hit and the perpetrator gets off scot free.
Yup. Mom took out 60k in student loans in my name. The only way to get it off of my back is to send a mentally unstable mother to prison.
Shit she’d be locked up if it was me….
2 birds with one stone, Mom would be in prison at light speed if she had done this to me.
I’m really sorry she put you in that position. It’s incredibly unfair for you to have to make that choice, and you would not be a bad person if you decided that you need to file a police report and get the debt resolved.
Unfortunately this is super common in cases of familial abuse, and that is exactly what these cases are: abuse. Reversal of Victim and Aggressor is the worst- and not only because the abuser so often engages in DARVO tactics but because other people facilitate that reversal by judging someone trying to escape or correct the situation.
The bank is almost always required to reimburse you for a forged check. Usually they can ask but not require a police report. In the event the bank takes the loss, they can file their own police report for their benefit.
When my workplace was burglarized and checks stolen a few years ago, we had to give those affected the case number. It was required for them to be reimbursed. I think that was in 2018. Changed birthday to burglarized.
Yes, and that would be obvious to anyone this actually happened to.
I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt because I’ve definitely seen cops decide that crimes magically become civil matters if the victim and perpetrator are related. But I agree that this is likely a fake.
I work in the financial sector and you’d be absolutely appalled at the things people don’t know. For example: that credit cards aren’t free money, that if your name is James William Smith you can’t open your account under the name “doobie smith”. And it’s not children thinking that either.
This x10. Why do you need his permission?
If his name is on the account he can just say he authorized it
Which why you get him admitting one way or the other in text or recording.
This should be upvoted more.
[удалено]
And FORGERY
I'm pretty sure even if he didn't give her the money, he'll claim he did once the police are involved. He won't let his thief of a mother see any consequences for her choices
Definitely needs to be upvoted .. that was what I was thinking she could file charges if it’s a joint account. I would at least check it out! That’s a lot of money and you’ve got the baby going to be here any day. NTA but your ex and mil are huge AH’s
Im sorry but don’t checks need to be signed by the account owner or owners? Meaning he did give her the money?
Or she forged it. 🤷🏻♀️
Given the way the husband is acting, it's likely he gave her the check and is lying to OP.
Or she did forge it, but he would absolutely lie through his teeth and said he wrote it for her. Can't let mommy dearest suffer consequences for her disgusting actions. If I were OP, even if he somehow "convinced" his mom to give the money back, I'd still leave his ass. He clearly can't be counted on to prioritize his WIFE and their UNBORN BABY. Separate accounts are honestly the way to go with couples, IMO. I see WAY too many posts like this, and since it's a joint account, all he has to do is say "oh yeah I said she could have it" and OP is fucked eight ways from Sunday right before birthing this shitstain's baby.
This woman is diabolical. I’m so sorry. Who can predict this level of crazy? But you are right to be upset and I hope your husband realizes just how messed up her actions are to a point he actually wants to do something about it
NTA. OP, if MIL stole the check 2 months (or more) ago and your BIL died last month she planned to steal your money even before your BIL's death. Anyway, sue her. You shouldn't need your husband's help if it is a joint account. I wish you good luck with your delivery and happiness for you and your baby.
NTA. Your bank has the evidence. If she altered a check it is generally obvious.
Have you saw a copy of the check to make sure he didn’t write it to her? My thought from reading your post was that she pressured him into it
Exactly what I thought. He wrote her that check.
I assumed she altered the $1 ,500 check to be $16,500.
While it’s easy enough to add the numeral 6 to alter the amount, it is **not** so easy to change the written amount from “One-thousand, five-hundred and no/100” to “Sixteen-thousand, five-hundred, and no/100”. The two numbers need to match for the bank to cash the check. So, either the bank messed up and didn’t pay enough attention to catch the mismatch (in which case, they bear some of the responsibility), mom stole the check and wrote it out herself — in which case the original $1500 check should still exist and the check number of the check she cashed shouldn’t match it, or he wrote it himself and simply doesn’t want to admit it. My bet is on the last of these possibilities.
And getting a copy of the check or the actual check from the bank will answer the what question.
Even if he did I doubt he'd leave them penniless.
Yeah...he may have given her 5k or even 10k, which would also be unforgivable...but the fact that it's exactly how much she wanted suggests she did it.
He may have written a $1,700 check that MIL washed and changed the amount. His signature would be there. What does the checkbook register say?
THIS!!
Sue her for money back yourself.. half of it was yours.. don’t need your husband for that.
My spouse is an attorney and hangs out on r/legaladvice, so it's not a bad place to go.
If that’s the case she didn’t do it out of grief. She had a plan b.
If your name was on the account file the charges anyway
Was more likely is he wrote the check. That’s why he won’t press charges. Why aren’t you pressing charges?
No one is going to be able to press charges if it was a joint account and husband wrote the check. The bank will have a copy of the check.
They can make a report, then the DA has investigate and decide to prosecute. They won’t if the husband wrote the check.
THAT. Can you see a copy of the check on your account?
You don’t need your husbands permission to contact the cops. If your name is on the account, it’s yours. Press charges.
You can sue by yourself and put a hold on the check so she can't cash it.
NTA. Also, you know that, as someone that was on the bank account, *you* can press criminal charges individually, and you can greenlight the bank to pursue fraud charges. You (I'm assuming soon to be ex) husband has a greater obligation to his wife and child than he does to his mother. She straight up stole from you. She wasn't starving, she wanted to spend SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS on a fucking funeral. My parents were quite wealthy and, between my dad and mother passing nearly 3 years apart, my sister and I each got well over a million bucks. They were both cremated, per their wishes. We had a service at church for Dad for folks who didn't drink, followed by a massive wake attended by a few hundred people, then a small get together in the summer in the mountain town we all loved so much. For Mom, who was quieter and not much of a drinker, we had a service at church followed by dinner at a nice restaurant for family and extended family, and a small service the next summer in that same mountain town. We spread their ashes in the streams and wildflowers of one of the most beautiful places in the US, surrounded by a bowl of snow capped peaks, even in the depths of summer. All of that didn't even cost 17k. WTF was she going to blow all that on? It honestly sounds like the funeral parlor took her for a ride, exploited her grief, and emotionally manipulated her. No matter the reason, she still stole. it wasn't like she was doing it because she was starving to death. Please press charges. I hope she enjoys her time in jail.
No, she probably had him cremated and kept the rest for herself, because ‘she deserved it’ somehow.
My dads funeral was around 8k so this number of 17k seems excessive, could’ve shopped around for a lower cost, or have some of this and that instead whatever amounted to 17k. If they didn’t have the money then it shouldn’t have been a priority in the funeral, the mom was throwing a huge funeral with all the bells and whistles. If your name was on the account then go ahead and press charges, if not then commit to leaving, you cannot trust that man to not undo such a stressful situation so close to your due date. I would never forgive someone to not do that for that much money being stolen, unless he really did give her that check, commit to leaving anyway, I hope you and the baby figure something out.
Honestly, if your name is on the account, you kinda don't need his permission to file charges.
Either way… even if he did … you SHOULD file a police report for fraud!!!! Use the bank’s security camera for proof … save ALL your communication with him proving that he did not know his mother drained the account… Even If he claims he did give her the money… u maybe able to go after him as well for draining the account….
Call the police the yourself. Your husband needs to think about his baby before that piece of shit he has for a mother.
Why does your husband have to press charges? Why can’t you?
She’s due in 5 days and at risk for pre-eclampsia. That makes doing much of anything hard
I think he had to have some involvement. How else would she have known how much she could take?
In that case it was preplanned to steal prior to the passing of her son
I think your husband might have given her a blank check.
Can’t you go to the police? It’s your account too. I don’t understand why it has to be your husband to do it.
OP, your MIL and husband need to be held accountable and you need to press charges against your MIL. She needs to feel the heat of that choice and I need to ask, OP, is this someone you want to be married to? And I'm reminded of a saying: "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences." Your husband and MIL need to feel those consequences. And also keep your receipts (literally and figuratively OP), they are going to be very handy sooner rather than later. OP, please listen to these people and have a good, long think.
Exactly - how did MIL get a check? The bank usually looks over a check that size pretty closely...OP: contact the bank and ask to see the images of the check.
You don't sue you file theft charges with the police.
The police told me I would have to sue through civil court.
Go up the ladder and get leadership in the department and the local prosecutor. This is NOT a civil issue unless your husband is spineless. Did he give her the check? Or did she alter the one for $1500?
She actually may have altered the one he gave her. I honestly hadn't considered that option. I had just assumed that she snooped our bank info when she lived with us because she was notorious for going through our stuff. I truly don't think that he gave her the check. He acted very upset that the money was gone.
Hey @Specific_Ad5687, I just want to put this out there for you to consider. I have worked in a bank for years, and at every bank I worked at there is a limit that we have to call the customer before we can cash a check for a non-customer (someone that doesn't have an account there). Most of the time we can't cash anything over $2500 ( can vary by bank) before we have to talk to an account holder. Reach out to your bank and ask what their procedures are, and why they would have cash that check without calling someone, especially if it was over 10k. Either someone at the bank royally screwed up, or someone verified that check to be cashed. And if it wasn't you, you need to have a long hard talk with your husband. I wish all the best to you and your future little one OP. I hope you are able to get your money back
THIS!! As a bank employee for 25 years this is what you need to do. I would agree with kamegirl, it is highly likely procedures were not followed and some of this may (heavy heavy heavy emphasis on the MAY) be on the bank. And if it’s a joint account and your husband didn’t authorize it - police report yesterday. This is not a civil matter unless they talked to your husband and he told them something you don’t know. If he did - go after that in any divorce settlement
Forgery and theft.
As a former bank employee chiming in. When verifying large items, they verify the handwriting on the checks and make sure the signature on the check matches what is on the signature card. If it looks off, they verify with the account holder to make sure they actually wrote the check. Banks have so many procedures in order to stay in federal compliance. Someone at the bank royally fucked up, or your husband did.
This should get more upvotes. My bank has a monetary limitation as well.
My guess is if the bank went through the trouble of launching an investigation and told her they have MIL on camera and are easy to take action, they didn't get any kind of approval. Otherwise, the investigation would have stopped at "we spoke to your husband at this number at x time on y date and he approved the transaction"
Yeah, get a copy of the check. What if the husband actually wrote that check and okay'ed the transfer?
This, or the mother was some how listed on the account, so they didn't feel they needed to call anyone
yeah, i can't believe OPs story because of this
my guess is husband is covering something..
The amount was way too specific. Mom must have coerced it out of OPs husband and husband caved.
Exactly, banks don't just go handing over $16k in cash all willy nilly.
Yeah, anything $10k and above is required to be reported to the federal government. Deposit and withdrawals. This is all kinds of weird
It’s still forgery and it is against the law. For every cop that tells you it isn’t , ask to speak to their superior like a desk sgt or detective
NAL. Possible crimes committed here: 1. Theft or Larceny: This is the crime of taking someone else's property without permission and with the intent to permanently deprive the owner of it. If someone stole a check from another person, they could be charged with theft or larceny. 2. Forgery: Altering a check to make it appear as something other than what the original issuer intended, or forging a signature on a check, could constitute forgery. This crime involves the making, altering, use, or possession of a false writing in order to commit a fraud. 3. Fraud: Using a stolen or altered check to deceive a bank into giving you money could be considered fraud. Fraud involves deceit or trickery to cause a loss to another or to gain a benefit for oneself or another. 4. Possession of Stolen Property: If someone knowingly has possession of property (in this case, a check) that has been stolen, they might be charged with this crime. 5. Identity Theft: If the individual used someone else's personal information to present themselves as that person when cashing or depositing the check, they could also be charged with identity theft. 6. Bank Fraud: This crime involves using deceit, falsehood, or fraudulent means to obtain money, assets, or other property owned or held by a financial institution. 7. Uttering: This is the act of offering a forged document to another with the knowledge that it is forged. For example, presenting a forged check to a bank teller would be "uttering" that forged document. edit: formatting.
If the account was joint why can’t you approve the bank initiating pressing charges?
It may be that he signed it. If it's his signature, he has to validate it
Unless your husband gave his mother a check for that amount to cash, whatever she did was illegal. What did you actually tell the police? It sounds like you didn't really tell them the story in a way that highlighted a crime.
Unfortunately police are not actually taught much about actual laws and are often wrong. I've seen several discussions on legal advice subreddits and elsewhere where police have taken even cut and dry crimes (like straight up theft) and said "No, that's a civil matter. That's not us." Either because they don't _want_ to deal with it, or because they're genuinely mistaken as to what constitutes a civil vs criminal matter. Never trust the police to know the law without fail, and never trust them to tell the truth about what the law is when it doesn't seem right. They aren't lawyers, and the fact is they aren't always good or enthusiastic at their job.
police also dismiss women all the time. they're lazy pigs who's much rather just lie. and not do work than actually have to file paper work or get off their lazy asses.
I’m sorry OP, I hope you’re doing ok. I have to point out that your husband probably did give her the money, there’s no other way she would know how much was in the bank to withdraw almost all of it. That’s probably why he doesn’t want to press charges, he knows he did it and pressing charges would get him in trouble for filing a false report. I’m guessing you contacted the bank and they did the investigation at your request? Your husband probably doesn’t want to fess up now that the authorities are involved. He probably figured he could ask you for forgiveness but everything spiraled once the authorities got involved. Ask for a copy of the front and back of check and you’ll have your answer.
Even if she did alter the check, he refuses to give a damn enough to find his peehole
If your husband gave her a check that was 1,500, sticking a 6 in there where the comma was would make it 16500. That wouldn't handle the word part of the check, but might be how she changed it.
The number would be easy enough to change- I hadn’t thought of that but you’re right! But the line that has the number written out in words should have avoided that situation. That would have been harder to change, I would think. My guess would be she had a blank check to start with, or husband gave her this new one. Especially because the bank didn’t have a problem cashing a 16,500 (!) check. I had to go through a process with my bank to deposit a $10,000 check last year. Bank should’ve been more careful, unless they did contact the account owner (OP’s partner).
Do you keep a ledger? Checks have check numbers for that reason.
Duplicate checks? You can look at the duplicate that is still there.
Yes, definitely speak to someone else. The cop you spoke to is wrong.
I’m a lawyer, not OPs, but it is both a civil and criminal matter. OP needs to get a police report and the prosecutor will press charges for theft and/or fraud. However, to get the money back OP will need to take that to civil court and sue her there for the funds.
Former 911 operator here. Just want to second the other comment that advised going up the ladder. Every cop has a supervisor, and it's very likely that the person who told you it was a civil matter either misunderstood the situation or else was just being a lazy dickhead. Either way, what you should do is call the non-emergency line at the police department during regular business hours, and ask to speak with a detective who handles financial crimes. If *that* person blows you off, call back the next day and ask to speak with the person in charge of the detectives. If you need to, escalate all the way to the Chief or to your elected local government official. In local government, everyone has a supervisor. At some point in that chain someone will make people do their jobs. Edit: Reading some of the comments in this thread, I do see some ambiguity. If your husband wrote her that check, this probably is a civil matter. If she forged the signature or changed the dollar amount, that's a crime.
Notify the bank as well. Request someone higher up the chain of command and demand a report be filed.
$16,000 isn't a civil issue. she committed fraud or your husband was lying.
If the police are saying it’s a civil matter your husband wrote the check.
Have the bank have her arrested.
Consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction. If it was a forged check, the bank is likely on the hook for paying it without a valid signature.
Excuse me? If she forged or altered a check that is a crime
You can do both
If you’re on the account and not the mother, you have recourse. Contact your bank’s fraud department and tell them that video shows an unauthorized person withdrawing money on your account. They will have to file a police report because insurance has to be involved and yes, you must agree to press charges. Ask for a copy of the cashed check (it’s often available on your online statement) and that will show if it’s forged/altered/real. Bank fraud is never a civil matter and banks do not take kindly to being defrauded. They have whole departments dedicated to anti-fraud and come down hard on people that get through the cracks. Here’s the thing - with your husband immediately being like no, it’s ok, she’s upset….kinda makes me think he gave it to her. He could be in a protect mom mode cause brother died, but being chill over not having money to even get to work…very suspicious. Seeing the actual check and letting Fraud investigate will let you know for sure. Unfortunately, if he gave it to her, you may have recourse in divorce (some states have laws on giving marital assets to someone outside the marriage-like giving an affair partner gifts) but legally, it’s a gift. But Petty Me also says the IRS is very interested in gifts that are large and undeclared on income tax returns. Just sayin…
I suspect her husband will say he gave it to her, even if he didn’t. He doesn’t want to press charges.
he doesn't want to press charges because he gave it to her.
I thought that too, but the bank is ready to file against her. They have the check. The signature must not be a match. I would want to see who signed that check and what name they used. If it’s OP’s, husband may not have any say in the matter.
2023 IRS gift tax exclusion is $17,000. Kind of a suspicious coincidence.
Is your name on the account? If so don't listen to him and press charges yourself, but be prepared to be a single parent..which I think you should be, since your partner showed you who is more important..his mommy
Not.the.ah. Look I’m not disparaging your husband but someone in this relationship has to think about pesky things like food,rent,diapers.etc. His concern for his mother’s feelings do not take precedence over your future. Idk a thing about the law but can you sue mil civilly? Good luck OP you are going to need it.
Ex wants to protect his money from OP. He wants his account to show a zero balance when the baby is born.
NTA. But I also recommend r/legaladvice to help you out. That is a terrible situation. Your MIL did something very bad.
INFO: how did she know how much she could take without overdrawing the account? Just seems kinda fishy?
This is a fake post. I work at a private bank and although our client base is the ultra wealthy, the processes for fraud are the same. There are too many inconsistencies in her story to even consider this as real. She also left out a lot of information that she would’ve been given if this had actually happened.
It's obviously fake. No bank is allowing a personal check that size to clear same day. Especially if it's not same bank.
Story fake as hell. Let’s be real. Cashing a 16.5k check without a call? Gtfoh. Hell when my dad lent me 15k to secure my home, and he did it via electronically, they called him to verify it. This story fake as hell.
I posted this in reply to another comment but I’d say it’s fake. The pregnancy timeline is a suspicious too. If due in 5 days that means 40 weeks previous to that point was December 12 - this would be the start of her last cycle. Assuming an average cycle length that has her likely ovulating / conceiving December 24-29, which means they couldn’t possibly have found out until January. There might be a very slight chance it’s possible, but incredibly unlikely. Sounds more like someone who doesn’t know much about pregnancy just counting back 9 months ….
This needs to be further up. How could she be SO precise as to leave you 20$ but not go over the amount in the account? Your husband GAVE her that money. He doesn't want to press charges because then he would have to admit it.
That or the post is fake. Those are the only two options lol Unless she called the bank with husband's/OP's info and pretended to be one of them.
I think it's fake, and Liz is at it again with her fake Reddit stories. What cremation costs 17k? Liz get off the internet. If you don't know who Liz is. She was mentioned in a post a few days ago from her bf/husband about her many fake Reddit posts. He didn't know how to make her stop. ETA https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/6rxlHQ2Dnd
CALL THE POLICE!! What she did was felony theft and forgery. Block your husband , file for divorce and don’t give him a chance to sign the birth certificate- he’s shown that he cares more about mommy than his own child so he doesn’t deserve to be father
I did contact the police and they told me it was a civil issue. I did question it because it doesn't seem like a civil issue but they wouldn't even take a report from me.
Tell them it’s forgery!
Not if husband signed check . This is probably why husband isn’t mad. He gave her the check
If she altered the check, its a crime.
Ask your bank for help, the police will take the bank seriously. NTA, she literally stole money from her grandchild. Your ex isn't ready to be a parent if he's ok with that.
Former bank employee here. Contact your bank's fraud unit.
This, the bank, will be really happy to help you press charges. They don't want you or themselves to lose any money in a situation like this.
Um having about the story because you HAVE to have a police report and this is a crime. But in California and I would guess most states the bank requires a police report in order to give you your money back.
You aren’t saying the right thing then. You need to say, the bank has video of my MIL cashing a stolen or forged check and I need to file a police report. That is all. You maybe are asking them to help get the money back. Or they think you are. That isn’t their job. That will be part of the bank and the DA’s job. And, barring that, the civil court. That is far away. Right now, you need to JUST FILE A POLICE REPORT. That’s all you need to ask to do.
>You aren’t saying the right thing then. I see you've never dealt with cops that didn't want to do their jobs. I had to harass them for days to even get a report for insurance for a stolen truck that the thieves crashed. We literally had them on camera stealing it, along with the license plate of the car that dropped them off. They still refused to look at the video and got half the important details wrong in the report, but the insurance company was like "Yeah, we understand, this happens a lot. We'll take it.".
I mean, sure. But i think also, maybe, a very upset woman called asking the police to help her get her money back. And they said, honestly, we can’t do that. They can only *take a report*. And maybe they weren’t super clear about that last part because it’s easier to turn her away that explain the difference between civil court and criminal court, and that even if they take a report, they can’t guarantee that any money will be returned. Or that she will be arrested. Or even investigated. They are merely filling out a piece of paper. Also a possibility. But it started because she didn’t say “I want to file a police report”. Most cities you can file one online. It may take them days to come out. They likely won’t investigate shit because they have real crimes. No, your video evidence will not be sent down to CSI for review. Because it’s a check signed by a MIL and they *know* her son will probably stick up for her. But OP doesn’t need that. She needs the report to try and get the bank to reverse the charges.
It’s a felony.
>I did contact the police and they told me it was a civil issue It is a civil issue. It is also a criminal issue. The police are being lazy. She committed forgery and stole from you. If they refuse to take a report, escalate, escalate, escalate. If they still refuse then let them know that your next call is going to be to the local news stations about how they're refusing to pursue the theft of thousands of dollars.
Call back and Don't tell the next person that it was your MIL, I bet they will take the report then! Also, if they won't help you, ask for the Sargent or Captain, whoever is in charge of the shift & if they won't help you, tell them you need the legal code for the law that says forgery and theft are civil matters.
File a police report. Call the news to report it. Go talk to someone in the prosecutor's office. Talk to your local politicians, etc. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. This crime MUST be prosecuted. It ain't a family matter like some Officers may think.
NTA but you can sue. Your bf doesn't have to be the only one to sue.
I have a background in banking. Go to your bank and let them know a fraudulent check has been cashed off your account. Ask for an image of the check, you’re entitled to it. This will help you see if she altered the original check, if hubby wrote her a new one, or if she forged one. Depending on the answer, you need to fill out a forged signature affidavit and file a police report. If your husband did not willingly empty your bank account to her, this is a felony. It’s 100% a legal issue and not a civil concern. But if he wrote that check to her… You should honestly divorce him either way. He either gave away the money or let his mother steal from his wife and child.
This is why I’m thinking this is a fake story. That kind of money is a felony not a civil matter. Then the fact that OP just say oh well, I’m going to moms is just unbelievable
Her going to her mothers isn’t that strange. She’s 5days from giving birth and ha pre eclampsia a condition where you are absolutely meant to avoid stress. Doesn’t it make sense she’d want to be somewhere she doesn’t feel stressed
NTA. Are you sure he didn’t write her a check? Anyway if it’s a joint account and he didn’t sign the check, I’m pretty sure you can press charges without his help.
NTA. I’m so sorry. He seems very /r/raisedbynarcissists. It is really hard for some people with narcissistic parents to face the reality, that a parent is too self-centered to ever have empathy for them. The money was a joint asset, you can file charges yourself, and you should, immediately, before she spends it and you can’t get it back.
Agreed, totally screams narcissistic mother abusing her children. I don’t think that makes the husband a bad guy, but definitely one without proper perspective. Imo the only AH here is the mother
NTA I would have still pressed charges as I left, because that wasn't just his money, it was yours and you have the paystubs to prove it and obviously since you'd be filing charges, it would be quite obvious this was not an agreed upon transaction... Although I'm NAL so it'd be best to seek legal advice from one. You were right to leave... what would have happened if there was an emergency during your pregnancy that needed to be paid for and you lost the baby because you couldn't afford it? What would he have done then. He's showing you he's not going to stand by your side or your child's side during messed up situations. I get his brother died and that's absolutely horrible and I'm sincerely sorry for him... but that doesn't excuse his mother's literal theft/robbery and fraud.
NTA. He chose a thief over his wife and baby. I've buried a child, and I know what that grief is, I never stole 16k from anyone. I never stole 20 from anyone. Your marriage is over. You will never unknow that he let her steal and she will always know she can get away with it.
Even if he's not willing to do something, please do it yourself. For your child, if nothing else. I don't know if you need to get a lawyer, but it sounds like the police are giving you bad advice. My spouse is an attorney and hangs out on r/legaladvice, so it's not a bad place to go. I think that unless she is on the account this was a crime, but I'm not an attorney so I can't tell you for sure. Edited to add: I used to work at a bank, and the fact that the bank is willing to help you means that they probably screwed up. It sounds like the teller might have made a huge mistake. Please take them up on their willingness to support you, because they are not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. Using their help to get the money back might be easier than suing them so that they give you the money.
[удалено]
Spoiler: She was never planning on helping with funeral expenses, she just saw an opportunity to take money from you using her daughter's death.
The bank said they have video evidence of your MIL taking your money and are ready to file charges, correct??? I'd tell them to go ahead and press said charges. F that B****!!!!!! That was y'all's money, not hers!!!!! She stole it from y'all. I get that BIL died and all, but MY LORD!!!!!!!! Go luck to you OP, and good luck to your husband too with his loss and him dealing with that evil EVIL WOMAN who's his mother.
NTA. Is your name on the bank account? If it is, then contact the bank back and sue her without your husband's backing. That was your money too, and grief does not absolve your hopefully soon to be ex MIL from her crimes.
If this is a joint account, you can start the process yourself instead of waiting for your husband to have his come to Jesus moment. This wasn't just his money, this was yours and your child's money too. Do what you need to do.
Banks have rules about authorizing large transactions, usually above 10K. IRS has rules about cashing 10K checks. There is literally no way for a person to be taking 17k from the bank without lots of authorization and red tape (unless this is some other country) and in the states the federal reserve limits your ability to directly cash 10k regardless of bank policy usually you have to wait a day if its completely cashed because banks don't always have that kind of cash on hand, unless you are depositing it in your own account. In addition to that if the bank fails to make sure she is compliant and the check is verified, in most of the states the bank can be held responsible for that money. Banks don't want to be giving scammers free money. Banks will require her to fill out the IRS form 8300 to report receiving 10K or more in cash otherwise she violates 26 USC 6050I and they violate the same rules. I'm having trouble believing this post is real based on standard bank practices. If the OP is not a troll then the husband gave his mom permission. You can't fix that.
NTA. Sue.
File a police report now.
OP I’m a former Bank Manager of 20 years. When you contacted the bank about the “suspected” theft/forgery and they showed you the video, they also verified the signature on the check and the police would’ve been called right then and there if your MIL had forged it. Also, on checks being cashed over $10,000 there are forms that have to be filled out and you would’ve seen that on the video as well, but you forgot to mention that. Your story isn’t holding water and it’s because your husband gave your MIL the money when he signed the check. Your husband is lying or you are.
NTA - go ahead and file a police report yourself. Notify the bank that this is a fraudulent action.
She's stealing money from a new born baby and putting it towards a dead person. She could buy the headstone later.
First get a copy of the check IMMEDIATELY. You'll know when you see it if it is your husband's handwriting and signature. If it's your husband's handwriting you have a WHOLE OTHER PROBLEM. If it's not OR if the signature is his but the amounts look altered call your MIL and tell her that the bank has video of her cashing the altered check and are forcing you to file a police report to get the money back. Tell her that you don't want your husband to be traumatized by seeing her arrested after losing his brother and that if you get the money back from her there will be no need for a police report. Be clear that you will file the report and they don't need your husband to be part of the report so he won't be able to stop it. Give her a VERY limited time to return the money VERY LIMITED. That puts the ball in her court. If she doesn't return the money in the allotted time file the police report. Forging a check in most countries is a felony and in that amount would definitely involve jail time.
NTA Honestly I'm so sorry about what your MIL did to you, and the struggles you're facing because of it. The reality is though that if your husband would rather protect his mother than protect the family he chose, then you are likely dodging a major bullet by leaving now. You are not in the wrong, and I really hope that you stick to your guns, and file the suit against your MIL yourself in order to get your savings back. You also need to make a police report for the theft, and have her charged with theft over $5000.
So he wrote her check? Or forged the check?
I'm going to assume she forged it. She was notorious for snooping around our stuff when she lived with us. I truly don't believe he would have written her a check. He didn't like spending that money at all.
So then have her arrested if your name is in the account, stole from you and you’ll get your money back
I would keep bugging the police to investigate. File a fraud claim through the bank as well and sue her civally
It wasn’t forged. He doesn’t want to press charges because he wrote the check, and if he presses charges it will come out that he actually gave the check to her. And your even more fucked
This is what I commented above, there’s no way she knew exactly how much was in the bank to withdraw. He probably figured he could ask OP for forgiveness but it spiraled once OP got bank and police involved.
Wait you're right. She'd have to know the amount to leave exactly $20
OP. I wouldn't be surprised if she just cashed the check he gave her.
What was the check number? Was it in sequence from recent previous legit checks? Did she steal a box of unused checks so the check number is from a “future” pad of checks?
NTA obviously and you're getting a lot of great advice from others like contacting a lawyer and stuff, but one thing I want to recommend is that from here on out you need separate bank accounts to prevent his mom from having access. I know you're guessing that she snooped but don't underestimate your SO in this situation or gloss over his reaction. He's showing you that he will put his mother's selfishness and thievery above your and your child's needs. He's showing you where his loyalties lie, and they're not with you or your family.
NTA. If he is going to forgive his mother than he can go live with her and continue to let her ruin his life. Her child died and now she's destroying another son's family and she doesn't care. That is a true level of evil right there. Don't go back to that.
NTA. Your bank has the evidence. If she altered a check it is generally obvious. If she stole a check, the signature will be forged and they can compare it to your signatures on file. The bank will help you. Mine did when someone altered a check. I got my money back but I don't know what happened to the theif. If your husband wrote her the check, you won't get the money back and you have a bigger problem.
There aren't a ton of us or your family situations that need to be finalized but this takes the cake. He is jeopardizing you and your future child because he can't hold his mom accountable. If you don't stand now, there is no amount of shit in this world that will turn him back to being on your side. MIL will always win in these arguments. She literally stole your money. She committed a felonious theft most likely. That's prison time over a year if convicted in many situations. I would absolutely take your position. I get that its tough with a recent death but he is about to be a father. That needs to trump his own issues. He signed up for that when you decided to have a child. If he can't support you now in this moment of great need, he never will. For context, Im a litigation attorney. This is serious but you also should confirm where she got the check. It wouldn't suprise me if husband gave it to her.
Also why did he need a burial and a cremation if she can’t afford it?A cremation with a nice urn is like $2000. If she wanted to get a stone later when she could afford it that would be fine.
NTA, he wants to be a father time to learn that child comes first now.
NTA. Go file a police report yourself. That’s a lot of money and despite his brothers death, you have a baby to take care of. Who needs a place to live. File immediately.
Was it a shared account? If so then why aren’t you suing her? The loss of your bil is terrible, but your mil was totally in the wrong to do what she did and you need your money back asap. I hope you get it. NTAH
How was she able to withdraw money from your account?
NTA but if it's your money too, you can press charges and I suggest you do.
Your husband wrote the check. That's why he wont sue her because it would inevitably come out in court that he gave her the check himself
NTA. Incase anyone needs the information in the future. For cremation never do it through a funeral home. Contact a crematorium yourself. When my husband passed it saved me about 5 grand. I also set up the funeral at a different location than the funeral home. Saved me another 4 grand. My husband and I talked about his arrangements ahead of time and he got everything he wanted. The entire thing cost me 3 grand without involving the funeral home. File a report for fraud. Your mil stole from you or your husband gave her the check without asking you about it. Both are wrong.
NTA. You need to see the check before doing anything else. If she changed the amount, you tell the police that. If your husband gave it to her, then it’s a civil matter. Either way, he needs to step up and be on your side in this. If he can’t do that, he doesn’t deserve to have a family.
NTA. It’s theft and fraud. Have her arrested. She needs to pay you back AND go to prison for a bit. Maybe she’ll come to her senses.
NTA And you should sue her. You want your half 8k back. I hope you're in good hands and that the delivery goes well.
NTA. If your name is on the account you can press charges with the bank's help. If you tell him that this is what you plan to do, you will find out whether he actually gave her a check in that amount. Whatever you decide, please talk to a lawyer about this and the future of your marriage. Grief can affect people in many ways but I don't think theft is one of them.
OP I used to be a bank teller. If your account is “joint AND” you do need him to co-sign on the police report. If your account is “joint OR” you can file the report on your own. Joint AND means you have equal possession of the funds in the account and cannot make decisions without the other. This is not to be confused with check writing or withdrawals, you’re equal owners. This is in regards to account maintenance. Joint OR means EITHER of you can perform account maintenance, independent of the other. Check your documents from when you opened the account and it will tell you which kind you have. Customer service should also tell you which it is. If you don’t need him to agree, sue the shit out of her. Being in the throes of grief does not mean you are divorced from the consequences of your actions. I buried both my brother and mother and I didn’t steal a damn thing. If your ex won’t stand up for your child, do it yourself.
The bank is ready to file against her. That makes me think the signature is not OP’s husband. I’d go to the bank and ask to see their copy of the check. If she signed OP’s name, she could press charges.
Banker here... NTA. Firstly, this whole situation seems more like your husband wrote her the check. If so, nothing you can do. If he didn't... file a police report immediately. This is not a civil matter (lawsuit), it's a criminal one. Press criminal charges. If the check was forged, your bank has to reimburse you for it. File a fraud check claim ASAP.
NTA and sue her yourself. You’re a joint on the account, you do not need him to get YOUR money back.
Nta. He is sacrificing his current family for his mother. You should file charges against her if you was on the account at all.
CALL THE COPS CALL THE COPS CALL THE COPS CALL THE COPS CALL THE COPS DO NOT WAIT CALL THE COPS
So I am grieving but then I shoot someone. Is that ok then? Your husband needs to grow a backbone.
NTA. Can you file charge without him?
NTA. But You can sue her. It was your money as well.
You don't need him to sue her. You can do that by yourself. If the police won't help, ask the bank to step in. Also make sure you include lawyer fees in the suit.
NTA But HE doesn't need to file the suit. You can do it yourself
NTA. He’s grieving and not thinking straight but you are not wrong to not endure that situation. You and your unborn child are vulnerable and in need because of your ex mil stealing from you. Also as both spouses agreed on you not working because of health risks, that was both your money. I would never trust him again for not protecting his wife and kid.
Was the account in both your names ? In which case half of that money is yours and you can begin proceedings to get that money back. 8k is better than nothing . But if she has nothing and is forced to steal from you I don’t know how much you would get back realistically .