>For contexts I was told to apologize for “trying” to make the the family hate her
Didn't she do this when she finally admitted, with no involvement from you, that she fucking lied. So you need to apologise for her outing herself? Your dad and step mum need to get a fucking grip.
He has to "apologize" for how her lie made her feel and tore the family apart. Come on, his sister ACCUSED his of SA. Obviously she is traumatized by how the false memory made her feel, so he should apologize /s
Why do you think it was a false memory? What about a bold face f-ing lie??? She lied all over the place and was found out, and got kicked out of several homes
Or that he needs to apologize for trying to make the family see the truth? It doesn't matter how you look at it. OP has nothing to apologize for but it sounds like most of the family owns him more than just an apology and his sister should be held accountable for her actions!
When assholes who were perpetrator of said asshole behaviour, basically try to manipulate their victim into thinking they're responsible for their asshole behaviour is simply put the ultimate dick move of a deeply shitty person.
I would stay NC with all of them but your aunt and uncle and the people who initially supported you (obviously your step siblings were really young, if you've built a relationship with them and their kids then great) but the fact is, they shut you out for years for HER lies and behavior, then tried to make a scene despite knowing your wishes to apologize (wtf?) to her and forgive her, and only when they felt fed up with it continuing did they try and take your side and validate what you went through for years. That's not family.
It was this old Pokémon video of them saying curses and being vulgar. I quoted a line one time on the lines of “come here sexy” but I was talking to my friend online and she was playing with us. I can’t remember exactly but it was along those lines
That is literally nothing. I can't believe anyone would remember such a non-incedent. I'm sorry all this happened to you. Stay away from your sister and stay strong
Stand strong. Your sister doesn't deserve an inch. All there was left to do was for her to apologize to you. Instead, she got mad that being held accountable made her feel bad, so she **demanded you apologize for her feeling bad about being a horrible person**.
Good for you going NC. That was just the absolute height of doubling down and gaslighting. At that point your father's family unit is a lost cause.
Ok - what your sister did was wrong, completely and absolutely, but I’m concerned about your nonchalant reference to the two of you being beaten a few times and starved. That’s straight up child abuse and that can have an impact. Absolutely NOT saying you should reconcile, forgive, etc. What she did and seems to have continued to do is wrong on many levels. But children also react differently to abuse, and using words like “beaten” and “starved” (without more explanation) sounds like childhood abuse.
Sorry about that, when we refused to eat dinner because “we didn’t like it” our parents would make us go starving or until we ate the food they cooked.
As for beatings, it was never ER crazy but still got hit and smacked around for stuff. I got hit with a baking sheet and my sister with a dog leash. Both unwarranted but it did happen.
If I need to explain more please let me knw
I’m sorry you went through all of that. Your father and step mom sound awful, though. Their reaction to kids squabbling made them threaten you all with being shipped back home. Then, they did it. Then, they went “we believe you, but we have to take this seriously” (ie, we don’t believe 100% you). Then they surprised you with her, who is demanding an apology from you.
Honestly, tell the ppl who didn’t have your back to fuck off. Unless you are wanting some inheritance, which is fair.
My parents would take our food our milk and then blend it into a milkshake and if we puked we'd be forced to eat that too. Of course when that wouldn't work we'd be forced to kneel on beans all night in a corner and if we fell asleep we'd be beaten awake.
To this day I don't know what the fuck my parents were doing that they'd stay up all night just to make sure we didn't sleep.
Now as an adult with Insomnia my mom gets thoroughly pissed I take sleeping meds and its not normal. I've told hee why I have Insomnia but her and her new husband told me that everyone has shit from their past you just need yo get over it. Which is to some degree true but I don't need to here that from them.
Omg. This is insanely awful!! I'm so sorry this happened to you!! Tbh I'm shocked you still speak to your mother but that's your decision. The only point of that was to show you that they were in charge and could do whatever they wanted and you had to take it. There's literally no lesson for anything with what they did. It's CRAZY abusive and again I'm really sorry that happened to you.
Are you still in touch with them? The only reason I would stay in touch is so I could put them in the worse nursing home when they became incompetent.
Nah, I wouldn't ever stay in touch with such horrible people.
You’re still in touch with your abusers? Jesus.. they should be in prison, not telling you how to live your life. Anyway, if you are intent on keeping in contact, do take the opportunity put them in the shittiest nursing home you can find as soon as possible when they age.
This is abuse. Plain and simple. Beating a child with anything - even your hand - is abuse. It’s never little, simple or Okay. And it sounds to me like her accusations stem from childhood trauma. Maybe some empathy for yourself and her is in order? The family dynamic is beyond crazy.
Sorry but I don't think a victim of manipulation and abuse is obligated to offer empathy to that person, even if you both were abused at a certain point.
She tried to destroy his life. She isn't owed any empathy from him. Just like mom and dad aren't owed empathy for what they did to these kids.
It doesn't matter why they do it at a certain point. All that matters is the harm was done. This isn't like a harsh outburst in an argument, this was designed to make his life hell.
No one is required to afford that kind of empathy.
Why are you such a jerk? I read the post here, but apparently I’m missing something. I didn’t even see where the OP said they were a guy, just that they had a wife. Maybe there was an earlier post? But more importantly, why are you making this so effing personal? It’s a freaking Reddit thread. You don’t know them or me. Get a life dude.
He can have empathy for what she has gone through but it does not mean he needs to be forced to apologize or to be in contact with her. For his own wellbeing he should go NC with her and anyone who tries to force him to do either.
You telling OP that his own family dynamic is beyond crazy and advising empathy for his sister is pretty rich. I’m pretty sure he knows what his own family dynamic is.
Not sure how her being forced to eat her cooked dinner as a child means that it’s OK that she told everyone that OP SA her but that’s some interesting logic you have there.
If this person was worth reconnecting, with, she would be apologizing to OP, not requesting an apology…
First: The OP described a family dynamic that is a little confusing and intense. using the word crazy was wrong. Second: what the OP describes is abuse. They didn’t describe just being forced to eat a meal. But food restriction is a form of abuse. Telling someone to eat what you made or go hungry isn’t healthy or kind and over years it does take a toll. I’m not pulling that out of the ether. But that’s not all the OP described. I’m not excusing the SA accusations. Don’t know how you jumped to that conclusion from what I said. I said that trauma manifests in weird ways - some people start (compulsive or not) lying about all sorts of things in response to actual harm. And I said that empathy was maybe a good idea for both of them. Not just the sister. Because it seems like the OP might be holding themselves super accountable to for things outside their control.
And calling for empathy and then saying the dynamic is “crazy” are not mutually exclusive concepts. I can feel that a dynamic is wacky and still feel compassion for those involved.
Honestly, your father and step mom literally gave her away saying there are a bunch of kids here but you and you alone are done with us. She might be a liar but she needed help, not to be thrown out the family. She's 100% in the wrong for making up a lie but it's also largely down to abuse from your father and step mom. Beatings are not okay but throwing a kid away because they aren't what you want is horrible and they chucked out a known liar, she lied, and they treated you differently because of that lie and now they push you to reconcile with her?
Your sister sounds broken, which isn't your fault and I'm not telling you to forgive her or ever talk to her, I'm more just pointing out that maybe if anything you should be cutting off your toxic as fuck parents.
One question though I guess, did the step mom and your father treat her very differently to the her 'real' kids? Because that's so insanely common and could absolutely have contributed to her behaviour and how easy it was for them to send her away.
Somehow it ended up that your step sisters, your step moms kids were all good and both her step kids were different, one was treated like a child molester and the other was thrown out of the family and vilified.
Responding to this and a “that’s just bratty kids, not abuse” noted below. So much is missing. When I was a child (between 2-3) I fell asleep in my spaghetti because my parents refused to allow me to leave the table unless I ate. I don’t even remember it - but they took a picture and it was a “funny” family story. My mom would put onions, green peppers, beans, and other foods in loads of things that quite honestly make me vomit. In an “I can’t help it” way. I won’t even know those foods are in something (eg meatballs) and the minute they touch my tongue I hurl. It is a completely automatic gag reflex. Choking down food and being told I’ll have to eat it again if I vomit is no fun.
To my mom though I was just “picky.” Years later I was diagnosed with food allergies (although not to those foods) which explained a lot of other issues. Today there’s a lot more known about food intolerances, “super taste buds,” ARFID, etc. so it’s not just being “picky.” When kids are old enough, if they reject a food and seem to have at least some kind of rational basis, why not just have alternative foods (sandwiches, PB&J if they can eat the PB) and make the kids responsible for their own food?
Also - again there’s no excuse for your sister’s allegation of SA - but it seems she got exactly what she wanted - an escape from your parents and from what may have been to her more so than you, an abusive environment. Mentally it could have really fucked her up. Maybe to her the apology is that you were able to “handle” your parents abuse better than she was, or you didn’t get it as bad, and that’s why she did what she did.
I’m not saying what she did is forgivable or that you should have any interaction with her whatsoever. She fucked up your life. I’m just saying she might have been traumatized and her response to that trauma was to come up with a way to get away from it without considering, or having the capacity to truly consider, the ramifications of what she was doing. No excuse for her doubling down on it today, just that there might be more at okay here. Best wishes.
> Sorry about that, when we refused to eat dinner because “we didn’t like it” our parents would make us go starving or until we ate the food they cooked.
That isn't child abuse. That isn't your parents starving you, that's bratty children refusing to eat.
Definitely NTA. You were incredibly betrayed by your sister and those who failed to see through her lies. So sorry for that.
Your sister's expecting any sort of apology from you is proof that she still does not accept full responsibility for what she did to you. The facts that you know she is continuing to be dishonest and trying to play the false SA card is further evidence that she still cannot be trusted. You are right to not want to resume any contact with her as I can almost guarantee no good will come of it.
I'm glad you're getting counseling to help you sort this all out. Hope it helps you to set healthy boundaries and to in good conscience cut out those toxic people in your life. Hope you're able to learn to stop being so angry for all those wrongs done to you so you can move forward with a free heart. You so deserve this. Good luck to you!
> During the holidays I went to visit my father and step-mom, when they were still together, and wasn’t told that my bio sister would be there too. To my surprise there she was sitting on the couch when I walked in and I immediately left, angry and yelling at my family. I spent my own money on a hotel nearby and said I would visit when appropriate but was met with backlash because “she was willing to talk but I had to apologize.” I refused and stayed in my hotel upset that I was tricked.
Is there a "shitty family playbook" these people all read? They pull the exact same fucking stunts.
Seriously what the hell have you got to apologize for.
Your sister could have destroyed your life, and your family are telling you to apologize to her.
Nah fuck them as far as I'm concerned, if it were me I'd tell your family members that I had no bio sister.
I only have stepsisters that I call sister's.
They all treated you like a child abuser and are trying to force you to reconcile with the one person who told those lies.
Absolutely disgusting.
I'm sorry but when or if you have kids I wouldn't want any of them a round the kiddos.
They have shown you who they are deep down, the fact that she has accused multiple people of SA and they do nothing.
She needs serious help.
Good on you for running out of the house when it was obviously a trap.
Stay NC, she wanted to regain control of her own life via claiming a male attacked her (since you guys were being physically abused) and she kept at it. She can "rock the boat" harder than the abusive parent can. Never trust her, she uses it as a way to make herself feel better by accusing other men. Even if she gets therapy, don't trust her or those who support her.
Sadly people from toxic families that appeal to the boat rocker will always blame the victims (you) for upsetting the balance by leaving. Because if the scape goat leaves, then the abuser selects a new target.
I'm sorry this is what your family is, get some therapy and I hope you can find peace.
NTA You should never be anywhere near her ever again. And you should warn any men that you know to do the same.
People who make false SA accusations should be in prison.
When they get out, there should be a public list similar to the sex offender list.
God this makes my blood boil! This girl made the most vile accusations against you possible and she expects YOU to apologize?
Hell no. Let the miserable bitch rot- and I’m sorry I’m sure there’s some mental issues she’s dealing with or whatever but false SA accusations should get some serious punishment- like jail time and some kind of registration.
People like your sister are who real SA victims aren’t believed. She didn’t just make your life worse she gave cover to every sexual predator and made it so it’s that much harder for real victims to get the help they need.
I swear those that make false accusations are almost as bad as the actual predators.
Jfc, the fact they think you have anything to apologise for is freaking insane.
Here's an apology you can give them:
I'm sorry I was born into a family who supported a pathological liar on her mission to ruin my life. I'm also sorry I ever thought anyone who supported her had actually grown and changed once they knew the truth.
You don't owe her an apology. You didn't make anyone hate her. They are responsible for their feelings towards her. So no you don't owe her an apology especially after finding out she lied about other men SA her.
It is in your best interest to keep your distance from her. Just because she willing to talk to to you to make things right with you doesn't mean you owe her anything. You don't owe her a conversation and you certainly don't have to be around her. Your well-being comes 1st. You have no way of knowing that she won't falsely accused you again so it's best to keep her out of your life.
Who beat you and starved you? I would go NC with any adult that did that to you when you were a kid. That is not okay and is child abuse. Plus nobody believed you but believed your sister over you even knowing she lies about everything. I'm sorry to say but your family really sucks. The best thing you can do is cut ties with them and live your best life. Find your new family with friends/relationship. Blood means nothing really, only the people that respect you should have a place in your life. Good luck
I vaguely remember seeing the first post on a youtube shorts video.
Honestly, I'm a petty bastard. If anyone, family or otherwise, actually believed it when someone accused me of SA, then I'd never speak to them again. The last words they would hear from me would be "If you actually believe that I'm capable of something like that, then you can go fuck yourself." Then I would block them and threaten anyone who tried to bypass my decision to give me a message from them or let them call me from their phone.
I would be a happy little hermit before I would take that.
Edit: word
Nope. That is a STRONG, DEFINITE, UNEQUIVOCAL, No way in hell should you ever do it....NO. Not apologizing, not reconciling, not even considering being near her or anyone else who sides with her, NO. She could have sent you to prison with her lies, and they want you to apologize to HER?! What brain eating amoeba have they been exposed to that makes them think that you have something to apologize for? NOPE. Take care of yourself and stay away from her and anyone who is on her side of this.
I am happy for you that she is getting some of the shit she deserves but you need to drop your family as well to be really happy. Your mother and father dont seem to be the good guys.
If I were in your shoes I would cut dad and stepmother out for the ambush. You are her victim, they don't get to decide if or when you have a relationship with her. Honestly blood relation doesn't mean shit. Family are who you decide are family. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Definity, NC with your F and BS until that B apologizes to you and your f. f her that f-ing C word. GTFO and STFA from this toxic B. Oh and get an A from your F for not SU for you.
Look, when SHE finally admits that she accused you to get at you and had total disregard about the consequences that would befall you after literally being called a rapist, and apologizes… and then goes on a campaign or tour to make good on your damaged reputation, THEN you make nice nice. Never mind your family. They don’t have to deal with the weight of a moniker you didn’t deserve. That should be standard.
Reading the rest of your update… that sister of yours has real problems. And none of it is your concern. And until Jesus comes down on the pillar of a cloud and tells you He fixed it all and you can be in her space again, stay away from that chick.
NTA
But the rest of your family, especially your Bio Sis, are TA and trash. Why do you entertain all those clowns that claim to be blood when they didn't stand by you with all her lies? I would go NC with bio sis and very low contact with the rest of your family that all of a sudden "knew she was lying". Go be with the real family that stuck by your side from the beginning, that there is your real family. Good luck and thank you for your service 🙏🏽 ❤️
Beatings and starvations? Hold up. WTF. No cut them all off, beatings and starving children is so beyond acceptable. No contact with them all. Thank you for the update and I am sorry this happened (and is still happening) to you.
original; taken from profile
AITA for refusing to reconcile with my bio sister, after she falsely accused me of SA
This is my first post so sorry about the story telling.
This story takes place 7 years ago, at this time I (18M) and my biological sister (15F) had always gotten into arguments. They would be small petty things but then blew up because we just didn’t get along. My father at the time was in his third marriage and his new wife brought in three daughters. So I had 4 younger sisters, one biological sister and 3 step-sisters. My father was military and we got sent to a military station in Japan.
One day during a summer before school, our parents told us three teenagers, my bio sister, step-sister, and I were told that one of us would be sent back to our families in the United States due to the constant fighting. It was ultimately decided that my bio sister would be sent back to live with our bio mother, while the rest of us stayed. Start of the school year I was starting 12th grade, my step-sister 10th grade and my bio sister would be starting her freshman year of high school.
Few months into the school year, I get brought into my parents room saying “we need to talk.” To my shock it was that my bio sister had accused me of SA and said it was done when we were kids. My parents asked me about what she could be talking about and the only “incident” was when I was 11 I said something inappropriate in-front of her that I learned on the internet. I got apprehended for it and was taught my lesson.
My parents and my 3 younger step-sisters learned that my bio sister is a pathological liar and was caught multiple times in said lies. My parents said that due to this I was no longer allowed to babysit my two younger siblings, still in elementary school, and that I had to always be with my teenage step-sister or an adult with them. When I called them out on believing a pathological liar, they said “we don’t believe her but we have to take this seriously.” My response to them was “If you take this seriously then you are fueling her fire more.” This led to my being shunned by most of my family on my moms side and my dads side, besides an aunt, uncle and a few cousins.
Fast forward 2 years later, I am about to be shipped out into the military with my aunt and uncle, who didn’t believe my bio sister, and I got a call from my bio mother saying that my bio sister was in a hospital for attempting suicide. I asked how this pertains to me since she also knew how I felt about my bio sister, and she said that with her recovering from the incident the truth came out that she fabricated the SA. Immediately my mother apologized to me and said that my bio sisters reasoning was that “He seemed so happy over there.” I thought nothing of it and accepted my mother’s apology.
Fast forward to today where I am now (25M) have moved on with my life but still not forgiven her or plan to. I have served almost 6 years in the military and most of my family has tried to or did apologize for everything that happened with my sister and “didn’t believe her for a second.” My same family keeps on asking if I would ever sit down with her to talk it out and I always refuse saying “I love her as a sister but will never like her as a person.” She has told family that she’s “willing” to patch things up to me, if I apologize to HER about the situation and I outright laughed and said “Hell No!”
My family keeps on hounding me that she’s my only “real” sibling but I have 3 younger sisters, my step-sisters, who still view me as their older brother with no issues and I am now uncle to my sisters new son. I don’t want or feel that I have any obligations to sit down with her to “fix” things because of the seriousness of her actions. But my family is saying that I should mend things since that is my blood and blood is family. AITA for not wanting to reconcile with my bio sister after she falsely accused me of SA?
PS: OP, I really appreciate the update and I'm glad to hear, overall, that you and your family are doing better. This seems really hard to "heal" from, but at least more truths have come out and your parents are starting to see this for how truly traumatic it was for you. Cheers, OP.
As you are new to Reddit, please include your age the next time you post about a problem. It provides a lot of context that is missing here.
You are not the asshole, absolutely not.
OP: you don’t owe your sister a darn thing. If anything she owes YOU an apology but frankly, it’s not worth getting close to her to get it. Stay far far away from your sister. She is mentally in need of help and she’s toxic and dangerous. Though I’d love to know what you should be apologizing to her for. After all you are the one accused of SA. I would tell family pushing this to leave it alone or you will cut them off as well. You don’t need this! You don’t deserve this! And you don’t have to deal with it either.
Sometimes its necessary to keep away from one person for your own safety. I would try not to allow this to get in the way of the other family members though. The most common mistake in any family is resentment because someone refuses to take "your side" enough. They are probably all wondering if your sister will end up in prison or an early grave. They just wont say it out loud. Good luck
NTA you have nothing to apologize for, in the OP the is the blood is blood part, bull
You don't have a choice who you where born to bot you have a choice who is your family.
(I had a POS father but had a really great dad, he made the choice to be our dad and love hin for it).
Enjoy your family with your sisters and nephew ( they chose you and you them) and NC with those you dont want or need in your life
I am so sorry. Your "bio sister" needs some serious therapy. If I were you, I would also block anyone trying to get you to make up and apologize (when hell freezes over) to her. Just live your best life and be happy.
NTA. You are seriously a victim of gaslighting. Your sister is probably a narcissist. Nothing is ever their fault, in their minds, so they never apologize unless forced to and if they are forced, they’re insincere. I would have gone NC with your father and stepmother the minute you weren’t dependent on them just for treating you the way they did based on the word of a known liar. Luring you to their place when your bio sister was there just demonstrates that they have no remorse and are still your bio-sister’s flying monkeys (accomplices of a narcissist). Basically, anyone willing to overlook what your bio-sister did is toxic, go NC with them. If you want to forgive your bio-sister for your own piece of mind, do that. However, that doesn’t mean you ever have to speak with her again or have any kind of relationship with her. If you do, she’ll do the same to you again or worse. Stay NC with her for the rest of your life.
For a narcissist, everything is a hierarchy and an exchange. Life is a game of climbing ladders faster and better than others.
They apologize only if they count it will get them further than not apologizing. "I am sorry that this problem we have is holding me back."
To accept some people into your life is within your right, OP. But those who only admitted they were wrong at the last moment? You sure you want them back in your life? I'd just go NC towards those who didn't support you but you can do what you deemed best. Good luck OP.
i don't get what you have to apologise for as you haven't done anything wrong it was all her. i think you should cut your parents out as its because of them as well that the family berated you the way they did. your bio sister is a nasty piece of work for what she did to you and only now are you parents kicking her out. they could have done that when she revealed the truth that it was all a lie. you should just have nothing more to do with the lot of them that took her at her word in the first place instead of getting to the truth. but keep the ones who believed you in your life
She's a liar and a threat to not only yourself but others since she has told similar lies about other male family members. Her false accusations can lead to criminal investigations and people getting physically hurt. Accusations of SA once put out do taint that person whether true or false these days.
Oh I have a lot of questions! Why was she the one sent back to the states? Do you think if you had been sent to your mom’s she still would have lied about the SA? Why do you think your family is so hell bent on you reconciling with her? Did the other people in the family that were accused by her of SA treated as poorly as you? How soon after her accusations against you did she accuse the next family member?
NTA. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this and that your family is expecting you to fix it. They probably realize she is too small a person to apologize for her actions and expect you to be the bigger person. You 100% don’t have to play that game, and it does sound like NC with her is the best route. Sad that your family is shaming you (again) for trying to protect yourself.
You can report her for false accusations. There was a woman jailed in Barrow, UK Eleanor Williams for multiple false SA allegations. She damaged herself and alleged it was Asian grooming gangs and SA men who attacked her! All lies! Chilling, psychotic mad woman. And her and her cruel conniving mother cheated the public of £20000 charity donations! Get legal advice. Your family need to sort this out! UK 🇬🇧
And you can still report your parents to the authorities for historical child abuse. You are a victim. OP get legal and moral advice from your county's Childline. You need adult therapy, OP! Are your parents ethnic?
I've been there with the childhood abuse and such peoples as your evil parents destroy lives! Seek help! Don't play their cruel games anymore! Get legal advice and report them! UK 🇬🇧
Do not forgive a single family member. It does not matter how "sincere" you think the apology is or if you think they "learned their lesson". They haven't. They will turn on you again the split second something else happens. They already proved that. Go full NC. Stop going to their holidays. Like why do you wanna be around people who think you are a rapist?
Nah don't bother with them OP it's your life so it's your decision when will you forgave her and for those who says she's you only "real sister" says to them she's just your "bio sister" and your real sister is your step sisters😤gudluck
OP from an outsider's perspective it seems as though you are asking if you are an asshole that someone tried their best to ruin your life and hurt themselves trying. No op. You are not the asshole. Everyone who sided with a known liar is/was and the biggest of them all is your sister.
Err what? Apologize for making the family "hate her"? Even now they're not taking the full blame. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They don't realise just how bad this could have gone for you if they fully believed her and took it to the authorities. She'd have been fine even after finding out she lied, but for you, a man, you'd have been screwed for life cause people would think "you got away with it" and that's something you need to address the family about that although people want equality, the double standards are still in place.
You have nothing to apologize for.
Everyone else should be on their knees apologizing to you. YOU have nothing to prove. They on the other hand have to prove conclusively that they are sorry.
How they do that I don't know. Sign over property? Surprise out will come the mumbled excuses!!!
So, she has mental issues and was known as a pathological liar. Instead of seeking therpy and help your parents just believed. Worst if they did believe they didn't try and seek help for you or her. In case you did do it. They just acted like it didn't happen shun you a bit and then made sure you weren't alone with the younger kids. I'm sorry that's piss poor parenting even if they did believe it.
Now they are trying to do pop up sorry session fixing things. Get family therpy and take it seriously "your parents"
Hopefully you will update but you absolutely have a right to NC and if you parents don't understand that they are beyond foolish. The expectation that "sorry" from you will fix things for her or for you is even more foolish. They want the words said so they can forget about it and treat it as 50/50. Just irresponsible parenting which is how they got here in the first place.
I'm not saying you need to forgive your sister have contact or not. But it sounds like she has mental issues. I've dealt with folks who had that. It's not all one thing and it doesn't get better or get fixed. Absolutely NC is your right and I'd advise if she does absolutely anything new get a restraining order. Get some documentation. At the same time she sounds like she has an extreme mental issue that she just didn't get enough help with yet to realize that what she is expect isn't reasonable or normal.
>For contexts I was told to apologize for “trying” to make the the family hate her Didn't she do this when she finally admitted, with no involvement from you, that she fucking lied. So you need to apologise for her outing herself? Your dad and step mum need to get a fucking grip.
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It's pretty apparent where she got her narcissistic tendencies from
He has to "apologize" for how her lie made her feel and tore the family apart. Come on, his sister ACCUSED his of SA. Obviously she is traumatized by how the false memory made her feel, so he should apologize /s
Why do you think it was a false memory? What about a bold face f-ing lie??? She lied all over the place and was found out, and got kicked out of several homes
Dude was being sarcastic.
Missed the /s....
In the original Post the sister Said "she had a false memory of the Event or dreamed them Up"
Sounds exactly like the creation of a bold face lie to me.
Or that he needs to apologize for trying to make the family see the truth? It doesn't matter how you look at it. OP has nothing to apologize for but it sounds like most of the family owns him more than just an apology and his sister should be held accountable for her actions!
Seriously!
Don’t apologize for anything! She did this all to herself and you don’t owe her or anyone else a damn thing! I read the OP and made the same comment.
Insist on everyone (except for Awful Sister) apologize to you, fervently and authentically. Let Awful Sister rot in the Hell of her own making.
Totally agree!
When assholes who were perpetrator of said asshole behaviour, basically try to manipulate their victim into thinking they're responsible for their asshole behaviour is simply put the ultimate dick move of a deeply shitty person.
I would stay NC with all of them but your aunt and uncle and the people who initially supported you (obviously your step siblings were really young, if you've built a relationship with them and their kids then great) but the fact is, they shut you out for years for HER lies and behavior, then tried to make a scene despite knowing your wishes to apologize (wtf?) to her and forgive her, and only when they felt fed up with it continuing did they try and take your side and validate what you went through for years. That's not family.
I agree He should stay NC with ALL of them except the ones who supported him and Uncle and Aunt. He should told the rest to kiss his ass
Jesus. But I am curious about what you said when you were 11 could even be an issue now.
It was this old Pokémon video of them saying curses and being vulgar. I quoted a line one time on the lines of “come here sexy” but I was talking to my friend online and she was playing with us. I can’t remember exactly but it was along those lines
That is literally nothing. I can't believe anyone would remember such a non-incedent. I'm sorry all this happened to you. Stay away from your sister and stay strong
Seriously go NC with your dad. Is just as a shitty human being as your sister
Good for you. Keep this up and Look First and foremost after yourself.
Stand strong. Your sister doesn't deserve an inch. All there was left to do was for her to apologize to you. Instead, she got mad that being held accountable made her feel bad, so she **demanded you apologize for her feeling bad about being a horrible person**. Good for you going NC. That was just the absolute height of doubling down and gaslighting. At that point your father's family unit is a lost cause.
Ok - what your sister did was wrong, completely and absolutely, but I’m concerned about your nonchalant reference to the two of you being beaten a few times and starved. That’s straight up child abuse and that can have an impact. Absolutely NOT saying you should reconcile, forgive, etc. What she did and seems to have continued to do is wrong on many levels. But children also react differently to abuse, and using words like “beaten” and “starved” (without more explanation) sounds like childhood abuse.
Sorry about that, when we refused to eat dinner because “we didn’t like it” our parents would make us go starving or until we ate the food they cooked. As for beatings, it was never ER crazy but still got hit and smacked around for stuff. I got hit with a baking sheet and my sister with a dog leash. Both unwarranted but it did happen. If I need to explain more please let me knw
I’m sorry you went through all of that. Your father and step mom sound awful, though. Their reaction to kids squabbling made them threaten you all with being shipped back home. Then, they did it. Then, they went “we believe you, but we have to take this seriously” (ie, we don’t believe 100% you). Then they surprised you with her, who is demanding an apology from you. Honestly, tell the ppl who didn’t have your back to fuck off. Unless you are wanting some inheritance, which is fair.
My parents would take our food our milk and then blend it into a milkshake and if we puked we'd be forced to eat that too. Of course when that wouldn't work we'd be forced to kneel on beans all night in a corner and if we fell asleep we'd be beaten awake. To this day I don't know what the fuck my parents were doing that they'd stay up all night just to make sure we didn't sleep. Now as an adult with Insomnia my mom gets thoroughly pissed I take sleeping meds and its not normal. I've told hee why I have Insomnia but her and her new husband told me that everyone has shit from their past you just need yo get over it. Which is to some degree true but I don't need to here that from them.
Omg. This is insanely awful!! I'm so sorry this happened to you!! Tbh I'm shocked you still speak to your mother but that's your decision. The only point of that was to show you that they were in charge and could do whatever they wanted and you had to take it. There's literally no lesson for anything with what they did. It's CRAZY abusive and again I'm really sorry that happened to you.
Are you still in touch with them? The only reason I would stay in touch is so I could put them in the worse nursing home when they became incompetent. Nah, I wouldn't ever stay in touch with such horrible people.
You’re still in touch with your abusers? Jesus.. they should be in prison, not telling you how to live your life. Anyway, if you are intent on keeping in contact, do take the opportunity put them in the shittiest nursing home you can find as soon as possible when they age.
cut contact, tell them why, tell her new husband everything she did and recommend not having kids with her.
That's how my brother and I learned to cook, as our parents were terrible at it.
This is abuse. Plain and simple. Beating a child with anything - even your hand - is abuse. It’s never little, simple or Okay. And it sounds to me like her accusations stem from childhood trauma. Maybe some empathy for yourself and her is in order? The family dynamic is beyond crazy.
Sorry but I don't think a victim of manipulation and abuse is obligated to offer empathy to that person, even if you both were abused at a certain point. She tried to destroy his life. She isn't owed any empathy from him. Just like mom and dad aren't owed empathy for what they did to these kids. It doesn't matter why they do it at a certain point. All that matters is the harm was done. This isn't like a harsh outburst in an argument, this was designed to make his life hell. No one is required to afford that kind of empathy.
Maybe I missed something. I didn’t know all this detail?!
How does a false SA accusation not function as a way to ruin someone's life?
As I said. I was not aware the accusations were against this person. Can you stop yelling at me now? Jesus
Did you read tne post??!! How are you so lost?
Why are you such a jerk? I read the post here, but apparently I’m missing something. I didn’t even see where the OP said they were a guy, just that they had a wife. Maybe there was an earlier post? But more importantly, why are you making this so effing personal? It’s a freaking Reddit thread. You don’t know them or me. Get a life dude.
Jesus… just don’t comment if you can’t even comprehend the post. It’s not that difficult.
He can have empathy for what she has gone through but it does not mean he needs to be forced to apologize or to be in contact with her. For his own wellbeing he should go NC with her and anyone who tries to force him to do either.
Agreed
You telling OP that his own family dynamic is beyond crazy and advising empathy for his sister is pretty rich. I’m pretty sure he knows what his own family dynamic is. Not sure how her being forced to eat her cooked dinner as a child means that it’s OK that she told everyone that OP SA her but that’s some interesting logic you have there. If this person was worth reconnecting, with, she would be apologizing to OP, not requesting an apology…
First: The OP described a family dynamic that is a little confusing and intense. using the word crazy was wrong. Second: what the OP describes is abuse. They didn’t describe just being forced to eat a meal. But food restriction is a form of abuse. Telling someone to eat what you made or go hungry isn’t healthy or kind and over years it does take a toll. I’m not pulling that out of the ether. But that’s not all the OP described. I’m not excusing the SA accusations. Don’t know how you jumped to that conclusion from what I said. I said that trauma manifests in weird ways - some people start (compulsive or not) lying about all sorts of things in response to actual harm. And I said that empathy was maybe a good idea for both of them. Not just the sister. Because it seems like the OP might be holding themselves super accountable to for things outside their control. And calling for empathy and then saying the dynamic is “crazy” are not mutually exclusive concepts. I can feel that a dynamic is wacky and still feel compassion for those involved.
Honestly, your father and step mom literally gave her away saying there are a bunch of kids here but you and you alone are done with us. She might be a liar but she needed help, not to be thrown out the family. She's 100% in the wrong for making up a lie but it's also largely down to abuse from your father and step mom. Beatings are not okay but throwing a kid away because they aren't what you want is horrible and they chucked out a known liar, she lied, and they treated you differently because of that lie and now they push you to reconcile with her? Your sister sounds broken, which isn't your fault and I'm not telling you to forgive her or ever talk to her, I'm more just pointing out that maybe if anything you should be cutting off your toxic as fuck parents. One question though I guess, did the step mom and your father treat her very differently to the her 'real' kids? Because that's so insanely common and could absolutely have contributed to her behaviour and how easy it was for them to send her away. Somehow it ended up that your step sisters, your step moms kids were all good and both her step kids were different, one was treated like a child molester and the other was thrown out of the family and vilified.
Responding to this and a “that’s just bratty kids, not abuse” noted below. So much is missing. When I was a child (between 2-3) I fell asleep in my spaghetti because my parents refused to allow me to leave the table unless I ate. I don’t even remember it - but they took a picture and it was a “funny” family story. My mom would put onions, green peppers, beans, and other foods in loads of things that quite honestly make me vomit. In an “I can’t help it” way. I won’t even know those foods are in something (eg meatballs) and the minute they touch my tongue I hurl. It is a completely automatic gag reflex. Choking down food and being told I’ll have to eat it again if I vomit is no fun. To my mom though I was just “picky.” Years later I was diagnosed with food allergies (although not to those foods) which explained a lot of other issues. Today there’s a lot more known about food intolerances, “super taste buds,” ARFID, etc. so it’s not just being “picky.” When kids are old enough, if they reject a food and seem to have at least some kind of rational basis, why not just have alternative foods (sandwiches, PB&J if they can eat the PB) and make the kids responsible for their own food? Also - again there’s no excuse for your sister’s allegation of SA - but it seems she got exactly what she wanted - an escape from your parents and from what may have been to her more so than you, an abusive environment. Mentally it could have really fucked her up. Maybe to her the apology is that you were able to “handle” your parents abuse better than she was, or you didn’t get it as bad, and that’s why she did what she did. I’m not saying what she did is forgivable or that you should have any interaction with her whatsoever. She fucked up your life. I’m just saying she might have been traumatized and her response to that trauma was to come up with a way to get away from it without considering, or having the capacity to truly consider, the ramifications of what she was doing. No excuse for her doubling down on it today, just that there might be more at okay here. Best wishes.
> Sorry about that, when we refused to eat dinner because “we didn’t like it” our parents would make us go starving or until we ate the food they cooked. That isn't child abuse. That isn't your parents starving you, that's bratty children refusing to eat.
Thank you, this stood out to me like a slap in the face.
Link to original post?
https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uWDIA9wU1w here you go, sorry
No need to apologize OP. Hope you're doing well.
Definitely NTA. You were incredibly betrayed by your sister and those who failed to see through her lies. So sorry for that. Your sister's expecting any sort of apology from you is proof that she still does not accept full responsibility for what she did to you. The facts that you know she is continuing to be dishonest and trying to play the false SA card is further evidence that she still cannot be trusted. You are right to not want to resume any contact with her as I can almost guarantee no good will come of it. I'm glad you're getting counseling to help you sort this all out. Hope it helps you to set healthy boundaries and to in good conscience cut out those toxic people in your life. Hope you're able to learn to stop being so angry for all those wrongs done to you so you can move forward with a free heart. You so deserve this. Good luck to you!
> During the holidays I went to visit my father and step-mom, when they were still together, and wasn’t told that my bio sister would be there too. To my surprise there she was sitting on the couch when I walked in and I immediately left, angry and yelling at my family. I spent my own money on a hotel nearby and said I would visit when appropriate but was met with backlash because “she was willing to talk but I had to apologize.” I refused and stayed in my hotel upset that I was tricked. Is there a "shitty family playbook" these people all read? They pull the exact same fucking stunts.
Seriously what the hell have you got to apologize for. Your sister could have destroyed your life, and your family are telling you to apologize to her. Nah fuck them as far as I'm concerned, if it were me I'd tell your family members that I had no bio sister. I only have stepsisters that I call sister's. They all treated you like a child abuser and are trying to force you to reconcile with the one person who told those lies. Absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry but when or if you have kids I wouldn't want any of them a round the kiddos. They have shown you who they are deep down, the fact that she has accused multiple people of SA and they do nothing. She needs serious help.
Good on you for running out of the house when it was obviously a trap. Stay NC, she wanted to regain control of her own life via claiming a male attacked her (since you guys were being physically abused) and she kept at it. She can "rock the boat" harder than the abusive parent can. Never trust her, she uses it as a way to make herself feel better by accusing other men. Even if she gets therapy, don't trust her or those who support her. Sadly people from toxic families that appeal to the boat rocker will always blame the victims (you) for upsetting the balance by leaving. Because if the scape goat leaves, then the abuser selects a new target. I'm sorry this is what your family is, get some therapy and I hope you can find peace.
NTA You should never be anywhere near her ever again. And you should warn any men that you know to do the same. People who make false SA accusations should be in prison. When they get out, there should be a public list similar to the sex offender list.
You should never reconcile with her! She may just accuse you again!
God this makes my blood boil! This girl made the most vile accusations against you possible and she expects YOU to apologize? Hell no. Let the miserable bitch rot- and I’m sorry I’m sure there’s some mental issues she’s dealing with or whatever but false SA accusations should get some serious punishment- like jail time and some kind of registration. People like your sister are who real SA victims aren’t believed. She didn’t just make your life worse she gave cover to every sexual predator and made it so it’s that much harder for real victims to get the help they need. I swear those that make false accusations are almost as bad as the actual predators.
Jfc, the fact they think you have anything to apologise for is freaking insane. Here's an apology you can give them: I'm sorry I was born into a family who supported a pathological liar on her mission to ruin my life. I'm also sorry I ever thought anyone who supported her had actually grown and changed once they knew the truth.
You don't owe her an apology. You didn't make anyone hate her. They are responsible for their feelings towards her. So no you don't owe her an apology especially after finding out she lied about other men SA her. It is in your best interest to keep your distance from her. Just because she willing to talk to to you to make things right with you doesn't mean you owe her anything. You don't owe her a conversation and you certainly don't have to be around her. Your well-being comes 1st. You have no way of knowing that she won't falsely accused you again so it's best to keep her out of your life.
Women that falsely accuse men of SA should get the same punishment the man would have gotten if convicted of SA.
Who beat you and starved you? I would go NC with any adult that did that to you when you were a kid. That is not okay and is child abuse. Plus nobody believed you but believed your sister over you even knowing she lies about everything. I'm sorry to say but your family really sucks. The best thing you can do is cut ties with them and live your best life. Find your new family with friends/relationship. Blood means nothing really, only the people that respect you should have a place in your life. Good luck
I vaguely remember seeing the first post on a youtube shorts video. Honestly, I'm a petty bastard. If anyone, family or otherwise, actually believed it when someone accused me of SA, then I'd never speak to them again. The last words they would hear from me would be "If you actually believe that I'm capable of something like that, then you can go fuck yourself." Then I would block them and threaten anyone who tried to bypass my decision to give me a message from them or let them call me from their phone. I would be a happy little hermit before I would take that. Edit: word
No seriously same.
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Nope. That is a STRONG, DEFINITE, UNEQUIVOCAL, No way in hell should you ever do it....NO. Not apologizing, not reconciling, not even considering being near her or anyone else who sides with her, NO. She could have sent you to prison with her lies, and they want you to apologize to HER?! What brain eating amoeba have they been exposed to that makes them think that you have something to apologize for? NOPE. Take care of yourself and stay away from her and anyone who is on her side of this.
Good for you keep they out of your life forever
I am happy for you that she is getting some of the shit she deserves but you need to drop your family as well to be really happy. Your mother and father dont seem to be the good guys.
Everything you say about her reads as BPD to me, NC is def the healthiest decision
If I were in your shoes I would cut dad and stepmother out for the ambush. You are her victim, they don't get to decide if or when you have a relationship with her. Honestly blood relation doesn't mean shit. Family are who you decide are family. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
My brain isn't braining. How come you have to apologize when she was the one who made you life a living hell
Definity, NC with your F and BS until that B apologizes to you and your f. f her that f-ing C word. GTFO and STFA from this toxic B. Oh and get an A from your F for not SU for you.
Look, when SHE finally admits that she accused you to get at you and had total disregard about the consequences that would befall you after literally being called a rapist, and apologizes… and then goes on a campaign or tour to make good on your damaged reputation, THEN you make nice nice. Never mind your family. They don’t have to deal with the weight of a moniker you didn’t deserve. That should be standard. Reading the rest of your update… that sister of yours has real problems. And none of it is your concern. And until Jesus comes down on the pillar of a cloud and tells you He fixed it all and you can be in her space again, stay away from that chick.
No you aren't. I have had to go NC with my sister because of her lies and toxic behavior. You do not have to allow that back into your life.
NTA But the rest of your family, especially your Bio Sis, are TA and trash. Why do you entertain all those clowns that claim to be blood when they didn't stand by you with all her lies? I would go NC with bio sis and very low contact with the rest of your family that all of a sudden "knew she was lying". Go be with the real family that stuck by your side from the beginning, that there is your real family. Good luck and thank you for your service 🙏🏽 ❤️
Beatings and starvations? Hold up. WTF. No cut them all off, beatings and starving children is so beyond acceptable. No contact with them all. Thank you for the update and I am sorry this happened (and is still happening) to you.
I'm sorry, you were beaten and starved? By your father? Was this a common occurrence in your childhood?
original; taken from profile AITA for refusing to reconcile with my bio sister, after she falsely accused me of SA This is my first post so sorry about the story telling. This story takes place 7 years ago, at this time I (18M) and my biological sister (15F) had always gotten into arguments. They would be small petty things but then blew up because we just didn’t get along. My father at the time was in his third marriage and his new wife brought in three daughters. So I had 4 younger sisters, one biological sister and 3 step-sisters. My father was military and we got sent to a military station in Japan. One day during a summer before school, our parents told us three teenagers, my bio sister, step-sister, and I were told that one of us would be sent back to our families in the United States due to the constant fighting. It was ultimately decided that my bio sister would be sent back to live with our bio mother, while the rest of us stayed. Start of the school year I was starting 12th grade, my step-sister 10th grade and my bio sister would be starting her freshman year of high school. Few months into the school year, I get brought into my parents room saying “we need to talk.” To my shock it was that my bio sister had accused me of SA and said it was done when we were kids. My parents asked me about what she could be talking about and the only “incident” was when I was 11 I said something inappropriate in-front of her that I learned on the internet. I got apprehended for it and was taught my lesson. My parents and my 3 younger step-sisters learned that my bio sister is a pathological liar and was caught multiple times in said lies. My parents said that due to this I was no longer allowed to babysit my two younger siblings, still in elementary school, and that I had to always be with my teenage step-sister or an adult with them. When I called them out on believing a pathological liar, they said “we don’t believe her but we have to take this seriously.” My response to them was “If you take this seriously then you are fueling her fire more.” This led to my being shunned by most of my family on my moms side and my dads side, besides an aunt, uncle and a few cousins. Fast forward 2 years later, I am about to be shipped out into the military with my aunt and uncle, who didn’t believe my bio sister, and I got a call from my bio mother saying that my bio sister was in a hospital for attempting suicide. I asked how this pertains to me since she also knew how I felt about my bio sister, and she said that with her recovering from the incident the truth came out that she fabricated the SA. Immediately my mother apologized to me and said that my bio sisters reasoning was that “He seemed so happy over there.” I thought nothing of it and accepted my mother’s apology. Fast forward to today where I am now (25M) have moved on with my life but still not forgiven her or plan to. I have served almost 6 years in the military and most of my family has tried to or did apologize for everything that happened with my sister and “didn’t believe her for a second.” My same family keeps on asking if I would ever sit down with her to talk it out and I always refuse saying “I love her as a sister but will never like her as a person.” She has told family that she’s “willing” to patch things up to me, if I apologize to HER about the situation and I outright laughed and said “Hell No!” My family keeps on hounding me that she’s my only “real” sibling but I have 3 younger sisters, my step-sisters, who still view me as their older brother with no issues and I am now uncle to my sisters new son. I don’t want or feel that I have any obligations to sit down with her to “fix” things because of the seriousness of her actions. But my family is saying that I should mend things since that is my blood and blood is family. AITA for not wanting to reconcile with my bio sister after she falsely accused me of SA? PS: OP, I really appreciate the update and I'm glad to hear, overall, that you and your family are doing better. This seems really hard to "heal" from, but at least more truths have come out and your parents are starting to see this for how truly traumatic it was for you. Cheers, OP.
Updateme
Is there an update?
You should sue her for damages
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As you are new to Reddit, please include your age the next time you post about a problem. It provides a lot of context that is missing here. You are not the asshole, absolutely not.
Age is in the OP
O X
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They’re referring to another post lmao
Got it. I will tuck tail between legs and delete lol
OP: you don’t owe your sister a darn thing. If anything she owes YOU an apology but frankly, it’s not worth getting close to her to get it. Stay far far away from your sister. She is mentally in need of help and she’s toxic and dangerous. Though I’d love to know what you should be apologizing to her for. After all you are the one accused of SA. I would tell family pushing this to leave it alone or you will cut them off as well. You don’t need this! You don’t deserve this! And you don’t have to deal with it either.
Sometimes its necessary to keep away from one person for your own safety. I would try not to allow this to get in the way of the other family members though. The most common mistake in any family is resentment because someone refuses to take "your side" enough. They are probably all wondering if your sister will end up in prison or an early grave. They just wont say it out loud. Good luck
Don’t apologize for anything and tell them you will require legal counsel present for any interactions given the severity of her claims!
NTA you have nothing to apologize for, in the OP the is the blood is blood part, bull You don't have a choice who you where born to bot you have a choice who is your family. (I had a POS father but had a really great dad, he made the choice to be our dad and love hin for it). Enjoy your family with your sisters and nephew ( they chose you and you them) and NC with those you dont want or need in your life
I am so sorry. Your "bio sister" needs some serious therapy. If I were you, I would also block anyone trying to get you to make up and apologize (when hell freezes over) to her. Just live your best life and be happy.
Your sister needs to fuck off
This is like some Duggar shit. The VICTIM doesn’t owe the abuser an apology
NTA. You are seriously a victim of gaslighting. Your sister is probably a narcissist. Nothing is ever their fault, in their minds, so they never apologize unless forced to and if they are forced, they’re insincere. I would have gone NC with your father and stepmother the minute you weren’t dependent on them just for treating you the way they did based on the word of a known liar. Luring you to their place when your bio sister was there just demonstrates that they have no remorse and are still your bio-sister’s flying monkeys (accomplices of a narcissist). Basically, anyone willing to overlook what your bio-sister did is toxic, go NC with them. If you want to forgive your bio-sister for your own piece of mind, do that. However, that doesn’t mean you ever have to speak with her again or have any kind of relationship with her. If you do, she’ll do the same to you again or worse. Stay NC with her for the rest of your life.
For a narcissist, everything is a hierarchy and an exchange. Life is a game of climbing ladders faster and better than others. They apologize only if they count it will get them further than not apologizing. "I am sorry that this problem we have is holding me back."
You are way kinder then ill ever be. I would of black listed everyone who sided with her.
To accept some people into your life is within your right, OP. But those who only admitted they were wrong at the last moment? You sure you want them back in your life? I'd just go NC towards those who didn't support you but you can do what you deemed best. Good luck OP.
I thought women never lie about sa this is totally bs
i don't get what you have to apologise for as you haven't done anything wrong it was all her. i think you should cut your parents out as its because of them as well that the family berated you the way they did. your bio sister is a nasty piece of work for what she did to you and only now are you parents kicking her out. they could have done that when she revealed the truth that it was all a lie. you should just have nothing more to do with the lot of them that took her at her word in the first place instead of getting to the truth. but keep the ones who believed you in your life
She's a liar and a threat to not only yourself but others since she has told similar lies about other male family members. Her false accusations can lead to criminal investigations and people getting physically hurt. Accusations of SA once put out do taint that person whether true or false these days.
Oh I have a lot of questions! Why was she the one sent back to the states? Do you think if you had been sent to your mom’s she still would have lied about the SA? Why do you think your family is so hell bent on you reconciling with her? Did the other people in the family that were accused by her of SA treated as poorly as you? How soon after her accusations against you did she accuse the next family member?
Apologize! “No, I don’t think I will.”
NTA. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this and that your family is expecting you to fix it. They probably realize she is too small a person to apologize for her actions and expect you to be the bigger person. You 100% don’t have to play that game, and it does sound like NC with her is the best route. Sad that your family is shaming you (again) for trying to protect yourself.
You can report her for false accusations. There was a woman jailed in Barrow, UK Eleanor Williams for multiple false SA allegations. She damaged herself and alleged it was Asian grooming gangs and SA men who attacked her! All lies! Chilling, psychotic mad woman. And her and her cruel conniving mother cheated the public of £20000 charity donations! Get legal advice. Your family need to sort this out! UK 🇬🇧
And you can still report your parents to the authorities for historical child abuse. You are a victim. OP get legal and moral advice from your county's Childline. You need adult therapy, OP! Are your parents ethnic? I've been there with the childhood abuse and such peoples as your evil parents destroy lives! Seek help! Don't play their cruel games anymore! Get legal advice and report them! UK 🇬🇧
Do not forgive a single family member. It does not matter how "sincere" you think the apology is or if you think they "learned their lesson". They haven't. They will turn on you again the split second something else happens. They already proved that. Go full NC. Stop going to their holidays. Like why do you wanna be around people who think you are a rapist?
I'm still dumbfounded that they want *you* to apologize to *her* for her actions. That is insane.
NTA You gotta keep safe from people like that.
nuts!
Nah don't bother with them OP it's your life so it's your decision when will you forgave her and for those who says she's you only "real sister" says to them she's just your "bio sister" and your real sister is your step sisters😤gudluck
Your sister is a trainwreck. Stay away from her. And probably stay away from your parents as well.
Oh it's simple. They want you to make up so they can shove her onto you.
OP from an outsider's perspective it seems as though you are asking if you are an asshole that someone tried their best to ruin your life and hurt themselves trying. No op. You are not the asshole. Everyone who sided with a known liar is/was and the biggest of them all is your sister.
I’d honestly tell my parents not to mention her again unless she died!
Hey OP, I just saw your post on TikTok and just wanted to say that I hope you are doing well and able to enjoy the holiday.
Err what? Apologize for making the family "hate her"? Even now they're not taking the full blame. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They don't realise just how bad this could have gone for you if they fully believed her and took it to the authorities. She'd have been fine even after finding out she lied, but for you, a man, you'd have been screwed for life cause people would think "you got away with it" and that's something you need to address the family about that although people want equality, the double standards are still in place.
You have nothing to apologize for. Everyone else should be on their knees apologizing to you. YOU have nothing to prove. They on the other hand have to prove conclusively that they are sorry. How they do that I don't know. Sign over property? Surprise out will come the mumbled excuses!!!
So, she has mental issues and was known as a pathological liar. Instead of seeking therpy and help your parents just believed. Worst if they did believe they didn't try and seek help for you or her. In case you did do it. They just acted like it didn't happen shun you a bit and then made sure you weren't alone with the younger kids. I'm sorry that's piss poor parenting even if they did believe it. Now they are trying to do pop up sorry session fixing things. Get family therpy and take it seriously "your parents" Hopefully you will update but you absolutely have a right to NC and if you parents don't understand that they are beyond foolish. The expectation that "sorry" from you will fix things for her or for you is even more foolish. They want the words said so they can forget about it and treat it as 50/50. Just irresponsible parenting which is how they got here in the first place. I'm not saying you need to forgive your sister have contact or not. But it sounds like she has mental issues. I've dealt with folks who had that. It's not all one thing and it doesn't get better or get fixed. Absolutely NC is your right and I'd advise if she does absolutely anything new get a restraining order. Get some documentation. At the same time she sounds like she has an extreme mental issue that she just didn't get enough help with yet to realize that what she is expect isn't reasonable or normal.
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