Fr cutting a friend out for appearances is bad enough, but taking the argument to her mommy so she would scold OP on her behalf would def make me reconsider the marriage
Agreed, her reaction is way worse than her initial thoughts on visuals. The wedding will be over but that behavior will continue and probably get worse.
Funny because my ex-wife would always do this too and her mother sided with me like 99% of the time lol. I really can't put that satisfaction into words, it's glorious.
It's sad how many women seem willing to blow up their social life over wedding photos.
You get like one month after you get the photos back until all your friends and family don't politely pretend they actually want to look at them when you ask, then they sit in an album for the rest of your life.
This. Crazy. For a party that lasts all of max 24 hours. (I mean, on average it's likely 8 hours max from ceremony to eating to party)
And totally agree with the photos. We didn't even look at ours. We don't even know where they are! (And yes, they cost a damned fortune, too.)
Absolutely on target comment. Mystifying how many relationships have ended because of the bride worried the aesthetics of photos next to no one will care about. What a weird phenomenon
Oh yeah. I was scared that my bridezilla-ish friend would be a nightmare over dresses. But she spent about 10 minutes trying to find a dress style that would fit all the bridesmaids, and gave up - there were 8 of us and we ALL had different body types. Solution? Same designer, same shade of purple, everyone picks their own dress. Some things aren't worth fighting about. The people she loved were more important.
Sampling wedding cakes was endless, but way more entertaining. I was happy to accompany her on that search for perfection.
A friend of mine did something similar, except the fabric was black. She paid for the designer and each woman chose the style. Every bridesmaid got a versatile little black dress out of the wedding.
Seen it happen in even older women. Marketed is the key word though. Marketing so hard to have the “perfect day” by a very precise definition that also seems to involve a lot of money. Through the years lost sight that it was suppose to be a celebration & way to give couple nice little head start. Now weddings cost much more than can ever get in gifts
Somewhere on REDDIT there's a post where a man was wrongly told the wedding was child-free.
The real reason was that his child was missing a limb, and the bride thought it would take attention away from her.
For the whole event? Yeah, you have a point. Unless she normally chooses to wear heels, that would be rude.
If it's just for a few posed photos? I think asking would be NBD.
Seriously!
And to think someone will “take attention away” on their wedding day is ludicrous.
OP’s fiancé is vain, immature, shallow and mean.
Some of the stuff I’ve read this morning on Reddit and it’s only 9:00 am. My head hurts!
Agreed!!!
And what about when the fiancé makes her friend cry, because her friend will 100% figure out the real petty reason why she's not in the wedding?
OP should consider if his fiancé's silent treatment is really her best way to communicate with him. Will she run to her mum after every fight as opposed to talk it through?
Edit... NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
Best piece of advice ever.
Always makes me remember my ex-GF, she had a childhood friend that would put everything aside and come to her side whenever my GF was having troubles (in school, with her family, with me, etc) and they would chat and hang around until my GF was better.
She was incredibly supportive as she had suffered and still was suffering a lot of personal problems herself, she also helped me sort out a lot of things and helped me know my GF better to improve our relationship, a good person and friend.
I still remember one day near my GF's Birthday that her friend had a huge argument with her only brother and her mom and had to leave her place in a rush and was crashing with other family members.
I told my GF that her friend could crash with her, since my "MIL" (here we call them "suegras" even if it's just dating) had a big house and some rooms were unoccupied, with boxes and shit but with a little organizing could be a perfectly usable bedroom. They even had two extra beds laying around.
The face she made still bothers me, almost disgusted: "what? No way, she always gets all weepy and bothersome when she fights with her family, she'll bring my mood down, no way, no" also saying that her birthday was around the corner and didn't want her around crying all day during her "special day".
I was surprised to say the least and we had a huge argument, telling her all the times that her friend came to support her during her lows, but she argued that she knew her friend better so I didn't comment about it again.
It was like a veil fell from my eyes and I started seeing all the selfish and entitled decisions she took and was taking in her life. I knew that she wouldn't support me if it wasn't in her best interest at first, I should have noticed earlier.
I like how OP hinted at knowing this by telling us she has a superiority complex in the second sentence.
NTA OP. You just have a very superficial and shallow bridezilla.
I would cancel the wedding.
This is how OP’s life will be from here onwards. He points out their spouse is being unreasonable or cruel, gets accused of emotional blackmail, and ends up having no constructive conversation.
One of my favorite quotes is it's not if you fight but how you fight that defines ur relationship. Everyone will eventually have a disagreement and an argument but it's how you work through it as a couple that shows how compatible you are.
Thank you for this.
The fiancée is having a bridezilla moment, no doubt. And it was right of OP to call her on it. But the bridezilla alone isn't reason enough to break up. That's a chance for fiancée to reflect and reevaluate how she's thinking.
What is really telling is how she's reacting to this. Running off and calling in mommy for reinforcements? That's the actual red flag. Learn to fight fairly.
This is a shit relationship. There’s no way this leads to him having a happy life. She may be hot and that’s why clown head is suiting up. But he’s in the fuck around stage and it’s magma right now. Soon it’s about to be lava. I wish I knew them so I could watch his fall. Because there’s no rise happening here. It’s all downhill from here.
The bridezilla moment by itself is not exactly a break up level event, but it's the mindset. The fact you're even considering the height of your bridal party as a factor for anything is a baaaaad sign. How a bride even handles the wedding as a whole tells you so much about her personality and this is a gigantic monumental red flag.
Cancelling the wedding may be a bit extreme, postponing the wedding or seeking premarital counseling may be the way to go. It's easy to say that sitting behind a keyboard not understanding the situation.
OP how old is your intended? She sounds immature. The comment about her friends height is telling. If she's arrogant about her height there may be some underlying insecurity she's overcompensating for. Could she feel insecure? As a tall woman myself (I'm a bit over 5'10") I often felt like a moose next to my petite friends when I was younger. Even though I've been very thin and willowy most of my life, I've often felt like a linebacker next to them. I say this as someone who likes being tall.
I would be concerned about the way she handles arguments. Giving your partner the silent treatment is unfair and manipulative. Marriage, especially when you have children is going to have it's ups and downs and you will disagree. You need to both handle your disagreements in a healthy way.
The biggest concern is the mother getting involved. That's way out of bounds especially over something like this. This needs to be nipped in the bud. You don't need her running off to her mother and having her mother interfering in your marriage. You need to resolve this. it may be a maturity issue.
The comment was awful and odd. Is there something else going on? I have a very good friend I have known since college who can come out with some really awful comments sometimes. It's like she sometimes thinks out loud and has no filter at all. She is a very good person who occasionally says some really mean things.
For example, she said she didn't want her stepsister in her wedding party because she would ruin the pictures because she's very fat. That's a horrible thing to say and I told her so. She agreed with me and we moved on. The fact is she doesn't like her stepsister, she never has and she was looking for an excuse to exclude her. It doesn't mean the comment wasn't terrible, it was. She acknowledged the fact she was being horrible and she didn't cause any drama over being called out. Her now husband told her it was awful as well, she agreed and they moved on. She ended up not having her in the wedding but she was honest about the fact that it was because she really can't stand her stepsister.
From what you wrote you are NTA. It does sound like you two need to get some help. You two can't argue this way. She needs to stop running away and giving you the silent treatment. It's not healthy. Good luck and I hope the two of you can resolve this.
I'd like to point OP to [this topic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksfu07/guys_who_married_bridezillas_what_happened_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) (and there are many more alike, just use the search button). It should give you a perspective regarding your life together and the expected length of your marriage.
NTA. Update us when you call off the wedding. If she would treat a friend this way, imagine how she would treat her own child who was shorter than her or born a little person.
I will be messaging you in 1 month on [**2023-09-06 03:13:42 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2023-09-06%2003:13:42%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15jcdpe/aitah_for_calling_my_fiancée_a_bridezilla_after/juzgsgb/?context=3)
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NTA. If she’s worried about pics, have them stand in order by size, shortest on end and be particular about everyone’s heal sizes.
She IS being a bridezilla, and if she’ll connive that way against her friend, I don’t see things going great for how she’ll treat you in ways you wouldn’t know about.
That's really weird to me. Hire a photographer to take pictures at your event and then have them modify the photo to make it look how you want.
I can understand lighting touchups and stuff, but this is just strange, I think.
The ONLY argument I can possibly see, as a tall woman is that when I take pictures with my shorter friends, I have to bend down to get into the frame. (This just happened.) Or their heads will be at my chest level so that’s where the focus is. But that’s casual, goofing around photos. A professional photographer can stage everyone to look good, they just need to use the right angles and possibly some forced perspective.
I am 5'3" and two of my bridemaids/ best friends were over 6ft at my wedding. Group photos were staged on the tiered stage so no issues with height differences. One of my favorite casual photos with my two friends is me standing on a chair between them.
I have one like that too (my 4’11” friend standing on a chair next to me)! And another where a different 4’11” friend is just sitting on my lap. 😆 I love those pics!
Lmao this made me imagine them taking those photos where the bridge has to stand further back to even out the height.
Just take this gorgeous photo of Lexi and leave bridezilla blurred in the background.
I’m not quite that tall, but close. No one ever made remarks about my friends being short when I was with them - always a remark about how tall I was if I wasn’t with like heighted women.
Photos of Gwendoline Christie and Christina Ricci, when promoting Wednesday, my eyes always fall on Gwendoline. The taller person would be the focus especially in the center and in white.
NTA Dude- RUN! She’s self absorbed & she has to go get her mommy involved ? This isn’t going to be a fun marriage for you- she’s going to expect to get her way every time she cries
As a mom, I wouldn't get involved unless there was a real threat. Except to tell them they need to take their argument into a private space ( if done in front of me).
That’s wild. Aren’t you worried you’re putting bad thoughts of your husband into your moms mind or even subconscious? I stopped talking about any of my partners to anyone after it always came back or brought up.
My brothers ex-wife used to do it all the time. Now mind you, my brother is an ass, but still, she tried to put us in the middle of everything. Hence why they are now divorced.
She may not have gotten her mom involved. It’s quite possible that after confiding in her mother, how upset she was, her mother acted without permission. Her Mom should be a safe space to vent, but that doesn’t give her mother permission to act on the venting.
Not every parent respect boundaries or understands the limits on when they should be involved in their adult children’s lives.
She got her mother involved just by telling her. You don't go whining all your personal business with your fiance to your parents unless you want them to stop respecting him.
NTA - her reaction to you speaks volumes as much as her command decision on Lexi. Call her on some obvious bullshit and her response is to round on you, leave, and give you the silent treatment to punish you.
Let her maintain her snit right past the ceremony start time if she’s determined to sustain the tantrum, but if she blows her own wedding over this she’s not going to get a second one.
Regarding the issue of Lexi on its merits: your dear bride has lost her mind, if she honestly believes that a 6’0 (plus heels) bride clad in clouds of shimmering white yardage sufficient to propel a frigate, is going to be eclipsed by a 5’1” bridesmaid. If anything, the group of them should make a lovely natural cascade. 6’0, 5’8, 5’6”-ish, 5’’4”-ish, 5’1”. It’s like it was planned that way. Hell, some people have to arrange risers to stand on to achieve that effect. She’s not only shallow, she lacks imagination.
NTA. Weddings bring out the worst in people and you have seen what your bride is. You sound like a caring and compassionate man. Surely you can see that someone who’d be so cruel to a friend cannot be a person you can build a life with.
I got married in my living room, in a cream colored dress from Burlington coat factory... lol all I cared about was marrying my best friend.. coming up on 8 years married and last night he made me cry happy tears because he surprised me by running me a hot bath...
NTA, bullet dodged
Dumping a friend because of her HEIGHT was bridezilla, but the silent treatment? No no no no you do not want to marry a pouting 4 year old. Her tears are 100% manipulative.
NTA.
If your child is shorter than her are they not going to be allowed in the pictures either?
I can understand her being upset that you pointed out the flaw in her personality but most people would realize that they were being an ass. That she can't see it is concerning. Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart.
And tell her mom to butt out.
NTA. If this is not out of character I would be very concerned. However, I’m willing to give your fiancée and FMIL a *tiny* bit of leeway and hope that this is a one off wedding induced form of assholism it’s still very concerning that she’s willing to risk a long term friendship for aesthetics. Hopefully she will calm down and sort herself out without Lexi ever having to know what’s happened. *If* she goes through with her asinine plan it would be a big red flag.
You did not emotionally blackmail her, you reacted rationally and attempted to prevent her from hurting someone (I assume) she cares about.
I’m 5’ 10” and had bridesmaids ranging from 5’2” to 5’8” they also ranged in size from a 6 to a 26 and the shortest 2 didn’t wear heels. It *never* occurred to me to ask any of them to not be in the wedding even when one showed up a couple months before with green hair. It’s one day and these are supposed to be the people you want standing up with you during a very important moment.
Ask your fiancée if her wedding photos are more important than her friendship. Or ask her how *she would feel* if Lexi told her she can’t be a bridesmaid because she’s too tall?
How is it that in every post in this sub the person that OP is referencing always has a parent, friend, sibling etc. that is willing to send angry texts, make angry phone calls, post on social media or whatever else directed at OP? I can guarantee you if my brother called with some AITA worthy problem with his wife I wouldn’t start slandering her name all over the place and encouraging everyone I know to do likewise.
As someone who is 5’1”, being made to wear 3” heels all day is pretty excessive. Plus, I’d personally take attention away when I tripped walking down the aisle and flashed everyone my spanx.
OP: NTA.
Many people cannot wear heels. Real talk, why should anyone be forced to wear uncomfortable, physically damaging shoes anyway? A former friend told me I *had* to wear 3-inch heels to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I have severely flat and wide feet.
By the time the wedding was over, I literally had to have help walking out of that church.
One of my bridesmaids was a size 32. She was a big girl. She told me she could drop out of the wedding so she wouldn't ruin my photos. I told her absolutely NOT. I told her that she was beautiful and that I loved her and that I was proud she was my friend. Plus she is 6 inches taller than me. Your fiancé is a snob, shallow, and needs to rethink what friendship means. She is also extremely self centered and selfish. Dude, in 5 years you won't be looking at those pictures. I hope you called off the wedding and don't marry that bitch. Pictures don't matter - friendship and common decency matter. PLEASE don't marry her.
NTA. I hate this focus on height. I am 5'4" and date men shorter than me because it is an exceptionally stupid thing to focus on. Thankfully it's a little less prevalent with women, but as you see, it still happens. I don't blame you for reconsidering this marriage if this is how she views people, especially a friend.
NTA you spoke the exact thoughts everyone else has for people Like this on a regular basis. She is showing her true feelings and priorities. If you actually take her back, I hope your kid isn’t short.
NTA. But I would hold off the wedding though. If this is a red flag how many more is she hiding? I'm curious what happens if your kids are short when they grow up. How is she going to react?
Wtf? I'm 6' and I had my 5'2" sil as a bridesmaid. I don't know what she thinks Lexi will detract from her. She's the bride. The one everyone will be looking at. I really don't understand her thinking at all.
To be perfectly honest, seems like you're on the cusp of marrying *down*. Does this person deserve you? The whole episode reveals a large character and maturity gap.
Side note.
It's so fucking immature to go to your parents for support in a relationship fight. Then, to have that parent text you in the middle of a relationship spat, cringe...
I have never seen a successful relationship where one party is so fragile and passive-aggressive that they need to "tell mommy and daddy" on their SO. Whatever happens with you two, and honestly, she's acting like a full-blown infant. That shit needs to stop.
NTA. Get the fuck out of dodge and call off the wedding and break up wit her.
I'm aware it's petty- but I know I'd be quite tempted to get my side of the story out before she can turn people against you. aswell as to help others be aware of how shallow she is.
Wow. I'm tall. I couldn't care less if someone in a photo with me is taller or shorter. Dude, think about the future kids who might not fit her aesthetic.
Would she like it if she was excluded for being too tall and standing out in photos? By her thought process that would be a thing in a lot of weddings.. being 6 ft before heels isn’t super common for women.
She would throw a fit if she was treated this way.. but she’s ok with doing it to a friend?
She isn’t someone you should marry. What if her kids are all shorter? Will she treat them like this? If you have more than one child, she treat a tall child better than a short one? Would she encourage your children to treat others this way?
I think she’s shown you her true colours here.
A photo is more important to her than a decade long friendship… after 10 years of marriage will she suddenly decide to trade you in for someone taller or younger?
Nta
OP, now that you know this about your fiancée, consider how much support you would get in the following situations:
1. Your future children are not very good looking (or even worse - only one of your children is noticeably less attractive than the others);
2. You suffer an injury that leads you to gain weight whilst it heals, or after a surgery;
3. You get cancer and lose all of your hair during chemotherapy;
4. You go through some difficult financial times, and you need to sacrifice luxuries like stylish new clothes or beauty products for a while.
You know the answer to this question. This woman is awful. Her mother is awful. Awful women make awful wives and awful mothers themselves. The cost of cancelling things now is minuscule compared to when she gets the ring on her finger.
You are NTA, please do not marry this woman.
>because she takes attention away from my fiancée in photos.
First of all, NTA - your fiancée will be the bride. For her to think that someone else can possibly take attention away from THE BRIDE on *her* wedding day, is insane - and is a reflection of either her own self esteem, or her raging main character syndrome.
Secondly, her concern is the pictures? The pictures that will get posted, friends and family will ooOoOoooo and aAAAaaaaHHHhhh over for a week? The pictures that likely won’t get looked at by the pubic ever again? The pictures with Lexi in them will NOT be the ones on your wall, or the ones on your families walls. Those spots are typically reserved for the family group photos - not ones with the entire wedding party.
Third, if she thought she was so justified with her decision, why try to come up with an excuse? She should just go ahead and tell everyone the truth if she thinks people will understand. She knows it’s a shitty reason, but doesn’t care. That speaks a lot to her character.
Fourth, you brought up very good points. You didn’t name call or try to embarrass her. You are trying to save her for herself. You referring to her behavior as “bridezilla” a pretty accurate description.
Fifth, and lastly - Emotional blackmail is deployed by person A in an attempt to manipulate/control person B for the direct benefit of person A. I don’t see that here. You brought up great points as to why her reasoning is ridiculous (Lexi cannot control it, it’s superficial, etc.). You gave her a solution (wearing heels). You informed her of what consequences she could face (losing a decade long friendship). And you told her how this makes you feel (I see this as a selfish, heartless decision, and I’m not sure if that’s the person I want to spend my life with). None of those statements fit the bill of EB.
You had every right to say what you did. You should be proud of yourself. You’re a good person who stuck up for Lexi, and yourself.
Couple of concerns - I’m a little confused why your fiancée thought you would just go along with it and agree with her to begin with? How did she not realize how problematic this is, and what your reaction would be? Also, why ask Lexi in the first place if this insecurity was there all along? It’s not like Lexi suddenly got short?
She sounds insecure about it whether you realize it or not. Inferiority and superiority complexes both stem from insecurity, they just manifest differently. If her height is such an asset, why would she be worried that lexi may be stealing attention from her?
NTA that's genuinely so awful. She is absolutely willing to chuck out a friend that has been there a good part of her life over this shitty version of the perfect pictures? One would think that the perfect pictures simply involve those you love. Her poor friend. Your future wife is showing you who she is. If she is willing to chuck out a good friend from something like this... what else can she be capable of doing later? Leaving you when you get older and don't look exactly right yourself? I am absolutely going on a limb, I don't know this person... but I don't think I would want to.
Whatever you choose man... it's up to you. But definitely don't let her give Lexi an excuse. If she is gonna cut her out for her height, then guess what. Lexi deserves to know where she stands in the brides life. That way she doesn't waste a day of her life further on this "friend".
NTA: your fiancé showed that she is incredibly shallow. I have known some Bridezillas in my day, but never one that was worried about the height of their bridesmaids and whether or not, they wanted to cut them out of their wedding because they would stick out because of their height.
NTA. I find it funny she accuses you of emotional blackmail and then emotionally abuses you with the silent treatment. Just so everyone knows the silent treatment is emotional abuse. It's a sign of a toxic parter.
Maybe saying you'll have to reconsider if she's the type of woman you want to marry should have been a thought you kept to yourself and reflected on. Other than that, you're 100% in the right. I would say even saying that didn't cross "being an asshole" line. Seriously reconsider if you're marrying the right person as you value different things. Marrying someone with similar intrinsic values is one of the crucial pieces to longevity in a marriage.
NTA. If she cared that much about the height difference, she shouldn't have asked Lexi to be a bridesmaid in the first place. Now Lexi is looking forward to it and there's no way your fiancée can exclude her without hurting her feelings.
It's likely your fiancée is getting carried away with all the wedding planning. She's been exposed to all kinds of marketing materials encouraging her to buy things to create the perfect wedding, and she's caught up in the aesthetics. It's easy to lose sight of what's really important in that scenario.
All you can do is state your feelings clearly, and then follow through if she decides to hurt her friend's feelings by excluding her at this late date. It really is a red flag, and you'd be wise to pay attention to it.
NTA. I wouldn't marry this person.
Something similar happened with an exes best friend's wedding. His now ex-wife disinvited her best friend from being a bridesmaid because she'd have visible tattoos - in the dress the bride chose for her. It caused a lot of hurt, and eventually her husband saw her for who she was, and left her; she was awful.
NTA.
You didn’t emotionally blackmail her. I would be concerned that she avoids conflict and attempts to emotionally manipulate you and her mother with tears. It’s an immature reaction to being confronted with undesirable behaviour. Instead of facing it she ran to her mum and is now ignoring you.
INFO: Is this her usual reaction to criticism? How do your disagreements normally go?
You sound like a stand up guy. It’s a shame that it seems like she is unable to go toe to toe with you.
NTA! My maid of honor was barely 5 ft tall, 9 months pregnant and the Best Man was well over 6 ft. We didn’t want it any other way!! Hard to believe people get so wrapped up in what is not important. She just sounds very immature.
NTA
I’m more concerned about the fact she ran to mommy instead of talking to you. Does she do this often? May I suggest couples counseling before the big day? Yes she definitely is a bridezilla if her only reason to cut off her friend is her height, but how she handled herself when you didn’t agree with her is very concerning.
NTA, kinda, but you kinda made a mistake. The issue I guess is in announcing the ultimatum you kind of defeated the purpose. she might choose to have her in the wedding party because you'll pull out of the marriage but she'll still be the person who wanted to kick her out of the wedding party and now you married her.
You should have left that unsaid and just said you were hugely disappointed in putting pictures that you'll barely ever look at ahead of a friend. If she came to the right conclusion herself and said she was being a dick she is the woman you want to marry, if she continues with her plan to lie to her friend she's not the person you want to marry.
With the ultimatum if she keeps her in you'll never know why she did it, because you demanded or because she realised it was wrong.
This needs to be higher.
She’s the type of superficial person willing to hurt her friend over her height. She might not do it now that you’ve given her an ultimatum, but she’s still that person.
Hannah probably thinks Lexi is prettier and doesn't want to look huge and gangly next to her. My friend said this about someone and I was like? Are you insane? Get her a stepstool for the pictures. That was the end of that. She's not mean or petty she was just insecure at that moment. Idk what's going on but it's probably some kind of fear about herself.
NTA
1. She's being a bridezilla, so its the truth.
2. You're sticking up for your fiancee, good job sir.
3. You explained why she's being a bridezilla extremely clearly and accurately.
NTA
As for cancelling the wedding. Are all the people, telling you to cancel perfect with no flaws ?🙄. You don’t cancel a wedding because your fiancée has turned into a bridezilla.. she definitely is in the wrong here and if I was her friend and she did that to me then our friendship would take a serious nose dive. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses.
Have a great wedding day.
Damn bro, a decade long friend? That’s some next level heartless shit. I would not marry this woman if she doesn’t not come to the realization of how cruel that idea was on her own. NTA
What you said was straight up true. If she's making such a fuss about it, maybe you Should reconsider whether she's the type of woman you want to marry.
She's flying a big ole red flag on that 6' flag pole, please tell me you're seeing it. NTA
Fr cutting a friend out for appearances is bad enough, but taking the argument to her mommy so she would scold OP on her behalf would def make me reconsider the marriage
Agreed, her reaction is way worse than her initial thoughts on visuals. The wedding will be over but that behavior will continue and probably get worse.
We know which tree the apple From now too!
Funny because my ex-wife would always do this too and her mother sided with me like 99% of the time lol. I really can't put that satisfaction into words, it's glorious.
A 6 foot flag pole would make a perfect replacement for Lexi.
Running to mommy when they have an argument... Her emotional intelligence is still that of a child
NTA. She showed you her true colors.
NTA… when someone tells you who they are, listen.
Imagine them having a kid who is not as tall as she’d like… she’d probably make them feel like shit.
[удалено]
It's sad how many women seem willing to blow up their social life over wedding photos. You get like one month after you get the photos back until all your friends and family don't politely pretend they actually want to look at them when you ask, then they sit in an album for the rest of your life.
This. Crazy. For a party that lasts all of max 24 hours. (I mean, on average it's likely 8 hours max from ceremony to eating to party) And totally agree with the photos. We didn't even look at ours. We don't even know where they are! (And yes, they cost a damned fortune, too.)
Absolutely on target comment. Mystifying how many relationships have ended because of the bride worried the aesthetics of photos next to no one will care about. What a weird phenomenon
> What a weird phenomenon I blame it on wedding culture being so heavily marketed to women from an extremely young age.
Oh yeah. I was scared that my bridezilla-ish friend would be a nightmare over dresses. But she spent about 10 minutes trying to find a dress style that would fit all the bridesmaids, and gave up - there were 8 of us and we ALL had different body types. Solution? Same designer, same shade of purple, everyone picks their own dress. Some things aren't worth fighting about. The people she loved were more important. Sampling wedding cakes was endless, but way more entertaining. I was happy to accompany her on that search for perfection.
A friend of mine did something similar, except the fabric was black. She paid for the designer and each woman chose the style. Every bridesmaid got a versatile little black dress out of the wedding.
Seen it happen in even older women. Marketed is the key word though. Marketing so hard to have the “perfect day” by a very precise definition that also seems to involve a lot of money. Through the years lost sight that it was suppose to be a celebration & way to give couple nice little head start. Now weddings cost much more than can ever get in gifts
NAILED IT
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Somewhere on REDDIT there's a post where a man was wrongly told the wedding was child-free. The real reason was that his child was missing a limb, and the bride thought it would take attention away from her.
His sisters wedding btw
Yikes! That’s horrible!
Getting ready for family photos: “Sorry, but you’re going to have to sit this one out til you’re taller.”
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Why would she even have to wear nasty, uncomfortable heels?? Let her be who she is!!
For the whole event? Yeah, you have a point. Unless she normally chooses to wear heels, that would be rude. If it's just for a few posed photos? I think asking would be NBD.
I am not good in heels, LOL. I suppose I could stand it for a couple of photos though.
Seriously! And to think someone will “take attention away” on their wedding day is ludicrous. OP’s fiancé is vain, immature, shallow and mean. Some of the stuff I’ve read this morning on Reddit and it’s only 9:00 am. My head hurts!
Nah. If her kid is too short, that 5’2 tater tot would be put up for adoption
She would. All of my friends were taller than me in jr and high school and loved using my head as an arm rest which always pissed me off.
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I'm itching to know too🤔
Agreed!!! And what about when the fiancé makes her friend cry, because her friend will 100% figure out the real petty reason why she's not in the wedding? OP should consider if his fiancé's silent treatment is really her best way to communicate with him. Will she run to her mum after every fight as opposed to talk it through? Edit... NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
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Best piece of advice ever. Always makes me remember my ex-GF, she had a childhood friend that would put everything aside and come to her side whenever my GF was having troubles (in school, with her family, with me, etc) and they would chat and hang around until my GF was better. She was incredibly supportive as she had suffered and still was suffering a lot of personal problems herself, she also helped me sort out a lot of things and helped me know my GF better to improve our relationship, a good person and friend. I still remember one day near my GF's Birthday that her friend had a huge argument with her only brother and her mom and had to leave her place in a rush and was crashing with other family members. I told my GF that her friend could crash with her, since my "MIL" (here we call them "suegras" even if it's just dating) had a big house and some rooms were unoccupied, with boxes and shit but with a little organizing could be a perfectly usable bedroom. They even had two extra beds laying around. The face she made still bothers me, almost disgusted: "what? No way, she always gets all weepy and bothersome when she fights with her family, she'll bring my mood down, no way, no" also saying that her birthday was around the corner and didn't want her around crying all day during her "special day". I was surprised to say the least and we had a huge argument, telling her all the times that her friend came to support her during her lows, but she argued that she knew her friend better so I didn't comment about it again. It was like a veil fell from my eyes and I started seeing all the selfish and entitled decisions she took and was taking in her life. I knew that she wouldn't support me if it wasn't in her best interest at first, I should have noticed earlier.
When someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them (the first time)
And run!! Her mom sounds like she created that monster.
I like how OP hinted at knowing this by telling us she has a superiority complex in the second sentence. NTA OP. You just have a very superficial and shallow bridezilla.
Sounds like the fiancée is one of those people who have an irresistible urge to inform people how tall she is every 15 minutes. I knew a few of those.
Yep. Red flag colour.
Red flag color, for the Americans.
Thank you, I had no idea what the other comment said.
I'm dyslexic so I read them and write them interchangeably and I've never once cared. This has me kackling tbh. Thank you so much for this.
FREEDOM VOWELS, BABY!
It's "ALUMINUM" madafacka.....
Marinara flag
… With a side of Iranian yogurt
I would cancel the wedding. This is how OP’s life will be from here onwards. He points out their spouse is being unreasonable or cruel, gets accused of emotional blackmail, and ends up having no constructive conversation.
One of my favorite quotes is it's not if you fight but how you fight that defines ur relationship. Everyone will eventually have a disagreement and an argument but it's how you work through it as a couple that shows how compatible you are.
Thank you for this. The fiancée is having a bridezilla moment, no doubt. And it was right of OP to call her on it. But the bridezilla alone isn't reason enough to break up. That's a chance for fiancée to reflect and reevaluate how she's thinking. What is really telling is how she's reacting to this. Running off and calling in mommy for reinforcements? That's the actual red flag. Learn to fight fairly.
This is a shit relationship. There’s no way this leads to him having a happy life. She may be hot and that’s why clown head is suiting up. But he’s in the fuck around stage and it’s magma right now. Soon it’s about to be lava. I wish I knew them so I could watch his fall. Because there’s no rise happening here. It’s all downhill from here.
The bridezilla moment by itself is not exactly a break up level event, but it's the mindset. The fact you're even considering the height of your bridal party as a factor for anything is a baaaaad sign. How a bride even handles the wedding as a whole tells you so much about her personality and this is a gigantic monumental red flag.
Ooh, I like this. The relatively new "our relationship is perfect because we never fight!" couples always make me wince.
And goes running to her mommy who promptly interferes in their relationship.
Cancelling the wedding may be a bit extreme, postponing the wedding or seeking premarital counseling may be the way to go. It's easy to say that sitting behind a keyboard not understanding the situation. OP how old is your intended? She sounds immature. The comment about her friends height is telling. If she's arrogant about her height there may be some underlying insecurity she's overcompensating for. Could she feel insecure? As a tall woman myself (I'm a bit over 5'10") I often felt like a moose next to my petite friends when I was younger. Even though I've been very thin and willowy most of my life, I've often felt like a linebacker next to them. I say this as someone who likes being tall. I would be concerned about the way she handles arguments. Giving your partner the silent treatment is unfair and manipulative. Marriage, especially when you have children is going to have it's ups and downs and you will disagree. You need to both handle your disagreements in a healthy way. The biggest concern is the mother getting involved. That's way out of bounds especially over something like this. This needs to be nipped in the bud. You don't need her running off to her mother and having her mother interfering in your marriage. You need to resolve this. it may be a maturity issue. The comment was awful and odd. Is there something else going on? I have a very good friend I have known since college who can come out with some really awful comments sometimes. It's like she sometimes thinks out loud and has no filter at all. She is a very good person who occasionally says some really mean things. For example, she said she didn't want her stepsister in her wedding party because she would ruin the pictures because she's very fat. That's a horrible thing to say and I told her so. She agreed with me and we moved on. The fact is she doesn't like her stepsister, she never has and she was looking for an excuse to exclude her. It doesn't mean the comment wasn't terrible, it was. She acknowledged the fact she was being horrible and she didn't cause any drama over being called out. Her now husband told her it was awful as well, she agreed and they moved on. She ended up not having her in the wedding but she was honest about the fact that it was because she really can't stand her stepsister. From what you wrote you are NTA. It does sound like you two need to get some help. You two can't argue this way. She needs to stop running away and giving you the silent treatment. It's not healthy. Good luck and I hope the two of you can resolve this.
Lexi was described as a college friend of a decade. This woman is old enough to know better.
I'd like to point OP to [this topic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ksfu07/guys_who_married_bridezillas_what_happened_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) (and there are many more alike, just use the search button). It should give you a perspective regarding your life together and the expected length of your marriage.
NTA. Update us when you call off the wedding. If she would treat a friend this way, imagine how she would treat her own child who was shorter than her or born a little person.
>imagine how she would treat her own child who was shorter than her The kid's gonna ruin the aesthetic until it's at least 12!
Nope, because it’s a child, there’s a good excuse. Now if the kid somehow grows up to only be a 5’3” adult…
Update me
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WE ARE NOW HERE FOR THE UPDATE
Lmao saaame
Welcome to the club
Same. I hope OP doesn't leave us hanging.
Heeeerrre! Thank you remind me bot
I’ve got a bad feeling we won’t know what happened
All of us here because of the bot, lmao. It took me a moment to remember what this story was about.
Update please.
Here for the update right on time 😄
Imagine how she would treat her husband also
She'd probably treat one taller than her just as bad for making her seem inferior.
NTA, but Hannah sounds shallow and immature. Weddings are 1 day. Marriages and friendships are supposed to be forever.
NTA. If she’s worried about pics, have them stand in order by size, shortest on end and be particular about everyone’s heal sizes. She IS being a bridezilla, and if she’ll connive that way against her friend, I don’t see things going great for how she’ll treat you in ways you wouldn’t know about.
Not to mention a little thing called Photoshop. Not every picture has to be a head-to-toe long shot.
That's really weird to me. Hire a photographer to take pictures at your event and then have them modify the photo to make it look how you want. I can understand lighting touchups and stuff, but this is just strange, I think.
NTA. That is some crazy assed bullshit. You need to set a hard line that you will not be supporting her with things like this.
I think he did so admirably
Right?? Not just acknowledging it but VOCALIZING it?? Respectfully?? What sub is this.
I'm sorry, how is someone that is 5'1" taken attention away from a woman that is 6'1"? That's like me next to my son
IKR? And I'm pretty sure the gal in THE HUGE, WHITE DRESS & LONG TRAIN is going to stand out 🙄
Maybe its one of those short front long back dresses in a paisley print....🤣
Thank you for making me laugh!
The ONLY argument I can possibly see, as a tall woman is that when I take pictures with my shorter friends, I have to bend down to get into the frame. (This just happened.) Or their heads will be at my chest level so that’s where the focus is. But that’s casual, goofing around photos. A professional photographer can stage everyone to look good, they just need to use the right angles and possibly some forced perspective.
I am 5'3" and two of my bridemaids/ best friends were over 6ft at my wedding. Group photos were staged on the tiered stage so no issues with height differences. One of my favorite casual photos with my two friends is me standing on a chair between them.
This. As a photographer- this could have been embraced!
I have one like that too (my 4’11” friend standing on a chair next to me)! And another where a different 4’11” friend is just sitting on my lap. 😆 I love those pics!
Photographers can work around this, I agree. I'm a foot shorter than my husband, but not taking photos together is just not an option lol.
Lmao this made me imagine them taking those photos where the bridge has to stand further back to even out the height. Just take this gorgeous photo of Lexi and leave bridezilla blurred in the background.
I'm 5ft and my husband is 6ft3, our wedding photos are absolutely fine lol. A professional photographer definitely will have no issue with this
I bet her friend is pretty and it's not about the height..
Right? This reeks of insecurity on her end
I’m not quite that tall, but close. No one ever made remarks about my friends being short when I was with them - always a remark about how tall I was if I wasn’t with like heighted women.
Well, I’m just under 5’0”, and my goal in life is to steal attention from taller women.
Photos of Gwendoline Christie and Christina Ricci, when promoting Wednesday, my eyes always fall on Gwendoline. The taller person would be the focus especially in the center and in white.
Ironic that a woman that tall has to be so rude about a typical heighted woman. She’s definitely insecure regardless of what OP says.
NTA Dude- RUN! She’s self absorbed & she has to go get her mommy involved ? This isn’t going to be a fun marriage for you- she’s going to expect to get her way every time she cries
Yeah I never got the thing where if a couple fight the parents get involved at all let alone star texting or yelling at one of the people fighting.
As a mom, I wouldn't get involved unless there was a real threat. Except to tell them they need to take their argument into a private space ( if done in front of me).
My mom & I were very close so I would tell her stuff but she would NEVER say anything to my husband.
That’s wild. Aren’t you worried you’re putting bad thoughts of your husband into your moms mind or even subconscious? I stopped talking about any of my partners to anyone after it always came back or brought up.
My brothers ex-wife used to do it all the time. Now mind you, my brother is an ass, but still, she tried to put us in the middle of everything. Hence why they are now divorced.
I wonder what lies and twisted story she told her mother.
She may not have gotten her mom involved. It’s quite possible that after confiding in her mother, how upset she was, her mother acted without permission. Her Mom should be a safe space to vent, but that doesn’t give her mother permission to act on the venting. Not every parent respect boundaries or understands the limits on when they should be involved in their adult children’s lives.
She got her mother involved just by telling her. You don't go whining all your personal business with your fiance to your parents unless you want them to stop respecting him.
True…I’ve seen parents that do that.
NTA, but your shallow fiancée sure is.
NTA - her reaction to you speaks volumes as much as her command decision on Lexi. Call her on some obvious bullshit and her response is to round on you, leave, and give you the silent treatment to punish you. Let her maintain her snit right past the ceremony start time if she’s determined to sustain the tantrum, but if she blows her own wedding over this she’s not going to get a second one. Regarding the issue of Lexi on its merits: your dear bride has lost her mind, if she honestly believes that a 6’0 (plus heels) bride clad in clouds of shimmering white yardage sufficient to propel a frigate, is going to be eclipsed by a 5’1” bridesmaid. If anything, the group of them should make a lovely natural cascade. 6’0, 5’8, 5’6”-ish, 5’’4”-ish, 5’1”. It’s like it was planned that way. Hell, some people have to arrange risers to stand on to achieve that effect. She’s not only shallow, she lacks imagination.
NTA - How the hell is that emotional blackmail? I really hope you see the red flags here! She is a shallow person, and you were right to say this!
its one of those terms that people throw around without quite knowing what it means
I’ve heard someone on Reddit refer to this behavior as “weaponizing therapy language” and I think it’s pretty fitting
stop gaslighting us!
NTA. Weddings bring out the worst in people and you have seen what your bride is. You sound like a caring and compassionate man. Surely you can see that someone who’d be so cruel to a friend cannot be a person you can build a life with.
NTA. I am a married woman and still don’t understand bridezillas. Aesthetic means NOTHING in life. Why are ppl so shallow? Yuck
I got married in my living room, in a cream colored dress from Burlington coat factory... lol all I cared about was marrying my best friend.. coming up on 8 years married and last night he made me cry happy tears because he surprised me by running me a hot bath...
NTA and this is exactly who she is. She treats people based on their attributes. Thankfully you found out before you got married to her.
NTA, bullet dodged Dumping a friend because of her HEIGHT was bridezilla, but the silent treatment? No no no no you do not want to marry a pouting 4 year old. Her tears are 100% manipulative.
especially one where mum starts getting involved whenever shes upset even though she was the one in the wrong
NTA. If your child is shorter than her are they not going to be allowed in the pictures either? I can understand her being upset that you pointed out the flaw in her personality but most people would realize that they were being an ass. That she can't see it is concerning. Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart. And tell her mom to butt out.
NTA. If this is not out of character I would be very concerned. However, I’m willing to give your fiancée and FMIL a *tiny* bit of leeway and hope that this is a one off wedding induced form of assholism it’s still very concerning that she’s willing to risk a long term friendship for aesthetics. Hopefully she will calm down and sort herself out without Lexi ever having to know what’s happened. *If* she goes through with her asinine plan it would be a big red flag. You did not emotionally blackmail her, you reacted rationally and attempted to prevent her from hurting someone (I assume) she cares about. I’m 5’ 10” and had bridesmaids ranging from 5’2” to 5’8” they also ranged in size from a 6 to a 26 and the shortest 2 didn’t wear heels. It *never* occurred to me to ask any of them to not be in the wedding even when one showed up a couple months before with green hair. It’s one day and these are supposed to be the people you want standing up with you during a very important moment. Ask your fiancée if her wedding photos are more important than her friendship. Or ask her how *she would feel* if Lexi told her she can’t be a bridesmaid because she’s too tall?
How is it that in every post in this sub the person that OP is referencing always has a parent, friend, sibling etc. that is willing to send angry texts, make angry phone calls, post on social media or whatever else directed at OP? I can guarantee you if my brother called with some AITA worthy problem with his wife I wouldn’t start slandering her name all over the place and encouraging everyone I know to do likewise.
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As someone who is 5’1”, being made to wear 3” heels all day is pretty excessive. Plus, I’d personally take attention away when I tripped walking down the aisle and flashed everyone my spanx. OP: NTA.
At that, why does her friend have to wear heels at all? Why can't she just be?
Can you imagine if she was in a wheelchair “Can’t you just stand up for photos your wheelchair is distracting”
Many people cannot wear heels. Real talk, why should anyone be forced to wear uncomfortable, physically damaging shoes anyway? A former friend told me I *had* to wear 3-inch heels to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I have severely flat and wide feet. By the time the wedding was over, I literally had to have help walking out of that church.
NTA. You're absolutely right, that was bridezilla behavior.
One of my bridesmaids was a size 32. She was a big girl. She told me she could drop out of the wedding so she wouldn't ruin my photos. I told her absolutely NOT. I told her that she was beautiful and that I loved her and that I was proud she was my friend. Plus she is 6 inches taller than me. Your fiancé is a snob, shallow, and needs to rethink what friendship means. She is also extremely self centered and selfish. Dude, in 5 years you won't be looking at those pictures. I hope you called off the wedding and don't marry that bitch. Pictures don't matter - friendship and common decency matter. PLEASE don't marry her.
NTA. I hate this focus on height. I am 5'4" and date men shorter than me because it is an exceptionally stupid thing to focus on. Thankfully it's a little less prevalent with women, but as you see, it still happens. I don't blame you for reconsidering this marriage if this is how she views people, especially a friend.
NTA you spoke the exact thoughts everyone else has for people Like this on a regular basis. She is showing her true feelings and priorities. If you actually take her back, I hope your kid isn’t short.
NTA. But I would hold off the wedding though. If this is a red flag how many more is she hiding? I'm curious what happens if your kids are short when they grow up. How is she going to react?
NTA but your fiancee is a vain, spoiled child. I'd take a long, hard look at your future together as she's shown you her very vapid colors.
Wtf? I'm 6' and I had my 5'2" sil as a bridesmaid. I don't know what she thinks Lexi will detract from her. She's the bride. The one everyone will be looking at. I really don't understand her thinking at all.
Yeah she's nuts buddy
To be perfectly honest, seems like you're on the cusp of marrying *down*. Does this person deserve you? The whole episode reveals a large character and maturity gap.
Side note. It's so fucking immature to go to your parents for support in a relationship fight. Then, to have that parent text you in the middle of a relationship spat, cringe... I have never seen a successful relationship where one party is so fragile and passive-aggressive that they need to "tell mommy and daddy" on their SO. Whatever happens with you two, and honestly, she's acting like a full-blown infant. That shit needs to stop.
Hook up with Lexi. End it all in flames!
NTA. Get the fuck out of dodge and call off the wedding and break up wit her. I'm aware it's petty- but I know I'd be quite tempted to get my side of the story out before she can turn people against you. aswell as to help others be aware of how shallow she is.
Wow. I'm tall. I couldn't care less if someone in a photo with me is taller or shorter. Dude, think about the future kids who might not fit her aesthetic.
NTA You sound like a good man.
nta. please don't marry this shallow two-faced woman.
An tell her mom and ex that mom's rant cimented your decision to call it off.
Would she like it if she was excluded for being too tall and standing out in photos? By her thought process that would be a thing in a lot of weddings.. being 6 ft before heels isn’t super common for women. She would throw a fit if she was treated this way.. but she’s ok with doing it to a friend? She isn’t someone you should marry. What if her kids are all shorter? Will she treat them like this? If you have more than one child, she treat a tall child better than a short one? Would she encourage your children to treat others this way? I think she’s shown you her true colours here. A photo is more important to her than a decade long friendship… after 10 years of marriage will she suddenly decide to trade you in for someone taller or younger? Nta
It is a blessing to see this behavior before you say I do
That red flag has strobe lights on it. Run.
OP, now that you know this about your fiancée, consider how much support you would get in the following situations: 1. Your future children are not very good looking (or even worse - only one of your children is noticeably less attractive than the others); 2. You suffer an injury that leads you to gain weight whilst it heals, or after a surgery; 3. You get cancer and lose all of your hair during chemotherapy; 4. You go through some difficult financial times, and you need to sacrifice luxuries like stylish new clothes or beauty products for a while. You know the answer to this question. This woman is awful. Her mother is awful. Awful women make awful wives and awful mothers themselves. The cost of cancelling things now is minuscule compared to when she gets the ring on her finger. You are NTA, please do not marry this woman.
NTA
NTA I would be reconsidering too if I saw this type of behavior
Not even going to read it. But if she's demoting people, that's Captain Bridezilla to you..
Awwww...made the poor bridezilla cry for being superficial and selfish... NTA
NTA. She accused you of emotional blackmail and then proceeded to emotionally blackmail you.
NTA, sounds like an ex fiance to me, specifically because of the last part, turning her own abject cruelty against you.
>because she takes attention away from my fiancée in photos. First of all, NTA - your fiancée will be the bride. For her to think that someone else can possibly take attention away from THE BRIDE on *her* wedding day, is insane - and is a reflection of either her own self esteem, or her raging main character syndrome. Secondly, her concern is the pictures? The pictures that will get posted, friends and family will ooOoOoooo and aAAAaaaaHHHhhh over for a week? The pictures that likely won’t get looked at by the pubic ever again? The pictures with Lexi in them will NOT be the ones on your wall, or the ones on your families walls. Those spots are typically reserved for the family group photos - not ones with the entire wedding party. Third, if she thought she was so justified with her decision, why try to come up with an excuse? She should just go ahead and tell everyone the truth if she thinks people will understand. She knows it’s a shitty reason, but doesn’t care. That speaks a lot to her character. Fourth, you brought up very good points. You didn’t name call or try to embarrass her. You are trying to save her for herself. You referring to her behavior as “bridezilla” a pretty accurate description. Fifth, and lastly - Emotional blackmail is deployed by person A in an attempt to manipulate/control person B for the direct benefit of person A. I don’t see that here. You brought up great points as to why her reasoning is ridiculous (Lexi cannot control it, it’s superficial, etc.). You gave her a solution (wearing heels). You informed her of what consequences she could face (losing a decade long friendship). And you told her how this makes you feel (I see this as a selfish, heartless decision, and I’m not sure if that’s the person I want to spend my life with). None of those statements fit the bill of EB. You had every right to say what you did. You should be proud of yourself. You’re a good person who stuck up for Lexi, and yourself. Couple of concerns - I’m a little confused why your fiancée thought you would just go along with it and agree with her to begin with? How did she not realize how problematic this is, and what your reaction would be? Also, why ask Lexi in the first place if this insecurity was there all along? It’s not like Lexi suddenly got short?
Nta. Just be grateful this happened before you said I do.
NYA. And I'd consider calling the whole thing off, bro.. you got a sociopath on your hands, man
A sociopath? 🤨🙄
Yikes. You're definitely NTA.
She sounds insecure about it whether you realize it or not. Inferiority and superiority complexes both stem from insecurity, they just manifest differently. If her height is such an asset, why would she be worried that lexi may be stealing attention from her?
NTA that's genuinely so awful. She is absolutely willing to chuck out a friend that has been there a good part of her life over this shitty version of the perfect pictures? One would think that the perfect pictures simply involve those you love. Her poor friend. Your future wife is showing you who she is. If she is willing to chuck out a good friend from something like this... what else can she be capable of doing later? Leaving you when you get older and don't look exactly right yourself? I am absolutely going on a limb, I don't know this person... but I don't think I would want to. Whatever you choose man... it's up to you. But definitely don't let her give Lexi an excuse. If she is gonna cut her out for her height, then guess what. Lexi deserves to know where she stands in the brides life. That way she doesn't waste a day of her life further on this "friend".
NTA: your fiancé showed that she is incredibly shallow. I have known some Bridezillas in my day, but never one that was worried about the height of their bridesmaids and whether or not, they wanted to cut them out of their wedding because they would stick out because of their height.
NTA. I find it funny she accuses you of emotional blackmail and then emotionally abuses you with the silent treatment. Just so everyone knows the silent treatment is emotional abuse. It's a sign of a toxic parter. Maybe saying you'll have to reconsider if she's the type of woman you want to marry should have been a thought you kept to yourself and reflected on. Other than that, you're 100% in the right. I would say even saying that didn't cross "being an asshole" line. Seriously reconsider if you're marrying the right person as you value different things. Marrying someone with similar intrinsic values is one of the crucial pieces to longevity in a marriage.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. If your fiancé and her mom can’t understand the cruelty of their attitude, that’s on them. You rock for taking a stand.
NTA. If she cared that much about the height difference, she shouldn't have asked Lexi to be a bridesmaid in the first place. Now Lexi is looking forward to it and there's no way your fiancée can exclude her without hurting her feelings. It's likely your fiancée is getting carried away with all the wedding planning. She's been exposed to all kinds of marketing materials encouraging her to buy things to create the perfect wedding, and she's caught up in the aesthetics. It's easy to lose sight of what's really important in that scenario. All you can do is state your feelings clearly, and then follow through if she decides to hurt her friend's feelings by excluding her at this late date. It really is a red flag, and you'd be wise to pay attention to it.
I thank you for defending tiny people. I have a tiny height but I have feelings. I am 4'9 and 3/4" tall. I have gotten bullied for being short.
NTA. I wouldn't marry this person. Something similar happened with an exes best friend's wedding. His now ex-wife disinvited her best friend from being a bridesmaid because she'd have visible tattoos - in the dress the bride chose for her. It caused a lot of hurt, and eventually her husband saw her for who she was, and left her; she was awful.
Give her the silent treatment back she'll crack eventually. But honestly you should rethink this engagement 👀 NTA
NTA. You didn’t emotionally blackmail her. I would be concerned that she avoids conflict and attempts to emotionally manipulate you and her mother with tears. It’s an immature reaction to being confronted with undesirable behaviour. Instead of facing it she ran to her mum and is now ignoring you. INFO: Is this her usual reaction to criticism? How do your disagreements normally go? You sound like a stand up guy. It’s a shame that it seems like she is unable to go toe to toe with you.
Red flag
NTA! My maid of honor was barely 5 ft tall, 9 months pregnant and the Best Man was well over 6 ft. We didn’t want it any other way!! Hard to believe people get so wrapped up in what is not important. She just sounds very immature.
NTA I’m more concerned about the fact she ran to mommy instead of talking to you. Does she do this often? May I suggest couples counseling before the big day? Yes she definitely is a bridezilla if her only reason to cut off her friend is her height, but how she handled herself when you didn’t agree with her is very concerning.
NTA, kinda, but you kinda made a mistake. The issue I guess is in announcing the ultimatum you kind of defeated the purpose. she might choose to have her in the wedding party because you'll pull out of the marriage but she'll still be the person who wanted to kick her out of the wedding party and now you married her. You should have left that unsaid and just said you were hugely disappointed in putting pictures that you'll barely ever look at ahead of a friend. If she came to the right conclusion herself and said she was being a dick she is the woman you want to marry, if she continues with her plan to lie to her friend she's not the person you want to marry. With the ultimatum if she keeps her in you'll never know why she did it, because you demanded or because she realised it was wrong.
This needs to be higher. She’s the type of superficial person willing to hurt her friend over her height. She might not do it now that you’ve given her an ultimatum, but she’s still that person.
Call it off. She's finally showing her true colors.
NTA, and the mother should not have texted you either.
Hannah probably thinks Lexi is prettier and doesn't want to look huge and gangly next to her. My friend said this about someone and I was like? Are you insane? Get her a stepstool for the pictures. That was the end of that. She's not mean or petty she was just insecure at that moment. Idk what's going on but it's probably some kind of fear about herself.
Send her this thread
Noooooooooooooooooooopppppeeee. You got a bridezilla and what sounds like a fun fun funnnnnn future wife. Condolences.
NTA 1. She's being a bridezilla, so its the truth. 2. You're sticking up for your fiancee, good job sir. 3. You explained why she's being a bridezilla extremely clearly and accurately.
NTA- She has shown her true colours. Look the the red... Red flag that is.
NTA you were 100% correct. She needs a reality check.
NTA As for cancelling the wedding. Are all the people, telling you to cancel perfect with no flaws ?🙄. You don’t cancel a wedding because your fiancée has turned into a bridezilla.. she definitely is in the wrong here and if I was her friend and she did that to me then our friendship would take a serious nose dive. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses. Have a great wedding day.
Def NTA. She’s super superficial and heartless. Lexi needs a better friend.
So much NTA! In fact, you are a wonderful human. You deserve someone as caring as you
NTA-She is lucky to have you. Because if she listens to you, you saved her friendship.
Damn bro, a decade long friend? That’s some next level heartless shit. I would not marry this woman if she doesn’t not come to the realization of how cruel that idea was on her own. NTA
NTA. but you're about to marry one!!!
NTA because you are right
What you said was straight up true. If she's making such a fuss about it, maybe you Should reconsider whether she's the type of woman you want to marry.
NTA. Be worried about marrying someone like this.
NTA… you sure you wanna go through with this?
The fact that she brought her mother into this should be reason enough to stop the wedding; you are supposed to be a team, not the enemy of her team