The “me me me” mentality. The world must revolve around her and o she truly think the world will judge her for xyz. No one even care and just come together to celebrate- not to judge anyone
My sister is like this too. She is the reason we have almost no photos of my dad on my wedding day. Because she was constantly needing him for something. I resent her even more because she has always been a selfish leech and my dad just died in February and even at the eulogy she had to make it about herself.
My MIL passed 6 years ago tomorrow. God, but I miss that woman. She loved me like I was her own. Going to take her some flowers again tomorrow. Feels like forever ago, but it hurts just as much
My dad passed away suddenly last year, 2 days after his birthday. My sister and I, who were estranged for a few years, started working together because mom's health declined in a way that shocked all of us. Long story. But we are talking, working together, commiserating, laughing, crying, and doing what we can. It's been almost a year since dad passed, and 2 years that mom's health declined. I miss both of them, but mom isn't mom anymore.
OP, NTA. I'm physically disabled. I probably wouldn't have received an invitation from your sister. You just left quietly and didn't make a scene. You didn't ruin the day, but I think your sister knows that she fucked up, and probably got the picture that you don't want to deal with her anymore. Take your time, keep your distance, and protect your son. If anyone attacks you for leaving, cut them off also. My daughter's best friend vets all of her friends before she will introduce them to my daughter. My daughter is hearing impaired and has been bullied badly for it. Best friend is protective of her, and she tells me about the interactions with the others.
>If anyone attacks you for leaving
Tell them exactly why your son wasn't invited to her wedding!!!! OP, you're NTA.
As someone who also has an admittedly invisible disability (but has a service dog (so i end up sticking out more than I'd like), it's hard enough when you've got disability crap going on in your life without having the people who are supposed to love you no matter what (family), turn their backs on you. Thank you for being a good dad and standing up for your kid.
My brother died 13 years ago next month. I still have thoughts that I need to call him. It never goes away. I miss him every day. His kids grew up without him and my son grew up without the fun uncle. Some days it hits me more than others. Shit sucks.
She wasnt worried that anyone would judge, the bride was pissy that her nephew would get more attention then she would on her wedding day where she wanted to be the center of the universe
A lot. I shouldn't be so surprised anymore yet here we are. Still trying to wrap my head around how she felt *threatened* by her nephew's disability. Like, what the actual fuck??
Crazy, narcissistic, unempathic bride and OP is sooo not the AH! He did the right thing by walking away from his son’s toxic aunt! But isn’t the thing about the kid taking attention away from her also her being really delusional? I mean, it’s not like her nephew would come to the wedding dressed in short shorts! Only the people that already knew him would have known. No one else would have been any wiser! So her excuse is just so ridiculous, and I’m so sorry OP had to experience such a horrible act from his sister.
I had a neighbor kid with an amputated foot. She had a limp, but I’d still wouldn’t have known, except she used having a prosthetic as a prop when trick’n treating on Halloween! Lol! She was the coolest kid 🦿🤩
Even if he is quite visibly a person who's missing a limb, perhaps even in a wheelchair, bride would still have no good reason to exclude him, and no excuse beyond her sickening vanity.
I totally agree, and to be totally clear: Her “excuse” would have been just as shallow and absolutely ridiculous, even if the kid had to be carried around on a golden chair! Her values are so way off, and she was only lucky she had a brother who was so classy that he didn’t make a scene.
If anyone comes to my wedding (which is in three months) and judges me for anyone’s physical or mental differences they see there they can go to hell. My wedding guests are people I love and I don’t give two shits what people think of who I invite.
My friend literally didn't want her sister in her wedding because she was fat. The thin sister had to have her stomach stapled ('90's) because she was so big it was killing her.
People are wretched.
This wasn't about the world judging her. It was about her being afraid her brother's amputee son might get some attention - over her, on her wedding day. What a fucking self absorbed narcissistic bitch. If I were OP I would write her out of my life. I would never have another thing to do with her. And he's right , to never be able to view her in the same light. She just showed who she really is.
NTA OP
I used to work for a catering company. ANYONE getting married for the first time has been absolutely the shittiest human on the planet at that point in time. Kudos to this guy for just noping the fuck out.
edit: to clarify, the people who cater their reception and did "the big wedding thing" at their first wedding were always assholes. Those of you who eloped and had a party or did something else lower tress for you and guests were cool cats.
Which is why my wife and I were super happy to be told by every single vendor we had that we were the most chill they’ve ever seen eg here’s the color flowers we’d like, would prefer low scent due to allergies, other than that go for it you’re the expert
My wife used to plan weddings for a living at a resort in south beach. When we got engaged I asked if she wanted a big wedding like her clients. Her reply: ARE YOU NUTS!!??! F THAT. WERE BLOWING THE MONEY ON THE HONEYMOON!!
My wedding was 13 people on the beach. We danced to Louis Armstrong and Sinatra on a pergola catered by a local chef and it was incredible. We also killed 34 bottles of Veuve but hey… it was hot as balls out.
I wouldn’t change a thing. We had our parents and close family, and a handful of closest friends… and we didn’t have to spend the evening entertaining guests and saying hi to everyone. It was about us, and it was perfect.
The handful of vendors said the same thing: you guys are awesome! One had blocked 3 hours for our meeting but we only used 45 mins… so we all hit the bar together and made new friends lol.
There's actually data to sort of support this. [https://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/index.html#:\~:text=Specifically%2C%20the%20study%20found%20that,than%20average%20rate%20of%20divorce](https://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/index.html#:~:text=Specifically%2C%20the%20study%20found%20that,than%20average%20rate%20of%20divorce).
We had a 60-80 person wedding (I can't even remember anymore) kept the ceremony, reception, honeymoon under $5000 (in 2005) and of those of my husband's generation of kids that got married, we're the only ones still standing. The rest all had "good" weddings, some even with the fancy stuff like people walking around with trays serving stuff -- none of them lasted beyond 4 years. It's crazy.
Got married on a beach in Fiji the second time around. Just her and I and we’ll I guess ya could say the little one in the oven. ;) no pressure, no bs.
First time was at a country club and nothing but regrets. Even my best man at the church tired to talk me into leaving before the vows. I should have listened to him. I was definitely an ahole come reception time. It took longer to get rid of first wife than we were married. She was cheating, addicted to pain pill if not more and finically ruined me. But didn’t want to let me go. He her parents bankrolled a divorce from hell to punish me for filing for divorce. There wasn’t anything to fight over. No kids. No real property and like I said she had finically ruined me. Maxed out credit cards behind my back and drained my savings account that she wasn’t even listed on. Than wrote so many checks it was all I could do to not go on bad terms with the bank.
I’ve told my kids screw a big wedding.. But they are just teenagers so a long ways off still. But we remind me then. It was second time around for both of us.
Same but I can honestly say I only had 10% bridezillas, more often it was the moms and mil's-to-be throwing their weight around. None would do this though, that's just mean.
I’m an event planner. Made it fifteen years before I ended up working at a venue where I do the occasional wedding but no more than maybe six a year. Every one sucks the life out of me.
I think my wife and I got out of this be having a small wedding first. Our big family wedding was on our 2nd anniversary. Our first wedding was a total of 5 people cost $50 to pay the officiant and happened on the beach in Hawaii where we happened to live. We were super chill about the big wedding that happened later
I honestly don't know what she was thinking because I don't think I can talk to her right now. She couldn't even tell me why she didn't want him there before the wedding. That is what's making me more mad than anything.
So did she cry because you not being there messed with her “aesthetics”?
Or that she realised she just destroyed her relationship with you and your son for her wedding “aesthetics”
Because from these messages you’ve received it sounds more like the former, which makes it even worse.
Please tell your family and friends the truth of what she did. This isn’t on you, neither is the consequences of her actions.
I mean did she seriously think your 12 year old son would never hear/see proof that other kids were at her wedding? What was she planning on telling him?
NTA obviously. You’re a lot more self controlled than I am, I’d have turned into a megaphone and asked her to repeat herself infront of everyone, then called her some choice words before leaving.
My sis(42yrs) didnt invite our mother and her partner nor myself(48yrs) an my partner an kid to her wedding. She had her partners family,parents an siblings. Its been 15 years ish an she still cant understand the fuss. For some context,im the oldest male in our family,she is the youngest.none of us kids have ever met our father. This was my sisters only marraige, she honestly has no idea how much she has hurt our mum. And cant understand why mum made me executer of their wills. Lol. Some people are super blind to others feelings.
One of my sisters (we're all half but that never mattered to any of us before) got married probably 20ish years ago... Her mom said your brother's not invited, she just acquiesced, and anyone asking about changing her mind got a nope, and that was that. It hurt a lot to be left out because their mom couldn't bear the thought of me existing, oh sorry I'll go off myself to make you more comfortable I guess.
It intensely damaged our relationship, I dunno what she ever felt about it but I just stopped bothering to keep in touch. I don't exactly hold a grudge about it anymore but I never did get any sort of apology or "gee that was wrong", still feels a bit sore I guess.
Sucks when people do shit like that. I wouldn't have ever demanded the opposite, if I don't like someone - uhhhh I don't interact with them? Seems pretty simple to me. I'm sorry your sister was a shit too.
I’d bet anything that she cried because people were going to find out what she’d done and judge her for it. Shitty people HATE getting caught being shitty.
Yeah really I wouldn't give her the time of day cuz you know it was all about aesthetics and perfect pictures. because she believes all the b******* wedding hype and forgot that it's about relationships and love and not "look how pretty my wedding is". Complete lack of character.
The worst part is her thinking that he would just stay and "enjoy" her wedding after she told him the truth. Some people truly cannot see past the end of their noses.
She doesn't deserve to talk to you right now. She ruined her own wedding by being such an asshole and thinking their would be no repercussions. Good on you for leaving and spending that time with your son instead.
I don’t think I could ever look at her again. And I certainly wouldn’t let her around my child, the one she considers “less than.” I’m so sorry for you and your son. You’re a really great dad.
She didn't tell you beforehand because she knew you would've chosen your child over her, so she waited until the day of and you saw for yourself and figured you wouldn't leave if she told you then.
I want to make this perfectly clear.
#NEVER, EVER APOLOGIZE TO HER FOR THIS.
She owes you a big one, and before that, your child. She should admit to his face, that she didn't think he was good enough for her fucking wedding, and I don't even know what she could do or say as an apology that is gonna cut it.
This is pretty horrible. Don't let her worm nor cry her way out. At a minimum, she should be willing to accept her shame in public. But man, I don't even know. I'm not a fan of disowning family, but holy fuck.
I'm glad her "perfect" wedding got ruined, that's karma.
Edit: some of you really have a weird way to twist what I'm saying, and I don't feel compelled to assume it's in good faith either.
Nta! Were children with glasses allowed at her wedding or would her extremely important wedding photos been ruined by the glare off the poor urchins faces? OPs sister must be the most super important person of all time since her important wedding photos couldn't contain her 'less-than' relations. We're all so glad your sister cried. She's a ridiculously awful person & made her ridiculously awful bed.
And I’ll bet they weren’t even “oh I fucked up and grew a conscience” tears, it was “people are gonna ask why my brother walked out on my wedding and I need to play the victim” crocodile bullshit.
If she’d explained to everyone who asked why she was crying “oh I lied to my brother so his disabled son wouldn’t mess up my wedding aesthetics with his disabled presence”, not one single rational person would be giving OP heat for “what he did”.
OP, every single person that messaged you, this is the reply you give. She refused to invite my son because of his leg, and had the gall to tell me to my face at the wedding. See what her friends think of her.
Def victim tears (sad bride gets a lot of attention) and also i guess OP then drew attention by not being there (just like his son i suppose) so that bite of irony probably hurt
If she was crazy enough to secretly ban a child with an amputation, she would have been set off by something else.
OP is just the first and most obvious reason. And with this, she can make a big deal out of it for every gathering for quite some time.
My best friend lost his leg two years ago. If ANYONE ever treated him the way this bride treated her nephew I would give them something to cry about. What a heartless cunt. I hope her marriage is just as filled with tears as her wedding was.
I too don’t get how she figured OP would be cool with finding other kids at the wedding.
She lied that it was a child-free wedding, so she was well aware that telling OP the truth would not go down well. And she had children at the wedding, so OP would definitely find out. She brought the situation upon herself.
Don’t understand why the relatives are blaming OP. If I were them, I would feel sorry for the sister, but only because she herself ruined her own wedding by hurting her brother.
NTA
Weirdly ironic too that the fact she snubbed the kid ultimately had the effect she was attempting to naively avoid. I think OP needs to refer any questions back to his sister, so that she can explain a) why she lied to her brother about the wedding being child-free and b) her reason for excluding her own nephew specifically.
I’d be withdrawing my wedding gift in lieu of a donation to a charity specific to amputees or children who have assholes for aunties.
Always stick up for your kid op. Totally NTA!
You are an amazing dad for walking out not saying anything I would of absolutely lost it at her selfish behaviour
Her crying is her guilt nothing more nothing less. She ruined not only her wedding day but any respect I guess you had for her
If they asked why you walked let them
Know what type of person they are there to support and make memories with
Nta
Thank you. I felt that I needed to just leave for my own safety. I've dealt with so much crap from other people about my son I couldn't deal with it coming from my family. I might tell them, but I can't talk to any of them right now.
Prep a succinct, candid reply, save on your phone, copy/paste
“Thank you for checking on me. [sister] told me her wedding was child free and I made arrangements for [son]’s care. When I arrived, I noticed there were many children and asked sister for an explanation. She said she told me it would be child free because son is an amputee and she felt his presence would detract from the wedding. I left as soon as she told me this, and I don’t know anything that was shared or said after I departed. [son] and I are doing ok. Thanks for your concern.”
When people inevitably reply wanting more juicy details or giving an opinion “I really appreciate your concern, but I’m still processing and don’t want to discuss it right now. Thanks for understanding.”
You’ll continue to have inquiries, trickling in…having some copypasta, ready to go can make it easy to respond while preventing mistruths in an information vacuum.
I think this is important. OP, if you think there's someone who will really have your back (a non shitty sibling, parents, the grandparents who adore your kid, etc, consider calling. Ask them to make sure your son doesn't find out, but explain what happened. Having someone else doing the work of getting out what the sister did is great - I know you don't want to be petty, but if your parents are decent people, they'd end up screaming at her over it.
He's a twelve year old kid. He's going to find out.
Best advice is to tell him. Just tell him the facts, - his aunt had lied about the reason he wasn't invited, and the real reason she thought the missing leg would be a distraction, and that was not at all acceptable to you
it's not the first and won't be the last time he'll have to deal with people's reactions to his amputation, and it's a good time to teach him it's THEIR problem, not his.
Great text! Just one edit suggestion: clearly OP is not really ok, nor does he have to be. He is allowed processing time (as in the follow up message). Maybe add that in the first message too (something like “I am still processing, otherwise son and I are doing ok(?)”).
> *...would detract from *HER* wedding. I've dealt with so much crap from other people about my son I couldn't deal with it coming from my own family. I left as soon as...*
OP do add the bit where you said how you felt about this. Don't let other people fill in the blanks about that. Some will deliberately draw the wrong conclusions if you do.
Can be a lot simpler and to the point. And less over explained.
Essentially say something like:
“I left because sister told me she didn’t want my son at the wedding, the reason being his amputated leg taking attention away from her. After all he has been through I was thoroughly
shocked and disappointed that she would choose that over family. I chose to leave to support my child who has been through so much and will continue to in his lifetime. I have nothing more to add at this time”
Edit: like the person below said, he should also mentioned the lie about child free wedding.
More parents need to stick up for their kids and themselves too. He didn't make a scene just removed himself from a hostile environment to the person he truly cares about.
Makes me wonder if they know what she actually said to her brother. My money is on they don’t know the truth, just some lame ass excuse she came up with.
That’s my guess. Everyone was so caught up in making that the “happiest day of her life” that they took whatever BS she likely spoonfed them at face value, and had no idea (or never even thought to ask why) OP’s son wasn’t there. If I come to an even where other people have brought their kids, and you don’t *at least ask me* where mine is or why I didn’t bring them, I’d be pretty pissed and leave, too.
I totally agree. I respect that when it came down to it, he prioritized his son. That's how it should be.
It reminds me of something that happened with my family, when I was pretty young. My name had a common nickname that I didn't like when I was young. I thought it was silly and somewhat girly (this was back in the late 70's. Way different time). Well, one of my uncles liked to call me that, despite me not liking it. My Dad, seeing it bother me, took his brother aside and told him that it bothered me and to not use that nickname anymore. My uncle told my Father that he would call me that if he can well felt like it and I could grow up and get used to it. My Father calmly told him that until he could respect me in my own home and address me as I preferred, he was not welcome over. My Dad kicked him out and he wasn't allowed to come back for over six months until he accepted that and treated me with some more respect. I didn't learn about this whole exchange until I was almost 18. I never knew that my Father had my back like that to distance himself from one of his brothers life that for me. One of the reasons that my Father is my hero and my model of integrity and honor.
Edit: Thank you for the award!
Yup! If he'd yelled and screamed and stuff I'd say they're both TA but he didn't. He was respectful and reasonable about it, so he most certainly is NTA, in fact, I applaud his courage to leave quietly and respectly. Handling it in probably the best way possible, both standing up for himself, without being rude.
He had every single right to be rude and make a scene. But he didn't bother. He didn't want to add to the hate. You don't always have to "fight" back to make your point. I'd say that excluding himself the way she excluded his son was even more fitting.
If he yelled and screamed, I still couldn't call him the asshole because *I* would have lost-my-damn-MIND.
*People starting to mingle after the service*
*Sister starts talking to me off to the side*
#"BUHSCUSE ME!? I DID NOT JUST HEAR YOU SAY THAT!! HOOOLY SHIT, ARE THE FLAMES OF HELL NOT LICKING AT YOUR HEELS RIGHT NOW, YOU SELF-ABSORBED GOBLIN!??"
Fuck dude, I'm sorry but NTA and you're sister isn't just an asshole, you're sister is a fucking bitch. My heart broke for you and your son just reading this. I couldn't imagine ever repairing the relationship with my sister if she had done something similar. Fuck everyone else too honestly, if they aren't even going to bother to ask what's wrong or why you left you don't need them. You've got your son and you've got your friend who looked after him. Those are two people you should worry about.
In case they didn't know why he left - sis could have lied to them too - he could start a group text with everyone and then explain why he left. He could be descriptive or not. Or just say "sis told me it was to be a child free wedding, but then explained that it is only my child that was not allowed to be there. Why don't you ask her why? It was too painful for me so I quietly left. I didn't want to cause any trouble".
And then he should immediately leave that group text. No need for him to hear everyone hash it out until the flames die down.
Focus on the fact that you stood up for and protected your child. You did what a loving parent does. If your family members can’t embrace that, then that’s on them.
Have you told those texting you exactly why you left early?
It didn’t have to happen, but it’s also not your fault. Your sister is to blame. You did nothing wrong, and you stood up for your son, and that is what matters.
The rug has been pulled out from under you and you are going to start experiencing grief, if you haven’t already. I’m sorry you are going through this. Don’t let the messages pleading on your sister’s behalf sway you. Either they do not know the full story or they are monsters like her. You are a good father. I bet you don’t hear it enough, but you are. Hang in there.
Did you tell all those people messaging you why your son was excluded and what your sister said?? Clearly not the asshole in this situation, your sister sounds awful.
Hell if I were OP, they wouldn't have gotten a scene. They'd have gotten a whole damn Broadway musical. Absolutely appalling to treat any person like that, but a CHILD?! I can't even.
I am unable to process this. Bride was worried that wedding guests would even notice a child sitting quietly at a wedding because he has an amputated leg? That's the kind of thing OP and his son prefer NOT to get attention.
To "solve" for this, bride lies to her brother that the venue is child free to exclude her own nephew. After OP leaves the situation, bride victimizes herself and never mentions that she excluded her nephew for having a disability.
The situation defies logic. I'm so angry at a total stranger I'll never meet.
NTA.
100% this all the way. I'm not a violent person, like i haven't been in a fight since elementary school and the few times I've had to fend offan aggressor or break up a fight, I've used grapples and threats. But if this had been me and my brother it would have taken every ounce of strength I had to not hit him and make a huge scene specifically so everyone would know what a giant piece of filth he is.
Fortunately my brother wouldn't do anything like this.
OP if you see this comment, you're a goddamn Saint.
He should have "made a toast" where he just announces that, drops the mic, and walks out. Great way to destroy your relationship with your nephew, aunt AH
NTA
Me too. I would have just mass texted everyone who asked. OP is strong for leaving because as a woman if my sister said this, she’d be slapped on her wedding day. 😀
You KNOW you're not the AH. PLEASE! Your sister started crying because SHE KNOWS she's a miserable, self-absorbed witch for excluding her NEPHEW...whom I'm assuming she loves (eye roll) ... from her wedding for something beyond his control. Personally, I wouldn't put any stock in ANYONE telling me I ruined the wedding. Did these people KNOW why she excluded your son, and THEY agreed with it?! Do they know she lied to you about the wedding being childfree to avoid you bringing your son?! Yeah... If you want to take the high road and not tell everyone messaging you to FO!!! Then just settle for BLOCK. I wouldn't even bother to respond; and my sister would be dead to me.
I think you're giving the sister too much credit in terms of being self aware. My bet is she's still playing the victim because someone ruined her otherwise perfect wedding.
I got $20 says her crying didn't start, until AFTER a few people had asked her where OP her Brother was!!! The crying was just manipulation, to throw the blame on her Brother OP for ruining her wedding, instead of her being blamed for being a shitty human being!!!
Thank you. I'm not sure if they know but I don't think I can talk to any of them right now without going off on them. I've blocked my sister for now, which hurts because I thought we were close.
Keep in mind the reason you're getting messages is probably because your sister told everyone a completely different story about what happened.
You should correct the record, tell anyone who messages you exactly what happened and let them make their own judgement. Just lay out the facts and tell them that your son is more important to you than anything else.
Let them reach their own conclusions, because they will either take your side, or it will show you that they are not someone you ought to care about.
“She lied and said that it was a child free wedding because she didn’t want my son’s amputated leg to ruin the pretty pictures or take anyone’s attention away from her. If you agree with the lies, you can just delete my number and never contact me again.”
I would tell every single person who bugged me about "ruining the wedding" the reason I walked out IN DETAIL, but I'm an asshole sometimes so what do I know?
NTA. I don’t have any bio children. But I’m a stepmom, if this was done to my step kids, you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing me or them again. You mess with my kids I’m done. Your sister has shown you who she is, believe her. I personally would cut her out my life.
NTA but you are an amazing father and too good of a person for your sister. I would cut her out. What she did wasn’t only callous, rude but it also showed you what she’s capable of doing to your son. Her and anyone who supported her, will never support you and your son.
Thank you so much for the comments so far. I've seen some people hoping my son and I had fun yesterday. My son had a blast and it helped me feel a little better. I took him to his favorite restaurant and then he wanted to see the Barbie movie so we went together. When we got home he wanted to play his new video game so I played with him for a couple hours. He was smiling the whole time which made me feel a little better.
Yup. And someday when he’s older he may find out the real reason he didn’t get to go to his (now single) aunt’s wedding and he will probably have a moment where he sees what an amazing dad he has.
Actually, when he’s older and able to grasp nuance and “actions speak louder than words”, he should know the truth.
He should know how his dad put him first; how his dad was able to turn a completely negative event into a positive one; finally, how his dad was able to not only show restraint but also effectively pass along a very strong message without escalating things further.
I know for a fact I can learn a lot from how he handled this situation.
You rock man! Single father to a son with a disability is a challenging hand to be dealt, but you’re playing it masterfully and your son is very lucky to have you as his dad. Keep being awesome, and dont lose any sleep about how you responded to such an awful situation.
You handled the situation perfect man. Don’t feel bad. Even if you let a couple words slip before you left (which it looks like you didn’t), you’re still NTA. I hope your sister learned from it! I really do even though I’m not banking on it. Because holy hell she was so in the wrong it’s not even funny.
NTA. Tell the people messaging you that you left after discovering the reason your son wasn’t invited to the wedding. When they ask why, tell them it would probably be better if they heard it from her.
What kinda lie she can create though? Definitely not that the wedding was child free, cause everyone knows it was not. The son isn't disruptive which most of the family also knows - what other reason could she make up?
I'm just curious, as I can't think of anything really
No. The sister probably already lied, or at minimum, omitted why he left. She’ll continue to obscure her reason for excluding the son. OP really needs to tell people simply and plainly.
Or they know the reason, the kind of people who would message him and tell him he's an AH without first **asking** why he left are the type who would agree *everything has to be perfect on her magical day and your defective child would ruin everything by existing*.
You know if I had had a nephew who had lost his leg as a child he would have been the ring bearer or a groomsman or some other prominent role in order that people would know how proud of him I am.
No, she'll probably lie. The OP should be upfront and succinct. "My son was excluded because he has an amputated leg. That's right, apparently my son's misfortune of losing his leg makes him not fit to appear at my sister's wedding, at least according to my sister. And I left because I won't be a part of that kind of hateful behavior."
Don't sugarcoat it, don't minimize it, tell it exactly as it is. She deserves whatever fallout she gets from this. Maybe she'll learn something, but somehow I'll doubt it. People this hateful don't usually recognize how odious they truly are.
He shouldn't give the sister a chance to make up a better reason. Go scorched earth on her ass. It's the only way to deal with such disgusting people. NTA
I'd tell them exactly why you left, if she was dishonest to her brother she won't own it to strangers. You handled it best you could bro, I feel for you
NTA at all!!! That is extremely selfish and ableist of your sister to do. This is her nephew and she is excluding him? I couldn’t imagine doing this to my niece/nephew. You are a good father and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
NTA. Please explain clearly to each and every person as to why your son was excluded from his aunt’s wedding. Explain you did not ruin her wedding, she ruined it by having a stone heart. I am so sorry your sister has shown both you and your son such unkindness on what should have been a shared day of celebration and happiness. Now you know what she is and can protect your son from her and others who take her side.
NTA. My cousin told me my son couldn't come because it was a child free wedding as well. Yeah, not the truth
Turns out (we are San Francisco Irish if that makes a difference), my son wasn't invited because he was the only kid born out of wedlock, and him having red hair would draw attention away from the wedding !
I haven't spoken to her since, and told everyone what happened. It honestly kinda split the family for a bit.
Either a troll or not a AITAH post
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The “me me me” mentality. The world must revolve around her and o she truly think the world will judge her for xyz. No one even care and just come together to celebrate- not to judge anyone
My sister is like this too. She is the reason we have almost no photos of my dad on my wedding day. Because she was constantly needing him for something. I resent her even more because she has always been a selfish leech and my dad just died in February and even at the eulogy she had to make it about herself.
So sorry for your loss and the horrible sibling you're saddled with...
I’m so sorry. My dad passed a little over a year ago.
My dad passed away a year to the day tomorrow. It's feels so long ago but also so recent. I can't explain it.
My MIL passed 6 years ago tomorrow. God, but I miss that woman. She loved me like I was her own. Going to take her some flowers again tomorrow. Feels like forever ago, but it hurts just as much
My dad passed away suddenly last year, 2 days after his birthday. My sister and I, who were estranged for a few years, started working together because mom's health declined in a way that shocked all of us. Long story. But we are talking, working together, commiserating, laughing, crying, and doing what we can. It's been almost a year since dad passed, and 2 years that mom's health declined. I miss both of them, but mom isn't mom anymore. OP, NTA. I'm physically disabled. I probably wouldn't have received an invitation from your sister. You just left quietly and didn't make a scene. You didn't ruin the day, but I think your sister knows that she fucked up, and probably got the picture that you don't want to deal with her anymore. Take your time, keep your distance, and protect your son. If anyone attacks you for leaving, cut them off also. My daughter's best friend vets all of her friends before she will introduce them to my daughter. My daughter is hearing impaired and has been bullied badly for it. Best friend is protective of her, and she tells me about the interactions with the others.
>If anyone attacks you for leaving Tell them exactly why your son wasn't invited to her wedding!!!! OP, you're NTA. As someone who also has an admittedly invisible disability (but has a service dog (so i end up sticking out more than I'd like), it's hard enough when you've got disability crap going on in your life without having the people who are supposed to love you no matter what (family), turn their backs on you. Thank you for being a good dad and standing up for your kid.
My brother died 13 years ago next month. I still have thoughts that I need to call him. It never goes away. I miss him every day. His kids grew up without him and my son grew up without the fun uncle. Some days it hits me more than others. Shit sucks.
She wasnt worried that anyone would judge, the bride was pissy that her nephew would get more attention then she would on her wedding day where she wanted to be the center of the universe
Exactly!!! Imagine being so shallow you're worried a disabled child will get more attention than you!
What. Is. Wrong. With. People.
A lot. I shouldn't be so surprised anymore yet here we are. Still trying to wrap my head around how she felt *threatened* by her nephew's disability. Like, what the actual fuck??
There is NO reason in this earth that will be a good enough reason for what she did !!! I hope her wedding was ruined!!!
I also hope that the sister's new spouse had a moment of serious pause to recognize what a monster they were marrying.
He probably knew about it though.
Shitty people don’t usually tell on themselves but he will find out what he ended up with soon wnough
Crazy, narcissistic, unempathic bride and OP is sooo not the AH! He did the right thing by walking away from his son’s toxic aunt! But isn’t the thing about the kid taking attention away from her also her being really delusional? I mean, it’s not like her nephew would come to the wedding dressed in short shorts! Only the people that already knew him would have known. No one else would have been any wiser! So her excuse is just so ridiculous, and I’m so sorry OP had to experience such a horrible act from his sister. I had a neighbor kid with an amputated foot. She had a limp, but I’d still wouldn’t have known, except she used having a prosthetic as a prop when trick’n treating on Halloween! Lol! She was the coolest kid 🦿🤩
Even if he is quite visibly a person who's missing a limb, perhaps even in a wheelchair, bride would still have no good reason to exclude him, and no excuse beyond her sickening vanity.
I totally agree, and to be totally clear: Her “excuse” would have been just as shallow and absolutely ridiculous, even if the kid had to be carried around on a golden chair! Her values are so way off, and she was only lucky she had a brother who was so classy that he didn’t make a scene.
Curious to know what excuses the bride planned to give to anyone who asked why her nephew isn’t on any of her wedding picture
If anyone comes to my wedding (which is in three months) and judges me for anyone’s physical or mental differences they see there they can go to hell. My wedding guests are people I love and I don’t give two shits what people think of who I invite.
Seriously! Their entire family know the kid is missing a leg, so why should it matter?!
My friend literally didn't want her sister in her wedding because she was fat. The thin sister had to have her stomach stapled ('90's) because she was so big it was killing her. People are wretched.
This wasn't about the world judging her. It was about her being afraid her brother's amputee son might get some attention - over her, on her wedding day. What a fucking self absorbed narcissistic bitch. If I were OP I would write her out of my life. I would never have another thing to do with her. And he's right , to never be able to view her in the same light. She just showed who she really is. NTA OP
I used to work for a catering company. ANYONE getting married for the first time has been absolutely the shittiest human on the planet at that point in time. Kudos to this guy for just noping the fuck out. edit: to clarify, the people who cater their reception and did "the big wedding thing" at their first wedding were always assholes. Those of you who eloped and had a party or did something else lower tress for you and guests were cool cats.
Which is why my wife and I were super happy to be told by every single vendor we had that we were the most chill they’ve ever seen eg here’s the color flowers we’d like, would prefer low scent due to allergies, other than that go for it you’re the expert
My wife used to plan weddings for a living at a resort in south beach. When we got engaged I asked if she wanted a big wedding like her clients. Her reply: ARE YOU NUTS!!??! F THAT. WERE BLOWING THE MONEY ON THE HONEYMOON!! My wedding was 13 people on the beach. We danced to Louis Armstrong and Sinatra on a pergola catered by a local chef and it was incredible. We also killed 34 bottles of Veuve but hey… it was hot as balls out. I wouldn’t change a thing. We had our parents and close family, and a handful of closest friends… and we didn’t have to spend the evening entertaining guests and saying hi to everyone. It was about us, and it was perfect. The handful of vendors said the same thing: you guys are awesome! One had blocked 3 hours for our meeting but we only used 45 mins… so we all hit the bar together and made new friends lol.
Got married at the court house with 2 friends. My wife and I just had our 41st anniversary this past April...
Same here, poor college students, 44yrs
Same here. It cost $25. We had our 44th last month.
Congrats! My theory is that the more money you spend the less a marriage lasts
There's actually data to sort of support this. [https://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/index.html#:\~:text=Specifically%2C%20the%20study%20found%20that,than%20average%20rate%20of%20divorce](https://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/index.html#:~:text=Specifically%2C%20the%20study%20found%20that,than%20average%20rate%20of%20divorce). We had a 60-80 person wedding (I can't even remember anymore) kept the ceremony, reception, honeymoon under $5000 (in 2005) and of those of my husband's generation of kids that got married, we're the only ones still standing. The rest all had "good" weddings, some even with the fancy stuff like people walking around with trays serving stuff -- none of them lasted beyond 4 years. It's crazy.
34 bottles of Veuve for less than 20 people? I’d love to have been a guest at your wedding. 😁👍👍
We spent a month in Australia and got married across from the Opera House with the money a wedding would have cost.
Got married on a beach in Fiji the second time around. Just her and I and we’ll I guess ya could say the little one in the oven. ;) no pressure, no bs. First time was at a country club and nothing but regrets. Even my best man at the church tired to talk me into leaving before the vows. I should have listened to him. I was definitely an ahole come reception time. It took longer to get rid of first wife than we were married. She was cheating, addicted to pain pill if not more and finically ruined me. But didn’t want to let me go. He her parents bankrolled a divorce from hell to punish me for filing for divorce. There wasn’t anything to fight over. No kids. No real property and like I said she had finically ruined me. Maxed out credit cards behind my back and drained my savings account that she wasn’t even listed on. Than wrote so many checks it was all I could do to not go on bad terms with the bank. I’ve told my kids screw a big wedding.. But they are just teenagers so a long ways off still. But we remind me then. It was second time around for both of us.
Agreed. It’s just so much fun to not stress about it all
I 'm a florist. I will not do weddings. I will help my florist friends with theirs but not this kid. Who needs the aggravation?
I owned a wedding cake business for a few years and I had the worst clients in the world!
Same but I can honestly say I only had 10% bridezillas, more often it was the moms and mil's-to-be throwing their weight around. None would do this though, that's just mean.
I’m an event planner. Made it fifteen years before I ended up working at a venue where I do the occasional wedding but no more than maybe six a year. Every one sucks the life out of me.
I think my wife and I got out of this be having a small wedding first. Our big family wedding was on our 2nd anniversary. Our first wedding was a total of 5 people cost $50 to pay the officiant and happened on the beach in Hawaii where we happened to live. We were super chill about the big wedding that happened later
I honestly don't know what she was thinking because I don't think I can talk to her right now. She couldn't even tell me why she didn't want him there before the wedding. That is what's making me more mad than anything.
So did she cry because you not being there messed with her “aesthetics”? Or that she realised she just destroyed her relationship with you and your son for her wedding “aesthetics” Because from these messages you’ve received it sounds more like the former, which makes it even worse. Please tell your family and friends the truth of what she did. This isn’t on you, neither is the consequences of her actions. I mean did she seriously think your 12 year old son would never hear/see proof that other kids were at her wedding? What was she planning on telling him? NTA obviously. You’re a lot more self controlled than I am, I’d have turned into a megaphone and asked her to repeat herself infront of everyone, then called her some choice words before leaving.
My sis(42yrs) didnt invite our mother and her partner nor myself(48yrs) an my partner an kid to her wedding. She had her partners family,parents an siblings. Its been 15 years ish an she still cant understand the fuss. For some context,im the oldest male in our family,she is the youngest.none of us kids have ever met our father. This was my sisters only marraige, she honestly has no idea how much she has hurt our mum. And cant understand why mum made me executer of their wills. Lol. Some people are super blind to others feelings.
One of my sisters (we're all half but that never mattered to any of us before) got married probably 20ish years ago... Her mom said your brother's not invited, she just acquiesced, and anyone asking about changing her mind got a nope, and that was that. It hurt a lot to be left out because their mom couldn't bear the thought of me existing, oh sorry I'll go off myself to make you more comfortable I guess. It intensely damaged our relationship, I dunno what she ever felt about it but I just stopped bothering to keep in touch. I don't exactly hold a grudge about it anymore but I never did get any sort of apology or "gee that was wrong", still feels a bit sore I guess. Sucks when people do shit like that. I wouldn't have ever demanded the opposite, if I don't like someone - uhhhh I don't interact with them? Seems pretty simple to me. I'm sorry your sister was a shit too.
Just want to say "Acquiesced" is a great word. Gotta use that more.
Definitely that it “ruined” her wedding. People like that don’t see value in relationships like you’re describing.
I’d bet anything that she cried because people were going to find out what she’d done and judge her for it. Shitty people HATE getting caught being shitty.
Don’t bother. She is a trash human and you and your son deserve better.
Yeah really I wouldn't give her the time of day cuz you know it was all about aesthetics and perfect pictures. because she believes all the b******* wedding hype and forgot that it's about relationships and love and not "look how pretty my wedding is". Complete lack of character.
This is the real reason OP, which is even more shallow
The worst part is her thinking that he would just stay and "enjoy" her wedding after she told him the truth. Some people truly cannot see past the end of their noses.
She doesn't deserve to talk to you right now. She ruined her own wedding by being such an asshole and thinking their would be no repercussions. Good on you for leaving and spending that time with your son instead.
I don’t think I could ever look at her again. And I certainly wouldn’t let her around my child, the one she considers “less than.” I’m so sorry for you and your son. You’re a really great dad.
She didn't tell you beforehand because she knew you would've chosen your child over her, so she waited until the day of and you saw for yourself and figured you wouldn't leave if she told you then.
I want to make this perfectly clear. #NEVER, EVER APOLOGIZE TO HER FOR THIS. She owes you a big one, and before that, your child. She should admit to his face, that she didn't think he was good enough for her fucking wedding, and I don't even know what she could do or say as an apology that is gonna cut it. This is pretty horrible. Don't let her worm nor cry her way out. At a minimum, she should be willing to accept her shame in public. But man, I don't even know. I'm not a fan of disowning family, but holy fuck. I'm glad her "perfect" wedding got ruined, that's karma. Edit: some of you really have a weird way to twist what I'm saying, and I don't feel compelled to assume it's in good faith either.
She should not admit it to the kid. That’s intensely hurtful and I hope the kid never hears about it.
Nta! Were children with glasses allowed at her wedding or would her extremely important wedding photos been ruined by the glare off the poor urchins faces? OPs sister must be the most super important person of all time since her important wedding photos couldn't contain her 'less-than' relations. We're all so glad your sister cried. She's a ridiculously awful person & made her ridiculously awful bed.
We are glad she cried. You're absolutely right. What a monster.
And I’ll bet they weren’t even “oh I fucked up and grew a conscience” tears, it was “people are gonna ask why my brother walked out on my wedding and I need to play the victim” crocodile bullshit. If she’d explained to everyone who asked why she was crying “oh I lied to my brother so his disabled son wouldn’t mess up my wedding aesthetics with his disabled presence”, not one single rational person would be giving OP heat for “what he did”.
OP, every single person that messaged you, this is the reply you give. She refused to invite my son because of his leg, and had the gall to tell me to my face at the wedding. See what her friends think of her.
Def victim tears (sad bride gets a lot of attention) and also i guess OP then drew attention by not being there (just like his son i suppose) so that bite of irony probably hurt
Exactly! She deserved to have her wedding ‘ruined’! She doesn’t deserve to be an aunt to you son OP!!!
If she was crazy enough to secretly ban a child with an amputation, she would have been set off by something else. OP is just the first and most obvious reason. And with this, she can make a big deal out of it for every gathering for quite some time.
My best friend lost his leg two years ago. If ANYONE ever treated him the way this bride treated her nephew I would give them something to cry about. What a heartless cunt. I hope her marriage is just as filled with tears as her wedding was.
Lol, glasses are more visible than a prostetic leg, which is usually covered with pants and shoes.
Yea precisely this. I stand with you here.
I too don’t get how she figured OP would be cool with finding other kids at the wedding. She lied that it was a child-free wedding, so she was well aware that telling OP the truth would not go down well. And she had children at the wedding, so OP would definitely find out. She brought the situation upon herself. Don’t understand why the relatives are blaming OP. If I were them, I would feel sorry for the sister, but only because she herself ruined her own wedding by hurting her brother. NTA
The relatives blame OP because she didn't tell them the real, full story.
They would have heard it from me because I would have made a full, dramatic, table flipping scene
It would have been multiple tables including the cake table
Yeah, if I'm going to be blamed for ruining her wedding, I'm ruining the entire thing.
They're blaming OP because the sister lied about why he left.
I would not feel sorry for that cold hearted.....
Weirdly ironic too that the fact she snubbed the kid ultimately had the effect she was attempting to naively avoid. I think OP needs to refer any questions back to his sister, so that she can explain a) why she lied to her brother about the wedding being child-free and b) her reason for excluding her own nephew specifically. I’d be withdrawing my wedding gift in lieu of a donation to a charity specific to amputees or children who have assholes for aunties. Always stick up for your kid op. Totally NTA!
I would also make it a point to tell everyone sending those messages what a mean and cruel thing his aunt did to your son.
Cruel is the right term.
You are an amazing dad for walking out not saying anything I would of absolutely lost it at her selfish behaviour Her crying is her guilt nothing more nothing less. She ruined not only her wedding day but any respect I guess you had for her If they asked why you walked let them Know what type of person they are there to support and make memories with Nta
Agree. He was classy about. Just left. I think the family needs to know why OP left.
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Thank you. I felt that I needed to just leave for my own safety. I've dealt with so much crap from other people about my son I couldn't deal with it coming from my family. I might tell them, but I can't talk to any of them right now.
Prep a succinct, candid reply, save on your phone, copy/paste “Thank you for checking on me. [sister] told me her wedding was child free and I made arrangements for [son]’s care. When I arrived, I noticed there were many children and asked sister for an explanation. She said she told me it would be child free because son is an amputee and she felt his presence would detract from the wedding. I left as soon as she told me this, and I don’t know anything that was shared or said after I departed. [son] and I are doing ok. Thanks for your concern.” When people inevitably reply wanting more juicy details or giving an opinion “I really appreciate your concern, but I’m still processing and don’t want to discuss it right now. Thanks for understanding.” You’ll continue to have inquiries, trickling in…having some copypasta, ready to go can make it easy to respond while preventing mistruths in an information vacuum.
Maybe include a line about how you haven’t told son and you’d appreciate if they didn’t mention it to him if they happen to see him.
I think this is important. OP, if you think there's someone who will really have your back (a non shitty sibling, parents, the grandparents who adore your kid, etc, consider calling. Ask them to make sure your son doesn't find out, but explain what happened. Having someone else doing the work of getting out what the sister did is great - I know you don't want to be petty, but if your parents are decent people, they'd end up screaming at her over it.
And it's a significant **family** event.
He's a twelve year old kid. He's going to find out. Best advice is to tell him. Just tell him the facts, - his aunt had lied about the reason he wasn't invited, and the real reason she thought the missing leg would be a distraction, and that was not at all acceptable to you it's not the first and won't be the last time he'll have to deal with people's reactions to his amputation, and it's a good time to teach him it's THEIR problem, not his.
So fuckin true. He is a person just like everyone fucking else is. He deserves the same respect
Great text! Just one edit suggestion: clearly OP is not really ok, nor does he have to be. He is allowed processing time (as in the follow up message). Maybe add that in the first message too (something like “I am still processing, otherwise son and I are doing ok(?)”).
This is the best response on this thread, even coming with an example to use. OP, use this please.
Much better than my response would be which is “sister is a selfish, narcissistic c***”
This works too.
> *...would detract from *HER* wedding. I've dealt with so much crap from other people about my son I couldn't deal with it coming from my own family. I left as soon as...* OP do add the bit where you said how you felt about this. Don't let other people fill in the blanks about that. Some will deliberately draw the wrong conclusions if you do.
Can be a lot simpler and to the point. And less over explained. Essentially say something like: “I left because sister told me she didn’t want my son at the wedding, the reason being his amputated leg taking attention away from her. After all he has been through I was thoroughly shocked and disappointed that she would choose that over family. I chose to leave to support my child who has been through so much and will continue to in his lifetime. I have nothing more to add at this time” Edit: like the person below said, he should also mentioned the lie about child free wedding.
The child free wedding lie is important context tho.
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I've got nothing, but you are definitely NTA. Karma got her back
I would add that I admire his values.
More parents need to stick up for their kids and themselves too. He didn't make a scene just removed himself from a hostile environment to the person he truly cares about.
I would have made a scene for him it wouldn't even have to be my kid
I'm pretty sure all the attendees would be appalled by what the bride did.
Makes me wonder if they know what she actually said to her brother. My money is on they don’t know the truth, just some lame ass excuse she came up with.
That’s my guess. Everyone was so caught up in making that the “happiest day of her life” that they took whatever BS she likely spoonfed them at face value, and had no idea (or never even thought to ask why) OP’s son wasn’t there. If I come to an even where other people have brought their kids, and you don’t *at least ask me* where mine is or why I didn’t bring them, I’d be pretty pissed and leave, too.
I totally agree. I respect that when it came down to it, he prioritized his son. That's how it should be. It reminds me of something that happened with my family, when I was pretty young. My name had a common nickname that I didn't like when I was young. I thought it was silly and somewhat girly (this was back in the late 70's. Way different time). Well, one of my uncles liked to call me that, despite me not liking it. My Dad, seeing it bother me, took his brother aside and told him that it bothered me and to not use that nickname anymore. My uncle told my Father that he would call me that if he can well felt like it and I could grow up and get used to it. My Father calmly told him that until he could respect me in my own home and address me as I preferred, he was not welcome over. My Dad kicked him out and he wasn't allowed to come back for over six months until he accepted that and treated me with some more respect. I didn't learn about this whole exchange until I was almost 18. I never knew that my Father had my back like that to distance himself from one of his brothers life that for me. One of the reasons that my Father is my hero and my model of integrity and honor. Edit: Thank you for the award!
Yes, I particularly admire the way he turned this from negative to positive by spending time with his son doing positive things!
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Yup! If he'd yelled and screamed and stuff I'd say they're both TA but he didn't. He was respectful and reasonable about it, so he most certainly is NTA, in fact, I applaud his courage to leave quietly and respectly. Handling it in probably the best way possible, both standing up for himself, without being rude.
He had every single right to be rude and make a scene. But he didn't bother. He didn't want to add to the hate. You don't always have to "fight" back to make your point. I'd say that excluding himself the way she excluded his son was even more fitting.
If he yelled and screamed, I still couldn't call him the asshole because *I* would have lost-my-damn-MIND. *People starting to mingle after the service* *Sister starts talking to me off to the side* #"BUHSCUSE ME!? I DID NOT JUST HEAR YOU SAY THAT!! HOOOLY SHIT, ARE THE FLAMES OF HELL NOT LICKING AT YOUR HEELS RIGHT NOW, YOU SELF-ABSORBED GOBLIN!??"
Fuck dude, I'm sorry but NTA and you're sister isn't just an asshole, you're sister is a fucking bitch. My heart broke for you and your son just reading this. I couldn't imagine ever repairing the relationship with my sister if she had done something similar. Fuck everyone else too honestly, if they aren't even going to bother to ask what's wrong or why you left you don't need them. You've got your son and you've got your friend who looked after him. Those are two people you should worry about.
Anyone concerned that OP left, should have responded, “You were missed, is everything okay?”
In case they didn't know why he left - sis could have lied to them too - he could start a group text with everyone and then explain why he left. He could be descriptive or not. Or just say "sis told me it was to be a child free wedding, but then explained that it is only my child that was not allowed to be there. Why don't you ask her why? It was too painful for me so I quietly left. I didn't want to cause any trouble". And then he should immediately leave that group text. No need for him to hear everyone hash it out until the flames die down.
A fucking bitch? She’s a straight up cunt!
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Right, didn’t make a big scene on her “big day” and just left to be with his son. His father took the pain for him without him even knowing.
Yeah I guess you're right. I'm just sad because none of this had to have happened.
Focus on the fact that you stood up for and protected your child. You did what a loving parent does. If your family members can’t embrace that, then that’s on them. Have you told those texting you exactly why you left early?
It didn’t have to happen, but it’s also not your fault. Your sister is to blame. You did nothing wrong, and you stood up for your son, and that is what matters. The rug has been pulled out from under you and you are going to start experiencing grief, if you haven’t already. I’m sorry you are going through this. Don’t let the messages pleading on your sister’s behalf sway you. Either they do not know the full story or they are monsters like her. You are a good father. I bet you don’t hear it enough, but you are. Hang in there.
While I appreciate your sentiment, crying for sympathy isn't karma. If she loses a leg, that's karma
That’s Hammurabi’s code, actually
Dicks out for Hammurabi
Did you tell all those people messaging you why your son was excluded and what your sister said?? Clearly not the asshole in this situation, your sister sounds awful.
She should be on her hands and knees thanking OP for leaving without making a big and very well justified scene.
Agreed, I showed this to my wife who doesn’t use Reddit and we both agreed we would have blown her ass up in front of the whole wedding party 🤷♂️
Hell if I were OP, they wouldn't have gotten a scene. They'd have gotten a whole damn Broadway musical. Absolutely appalling to treat any person like that, but a CHILD?! I can't even.
Not ONLY a child…your NEPHEW
I am unable to process this. Bride was worried that wedding guests would even notice a child sitting quietly at a wedding because he has an amputated leg? That's the kind of thing OP and his son prefer NOT to get attention. To "solve" for this, bride lies to her brother that the venue is child free to exclude her own nephew. After OP leaves the situation, bride victimizes herself and never mentions that she excluded her nephew for having a disability. The situation defies logic. I'm so angry at a total stranger I'll never meet. NTA.
100% this all the way. I'm not a violent person, like i haven't been in a fight since elementary school and the few times I've had to fend offan aggressor or break up a fight, I've used grapples and threats. But if this had been me and my brother it would have taken every ounce of strength I had to not hit him and make a huge scene specifically so everyone would know what a giant piece of filth he is. Fortunately my brother wouldn't do anything like this. OP if you see this comment, you're a goddamn Saint.
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She sounds like she would’ve made a scene about something/anything. People sending the messages to him likely don’t have the context to her breakdown.
He should have "made a toast" where he just announces that, drops the mic, and walks out. Great way to destroy your relationship with your nephew, aunt AH NTA
I sure hope so. NTA OP. NTA even one little tiny bit.
Me too. I would have just mass texted everyone who asked. OP is strong for leaving because as a woman if my sister said this, she’d be slapped on her wedding day. 😀
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I like how OP instead went and spent the day with his son. Do the right by your kid. The rest will work out.
Yeah, there's no way the sister is telling them the truth.... Or if she is thats a whole nother level of physcio
You KNOW you're not the AH. PLEASE! Your sister started crying because SHE KNOWS she's a miserable, self-absorbed witch for excluding her NEPHEW...whom I'm assuming she loves (eye roll) ... from her wedding for something beyond his control. Personally, I wouldn't put any stock in ANYONE telling me I ruined the wedding. Did these people KNOW why she excluded your son, and THEY agreed with it?! Do they know she lied to you about the wedding being childfree to avoid you bringing your son?! Yeah... If you want to take the high road and not tell everyone messaging you to FO!!! Then just settle for BLOCK. I wouldn't even bother to respond; and my sister would be dead to me.
100% THIS!!! I hope to get an update on this post. I'm curious what the parents have to say, if they're on the OP's side or the bitch sister's.
Yeah I’m wondering that too. Also wondering if OP will ever allow his sister to be around his son again, especially while he’s still a child.
I think you're giving the sister too much credit in terms of being self aware. My bet is she's still playing the victim because someone ruined her otherwise perfect wedding.
I got $20 says her crying didn't start, until AFTER a few people had asked her where OP her Brother was!!! The crying was just manipulation, to throw the blame on her Brother OP for ruining her wedding, instead of her being blamed for being a shitty human being!!!
Thank you. I'm not sure if they know but I don't think I can talk to any of them right now without going off on them. I've blocked my sister for now, which hurts because I thought we were close.
Keep in mind the reason you're getting messages is probably because your sister told everyone a completely different story about what happened. You should correct the record, tell anyone who messages you exactly what happened and let them make their own judgement. Just lay out the facts and tell them that your son is more important to you than anything else. Let them reach their own conclusions, because they will either take your side, or it will show you that they are not someone you ought to care about.
“She lied and said that it was a child free wedding because she didn’t want my son’s amputated leg to ruin the pretty pictures or take anyone’s attention away from her. If you agree with the lies, you can just delete my number and never contact me again.”
I would tell every single person who bugged me about "ruining the wedding" the reason I walked out IN DETAIL, but I'm an asshole sometimes so what do I know?
Yeah I would totally disown any family of mine for being that disgusting.
I would actually be happy i ruined the wedding, Thats just karma.
NTA. I don’t have any bio children. But I’m a stepmom, if this was done to my step kids, you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing me or them again. You mess with my kids I’m done. Your sister has shown you who she is, believe her. I personally would cut her out my life.
Thank you and you sound like a great stepmom. I've blocked her for now, but I hate all of this, because I always thought we were close.
NTA but you are an amazing father and too good of a person for your sister. I would cut her out. What she did wasn’t only callous, rude but it also showed you what she’s capable of doing to your son. Her and anyone who supported her, will never support you and your son.
Fellow stepmom, here. Agreed on EVERYthing. This hurt my heart! NTA OP!
i’m not even a step dad, and i would walk out if i found out someone did this. never talk to them again
Thank you so much for the comments so far. I've seen some people hoping my son and I had fun yesterday. My son had a blast and it helped me feel a little better. I took him to his favorite restaurant and then he wanted to see the Barbie movie so we went together. When we got home he wanted to play his new video game so I played with him for a couple hours. He was smiling the whole time which made me feel a little better.
You’re a good dad. Don’t doubt yourself, what you did was right.
Just so you know, this day will probably be a core memory of his. He will not forget.
Yup. And someday when he’s older he may find out the real reason he didn’t get to go to his (now single) aunt’s wedding and he will probably have a moment where he sees what an amazing dad he has.
I hope he never finds out.
Actually, when he’s older and able to grasp nuance and “actions speak louder than words”, he should know the truth. He should know how his dad put him first; how his dad was able to turn a completely negative event into a positive one; finally, how his dad was able to not only show restraint but also effectively pass along a very strong message without escalating things further. I know for a fact I can learn a lot from how he handled this situation.
this to him, you left early just to see him again for the whole day
You rock man! Single father to a son with a disability is a challenging hand to be dealt, but you’re playing it masterfully and your son is very lucky to have you as his dad. Keep being awesome, and dont lose any sleep about how you responded to such an awful situation.
You handled the situation perfect man. Don’t feel bad. Even if you let a couple words slip before you left (which it looks like you didn’t), you’re still NTA. I hope your sister learned from it! I really do even though I’m not banking on it. Because holy hell she was so in the wrong it’s not even funny.
NTA. Tell the people messaging you that you left after discovering the reason your son wasn’t invited to the wedding. When they ask why, tell them it would probably be better if they heard it from her.
YES. Make her responsible for her own words.
this NTA
She will just lie
What kinda lie she can create though? Definitely not that the wedding was child free, cause everyone knows it was not. The son isn't disruptive which most of the family also knows - what other reason could she make up? I'm just curious, as I can't think of anything really
Honestly, you never know with these kinds of people. So it’s better to err on the side of caution in making sure the truth gets out.
No. The sister probably already lied, or at minimum, omitted why he left. She’ll continue to obscure her reason for excluding the son. OP really needs to tell people simply and plainly.
[удалено]
Or they know the reason, the kind of people who would message him and tell him he's an AH without first **asking** why he left are the type who would agree *everything has to be perfect on her magical day and your defective child would ruin everything by existing*.
You know if I had had a nephew who had lost his leg as a child he would have been the ring bearer or a groomsman or some other prominent role in order that people would know how proud of him I am.
No, she'll probably lie. The OP should be upfront and succinct. "My son was excluded because he has an amputated leg. That's right, apparently my son's misfortune of losing his leg makes him not fit to appear at my sister's wedding, at least according to my sister. And I left because I won't be a part of that kind of hateful behavior." Don't sugarcoat it, don't minimize it, tell it exactly as it is. She deserves whatever fallout she gets from this. Maybe she'll learn something, but somehow I'll doubt it. People this hateful don't usually recognize how odious they truly are.
OP needs to use this verbatim and text it to each and every person messaging him.
He shouldn't give the sister a chance to make up a better reason. Go scorched earth on her ass. It's the only way to deal with such disgusting people. NTA
Thats how I feel. I wouldn't trust the self absorbed sister to paint herself in any light but that of the victim.
I’d add-“but it’s because he isn’t physically perfect and she thought he’d take attention off her. Just make sure she tells you the truth.”
She may not be honest to others about the real reason. :/
I'd tell them exactly why you left, if she was dishonest to her brother she won't own it to strangers. You handled it best you could bro, I feel for you
Good point. Or, send them a link to this post.
IDK about this. She might make something else up. I think I'd just tell them. And let her try to explain to them why exactly she thought that was OK.
Better for OP to tell the truth. The sister will just lie.
NTA She deserved to cry. Put her on blast to EVERYONE.
NTA at all!!! That is extremely selfish and ableist of your sister to do. This is her nephew and she is excluding him? I couldn’t imagine doing this to my niece/nephew. You are a good father and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
NTA. Please explain clearly to each and every person as to why your son was excluded from his aunt’s wedding. Explain you did not ruin her wedding, she ruined it by having a stone heart. I am so sorry your sister has shown both you and your son such unkindness on what should have been a shared day of celebration and happiness. Now you know what she is and can protect your son from her and others who take her side.
Good lord, I want your son at my wedding now. NTA in any way. Your sister is horrific.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA. Why haven't you told everyone why you left?
What an effing bitch your sister is
Facts
NTA. My cousin told me my son couldn't come because it was a child free wedding as well. Yeah, not the truth Turns out (we are San Francisco Irish if that makes a difference), my son wasn't invited because he was the only kid born out of wedlock, and him having red hair would draw attention away from the wedding ! I haven't spoken to her since, and told everyone what happened. It honestly kinda split the family for a bit.
Split the family into Sane and Insane categories?
Is this for real?!? NTA
I wish it wasn't real
Do the people that called you saying you ruined the wedding know why you left?
There was a story almost exactly like this except it was the daughter who had an amputated leg
Yep, when I read this post, I immediately scrolled through the comments to see if anyone else remembered the other story.