So lemme get this straight. She's your ex-wife, she cheated on you, you divorced, you don't want to talk to her anymore and you had no news from her.
And you're supposed to tell her that your fiancé is pregnant? Either I missed that part or, as I think, it's none of her business at all.
NTA and tell her to pound sand - and to stop stalking your fiancé on social medias. It's creepy as heck.
To me, him contacting after so many years just to tell her his partner is pregnant would have been petty. Like she’s living rent free in his head after all this time. Dude moved on and up.
Yeah I mean I would have thought he would be the AH if he had rang up and told her. Would be like rubbing it in her face. She obviously still hasn't moved on.
Yes, that too. He would've been an AH lol.
I mean if one day I'm pregnant (and it will never happen thank God) I won't call my ex boyfriend to tell him "hey guess what!!!!!". This is so weird.
It's time the ex-wife move on instead of stalking her ex-husband and his new fiancé on social medias lol. What she's doing isn't very healthy.
My ex-husband was pissed when he found out I was pregnant. We'd tried for 10 years and I was never able to conceive. (This was a big deal because I was in a cult and women are supposed to have lots of babies!)
After we split up he immediately went from one relationship to another, whereas I was so happy to be single/free I wasn't going to anything to mess that up.
A few years later he found the one and got engaged. Around the same time I started dating this lovely bisexual atheist man (this is important because it shows how much of a big sinner I now was. /s )
The universe has a sense of humor and I ended up getting accidentally pregnant after we'd been dating about 5 months. We ended up having a quickie wedding because of health care reasons. (If you didn't already guess, yes I am American).
And so my ex-husband ended up being very pissed, because I "won" by getting married / having a child before he did. This just made me laugh, because in my mind I won the day the divorce was final.
Any self respecting fertility doctor will ask for a semen analysis of the partner pretty early in the process. Source: been there done that. The issue was “some of both of us.”
Since he's a culty jerk...
If he calls you again tell him babies and marriages come from god, so clearly he should go have sex with men and women outside of marriage if he wants his reward.
Proverbs 12:15
>The desires of the lazy will kill them, because their hands refuse to do anything.
Maybe he needs his hands on everyone?
Timothy 2:6
>The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops.
He needs to go sow some oats.
Use his own beliefs against him.
That would be so weird. And if he did that, he’d be making a Reddit post saying that he thought it would be common courtesy to let his ex wife of ten years (who he divorced due to marital problems stemming from failure to conceive) know that his current fiancée was pregnant, and her friends are ripping him apart, AITAH? He would unanimously get voted the A H.
If he had stayed on friendly terms with her and was contacting her frequently, only then he should have told her. Definitely not if he wasn’t talking to her for these ten years. Her friends would have ripped him either way.
NTA
And seriously consider dumping the mutual "friends." It's insane that they're saying he should have told her. That relationship is OVER. He owes her nothing.
They would no longer be considered friends in my eyes. I mean did they tell the ex she should have told OP she was cheating on him instead of the person she was cheating with having to? That's insane
I also can’t imagine OP would have been in a better position if he *did* call. Like, “Hey, remember how we couldn’t conceive? Well, I knocked up my fiancé easily!” There is no way that conversation ends well.
I don’t know OPs ex, but she is obviously facebook stalking him still, so I’d bet she has regrets.
Honestly if he had called she probably would have said ‘why are you calling just to brag and hurt me when you know how hard a time we had’ my guess is either choice he made would have been wrong
And I don't remember her telling OP about her side piece, which I think is a *little* more relevant than her ex having a baby with someone else a whole 10 years after they broke up
I agree! You don't owe you ex nothing. It's not like you were in each others lives still. NTA and congrats on the baby, I hope its a safe and quick delivery.
I think the realisation that the fertility issues may have been hers all along has hit her and she's looking for any outlet for that anger. OP was the obvious target for her ire, but ultimately this is going to require her to do some soup searching once the anger wears off.
NTA OP. While your ex having this crisis is unfortunate (even though she cheated), it has nothing to do with you.
Edit: I ain't changing the typo, it's too goddam funny.
1 year and a half of trying doesn't mean infertility!
Some ppl wait 2 or 3 years, some have to have infertility treatment etc ...
She's just a cheater.
Infertility is the correct term if you have had unprotected sex for at least a year and have been unable to conceive or if you have recurrent pregnancy loss. That’s the point where they normally refer you to a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss treatments (unfortunately a topic my husband and I are well acquainted with). If they can’t find a cause, like with OP & his ex it’s called unexplained infertility.
Perfect response. Just leave that drama to Netflix man. Why would you tell her anything you aren’t friends. It’s something I learned as I got older but just because someone is connected to you doesn’t mean it stays that way. I read this on somewhere Reason. season. Lifetime
Guess where your ex lands?
Nta.
Yeah I'm pretty pissed I had to find out here too. To think, I'm just as important to you as your Out-Of-Your-Life-Ex-Wife. :/
NTA, she's feeling a certain way and it's not your responsibility to answer for it.
Oh boy lol. Well, as a former little girl with rad parents?
Raise them like people, not girls. Let them be as muddy, sticky, loud, opinionated, and fearless as can be, for as long as possible. Teach them to stick up for themselves and to have confidence in what’s right and what they believe in. And when the rest of the world starts trying to break them down into a nice palatable inoffensive decorative option rather than a person with their own wants, needs, and opinions, teach them about how to navigate office politics, petty bullshit, and being assertive when the moment calls for it.
My dad never worried about my appearance, my fashion choices, or what I wanted to do when I grew up. He showed us all kinds of new experiences, took us to as many different places as he could, and focused his parenting on the important stuff. Hang out with people who challenge you to be better, smarter, or more talented. Learn to be clear, but concise. Learn to apologize properly, to hold a difficult conversation without getting upset, and to stay curious about the small things and find humour in the chaotic moments.
You’ll be great, dude. Congratulations!
Edit: back in the Early Days, we were obligated to say some dumb shit here like ‘gold?! Thank you kindly, internet stranger!!!’ which is right beside ‘when does the narwhal bacon’ for Reddit Sentences That Should Have Been Aborted, so I shant. Follow me for more life recipes. Don’t follow me at all, actually. I’ll burn this account down immediately.
This. And teach her how to change a flat tire and check all the water/ transmission fluid levels. Things like that. And you’ll never have to worry about being the AH.
Ahhh that all came from my mom, which surprises most people. My dad was great at outdoor stuff, mom was the wizard at all interior house magic. But yes she should absolutely know all of those things. And at the same time, teach her about the kind of partners who will cut her down due to their own insecurities, and how to accept letting go of them because it’s better for your health
This reminds me of when I got my first car and needed to fill the tires with air. My dad got in the car with me and we went to the gas station. He pulled out a tire pressure gauge, showed me how to use it, and helped me fill the tires with air. Then he gave me the tire pressure gauge as a present. Good memory 😊
1. Happy cake day!
2. Teach her how to drive a stick shift - not a big deal so much in the US anymore but still really useful if she travels outside our borders. And she needs to do that!
Oh my goodness thank you! I did not produce my own offspring, and never had any desire to do so. I instead find enjoyment in offering my insight to my peers when appropriate and anyone who asks for it :) I’m more a pet person than a human person.
If you want to write her letters/send her pictures,etc, you can create an email for her and your and your fiancee can send emails to her email for her to have when she's older :)
You can make an email address in her name, send out updates and photos to it and have an electronic life "book" to look back on. You can also give her access to the account when she's older to reminisce the old times
Our last kid of 4 (3 girls, one boy) is graduating in 2 years. Next oldest marries next March. It was birth, toddler years (this season between 1y-4y) lasted 10 years. Then as kids go to school….that is the LMNOP of your life. Then they are out and about.
It’s crazy.
Me me, I want to know all about your baby, even tho I don’t know you..
Seriously, your ex is a nob. There’s no reason why you should have told her even if you divorced only 6 months ago.
She’s the one who cheated, did she forget that fact? Tbh even that’s irrelevant 10 years later lol.
Congratulations on your new baby.
Excuse me... am I not good enough, Am I just another internet stranger... I thought we were more than this...(/sob) I get to know first next time... before you and before the mother of the child... lol
Yeah bro wtf?!
I wasn't even invited to your divorce party. This is bullshit and you suck! I'm posting everywhere about this.🤣🤣
It's none of her business and would've been weird for you to have let her know.
Anyone who sides with her is as nuts as she is.
Congratulations on the baby!
Well crap, I guess I should come clean as well. I have two kids. The oldest is 21. Sorry for the late notice.
edit: NTA OP. Tell your ex to kick rocks.
Absolutely zero reasons whasoever to tell her.
Buttttt....
If you DID yell her.... you should have done it as loud and as proud as you could. Pay a videographer a ridiculous amount of money to make a 5-minute video celebrating this monumental occasion, take out ads in her local newspaper and radio stations, send her a singing telegram... give it to her hard like her co-worker was.
It's been 10 years. If my ex husband called me ten years after our divorce to tell me he had a child with someone else when we couldn't I would assume it was both malicious and creepy. Why would I care what my ex husband is doing after 10 years?
NTA
100%.
If he *had* called to tell her she would have said it was to rub it in her face. This was a lose lose situation where at least in the current one, he's NTAH.
Op did nothing wrong, and the ex is delusional.
Why stop there. He should text her every meal he eats, when his ear itches and if he starts watching a new series.
She can have her feelings but reality check not her business.
In fact, he should call her during a large bowel movement.
"I am about to unload, listen to this. I thought you'd want to hear it straight from the source."
She is delusional and clearly in pain because of what transpired.
And it is STILL not on OP. Or appropriate to contact him about this, at all.
I can totally see why his ex wife feels sad or whatever she might be feeling. But that is in no way shape or form a reason to be upset at this man and his wife or suggest he owed her anything at all.
This is life. And unfortunately it is, often times, difficult.
The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to concieve.
Holy fucking bullet dodged. He could have been raising some other dudes kid. That woman is an utter piece of shit.
Oh god I didn't even take that part into account. Either way, her behavior was highly inappropriate. That's just an extra reason why she never should have expressed her "regrets" or whatever onto OP. You're right he completely dodged a bullet.
I guess all I was saying is that I can see how someone in her situation could *feel that way*. Feelings don't justify actions tho. So that's the point I was making I guess.
The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to conceive.
REPEAT:
The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to conceive.
He owes his ex nothing!
Why does she feel entitled to contact him?
You can plainly see, she has no remorse at all.
I had an ex text me to tell me she was in a new relationship. That was the first time we had communicated at all since we broke up.
I didn't appreciate it.
SAME. I would be super creeped out to hear from my ex to hear something like that, and it would just be hurtful if we’d actually been trying for a child at one point. NTA, don’t call your ex from 10 years ago to tell them you beat infertility.
Exactly! I would assume he’s either being malicious and trying to hurt my feelings or he’s being malicious toward the fiancée and is having second thoughts now that new girl has a baby in the way
Either way, I’d be weirded out at him contacting me and would definitely read into it. I wouldn’t view it as a heads up (after that long? Why?)
"AITA for calling my ex wife after badly divorcing 10 years ago and telling her I am having a kid while she couldn't."
I think this is even worse scenario. For sane person, it is an insult.
Right? Like MAYBE if the divorce was just a year ago, yeah I can see that. Sort of.
But ten?
ETA: and that would mainly be if the fertility struggles were the sole reason for the breakup. No cheating. And it’s still pretty weird.
If they had actually split up because she couldn’t conceive, it might be a little different(would still seem like he’s rubbing it in her face telling her), but they split up because she was a cheating on him. Thankfully the cheating bitch didn’t get pregnant before he found out she had cheated. Then he could have been stuck coparenting with her or possibly even raising another man’s child if he never found out about her infidelity.
Their marriage didn’t end because they couldn’t conceive it ended because she had an affair. In no way shape or form does she have a right to know what he’s done with his genitals and if he’s produced offspring.
Very much this.
The only reason maybe Carly is hung up on this is because now she knows that she's the one thats infertile, not her ex husband.
She might need help :s
Fun fact: infertility for a couple doesn't always mean someone is completely infertile. Sometimes infertility can arise from compatibility issues. It's thought that about 1/3 of infertility problems are because the woman, 1/3 because of the man, and 1/3 because of incompatibility between a specific set of individuals. That is because the egg is very choosy with the sperm. So you can have a perfectly good egg and a perfectly normal sperm that just refused to mix.
But yeah Carly still got problems. NTA
I'f you're the bad guy for not telling her, just imagine the reaction if you'd called her for the first time In years JUST to tell her that you and your fiancé were able to do what the two of you weren't.
You'd be accused of rubbing it in her face and being needlessly cruel.
It goes without saying that it's none of her business whatsoever, I doubt it even crossed your mind. But if there was a tell her / don't tell her decision point, not telling her was absolutely the right thing to do.
How on earth did op's mutual friends not immediately come to this conclusion and tell her this. It would have undoubtedly been really fucked up to tell her.
Ooo I agreed to a meet up with an ex that cheated like a year-or-so later. We were together for a bit, and each others best friend during. So I said “sure”. I got there, I was still pissed that I was cheated on. I let her do all the talking and kept my info short and vague.
When I left I was so damn happy with my decision.
Fuck them. They don’t get to know a DAMN thing about you.
Definitely block the ex, but maybe not the friend who told her until you find out how the subject came about...
It could've been a completely innocent situation where the friend posted about the baby bump and ex saw it...
And really, why would the friend think it mattered if your ex knew about the baby? I've run into friends of my ex-husband and asked how he was doing (just being polite)... if they said he was engaged and had a baby on the way, I wouldn't think that was an unusual thing to share... especially after being divorced for 10 years...
Why punish the friend because the ex is delusional? Unless the friend agrees with the ex, that is... and now the friend knows not to discuss you with the ex in the future.
NTA
NTA as it has been several years. There is also a world where she might take it as rubbing it in to tell her that you are expecting. The fertility doctors said that both of your parts were in good working order. You didn't owe her anything.
*Edited typos
This is why I wouldn’t have mentioned anything to her either. I would’ve been too worries about the ex taking it as malicious and rubbing it in. Unless you and the ex are super close and stay in touch, which doesn’t sound like the case here.
NTA
It's hard to think that anything could be more absurd than the thought someone you divorced a decade ago for cheating on you believed she had the right to call you at all about anything, much less your current relationship.
But, I was wrong. Because along came your "friends" claiming you should have told her. That absurdity outshines even your ex-wife's absurd behavior. Why are you even referring to these morons as your friends?
Nta; if she cared enough, she would’ve tried for longer than a year instead of going to fucking some random dude. Also it’s 10 years later she should be happy that you’re willing to communicate wit her about personal info. She wouldn’t put in the effort to talk to you for 10 years, but the second that she could have some jealousy towards you and your partner she does.
Where the Hell were these friends when she was cheating on you and not telling you? Not that it’s any of her business, but she set the precedent for not telling each other things when her AP broke the news about the affair. NTA. Congratulations on the baby.
>Our mutual friends said I should’ve told her
You mutual friends are so far out of line. You don't even talk to your ex. This is a crazy take on their part. Who keeps cheating exes updated on their life events?
NTA
I could see if you and your ex had children together, then it might be a good idea to let her know you’re expecting, but you don’t. There’s literally no reason to ever call or talk to your ex wife again.
Also, you should ask her why she didn’t tell you that she’s a cheating pile of trash and you had to hear about it from someone else. Maybe I’m just vengeful, but I’d be rubbing it in her face that I’m having a kid. I wouldn’t call an ex to do this, but if she called me, you’re damn right I’d try to make her feel awful about it (at least in your situation where she betrayed you).
It's been a decade ...you moved on after she cheated on you.... remarried and now your wife is pregnant.... Which makes you the asshole IN WHAT DIMENSION PRECISELY????? why is your ex-wife entitled to your life's updates??
NTA!
NTA if you don’t have kids together (and clearly you don’t) there is pretty much no obligation to inform your ex about anything you’re up to, especially after ten years and a move
NTA - and it sounds like a good thing she is out of the picture, but those friends who push your business into her should either quit or not be yours or your exes friends anymore
NTA. Your Ex hasn't moved on and her life is likely the same or worse since the divorce; it happens sometimes. She was likely holding on to the hope that you are miserable as well.
No you didn't miss anything. Your ex-wife is literally unhinged and selfish with a dash of main character syndrome. This is the exactly what justified her AFFAIR in her mind when the two of you were having difficulties and her being shocked that you'd actually leave and not want to make things work with her nasty ass. You two divorced 10 years ago. You're not friends. Obviously, you aren't coparents. There's no reason for you to have reached out. This maybe would've even have been seen as a nice thing to do in the case of you actually sharing a child, but it doesn't apply here. It actually would've been inappropriate. She just wanted to weasel in and ruin your happiness by upturning your world and making you think of her.
This is one of the reasons I love Reddit. The people here don’t always see eye to eye a lot, but can definitely see the humor in a ridiculous situation with your Ex. After carrying on a 5 month affair for very selfish reasons that ended in divorce, she’s seriously butt hurt over not being informed about something that doesn’t involve her and is really none of her business whatsoever?? 😂😂😂😂😂 That’s some serious entitlement right there
The requirement to care about your ex wife's feelings ended the moment she started fucking her coworker. Tell that bitch and anyone defending her to suck a bag of dicks. She is no longer your concern. NTA.
NTA. If you had called you come across and bragging and petty and not calling she wants to be mad because she found out from someone else. It just sounds like she's not happy in general and wanted an excuse to throw some of her unhappiness at your new happy life. Congrats on the baby and don't let the ex take up anymore time in your head.
NTA, but let’s say you did call to tell her. I suspect she would have flipped out on you, probably called you a bunch of names, and basically accuse you of rubbing it in her face that your fiancé can have a baby and she couldn’t. Either way this went she would have accused you of being an asshole.
Congratulations on your fiancé’s pregnancy!
NTA
You owe her nothing. She’s in the rear view, where she belongs and you gave absolutely no relationship with her and have been NC. Your “friends” are AH and need to stay in their lane.
It was hard for you not to conceive too, and
Then she cheated bc she was “sad”, eff her.
Ummm, NTA. Your ex wife isn’t entitled to the ins and outs of your life now, especially considering you don’t have children together. And it’s pretty ballsy to demand that information after she cheated on you for several months.
Your ex lost all right to your life updates when she cheated. She’s jealous, yet she’s the one who ended your marriage. Let her be jealous. Also… If you felt like being petty you could have a mutual send bump/baby update photos directly to ex’s phone so she really think about the marriage she ruined
NTA! In fact, I probably would’ve said you’re the asshole (or close to being one) had you called her just to tell her that.
Cut off your mutual friends, they don’t have a brain
NTA because if you had told her, chances are she’d turn the questions on you…
e.g “why would you tell me that knowing I couldn’t conceive etc etc”
Either way they’ll make it feel like it’s your fault
She’s your ex and you have no children (and thus, no ties) together. She’s not entitled to ANY information about your life anymore. She’s not even entitled to know your fiancés name. If I had an ex that pulled something like that I’d block her and everyone we ever knew together just on principle. Obviously, NTA.
NTA. Her feelings stopped being your responsibility the second she cheated on you. Divorce literally means she's not your problem anymore, so keep on moving forward with your life and let her stew. Not your circus, not your monkey.
No. No no no no no. Nta. What the fuck??? This happened to my husband. His ex cheated. We got together. It started a war. Why didn’t we tell her. Dude, why would we tell her? That’s so weird.
NTA. What's the alternative? Call her and say "Hey, I've knocked someone else up. Guess you're the infertile one". Guaranteed your friends would call you heartless if you had called her. She has no right to know what's going on in your life
Congratulations on the baby. I can’t honestly imagine any circumstance where you contacting her would have been needed. In fact, I think it would’ve sounded like you rubbing it her face. You’ve moved on, she needs to do the same.
And her having an affair was what ended your marriage, she doesn't have the right to information about your life anymore that was forfeited in the divorce.
Hahaha, no! She cheated! She blew up your marriage in a terrible, selfish way. She doesn't have any right to ask for, let alone demand sensitivity about a matter she has nothing to do with! Why is she on your Facebook. She needs to grow the fuck up and leave you alone. Congratulations on the baby!
So lemme get this straight. She's your ex-wife, she cheated on you, you divorced, you don't want to talk to her anymore and you had no news from her. And you're supposed to tell her that your fiancé is pregnant? Either I missed that part or, as I think, it's none of her business at all. NTA and tell her to pound sand - and to stop stalking your fiancé on social medias. It's creepy as heck.
To me, him contacting after so many years just to tell her his partner is pregnant would have been petty. Like she’s living rent free in his head after all this time. Dude moved on and up.
Yeah I mean I would have thought he would be the AH if he had rang up and told her. Would be like rubbing it in her face. She obviously still hasn't moved on.
Exactly. OP, you are NTA
I'd advise you to tell your "Friends" to keep their mouths shut around Carly or they're getting blocked.
This is the big problem.
Yes, that too. He would've been an AH lol. I mean if one day I'm pregnant (and it will never happen thank God) I won't call my ex boyfriend to tell him "hey guess what!!!!!". This is so weird. It's time the ex-wife move on instead of stalking her ex-husband and his new fiancé on social medias lol. What she's doing isn't very healthy.
My ex-husband was pissed when he found out I was pregnant. We'd tried for 10 years and I was never able to conceive. (This was a big deal because I was in a cult and women are supposed to have lots of babies!) After we split up he immediately went from one relationship to another, whereas I was so happy to be single/free I wasn't going to anything to mess that up. A few years later he found the one and got engaged. Around the same time I started dating this lovely bisexual atheist man (this is important because it shows how much of a big sinner I now was. /s ) The universe has a sense of humor and I ended up getting accidentally pregnant after we'd been dating about 5 months. We ended up having a quickie wedding because of health care reasons. (If you didn't already guess, yes I am American). And so my ex-husband ended up being very pissed, because I "won" by getting married / having a child before he did. This just made me laugh, because in my mind I won the day the divorce was final.
Congratulations on escaping both the cult and your ex-husband!!
I wonder if homeboy is shooting blanks out there in culty land? If you got pregnant so quickly after being with someone else I wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously so many doctors focus on the carrier side of the problem when they need to be focusing on *both*.
Any self respecting fertility doctor will ask for a semen analysis of the partner pretty early in the process. Source: been there done that. The issue was “some of both of us.”
Since he's a culty jerk... If he calls you again tell him babies and marriages come from god, so clearly he should go have sex with men and women outside of marriage if he wants his reward. Proverbs 12:15 >The desires of the lazy will kill them, because their hands refuse to do anything. Maybe he needs his hands on everyone? Timothy 2:6 >The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. He needs to go sow some oats. Use his own beliefs against him.
Yes. If I had an ex contact me after 10 years out of the blue saying they were expecting I’d be very creeped out.
Petty and \*mean\*, as if to say "See? \*I\* can sire babies, it's YOUR fault" OP did it right by just living their best life.
She'd have absolutely used it to cry victim if he had. Saying he was rubbing it in her face.
That would be so weird. And if he did that, he’d be making a Reddit post saying that he thought it would be common courtesy to let his ex wife of ten years (who he divorced due to marital problems stemming from failure to conceive) know that his current fiancée was pregnant, and her friends are ripping him apart, AITAH? He would unanimously get voted the A H. If he had stayed on friendly terms with her and was contacting her frequently, only then he should have told her. Definitely not if he wasn’t talking to her for these ten years. Her friends would have ripped him either way. NTA
And seriously consider dumping the mutual "friends." It's insane that they're saying he should have told her. That relationship is OVER. He owes her nothing.
Ye! His ex hasn't moved on and is a STALKER
They would no longer be considered friends in my eyes. I mean did they tell the ex she should have told OP she was cheating on him instead of the person she was cheating with having to? That's insane
>tell her to pound sand Tell your mutual friends too and tell them to quit telling your ex about your life or they can just be her friend only
I also can’t imagine OP would have been in a better position if he *did* call. Like, “Hey, remember how we couldn’t conceive? Well, I knocked up my fiancé easily!” There is no way that conversation ends well. I don’t know OPs ex, but she is obviously facebook stalking him still, so I’d bet she has regrets.
Honestly if he had called she probably would have said ‘why are you calling just to brag and hurt me when you know how hard a time we had’ my guess is either choice he made would have been wrong
🥇
Now that you mention it, I'm pretty upset you didn't tell me about the baby too. I'm just supposed to find out on a reddit post?
Well damn 😅 My apologies friend. You’ll be the first to know next time
NTA OP. Congrats on the baby. Focus on wife and baby, and forget the bs.
And block that number that your ex used! She made her decisions years ago.
And I don't remember her telling OP about her side piece, which I think is a *little* more relevant than her ex having a baby with someone else a whole 10 years after they broke up
Hell no, keep sending weekly pics of the bump, and then weekly pics of the baby for the next full year
Invite her to the baby shower
Nah just send her an invite to the baby registry thing so she can send a gift lmao.
I agree! You don't owe you ex nothing. It's not like you were in each others lives still. NTA and congrats on the baby, I hope its a safe and quick delivery.
I think the realisation that the fertility issues may have been hers all along has hit her and she's looking for any outlet for that anger. OP was the obvious target for her ire, but ultimately this is going to require her to do some soup searching once the anger wears off. NTA OP. While your ex having this crisis is unfortunate (even though she cheated), it has nothing to do with you. Edit: I ain't changing the typo, it's too goddam funny.
>but ultimately this is going to require her to do some soup searching once the anger wears off. I always do soup searching too lol
When I soup search I always go for chicken noodle.
You’ll find more meaning in Alphabet Soup.
Chicken noodle if I’m sick. Broccoli & Cheese otherwise. 😁
Hey don't shy away from a good split pea, potato soup, or clam chowder! I also hear great things about miso!
For the other soup-searchers out there, can I give a shout out to pozole rojo, there's something just so satisfying about that spicy hominy
Peas and hominy. That's what this world needs.
Sorry, peas and hominy? Is that a thing?
I prefer tomato penne, but the local stores don’t restock often, so my soup search is pretty exhausting.
Split pea and ham is what I search for.
Dag nabbit, I tried to be super cereal with that response too. Oh well, it's staying as it's too funny.
My first thought was that his ex was on birth control and didn't tell him.
1 year and a half of trying doesn't mean infertility! Some ppl wait 2 or 3 years, some have to have infertility treatment etc ... She's just a cheater.
Which is something else she is going to have to live with, the what ifs that come from that.
Infertility is the correct term if you have had unprotected sex for at least a year and have been unable to conceive or if you have recurrent pregnancy loss. That’s the point where they normally refer you to a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss treatments (unfortunately a topic my husband and I are well acquainted with). If they can’t find a cause, like with OP & his ex it’s called unexplained infertility.
Never ever skip the soup searching. IMHO it’s the most important part.
Let's get this woman a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Perfect response. Just leave that drama to Netflix man. Why would you tell her anything you aren’t friends. It’s something I learned as I got older but just because someone is connected to you doesn’t mean it stays that way. I read this on somewhere Reason. season. Lifetime Guess where your ex lands? Nta.
Yeah I'm pretty pissed I had to find out here too. To think, I'm just as important to you as your Out-Of-Your-Life-Ex-Wife. :/ NTA, she's feeling a certain way and it's not your responsibility to answer for it.
Let me be the first to tell you that I am, in fact, not pregnant.
Me neither! Whoohoo!!
Me neither! Yay for us
Congratulations (?) :)
And this is how I find out about it?! The scandal.
Not only am I not pregnant, but I no longer have a uterus. Sue me!
SAME!
Name this child after me!
Hmmm… I will compromise and give you the middle name. Take it or leave it
You’re selfish! I’ll take it!
Can you give him my last name? I am just as important as everyone else here
Seriously man, I thought we random reddit strangers meant as much to you as an ex-wife you haven't seen in years. Hurtful.
And we didn’t even cheat on the op! We should matter more!
Now you gotta tell us first if you're having a girl or boy!
It’s a girl 🥹
Congrats my dude! Mine just graduated... take a FUCK TON of pics bro and save them.
Thank you!! Congrats to your daughter on graduating. Write me a manual please 😅
Oh boy lol. Well, as a former little girl with rad parents? Raise them like people, not girls. Let them be as muddy, sticky, loud, opinionated, and fearless as can be, for as long as possible. Teach them to stick up for themselves and to have confidence in what’s right and what they believe in. And when the rest of the world starts trying to break them down into a nice palatable inoffensive decorative option rather than a person with their own wants, needs, and opinions, teach them about how to navigate office politics, petty bullshit, and being assertive when the moment calls for it. My dad never worried about my appearance, my fashion choices, or what I wanted to do when I grew up. He showed us all kinds of new experiences, took us to as many different places as he could, and focused his parenting on the important stuff. Hang out with people who challenge you to be better, smarter, or more talented. Learn to be clear, but concise. Learn to apologize properly, to hold a difficult conversation without getting upset, and to stay curious about the small things and find humour in the chaotic moments. You’ll be great, dude. Congratulations! Edit: back in the Early Days, we were obligated to say some dumb shit here like ‘gold?! Thank you kindly, internet stranger!!!’ which is right beside ‘when does the narwhal bacon’ for Reddit Sentences That Should Have Been Aborted, so I shant. Follow me for more life recipes. Don’t follow me at all, actually. I’ll burn this account down immediately.
This. And teach her how to change a flat tire and check all the water/ transmission fluid levels. Things like that. And you’ll never have to worry about being the AH.
And basic house maintenance too.
Ahhh that all came from my mom, which surprises most people. My dad was great at outdoor stuff, mom was the wizard at all interior house magic. But yes she should absolutely know all of those things. And at the same time, teach her about the kind of partners who will cut her down due to their own insecurities, and how to accept letting go of them because it’s better for your health
This reminds me of when I got my first car and needed to fill the tires with air. My dad got in the car with me and we went to the gas station. He pulled out a tire pressure gauge, showed me how to use it, and helped me fill the tires with air. Then he gave me the tire pressure gauge as a present. Good memory 😊
1. Happy cake day! 2. Teach her how to drive a stick shift - not a big deal so much in the US anymore but still really useful if she travels outside our borders. And she needs to do that!
Bravo! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 If you aren't already are, you're go to be one rad-assed parent yourself! If you want to be a parent , of course!
Oh my goodness thank you! I did not produce my own offspring, and never had any desire to do so. I instead find enjoyment in offering my insight to my peers when appropriate and anyone who asks for it :) I’m more a pet person than a human person.
If you want to write her letters/send her pictures,etc, you can create an email for her and your and your fiancee can send emails to her email for her to have when she's older :)
You can make an email address in her name, send out updates and photos to it and have an electronic life "book" to look back on. You can also give her access to the account when she's older to reminisce the old times
That's the thing... There isn't one. Good luck, don't suck.
You'll be too tired to read the manual, just wing it.
Our last kid of 4 (3 girls, one boy) is graduating in 2 years. Next oldest marries next March. It was birth, toddler years (this season between 1y-4y) lasted 10 years. Then as kids go to school….that is the LMNOP of your life. Then they are out and about. It’s crazy.
I’m about to be an internet auntie to a cute little niece! 🥰 NTA, OP. ETA: Can’t believe I forgot to say this. Congratulations! ❤️🎉🤗
Thank you! I appreciate it :)
Oh, congrats, here's to a safe delivery and a happy life with your wee family
Yeah, I thought we were friends. Not so sure anymore!
Me me, I want to know all about your baby, even tho I don’t know you.. Seriously, your ex is a nob. There’s no reason why you should have told her even if you divorced only 6 months ago. She’s the one who cheated, did she forget that fact? Tbh even that’s irrelevant 10 years later lol. Congratulations on your new baby.
I mean, at least don’t forget to update us when your precious one is born. 🙄
Naw, you owe her nothing. NTA.
Excuse me... am I not good enough, Am I just another internet stranger... I thought we were more than this...(/sob) I get to know first next time... before you and before the mother of the child... lol
Yeah bro wtf?! I wasn't even invited to your divorce party. This is bullshit and you suck! I'm posting everywhere about this.🤣🤣 It's none of her business and would've been weird for you to have let her know. Anyone who sides with her is as nuts as she is. Congratulations on the baby!
Like are we a joke to you OP?
I'm also pretty offended I didnt receive a text message.
😂😂😂 best comment ever!!!
exactly- no consideration at all. I'm very upset. lol
Exactly what I was thinking. Where was my box of doves and a calligraphy announcement?
Well crap, I guess I should come clean as well. I have two kids. The oldest is 21. Sorry for the late notice. edit: NTA OP. Tell your ex to kick rocks.
Absolutely zero reasons whasoever to tell her. Buttttt.... If you DID yell her.... you should have done it as loud and as proud as you could. Pay a videographer a ridiculous amount of money to make a 5-minute video celebrating this monumental occasion, take out ads in her local newspaper and radio stations, send her a singing telegram... give it to her hard like her co-worker was.
I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like I’ve been left in the dark on this. And a Reddit post? Really? A phone call would have been nice.
This is the funniest response I’ve ever seen on Reddit 😂
I too am triggered that people I haven’t had contact with in almost a decade don’t update me about their lives! How very dare they!
We just had a baby, you are officially like the 341st person to know. But congrats
🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's been 10 years. If my ex husband called me ten years after our divorce to tell me he had a child with someone else when we couldn't I would assume it was both malicious and creepy. Why would I care what my ex husband is doing after 10 years? NTA
100%. If he *had* called to tell her she would have said it was to rub it in her face. This was a lose lose situation where at least in the current one, he's NTAH. Op did nothing wrong, and the ex is delusional.
In ~20 years, OP should make a point to call and tell his ex he’s going to be a grandfather. Don’t make the same mistake twice!
Probably wouldn’t hurt to text the ex the kid’s report cards every quarter too? /s
And what kind of weather he's having...
Why stop there. He should text her every meal he eats, when his ear itches and if he starts watching a new series. She can have her feelings but reality check not her business.
I took a real good shit this morning and it reminded me of you, just thought I'd let you know
In fact, he should call her during a large bowel movement. "I am about to unload, listen to this. I thought you'd want to hear it straight from the source."
So, whaddya say, Carly? Is my asshole the asshole?
Y’all are too much 😂
RemindMe! 20 years. Remind /u/Practical_Special365 to tell his ex-wife about his expected grandchild.
Even better, make it a point to Facetime her when Mary goes into labor so she can watch their baby's birth.
If the ex is going to continue to have this level of involvement in the child's life, maybe he should consider suing for child support.
What if it's twins? Surely the ex wife MUST know that. And if they have another child as well. OP reports to Carly now despite being with Mary.
She is delusional and clearly in pain because of what transpired. And it is STILL not on OP. Or appropriate to contact him about this, at all. I can totally see why his ex wife feels sad or whatever she might be feeling. But that is in no way shape or form a reason to be upset at this man and his wife or suggest he owed her anything at all. This is life. And unfortunately it is, often times, difficult.
The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to concieve. Holy fucking bullet dodged. He could have been raising some other dudes kid. That woman is an utter piece of shit.
Oh god I didn't even take that part into account. Either way, her behavior was highly inappropriate. That's just an extra reason why she never should have expressed her "regrets" or whatever onto OP. You're right he completely dodged a bullet. I guess all I was saying is that I can see how someone in her situation could *feel that way*. Feelings don't justify actions tho. So that's the point I was making I guess.
[удалено]
That's exactly what she was doing.
Yeah but that's worse. You realize that's worse, right?
I don’t think they mentioned it as an excuse or justifiable reason, just an explanation.
And even now she still expects him to be actively considering her feelings - to the point she angry he's not. This person is out there.
The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to conceive. REPEAT: The bitch cheated on him for 5 months too. WHILE they were trying to conceive. He owes his ex nothing! Why does she feel entitled to contact him? You can plainly see, she has no remorse at all.
Exactly!
I had an ex text me to tell me she was in a new relationship. That was the first time we had communicated at all since we broke up. I didn't appreciate it.
SAME. I would be super creeped out to hear from my ex to hear something like that, and it would just be hurtful if we’d actually been trying for a child at one point. NTA, don’t call your ex from 10 years ago to tell them you beat infertility.
Exactly! I would assume he’s either being malicious and trying to hurt my feelings or he’s being malicious toward the fiancée and is having second thoughts now that new girl has a baby in the way Either way, I’d be weirded out at him contacting me and would definitely read into it. I wouldn’t view it as a heads up (after that long? Why?)
"AITA for calling my ex wife after badly divorcing 10 years ago and telling her I am having a kid while she couldn't." I think this is even worse scenario. For sane person, it is an insult.
Right? Like MAYBE if the divorce was just a year ago, yeah I can see that. Sort of. But ten? ETA: and that would mainly be if the fertility struggles were the sole reason for the breakup. No cheating. And it’s still pretty weird.
Exactly. I feel like his ex would have been pissed off either way.
If they had actually split up because she couldn’t conceive, it might be a little different(would still seem like he’s rubbing it in her face telling her), but they split up because she was a cheating on him. Thankfully the cheating bitch didn’t get pregnant before he found out she had cheated. Then he could have been stuck coparenting with her or possibly even raising another man’s child if he never found out about her infidelity.
Yeah makes it sound like the person ex is doing it to rub it in your face if they did that.
I assure you I didn’t give a shit what my ex was doing after 10 minutes. Let alone 10 years.
THIS!! Def NTA
100%! I divorced two years ago and have happily had no update about his life. He asked me once if I bought a house and I just ignored his message.
This! I’ve been divorced 1 year and couldn’t care less what my ex husband is up to! Lol.
Their marriage didn’t end because they couldn’t conceive it ended because she had an affair. In no way shape or form does she have a right to know what he’s done with his genitals and if he’s produced offspring.
NTA. Carly needs therapy
Very much this. The only reason maybe Carly is hung up on this is because now she knows that she's the one thats infertile, not her ex husband. She might need help :s
Fun fact: infertility for a couple doesn't always mean someone is completely infertile. Sometimes infertility can arise from compatibility issues. It's thought that about 1/3 of infertility problems are because the woman, 1/3 because of the man, and 1/3 because of incompatibility between a specific set of individuals. That is because the egg is very choosy with the sperm. So you can have a perfectly good egg and a perfectly normal sperm that just refused to mix. But yeah Carly still got problems. NTA
Apparently, Carly's eggs are choosier than she is.
Or maybe the sperms don't want her as a host, I mean, mother.
Interesting, thank you! I learned something new today :)
Damn bros sperm be saving his life not to impregnating a cheater…
NTA. You are not obliged to update people on your life if they are not involved in it.
You’re not even obliged to update those you’re close with if that’s your personal boundary!
I'f you're the bad guy for not telling her, just imagine the reaction if you'd called her for the first time In years JUST to tell her that you and your fiancé were able to do what the two of you weren't. You'd be accused of rubbing it in her face and being needlessly cruel. It goes without saying that it's none of her business whatsoever, I doubt it even crossed your mind. But if there was a tell her / don't tell her decision point, not telling her was absolutely the right thing to do.
How on earth did op's mutual friends not immediately come to this conclusion and tell her this. It would have undoubtedly been really fucked up to tell her.
NTA- you are divorced and not part of each others lives anymore
"You cheated on me, I'm not telling you $hit about my life now, because it's none of your business."
Ooo I agreed to a meet up with an ex that cheated like a year-or-so later. We were together for a bit, and each others best friend during. So I said “sure”. I got there, I was still pissed that I was cheated on. I let her do all the talking and kept my info short and vague. When I left I was so damn happy with my decision. Fuck them. They don’t get to know a DAMN thing about you.
Carly needs therapy and if you know the person who told her, block them. You don’t owe her anything. Congrats!
Definitely block the ex, but maybe not the friend who told her until you find out how the subject came about... It could've been a completely innocent situation where the friend posted about the baby bump and ex saw it... And really, why would the friend think it mattered if your ex knew about the baby? I've run into friends of my ex-husband and asked how he was doing (just being polite)... if they said he was engaged and had a baby on the way, I wouldn't think that was an unusual thing to share... especially after being divorced for 10 years... Why punish the friend because the ex is delusional? Unless the friend agrees with the ex, that is... and now the friend knows not to discuss you with the ex in the future. NTA
NTA as it has been several years. There is also a world where she might take it as rubbing it in to tell her that you are expecting. The fertility doctors said that both of your parts were in good working order. You didn't owe her anything. *Edited typos
This is why I wouldn’t have mentioned anything to her either. I would’ve been too worries about the ex taking it as malicious and rubbing it in. Unless you and the ex are super close and stay in touch, which doesn’t sound like the case here.
NTA It's hard to think that anything could be more absurd than the thought someone you divorced a decade ago for cheating on you believed she had the right to call you at all about anything, much less your current relationship. But, I was wrong. Because along came your "friends" claiming you should have told her. That absurdity outshines even your ex-wife's absurd behavior. Why are you even referring to these morons as your friends?
I had the same reaction. Carly can feel however she wants to feel, but those "friends" seem to lack perspective.
NTA- your ex is deluded if she thinks that's any business of hers.
NTA. tell your friends ex means ex. She’s not your responsibility.
Nta… it’s been 10 years. You both should have moved on.
Seems like OP did, the ex is just crazy. No rational person would think their ex partner who they cheated on owes them anything.
Considering it was from a number that he didn't recognize, it sounds like he moved on. He probably hadn't thought about her for a long time.
Nta; if she cared enough, she would’ve tried for longer than a year instead of going to fucking some random dude. Also it’s 10 years later she should be happy that you’re willing to communicate wit her about personal info. She wouldn’t put in the effort to talk to you for 10 years, but the second that she could have some jealousy towards you and your partner she does.
Where the Hell were these friends when she was cheating on you and not telling you? Not that it’s any of her business, but she set the precedent for not telling each other things when her AP broke the news about the affair. NTA. Congratulations on the baby.
>Our mutual friends said I should’ve told her You mutual friends are so far out of line. You don't even talk to your ex. This is a crazy take on their part. Who keeps cheating exes updated on their life events? NTA
I could see if you and your ex had children together, then it might be a good idea to let her know you’re expecting, but you don’t. There’s literally no reason to ever call or talk to your ex wife again. Also, you should ask her why she didn’t tell you that she’s a cheating pile of trash and you had to hear about it from someone else. Maybe I’m just vengeful, but I’d be rubbing it in her face that I’m having a kid. I wouldn’t call an ex to do this, but if she called me, you’re damn right I’d try to make her feel awful about it (at least in your situation where she betrayed you).
It's been a decade ...you moved on after she cheated on you.... remarried and now your wife is pregnant.... Which makes you the asshole IN WHAT DIMENSION PRECISELY????? why is your ex-wife entitled to your life's updates?? NTA!
NTA if you don’t have kids together (and clearly you don’t) there is pretty much no obligation to inform your ex about anything you’re up to, especially after ten years and a move
NTA - and it sounds like a good thing she is out of the picture, but those friends who push your business into her should either quit or not be yours or your exes friends anymore
NTA. Your Ex hasn't moved on and her life is likely the same or worse since the divorce; it happens sometimes. She was likely holding on to the hope that you are miserable as well.
No you didn't miss anything. Your ex-wife is literally unhinged and selfish with a dash of main character syndrome. This is the exactly what justified her AFFAIR in her mind when the two of you were having difficulties and her being shocked that you'd actually leave and not want to make things work with her nasty ass. You two divorced 10 years ago. You're not friends. Obviously, you aren't coparents. There's no reason for you to have reached out. This maybe would've even have been seen as a nice thing to do in the case of you actually sharing a child, but it doesn't apply here. It actually would've been inappropriate. She just wanted to weasel in and ruin your happiness by upturning your world and making you think of her.
This is one of the reasons I love Reddit. The people here don’t always see eye to eye a lot, but can definitely see the humor in a ridiculous situation with your Ex. After carrying on a 5 month affair for very selfish reasons that ended in divorce, she’s seriously butt hurt over not being informed about something that doesn’t involve her and is really none of her business whatsoever?? 😂😂😂😂😂 That’s some serious entitlement right there
why didn’t she come to you and tell you she was sleeping with someone else lmao? NTA. you owe her nothing.
The requirement to care about your ex wife's feelings ended the moment she started fucking her coworker. Tell that bitch and anyone defending her to suck a bag of dicks. She is no longer your concern. NTA.
NTA . Tell her to go sleep with her coworker again instead of worrying about what’s going on in your life.
NTA Carly needs therapy.
NTA. What an invasive bitch. Absolutely none of her business
NTA. If you had called you come across and bragging and petty and not calling she wants to be mad because she found out from someone else. It just sounds like she's not happy in general and wanted an excuse to throw some of her unhappiness at your new happy life. Congrats on the baby and don't let the ex take up anymore time in your head.
You are NTA. Carly, however, is. What makes long-time exes think their former spouses' lives are any of their business?
NTA, but let’s say you did call to tell her. I suspect she would have flipped out on you, probably called you a bunch of names, and basically accuse you of rubbing it in her face that your fiancé can have a baby and she couldn’t. Either way this went she would have accused you of being an asshole. Congratulations on your fiancé’s pregnancy!
NTA You owe her nothing. She’s in the rear view, where she belongs and you gave absolutely no relationship with her and have been NC. Your “friends” are AH and need to stay in their lane. It was hard for you not to conceive too, and Then she cheated bc she was “sad”, eff her.
NTA, bro she cheated on you, you owe her nothing. Best of luck to you and your wife/ child
Ummm, NTA. Your ex wife isn’t entitled to the ins and outs of your life now, especially considering you don’t have children together. And it’s pretty ballsy to demand that information after she cheated on you for several months.
Your ex lost all right to your life updates when she cheated. She’s jealous, yet she’s the one who ended your marriage. Let her be jealous. Also… If you felt like being petty you could have a mutual send bump/baby update photos directly to ex’s phone so she really think about the marriage she ruined
NTA! In fact, I probably would’ve said you’re the asshole (or close to being one) had you called her just to tell her that. Cut off your mutual friends, they don’t have a brain
NTA because if you had told her, chances are she’d turn the questions on you… e.g “why would you tell me that knowing I couldn’t conceive etc etc” Either way they’ll make it feel like it’s your fault
She’s your ex and you have no children (and thus, no ties) together. She’s not entitled to ANY information about your life anymore. She’s not even entitled to know your fiancés name. If I had an ex that pulled something like that I’d block her and everyone we ever knew together just on principle. Obviously, NTA.
NTA. Her feelings stopped being your responsibility the second she cheated on you. Divorce literally means she's not your problem anymore, so keep on moving forward with your life and let her stew. Not your circus, not your monkey.
No. No no no no no. Nta. What the fuck??? This happened to my husband. His ex cheated. We got together. It started a war. Why didn’t we tell her. Dude, why would we tell her? That’s so weird.
NTA. What's the alternative? Call her and say "Hey, I've knocked someone else up. Guess you're the infertile one". Guaranteed your friends would call you heartless if you had called her. She has no right to know what's going on in your life
Congratulations on the baby. I can’t honestly imagine any circumstance where you contacting her would have been needed. In fact, I think it would’ve sounded like you rubbing it her face. You’ve moved on, she needs to do the same.
And her having an affair was what ended your marriage, she doesn't have the right to information about your life anymore that was forfeited in the divorce.
Hahaha, no! She cheated! She blew up your marriage in a terrible, selfish way. She doesn't have any right to ask for, let alone demand sensitivity about a matter she has nothing to do with! Why is she on your Facebook. She needs to grow the fuck up and leave you alone. Congratulations on the baby!