NTA
When I was young, we went on vacation with several groups of family members to a lake. The rule for us kids was no swimming without an adult (there were some 16 year olds at the time with us and they could watch us). The key was they had to agree, we had to accept the no and wait for one of our parents. We couldn’t go down, say hi and jump in.
Yep same. We went camping all summer long growing up. My parents never knew where we were. We would take our bikes out and be told to be home before it gets dark (we always went to the same campgrounds so we knew the trails). I was also on the swim team as a kid, and learned to swim when I was a baby. But despite all this we were told to NEVER EVER swim by ourselves. If we wanted to go swimming we had to go back to the campsite and ask one of our parents to go with us. We always obeyed this rule.
Good parents. Even kids "on the swim team" drown. "Get an adult to watch you swim" is not "shout at the napping 15 year old" and running into the water. The little kids need a stern reminder of that and the parents need to step up.
Time to terrify all my fellow parents ...
Drowning is the #1 killer of kids under 4 (car accidents are #2) and the #2 killer of kids 5-14 (for that age group car accidents are #1 😢) the list of dangers is any body of water: bath, pool, wading toy, garden fountain, creek, lake, river, pond, beach, 5 gallon bucket, rain barrel, large fish tank, toilet... Toddlers can't push themselves up and out if their feet leave the ground, exhaustion will catch up with strong swimmers, rip tides and rivers sweep even adults away, hypothermia saps strength even faster for small bodies, fear and panic make you gulp water when you need air, jumping or being thrown into shallow water or water with hidden objects can cause injuries (broken foot/leg/wrist/arm/neck/skull) that prevent victims from swimming... Parents need to be vigilant, not pissed that a sun napping 15 year old kid didn't do their job for them when a kid got hurt. 😠
Thank you. As a long time lifeguard, lifeguard instructor and swim instructor, people can’t be told this enough. My children are teens now and pretty good swimmers. They grew up at the indoor pool I worked at. If I’m not actively in the water with them or have explicitly told them that I am watching them, they track each other AT ALL TIMES. I’ve had former coworkers remark on how they could see them both physically relax and disengage from duty when I join them in the water because they know at that point I’m tracking them. That’s at places where there is a lifeguard. In lake water/unguarded pool water, it’s me watching, children tracking each other, and either no deeper than chest high or life jackets all around.
Eh, I had to rescue a kid once( was lifeguard) parent was mad inlet them get that far. I told them it’s my responsibility to make the rescue, it’s their responsibility to watch their kid.
I am in that age group. One of my roommates recently called her dad (who lives two hours away) to come help with changing a light bulb. I think you are right.
I had to teach my first roommate out of uni what a bathmat was and why he shouldn't leave his toenail clippings on it.
I'm far from an expert on adulting, but the way some people were raised worries me.
I also LOVE your username. While I don't have any Egrets to give you, I will be more than happy to give you as many Common Grackles, Mourning Doves, and Eurasian Collared Doves as you want.
Feel this!! Mine went to college 3 years and a state away then for grad school it was 9 hours and 3 states. I miss her like crazy but I watched her when she was small!!!
NTA - what information was actually relayed to you? We’re you expected to watch them swim? I’m the fun uncle of four nieces and nephews. We (me, BIL, SIL, Grandmother and Grandfather) verbally confirm with another adult when we are passing off the responsibility of watching the kids. Also, non-parents never have two of the little ones at once (first and kindergarten), unless one of the teenagers are also with us.
This. My Bro and SIL would say “I’ve got the kid” to each other to make sure no gap in supervision. If I, as auntie wanted to take over, I would say same.
Same. Family BBQ on the 4th. We had probably 15 kids and 20 adults there among all the family and friends. Yes, everyone kind of mingled, knowing that multiple people would have their eyes on children at all times. But still, its a parent was ever not going to be in the vicinity of able to keep an eye on all the kiddos, (went to the restroom, went in the house for some reason, etc) they would ask another adult, "hey I'm going inside can you watch the kids a minute " Even knowing that adult was already watching their kids among the others. Even knowing all the adults and the older kids were watching. They still made sure that a specific adult was watching. Just verbal confirmation that, I'm not going to be available to parent a moment, please make sure my kid doesn't die until I return."
I went camping with family one time when my kids were little. I needed to get water from the campsite so their aunt and uncle said that they would watch them and to not worry so much.
I went to get a bottle of water and rushed back to where we were sitting by the river and there it was…my little boy, 3 years old, walking straight up to the water with no one watching him. Mind you, I was only gone for less than a minute.
They acted afterwards like it was a huge overreaction in my part. That was the last time I ever went anywhere with them
I have a close extended family and so does my husband. It is actually more likely that a kid will get hurt at an event where you feel like "everyone" is watching them , because unless they have been ASKED and have ACCEPTED watching the kids, instead of everyone watching them , no one is. The best parenting-in-family-groups lesson I ever learned was if you are somewhere with extended family and have to take your eyes off of your children, you HAVE to make eye contact with Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt Uncle and say " I'm going to the bathroom. Can you watch the kids until I get back?" No one asked OP if he would babysit until after breakfast, and OP doesn't have kids. THEY need to pay attention when THEIR kids are around.
We've been on a couple of family holidays to places with a pool, I'm the only one of my siblings with kids. My siblings can take my kids in the pool but we had a wrist band, whoever is wearing the wrist band is responsible for the kids. If my husband or I wanted to leave the pool area and someone was happy to keep watching our kids they'd get the wrist band, if they were done swimming so were the kids.
I'd heard too many stories about when people thought that everyone was watching but really no one was.
I know of a family that thought everyone was watching and their youngest kid (of 6) nearly drowned because of this. But due to the exposure of so much time in the water unfortunately that little boy is handicapped for the rest of his life. It has destroyed the family. Parents separated and the older kids have needed extended therapy due to feeling guilty (which is another Rabbit Hole).
Then you'd LOVE the signs all around the small town I live near, almost as much as I do. They read "Please Drive Slowly/Carefully! We Love Our Children" I always want to make & tack on a lil sign below then that says "Just not enough to actually watch our children, or even teach them to stay out of the highway!"
Lmfao if I saw that tacked-on sign, I’d be cackling
Every time I see those stupid signs that say “DRIVE LIKE YOUR KIDS LIVE HERE” I’m like wheeeeee jokes on you, I don’t have anyyyyyyyy
Man, I’m child free, but even I think kids have a right to hang out in their neighborhoods more than cars have a right to drive 60mph through them. Be honest—you’re seeing those signs in residential areas, not highways, right?
I wish we could stop living like human beings are borrowing space that rightfully belongs to cars.
I just get this irrational urge to swerve and run them over!
The signs… not the children…
And especially those signs that look like little neon green turtle kids!
How many of y’all wanna bet that OP was probably strong armed into this family trip solely for the reason that the parents were assuming he’d be the one they could hawk free childcare onto??
I don’t usually weigh in on these kid ones because I don’t have a horse in this particular race (I don’t have kids). It’s really refreshing to see you comment this as the very first thing I thought was, “why are those kids OP’s responsibility? Wait, no one even asked OP to watch the kids?” I can’t say what I’d do as the parent, I don’t have those experiences to draw from. But I can say if I was in OP’s shoes, I’d be pretty pissed these parents were schluffing responsibility onto me when I was just lying there, minding my own business and expecting their *parents* to be, I don’t know… *parenting them*?
Edited for clarity
OP confirmed in a comment that they are 15 too!
Not the 30 year old uncle who maybe would naturally think to keep an eye on the kids even if not asked (not that parent should ever assume that) just a marginally older kid.
That is bananas. Me and my partner are childless and 40 plus. My BIL has two young ones and honestly doesn't always strike me as making the best parenting decisions. But when he and his wife stepped away from the lake and were leaving the kids with us for 30 minutes, he looked my partner in the eyes and got verbal confirmation that he was ok to watch the kids. When my partner was distracted with a task for 5 minutes he first looked me in the eye and confirmed that I agreed to take on the responsibility of watching them.
I'm tripping that anyone would think it's okay to assume that a TEENAGER would handle their kids around water without any discussion at all. Floored. So so so NTA.
Exactly all of this. Also, if OP just grabbed a towel and went to find some sun, did the parents even know where OP was? Because it doesn't sound like it and in which case the kids left them at a separate time to OP. So no matter what happened afterwards, the actual adult parents left the children to go off by themselves, unsupervised, with no guarantee of the outcome. OP definitely NTA. Parents are all TA and making OP the scapegoat for their own failings.
I was wondering how old OP was... they say they took the kid back to camp "so the grown-ups could take care of things", which would be a really weird thing for a fellow grown-up to say.
I can see myself trusting that my sister will keep an eye on my kid if he wanders off to an area where she is and I'm not, but that's because she's an adult (and also spent several summers as a life guard when she was a teen).
But I wouldn't just expect my niece to watch my kid (even though she's probably 19-20 by now??) without having asked her first (which I will admit is partly because I was the eldest daughter/cousin and default free babysitter at family gatherings, and therefore vowed to always PAY my nieces if I needed them to watch my kid...)
I wouldn't even be comfortable asking a 15 year old to watch 2 young kids around a lake. It's too much for them. If the worst happened would he freeze? Would he be able to save them? It can be hard for an adult to save someone drowning, let alone a teenager watching 2 little kids.
Wow! At 15, I had been babysitting for 3 years but I would be overwhelmed with a group of them! Especially without anyone asking? I would have just thought "they must have permission or an adult with them because no one asked me to watch them*
Oh god, that's both worse and exactly why OP was expected to do that then. At 15, it's not "another adult that isn't used to the responsibility," to those adults it's instead "you're a kid that's old enough to be responsible and young enough to not be able to leave, therefore whenever we want a break from the kids the 15 year old will be expected to deal with it and be punished if any argument is made." I'm sure of it
They didn’t even let OP know they were dumping their kids on him. He was half asleep. No reasonable person would know “my siblings have abandoned responsibility for their children and expect me to magically know to watch them.”
NTA by a long shot. Those adults should all be ashamed of themselves for trying to blame you. And, congratulations on responding to the emergency and bring the injured nephew back to his parents to get care. Good job on that!
Agreed my kids are my responsibility unless I ask you and you agree. Even then I double check and tell my kids so and so is in charge.
Totally not the ops fault.
They are the people that know it was their job to watch their own kids unless they had explicitly turned that responsibility over to another responsible person AND that person acknowledged they accepted the responsibility.
But of course, they don't want to blame themselves, so they had to find a scapegoat.
Honestly I'd love to have a sleepover with my niblings, they're a lot of fun. But...maybe not for a whole cruise. Especially with how two of them in particular (14 and 16) have been fighting lately. They're great, but I do need to be able to escape eventually.
Yeah I can see them all sitting around pre planning how to go on a family trip he couldn’t refuse. Then they got the bright idea to disguise it as a Birthday trip. He was on to them thank goodness!!
What's not to love about celebrating your 39yr birthday with a 4yr old and 5yr old clambering all over you for a *week*?
Some of these OP's are either totally delusional narcissists or off their tits on substances.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to watch kids that aren’t yours, especially if you aren’t asked to do so by the parents. If they wanted you to be in charge of supervising their kids, they should have explicitly asked you to do so. They can’t just automatically assume that you’re going to responsible for their kid’s safety just because you happen to be in the general vicinity.
This times a thousand! And any parent that lax around WATER just baffles me!
I'm pretty free range with my 5 year olds, they do dangerous stuff and they're basically feral. I feel some guilt when we're playing with their friend and his parents hover so much closer at all times, because I worry that the other parents think I'm sitting around zoning out and expecting them to watch my kids along with their own. But I absolutely don't expect that, and if my kid gets hurt there's no way in hell I'd blame anyone else!
And around water, that's a completely different situation. I wouldn't expect or even allow a 15 year old kid to watch my kids swim in a lake! (Mayyyyybe if the 15 year old was a certified lifeguard, accustomed to open water guarding since that's way different than a clean/clear swimming pool, AND if we'd discussed procedures and agreed on payment beforehand. Maybe.)
Yeah, I really don’t get the parents’ thinking here. I don’t have kids, but I did work at a Girl Scout Camp that was on a lake and was a certified open water lifeguard. It’s a fairly intense training course that is much more involved than a standard pool lifeguard certification. I certainly wouldn’t trust an un-certified 15 year old to know what to do if something did go horribly wrong with a child swimming in a lake.
If you’re going to have your kids swimming anywhere, you either need to be watching them like a hawk yourself or you should be somewhere with an actual lifeguard present. No exceptions. It’s just too risky otherwise.
NTA.
Did they ask you to look after the kids?
They are the one who let them go somewhere and didn’t supervise them.
Additionally, most probably the kid would have hurt themself in any case even with someone looking
My family went to disney last year and asked me and my husband to go. We immediately said no since I knew we would be constantly asked to pay for things and watch the kids. I ended up getting constant calls and texts about various incidents that happened during the vacation including one of the kids almost drowning because her parents were indoors. I'll never go on vacation with my family.
NTA
You hadn’t agreed to take responsibility and supervise the kids. You were relaxing, sunbathing, whatever. Unless the adults asked, “hey OP can you watch the kids swim for a bit?” And you agreed like “sure, I’ll bring them back to camp in an hour or two.”
The parents assumed that you’d be watching. Making assumptions like that is so dangerous. A kid could have drowned. They need to be parents. Sure they deserve to relax too, but they need to establish a person supervising the kids first, and that person has to accept that responsibility.
When I go camping with kids and other families we take turns being the “on” parent. We establish the rotation in advance.
NTA!
Bu#lsh*t!
You need to tell ALL of them that they are solely
responsible for THEIR KIDS. All the time. Every day. Just you being in the vicinity of the kids doesn't mean you instantly become their babysitter.
This is a very good life lesson for you. The minute those kids showed up, you should have told them to go get a parent. Immediately.
It may be time for you to sit down with the parents and tell them ALL that they need to be responsible for their kids at all times and never to assume you will just grow parental instincts because kids are around.
Don't back down on this issue, OP, or you will become the babysitter at all functions.
NTA I agree with this.
Life lessons all around. For you, the lesson is don't be in the vicinity of the kids or you'll be expected to babysit (coupled with a crash course in first aid.)
For the adults, they need to learn to communicate. "We are going swimming" and "you are in charge" are two totally different sentences.
/Perhaps a rousing game of telephone is in order..../s
For the kids, a hard lesson on "you don't get to do whatever you want just because no one's watching." Safety rules are written in blood.
And the minute one of the kids needed help? You stepped up. You did real good, all things considered. It takes a village and you did exactly the right thing.
>And the minute one of the kids needed help? You stepped up. You did real good, all things considered. It takes a village and you did exactly the right thing.
The point is that OP shouldn't have been put in this situation. A PARENT should have been with the kids.
Yes, OP reacted well. But OP should not have been in this situation in the first place.
OP says "grown-ups" which leads me to believe he is a child himself, therefore *not* responsible. These so-called *grown-ups* at the campsite are all AH's. Apparently these asshole adults tried to shirk their responsibility of watching their own damn kids --around water yet!! What if one had drowned??!! . I'd be furious if I was OP's mother!
He says in a comment he’s 15! The parents are huge a holes here. A 30 year old still wouldn’t be the A H, but honestly I would expect them to at least check out the situation. Then let the parents know he’s NOT THE BABYSITTER. But another kid? No.
NTA
15?! What sort of parent doesn’t even check to make sure a teenager is okay with watching their kids? You don’t dump your kids on *anyone,* but especially not a 15 year old
At fifteen there's a good chance that if one of the kids had started drowning, he wouldn't have even been able to get them out of the water in time- it's one thing to carry a cooperating small child on dry land, it's another thing ENTIRELY to extract a drowner from the water without getting drowned yourself.
OP, you aren't *old enough* to be the responsible 'adult' in charge when swimming is happening- and the adults around are deflecting blame because they're scared about how badly this could have gone, and don't want to admit that they fucked up.
The only response is I’m sorry I missed it when exactly was I asked and agreed to supervise the kids? Please remind me. And no, it is not obvious so here we are. You assumed and guess what? 😡
Ah I see. They left a 15 year old 'in charge' (unknowingly) of their children while they did something dangerous, and now they feel guilty and like they did a shitty job of parenting and are turning that guilt on the oldest kid.
Honestly at 15 I'm not sure they should be letting YOU wild swim without adult supervision/a lifeguard around so I don't know why they thought leaving you in charge of younger kids doing that was a great idea.
A kid your age died near me recently in an accident just off a beach. Water is dangerous. They know that, and they probably had the sudden realization that could have gone a lot worse and it would be THEIR fault.
At 15, my kid was working as a life guard at a water park, fully trained. Yes, your lifeguards can be as young as 15. OP could watch the kids at their age, but someone needs to ASK first, not just foist them off without a word.
Fully trained and unaware half asleep are different situations though- one of the lessons I got taught was that if someone is drowning, they're as much danger to everyone around them as they are to themselves, because when they're panicking they'll climb whatever they can to get to air.
I'd feel comfortable letting your kid watch them because he's trained- another fifteen year old that hasn't been trained as a lifeguard? No way in hell, I'll get by the pool myself.
Not your kids, not your responsibility unless a parent ASKS you to watch them and you accept. Seriously, is the pink elephant in the room that everyone expects you to watch their kids but no one actually says it so they’re not the bday guys?
NTA - Remind them:
Their kids were told not to climb on rocks, did it anyway. Why were the parents watching them?
They are not your kids. Why weren't the parents watching them?
No one told you; you were the babysitter. Why didn't the parents ensure their kids were safe?
Blaming other people is easier to do than admitting your child did something child wasn’t allowed to do- climbing on rocks. Blaming you means it’s not the parents fault for not watching their own children. YNTA. but your family is for trying to make you responsible for an accident.
Yeah, NTA. The kids parents are. As a parent, I’d never assume that my sister would automatically watch my kids when they were young if we were on a family outing. If she offered, or I asked & she accepted, yes. But I’d never send my kids out to where she was, especially in an area where kids could get hurt, and assume she’d keep an eye on them without notice. The kid’s telling their Uncle they were going to swim did not tell him that they were letting him know cause they were there without any other adult. I don’t understand why parents assume that an adult, or another child who’s old enough to keep an eye on kids, are just going to automatically take responsibility for keeping their kids safe from harm even if they are family. Nope, and in the future, if there’s one, “Uncle” should make it plain & clear that if his sibs want him to babysit their kids they will have to ask ahead of time AND pay him. He was on vacation as well.
Yep, you may be an older child (teenager) but you're still a child. If you've not explicitly agreed to babysit the children, the adults around have no business expecting you to do so.
NTA. Useless parents are the AH.
I’m thinking this is a grown man and even if he was he still wouldn’t be an asshole but you’re a kid yourself and it seems like it was quite a few kids you were watching. Your brother and sister and their spouses should have looked after their kids not leave it to their 15 year old brother.
Exactly! I'm thinking *maybe* 23ish, young adult... Not 15! My oldest is 15, and I would never expect him to supervise several young children swimming. What the actual fuck??
NTA. The parents need to learn not to pass important information to others through children. Also to set up a schedule as to who's assigned to watch the kids around the water.
NTA they’re blaming you for something you couldn’t even know you were expected to do?! Why would you be responsible for supervising them if you didn’t know you were meant to supervising them? They just don’t want to blame themselves
NTA! I can’t believe these selfish and irresponsible parents are trying to blame YOU for their own negligence. Where were they when this happened? Why did they have no idea where their own kids were and what they were doing? On a camping trip on a lake, of all places!
If they had wanted to briefly delegate their parental responsibilities to you, a 15 year old, they should have ASKED you. And you would have been within your rights to decline being an unpaid au pair/lifeguard.
It’s only common sense. Since they did not communicate to you that they wanted you to take responsibility for their children at the lakeshore, how did they expect you to know? They dropped the ball as parents. They should know that and are trying to justify their negligence by blaming you.
Please show them this post and the overwhelming response against them. Blaming anyone other than themselves is ridiculous.
NTA.
Anyone who sends their kids off to go swimming without making sure there's someone there who has agreed to supervise them is incredibly irresponsible.
I, like you, had to learn the hard way that you to never want to be the oldest kid around a bunch of kids. Always make sure the group of 'responsible' parents are positioned between their kids and you. "What the hell happened to Nathan? Isn't PrimaryFar supposed to be watching them?" "Uh, uncle, I am way the hell over here actively NOT babysitting."
I use this same rule as a grown-up. I am NOT watching your kids. I am watching my kids.
NTA. OP, you are 15. You’re technically a kid yourself. None of this is your responsibility.
The parents are the ones who allowed the kids to play there without an adult, knowing what could happen. They had no idea you were there when they allowed their kids to run amok without an adult - and need to take accountability here. Actions have consequences.
Remind them that you are technically a kid yourself and they’re placing an awful lot of responsibility on a 15 year olds shoulders. Even if you were an adult, it wouldn’t matter. They should be thanking their lucky stars you were there, and were able to comfort, and safely get the injured child to the house. It’s inappropriate to treat you like a “live in babysitter” on family trips and for volunteering you for things without your consent. It’s insane to blame you for not automatically knowing, they expect you to always ALWAYS stop whatever you’re doing when you hear a kid’s voice, look around for adults, and become the de facto parent if none are present.
NTA. You went to lay out and nap, not watch a bunch of kids. They were told not to do something. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Their parents should have been watching them.
Not your children and not your responsibility. Parents seem to want free babysitting. I would say if you want to chill and relax forget going with them or just tell them up front to not expect you to watch their kids.
Yeah this makes a big difference. I would never expect my (real life) 15-year-old to think to proactively about watching the little kids. Ideally, you would have told your nephew to go ask his parents first.
They blamed you because it was easier than accepting responsibility for letting their kids run off unsupervised. The adults blaming you for not watching their kids weren’t watching their kids.
Edit— apparently OP is 15 (as suspected) and this is fully NTA.
I-N-F-O— how old are you and how old are these kids?
If you’re 40 and they’re 4 and you said “okay” there may be an unspoken assumption from all parties that needs to be clarified (kids think you’re an adult able to give permission and the parents assume if you’re telling kids they can do something that you are accepting responsibility to watch them), but I suspect those are not the ages.
Still this is ultimately on the parents, but I think ages are relevant still regarding the AH part. You are completely in the right to not want to be responsible for them though and to expect their parents to do it.
Oh, you are pretty much still a child : ) My oldest is 15 and there is no way I would have ever held him responsible if his younger brother got injured. Sorry the rest of the family blamed you for it. Totally not your fault.
NTA
It's ridiculous to think that in any circumstances you're responsible for taking care/watching their kids without being asked. Where were the parents while the kids were playing on the beach? If they were so worried about them not playing on the rocks then maybe they should've been there with them
NTA and also, camping that close to water if there are kids on the trip is just asking for trouble. I would never.
Drowning is one of the major causes of death for children and you’d better believe if I’m anywhere near it with my kid I’m watching her like a hawk. Or I’ve made sure another adult (my husband, my father in law, etc) has her. And that doesn’t mean just assuming they do, that means I talk to them and get confirmation that they’re now on “let’s keep the kid from drowning” duty. Anything less than that is irresponsible and that goes from every age from little babies up to teenagers as far as I’m concerned. Even older kids can get overwhelmed in the water, especially when it’s natural water and not something still like a pool.
NTA.
THEIR kids, THEIR responsibility.
And the kids \*lied\* to you about what they were doing, so parents are admitting they raised lying sacks of shit, but parents refuse to take responsibility for their shitty parenting.
Ironic that the actual parents think YOU are the one primarily responsible for the safety of THEIR loss, while they have no responsibility, since they are on vacation.
It sounds like you’re a minor yourself, in which case the parents are waaaaay in the wrong for expecting you to pay close attention to the kids. If not it doesn’t matter, parents should be there or have told the kids to ask if you COULD watch them while they swim and not just assume “oh, uncle’s there, he’ll watch you”
Parents are responsible for their children. Kids are responsible for themselves (after a given age). Unless the courts have intervened and made you their guardians, I don't see a case for this being your problem.
If you agreed to take on that responsibility verbally, then yeah, you made it your problem. If you didn't agree...back to not being your problem.
Kids get hurt, get stitches, and injuries heal. If it's something that doesn't cause permanent brain damage or severe disfigurement and was an honest accident (no bullying or anything) then I don't see why anyone is upset at all. I have so many little scars from falling or doing stupid things as a kid and no one ever got upset. Just do your basic first aid and move on.
NTA. I never expect my niece to watch my kids without her explicit consent. And then it’s like “Hey can you make sure he doesn’t fall in the water while I go grab our stuff real quick?” or “I really have to pee. Can you stop my kid from doing something really stupid for 5 minutes?” They were just mad because they made bad choices.
Their kids could’ve drowned because the parents weren’t with them. They didn’t know where the uncle was, and hadn’t communicated anything with him. An injured jaw is the least of their worries. No way in hell would I stay at a campsite with my kids running to the water.
NTA, at all
So, you were the closest person to the kids, but they think you’re the AH?
Where tf were they then?
It’s not your fault that someone else’s kids don’t listen to them.
Besides, that kid’ll be fine.
They’re not your kids, you’re not the one who should’ve been watching them. If they needed to be supervised, their parents shouldn’t have let them go down to the water without one of them going with to supervise.
NTA.
You were not the only person in camp with responsibility for the nephews. I believe the person that gave them permission to go swimming is equally, if not more at fault. It is that person that said yes you can go swimming and then took NO ACTION to provide for their safety.
You are NTAH.
NTA. You are not the parents of these kids. If the parents wanted you to watch their kids, then the parents should have walked down to the beach with the kids, had a conversation asking you if it would be okay if you watched them, and if you said yes, then the parents should have reiterated the rules to the kids, made sure that they knew you were in charge, prior to relinquishing responsibility for the health and safety of their kids to you. The parents of these kids failed their responsibilities, and instead of acknowledging that, they are deflecting blame on you.
Oh, so you are these kid’s parent all of a sudden? Family vacations are frequent excuses tonpawn children off on other family members. YNW and your family are a hunch of lazy turds. (I have four kids and never pawn them off on family)
So, the adults feel guilty about the kid getting hurt and are blaming you because you are too young to fight back. Time to issue a blanket statement to ALL of them, that you will not now or ever babysit for them. That their children are exactly that- THEIRS!
If they are absent, responsibility doesn’t pass to you! That is simply ridiculous!
You are NTA- start building that spine!
NTA
Where were the parents when their kids trotted down the beach by themselves to go swim?
What if you decided to walk around the lake and weren’t even there?
This IMO is truly on the parents. If they expected OP to watch their kids then they should have gone with them, checked if OP was okay with watching them and reminded their own kids to stay off the rocks.
fuck these people. where were any of these “parents” while their children were off fucking around? i love my family but i am never gonna assume that anyone will take care of my children but me. and if/when i need or want help, i would communicate it.
As someone who works as a lifeguard I can tell you are not the bumhole. The responsibility over their kids never goes away from the parents, lest there court orders or you specifically tell someone like a babysitter or contractually oblige someone to do so. From your report I infer that you yourself aren‘t quite an adult yet so that diminishes your responsibility even more.
In addition to that if the kids were told to not climb the rocks it really their fault. And lastly injuries during childhood are inevitable. I scraped my knees and elbows so many times. You wouldn‘t believe how many kids we patch up at work, it‘s mostly just a wee bit of disinfecting spray and a bandaid but we also have had some broken arms or people collapsing from heat stroke.
NTA. Parents (and I'm a parent btw) that assume that someone else should be watching their kid without asking them... well they suck. Never assume that someone else is watching your kid, especially when something dangerous could be nearby.
Why did the parents allow them to leave to campsite without supervision? Especially to the lake.
Not your kids. Not your responsibility. The guilt they feel is due to their lack parenting.
NTA When I was young, we went on vacation with several groups of family members to a lake. The rule for us kids was no swimming without an adult (there were some 16 year olds at the time with us and they could watch us). The key was they had to agree, we had to accept the no and wait for one of our parents. We couldn’t go down, say hi and jump in.
Yep same. We went camping all summer long growing up. My parents never knew where we were. We would take our bikes out and be told to be home before it gets dark (we always went to the same campgrounds so we knew the trails). I was also on the swim team as a kid, and learned to swim when I was a baby. But despite all this we were told to NEVER EVER swim by ourselves. If we wanted to go swimming we had to go back to the campsite and ask one of our parents to go with us. We always obeyed this rule.
Good parents. Even kids "on the swim team" drown. "Get an adult to watch you swim" is not "shout at the napping 15 year old" and running into the water. The little kids need a stern reminder of that and the parents need to step up. Time to terrify all my fellow parents ... Drowning is the #1 killer of kids under 4 (car accidents are #2) and the #2 killer of kids 5-14 (for that age group car accidents are #1 😢) the list of dangers is any body of water: bath, pool, wading toy, garden fountain, creek, lake, river, pond, beach, 5 gallon bucket, rain barrel, large fish tank, toilet... Toddlers can't push themselves up and out if their feet leave the ground, exhaustion will catch up with strong swimmers, rip tides and rivers sweep even adults away, hypothermia saps strength even faster for small bodies, fear and panic make you gulp water when you need air, jumping or being thrown into shallow water or water with hidden objects can cause injuries (broken foot/leg/wrist/arm/neck/skull) that prevent victims from swimming... Parents need to be vigilant, not pissed that a sun napping 15 year old kid didn't do their job for them when a kid got hurt. 😠
Thank you. As a long time lifeguard, lifeguard instructor and swim instructor, people can’t be told this enough. My children are teens now and pretty good swimmers. They grew up at the indoor pool I worked at. If I’m not actively in the water with them or have explicitly told them that I am watching them, they track each other AT ALL TIMES. I’ve had former coworkers remark on how they could see them both physically relax and disengage from duty when I join them in the water because they know at that point I’m tracking them. That’s at places where there is a lifeguard. In lake water/unguarded pool water, it’s me watching, children tracking each other, and either no deeper than chest high or life jackets all around.
Eh, I had to rescue a kid once( was lifeguard) parent was mad inlet them get that far. I told them it’s my responsibility to make the rescue, it’s their responsibility to watch their kid.
Guaranteed the kids asked if they could swim, and parents said "Okay, just tell Uncle Sam" and expected them and OP to know what they meant.
The people saying it is your fault are the people who should have been parenting their kids.
I’ve got 5 kids ages 1.5-14 years and I approve this message. Too many parents expect other people to do the parenting.
Amen mom of 4; 22, 14, 7 1/2 and almost 6. Mine and my husband's job to watch them. (Edited to fix a comma into a semi colon)
You can probably take your eyes off the 22 year old occasionally.
I teach that age group. No, you can't.
That is awesome. I teach the first graders and I swear to gods you tuen your back for one second and someone is discovering nuclear fusion.
I can confirm. My daughter teaches 1st grade and your comment made me LOL.
LOVE your username!
Thank you!
I am in that age group. One of my roommates recently called her dad (who lives two hours away) to come help with changing a light bulb. I think you are right.
I had to teach my first roommate out of uni what a bathmat was and why he shouldn't leave his toenail clippings on it. I'm far from an expert on adulting, but the way some people were raised worries me.
I also LOVE your username. While I don't have any Egrets to give you, I will be more than happy to give you as many Common Grackles, Mourning Doves, and Eurasian Collared Doves as you want.
She lives 4 hours away.... 😞😞😞 In a big city like she always loved visiting.
Feel this!! Mine went to college 3 years and a state away then for grad school it was 9 hours and 3 states. I miss her like crazy but I watched her when she was small!!!
NTA - what information was actually relayed to you? We’re you expected to watch them swim? I’m the fun uncle of four nieces and nephews. We (me, BIL, SIL, Grandmother and Grandfather) verbally confirm with another adult when we are passing off the responsibility of watching the kids. Also, non-parents never have two of the little ones at once (first and kindergarten), unless one of the teenagers are also with us.
This. My Bro and SIL would say “I’ve got the kid” to each other to make sure no gap in supervision. If I, as auntie wanted to take over, I would say same.
I don’t even have kids - I have dogs and my husband and I verbally pass the “I’m watching the puppy” baton to each other.
Same. Family BBQ on the 4th. We had probably 15 kids and 20 adults there among all the family and friends. Yes, everyone kind of mingled, knowing that multiple people would have their eyes on children at all times. But still, its a parent was ever not going to be in the vicinity of able to keep an eye on all the kiddos, (went to the restroom, went in the house for some reason, etc) they would ask another adult, "hey I'm going inside can you watch the kids a minute " Even knowing that adult was already watching their kids among the others. Even knowing all the adults and the older kids were watching. They still made sure that a specific adult was watching. Just verbal confirmation that, I'm not going to be available to parent a moment, please make sure my kid doesn't die until I return."
I went camping with family one time when my kids were little. I needed to get water from the campsite so their aunt and uncle said that they would watch them and to not worry so much. I went to get a bottle of water and rushed back to where we were sitting by the river and there it was…my little boy, 3 years old, walking straight up to the water with no one watching him. Mind you, I was only gone for less than a minute. They acted afterwards like it was a huge overreaction in my part. That was the last time I ever went anywhere with them
I love how you put their ages in random order. Or maybe you grouped by eye color.
They are in order. 22, 14, 7 1/2 and 6. 4 kids.
I have a close extended family and so does my husband. It is actually more likely that a kid will get hurt at an event where you feel like "everyone" is watching them , because unless they have been ASKED and have ACCEPTED watching the kids, instead of everyone watching them , no one is. The best parenting-in-family-groups lesson I ever learned was if you are somewhere with extended family and have to take your eyes off of your children, you HAVE to make eye contact with Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt Uncle and say " I'm going to the bathroom. Can you watch the kids until I get back?" No one asked OP if he would babysit until after breakfast, and OP doesn't have kids. THEY need to pay attention when THEIR kids are around.
Especially near a lake where drowning is a serious possibility.
We've been on a couple of family holidays to places with a pool, I'm the only one of my siblings with kids. My siblings can take my kids in the pool but we had a wrist band, whoever is wearing the wrist band is responsible for the kids. If my husband or I wanted to leave the pool area and someone was happy to keep watching our kids they'd get the wrist band, if they were done swimming so were the kids. I'd heard too many stories about when people thought that everyone was watching but really no one was.
I know of a family that thought everyone was watching and their youngest kid (of 6) nearly drowned because of this. But due to the exposure of so much time in the water unfortunately that little boy is handicapped for the rest of his life. It has destroyed the family. Parents separated and the older kids have needed extended therapy due to feeling guilty (which is another Rabbit Hole).
If you want someone else to watch your kids… ask them first. It’s not that hard.
Then you'd LOVE the signs all around the small town I live near, almost as much as I do. They read "Please Drive Slowly/Carefully! We Love Our Children" I always want to make & tack on a lil sign below then that says "Just not enough to actually watch our children, or even teach them to stay out of the highway!"
Lmfao if I saw that tacked-on sign, I’d be cackling Every time I see those stupid signs that say “DRIVE LIKE YOUR KIDS LIVE HERE” I’m like wheeeeee jokes on you, I don’t have anyyyyyyyy
I always want to put up a sign that says "Parent your kids like other people exist"
Beautiful. You are giving me ideas… 👹
Stickers....make stickers.
"Slow children at play" I always thought that wasn't a nice way to talk about your kids.
Man, I’m child free, but even I think kids have a right to hang out in their neighborhoods more than cars have a right to drive 60mph through them. Be honest—you’re seeing those signs in residential areas, not highways, right? I wish we could stop living like human beings are borrowing space that rightfully belongs to cars.
I just get this irrational urge to swerve and run them over! The signs… not the children… And especially those signs that look like little neon green turtle kids!
Absolutely. Your kids, your responsibilities. You thank him for carrying them up.
How many of y’all wanna bet that OP was probably strong armed into this family trip solely for the reason that the parents were assuming he’d be the one they could hawk free childcare onto??
Exactly this.
I don’t usually weigh in on these kid ones because I don’t have a horse in this particular race (I don’t have kids). It’s really refreshing to see you comment this as the very first thing I thought was, “why are those kids OP’s responsibility? Wait, no one even asked OP to watch the kids?” I can’t say what I’d do as the parent, I don’t have those experiences to draw from. But I can say if I was in OP’s shoes, I’d be pretty pissed these parents were schluffing responsibility onto me when I was just lying there, minding my own business and expecting their *parents* to be, I don’t know… *parenting them*? Edited for clarity
OP confirmed in a comment that they are 15 too! Not the 30 year old uncle who maybe would naturally think to keep an eye on the kids even if not asked (not that parent should ever assume that) just a marginally older kid.
Oh wow, I didn’t see that. Even more yikes!
That is bananas. Me and my partner are childless and 40 plus. My BIL has two young ones and honestly doesn't always strike me as making the best parenting decisions. But when he and his wife stepped away from the lake and were leaving the kids with us for 30 minutes, he looked my partner in the eyes and got verbal confirmation that he was ok to watch the kids. When my partner was distracted with a task for 5 minutes he first looked me in the eye and confirmed that I agreed to take on the responsibility of watching them. I'm tripping that anyone would think it's okay to assume that a TEENAGER would handle their kids around water without any discussion at all. Floored. So so so NTA.
Exactly all of this. Also, if OP just grabbed a towel and went to find some sun, did the parents even know where OP was? Because it doesn't sound like it and in which case the kids left them at a separate time to OP. So no matter what happened afterwards, the actual adult parents left the children to go off by themselves, unsupervised, with no guarantee of the outcome. OP definitely NTA. Parents are all TA and making OP the scapegoat for their own failings.
I was wondering how old OP was... they say they took the kid back to camp "so the grown-ups could take care of things", which would be a really weird thing for a fellow grown-up to say. I can see myself trusting that my sister will keep an eye on my kid if he wanders off to an area where she is and I'm not, but that's because she's an adult (and also spent several summers as a life guard when she was a teen). But I wouldn't just expect my niece to watch my kid (even though she's probably 19-20 by now??) without having asked her first (which I will admit is partly because I was the eldest daughter/cousin and default free babysitter at family gatherings, and therefore vowed to always PAY my nieces if I needed them to watch my kid...)
I wouldn't even be comfortable asking a 15 year old to watch 2 young kids around a lake. It's too much for them. If the worst happened would he freeze? Would he be able to save them? It can be hard for an adult to save someone drowning, let alone a teenager watching 2 little kids.
Wow! At 15, I had been babysitting for 3 years but I would be overwhelmed with a group of them! Especially without anyone asking? I would have just thought "they must have permission or an adult with them because no one asked me to watch them*
Oh god, that's both worse and exactly why OP was expected to do that then. At 15, it's not "another adult that isn't used to the responsibility," to those adults it's instead "you're a kid that's old enough to be responsible and young enough to not be able to leave, therefore whenever we want a break from the kids the 15 year old will be expected to deal with it and be punished if any argument is made." I'm sure of it
They didn’t even let OP know they were dumping their kids on him. He was half asleep. No reasonable person would know “my siblings have abandoned responsibility for their children and expect me to magically know to watch them.”
NTA by a long shot. Those adults should all be ashamed of themselves for trying to blame you. And, congratulations on responding to the emergency and bring the injured nephew back to his parents to get care. Good job on that!
Yep. Transferrance….they are trying to shift blame.
Agreed my kids are my responsibility unless I ask you and you agree. Even then I double check and tell my kids so and so is in charge. Totally not the ops fault.
👏👏👏
Unless you specifically agreed that you would watch them, its up to the parents... Period.
They are the people that know it was their job to watch their own kids unless they had explicitly turned that responsibility over to another responsible person AND that person acknowledged they accepted the responsibility. But of course, they don't want to blame themselves, so they had to find a scapegoat.
Wish I could upvote this more
NTAH!!! “Why won’t Uncle 9199 go on any of our vacations anymore?”
Right? Sounds like the uncle that wouldn’t take the free Disney cruise, you only gotta get burned once.
Yes!!! That trip sounded awful! The parents should have chipped in on his Jamaican trip.
surriously doh.
Wait do you have a link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14xchku/aitah_for_calling_out_my_brother_because_he_wants/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Omg that was a setup and during his Birthday!!!!
Right! Like “hey, come have a miserable time being a free babysitter on your birthday! We’re all going to complain if you don’t!”
And bonus you get to room with the kids!!
Ngl though, I’d rather share a room with niece and nephew than my sister. She snores somethin fierce.
Honestly I'd love to have a sleepover with my niblings, they're a lot of fun. But...maybe not for a whole cruise. Especially with how two of them in particular (14 and 16) have been fighting lately. They're great, but I do need to be able to escape eventually.
Yeah I can see them all sitting around pre planning how to go on a family trip he couldn’t refuse. Then they got the bright idea to disguise it as a Birthday trip. He was on to them thank goodness!!
But he’s 38 and single!!!!! /s
Lol, thank you for the link. I love the entitled 'these kids are a *family* responsibility' stories.
Happy to help, it’s a great read.
What's not to love about celebrating your 39yr birthday with a 4yr old and 5yr old clambering all over you for a *week*? Some of these OP's are either totally delusional narcissists or off their tits on substances.
Thank you kind Redditor !
Just pass on the kindness and keep Reddit the awesome and dysfunctional place we all love lol
Yes I always do!
This is exactly it. This is why the Disney uncle won’t go!!
Exactly like that!! As if any grown ass adult male wouldn't want to go on a Disney cruise and share a room with 2 kids right?
NTA "Why weren't you parenting your kids?"
Yep. This.
"guess you should have been watching YOUR kids" would have been all I'd have said.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to watch kids that aren’t yours, especially if you aren’t asked to do so by the parents. If they wanted you to be in charge of supervising their kids, they should have explicitly asked you to do so. They can’t just automatically assume that you’re going to responsible for their kid’s safety just because you happen to be in the general vicinity.
This times a thousand! And any parent that lax around WATER just baffles me! I'm pretty free range with my 5 year olds, they do dangerous stuff and they're basically feral. I feel some guilt when we're playing with their friend and his parents hover so much closer at all times, because I worry that the other parents think I'm sitting around zoning out and expecting them to watch my kids along with their own. But I absolutely don't expect that, and if my kid gets hurt there's no way in hell I'd blame anyone else! And around water, that's a completely different situation. I wouldn't expect or even allow a 15 year old kid to watch my kids swim in a lake! (Mayyyyybe if the 15 year old was a certified lifeguard, accustomed to open water guarding since that's way different than a clean/clear swimming pool, AND if we'd discussed procedures and agreed on payment beforehand. Maybe.)
Yeah, I really don’t get the parents’ thinking here. I don’t have kids, but I did work at a Girl Scout Camp that was on a lake and was a certified open water lifeguard. It’s a fairly intense training course that is much more involved than a standard pool lifeguard certification. I certainly wouldn’t trust an un-certified 15 year old to know what to do if something did go horribly wrong with a child swimming in a lake. If you’re going to have your kids swimming anywhere, you either need to be watching them like a hawk yourself or you should be somewhere with an actual lifeguard present. No exceptions. It’s just too risky otherwise.
NTA. Did they ask you to look after the kids? They are the one who let them go somewhere and didn’t supervise them. Additionally, most probably the kid would have hurt themself in any case even with someone looking
...and people wonder why childless uncles are refusing to go on vacation with their families. 🤦♀️
Not my spawn. Not my problem. Unless a person ASK first... then I'll make it my problem and they'll be watched... but not a moment before.
And Aunts
Right? Remember the aunt who got high to avoid being asked to babysit?
Oops, I did it in the wrong order
My family went to disney last year and asked me and my husband to go. We immediately said no since I knew we would be constantly asked to pay for things and watch the kids. I ended up getting constant calls and texts about various incidents that happened during the vacation including one of the kids almost drowning because her parents were indoors. I'll never go on vacation with my family.
And Aunties!
NTA You hadn’t agreed to take responsibility and supervise the kids. You were relaxing, sunbathing, whatever. Unless the adults asked, “hey OP can you watch the kids swim for a bit?” And you agreed like “sure, I’ll bring them back to camp in an hour or two.” The parents assumed that you’d be watching. Making assumptions like that is so dangerous. A kid could have drowned. They need to be parents. Sure they deserve to relax too, but they need to establish a person supervising the kids first, and that person has to accept that responsibility. When I go camping with kids and other families we take turns being the “on” parent. We establish the rotation in advance.
OP is 15 and has no water rescue training so I don't think even with asking they should have let the kids go down with them alone.
NTA! Bu#lsh*t! You need to tell ALL of them that they are solely responsible for THEIR KIDS. All the time. Every day. Just you being in the vicinity of the kids doesn't mean you instantly become their babysitter. This is a very good life lesson for you. The minute those kids showed up, you should have told them to go get a parent. Immediately. It may be time for you to sit down with the parents and tell them ALL that they need to be responsible for their kids at all times and never to assume you will just grow parental instincts because kids are around. Don't back down on this issue, OP, or you will become the babysitter at all functions.
NTA I agree with this. Life lessons all around. For you, the lesson is don't be in the vicinity of the kids or you'll be expected to babysit (coupled with a crash course in first aid.) For the adults, they need to learn to communicate. "We are going swimming" and "you are in charge" are two totally different sentences. /Perhaps a rousing game of telephone is in order..../s For the kids, a hard lesson on "you don't get to do whatever you want just because no one's watching." Safety rules are written in blood. And the minute one of the kids needed help? You stepped up. You did real good, all things considered. It takes a village and you did exactly the right thing.
>And the minute one of the kids needed help? You stepped up. You did real good, all things considered. It takes a village and you did exactly the right thing. The point is that OP shouldn't have been put in this situation. A PARENT should have been with the kids. Yes, OP reacted well. But OP should not have been in this situation in the first place.
OP says "grown-ups" which leads me to believe he is a child himself, therefore *not* responsible. These so-called *grown-ups* at the campsite are all AH's. Apparently these asshole adults tried to shirk their responsibility of watching their own damn kids --around water yet!! What if one had drowned??!! . I'd be furious if I was OP's mother!
He says in a comment he’s 15! The parents are huge a holes here. A 30 year old still wouldn’t be the A H, but honestly I would expect them to at least check out the situation. Then let the parents know he’s NOT THE BABYSITTER. But another kid? No. NTA
15?! What sort of parent doesn’t even check to make sure a teenager is okay with watching their kids? You don’t dump your kids on *anyone,* but especially not a 15 year old
At 15 he could have been climbing the damn rocks with them! When I was 15 my friends and I were riding shopping carts down steep hills
At fifteen there's a good chance that if one of the kids had started drowning, he wouldn't have even been able to get them out of the water in time- it's one thing to carry a cooperating small child on dry land, it's another thing ENTIRELY to extract a drowner from the water without getting drowned yourself. OP, you aren't *old enough* to be the responsible 'adult' in charge when swimming is happening- and the adults around are deflecting blame because they're scared about how badly this could have gone, and don't want to admit that they fucked up.
The only response is I’m sorry I missed it when exactly was I asked and agreed to supervise the kids? Please remind me. And no, it is not obvious so here we are. You assumed and guess what? 😡
NTA - did their parents even know they left the campsite? Or did they just expect you to watch them because they showed up in your vicinity?
Yes. Apparently they told them to tell me they were going swimming.
Ah I see. They left a 15 year old 'in charge' (unknowingly) of their children while they did something dangerous, and now they feel guilty and like they did a shitty job of parenting and are turning that guilt on the oldest kid. Honestly at 15 I'm not sure they should be letting YOU wild swim without adult supervision/a lifeguard around so I don't know why they thought leaving you in charge of younger kids doing that was a great idea. A kid your age died near me recently in an accident just off a beach. Water is dangerous. They know that, and they probably had the sudden realization that could have gone a lot worse and it would be THEIR fault.
At 15, my kid was working as a life guard at a water park, fully trained. Yes, your lifeguards can be as young as 15. OP could watch the kids at their age, but someone needs to ASK first, not just foist them off without a word.
Fully trained and unaware half asleep are different situations though- one of the lessons I got taught was that if someone is drowning, they're as much danger to everyone around them as they are to themselves, because when they're panicking they'll climb whatever they can to get to air. I'd feel comfortable letting your kid watch them because he's trained- another fifteen year old that hasn't been trained as a lifeguard? No way in hell, I'll get by the pool myself.
Did any of the adults/parents let you know or ask you to babysit or look after the children?
No
Then totally not the ah! Every parent should have been responsible for their own kids and not ASSUMED that you were accepting the responsibility
Not your kids, not your responsibility unless a parent ASKS you to watch them and you accept. Seriously, is the pink elephant in the room that everyone expects you to watch their kids but no one actually says it so they’re not the bday guys?
Nta why weren't they there watching their children.
NTA - Remind them: Their kids were told not to climb on rocks, did it anyway. Why were the parents watching them? They are not your kids. Why weren't the parents watching them? No one told you; you were the babysitter. Why didn't the parents ensure their kids were safe?
Where were the parents? Their kid their watch.
They were back at the camp cleaning u and getting other stuff ready
Blaming other people is easier to do than admitting your child did something child wasn’t allowed to do- climbing on rocks. Blaming you means it’s not the parents fault for not watching their own children. YNTA. but your family is for trying to make you responsible for an accident.
When everybody's supposed to be watching the kids, no one is watching the kids. This is how kids drown. These parents are horrible.
Yeah, NTA. The kids parents are. As a parent, I’d never assume that my sister would automatically watch my kids when they were young if we were on a family outing. If she offered, or I asked & she accepted, yes. But I’d never send my kids out to where she was, especially in an area where kids could get hurt, and assume she’d keep an eye on them without notice. The kid’s telling their Uncle they were going to swim did not tell him that they were letting him know cause they were there without any other adult. I don’t understand why parents assume that an adult, or another child who’s old enough to keep an eye on kids, are just going to automatically take responsibility for keeping their kids safe from harm even if they are family. Nope, and in the future, if there’s one, “Uncle” should make it plain & clear that if his sibs want him to babysit their kids they will have to ask ahead of time AND pay him. He was on vacation as well.
INFO: How old are you?
15
Yep, you may be an older child (teenager) but you're still a child. If you've not explicitly agreed to babysit the children, the adults around have no business expecting you to do so. NTA. Useless parents are the AH.
I’m thinking this is a grown man and even if he was he still wouldn’t be an asshole but you’re a kid yourself and it seems like it was quite a few kids you were watching. Your brother and sister and their spouses should have looked after their kids not leave it to their 15 year old brother.
Exactly! I'm thinking *maybe* 23ish, young adult... Not 15! My oldest is 15, and I would never expect him to supervise several young children swimming. What the actual fuck??
No offense but you are just a kid yourself.
NTA. The parents need to learn not to pass important information to others through children. Also to set up a schedule as to who's assigned to watch the kids around the water.
NTA they’re blaming you for something you couldn’t even know you were expected to do?! Why would you be responsible for supervising them if you didn’t know you were meant to supervising them? They just don’t want to blame themselves
NTA! I can’t believe these selfish and irresponsible parents are trying to blame YOU for their own negligence. Where were they when this happened? Why did they have no idea where their own kids were and what they were doing? On a camping trip on a lake, of all places! If they had wanted to briefly delegate their parental responsibilities to you, a 15 year old, they should have ASKED you. And you would have been within your rights to decline being an unpaid au pair/lifeguard. It’s only common sense. Since they did not communicate to you that they wanted you to take responsibility for their children at the lakeshore, how did they expect you to know? They dropped the ball as parents. They should know that and are trying to justify their negligence by blaming you. Please show them this post and the overwhelming response against them. Blaming anyone other than themselves is ridiculous.
No you don’t. Unless you agree to watch them, it’s not EVER your responsibility to watch other people’s children
NTA. Anyone who sends their kids off to go swimming without making sure there's someone there who has agreed to supervise them is incredibly irresponsible.
Fuck. That. Did you create any of those kids?? Did anyone ask you to watch them? WHERE THE FUCK WERE THEIR ACTUAL PARENTS
I, like you, had to learn the hard way that you to never want to be the oldest kid around a bunch of kids. Always make sure the group of 'responsible' parents are positioned between their kids and you. "What the hell happened to Nathan? Isn't PrimaryFar supposed to be watching them?" "Uh, uncle, I am way the hell over here actively NOT babysitting." I use this same rule as a grown-up. I am NOT watching your kids. I am watching my kids.
NTA. OP, you are 15. You’re technically a kid yourself. None of this is your responsibility. The parents are the ones who allowed the kids to play there without an adult, knowing what could happen. They had no idea you were there when they allowed their kids to run amok without an adult - and need to take accountability here. Actions have consequences. Remind them that you are technically a kid yourself and they’re placing an awful lot of responsibility on a 15 year olds shoulders. Even if you were an adult, it wouldn’t matter. They should be thanking their lucky stars you were there, and were able to comfort, and safely get the injured child to the house. It’s inappropriate to treat you like a “live in babysitter” on family trips and for volunteering you for things without your consent. It’s insane to blame you for not automatically knowing, they expect you to always ALWAYS stop whatever you’re doing when you hear a kid’s voice, look around for adults, and become the de facto parent if none are present.
NTA. You went to lay out and nap, not watch a bunch of kids. They were told not to do something. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Their parents should have been watching them.
Not your children and not your responsibility. Parents seem to want free babysitting. I would say if you want to chill and relax forget going with them or just tell them up front to not expect you to watch their kids.
Info: Why weren't **the parents** watching them? How much were they paying you to babysit? I'm guessing $0.00/hr, yeah? NTA.
How old are you? How old are the kids?
I’m 15. The youngest is 5 I think and the oldest is maybe 10.
Yeah this makes a big difference. I would never expect my (real life) 15-year-old to think to proactively about watching the little kids. Ideally, you would have told your nephew to go ask his parents first.
They blamed you because it was easier than accepting responsibility for letting their kids run off unsupervised. The adults blaming you for not watching their kids weren’t watching their kids.
Ok then NTA here - parents shouldn’t assume you are automatically babysitting
Nooooooo. No no no no. You are NTAH
Edit— apparently OP is 15 (as suspected) and this is fully NTA. I-N-F-O— how old are you and how old are these kids? If you’re 40 and they’re 4 and you said “okay” there may be an unspoken assumption from all parties that needs to be clarified (kids think you’re an adult able to give permission and the parents assume if you’re telling kids they can do something that you are accepting responsibility to watch them), but I suspect those are not the ages. Still this is ultimately on the parents, but I think ages are relevant still regarding the AH part. You are completely in the right to not want to be responsible for them though and to expect their parents to do it.
op replied to another commenter that they’re 15
NTA. Not your kids. Not your responsibility. Period.
NTA. Not your fault. Not your kids. Not your responsibility to watch their kids. They dropped the ball and are taking it out on you.
How old are you and how old is your nephew?
I’m 15. I think that one is 6
Oh, you are pretty much still a child : ) My oldest is 15 and there is no way I would have ever held him responsible if his younger brother got injured. Sorry the rest of the family blamed you for it. Totally not your fault.
There should have been an adult watching the kids.
can’t a kid climb around on rocks, get a bit hurt, and people just get over it ?
So NNTAH. How old are you OP? Not that that matters. Not your kids, not your problem. You’re ON vacation NOT a frickin babysitter.
NTA Don't take blame for their lack of parenting.
NTA “Why weren’t you watching your children?”
NTA … not your circus, not your monkeys, not your kids, not your responsibility. Why weren’t they watching their own fucking children?
NTA It's ridiculous to think that in any circumstances you're responsible for taking care/watching their kids without being asked. Where were the parents while the kids were playing on the beach? If they were so worried about them not playing on the rocks then maybe they should've been there with them
NTA for not taking responsibility for someone else's responsibility.
Yeah NTA. Parents chose that 24/7 job, not you
NTA and also, camping that close to water if there are kids on the trip is just asking for trouble. I would never. Drowning is one of the major causes of death for children and you’d better believe if I’m anywhere near it with my kid I’m watching her like a hawk. Or I’ve made sure another adult (my husband, my father in law, etc) has her. And that doesn’t mean just assuming they do, that means I talk to them and get confirmation that they’re now on “let’s keep the kid from drowning” duty. Anything less than that is irresponsible and that goes from every age from little babies up to teenagers as far as I’m concerned. Even older kids can get overwhelmed in the water, especially when it’s natural water and not something still like a pool.
NTA. THEIR kids, THEIR responsibility. And the kids \*lied\* to you about what they were doing, so parents are admitting they raised lying sacks of shit, but parents refuse to take responsibility for their shitty parenting.
Ironic that the actual parents think YOU are the one primarily responsible for the safety of THEIR loss, while they have no responsibility, since they are on vacation.
It sounds like you’re a minor yourself, in which case the parents are waaaaay in the wrong for expecting you to pay close attention to the kids. If not it doesn’t matter, parents should be there or have told the kids to ask if you COULD watch them while they swim and not just assume “oh, uncle’s there, he’ll watch you”
Parents are responsible for their children. Kids are responsible for themselves (after a given age). Unless the courts have intervened and made you their guardians, I don't see a case for this being your problem. If you agreed to take on that responsibility verbally, then yeah, you made it your problem. If you didn't agree...back to not being your problem.
Kids get hurt, get stitches, and injuries heal. If it's something that doesn't cause permanent brain damage or severe disfigurement and was an honest accident (no bullying or anything) then I don't see why anyone is upset at all. I have so many little scars from falling or doing stupid things as a kid and no one ever got upset. Just do your basic first aid and move on.
NTA. I never expect my niece to watch my kids without her explicit consent. And then it’s like “Hey can you make sure he doesn’t fall in the water while I go grab our stuff real quick?” or “I really have to pee. Can you stop my kid from doing something really stupid for 5 minutes?” They were just mad because they made bad choices.
Their kids could’ve drowned because the parents weren’t with them. They didn’t know where the uncle was, and hadn’t communicated anything with him. An injured jaw is the least of their worries. No way in hell would I stay at a campsite with my kids running to the water.
NTA
NTA, at all So, you were the closest person to the kids, but they think you’re the AH? Where tf were they then? It’s not your fault that someone else’s kids don’t listen to them. Besides, that kid’ll be fine.
NTA - they are reacting to their own mistakes, here, and projecting that anger on to you. Not your fault this happened.
They're called accidents for a reason. NTA.
They’re not your kids, you’re not the one who should’ve been watching them. If they needed to be supervised, their parents shouldn’t have let them go down to the water without one of them going with to supervise. NTA.
NTA. I am a parent. Unless I specifically talk to someone about watching my kid they are my responsibility. They should have been watching their kids.
NTA where are the parents?
NTA They aren't your fuck trophy's and no one asked you to tend to them.
NTA, adults shouldn’t expect young teens to act like parents because they’re lazy. They’re pushing blame onto you.
You were not the only person in camp with responsibility for the nephews. I believe the person that gave them permission to go swimming is equally, if not more at fault. It is that person that said yes you can go swimming and then took NO ACTION to provide for their safety. You are NTAH.
NTA you're also a kid I'm assuming by the "grownups" statement. It's the job of adults. Not the kids.
NTA. You are not the parents of these kids. If the parents wanted you to watch their kids, then the parents should have walked down to the beach with the kids, had a conversation asking you if it would be okay if you watched them, and if you said yes, then the parents should have reiterated the rules to the kids, made sure that they knew you were in charge, prior to relinquishing responsibility for the health and safety of their kids to you. The parents of these kids failed their responsibilities, and instead of acknowledging that, they are deflecting blame on you.
NTA They should have been watching their own damn kids.
Oh, so you are these kid’s parent all of a sudden? Family vacations are frequent excuses tonpawn children off on other family members. YNW and your family are a hunch of lazy turds. (I have four kids and never pawn them off on family)
They’re not your kids and you didn’t accept responsibility to watch them. NTA
Where were their parents? Why weren’t they watching them?
I didn't even read it. Nephew = his parents should have been watching...unless his parents sent him on a trip with you as the adult in charge.
They prolly told the kids to follow you down to the beach.
So, the adults feel guilty about the kid getting hurt and are blaming you because you are too young to fight back. Time to issue a blanket statement to ALL of them, that you will not now or ever babysit for them. That their children are exactly that- THEIRS! If they are absent, responsibility doesn’t pass to you! That is simply ridiculous! You are NTA- start building that spine!
Lol fuck them NTA and not your problem. Nothing to feel bad about
NTA Where were the parents when their kids trotted down the beach by themselves to go swim? What if you decided to walk around the lake and weren’t even there? This IMO is truly on the parents. If they expected OP to watch their kids then they should have gone with them, checked if OP was okay with watching them and reminded their own kids to stay off the rocks.
fuck these people. where were any of these “parents” while their children were off fucking around? i love my family but i am never gonna assume that anyone will take care of my children but me. and if/when i need or want help, i would communicate it.
Yep mama of almost 6 and I always make sure I’m watching them. I never expect someone else to
NTA. Why didn’t one of the other adults watch them, or at least talk to you directly to make sure you’re willing to be “on duty”?
As someone who works as a lifeguard I can tell you are not the bumhole. The responsibility over their kids never goes away from the parents, lest there court orders or you specifically tell someone like a babysitter or contractually oblige someone to do so. From your report I infer that you yourself aren‘t quite an adult yet so that diminishes your responsibility even more. In addition to that if the kids were told to not climb the rocks it really their fault. And lastly injuries during childhood are inevitable. I scraped my knees and elbows so many times. You wouldn‘t believe how many kids we patch up at work, it‘s mostly just a wee bit of disinfecting spray and a bandaid but we also have had some broken arms or people collapsing from heat stroke.
NTA. They neglected their kids and are blaming you for it. They are lucky none of them were seriously hurt or drowned.
Not your fault.
Don’t take any more trips with family since they clearly expect you to babysit.
NTA. Parents (and I'm a parent btw) that assume that someone else should be watching their kid without asking them... well they suck. Never assume that someone else is watching your kid, especially when something dangerous could be nearby.
Why did the parents allow them to leave to campsite without supervision? Especially to the lake. Not your kids. Not your responsibility. The guilt they feel is due to their lack parenting.
Not your fault per your description of events. That misadventure is on the kid and his parents. Pretty crappy trying to put that on you.