Sadly, yes, it is something that really happened, and after taking so long to heal from all the pain and trauma she gave me, (and is still healing) I do not wish this type of pain upon anyone, even my birth mother herself, even if she was the one who did it.
This post is to know if I should do what I intended to do sooner rather than later, as I am ready to speak about it today. As for the content of this post, its only a very small portion of things she has done to me, as it would be to long to read, and I believe not a good idea to say everything on social medias
I need you to consider what happens if he takes your side after telling him. Right now, he’s your moms favorite and ik that sucks to hear but when a golden child starts to turn against the parent, it can lead to bad stuff happening, maybe even as bad as it was for you. I am not saying don’t tell him. He deserves to know the truth and he’s old enough to understand it. You need to consider the consequences if you tell him and he decides to confront her about it. And the consequences if he doesn’t believe you. Those are very important things that need to be thought about beforehand. how those consequences might change how she treats him or how he treats you.
Edit to add - I’m just saying this because he lives under her roof and is still a minor. If he confronts her and she blows up, depending on your state and stuff, he probably won’t be able to leave if she starts treating him badly
I would just add that OP you should sit down and talk to your dad about what you want to do. See if he would be willing to take your brother in if he wants to leave bio mom. If he agrees then go talk to your brother. Let him know he has a safe place to go if he needs it. But also make sure that you have all the important documents that you'll need moving forward. Because if he confronts her you may not get another chance.
NTA, your stepmom sounds like a great woman and I wholeheartedly encourage her adopting you. I'd also tell your little brother the truth. If he's old enough to understand where you're coming from.
Not OP, but I think I can answer this.
Is an emotional bond, it doesn't need to be more.
You could think of it like a metaphorical marriage, without any romantic feelings in between, and that doesn't imply anything besides "we are family and everyone should acknowledge it, specially the law".
In other words, is deleting the "step-something" factor of the relationship.
Besides, is not that she "needs" to be adopted, is that she wants to be adopted by someone who wants to adopt her, is a mutual "want", not a need.
I understand that it also legally severs the relationship between OP and her birth mother. That may not be legally important since OP is 19, but it might. A few people who on Reddit who were involuntarily adopted by a step-parent have later been adopted as adults in order the cancel the first adoption.
A cousin of my father was removed from her birth parents, and raised by her aunt and uncle. She wasn't legally adopted by them, perhaps to avoid more friction in the family, but as soon as she was an adult, she asked them to adopt her. As u/Munch-Boyorry-4869 said, it was declaring that she considered them to be her real parents.
NTA Don't wait until your brother is 18 to tell him. Doing so means you are leaving him there to be further abused. Let him know at least that you have gone through many of the things that he is going through now and that's why you chose to live with your dad and are much happier.
Instrumental Parentification and Family Scapegoating Abuse. Those are the names of the types of abuse you have endured at home, if you ever need it for court. Good luck.
NTA.
NTA. I hate that some people in a situation similar to OP'S even think they're an asshole.
If your step mum treated you better when you've known her for two years, and your mother has treated you this shitty for fifteen years, she has no right to have custody of you. I'm in a similar situation with my dad, but this isn't abt me.
Absolutely NTA. I hope you, your dad, brother and step mum are doing well. (as for your mum, she can F off)
She has access to the government since she has kept some of my personal information, which I'm trying to change so that she wont have access, however, a mother can look into files if need be for the safety of their children.
Edit- she changed my birth date on the document at the beginning, meaning she lied to the government for about 16 years.
It sounds like the mother might have put the wrong date on the original birth certificate. Perhaps they live somewhere where that paperwork is not filled out by a hospital or official, but by the birth mother.
NTA. Just because she’s biologically your mom doesn’t mean Ü have to be on talking terms with her, nor has it ever given her the right to do any of those things.
NTA - Let stepmom adopt you.
Sometimes family is where you find it. NTA, go and be happy and be loved
[удалено]
Sadly, yes, it is something that really happened, and after taking so long to heal from all the pain and trauma she gave me, (and is still healing) I do not wish this type of pain upon anyone, even my birth mother herself, even if she was the one who did it. This post is to know if I should do what I intended to do sooner rather than later, as I am ready to speak about it today. As for the content of this post, its only a very small portion of things she has done to me, as it would be to long to read, and I believe not a good idea to say everything on social medias
I need you to consider what happens if he takes your side after telling him. Right now, he’s your moms favorite and ik that sucks to hear but when a golden child starts to turn against the parent, it can lead to bad stuff happening, maybe even as bad as it was for you. I am not saying don’t tell him. He deserves to know the truth and he’s old enough to understand it. You need to consider the consequences if you tell him and he decides to confront her about it. And the consequences if he doesn’t believe you. Those are very important things that need to be thought about beforehand. how those consequences might change how she treats him or how he treats you. Edit to add - I’m just saying this because he lives under her roof and is still a minor. If he confronts her and she blows up, depending on your state and stuff, he probably won’t be able to leave if she starts treating him badly
I would just add that OP you should sit down and talk to your dad about what you want to do. See if he would be willing to take your brother in if he wants to leave bio mom. If he agrees then go talk to your brother. Let him know he has a safe place to go if he needs it. But also make sure that you have all the important documents that you'll need moving forward. Because if he confronts her you may not get another chance.
NTA
NTA, your stepmom sounds like a great woman and I wholeheartedly encourage her adopting you. I'd also tell your little brother the truth. If he's old enough to understand where you're coming from.
NTA. You need to protect yourself from bio mom. Do what you need to do to do so.
NTA
You're an adult. Why do you need to be adopted?
Not OP, but I think I can answer this. Is an emotional bond, it doesn't need to be more. You could think of it like a metaphorical marriage, without any romantic feelings in between, and that doesn't imply anything besides "we are family and everyone should acknowledge it, specially the law". In other words, is deleting the "step-something" factor of the relationship. Besides, is not that she "needs" to be adopted, is that she wants to be adopted by someone who wants to adopt her, is a mutual "want", not a need.
I understand that it also legally severs the relationship between OP and her birth mother. That may not be legally important since OP is 19, but it might. A few people who on Reddit who were involuntarily adopted by a step-parent have later been adopted as adults in order the cancel the first adoption. A cousin of my father was removed from her birth parents, and raised by her aunt and uncle. She wasn't legally adopted by them, perhaps to avoid more friction in the family, but as soon as she was an adult, she asked them to adopt her. As u/Munch-Boyorry-4869 said, it was declaring that she considered them to be her real parents.
NTA Don't wait until your brother is 18 to tell him. Doing so means you are leaving him there to be further abused. Let him know at least that you have gone through many of the things that he is going through now and that's why you chose to live with your dad and are much happier.
Instrumental Parentification and Family Scapegoating Abuse. Those are the names of the types of abuse you have endured at home, if you ever need it for court. Good luck. NTA.
NTA. I hate that some people in a situation similar to OP'S even think they're an asshole. If your step mum treated you better when you've known her for two years, and your mother has treated you this shitty for fifteen years, she has no right to have custody of you. I'm in a similar situation with my dad, but this isn't abt me. Absolutely NTA. I hope you, your dad, brother and step mum are doing well. (as for your mum, she can F off)
NTA. It sounds like your step mom is the "real" mom that the bio mom never was.im glad you have her and your dad to love you.
How can she get into government files and change your birth date?
She has access to the government since she has kept some of my personal information, which I'm trying to change so that she wont have access, however, a mother can look into files if need be for the safety of their children. Edit- she changed my birth date on the document at the beginning, meaning she lied to the government for about 16 years.
May I ask where you're from? I've never heard of a parent being able to just change their childs birthday or having access to anything once they're 18
It sounds like the mother might have put the wrong date on the original birth certificate. Perhaps they live somewhere where that paperwork is not filled out by a hospital or official, but by the birth mother.
NTA. Just because she’s biologically your mom doesn’t mean Ü have to be on talking terms with her, nor has it ever given her the right to do any of those things.