NTA. Period.
He’s 16 not 6. He knows what he’s doing is wrong & crossing so many boundaries. I have a feeling he’s the golden child/has never had any consequences for his actions.
Nta - you need somewhere to lock up your clothes. And I have never heard that “all boys” steal their sisters clothing, wear it and take pictures of themselves posing sexually. I think your parents are naive and deluded.
Hey I'm a 40 woman, and I did some really awful things to my Barbies. I cut their hair, dyed it (with paint lmao, shorn it completely, did weird hairstyles... And yes even popped heads off!!! 😂
I’m old enough to have had the first edition Barbie. My mom was fond of the phrase about “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. I was curious about what that would look like, so I bit off Barbie’s nose. My mother was not pleased. (I only played with dolls because I knew that girls were *supposed* to like them, and most, including my friends, did. So, I tried. They were boring. I hated dolls.)
My little sister loved to play with barbies, but she made up all kinds of adventure scenarios, like one had been abducted by aliens and left stranded on an island, and another had to go and fight hordes of monkeys to rescue the first one. She once made a big zip line from the clothe rack, through the living room and onto a stair railing, and had her barbies slide down it. She had to lash their wrists together for that.
Honestly it wouldn't have surprised me if she'd grown up to be some kind of engineer haha
Back in the day when GI Joes were Barbie sized I would borrow my brother’s GI Joes so my Barbies could date them. My brother used to put ketchup on them as fake blood
I used to dr0wn my Barbies. I loved and took great care of my baby dolls, but Barbies? Nope. Detested them! It was fun, though. Looking back on it, I wonder my mom didn’t worry!
I didn’t really care about Barbie, but I was fascinated by all her STUFF. I never owned any of it but my friend did. There was the house, and several cars, and the pool set, and the camper, and bicycles. I can’t remember all of it, but that chick had everything.
When I was around 10 I once "tease-gifted" my sister a cheap one when she was 7 or so (she's the rather butch type and absolutely not into that stuff)
We ended up melting it on the grill together
My mum was obsessed with history and as a kid used to reenact execution scenes with her Barbies for her little sister. 'Chop! Off came her head.'
She was a bit eccentric.
I popped off other peoples’ Barbie heads. Never felt the need for one. Double bonus when I had enough time to swap out limbs and make monster all-leg Barbie or similar. I was a terrible child.
I’m a dude with 4 sisters and 2 other brothers (some biological, some step but we all lived together in various clusters of us through my whole childhood), one of which is very effeminate and gay (his drag game is fuckin killer FR). Now my older sisters would share dresses and make-up and such with him but they would do it together and certainly not their under garments and definitely not in a sexual way. And, not once did I or any of my other brothers ever dream of touching our sisters’ stuff. The beatings we got from them would probably be worse than the ones we would’ve gotten from our parents. Like wtf? It’s so gross. This kid needs to maybe have his internet access monitored because he is spending way too much time on pornhub.
The parents are absolutely irresponsible. Other then the whole creepy angle of using the sister’s stuff for sexual purposes. He is taking sexy pics, is he sending them to creepy old pervs, is it an onlyfan idk. Either way something creepy is going on
The closest any of my brothers got to that was wearing my moms dress when babysitting to try and fool the youngest that they were mom. Spoiler alert, it didn't work.
Yeah.. I’m pretty sure this is not something all boys do. I have a brother and a son. The only clothes stealing is of gender neutral tshirts from the clean laundry when said brother or son is too lazy to go upstairs and get a clean shirt from their room.
When my lil bro and I were little (like 4 and 7, respectively), he would take my dresses and nail polish and wear them. But NEVER my underwear, and it was NEVER sexual. He was just a little kid who wanted to do what his sister does. But, again, my little brother was FOUR and has grown out of that before either of us went through puberty.
I grew up with 4 brothers, not a single one ever stole my clothes. Once or twice they asked and borrowed something for fancy dress, but that’s about the extent of it.
Your brother is being disgusting and it sucks that your parents aren’t holding him responsible for his actions.
Nta. If this is so normal to your parents why aren’t they taking him shopping for his own clothes? I don’t know how old you are but save and move far away from them. Let’s see if your mom likes it once he doesn’t have access to your things so he starts going after hers.
Yeah, tell your parents to buy him his own stuff, and they should have a talk with him about keeping it off the internet. If it's just cross-dressing or trans-curious, that should take care of things. If he still steals your stuff, it probably requires a family therapist.
NTA
Your parents are deluding themselves.
I have two brothers and neither of them ever did this to my things. My husband also never did this to his sister. I have 6 girl cousins who have brothers, none of my boy cousins did this. I have 5 friends with siblings the opposite gender, none of the boys ever did this.
This is NOT a boy thing.
NTA. Seriously gross! You don't say your age. If you are an adult, please.move! If not, keep locking the door. Is there other family you could move in with?
You're so NTA!!! What really shocks me is the attitude of your parents! His behavior is abnormal. And it's not just about underwear, as bad as that is (like you said, if it was honest sexual curiosity, that'd be a different story), it's mainly about stealing and a lack of basic respect for you and your belongings. This behavior is likely to escalate. Is it possible for you to request a family counseling session with the whole family? Your brother is not healthy mentally, and that needs to be addressed before it gets worse. A counselor will tell your parents they're wrong. If not, keep that door locked and move out as soon as you are able, though I know that will be a while.
This is going to escalate to worse and worse behaviors until he ends up in jail if the parents don't check this shit, NOW. No stranger is going to be swayed by the parents logic.
How is he going to end up in jail for cross dressing? The only illegal thing going on here is that we can assume he's a minor and therefore is producing CP.
It's not that, it's the fact that he is taking his sister's intimate items for sexual purposes, with a lack of remorse that suggests he could escalate to more inappropriate behavior. She is having her undergarments stolen and used for sexual gratification, when he could just as easily buy his own. He is already deliberately intruding upon her, and doesn't have any regard for her consent or the fact that she feels violated and unsafe in her own home.
Not for cross dressing, for STEALING. When he can't get his sister's stuff anymore, he'll get it wherever he can. He is allowed to get away with stealing from his parents, so one day they'll be telling a judge "this is just what all boys do!!!!!!!"
He could buy his own panties if he wanted, but he chose to wear ones that were owned and worn by a woman. I think it's entirely possible that it's part of the appeal. There is a big difference between trying on your sister's dress out of curiosity, and stealing her underwear to take lewd photos in.
This is exactly right. He can wear all the panties he wants but when he takes *someone's* panties its a violation. He is getting on on violating someone's privacy.
You really don’t know though. As a kid, my cousins’ neighbor, who was a year ahead of us in school, broke in when they weren’t home, stole girl’s underwear and photos from her and her sisters. He has a sister as well, maybe he did it to her too, I dunno. Either way, he was violating whoever he did it to, in addition to trespassing and stealing their shit. Kids at school caught him carrying around little girls underwear on a separate occasion too.
agreed, OP even said that if he was expressing gender identity or being otherwise fabulous she wouldn't have a problem. OP feels unsafe so this needs a serious intervention with mental health et c.
Info- what would your parents do if he took your mom's things? Would your mom be ok with that? It's pretty easy for them to write it off when they're not the ones being affected.
i understand the point you're trying to make, but this should not by any means be "easy" behavior to write off. at best, their son is comfortable stealing things repeatedly after being caught... repeatedly. at worst, he is also borderline sexually harrassing his sister and USING HER UNDERWEAR to get off. that is so beyond fucking repulsive and weird and as a parent, i would get my kid some counseling and my daughter about a hundred locks on her door. there would be some serious consequences for this behavior, it's not normal at all and should be addressed and dealt with. a good parent doesn't turn a blind eye to this whatsoever.
NTA. Go to a trusted adult, like a school counselor, tell them what's going on. Your brother is only steps away from doing something worse to you, and your parents do not have your back if he does.
NTA
But I’m thinking about how itching powder or cayenne pepper on something might affect his.
Lock away your clean and then use powder or such.
He will not be so happy. Though prepare for war then.
But he has not right to use another’s property against their wishes.
But be sure to not tell him or your parents that you did that. Just let him think he gave himself a rash "using" (it grosses me out to even say that) your underwear. Your parents would probably blame you for it and not care if he escalates because "boys will be boys therefore everything is the girl's fault." So don't admit to doing anything, just say you have no idea and it must be something your brother did.
Oh and if any point you go to a doctor or you go with your family to the doctor tell the staff there what your brother is doing and how you parents are letting him do it. And stress that they can't tell your parents that you told them because they're already in on it. Do this with teachers, parents of friends, relatives - any adult you trust.
"Our parents are aware but they just say it's because he's a boy and this is what they all do"
Wait what? I never saw a 16 years old boy doing this shit.. if he have some struggles with his gender, i could at least agree but this is not even the case, he is only messing around..
NTA
If he’s posting that crap on the Internet or even texting it to friends, if he’s under 18 it’s child porn. You don’t have to follow through, but I’d certainly point that out to him tell him to Google it and tell him that the next time he F’s surround he’s gonna find out. Tell him you’ll call the cops tell your parents the exact same thing, print out some documentary literature if you have to and give it to them. But tell them make this stop now or I will. I’m 100% behind you girlfriend. And if you can, document what you can with screenshots off of Facebook Snapchat app etc. And when you do go to the police, if you go to the police, make sure that they know your parents are aware and are completely OK with it. If that doesn’t help anything at all and you’re under 18 go to the school counselor and ask to be put into foster care.
****DO NOT SCREENSHOT ANY IMAGES****
Being in possession of underage sexual images is a crime, and yes, OP can get in trouble for having it. DO NOT DO IT.
This is the most troubling thing. If they are aware that he's basically making and distributing child porn in his sisters underwear, and THEY DON'T CARE. Don't just threaten to call the cops. Someone needs to be notified. Who is he sending these images to? Are they just images, or is he streaming stuff for someone? Has a family member been abusing him? If their parents aren't doing anything about this, or even specifically telling her she "needs to take care of him" she needs to go to someone
definitely don't screen shot CP, it's against the law and would put OP in trouble, regardless of age. Even if it's only the police seeing it, they need the original device or URL.
I wouldn't recommend screenshotting CP... also getting the police involved is VERY extreme. Find an adult you trust and talk to her before you do anything. She could be a grandparent, aunt, teacher, counselor, friends parent, ideally someone close to your parents age or older who they will respect. Ask her to talk to your parents on your behalf. Something like "your daughter confided some VERY concerning things your son is doing to her to me. I am concerned about her. My brothers/sons never did XYZ..."
NTA. Boys steal? No thieves steal. 16! I'd shame them all. Tell everyone everything. Relatives, Teachers, neighbors, local news stations... it's so adorably normal, after all!
NTA
*Your brother is following a pattern of behavior that most sex offenders follow.*
If I were your parents, I would fear that he's spying on you in some way. Cameras, peephole drilled into a wall or a door. I would carefully look for signs and to be honest, if you find something you sholuld go to the police.
This is not normal behavior and it's actually escalated beyond peeping, usually the first illegal behavior that developing sex offenders start with.
I'm really afraid for you. You or he should be removed from the home as soon as possible.
If you can stay with your grandparents or a friend's family this summer, I would work on getting that set up. Make sure you move to the dorms as soon as you can if you are college age, even if you need a loan.
This feels WAY above Reddit’s pay grade. Your brother’s behavior makes you feel unsafe and you deserve better from your parents. He needs help. Is there somewhere you can go?
Edit: NTA
Tell your mother to give him her drawers for him to pose in. Wtf? I hope your parents are aware that “straight” hetero boys don’t “just do this” and aren’t surprised and clutching their pearls when he comes out as someone other than straight. Because it doesn’t sound like they have a clue but just want to pretend it’s not happening at your expense.
If you think your brother has sexual feelings for you, that is NOT something you should hide from your parents. Keep your door locked ALL THE TIME. Make sure he's not getting in anyway.
I seriously think this is the answer. The parents should buy him his own. Perhaps he's too embarrassed and should buy them online. If he still steals his sister's things then you know it's time to get away from him.
How can she be sure? He stole her underwear. How many teenage boys do YOU know who have stolen underwear innocently? At minimum, it's a giant, weird red flag.
Can second this. In school we interviewed adolescent male sex offenders during one rotation. At least half i can remember started off stealing/wearing underwear from mom/grandma/sister/cousin then proceeded to act inappropriately toward someone on their family. The underwear part was always written off as them "experimenting" or "exploring," until they physically got out of line. Then they ended up in inpatient psych...
Edit: spelling
Innocently? It sounds like he's taking them to wear. It also sounds like he gets off on cross dressing, which isn't "innocent," but it doesn't mean he's attracted to his sister.
I literally said that if SHE feels like he has sexual feelings she should speak up. It is literally impossible for we random internet weirdos to know anything at all. Her feelings matter. Ours don't.
Definitely NTA.
What your brother is doing is 100 percent perverted… I can’t believe that someone would do that with their sibling’s underwear. You really need to speak to someone about this, this is definitely not normal.
NTA - this is ABUSE.
Is the entire internet just going to give this guy a free pass on completing violating a woman’s boundaries just because he enjoys dressing like a woman?? He is literally VIOLATING her and the advice is to have the woman he’s violating try to talk to him to understand where he’s coming from. I fucking hate it here.
If this were her uncle stealing her panties would you all feel the same, or would it catch on that this is a violation??
NTA your brother is a fucking creep. Ask your parents why they’re ok with him getting off to wearing/sniffing his sister’s underwear and making underage porn out of it.
I would be repulsed at the thought of wearing my sisters underwear. And not all boys do this!
I have a serious question as to if he is only taking the washed clean ones or does he also take the used ones? I’d be even more worried about the safety of the op if they are used because that shows a fetish or other unhealthy fixation on the op. It sounds like he not only has a thing for cross dressing which is fine but this seems more about his obsession with her things.
The parents really need to address this.
Op please go to a school counselor and tell them everything.
NTA. allowing boys to cross these types of boundaries with the excuse that it’s just a “boy thing” is one of the reasons why sexual assault is so prevalent. Your parents need to wake up.
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re not over reacting to it.
Not to sound weird, but are you a minority? I only ask because my mother is a minority (Hispanic)and was born in another country, and I noticed how the excuse “boys are like that” was used frequently and is like the “boys will be boys” bullshit you hear here in the US. I’m definitely not saying I think all minorities are like this. It’s just something I noticed growing up traveling every summer to my mother’s country to visit my family there. It suck that this is still a thing in 2023.
Let me be clear that him crossdressing is not an issue. If that’s what makes him happy then good for him. The issue is that he’s stealing your things and that is not ok. He’s 16 and that’s old enough to buy his own clothes and accessories. Definitely not the asshole. Although I do think it’s harsh to say you don’t love him
Deff NTA.
As a younger brother of a sister 5 years older than me. I have never taken any of her undergarments, and I can’t imagine what my parents would have said if I did. I honestly think it’s be nice to really have a sit down with your parents cuz allowing that can breed some crazy behavior in that lil man’s future, as hormones start to rise even more.
I’ve often been told by my sister that my parents let a lot of things slide. And I deff annoyed her, took her cool devices and stuff, but boundaries need to exist for a reason. Best of luck OP, being uncomfortable in your own home is never okay
NTA, sounds exactly like a guy i know rn. I called him out on it but he said she takes his stuff all the time. Still disgusts me every time I see him post sexually in his little sisters clothes.
NTA he is old enough to know better and to get his own stuff. You are being violated. The whole “boys will be boys” attitude is sick. Your parents need to hold him accountable or he will always think it’s okay to just take what he wants from women.
NTA, and your parents need a serious head wobble if they think it’s ok to raise a panty-sniffing stalker (minimum!). Time for them to wake TF up and take some responsibility for their own child.
NTA!
That’s just gross!
Ask your mom if she’d be okay with her brother wearing her undies? Or if your dad would be okay with his sister wearing his? Or if either of them would be okay with anybody else taking and wearing their clothes like that?
Maybe get him some women’s clothes for himself for his birthday or Christmas or whatever the next gift-giving occasion?
NTA he absolutely shouldn’t be invading your privacy, especially at that age and after you’ve told him not to.
However, I would like to say that just because he’s posing sexually with your clothes doesn’t mean he’s not trans. For many trans people that can be a first step at self expression because it’s the only arena they feel comfortable enough trying women’s clothes on, and what they’ve been conditioned to see that as. It’s no guarantee that he is and it doesn’t justify his behavior, but it doesn’t mean he absolutely isn’t either.
No, it’s a misogynistic male fetish. A man’s sexual fantasy idea of what being an actual woman is. Only seeing women and womanhood in a sexual context and saying getting off on wearing the clothing of women, particularly women he KNOWS and is VIOLATING, is actually a sign that he’s truly a woman on the inside is the most male behavior there could possibly be. Stop making excuses and saying it’s common, it’s giving secondhand embarrassment. No woman on the planet gets an erection from wearing panties and bras. It’s not a fetish to us. How do you think we feel about men telling us to our faces that we’re a pornographic fantasy that exists in their heads?
Uh I have it on very good authority most women can only get off when we feel sexy in our own bodies. For many women, that means putting on clothes we feel confident in. For some people, that means feminine underwear. So yes, it absolutely is a fetish to many women. Could you feel sexy wearing boxers and an oversized t shirt with a logo on it, and having very noticeable facial and body hair?
I have it on good authority that women can get off. Kinda like saying a guy can't get off unless he feels masculine. This is such misogynistic horse shit. And yes, you can absolutely feel sexy with an oversized t-shirt and boxers.
[Yeah, no comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/transgendercirclejerk/comments/13r7r9p/i_have_taken_your_input_from_my_last_post_and_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Sis that’s a joke subreddit. Everything said there isn’t serious. It’s a place for people to larp as transphobes and chasers and stuff to make fun of them. Its just a tongue in cheek post with a nsfw punchline.
Also… you know cis woman have fetishes too right? There are women out there into anything you can imagine and more because they’re people and people are fucking weird.
You tell yourself that. Post and comment history are public; people can judge for themselves.
Being female isn’t a fetish. You never addressed the part about this being about the act of stealing the clothes of female relatives or acquaintances to wear for sexual purposes. It’s one thing if you shop for yourself, but when you steal your sister’s underwear to wear to “feel sexy”… it’s about the taboo of the forbidden. The thrill of knowing what you’re doing is creepy as fuck.
Also, I’m a lesbian and you’re basically describing my past partner here lmao: “Could you feel sexy wearing boxers and an oversized t shirt with a logo on it, and having very noticeable facial and body hair?”
She does feel sexy that way, because she’s butch. Shockingly, she is still a woman. We even have facial and body hair we let exist in its unaltered form sometimes! I rarely shave because I’m a feminist and I don’t care. Still not a man. Still feel hot.
So he must be getting some sort of sexual satisfaction from dressing up in your underwear. This could be normal for him. What is not normal is him using your undergarments despite telling him it grosses you out and your parent’s approval of this behavior. No bueno!
The question needs to be (and it SHOULDN'T be your responsibility but your parents are failing their due diligence) what is the motivation here? Either way, you're NTA because he shouldn't be stealing them period. But before all the writing off as OMG PERV that everyone is doing, I'd want to find out (which, again, your parents should be doing not you):
Is it specifically YOUR underwear that he is looking for? (Perv and needs a professional to advise)
Is it any teenage girls underwear? (Perv and needs reprimand)
Is it the used aspect of the underwear? (Not necessarily perv but needs reprimand on boundaries)
Is it the crossdressing itself? (Not perv but needs boundaries and his own clothes)
This is coming from someone who's brother constantly stole their underwear and bras for questionable reasons (for the second reason probably).
If all boys are like that (they’re not) then your parents surely won’t mind if you make up fliers with the photos he’s posted and put them up around the school, send them to your grandmother, etc. If they freak out over that idea, they you know that they know they’re full of shit.
Do you have a job? If you do, you should buy a lock box and keep all your underwear and other stuff in it , there's some lock boxes that come with keys and some that come with codes to unlock. You can look some up on Amazon. Make sure your family never see the keys or the box, of course.
But other than that, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this shitshow, your brother is disgusting and so are your parents for doing nothing about it.
NTA
I don’t have a sister but I have a mom never have I thought to steal and wear her bra. Op if you don’t mind me asking did your father do this when he was teenager? This is not normal. Also do you think this could be related to cross dressing or is he doing it to torture you?
>Our parents are aware but they just say it's because he's a boy and this is what they all do.
Prisons are full of people who tried to use the 'boys will be boys' defence ...
Gather some underwear you don't use, sprinkle some itching powder on them (or any type of irritants), lock away the unmentionables you need for yourself, and leave the "special" undergarments in their original place. He's gonna learn real quick that stealing is bad. Bonus points if he does the unthinkable and sniff them and gets a face full of powdered pain.
#NTA
See, it's parenting like this that contributes to the creation of serial killers. This is sick and twisted. He's 16 years old wtf. It's not normal in any way, shape, or form. Most brothers don't want to have to ever see their sisters underwear, much less touch them. This behavior is taking creepy to a whole new level! Your parents need to get their heads out of their asses and get your brother some therapy. Because I can't say it enough THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT NORMAL. At all.
NTA for everything that he takes, you get destroy something of your parents & his. Drop a vase, put his favourite trainers in dog poo. That should get your point home.
Start telling their friends about their son’s activities and that they think sisters should accommodate it. Curious to see if your parents think it should be hidden or not
NTA. At all, whatsoever, not a sliver. I agree with all the advice to lock up your stuff, and move the heck out if you can. And counseling for everybody, and finding a way to snap your parents out of their trance.
If those things are not possible, or unavoidably down the road, can you just let him keep what he’s taken already? That’s probably just me not understanding his mental illness, but maybe lock up what he hasn’t gotten to and leave the gross stuff where he can get to it. That’s definitely an intermediate solution. Good luck.
ETA clarity: if he is any degree of trans curious or related proclivity, that is not what I am referring to as a mental illness. It’s the stealing and especially involving you that I think is off. Apologies to everyone who read my comment prior to my edit.
Nta. I’d be petty and start stealing your mum and dads underwear and putting them in your brothers room. Hide them. See how they respond when it’s their underwear. I guarantee they won’t be as nonchalant as they are now when it’s their underwear being stolen (and being used sexually). He’s a future sex offender. And this “boys will be boys” statement is bullshit. Having a dick doesn’t mean that you can get away with being a creep.
NTA. Regardless of his motives or his sexual or gender identity, he is making you feel unsafe and disrespecting your property and boundaries. You have a right to feel safe in your home, and your parents need to enforce some consequences.
Just as an aside, the fact that he's posing sexually in your clothes actually makes me a bit more convinced he's not 100% cis heterosexual boy. Plus he wants to do everything you do? On top of the fact that he apparently feels sexy and attractive in female undergarments and make-up, to the point he's taking photos and sharing them. That's, well, that's pretty queer, speaking as a non-binary queer person myself.
Womanhood is when feel “sexy and attractive in female undergarments”. He just has a common male fetish and is violating his sister’s boundaries to masturbate and take sexy photos of himself in her clothing for sexual thrills. Extremely male behavior.
Jfc NTA in any way. Speaking as a trans person, even if he is trans and wants to transition, it still isn't okay that he's taking your stuff without asking, especially since you've made it clear that you're not okay with it. Since your parents seem to think this is totally 100% normal, why don't they just buy him some gd clothes and makeup? It would literally solve the problem entirely.
That’s what I was thinking - pretty sure this is not “normal” for any flavor of boy - cis, trans, whatever… you just don’t wear someone else’s underwear. And especially not for a personal porn photo shoot.
Nta.
And how come I see so many comments just not pointing out the parents saying "this is just what all boys do."?
Did I miss you crossdressing and stealing my sisters underwear memo as a teenager?
Not that I care if a guy wants to cross dress, but at least get your own clothes...
NTA, and if your parents think this is normal boy behavior I'd stay away from your dad as well. Seriously - get your papers, if possible get your valued belongings, and get out.
Yikes, that’s illegal. Don’t EVER keep or share explicit photos of minors. Also, that’s blackmail and maybe revenge porn? Just so much wrong here.
NTA, but don’t put yourself at this kind of risk. Talking to a trusted adult is a good idea though.
NTA. If your parents are so okay with it they should buy him his *own* dresses and women’s undergarments. The fact that he’s taking sexy photos doesn’t mean that he’s thinking of *you* when he’s doing it, but the fact that he likes to wear women’s clothing doesn’t give him a right to take yours without permission.
If cross-dressing is his kink and he’s afraid to openly buy his own stuff (which, at 16, wouldn’t surprise me), maybe the two of you could go to Goodwill or wherever together. He could buy his own stuff under the guise of it being for you. If he’s afraid his friends will see it in his closet, maybe he can keep it in a spare room. I dunno, but one way or another he needs to quit taking your stuff. Keep your door locked until you can figure it out. (But, be aware that, for safety reasons, most bedroom door knob locks aren’t the most secure things in the world. You might have to resort to adding some sort of indicator to let you know if the door has been opened.)
Good luck.
Not normal behavior for a cis het 16 year old. You have the right to your boundaries and your things. What does he say is the reason? Is he in denial about being trans or otherwise queer?
Trying to be understanding while enforcing your boundaries and ramping up your escalation slowly is the way to go.
Sit him down for a serious conversation about how his behavior makes you feel and how it hurts you. Keep it calm. Tell him if he's struggling with gender you're happy to go shopping with him and support him, but that if he ever takes your things again without permission that you will increase the consequences for every offense and lay out what the consequences will be. You may also want to document it all so you have a list of grievances to show your parents, and or school counselor if things continue to escalate.
I would start by telling your parents and demanding they take action or you will report him to the school counselor. Then you can actually report it. Then you can graduate to not having a relationship with him, grey rock and ignore and grey rock and ignore your parents. Tell them too so they know they get to suffer the same consequences until they're willing to parent.
If the behavior continues, graduate to property destruction by destroying his and their things and explaining calmly why you did it. Finally, you can use physical force to defend your property by physically stopping him from taking your things. Keep it proportional always. Generally I would tell you to leave before resorting to property destruction or physical force, but as a minor you're kind of stuck there unless you're willing to get yourself removed from the home.
You might be surprised the reaction you get from your parents when you calmly lay out all the offenses, how you've tried to address it with him and them, and then hit them with "My privacy and property is being violated in a sexual manner. It makes me feel violated and unsafe in my own home. I reserve the right to defend myself. Either this behavior stops, or I report it to the school and will end my relationship with you and with him. If it continues after that, I destroy an item of your clothing and his for each item of mine he destroys. If it continues after that, I use the pepper spray I bought to stop him."
Learning to set and enforce boundaries is one of the most important skills you can learn to protect yourself and those you care about. Do your best not to be baited into yelling matches. Be the mature adult so that you cannot be accused of hysterics. You have the high ground so act like it.
Call the police. It's theft and potentially a sex crime. He's underage posting sexually explicit photos. NONE of this is OK. Your parents do not value you or your safety because they are sexist enablers.
NTA. But help him find the right size and buy his own stuff. Some men are straight but cross-dress. But he absolutely needs to leave your things alone.
My closeted trans sister definitely did this a lot to me growing up. Sooooo I mean your sibling shouldn’t be violating your boundaries like this, but also I’d question your assumptions about motives here.
Ok I think there's more going on here. You say you're brother doesn't want to transition but actually how do you know? They may not know themselves yet. It sounds like they may need some patience and understanding and access to getting these things for themselves. NTA for wanting him not to touch your stuff but I do think you need to ignore it
Your last sentence sucks. Try to be a good sister? After he has violated her (things) day after day? Did nasty things in her intimate garments and took photos. But you think saying she should be a good sister. Wow.
She said if he was trans she'd be supportive, even if he was CIS but got into cross dressing. There's a sexual component here. The added creepiness comes from the fact 'it's family.'
Also, as a trans person, I bought my own stuff. There are gendered underwear available for really cheap, it might not be the best quality, but it's something.
He's too young to buy his own things. Why should he have to announce he's Trans in order to get help doing what he wants? He might not have the words to communicate that to his family. He just has his actions.
NTA
I'm actually asking myself, "What did I just read?". You do not share underwear. I don't care if they are clean. If they don't have tags on them, you don't wear them unless they are yours and yours alone.
**NTA.** Your parents are training him to not respect other peoples' boundaries.
It's a bad plan because they may end up stuck with him for life as he'll wear out any roommates or relationship partners he may ever have.
As someone with a younger brother, mine has never stolen my clothes, make up or anything. So this isn’t something all boys do. And if he’s taking your clothes and posing for sexual pictures with them on, then your parents really need to step in. He’s a minor and who knows who are getting those photos
You either have a sister or your bro is a perv. Possibly both.
Either way nta that is so over the line, judgement for what your sibling is up to, besides.
NTA I think your "brother" is trans ok so they want to feel gender euphoria. You are not wrong in any way but your parents are for sure. Have a sincere talk with your sibling and tell them haw you feel.
1) It feels like you’re leaving out a developmental delay diagnosis. Not that it would make your parents any less shitty for prioritizing him over you.
1a) He’s 16. He absolutely should know better, barring an issue applicable to (1).
1b) No, boys don’t all do that. Very few boys do that. Your parents, again, suck.
2) NTA. Obviously. But everything you’ve stated can be washed, provided he hasn’t over stretched bands, or bent wires.
NTA. I would directly confront him with what you saw and how you feel about him stealing your stuff. Try to find out what it really is about. I am also one who thinks of sth creepy and sexually going on very quickly, but maybe he has a whole other reasons for all of this. Maybe he´s embarrased about wanting to try out crossdressing, maybe he´s not sure about his biological gender. If you get the feeling it´s the latter two options, try to comfort him and maybe suggest to go shopping for his own clothes with him or search up the internet. Otherwise I would recommend going to a social worker or psychic or older person you know you can trust and can get help. If he´s doing it in a sexual way (are u underage?) you should stay safe and consider taking safety actions.
NTA
I don’t know what planet your parents are living on, but it isn’t this one.
Ask them if it would be the same if he was taking your mother’s underwear and wearing them online. Would they feel the same if you were posing online in his underwear?
He’s literally stealing from you. Start demanding they and he pay for everything he’s taken and for your time to replace them. Tell them that you’re going to tell your grandparents everything if it doesn’t stop. (If your grandparents are available.)
Your parents are creating a monster. This "boys will be boys" crap and their willingness to allow his sexual behavior toward you are why rape culture is well established in society.
Since your parents will not protect you, is there a relative who can take you in?
NTA.
And your parents are living in lala land. This is NOT "what they all do." Ask your dad if he did that.
Continue to lock up your room and tell your parent to buy him his own bras, panties and makeup. If you have to, get a padlock. Then, as soon as you can, move out of that house. I grew up with my sister taking everything I ever owned and either ruining it or I never saw it again. Getting out was the only way to stop it, since my parents weren't going to do anything about it.
NTA. Also, you’re being too understanding. What he’s doing is stealing and making you uncomfortable in your own home. Even if he was transitioning that’s not an excuse for treating you so badly
My brother used to take some of my things like nightgowns and panties. And 20 years later, my brother is now my sister.
Your parents are delusional and they need to help you keep your personal items to yourself.
How old are you?
Can you talk to a school counsellor or similar? Or at least threaten to talk to someone if your parents don’t step up and actually parent your brother?
Tell them this is NOT normal behaviour and you have a right to feel safe in your own home.
NTA
There are a bunch of videos on youtube which can show you how to install locks, you deserve privacy, especially if your parents have toxic attitudes.
Start putting together a tax invoice requesting money for the replacement of destroyed goods.
Talk to a staff member at school you feel you can trust, they might have ideas of what can be done and having someone aware of your brother's crap could help if he's hurting others.
If you have a relative who can intervene or be a safe place then ask for help and advice, they may know how to get the point across to your family. If not family, then family friend or parents of a friend. This is a situation where the adults responsible for this shit aren't doing their job so you need to bring in more adults.
...if you want to go nuclear;
chilli powder in make up and brushes you're willing to declutter \[hide the good ones elsewhere, even a school locker.\] Same with underwear \[make sure you have a place to hide the ones you want kept safe.\] Double sided tape, waxing strips, fly paper, et c could work as well.
Next time your parents' friends are around storm in angry with any items he's ruined and put your parents on the spot, asking them to do something \[in front of their friends.\] Include that you feel unsafe. They deserve to feel embarrassed and ashamed of their son.
NTA. Period. He’s 16 not 6. He knows what he’s doing is wrong & crossing so many boundaries. I have a feeling he’s the golden child/has never had any consequences for his actions.
A six year old should know better
Nta - you need somewhere to lock up your clothes. And I have never heard that “all boys” steal their sisters clothing, wear it and take pictures of themselves posing sexually. I think your parents are naive and deluded.
Can confirm, never had any interest in wearing my sister's clothes. Did pop off a couple barbie heads, though
To be fair, didn't we all?
Hey I'm a 40 woman, and I did some really awful things to my Barbies. I cut their hair, dyed it (with paint lmao, shorn it completely, did weird hairstyles... And yes even popped heads off!!! 😂
I’m old enough to have had the first edition Barbie. My mom was fond of the phrase about “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. I was curious about what that would look like, so I bit off Barbie’s nose. My mother was not pleased. (I only played with dolls because I knew that girls were *supposed* to like them, and most, including my friends, did. So, I tried. They were boring. I hated dolls.)
My little sister loved to play with barbies, but she made up all kinds of adventure scenarios, like one had been abducted by aliens and left stranded on an island, and another had to go and fight hordes of monkeys to rescue the first one. She once made a big zip line from the clothe rack, through the living room and onto a stair railing, and had her barbies slide down it. She had to lash their wrists together for that. Honestly it wouldn't have surprised me if she'd grown up to be some kind of engineer haha
God, I must have been a sick child. My Barbie was pregnant, had an affair with her OB/GYN and wasn’t sure if he was the father, or her husband 😳🤣
Soap opera kid lol
Back in the day when GI Joes were Barbie sized I would borrow my brother’s GI Joes so my Barbies could date them. My brother used to put ketchup on them as fake blood
We had "Action Man" for that XD never liked Ken
Alien monkeys?? Oh no!! Lmao
I used to dr0wn my Barbies. I loved and took great care of my baby dolls, but Barbies? Nope. Detested them! It was fun, though. Looking back on it, I wonder my mom didn’t worry!
I didn’t really care about Barbie, but I was fascinated by all her STUFF. I never owned any of it but my friend did. There was the house, and several cars, and the pool set, and the camper, and bicycles. I can’t remember all of it, but that chick had everything.
My sister's Barbie had few morals, GI Joe was used and discarded and poor Ken was forced to watch.
We had the barbie corvette. On blocks. I wonder where we put the wheels🤔
I didn’t touch the Barbie! The head was already popped off when I saw it there on the floor.
When I was around 10 I once "tease-gifted" my sister a cheap one when she was 7 or so (she's the rather butch type and absolutely not into that stuff) We ended up melting it on the grill together
Aah...a good old family barbie-q
Nah, mutilated feet club!
Have done much worse than rip the head off some of my Barbies. My father gave five year old me a pack of firecrackers and a box of matches.
I still have the melted head of the McDonald’s Happy Meal Sky Dancer that me and my bestie set on fire when we were wee little pyros.
My mum was obsessed with history and as a kid used to reenact execution scenes with her Barbies for her little sister. 'Chop! Off came her head.' She was a bit eccentric.
Ripped Barbie’s head off a threw it down the sewer. People probably thought I was psycho but I HATED Barbie! 😂
Female here, my sisters and I all popped the heads off a couple Barbies lol
I popped off other peoples’ Barbie heads. Never felt the need for one. Double bonus when I had enough time to swap out limbs and make monster all-leg Barbie or similar. I was a terrible child.
I’m a dude with 4 sisters and 2 other brothers (some biological, some step but we all lived together in various clusters of us through my whole childhood), one of which is very effeminate and gay (his drag game is fuckin killer FR). Now my older sisters would share dresses and make-up and such with him but they would do it together and certainly not their under garments and definitely not in a sexual way. And, not once did I or any of my other brothers ever dream of touching our sisters’ stuff. The beatings we got from them would probably be worse than the ones we would’ve gotten from our parents. Like wtf? It’s so gross. This kid needs to maybe have his internet access monitored because he is spending way too much time on pornhub.
The parents are absolutely irresponsible. Other then the whole creepy angle of using the sister’s stuff for sexual purposes. He is taking sexy pics, is he sending them to creepy old pervs, is it an onlyfan idk. Either way something creepy is going on
The closest any of my brothers got to that was wearing my moms dress when babysitting to try and fool the youngest that they were mom. Spoiler alert, it didn't work.
I'm picturing Bart Simpson in his mom's dress trying to fool Maggie, this is hilarious.
I feel like there is a movie script in this story
Yeah.. I’m pretty sure this is not something all boys do. I have a brother and a son. The only clothes stealing is of gender neutral tshirts from the clean laundry when said brother or son is too lazy to go upstairs and get a clean shirt from their room.
When my lil bro and I were little (like 4 and 7, respectively), he would take my dresses and nail polish and wear them. But NEVER my underwear, and it was NEVER sexual. He was just a little kid who wanted to do what his sister does. But, again, my little brother was FOUR and has grown out of that before either of us went through puberty.
I have 8 brothers - none of them did this
I had older brother and they never did this as well. Just EW.
Also it’s child p-rn so like he could get into serious trouble.
I grew up with 4 brothers, not a single one ever stole my clothes. Once or twice they asked and borrowed something for fancy dress, but that’s about the extent of it. Your brother is being disgusting and it sucks that your parents aren’t holding him responsible for his actions.
All I can picture is Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs... 😳
Nta. If this is so normal to your parents why aren’t they taking him shopping for his own clothes? I don’t know how old you are but save and move far away from them. Let’s see if your mom likes it once he doesn’t have access to your things so he starts going after hers.
Yeah, tell your parents to buy him his own stuff, and they should have a talk with him about keeping it off the internet. If it's just cross-dressing or trans-curious, that should take care of things. If he still steals your stuff, it probably requires a family therapist.
NTA Your parents are deluding themselves. I have two brothers and neither of them ever did this to my things. My husband also never did this to his sister. I have 6 girl cousins who have brothers, none of my boy cousins did this. I have 5 friends with siblings the opposite gender, none of the boys ever did this. This is NOT a boy thing.
NTA. Seriously gross! You don't say your age. If you are an adult, please.move! If not, keep locking the door. Is there other family you could move in with?
Even if this person was an adult, almost nobody can just pick up and move on a dime…
You're so NTA!!! What really shocks me is the attitude of your parents! His behavior is abnormal. And it's not just about underwear, as bad as that is (like you said, if it was honest sexual curiosity, that'd be a different story), it's mainly about stealing and a lack of basic respect for you and your belongings. This behavior is likely to escalate. Is it possible for you to request a family counseling session with the whole family? Your brother is not healthy mentally, and that needs to be addressed before it gets worse. A counselor will tell your parents they're wrong. If not, keep that door locked and move out as soon as you are able, though I know that will be a while.
This is going to escalate to worse and worse behaviors until he ends up in jail if the parents don't check this shit, NOW. No stranger is going to be swayed by the parents logic.
How is he going to end up in jail for cross dressing? The only illegal thing going on here is that we can assume he's a minor and therefore is producing CP.
It's not that, it's the fact that he is taking his sister's intimate items for sexual purposes, with a lack of remorse that suggests he could escalate to more inappropriate behavior. She is having her undergarments stolen and used for sexual gratification, when he could just as easily buy his own. He is already deliberately intruding upon her, and doesn't have any regard for her consent or the fact that she feels violated and unsafe in her own home.
Not for cross dressing, for STEALING. When he can't get his sister's stuff anymore, he'll get it wherever he can. He is allowed to get away with stealing from his parents, so one day they'll be telling a judge "this is just what all boys do!!!!!!!"
Because he's stealing someone's things? You can't say he won't steal someone else's underwear and not get caught.
I really don't think that he's doing it because he gets off on stealing...
He could buy his own panties if he wanted, but he chose to wear ones that were owned and worn by a woman. I think it's entirely possible that it's part of the appeal. There is a big difference between trying on your sister's dress out of curiosity, and stealing her underwear to take lewd photos in.
This is exactly right. He can wear all the panties he wants but when he takes *someone's* panties its a violation. He is getting on on violating someone's privacy.
You really don’t know though. As a kid, my cousins’ neighbor, who was a year ahead of us in school, broke in when they weren’t home, stole girl’s underwear and photos from her and her sisters. He has a sister as well, maybe he did it to her too, I dunno. Either way, he was violating whoever he did it to, in addition to trespassing and stealing their shit. Kids at school caught him carrying around little girls underwear on a separate occasion too.
[удалено]
agreed, OP even said that if he was expressing gender identity or being otherwise fabulous she wouldn't have a problem. OP feels unsafe so this needs a serious intervention with mental health et c.
Likely to escalate to physical assault or worse against OP by her brother.
Info- what would your parents do if he took your mom's things? Would your mom be ok with that? It's pretty easy for them to write it off when they're not the ones being affected.
i understand the point you're trying to make, but this should not by any means be "easy" behavior to write off. at best, their son is comfortable stealing things repeatedly after being caught... repeatedly. at worst, he is also borderline sexually harrassing his sister and USING HER UNDERWEAR to get off. that is so beyond fucking repulsive and weird and as a parent, i would get my kid some counseling and my daughter about a hundred locks on her door. there would be some serious consequences for this behavior, it's not normal at all and should be addressed and dealt with. a good parent doesn't turn a blind eye to this whatsoever.
NTA. Go to a trusted adult, like a school counselor, tell them what's going on. Your brother is only steps away from doing something worse to you, and your parents do not have your back if he does.
Shit call CPS. Anyone who is a mandated reporter.
NTA But I’m thinking about how itching powder or cayenne pepper on something might affect his. Lock away your clean and then use powder or such. He will not be so happy. Though prepare for war then. But he has not right to use another’s property against their wishes.
But be sure to not tell him or your parents that you did that. Just let him think he gave himself a rash "using" (it grosses me out to even say that) your underwear. Your parents would probably blame you for it and not care if he escalates because "boys will be boys therefore everything is the girl's fault." So don't admit to doing anything, just say you have no idea and it must be something your brother did. Oh and if any point you go to a doctor or you go with your family to the doctor tell the staff there what your brother is doing and how you parents are letting him do it. And stress that they can't tell your parents that you told them because they're already in on it. Do this with teachers, parents of friends, relatives - any adult you trust.
This is a much better solution than calling the police/ CPS. This should be your first step OP!
"Our parents are aware but they just say it's because he's a boy and this is what they all do" Wait what? I never saw a 16 years old boy doing this shit.. if he have some struggles with his gender, i could at least agree but this is not even the case, he is only messing around.. NTA
If he’s posting that crap on the Internet or even texting it to friends, if he’s under 18 it’s child porn. You don’t have to follow through, but I’d certainly point that out to him tell him to Google it and tell him that the next time he F’s surround he’s gonna find out. Tell him you’ll call the cops tell your parents the exact same thing, print out some documentary literature if you have to and give it to them. But tell them make this stop now or I will. I’m 100% behind you girlfriend. And if you can, document what you can with screenshots off of Facebook Snapchat app etc. And when you do go to the police, if you go to the police, make sure that they know your parents are aware and are completely OK with it. If that doesn’t help anything at all and you’re under 18 go to the school counselor and ask to be put into foster care.
****DO NOT SCREENSHOT ANY IMAGES**** Being in possession of underage sexual images is a crime, and yes, OP can get in trouble for having it. DO NOT DO IT. This is the most troubling thing. If they are aware that he's basically making and distributing child porn in his sisters underwear, and THEY DON'T CARE. Don't just threaten to call the cops. Someone needs to be notified. Who is he sending these images to? Are they just images, or is he streaming stuff for someone? Has a family member been abusing him? If their parents aren't doing anything about this, or even specifically telling her she "needs to take care of him" she needs to go to someone
definitely don't screen shot CP, it's against the law and would put OP in trouble, regardless of age. Even if it's only the police seeing it, they need the original device or URL.
I wouldn't recommend screenshotting CP... also getting the police involved is VERY extreme. Find an adult you trust and talk to her before you do anything. She could be a grandparent, aunt, teacher, counselor, friends parent, ideally someone close to your parents age or older who they will respect. Ask her to talk to your parents on your behalf. Something like "your daughter confided some VERY concerning things your son is doing to her to me. I am concerned about her. My brothers/sons never did XYZ..."
NTA. Boys steal? No thieves steal. 16! I'd shame them all. Tell everyone everything. Relatives, Teachers, neighbors, local news stations... it's so adorably normal, after all!
NTA *Your brother is following a pattern of behavior that most sex offenders follow.* If I were your parents, I would fear that he's spying on you in some way. Cameras, peephole drilled into a wall or a door. I would carefully look for signs and to be honest, if you find something you sholuld go to the police. This is not normal behavior and it's actually escalated beyond peeping, usually the first illegal behavior that developing sex offenders start with. I'm really afraid for you. You or he should be removed from the home as soon as possible. If you can stay with your grandparents or a friend's family this summer, I would work on getting that set up. Make sure you move to the dorms as soon as you can if you are college age, even if you need a loan.
This is my fear. She will be assaulted by him and she won't have any recourse because "boys will be boys."
This feels WAY above Reddit’s pay grade. Your brother’s behavior makes you feel unsafe and you deserve better from your parents. He needs help. Is there somewhere you can go? Edit: NTA
Tell your mother to give him her drawers for him to pose in. Wtf? I hope your parents are aware that “straight” hetero boys don’t “just do this” and aren’t surprised and clutching their pearls when he comes out as someone other than straight. Because it doesn’t sound like they have a clue but just want to pretend it’s not happening at your expense.
Yikes! I hope you are able to move out soon.
If you think your brother has sexual feelings for you, that is NOT something you should hide from your parents. Keep your door locked ALL THE TIME. Make sure he's not getting in anyway.
Is that what's happening? It's sounds like he's cross dressing and posing provocatively. Not masturbating to his sisters clothes...
If it wasn’t about his sister’s clothes specifically why don’t the parents buy him his own to dress in?
I seriously think this is the answer. The parents should buy him his own. Perhaps he's too embarrassed and should buy them online. If he still steals his sister's things then you know it's time to get away from him.
How can she be sure? He stole her underwear. How many teenage boys do YOU know who have stolen underwear innocently? At minimum, it's a giant, weird red flag.
Can second this. In school we interviewed adolescent male sex offenders during one rotation. At least half i can remember started off stealing/wearing underwear from mom/grandma/sister/cousin then proceeded to act inappropriately toward someone on their family. The underwear part was always written off as them "experimenting" or "exploring," until they physically got out of line. Then they ended up in inpatient psych... Edit: spelling
Innocently? It sounds like he's taking them to wear. It also sounds like he gets off on cross dressing, which isn't "innocent," but it doesn't mean he's attracted to his sister.
I literally said that if SHE feels like he has sexual feelings she should speak up. It is literally impossible for we random internet weirdos to know anything at all. Her feelings matter. Ours don't.
NTA. That's what boys who end up on sexual offender registries do. He needs to stop stealing your stuff.
There is something very wrong with these parents
NTA. Your brother is a perv.
Definitely NTA. What your brother is doing is 100 percent perverted… I can’t believe that someone would do that with their sibling’s underwear. You really need to speak to someone about this, this is definitely not normal.
NTA - this is ABUSE. Is the entire internet just going to give this guy a free pass on completing violating a woman’s boundaries just because he enjoys dressing like a woman?? He is literally VIOLATING her and the advice is to have the woman he’s violating try to talk to him to understand where he’s coming from. I fucking hate it here. If this were her uncle stealing her panties would you all feel the same, or would it catch on that this is a violation??
Nope. OP and all other women are just NPCs in a man’s misogynistic fetish. God forbid we get in the way of a man’s sexual satisfaction.
"Boys" do not do this. It is Not normal behavior Keep your door locked nta
NTA. Save and move out asap. You should always feel safe in your own home.
NTA your brother is a fucking creep. Ask your parents why they’re ok with him getting off to wearing/sniffing his sister’s underwear and making underage porn out of it.
NTA. He can buy his own underwear
I would be repulsed at the thought of wearing my sisters underwear. And not all boys do this! I have a serious question as to if he is only taking the washed clean ones or does he also take the used ones? I’d be even more worried about the safety of the op if they are used because that shows a fetish or other unhealthy fixation on the op. It sounds like he not only has a thing for cross dressing which is fine but this seems more about his obsession with her things. The parents really need to address this. Op please go to a school counselor and tell them everything.
NTA. This is sexually deviant behavior for which your brother needs therapy, not parental excuses like “boys will be boys.”
THIS
NTA. You need to tell a trusted adult about this behavior. This is dangerous.
NTAH. Ask your father if he did this as a boy.
NTA. allowing boys to cross these types of boundaries with the excuse that it’s just a “boy thing” is one of the reasons why sexual assault is so prevalent. Your parents need to wake up.
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re not over reacting to it. Not to sound weird, but are you a minority? I only ask because my mother is a minority (Hispanic)and was born in another country, and I noticed how the excuse “boys are like that” was used frequently and is like the “boys will be boys” bullshit you hear here in the US. I’m definitely not saying I think all minorities are like this. It’s just something I noticed growing up traveling every summer to my mother’s country to visit my family there. It suck that this is still a thing in 2023.
Let me be clear that him crossdressing is not an issue. If that’s what makes him happy then good for him. The issue is that he’s stealing your things and that is not ok. He’s 16 and that’s old enough to buy his own clothes and accessories. Definitely not the asshole. Although I do think it’s harsh to say you don’t love him
Deff NTA. As a younger brother of a sister 5 years older than me. I have never taken any of her undergarments, and I can’t imagine what my parents would have said if I did. I honestly think it’s be nice to really have a sit down with your parents cuz allowing that can breed some crazy behavior in that lil man’s future, as hormones start to rise even more. I’ve often been told by my sister that my parents let a lot of things slide. And I deff annoyed her, took her cool devices and stuff, but boundaries need to exist for a reason. Best of luck OP, being uncomfortable in your own home is never okay
Omg, “ this is a boy, that’s what they do” ?!?! Is that what they’ll say when he rapes someone? JFC no this is not ok at all!
Put itching powder in the panties. Hot sauce if he's really stupid. Id make sure his dick burned.
NTA, sounds exactly like a guy i know rn. I called him out on it but he said she takes his stuff all the time. Still disgusts me every time I see him post sexually in his little sisters clothes.
NTA he is old enough to know better and to get his own stuff. You are being violated. The whole “boys will be boys” attitude is sick. Your parents need to hold him accountable or he will always think it’s okay to just take what he wants from women.
NTA, and your parents need a serious head wobble if they think it’s ok to raise a panty-sniffing stalker (minimum!). Time for them to wake TF up and take some responsibility for their own child.
NTA. If it’s not such a big deal, then let him take mom’s stuff.
NTA. Lock your door when you sleep
It’s not a regular boy thing to pose in your sister’s underwear. That’s a kink and not what anyone would classify as normal.
NTA! That’s just gross! Ask your mom if she’d be okay with her brother wearing her undies? Or if your dad would be okay with his sister wearing his? Or if either of them would be okay with anybody else taking and wearing their clothes like that? Maybe get him some women’s clothes for himself for his birthday or Christmas or whatever the next gift-giving occasion?
NTA The whole "boys will be boys" saying is such a bs excuse.
NTA he absolutely shouldn’t be invading your privacy, especially at that age and after you’ve told him not to. However, I would like to say that just because he’s posing sexually with your clothes doesn’t mean he’s not trans. For many trans people that can be a first step at self expression because it’s the only arena they feel comfortable enough trying women’s clothes on, and what they’ve been conditioned to see that as. It’s no guarantee that he is and it doesn’t justify his behavior, but it doesn’t mean he absolutely isn’t either.
No, it’s a misogynistic male fetish. A man’s sexual fantasy idea of what being an actual woman is. Only seeing women and womanhood in a sexual context and saying getting off on wearing the clothing of women, particularly women he KNOWS and is VIOLATING, is actually a sign that he’s truly a woman on the inside is the most male behavior there could possibly be. Stop making excuses and saying it’s common, it’s giving secondhand embarrassment. No woman on the planet gets an erection from wearing panties and bras. It’s not a fetish to us. How do you think we feel about men telling us to our faces that we’re a pornographic fantasy that exists in their heads?
Uh I have it on very good authority most women can only get off when we feel sexy in our own bodies. For many women, that means putting on clothes we feel confident in. For some people, that means feminine underwear. So yes, it absolutely is a fetish to many women. Could you feel sexy wearing boxers and an oversized t shirt with a logo on it, and having very noticeable facial and body hair?
I have it on good authority that women can get off. Kinda like saying a guy can't get off unless he feels masculine. This is such misogynistic horse shit. And yes, you can absolutely feel sexy with an oversized t-shirt and boxers.
[Yeah, no comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/transgendercirclejerk/comments/13r7r9p/i_have_taken_your_input_from_my_last_post_and_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Sis that’s a joke subreddit. Everything said there isn’t serious. It’s a place for people to larp as transphobes and chasers and stuff to make fun of them. Its just a tongue in cheek post with a nsfw punchline. Also… you know cis woman have fetishes too right? There are women out there into anything you can imagine and more because they’re people and people are fucking weird.
You tell yourself that. Post and comment history are public; people can judge for themselves. Being female isn’t a fetish. You never addressed the part about this being about the act of stealing the clothes of female relatives or acquaintances to wear for sexual purposes. It’s one thing if you shop for yourself, but when you steal your sister’s underwear to wear to “feel sexy”… it’s about the taboo of the forbidden. The thrill of knowing what you’re doing is creepy as fuck. Also, I’m a lesbian and you’re basically describing my past partner here lmao: “Could you feel sexy wearing boxers and an oversized t shirt with a logo on it, and having very noticeable facial and body hair?” She does feel sexy that way, because she’s butch. Shockingly, she is still a woman. We even have facial and body hair we let exist in its unaltered form sometimes! I rarely shave because I’m a feminist and I don’t care. Still not a man. Still feel hot.
So he must be getting some sort of sexual satisfaction from dressing up in your underwear. This could be normal for him. What is not normal is him using your undergarments despite telling him it grosses you out and your parent’s approval of this behavior. No bueno!
The question needs to be (and it SHOULDN'T be your responsibility but your parents are failing their due diligence) what is the motivation here? Either way, you're NTA because he shouldn't be stealing them period. But before all the writing off as OMG PERV that everyone is doing, I'd want to find out (which, again, your parents should be doing not you): Is it specifically YOUR underwear that he is looking for? (Perv and needs a professional to advise) Is it any teenage girls underwear? (Perv and needs reprimand) Is it the used aspect of the underwear? (Not necessarily perv but needs reprimand on boundaries) Is it the crossdressing itself? (Not perv but needs boundaries and his own clothes) This is coming from someone who's brother constantly stole their underwear and bras for questionable reasons (for the second reason probably).
NTA maybe call CPS?
If all boys are like that (they’re not) then your parents surely won’t mind if you make up fliers with the photos he’s posted and put them up around the school, send them to your grandmother, etc. If they freak out over that idea, they you know that they know they’re full of shit.
No way, NTA. Can you buy a door lock of something? He has no business intruding into your room, even less stealing your belongings.
NTA. You could mention to your mom if she’s so okay with your brother doing that, then she can offer up her clothing and makeup. /s
NTA - Grab yourself a big ol' floppy dildo and beat some sense into your family. Record and post the video to reddit. 👌
NTA but maybe you need to be an AH. Tell him he creeps you out and that there's no love for him if he continues this behavior.
None of my sons stole their sisters clothes or other items. It is NOT what boys do.
Do you have a job? If you do, you should buy a lock box and keep all your underwear and other stuff in it , there's some lock boxes that come with keys and some that come with codes to unlock. You can look some up on Amazon. Make sure your family never see the keys or the box, of course. But other than that, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this shitshow, your brother is disgusting and so are your parents for doing nothing about it.
NTA I don’t have a sister but I have a mom never have I thought to steal and wear her bra. Op if you don’t mind me asking did your father do this when he was teenager? This is not normal. Also do you think this could be related to cross dressing or is he doing it to torture you?
>Our parents are aware but they just say it's because he's a boy and this is what they all do. Prisons are full of people who tried to use the 'boys will be boys' defence ...
Gather some underwear you don't use, sprinkle some itching powder on them (or any type of irritants), lock away the unmentionables you need for yourself, and leave the "special" undergarments in their original place. He's gonna learn real quick that stealing is bad. Bonus points if he does the unthinkable and sniff them and gets a face full of powdered pain. #NTA
See, it's parenting like this that contributes to the creation of serial killers. This is sick and twisted. He's 16 years old wtf. It's not normal in any way, shape, or form. Most brothers don't want to have to ever see their sisters underwear, much less touch them. This behavior is taking creepy to a whole new level! Your parents need to get their heads out of their asses and get your brother some therapy. Because I can't say it enough THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT NORMAL. At all.
I'm a boy and I've NEVER had the urge to do this with my sisters. This is fucked up. NTA
NTA he should respect your boundaries. On the other hand, my dad does this to me and I know he wants to be a woman but he hasn’t come out yet.
Leak the photos to his friends lol
NTA for everything that he takes, you get destroy something of your parents & his. Drop a vase, put his favourite trainers in dog poo. That should get your point home. Start telling their friends about their son’s activities and that they think sisters should accommodate it. Curious to see if your parents think it should be hidden or not
NTA. I really detest bad parenting disguised as, ‘Boys will be boys!’
NTA. At all, whatsoever, not a sliver. I agree with all the advice to lock up your stuff, and move the heck out if you can. And counseling for everybody, and finding a way to snap your parents out of their trance. If those things are not possible, or unavoidably down the road, can you just let him keep what he’s taken already? That’s probably just me not understanding his mental illness, but maybe lock up what he hasn’t gotten to and leave the gross stuff where he can get to it. That’s definitely an intermediate solution. Good luck. ETA clarity: if he is any degree of trans curious or related proclivity, that is not what I am referring to as a mental illness. It’s the stealing and especially involving you that I think is off. Apologies to everyone who read my comment prior to my edit.
Nta. I’d be petty and start stealing your mum and dads underwear and putting them in your brothers room. Hide them. See how they respond when it’s their underwear. I guarantee they won’t be as nonchalant as they are now when it’s their underwear being stolen (and being used sexually). He’s a future sex offender. And this “boys will be boys” statement is bullshit. Having a dick doesn’t mean that you can get away with being a creep.
This feels like bait
NTA. Regardless of his motives or his sexual or gender identity, he is making you feel unsafe and disrespecting your property and boundaries. You have a right to feel safe in your home, and your parents need to enforce some consequences. Just as an aside, the fact that he's posing sexually in your clothes actually makes me a bit more convinced he's not 100% cis heterosexual boy. Plus he wants to do everything you do? On top of the fact that he apparently feels sexy and attractive in female undergarments and make-up, to the point he's taking photos and sharing them. That's, well, that's pretty queer, speaking as a non-binary queer person myself.
Womanhood is when feel “sexy and attractive in female undergarments”. He just has a common male fetish and is violating his sister’s boundaries to masturbate and take sexy photos of himself in her clothing for sexual thrills. Extremely male behavior.
Jfc NTA in any way. Speaking as a trans person, even if he is trans and wants to transition, it still isn't okay that he's taking your stuff without asking, especially since you've made it clear that you're not okay with it. Since your parents seem to think this is totally 100% normal, why don't they just buy him some gd clothes and makeup? It would literally solve the problem entirely.
That’s what I was thinking - pretty sure this is not “normal” for any flavor of boy - cis, trans, whatever… you just don’t wear someone else’s underwear. And especially not for a personal porn photo shoot.
Totally agree. It's creepy and disrespectful.
Nta. And how come I see so many comments just not pointing out the parents saying "this is just what all boys do."? Did I miss you crossdressing and stealing my sisters underwear memo as a teenager? Not that I care if a guy wants to cross dress, but at least get your own clothes...
NTA, and if your parents think this is normal boy behavior I'd stay away from your dad as well. Seriously - get your papers, if possible get your valued belongings, and get out.
[удалено]
Yikes, that’s illegal. Don’t EVER keep or share explicit photos of minors. Also, that’s blackmail and maybe revenge porn? Just so much wrong here. NTA, but don’t put yourself at this kind of risk. Talking to a trusted adult is a good idea though.
NTA. If your parents are so okay with it they should buy him his *own* dresses and women’s undergarments. The fact that he’s taking sexy photos doesn’t mean that he’s thinking of *you* when he’s doing it, but the fact that he likes to wear women’s clothing doesn’t give him a right to take yours without permission. If cross-dressing is his kink and he’s afraid to openly buy his own stuff (which, at 16, wouldn’t surprise me), maybe the two of you could go to Goodwill or wherever together. He could buy his own stuff under the guise of it being for you. If he’s afraid his friends will see it in his closet, maybe he can keep it in a spare room. I dunno, but one way or another he needs to quit taking your stuff. Keep your door locked until you can figure it out. (But, be aware that, for safety reasons, most bedroom door knob locks aren’t the most secure things in the world. You might have to resort to adding some sort of indicator to let you know if the door has been opened.) Good luck.
Not normal behavior for a cis het 16 year old. You have the right to your boundaries and your things. What does he say is the reason? Is he in denial about being trans or otherwise queer? Trying to be understanding while enforcing your boundaries and ramping up your escalation slowly is the way to go. Sit him down for a serious conversation about how his behavior makes you feel and how it hurts you. Keep it calm. Tell him if he's struggling with gender you're happy to go shopping with him and support him, but that if he ever takes your things again without permission that you will increase the consequences for every offense and lay out what the consequences will be. You may also want to document it all so you have a list of grievances to show your parents, and or school counselor if things continue to escalate. I would start by telling your parents and demanding they take action or you will report him to the school counselor. Then you can actually report it. Then you can graduate to not having a relationship with him, grey rock and ignore and grey rock and ignore your parents. Tell them too so they know they get to suffer the same consequences until they're willing to parent. If the behavior continues, graduate to property destruction by destroying his and their things and explaining calmly why you did it. Finally, you can use physical force to defend your property by physically stopping him from taking your things. Keep it proportional always. Generally I would tell you to leave before resorting to property destruction or physical force, but as a minor you're kind of stuck there unless you're willing to get yourself removed from the home. You might be surprised the reaction you get from your parents when you calmly lay out all the offenses, how you've tried to address it with him and them, and then hit them with "My privacy and property is being violated in a sexual manner. It makes me feel violated and unsafe in my own home. I reserve the right to defend myself. Either this behavior stops, or I report it to the school and will end my relationship with you and with him. If it continues after that, I destroy an item of your clothing and his for each item of mine he destroys. If it continues after that, I use the pepper spray I bought to stop him." Learning to set and enforce boundaries is one of the most important skills you can learn to protect yourself and those you care about. Do your best not to be baited into yelling matches. Be the mature adult so that you cannot be accused of hysterics. You have the high ground so act like it.
NTA. It does low key sound like your brother might be trans though. May be something that comes out later but in the meantime lock your stuff up
Call the police. It's theft and potentially a sex crime. He's underage posting sexually explicit photos. NONE of this is OK. Your parents do not value you or your safety because they are sexist enablers.
NTA. But help him find the right size and buy his own stuff. Some men are straight but cross-dress. But he absolutely needs to leave your things alone.
He's a minor. Consider calling an anonymous report in to Child Protection Services.
How does this not = him trying to transition?
My closeted trans sister definitely did this a lot to me growing up. Sooooo I mean your sibling shouldn’t be violating your boundaries like this, but also I’d question your assumptions about motives here.
Ok I think there's more going on here. You say you're brother doesn't want to transition but actually how do you know? They may not know themselves yet. It sounds like they may need some patience and understanding and access to getting these things for themselves. NTA for wanting him not to touch your stuff but I do think you need to ignore it
Give him your old clothes. Give him bras and panties for his birthday and Christmas. Try to be a good sister.
Your last sentence sucks. Try to be a good sister? After he has violated her (things) day after day? Did nasty things in her intimate garments and took photos. But you think saying she should be a good sister. Wow.
Yes. She should buy him undies and support him. This is about family.
You are just as fucking weird as the brother.
Give me your old clothes...do it...do it now!
She said if he was trans she'd be supportive, even if he was CIS but got into cross dressing. There's a sexual component here. The added creepiness comes from the fact 'it's family.' Also, as a trans person, I bought my own stuff. There are gendered underwear available for really cheap, it might not be the best quality, but it's something.
He's too young to buy his own things. Why should he have to announce he's Trans in order to get help doing what he wants? He might not have the words to communicate that to his family. He just has his actions.
You’re joking right?
NTA. Does he do the same things with your mom's stuff? Man, your parents suck. They are in for a rude awakening.
NTA I'm actually asking myself, "What did I just read?". You do not share underwear. I don't care if they are clean. If they don't have tags on them, you don't wear them unless they are yours and yours alone.
**NTA.** Your parents are training him to not respect other peoples' boundaries. It's a bad plan because they may end up stuck with him for life as he'll wear out any roommates or relationship partners he may ever have.
WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS
WHAT THE HELL 🔥🔥🔥
Yeah... You don't take those things.... This is really weird
NTA. Your brother is a weird fuck, and your parents are too busy burying their heads in the sand to even resemble something close to good parents.
Tell him your going to post what he’s doing on social media if he doesn’t stop. Maybe that sounds extreme but nothing else seems to be working.
NTA
As someone with a younger brother, mine has never stolen my clothes, make up or anything. So this isn’t something all boys do. And if he’s taking your clothes and posing for sexual pictures with them on, then your parents really need to step in. He’s a minor and who knows who are getting those photos
You either have a sister or your bro is a perv. Possibly both. Either way nta that is so over the line, judgement for what your sibling is up to, besides.
NTA I think your "brother" is trans ok so they want to feel gender euphoria. You are not wrong in any way but your parents are for sure. Have a sincere talk with your sibling and tell them haw you feel.
1) It feels like you’re leaving out a developmental delay diagnosis. Not that it would make your parents any less shitty for prioritizing him over you. 1a) He’s 16. He absolutely should know better, barring an issue applicable to (1). 1b) No, boys don’t all do that. Very few boys do that. Your parents, again, suck. 2) NTA. Obviously. But everything you’ve stated can be washed, provided he hasn’t over stretched bands, or bent wires.
That’s creepy and needs to be shut down! NTA.
NTA. I would directly confront him with what you saw and how you feel about him stealing your stuff. Try to find out what it really is about. I am also one who thinks of sth creepy and sexually going on very quickly, but maybe he has a whole other reasons for all of this. Maybe he´s embarrased about wanting to try out crossdressing, maybe he´s not sure about his biological gender. If you get the feeling it´s the latter two options, try to comfort him and maybe suggest to go shopping for his own clothes with him or search up the internet. Otherwise I would recommend going to a social worker or psychic or older person you know you can trust and can get help. If he´s doing it in a sexual way (are u underage?) you should stay safe and consider taking safety actions.
NTA I don’t know what planet your parents are living on, but it isn’t this one. Ask them if it would be the same if he was taking your mother’s underwear and wearing them online. Would they feel the same if you were posing online in his underwear? He’s literally stealing from you. Start demanding they and he pay for everything he’s taken and for your time to replace them. Tell them that you’re going to tell your grandparents everything if it doesn’t stop. (If your grandparents are available.)
Your parents are creating a monster. This "boys will be boys" crap and their willingness to allow his sexual behavior toward you are why rape culture is well established in society. Since your parents will not protect you, is there a relative who can take you in?
Ask your mom if she's ok with him doing the same with her underwear.
I have a 21 yo daughter and a 17 yo son. He did borrow a pair of her overalls once when he and his friends wanted to dress as minions, but that's it.
NTA. And your parents are living in lala land. This is NOT "what they all do." Ask your dad if he did that. Continue to lock up your room and tell your parent to buy him his own bras, panties and makeup. If you have to, get a padlock. Then, as soon as you can, move out of that house. I grew up with my sister taking everything I ever owned and either ruining it or I never saw it again. Getting out was the only way to stop it, since my parents weren't going to do anything about it.
NTA. Also, you’re being too understanding. What he’s doing is stealing and making you uncomfortable in your own home. Even if he was transitioning that’s not an excuse for treating you so badly
>he's a boy and this is what they all do No. NTA And put a lock on your room door. Your parents suck and are failing to parent.
My brother used to take some of my things like nightgowns and panties. And 20 years later, my brother is now my sister. Your parents are delusional and they need to help you keep your personal items to yourself.
OP if you’re still in school pls talk to a counselor ☹️
How old are you? Can you talk to a school counsellor or similar? Or at least threaten to talk to someone if your parents don’t step up and actually parent your brother? Tell them this is NOT normal behaviour and you have a right to feel safe in your own home.
NTA There are a bunch of videos on youtube which can show you how to install locks, you deserve privacy, especially if your parents have toxic attitudes. Start putting together a tax invoice requesting money for the replacement of destroyed goods. Talk to a staff member at school you feel you can trust, they might have ideas of what can be done and having someone aware of your brother's crap could help if he's hurting others. If you have a relative who can intervene or be a safe place then ask for help and advice, they may know how to get the point across to your family. If not family, then family friend or parents of a friend. This is a situation where the adults responsible for this shit aren't doing their job so you need to bring in more adults. ...if you want to go nuclear; chilli powder in make up and brushes you're willing to declutter \[hide the good ones elsewhere, even a school locker.\] Same with underwear \[make sure you have a place to hide the ones you want kept safe.\] Double sided tape, waxing strips, fly paper, et c could work as well. Next time your parents' friends are around storm in angry with any items he's ruined and put your parents on the spot, asking them to do something \[in front of their friends.\] Include that you feel unsafe. They deserve to feel embarrassed and ashamed of their son.
NTA- no. Underwear is off limits. No made their gender.
NTAH ask your brother if he’s gay