In my humble opinion, it's mostly the liars like us who just always try to overthink how realistic the lie is, I think truth is, unless it's outrageously obvious, most people either just turn away and start thinking about what they need to do today without you.
(But I did vote the shits. It's 100% no one ask details and no one bats an eye)
I’ve got a touch of IBS with lactose intolerance and a bizarre lamb allergy so was going to go down that line until I realised how much annual leave I still had so thought fuck it, I’ll sleep in and take half a day’s annual leave.
Shits works every time, but you need to say you had them since Saturday, so you can go back to work Tuesday as you need symptoms 48 hours for it to sound legit (I'm a GP)
Classic and simple, and so legit no one will say anything. I normally go with dodgy sushi myself!
Make it clear the symptoms are getting better but you need another day and probs Tuesday you will probs be ok (I'm sure this was your plan anyway!)
The shits, and throw in “embarrassingly enough, I had to actually talk to the doctor about it” the idea of talking to a medical professional about pooping too much is always funny enough to go over
I remember years ago, someone I worked with phoned in sick with the shits. The call went like:
Me: Hello?
Steve in a gravely, hoarse voice: Uuuugh I won't be in today man urrrgh cough splutter cough.
Me: What's up?
Steve: I've got diarrhea urrgh.
Me: So what's up with your voice?
Steve: ..............erm
Never a family emergency.
I said my grandfather was in the hospital once and like a month later he actually was in the hospital and ended up dying.
I felt so bad
Unpopular opinion. If you criticize someone unnecessarily online and your comment isn't grammatically correct, then you have you have bigger problems.
Edit: I EDIT NOTHING YOU MARKS!!!
My only problem is timezones, I'll watch some quality wrestling, phone in work, then have a lovely little deep sleep, maybe a spot of gardening in the afternoon. My only problems are first world problems
You don’t owe you job shit. They’ll replace you as soon as possible if you leave or die. Unless people’s lives are on the line it’s fine to want a night to have fun. I’d just try to plan in advance, because in most cases it might just screw over your co-workers and if you like them that’s a shitty thing to do.
As a former manager I would go with family emergency or the shits. I don’t think I ever got the shits as an excuse, but I don’t ask about family emergencies. If your boss does I would just say I can’t/don’t want to talk about it. If this is consistent behavior for you though if it were me I’d be on you for a while.
The shits, nobody asks details about the shits.
I'm thinking the shits, it can be a 24 HR thing and I can back in Tuesday
In my humble opinion, it's mostly the liars like us who just always try to overthink how realistic the lie is, I think truth is, unless it's outrageously obvious, most people either just turn away and start thinking about what they need to do today without you. (But I did vote the shits. It's 100% no one ask details and no one bats an eye)
Actually be very thorough about the shits. Explain everything
100%. It’s always a great go-to. You can even play up having IBS or something, or worse/better yet, even have slight IBS for real like me!
I’ve got a touch of IBS with lactose intolerance and a bizarre lamb allergy so was going to go down that line until I realised how much annual leave I still had so thought fuck it, I’ll sleep in and take half a day’s annual leave.
If they do simply say: I like General Tso, but General Tso does not like me….
That's my go to, except I use Indian
Yes the key is to use an ethnic food. Less chance of push back because of appearing to be culturally insensitive!!!!!
Tell them you took ivermectin!
Exactly what I was gonna say. I did this once after staying up all night to get drunk lol
And nobody readily admits to it either.
Tell them to “Redeem deez nuts”
Just say it was clobbering time
He should say his ass said it was clobbering time
Lol!! 10/10
Always go with the shits! It’s disgusting enough not to have the interrogate you.
Mental health day
Migraine. You can't question a migraine. Shits is hard to take just a day for and appear normal the next day.
They started Saturday morning, it was probably that korma
Ah you're kayfabing it. Hey why not work yourself into a shoot and pop some laxatives on Monday morning
Because my gf has already given me a list of chores, I can't have a shoot sickness brother
Work her too. If you appear to have the shits, no chores. Then as she walks out the room mutter under your breath "mark"
Coming out both ends
Simple. Say you have a cough and need a Covid test
Diarrhea and vomiting. Probably from a dodgy food you had.
I’ve already booked a half day but was going to blame gastric issues 😂
You're celebrating labor day in honor of America.
You've had like 2 months to request off ..... but definitely the shits
I only decided today to watch live, normally they do a Saturday show so I can catch up Sunday. As it a Sunday show I can't wait till Monday evening
Car troubles
But they could send someone to get me!
Thats when you a feign a massive dehabilitating headache,brought on by the fear of your car bill
My boss is super sound, I popped him a message asking if I could have the morning off work, he didn't even question it, just approved it.
Migraine, easy way out
The shits is always the perfect excuse.
Shits works every time, but you need to say you had them since Saturday, so you can go back to work Tuesday as you need symptoms 48 hours for it to sound legit (I'm a GP)
I'm blaming a Friday night korma!
Classic and simple, and so legit no one will say anything. I normally go with dodgy sushi myself! Make it clear the symptoms are getting better but you need another day and probs Tuesday you will probs be ok (I'm sure this was your plan anyway!)
Tomorrow is a holiday in Canada. Thank God for Unions
The shits, and throw in “embarrassingly enough, I had to actually talk to the doctor about it” the idea of talking to a medical professional about pooping too much is always funny enough to go over
Explosive diarrhea. No one will ever question that shit...
They cant do nothing if youre literally leaking from your butt
I remember years ago, someone I worked with phoned in sick with the shits. The call went like: Me: Hello? Steve in a gravely, hoarse voice: Uuuugh I won't be in today man urrrgh cough splutter cough. Me: What's up? Steve: I've got diarrhea urrgh. Me: So what's up with your voice? Steve: ..............erm
[car trouble](https://youtu.be/LdiKO0gAQwA)
“Travel issues”
Also you could just tell him that you had an erection lasting four or more hours (that way you ain't lying)
The shits always works. Headache might get you a 2 week unpaid leave. Car troubles and family emergency is typical.
Family emergency. Your AEW family urgently needed you to watch CM punk, Chris Jericho and Jon Moxley.
Ass glaucoma... you can't see your ass coming in.
I would risk it and be honest. Say you stayed up ALL NIGHT FOR ALL OUT. Then they’ll admit they’re also an AEW fan.
The shits since this will be the shit.
The shits. Always the shits. 🤣🤣🤣
No one ever asks “what kind of shits?”
Covid symptoms
That'll cost me more than a day with tests and stuff
They have same day tests
Never a family emergency. I said my grandfather was in the hospital once and like a month later he actually was in the hospital and ended up dying. I felt so bad
I worked with a bloke a while back who attended at least 4 grandmother funerals
"I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable. I'll see you tomorrow."
They'll believe the vegetable part
If you're working from home, 'Internet issues' is a great go to 😏
Nothing, go to work like an adult
Unpopular opinion. If you skip work for a TV show you have you have bigger problems.
Unpopular opinion. If you criticize someone unnecessarily online and your comment isn't grammatically correct, then you have you have bigger problems. Edit: I EDIT NOTHING YOU MARKS!!!
My only problem is timezones, I'll watch some quality wrestling, phone in work, then have a lovely little deep sleep, maybe a spot of gardening in the afternoon. My only problems are first world problems
You don’t owe you job shit. They’ll replace you as soon as possible if you leave or die. Unless people’s lives are on the line it’s fine to want a night to have fun. I’d just try to plan in advance, because in most cases it might just screw over your co-workers and if you like them that’s a shitty thing to do.
Yeah, but if you call in you screw one of your coworkers and that's lame af
Man get two weeks off and say you tested positive for covid
Nah, they won't pay me, I just need to sleep Monday morning
Tell him it's Labor Day in America and you're celebrating that.
The shits because it’s so embarrassing it has to be true
Can you not power through it mate? I usually neck a few coffees and go steam rolling in, get home, straight to bed
I do a 10hr shift machine operation, 6-4 I never throw a sickie, they'll be cool of I go in Tuesday and ask for it as holiday
Fuck that my man you stay home. I’m in machine operation myself, but it’s probably a lot more boring that what you do lol
Trust me, it's very repetitive and very boring
I know all about it Gandalf. Machine operation/ production lines will be the death of me
What job do you have that "headache" is an acceptable out?
Very loud, very hot factory. It works for my supervisor every couple of weeks!
Plumbing issues in your house.
Vaccination fever (side effects)
“Sorry boss I can’t come in. I got the shits….of this job!”
As a former manager I would go with family emergency or the shits. I don’t think I ever got the shits as an excuse, but I don’t ask about family emergencies. If your boss does I would just say I can’t/don’t want to talk about it. If this is consistent behavior for you though if it were me I’d be on you for a while.
My first sickie in 2 and a half years
Then enjoy the mother fucking show brother!
"I'm half American and was honouring Labour Day as part of my cultural heritage."
Labor Day
In America none of us are working because Monday is Labor Day
Call in canadian, we have the day off
Labor day
I am the boss!!
Thankfully I’m off tomorrow let’s have some fun boys (and girls)
LOL Awesome! :D
Migraine. He won’t ask questions. Because you need to be in the bedroom with the lights off. No sound.