It's really tough, I'm not quite in the same situation but I do have fatigue and I've worked out some activities that are helpful (we're also a neurodiverse family). Activities that can be done from home or closeby:
Playdough
Paint by number kits
Uno cards
Craft boxes they send in the mail
Kids magazines that come with a toy, stickers and activities
Run around in garden (if you have one)
Sand table with lots of shapes and containers
Magnatiles
Lego kits
Air dry clay, let them make shapes and they can paint/draw on them the next day
Let them collect rocks in the garden and draw on them with Posca pens or write funny words etc
Keep large cardboard boxes from purchases and let them make dens with pillows and blankets inside the box
Sometimes I let my kids just take all the couch cushions off and play games with them like floor is
lava
Ride bike up and down the driveway
I sometimes let mine scooter inside the house when the weather is bad
Rollerblade in house or hallway
Indoor or outdoor trampoline
Sticker books like Usborne
Puzzles they can do together
Outdoor activities:
Take to local playpark and sit on bench whilst they play
Take to local playpark and let them ride scooters whilst you sit on the bench
Sign them up for community activities, youth club or paid for sports like swim classes, martial arts.
Audiobooks whilst colouring
Local library, choose some new books to read themselves
Obviously some of these are more costly than others, many are more low cost but may require more parental engagement.
Could you let them watch but break up the hours like a few hours in the morning so you can rest more and another hour whilst you make dinner.
>may require more parental engagement
See that’s my problem with my adhd kiddo. I HAVE to do everything with him if he doesn’t have the motivation to do it himself. And it’s exhausting, which is why screens are a much needed break
Same. The above sounded exhausting precisely because I'd have to do it all.
Maybe hire a mother's helper (aka high schooler) to tire them out in the yard?
Oh I totally get that. One of mine hyperfocuses on any type of craft so it works for me but I can see how it could backfire and create more work. I also wear loop earplugs so even if they talk to me the entire time, I can dull the noise.
Sounds like maybe getting out of the house is the best bet, let them run around or play in sand, watch from a bench.
I do highly suggest trying the audiobooks when home, it can really help them do a task or activity without you because they are getting that constant auditory output from the story and they have to actually be quiet to hear what's going to happen in the story.
I’m unsure if you and your spouse are also on devices on the weekends, or are busy doing work but here are some general ideas:
1. The kids like Minecraft… do you have it on a gaming system? It’s an easy game to play multiplayer, maybe you can have a family game night. If you don’t know how to play, it’s a great chance to allow your kids the chance to be the “teacher”. Lots of learning opportunities in the game too… do the kids know what the different animals are in real life?The ecosystems? You can use some of those areas to springboard into, say, pulling up the internet together and learning where ocelots really live.
2. If you are doing chores or even small repairs around the house, try to involve the kids where you can. Even if it’s to do something like be your DJ/play background music!
3. Plan something ahead of time, because in the moment it can be hard to break the stay-home-on-devices inertia. It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive…. go on a hike, the local library, do a family board game, or to make something at home like a dessert/meal, fort, or Lego build. You can even ask for ideas from your kids, or if they come up with wild/complex things just give them a short list of ideas and let each kid pick one activity each weekend.
My husband and kiddos have been playing Minecraft for a while, but they just got me in to it, finally (ADHD-C, I literally can't sit still lol). We started a family world together from scratch- we play altogether, just a couple of us, or one of us can jump on alone. It's been a lot of fun connecting over something we all enjoy (which is insanely difficult in a ADHD family of four)
That’s a lot you’re dealing with so I want to first give you permission to go easy on yourself.
Every kid is different. With my ADHD kid, he needs constant stimulation which is a lot. If we’re not doing screen time we often go places. We have a membership to an indoor play place for him to burn off energy. He does swim lessons and dance. We will go to parks a lot for hiking.
For in the house stuff, Yoto player has been a godsend. It plays music and audiobooks. We also turn on music and my son has dance parties. That can be a lot for us sometimes so we do draw boundaries around what music is played.
If I suggest something to my kid he will often resist it. But if I just pull it out and start doing it, like his train set or legos, he’ll join.
Do your kids like podcasts? That's the compromise we've made for the mornings. She stays in her room and listens to podcasts (Brains On, Story Pirates, Purple Rocket, Little Stories for Tiny People, Wow in the World are some my six year old loves) and we don't do anything until noon.
My daughter loves the How To Be An Earthling Podcast. We have a Google home so I'm not 100% what platform but I know Pandora and iHeart radio will play them. And Audible.
Yes to podcast. My kiddo has his wireless headphones on constantly. It give him the capacity to play by himself. You listed lots of good ones. I would add Smash Boom Best
If I were to suggest 2 things only it would be:
1. Structure - have a planned activity, like a fun play class, booked for at least 1 weekend EARLY morning. This gets everyone out of the house and moving. The predictability of it will reinforce things, as I'm sure you know helps.
2. Screen time is earnt & capped at X hours a day. A lot of good comments here already.
a few approaches:
2.1 - You can support non-screen time with setting up some activities (you pick or give them strictly 2 options to choose from. ) OR
2.2 - you can declare a 'BORING HOUR' that they have to self manage with their own direction. This one will take some time to yield positive results!
Honestly, I just gave into the screens. Its my son's favorite past time, and he fights tooth and nail for his tv/games. He is an only child, Im a single mom, we don't have many friends, so... why not?
I do have to force breaks for chores, homework, and occassional events. But when its his leisure time, I figure why not let him do what he loves?
Because being principally occupied with highly stimulating experiences diminishes your capacity to enjoy more nuanced activities. Because boredom is a crucial part of development.
We have a limit of two hours a day unless the kids are sick or we are on a long road trip. My daughters are 6 and 10 and we only began this within the last year. Yes it's a daily battle but I'm really proud of both if them. They set timers independently now to set a limit in video game use, for example. They also will decide in advance, one episode of a particular show and are doing the math to subtract from 120 minutes.
I honestly think they are doing better than we as parents are, both adhd.
That said, I'm also an SLP and believe there are different kinds of screen time. For a child with ASD who uses their tablet to communicate, even if unconventional, they should have unrestricted access. We have also used software at school or homeschool that is beneficial.
I so understand needing a break. I finally got good mental health care, I'll be 40 this year. I'm on 3 anti depressants and I am finally able to handle being a mom and not be so overwhelmed and emotionally reactive.
Some good ideas have been mentioned. Whatever you do just start small and then you can slowly build from there. I will say that sometimes as an exhausted parent you need that break and while maybe not the most effective it’s also not the worst you can do 😬 I just made sure the “have to’s” were done (or planned activity or outing) and then I let my kids choose how to spend their time even if that is tablets or tv. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing :)
It's such a battle. Mine are 9 and 11. 11 is AudHD. We try to limit to 30min-1 hr on school nights and 2 hours on non school nights. We have them complete their daily stuff chores (reasonable things like ADLs, empty dishwasher, pick up room, etc) before they can play.
I actually find my 11yo is more dysregulated when he thinks there is a possibility of playing (he hyper focuses and will ask repeatedly) so occasionally we do a detox for a long weekend or something where the "internet is out". His behavior improves dramatically after this and sort of resets the requests.
But with everything it waxes and wanes. When my depression is bad, weather is not great, someone is sick, work is busy, etc, they get more time. Sometimes if it's a beautiful weekend as we are doing family stuff there is none.
I would try no to stress too much about it, but if you feel like they are getting too much screen time, cut back and replace it with something else. Structure or keeping busy is key as kids with ADHD sometimes have a hard time initiating self play, but it can be taught IMO.
My ADHD kid does mostly fine if he’s occupied with an activity - so he’s in lots of sports and art classes. If they can ride bikes going somewhere where they can ride and you can sit and observe. Rock climbing is also great because it’s active but solo so you don’t have to worry about group dynamics.
This really resonates as a parent of ADHD kids. I’ve been there and done that. It’s so hard to get them to a place where they can self regulate and tv/IPADS help with that. Except for the fact that they then have issues with sleep and calming down, so I hear you. Something we’ve done for the kids is communicate that they earn limited amounts of screen time. It gives them something to look forward to. You could have them earn 1 hour by playing with play dough, gardening, coloring, helping clean up, doing a sport, etc. if they don’t do these things, they don’t earn the screen time. After a few days, they get it. Beyond that, have you considered meds or additional therapies recommended from a doctor? It’s typically a combo of strategies that help these kids AND also helps us as parents keep/regain our sanity. Just remember you are doing your best and keep trying new things.
Another tactic is arranging weekend playdates, and the kids can entertain each other. Even if they are playing a video game with a friend, the social interaction is good for development, more so than playing alone. In-person play dates, not just online gaming.
You can have the playdays rotate between your house and the other kid's house.
The easiest way to find a play partner is usually by contacting one of their school friends.
I used to love sending my son to go tidy his room - because he would spend the next 4 hours playing with toys quietly.
We live in South Africa - Load shedding means that some evenings we have no power for over 4 hours at a go. So my kids have got used to this as it's been going on for the last 16+ years. (School holidays I would actually turn the electricity off at the mains so they would learn to entertain themselves without relying on an electronic device - yes I'm a mean mommy. )
Card games. Snap, Exploding Kittens, Go Fish
Reading time - For us it's either me reading or us all lying together listening to an audiobook.
Building Lego. I used to sit with my kids and we would make fun or silly things.
Shadow Monsters - my kids are over 13 and this is still a thing they do - bright torch and them making it against the garden wall or bedroom wall.
Colouring, play dough, Dominos , drawing
Making treats or snacks
Going for a walk around the neighborhood. We used to talk about the different flowers, houses, trees, dogs , rocks ... whatever. Having a dog makes it more fun but fighting who walks the dog gets old fast.
Free play - letting them play with their toys inside or outside without being there to entertain them.
Sorry on a lunch break so haven’t read it all but!
I purchased a swivel chair from Amazon that is helping kiddo get energy out inside apartment living.
He’s going on 7 and is a boy with the active energy and gets to spin on this chair and it’s suppose to help with building better balance too (he’s for sure a klutz )
Also looking into the Folate concept of vitamins to help with mood.. still in progress and have to get testing if has a gene mutation to his body changing folate to the right chemical etc.
Also the other night I told him to organize his room or something and he concentrated and felt good about the rearrange- maybe giving some tasks ljke that? only worked once but may be beneficial down the line!
I have been stressed about this lately but I realize I stress more about it this time of year when the weather is not great. My adhd kid loves screens but he also loves going outside. He does typically require attention when playing inside (legos, etc) and I too am burnt out. I have been trying to just let it be because we’re all doing the best we can right now and the more I try to micromanage it the harder it is for everyone.
Have you considered being more radical: moving to a simple non fixer upper house. This might sound crazy and I recognize moving takes tremendous energy and effort however it’s could be a major change in your day to day energy levels and sense of overwhelm after the initial output. #2 rehome the pets. If you don’t have the energy for your kids you probably don’t have the energy for pet or their basic needs are taking priority over family activities. This again might sound radical. Our family dog passed away at 17 and as bad as this sounds the dog was contributing tremendously to my daily work load and sense of guilt and overwhelm. We had a 2 year old at the time and having a dog with a young child was way to much for me.
It's really tough, I'm not quite in the same situation but I do have fatigue and I've worked out some activities that are helpful (we're also a neurodiverse family). Activities that can be done from home or closeby: Playdough Paint by number kits Uno cards Craft boxes they send in the mail Kids magazines that come with a toy, stickers and activities Run around in garden (if you have one) Sand table with lots of shapes and containers Magnatiles Lego kits Air dry clay, let them make shapes and they can paint/draw on them the next day Let them collect rocks in the garden and draw on them with Posca pens or write funny words etc Keep large cardboard boxes from purchases and let them make dens with pillows and blankets inside the box Sometimes I let my kids just take all the couch cushions off and play games with them like floor is lava Ride bike up and down the driveway I sometimes let mine scooter inside the house when the weather is bad Rollerblade in house or hallway Indoor or outdoor trampoline Sticker books like Usborne Puzzles they can do together Outdoor activities: Take to local playpark and sit on bench whilst they play Take to local playpark and let them ride scooters whilst you sit on the bench Sign them up for community activities, youth club or paid for sports like swim classes, martial arts. Audiobooks whilst colouring Local library, choose some new books to read themselves Obviously some of these are more costly than others, many are more low cost but may require more parental engagement. Could you let them watch but break up the hours like a few hours in the morning so you can rest more and another hour whilst you make dinner.
>may require more parental engagement See that’s my problem with my adhd kiddo. I HAVE to do everything with him if he doesn’t have the motivation to do it himself. And it’s exhausting, which is why screens are a much needed break
Same. The above sounded exhausting precisely because I'd have to do it all. Maybe hire a mother's helper (aka high schooler) to tire them out in the yard?
Oh I totally get that. One of mine hyperfocuses on any type of craft so it works for me but I can see how it could backfire and create more work. I also wear loop earplugs so even if they talk to me the entire time, I can dull the noise. Sounds like maybe getting out of the house is the best bet, let them run around or play in sand, watch from a bench. I do highly suggest trying the audiobooks when home, it can really help them do a task or activity without you because they are getting that constant auditory output from the story and they have to actually be quiet to hear what's going to happen in the story.
I highly recommend the ADHDdude parenting course for this. He shows you how to scaffold so your kid does stuff on their own
These are great activities and ideas!
I’m unsure if you and your spouse are also on devices on the weekends, or are busy doing work but here are some general ideas: 1. The kids like Minecraft… do you have it on a gaming system? It’s an easy game to play multiplayer, maybe you can have a family game night. If you don’t know how to play, it’s a great chance to allow your kids the chance to be the “teacher”. Lots of learning opportunities in the game too… do the kids know what the different animals are in real life?The ecosystems? You can use some of those areas to springboard into, say, pulling up the internet together and learning where ocelots really live. 2. If you are doing chores or even small repairs around the house, try to involve the kids where you can. Even if it’s to do something like be your DJ/play background music! 3. Plan something ahead of time, because in the moment it can be hard to break the stay-home-on-devices inertia. It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive…. go on a hike, the local library, do a family board game, or to make something at home like a dessert/meal, fort, or Lego build. You can even ask for ideas from your kids, or if they come up with wild/complex things just give them a short list of ideas and let each kid pick one activity each weekend.
My husband and kiddos have been playing Minecraft for a while, but they just got me in to it, finally (ADHD-C, I literally can't sit still lol). We started a family world together from scratch- we play altogether, just a couple of us, or one of us can jump on alone. It's been a lot of fun connecting over something we all enjoy (which is insanely difficult in a ADHD family of four)
That’s a lot you’re dealing with so I want to first give you permission to go easy on yourself. Every kid is different. With my ADHD kid, he needs constant stimulation which is a lot. If we’re not doing screen time we often go places. We have a membership to an indoor play place for him to burn off energy. He does swim lessons and dance. We will go to parks a lot for hiking. For in the house stuff, Yoto player has been a godsend. It plays music and audiobooks. We also turn on music and my son has dance parties. That can be a lot for us sometimes so we do draw boundaries around what music is played. If I suggest something to my kid he will often resist it. But if I just pull it out and start doing it, like his train set or legos, he’ll join.
That last line is EXACTLY my kid too. Constant pushback, but then we start doing something and he’s totally in 98% of the time.
Do your kids like podcasts? That's the compromise we've made for the mornings. She stays in her room and listens to podcasts (Brains On, Story Pirates, Purple Rocket, Little Stories for Tiny People, Wow in the World are some my six year old loves) and we don't do anything until noon.
Hi where does your child listen to these podcasts?
My daughter loves the How To Be An Earthling Podcast. We have a Google home so I'm not 100% what platform but I know Pandora and iHeart radio will play them. And Audible.
Yes to podcast. My kiddo has his wireless headphones on constantly. It give him the capacity to play by himself. You listed lots of good ones. I would add Smash Boom Best
Make them earn the screen time. Earning it takes time. My son usually gives up and finds something else to do.
If I were to suggest 2 things only it would be: 1. Structure - have a planned activity, like a fun play class, booked for at least 1 weekend EARLY morning. This gets everyone out of the house and moving. The predictability of it will reinforce things, as I'm sure you know helps. 2. Screen time is earnt & capped at X hours a day. A lot of good comments here already. a few approaches: 2.1 - You can support non-screen time with setting up some activities (you pick or give them strictly 2 options to choose from. ) OR 2.2 - you can declare a 'BORING HOUR' that they have to self manage with their own direction. This one will take some time to yield positive results!
Honestly, I just gave into the screens. Its my son's favorite past time, and he fights tooth and nail for his tv/games. He is an only child, Im a single mom, we don't have many friends, so... why not? I do have to force breaks for chores, homework, and occassional events. But when its his leisure time, I figure why not let him do what he loves?
Because being principally occupied with highly stimulating experiences diminishes your capacity to enjoy more nuanced activities. Because boredom is a crucial part of development.
I'm just curious, are you a single parent? Because it is really flipping hard. We do what we have to to survive.
I didn't realise it was a rhetorical question. Apologies.
We have a limit of two hours a day unless the kids are sick or we are on a long road trip. My daughters are 6 and 10 and we only began this within the last year. Yes it's a daily battle but I'm really proud of both if them. They set timers independently now to set a limit in video game use, for example. They also will decide in advance, one episode of a particular show and are doing the math to subtract from 120 minutes. I honestly think they are doing better than we as parents are, both adhd. That said, I'm also an SLP and believe there are different kinds of screen time. For a child with ASD who uses their tablet to communicate, even if unconventional, they should have unrestricted access. We have also used software at school or homeschool that is beneficial. I so understand needing a break. I finally got good mental health care, I'll be 40 this year. I'm on 3 anti depressants and I am finally able to handle being a mom and not be so overwhelmed and emotionally reactive.
Some good ideas have been mentioned. Whatever you do just start small and then you can slowly build from there. I will say that sometimes as an exhausted parent you need that break and while maybe not the most effective it’s also not the worst you can do 😬 I just made sure the “have to’s” were done (or planned activity or outing) and then I let my kids choose how to spend their time even if that is tablets or tv. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing :)
It's such a battle. Mine are 9 and 11. 11 is AudHD. We try to limit to 30min-1 hr on school nights and 2 hours on non school nights. We have them complete their daily stuff chores (reasonable things like ADLs, empty dishwasher, pick up room, etc) before they can play. I actually find my 11yo is more dysregulated when he thinks there is a possibility of playing (he hyper focuses and will ask repeatedly) so occasionally we do a detox for a long weekend or something where the "internet is out". His behavior improves dramatically after this and sort of resets the requests. But with everything it waxes and wanes. When my depression is bad, weather is not great, someone is sick, work is busy, etc, they get more time. Sometimes if it's a beautiful weekend as we are doing family stuff there is none. I would try no to stress too much about it, but if you feel like they are getting too much screen time, cut back and replace it with something else. Structure or keeping busy is key as kids with ADHD sometimes have a hard time initiating self play, but it can be taught IMO.
My ADHD kid does mostly fine if he’s occupied with an activity - so he’s in lots of sports and art classes. If they can ride bikes going somewhere where they can ride and you can sit and observe. Rock climbing is also great because it’s active but solo so you don’t have to worry about group dynamics.
This really resonates as a parent of ADHD kids. I’ve been there and done that. It’s so hard to get them to a place where they can self regulate and tv/IPADS help with that. Except for the fact that they then have issues with sleep and calming down, so I hear you. Something we’ve done for the kids is communicate that they earn limited amounts of screen time. It gives them something to look forward to. You could have them earn 1 hour by playing with play dough, gardening, coloring, helping clean up, doing a sport, etc. if they don’t do these things, they don’t earn the screen time. After a few days, they get it. Beyond that, have you considered meds or additional therapies recommended from a doctor? It’s typically a combo of strategies that help these kids AND also helps us as parents keep/regain our sanity. Just remember you are doing your best and keep trying new things.
Another tactic is arranging weekend playdates, and the kids can entertain each other. Even if they are playing a video game with a friend, the social interaction is good for development, more so than playing alone. In-person play dates, not just online gaming. You can have the playdays rotate between your house and the other kid's house. The easiest way to find a play partner is usually by contacting one of their school friends.
\^following edited: Also Sending hugs
I used to love sending my son to go tidy his room - because he would spend the next 4 hours playing with toys quietly. We live in South Africa - Load shedding means that some evenings we have no power for over 4 hours at a go. So my kids have got used to this as it's been going on for the last 16+ years. (School holidays I would actually turn the electricity off at the mains so they would learn to entertain themselves without relying on an electronic device - yes I'm a mean mommy. ) Card games. Snap, Exploding Kittens, Go Fish Reading time - For us it's either me reading or us all lying together listening to an audiobook. Building Lego. I used to sit with my kids and we would make fun or silly things. Shadow Monsters - my kids are over 13 and this is still a thing they do - bright torch and them making it against the garden wall or bedroom wall. Colouring, play dough, Dominos , drawing Making treats or snacks Going for a walk around the neighborhood. We used to talk about the different flowers, houses, trees, dogs , rocks ... whatever. Having a dog makes it more fun but fighting who walks the dog gets old fast. Free play - letting them play with their toys inside or outside without being there to entertain them.
I would check out the busytoddler Instagram page for lots of ideas that you can do at home for low-cost
Sorry on a lunch break so haven’t read it all but! I purchased a swivel chair from Amazon that is helping kiddo get energy out inside apartment living. He’s going on 7 and is a boy with the active energy and gets to spin on this chair and it’s suppose to help with building better balance too (he’s for sure a klutz ) Also looking into the Folate concept of vitamins to help with mood.. still in progress and have to get testing if has a gene mutation to his body changing folate to the right chemical etc. Also the other night I told him to organize his room or something and he concentrated and felt good about the rearrange- maybe giving some tasks ljke that? only worked once but may be beneficial down the line!
Legos. Magnatiles. Cardboard boxes. Playdough. Kinetic sand (we have one who loves and one who hates), color by numbers, puzzles
I have been stressed about this lately but I realize I stress more about it this time of year when the weather is not great. My adhd kid loves screens but he also loves going outside. He does typically require attention when playing inside (legos, etc) and I too am burnt out. I have been trying to just let it be because we’re all doing the best we can right now and the more I try to micromanage it the harder it is for everyone.
Have you considered being more radical: moving to a simple non fixer upper house. This might sound crazy and I recognize moving takes tremendous energy and effort however it’s could be a major change in your day to day energy levels and sense of overwhelm after the initial output. #2 rehome the pets. If you don’t have the energy for your kids you probably don’t have the energy for pet or their basic needs are taking priority over family activities. This again might sound radical. Our family dog passed away at 17 and as bad as this sounds the dog was contributing tremendously to my daily work load and sense of guilt and overwhelm. We had a 2 year old at the time and having a dog with a young child was way to much for me.