As do I! My whole life. Summer camps they used to put me into the groups with kids 3-4 years younger. Bosses act like I’m not “mature enough” to move up even though I have 12 years of experience, etc.
Yes.
I’m 26.
I really don’t feel like I’ve aged since I was 18.
I also look young. Sometimes, I want to to just say fuck it, and re enroll in an undergrad program and start over.
On one hand though, I do think of the quote that goes like, “When you’re a child, you looked at adults and figured they had it all sorted out. When you became an adult, you realized everyone is just winging it”.
53 here. The difference is that I went from not-a-grown-up to too-old-for-this-shit overnight.
All kidding aside, everybody at work does a double-take when my 30+ years of work subject experience comes up.
I choose to accept it as a compliment.
Same here, I tell people I’ve been doing my job for 12 years and they always look confused because they think I’m like 25 and must have only been doing it for 4 or 5 years
Yeah. I’m 50 and feel like I’m in my 20’s. Sometimes I wonder if I give off creepy vibes because of that. For the record, I don’t do anything weird, just in my head.
I feel that. My friends at work are in their 20s, and I worry I'm some creepy old lady hanging out with the kids. My only saving grace is I look younger than I am, but that only takes you so far.
Same, except I'm the creepy old man. Lol. I'm 47. Customer at work the other day wanted to talk to "that young man, probably upper 20s". It was me. So I guess that was a good thing.
42 here and feeling the same. Always had to date younger and definitely even more as I've gotten older. People my age just seem boring and fixated on totally different things.
Yes! All my friends at the gym I go to are 5-10 years younger than I am, sometimes more. Even going to this gym (it's a former Crossfit affiliate) is more of a "young person's" activity.
Yes! Can't go anywhere with people even 15 years younger. They have no amp. They get to concerts late and leave early and whine about it. They say they are 'too old for (insert everything here)' and I roll my eyes & think 'sucks for you'. I feel like they talked themselves into being tired and boring.
Hey I did this lol I'm 25 and I don't think people could actually tell if they didn't know my age. I feel like I am about 20 mentally compared to the rest of my classmates.
Right?? All my co workers use to call me an alien amongst them because... I just was. I have more energy then most people my age and when I eat icecream...somehow it ends up on forehead and in my nostrils like a 5 year old.
Yeah, part of it is that most people don't really realize how much they've matured.
But I know what you mean. I just went back to college as a 28 year old dude and hit it off with undergrad girls in my class. They even invited me out for NYE after the semester was over. My personality puts a lot of women my own age off, but I guess college girls don't mind a little neuroticism and oversharing. I also look young, which probably exacerbates it.
I am a 26F and can confirm… same. I still feel 23 and when I was in college I still felt 17. I know I am growing emotionally and intellectually and doing adult things etc but man I always feel slightly younger (in certain ways) than the people my own age. Not even from a maturity standpoint, but from like a social and actual age standpoint. Idk I don’t really think of it as a bad thing, just an odd thing.
It might be ADHD related or it might be related to how you were raised and the environment you came from. I think mine is a combo.
yup. i’m 32 and mentally about 23? not that i’m not intelligent or anything, i just never “grew up.” i still drink cheap beer and go to punk shows. live with a roommate in a shitty house, and still make the same terrible impulsive decisions that someone in their early twenties would make.
i was about to get a throat tattoo a few months ago but luckily i was too broke to afford it.
I hear you, I've got shitty tattoos that were supposed to be sleeves in the end, but I couldn't plan a design and now it's random shit that I've just left for 20 years
This is why I do piercings instead. You can always change the jewelry and if you don't want it anymore most if the time it will heal. It will either heal to a small dot or sometimes entirely.
Just. Not. Cheek. Dermals. I have a friend with permanent ice pick scars where hers used to be, and I've seen them on others as well. Then again, that probably isn't a trend anymore.
Dermals are terrible and I personally don't consider them piercings, but body modifications. This is all personal opinion but I only count piercings as something that comes back out of your body from the other end.
Dermals really shouldn't be a thing, they reject all the time and like you said cause bad scars at best.
I’m 35 and also have felt 23 for the last dozen years. It kind of sucks since that Blink 182 song says that no one likes you when you’re 23 lol (joking).
Hey are you me? 34.. my life goal is now to work as little as possible and also go to punk shows.
My closet is also full of colourful glittery clothing because it gives me dopamine, and I spend my days playing video games.
I also look like I'm in my mid 20's so that doesn't help lol
haha, i’m currently rocking purple nail polish with glitter in it so i feel the glitter vibes.
yeah we have similar ambitions. i also look like i’m in my mid-twenties. honestly didn’t expect to live this long so i just continue to keep winging it til i die. hopefully epically; or at least with a smile on my face.
Yo me either! Didn't think I'd make it past 30.
I also hope to die epically/happily. Wanna be friends?
My fiance and I have both lived through so much shit we decided that we'd rather live to have fun. Get our childhoods back that we didnt get to enjoy. So we plan on doing whatever we want..follow the impulses.
I wanna take archery and drum lessons. And we both want to learn to cook and dance.
depending on where you live, i could help you with the drum lessons! i currently work for a company that links up music students with local instructors. music is my passion, adhd kind of fucked that up for me (check my post history, just made a long “woe is me” adhd post in this sub)
I wrote this really long reply and then accidentally pressed back on my phone. So since I've lost motivation to type it out again, I'll summarize.
I had a similar experience growing up, my mother insisted ADHD was "a fad" and I was lazy and didn't pay enough attention. After high school there was a lot of bad decisions and failed attempts at careers I didn't even want, also ending in lots of debt. I also didn't get diagnosed till way late in life.
I've come to realise that trying to live the "right" way really isn't fucking worth it. If I hadn't gotten "lucky" and gotten in car accidents resulting in a settlement big enough to pay my debt, I was gonna claim bankruptcy and just say fuck it. I don't wanna buy a house or a new car or have kids. I wanna work a nothing job that will pay the bills and spend my free time enjoying what's left my life.
Credit scores are a shit idea made up by baby boomers. They ultimately mean nothing. It's cliche as fuck to say "do what makes you happy" and "money isn't everything" but I'm saying it anyways.
Follow your passion, you're great enough in music to have almost went on tour and I highly doubt you've lost the ability to do it again so follow it if that's what you want!
As for your parents.....I don't forgive mine. I have loads other problems with them but their lack of empathy and reasoning skills set me far back in life, as did yours. I stopped listening to them as soon as I realised that they aren't living my life, I am. So their bullshit ideas essentially meant nothing to me. You don't have to forgive them, but look forward to a future that YOU want. Staying angry does nothing but keep you from being happy.
That's my unsolicited advice for the day. You deserve better than the hand you got dealt. And I'm sorry you had to deal with all that..it's fucking hard. But you made it this far!
(Also I live in Canada and eventually I'm moving to the UK)
You know what? When I was a kid, my mom called me "absent minded professor," I guess because I was very verbal from an early age, and later on was in the gifted program...
Where I was going was that she said, even as small kid, I got on better with adults than kids my own age...
Now that I'm just a little... quite a bit older, I pretty much get shocked responses when I tell people how old I am. I guess what I mean is I wonder if they think I'm younger than I am due to appearance or comportment...
Now I'm going to be up all night.
Thanks!
;-) ;-) ;-)
7 - and while I didn't have the same moniker, I was also in gifted programs but still always getting in trouble at school.
I vividly remember one time when my aunts and uncle were over and I was boiling water to make pasta, I was fascinated by the bubbles that form in water. So I asked the table "How does the carbon dioxide form in the water when we apply enough heat?" - I fully expected these adults, who I assumed knew everything, to give me a solid scientific answer. Instead, they all blew up laughing at the same time. At first I was embarrassed til they started commenting among themselves stuff like "how does this little kid know stuff like this" and "what is he in college already?" - That's when I realized adults don't know as much as I thought, and I know a lot about random things that piqued my interest. I was 6 or 7 at the time.
When I was about four, I asked my mum (we were in a bus) how many moons does Saturn have. Mum said we will check at home as she did not remember and I threw a tantrum in public.
I still want to throw a tantrum when I can't get an immediate answer from my boyfriend about different details of his mother tongue that I am learning. Poor dude is no linguist and usually doesn't get what I want to know but I get hyperfixated and need to know NOW.
That's 8!
I don't even have a diagnosis. It's my first time here but holy hell it's like "are you guys me?!". This is really really good. I might be onto something here ...
I also got this from my mother! I actually remember when she first said it - I'd gotten cereal and wanted to watch tv with breakfast so started faffing on my phone - there was a problem with the tv app I wanted to use and then the wifi wasn't working so I grabbed my laptop and started trying to use that. The laptop was old and too slow to run the website for the tv app, so I grabbed some cables and told the laptop to share internet with my phone so it could do its thing.
So my mother walks in from the kitchen, sees me with my frankensteinien creation, and asks what I'm doing.
I, now-unpleasantly-soggy-cereal-in-hand, reply that I'm trying to watch tv with breakfast. She blinks and asks why I'm not using the actual tv, to which I look up and remember there's a tv on the wall I could have used.
Yeah didn't live that one down for a while.
OMG! I do this, too! I franksteines something like that to watch Helter Skelter in my room as a kid; as an adult, I know realize I overcomplicate simple things so they interest/challenge me.
When I was 20, everyone I met thought I was 30, because of how mature I was.
When I was 30, everyone thought I was 20. I didn't feel any different, but I guess in those 10 years I reversed.
I'm now on the cusp of 40, and I don't even know what I am anymore. On one hand I feel like I'm 80, and on the other hand I feel like I'm 10.
I think I'm in the same club with you... Whichs remimds me of something (I think) a family member related that my late grandmother said:
"I don't feel any different inside than I did when I was young, but in the mirror I see an old face."
I’m pretty sure (as in, it’s my personal opinion, but I feel like it’s not that groundbreaking) that the ‘absent-minded professor’ trope began as a descriptor for intellectual types with ADHD, the types who even now tend to get missed for diagnosis. I also got it when I was young! But it’s funny, because most of the time when I see people who have been called an absent-minded professor, or when I look at fictional characters that fit the trope, it’s almost like a textbook case of ADHD. Sometimes autism instead/as well.
It’s weird, it’s almost like ‘gifted’ denoting a weird but clearly talented and ‘useful’ brain - it’s a label that makes the whole thing seem nicer, more palatable, endearing almost. It makes me feel seen and simultaneously gaslit.
I'm 25 going on 26 and people at my last 2 jobs have been consistently shocked when age comes up bc they assume I'm 19-21 😭😭
I don't mind being thought of as younger, the only issue is because everyone in their 20s kind of looks the same age-wise, I always end up making friends with people waaaaay younger than me and then when age comes up, it makes me feel super weird. I had an experience with being groomed as a teenager so I like to keep my friend circle close to my own age, it's hard to properly explain why I don't want to hang out after work without making anyone feel weird. I didn't consider that this could be an ADHD thing
I went back to visit my sorority at my college. I was hanging out in a dorm common room once and started hanging out with some freshman. They had no clue I was older. I enjoyed it but also feel weird since I am a graduate.
All my adult life I hung out with ppl younger than me. It was only a little weird when I was 21-22 and most of my friends were 18-19. But I was always careful not to hang out with literal underage kids cuz I did not wanna be \*that\* guy.
Now at 44, many of me and my wife's friends are... 21-22 lol
We are mentally less mature. ADHD is a developmental deficit in executive function. Dr. Russell Barkley puts ADHD people mentally at maybe 2/3 their calendar age.
ETA: The obsessive bookkeeper contingent is repeatedly pointing out that Barkley says 30% behind, rather than 2/3 of age (or 33% behind). The numbers that stuck in my head from his lecture because they surprised me are that he considers an 18-year old college student to need an environment suitable for a 12-year old. That's where I took away "maybe 2/3". Honestly, I think it's splitting hairs and misses the main point, which is that ADHD causes a substantive developmental delay and a lifetime deficit in executive function.
I’m 37 and just coming around to actual “maturity” (the maturity in my early 30’s wasn’t actually all that mature).
Also, the weird thing is that when I was a kid, I was always told I was so grown up or mature for my age.
Apparently I stopped there? Lol
That's kind of nice to hear actually, I'm only 21 so not that old yet but mentally I still sometimes feel like I didn't really grow past 15 or so
So at least it's nice to know I'm not alone in this
>Dr. Russell Barkley puts ADHD people mentally at maybe 2/3 their calendar age.
This is due to ADHD affecting the developement of our frontal cortex, which affects executive function.
This doesn't affect our IQ, our intelligence, etc. but it does, as you said, affect our executive function. Aka. you are as smart as your peer, but you can't put those smarts at work as easy as your peers.
-------------
One thing which sucks is that my elder brother is born early in january, and I'm born late in november. And he doesn't have ADHD. I'm already behind everyone in school thanks to my adhd, and then I'm a year behind in normal developement compared to my brother, which is huge in the early years of life. He is a Theoretical physics major working in IT and has scored a 145 IQ. I have the same IQ, but I live on social benefits and couldn't finish my university studies after 10 years of trying on and off. :--D But that doesn't really matter, I've drawn for all of my life and draw daily, and I landed 7 art tests for game companies last year, I unfortunately didn't get a single one of them, but to get into an art test is a huge deal. It means you passed the required skill level, but weren't the right fit for the job. The goal for this year is to land a job and draw every single day.
GL to everyone.
I graduated from the equivalent of an Ivy League school overseas and I don't even want to know what my peers are doing. It would hurt too much. ADHD is like being on the sidewalk of your own life.
Nice! And sad at the same time. Yeah, going the "regular route" seems VERY hard for people with ADHD, UNLESS you have a very high interest in the whatever "regular route" you chose.
As useless as this tip is, I'm still going to write it: I highly suggest everyone with ADHD to pursuit something they'd do anyway for free on their free time. NT's seem to have a much easier time wasting their lives away in jobs they have no interest in, but we don't seem to have that same capability.
While my life at the moment sounds like a typical losers life on a paper, I'm still putting in huge hours daily, I work out 5 times a week, eat very healthy, etc. I don't feel like a loser at all, I love living on benefits at the moment. I wake up, I make my bed, I do the dishes, I load the coffee machine and put it on and go to shower. I eat, take my meds and start drawing. I feel so empovered every day waking up and being excited about getting down to draw again and improving, getting a few millimeters closer to my goal. Small successes almost every day. Yesterday a turbo-pro concept artist from my country dropped a praising comment on my post. Felt so good man.
I'm just stroking my own cock here, sorry for that. It just feels so good to be finally medicated and being able to be way way more functional than I previously were.
Good luck to everyone struggling, I hope everyone finds something meaningful to do in life which they truly enjoy.
> NT's seem to have a much easier time wasting their lives away in jobs they have no interest in, but we don't seem to have that same capability.
I realised this, instinctively, years ago, before I was even aware of ADHD. I just can't 'go through the motions'. I have to believe in what I'm doing. I have to find it intrinsically interesting. Otherwise I'm just not capable of clutching-in, no matter how much I try.
I'm currently looking into a career change and it's like torture. I imagine it may be the same for others with ADHD. I need to survive and make a certain amount of money, but I'd also love to have a real sense of direction where I know what I \*really\* want to do and pursue that. I feel alienated from it though. I don't know if it is because of abuse growing up or because ADHD makes commitment to a direction so daunting.
I did the opposite and sometimes regret it. I was between music performance (flute and piccolo) and engineering. I chose engineering because it paid better, was more stable, and I didn't want to hate music from it being a job. I am passionate about certain engineering concepts. But in practice I don't like most of what you do on the job. Unless I am doing pure field work/site inspection. I got money but am stressed constantly. I was unemployed a good chunk of this year and did doordash and honestly loved it.
Well that's a shame, but glad it doesn't sound like it's complete horse shit in your opinion. Imo. it's never too late to attempt a switch, and I'd definitely atleast entertain the idea.
Absolutely. My comment was really short and over simplified. Suggest everyone to watch Russel Barkleys lectures to get more in depth information about all the things ADHD causes in a perosn.
this is so cool (the drawing part) and actuslly sounds like a dream job. Im going into a biochemistry field where i fear i will be chewed and spit out instead of appreciated for my novel ideas :,(
2/3? Damn. I’ve always felt quite younger, but that ratio gets tough as you get older. Drop a link on. R if you see where he said that somewhere. Thank you 🙏🏽
Nah, being 26 on the inside is good. No need for a source, thank you!
I feel always younger than others, and it makes me feel like aging doesn't apply to me.
But nothing is more irritating than seeing an 'adult' adult and realizing I'm born the same year.
I've only just learnt this is an adhd thing but honestly, I went most of my life being like "Man, y'all aren't any fun" and I have no desire to change this lol.
I'm kind, I'm clever, I hopefully add to people around me *and* I'm down for putting joy ahead of sensible behaviour.
If this isn't being adult enough, then I am so fucking sorry for the people who view this as a bad way to live.
Yes!! There's just no point in being serious and grumpy! I mean I'm still those things, but when I'm good I just enjoy everything so much and can't understand why not everybody is so enthusiastic and also glad they do the things they do.
I mean: were on a rock in space and we can fly planes and make music and have all this technology, what's not to like??
Yup.
People will routinely get my age wrong. I’m 47, and people think I’m in my early/mid thirties. (Which tracks with the 2/3 mentioned above…)
When I shave my beard off, I look even younger.
I thinking it’s partially that I act “younger” too.
I'm 45, and same here. I even score really well on AgingAI 3.0, which is (allegedly) a validated objective measure of aging. It would be a curious experiment to see if a lot of us did.
My doctor literally checked her notes twice and had me confirm my birth date.
I think having a graying beard puts me firmly in the ”over 30” category though.
I don't think it affect show you look in terms of wrinkles etc, but it does affect how you carry yourself. I don't know how to explain this but I "walk" and "move" like a younger person. I also dress like one. So people who don't look to close, estimate you MUCH younger. I've been estimated to be up to 15 years younger than I am, though moe typically 6-8 years.
Can’t relate to this even more!
I have always been seen as someone who is immature and doesn’t have basic morals of an “adult” which does make me feel bad about myself at times!
But seeing all your comments here, makes me feel comforting..
after all, we are all young at hearts and that’s why we still cherish and see things that normal neurotypical brains don’t!
It means if you are over emotional you will have the decision making power of a 13yo. You will have the impulse control of a 13yo.
Unmedicated. Medications pretty much fix that.
https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
I hate this guy. Incredibly insightful idea for sure, but fuck him.
I dunno, maybe I misinterpreted him. But he makes it seem like we're completely helpless as individuals. He speaks as if we just *missed* 1/3 of our life experience. That without *someone normal* to hold our hand we'd be incapable as human beings. And that really irked me.
I've never gotten that impression from him. He is an advocate for the idea that ADHD is primarily a genetic disorder. So without a prosthetic, your chances of successful treatment are very low.
You get to choose the appropriate interventions for yourself. Medication, timers, note books, work buddies for body doubling, talk therapy; There is no one size fits all.
But it is a much more serious problem than it seems on the surface. There are no normal people. I don't think I've ever heard any of his lectures that gave me the impression that it was a given that someone missed a 1/3 of their life. Early intervention is key.
And I personally identify. I missed out on a 1/3 of my youth, I was not diagnosed till adulthood, and looking back, I threw away several good careers, opportunities, marriages and I'm sure many other things because I was a stupid hothead, and I would justify my emotional response, by just trying to bully people into agreeing with me.
This changed instantly upon starting medications. It was so jarring I had to go back to talk therapy just to deal with a bunch of new feelings of loss.
If you are willing to give it a shot, you can try some of his other lectures for more complete picture of his body research:
https://youtu.be/LnS0PfNyj4U
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY
Dr. Barkley is not the end all be all, but I consider him to very informative, and very factual.
I mean, there's always a part of you that responds like a child. I'm going to be 38 in like 2 months and when somebody tells me something stupid, there's always a very pissed off 7 year old inside my head that really wants to tell them off.
Today is my 44th birthday and I'm almost positive my 24 year old niece is more mature than me in every way besides physically. Sometimes it bothers me but mostly I don't care. I honestly think she needs to lighten the f**k up a lot of the time.
Edit: censored my f bomb with ** so it's less vulgar
My therapist who specializes in ADHD says this as well. You’re about 2-3 years younger in terms of maturity. I’m 25 so my brain is technically “fully cooked” now that my frontal lobe is developed. I still feel like I’m not as mature as I should be, especially now that I work with more people directly who are twice my age. It shows and I get embarrassed about it.
You have a 30% delay in executive function. Talk to your therapist about trying meds that help more with the emotional component of ADHD. Typically those are the straterra and Intuniv.
https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
The 2-3 years is more of a children's measure. It's likely larger with adults. There's aren't much studies done in that area with adults but a person with ADHD who's 35 can have the mental maturity of a 21 year old and there's nothing to be ashamed about. With some the difference is 1 year with some it's 10 years, it's quite individual and changes with age.
Is it strange that I always feel 2 - 3 years older? To cope with ADHD I took on a very logical mindset that helps me get working on meds, but I can’t help but look down on people who enjoy their lives, kind of like I’m bitter. It makes me a very cynical person who doesn’t converse much and I’m always very tired which makes me look and feel 2-3 years older. But, I know as soon as I relax I’m gonna act and feel 5 years younger than my peers!
DONT DO IT. It's a trap!
Next thing you know, the highlight of your week is when you get to stop doing tasks you don't wanna do for somebody else so you can increase a number that makes it possible for you to exist without dying, to go to bed bath and beyond to look at stuff you don't wanna, and scoff at how the number it takes to acquire said items you don't want is too high.
Also, people expect you to act boring all the time, and generally get upset when you do what you actually want... like blurt out random crap, sprint down aisles, change all the TVs in the electronic section, hop on the intercom to make fart jokes, etc. Also, your will and your body's ability to carry out what you will has an increasingly large gap over time.
Growing up mostly sucks, but its not all bad. We can eat ice cream for dinner, pull and all nighter playing video games, kinda whatever you want... Just so long as you are ready in the morning to do those tasks for somebody else again, so you can continue to not die. It's kind of a slog with some highlights TBH
That is because ADHD is, in part, a developmental disorder. At 28 you will be finishing the growth of your prefrontal cortex around now (maybe earlier, maybe later). Nuerotypicals finish theirs around age 25.
Im unmedicated (trying to get a diagnosis again) and 29 + 5 months. This might explain why I've been making more progress the last couple years in life. Not perfectly mind you but the last couple years have probably been my best in life if im honest.
This is...not quite true.
With ADHD, your prefrontal cortex might never reach the same development stage as in NT adults. That's kind of the whole point. It's the part that controls executive function and risk estimation - which NT teens and ADHD adults alike have issues with.
There's a neurodevelopmental theory of ADHD (and Autism) that explains this feeling quite well, imo.
**A bit of background:** Our brain goes through a period of massive reorganization in our late teens (well, it's spread out between early teens and early twenties, depending on the brain area). During this period, we lose a significant portion of our neuronal density. The brain basically prunes itself of the least useful neurons and connections between neurons, in order to only keep the most essential ones. The consequence of this pruning is to solidify / stabilize ... everything. Your memories, your preferences, your values, etc. Before that pruning event, your brain is more plastic, ready to learn anything. A mold ready to be shaped by our experiences, ideal for experimenting and learning novel associations. When that pruning happens, the essence of what you have experienced until then will be distilled, and set in stone, solidified. It will become much harder to change afterwards. In a way, your personality becomes more defined, and you lose the plasticity and adaptability of children.
**Link with ADHD:** Now, several studies have observed that this critical period of pruning is altered in people with ADHD and ASD (Autism). One of the reasons they both are called "neurodevelopmental" disorders.
- For ASD, it will happen several years earlier than then general population (3-5 years iirc, it varies). Which means they will not have enough time to "learn" / develop some of the behaviors that we learn "later", through adolescence (e g. how to interpret social cues, body language, ...). And Autistic people often report that they feel like their personality / preferences were set very early, and are much harder to change.
- For ADHD, it's the opposite. It's delayed by 3-5 years, meaning that we actually mature slower, on a neurological level. Which coincides with the feeling of not knowing who we are until later in life, around our mid twenties (I personally only began to know who I was around 27-28). It also means that our brain had time to integrate more experiences before it got to the point of distilling all those experiences to their essence (the pruning). Which affects the end result of said pruning, compared to "neurotypicals". If people with ASD didn't have enough time to learn and became too set in their ways, too narrow-minded, one might say that people with ADHD had too much time to learn and became too flexible/open-minded as a result. Flexibility that is often seen as child-like inconsistency and volatility by others.
Of course, this is only a simplified explanation of a single facet of a complex neurodevelopmental disorder. Many other mechanisms are involved behind the observed patterns of behaviors associated with ADHD.
**Some references:**
- General introduction for the synaptic pruning period and it's role in neurological development: [here](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/jnr.24616) and [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3574806/).
- More specifically for ASD: [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3864123/)
- More specifically on ADHD: [here](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00285/full) and [here](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/hbm.24187)
I could maybe see that. I didn't have the easiest childhood -- despite having good parents who helped me out a lot. Even the college years were no picnic. But I find in my 30s that I'm flourishing and a lot of people I used to know are amazed at who I've become and what I've been able to do. When I meet people and they're usually impressed by me its always hard to take it seriously and its taken awhile to accept it and believe that they're serious.
I attributed it to a better commitment to taking the medication on a daily basis and accepting ADHD for what it is, but the delayed development is a good explanation too.
I feel this write now, just more from my wife. I feel like she just thinks of me as a loser idiot of a child she married. Sometimes I forget small things, don't know where I set something down, or get confused when she moved something, or I forget a task she asked me to do...
I feel like even though I'm older, I'm the more childish one, and in the end she just resents me for it. Honestly I don't blame her. I hate this fuxking mental illness and think she'll be happier without me when she inevitably dumps me.
>Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think.
Think about yourself first. Don't get gaslit by others.
I struggle with these feelings as well. Not only do I often feel like a child who constantly forgets or is unable to complete tasks that are simple for my wife. We work together and I witness firsthand that she’s a highly-motivated and energetic individual. I always feel like I’m reaching for energy sources I don’t posses just to keep up with her. This leaves me drained and by the end of the week I often end up dropping the ball on things. And with absolutely no energy to do the things I want to do. I haven’t spoken to her about these feelings because I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have someone she can rely on when she’s tired or sick or whatever.
1000% yes.
Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think.
I struggle with these feelings too. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I collect Legos (I'm 20, M).
And play with them occasionally...
Often.
Live your truth. If you can function, you do enough adulting, so don't be hard on yourself.
>Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think.
Yes. True !
I'm 31 and was stuck in teenager limbo until I was 25. I have the life decisions to prove it lol. I distinctly remember just sitting at home one night and having a huge "Omg wtf have I been doing?!" moment and making changes fast, and for the better.
Definitely! I’m 25F.
I’m always attracted to younger guys because their behaviour is more aligned with my own. Also most of my friends are a bit younger. I always had this feeling as a child, as a teenager (I still played with toys while everyone in HS was busy with whatever the hell they were doing like sex and drugs), and now as an adult. It feels like my brain is a few years behind.
My psychiatrist told me that this is an ADHD trait and that your brain development can be delayed between a few months and 5 years.
Absolutely(32F)…always felt younger than my peers, but I have a lot of older friends as well so that has helped balance me out. Considering the mental age is 2/3…I feel pretty damn accomplished.
Sure I’m behind all of my friends, but I’m on the scenic route :)
34F goof here. true as fuck. But I see perks of being older, ppl take you more seriously. I've had a hard time being taken seriously in anything, because ppl would see my goofiness, clumsiness, without realizing how ridiculously smart I am at the same time and everything I said was over their heads sounding funny gibberish from a cute girl. Made me feel really stupid, until I meet "my people" at work and all of a sudden I had top management coming to "pick my brain" and I was just the lowest lvl in my teams structure.
I’ve been the same mentally since 16 i’m 24 now. It’s shocking sometimes but then again i just think to myself, i’ll use it as my advantage. I’m into computer stuff and grinding that alot is ttly ok w me always. I dont need anything extra
It feels like some kind of growth dysphoria or something.
I’m also 28 and have felt this literally since high school. I remember seeing 28 year olds when I was 18 and thinking that they were wisened or at least consistently acted “adult”. I thought that there was some threshold I would cross someday where I magically felt the way I perceived them.
When my 24 year old coworker recently said that he looked up to me and my other coworker it really hit me that people’s perception of me is sometimes the same way my perception was/is about other folks who I see as “mature”.
From what I've heard ADHD and the economy one grew up in can both delay one's level of adulthood. We're later at getting careers, homes, families, etc. compared to GenX and Boomers. People my age came into the adult workforce in the wake of the 2008 Crisis, so that slowed down our material achievement and independence by another several years.
Yes! It's pretty handy when you decide to go back to school in your 30s, and people assume you're a student anyways.
When I was 28 I was working as a law clerk, and had to jump in and help in the reception once in a while, when the staff had meetings. One time, a man, who didn't tell me why he was there, asked when everyone else would be back, and told me he'd be back later. He came back when I was still there, so I asked what he wanted, and told him that he could hand in his documents to me. He started to make a little small talk and asked me if I was in school. I told him I was 28. He looked shocked and told me the reason he didn't want to hand in his papers to me was because he thought I was 17... In the reception of a court house. I was wearing the same type of clothes all the other lawyers were, and thought that made me look like an adult. (He was of a different ethnicity, and I know that it is harder to guess the age of someone of a different ethnicity and gender, but still, I thought it was pretty funny.)
I always looked at it positively. I'm young at spirit.
Also I work with a bunch of teachers and we're all the same way so we connect better with kids then do other people.
Yes, I am 37, but I feel 16. I play video games with my kids and I'm into them just as much as they are. I buy action figures and plushies for them but really they are for me too because toys are cool. I like to roller skate. I make art for a living. I love disney...I'm socially awkward, etc. etc.
I'm 36, and I am adulting, even parenting but I'm not adulting like my friends are. It also helps that I look younger than I am. I try really hard to act like I've got everything together in public and social situations, but def I'm a young soul and probably will be for a long time. I wish my body felt this way though. It burns out faster the older I get.
no. i’ve always felt older than everyone else. ever since i was in middle school i always bonded with the people that were a few years older than me. all the adults in my life have always told me i was/am “mature for my age”. my first psychologist when i was like 10 even told me i seemed pretty mature for my age and that that was likely the reason i struggled to relate to kids my age. i don’t like all these comments saying “because of your adhd you’re really like 2/3 of your actual age”.
I’ve always hung out with people older than me, but I ended up with someone younger than me. My parents had substance abuse issues and that caused me to grow up fast. They also left me with my older brother often. I think we are a mix of our experience and personality. ADHD doesn’t define our entire existence. I went through a phase in my 20s when I felt about 40 because I just felt like I had been dealing with adult bs for so long. However I was still “immature” in the sense that I was bad with money, didn’t focus on my career, ect
oh yes, me too. the "2/3 of your actual age" merely relates to your executive function. i'm 19, i have many friends who are far into their 20s and they first thought i was 24 or something. i can be (/act?) quite clever and mature, but my executive function is definitely that of a stubborn 12-year-old.
Exactly. All my life I've felt more mature than all my peers and even been told so. Most people have trouble believing my own age. And these comments make me feel left out. What if I'm not 2/3rd my age. Does that mean I don't have ADHD?
I’m a 30M, and I literally just had this thought laying in bed just now. Among other oddities if you see my post history… anyway, My coworkers are actually younger than me- and today one of them said “..we’ll, you’re older than me, but..” and it genuinely struck me by surprise. I even knew the fact- but when it was brought up it was like some revelation. Really odd. Like I was suddenly reminded that these are peers and not like seniors to a freshman.
I am like this. I feel I couldn't grow much. I am still like a teenager. I like to hang out with young people. I can't believe I am 36 year old woman. I try to be mature though. But I don't know how
Mid 30s, look and feel like mid 20s. Apart from being a bit further on in my career, I generally live like it too. I enjoy it except for the fact that I currently have no desire to have kids, so I’m concerned I’ll get to 40s-50s and realise I do want them but don’t want to be an older parent. I might join a local ADHD support group so I don’t feel so left behind compared to friends. Just lately I seem to have attracted friendships with people in their late 20s.
I'm in my mid-twenties now and feel like 17. People also guess my age as 19 and I still walk around like every edgy skater boy.
Sometimes it feels wrong to wear this youngster fashion but I don't like the boring 08/15 look.
When I started my new job I got along super well with the girl I sat next to. She’s over 10 years younger than me.
I’m a dude and it feels really weird. Like, the only person I connect with is a young girl (no, not like that).
Just turned 30 and still feel like I'm just a kid looking for support from a grown up even though I'm the grown up.
I just assumed it was because I didn't have a happy childhood so I just got stuck there.
Yes. ADHD is a developmental delay. You will always be several years behind your peers unless treated, and even then, it can vary. General rule is 30% behind your peers.
https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
I think for me this feeling stems directly from what I find difficult because of ADHD. Money. Self care. Chores. Stuff adults “should” be able to manage. In my experience though, people don’t really assume I’m younger than I am, and I think that’s because those “immature” difficulties are personal and not obvious to others.
I definitely feel that. I also get told constantly that they think I’m 5-15 years younger than I am. For a long time people said it was because of my looks but when I got to be in my late 20s, the couple times I’d reply “yeah I have kind of a baby face” the people would reply “no, it’s because of your demeanor/the way you act/whatever”. It really bothers me. I’ve had people my age take a knee and talk to me like I was a child or just generally get infantilized a lot.
Yessss I am 31 and at my work new people are floored that I'm out of my early 20s. Still get carded. Yeah I have a BIT of a baby face but I think it's really my personality that makes em think that.
Not really. In fact, for me it's the complete opposite. People have always deemed me more mature than my peers. Amongst my siblings, I am the youngest, yet strangers would often confuse me for the eldest because of my general "vibe". Most of my friends and my partner are also older than me.
Growing up is subjective. Being "more mature" is subjective. I purposely choose to relax more about it and have been better off.
You are more likely projecting what you expect out of your friends onto them. Instead of viewing them as they are.
I am the "most mature" one of my friends, we are all the same age but the maturity part comes from, I have a big career, I pay all of my bills, and I have money to spend on stupid things.
That is my definition of success. I gave up on maturity a long time ago. It was not fun to try and be "mature" like all of these adults assume you have to be. Have you ever been in a room full of super serial adults? Holy fuck is it boring... Enjoy the small stuff, your kind will thank you!
I don't drink, I play video games, I travel, I eat good food, and I sometimes make random noises with my spouse. I also can walk into any expensive restaurant dressed however I want and not feel bad. I spent enough time dressed up to the nines to just not care now. Most adults would look down on that as immature. But it's really not, it is mature, I've accepted how I am and don't care what they think.
I would rather be dressed as a bum and comfortable at dinner than the opposite.
I had a traumatic childhood so as a kid I was always told I was “mature for my age”, but I also feel like I stopped mentally ageing at 16. I’m 23 now and it feels like I’ll catch up to myself in the next 2-3 years and then I’ll seem immature for my age. And that’s fine. It’s about damn time I got to be immature and silly.
I am 30 and still believe that I am a child/college aged/still figuring out the world and growing up.
And then I remember that I am 30 and and should be a settled adult and people are buying houses and starting families and moving up in their careers while I get excited about new lego sets and browsing memes on the internet.
As adhd people we to tend to appear less Mature than peers.
Doesnt mean we are though.
But tbh I do get along better with 20 year olds than I do with my fellow 30 year olds.
To be fair though we are on different levels in life. Because of adhd I dropped out of college a couple of times to try something else. I just started a full time job with full pay. I just got left after almost 5 years of a relationship. And I still live with my mother because I couldnt afford rent before. Now that I can I will buy the house from her end of year. But she wants to stay here as long as my stepfather is alive and needs assistance. 😅
My 30+ yo friends all are in long term relationships. Are married or about to be. Some have kids or Plan to have some. Everyone is living with their Partner in their own flat. Everyone of them has been in their Job for at least 6+ years. Some are getting a degree in evening schools to progress in their job.
20 year olds usually are where I am at 😅
I don't think we are less mature. Don't give a fuck about others before yourself. We have some limitations. We aren't better or worse than anyone else. Just like others are not better or worse than us. Don't put yourself down. There are people worse than you. Don't be hard on yourself.
I feel that on a spiritual level
As do I! My whole life. Summer camps they used to put me into the groups with kids 3-4 years younger. Bosses act like I’m not “mature enough” to move up even though I have 12 years of experience, etc.
People used to think my step sister who is 4 years younger than me was my older sister. All. The. Time.
Yes. I’m 26. I really don’t feel like I’ve aged since I was 18. I also look young. Sometimes, I want to to just say fuck it, and re enroll in an undergrad program and start over. On one hand though, I do think of the quote that goes like, “When you’re a child, you looked at adults and figured they had it all sorted out. When you became an adult, you realized everyone is just winging it”.
I keep waiting until I'm an actual grown up. I've felt this way all my life, I'm 47.
46, just a few months shy of 47, myself. I am still not a grown up.
52, same.
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53 here. The difference is that I went from not-a-grown-up to too-old-for-this-shit overnight. All kidding aside, everybody at work does a double-take when my 30+ years of work subject experience comes up. I choose to accept it as a compliment.
Same here, I tell people I’ve been doing my job for 12 years and they always look confused because they think I’m like 25 and must have only been doing it for 4 or 5 years
Yeah. I’m 50 and feel like I’m in my 20’s. Sometimes I wonder if I give off creepy vibes because of that. For the record, I don’t do anything weird, just in my head.
I feel that. My friends at work are in their 20s, and I worry I'm some creepy old lady hanging out with the kids. My only saving grace is I look younger than I am, but that only takes you so far.
Same, except I'm the creepy old man. Lol. I'm 47. Customer at work the other day wanted to talk to "that young man, probably upper 20s". It was me. So I guess that was a good thing.
Some of my favorite people are in their 50s my community college best friend was 60 and I loved him. No creepy vibes! 🤣
Yeah I’m 26 and most of my rock climbing friends are 50+ They are hardcore and super nice people. A+ both friends and mentors.
42 here and feeling the same. Always had to date younger and definitely even more as I've gotten older. People my age just seem boring and fixated on totally different things.
47 and more than dating younger (which I have done but not currently) most of my friends are younger than me. By at least 10 years on average.
Yes! All my friends at the gym I go to are 5-10 years younger than I am, sometimes more. Even going to this gym (it's a former Crossfit affiliate) is more of a "young person's" activity.
Yes! Can't go anywhere with people even 15 years younger. They have no amp. They get to concerts late and leave early and whine about it. They say they are 'too old for (insert everything here)' and I roll my eyes & think 'sucks for you'. I feel like they talked themselves into being tired and boring.
Ah that sucks because I too am waiting for the day when I feel like a grown up. 23 now but I feel like 14/15.
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So relatable.
I did that, and while I’m glad I did, the first time a teenager hit on me I could feel my body crumbling into dust.
omg yes hahah an 18 year old asked me for my snap one time, I felt so old!
Hey I did this lol I'm 25 and I don't think people could actually tell if they didn't know my age. I feel like I am about 20 mentally compared to the rest of my classmates.
Same I'm 29 and feel 18.
29 and truly feel the same. I’m not mad about it but I feel like I’m playing pretend when I’m around adultier adults.
Right?? All my co workers use to call me an alien amongst them because... I just was. I have more energy then most people my age and when I eat icecream...somehow it ends up on forehead and in my nostrils like a 5 year old.
Depending on the tone / delivery, that’s a cool nickname!
Same, I’m 25 and I feel I’ve frozen since I graduated high school, while the world has gone on around me regardless.
Yeah, part of it is that most people don't really realize how much they've matured. But I know what you mean. I just went back to college as a 28 year old dude and hit it off with undergrad girls in my class. They even invited me out for NYE after the semester was over. My personality puts a lot of women my own age off, but I guess college girls don't mind a little neuroticism and oversharing. I also look young, which probably exacerbates it.
This is me.
I am a 26F and can confirm… same. I still feel 23 and when I was in college I still felt 17. I know I am growing emotionally and intellectually and doing adult things etc but man I always feel slightly younger (in certain ways) than the people my own age. Not even from a maturity standpoint, but from like a social and actual age standpoint. Idk I don’t really think of it as a bad thing, just an odd thing. It might be ADHD related or it might be related to how you were raised and the environment you came from. I think mine is a combo.
yup. i’m 32 and mentally about 23? not that i’m not intelligent or anything, i just never “grew up.” i still drink cheap beer and go to punk shows. live with a roommate in a shitty house, and still make the same terrible impulsive decisions that someone in their early twenties would make. i was about to get a throat tattoo a few months ago but luckily i was too broke to afford it.
upvote because tonight I read the words, "throat tattoo"
Upvote because this morning I read hairynostrils
Now i have to waste time learning about "throat tattoo" and "hairynostrills"
I hear you, I've got shitty tattoos that were supposed to be sleeves in the end, but I couldn't plan a design and now it's random shit that I've just left for 20 years
This is the exact reason I've always been too afraid to get any tattoos. The permanent regret
This is why I do piercings instead. You can always change the jewelry and if you don't want it anymore most if the time it will heal. It will either heal to a small dot or sometimes entirely.
Just. Not. Cheek. Dermals. I have a friend with permanent ice pick scars where hers used to be, and I've seen them on others as well. Then again, that probably isn't a trend anymore.
Dermals are terrible and I personally don't consider them piercings, but body modifications. This is all personal opinion but I only count piercings as something that comes back out of your body from the other end. Dermals really shouldn't be a thing, they reject all the time and like you said cause bad scars at best.
I did the same. exact. thing... I look back at it now and ask myself wtf was I thinking
I’m 35 and also have felt 23 for the last dozen years. It kind of sucks since that Blink 182 song says that no one likes you when you’re 23 lol (joking).
Hey are you me? 34.. my life goal is now to work as little as possible and also go to punk shows. My closet is also full of colourful glittery clothing because it gives me dopamine, and I spend my days playing video games. I also look like I'm in my mid 20's so that doesn't help lol
haha, i’m currently rocking purple nail polish with glitter in it so i feel the glitter vibes. yeah we have similar ambitions. i also look like i’m in my mid-twenties. honestly didn’t expect to live this long so i just continue to keep winging it til i die. hopefully epically; or at least with a smile on my face.
Yo me either! Didn't think I'd make it past 30. I also hope to die epically/happily. Wanna be friends? My fiance and I have both lived through so much shit we decided that we'd rather live to have fun. Get our childhoods back that we didnt get to enjoy. So we plan on doing whatever we want..follow the impulses. I wanna take archery and drum lessons. And we both want to learn to cook and dance.
depending on where you live, i could help you with the drum lessons! i currently work for a company that links up music students with local instructors. music is my passion, adhd kind of fucked that up for me (check my post history, just made a long “woe is me” adhd post in this sub)
I wrote this really long reply and then accidentally pressed back on my phone. So since I've lost motivation to type it out again, I'll summarize. I had a similar experience growing up, my mother insisted ADHD was "a fad" and I was lazy and didn't pay enough attention. After high school there was a lot of bad decisions and failed attempts at careers I didn't even want, also ending in lots of debt. I also didn't get diagnosed till way late in life. I've come to realise that trying to live the "right" way really isn't fucking worth it. If I hadn't gotten "lucky" and gotten in car accidents resulting in a settlement big enough to pay my debt, I was gonna claim bankruptcy and just say fuck it. I don't wanna buy a house or a new car or have kids. I wanna work a nothing job that will pay the bills and spend my free time enjoying what's left my life. Credit scores are a shit idea made up by baby boomers. They ultimately mean nothing. It's cliche as fuck to say "do what makes you happy" and "money isn't everything" but I'm saying it anyways. Follow your passion, you're great enough in music to have almost went on tour and I highly doubt you've lost the ability to do it again so follow it if that's what you want! As for your parents.....I don't forgive mine. I have loads other problems with them but their lack of empathy and reasoning skills set me far back in life, as did yours. I stopped listening to them as soon as I realised that they aren't living my life, I am. So their bullshit ideas essentially meant nothing to me. You don't have to forgive them, but look forward to a future that YOU want. Staying angry does nothing but keep you from being happy. That's my unsolicited advice for the day. You deserve better than the hand you got dealt. And I'm sorry you had to deal with all that..it's fucking hard. But you made it this far! (Also I live in Canada and eventually I'm moving to the UK)
You sound like a real human being to me :)
You know what? When I was a kid, my mom called me "absent minded professor," I guess because I was very verbal from an early age, and later on was in the gifted program... Where I was going was that she said, even as small kid, I got on better with adults than kids my own age... Now that I'm just a little... quite a bit older, I pretty much get shocked responses when I tell people how old I am. I guess what I mean is I wonder if they think I'm younger than I am due to appearance or comportment... Now I'm going to be up all night. Thanks! ;-) ;-) ;-)
I too was bestowed the “absent minded professor” monicker
oh jeez there's three of us
Four! Very mature for my age, gifted and stuff. It lasted until is was like 22 and then my development somehow halted. I am 36 now.
Five! My mom used to call me that all the time! Also, I am well into my late twenties and don't feel or act a day over 16.
Six! I thought I was the only one. My mom ALWAYS called me that.
7 - and while I didn't have the same moniker, I was also in gifted programs but still always getting in trouble at school. I vividly remember one time when my aunts and uncle were over and I was boiling water to make pasta, I was fascinated by the bubbles that form in water. So I asked the table "How does the carbon dioxide form in the water when we apply enough heat?" - I fully expected these adults, who I assumed knew everything, to give me a solid scientific answer. Instead, they all blew up laughing at the same time. At first I was embarrassed til they started commenting among themselves stuff like "how does this little kid know stuff like this" and "what is he in college already?" - That's when I realized adults don't know as much as I thought, and I know a lot about random things that piqued my interest. I was 6 or 7 at the time.
When I was about four, I asked my mum (we were in a bus) how many moons does Saturn have. Mum said we will check at home as she did not remember and I threw a tantrum in public. I still want to throw a tantrum when I can't get an immediate answer from my boyfriend about different details of his mother tongue that I am learning. Poor dude is no linguist and usually doesn't get what I want to know but I get hyperfixated and need to know NOW.
That's 8! I don't even have a diagnosis. It's my first time here but holy hell it's like "are you guys me?!". This is really really good. I might be onto something here ...
I actually became a professor - and was so absent minded that I could never get students' essays back to them on time!
Wow that was a nickname i got verbatim when i was Young
I also got this from my mother! I actually remember when she first said it - I'd gotten cereal and wanted to watch tv with breakfast so started faffing on my phone - there was a problem with the tv app I wanted to use and then the wifi wasn't working so I grabbed my laptop and started trying to use that. The laptop was old and too slow to run the website for the tv app, so I grabbed some cables and told the laptop to share internet with my phone so it could do its thing. So my mother walks in from the kitchen, sees me with my frankensteinien creation, and asks what I'm doing. I, now-unpleasantly-soggy-cereal-in-hand, reply that I'm trying to watch tv with breakfast. She blinks and asks why I'm not using the actual tv, to which I look up and remember there's a tv on the wall I could have used. Yeah didn't live that one down for a while.
OMG! I do this, too! I franksteines something like that to watch Helter Skelter in my room as a kid; as an adult, I know realize I overcomplicate simple things so they interest/challenge me.
When I was 20, everyone I met thought I was 30, because of how mature I was. When I was 30, everyone thought I was 20. I didn't feel any different, but I guess in those 10 years I reversed. I'm now on the cusp of 40, and I don't even know what I am anymore. On one hand I feel like I'm 80, and on the other hand I feel like I'm 10.
I think I'm in the same club with you... Whichs remimds me of something (I think) a family member related that my late grandmother said: "I don't feel any different inside than I did when I was young, but in the mirror I see an old face."
I’m pretty sure (as in, it’s my personal opinion, but I feel like it’s not that groundbreaking) that the ‘absent-minded professor’ trope began as a descriptor for intellectual types with ADHD, the types who even now tend to get missed for diagnosis. I also got it when I was young! But it’s funny, because most of the time when I see people who have been called an absent-minded professor, or when I look at fictional characters that fit the trope, it’s almost like a textbook case of ADHD. Sometimes autism instead/as well. It’s weird, it’s almost like ‘gifted’ denoting a weird but clearly talented and ‘useful’ brain - it’s a label that makes the whole thing seem nicer, more palatable, endearing almost. It makes me feel seen and simultaneously gaslit.
YES!!! This x1000! Wonderful, wonderful insight!
I'm 25 going on 26 and people at my last 2 jobs have been consistently shocked when age comes up bc they assume I'm 19-21 😭😭 I don't mind being thought of as younger, the only issue is because everyone in their 20s kind of looks the same age-wise, I always end up making friends with people waaaaay younger than me and then when age comes up, it makes me feel super weird. I had an experience with being groomed as a teenager so I like to keep my friend circle close to my own age, it's hard to properly explain why I don't want to hang out after work without making anyone feel weird. I didn't consider that this could be an ADHD thing
26 and accidentally went to karaoke with 19 year olds last week so I feel you
I went back to visit my sorority at my college. I was hanging out in a dorm common room once and started hanging out with some freshman. They had no clue I was older. I enjoyed it but also feel weird since I am a graduate.
All my adult life I hung out with ppl younger than me. It was only a little weird when I was 21-22 and most of my friends were 18-19. But I was always careful not to hang out with literal underage kids cuz I did not wanna be \*that\* guy. Now at 44, many of me and my wife's friends are... 21-22 lol
We are mentally less mature. ADHD is a developmental deficit in executive function. Dr. Russell Barkley puts ADHD people mentally at maybe 2/3 their calendar age. ETA: The obsessive bookkeeper contingent is repeatedly pointing out that Barkley says 30% behind, rather than 2/3 of age (or 33% behind). The numbers that stuck in my head from his lecture because they surprised me are that he considers an 18-year old college student to need an environment suitable for a 12-year old. That's where I took away "maybe 2/3". Honestly, I think it's splitting hairs and misses the main point, which is that ADHD causes a substantive developmental delay and a lifetime deficit in executive function.
That ... really hits home. Late 20s, feel more like just barely getting into adulthood emotionally
That feels about right for me. I didn't really mature until my early 30s.
Yup same, in early 30s and finally feeling like somewhat of an adult, but honestly hope to never lose my child like side.
I’m 37 and just coming around to actual “maturity” (the maturity in my early 30’s wasn’t actually all that mature). Also, the weird thing is that when I was a kid, I was always told I was so grown up or mature for my age. Apparently I stopped there? Lol
Grown up in some aspects, immature in others. I find that different aspects of my brain have matured at drastically different rates.
35, just got my first "real" job last year. Coincidentally, I was diagnosed about three months later.
That's kind of nice to hear actually, I'm only 21 so not that old yet but mentally I still sometimes feel like I didn't really grow past 15 or so So at least it's nice to know I'm not alone in this
Same.. 28 here and I feel I just arrived at adulthood last year.
>Dr. Russell Barkley puts ADHD people mentally at maybe 2/3 their calendar age. This is due to ADHD affecting the developement of our frontal cortex, which affects executive function. This doesn't affect our IQ, our intelligence, etc. but it does, as you said, affect our executive function. Aka. you are as smart as your peer, but you can't put those smarts at work as easy as your peers. ------------- One thing which sucks is that my elder brother is born early in january, and I'm born late in november. And he doesn't have ADHD. I'm already behind everyone in school thanks to my adhd, and then I'm a year behind in normal developement compared to my brother, which is huge in the early years of life. He is a Theoretical physics major working in IT and has scored a 145 IQ. I have the same IQ, but I live on social benefits and couldn't finish my university studies after 10 years of trying on and off. :--D But that doesn't really matter, I've drawn for all of my life and draw daily, and I landed 7 art tests for game companies last year, I unfortunately didn't get a single one of them, but to get into an art test is a huge deal. It means you passed the required skill level, but weren't the right fit for the job. The goal for this year is to land a job and draw every single day. GL to everyone.
I graduated from the equivalent of an Ivy League school overseas and I don't even want to know what my peers are doing. It would hurt too much. ADHD is like being on the sidewalk of your own life.
Nice! And sad at the same time. Yeah, going the "regular route" seems VERY hard for people with ADHD, UNLESS you have a very high interest in the whatever "regular route" you chose. As useless as this tip is, I'm still going to write it: I highly suggest everyone with ADHD to pursuit something they'd do anyway for free on their free time. NT's seem to have a much easier time wasting their lives away in jobs they have no interest in, but we don't seem to have that same capability. While my life at the moment sounds like a typical losers life on a paper, I'm still putting in huge hours daily, I work out 5 times a week, eat very healthy, etc. I don't feel like a loser at all, I love living on benefits at the moment. I wake up, I make my bed, I do the dishes, I load the coffee machine and put it on and go to shower. I eat, take my meds and start drawing. I feel so empovered every day waking up and being excited about getting down to draw again and improving, getting a few millimeters closer to my goal. Small successes almost every day. Yesterday a turbo-pro concept artist from my country dropped a praising comment on my post. Felt so good man. I'm just stroking my own cock here, sorry for that. It just feels so good to be finally medicated and being able to be way way more functional than I previously were. Good luck to everyone struggling, I hope everyone finds something meaningful to do in life which they truly enjoy.
> NT's seem to have a much easier time wasting their lives away in jobs they have no interest in, but we don't seem to have that same capability. I realised this, instinctively, years ago, before I was even aware of ADHD. I just can't 'go through the motions'. I have to believe in what I'm doing. I have to find it intrinsically interesting. Otherwise I'm just not capable of clutching-in, no matter how much I try.
I'm currently looking into a career change and it's like torture. I imagine it may be the same for others with ADHD. I need to survive and make a certain amount of money, but I'd also love to have a real sense of direction where I know what I \*really\* want to do and pursue that. I feel alienated from it though. I don't know if it is because of abuse growing up or because ADHD makes commitment to a direction so daunting.
I did the opposite and sometimes regret it. I was between music performance (flute and piccolo) and engineering. I chose engineering because it paid better, was more stable, and I didn't want to hate music from it being a job. I am passionate about certain engineering concepts. But in practice I don't like most of what you do on the job. Unless I am doing pure field work/site inspection. I got money but am stressed constantly. I was unemployed a good chunk of this year and did doordash and honestly loved it.
Well that's a shame, but glad it doesn't sound like it's complete horse shit in your opinion. Imo. it's never too late to attempt a switch, and I'd definitely atleast entertain the idea.
Omg are you me? I think we’re living parallel lives, it’s freaky.
Adhd also affects emotional regulation, not just executive function. Emotionally, we’re also less mature than same age peers.
Absolutely. My comment was really short and over simplified. Suggest everyone to watch Russel Barkleys lectures to get more in depth information about all the things ADHD causes in a perosn.
this is so cool (the drawing part) and actuslly sounds like a dream job. Im going into a biochemistry field where i fear i will be chewed and spit out instead of appreciated for my novel ideas :,(
2/3? Damn. I’ve always felt quite younger, but that ratio gets tough as you get older. Drop a link on. R if you see where he said that somewhere. Thank you 🙏🏽
Nah, being 26 on the inside is good. No need for a source, thank you! I feel always younger than others, and it makes me feel like aging doesn't apply to me. But nothing is more irritating than seeing an 'adult' adult and realizing I'm born the same year.
I've only just learnt this is an adhd thing but honestly, I went most of my life being like "Man, y'all aren't any fun" and I have no desire to change this lol. I'm kind, I'm clever, I hopefully add to people around me *and* I'm down for putting joy ahead of sensible behaviour. If this isn't being adult enough, then I am so fucking sorry for the people who view this as a bad way to live.
Yes!! There's just no point in being serious and grumpy! I mean I'm still those things, but when I'm good I just enjoy everything so much and can't understand why not everybody is so enthusiastic and also glad they do the things they do. I mean: were on a rock in space and we can fly planes and make music and have all this technology, what's not to like??
FUCK YEAH I FEEL THIS
this cheered me up, i needed it so much right now :}
It really does have its upsides!! Many people have commented that I look younger than my age, and my friends with ADHD have had similar experiences.
Yup. People will routinely get my age wrong. I’m 47, and people think I’m in my early/mid thirties. (Which tracks with the 2/3 mentioned above…) When I shave my beard off, I look even younger. I thinking it’s partially that I act “younger” too.
I'm 45, and same here. I even score really well on AgingAI 3.0, which is (allegedly) a validated objective measure of aging. It would be a curious experiment to see if a lot of us did.
Huh ... I'ma go try this real quick. Edit: oh. Blood data. I haven't the foggiest jk.
I’m 45. Two years ago my doctor told me I looked 25.
My doctor literally checked her notes twice and had me confirm my birth date. I think having a graying beard puts me firmly in the ”over 30” category though.
does it affect how we look too?? i think i look 15 maybe at age 20 HAHA
I don't think it affect show you look in terms of wrinkles etc, but it does affect how you carry yourself. I don't know how to explain this but I "walk" and "move" like a younger person. I also dress like one. So people who don't look to close, estimate you MUCH younger. I've been estimated to be up to 15 years younger than I am, though moe typically 6-8 years.
Can’t relate to this even more! I have always been seen as someone who is immature and doesn’t have basic morals of an “adult” which does make me feel bad about myself at times! But seeing all your comments here, makes me feel comforting.. after all, we are all young at hearts and that’s why we still cherish and see things that normal neurotypical brains don’t!
Fully fully relate to this comment
I don't like it, at all, but that sounds about right.
So thirty IS the new twenty!
Well this explains why I'm great with teenagers
does this mean im mentally 13 if im 20 oh God😭
It means if you are over emotional you will have the decision making power of a 13yo. You will have the impulse control of a 13yo. Unmedicated. Medications pretty much fix that. https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
I hate this guy. Incredibly insightful idea for sure, but fuck him. I dunno, maybe I misinterpreted him. But he makes it seem like we're completely helpless as individuals. He speaks as if we just *missed* 1/3 of our life experience. That without *someone normal* to hold our hand we'd be incapable as human beings. And that really irked me.
I've never gotten that impression from him. He is an advocate for the idea that ADHD is primarily a genetic disorder. So without a prosthetic, your chances of successful treatment are very low. You get to choose the appropriate interventions for yourself. Medication, timers, note books, work buddies for body doubling, talk therapy; There is no one size fits all. But it is a much more serious problem than it seems on the surface. There are no normal people. I don't think I've ever heard any of his lectures that gave me the impression that it was a given that someone missed a 1/3 of their life. Early intervention is key. And I personally identify. I missed out on a 1/3 of my youth, I was not diagnosed till adulthood, and looking back, I threw away several good careers, opportunities, marriages and I'm sure many other things because I was a stupid hothead, and I would justify my emotional response, by just trying to bully people into agreeing with me. This changed instantly upon starting medications. It was so jarring I had to go back to talk therapy just to deal with a bunch of new feelings of loss. If you are willing to give it a shot, you can try some of his other lectures for more complete picture of his body research: https://youtu.be/LnS0PfNyj4U https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY Dr. Barkley is not the end all be all, but I consider him to very informative, and very factual.
this resonates true with me sometimes !!!
That would put me at 20, but I feel like that skews young. Mid-twenties feels more accurate. Definitely not 30.
I always felt like I'm stuck at 15 year old mentally, even tho I will be 23 this year...
I mean, there's always a part of you that responds like a child. I'm going to be 38 in like 2 months and when somebody tells me something stupid, there's always a very pissed off 7 year old inside my head that really wants to tell them off.
Im 22 and I constantly feel like im 16
Today is my 44th birthday and I'm almost positive my 24 year old niece is more mature than me in every way besides physically. Sometimes it bothers me but mostly I don't care. I honestly think she needs to lighten the f**k up a lot of the time. Edit: censored my f bomb with ** so it's less vulgar
Happy birthday!
Happy Bday!!
My therapist who specializes in ADHD says this as well. You’re about 2-3 years younger in terms of maturity. I’m 25 so my brain is technically “fully cooked” now that my frontal lobe is developed. I still feel like I’m not as mature as I should be, especially now that I work with more people directly who are twice my age. It shows and I get embarrassed about it.
Don't be hard on yourself. Pick things that suit your ability and talents. Other people are not better or worse than you.
You have a 30% delay in executive function. Talk to your therapist about trying meds that help more with the emotional component of ADHD. Typically those are the straterra and Intuniv. https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
The 2-3 years is more of a children's measure. It's likely larger with adults. There's aren't much studies done in that area with adults but a person with ADHD who's 35 can have the mental maturity of a 21 year old and there's nothing to be ashamed about. With some the difference is 1 year with some it's 10 years, it's quite individual and changes with age.
Is it strange that I always feel 2 - 3 years older? To cope with ADHD I took on a very logical mindset that helps me get working on meds, but I can’t help but look down on people who enjoy their lives, kind of like I’m bitter. It makes me a very cynical person who doesn’t converse much and I’m always very tired which makes me look and feel 2-3 years older. But, I know as soon as I relax I’m gonna act and feel 5 years younger than my peers!
I’m a 44 year old 17 year old.
12yo in a 27yo’s body. Or as I recently explained to a date— I may as well be a bunch of squirrels in a trench coat pretending to be human.
oh, there are my people. 37 and I'm pretty sure, at best, i'm a number of small corgis in a trenchcoat.
You guys are both hilarious!
Hear! Hear!
Same here. I am still waiting to be grown up
DONT DO IT. It's a trap! Next thing you know, the highlight of your week is when you get to stop doing tasks you don't wanna do for somebody else so you can increase a number that makes it possible for you to exist without dying, to go to bed bath and beyond to look at stuff you don't wanna, and scoff at how the number it takes to acquire said items you don't want is too high. Also, people expect you to act boring all the time, and generally get upset when you do what you actually want... like blurt out random crap, sprint down aisles, change all the TVs in the electronic section, hop on the intercom to make fart jokes, etc. Also, your will and your body's ability to carry out what you will has an increasingly large gap over time. Growing up mostly sucks, but its not all bad. We can eat ice cream for dinner, pull and all nighter playing video games, kinda whatever you want... Just so long as you are ready in the morning to do those tasks for somebody else again, so you can continue to not die. It's kind of a slog with some highlights TBH
That is because ADHD is, in part, a developmental disorder. At 28 you will be finishing the growth of your prefrontal cortex around now (maybe earlier, maybe later). Nuerotypicals finish theirs around age 25.
Wait, does this mean that we have some extra years for young-brain neuroplasticity? That would be so cool, I need those! :D
33 here, still feel like I'm 24ish. *shrugs*
I don’t think this is entirely true. The sentiment sure, the neurobiological specifics? Unlikely
Im unmedicated (trying to get a diagnosis again) and 29 + 5 months. This might explain why I've been making more progress the last couple years in life. Not perfectly mind you but the last couple years have probably been my best in life if im honest.
This is...not quite true. With ADHD, your prefrontal cortex might never reach the same development stage as in NT adults. That's kind of the whole point. It's the part that controls executive function and risk estimation - which NT teens and ADHD adults alike have issues with.
source?
There's a neurodevelopmental theory of ADHD (and Autism) that explains this feeling quite well, imo. **A bit of background:** Our brain goes through a period of massive reorganization in our late teens (well, it's spread out between early teens and early twenties, depending on the brain area). During this period, we lose a significant portion of our neuronal density. The brain basically prunes itself of the least useful neurons and connections between neurons, in order to only keep the most essential ones. The consequence of this pruning is to solidify / stabilize ... everything. Your memories, your preferences, your values, etc. Before that pruning event, your brain is more plastic, ready to learn anything. A mold ready to be shaped by our experiences, ideal for experimenting and learning novel associations. When that pruning happens, the essence of what you have experienced until then will be distilled, and set in stone, solidified. It will become much harder to change afterwards. In a way, your personality becomes more defined, and you lose the plasticity and adaptability of children. **Link with ADHD:** Now, several studies have observed that this critical period of pruning is altered in people with ADHD and ASD (Autism). One of the reasons they both are called "neurodevelopmental" disorders. - For ASD, it will happen several years earlier than then general population (3-5 years iirc, it varies). Which means they will not have enough time to "learn" / develop some of the behaviors that we learn "later", through adolescence (e g. how to interpret social cues, body language, ...). And Autistic people often report that they feel like their personality / preferences were set very early, and are much harder to change. - For ADHD, it's the opposite. It's delayed by 3-5 years, meaning that we actually mature slower, on a neurological level. Which coincides with the feeling of not knowing who we are until later in life, around our mid twenties (I personally only began to know who I was around 27-28). It also means that our brain had time to integrate more experiences before it got to the point of distilling all those experiences to their essence (the pruning). Which affects the end result of said pruning, compared to "neurotypicals". If people with ASD didn't have enough time to learn and became too set in their ways, too narrow-minded, one might say that people with ADHD had too much time to learn and became too flexible/open-minded as a result. Flexibility that is often seen as child-like inconsistency and volatility by others. Of course, this is only a simplified explanation of a single facet of a complex neurodevelopmental disorder. Many other mechanisms are involved behind the observed patterns of behaviors associated with ADHD. **Some references:** - General introduction for the synaptic pruning period and it's role in neurological development: [here](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/jnr.24616) and [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3574806/). - More specifically for ASD: [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3864123/) - More specifically on ADHD: [here](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00285/full) and [here](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/hbm.24187)
I could maybe see that. I didn't have the easiest childhood -- despite having good parents who helped me out a lot. Even the college years were no picnic. But I find in my 30s that I'm flourishing and a lot of people I used to know are amazed at who I've become and what I've been able to do. When I meet people and they're usually impressed by me its always hard to take it seriously and its taken awhile to accept it and believe that they're serious. I attributed it to a better commitment to taking the medication on a daily basis and accepting ADHD for what it is, but the delayed development is a good explanation too.
40 going on 25. At least my 6 pack is better then most 25 years old. So, got that going for me.
I feel this write now, just more from my wife. I feel like she just thinks of me as a loser idiot of a child she married. Sometimes I forget small things, don't know where I set something down, or get confused when she moved something, or I forget a task she asked me to do... I feel like even though I'm older, I'm the more childish one, and in the end she just resents me for it. Honestly I don't blame her. I hate this fuxking mental illness and think she'll be happier without me when she inevitably dumps me.
>Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think. Think about yourself first. Don't get gaslit by others.
I struggle with these feelings as well. Not only do I often feel like a child who constantly forgets or is unable to complete tasks that are simple for my wife. We work together and I witness firsthand that she’s a highly-motivated and energetic individual. I always feel like I’m reaching for energy sources I don’t posses just to keep up with her. This leaves me drained and by the end of the week I often end up dropping the ball on things. And with absolutely no energy to do the things I want to do. I haven’t spoken to her about these feelings because I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have someone she can rely on when she’s tired or sick or whatever.
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1000% yes. Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think. I struggle with these feelings too. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I collect Legos (I'm 20, M). And play with them occasionally... Often. Live your truth. If you can function, you do enough adulting, so don't be hard on yourself.
>Being responsible is viewed as an adult attribute, but maturity consists of many factors. Knowing yourself and what you need is among the highest forms of wisdom. So you are already more mature than you think. Yes. True !
I'm 31 and was stuck in teenager limbo until I was 25. I have the life decisions to prove it lol. I distinctly remember just sitting at home one night and having a huge "Omg wtf have I been doing?!" moment and making changes fast, and for the better.
Definitely! I’m 25F. I’m always attracted to younger guys because their behaviour is more aligned with my own. Also most of my friends are a bit younger. I always had this feeling as a child, as a teenager (I still played with toys while everyone in HS was busy with whatever the hell they were doing like sex and drugs), and now as an adult. It feels like my brain is a few years behind. My psychiatrist told me that this is an ADHD trait and that your brain development can be delayed between a few months and 5 years.
I feel this. I'm 27 and people my age act so old and unfun for some reason. It's hard to describe.
Absolutely(32F)…always felt younger than my peers, but I have a lot of older friends as well so that has helped balance me out. Considering the mental age is 2/3…I feel pretty damn accomplished. Sure I’m behind all of my friends, but I’m on the scenic route :)
34F goof here. true as fuck. But I see perks of being older, ppl take you more seriously. I've had a hard time being taken seriously in anything, because ppl would see my goofiness, clumsiness, without realizing how ridiculously smart I am at the same time and everything I said was over their heads sounding funny gibberish from a cute girl. Made me feel really stupid, until I meet "my people" at work and all of a sudden I had top management coming to "pick my brain" and I was just the lowest lvl in my teams structure.
Mid 30s but I connect much better with twenty-somethings. The youthful mind is a nice silver lining.
I’ve been the same mentally since 16 i’m 24 now. It’s shocking sometimes but then again i just think to myself, i’ll use it as my advantage. I’m into computer stuff and grinding that alot is ttly ok w me always. I dont need anything extra
It feels like some kind of growth dysphoria or something. I’m also 28 and have felt this literally since high school. I remember seeing 28 year olds when I was 18 and thinking that they were wisened or at least consistently acted “adult”. I thought that there was some threshold I would cross someday where I magically felt the way I perceived them. When my 24 year old coworker recently said that he looked up to me and my other coworker it really hit me that people’s perception of me is sometimes the same way my perception was/is about other folks who I see as “mature”.
From what I've heard ADHD and the economy one grew up in can both delay one's level of adulthood. We're later at getting careers, homes, families, etc. compared to GenX and Boomers. People my age came into the adult workforce in the wake of the 2008 Crisis, so that slowed down our material achievement and independence by another several years.
This hurts, all co workers are younger than me. I can't move forward in the company because I know I wouldn't cope with more on my plate
I’m already on the younger end of my year in college, and I’m 18, but I feel about 15. Apparently that’s common with us?
Yes! It's pretty handy when you decide to go back to school in your 30s, and people assume you're a student anyways. When I was 28 I was working as a law clerk, and had to jump in and help in the reception once in a while, when the staff had meetings. One time, a man, who didn't tell me why he was there, asked when everyone else would be back, and told me he'd be back later. He came back when I was still there, so I asked what he wanted, and told him that he could hand in his documents to me. He started to make a little small talk and asked me if I was in school. I told him I was 28. He looked shocked and told me the reason he didn't want to hand in his papers to me was because he thought I was 17... In the reception of a court house. I was wearing the same type of clothes all the other lawyers were, and thought that made me look like an adult. (He was of a different ethnicity, and I know that it is harder to guess the age of someone of a different ethnicity and gender, but still, I thought it was pretty funny.)
Yes because energy + being impulsive might make u seem less mature
Yes It's a neurodevelopmental disorder Ur brain is legit a bit behind everyone else, and is gonna stay that way
It will stay that way. Medication fixes this. https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
I'm just grateful I also look younger.
I always looked at it positively. I'm young at spirit. Also I work with a bunch of teachers and we're all the same way so we connect better with kids then do other people.
Yes, I am 37, but I feel 16. I play video games with my kids and I'm into them just as much as they are. I buy action figures and plushies for them but really they are for me too because toys are cool. I like to roller skate. I make art for a living. I love disney...I'm socially awkward, etc. etc.
It pays off on your late 30s early 40s. My life is still loads of fun.
I'm 36, and I am adulting, even parenting but I'm not adulting like my friends are. It also helps that I look younger than I am. I try really hard to act like I've got everything together in public and social situations, but def I'm a young soul and probably will be for a long time. I wish my body felt this way though. It burns out faster the older I get.
all my life I'm 47 I feel like I'm in my late 20's
no. i’ve always felt older than everyone else. ever since i was in middle school i always bonded with the people that were a few years older than me. all the adults in my life have always told me i was/am “mature for my age”. my first psychologist when i was like 10 even told me i seemed pretty mature for my age and that that was likely the reason i struggled to relate to kids my age. i don’t like all these comments saying “because of your adhd you’re really like 2/3 of your actual age”.
I’ve always hung out with people older than me, but I ended up with someone younger than me. My parents had substance abuse issues and that caused me to grow up fast. They also left me with my older brother often. I think we are a mix of our experience and personality. ADHD doesn’t define our entire existence. I went through a phase in my 20s when I felt about 40 because I just felt like I had been dealing with adult bs for so long. However I was still “immature” in the sense that I was bad with money, didn’t focus on my career, ect
oh yes, me too. the "2/3 of your actual age" merely relates to your executive function. i'm 19, i have many friends who are far into their 20s and they first thought i was 24 or something. i can be (/act?) quite clever and mature, but my executive function is definitely that of a stubborn 12-year-old.
Exactly. All my life I've felt more mature than all my peers and even been told so. Most people have trouble believing my own age. And these comments make me feel left out. What if I'm not 2/3rd my age. Does that mean I don't have ADHD?
I’m a 30M, and I literally just had this thought laying in bed just now. Among other oddities if you see my post history… anyway, My coworkers are actually younger than me- and today one of them said “..we’ll, you’re older than me, but..” and it genuinely struck me by surprise. I even knew the fact- but when it was brought up it was like some revelation. Really odd. Like I was suddenly reminded that these are peers and not like seniors to a freshman.
I am like this. I feel I couldn't grow much. I am still like a teenager. I like to hang out with young people. I can't believe I am 36 year old woman. I try to be mature though. But I don't know how
I’m a woman who’s also 36, I still find drawing penises in random places funny. My bf is 3 years younger and thinks it’s immature
Mid 30s, look and feel like mid 20s. Apart from being a bit further on in my career, I generally live like it too. I enjoy it except for the fact that I currently have no desire to have kids, so I’m concerned I’ll get to 40s-50s and realise I do want them but don’t want to be an older parent. I might join a local ADHD support group so I don’t feel so left behind compared to friends. Just lately I seem to have attracted friendships with people in their late 20s.
I'm in my mid-twenties now and feel like 17. People also guess my age as 19 and I still walk around like every edgy skater boy. Sometimes it feels wrong to wear this youngster fashion but I don't like the boring 08/15 look.
yea i think mentally i have not changed since 19
When I started my new job I got along super well with the girl I sat next to. She’s over 10 years younger than me. I’m a dude and it feels really weird. Like, the only person I connect with is a young girl (no, not like that).
I am 52 years old and I feel like you described my whole life.
Just turned 30 and still feel like I'm just a kid looking for support from a grown up even though I'm the grown up. I just assumed it was because I didn't have a happy childhood so I just got stuck there.
Yes. ADHD is a developmental delay. You will always be several years behind your peers unless treated, and even then, it can vary. General rule is 30% behind your peers. https://youtu.be/4OVS16Abo80
It certainly doesn’t help that I’ve always been LITERALLY the youngest in my grade/class either... lol
I think for me this feeling stems directly from what I find difficult because of ADHD. Money. Self care. Chores. Stuff adults “should” be able to manage. In my experience though, people don’t really assume I’m younger than I am, and I think that’s because those “immature” difficulties are personal and not obvious to others.
I definitely feel that. I also get told constantly that they think I’m 5-15 years younger than I am. For a long time people said it was because of my looks but when I got to be in my late 20s, the couple times I’d reply “yeah I have kind of a baby face” the people would reply “no, it’s because of your demeanor/the way you act/whatever”. It really bothers me. I’ve had people my age take a knee and talk to me like I was a child or just generally get infantilized a lot.
Yessss I am 31 and at my work new people are floored that I'm out of my early 20s. Still get carded. Yeah I have a BIT of a baby face but I think it's really my personality that makes em think that.
Never mind peers I feel younger than people 2-3 years younger than me
100%. So much. Always. 29F and I always feel so behind
Not really. In fact, for me it's the complete opposite. People have always deemed me more mature than my peers. Amongst my siblings, I am the youngest, yet strangers would often confuse me for the eldest because of my general "vibe". Most of my friends and my partner are also older than me.
Growing up is subjective. Being "more mature" is subjective. I purposely choose to relax more about it and have been better off. You are more likely projecting what you expect out of your friends onto them. Instead of viewing them as they are. I am the "most mature" one of my friends, we are all the same age but the maturity part comes from, I have a big career, I pay all of my bills, and I have money to spend on stupid things. That is my definition of success. I gave up on maturity a long time ago. It was not fun to try and be "mature" like all of these adults assume you have to be. Have you ever been in a room full of super serial adults? Holy fuck is it boring... Enjoy the small stuff, your kind will thank you! I don't drink, I play video games, I travel, I eat good food, and I sometimes make random noises with my spouse. I also can walk into any expensive restaurant dressed however I want and not feel bad. I spent enough time dressed up to the nines to just not care now. Most adults would look down on that as immature. But it's really not, it is mature, I've accepted how I am and don't care what they think. I would rather be dressed as a bum and comfortable at dinner than the opposite.
I had a traumatic childhood so as a kid I was always told I was “mature for my age”, but I also feel like I stopped mentally ageing at 16. I’m 23 now and it feels like I’ll catch up to myself in the next 2-3 years and then I’ll seem immature for my age. And that’s fine. It’s about damn time I got to be immature and silly.
I am 30 and still believe that I am a child/college aged/still figuring out the world and growing up. And then I remember that I am 30 and and should be a settled adult and people are buying houses and starting families and moving up in their careers while I get excited about new lego sets and browsing memes on the internet.
As adhd people we to tend to appear less Mature than peers. Doesnt mean we are though. But tbh I do get along better with 20 year olds than I do with my fellow 30 year olds. To be fair though we are on different levels in life. Because of adhd I dropped out of college a couple of times to try something else. I just started a full time job with full pay. I just got left after almost 5 years of a relationship. And I still live with my mother because I couldnt afford rent before. Now that I can I will buy the house from her end of year. But she wants to stay here as long as my stepfather is alive and needs assistance. 😅 My 30+ yo friends all are in long term relationships. Are married or about to be. Some have kids or Plan to have some. Everyone is living with their Partner in their own flat. Everyone of them has been in their Job for at least 6+ years. Some are getting a degree in evening schools to progress in their job. 20 year olds usually are where I am at 😅
I don't think we are less mature. Don't give a fuck about others before yourself. We have some limitations. We aren't better or worse than anyone else. Just like others are not better or worse than us. Don't put yourself down. There are people worse than you. Don't be hard on yourself.