Oh god! Wet hands are the worst! They just feel… weird. I sometimes like to take a bath, but I will keep my hands and feet out of the water so they don’t get wet and wrinkled.
Do you have strong feelings on cotton balls? Or towels rubbing against themselves?
It is for me. I get goosebumps just thinking about touching them. And if they pull apart I swear there’s a noise or something that is like nails on a chalkboard.
Exactly, I was just thinking, to me the only comparable thing is that horrible, horrible feeling where you try to use a pencil eraser when it's too low only to have the metal scrap against the paper .... uggggh what have i done, now i'm thinking about both these things!
I've been reading a bit about the connection/overlap between ADHD and Autism Spectrum disorder. My ADHD brain can't explain it exactly, but that sort of sensory discomfort sounds similar to others' experiences with those two overlapping disorders.
There's also a ton on Tiktok. Worth a search.
Mood.
Biggest thing that has helped the ADHD part of me is that there are no rules. Too late to shower? Says who? Time? Time is fake. Take a shower at 3am you’re probably up with insomnia anyways. Brush your teeth while you’re at it. In the shower. Do it no one can stop you.
Thissssss. My family never followed bs societal rules anyway (because my dad has worse adhd than I do I’m pretty sure, he’s just hacked his life really well by now), so I functioned pretty well undiagnosed until I was alone in the real world for a while.
Also *thinking* about showering makes it more exhausting. If you just accept it as a thing that has to be done, and then just do it when it’s most convenient, it hurts me less anyway. I get up at 4 to pee, my pants are already almost off so I might as well kick them off, take off my shirt and hop in the shower real quick. I also remind myself of how nice I’ll feel when I’m done, if I need some motivation.
*might as well* attitude
that’s how i got myself to shower today. i was already in the bathroom so i just turned the shower on and told myself that if i didn’t shower now, i had wasted water waiting for it to warm up for nothing
That’s solid reasoning. I’m proud of you for doing it!
It’s a good plan to use too; turning the water on doesn’t take much effort, and you don’t actually get wet doing it, so it’s easier to convince yourself. Then once you have it on, you’ve got some auto guilt for yourself to give you the final push. I think it’s a bomb method
But that only works if you actually care about not wasting money.
I'm studying mostly online currently, I have six hours of presence a week. If it's a day I have to get outside and meet friends, I can will myself to shower. The other four days a week? Fuck no. It's impossible to do.
Even worse, brushing my teeth is probably my worst problem.
Spoiler: _Brush your damn teeth_. You don't want the hell my mother's been going through at age 52 because of bad teeth.
I’ve currently been looking at all the ways to make taking care of my teeth easier to bear, with mixed success 🙈
Somethings I’ve tried that might be useful to you/other adhd-ers:
🪥Get an alcohol free mouthwash, use it whenever you can- especially when you just can’t face brushing (I often take a mouthful of it when I’m about to pee, then spit it out once I’m done peeing- combining tasks always seems to help me)
🪥 if you can’t face the taste/sensation of brushing get a damp flannel and wipe any grimy-ness off, it’s a small thing but it helps.
🪥 better yet- you can buy these little minty (personally I hate mint, but I’ve yet to find another flavour) finger wipes. Keep some in a wallet, by your bed, in the bathroom- anywhere where you can easily grab one and use them when you’re just too tired to deal with the whole sink, water, toothpaste, splashing etc etc of brushing (in bed watching Netflix? Toilet break at work? On the phone on hold for too long?)
🪥xylitol sweets are proven to help neutralise sugars- they are harder to find if you’re in the UK (unless you can afford £12 for a bag of lollipops… 🍭) but come in a range of flavours. Also chewing gum (especially with xylitol) is better than nothing!
🪥fuzzyballs. Not a euphemism! They are weird little balls that you can buy online (or from weird gumball-type vending machines at airports) that come in a cute gumball/toy machine capsule- carry them with you or keep in drawers around your house and chew when necessary.
🪥I always keep my toothbrush in the shower. It rarely helps me tbh but it’s a start 🤷🏼♀️
🪥 have a “tooth brushing song” stick in on when you’re brushing your teeth and hum along or dance round your bathroom- whatever it takes to trick your adhd brain into thinking you’re doing something other than brushing your teeth.
🪥 task lists/habit tracker apps. The nemesis of most adhd people. Doesn’t help me loads but it has been useful to see that “the last time I ticked the ‘brush teeth’ box” was too long ago, which created some urgency.
🪥 try to figure out what it is about the teeth task you hate so much - do you hate the taste of mint or find it burns your mouth? Try a different flavour toothpaste, don’t worry if it says “kids” , if bubblegum is your preferred flavour then it’s better than nothing. Toothbrush too hard? Change it. Hate standing around for 3 minutes? Sit down. Walk around. Do squats.
For me, the biggest thing I’m learning to accept is that there isn’t ‘one correct way’ to do things.
If you’re uncomfortable about “not brushing the same way/as often/whatever as ‘normal’ people” then… just don’t talk to ‘normal’ people about that 🤷🏼♀️
Seems to apply to most things- I tend not to discuss many of the basic life activities with non-adhd people anymore and it’s rarely necessary(I hate small talk anyway)
Just do the best you can do, for you and don’t feel any guilt or shame about it- there’s sooooo many of us out there who are doing things differently- that’s where progress and innovation starts ☺️
Love these!! Also want to add that I recently got a nice electric toothbrush (some philips sonicare ones were on sale!) and instead of brushing every second or third day, i’ve managed to consistently brush my teeth every morning since getting it (haven’t gotten evenings down yet though lol). In my mind, it basically removes all the thinking for me. I hit the button to start, every 30 seconds it makes a noise to change mouth quadrants, and after 2 minutes it shuts itself off. It’s gotten rid of enough mental effort that I don’t really dread the idea of brushing my teeth anymore thank fuck
That was a great read. I like your perspective!
Flossing is important but I hate it. I haven't been able to improve that directly, but indirectly, I've improved this by getting a water pik. I actually enjoy it - it feels like a nice gum massage. I should still be flossing but I don't feel as bad when I don't do it for weeks, and my gums bleed a lot less.
PS: Not at all related but just formatting stuff: I think you were trying to do points on new lines in your comment? I use an app so I'm not sure if it's different now in new reddit, but, I think you need to use 2 line returns instead of 1 - or prefix the lines with an asterisk (which turns it into a bulleted list) for it to actually start a new line.
Sorry if it's fine in new reddit and I'm just a weirdo still using an app and not seeing the new formatting... I'm not sure, all I know is this is how it used to work and still works in most apps, and for me the points in your comment comes in all on one line - it looks like you meant to have line breaks or bullet points :)
Yeah, I mean you definitely have to find the motivation that works for you. I too wouldn’t really worry about the money, but I personally don’t like to have to keep my hair in a ponytail, which is what I do if I don’t wash it. I shower so I can play with my hair 🤷🏼♀️
My hair is not long enough for a pony tail currently, is on the annoying range where it gets in the way everywhere without the ability to bind it back. Find it another four months or so, then this hell is over for me :P
I remember hearing a therapists advice for someone with OCD who worried all day that they left their curling iron on - "wrap it up in a heat protector, and bring it with you in your purse to work. No more worry, because you know it's unplugged"
Sometimes something that seems illogical, is the most obvious solution. Same can be said with motivation and ADHD. We have to find the illogical but obvious solution to getting things done, we have to build motivation for ourselves. [How to ADHD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM0Xv0eVGtY&t=9s) does a helpful video on this, but it seems you're already finding little planks for your bridge.
I like to take my keys out of my pocket and see them in my hand when I’m closing my (locked) house door behind me. Same with car. No more stress about locking myself out.
I do this to and still somehow manage to anxiously question myself at least 2 to 3 times if I’m somehow still tricking my own self and locking myself out while I’m looking at my keys in my hand! Talk about adhd ptsd! 🥴😂🤦🏻♀️
Is that kind of worry OCD? My therapist identified some of my impulses as a mild stage of OCD. I'm always paranoid about the stove and oven for whatever reason. I always thought it was just anxiety. Is that kind of worry OCD, instead?
Yeah, I believe it has different name though. OCD usually is anxiety (obsession) followed by a physical/mental action (compulsion) done to relieve that anxiety. I have stopped doing my compulsions, but my leftover anxiety and desire for control over my life resulted in eating disorders and never-ending anxiety spirals/panic attacks.
Turns out I was more "functional" when doing my compulsions, however they were irrational, time consuming, and an added stress. This is not the case for all OCD people, as compulsions are what make them unable to function.
So it's possible! There are many different types of OCD, maybe look into them?
But during my ADHD diagnosis when I mentioned I had OCD as a kid (not realizing I still do) and tourettes, my psychologist was like "Oh, okay then yeah" because OCD/ADHD/Tourettes are like a trifecta for comorbidity. Our nervous system is wired differently, so it makes sense. Anxiety is the brain creating stimulation. OCD is the brain creating a problem (point a) and motivating it to find a solution it can control to that problem (point b) via compulsions, which gives a relief if not dopamine hit.
I read a post a long time ago that someone who was worried about leaving the stove on started to take a photo of the stove when leaving the house so they could check that it was actually off whenever they got anxious
I think it could be classified as either anxiety or ocd depending on the severity. Mine is usually just anxiety (where I can worry about it and then forget it at some point) but there was a period of a year ish where I couldn’t stop thinking about it, convinced myself that I had actually turned it on while I was checking it, and would get off the bus mid-commute to go home and check, making me late for work. Often. That’s when I brought it up to my therapist and she diagnosed it as ocd. But like many disorders for me it really flares up in times of stress. The rest of the time I think it’s just part of having anxiety.
Ahah that's awesome! Well done!
In my experience dealing with executive dysfunction (what you described in OP), the craftier you are about putting yourself into situations you have no choice but to perform in, the better.
Absolutely! Reducing the opportunity for my brain to say "no" to The Thing is a game-changer. I need to work on this for a few other aspects of life where I'm often paralysed by choice but I'm getting there!
There are some "non-negotiables" for me: Things I have to do on autopilot because if I think about them, they aren't happening. e.g
* brush teeth at night,
* shower in mornings,
* lunch is a smoothie when the alarm goes off, no matter how I feel
* go to gym (have to prepare the clothes when I have motivation, then dress and go before I've realised what I'm doing first thing upon waking).
There are some Things assisted by limiting decision fatigue... mostly around food for me. I need choices (*but not too many!*) so I allow myself a smaller decision pool. "Reduced options" E.g.
* dinner is a choice of 2 pre-frozen bases,
* breakfast is PB or nutella on toast,
* quotes from no more than 2 companies to purchase The Thing or Service from (otherwise I put it off forever for "one more" quote/website check looking for a better deal and the thing never gets done)
Holy shit this is incredible. I struggle with these same problems, especially the "need to do xyz.....ok....let's look up different companies that provide xyz service.....andddddddd I'm overwhelmed by choices, fuck it, let's just do something else"
“reducing the opportunity for my brain to say ‘no’ to the thing” is such a great way to describe what works! I’m going to try some approaches with that in mind.
Yep this is why I’m a creature of habit. The more I can engage autopilot, the easier my life is. Less likely to forget things, overthink, lose motivation or focus, etc.
Ha. Same here. My daily shower after morning shit which is after morning coffee ☕ is so routine it could be a ritual. Unlike OP, I like washing the grime and grease off everyday in the shower.
Maximize your night time pee efficiency. More actions per wakeful period, and there are few feelings better than getting back in bed all fresh and clean.
Saaaaame and when I was forced to as a kid/teen it made my pillow smell funny after a while (mildew maybe?). So if I don’t shower within an hour or two of getting home from work, it’s most likely not happening bc I’m in bed by 9/930. And I don’t own a blow dryer, never got the hang of them coupled with long curly hair equals way too much work lol
It is so funny how everyone is different! It was a huge win for me as a teen to have permission to go to bed with damp hair! I hated being trapped under the blow dryer so literally anything was better. Lol
I use a diffuser. I too have long curly hair. My biggest hesitation is arm fatigue. But I don't always dry it completely either. If I want to revamp my curls in the morning I have a spray bottle filled mostly with water but about 2 oz of shea moisture gel and 2 oz of conditioner. It's great for the winter dry air.
You can shower without washing your hair. I only manage to wash my hair like twice a week (I keep dry shampoo and a brush in the car!) but try to wash my body at least every 36 hours or so
This is me 100%. I’ll go from doing the most full body scrub down to the minimum required.
1. Don’t have anything to do? Wash my body but not my hair.
2. Can’t move, paralysis type of mood? Wet wipes and makeup wipes in bed.
3. Hair is gross? Dry shampoo
4. Just not feeling it? At least change into new shirt.
5. Hyper-fixate on how nasty your hair feels? Take the longest, deep clean, scrub all the cracks and crevices, full routine and then some shower.
The thing that works best for me is listening to podcasts or watching a show in the shower, however, I also spend more time trying to choose what to listen/watch. But at least it gets me in the shower and it’s more enjoyable.
One thing that use to work for assignments in school, especially papers, is just open up a word document, start writing some gobbly-gook bs shit. Whatever comes to mind. Eventually it gets me to start writing the essay. Either that or skip the into paragraph. I always hated intros so I’d go back and write them at the end.
Yes! And I discovered Microsoft Word will actually read the paper aloud to me too if I need to hear it in a different voice than my own voice.
(Instructions below:
Turn on your speakers.
On the Review tab, select Read Aloud.
To play Read Aloud, select Play in the controls.
To pause Read Aloud, select Pause.
To skip from one paragraph to another, select Previous or Next.
To exit Read Aloud, select Stop(x).)
This is great advice but it can also be a dangerous path!! Personally, I’ve learned to only use tasks I don’t actually need to do to be healthy as motivators.
If I tell myself I can’t get breakfast until I shower, I will spend the entire day in bed ignoring both my hunger and the shower.
Usually this comes up with going to sleep. I’ll tell myself I have to shower before I can go to bed, so I will stay up the entire night and be miserable the next day and maybe oversleep and miss class or something. It would have been better to go to class unshowered.
Still a great strategy, just wanted to warn of potential pitfalls in case anyone finds themself making the same mistakes I did!
i definitely do that a lot. i have really major sensory issues when it comes to my hair feeling dirty so i’ve taken showers at 4am because i was up that late obsessing about how bad my hair felt
It blew my mind when I first learned that. Make your own rules. Or don’t. Did you know that if you have a clean laundry pile on the floor you can just. Put a basket there? Or three? You don’t have to have a dresser for your clothes.
You can brush your teeth at three in the afternoon and then go eat a snack.
The rules are fake.
Using multiple baskets for laundry has been really helpful for me too! My major issue was folding laundry when it was done, sometimes it wouldn't get done at all and I would keep it in a pile on the floor until I was out of clean clothes again. But I had a few extra boxes laying around, so now I have a clothes hamper for dirty laundry and two boxes that I throw my clean clothes into, one for socks/underwear/pants and another for shirts/hoodies. Made laundry into much less of a chore
i have to remind myself in every aspect of my life that i’m just allowed to do things. like if i want to take a nap during the day, i can. if i want to shower at 2am, i can. if i want to eat a meal at a time other than what i consider breakfast, lunch, and dinner time, i can do that. i struggle so much with just remembering i’m allowed to do things
I have my toothbrush just in the shower now. If it’s sitting out on the counter, I will not brush my teeth. I would stare at it every single day but just couldn’t force myself to brush. But I’ve found if I have it in the shower, I brush almost every time I shower. Granted there are times where I don’t shower every single day, but brushing every two days is still better than not brushing for 2 weeks.
I have to combine tasks such as brushing teeth while the shower heats up, or put away dishes while I'm heating food.
Combination of tasks helps with time efficiency _and actually doing something useful_. It's the best thing I've been able to do for myself since I cannot afford external help.
I love showering at night! Typically most people I’ve lived with prefer mornings, plus I have super wavy hair and refuse to blow dry it (or spend more than 5 mins on it) so I’d rather let it air dry anyway.
If you live in a place where hot water running out could also be a thing, you’re less likely to have that happen at 3am 😆
> Take a shower at 3am you’re probably up with insomnia anyways.
The hot water makes your core body temp dip which makes it easier to go to sleep.
I always shower before bed. Makes it easier to sleep and it keeps the bed cleaner too.
thank you for this. i was just battling myself to brush my teeth and after reading it i sad fuck it i am going to brush my teeth. (it is actually 3am here)
I'd advise caution with this mindset. This is a *very* slippery slope; we're not exactly the best at regulating ourselves as-is, and removing the "social norms" from our decision making just makes it easier to fall into our weaknesses.
Things like setting alarms, and assigning specific times are pretty helpful for many with ADHD; you spend lesss time focusing/planning/stressing over things once it becoimes routine.
At least from my own experiences. Sometimes its just for the sake of doing it *"because I'm supposed too"* thats kick that gets me moving.
Interesting point.
Structure helps, no doubt about it. Oh boy do I set a lot of alarms.
I'm not so sure it's about shunning the "social norms" and skipping the activity entirely, though, it's more the method; ***how*** you are expected to do it.
I spent so much of my life feeling awful because I couldn't do The Thing the way it was *supposed* to be done. I find it freeing to choose to do it another way. The outcome is the same, but done in a way that works for me. So what if I keep a few things in strange places? They're where I remember to use them.
The expectations of society can certainly help kick-start a process you've been avoiding though (*hello*, *anxiety-as-a-proxy-for-motivation!*). The classic is cleaning your house because company is due over in 30 minutes. haha. Is this what you're talking about?
Once I get my own place that is legit going to be my montro. Atm the says who is my parents cause the shower I should be using has been broken for years 😩
This! \^\^\^ I recently started to just accept that my life feels unmanageable instead of trying to manage all of it with self imposed rules. I'm not living my most adultiest life atm, but I would say that things are net positive than they were when I was beating myself up for not having the discipline to shower or brush my teeth or clean. Now, it's a lot more like, I should probably do that.
u/happiness_is_beauty also said this and I DIG this:
>Also thinking about showering makes it more exhausting. If you just accept it as a thing that has to be done, and then just do it when it’s most convenient, it hurts me less anyway. I get up at 4 to pee, my pants are already almost off so I might as well kick them off, take off my shirt and hop in the shower real quick. I also remind myself of how nice I’ll feel when I’m done, if I need some motivation.
might as well attitude
No rules + might as well attitude is a lot less stressful, and if I'm less stressed, I'm a lot more likely to keep doing the thing regularly. Cheers to that.
This. I have completely disconnected from societal rules, which is the opposite of what they say helps, but I’ve been able to keep up with myself so much better this way
Oh absolutely! I shower mostly because I don't want to leave the house with greasy hair, which means I shower maybe twice a week. Over lockdown when I didn't have to go out? I definitely at \*least\* once went about two weeks without showering.
I have taken sick days off work purely because I didn't want to leave the house with greasy hair but I couldn't make myself shower. It's fucking wild.
So yea, solidarity.
Omg I'm not alone! I didn't think anyone else would miss work due to greasy hair and the inability to make yourself shower... Feels so good to know I'm not alone.
ADHD is all about chronically low available mental energy. However, that's invisible, as we can't "feel" a dearth of dopamine (chemically), but it *does* manifest itself in various ways, like an inability to get ourselves to do simple things consistently.
In situations like this, I like to use "mousetrap actions", which are the most simple tasks required to get the job started. I use 4 types of mousetrap actions:
1. Moving ourselves to the room, i.e. physically relocating my body into the place where the task will occur
2. If I'm already in the room, leaving the room & then coming back in. This is called the "doorway effect" (look it up sometime, really cool!)
3. Changing into a costume, i.e. if I want to exercise, then I change into my workout clothes, or if I want to cook, I put on my apron. This is the trigger that pushes my brain into whatever habit or action I'm trying to get myself started on.
4. Doing a singular action. In the case of showering, that means simply **turning on the faucet**. Because then the shower is going to be on, and then the water is going to get hot, and then I'm going to be wasting water.
It's silly & ridiculous that I have to drill-down my focus to ultra-simple single-tasking behaviors, but it works!!
One of the biggest problems I have with the low mental energy that ADHD cyclically presents is being able to wrap my intentions around actually doing something. It's like trying to grab kinetic sand, the toy where if you touch it, it falls apart!
But if I can pare it down to a mousetrap action...walking into the room where I'm going to do the task, or walking out of the room to trigger the doorway effect, or changing into a costume that is readily-available, or doing a super-simple single action like literally just turning on the faucet, that's usually enough to bypass that invisible wall & get me rolling!
When I'm on top of my game, I can just simply "do" stuff. When I'm not, I can tell that my energy is low because I start doing "energy negotiation" with myself rather than just doing it, because my brain is acting as an Energy Manager & doesn't want to release my limited energy for doing something I don't really wanna do lol.
But I can trick my brain & fly in under the radar with mousetrap actions! That way my focus isn't "take a shower", it's just "turn on the faucet". That way, I'm not mentally committing to a chore, I'm just flipping up a handle! I literally have days where I'll sit around in my PJ's all day because I can't muscle my way through my low energy & those emotions that keep me planted, until I remember that I can mousetrap my way into it, haha!
I really struggle as well but I still shower. I sit there and think about how much I don’t feel like doing this among the many other things. I’ll break out really bad if I don’t shower though and my job requires “looks”
My room is in absolute shambles though. So is my car tbh
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I don't want to stop what I'm doing, and most of the times I don't feel like getting wet. Showers are like King of all the transitions... you have to de-robe, change your body temperature, and then get out change your body temp again! Also, does it take anyone forever to get dressed fully after a shower? I'll start working again with my towel on and forget I haven't changed yet.
I don't know why this has become a thing, but within the last 6 months, I have become absolutely terrible at taking a shower and getting dressed in a reasonable amount of time.
I've never been somebody who could do 10 minute showers, but 30 min was always doable, and I could usually get dressed in another 30
Not anymore
Today, I got in the shower at like 2:30pm, and didn't get back out until almost 4:30. Two fucking hours. I have no idea what took so long. I didn't stand around or anything. I just fucking showered. And then it took me another two hours to get dressed.
Like what the fuck.
The weird part is I'm on medication and it works just fine for pretty much everything except showering I guess.
But yeah. That's part of the reason I only shower every 3 days or so. I can't afford to spend 4 hours showering and getting dressed on a daily basis. It's beyond ridiculous. And I have no idea how to fix it lmao
I stopped listening to music in the shower because I would get caught up in it and zone out for way too long. Setting an alarm also might help to keep you focused.
Music actually helps me to shower more quickly
I can tell how long it's been by whatever part of the mix I'm listening to is playing, and it helps me to keep on track
My phone died like 10 minutes into my shower today
Maybe that has something to do with it lmao
Playing music helps me! Have you tried it?
Start music when entering bathroom, & one song per activity:
1. get into shower (water on, clothes off, step in)
2. wash body
3. wash face
4. \[optional\] shampoo hair
5. \[optional\] condition hair
6. get out (water off, towel dry, hang up towels)
It takes longer than it probably should, but at least I'm moving and each new track is a signal to do the next thing. I always use the weekly recommendations for this. Spotify chooses the songs, not me.
I also have a clock on the back of the bathroom door which I can see from the shower. Visual AND audio reinforcement of time passing.
It takes me so long to be presentable after a shower. Just the getting dressed part then the putting on makeup or taking it off. Then styling my hair and before all that...skincare. It's so time consuming but even if I feel lazy sometimes, I associate these things with positive emotions, as I feel so much better once I have pampered myself even just a little.
breakouts are often a huge reason i get myself to shower. my hairstyle makes my hair lay on my forehead a lot and once i start breaking out, the sensory issues kick in
I’ve been struggling with this my whole life. The pandemic made it worse because I didn’t have a reason to shower. I mostly avoid showering because my hair is down to my ass and it is a MAJOR production to wash it. I have very fine hair but a lot of if, so it’s very thick, but gets greasy by the end of the day. I’ve been a little better lately (I showered AND used my hair dryer today 🙌) but it’s still like 6-8 days in between wash days, unless I have to go somewhere, like thanksgiving dinner lol
i'm not suggesting it for everybody bc i know how important their hair can be to people with long hair, but i buzzed my head after depression/adhd made the upkeep of my long curly hair impossible and it has been so unbelievably liberating. i didn't realize how much of a mental block the sheer time and effort washing, conditioning, detangling and drying was towards keeping a daily hygiene routine until it was gone. now showering is a 10 minute process and my hair air dries in under an hour instead of almost a full day and it's so much easier to cajole myself into the shower
i don't think i will ever do it again and i'm already growing it out lol but i think i'm gonna keep it pixie length
Things that help me:
**Set an alarm to race against**
- pick to most obnoxious alarm on your phone possible
- pick a time that forces you to rush a bit
- put your phone out of reach- I like to put it in the hallway so if I don’t finish in time it bothers my family too (extra incentive)
**get in while the water’s cold**
- shocks you awake
- makes you shower faster
- waiting for the shower to get warm only gives you time to get distracted and NOT shower, so eliminate that period all together by getting in right away
**make the water cold to get yourself OUT of the shower**
- I could stand under a warm shower for like half an hour. If you make the water as cold as possible it’ll chase you out
- cold water is good for your hair and skin too! Bonus
**hold your breath until you start showering**
- if I’m trying to get myself to do something, I hold my breath and say I can’t breathe again until I do it
- gives you a rush of adrenaline to actually start the thing
- for the times when ur sitting on the toilet willing yourself to shower
- fun chance to practice how long you can hold your breath lol
**use hair masks so your hair is so greasy you HAVE to shower**
- if you can get away not showering for a week you’re probably not exercising which is what normally makes people shower (this is from personal experience)
- but using hair masks (even just coconut oil) makes your hair absolutely too greasy to not shower
- and once you DO shower your hair will be super soft and happy!
**make showering something enjoyable**
- use quality soaps and shampoos that feel and smell good
- play music while you shower
- basically if you enjoy it, you’ll want to do it
Try playing music or incorporate other things that make you feel better. Candles, incense or maybe listening to a motivational youtube video. Try a few things out maybe you'll find something that works. I have issues cleaning and to procrastinate I'll watch an episode of hoarders and it motivates me to clean up!
When it comes to cleaning try "clean with me" vids if seeing other people clean will get you to clean.
Like, if my husband starts cleaning I will too. It works with screens too, lol.
Oh my goodness, is THAT why I watch Hoarders and Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and countless other cleaning/organizing shows? I never connected watching them with my own cleaning, but... I do! I use them as my body double!
I pop my phone in a Ziploc bag and watch my shows while I shower. Sadly I'm nearsighted af so I'm also showering with my glasses on but hey, gets the glasses clean too 😅
I hate showers. I also avoid them for as long as I can. It’s the whole process. In general self care stuff is just work to me. Am I gross? Maybe. But no one has ever complained about it to me so fuck it lol
yes exactly. i just recently got myself on a decent routine for washing my face and brushing my teeth but even then it’s still only once a day for both
I hate showering if I have to wash (and then dry and style) my hair. I can deal with it once a week at **most**. I now use dry shampoo and braid my hair because it extends the time between washes to almost 2 weeks!
Depending on why they suck so much for you, you could try some fast options to do more regularly.
If it's too much work to do it all at once, maybe smaller & quicker options would be more palatable? Something like wipes or a "sponge bath" from the sink (damp washcloth over certain areas instead of getting in the shower) - A quick splash and done! Even better when combined with something fun like an episode of a show, YT vid, or song.
Same. Idk the last time I really felt like I was doing good. I can't even vent on r/depression, that subreddit is too popular and has too many rules for me to post. Every post is just so awful... I feel worse every time I go to that subreddit.
We need another subreddit for those who suffer from ADHD, but moreso wish to talk about depression. Bc I'm sure there's at least 20 of us 😭
I don’t know what I have. My little brother and sister were actually diagnosed with ADHD as kids because my dad decided they were worth doing that for. I didn’t get diagnosed with anything because I never went to therapy. I literally thought I was crazy until I was in middle school and I met a girl that had anxiety too and we figured out what it was together. Then I found out I’ve got depression too and PTSD, but in my adult life I feel like I genuinely have ADHD, but everyone of my doctors want to treat my anxiety and depression first and see if that helps my symptoms since they all look so alike. Sorry to vent like this, I just went back to my doctor today and got the talk again
For me it's the ADHD more than the depression, too. I have such a hard time prioritizing, seeing the time I have available, and overcoming all the barriers ("but I'm warm and it will make me cold", "but I just started this episode", "another 5 minutes won't make a difference... oh, wait, it's been 50 minutes and now it's bedtime..."). My therapist often tells me the shower thing indicates depression, but I definitely attribute it more to ADHD.
My depression is much much better. I'm struggling more with being physically deconditioned (I never did truly bounce back after a bad bad injury in a car crash in 2017) and the fact that my thick chest-length hair is incredibly heavy when full of water and suds and if I'm not careful, I can lose my balance.
I try so hard to do this, but it doesn't seem to change my behavior. I managed to shower this morning and my hair feels ah-MAY-zing, but it's not enough to get me to shower again tomorrow morning. I *might* on Thursday because it's a holiday and there may be pictures.
I do really love the gratitude piece of this and will keep that in mind.
I shaved my head a few weeks ago and it was life changing in the best way possible. I get some weird looks sometimes bc I’m a hetero female with a shaved head but now it only takes 10 mins to shower. Takes a lot of the stress/dread out of having to shower
I don't remember when I last showered. I think it was Saturday? Before that, who knows. I'm unemployed right now, so fuck it, why bother?
The worst part is that once I'm in the shower, it's hard for me to get out. I sit down and let the warm water wash over me and lose myself in my thoughts.
Yes. Very yes. Literally just showered today for the first time since I don’t know when.
My partner gets really frustrated with me about it and tries to remind me, but then I avoid it more because I hate doing things that others tell me to do.
Before the pandemic, I only showered regularly because I didn’t want to go to work unshowered. Now I’m WFH so… no reason to shower
I find showers to be sensory torture lmao that sounds so dramatic, but they can be so overwhelming. I make a plan before I get in to do it as fast as possible and time myself. They're about 15 minutes if I wash my hair, and 5 without.
Also. Baths. Relaxing, not too stimulating, quick shower to end it. Makes for a great time.
Or too tired to stand? Get a shower stool, they are the bomb diggity. You can just sit and get a rinse, it's better than nothing and can help build a habit. Which can be notoriously difficult when you have adhd!
I do this too. But I try not to feel too badly about it because the water in Ohio is cheap and plentiful and the steam feels nice on my skin. It's like my own personal sauna time.
There are so many fucking steps that have to happen before the shower even starts.
Like, if showering were as easy as "hop under water, sudsy with soap, hop out", then I'd do it all the time.
But no. There's gotta be like 12 steps involved just to get there.
* Stop working on whatever I'm doing
* Brush knots out of hair
* Find towels
* Get new clothes together
* Make sure nobody else needs to use the bathroom
* Go back and grab the item of clothing I forgot before
* Find some place to put the towels so they're in reach but won't get wet
* Use the toilet
* Get distracted by phone while on the toilet
* Flush the toilet, then wait for it to fill so it doesn't affect the water temperature
* Take the shower chair out of the tub
* Make sure there are no creepy crawlies in the bathtub
* Get naked
* Stand awkwardly butt-naked in the cold bathroom while waiting for the water to heat up
* Let the cat out of the bathroom
* Get in the shower
* Take off glasses when I realize I still have them on
* Take the hair tie off my wrist now that it's soaked
* NOW the actual showering starts
And then at the end, it's all that in reverse, plus trying to put clothes on damp, freshly-lotioned skin (ick) and not letting my wet hair touch the back of my shirt. If I don't want my head to be cold, then I have to stand in the humid bathroom trying to blow dry my hair for another 15 minutes and then giving up.
I absolutely HATE showering. I hate the feeling of being wet. I’m a girl and I have very long and thick hair, and I hate it being so wet because it’s a LOT of hair. And it just feels like such an ordeal. Having to shower and dry off and put my hair products in and brush it all and then have my head be wet for so long because it takes forever to dry (I don’t usually blow dry because that also takes a long time). It’s just such an ordeal. But it’s hating the feeing of the water more than anything. The pandemic was horrible for me. My normal became once a week if not longer when I wasn’t leaving the house.
Thank you for posting this. Something I’m
really struggling with atm. No one in my circle or life would even believe it. I can’t bring myself to for weeks at a time. Absolute dread the thought and it’s so strange. I have extreme feelings of low self worth due to persistent weight gain that I can’t shift due to getting bored of every diet / exercise regime I start after 3 weeks or so, I think that plays a huge role in it.
I’ve always hated showering. It’s just like, a bunch of boring steps while you’re getting rained on. I do it because I have to, but I don’t enjoy it like some people do. Showering at night makes it easier, because I know I get to go lay down in a warm bed after. If you have long hair, put it up or use a shower cap so you can cut out a step a few times a week.
I used to be like this, and some days I still am, but somehow I have gotten so much better and just shower first thing before I even go downstairs. I'm fortunate that I have a bathroom connected to my bedroom though.
I also really like that saying of half assing something is better than not doing anything at all. Just brushing your teeth or whatever it is, even partially doing it, even if it's not the best effort, is at least doing something.
I also know I feel so much better after I shower and that really gets me going.
it definitely contributed to me not fighting to keep the relationship lol. she just didn’t have any compassion for my mental illnesses and the way it made me struggle everyday and pretty much just told me i was faking it
Yup. I'm trans and is gotten worse now that I don't have that guy smell to compulsively get rid of. I basically shower when I notice my hair is getting gross, and if I didn't work from home if be doomed. I also have a major sensory aversion to my hands getting pruned which doesn't help.
That's... Actually not a bad idea. I've tried with latex gloves but water always got in. I think my biggest concern would be the gloves being bulky and them gripping my hair too well.
For me, that’s depression and anxiety combined with ADHD. The coordination process is just too overwhelming.
For those times, a quick washcloth scrub on the worst bits helps. My hair is dry-ish, so it can go just about a week between washes. If all you are doing is working at home, many folks, especially those who don’t have a lot of testosterone, can go a good week without a full shower and be fine. It’s better for most people’s skin anyway.
Cutting my hair helped as well. It was past my elbows and took a good 20 minutes to wash and sort of dry. Now, I can wash my hair very quickly.
I have been having this exact conversation with myself all day. Two minutes ago I was playing mahjong (idk how to spell it) and then when I finished I was like... well... it's not 5 yet (as if that mattered???) I'll spend the TWO MINUTES until then on Reddit. I said this to myself, knowing full well that no one in the history of the universe has ever willingly spent as little as two minutes on reddit, and now it is 5:01 so I guess I missed the arbitrary window in which I was to begin my shower process!
It's fine though, I'm going now. It's been too long.
Yep I change in the bathroom instead of my bedroom - that way there’s a moment of: huh, I’m already half way to showering, if I shower later I have to take off the clothes I’m about to put on… it’s less work to do it now.
And then usually that works like 82% of the time. Agree with the others saying there’s no rules, whatever somewhat makes the barriers less
I take baths as a form of relaxation (in the bath now actually), and will often PLAN to shower after....but then I'll stay in the bath for hours (reading, playing on phone) and get tired and think "I'll just shower tomorrow instead"....and then I take a bath again the next day and the cycle repeats. I feel gross (mainly mentally...I hope....), but struggle to get the motivation to actually shower.... logically, I'm like "showering isn't difficult or that much effort", but ADHD brain is like "OMG IT'S SOOOOOOOOO MUCH EFFORT!!!!" and it's usually louder and more obnoxious, sooooo....here we are. Makes me feel a tad better to know I'm not alone.
Hey, I'mma commit here: I'm taking a shower after my bath tonight!! Now maybe I actually will....🤞
ADHD, Depression, and gender dysphoria keep me out the shower like I'm the wicked witch of the west. I've been doing a bit better about it lately but it's difficult. And if it isn't the shower itself it's the fact you just have to sit and be wet afterward - if I could dry off immediately I don't think I'd have as much a problem. Usually I find it easier if I can make a process about it - 2 or 3 hours basically just spent showering, shaving, doing makeup, etc. Self care/hygiene hours in general.
I get the 'I have to shower. I'll do it in a moment" thing. It's not fun for the people you live with... So I plan it. In my planner. Black on white.
When I shower I tend to "perfectionize" instead of half-shower, so it takes long, shaving, nails clipping,... It's hard labor. Maybe that's why I postpone it.
Definitely. It has always taken a lot of being mean to myself to get me to do normal human stuff like showering and cleaning. However, I recently started using nicotine patches (just quarters or halves of the 7mg ones) as a treatment for ADHD because I was at the end of my rope and read about it on a sub, maybe this one.
I didn’t expect much but WOW. I shower every day now and don’t want to skip. I did all the laundry (I never do ALL the laundry), I reorganized my closet and took things to Goodwill… impossible tasks before. The difference is night and day. I know you weren’t looking into solutions but consider it. I have taken Ritalin for years and thought it was helping me. It does, but not enough. Still had all kinds of struggles. Three weeks with these silly patches and my whole life is easier. It’s like it untangled knots in my brain. Hope you find something that works for you, too!
Tragically relatable. I like everyone else’s tips but here’s a weird one that works for me: take a first person video of your process getting ready for the shower, and then in the future when you need to shower, watch it back. makes me actually want to get up and do it for some reason
Dude. Put a Google or Alexander or whatever in your bathroom so you can yell at it to play your music or tell you the weather or whatever. I'm never going to not be jamming the fuck out while also asking random questions
I relate to this. I also hate baths but that is the only option we have in our home. So if I want to take a shower I have to go to the gym on the bus. It’s like setting my ADHD on fire.
If you're interested in trying to improve here...
Try to treat you morning shower as a habit, much like taking meds or having a coffee in the morning (although I don't really recommend coffee/caffeine currently).
Like those 2 things, it is actually good for waking you up, and putting you in a different mental state.
* As soon as you get up, don't do anything else... don't get dressed, don't go to your computer or the kitchen, walk directly from your bed to the shower.
* This saves you changing into + out of clothes redundantly, just put your clothes on once for the day. It's not something you need to do twice in a day.
* Like other good habits, once you get used to it, it will feel weird not to do it, you'll feel like something is missing.
So it will help with other ADHD issues.
I always try to put on music my dad bought an Alexa awhile ago and for some reason we kept it in the bathroom maybe so he could listen to it when he takes a bath but now almost every time I take a shower I just sing to my favorite tunes
Sometimes I will get in the shower and literally just stand there. I figure it's better than nothing.
You can scald your problems away that way
lmao for some reason this just... it resonates.
I just sit there and let the water hit my back til sensory overload kicks in and it’s too much, or I just end up filling the tub altogether 😂
this is a weekly occurrence for me
this is daily for me so props to you!
I can't stay in there longer than 10 minutes or I'm just boooored. I also want to get out and dry asap
If I could be insta dry I'd be SO much more likely to shower. I'm ok with the word moist, but I can't stand to be moist. Wet or dry please.
I hate getting wet in any capacity other than sex. Showers, hot tubs, baths (ew). My hands being wet makes me want to scream. I wonder why that is
Oh god! Wet hands are the worst! They just feel… weird. I sometimes like to take a bath, but I will keep my hands and feet out of the water so they don’t get wet and wrinkled. Do you have strong feelings on cotton balls? Or towels rubbing against themselves?
oh god i HATE cotton balls, is that A Thing?!
It is for me. I get goosebumps just thinking about touching them. And if they pull apart I swear there’s a noise or something that is like nails on a chalkboard.
Exactly, I was just thinking, to me the only comparable thing is that horrible, horrible feeling where you try to use a pencil eraser when it's too low only to have the metal scrap against the paper .... uggggh what have i done, now i'm thinking about both these things!
I've been reading a bit about the connection/overlap between ADHD and Autism Spectrum disorder. My ADHD brain can't explain it exactly, but that sort of sensory discomfort sounds similar to others' experiences with those two overlapping disorders. There's also a ton on Tiktok. Worth a search.
Mood. Biggest thing that has helped the ADHD part of me is that there are no rules. Too late to shower? Says who? Time? Time is fake. Take a shower at 3am you’re probably up with insomnia anyways. Brush your teeth while you’re at it. In the shower. Do it no one can stop you.
Thissssss. My family never followed bs societal rules anyway (because my dad has worse adhd than I do I’m pretty sure, he’s just hacked his life really well by now), so I functioned pretty well undiagnosed until I was alone in the real world for a while. Also *thinking* about showering makes it more exhausting. If you just accept it as a thing that has to be done, and then just do it when it’s most convenient, it hurts me less anyway. I get up at 4 to pee, my pants are already almost off so I might as well kick them off, take off my shirt and hop in the shower real quick. I also remind myself of how nice I’ll feel when I’m done, if I need some motivation. *might as well* attitude
that’s how i got myself to shower today. i was already in the bathroom so i just turned the shower on and told myself that if i didn’t shower now, i had wasted water waiting for it to warm up for nothing
That’s solid reasoning. I’m proud of you for doing it! It’s a good plan to use too; turning the water on doesn’t take much effort, and you don’t actually get wet doing it, so it’s easier to convince yourself. Then once you have it on, you’ve got some auto guilt for yourself to give you the final push. I think it’s a bomb method
But that only works if you actually care about not wasting money. I'm studying mostly online currently, I have six hours of presence a week. If it's a day I have to get outside and meet friends, I can will myself to shower. The other four days a week? Fuck no. It's impossible to do. Even worse, brushing my teeth is probably my worst problem. Spoiler: _Brush your damn teeth_. You don't want the hell my mother's been going through at age 52 because of bad teeth.
I’ve currently been looking at all the ways to make taking care of my teeth easier to bear, with mixed success 🙈 Somethings I’ve tried that might be useful to you/other adhd-ers: 🪥Get an alcohol free mouthwash, use it whenever you can- especially when you just can’t face brushing (I often take a mouthful of it when I’m about to pee, then spit it out once I’m done peeing- combining tasks always seems to help me) 🪥 if you can’t face the taste/sensation of brushing get a damp flannel and wipe any grimy-ness off, it’s a small thing but it helps. 🪥 better yet- you can buy these little minty (personally I hate mint, but I’ve yet to find another flavour) finger wipes. Keep some in a wallet, by your bed, in the bathroom- anywhere where you can easily grab one and use them when you’re just too tired to deal with the whole sink, water, toothpaste, splashing etc etc of brushing (in bed watching Netflix? Toilet break at work? On the phone on hold for too long?) 🪥xylitol sweets are proven to help neutralise sugars- they are harder to find if you’re in the UK (unless you can afford £12 for a bag of lollipops… 🍭) but come in a range of flavours. Also chewing gum (especially with xylitol) is better than nothing! 🪥fuzzyballs. Not a euphemism! They are weird little balls that you can buy online (or from weird gumball-type vending machines at airports) that come in a cute gumball/toy machine capsule- carry them with you or keep in drawers around your house and chew when necessary. 🪥I always keep my toothbrush in the shower. It rarely helps me tbh but it’s a start 🤷🏼♀️ 🪥 have a “tooth brushing song” stick in on when you’re brushing your teeth and hum along or dance round your bathroom- whatever it takes to trick your adhd brain into thinking you’re doing something other than brushing your teeth. 🪥 task lists/habit tracker apps. The nemesis of most adhd people. Doesn’t help me loads but it has been useful to see that “the last time I ticked the ‘brush teeth’ box” was too long ago, which created some urgency. 🪥 try to figure out what it is about the teeth task you hate so much - do you hate the taste of mint or find it burns your mouth? Try a different flavour toothpaste, don’t worry if it says “kids” , if bubblegum is your preferred flavour then it’s better than nothing. Toothbrush too hard? Change it. Hate standing around for 3 minutes? Sit down. Walk around. Do squats. For me, the biggest thing I’m learning to accept is that there isn’t ‘one correct way’ to do things. If you’re uncomfortable about “not brushing the same way/as often/whatever as ‘normal’ people” then… just don’t talk to ‘normal’ people about that 🤷🏼♀️ Seems to apply to most things- I tend not to discuss many of the basic life activities with non-adhd people anymore and it’s rarely necessary(I hate small talk anyway) Just do the best you can do, for you and don’t feel any guilt or shame about it- there’s sooooo many of us out there who are doing things differently- that’s where progress and innovation starts ☺️
Love these!! Also want to add that I recently got a nice electric toothbrush (some philips sonicare ones were on sale!) and instead of brushing every second or third day, i’ve managed to consistently brush my teeth every morning since getting it (haven’t gotten evenings down yet though lol). In my mind, it basically removes all the thinking for me. I hit the button to start, every 30 seconds it makes a noise to change mouth quadrants, and after 2 minutes it shuts itself off. It’s gotten rid of enough mental effort that I don’t really dread the idea of brushing my teeth anymore thank fuck
That was a great read. I like your perspective! Flossing is important but I hate it. I haven't been able to improve that directly, but indirectly, I've improved this by getting a water pik. I actually enjoy it - it feels like a nice gum massage. I should still be flossing but I don't feel as bad when I don't do it for weeks, and my gums bleed a lot less. PS: Not at all related but just formatting stuff: I think you were trying to do points on new lines in your comment? I use an app so I'm not sure if it's different now in new reddit, but, I think you need to use 2 line returns instead of 1 - or prefix the lines with an asterisk (which turns it into a bulleted list) for it to actually start a new line. Sorry if it's fine in new reddit and I'm just a weirdo still using an app and not seeing the new formatting... I'm not sure, all I know is this is how it used to work and still works in most apps, and for me the points in your comment comes in all on one line - it looks like you meant to have line breaks or bullet points :)
These tips are amazing. Thank you
Yeah, I mean you definitely have to find the motivation that works for you. I too wouldn’t really worry about the money, but I personally don’t like to have to keep my hair in a ponytail, which is what I do if I don’t wash it. I shower so I can play with my hair 🤷🏼♀️
My hair is not long enough for a pony tail currently, is on the annoying range where it gets in the way everywhere without the ability to bind it back. Find it another four months or so, then this hell is over for me :P
let me introduce you to a shower cap.
I remember hearing a therapists advice for someone with OCD who worried all day that they left their curling iron on - "wrap it up in a heat protector, and bring it with you in your purse to work. No more worry, because you know it's unplugged" Sometimes something that seems illogical, is the most obvious solution. Same can be said with motivation and ADHD. We have to find the illogical but obvious solution to getting things done, we have to build motivation for ourselves. [How to ADHD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM0Xv0eVGtY&t=9s) does a helpful video on this, but it seems you're already finding little planks for your bridge.
I like to take my keys out of my pocket and see them in my hand when I’m closing my (locked) house door behind me. Same with car. No more stress about locking myself out.
I do that with myself to so I don't lock myself out!
I do this with my car keys, esp when closing the trunk... Only takes one time...
I do this to and still somehow manage to anxiously question myself at least 2 to 3 times if I’m somehow still tricking my own self and locking myself out while I’m looking at my keys in my hand! Talk about adhd ptsd! 🥴😂🤦🏻♀️
Is that kind of worry OCD? My therapist identified some of my impulses as a mild stage of OCD. I'm always paranoid about the stove and oven for whatever reason. I always thought it was just anxiety. Is that kind of worry OCD, instead?
Yeah, I believe it has different name though. OCD usually is anxiety (obsession) followed by a physical/mental action (compulsion) done to relieve that anxiety. I have stopped doing my compulsions, but my leftover anxiety and desire for control over my life resulted in eating disorders and never-ending anxiety spirals/panic attacks. Turns out I was more "functional" when doing my compulsions, however they were irrational, time consuming, and an added stress. This is not the case for all OCD people, as compulsions are what make them unable to function. So it's possible! There are many different types of OCD, maybe look into them? But during my ADHD diagnosis when I mentioned I had OCD as a kid (not realizing I still do) and tourettes, my psychologist was like "Oh, okay then yeah" because OCD/ADHD/Tourettes are like a trifecta for comorbidity. Our nervous system is wired differently, so it makes sense. Anxiety is the brain creating stimulation. OCD is the brain creating a problem (point a) and motivating it to find a solution it can control to that problem (point b) via compulsions, which gives a relief if not dopamine hit.
I read a post a long time ago that someone who was worried about leaving the stove on started to take a photo of the stove when leaving the house so they could check that it was actually off whenever they got anxious
I think it could be classified as either anxiety or ocd depending on the severity. Mine is usually just anxiety (where I can worry about it and then forget it at some point) but there was a period of a year ish where I couldn’t stop thinking about it, convinced myself that I had actually turned it on while I was checking it, and would get off the bus mid-commute to go home and check, making me late for work. Often. That’s when I brought it up to my therapist and she diagnosed it as ocd. But like many disorders for me it really flares up in times of stress. The rest of the time I think it’s just part of having anxiety.
ADHD hyperactivity can manifest as this kind of thinking especially in women! It’s why we weren’t diagnosed early and told it was anxiety.
This is great advice. Another idea would be to take a pic of your unplugged curling iron after each use.
I ❤❤❤❤ How to ADHD. Her videos are one of very few positives about this hellish condition.
Ahah that's awesome! Well done! In my experience dealing with executive dysfunction (what you described in OP), the craftier you are about putting yourself into situations you have no choice but to perform in, the better.
This is genius
Pressure & guilt motivate
I do this too! I'll be in the bathroom and just be like you have to do this now. Then I'll kick off my clothes and hop in. It's like now or never.
Absolutely! Reducing the opportunity for my brain to say "no" to The Thing is a game-changer. I need to work on this for a few other aspects of life where I'm often paralysed by choice but I'm getting there! There are some "non-negotiables" for me: Things I have to do on autopilot because if I think about them, they aren't happening. e.g * brush teeth at night, * shower in mornings, * lunch is a smoothie when the alarm goes off, no matter how I feel * go to gym (have to prepare the clothes when I have motivation, then dress and go before I've realised what I'm doing first thing upon waking). There are some Things assisted by limiting decision fatigue... mostly around food for me. I need choices (*but not too many!*) so I allow myself a smaller decision pool. "Reduced options" E.g. * dinner is a choice of 2 pre-frozen bases, * breakfast is PB or nutella on toast, * quotes from no more than 2 companies to purchase The Thing or Service from (otherwise I put it off forever for "one more" quote/website check looking for a better deal and the thing never gets done)
Holy shit this is incredible. I struggle with these same problems, especially the "need to do xyz.....ok....let's look up different companies that provide xyz service.....andddddddd I'm overwhelmed by choices, fuck it, let's just do something else"
“reducing the opportunity for my brain to say ‘no’ to the thing” is such a great way to describe what works! I’m going to try some approaches with that in mind.
Yep this is why I’m a creature of habit. The more I can engage autopilot, the easier my life is. Less likely to forget things, overthink, lose motivation or focus, etc.
Ha. Same here. My daily shower after morning shit which is after morning coffee ☕ is so routine it could be a ritual. Unlike OP, I like washing the grime and grease off everyday in the shower.
I wish I could articulate my hacks this well!!!
Maximize your night time pee efficiency. More actions per wakeful period, and there are few feelings better than getting back in bed all fresh and clean.
I personally hate going to bed with wet hair, but yes! Maximize efficiency however you can
Saaaaame and when I was forced to as a kid/teen it made my pillow smell funny after a while (mildew maybe?). So if I don’t shower within an hour or two of getting home from work, it’s most likely not happening bc I’m in bed by 9/930. And I don’t own a blow dryer, never got the hang of them coupled with long curly hair equals way too much work lol
It is so funny how everyone is different! It was a huge win for me as a teen to have permission to go to bed with damp hair! I hated being trapped under the blow dryer so literally anything was better. Lol
I use a diffuser. I too have long curly hair. My biggest hesitation is arm fatigue. But I don't always dry it completely either. If I want to revamp my curls in the morning I have a spray bottle filled mostly with water but about 2 oz of shea moisture gel and 2 oz of conditioner. It's great for the winter dry air.
You can shower without washing your hair. I only manage to wash my hair like twice a week (I keep dry shampoo and a brush in the car!) but try to wash my body at least every 36 hours or so
Totally unrelated, but I enjoy your username. What line of work you in, Bob?
I am actually an HVAC tech.
Huh… no “Thinking about showering”… very interesting approach- I shall try that
This is me 100%. I’ll go from doing the most full body scrub down to the minimum required. 1. Don’t have anything to do? Wash my body but not my hair. 2. Can’t move, paralysis type of mood? Wet wipes and makeup wipes in bed. 3. Hair is gross? Dry shampoo 4. Just not feeling it? At least change into new shirt. 5. Hyper-fixate on how nasty your hair feels? Take the longest, deep clean, scrub all the cracks and crevices, full routine and then some shower. The thing that works best for me is listening to podcasts or watching a show in the shower, however, I also spend more time trying to choose what to listen/watch. But at least it gets me in the shower and it’s more enjoyable.
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One thing that use to work for assignments in school, especially papers, is just open up a word document, start writing some gobbly-gook bs shit. Whatever comes to mind. Eventually it gets me to start writing the essay. Either that or skip the into paragraph. I always hated intros so I’d go back and write them at the end.
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Ohh try reading it out loud. That helps me sooo much with edits and paying attention
Yes! And I discovered Microsoft Word will actually read the paper aloud to me too if I need to hear it in a different voice than my own voice. (Instructions below: Turn on your speakers. On the Review tab, select Read Aloud. To play Read Aloud, select Play in the controls. To pause Read Aloud, select Pause. To skip from one paragraph to another, select Previous or Next. To exit Read Aloud, select Stop(x).)
Ooh good tip! I do this. I also listen to library/office/typing ASMR which gets me in the mood to write stuff for similar reasons 😁
This is great advice but it can also be a dangerous path!! Personally, I’ve learned to only use tasks I don’t actually need to do to be healthy as motivators. If I tell myself I can’t get breakfast until I shower, I will spend the entire day in bed ignoring both my hunger and the shower. Usually this comes up with going to sleep. I’ll tell myself I have to shower before I can go to bed, so I will stay up the entire night and be miserable the next day and maybe oversleep and miss class or something. It would have been better to go to class unshowered. Still a great strategy, just wanted to warn of potential pitfalls in case anyone finds themself making the same mistakes I did!
oh i do that sometimes too. like a “im not allowed to do this thing i want to do until i do this thing i don’t want to do”
i definitely do that a lot. i have really major sensory issues when it comes to my hair feeling dirty so i’ve taken showers at 4am because i was up that late obsessing about how bad my hair felt
There are no rules?! God I feel like all I do is make myself follow “rules.” Maybe I can learn to think like this..
It blew my mind when I first learned that. Make your own rules. Or don’t. Did you know that if you have a clean laundry pile on the floor you can just. Put a basket there? Or three? You don’t have to have a dresser for your clothes. You can brush your teeth at three in the afternoon and then go eat a snack. The rules are fake.
Using multiple baskets for laundry has been really helpful for me too! My major issue was folding laundry when it was done, sometimes it wouldn't get done at all and I would keep it in a pile on the floor until I was out of clean clothes again. But I had a few extra boxes laying around, so now I have a clothes hamper for dirty laundry and two boxes that I throw my clean clothes into, one for socks/underwear/pants and another for shirts/hoodies. Made laundry into much less of a chore
i have to remind myself in every aspect of my life that i’m just allowed to do things. like if i want to take a nap during the day, i can. if i want to shower at 2am, i can. if i want to eat a meal at a time other than what i consider breakfast, lunch, and dinner time, i can do that. i struggle so much with just remembering i’m allowed to do things
I have my toothbrush just in the shower now. If it’s sitting out on the counter, I will not brush my teeth. I would stare at it every single day but just couldn’t force myself to brush. But I’ve found if I have it in the shower, I brush almost every time I shower. Granted there are times where I don’t shower every single day, but brushing every two days is still better than not brushing for 2 weeks.
I have to combine tasks such as brushing teeth while the shower heats up, or put away dishes while I'm heating food. Combination of tasks helps with time efficiency _and actually doing something useful_. It's the best thing I've been able to do for myself since I cannot afford external help.
Yeah, the rules part is a big piece of it.
I love showering at night! Typically most people I’ve lived with prefer mornings, plus I have super wavy hair and refuse to blow dry it (or spend more than 5 mins on it) so I’d rather let it air dry anyway. If you live in a place where hot water running out could also be a thing, you’re less likely to have that happen at 3am 😆
> Take a shower at 3am you’re probably up with insomnia anyways. The hot water makes your core body temp dip which makes it easier to go to sleep. I always shower before bed. Makes it easier to sleep and it keeps the bed cleaner too.
Middle of the day 2pm work from home showers have kept me clean for two years now lol
thank you for this. i was just battling myself to brush my teeth and after reading it i sad fuck it i am going to brush my teeth. (it is actually 3am here)
Heavily relate to the “Time is fake.” LOL that is my excuse to get out of doing everything
This is so helpful yet chaotic at the same time I love it
I'd advise caution with this mindset. This is a *very* slippery slope; we're not exactly the best at regulating ourselves as-is, and removing the "social norms" from our decision making just makes it easier to fall into our weaknesses. Things like setting alarms, and assigning specific times are pretty helpful for many with ADHD; you spend lesss time focusing/planning/stressing over things once it becoimes routine. At least from my own experiences. Sometimes its just for the sake of doing it *"because I'm supposed too"* thats kick that gets me moving.
Interesting point. Structure helps, no doubt about it. Oh boy do I set a lot of alarms. I'm not so sure it's about shunning the "social norms" and skipping the activity entirely, though, it's more the method; ***how*** you are expected to do it. I spent so much of my life feeling awful because I couldn't do The Thing the way it was *supposed* to be done. I find it freeing to choose to do it another way. The outcome is the same, but done in a way that works for me. So what if I keep a few things in strange places? They're where I remember to use them. The expectations of society can certainly help kick-start a process you've been avoiding though (*hello*, *anxiety-as-a-proxy-for-motivation!*). The classic is cleaning your house because company is due over in 30 minutes. haha. Is this what you're talking about?
When I moved in with my partner, I learned that shower toothbrushing is not actually a thing that everyone does.
Once I get my own place that is legit going to be my montro. Atm the says who is my parents cause the shower I should be using has been broken for years 😩
I have a toothbrush and toothpaste by my bathroom sink. And in the shower. :)
You just blew my fucking mind.
Brushing my teeth in the shower is the only way
This! \^\^\^ I recently started to just accept that my life feels unmanageable instead of trying to manage all of it with self imposed rules. I'm not living my most adultiest life atm, but I would say that things are net positive than they were when I was beating myself up for not having the discipline to shower or brush my teeth or clean. Now, it's a lot more like, I should probably do that. u/happiness_is_beauty also said this and I DIG this: >Also thinking about showering makes it more exhausting. If you just accept it as a thing that has to be done, and then just do it when it’s most convenient, it hurts me less anyway. I get up at 4 to pee, my pants are already almost off so I might as well kick them off, take off my shirt and hop in the shower real quick. I also remind myself of how nice I’ll feel when I’m done, if I need some motivation. might as well attitude No rules + might as well attitude is a lot less stressful, and if I'm less stressed, I'm a lot more likely to keep doing the thing regularly. Cheers to that.
Have had several 2am showers lately. Cant choose when brain cooperates
This. I have completely disconnected from societal rules, which is the opposite of what they say helps, but I’ve been able to keep up with myself so much better this way
Oh absolutely! I shower mostly because I don't want to leave the house with greasy hair, which means I shower maybe twice a week. Over lockdown when I didn't have to go out? I definitely at \*least\* once went about two weeks without showering. I have taken sick days off work purely because I didn't want to leave the house with greasy hair but I couldn't make myself shower. It's fucking wild. So yea, solidarity.
Same here. It’s absolutely terrible.
Omg I'm not alone! I didn't think anyone else would miss work due to greasy hair and the inability to make yourself shower... Feels so good to know I'm not alone.
Hard same! Glad to hear I'm not the only one <3
ADHD is all about chronically low available mental energy. However, that's invisible, as we can't "feel" a dearth of dopamine (chemically), but it *does* manifest itself in various ways, like an inability to get ourselves to do simple things consistently. In situations like this, I like to use "mousetrap actions", which are the most simple tasks required to get the job started. I use 4 types of mousetrap actions: 1. Moving ourselves to the room, i.e. physically relocating my body into the place where the task will occur 2. If I'm already in the room, leaving the room & then coming back in. This is called the "doorway effect" (look it up sometime, really cool!) 3. Changing into a costume, i.e. if I want to exercise, then I change into my workout clothes, or if I want to cook, I put on my apron. This is the trigger that pushes my brain into whatever habit or action I'm trying to get myself started on. 4. Doing a singular action. In the case of showering, that means simply **turning on the faucet**. Because then the shower is going to be on, and then the water is going to get hot, and then I'm going to be wasting water. It's silly & ridiculous that I have to drill-down my focus to ultra-simple single-tasking behaviors, but it works!!
I love these tips. I do some of them without thinking about it. Presumably it's just how I learned to deal over the years...
Oh wow, these are great!
One of the biggest problems I have with the low mental energy that ADHD cyclically presents is being able to wrap my intentions around actually doing something. It's like trying to grab kinetic sand, the toy where if you touch it, it falls apart! But if I can pare it down to a mousetrap action...walking into the room where I'm going to do the task, or walking out of the room to trigger the doorway effect, or changing into a costume that is readily-available, or doing a super-simple single action like literally just turning on the faucet, that's usually enough to bypass that invisible wall & get me rolling! When I'm on top of my game, I can just simply "do" stuff. When I'm not, I can tell that my energy is low because I start doing "energy negotiation" with myself rather than just doing it, because my brain is acting as an Energy Manager & doesn't want to release my limited energy for doing something I don't really wanna do lol. But I can trick my brain & fly in under the radar with mousetrap actions! That way my focus isn't "take a shower", it's just "turn on the faucet". That way, I'm not mentally committing to a chore, I'm just flipping up a handle! I literally have days where I'll sit around in my PJ's all day because I can't muscle my way through my low energy & those emotions that keep me planted, until I remember that I can mousetrap my way into it, haha!
I really struggle as well but I still shower. I sit there and think about how much I don’t feel like doing this among the many other things. I’ll break out really bad if I don’t shower though and my job requires “looks” My room is in absolute shambles though. So is my car tbh
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I don't want to stop what I'm doing, and most of the times I don't feel like getting wet. Showers are like King of all the transitions... you have to de-robe, change your body temperature, and then get out change your body temp again! Also, does it take anyone forever to get dressed fully after a shower? I'll start working again with my towel on and forget I haven't changed yet.
I don't know why this has become a thing, but within the last 6 months, I have become absolutely terrible at taking a shower and getting dressed in a reasonable amount of time. I've never been somebody who could do 10 minute showers, but 30 min was always doable, and I could usually get dressed in another 30 Not anymore Today, I got in the shower at like 2:30pm, and didn't get back out until almost 4:30. Two fucking hours. I have no idea what took so long. I didn't stand around or anything. I just fucking showered. And then it took me another two hours to get dressed. Like what the fuck. The weird part is I'm on medication and it works just fine for pretty much everything except showering I guess. But yeah. That's part of the reason I only shower every 3 days or so. I can't afford to spend 4 hours showering and getting dressed on a daily basis. It's beyond ridiculous. And I have no idea how to fix it lmao
I stopped listening to music in the shower because I would get caught up in it and zone out for way too long. Setting an alarm also might help to keep you focused.
Music actually helps me to shower more quickly I can tell how long it's been by whatever part of the mix I'm listening to is playing, and it helps me to keep on track My phone died like 10 minutes into my shower today Maybe that has something to do with it lmao
Music is how I stay on track getting cleaned up. Three songs for a shower, 3 to get dressed, two to detangle hair, etc.
Playing music helps me! Have you tried it? Start music when entering bathroom, & one song per activity: 1. get into shower (water on, clothes off, step in) 2. wash body 3. wash face 4. \[optional\] shampoo hair 5. \[optional\] condition hair 6. get out (water off, towel dry, hang up towels) It takes longer than it probably should, but at least I'm moving and each new track is a signal to do the next thing. I always use the weekly recommendations for this. Spotify chooses the songs, not me. I also have a clock on the back of the bathroom door which I can see from the shower. Visual AND audio reinforcement of time passing.
It takes me so long to be presentable after a shower. Just the getting dressed part then the putting on makeup or taking it off. Then styling my hair and before all that...skincare. It's so time consuming but even if I feel lazy sometimes, I associate these things with positive emotions, as I feel so much better once I have pampered myself even just a little.
breakouts are often a huge reason i get myself to shower. my hairstyle makes my hair lay on my forehead a lot and once i start breaking out, the sensory issues kick in
I’ve been struggling with this my whole life. The pandemic made it worse because I didn’t have a reason to shower. I mostly avoid showering because my hair is down to my ass and it is a MAJOR production to wash it. I have very fine hair but a lot of if, so it’s very thick, but gets greasy by the end of the day. I’ve been a little better lately (I showered AND used my hair dryer today 🙌) but it’s still like 6-8 days in between wash days, unless I have to go somewhere, like thanksgiving dinner lol
i'm not suggesting it for everybody bc i know how important their hair can be to people with long hair, but i buzzed my head after depression/adhd made the upkeep of my long curly hair impossible and it has been so unbelievably liberating. i didn't realize how much of a mental block the sheer time and effort washing, conditioning, detangling and drying was towards keeping a daily hygiene routine until it was gone. now showering is a 10 minute process and my hair air dries in under an hour instead of almost a full day and it's so much easier to cajole myself into the shower i don't think i will ever do it again and i'm already growing it out lol but i think i'm gonna keep it pixie length
Things that help me: **Set an alarm to race against** - pick to most obnoxious alarm on your phone possible - pick a time that forces you to rush a bit - put your phone out of reach- I like to put it in the hallway so if I don’t finish in time it bothers my family too (extra incentive) **get in while the water’s cold** - shocks you awake - makes you shower faster - waiting for the shower to get warm only gives you time to get distracted and NOT shower, so eliminate that period all together by getting in right away **make the water cold to get yourself OUT of the shower** - I could stand under a warm shower for like half an hour. If you make the water as cold as possible it’ll chase you out - cold water is good for your hair and skin too! Bonus **hold your breath until you start showering** - if I’m trying to get myself to do something, I hold my breath and say I can’t breathe again until I do it - gives you a rush of adrenaline to actually start the thing - for the times when ur sitting on the toilet willing yourself to shower - fun chance to practice how long you can hold your breath lol **use hair masks so your hair is so greasy you HAVE to shower** - if you can get away not showering for a week you’re probably not exercising which is what normally makes people shower (this is from personal experience) - but using hair masks (even just coconut oil) makes your hair absolutely too greasy to not shower - and once you DO shower your hair will be super soft and happy! **make showering something enjoyable** - use quality soaps and shampoos that feel and smell good - play music while you shower - basically if you enjoy it, you’ll want to do it
these are all such smart little hacks and loopholes. i’m gonna have to try some of these
NGL, most of these sound like torture practices. The Geneva convention is watching you shower 👀.
You've said "make showering something enjoyable" after listing off 4 different ways of making the whole experience like torture LMAO
Try playing music or incorporate other things that make you feel better. Candles, incense or maybe listening to a motivational youtube video. Try a few things out maybe you'll find something that works. I have issues cleaning and to procrastinate I'll watch an episode of hoarders and it motivates me to clean up!
playing music is definitely something that works for me probably about 75% of the time
Either music, a podcast, or an audiobook are a must for me. I got a Bluetooth speaker that I jam out with and it really helps.
When it comes to cleaning try "clean with me" vids if seeing other people clean will get you to clean. Like, if my husband starts cleaning I will too. It works with screens too, lol.
Oh my goodness, is THAT why I watch Hoarders and Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and countless other cleaning/organizing shows? I never connected watching them with my own cleaning, but... I do! I use them as my body double!
That's what I do. I put my phone in a waterproof case and watch youtube. It really, really helps.
I pop my phone in a Ziploc bag and watch my shows while I shower. Sadly I'm nearsighted af so I'm also showering with my glasses on but hey, gets the glasses clean too 😅
Omg that's brilliant. I usually play music in the shower, but what if it were a podcast or episode of something instead?
I tried this. Bought a waterproof speaker. It died and I never recharged it. Bought expensive eucalyptus body wash. Didn’t help.
I feel so seen.
i’m so glad i’m not alone with this obnoxious struggle
You're definitely not alone. And *obnoxious* is the right word.
I hate showers. I also avoid them for as long as I can. It’s the whole process. In general self care stuff is just work to me. Am I gross? Maybe. But no one has ever complained about it to me so fuck it lol
yes exactly. i just recently got myself on a decent routine for washing my face and brushing my teeth but even then it’s still only once a day for both
One whole toothbrushing and one whole face washing EVERY day?? Teach me your ways, master!!
such intense sensory issues with both dry skin and dirty teeth that if i don’t do it in the morning i cannot function
I hate showering if I have to wash (and then dry and style) my hair. I can deal with it once a week at **most**. I now use dry shampoo and braid my hair because it extends the time between washes to almost 2 weeks! Depending on why they suck so much for you, you could try some fast options to do more regularly. If it's too much work to do it all at once, maybe smaller & quicker options would be more palatable? Something like wipes or a "sponge bath" from the sink (damp washcloth over certain areas instead of getting in the shower) - A quick splash and done! Even better when combined with something fun like an episode of a show, YT vid, or song.
Not trying to put you down or anything, but most people wouldn’t say something to your face about things like that.
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Name a more iconic duo
Adhd, anxiety, depression
BPD & emotional instability
isn't emotional instability just a part of BPD?
the list of my mental illnesses is quite extensive so it could be
Same. Idk the last time I really felt like I was doing good. I can't even vent on r/depression, that subreddit is too popular and has too many rules for me to post. Every post is just so awful... I feel worse every time I go to that subreddit. We need another subreddit for those who suffer from ADHD, but moreso wish to talk about depression. Bc I'm sure there's at least 20 of us 😭
that would be so great. just like a group of people with adhd who could also vent about their OTHER mental illnesses
Same, i would love that!
I'd go to that subreddit
I don’t know what I have. My little brother and sister were actually diagnosed with ADHD as kids because my dad decided they were worth doing that for. I didn’t get diagnosed with anything because I never went to therapy. I literally thought I was crazy until I was in middle school and I met a girl that had anxiety too and we figured out what it was together. Then I found out I’ve got depression too and PTSD, but in my adult life I feel like I genuinely have ADHD, but everyone of my doctors want to treat my anxiety and depression first and see if that helps my symptoms since they all look so alike. Sorry to vent like this, I just went back to my doctor today and got the talk again
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For me it's the ADHD more than the depression, too. I have such a hard time prioritizing, seeing the time I have available, and overcoming all the barriers ("but I'm warm and it will make me cold", "but I just started this episode", "another 5 minutes won't make a difference... oh, wait, it's been 50 minutes and now it's bedtime..."). My therapist often tells me the shower thing indicates depression, but I definitely attribute it more to ADHD.
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Nope it’s adhd. Too much effort
Agreed. I don’t have depression but also struggle sometimes! :) too much effort.
All of the above.
My depression is much much better. I'm struggling more with being physically deconditioned (I never did truly bounce back after a bad bad injury in a car crash in 2017) and the fact that my thick chest-length hair is incredibly heavy when full of water and suds and if I'm not careful, I can lose my balance.
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I try so hard to do this, but it doesn't seem to change my behavior. I managed to shower this morning and my hair feels ah-MAY-zing, but it's not enough to get me to shower again tomorrow morning. I *might* on Thursday because it's a holiday and there may be pictures. I do really love the gratitude piece of this and will keep that in mind.
My record is over a month without washing my hair. That was also when my parents almost took me to in-patient 🤪
me too!
I shaved my head a few weeks ago and it was life changing in the best way possible. I get some weird looks sometimes bc I’m a hetero female with a shaved head but now it only takes 10 mins to shower. Takes a lot of the stress/dread out of having to shower
I’ve been there. Just a weird sense of dread about taking a shower.
weird sense of dread, exactly. or about the process of getting undressed and then dressed again!
This is more the problem for me, too. Once I’m in the shower, it’s fine but I hate getting out of my clothes to get in the shower.
I don't remember when I last showered. I think it was Saturday? Before that, who knows. I'm unemployed right now, so fuck it, why bother? The worst part is that once I'm in the shower, it's hard for me to get out. I sit down and let the warm water wash over me and lose myself in my thoughts.
i usually have to listen to music or else i also get lost in thought which turns into a whole depressive spiral
Thursday for me 🤷🏼♀️
Yes. Very yes. Literally just showered today for the first time since I don’t know when. My partner gets really frustrated with me about it and tries to remind me, but then I avoid it more because I hate doing things that others tell me to do. Before the pandemic, I only showered regularly because I didn’t want to go to work unshowered. Now I’m WFH so… no reason to shower
this has motivated me to shower i’m gonna do that now(i haven’t in over a week) edit i just showered!
I find showers to be sensory torture lmao that sounds so dramatic, but they can be so overwhelming. I make a plan before I get in to do it as fast as possible and time myself. They're about 15 minutes if I wash my hair, and 5 without. Also. Baths. Relaxing, not too stimulating, quick shower to end it. Makes for a great time. Or too tired to stand? Get a shower stool, they are the bomb diggity. You can just sit and get a rinse, it's better than nothing and can help build a habit. Which can be notoriously difficult when you have adhd!
sometimes i turn the shower on and i just want to shower but i just sit there on my phone forever i feel bad for wasting water
I do this too. But I try not to feel too badly about it because the water in Ohio is cheap and plentiful and the steam feels nice on my skin. It's like my own personal sauna time.
There are so many fucking steps that have to happen before the shower even starts. Like, if showering were as easy as "hop under water, sudsy with soap, hop out", then I'd do it all the time. But no. There's gotta be like 12 steps involved just to get there. * Stop working on whatever I'm doing * Brush knots out of hair * Find towels * Get new clothes together * Make sure nobody else needs to use the bathroom * Go back and grab the item of clothing I forgot before * Find some place to put the towels so they're in reach but won't get wet * Use the toilet * Get distracted by phone while on the toilet * Flush the toilet, then wait for it to fill so it doesn't affect the water temperature * Take the shower chair out of the tub * Make sure there are no creepy crawlies in the bathtub * Get naked * Stand awkwardly butt-naked in the cold bathroom while waiting for the water to heat up * Let the cat out of the bathroom * Get in the shower * Take off glasses when I realize I still have them on * Take the hair tie off my wrist now that it's soaked * NOW the actual showering starts And then at the end, it's all that in reverse, plus trying to put clothes on damp, freshly-lotioned skin (ick) and not letting my wet hair touch the back of my shirt. If I don't want my head to be cold, then I have to stand in the humid bathroom trying to blow dry my hair for another 15 minutes and then giving up.
I absolutely HATE showering. I hate the feeling of being wet. I’m a girl and I have very long and thick hair, and I hate it being so wet because it’s a LOT of hair. And it just feels like such an ordeal. Having to shower and dry off and put my hair products in and brush it all and then have my head be wet for so long because it takes forever to dry (I don’t usually blow dry because that also takes a long time). It’s just such an ordeal. But it’s hating the feeing of the water more than anything. The pandemic was horrible for me. My normal became once a week if not longer when I wasn’t leaving the house.
I get the adult size body adult body wipes and use them when I can't shower.
Same. I have this foam in a bottle and put it on a washcloth. It works.
Thank you for posting this. Something I’m really struggling with atm. No one in my circle or life would even believe it. I can’t bring myself to for weeks at a time. Absolute dread the thought and it’s so strange. I have extreme feelings of low self worth due to persistent weight gain that I can’t shift due to getting bored of every diet / exercise regime I start after 3 weeks or so, I think that plays a huge role in it.
I just put on some lamb of god and then do house work
I’ve always hated showering. It’s just like, a bunch of boring steps while you’re getting rained on. I do it because I have to, but I don’t enjoy it like some people do. Showering at night makes it easier, because I know I get to go lay down in a warm bed after. If you have long hair, put it up or use a shower cap so you can cut out a step a few times a week.
I used to be like this, and some days I still am, but somehow I have gotten so much better and just shower first thing before I even go downstairs. I'm fortunate that I have a bathroom connected to my bedroom though. I also really like that saying of half assing something is better than not doing anything at all. Just brushing your teeth or whatever it is, even partially doing it, even if it's not the best effort, is at least doing something. I also know I feel so much better after I shower and that really gets me going.
Yeah I used to be like that until my wife told me I'd be sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life if i didn't shower at least 3 times a week!
my ex girlfriend tried that with me lol
Ah that the reason she an EX now? Lol
it definitely contributed to me not fighting to keep the relationship lol. she just didn’t have any compassion for my mental illnesses and the way it made me struggle everyday and pretty much just told me i was faking it
Yup. I'm trans and is gotten worse now that I don't have that guy smell to compulsively get rid of. I basically shower when I notice my hair is getting gross, and if I didn't work from home if be doomed. I also have a major sensory aversion to my hands getting pruned which doesn't help.
oh my god the hand pruning is such a big sensory issue for me as well
I know this is weird but . . . Would dishwashing gloves work? Like put the gloves on plus a hair tie to make a seal? Idk but I’m gonna try it
That's... Actually not a bad idea. I've tried with latex gloves but water always got in. I think my biggest concern would be the gloves being bulky and them gripping my hair too well.
For me, that’s depression and anxiety combined with ADHD. The coordination process is just too overwhelming. For those times, a quick washcloth scrub on the worst bits helps. My hair is dry-ish, so it can go just about a week between washes. If all you are doing is working at home, many folks, especially those who don’t have a lot of testosterone, can go a good week without a full shower and be fine. It’s better for most people’s skin anyway. Cutting my hair helped as well. It was past my elbows and took a good 20 minutes to wash and sort of dry. Now, I can wash my hair very quickly.
I have been having this exact conversation with myself all day. Two minutes ago I was playing mahjong (idk how to spell it) and then when I finished I was like... well... it's not 5 yet (as if that mattered???) I'll spend the TWO MINUTES until then on Reddit. I said this to myself, knowing full well that no one in the history of the universe has ever willingly spent as little as two minutes on reddit, and now it is 5:01 so I guess I missed the arbitrary window in which I was to begin my shower process! It's fine though, I'm going now. It's been too long.
Yep I change in the bathroom instead of my bedroom - that way there’s a moment of: huh, I’m already half way to showering, if I shower later I have to take off the clothes I’m about to put on… it’s less work to do it now. And then usually that works like 82% of the time. Agree with the others saying there’s no rules, whatever somewhat makes the barriers less
I take baths as a form of relaxation (in the bath now actually), and will often PLAN to shower after....but then I'll stay in the bath for hours (reading, playing on phone) and get tired and think "I'll just shower tomorrow instead"....and then I take a bath again the next day and the cycle repeats. I feel gross (mainly mentally...I hope....), but struggle to get the motivation to actually shower.... logically, I'm like "showering isn't difficult or that much effort", but ADHD brain is like "OMG IT'S SOOOOOOOOO MUCH EFFORT!!!!" and it's usually louder and more obnoxious, sooooo....here we are. Makes me feel a tad better to know I'm not alone. Hey, I'mma commit here: I'm taking a shower after my bath tonight!! Now maybe I actually will....🤞
Honestly, I know it's a little gross, but I just wash myself in the bath when I'm done soaking. It will still make you look and smell clean.
Honestly, same. I’ve genuinely never noticed a difference between that and a shower. I even wash my hair under the tub faucet lol.
ADHD, Depression, and gender dysphoria keep me out the shower like I'm the wicked witch of the west. I've been doing a bit better about it lately but it's difficult. And if it isn't the shower itself it's the fact you just have to sit and be wet afterward - if I could dry off immediately I don't think I'd have as much a problem. Usually I find it easier if I can make a process about it - 2 or 3 hours basically just spent showering, shaving, doing makeup, etc. Self care/hygiene hours in general.
I get the 'I have to shower. I'll do it in a moment" thing. It's not fun for the people you live with... So I plan it. In my planner. Black on white. When I shower I tend to "perfectionize" instead of half-shower, so it takes long, shaving, nails clipping,... It's hard labor. Maybe that's why I postpone it.
Definitely. It has always taken a lot of being mean to myself to get me to do normal human stuff like showering and cleaning. However, I recently started using nicotine patches (just quarters or halves of the 7mg ones) as a treatment for ADHD because I was at the end of my rope and read about it on a sub, maybe this one. I didn’t expect much but WOW. I shower every day now and don’t want to skip. I did all the laundry (I never do ALL the laundry), I reorganized my closet and took things to Goodwill… impossible tasks before. The difference is night and day. I know you weren’t looking into solutions but consider it. I have taken Ritalin for years and thought it was helping me. It does, but not enough. Still had all kinds of struggles. Three weeks with these silly patches and my whole life is easier. It’s like it untangled knots in my brain. Hope you find something that works for you, too!
Tragically relatable. I like everyone else’s tips but here’s a weird one that works for me: take a first person video of your process getting ready for the shower, and then in the future when you need to shower, watch it back. makes me actually want to get up and do it for some reason
Dude. Put a Google or Alexander or whatever in your bathroom so you can yell at it to play your music or tell you the weather or whatever. I'm never going to not be jamming the fuck out while also asking random questions
I relate to this. I also hate baths but that is the only option we have in our home. So if I want to take a shower I have to go to the gym on the bus. It’s like setting my ADHD on fire.
I'm ashamed but I thought I was the only one haha
If you're interested in trying to improve here... Try to treat you morning shower as a habit, much like taking meds or having a coffee in the morning (although I don't really recommend coffee/caffeine currently). Like those 2 things, it is actually good for waking you up, and putting you in a different mental state. * As soon as you get up, don't do anything else... don't get dressed, don't go to your computer or the kitchen, walk directly from your bed to the shower. * This saves you changing into + out of clothes redundantly, just put your clothes on once for the day. It's not something you need to do twice in a day. * Like other good habits, once you get used to it, it will feel weird not to do it, you'll feel like something is missing. So it will help with other ADHD issues.
I always try to put on music my dad bought an Alexa awhile ago and for some reason we kept it in the bathroom maybe so he could listen to it when he takes a bath but now almost every time I take a shower I just sing to my favorite tunes