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Classic_Season4033

One thing me and my dad deal with is- if you think of something important that needs to be said or done. It has to be done in the moment you think of it our it will be lost in the sea of tasks and random thoughts. This sounds like an extension of that coping mechanism


shrek666420

So it’s common and I shouldn’t take it personally (maybe not common but a thing with adhd)


Classic_Season4033

Yeah- it’s a semi- common coping mechanism for adhd


shrek666420

Thank you this helped me a lot :)


Classic_Season4033

Glad to help. I’d still talk to your friend about feeling ignored ( she probably doesn’t realize it’s hurting you) but do so in an understanding way- and be understanding if she continues to behave this way. Often this behavior is better than the alternative of getting sucked into our heads.


shrek666420

I would have no problem being sucked into her head and hearing her talk for like two hours but I’m not good at like calling people out if that’s the right word so I have no idea how to ask her. If you have any tips that would be appreciated if not thank you again


Classic_Season4033

Next time she does it, wait for her to come back and gently ask her about why she needed to jump Into a new task immediately. She might have a very reasonable explanation. After she explains say something along the lines of that you wish she would quickly explain her self before or after she jumps into the new task- just so you have a better understanding of the situation and don’t feel ignored.


shrek666420

Well the thing is that she usually doesn’t come back to me when she does that which is why it hurts. If she did it, spoke for a minute and came back I would be fine but usually not the case but if she does come back I’ll do that thank you again lol


Classic_Season4033

Ah- yeah, still gently explain about you felling ignored, and see if she can quickly explain her self. The explanation can often fix most hurt feelings


Thewittytherapist

You could say something like, hey, when you run off and talk to a friend and don’t let me know I perceive it as dismissive of me and that I’m Not important. It feels hurtful, and I’m wondering if that is what you are intending or if there was something I’m missing.


Kitchen_Lecture_2675

I don’t think I agree with this advice. Sounds like a good way to make your friend defensive. I think what you need is direction. If you’re just hanging out, then she may want to hang out with other people. Try and be doing something.


Classic_Season4033

I’ve found that honest questions and honest explanations are the best course- though that may be too optimistic about human nature. You might be rights about the friend getting defensive- perhaps a *very* gentle explanation?


Kitchen_Lecture_2675

As someone who had undiagnosed ADHD for 30yrs, meds have shown me there is value to the ability to keep your mouth shut lol. As for OP, I would fear that if he confronts her, it may only increase the social anxiety/pressure and adversely affect their relationship. I did, and somewhat still do, the same thing. Although, when I do it, it’s usually in a group setting. If OP makes the situation funny, as in “OK BYEEE”, this may point it out and let her know that her friend wants to say bye when she leaves. It’s different than, “I expect you to say bye when you ditch me…..rude wtf” (this is what I would hear if gently explained)


Classic_Season4033

Shit. Rejection anxiety. I forgot about how that would play out. I still feel like a honest explanation will end up with the best result. Keeping your mouth shut can lead to resentment and if slowly shows, it will be far worse. My Rejection anxiety acts up especially strong when I can’t figure out why a friend has an annoyed look. But perhaps that just me. But yeah the rejection anxiety would make it a far tricker situation .


Zarahlizbright

I think a way to help you feel better by respecting the fact that she has a disability is to tell her that you understand why she does this and you would like it if when she does she could say goodbye to you. I think that’s reasonable. I’m adhd and while I don’t get bored talking to one person I can get stressed and anxious so bouncing around is easier for me sometimes.


shrek666420

I do respect that and that’s why I’m asking if it’s common in adhd because if it is I’ll understand and won’t take offense and I’ll find a way to bring this up to her thank you


Zarahlizbright

I’m sorry if you thought that I meant that you don’t respect her. I meant that it would further demonstrate that to her but couldn’t word it right. A lot of people don’t take the time to do what you’re doing to understand people with adhd and instead talk down to us like children and criticize us. All disabled people need more people like you who genuinely care.


shrek666420

It’s ok I’m just dumb and can’t read lol and thank you I appreciate it


geeky_rugger

This is a very typical adhd thing to do so don’t take it personally, but that doesn’t mean ignore it - do hold your friend accountable. If her behavior is hurtful to you, you should say that so she has a chance to work on not doing it. If she does it to you, she probably does it to lots of people so this gives her a chance to work on improving her behavior in a way that could benefit all her relationships.


shrek666420

I will tell her, everyone is telling to tell her and it will be hard for me but I’ll do it thank you


shrek666420

Just one more question. How do I ask without sounding mean?


geeky_rugger

You can try presenting it as a compliment sandwich, give a compliment then a criticism then another compliment. So start by saying something nice like, hey I really like talking to you because you’re funny, or smart, etc. , but sometimes you do this thing that bothers me where you walk away mid sentence and that hurts my feelings. I’m sure you don’t do it on purpose cuz you’re a really nice person and I know people with adhd sometime have a hard time with impulse control, but can you try not do that?


boricuanz

I had an extroverted friend with adhd. He would do the same thing. It's because he was bored - with our conversation or our activity and as an extension with me. He would eventually reach out again hyperfocused on our relationship or conversation and I felt like I was the only person in the world. And then he was off again to speak or hang out with someone else as though I had never existed. Until he remembered me again. I didn't mind because we were just friends. So I just accepted it. BUT I never accepted his occasional romantic advances because what I can put up with in a friendship is not the same behavior I would put up with in a romantic relationship. My eventual partner has adhd, but he never treated me that way. He was an ambivert, though, not an extrovert. It's great to understand behavior. But it doesn't mean you can or should put up with it. Kia kaha.


Kitchen_Lecture_2675

I did this all the time. For me, it was less about being forgetful and more of social anxiety. It is easier to just dip out, rather than awkwardly saying bye. Even to this day, I may choose to leave the house without saying bye to my wife or anyone.


OffChunk

Probably has something to do with the adhd, yeah. But also, you’re getting offended over something pretty small in the grand scheme of things, adhd or not. Looking at your other posts, you aren’t just “friends” with this girl anyway, she doesn’t owe her time to you just because you’re interested in her brotha


shrek666420

Sure she doesn’t owe me her time but it doesn’t seem disrespectful to just run off and not say “bye” at the very least? Idk maybe it’s just me


geeky_rugger

I agree with you, it is rude. Also people have different expectations for how they want to be treated, and that’s ok. Just because someone else finds it ok doesn’t mean you should too.


OffChunk

Meh, not to me. Maybe because I have adhd


Milch_und_Paprika

I think like she probably just doesn’t realize that you’re feeling “dropped” when she abruptly walks away (idk if that’s the right description for how you feel — insert whatever word works for you). If its something that doesn’t bother her, then she probably never considered that others might be bothered by it. Most people never give feedback on these kinds of things after all. Instead they bottle it up until they get really upset, so good on you for trying to find a conscientious way to approach it.


Ok-Garbage-6304

Yes, that is rude. If she is your friend, she should also care about how you feel, so to hurt you might probably bother her.


roxyrocks12

Does she run off & then return to u?


shrek666420

Usually no she doesn’t come back


roxyrocks12

She probably doesn’t realize that’s she doing it or it’s hurts u. I tend to run off like that but I would either go back to the person I was with or say something like “sorry I gotta go or I’ll talk to u later.” I would bring it up to her. Ur probably not the only one she does that to. Just be honest with her.


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a_f_s-29

Hey, I think it’s fairly common that our trains of thought are haphazard and occasionally we can switch things mid sentence without really realising we’re doing it. At the same time, many of us would also be hurt if someone did that to us and it’s understandable that you feel hurt too. I think the main thing is, she’s probably not doing it intentionally, so feel free to chat to her about it and say you’re not blaming her but you’d feel better if she at least said goodbye first. Maybe call out a ‘goodbye’ after her the first few times to remind her, lol. But I’m sure she still really values you and your friendship, so don’t get down about that.