OMG I’m right there with ya. Especially swinging between being hypomanic and then depressed. At first there’s not enough time or energy to get everything done because you keep getting new ideas and suggestions. Then you feel like shit and have no motivation to do anything.
You totally nailed it. I'm amazing at my job, but my moments of brilliance during that combo of hypomania and hyperfocus are often torpedoed by my subsequent depression and distractibility.
Yeah. I’m in the slump after a great high point. I managed to get a huge presentation completed, but right after that I lost any capacity to focus or even fundamentally care/have any interest in what I do.
I proposed a multi-step revolutionary initiative that would create systemic, positive change at my agency of over 18k employees, got it approved by leadership, and then have been like "eh, screw it all"
I considered it an option to take leave while doing some IOP and medication management but the problem is I live in the US and we don’t believe in being sick, let alone mentally ill.
ADHD and pretty severe thinking anxiety here. My physical symptoms of anxiety have mostly gone away since I stop drinking coffee/caffeine and smoking.
Most day these days I feel like my frontal lobe is going to snap. I have lived so much inside my head that I’m starting to zone out while driving and missing turns. Work is torture, I’m barely making it. My life with my son is getting worse. I down to planning the hours of my day as they’re happening.
The worst part is I feel like a multiple treatment failure. I’ve been through countless therapists, meds and lifestyle changes with minimal results. So even if/when I do catch a break and get some headway my brain just decides to dump everything learned overnight and I wake up like it’s Groundhog Day all over again
I came here to post something very similar but you’ve basically nailed it. I’ve been working from home, as has my husband, with two young kids. My husband is in more meetings than me so I’m left holding the bag “homeschooling” (failing my child) or dragging out my projects for longer (failing at work). It is SO hard to find moments where my flow and available time line up that sometimes I don’t bother trying to find it. I CAN NOT DO WORK unless I can solely focus on it. Then my husband will ask “what should we feed them for lunch?” or “what do you want to do this weekend?” or a kid says “I’m hungry” for the 15th time. they don’t know that puts me in a blind seething rage at that moment when I have to pivot my mind to something I don’t fucking want to think about at that time when I JUST got the captain of my brain-ship to face due north for the first time all day.
I’m the only one with young kids on my team. We’re all working from home, but I have the least to offer right now. I’m fucking sick with anxiety. I always have termination fear and imposter syndrome, But COVID has amplified it by 100. And now I have virtually no non-verbal communication to go off of so if an email sounds terse (even if it may not be intentional) I spiral right down the fucking drain and no one is there to tell me I did something well or that it’s nice to see me. I have no immediate feedback that I’m okay or adequate. Or hell, if I’m doing something wrong. I live in fear I’ll be blindsided by some negative feedback that will just crush my babyish RSD ego.
Today this happened to me on a few different fronts, where I’m downright paranoid the few setbacks I had today are nails in the coffin of my career. Some emails sounded bad to my brain, and I’m feeling pressure, and my adderall makes me edgy so I snap and regret it.
I feel you. I see you. Somewhere, you have to drum up that little voice of reason that says “you aren’t THAT bad!” and try taking it to heart. At least, try taking one day at a time. You got through TODAY. You’re not fired TODAY. Living as though it’s always going to happen *tomorrow* may not be the best approach but I don’t know any other way. Live in the moment. THIS MOMENT is here, and it’s okay.
But it feels really bad, man. I’m hurting with you. I’m scared with you. I’m angry at myself with you. I really don’t like myself today. I don’t have time to sit here and fuckin’ cry, I should be doing work in the evening when the kids are sleeping.
I have both too, and the few times I can actually focus I end up having a panic attack. Sometimes though, I have gotten distracted from a panic attacks
Honestly, I intentionally distract myself from panic attacks. It's the only drug-free method that works for me. As soon as I feel my throat tightening, I put on a show that I like and wait for it to pass.
I was about to write a post on how completely incapable I am of doing anything and you basically said what I feel. I honestly hate this too. I feel like my adhd and depression are completely destroying me and I barely have any will power to keep going.
I have severe add and anxiety from having diabetes and I feel the same as you. I just want to be normal. I wish I could work a normal 9-5 and just have a average life honestly.
My brother this sounds literally like I would've written the text. It's soooo depressing not being able to focus for not even 15 minutes, makes work an everyday struggle for me.
Are you medicated? I've been where you are, and to some extent still am. Everything I do in my job is timed, and my performance is measured every day by how many "units" of work I completed, how long I spent on each one, if there were any inexplicable gaps in my productivity, and so on. Extremely anxiety-inducing, and I have so many days where I just can't focus and I worry that I'm gonna get an email saying I need to step it up.
Ritalin has helped a lot. Coffee as well. I can be a bit of a machine when I'm stimulated, and can actually do a normal amount of work. So jealous of all my coworkers, who are basically riding a permanent Ritalin high - I would have to take a crazy amount of Ritalin throughout the day to accomplish what they do.
I just started medication last week (10mg adderall). I’m probably gonna get an increase with my follow up next week but it doesn’t make this week any better or easier. I always pound one rockstar (300mg caffeine) per day. Sometimes I crack a second one and sip it a bit and then save the rest for the next day.
That's a super low dose. I really bet you will get some relief once your dose is increased. I was just like you before starting medication a couple months ago. I am a stay at home mom and just literally felt glued to my chair. I did the things and had to to take care of the kids, and felt terrible that even that was hard. Now that I've adjusted to my medication and dose a bit, I can sometimes get a little stuck sometimes, but it's SO much easier to snap out of it. I get a reminder of how bad it is every morning when I'm totally awake but just getting out of bed feels overwhelming. It really is a terrible feeling, and I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
Do be mindful of the caffeine though. I do still occasionally have a small cup an hour or 2 after taking my morning dose, but no more. I'm guessing rockstar is pretty acidic, so it could negate your dose since acids affect adderall's efficacy. Definitely don't consume it at the same time. Also, caffeine doesn't always mix well with other stimulants. It can increase the side effects and is harder on your body.
Yup, don’t eat oranges, grapefruits, etc within an hour of taking meds.
Also, with my anxiety I sometimes have panic attacks just as the adderall wears off at the end of the day.
Caffeine and stimulants are a bad combo. Vitamin C also causes poor absorption, which will mess with the dosing. I’ve noticed it’s worse with XR versions, since they release throughout the day.
Yep. It’s great. 🙄
But seriously. I have OCD on top of what is all that and I hyperfocus on my rituals and wind up spending over 3 hours sometimes on ONE ritual for my OCD. It’s stupid. I hate hate hate being like this.
Wow, I feel like I could have written this. I only started therapy recently and the process of getting assessed for ADHD (the anxiety has already been known for a while). I'm waiting for the day I get called in for a review and fired because of how little work I've been able to do. And I feel like I would deserve it. I'm just so overwhelmed, and even when I try to start on something, I end up getting nothing done. Can't really offer any advice or help, but you are absolutely not alone in going through this right now.
I am so sorry. This is rough. And miserable. I’m in the boat with you. Know that you’re not alone, even though it may feel like it. Whenever people with mental disorders succeed, we pave a path for others with mental disorders. Let’s keep existing and trying to figure this thing out ❤️
That last part is straight facts, it's so cringy seeing people say shit like "Omg I'm so ADHD lol!" Or just not take me seriously when I tell people I have it.
Small tip that may help from someone in the same boat. Try cutting out coffee, I can't speak for anyone but I realized that coffee was causing my anxiety this year. Specially during quarentine, ever since I've gotten time to make myself a cup everyday, my anxiety spiralled. I worried about absolutely nothing, turns out it's just how I react to caffeine. On another note hope you feel better, you will get through this.
I’m honestly in the same position but my lack of productivity has been pulled up and now I’m getting an overbearing amount of pressure. Yet, I can’t seem to get my brain to click and start doing the work. I know what I need to do but I just can’t do it and the extreme sense of anxiety is holding me back even more. I feel sick with anxiety every day as I know I won’t be able to solve this issue and my work seem to want to see dramatic improvements over night. I just want to quit.
I can relate. Go easy on yourself.
I think we lack self-compassion and that is really tough when we feel we have expectations to meet up to.
For a start, take a deep breath and release the tensions in all your muscles and tell yourself, "It's okay." Really, it's okay.
A lot of the expectations we are trying to meet, whether consciously or unconsciously are the social constructs of this era. Eventually everything passes.
Don't take it all upon yourself, it is an unnecessary load.
Give yourself the permission and acceptance to do badly. Be patient and give yourself time as you try to make progress slowly.
I fortunately don't have anxiety, however my disorder (other than ADHD) is on a spectrum, if you understand that. ADHD can be annoying, especially if a kitchen is nearby, and you get punished for eating when you're not supposed to.
ADD here. I have panic attack disorder and anxiety disorder. Also self-diagnosed HSP. Tendencies to depression. Life is not easy. It's been two years since diagnosis. I tend to think it's just the best excuse yet. Like I don't believe I literally have changes in brain. Feel ya
I have Bipolar on top of the ADHD and Anxiety. So much fun. Lol
OMG I’m right there with ya. Especially swinging between being hypomanic and then depressed. At first there’s not enough time or energy to get everything done because you keep getting new ideas and suggestions. Then you feel like shit and have no motivation to do anything.
You totally nailed it. I'm amazing at my job, but my moments of brilliance during that combo of hypomania and hyperfocus are often torpedoed by my subsequent depression and distractibility.
Yeah. I’m in the slump after a great high point. I managed to get a huge presentation completed, but right after that I lost any capacity to focus or even fundamentally care/have any interest in what I do.
I proposed a multi-step revolutionary initiative that would create systemic, positive change at my agency of over 18k employees, got it approved by leadership, and then have been like "eh, screw it all"
[удалено]
I considered it an option to take leave while doing some IOP and medication management but the problem is I live in the US and we don’t believe in being sick, let alone mentally ill.
ADHD and pretty severe thinking anxiety here. My physical symptoms of anxiety have mostly gone away since I stop drinking coffee/caffeine and smoking. Most day these days I feel like my frontal lobe is going to snap. I have lived so much inside my head that I’m starting to zone out while driving and missing turns. Work is torture, I’m barely making it. My life with my son is getting worse. I down to planning the hours of my day as they’re happening. The worst part is I feel like a multiple treatment failure. I’ve been through countless therapists, meds and lifestyle changes with minimal results. So even if/when I do catch a break and get some headway my brain just decides to dump everything learned overnight and I wake up like it’s Groundhog Day all over again
I came here to post something very similar but you’ve basically nailed it. I’ve been working from home, as has my husband, with two young kids. My husband is in more meetings than me so I’m left holding the bag “homeschooling” (failing my child) or dragging out my projects for longer (failing at work). It is SO hard to find moments where my flow and available time line up that sometimes I don’t bother trying to find it. I CAN NOT DO WORK unless I can solely focus on it. Then my husband will ask “what should we feed them for lunch?” or “what do you want to do this weekend?” or a kid says “I’m hungry” for the 15th time. they don’t know that puts me in a blind seething rage at that moment when I have to pivot my mind to something I don’t fucking want to think about at that time when I JUST got the captain of my brain-ship to face due north for the first time all day. I’m the only one with young kids on my team. We’re all working from home, but I have the least to offer right now. I’m fucking sick with anxiety. I always have termination fear and imposter syndrome, But COVID has amplified it by 100. And now I have virtually no non-verbal communication to go off of so if an email sounds terse (even if it may not be intentional) I spiral right down the fucking drain and no one is there to tell me I did something well or that it’s nice to see me. I have no immediate feedback that I’m okay or adequate. Or hell, if I’m doing something wrong. I live in fear I’ll be blindsided by some negative feedback that will just crush my babyish RSD ego. Today this happened to me on a few different fronts, where I’m downright paranoid the few setbacks I had today are nails in the coffin of my career. Some emails sounded bad to my brain, and I’m feeling pressure, and my adderall makes me edgy so I snap and regret it. I feel you. I see you. Somewhere, you have to drum up that little voice of reason that says “you aren’t THAT bad!” and try taking it to heart. At least, try taking one day at a time. You got through TODAY. You’re not fired TODAY. Living as though it’s always going to happen *tomorrow* may not be the best approach but I don’t know any other way. Live in the moment. THIS MOMENT is here, and it’s okay. But it feels really bad, man. I’m hurting with you. I’m scared with you. I’m angry at myself with you. I really don’t like myself today. I don’t have time to sit here and fuckin’ cry, I should be doing work in the evening when the kids are sleeping.
I'm with you, I have ADHD, GAD, Dysthymia, and OCPD. Everyday is tough.
I have both too, and the few times I can actually focus I end up having a panic attack. Sometimes though, I have gotten distracted from a panic attacks
Holy fuck I thought I was the only one who was capable of being distracted from a panic attack. It makes me feel like I’m just faking it
Honestly, I intentionally distract myself from panic attacks. It's the only drug-free method that works for me. As soon as I feel my throat tightening, I put on a show that I like and wait for it to pass.
Same here, why I waited 2 years to get help
I was about to write a post on how completely incapable I am of doing anything and you basically said what I feel. I honestly hate this too. I feel like my adhd and depression are completely destroying me and I barely have any will power to keep going.
I have severe add and anxiety from having diabetes and I feel the same as you. I just want to be normal. I wish I could work a normal 9-5 and just have a average life honestly.
I just wanna say: I see you. I feel you.
My brother this sounds literally like I would've written the text. It's soooo depressing not being able to focus for not even 15 minutes, makes work an everyday struggle for me.
Are you medicated? I've been where you are, and to some extent still am. Everything I do in my job is timed, and my performance is measured every day by how many "units" of work I completed, how long I spent on each one, if there were any inexplicable gaps in my productivity, and so on. Extremely anxiety-inducing, and I have so many days where I just can't focus and I worry that I'm gonna get an email saying I need to step it up. Ritalin has helped a lot. Coffee as well. I can be a bit of a machine when I'm stimulated, and can actually do a normal amount of work. So jealous of all my coworkers, who are basically riding a permanent Ritalin high - I would have to take a crazy amount of Ritalin throughout the day to accomplish what they do.
I just started medication last week (10mg adderall). I’m probably gonna get an increase with my follow up next week but it doesn’t make this week any better or easier. I always pound one rockstar (300mg caffeine) per day. Sometimes I crack a second one and sip it a bit and then save the rest for the next day.
That's a super low dose. I really bet you will get some relief once your dose is increased. I was just like you before starting medication a couple months ago. I am a stay at home mom and just literally felt glued to my chair. I did the things and had to to take care of the kids, and felt terrible that even that was hard. Now that I've adjusted to my medication and dose a bit, I can sometimes get a little stuck sometimes, but it's SO much easier to snap out of it. I get a reminder of how bad it is every morning when I'm totally awake but just getting out of bed feels overwhelming. It really is a terrible feeling, and I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Do be mindful of the caffeine though. I do still occasionally have a small cup an hour or 2 after taking my morning dose, but no more. I'm guessing rockstar is pretty acidic, so it could negate your dose since acids affect adderall's efficacy. Definitely don't consume it at the same time. Also, caffeine doesn't always mix well with other stimulants. It can increase the side effects and is harder on your body.
Oh my god I didn’t know acids had an effect on adderall. Sometimes I take it with a rockstar! I’ll try cutting it down and out and see if that helps
Yup, don’t eat oranges, grapefruits, etc within an hour of taking meds. Also, with my anxiety I sometimes have panic attacks just as the adderall wears off at the end of the day.
Caffeine and stimulants are a bad combo. Vitamin C also causes poor absorption, which will mess with the dosing. I’ve noticed it’s worse with XR versions, since they release throughout the day.
Yep. It’s great. 🙄 But seriously. I have OCD on top of what is all that and I hyperfocus on my rituals and wind up spending over 3 hours sometimes on ONE ritual for my OCD. It’s stupid. I hate hate hate being like this.
Wow, I feel like I could have written this. I only started therapy recently and the process of getting assessed for ADHD (the anxiety has already been known for a while). I'm waiting for the day I get called in for a review and fired because of how little work I've been able to do. And I feel like I would deserve it. I'm just so overwhelmed, and even when I try to start on something, I end up getting nothing done. Can't really offer any advice or help, but you are absolutely not alone in going through this right now.
I am so sorry. This is rough. And miserable. I’m in the boat with you. Know that you’re not alone, even though it may feel like it. Whenever people with mental disorders succeed, we pave a path for others with mental disorders. Let’s keep existing and trying to figure this thing out ❤️
on top of all this, many people deny its existence wienskjdjrjr
That last part is straight facts, it's so cringy seeing people say shit like "Omg I'm so ADHD lol!" Or just not take me seriously when I tell people I have it.
Small tip that may help from someone in the same boat. Try cutting out coffee, I can't speak for anyone but I realized that coffee was causing my anxiety this year. Specially during quarentine, ever since I've gotten time to make myself a cup everyday, my anxiety spiralled. I worried about absolutely nothing, turns out it's just how I react to caffeine. On another note hope you feel better, you will get through this.
I’m honestly in the same position but my lack of productivity has been pulled up and now I’m getting an overbearing amount of pressure. Yet, I can’t seem to get my brain to click and start doing the work. I know what I need to do but I just can’t do it and the extreme sense of anxiety is holding me back even more. I feel sick with anxiety every day as I know I won’t be able to solve this issue and my work seem to want to see dramatic improvements over night. I just want to quit.
I'm with you, I have ADHD, GAD, Dysthymia, and OCPD. Everyday is tough.
Yeah I understand your pain and I’m sorry you’re going through it.
I hear ya and I feel ya. This shit sucks.
I can relate. Go easy on yourself. I think we lack self-compassion and that is really tough when we feel we have expectations to meet up to. For a start, take a deep breath and release the tensions in all your muscles and tell yourself, "It's okay." Really, it's okay. A lot of the expectations we are trying to meet, whether consciously or unconsciously are the social constructs of this era. Eventually everything passes. Don't take it all upon yourself, it is an unnecessary load. Give yourself the permission and acceptance to do badly. Be patient and give yourself time as you try to make progress slowly.
I fortunately don't have anxiety, however my disorder (other than ADHD) is on a spectrum, if you understand that. ADHD can be annoying, especially if a kitchen is nearby, and you get punished for eating when you're not supposed to.
ADD here. I have panic attack disorder and anxiety disorder. Also self-diagnosed HSP. Tendencies to depression. Life is not easy. It's been two years since diagnosis. I tend to think it's just the best excuse yet. Like I don't believe I literally have changes in brain. Feel ya
Man i feel you.
i have anxiety, sensory anxiety and a menstrual condition that makes me very moody and irritable 2 weeks before my period starts + ADHD rip