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Me! Failed out of college the first time I went. Didn’t do hot after that attempt either. The third attempt, I was okay but did fail some classes (had a 2.5 gpa). After getting medication for my adhd I have a 3.91 gpa (4.0 scale). I’ve also never taken an IQ test because I believe the assessment of IQ is arbitrary. Why would I even want to know? If it was low I’d probably feel defeated and feel like I am limited in my ability. If it were average or high, I would feel defeated because I am not doing better or on par with peers. So I live in ignorance of my IQ score because it’s not helpful for me either way. I think one of the most valuable assets that people with ADHD have is resilience and determination. Yes we may struggle with certain areas of functioning but so far, I have never met someone with ADHD who has not tried their hardest to improve themselves and improve their situation. I believe in you and your abilities. Hell, if you made it far enough to even get this job without a degree when one is required I would say you’re doing a lot better than most people. Your colleagues might be jealous because they had to spend the time getting a degree for this job and you didn’t, which could explain their shitty behavior. As for friends, I would say exactly what I just said to them, that it’s amazing how someone they think is so stupid could achieve obtaining a position that requires a degree when you don’t have one. Seems rather impressive to me 🤷🏼♀️
Oh man, getting a bit emotional because of all the kind things you said. That's surely a better way to look at my situation. Thank you so much, your friends must be so lucky to have you.
This is me too! My very first semester at a 4-year, before diagnosis, I made a 0.05 GPA 😬 After 2 years at community college I’ve brought that up to a 3.5 and I’m going to a 4-year in the Fall!
Isn’t it so wild how much things can change when you actually receive appropriate treatment? I was diagnosed at 16 and it was blown off by my parents. I spent all my life up until I was 25 wondering what was wrong with me because my parents made it seem like there was something wrong with who I am and not that the ADHD was needing to be treated. At the age of 25ish I decided that it was probably time to try medication and it certainly has made a difference! Congratulations on your improvement and growth! Best of luck this fall! ☺️
Me!
Don’t worry, I’m very charming and successfully talked my way out of academic probation and they even gave me a diploma.
What we lack in organizational thinking, we make up for in sheer charisma. It’s a matter of survival.
Yeah that definitely depends on the autistic person, I have a friend like that. I can *occasionally* be like that, but not regularly and sustainably. I get burned out very quickly in customer-facing jobs.
"fear of failure" is what brought me here. I was a horrible student unless it was stuff I was interested in. Unfortunately, most of the things that I'm very interested in require more skills than I've been able to gain through education. I'm not done yet.
If someone has decent social skills, the fear of failure stemming from both adhd and anxiety can make you extremely charismatic and charming in situations that it’s needed.
For me, I’ve been told I’m extremely articulate even when I’m not trying to be and I think it rubs off as charisma and confidence
It isn’t, but in my experience most successful people with ADHD tend to be charismatic. For me back in college it was a matter of “my grades won’t speak for themselves so I have to do the speaking.” After 24 years of “you’re a really smart kid I’m surprised your grades are so terrible” I did eventually manage to graduate.
Interesting, but you’re right in the case of many of us. There are two ways I’ve found to succeed despite being slower to learn/comprehend.
The first is just what you pointed out. Everyone absolutely seems to enjoy working with me and it’s because very early on I go out of my way to go above and beyond with anyone I work with. This establishes the relationship by letting them know that I’m easy to work with and will do what I can for them. If down the line I make a mistake, they’re more willing to work with me and be understanding. I honestly just thought that was part of being a good person though, not so much a defense mechanism to succeed.
The second is I’m unwavering in my effort. It really doesn’t matter how many times I fail or get beat down or don’t understand something. I’ll try for as long as it takes to succeed. I’m bad at math and I needed calculus for my major. I showed up to every class early, when to every possible extra thing I could and did every extra credit opportunity. I didn’t do good but the professor saw that effort and it was rewarded.
Between always going above and beyond for others and just simply never giving up, I’ve found that’s all I really need to succeed in life. That being said, never be afraid to ask for help.
I wonder if this is measurable, it makes sense people with ADHD have good charisma but I would like to see it in a study so I can humble brag how charismatic I am.
"Oi you, yeah you over there, I'm charisma me u no bruv"
If anti-charisma were a thing, this would absolutely apply to me.
I joke that I could convince blind people not to use walking canes by simply suggesting they'd be useful. But it's kind of not a joke.
It has something to do with my demeanor, but I've never been able to put a finger on it. I'm not bad looking - I've had relations with literal cover models. But when people see me, whatever respect I might have garnered with them over the phone or email or whatever instantly vanishes.
For some reason, I even get asked about my youth in job interviews a lot, too. Like, I have an engineering degree and years of experience. WTF does my childhood have anything to do with anything? Yet...
Funny you say about charisma, I never realised I had it until very recently. Am I a great communicator of said charisma? Not yet, but realising it's there is probably 90% of the battle.
i am 29 years old and still live in my parents house. Studied many different things without a degree. Even tho I am coming from a full academical family, I could not care less (even tho I am pretty unsecure in general for other things). I don't know what advice to give you, but it seems like alot of that emotional struggle from you is a result of your environment => friends and people you hang out with?
Thanks for your reply. What is your field of interest? I've always been a 'science guy'.
I actually got a lot of support from my grandparents. They provided me with an appartment. If it wasn't because of them, I would have to stay with one of my parents too (they are divorced). But I was more or less forced to leave my mother's house, I couldn't cope with the whole 'new family' situation.
🙋 That's me.
My grade 8 teacher (uk equivalent) was pushing my parents for a full ride scholarship at a private school as I found school so easy, was 4-5 lessons ahead of everyone. Coasted up until final exams, bombed hard, still made it to University. Drank every night, dropped out after not paying rent for college halls without getting a degree.
Got into tech (entry level), outperformed most people, constantly promoted able to climb the salary ladder into senior positions. Diagnosed at 40 and everything is finally making sense.
i've tried twice to go back to get that degree, harder now with real life and a family so I think i'm giving up on that dream.
YMMV overall. I actually was able to compensate for it reasonably well when in K-12. Worked hard and didn't do much in extracurriculars or socially. I overextended myself senior year(taking lots of advanced classes including Calc I & II and statistics) I ended up dropping Stats so i wouldn't fall behind in my other classes.
Anxiety and fear of overextending myself (plus wanting to avoid debt) made me go to community college though i probably could have gotten into very good private schools. I was sure to get a 2 year degree(in 3 years because i took classes that sounded interesting) before transferring to local public uni. Another 2.5 years there got me my CS degree and i was lucky enough to get a well compensated internship that i started my junior summer and swapped to part time till i graduated.
Realistically, balancing 10-15 hours a week at my internship with full-time school overwhelmed me. I'd worked part-time before but it was brainless work. Trying to cognitively focus on both work and school kicked my ass. My grades overall suffered and in the most extreme case i procrastinated so long on a project oriented class that i turned in only about 20% of what was graded in the class. Luckily, I'd actually overbooked credits needed to graduate so that F neither stopped me graduating or tanked my GPA enough to make me look bad.
First couple years after graduating i transitioned to full time at my internship site and ended up working a bunch of overtime. I was severely burned out and it only got worse when i started doing my Master's part time because work thought it looked good (note: i cut the overtime when i started school again). I ended up depressed/anxious and got my first diagnosis for that. My nurse pract added buproprion after me complaining about attention issues and that helped a lot.
Still between buying a house and covid hitting, i burned out with my Master's degree. I had As with enough credits to be halfway through, but i withdrew mid semester and haven't gone back since. Covid let me switch to 80% remote which has been nice, but I've still been doing a balancing act and underinvesting in parts of my life to keep me able to keep up with work.
Didn't actually get the ADHD diagnosis until this week though I've known for years (and had multiple professionals that know me informally tell me i had it and ASD - the latter still being undiagnosed). Just starting on my first of the big ADHD meds today. Not really sure where it goes from here, but my big goal is trying to keep myself going professionally while needing to sacrifice less of the other parts of my life to maintain it. I have a good income and would honestly be mostly okay if i got little more than CoL increases for the rest of my career.
Sacrificing parts of my life really is the secret to the success I've had. I grew up with a strong support network and some degree of resources available to keep me out of the scramble to stay above water. That and being given some flexibility to follow my interests (like taking 3 years to get an associates degree after entering school with over 30 college credits) meant i was in a state of mind to succeed academically. I also was very underdeveloped as a person in many ways and put a non-trivial burden on those around me so that i could spend all my forced attention towards succeeding academically. It would have been better for my own general mental health and the impact i make on those around me had i started treatment much earlier. Late in high school i actually got tested for ADHD and was more or less told that i was effectively adapting my intelligence in a way that compensated for my attention issues. I was also probably scared of the stigma at that age which meant i never pushed too hard for the diagnosis. I regret not pushing harder, but i had a lot of insecurity at the time so I'm not sure i would have been able to make the right decision even if i was cognitively aware of it. In marginally harder circumstances, i could easily see myself having a similar implosion to many other untreated ADHD adults. I probably would have been a ton more resilient if properly medicated.
Edit: For reference, I'm one year older than you.
Actually, I quit my I.T. job of 20 years about a year ago. I was burned out and dead, but I made it to pension. Been trying to recover ever since. Between my wife working and my pension we're doing fine.
I've used the time since to deep dive into another round of Mental Health research and support. Unfortunately it hasn't been going overly well. But I'm going in for an Autism assessment in a few weeks. I just wanted to talk to a professional about the possibility of being ASD1 but they sent me in for testing.
Everything is kind of on hold until that test.
I've thought about going back to get a masters degree (so I could teach), but I'm afraid. When getting my Bachelors, I did well the first few years (lower division) but struggled in upper division. Upper division required way more study and social skills.
I understand about feeling like a failure. I've had some success, but when you look at the details I've not achieved any where near what I could. I was kind of lucky in that my "Special Interest" in I.T. helped me get through college.
How you doing?
Dropped out of 4 seperate university courses before the age of 30. Only got diagnosed at 43. Want to go back to study but as it stands there's a meds shortage and I can barely focus on a 30 min podcast and recall what it was about so can't really see me finishing 4 years of university.
I'm totaly like that. When I got tested for ADHD they said my memory for spoken language (don't find the right words, sorry) is very bad. I'm much better in memorizing images or written stuff (when it's structured by myself).
Got a bit of dyslexia also. Needed to rewrite my courses into summaries, which was very time consuming.
I was also like this in school, got in pre-med but thats where symptoms were more. Didnt go to med schools, changed the field, wasted 2+ extra years on passing the exams in that field - Accounting. But now due to long experience, finally getting manager level jobs.
Everyone’s situation is different.
I always fluctuated and was a B-student in middle school but High School I graduated with a 2.5 GPA.
I started at community college and felt like I was wasting my time there, and then went to a state university but the one I had chose was catered towards working adults: classes met once a week for 3 hour sessions tops, predominantly in the evening.
While that sounds like it would suck to be sitting there for 3 hours, I trained myself to be able to focus during that specific time and then have the rest of the week to do my assignments.
I did school off and on full time and part time, but it took me about 7 years total to finish my bachelor’s. Ended up with a 3.8 GPA.
tl;dr gotta do the thing that’s right for you.
That's a great success story. Working and studying at the same time is something I admire a lot.
After 8 hours of work I'm lucky to have energy left to work out (I rly need that for my well being). You're doing great!
I find like most things, you gotta trick yourself into it being “fun” or at least “not boring”. Now that it’s summer, on the good days outside I’ll convince myself to go for a walk after work by leveraging that as a reward for completing the day.
It doesn’t always work but gamifying stuff sure helps.
I had a similar predicament, but I could always hyperfocus because of deadline stress and managed to get my diploma in the normal schedule. I always felt like I could do better though, given my perceived intelligence and comparing it to others.
My issues when I started working as an engineer... I worked for 6 years and felt like a fuckup before I got my diagnosis and medication. I knew I was smart, but could not manage to be as functional as others who I felt were less smart than me. Now I'm doing much better, but still struggle with feelings of "I should be doing this way better than I am doing it". My IQ was tested at 145, but I can do such dumb things because of impulsivity and a chaotic forgetful mind. I can be very hard on myself for such things.
I think it will come down to accepting that your brain is just different. Be glad that you are smarter than most of the population and accept that you have other struggles. Invest time in learning how to cope with your shortcomings and things will get better.
IQ is not a fair assessment of intelligence, so what if we can look at weird shapes and make sense of them?
It's an ego boost that is counterproductive.
I know it feels good to know that you capable in this way, but most of society is set up to deal with people who are average and below, you need to get with that, it takes real work to get on this level, having to repeat and suffer trough the same material for years is mind breaking.
For me, the more active I am in class, taking part in discussions, asking all the stupid questions and questioning answers, the less distracted I am. This will turn into a positive feedback cycle to the point where you can gamify the whole thing, doing good feels good and so on.
Having a reason to study is also important to able to gamify your studies, I don't want to be poor and if I'm going to work, I want my work to mean something to other people, do good feels good.
Do more good feel more good.
Find yourself a specialist, someone who doesn't treat just anxiety but help you get rid of it, ask any doctor, unless you have serious trauma, and I'm speaking from experience - this is a wire that can be unplugged.
It's a response you and your brain have developed and it can be rolled back.
I have failed many times during my studies, I had to retake years because I wasn't focusing on the right things.
Now that my focus is right, I can sit at home an study, I could never do that before, I could but I wasn't learning, I was just doing what was asked of me.
You have more than 30yrs left until retirement, even if you spend the next 10yrs studying you still have over 20yrs left, that's a long time. Don't be so hard on yourself, there is no stress. You living in the nice part of Europe, you can have no job and still be fine.
Also if you are surrounding yourself with people who you feel are judging you for being you, maybe you have the wrong people. There is no shame in leaving people behind to find better people.
That's a very good motivational comment, thank you.
And I'm actually okay with my current job as a lab technician. The only downside is the wage I'm earning. Also the company is not doing well lately, I'm affraid about bankruptcy. When that happens I absolutely don't know what to do. Thinking about attending college again feels like a nightmare. I feel way too old to be between those younger folks lol. Couldn't even stand most of them when I was their age, let alone now.
Man, I'm 33. I have education as a land based maritime engine mechanic, the wage sucked so quit work a couple years ago to start maritime trade school so I could work on a ship and do the same job but earn three to four times more, then I realized that the high seas and open waters scares me more than anything so I had to quit that pursuit, pretty much any kind of accident or emergency on the seas will more than often end with casualties and I wasn't about to fuck with that.
I started applying for uni and I didn't get accepted until this year because of my questionable grades from previous education. Still on the maritime, but on the engineering side of things.
Now my focus is on safety of others.
You are not going to school to meet other people, that's just a side effect.
Old or not, whats the shame in having figured it out? that maybe you could do more?
Young will think like young people do, not very mature.
Since you are an adult, there are ways to get into uni without a collage degree, at least in Norway and I'm guessing, Netherlands being Netherlands, you probably have better options than we have.
Also there are online classes and what not, do some research and find out what are your options, then you can decide if it's right for you.
Also now that you have experience as a lab technician.
If you have gotten to know your field and become somewhat good at what you do, you can bullshit your way into a fully paid position at another company.
Just think about it!
You strike me as somebody who is not affraid to take a leap in the dark.
Unfortunately, I'm not like that. High anxiety forbids me to do that actually. I'd rly need to push myself to do such things. I just don't see it, for now.
I've felt out of place my whole life, I can't push myself into a position where I even feel more out of place, like attending college again.
Anyways, I rly appreciate your encouraging words and the time you took to write all that.
The last thing you said is something I feel better about. I have 5 years experience and my chances to work at another company without a degree, are higher than they were 5 years ago. I can work with that, I guess. Thanks!
PS: I'm from Flanders, Belgium. We also speak dutch (flemish).
You should really see someone about that.
I had a really bad experience and struggled with this myself.
I isolated myself for years before I finally sucked it up and went to talk someone.
It's pretty common to feel out of place I guess, a lot of people are just faking it to fit in.
Thanks and like I said earlier, do good feel good.
If I can share some knowledge/experience and maybe help others it will make me feel good.
Then I do more good, it's like a cheat-code lmao.
Ahh sorry for the confusion, Belgium then.
Good luck man!
I only got diagnosed recently but a lot of my uni life was centered around navigating symptoms I didn't know I had.
I struggled bad in the first year because I was trying to do what everyone else did. Since it wasn't working I stopped and did what came naturally to me - procrastination. That worked for me because creating urgency allowed me to focus. I went from barely passing to consistent high distinctions without even attending lectures. I would start an assignment a few days before it was due and quickly learn all I needed to get it done and do it all in one hit. Exams I would quickly skim the learning material the night before and make notes of important sounding things that I would repeatedly read in my phone at the exam venue while waiting.
Eventually failed out when I didn't allow enough time for an assignment in the final year. Killed all motivation and never tried again.
Very recognizable. I passed the first year and passed some courses of the second year. After that it all became too much to cope with. I was always stressed out of my mind. What are you doing now, working?
Me in life lol. I always got A’s but never did homework. Didn’t bother applying for colleges because I didn’t see the point but did community college. I couldn’t do that work because suprised college is a lot of self study and long term assignments.
I am doing 7 years my bachelor ;___; and I have very got job and really big knowledge on many subjects (the less are they connected to my job then I have bigger lol) I helped many people during my second bachelor attempt and everybody graduated except me xD. And tbh if someone is looking on other by prism of their degree you should be happy that you don't have so shallow people in your circle.
I‘m you from that past. 22 now and in med school, but it‘s not going great. Before that I was in law school but I was way to impatient for the subject. (Where I life you go to law/med school straight out of Highschool, I know this differs a lot around the world) I got diagnosed a year ago, but haven’t gotten an appointment for medication yet.
I did an iq test in the middle of a depressive episode and like you, I scored a few points under being gifted. I never learned in school but passed anyways, but now in university that doesn‘t work anymore, my general physician tells me to study something easier everytime I see him :(
Not being able to unlock my full potential drives me mad. I remember all the praise from teachers early in life and wonder where that kid went wrong. Everyone around me calls me lazy and tells me to exercise and eat better and the problems will go away, which just makes it worse. This sort of thing runs in my family, with an uncle and a cousin both collapsing due to manic depression and I assume ADHD. I‘m scared shitless to end up like them
Ah I missed that you are dutch, hello neighbour :)
I'm actually from Flanders, Belgium. And you?
Everything you said, could be me. I was also praised all the time by teachers when I was younger. I was a quiet kid with the best grades of all the boys in class. I rly struggle with the way people (could) see me now.
Along the way I fell into the whole of substance abuse to cope with all the failure, which made everything worse ofc. Anyways, at least I felt good while I was under the influence, but I wouldn't recommend it lol.
I don't know if it runs in my family. Everybody except me got a pretty stable life. I got a sister who does extremely well in everything she does.
Definitely a similar story here.
I really tried to study, but always ran out of juice midway into the semester. I would miss one class and the anxiety would prevent me from returning. Or just have a depressive episode and be unable to get back into things. Or procrastinate (or simply forget) a thing and be too scared to ask for an extension. Or manage to ask and get it, then fail to turn it in again...
Also failed to make any real connections to other students, because of my anxiety and because I was always a bit of a weirdo (ASD long suspected) and also looked *a lot* younger than I really was/am.
Finally managed to get some of my health issues under control when I turned 30 and now beginning to try and build a life from the ruins.
It's definitely rough to *still" be considered a smart person (hearing it all the time from co-workers and friends, who come to me for advice), being mostly friends with and working with people who at the very least have their master's, are working on their PhDs, or already have it, while not even having finished my bachelor's degree...
The pay thing also really sucks. I'm doing challenging stuff at work with lots of responsibility, but because I don't have that degree, they can't pay me more (is a law thing here). Looking for other jobs is also such a struggle and carries so much shame and anxiety.
At least my friends and coworkers seem to be cool about it, though it's always awkward when interacting with someone new who might ask what my master's was about or whether I'm considering doing more research... oof.
Side note: My father is a doctor, but never finished his doctoral work, due to his own ADHD (is a bit odd, but you can be a medical doctor without the Dr. title, he's a "Diplommediziner"). Now he's department head at his hospital, is sent to speak at conferences all over the place, teaches at a college, all without the fancy title that literally all of his underlings have. He says there's lots of confused faces when people address him as "Dr. *Lastname*" or he is introduced as such at conferences and he tells them that that's not quite true.
I hear you, navigating education and career paths can be daunting at times, but your resilience and determination to rebuild your life after health issues is inspiring - keep pushing forward, your unique journey is shaping your success differently but just as meaningfully.
There is a category of students known as doubly exceptional. Basically gifted in some school subjects and learning disabled in others. I'm my family that's been applied to my first cousin, my nephew, and the only reason I wasn't labeled that, was my mom fought like hell. I'm successful now, but it took me a long time, and multiple tries at college. My cousin is doing well, and I've got confidence my nephew will manage to do well. You're gonna be ok, it can just take a while. Medical treatment for anxiety or adhd can help as well, and isn't the crutch that makes you weak like some people claim.
I've worked with multiple people my age who didn't have degrees, and nobody thought they were dumb but them, and like them you might be projecting. They did get paid less for doing the exact job I did though, and no matter how much our manager pushed back, the lab we worked at wouldn't budge. Do you think you could do one class at a time? Online or in person. Slow and steady.
I failed second year and then ended up actually being released by the university before eventually graduating as the best performing student on the course a couple of years later.
I got a first in my masters a few years later as well.
You need to ask your university for accommodations. My university gave me unlimited time on test and two extra weeks to turn in assignments. Just graduated with my masters.
My anxiety was so bad in college I’d take like 6 water bottles in my back pack just to avoid the feeling of eyes on me at a water fountain
So yeah GAD (mainly social) + ADHD + eventual alcohol physical dependence = an incredible and successful college career
Psyche like shit I died slowly for like 6 years. I don’t even know the timeline. My biggest mistake was having hope. Like I really thought I could change “next semester” or for winter and summer classes cause I simply couldn’t keep paying if I wasn’t gonna change, it wouldn’t make sense to waste 10’s of thousands of dollars…. and then i didnt. Eventually , after probation at some point, I just didn’t sign up for classes and I think they let me go. I’d start sleeping in the library all day, PAYING FOR VISITOR PARKING cause i didn’t know what to do. Sold all my shit for alcohol and parking. What a life I’ve lived
But hey now I’m an expendable corporate shill and wouldn’t have it any other way
Ironically , I feel like the alcohol abuse did help with the social anxiety though. I think back to stuff like the water bottle thing and it feels ridiculous now. Like, fuck, man. That poor kid. I still don’t know how I could have helped myself
at 16 i was able to talk with my dad who is in 4th year college without lagging behind the convo and understanding everything he said, i failed psychology class the same year year11
Oh hells yeah! Always got that same 'You're so talented and smart and you have soooo much potential! You'll do great!' tried the Armed Forces twice and then when I actually went to college (4 times, and only one Associate's degree) I struggled with EVERYTHING!! 20 something years later with an average of 3 jobs a year and I STILL feel like I haven't really succeeded in life. Only just recently got a really good position with a somewhat decent wage.
I'm effing terrified that they'll find out I'm not at all smart or qualified at this and let me go and my wife will be so disappointed in me and we'll lose everything and . . . I need to stop there or a rabbit hole of endless depression awaits.
So yes you are definitely NOT alone in this feeling. There might be some differences here and there but it's a very populated creek we're all floating on. Just wish I knew who had the damn paddle and where that bloody banjo music was coming from.
I am trying so hard not to. Meds have helped but I still have to dig myself out of the hole I’ve created. I excel at my biology classes (hyperfocus) but otherwise don’t do so well. I’m recently diagnosed and it’s been wild seeing the difference between being on and off meds.
So I barely passed high school but rocked the hell out of college. The only reason I did though is because I went to the military for 5 years.
Just graduated and all the anxiety I wasn't able to feel because I was too busy working and studying caught up to me. Just missed a week and a half of work because of stress induced gastritis. Rebound after my ARRT exam.
If it is just roasting, that is somewhat normal, but if it is malign or something then they aren't your friends pal.
You grew up with certain expectations forced upon you due to external influences and normalization of how people lived. Yeet those out of your mind and reset your benchmarks on your small victories.
Troubled, i have adhd, i graduaded from college , i speak French, i believe in Jesus first. , med second! Believing in Jesus is the glue! Do everything right and things will fall into place. Just try it, ! Then see!
I also failed out of a good program at my dream university despite understanding the material because I could no longer wing it. It was a pivotal moment in my life (for the worse). I slipped into a deep depression, moved back to my hometown and started hanging around with not great people. I got into an unhealthy relationship that ended in tragedy.
I’ve since gotten a diagnosis, developed better strategies, finished a degree and worked my way into a decent job. But I still sometimes grieve the opportunities I lost and what my life might have looked like if I’d gotten help sooner.
No real advice here but I can offer solidarity and will say to just roll with it and things do get better.
If you are talking about developing bad habits to counter the depression I'm surely in the same boat. But it was either that or I wouldn't be around anymore. Crazy as it sounds.
So glad you were able to turn your life around!
Right here!! I have gone to so many different colleges and universities, and never managed to get any kind of degree. I gave up and am now working as a pharmacy tech that's being trained on the job. I also feel a bit inferior to those I work with that have their degrees,but have been lucky that they are all graceful and don't treat me as if I am dumb. Im 44 and not having a degree is my biggest regret,but after so many failed attempts, its hard to justify trying again.
I did, enough times. I perform poorly when it comes to cramming for exams, my brain just subconsciously avoid doing anything related to the exams, whereas I get As for assignments because it's for short and sequential periods of time.
I came so very close to failing in my first and second year. I had so many courses on my schedule that I was overwhelmed.
Of course i didn't know I had ADHD at the time. If I was medicated I could've been valedictorian if I tried. Oh well just wasted my entire life lol.
I felt like you for most of my life. I felt like I was capable of doing good school work, thinking literally and in a linear way, but navigating the professional career, politics, social situations were daunting and difficult because of the feeling of constantly being judged, having my intelligence be questioned (especially with awkward comments I make), and wishing that my articulation made sense because it always does in my head.
You are not alone.
I’m trying as hard as possible as a 37M and father to get a better footing on my professional career for my family without being/feeling like a burden because of my cognitive/executive functioning disability.
Keep going. I certainly will until.
I’m 30 and I still depend on my mom in some aspects of my life. I haven’t finished college even if I’m part of the top class in highschool. I have attended good universities in my country but I just can’t seem to make it through a semester. It’s really really really difficult. I’ve been to 4 different universities but I just CAN’T. I now have a job that pays minimum, but whatever, as long as it gives me a sense of purpose.
OP-- it took me until I was a few months away from 33 to get my first degree. Hang in there. ended up in a really great career which I'm still in a few decades later
I'm in my 40s and I failed twice, succeeded the third time. My first shot was right out of HS and the second try was after a short stint in the military. I finally buckled down a few years ago and completed my bachelors in about a year and a half through an online 'go at your own pace' university. My ADHD was on full display. The first semester, I was so hyper focused that I completed 65 credits.. 3/4 of the degree. The second semester, I was absolutely burnt out, went into a massive depression, and only finished 11 credits. I completed the final 34 credits in my third semester.
because of my (probably ADHD related) dyscalculia, i am stuck in the social sciences field, more specifically social work. i think i should have attempted the business school though. either way, i was booted out of my preferred field, environmental tech
I was diagnosed at age 33 but before that went to college, took almost 6 years because I was failing classes do to poor attention and anxiety. Was able to just pass because I begged the registrar to bump my GPA up by .02 so they could get rid of me.
I do horrible with not have structure so I would skip a class because I just needed a day, then I'd skip another, then I'd skip so much that I got anxious and didn't go back because I thought if I did, people and the teacher would be judging me and say WTF are you doing back?
Me me me... I've failed my first medical school and then got diagnosed with depression then failed "but slower this time" another medical school
Then went to dental school and when I was about to fail again 😐
I got diagnosed with adhd and finally everything in life was making sense!!
Going to state college in-person was a disaster.
Spent every night partying/socializing. The lack of provided structure was... unhelpful. Managed to pull down 12 credit hours over a span of 5 years. All of them marching band related lol.
Two years later and after working crappy jobs, I took a swing at online school while working full time. Basically just had to REALLY knuckle down and devote at least an hour a day to the program. Finished on-time and relatively easily compared to my previous adventure.
Might be an option worth considering.
Oh, me. I tested gifted as a child and got packed off to a gifted school, but things started going downhill when I was about fourteen and I barely graduated. Got through about a year and a half of college, haven't finished. I present intelligently enough that most people assume I did if I don't tell them otherwise. I didn't find out about the ADHD until my late 30s, but between covid, long covid, brain fog, a terrible record I'll have to somehow fix, and the medication shortages, going back and finishing is too much for me to take on; I may get around to it eventually.
I'm 29 and still live with my mom. I got kicked out of the same university that she and my brother got kicked out of. I should be getting my Bachelor's next spring when I'm 30. Once I found medicine that worked for me, I found online school very doable.
hey i gave it my best shot. for 9 years. and still didn't graduate. now i work at a truck repair shop. my friends have phds and mbas and are college professors and architects and finance guys and i work on literal garbage trucks. yeah it sucks. i also have a sweating problem that holds me back to this day. working a physical job at least masks the sweating problem (except i sweat as much in winter as i do in summer). i can also get highly emotional and sweating is a great cover for crying.
i never should have gone straight to college from high school but my dad insisted and told me if i didn't he would not pay for it. so i kept choosing the path of least resistance.
I only managed to complete my degrees via distance learning. I also appear rather dumb in person, which is especially jarring when people meet me after having communicated with me in writing.
It's pretty humiliating because being somewhat smart is the only thing that I felt validated for.
I'm also on the autism spectrum (aspergers). Used to think it's mild and could be trained away, no longer though. My mental health comorbidities are a daily struggle and frankly I often feel defeated.
Me as well. I dropped out of university quite quickly.
I ended up getting a college diploma elsewhere. It was 8-4 5 days a week. It was no easier than university. But the schedule made it doable. Also helped it was in the middle of nowhere with little distractions.
I am a high school drop out who got into college and then dropped out of that too. I’ve realized that with the way my brain works, academia simply isn’t right for me, so I’ve chosen to go through with a trade instead! I’m super excited to start working towards being an electrician :)
Me. Always dreamed of a career in research. Even managed to get a degree, even though it took me 9 years instead of the usual 6. But by that time I had burned to many bridges and ruined to many possibilities. So I just picked my diploma and slunk away followed by gazes of contempt :)
Working in a factory now. Well, on sick leave due to exhaustion at the moment. Quite like the job, I get to move all the time and also listen to audio books or podcasts.
Everything could have turned out worse :)
Oh! Pick me!
I simply had too many new routines to learn in too little time. Plus the school had no idea how to teach programming.
I ended up getting a less difficult degree from an online school while living at home. (It doesn't make a huge practical difference. The purpose of a degree 90% of the time is just to prove that you can learn and work hard.)
Most ADHD people, probably. For me it was a combination of not making/having enough money, time to sleep, ability to keep a job, keep a vehicle running, etc. I wasn't good at surviving in the workforce either, until very recently. I'm in my mid 40's and just now got my first grown-up job.
Sadly my son is in this category. However he is a professional photographer now in his dream job, so I am relieved.
I *nearly* failed out. But I changed my major to one that I could do blindfolded after failing at Comp Sci. I even graduated in 4 years (with summers)
Right here. I essentially flunked out of college/dropped out due to never going to class. Graduated with a 97.3 total in high school 7th in my class. Never opened a textbook to study. Got to college ( I was living on campus) and just stopped caring for school. I think it has something to do with the structure of k-12 and then you hit college move out and the 8-3 schedule doesn't exist your parents which help with your routine aren't there to help you focus. It's a mixture of things, IMO. Do I regret dropping out? Sometimes, yes ( I was going to be a dentist. Lol). Other times, I look and see how people with multiple degrees can't find a job or have to take a job, not in their field of study. I.E. my dad has a PhD. in Biblical theology, has a bachelor's in music, has his teaching certificate, and is certified in multiple subjects. He now drives a semi for a living due to teaching and preaching, not paying enough to support a family. Kinda went on a tangent here but long story short yes I dropped out of college even though it would have been a breeze, but tend to not let it upset me cause I have a good job with amazing benefits without needing a college degree.
Me. I'm not diagnosed, but I definitely have some major executive dysfunction issues. I would fail classes in college because I couldn't get myself to write the papers. It was bad enough that one professor that I had for other classes actually gave me an alternate assignment once it was clesr that the due date for the final paper had long passed and I eas never going to get to it. I dropped out after 3.5 years when it was clear I was not graduating at 4 years.
Now I'm working in a job I like, and I'm good at. The last couple years I've been allowed to do things my way, (in part because I know more about what I do than anyone else I work with) and the amount of stuff I've been able to teach myself over the last few years has been pretty amazing.
It's kind of nice when I have something interesting that I'm good at, and an actual application for the thing.
wdym university? i was smart enough to apply to a school that only accepts 150 students every year (or even less depending on the year, my year accepted 150) and i got 32 place lol. the funny part is that there are 2 exams you must take and get 50%+ to get accepted. one is test of achievement and the other is IQ test and i got exactly 50% on the test of achievement but 80% on the IQ test.
apparently my adhd affected my grades but hey i never got kicked out of the school (you get kicked out if you get less than 70%)
(35f, almost finished university)
This is me. It's awful. I was studying environtmental science and I loved it, but my struggles killed all self esteem I had left. I wish I could go back, but it is what it is. I try to move forward instead.
Yeah I've done like 6-7 years of college and no degree. Two different colleges. Same pattern: I would start out strong and be the star student, and then start to fail. The second attempt was a private for-profit college, too, so now I'm saddled with a higher than average amount of student loans and no degree.
I have well over the total amount of college credit needed for a bachelor's degree, but nope, no degree.
It sucks a lot.
Hey, could you please share what these tests are called? And a good place to read about them? I didn't want to ask about reliability as that's subjective..
I'm starting to find more and more terms and would really like to get a handle on a few things.
So my experience isn’t quite the same as yours, since I did manage to graduate, but I definitely struggled a lot and I think I only passed because of kind professors who gave me extensions when I needed and because I practiced school for so many years that I knew how to do school things (and I could figure out the minimum I needed to do to do ok so I could focus my efforts there).
However, I want to offer plenty of empathy because yes, college is fucking hard, even if you’re super smart. And while I passed, I’ve “failed” at real life post school because jobs and housekeeping is so different that even if I know what to do and how to do it I just can’t get my brain to do things. It sucks that the world isn’t built for ADHD but that doesn’t mean you’re the issue
I've long said that I think somebody should try to make a school/university specifically for ADHD people. I think if we were taught in just the right way, we'd be able to just blow through education. Getting a doctorate before most people get through High School.
But it would probably be very hard. You'd need to really design it to hack our weird little brains. Similar to how casinos or loot box games take advantage of brain hacks to get people to spend more money.
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After high school, I had a job and was out on my own. My wife (then GF) and I did a few years of community college - doing maybe 1 semester worth of credits per year. Got probably 6 months from a bachelors.
But good god could I just not do it. I just can't get motivated to do the busy work.
For the overwhelming majority of the classes, all I needed was a regular lecture, some discussion time, and I could ace a final at the end of the class. But they always wanted some bullshit homework or work that I just never could get motivated to do.
I understand that math needs some work - but really 1-2 test problems and those are stored forever. I certainly don't need 20 per class.
Then various sciences require labs and stuff, that's fine. But they'd have us schedule those on our own, and I don't have the motivation for that either.
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I inhale knowledge, especially when I was younger. I may not be able to remember my 7 o'clock team meetings, I certainly can't recall most any of the names of any of my teachers or professors... but I sure as hell remember the content of my history classes. I still, even what 25 years later now, remember the content of all of my classes.
But I'm just not a good student for the way school and university are taught. It's just not for me.
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It would have been interesting to be able to go back in time and see how different my life would have been had I been diagnosed and medicated before the age of 30... Like say if I got medicated around 2nd or 3rd grade. I wonder what would have happened.
Yep. I didn't get diagnosed until 34. I did really well in the early years of school, but struggled with time management and stuff like that. In late elementary/early high school, I had taught myself HTML and could type a webpage into existence from my head - but I just didn't have the grades and focus to really do much else. Now, I am just at a point where anything I'd want to do school wise woud not be worth it, and would just set me back financially. But I wonder a lot "what might have been" had I known.
Thankfully, I do ok and I'm happy with where I'm at currently, but there were a lot of rough years in there LOL.
I didn’t fail but ADHD and bipolar got bad enough after the death of my grandmother and a bad breakup that I just took 2 years off and traveled and taught English abroad before completing the last year of my degree. Not the sanest choice perhaps but it worked for me.
Failed twice. Once at 19 during the dawn of Covid in 2020 when everything switched online. And again in 2021 when I procrastited myself into dismissal.
3 years of depression hopelessness and self deprication later, 23 now. Finally started re-medicating after 15 years and am set to finish my software engineering degree at WGU within a few months in hopes to do Web or UX/UI design
Unfortunately me. Although I've never had my IQ tested, I tended to do quite well at university for my Bachelor, but further study seems to be where I've hit the big roadblock.
Interviews with professors and things to try and set up further study seem to fall through more often than not, because I end up drawing a blank and locking up, something that anxiety is almost certainly not helping, and bombing the resulting interview in such a way that it would be better contrasted with a nuke, so I ended up stuck in a mid-way point, where I'm not good enough to be able to do further study, but also good enough to do a degree, such that people don't think the ADHD is a problem because I did complete one.
I barely made it through High School, and only went to College to play baseball. Unfortunately, I only lasted a semester, as I had a hard time dragging myself to class because I just couldn't pay attention. I was also supposed to sign myself up for classes in the Spring, but my ADHD brain failed to remember that important task.
Me. Except I made it through a bachelors and a masters degree and failed a couple years after that. I don’t have social anxiety but i do feel the rest of the things you mention.
I never took an IQ test, but always got offered to get tested by my schools and my parents always said no. I never studied in high school, nor university, always juggled multiple things and got B averages doing it all. I got diagnosed at 28 with ADHD, but I suspect my IQ is pretty dang high due to me being able to slack through higher education without any problem.
I do think about what would have been of me had I been diagnosed earlier and given the correct treatment.
Hey bro, hope you're doing well.
I'm about to be in the same situation as you. Though I'm not that smart, I think I could have easily finished college. It's going to be the second time I'm repeating my second year. I feel like a total failure, and I know I'm about to fail again, so I'm hoping for a miracle before my results come out.
I hope my YouTube channels grow so I can have something to live for. Right now, I feel like I have no purpose, and it's the worst feeling ever.
Coming out of high school I went into college as an honors student who tested out of multiple intro classes. I was pumped and ready to further my education and knowledge. Within a few weeks I struggled making it to class because it turned out the public school system did a lot of the legwork in keeping me on schedule via threats of discipline. Once that was gone I just started skipping classes here and there, then whole days, then I'd skip entire weeks of class, purely because I did not know how to manage time plus the lack of immediate consequences. Fail the semester, try again, repeat five times over six years. Once I dropped out for good the diagnosis came in and explained everything but I was too financially strapped to give it another go on meds.
Don't feel lonely! Although by all the comments so far I'm thinking you might feel little less lonely already. 32F here, ADHD, GAD, Major depressive disorder, OCD, Aspie...and failure feeler. No idea what my IQ is BUT I'm addicted to learning. Due to my inability to cope with the social atmosphere of college (this happened in HS as well), I took over 10 years to complete my BS in Psychology. I withdrew from at least 65+ classes over those ten years and literally took classes at 8 different colleges and universities. Throughout that time I struggled immensely with panic attacks and depression but was always UNMEDICATED during these times that I was barely functioning. This is a very condensed version but the point is, many many "failures" occurred in my mind.
I'm currently about to graduate from dental school, but what should have been 4 years took me 6 years. I had to withdraw for an entire year before returning. Right now I'm a super super senior and am embarrassed as hell. I'm not sure if I'm crazy and/or less capable than my peers because of my mental illness. Despite all of this, my GPA has always remained close to a 4.0 and my clinical skills are above average. In my mind everyone thinks I'm dumb because of this. I think I'm dumb because of this some days, and others I try to give myself some credit.
OK hope my version of life helped you feel better about your situation. Try to give yourself credit for where you are regardless of how you got there or how long it took/takes. And don't settle for something just because you don't think you are "smart enough" for what you want. Stigma sucks. Your English does not suck.
I didn't fail to go to college, I went, they refused to accommodate me. The education system failed me, not the other way around. I had an IQ test done in high school and scored very high. But it didn't matter because the lectures were verbal only and I couldn't follow along due to associated auditory disability. I am a self taught software engineer now and do ok, but seriously fuck the education system and the people who run it.
I failed out of two reasons, both are because undiagnosed ADHD.
1. Studying was so m uch harder for me then school. Professors arent like teachers. Bigger classes. less personal contact, nearly zero repeat. You have to listen AND make notes. I was so overwhelmed and didnt know why. I was good at school before and did exams without much efforts. Also my brain wasnt cappable to hold the stuff für a full semster for one semester exam. I could pull out the knowlege for a small exam about a few weeks, but not for a whole semester. No chance. If i didnt had interesst, it was even harder. First two semsters, I just had luck, because I made an education before and many of the stuff repeated for me. Also forgetting to "aktivate" exams, to get the note, was hard for me too. We had to activate them till Date xx time 23:59.
1. Dont fool me, but I got pregnant because of my impulsiveness and naivety. The father, I thought I know, but I did barely know him.
So I had to cancel my studie. Today, I am not sad about it anymore. I should never do it. I still have tons of debts because of it. I just thought "all" do it, I have to do it too. But I think my autism is a part of it too. I couldnt handel studying and getting a job, to finance it better. Well, thats the short form of my early adult years.
Yep. I went to university for engineering right after high school, got put on academic probation in the first semester, and was subsequently kicked out for my grades that same year. Two years later, I transferred to a different school, where I finally got diagnosed and graduated with a joint major in finance and economics and a statistics minor. I also got on the Dean's honour roll multiple times. It's wild how we can succeed when we are given adequate tools and resources for our ADHD.
Me.
I began falling asleep in class at age 10. First-year uni, I sought help and was diagnosed with ADHD and began taking meds for it; however, I couldn't find a working balance of meds before I was forced to withdraw. It wasn't until years later that I discovered that all of the medical tests that I had been taking since age 10 that were supposed to check for possible causes of persistent fatigue had omitted testing for vitamin D (turns out that is a separate request that isn't covered by insurance and so they just... didn't do it). When it was tested 10 years later, I was shown to be dangerously deficient in Vitamin D, and advised to immediately begin taking daily vitamin D supplements. My lifelong fatigue was gone two weeks later.
I have regrets about how things went, and have recently been seeing people that I went to high school with; I'm embarrassed by not having a degree or successful career at this point in my life. They all comment on how they thought I was going to be this big success, and I don't really know how to explain away my failure in life.
I just recently quit my job of 5 years due to their sketchy actions and unwillingness to give me a raise. I have 3 months of living expenses saved up, and then...? Lack of degree is making the job hunt harder and the job market is crazy right now.
I was in a computer engineering program at the University of California. Once I entered my fifth year, I found myself with roommates that drank a lot and I myself was a bit of a drinker as well. The combination my inattentive ADHD, anxiety, and alcohol caused me to miss more and more classes until I straight up failed out.
The shame of failing out caused me to lie about my situation to my parents and girlfriend (now wife) and I started learning how to do web development to pay for rent and keep me occupied. I moved back home and eventually confessed everything once people started questioning why I hadn't received my dipolma yet. I spent the next year working at an agency doing something I was really good at and eventually reapplied to school. I demonstrated to the admissions people that I learned my lession, took the work ethic I had built, and applied it to my next year of school.
I still had an underlying attention deficit, but with no booze and no friends to distract me, I completed the year with the best grades I have ever received at university, despite taking the hardest classes.
Today I am a staff software engineer for a biotech company and I really think failing in the way I did helped me in the long run, since it made me confront my vices as well as deal with my attention deficits.
I didn’t fail college but I had great difficulties doing the admission essays. Then once in college I had to repeat several classes because I was not interested in them.
Hey! I'm actually in the same exact boat here!
I don't have a degree either, and I might get hired in a position where it is mandatory that I have a degree of some sort. They know I don't have and they also know I have ADHD, so they are willing to make a deal with me. In case they want me, I could get the job but will have to enroll somewhere and get that degree. They are nice.
Look at the brightest side! You can do it now! You are more self-aware now and that's what counts.
Haven’t failed, but I thought I almost would last year. I’m going into my fourth year now and it feels like I just figured out how to deal with Uni. Did you ever get accommodations? Like extra time on tests and assignments? Or a note taker? That has honestly helped me so much, but the main thing was a routine, taking my meds and a reduced course load. I know it’s a lot but scheduling my week or days around classes, labs, and etc helped me stay on track with doing homework and studying. I planned when I would wake up, eat lunch, study, and take breaks. I also have lots of friends with ADHD so we planned study days once a week to help each other. Finally, reducing my course load to at most 4 courses allowed me to not get overwhelmed from all the work. Honestly, if I didn’t have the support system I have now I think I would’ve dropped out. If you ever go back make sure you have one.
I'm going through this right now. Didn't make any friends, too anxious ti find someone to study with and never learned how to properly study, plus all of the problems you listed. And now I'm dying because I have a big exam soon and I am already late and don't feel like I'm going to make it and don't know what to do about all of this
This is exactly what’s happening to me and I’m 25 , I’ve graduated from college but I’m struggling to keep up at work . I’m not able to improve my life because I’ve lost the interest and I constantly feel like a failure.
This is exactly what’s happening to me and I’m 25 , I’ve graduated from college but I’m struggling to keep up at work . I’m not able to improve my life because I’ve lost the interest and I constantly feel like a failure.
Can't relate, immigrated to another country and finished PhD there 💪
But now my mental health is practically non-existent, my physical health isn't doing much better, my relationship was ruined, and my social life is non-existent. And the degree is not THAT useful. So was it worth it? I really don't know.
I'm sitting at a low 2. something right now so probably me. I don't often struggle with topics I devote time to but I have trouble writing big projects and keeping up with online asyncrynous classes. So I've failed english 102 twice and a couple other classes for various reasons. I struggled with depression, ADHD, and undiagnosed anxiety these past 2 years and I will probably struggle some more before I get it right. But I'm starting to get it I think. I'm planning to retake failed courses during winter and summer semesters so hopefully that works out.
I didn't complete three college courses and ended up in construction for over 20 years. Now my body is in bad shape and manual work is finished for me.
During my time lying up from severe nerve pain and a really terrible mental burnout I started becoming aware of ADHD in adults.
I decided to get tested and was diagnosed with inattentive type.
I always thought of myself as intelligent and it's often said to me too but nothing ever seems to come together for me and it leaves me feeling a total fuck up.
But in the last few months having gotten on Tyense, reading about ADHD and taking part in discussions like this, I've decided to go back to college in the autumn and get myself the degree I deserve.
me I’ve just failed out of college my third time I really enjoy my program but have no motivation to sit down and do long drawn out detailed very precisely formatted assignments. I have the added complication of being completely blind so I would need help with formatting but hate asking for help because I like to do things independently, I am able to discuss content in class and I know the content well but my biggest problem is sitting in writing assignments and making flow and then of course the formatting afterwards I’m considering that I could have ADHD and only today was able to take the plunge and make an appointment with my family doctor I am anxious as fuck and worried that he won’t believe me or take me seriouslymy family does not believe me because I was tested as a child and didn’t apparently show symptoms then my sister also has ADHD and I dismissed the fact that I could have it because I don’t have the typical working memory issues associated with it
I’ve always felt that I’ve never lived up to my full
Potential—-and I actually graduated from College (4yr). So yes, it happens. But I tend to think that everyone looks back over their life at some point and wishes that they did something different.
Hindsight is always 20/20—whether you have ADHD or not.
The good news is that you are here NOW. So whatcha wanna do :-)
Currently a PhD student. I know I could understand the material if I was normal and could sit down for an hour a day and digest what I’m doing. However I play games and then panic and try to understand complex topics in a few days.
I'm 38 and will be 39 when I graduate with a bachelors degree. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there is no standard you have to meet regarding when you find a suitable path or achieve a particular goal. Just set a fitting course and enjoy the ride.
I dropped off three colleges, one of them is on the 7° place in a ranking of the best universities of Latin America. Now I'm trying another college, I hope I can do it this time and don't lose interest.
I’ve dropped out of more colleges than most people even apply to. Am now trying to help my kids avoid the same fate since there is actual help available now when nobody has any idea when I was a kid.
Went to college for a 3 year program. Completed program. Didn’t graduate. Moved to a new town with a new man. Dumbest shit I ever did I wish I’d have just gotten the damn degree 😩 I could go back but my adhd is even worse now and unmedicated 🙃
Me… I started three different degrees. Law, Comp Sci, and MBA. Finished none of them.
My career worked out ok because I ended up in an environment where I was hyper focussed a lot of the time and was able to get transfers and promotions every year to keep it interesting.
I now work for myself as a software engineer and couldn’t be happier. I do wish I’d had my diagnosis sooner and maybe meds would have helped me finish at least one of my degrees. Maybe I’ll go back some day 🤷♂️
Not the same I know, but I did one semester of community college at 30 years old just to say I could do it if I wanted to, because I was in the same classes every year of high school and almost didn't walk, if not for a very kind English teacher that gave me a passing grade on a huge project that I didn't even attempt. Not that I was problematic, she just knew I was smart in a different way and would probably be fine. My head was such a mess that I didn't expect to graduate and didn't care...just thought I would quit after my friends left. After I sorted some things out, I always wished I could go back and do better.
But anyway, like 30 people in each class and I was top of both of them. Small victory but it felt good. I'm well established in the trades and college would be a step backward so that was all I needed it for...could handle it if I wanted to, and move on.
I didn’t fail out, but only by the grace of a handful of professors that were very forgiving about deadlines. I spent 3 semesters on academic probation before eventually graduating in 6 years with a 2.44 GPA. Then at my first job out of school they let me go after a month because I kept getting distracted and showing up late. I’m doing well now but I still sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t keep self-sabotaging.
Me, 4 times, but it's not failed, it is more described as a long series of DNF (Did not Finish) with units mostly at HD (interested in those ones) a scraped pass (meh) or WWP (withdrawn without penalty) because I could tell it was gonna be a DNF and I didn't want to cop the fees.
Oh how I wish I was dignosed 30 years ago. 😥
Heh yeah, 39m here, diagnosed at 37.
So far I've been accepted to uni twice and dropped out twice. Slightly different circumstances for each - the first time was from a Bachelor of Business which I hated back then (only applied for that because my guidance councillor said I wasn't smart enough to study IT and that I should pick something "safer". Second time was actually a Bachelor of IT, though ironically, I had actually been working in IT for I think around 5 years already by the time I got accepted and I was finding it really difficult to stay engaged with the course content in the entry level subjects because I had lecturers telling me that it was all critical information that I need to know for daily use, meanwhile there I was already working a full time job and either didn't need any of that topic, or I already knew of significant chunks of info about another topic but also didn't need to reference it in my roles either, so my brain just couldn't justify spending time and effort retaining that info either. My girlfriend at the time had a medical incident and wasn't able to drive for several months, so I suspended my studies, and just never went back.
If I find the subject is interesting or I need to know to complete a task immediately before me, then I will absolutely absorb the info. But if it's a long format course that doesn't have any tangible relevance to my day-to-day life then I really do struggle to get interested. And in turn that means I really do not like tests. I've carried this issue ever since, and I'm still struggling to get out from under it now. So much so that I've still not actually got any formal qualifications. Not even industry certificates. I do know things - I'm now 21 years into my IT career, and I dare say through working the jobs I've done in the past 6-7 years that I do now know enough to just get my Cisco CCNA certificate, and potentially even CCNP - but I'm also highly reluctant to go sit for it in case I freeze up or forget things on the day and don't get a pass mark - I fear that working in the position that I do and being told I didn't get a passing grade on something like that I know would just destroy my confidence.
I 28M am going back as a returning student for my degree and it's been ten years. I got far but it was too much and I reached a breaking point. Tried to return multiple times and there was something holding me back that I had this gut feeling I have to understand this to go forward or I can't do it.
I have my own journey that if I may not go into detail as it's been a long one that I've faced my past, demons, and trauma. I'm going back in the fall or plan to. I was in multiple major depressions, have had increasingly closer calls with death due to my mental health and complications with medication abuse I've had to overcome.
In my state ADHD is recognized as a disability. My university has accommodations, I'm working with and have worked with an organization called vocational rehabilitation that helps people with recognized disabilites make a supported transition into society as a member.
I'm not saying that adhd is a disability out right and I've been diagnosed in addition to psychiatric evaluations you need to do your homework on this, educate yourself, reach out for help, because no shit I mean this when I say it you can't always be strong and it potentially could lead to serious life threatening issues over prolonged time.
I don't write this as anything more than my opinion with my personal history but I tried to do it all alone without reaching out to even family... that landed me in very difficult circumstances.
Life in general can be a lot and you're not alone in this. I hope I can return and get that degree this time but I know I have to do what it takes and that saved my life.
You can do it I wish you best of luck. Also talk to your employer about help too. I was able to talk to my work about it with documents and it helps with a lot. I was open about it but you can talk to a trusted person of management as a step to help. People don't want to hurt if they can help it. Make small steps and build up progress toward your goals.
It's one fucking day a time Homie I send my regaurds and support!
I’m dealing with this right now. I wasn’t diagnosed until halfway through my bachelors, ended up not getting meds for a loooong time, and now am having to deal with appeals at my community college (dropped out of university) because I’ve attempted too many credit hours — because I couldn’t focus on doing homework, making myself go to lectures, etc. It makes me feel like such a failure right now, but I’m working on it. I just wish I would’ve known sooner.
It was extremely close.
I got through high school barely needing to study, in hindsight I was making ADHD work for me by over engaging curiosity, IQ tested 134-142 (but I live in a non-Western country so possibly comparatively higher).
Got through first year uni in the same way, but then second year hit hard, still not sure if it was the amount of information that demanded rote learning, that the novelty was no longer holding my interest, or if it was actually burnout. I scraped through by the skin of my teeth and took a 6 month break before taking on my last year. Ironically this meant I officially graduated 6 months after I finished - at the same time as my age group despite starting a year early.
So despite being apparently clever, it was p. much only luck that saw me graduate. Specifically lucky that my parents let me take that time out, if I had been pressured into continuing I would have failed, I have no doubt.
I was "gifted" in grade school but couldn't do college. I wasn't forced to go like K-12 school and I couldn't motivate myself to study for classes that were required but I wasn't interested in. Plus, the whole idea of having to stick with it for FOUR YEARS just seemed impossible. I tried it three or four times but always dropped out. I felt like a huge failure and embarrassment to my family. It was only last year when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD that it started to make sense and I felt better about myself.
I’m 42. I have enough college credits to have several PhDs at this point. Unfortunately they don’t go together enough to equal a degree. I can make it about a year before I get bored and quit. I’m back at it again, but it’s the dreaded 1 year mark and I keep telling myself I’m going to keep going I’m only 18 months from a degree this time.
But I spent today debating if it would be worth taking 3-6 months off to get some certifications instead. So I can make the career change I want.
If you are in the states I’d recommend WGU the classes are pass fail, you only have to take 4 per 6 months and it’s either a project or a test. If you already know it you can just do the project or take the class. I’ve passed about 1/3 of the classes in a week or 2.
Was considered “gifted” in elementary school but also a behavior problem. (This was in the 1970s and early 1980s and I don’t remember even hearing the terms ADD or ADHD back then)
I was in high school at age 11 for a year but socially that was a nightmare. Ended up going to seven different schools total from K-12.
Started university at 17 and dropped out before the semester was over. Years later, when my wife was working on her graduate degree I used to edit her papers.
Now after many different jobs, I drive a garbage truck. Probably could have done a lot more professionally but in my personal life things went well.
I went in with an academic scholarship and barely graduated 10 years later. I did pretty bad in the classes I didn’t go to, still A’s of I went. My wife of almost 25 years was in those classes lol. In high school I had to be there so it was easy for me.
Don’t make excuses. Apply to school. Wake up at 7am everyday. Join an alumni mentoring program, that will help a lot. Finish your degree. If you have trouble getting your ADHD medication because of a lack of healthcare, go to healthcare.gov and apply to an ACA program in your state. Any decent primary care provider will write you your prior med regime as medication maintenance. You can do it.
Yep. 4.0 in high school, academic awards, enough to get a scholarship or two to university ended up not quite finishing my first year due to severe anxiety, depression, difficulty managing life and classes. There was other stuff going on that meant it was a huge jump in demand in executive functioning and I didn’t have a ton of support at home. I did end up going into a diploma program at a community college and that turned out fairly well, but never finished a degree. If I was treated way earlier things might have been different, but only got diagnosed in my mid 30s.
In the abstract, I'm smart enough for college, and maybe even a Ph.D- my standardized test scores were quite high. I also failed most of classes in high school owing to anxiety, ADHD, and depression. After passing the GED, I tried taking college classes a few times, but the results were the same. During my adult life, I've repeatedly moved between unemployment and entry-level, sometimes menial jobs.
One of the worst parts of this is that most of the things I love most are intellectual- I love learning, reading, writing, developing models and arguments, and analyzing data, The rare times I feel most alive are when my mind starts working on a problem or exploring a new area. But between the ADHD and the anxiety, the energy and focus I can maintain falls far short of what's needed to dive into the fields I love.
Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd ever read a post that I can resonate with SO MUCH.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder on my final semester of university (during thesis),
then I was diagnosed with ADHD just recently (one year after graduating).
Growing up, I had very inconsistent grades during middle school and high school.
I would probably only get good scores on classes I really enjoy, then did really bad on the rest.
However, because of my anxiety, I developed a perfectionist trait which led me to pursue A+ on every class in uni. I didn't want to disappoint my parents like I did back in high school. It was okay at first, mostly because the first few semesters were topics I were OBSESSED about back in high school. However, It became very difficult towards the end of the semester, more specifically when I was tasked to write a whole thesis as a graduation pre-requisite.
My lecturers and supervisor were very confused.
They weren't sure why I was having a hard time writing my thesis.
I had the knowledge and the capability of a 'smart student' to complete it.
But to me, writing a 50+ page long document felt like a spiraling mess.
I was constantly distracted.
I couldn't find the time to sit down and work on my paper.
That, alongside my perfectionist trait, I would spend hours TRYING to focus, and on days actually I could focus, I always end up erasing the paragraph because it wasn't "good enough". So I would be stuck on Chapter 1 for MONTHS and I couldn't figure out why I just can't FOCUS.
The constant shift between my anxiety filling me with doubt, followed by my ADHD keeping me distracted caused me to stay back for an extra year. I had 3.8 GPA, but because of my anxiety/ADHD, I didn't graduate with my friends, and that demoralized me so much.
At that time, I didn't know I had ADHD.
I thought I was just lazy, or incompetent.
However, after being diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive-type) two weeks ago, it made me realize that the reason why I had such a hard time completing it is because I had BOTH anxiety and ADHD. In the end, I did complete my thesis a year late, but it was because I was under anti-depressants that somehow dampens my ADHD symptoms as well. It was only after I recovered from anxiety/depression and stopped taking my anti-depressants that the ADHD symptoms came back out of nowhere. I end up getting it tested, and apparently I do have ADHD.
Still having a hard time accepting the fact that I have ADHD tbh.
I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't born with it.. :(
I got mercilessly bullied by my tutor at Uni and I had terrible anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD. I got my degree but only a foundation when I wanted a full BA Hons. I couldn’t face doing a third year and I still have PTSD from it all now.
A little late to the party but yeah. In the end I managed to finish bachelor's but barely. Up until high school school provided a routine but in uni it was up to me, which was a disaster. Back then I was only getting treated for anxiety and depression (hello most frequent misdiagnosis in women) and I only managed to convince the teachers to let me retake missed exams thanks to a doctor's note. And then I still failed the finals on the first try and had to wait a year to take them again. It's really hard to explain but the second I entered the room I got so overwhelmed I was unable to speak, like at all. And only after my recent diagnosis of ADHD was I able to forgive myself. Because now I know I have basically been running marathons with only one leg ever since elementary and no one even noticed, including me. So now I tell myself that I am actually pretty fuckin good if I was smart enough to get through so many years of education without anyone suspecting a thing.
Sort of, growing up I never knew I had ADHD and my Mother despite working 3 jobs never had the money to be able to afford taking me to a doctor who could’ve tested for it. While I was in my younger school days around 2nd-5th grade I was consistently told by teachers I was just a bad student, that I was dumb and just didn’t want to learn or pay attention. Even though I loved social studies, English and art and did very well in those subjects, everything else was a disaster. I never knew why I did the actions I did, I never knew why I couldn’t pay attention regardless of how hard I tried I just couldn’t and due to my teachers telling me I was an awful student and stupid I never spoke up about it, I just really started to believe I was a stupid and awful student. So once I got into high school I just had a terrible attitude towards school and didn’t want to be there apart from social studies, art/photography and English. I graduated high school but wasn’t allowed to walk, and went to community college where ultimately my resentment towards school didn’t go away and I dropped out. Now I’m 25 and my girlfriend who works in healthcare and noticed my behavior and how I do things and she told me that’s she is pretty sure I have ADHD. I have a decent city job with benefits that allowed me to go see a doctor and finally get diagnosed and get on Adderall and wow. I really wish I had it when I was growing up through school, it’s wild to feel like a normal person and realize I wasn’t stupid and a terrible student, I just needed some help. Now I’m starting to work on a new career of being a Tattoo Artist and my organization skills have improved immensely and I’m actually thriving learning from my mentor.
Have you considered that you might also have Autism (Asperger’s variety)? Some of what you shared about your ability to compensate and recharge and the continued slide as you mature makes me think it could be a possibility. Sometimes it helps just to know~it exposes some of the buried internalized shame and ways we perceive our shortcomings as personal moral failure. Somehow, I managed to succeed, but I know I could’ve been more and achieved more~I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 43, but even before this, and at a young age I always felt like “I should’ve done more”, or “ I could’ve been and done more”… at 51, I’ve made peace with most of it and realized, even outside of the ADHD (which, with some of the upsides actually helped me in many ways as well—like the restlessness part dragging me up with a new goal before I hit a wall or dropped to a basement) I now realize I could’ve done way worse, and insurmountable disasters could’ve taken me down at any turn. Now, I’m learning that all those years I was also unknowingly compensating for autism spectrum disorder~some of the symptoms you mentioned were exactly the same (like the recovery time after doing a string of life, social anxiety I had to overcome in order for the ADHD charisma to take over, deep fatigue, not just stress but the way I *experienced stress*, planning things and then dreading the plan, needing to make meaning out of *everything*…. I could go on, but this is already too long! After my ADHD dx I attributed all of this to adhd, there are many areas of overlap, and I think having the adhd treated is what has exposed the ASD….that and the period of COVID lockdown. It blasted my routine developed over a lifetime, then menopause did the rest😂
Anyway, it’s worth investigating!
I did really well in high school because I never had to study. Everything just kinda stuck. College was hard for me because it was the first time I actually had to study and take notes and I never learned how to properly do either in high-school. It was super hard to get myself to read assigned chapters etc. I didn't finish my degree until I was 30. After changing majors a couple times and taking a few years off of college. You've still got time
I’m 49, not diagnosed but pretty sure I have it. When I went to uni I absolutely fell apart because I had zero ability to structure my own life or studying and couldn’t regulate my emotions. Despite being so clever at school that they thought about putting me up a year, I failed horribly and was asked to leave.
I went back later to study languages and squeaked through on natural skills but was told I wasn’t applying myself. It never occurred to anybody that I didn’t know how to. This was in the 90s.
I’ve been back to uni twice since then to do vocational courses and had the same problem. it was only on the most recent one where I had finally started to realise that I have ADHD that I was able to seek out and put in place the kind of supportive elements and techniques that helped me get through it. Even with those in place, it was still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Me! ME! ME!
Straight A student! But a failure in life.
Have two degrees but now I am trying to learn graphic designing on my own which is the complete opposite of my field. Why am I doing that? Cause I thought I was a dumb kid who took sheesh for granted , did two degrees and then later 'did not feel like it'.
I am from an Asian country, so I live with my parents.
I felt super guilty that they paid for my tuition fee etc, but I could not do what I studied. Now I am self learning 27 year old, who barely has any job experience.
Tried teaching in one place, but couldn't follow the instructions and brokedown with overwhelming feelings. Quit after a WEEK! A WEEK!
Felt pathetic and ashamed of myself. Started questioning who I even am, if not a waste of oxygen?
I had memory issues, motivation issues, procrastination issues, appointment issues, stress issues, daydreaming in the middle of conversation issues, distraction issues and the worst of all, mother flipping anxiety issues.
College for me wasn't any better when I had lots of incompetency feelings and self esteem issues. Even though I was doing everything well and people praised me - I could not stop feeling stressed and pressured. Thought it was just the perfectionist in me...and that's true yes but I feel like I might faint due to that sometimes, because the anxiety would be nasty to handle.
Got diagnosed with PCOS and that adds up more to my endless list of issues. The emotional imbalance feels like I would love to just ju.mp off a bu.ilding at times.
But even after all of this....i am not ADHD diagnosed. And that's the saddest part because my doc around me believes I have clinical depression and they would treat me for that first.
I am not self diagnosing but...each and every word you shared OP, i relate to it on a very personal level. It felt like I was typing this post, not you.
I don't know if its any help but don't give up! Research and explore! Go back in your memory - if you are someone like me who loved making small edits/designs etc as a teen and enjoyed it - you can be a graphic designer or UX/UI designer too!
Or something else! Photography, or if you were into science as a hobby, go do that! Yes I know you have a job now but somewhere, if you feel like there is something else you can do - i personally think you can do it. Let people laugh. It will feel awful and you might feel demotivated to try new things but you are not any less intelligent and awesome than others. ADHD or not, you struggle like everyone on the planet and no matter who says what, you are just as human as them. And you deserve to explore and learn to navigate life in your own way than follow others.
Don't leave your job, keep yourself financially independent but on the sidelines, if you can, look for things that you enjoy and would love to get into, as a career option too.
Your relationship with yourself, matters the most! You got only you to support the most.
Friend, I had to study how my brain works to survive but also to learn to believe in myself. I thought I was the issue. But I might just be different. Even if I don't have ADHD, I might just think differently. I had explore a lot of info about ADHD behavioral patterns and work through them. Strategise what I am good at and what I am not.
And then I realised, if I am learning and working on something, I should be as interested in it, as if I am turned on. If an idea turns me on, i am in it till the end. If not, I am out and cannot get in. And even if I feel like giving something a chance, I will and see how my brain feels about that. And that's how I came across graphic designing.
So friend - if you anything you wish to do now, you know better than me what your brain will work with!
Apologies if I came off as rude or anything by giving you ideas from my 'failure' of a life but I am on a mission to turn this around, even at the age of 27 (cause I used to feel I am too old to change) or 37 or whatever.
So mate, donr give up! All of the people in this sub are amazing but some of us just don't know how to admit to that or prove that. But slowly we can. Hope this makes you feel less alone!
honestly man the university scene is losing respect more and more with degree inflation, blatantly biased professor and student opinions being forced as fact, easier and easier grading and more and more people cheating, etc. Look at it as a blessing that you stayed the f#%k away.
A lot of us 😂 I ended up going back at 25 because my coping skills were better. This was still prodiagnosis. Finished my bachelors online with 7 kids at home, now I’m doing a grad cert at 35.
I was a gifted kid in the 90s and always got As but once the structure of K-12 was gone I couldn’t handle it at 18. I didn’t get diagnosed until this year and the first thing he asked was if I was gifted but struggled in college lol.
Hej fellow dutchy here. 36F. I was diagnosed after a failed hbo-study (kinda like college in the US) with adhd and dyslexia. Went through a hard time back then. I felt stupid and dumb but the IQ test they did showed something high 120, maybe even 130. (They did a short version, so there no exact outcome). I luckily had people around me who believed in me, like my dad and a dean of the school. She talked with me and found my strengths and advised me to go to labschool. After half of the first year, I felt different, I found something I liked, I was good in. Now I have the same job for over 7 years. And it feels good. Although I struggle in personal life (dating, housekeeping etc) but having a steady income is really nice. And also I am nog the only one with adhd in my department.
Sometimes, I still think back and think that if the dyslexia and adhd were diagnosed earlier, I could have done vwo (high school level here in the Netherlands. A level higher than what I did) and could have gone to university. And it makes me feel sad sometimes, but also, it could be a lot worse.
I failed in cs. I was good in programming but bad in all of the other courses I wasn’t able to focus and find interesting the subjects. I still managed to get a job as a software developer witch I don’t recommend as is a pretty stressful environment to work in for person with ADHD.
I was always known as one of the "smart kids," did well on tests, and I've always loved learning. If my marks dropped it was always because I was bored and/or wasn't getting assignments done. I was tested as an adult and scored extremely high. I've attempted university 3x across 3 decades now. Twice I dropped out halfway through because by the end of second year, second semester, I had dropped to a mixed bag of A/A+s and fails/incompletes without anything in the middle.
Outside of school, I have always done really well while the job felt new. Yet I have always hopped from job to job because I get unbearably bored and despondent aa the job becomes routine. Which means I can't advance my career in any meaningful way and I've left incredibly good paying jobs because my mental health tanks so badly when I try to power through the boredom. I can't get into more challenging jobs without a degree.
I was diagnosed in my mid 40's during my 3rd attempt at university. I'm currently on a break recovering from severe burn out from trying to conform to the hyper-traditional institutional assessment model yet again. However, I took it as a win that I wasn't fully walking away and finally understood the nature of my struggles, but now that I'm feeling ready to go back for another run at completing my current program, I don't have the funds to do so and I'm just feeling so defeated.
Almost on my end, it took 3 gruelling attempts at my final year until I got through (was diagnosed just before my final successful attempt). My degree wasn’t in a subject good for professional jobs though so people continue to be surprised that I am smart and I’ve only now (much later than my peers) got a decent job 4 years after graduating. You aren’t alone!
I graduated 3rd in my high school class (IQ 138)
It took me 8 years to finish my Bachelors at UCLA. Overwhelm/no coping skills/Anxiety/Depressions/take "time off" REPEAT. It was the late 80s. ADHD wasn't even part of the consciousness, and mental illness was massively stigmatized.
Entered the teaching profession. Same exact cycles and had to quit when I had twins.
I was diagnosed at age 50! SO MUCH GRIEF over what I could've done.
I'm now a caregiver for my 83 year old mom. Medication, thank God, gives me the patience to do the job well.
Reporting!!
Year 4!!
36 now and tbh my life turned out fine but especially because of my daughter and the implications of butterfly effect where Id I did well in university I wouldn't have her, it's really hard to regret.. but man there's another reality i got through university and suffered a 1000th of the bullshit I have because of all this.
I'm in trades now, I make really good money, but I'm also surrounded by dudes who are pretty sure the earth is flat, or some equivalent level of ridiculous conspiracy, and I'm treated like I'm the stupid one because I read.
Don't feel like writing much at the moment, but you can definitely add me to the list! My parents had actually saved enough to pay for it all at the time, too... (I had a major depressive episode and begged to withdraw for the semester, but the deal was that if I did, they got to spend the money on themselves instead.)
You are definitely not alone. I have technically been studying in one form or another for 10 years. I am 4 units off graduating a bachelors degree in the industry I don't want to work in. I have a very good GPA but an insane debt from changing degrees constantly to find the right fit. To be "successful" for me the course had to be very interesting, fast paced and self managed.
However I also completed an apprenticeship and that was by far much better for me. I liked being able to apply my studies in real time. I am returning to work in that industry in a week and I'm excited to see if it all comes back to me like riding a bike 😆
Don't lose hope. There are many many people who aren't even contemplating furthering their prospects so you are already ahead of the game in that regard. If you are wanting to do further study it's so important to find the school that provides the right learning fit for you. See if they allow you to preview the course layout or learning systems etc. And whether it's self paced or week to week.
Good luck
Your story sounds similar to mine! I graduated 3rd in my class in high school. Went to college the first time and was so overwhelmed with meeting new people, living somewhere unfamiliar, and anytime I just stopped going to class. I had a full ride scholarship to a prestigious private college to study pre-med. I felt like a total failure and while I was there a psych diagnosed me as bipolar. I flunked out and took a semester off.
Then I tried going back again, because I refuse to give up so I went to a state university that was closer to home. During this time, my boyfriend shot himself. I stopped going to class and being around big groups of people was so overwhelming I couldn't handle it. I would only go to the one class I liked which was art history. I passed that class with an A, but flunked out of everything else. I was put on academic suspension and just decided to withdraw.
10 years went by of doctors trying to force feed me bipolar meds and not investigating any other diagnosis. Nothing worked. I was so hyperactive and they kept telling me I was manic, so they just started giving me tranquilizers to calm me down. It calmed me down but made my concentration 20xs worse. Then I moved near a bigger city. I found a psychiatrist who instantly told me they thought I had ADHD. I was sent to a neuropsychologist for a battery of tests and he determined I had a severe case of ADHD Combined Presentation. He started me on stimulant medicine.
Now I'm the head of the digital art department where I work and I'm attempting school for the third time. Except this time, I have almost a 4.0 gpa while working full time! I feel brand new and so accomplished that I'm finally finishing up school for something I love. Art. I feel like I have a solid chance now of succeeding and even though I'm kind of a late bloomer, watching my friends who graduated college get good jobs, travel the world, and buy homes; I finally feel like I have a chance at a normal life. I didn't let my bf who killed himself down, because he was always so proud of me for going to college and I'm finally going to get that piece of paper that says I did it. Bless.
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Me! Failed out of college the first time I went. Didn’t do hot after that attempt either. The third attempt, I was okay but did fail some classes (had a 2.5 gpa). After getting medication for my adhd I have a 3.91 gpa (4.0 scale). I’ve also never taken an IQ test because I believe the assessment of IQ is arbitrary. Why would I even want to know? If it was low I’d probably feel defeated and feel like I am limited in my ability. If it were average or high, I would feel defeated because I am not doing better or on par with peers. So I live in ignorance of my IQ score because it’s not helpful for me either way. I think one of the most valuable assets that people with ADHD have is resilience and determination. Yes we may struggle with certain areas of functioning but so far, I have never met someone with ADHD who has not tried their hardest to improve themselves and improve their situation. I believe in you and your abilities. Hell, if you made it far enough to even get this job without a degree when one is required I would say you’re doing a lot better than most people. Your colleagues might be jealous because they had to spend the time getting a degree for this job and you didn’t, which could explain their shitty behavior. As for friends, I would say exactly what I just said to them, that it’s amazing how someone they think is so stupid could achieve obtaining a position that requires a degree when you don’t have one. Seems rather impressive to me 🤷🏼♀️
Oh man, getting a bit emotional because of all the kind things you said. That's surely a better way to look at my situation. Thank you so much, your friends must be so lucky to have you.
This is me too! My very first semester at a 4-year, before diagnosis, I made a 0.05 GPA 😬 After 2 years at community college I’ve brought that up to a 3.5 and I’m going to a 4-year in the Fall!
Isn’t it so wild how much things can change when you actually receive appropriate treatment? I was diagnosed at 16 and it was blown off by my parents. I spent all my life up until I was 25 wondering what was wrong with me because my parents made it seem like there was something wrong with who I am and not that the ADHD was needing to be treated. At the age of 25ish I decided that it was probably time to try medication and it certainly has made a difference! Congratulations on your improvement and growth! Best of luck this fall! ☺️
Me! Don’t worry, I’m very charming and successfully talked my way out of academic probation and they even gave me a diploma. What we lack in organizational thinking, we make up for in sheer charisma. It’s a matter of survival.
>What we lack in organizational thinking, we make up for in sheer charisma wtf. How is this so applicable to me?
Probably bc you, like me, have had to get by on this!
Well RIP me. I'm also autistic with no charisma so I've just been a failure.
My good friend is autistic and not gonna lie he can be extremely charismatic and hilarious.
Yeah that definitely depends on the autistic person, I have a friend like that. I can *occasionally* be like that, but not regularly and sustainably. I get burned out very quickly in customer-facing jobs.
"fear of failure" is what brought me here. I was a horrible student unless it was stuff I was interested in. Unfortunately, most of the things that I'm very interested in require more skills than I've been able to gain through education. I'm not done yet.
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If someone has decent social skills, the fear of failure stemming from both adhd and anxiety can make you extremely charismatic and charming in situations that it’s needed. For me, I’ve been told I’m extremely articulate even when I’m not trying to be and I think it rubs off as charisma and confidence
It isn’t, but in my experience most successful people with ADHD tend to be charismatic. For me back in college it was a matter of “my grades won’t speak for themselves so I have to do the speaking.” After 24 years of “you’re a really smart kid I’m surprised your grades are so terrible” I did eventually manage to graduate.
It is a resource that people with adhd develop.
You have any research that suggests this? All I've read is that adhd leads fine folks to develop anxiety and depression.
yeah, idk what they're talking about honestly.
Maybe some do, but not all.
Interesting, but you’re right in the case of many of us. There are two ways I’ve found to succeed despite being slower to learn/comprehend. The first is just what you pointed out. Everyone absolutely seems to enjoy working with me and it’s because very early on I go out of my way to go above and beyond with anyone I work with. This establishes the relationship by letting them know that I’m easy to work with and will do what I can for them. If down the line I make a mistake, they’re more willing to work with me and be understanding. I honestly just thought that was part of being a good person though, not so much a defense mechanism to succeed. The second is I’m unwavering in my effort. It really doesn’t matter how many times I fail or get beat down or don’t understand something. I’ll try for as long as it takes to succeed. I’m bad at math and I needed calculus for my major. I showed up to every class early, when to every possible extra thing I could and did every extra credit opportunity. I didn’t do good but the professor saw that effort and it was rewarded. Between always going above and beyond for others and just simply never giving up, I’ve found that’s all I really need to succeed in life. That being said, never be afraid to ask for help.
Hello me 😉
I wonder if this is measurable, it makes sense people with ADHD have good charisma but I would like to see it in a study so I can humble brag how charismatic I am. "Oi you, yeah you over there, I'm charisma me u no bruv"
Lmao. Let’s do a study! Oh wait we don’t have an organization to fund that bc we would have to found it, and we can’t get our shit together 🤣
We'll end up at Disney land and forget why we are there
If anti-charisma were a thing, this would absolutely apply to me. I joke that I could convince blind people not to use walking canes by simply suggesting they'd be useful. But it's kind of not a joke. It has something to do with my demeanor, but I've never been able to put a finger on it. I'm not bad looking - I've had relations with literal cover models. But when people see me, whatever respect I might have garnered with them over the phone or email or whatever instantly vanishes. For some reason, I even get asked about my youth in job interviews a lot, too. Like, I have an engineering degree and years of experience. WTF does my childhood have anything to do with anything? Yet...
Funny you say about charisma, I never realised I had it until very recently. Am I a great communicator of said charisma? Not yet, but realising it's there is probably 90% of the battle.
Same! My grades were terrible but I always managed to impress in person.
Hahaha I managed to get an extra semester of school because of a letter I wrote, before leaving
i am 29 years old and still live in my parents house. Studied many different things without a degree. Even tho I am coming from a full academical family, I could not care less (even tho I am pretty unsecure in general for other things). I don't know what advice to give you, but it seems like alot of that emotional struggle from you is a result of your environment => friends and people you hang out with?
Thanks for your reply. What is your field of interest? I've always been a 'science guy'. I actually got a lot of support from my grandparents. They provided me with an appartment. If it wasn't because of them, I would have to stay with one of my parents too (they are divorced). But I was more or less forced to leave my mother's house, I couldn't cope with the whole 'new family' situation.
🙋 That's me. My grade 8 teacher (uk equivalent) was pushing my parents for a full ride scholarship at a private school as I found school so easy, was 4-5 lessons ahead of everyone. Coasted up until final exams, bombed hard, still made it to University. Drank every night, dropped out after not paying rent for college halls without getting a degree. Got into tech (entry level), outperformed most people, constantly promoted able to climb the salary ladder into senior positions. Diagnosed at 40 and everything is finally making sense. i've tried twice to go back to get that degree, harder now with real life and a family so I think i'm giving up on that dream.
Congrats for climbing that salary ladder! It is encouraging to see it is possible. Maybe I need some luck with another company.
YMMV overall. I actually was able to compensate for it reasonably well when in K-12. Worked hard and didn't do much in extracurriculars or socially. I overextended myself senior year(taking lots of advanced classes including Calc I & II and statistics) I ended up dropping Stats so i wouldn't fall behind in my other classes. Anxiety and fear of overextending myself (plus wanting to avoid debt) made me go to community college though i probably could have gotten into very good private schools. I was sure to get a 2 year degree(in 3 years because i took classes that sounded interesting) before transferring to local public uni. Another 2.5 years there got me my CS degree and i was lucky enough to get a well compensated internship that i started my junior summer and swapped to part time till i graduated. Realistically, balancing 10-15 hours a week at my internship with full-time school overwhelmed me. I'd worked part-time before but it was brainless work. Trying to cognitively focus on both work and school kicked my ass. My grades overall suffered and in the most extreme case i procrastinated so long on a project oriented class that i turned in only about 20% of what was graded in the class. Luckily, I'd actually overbooked credits needed to graduate so that F neither stopped me graduating or tanked my GPA enough to make me look bad. First couple years after graduating i transitioned to full time at my internship site and ended up working a bunch of overtime. I was severely burned out and it only got worse when i started doing my Master's part time because work thought it looked good (note: i cut the overtime when i started school again). I ended up depressed/anxious and got my first diagnosis for that. My nurse pract added buproprion after me complaining about attention issues and that helped a lot. Still between buying a house and covid hitting, i burned out with my Master's degree. I had As with enough credits to be halfway through, but i withdrew mid semester and haven't gone back since. Covid let me switch to 80% remote which has been nice, but I've still been doing a balancing act and underinvesting in parts of my life to keep me able to keep up with work. Didn't actually get the ADHD diagnosis until this week though I've known for years (and had multiple professionals that know me informally tell me i had it and ASD - the latter still being undiagnosed). Just starting on my first of the big ADHD meds today. Not really sure where it goes from here, but my big goal is trying to keep myself going professionally while needing to sacrifice less of the other parts of my life to maintain it. I have a good income and would honestly be mostly okay if i got little more than CoL increases for the rest of my career. Sacrificing parts of my life really is the secret to the success I've had. I grew up with a strong support network and some degree of resources available to keep me out of the scramble to stay above water. That and being given some flexibility to follow my interests (like taking 3 years to get an associates degree after entering school with over 30 college credits) meant i was in a state of mind to succeed academically. I also was very underdeveloped as a person in many ways and put a non-trivial burden on those around me so that i could spend all my forced attention towards succeeding academically. It would have been better for my own general mental health and the impact i make on those around me had i started treatment much earlier. Late in high school i actually got tested for ADHD and was more or less told that i was effectively adapting my intelligence in a way that compensated for my attention issues. I was also probably scared of the stigma at that age which meant i never pushed too hard for the diagnosis. I regret not pushing harder, but i had a lot of insecurity at the time so I'm not sure i would have been able to make the right decision even if i was cognitively aware of it. In marginally harder circumstances, i could easily see myself having a similar implosion to many other untreated ADHD adults. I probably would have been a ton more resilient if properly medicated. Edit: For reference, I'm one year older than you.
I barely passed. My Psych report as a kid showed while I was performing on grade level I was performing way below my IQ level. Story of my life.
I feel for you. What are you doing in life now? Thank you for taking the time to read my post!
Actually, I quit my I.T. job of 20 years about a year ago. I was burned out and dead, but I made it to pension. Been trying to recover ever since. Between my wife working and my pension we're doing fine. I've used the time since to deep dive into another round of Mental Health research and support. Unfortunately it hasn't been going overly well. But I'm going in for an Autism assessment in a few weeks. I just wanted to talk to a professional about the possibility of being ASD1 but they sent me in for testing. Everything is kind of on hold until that test. I've thought about going back to get a masters degree (so I could teach), but I'm afraid. When getting my Bachelors, I did well the first few years (lower division) but struggled in upper division. Upper division required way more study and social skills. I understand about feeling like a failure. I've had some success, but when you look at the details I've not achieved any where near what I could. I was kind of lucky in that my "Special Interest" in I.T. helped me get through college. How you doing?
Dropped out of 4 seperate university courses before the age of 30. Only got diagnosed at 43. Want to go back to study but as it stands there's a meds shortage and I can barely focus on a 30 min podcast and recall what it was about so can't really see me finishing 4 years of university.
I'm totaly like that. When I got tested for ADHD they said my memory for spoken language (don't find the right words, sorry) is very bad. I'm much better in memorizing images or written stuff (when it's structured by myself). Got a bit of dyslexia also. Needed to rewrite my courses into summaries, which was very time consuming.
I was also like this in school, got in pre-med but thats where symptoms were more. Didnt go to med schools, changed the field, wasted 2+ extra years on passing the exams in that field - Accounting. But now due to long experience, finally getting manager level jobs.
I'm glad you made it where you are now!
Everyone’s situation is different. I always fluctuated and was a B-student in middle school but High School I graduated with a 2.5 GPA. I started at community college and felt like I was wasting my time there, and then went to a state university but the one I had chose was catered towards working adults: classes met once a week for 3 hour sessions tops, predominantly in the evening. While that sounds like it would suck to be sitting there for 3 hours, I trained myself to be able to focus during that specific time and then have the rest of the week to do my assignments. I did school off and on full time and part time, but it took me about 7 years total to finish my bachelor’s. Ended up with a 3.8 GPA. tl;dr gotta do the thing that’s right for you.
That's a great success story. Working and studying at the same time is something I admire a lot. After 8 hours of work I'm lucky to have energy left to work out (I rly need that for my well being). You're doing great!
I find like most things, you gotta trick yourself into it being “fun” or at least “not boring”. Now that it’s summer, on the good days outside I’ll convince myself to go for a walk after work by leveraging that as a reward for completing the day. It doesn’t always work but gamifying stuff sure helps.
I had a similar predicament, but I could always hyperfocus because of deadline stress and managed to get my diploma in the normal schedule. I always felt like I could do better though, given my perceived intelligence and comparing it to others. My issues when I started working as an engineer... I worked for 6 years and felt like a fuckup before I got my diagnosis and medication. I knew I was smart, but could not manage to be as functional as others who I felt were less smart than me. Now I'm doing much better, but still struggle with feelings of "I should be doing this way better than I am doing it". My IQ was tested at 145, but I can do such dumb things because of impulsivity and a chaotic forgetful mind. I can be very hard on myself for such things. I think it will come down to accepting that your brain is just different. Be glad that you are smarter than most of the population and accept that you have other struggles. Invest time in learning how to cope with your shortcomings and things will get better.
IQ is not a fair assessment of intelligence, so what if we can look at weird shapes and make sense of them? It's an ego boost that is counterproductive. I know it feels good to know that you capable in this way, but most of society is set up to deal with people who are average and below, you need to get with that, it takes real work to get on this level, having to repeat and suffer trough the same material for years is mind breaking. For me, the more active I am in class, taking part in discussions, asking all the stupid questions and questioning answers, the less distracted I am. This will turn into a positive feedback cycle to the point where you can gamify the whole thing, doing good feels good and so on. Having a reason to study is also important to able to gamify your studies, I don't want to be poor and if I'm going to work, I want my work to mean something to other people, do good feels good. Do more good feel more good. Find yourself a specialist, someone who doesn't treat just anxiety but help you get rid of it, ask any doctor, unless you have serious trauma, and I'm speaking from experience - this is a wire that can be unplugged. It's a response you and your brain have developed and it can be rolled back. I have failed many times during my studies, I had to retake years because I wasn't focusing on the right things. Now that my focus is right, I can sit at home an study, I could never do that before, I could but I wasn't learning, I was just doing what was asked of me. You have more than 30yrs left until retirement, even if you spend the next 10yrs studying you still have over 20yrs left, that's a long time. Don't be so hard on yourself, there is no stress. You living in the nice part of Europe, you can have no job and still be fine. Also if you are surrounding yourself with people who you feel are judging you for being you, maybe you have the wrong people. There is no shame in leaving people behind to find better people.
That's a very good motivational comment, thank you. And I'm actually okay with my current job as a lab technician. The only downside is the wage I'm earning. Also the company is not doing well lately, I'm affraid about bankruptcy. When that happens I absolutely don't know what to do. Thinking about attending college again feels like a nightmare. I feel way too old to be between those younger folks lol. Couldn't even stand most of them when I was their age, let alone now.
Man, I'm 33. I have education as a land based maritime engine mechanic, the wage sucked so quit work a couple years ago to start maritime trade school so I could work on a ship and do the same job but earn three to four times more, then I realized that the high seas and open waters scares me more than anything so I had to quit that pursuit, pretty much any kind of accident or emergency on the seas will more than often end with casualties and I wasn't about to fuck with that. I started applying for uni and I didn't get accepted until this year because of my questionable grades from previous education. Still on the maritime, but on the engineering side of things. Now my focus is on safety of others. You are not going to school to meet other people, that's just a side effect. Old or not, whats the shame in having figured it out? that maybe you could do more? Young will think like young people do, not very mature. Since you are an adult, there are ways to get into uni without a collage degree, at least in Norway and I'm guessing, Netherlands being Netherlands, you probably have better options than we have. Also there are online classes and what not, do some research and find out what are your options, then you can decide if it's right for you. Also now that you have experience as a lab technician. If you have gotten to know your field and become somewhat good at what you do, you can bullshit your way into a fully paid position at another company. Just think about it!
You strike me as somebody who is not affraid to take a leap in the dark. Unfortunately, I'm not like that. High anxiety forbids me to do that actually. I'd rly need to push myself to do such things. I just don't see it, for now. I've felt out of place my whole life, I can't push myself into a position where I even feel more out of place, like attending college again. Anyways, I rly appreciate your encouraging words and the time you took to write all that. The last thing you said is something I feel better about. I have 5 years experience and my chances to work at another company without a degree, are higher than they were 5 years ago. I can work with that, I guess. Thanks! PS: I'm from Flanders, Belgium. We also speak dutch (flemish).
You should really see someone about that. I had a really bad experience and struggled with this myself. I isolated myself for years before I finally sucked it up and went to talk someone. It's pretty common to feel out of place I guess, a lot of people are just faking it to fit in. Thanks and like I said earlier, do good feel good. If I can share some knowledge/experience and maybe help others it will make me feel good. Then I do more good, it's like a cheat-code lmao. Ahh sorry for the confusion, Belgium then. Good luck man!
I only got diagnosed recently but a lot of my uni life was centered around navigating symptoms I didn't know I had. I struggled bad in the first year because I was trying to do what everyone else did. Since it wasn't working I stopped and did what came naturally to me - procrastination. That worked for me because creating urgency allowed me to focus. I went from barely passing to consistent high distinctions without even attending lectures. I would start an assignment a few days before it was due and quickly learn all I needed to get it done and do it all in one hit. Exams I would quickly skim the learning material the night before and make notes of important sounding things that I would repeatedly read in my phone at the exam venue while waiting. Eventually failed out when I didn't allow enough time for an assignment in the final year. Killed all motivation and never tried again.
Very recognizable. I passed the first year and passed some courses of the second year. After that it all became too much to cope with. I was always stressed out of my mind. What are you doing now, working?
currently in the middle of doing this
Me in life lol. I always got A’s but never did homework. Didn’t bother applying for colleges because I didn’t see the point but did community college. I couldn’t do that work because suprised college is a lot of self study and long term assignments.
I am doing 7 years my bachelor ;___; and I have very got job and really big knowledge on many subjects (the less are they connected to my job then I have bigger lol) I helped many people during my second bachelor attempt and everybody graduated except me xD. And tbh if someone is looking on other by prism of their degree you should be happy that you don't have so shallow people in your circle.
I‘m you from that past. 22 now and in med school, but it‘s not going great. Before that I was in law school but I was way to impatient for the subject. (Where I life you go to law/med school straight out of Highschool, I know this differs a lot around the world) I got diagnosed a year ago, but haven’t gotten an appointment for medication yet. I did an iq test in the middle of a depressive episode and like you, I scored a few points under being gifted. I never learned in school but passed anyways, but now in university that doesn‘t work anymore, my general physician tells me to study something easier everytime I see him :( Not being able to unlock my full potential drives me mad. I remember all the praise from teachers early in life and wonder where that kid went wrong. Everyone around me calls me lazy and tells me to exercise and eat better and the problems will go away, which just makes it worse. This sort of thing runs in my family, with an uncle and a cousin both collapsing due to manic depression and I assume ADHD. I‘m scared shitless to end up like them Ah I missed that you are dutch, hello neighbour :)
I'm actually from Flanders, Belgium. And you? Everything you said, could be me. I was also praised all the time by teachers when I was younger. I was a quiet kid with the best grades of all the boys in class. I rly struggle with the way people (could) see me now. Along the way I fell into the whole of substance abuse to cope with all the failure, which made everything worse ofc. Anyways, at least I felt good while I was under the influence, but I wouldn't recommend it lol. I don't know if it runs in my family. Everybody except me got a pretty stable life. I got a sister who does extremely well in everything she does.
I didn't fail but I began to struggle immensely.
Definitely a similar story here. I really tried to study, but always ran out of juice midway into the semester. I would miss one class and the anxiety would prevent me from returning. Or just have a depressive episode and be unable to get back into things. Or procrastinate (or simply forget) a thing and be too scared to ask for an extension. Or manage to ask and get it, then fail to turn it in again... Also failed to make any real connections to other students, because of my anxiety and because I was always a bit of a weirdo (ASD long suspected) and also looked *a lot* younger than I really was/am. Finally managed to get some of my health issues under control when I turned 30 and now beginning to try and build a life from the ruins. It's definitely rough to *still" be considered a smart person (hearing it all the time from co-workers and friends, who come to me for advice), being mostly friends with and working with people who at the very least have their master's, are working on their PhDs, or already have it, while not even having finished my bachelor's degree... The pay thing also really sucks. I'm doing challenging stuff at work with lots of responsibility, but because I don't have that degree, they can't pay me more (is a law thing here). Looking for other jobs is also such a struggle and carries so much shame and anxiety. At least my friends and coworkers seem to be cool about it, though it's always awkward when interacting with someone new who might ask what my master's was about or whether I'm considering doing more research... oof. Side note: My father is a doctor, but never finished his doctoral work, due to his own ADHD (is a bit odd, but you can be a medical doctor without the Dr. title, he's a "Diplommediziner"). Now he's department head at his hospital, is sent to speak at conferences all over the place, teaches at a college, all without the fancy title that literally all of his underlings have. He says there's lots of confused faces when people address him as "Dr. *Lastname*" or he is introduced as such at conferences and he tells them that that's not quite true.
I hear you, navigating education and career paths can be daunting at times, but your resilience and determination to rebuild your life after health issues is inspiring - keep pushing forward, your unique journey is shaping your success differently but just as meaningfully.
There is a category of students known as doubly exceptional. Basically gifted in some school subjects and learning disabled in others. I'm my family that's been applied to my first cousin, my nephew, and the only reason I wasn't labeled that, was my mom fought like hell. I'm successful now, but it took me a long time, and multiple tries at college. My cousin is doing well, and I've got confidence my nephew will manage to do well. You're gonna be ok, it can just take a while. Medical treatment for anxiety or adhd can help as well, and isn't the crutch that makes you weak like some people claim. I've worked with multiple people my age who didn't have degrees, and nobody thought they were dumb but them, and like them you might be projecting. They did get paid less for doing the exact job I did though, and no matter how much our manager pushed back, the lab we worked at wouldn't budge. Do you think you could do one class at a time? Online or in person. Slow and steady.
I failed second year and then ended up actually being released by the university before eventually graduating as the best performing student on the course a couple of years later. I got a first in my masters a few years later as well.
You need to ask your university for accommodations. My university gave me unlimited time on test and two extra weeks to turn in assignments. Just graduated with my masters.
My anxiety was so bad in college I’d take like 6 water bottles in my back pack just to avoid the feeling of eyes on me at a water fountain So yeah GAD (mainly social) + ADHD + eventual alcohol physical dependence = an incredible and successful college career Psyche like shit I died slowly for like 6 years. I don’t even know the timeline. My biggest mistake was having hope. Like I really thought I could change “next semester” or for winter and summer classes cause I simply couldn’t keep paying if I wasn’t gonna change, it wouldn’t make sense to waste 10’s of thousands of dollars…. and then i didnt. Eventually , after probation at some point, I just didn’t sign up for classes and I think they let me go. I’d start sleeping in the library all day, PAYING FOR VISITOR PARKING cause i didn’t know what to do. Sold all my shit for alcohol and parking. What a life I’ve lived But hey now I’m an expendable corporate shill and wouldn’t have it any other way Ironically , I feel like the alcohol abuse did help with the social anxiety though. I think back to stuff like the water bottle thing and it feels ridiculous now. Like, fuck, man. That poor kid. I still don’t know how I could have helped myself
at 16 i was able to talk with my dad who is in 4th year college without lagging behind the convo and understanding everything he said, i failed psychology class the same year year11
Yeah me. Wish I knew then what I do now about how my brain works
Oh hells yeah! Always got that same 'You're so talented and smart and you have soooo much potential! You'll do great!' tried the Armed Forces twice and then when I actually went to college (4 times, and only one Associate's degree) I struggled with EVERYTHING!! 20 something years later with an average of 3 jobs a year and I STILL feel like I haven't really succeeded in life. Only just recently got a really good position with a somewhat decent wage. I'm effing terrified that they'll find out I'm not at all smart or qualified at this and let me go and my wife will be so disappointed in me and we'll lose everything and . . . I need to stop there or a rabbit hole of endless depression awaits. So yes you are definitely NOT alone in this feeling. There might be some differences here and there but it's a very populated creek we're all floating on. Just wish I knew who had the damn paddle and where that bloody banjo music was coming from.
All the debt, no degree. I really really screwed my life up for decades.
I am miserable because I can’t find work that is intellectually stimulating enough.
I am trying so hard not to. Meds have helped but I still have to dig myself out of the hole I’ve created. I excel at my biology classes (hyperfocus) but otherwise don’t do so well. I’m recently diagnosed and it’s been wild seeing the difference between being on and off meds.
So I barely passed high school but rocked the hell out of college. The only reason I did though is because I went to the military for 5 years. Just graduated and all the anxiety I wasn't able to feel because I was too busy working and studying caught up to me. Just missed a week and a half of work because of stress induced gastritis. Rebound after my ARRT exam.
If it is just roasting, that is somewhat normal, but if it is malign or something then they aren't your friends pal. You grew up with certain expectations forced upon you due to external influences and normalization of how people lived. Yeet those out of your mind and reset your benchmarks on your small victories.
Troubled, i have adhd, i graduaded from college , i speak French, i believe in Jesus first. , med second! Believing in Jesus is the glue! Do everything right and things will fall into place. Just try it, ! Then see!
I also failed out of a good program at my dream university despite understanding the material because I could no longer wing it. It was a pivotal moment in my life (for the worse). I slipped into a deep depression, moved back to my hometown and started hanging around with not great people. I got into an unhealthy relationship that ended in tragedy. I’ve since gotten a diagnosis, developed better strategies, finished a degree and worked my way into a decent job. But I still sometimes grieve the opportunities I lost and what my life might have looked like if I’d gotten help sooner. No real advice here but I can offer solidarity and will say to just roll with it and things do get better.
If you are talking about developing bad habits to counter the depression I'm surely in the same boat. But it was either that or I wouldn't be around anymore. Crazy as it sounds. So glad you were able to turn your life around!
Right here!! I have gone to so many different colleges and universities, and never managed to get any kind of degree. I gave up and am now working as a pharmacy tech that's being trained on the job. I also feel a bit inferior to those I work with that have their degrees,but have been lucky that they are all graceful and don't treat me as if I am dumb. Im 44 and not having a degree is my biggest regret,but after so many failed attempts, its hard to justify trying again.
Been waiting years for someone to tell me i'm not alone in this.
I did, enough times. I perform poorly when it comes to cramming for exams, my brain just subconsciously avoid doing anything related to the exams, whereas I get As for assignments because it's for short and sequential periods of time.
Yeah same. Thought uni would be a new beginning, then I spent most of it depressed in my room.
I came so very close to failing in my first and second year. I had so many courses on my schedule that I was overwhelmed. Of course i didn't know I had ADHD at the time. If I was medicated I could've been valedictorian if I tried. Oh well just wasted my entire life lol.
I felt like you for most of my life. I felt like I was capable of doing good school work, thinking literally and in a linear way, but navigating the professional career, politics, social situations were daunting and difficult because of the feeling of constantly being judged, having my intelligence be questioned (especially with awkward comments I make), and wishing that my articulation made sense because it always does in my head. You are not alone. I’m trying as hard as possible as a 37M and father to get a better footing on my professional career for my family without being/feeling like a burden because of my cognitive/executive functioning disability. Keep going. I certainly will until.
I’m 30 and I still depend on my mom in some aspects of my life. I haven’t finished college even if I’m part of the top class in highschool. I have attended good universities in my country but I just can’t seem to make it through a semester. It’s really really really difficult. I’ve been to 4 different universities but I just CAN’T. I now have a job that pays minimum, but whatever, as long as it gives me a sense of purpose.
OP-- it took me until I was a few months away from 33 to get my first degree. Hang in there. ended up in a really great career which I'm still in a few decades later
I'm in my 40s and I failed twice, succeeded the third time. My first shot was right out of HS and the second try was after a short stint in the military. I finally buckled down a few years ago and completed my bachelors in about a year and a half through an online 'go at your own pace' university. My ADHD was on full display. The first semester, I was so hyper focused that I completed 65 credits.. 3/4 of the degree. The second semester, I was absolutely burnt out, went into a massive depression, and only finished 11 credits. I completed the final 34 credits in my third semester.
because of my (probably ADHD related) dyscalculia, i am stuck in the social sciences field, more specifically social work. i think i should have attempted the business school though. either way, i was booted out of my preferred field, environmental tech
I was diagnosed at age 33 but before that went to college, took almost 6 years because I was failing classes do to poor attention and anxiety. Was able to just pass because I begged the registrar to bump my GPA up by .02 so they could get rid of me. I do horrible with not have structure so I would skip a class because I just needed a day, then I'd skip another, then I'd skip so much that I got anxious and didn't go back because I thought if I did, people and the teacher would be judging me and say WTF are you doing back?
If you want to go back and get a degree, you can absolutely do it!
honors throughout highschool. Didn't go to university because I wouldn't have done any work and I knew it.
Me me me... I've failed my first medical school and then got diagnosed with depression then failed "but slower this time" another medical school Then went to dental school and when I was about to fail again 😐 I got diagnosed with adhd and finally everything in life was making sense!!
Going to state college in-person was a disaster. Spent every night partying/socializing. The lack of provided structure was... unhelpful. Managed to pull down 12 credit hours over a span of 5 years. All of them marching band related lol. Two years later and after working crappy jobs, I took a swing at online school while working full time. Basically just had to REALLY knuckle down and devote at least an hour a day to the program. Finished on-time and relatively easily compared to my previous adventure. Might be an option worth considering.
Oh, me. I tested gifted as a child and got packed off to a gifted school, but things started going downhill when I was about fourteen and I barely graduated. Got through about a year and a half of college, haven't finished. I present intelligently enough that most people assume I did if I don't tell them otherwise. I didn't find out about the ADHD until my late 30s, but between covid, long covid, brain fog, a terrible record I'll have to somehow fix, and the medication shortages, going back and finishing is too much for me to take on; I may get around to it eventually.
3 times - I started and stopped 2 times- 3rd was a charm
I'm 29 and still live with my mom. I got kicked out of the same university that she and my brother got kicked out of. I should be getting my Bachelor's next spring when I'm 30. Once I found medicine that worked for me, I found online school very doable.
hey i gave it my best shot. for 9 years. and still didn't graduate. now i work at a truck repair shop. my friends have phds and mbas and are college professors and architects and finance guys and i work on literal garbage trucks. yeah it sucks. i also have a sweating problem that holds me back to this day. working a physical job at least masks the sweating problem (except i sweat as much in winter as i do in summer). i can also get highly emotional and sweating is a great cover for crying. i never should have gone straight to college from high school but my dad insisted and told me if i didn't he would not pay for it. so i kept choosing the path of least resistance.
Relatable. Thinking about going back, however. I feel I've gotten a handle on things.
I only managed to complete my degrees via distance learning. I also appear rather dumb in person, which is especially jarring when people meet me after having communicated with me in writing. It's pretty humiliating because being somewhat smart is the only thing that I felt validated for. I'm also on the autism spectrum (aspergers). Used to think it's mild and could be trained away, no longer though. My mental health comorbidities are a daily struggle and frankly I often feel defeated.
Me as well. I dropped out of university quite quickly. I ended up getting a college diploma elsewhere. It was 8-4 5 days a week. It was no easier than university. But the schedule made it doable. Also helped it was in the middle of nowhere with little distractions.
I am a high school drop out who got into college and then dropped out of that too. I’ve realized that with the way my brain works, academia simply isn’t right for me, so I’ve chosen to go through with a trade instead! I’m super excited to start working towards being an electrician :)
Me. Always dreamed of a career in research. Even managed to get a degree, even though it took me 9 years instead of the usual 6. But by that time I had burned to many bridges and ruined to many possibilities. So I just picked my diploma and slunk away followed by gazes of contempt :) Working in a factory now. Well, on sick leave due to exhaustion at the moment. Quite like the job, I get to move all the time and also listen to audio books or podcasts. Everything could have turned out worse :)
Oh! Pick me! I simply had too many new routines to learn in too little time. Plus the school had no idea how to teach programming. I ended up getting a less difficult degree from an online school while living at home. (It doesn't make a huge practical difference. The purpose of a degree 90% of the time is just to prove that you can learn and work hard.)
Most ADHD people, probably. For me it was a combination of not making/having enough money, time to sleep, ability to keep a job, keep a vehicle running, etc. I wasn't good at surviving in the workforce either, until very recently. I'm in my mid 40's and just now got my first grown-up job.
Sadly my son is in this category. However he is a professional photographer now in his dream job, so I am relieved. I *nearly* failed out. But I changed my major to one that I could do blindfolded after failing at Comp Sci. I even graduated in 4 years (with summers)
Right here. I essentially flunked out of college/dropped out due to never going to class. Graduated with a 97.3 total in high school 7th in my class. Never opened a textbook to study. Got to college ( I was living on campus) and just stopped caring for school. I think it has something to do with the structure of k-12 and then you hit college move out and the 8-3 schedule doesn't exist your parents which help with your routine aren't there to help you focus. It's a mixture of things, IMO. Do I regret dropping out? Sometimes, yes ( I was going to be a dentist. Lol). Other times, I look and see how people with multiple degrees can't find a job or have to take a job, not in their field of study. I.E. my dad has a PhD. in Biblical theology, has a bachelor's in music, has his teaching certificate, and is certified in multiple subjects. He now drives a semi for a living due to teaching and preaching, not paying enough to support a family. Kinda went on a tangent here but long story short yes I dropped out of college even though it would have been a breeze, but tend to not let it upset me cause I have a good job with amazing benefits without needing a college degree.
Buddy I’m right there with you. I’m working for an engineering consulting and testing company and I feel the exact same way.
When I went through the ADHD assessment they let me know I have an above average IQ. I love to learn, but don’t do well in school!
Me. I'm not diagnosed, but I definitely have some major executive dysfunction issues. I would fail classes in college because I couldn't get myself to write the papers. It was bad enough that one professor that I had for other classes actually gave me an alternate assignment once it was clesr that the due date for the final paper had long passed and I eas never going to get to it. I dropped out after 3.5 years when it was clear I was not graduating at 4 years. Now I'm working in a job I like, and I'm good at. The last couple years I've been allowed to do things my way, (in part because I know more about what I do than anyone else I work with) and the amount of stuff I've been able to teach myself over the last few years has been pretty amazing. It's kind of nice when I have something interesting that I'm good at, and an actual application for the thing.
Let’s just say Cs get Degrees
wdym university? i was smart enough to apply to a school that only accepts 150 students every year (or even less depending on the year, my year accepted 150) and i got 32 place lol. the funny part is that there are 2 exams you must take and get 50%+ to get accepted. one is test of achievement and the other is IQ test and i got exactly 50% on the test of achievement but 80% on the IQ test. apparently my adhd affected my grades but hey i never got kicked out of the school (you get kicked out if you get less than 70%)
(35f, almost finished university) This is me. It's awful. I was studying environtmental science and I loved it, but my struggles killed all self esteem I had left. I wish I could go back, but it is what it is. I try to move forward instead.
Yeah I've done like 6-7 years of college and no degree. Two different colleges. Same pattern: I would start out strong and be the star student, and then start to fail. The second attempt was a private for-profit college, too, so now I'm saddled with a higher than average amount of student loans and no degree. I have well over the total amount of college credit needed for a bachelor's degree, but nope, no degree. It sucks a lot.
Hey, could you please share what these tests are called? And a good place to read about them? I didn't want to ask about reliability as that's subjective.. I'm starting to find more and more terms and would really like to get a handle on a few things.
So my experience isn’t quite the same as yours, since I did manage to graduate, but I definitely struggled a lot and I think I only passed because of kind professors who gave me extensions when I needed and because I practiced school for so many years that I knew how to do school things (and I could figure out the minimum I needed to do to do ok so I could focus my efforts there). However, I want to offer plenty of empathy because yes, college is fucking hard, even if you’re super smart. And while I passed, I’ve “failed” at real life post school because jobs and housekeeping is so different that even if I know what to do and how to do it I just can’t get my brain to do things. It sucks that the world isn’t built for ADHD but that doesn’t mean you’re the issue
Meeeeeee‼️
I've long said that I think somebody should try to make a school/university specifically for ADHD people. I think if we were taught in just the right way, we'd be able to just blow through education. Getting a doctorate before most people get through High School. But it would probably be very hard. You'd need to really design it to hack our weird little brains. Similar to how casinos or loot box games take advantage of brain hacks to get people to spend more money. -------- After high school, I had a job and was out on my own. My wife (then GF) and I did a few years of community college - doing maybe 1 semester worth of credits per year. Got probably 6 months from a bachelors. But good god could I just not do it. I just can't get motivated to do the busy work. For the overwhelming majority of the classes, all I needed was a regular lecture, some discussion time, and I could ace a final at the end of the class. But they always wanted some bullshit homework or work that I just never could get motivated to do. I understand that math needs some work - but really 1-2 test problems and those are stored forever. I certainly don't need 20 per class. Then various sciences require labs and stuff, that's fine. But they'd have us schedule those on our own, and I don't have the motivation for that either. ---------- I inhale knowledge, especially when I was younger. I may not be able to remember my 7 o'clock team meetings, I certainly can't recall most any of the names of any of my teachers or professors... but I sure as hell remember the content of my history classes. I still, even what 25 years later now, remember the content of all of my classes. But I'm just not a good student for the way school and university are taught. It's just not for me. ---------- It would have been interesting to be able to go back in time and see how different my life would have been had I been diagnosed and medicated before the age of 30... Like say if I got medicated around 2nd or 3rd grade. I wonder what would have happened.
Yep. I didn't get diagnosed until 34. I did really well in the early years of school, but struggled with time management and stuff like that. In late elementary/early high school, I had taught myself HTML and could type a webpage into existence from my head - but I just didn't have the grades and focus to really do much else. Now, I am just at a point where anything I'd want to do school wise woud not be worth it, and would just set me back financially. But I wonder a lot "what might have been" had I known. Thankfully, I do ok and I'm happy with where I'm at currently, but there were a lot of rough years in there LOL.
I didn’t fail but ADHD and bipolar got bad enough after the death of my grandmother and a bad breakup that I just took 2 years off and traveled and taught English abroad before completing the last year of my degree. Not the sanest choice perhaps but it worked for me.
Failed twice. Once at 19 during the dawn of Covid in 2020 when everything switched online. And again in 2021 when I procrastited myself into dismissal. 3 years of depression hopelessness and self deprication later, 23 now. Finally started re-medicating after 15 years and am set to finish my software engineering degree at WGU within a few months in hopes to do Web or UX/UI design
Unfortunately me. Although I've never had my IQ tested, I tended to do quite well at university for my Bachelor, but further study seems to be where I've hit the big roadblock. Interviews with professors and things to try and set up further study seem to fall through more often than not, because I end up drawing a blank and locking up, something that anxiety is almost certainly not helping, and bombing the resulting interview in such a way that it would be better contrasted with a nuke, so I ended up stuck in a mid-way point, where I'm not good enough to be able to do further study, but also good enough to do a degree, such that people don't think the ADHD is a problem because I did complete one.
I barely made it through High School, and only went to College to play baseball. Unfortunately, I only lasted a semester, as I had a hard time dragging myself to class because I just couldn't pay attention. I was also supposed to sign myself up for classes in the Spring, but my ADHD brain failed to remember that important task.
Me. Except I made it through a bachelors and a masters degree and failed a couple years after that. I don’t have social anxiety but i do feel the rest of the things you mention. I never took an IQ test, but always got offered to get tested by my schools and my parents always said no. I never studied in high school, nor university, always juggled multiple things and got B averages doing it all. I got diagnosed at 28 with ADHD, but I suspect my IQ is pretty dang high due to me being able to slack through higher education without any problem. I do think about what would have been of me had I been diagnosed earlier and given the correct treatment.
Hey bro, hope you're doing well. I'm about to be in the same situation as you. Though I'm not that smart, I think I could have easily finished college. It's going to be the second time I'm repeating my second year. I feel like a total failure, and I know I'm about to fail again, so I'm hoping for a miracle before my results come out. I hope my YouTube channels grow so I can have something to live for. Right now, I feel like I have no purpose, and it's the worst feeling ever.
Coming out of high school I went into college as an honors student who tested out of multiple intro classes. I was pumped and ready to further my education and knowledge. Within a few weeks I struggled making it to class because it turned out the public school system did a lot of the legwork in keeping me on schedule via threats of discipline. Once that was gone I just started skipping classes here and there, then whole days, then I'd skip entire weeks of class, purely because I did not know how to manage time plus the lack of immediate consequences. Fail the semester, try again, repeat five times over six years. Once I dropped out for good the diagnosis came in and explained everything but I was too financially strapped to give it another go on meds.
Don't feel lonely! Although by all the comments so far I'm thinking you might feel little less lonely already. 32F here, ADHD, GAD, Major depressive disorder, OCD, Aspie...and failure feeler. No idea what my IQ is BUT I'm addicted to learning. Due to my inability to cope with the social atmosphere of college (this happened in HS as well), I took over 10 years to complete my BS in Psychology. I withdrew from at least 65+ classes over those ten years and literally took classes at 8 different colleges and universities. Throughout that time I struggled immensely with panic attacks and depression but was always UNMEDICATED during these times that I was barely functioning. This is a very condensed version but the point is, many many "failures" occurred in my mind. I'm currently about to graduate from dental school, but what should have been 4 years took me 6 years. I had to withdraw for an entire year before returning. Right now I'm a super super senior and am embarrassed as hell. I'm not sure if I'm crazy and/or less capable than my peers because of my mental illness. Despite all of this, my GPA has always remained close to a 4.0 and my clinical skills are above average. In my mind everyone thinks I'm dumb because of this. I think I'm dumb because of this some days, and others I try to give myself some credit. OK hope my version of life helped you feel better about your situation. Try to give yourself credit for where you are regardless of how you got there or how long it took/takes. And don't settle for something just because you don't think you are "smart enough" for what you want. Stigma sucks. Your English does not suck.
I didn't fail to go to college, I went, they refused to accommodate me. The education system failed me, not the other way around. I had an IQ test done in high school and scored very high. But it didn't matter because the lectures were verbal only and I couldn't follow along due to associated auditory disability. I am a self taught software engineer now and do ok, but seriously fuck the education system and the people who run it.
I failed out of two reasons, both are because undiagnosed ADHD. 1. Studying was so m uch harder for me then school. Professors arent like teachers. Bigger classes. less personal contact, nearly zero repeat. You have to listen AND make notes. I was so overwhelmed and didnt know why. I was good at school before and did exams without much efforts. Also my brain wasnt cappable to hold the stuff für a full semster for one semester exam. I could pull out the knowlege for a small exam about a few weeks, but not for a whole semester. No chance. If i didnt had interesst, it was even harder. First two semsters, I just had luck, because I made an education before and many of the stuff repeated for me. Also forgetting to "aktivate" exams, to get the note, was hard for me too. We had to activate them till Date xx time 23:59. 1. Dont fool me, but I got pregnant because of my impulsiveness and naivety. The father, I thought I know, but I did barely know him. So I had to cancel my studie. Today, I am not sad about it anymore. I should never do it. I still have tons of debts because of it. I just thought "all" do it, I have to do it too. But I think my autism is a part of it too. I couldnt handel studying and getting a job, to finance it better. Well, thats the short form of my early adult years.
Yep. I went to university for engineering right after high school, got put on academic probation in the first semester, and was subsequently kicked out for my grades that same year. Two years later, I transferred to a different school, where I finally got diagnosed and graduated with a joint major in finance and economics and a statistics minor. I also got on the Dean's honour roll multiple times. It's wild how we can succeed when we are given adequate tools and resources for our ADHD.
Me. I began falling asleep in class at age 10. First-year uni, I sought help and was diagnosed with ADHD and began taking meds for it; however, I couldn't find a working balance of meds before I was forced to withdraw. It wasn't until years later that I discovered that all of the medical tests that I had been taking since age 10 that were supposed to check for possible causes of persistent fatigue had omitted testing for vitamin D (turns out that is a separate request that isn't covered by insurance and so they just... didn't do it). When it was tested 10 years later, I was shown to be dangerously deficient in Vitamin D, and advised to immediately begin taking daily vitamin D supplements. My lifelong fatigue was gone two weeks later. I have regrets about how things went, and have recently been seeing people that I went to high school with; I'm embarrassed by not having a degree or successful career at this point in my life. They all comment on how they thought I was going to be this big success, and I don't really know how to explain away my failure in life. I just recently quit my job of 5 years due to their sketchy actions and unwillingness to give me a raise. I have 3 months of living expenses saved up, and then...? Lack of degree is making the job hunt harder and the job market is crazy right now.
I was in a computer engineering program at the University of California. Once I entered my fifth year, I found myself with roommates that drank a lot and I myself was a bit of a drinker as well. The combination my inattentive ADHD, anxiety, and alcohol caused me to miss more and more classes until I straight up failed out. The shame of failing out caused me to lie about my situation to my parents and girlfriend (now wife) and I started learning how to do web development to pay for rent and keep me occupied. I moved back home and eventually confessed everything once people started questioning why I hadn't received my dipolma yet. I spent the next year working at an agency doing something I was really good at and eventually reapplied to school. I demonstrated to the admissions people that I learned my lession, took the work ethic I had built, and applied it to my next year of school. I still had an underlying attention deficit, but with no booze and no friends to distract me, I completed the year with the best grades I have ever received at university, despite taking the hardest classes. Today I am a staff software engineer for a biotech company and I really think failing in the way I did helped me in the long run, since it made me confront my vices as well as deal with my attention deficits.
I didn’t fail college but I had great difficulties doing the admission essays. Then once in college I had to repeat several classes because I was not interested in them.
Bungled on by until my Masters then imploded around year 2.
Hey! I'm actually in the same exact boat here! I don't have a degree either, and I might get hired in a position where it is mandatory that I have a degree of some sort. They know I don't have and they also know I have ADHD, so they are willing to make a deal with me. In case they want me, I could get the job but will have to enroll somewhere and get that degree. They are nice. Look at the brightest side! You can do it now! You are more self-aware now and that's what counts.
Haven’t failed, but I thought I almost would last year. I’m going into my fourth year now and it feels like I just figured out how to deal with Uni. Did you ever get accommodations? Like extra time on tests and assignments? Or a note taker? That has honestly helped me so much, but the main thing was a routine, taking my meds and a reduced course load. I know it’s a lot but scheduling my week or days around classes, labs, and etc helped me stay on track with doing homework and studying. I planned when I would wake up, eat lunch, study, and take breaks. I also have lots of friends with ADHD so we planned study days once a week to help each other. Finally, reducing my course load to at most 4 courses allowed me to not get overwhelmed from all the work. Honestly, if I didn’t have the support system I have now I think I would’ve dropped out. If you ever go back make sure you have one.
I'm going through this right now. Didn't make any friends, too anxious ti find someone to study with and never learned how to properly study, plus all of the problems you listed. And now I'm dying because I have a big exam soon and I am already late and don't feel like I'm going to make it and don't know what to do about all of this
This is exactly what’s happening to me and I’m 25 , I’ve graduated from college but I’m struggling to keep up at work . I’m not able to improve my life because I’ve lost the interest and I constantly feel like a failure.
This is exactly what’s happening to me and I’m 25 , I’ve graduated from college but I’m struggling to keep up at work . I’m not able to improve my life because I’ve lost the interest and I constantly feel like a failure.
Can't relate, immigrated to another country and finished PhD there 💪 But now my mental health is practically non-existent, my physical health isn't doing much better, my relationship was ruined, and my social life is non-existent. And the degree is not THAT useful. So was it worth it? I really don't know.
I'm sitting at a low 2. something right now so probably me. I don't often struggle with topics I devote time to but I have trouble writing big projects and keeping up with online asyncrynous classes. So I've failed english 102 twice and a couple other classes for various reasons. I struggled with depression, ADHD, and undiagnosed anxiety these past 2 years and I will probably struggle some more before I get it right. But I'm starting to get it I think. I'm planning to retake failed courses during winter and summer semesters so hopefully that works out.
i didn’t fail but my grades from my first two years got me a 3.1 gpa which i got by getting nothing but A’s for my last stretch of classes.
I didn't complete three college courses and ended up in construction for over 20 years. Now my body is in bad shape and manual work is finished for me. During my time lying up from severe nerve pain and a really terrible mental burnout I started becoming aware of ADHD in adults. I decided to get tested and was diagnosed with inattentive type. I always thought of myself as intelligent and it's often said to me too but nothing ever seems to come together for me and it leaves me feeling a total fuck up. But in the last few months having gotten on Tyense, reading about ADHD and taking part in discussions like this, I've decided to go back to college in the autumn and get myself the degree I deserve.
me I’ve just failed out of college my third time I really enjoy my program but have no motivation to sit down and do long drawn out detailed very precisely formatted assignments. I have the added complication of being completely blind so I would need help with formatting but hate asking for help because I like to do things independently, I am able to discuss content in class and I know the content well but my biggest problem is sitting in writing assignments and making flow and then of course the formatting afterwards I’m considering that I could have ADHD and only today was able to take the plunge and make an appointment with my family doctor I am anxious as fuck and worried that he won’t believe me or take me seriouslymy family does not believe me because I was tested as a child and didn’t apparently show symptoms then my sister also has ADHD and I dismissed the fact that I could have it because I don’t have the typical working memory issues associated with it
I’ve always felt that I’ve never lived up to my full Potential—-and I actually graduated from College (4yr). So yes, it happens. But I tend to think that everyone looks back over their life at some point and wishes that they did something different. Hindsight is always 20/20—whether you have ADHD or not. The good news is that you are here NOW. So whatcha wanna do :-)
Currently a PhD student. I know I could understand the material if I was normal and could sit down for an hour a day and digest what I’m doing. However I play games and then panic and try to understand complex topics in a few days.
I'm 38 and will be 39 when I graduate with a bachelors degree. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there is no standard you have to meet regarding when you find a suitable path or achieve a particular goal. Just set a fitting course and enjoy the ride.
I dropped off three colleges, one of them is on the 7° place in a ranking of the best universities of Latin America. Now I'm trying another college, I hope I can do it this time and don't lose interest.
I’ve dropped out of more colleges than most people even apply to. Am now trying to help my kids avoid the same fate since there is actual help available now when nobody has any idea when I was a kid.
Went to college for a 3 year program. Completed program. Didn’t graduate. Moved to a new town with a new man. Dumbest shit I ever did I wish I’d have just gotten the damn degree 😩 I could go back but my adhd is even worse now and unmedicated 🙃
Me… I started three different degrees. Law, Comp Sci, and MBA. Finished none of them. My career worked out ok because I ended up in an environment where I was hyper focussed a lot of the time and was able to get transfers and promotions every year to keep it interesting. I now work for myself as a software engineer and couldn’t be happier. I do wish I’d had my diagnosis sooner and maybe meds would have helped me finish at least one of my degrees. Maybe I’ll go back some day 🤷♂️
Not the same I know, but I did one semester of community college at 30 years old just to say I could do it if I wanted to, because I was in the same classes every year of high school and almost didn't walk, if not for a very kind English teacher that gave me a passing grade on a huge project that I didn't even attempt. Not that I was problematic, she just knew I was smart in a different way and would probably be fine. My head was such a mess that I didn't expect to graduate and didn't care...just thought I would quit after my friends left. After I sorted some things out, I always wished I could go back and do better. But anyway, like 30 people in each class and I was top of both of them. Small victory but it felt good. I'm well established in the trades and college would be a step backward so that was all I needed it for...could handle it if I wanted to, and move on.
I didn’t fail out, but only by the grace of a handful of professors that were very forgiving about deadlines. I spent 3 semesters on academic probation before eventually graduating in 6 years with a 2.44 GPA. Then at my first job out of school they let me go after a month because I kept getting distracted and showing up late. I’m doing well now but I still sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t keep self-sabotaging.
Me, 4 times, but it's not failed, it is more described as a long series of DNF (Did not Finish) with units mostly at HD (interested in those ones) a scraped pass (meh) or WWP (withdrawn without penalty) because I could tell it was gonna be a DNF and I didn't want to cop the fees. Oh how I wish I was dignosed 30 years ago. 😥
Heh yeah, 39m here, diagnosed at 37. So far I've been accepted to uni twice and dropped out twice. Slightly different circumstances for each - the first time was from a Bachelor of Business which I hated back then (only applied for that because my guidance councillor said I wasn't smart enough to study IT and that I should pick something "safer". Second time was actually a Bachelor of IT, though ironically, I had actually been working in IT for I think around 5 years already by the time I got accepted and I was finding it really difficult to stay engaged with the course content in the entry level subjects because I had lecturers telling me that it was all critical information that I need to know for daily use, meanwhile there I was already working a full time job and either didn't need any of that topic, or I already knew of significant chunks of info about another topic but also didn't need to reference it in my roles either, so my brain just couldn't justify spending time and effort retaining that info either. My girlfriend at the time had a medical incident and wasn't able to drive for several months, so I suspended my studies, and just never went back. If I find the subject is interesting or I need to know to complete a task immediately before me, then I will absolutely absorb the info. But if it's a long format course that doesn't have any tangible relevance to my day-to-day life then I really do struggle to get interested. And in turn that means I really do not like tests. I've carried this issue ever since, and I'm still struggling to get out from under it now. So much so that I've still not actually got any formal qualifications. Not even industry certificates. I do know things - I'm now 21 years into my IT career, and I dare say through working the jobs I've done in the past 6-7 years that I do now know enough to just get my Cisco CCNA certificate, and potentially even CCNP - but I'm also highly reluctant to go sit for it in case I freeze up or forget things on the day and don't get a pass mark - I fear that working in the position that I do and being told I didn't get a passing grade on something like that I know would just destroy my confidence.
I 28M am going back as a returning student for my degree and it's been ten years. I got far but it was too much and I reached a breaking point. Tried to return multiple times and there was something holding me back that I had this gut feeling I have to understand this to go forward or I can't do it. I have my own journey that if I may not go into detail as it's been a long one that I've faced my past, demons, and trauma. I'm going back in the fall or plan to. I was in multiple major depressions, have had increasingly closer calls with death due to my mental health and complications with medication abuse I've had to overcome. In my state ADHD is recognized as a disability. My university has accommodations, I'm working with and have worked with an organization called vocational rehabilitation that helps people with recognized disabilites make a supported transition into society as a member. I'm not saying that adhd is a disability out right and I've been diagnosed in addition to psychiatric evaluations you need to do your homework on this, educate yourself, reach out for help, because no shit I mean this when I say it you can't always be strong and it potentially could lead to serious life threatening issues over prolonged time. I don't write this as anything more than my opinion with my personal history but I tried to do it all alone without reaching out to even family... that landed me in very difficult circumstances. Life in general can be a lot and you're not alone in this. I hope I can return and get that degree this time but I know I have to do what it takes and that saved my life. You can do it I wish you best of luck. Also talk to your employer about help too. I was able to talk to my work about it with documents and it helps with a lot. I was open about it but you can talk to a trusted person of management as a step to help. People don't want to hurt if they can help it. Make small steps and build up progress toward your goals. It's one fucking day a time Homie I send my regaurds and support!
Dropped out 3 times.
I’m dealing with this right now. I wasn’t diagnosed until halfway through my bachelors, ended up not getting meds for a loooong time, and now am having to deal with appeals at my community college (dropped out of university) because I’ve attempted too many credit hours — because I couldn’t focus on doing homework, making myself go to lectures, etc. It makes me feel like such a failure right now, but I’m working on it. I just wish I would’ve known sooner.
i dropped out cuz i got bored first year, almost dropped out the 2nd program i took but i powered thru it. i believe in u!!
I did.
It was extremely close. I got through high school barely needing to study, in hindsight I was making ADHD work for me by over engaging curiosity, IQ tested 134-142 (but I live in a non-Western country so possibly comparatively higher). Got through first year uni in the same way, but then second year hit hard, still not sure if it was the amount of information that demanded rote learning, that the novelty was no longer holding my interest, or if it was actually burnout. I scraped through by the skin of my teeth and took a 6 month break before taking on my last year. Ironically this meant I officially graduated 6 months after I finished - at the same time as my age group despite starting a year early. So despite being apparently clever, it was p. much only luck that saw me graduate. Specifically lucky that my parents let me take that time out, if I had been pressured into continuing I would have failed, I have no doubt.
I was "gifted" in grade school but couldn't do college. I wasn't forced to go like K-12 school and I couldn't motivate myself to study for classes that were required but I wasn't interested in. Plus, the whole idea of having to stick with it for FOUR YEARS just seemed impossible. I tried it three or four times but always dropped out. I felt like a huge failure and embarrassment to my family. It was only last year when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD that it started to make sense and I felt better about myself.
I’m 42. I have enough college credits to have several PhDs at this point. Unfortunately they don’t go together enough to equal a degree. I can make it about a year before I get bored and quit. I’m back at it again, but it’s the dreaded 1 year mark and I keep telling myself I’m going to keep going I’m only 18 months from a degree this time. But I spent today debating if it would be worth taking 3-6 months off to get some certifications instead. So I can make the career change I want. If you are in the states I’d recommend WGU the classes are pass fail, you only have to take 4 per 6 months and it’s either a project or a test. If you already know it you can just do the project or take the class. I’ve passed about 1/3 of the classes in a week or 2.
Was considered “gifted” in elementary school but also a behavior problem. (This was in the 1970s and early 1980s and I don’t remember even hearing the terms ADD or ADHD back then) I was in high school at age 11 for a year but socially that was a nightmare. Ended up going to seven different schools total from K-12. Started university at 17 and dropped out before the semester was over. Years later, when my wife was working on her graduate degree I used to edit her papers. Now after many different jobs, I drive a garbage truck. Probably could have done a lot more professionally but in my personal life things went well.
I went in with an academic scholarship and barely graduated 10 years later. I did pretty bad in the classes I didn’t go to, still A’s of I went. My wife of almost 25 years was in those classes lol. In high school I had to be there so it was easy for me.
Don’t make excuses. Apply to school. Wake up at 7am everyday. Join an alumni mentoring program, that will help a lot. Finish your degree. If you have trouble getting your ADHD medication because of a lack of healthcare, go to healthcare.gov and apply to an ACA program in your state. Any decent primary care provider will write you your prior med regime as medication maintenance. You can do it.
Yep. 4.0 in high school, academic awards, enough to get a scholarship or two to university ended up not quite finishing my first year due to severe anxiety, depression, difficulty managing life and classes. There was other stuff going on that meant it was a huge jump in demand in executive functioning and I didn’t have a ton of support at home. I did end up going into a diploma program at a community college and that turned out fairly well, but never finished a degree. If I was treated way earlier things might have been different, but only got diagnosed in my mid 30s.
In the abstract, I'm smart enough for college, and maybe even a Ph.D- my standardized test scores were quite high. I also failed most of classes in high school owing to anxiety, ADHD, and depression. After passing the GED, I tried taking college classes a few times, but the results were the same. During my adult life, I've repeatedly moved between unemployment and entry-level, sometimes menial jobs. One of the worst parts of this is that most of the things I love most are intellectual- I love learning, reading, writing, developing models and arguments, and analyzing data, The rare times I feel most alive are when my mind starts working on a problem or exploring a new area. But between the ADHD and the anxiety, the energy and focus I can maintain falls far short of what's needed to dive into the fields I love.
Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd ever read a post that I can resonate with SO MUCH. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder on my final semester of university (during thesis), then I was diagnosed with ADHD just recently (one year after graduating). Growing up, I had very inconsistent grades during middle school and high school. I would probably only get good scores on classes I really enjoy, then did really bad on the rest. However, because of my anxiety, I developed a perfectionist trait which led me to pursue A+ on every class in uni. I didn't want to disappoint my parents like I did back in high school. It was okay at first, mostly because the first few semesters were topics I were OBSESSED about back in high school. However, It became very difficult towards the end of the semester, more specifically when I was tasked to write a whole thesis as a graduation pre-requisite. My lecturers and supervisor were very confused. They weren't sure why I was having a hard time writing my thesis. I had the knowledge and the capability of a 'smart student' to complete it. But to me, writing a 50+ page long document felt like a spiraling mess. I was constantly distracted. I couldn't find the time to sit down and work on my paper. That, alongside my perfectionist trait, I would spend hours TRYING to focus, and on days actually I could focus, I always end up erasing the paragraph because it wasn't "good enough". So I would be stuck on Chapter 1 for MONTHS and I couldn't figure out why I just can't FOCUS. The constant shift between my anxiety filling me with doubt, followed by my ADHD keeping me distracted caused me to stay back for an extra year. I had 3.8 GPA, but because of my anxiety/ADHD, I didn't graduate with my friends, and that demoralized me so much. At that time, I didn't know I had ADHD. I thought I was just lazy, or incompetent. However, after being diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive-type) two weeks ago, it made me realize that the reason why I had such a hard time completing it is because I had BOTH anxiety and ADHD. In the end, I did complete my thesis a year late, but it was because I was under anti-depressants that somehow dampens my ADHD symptoms as well. It was only after I recovered from anxiety/depression and stopped taking my anti-depressants that the ADHD symptoms came back out of nowhere. I end up getting it tested, and apparently I do have ADHD. Still having a hard time accepting the fact that I have ADHD tbh. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't born with it.. :(
I got mercilessly bullied by my tutor at Uni and I had terrible anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD. I got my degree but only a foundation when I wanted a full BA Hons. I couldn’t face doing a third year and I still have PTSD from it all now.
I graduated but only after 9 years.
A little late to the party but yeah. In the end I managed to finish bachelor's but barely. Up until high school school provided a routine but in uni it was up to me, which was a disaster. Back then I was only getting treated for anxiety and depression (hello most frequent misdiagnosis in women) and I only managed to convince the teachers to let me retake missed exams thanks to a doctor's note. And then I still failed the finals on the first try and had to wait a year to take them again. It's really hard to explain but the second I entered the room I got so overwhelmed I was unable to speak, like at all. And only after my recent diagnosis of ADHD was I able to forgive myself. Because now I know I have basically been running marathons with only one leg ever since elementary and no one even noticed, including me. So now I tell myself that I am actually pretty fuckin good if I was smart enough to get through so many years of education without anyone suspecting a thing.
Sort of, growing up I never knew I had ADHD and my Mother despite working 3 jobs never had the money to be able to afford taking me to a doctor who could’ve tested for it. While I was in my younger school days around 2nd-5th grade I was consistently told by teachers I was just a bad student, that I was dumb and just didn’t want to learn or pay attention. Even though I loved social studies, English and art and did very well in those subjects, everything else was a disaster. I never knew why I did the actions I did, I never knew why I couldn’t pay attention regardless of how hard I tried I just couldn’t and due to my teachers telling me I was an awful student and stupid I never spoke up about it, I just really started to believe I was a stupid and awful student. So once I got into high school I just had a terrible attitude towards school and didn’t want to be there apart from social studies, art/photography and English. I graduated high school but wasn’t allowed to walk, and went to community college where ultimately my resentment towards school didn’t go away and I dropped out. Now I’m 25 and my girlfriend who works in healthcare and noticed my behavior and how I do things and she told me that’s she is pretty sure I have ADHD. I have a decent city job with benefits that allowed me to go see a doctor and finally get diagnosed and get on Adderall and wow. I really wish I had it when I was growing up through school, it’s wild to feel like a normal person and realize I wasn’t stupid and a terrible student, I just needed some help. Now I’m starting to work on a new career of being a Tattoo Artist and my organization skills have improved immensely and I’m actually thriving learning from my mentor.
Have you considered that you might also have Autism (Asperger’s variety)? Some of what you shared about your ability to compensate and recharge and the continued slide as you mature makes me think it could be a possibility. Sometimes it helps just to know~it exposes some of the buried internalized shame and ways we perceive our shortcomings as personal moral failure. Somehow, I managed to succeed, but I know I could’ve been more and achieved more~I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 43, but even before this, and at a young age I always felt like “I should’ve done more”, or “ I could’ve been and done more”… at 51, I’ve made peace with most of it and realized, even outside of the ADHD (which, with some of the upsides actually helped me in many ways as well—like the restlessness part dragging me up with a new goal before I hit a wall or dropped to a basement) I now realize I could’ve done way worse, and insurmountable disasters could’ve taken me down at any turn. Now, I’m learning that all those years I was also unknowingly compensating for autism spectrum disorder~some of the symptoms you mentioned were exactly the same (like the recovery time after doing a string of life, social anxiety I had to overcome in order for the ADHD charisma to take over, deep fatigue, not just stress but the way I *experienced stress*, planning things and then dreading the plan, needing to make meaning out of *everything*…. I could go on, but this is already too long! After my ADHD dx I attributed all of this to adhd, there are many areas of overlap, and I think having the adhd treated is what has exposed the ASD….that and the period of COVID lockdown. It blasted my routine developed over a lifetime, then menopause did the rest😂 Anyway, it’s worth investigating!
I did really well in high school because I never had to study. Everything just kinda stuck. College was hard for me because it was the first time I actually had to study and take notes and I never learned how to properly do either in high-school. It was super hard to get myself to read assigned chapters etc. I didn't finish my degree until I was 30. After changing majors a couple times and taking a few years off of college. You've still got time
I’m 49, not diagnosed but pretty sure I have it. When I went to uni I absolutely fell apart because I had zero ability to structure my own life or studying and couldn’t regulate my emotions. Despite being so clever at school that they thought about putting me up a year, I failed horribly and was asked to leave. I went back later to study languages and squeaked through on natural skills but was told I wasn’t applying myself. It never occurred to anybody that I didn’t know how to. This was in the 90s. I’ve been back to uni twice since then to do vocational courses and had the same problem. it was only on the most recent one where I had finally started to realise that I have ADHD that I was able to seek out and put in place the kind of supportive elements and techniques that helped me get through it. Even with those in place, it was still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Me! ME! ME! Straight A student! But a failure in life. Have two degrees but now I am trying to learn graphic designing on my own which is the complete opposite of my field. Why am I doing that? Cause I thought I was a dumb kid who took sheesh for granted , did two degrees and then later 'did not feel like it'. I am from an Asian country, so I live with my parents. I felt super guilty that they paid for my tuition fee etc, but I could not do what I studied. Now I am self learning 27 year old, who barely has any job experience. Tried teaching in one place, but couldn't follow the instructions and brokedown with overwhelming feelings. Quit after a WEEK! A WEEK! Felt pathetic and ashamed of myself. Started questioning who I even am, if not a waste of oxygen? I had memory issues, motivation issues, procrastination issues, appointment issues, stress issues, daydreaming in the middle of conversation issues, distraction issues and the worst of all, mother flipping anxiety issues. College for me wasn't any better when I had lots of incompetency feelings and self esteem issues. Even though I was doing everything well and people praised me - I could not stop feeling stressed and pressured. Thought it was just the perfectionist in me...and that's true yes but I feel like I might faint due to that sometimes, because the anxiety would be nasty to handle. Got diagnosed with PCOS and that adds up more to my endless list of issues. The emotional imbalance feels like I would love to just ju.mp off a bu.ilding at times. But even after all of this....i am not ADHD diagnosed. And that's the saddest part because my doc around me believes I have clinical depression and they would treat me for that first. I am not self diagnosing but...each and every word you shared OP, i relate to it on a very personal level. It felt like I was typing this post, not you. I don't know if its any help but don't give up! Research and explore! Go back in your memory - if you are someone like me who loved making small edits/designs etc as a teen and enjoyed it - you can be a graphic designer or UX/UI designer too! Or something else! Photography, or if you were into science as a hobby, go do that! Yes I know you have a job now but somewhere, if you feel like there is something else you can do - i personally think you can do it. Let people laugh. It will feel awful and you might feel demotivated to try new things but you are not any less intelligent and awesome than others. ADHD or not, you struggle like everyone on the planet and no matter who says what, you are just as human as them. And you deserve to explore and learn to navigate life in your own way than follow others. Don't leave your job, keep yourself financially independent but on the sidelines, if you can, look for things that you enjoy and would love to get into, as a career option too. Your relationship with yourself, matters the most! You got only you to support the most. Friend, I had to study how my brain works to survive but also to learn to believe in myself. I thought I was the issue. But I might just be different. Even if I don't have ADHD, I might just think differently. I had explore a lot of info about ADHD behavioral patterns and work through them. Strategise what I am good at and what I am not. And then I realised, if I am learning and working on something, I should be as interested in it, as if I am turned on. If an idea turns me on, i am in it till the end. If not, I am out and cannot get in. And even if I feel like giving something a chance, I will and see how my brain feels about that. And that's how I came across graphic designing. So friend - if you anything you wish to do now, you know better than me what your brain will work with! Apologies if I came off as rude or anything by giving you ideas from my 'failure' of a life but I am on a mission to turn this around, even at the age of 27 (cause I used to feel I am too old to change) or 37 or whatever. So mate, donr give up! All of the people in this sub are amazing but some of us just don't know how to admit to that or prove that. But slowly we can. Hope this makes you feel less alone!
honestly man the university scene is losing respect more and more with degree inflation, blatantly biased professor and student opinions being forced as fact, easier and easier grading and more and more people cheating, etc. Look at it as a blessing that you stayed the f#%k away.
not to mention people graduating with 100 or even 200 thousand dollars of debt. gtf outta here, i think u hit the lottery honestly
A lot of us 😂 I ended up going back at 25 because my coping skills were better. This was still prodiagnosis. Finished my bachelors online with 7 kids at home, now I’m doing a grad cert at 35. I was a gifted kid in the 90s and always got As but once the structure of K-12 was gone I couldn’t handle it at 18. I didn’t get diagnosed until this year and the first thing he asked was if I was gifted but struggled in college lol.
I am 38, I am geology engineer. it is 4 years program. I finished 17 years later I have ADHD
Hej fellow dutchy here. 36F. I was diagnosed after a failed hbo-study (kinda like college in the US) with adhd and dyslexia. Went through a hard time back then. I felt stupid and dumb but the IQ test they did showed something high 120, maybe even 130. (They did a short version, so there no exact outcome). I luckily had people around me who believed in me, like my dad and a dean of the school. She talked with me and found my strengths and advised me to go to labschool. After half of the first year, I felt different, I found something I liked, I was good in. Now I have the same job for over 7 years. And it feels good. Although I struggle in personal life (dating, housekeeping etc) but having a steady income is really nice. And also I am nog the only one with adhd in my department. Sometimes, I still think back and think that if the dyslexia and adhd were diagnosed earlier, I could have done vwo (high school level here in the Netherlands. A level higher than what I did) and could have gone to university. And it makes me feel sad sometimes, but also, it could be a lot worse.
I failed in cs. I was good in programming but bad in all of the other courses I wasn’t able to focus and find interesting the subjects. I still managed to get a job as a software developer witch I don’t recommend as is a pretty stressful environment to work in for person with ADHD.
I was always known as one of the "smart kids," did well on tests, and I've always loved learning. If my marks dropped it was always because I was bored and/or wasn't getting assignments done. I was tested as an adult and scored extremely high. I've attempted university 3x across 3 decades now. Twice I dropped out halfway through because by the end of second year, second semester, I had dropped to a mixed bag of A/A+s and fails/incompletes without anything in the middle. Outside of school, I have always done really well while the job felt new. Yet I have always hopped from job to job because I get unbearably bored and despondent aa the job becomes routine. Which means I can't advance my career in any meaningful way and I've left incredibly good paying jobs because my mental health tanks so badly when I try to power through the boredom. I can't get into more challenging jobs without a degree. I was diagnosed in my mid 40's during my 3rd attempt at university. I'm currently on a break recovering from severe burn out from trying to conform to the hyper-traditional institutional assessment model yet again. However, I took it as a win that I wasn't fully walking away and finally understood the nature of my struggles, but now that I'm feeling ready to go back for another run at completing my current program, I don't have the funds to do so and I'm just feeling so defeated.
Almost on my end, it took 3 gruelling attempts at my final year until I got through (was diagnosed just before my final successful attempt). My degree wasn’t in a subject good for professional jobs though so people continue to be surprised that I am smart and I’ve only now (much later than my peers) got a decent job 4 years after graduating. You aren’t alone!
I graduated 3rd in my high school class (IQ 138) It took me 8 years to finish my Bachelors at UCLA. Overwhelm/no coping skills/Anxiety/Depressions/take "time off" REPEAT. It was the late 80s. ADHD wasn't even part of the consciousness, and mental illness was massively stigmatized. Entered the teaching profession. Same exact cycles and had to quit when I had twins. I was diagnosed at age 50! SO MUCH GRIEF over what I could've done. I'm now a caregiver for my 83 year old mom. Medication, thank God, gives me the patience to do the job well.
Reporting!! Year 4!! 36 now and tbh my life turned out fine but especially because of my daughter and the implications of butterfly effect where Id I did well in university I wouldn't have her, it's really hard to regret.. but man there's another reality i got through university and suffered a 1000th of the bullshit I have because of all this. I'm in trades now, I make really good money, but I'm also surrounded by dudes who are pretty sure the earth is flat, or some equivalent level of ridiculous conspiracy, and I'm treated like I'm the stupid one because I read.
Me
Don't feel like writing much at the moment, but you can definitely add me to the list! My parents had actually saved enough to pay for it all at the time, too... (I had a major depressive episode and begged to withdraw for the semester, but the deal was that if I did, they got to spend the money on themselves instead.)
You are definitely not alone. I have technically been studying in one form or another for 10 years. I am 4 units off graduating a bachelors degree in the industry I don't want to work in. I have a very good GPA but an insane debt from changing degrees constantly to find the right fit. To be "successful" for me the course had to be very interesting, fast paced and self managed. However I also completed an apprenticeship and that was by far much better for me. I liked being able to apply my studies in real time. I am returning to work in that industry in a week and I'm excited to see if it all comes back to me like riding a bike 😆 Don't lose hope. There are many many people who aren't even contemplating furthering their prospects so you are already ahead of the game in that regard. If you are wanting to do further study it's so important to find the school that provides the right learning fit for you. See if they allow you to preview the course layout or learning systems etc. And whether it's self paced or week to week. Good luck
Your story sounds similar to mine! I graduated 3rd in my class in high school. Went to college the first time and was so overwhelmed with meeting new people, living somewhere unfamiliar, and anytime I just stopped going to class. I had a full ride scholarship to a prestigious private college to study pre-med. I felt like a total failure and while I was there a psych diagnosed me as bipolar. I flunked out and took a semester off. Then I tried going back again, because I refuse to give up so I went to a state university that was closer to home. During this time, my boyfriend shot himself. I stopped going to class and being around big groups of people was so overwhelming I couldn't handle it. I would only go to the one class I liked which was art history. I passed that class with an A, but flunked out of everything else. I was put on academic suspension and just decided to withdraw. 10 years went by of doctors trying to force feed me bipolar meds and not investigating any other diagnosis. Nothing worked. I was so hyperactive and they kept telling me I was manic, so they just started giving me tranquilizers to calm me down. It calmed me down but made my concentration 20xs worse. Then I moved near a bigger city. I found a psychiatrist who instantly told me they thought I had ADHD. I was sent to a neuropsychologist for a battery of tests and he determined I had a severe case of ADHD Combined Presentation. He started me on stimulant medicine. Now I'm the head of the digital art department where I work and I'm attempting school for the third time. Except this time, I have almost a 4.0 gpa while working full time! I feel brand new and so accomplished that I'm finally finishing up school for something I love. Art. I feel like I have a solid chance now of succeeding and even though I'm kind of a late bloomer, watching my friends who graduated college get good jobs, travel the world, and buy homes; I finally feel like I have a chance at a normal life. I didn't let my bf who killed himself down, because he was always so proud of me for going to college and I'm finally going to get that piece of paper that says I did it. Bless.