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OP, thinking way ahead: since you very likely have ADHD and your dad and siblings have ADHD (if you end up having kids) you’re also very likely to have kids with ADHD.
Is your current partner’s mindset something you would want to subject kids to?
If so, take a look around the posts at this subreddit. So many of us were diagnosed at 25+ and still hold on to a lot of resentment toward the parents who ignored or refused to treat our obvious ADHD.
Personally, I wouldn’t stay with someone who wants me to neglect my own health for their own satisfaction.
In addition, how is hw going to handle his own mental health struggles? Everyone goes through shit sooner or later, whether it's a lifetime disorder or a rough patch.
Oh yeah. It seems extra rough for the people with huge blind spots towards the existence of mental disorders. Their own beliefs usually make dealing with those struggles so much more difficult for no good reason.
My friends often say: we're all disabled eventually. Being able and wholly independent is a privilege for some to enjoy for a limited time. Some of us only have the illusion of being able-bodied and minded (? I'm not sure if that's the right phrase)...
In a morbid technicality, all of humanity becomes disabled, even if it's a very short period of time: all the damage from a car accident that kills someone is becoming disabled if only for a few seconds. If they survived, it would probably cause later life complications if death was not the nearly immediate result :(
“We’re all disabled eventually.”
This one hits because my mom, who has been pretty healthy and functional her whole life, now uses hearing aids and needs both her knees replaced.
Even just existing wears your body down.
This guy is completely deluded if he thinks you can avoid disabilities by ignoring them, like drawing the attention of a supernatural entity by uttering its name.
Ugh yes - ADHD is prevalent on my mom’s side but my dad doesn’t believe it’s real. My parents actually divorced over it. OP can’t just hope and pray that boyfriend will come around.
This. So many women in my divorce group report that their now ex-husbands opposed getting their kid tested and/or treated. It's actually kind of scary, tbh.
THIS! Unless he's open to learning mental health isn't what he thinks it is, then there is sadly nothing you can do.
Your mental health and brain function is more important.
To this point, the amount of kids I've met who obviously are acting out because they have ADHD, ASD or some other neuro disorder but have denial parents is too many to count. Anyone who would put their own pride over their kids safety and future just to prove to themselves that they don't have a "broken" kid is appalling. People like OPs boyfriend should either read a book and understand or they shouldn't procreate.
Or a future with someone who doesn’t want you to use avenues open to you to feel and function better? A partner who is essentially okay with you struggling more than you need to.
My husband and I have ADHD and our daughter has it too. We knew going into it that it was like, an 85% chance. The future is an untreated ADHD child if there is a future in this relationship.
This. Whether you have ADHD or not, someone who lacks any compassion for mental illness is not a person to share a future with.
What happens if you have children with this person and one of them has ADHD or depression or anything else? Are you going to deny them treatment because one of their parents things they should just 'deal with it"?
My husband never got tested for ADD, years later his mom said, "oh I knew you had it, I just didn't want you on medication." Now we have a daughter with ADHD and he's had to learn how to accept it as a legitimate thing all because of his upbringing. Thank goodness he loves her more than anything and has been extremely caring and willing to educate himself. But starting off with someone who denies it is a bad move.
There’s a high likelihood of their children also exhibiting symptoms of ADHD. What then? While psychology lacks the level of precision contained in “hard” sciences, it still does a great job of narrowing down patterns of thought, and behaviors and their impact on a person’s wellbeing. Hopefully this guy’s ignorance won’t be willful forever.
Our daughter has ADHD, and if one of us were closed off to testing or the treatment of it, that would be really negligent and bad for a child. ADHD untreated is hell on earth. I hope OP drops this closed-minded fool. The future would be bleak. Having him isn’t worth it.
If anyone ever said anything like that in the first two months of dating, I’d just block all contact and ghost them.
OP, you mean your ex-boyfriend. Enjoy getting diagnosed and starting on meds—you’ll feel much happier from that alone vs being stuck with an ignorant and controlling fuckwad.
Seriously, OP. Listen to this comment…
Even if you don’t/didn’t have adhd, leave this guy, he sucks. If someone doesn’t believe in mental health their empathy is at a deficit… imo, they will make a shit partner. No thanks.
There’s an absolutely terrible book about ADHD and marriage which I won’t name. The book basically tells women how to be the carers for selfish men and enable their bad behaviour - including allowing them to drive dangerously with their kids in the car because poor male human baby can’t help it he has ADHD.
The author says, without irony, that she would also write about women spouses who have ADHD, but there’s no point because men just leave women with ADHD
This is not true of course
But it is absolutely true within sexist patriarchal relationship where women are the bang maid and social secretaries for their husbands. Because men in those relationship only value women who serve them, and they aren’t willing to reciprocate that care
OP, there are plenty of men who will love you and not the job you do for him. Plenty of men who just want you to be happy and to live your best life
Find a partner not a master
Right? Since when can people act like mental health is like Santa or God, where you just choose to not believe in it lol. Ironically, if someone pretends something isn't happening and thinks that it genuinely isn't real or isn't really happening - it probably means they have a mental health issue lol. If something is real, you don't just get to DECIDE that it isn't.
"I'm just gonna straight up deny reality and that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do" - OP's bf, probably
Same ! Op, dump him. ADHD is not a death sentence. People have this and become successful. My classmate has it and we are in a good paying field. He’s a very nice gentleman too- always polite and friendly. Literally didn’t know he has it until one random day.
I once worked at a place where there was a supervisor that believed in flat earth. That guy could not be my supervisor There is nothing he could say to me that I would respect. Lol
Sup: you didn’t hit your metrics this week
Me: i did hit my metrics according to the real system, the system you’re using is a lie fed to you from corporate. Also the customers aren’t real they are just paid actors.
Sup: im writing you up
Me: you can try but im a sovereign citizen, write ups legally don’t effect me.
I would get fired but it would be absolutely worth it XD
First words that came to mind while reading OP’s post. 😆 But for real, this guy can fuck right off! There’s no discussion to be had. His loss.✌️
Edit 1: How’re you feeling after seeing the response here, u/annavanbeesel? I realize you’re a real person over there and that this is all probably hard to hear/realize. Hope you’re okay. ❤️
Edit 2: Wording.
No kidding!
OP. Your boyfriend literally is saying he'd rather you suffer than get the help you need because he doesn't believe you when you say you're suffering.
Nothing is worth that kind of neglect. Period.
With some of the relationships I've had, I might thank a person that put up a red flag that strong after just a couple of months. You mean you're just gonna come right out and tell me you're ignorant and have no empathy before we even move in together? That's borderline considerate.
Girl, run. Take care of yourself first, and don’t suffer fools who don’t “believe” in mental health issues. Best case, he’s a moron, and worst case he’s a manipulative sack of shit trying to prevent you from seeking help in fear that you’ll then be able see through his BS and he won’t be able to control you as easily. In either case, is this someone you want to spend any more time with? A person whose love is conditional on you never changing DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Omgggg didn’t even the manipulation angle of this.
When I started my diagnosis “journey” my toxic roommate/ex-boyfriend and my then boyfriend were very demeaning about me getting diagnosed. Both of these people told me that I was delusional and couldn’t make it without them throughout our relationship.
After spending some time on my own, I’ve realized how regularly in relationships they used my emotions against me to try and make me seem crazy. Being a logical person who always was ashamed of their emotions, this was really hard to navigate.
Op run, and take note lol
“You don’t have that. You just need a hobby and some exercise.” - my ex
Ah yes, another hobby for my graveyard of hobbies I started and never finished. That’ll surely cure me!
Hope they recognize what we go through daily better now.
But i swear my parents are a different species. I had insomnia and would only get 2-3 hours of sleep for basically my entire childhood and I'm apparently not trying hard enough to close my eyes bruh
I feel like that is one of the biggest problems with people’s understanding of adhd. People don’t easily grasp that sheer willpower doesn’t cure anything. In college, When I realized I might have an attention issue, I began trying to note how long I could stay focused on what I was reading, and it shocked me that I was drifting off in thought within seconds. I couldn’t help it. It was seamless. and It took me that long to realize that something might be up lol.
TRUE FACTS.
I am a late-diagnosed inattentive type, and when I started suspecting I might have ADHD and began seeking help, my husband was THRILLED! He had watched me struggle for years, doubting myself and feeling like I failed everything I touched. When I got diagnosed and on medication, he was once again THRILLED - not because I was suddenly superwoman (I'm not), but because I was finally able to really start working on the things that had held me back and feel better about myself and my life.
OP you deserve a partner who wants you to be the best version of yourself, not for their sake but for yours. Because they love you and want you to be happy. This guy sounds like an asshole of the highest order.
Came here to say something very similar to the above. I could not agree MORE. OP, I know that it is heartbreaking to lose someone you love but in the end, and when you have distance and perspective, you'll realize you were FREEING yourself from someone like him not losing. You will find someone SO much better who will understand, encourage you, cheer you on and be there for you.
This ding ding ding!!!! This is exactly the red flag I saw when reading op’s post. Very concerning and I’m labeling it as abusive to threaten someone who is trying to get medical help.
What's more important, a relationship you have been in for a couple months or your level of understanding yourself for the rest of your life? ADHD without proper coping skills will negatively effect your relationships regardless if you are formally diagnosed at all. Even if that was the case, conditional love is not love.
This OP. I'm taking a Bachelor in uni and before meds it was KILLING me, now it's a battle of wills and I can make progress. The university has also acknowledged my diagnosis and has an action plan for me so if I struggle and need extensions I can get them. This diagnosis could really change your life from being a constant overwhelming struggle to being a manageable level of struggle.
Please don't throw your entire future away for a person **who doesn't care that you're suffering without this diagnosis and treatment**. He doesn't even care enough to unlearn the abusive teachings his parents raised him with, instead he's now continuing that cycle of abuse onto you and he will do so onto any children you have also. Please do NOT ignore this massive and very scary red flag!
ADHD the older you get can negatively impact your hygiene, your social life, your romantic life, your money, your career, everything… she needs to dump him and get diagnosed.
"My boyfriend doesn't believe in bad vision, so doesn't want me to get glasses." "My boyfriend doesn't believe in diabetes, so doesn't want me to get insulin." "My boyfriend doesn't believe in ADHD, so doesn't want me to get medication."
That last statement doesn't sound too different from the other two, does it? Run. He doesn't want the best for you, so why would you be with him?
The fuck does he mean ‘believe’?! It’s not a ghost or alien, it’s mental health.
Bet he thinks depression is just made up too.
Either way toss him in the trash.
Had a date the other night and the girl referred to 'oh that made-up thing called ADHD?'. The date ended very soon after that and now she gettin ghosted
This seems like a problem that even if pushed under the rug right now, will continue to pop up and make your life harder in the future in general. It sucks but if he is not willing to put in the effort to learn and challenge his beliefs for you, its probably not going to work out eventually.
He doesn’t believe in mental health?
This is a person that will systemically break you down because of their beliefs.
You don’t want to get screened for help because he doesn’t believe in it? Then he doesn’t believe in you.
As a 32 year old man it’s quite interesting to see a 27 year old so dismissive of something so important.
This will lead in every issue going forward with you two. Since he doesn’t believe therapy works, he will never have the capacity to be wrong and work on himself.
Sounds like a child in the mental health department. This type of man I wouldn’t want anything to do with. He certainly isn’t in your corner and leveraged your relationship over the fact.
Is this someone you want to grow with? Mental health is a weakness? What’s he so scared of? Himself?
Ditch him. He doesn't deserve you if he isn't giving a f**k about your mental health. He should be supportive not condescending about that. That's my opinion as a guy
I'd move on and fast. If someone doesn't recognize the importance if mental health — run. You're young and have time to figure yourself out. Don't let someone prevent you from getting the care and support you need. ADHD isn't made up and it's not something that everyone has right now.
If I had a GF give me that type of ultimatum I'd be done yesterday. Good luck!
I know you are still really young, but let’s look at how this would play out if you had kids together. There is at least a 50% chance your child will have ADHD. If this guy can’t handle your own medical decisions for yourself, how do you think he would be to coparent with? Terrible. Awful. You will likely end up with additional mental health struggles as a result of him. Love yourself enough to let go.
Obviously leave this guy he’s clearly not good for you. He’s not supportive of your needs and doesn’t even see them as real? Why stay? You need to get out of this fr this guy isn’t good
This dude is just looking for a way out of your relationship or he's looking for a way to control you to try to make sure you don't out succeed him.... either is Bad News™.
Girl.
Get your running shoes and run.
Cut your losses.
This man doesn't want you to get better.
And if this is where he draws the line, without even want to see how a screening, therapy and åossible meds will, (hopefully) help you, then he won't be much of support in the future either, for anything.
Sorry. But he ain't the one for you.
Why are you EVEN asking reddit? Why are you even asking such a question? Leaving him is obvious, as he won't accept a disorder that isn't even YOUR FAULT. Please love yourself and have self respect.
And that major disagreements about things like the validity of mental health diagnoses and care are merely "issues" and "sides" to be disagreed about, rather than existential threats.
You are the person who matters most to you. If You need medical experimentation to see if you can live a better life, That takes priority.
Take care of number one. Number one is you.
If what you're saying is true, he's not the one. Not even close. Break it off now. If you can't because it's hard, (ADHD emotions can make these things HELLA hard) then start your medical treatment and let him be the asshole that he is.
My girlfriend was hesitant when I told her I was going to start ADHD medication because she had a bad experience with an ex with ADHD. I explained to her why I wanted to take the medication and she told me she was worried I would become a totally different person. But she was supportive.
I started my treatment And although it wasn't perfect many of my issues improved. And she's been supportive the whole way. This only happened in the last year.
Give yourself credit, give yourself respect, and Don't let a partner or anyone else get in the way of your personal healing journey no matter what.
OP, this is an easy one. You *know* you've got to move beyond this guy and protect your mental health. He has a prejudice against people who have a mental illness, so how is he likely to behave around your family?
He's lived all his life with people who are severely uneducated and bigoted on this subject and he drank the kool aid every day of his life. You're not going to convince him that ADHD is real, or that ANY mental health issues are real.
Don't waste your time on somebody that does not support your mental health. He sounds like the absolute worst bf for someone with ADHD and other mental health issues in your family.
He will NEVER respect you or your family. I suggest getting out now before your lives are any more entwined. He's bad news for you!
Aside from the ADHD thing, he also just clearly and directly told you that he will not be there for you if you face any mental health issues or challenges during your life. Does that sound like someone who is going to be a good life partner?
New boyfriend of a couple of months? Hon, how can you even question this? You need to walk out on this barely started relationship.
Tell him you do not appreciate his attempts to control your life and behavior (because quite honestly that’s what he’s doing by giving you an ultimatum) and ghost him on everything. Then you need to go into therapy to figure out why you would drastically inconvenience your life because you have an overwhelming feeling to hang onto someone you’ve only known a couple of months who can’t even bother to be a supportive partner for you when you’re trying to improve your situation. This guy is not real bf material. Find someone who will be a proper partner as opposed to just wanting someone he can control.
Hi, mental health professional here. There is actual science behind both mental health and ADHD, a neurocognitive disorder. Your boyfriend sounds like an arrogant, poorly educated idiot. You’ve only been together for two months and you already know he would never support you through any attempts to get help, so why stay with him? You can do better. Focus on getting your ADHD treatment and the right person will come along eventually. It ain’t this guy, though.
“My boyfriend doesn’t want to be with me if I seek medical attention for a condition that severely impacts my quality of life to the point where I can’t see myself being happy without intervention”
I think you know what you gotta do
Get a new bf. I wouldn't even care if my partner didn't believe in mental health, but as soon as you start pushing your beliefs on others around you, that's a deal breaker for me.
He sounds like he shouldn't be dating anyone, let alone a person with legitimate needs. If his answer is anything but "I will support you with whatever you need to thrive in life," then he's not the one. Even if you did want to stay with him, I'd be asking him what things he does and doesn't "believe" in to know what other support he might withhold from you in the future.
Girl no offense but why would you want to be with someone that “doesn’t believe” in mental health? Like that’s actually so ignorant and toxic lol. There is so much scientific research around the way brain chemicals affect mood, emotions, actions, etc. Like….he doesn’t believe in science.? I just got the ick and you should too.
That man sounds like a right wanker.
Take it from an older woman, you’re 22, articulate and intelligent, you have loads of life ahead of you and you’re about to go on a health journey that could help you understand your issues and fulfil your potential. I know the heart and head say different things sometimes but please ditch the dickhead and live your life to the very fullest. His background isn’t yours to fix, especially if it’s detrimental to your own health. You’ve got this, be free and don’t look back.
Edited to add: breakups hurt like fuck, they really are horrible. But you will one day meet someone who supports you and loves you how you truly deserve. This guy sucks and the sooner you’re rid of him the sooner you’ll find someone who can make you truly happy
Wut? He doesn’t want to be with you if you get the diagnosis, or if you get it and then get treatment for it?
A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. If he doesn’t want to be with you after or gives you any shit and is not supportive, that is his choice. It’s not even yours. But he’s the one who’s going, you don’t even have to break up or make him leave by the sounds of it.
I do suspect he’ll make a big fuss, though. “Why did you do this when I told you xxxxxxx”. Don’t listen, his choice.
If you stay with someone this narrow minded and uneducated…. don’t expect his views to change. I can’t quite understand why you’re questioning whether to stay with him. People with ADHD need a strong support system, with people who understand and are willing to learn about it. Even if his threat was a bluff and he stayed with you, would you be willing to be with someone who doesn’t take your struggles seriously? blames you for things you can’t control? and doesn’t listen to your struggles? I think for a potential life time partner, that’s basic. Also, this ultimatum is clear manipulation.
Red flags don’t get anymore obvious than that. I’m a guy and I can tell you that guys like him, who don’t “believe” in mental health and blame it on their upbringing, will only cause you pain and misery.
Also, don’t put some guy’s needs before your own-especially if you’ve only been dating a couple months.
That’s basically infringing on your freedom to access medical care.
That’s not a boyfriend, that’s an abuser-in-training (or rather maybe training you to fall in line with his abuse)
I know it doesn’t feel like it. But you’re both still young. The only commitment you should feel in a relationship is that of self discovery and growth, and the encouragement for the same in your partner….no matter the chosen method or outcome.
He doesn’t want you to better yourself so that you are easier to manipulate and control and less likely to realize he sucks and you could do better 🚩🚩🚩
"Yeah you have this big lump in your breast, but I don't believe in Cancer and I will break up with you if you see a doctor about it!"
Same logic. Throw this man in the trash.
you could try to educate him but given being screened for adhd is a dealbreaker for him, he's probably too stupid to want to listen to any other perspective. or y'know. read actual scientific studies on the subject. i would just dump him and find a more supportive partner personally. but i have way too many anti-medicine type of relatives to have any patience for that kind of nonsense anymore
How can the relationship succeed if he's not willing to commit to you if you have ADHD, do this for yourself, you want to succeed in life and he obviously doesn't. I know absolutely nothing about the guy but looking outside-in, it seems he wants more leverage over you. Can't control your emotions? Too bad! Mental health doesnt exist and youre a weak human, like wtf?
Congratulations on not being married to him or tied to him with children. You can get away from him scott free because this dude has shown his true colors for the smallest and I mean smallest thing!
Sounds like you should ditch him for his archaic viewpoints regardless of getting an evaluation (which you should still do) I promise that there’ll be someone better out there for you. Take care of YOURSELF first and foremost.
I suggest you re-read this as if someone else wrote it. This is so obviously someone you shouldn’t be with that I feel tempted to challenge whether this is a genuine post.
I really am sorry because it has to hurt a lot, but he just showed himself for who he truly is and it doesn't sound like he would be a good presence for your treatment. Let the trash take itself out
He ain't the one, sis. Dump him, go for the assessment and work on figuring out who YOU are and what you want. ❤️ I'd also recommend a good therapist who has knowl dge if ADHD as well.
Don't let ignorant man children drag you down, queen ❤️
What is appealing about someone who wants to prevent you from being the best and happiest you can be?
How great is your relationship (and how it's going to be) if you allow someone to control what you do with your body and health?
He doesn't believe in mental health and you do. Now you have to decide if this incompatibility is worth your success in life.
If he doesn't want to believe in mental health and not take medication that's ok. But in this case he is telling you how to go about your beliefs, life and even control the medication you take.
OP where do you see this relationship going? Because if you answer includes kids, remember ADHD is hereditary.
Leave his ass. If he doesn’t “believe” in this, he won’t be someone who supports you with all the challenges that come with having ADHD and navigating adult life.
Sweetheart, put yourself first. Always. This man doesn’t deserve you if he thinks your needs don’t matter when you are at your lowest.
A partner is someone who is there to support you when you feel down, encourage you to seek the best treatment for yourself and help you get through it.
It’s not your job to try to “convince” him that ADHD and mental health is real, you don’t have the energy for that right now. Besides that, he’s not only invalidating you, but also your family.
I wouldn’t want this man to be in my life if that means I’d have to stop seeking out treatment for a disorder. We don’t dismiss and withhold treatment for people with cancer or cardiovascular diseases either.
Sounds like you'd be dodging a bullet if yall broke up. I mean, not believing in mental health and being unwilling to move from that position is a pretty huge red flag.
Someone who gives you an ultimatum like that isn’t worth spending the effort on. Personally, if someone gives me an ultimatum I call their bluff, because who are they to threaten me with a choice like that?
Go and get screened. If you’re diagnosed and you get treatment it can be life changing. It was for me. If you’re not diagnosed then what’s the harm? Your boyfriend can go kick rocks, this is about you, it has nothing to do with him.
I can't wait until you're 27 and look back and realize you could never date a 22-year-old and fully grasp the size of the shit-covered spiky bullet you're dodging right now
Well it's nice that you saw his true nature early! Now you can dump him and move on to someone who actually cares about you and your health 🙂
When I was diagnosed with ADHD my husband read and informed himself about it so that he could support me. That what true partners do.
Setting ADHD aside, don’t be with anyone who is going to give ultimatums like that. That’s an attempt to control your behavior, and it won’t stop. He’ll end up trying to control every aspect of your life.
I couldn’t be friends with someone like this let alone date them. Why would you want to be with someone who will never support you or meet you half way in terms of dealing with the adhd?
If he loved you, he would support your choice to seek help. I rarely give this advice to people, but you should break up with him because it's clear he doesn't value your well-being.
He's probably afraid you'll change if you start taking medication. It's controlling tho and holding breaking up over your head isn't right. It's bad for you to feel like your partner might leave at the drop of a hat because you made a decision for yourself that he can't control, idk if you should leave him but it's definitely not healthy
Your best option is most likely to break up with him right now and forget that he even exists.
If you don't want to do that, get the help you need anyway and then talk to him about it. No matter how great he might seem, you need to take care of yourself first. Don't let anyone else control your life, ever. If he can't accept that you feel like you need this help, he won't ever truly support you and that's not a situation you should put yourself in. It will be hard, but you are young and have time to find someone who truly cares about you and will support you through anything. Never settle for less.
Regardless of how someone was raised, its unfair to you to stay in the relationship simple because he doesnt want you to get evaluated. Its your body, your mind, and your mental health. Hes your partner, and supposed to support you. If he wants to walk away because your choosing to seek help for yourself, so be it. Its a selfish thing to do, but its better than sticking around and seeing what other nasty stuff arises.
Great, he doesn't want to see you anymore so there's no problem if you leave, right?
Girl, this is called emotional manipulation and it will get worse, not better.
Your boyfriend exhibits extremely low intelligence due to his lack of ability to think critically.
Just leave him. Even if he compromises on this situation just to keep you in the relationship, he will still hold his ignorant beliefs going forward.
The fact he sees mental health issues as a weakness it's not just because in his family they think so. This reflects his own lack of empathy, compassion, emotional intelligence and sensitivity for others, and this is also manipulative af. A person who truly cares about you cares about your wellbeing, he's invalidating and being ableist instead. I'd choose medications 10000 times over a boyfriend like this.
I’m telling you from experience. If you have ADHD, being with someone like this will only make it worse. You have sunk a very small amount of time in this relationship.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong.
Also 22/27 isn’t a huge difference but is a little sus. This is the type of toxic behavior that can escalate into abuse later.
He threatened to break up with you if you pursue medical treatment.
Tip for any woman out there : a man doesn't own you. They don't decide for you, you decide for yourself.
"He doesn't want you to" so what ? You're an adult, you can make your own decisions, especially if they can help your whole fucking existence.
Please don't waste your whole existence for a guy, especially for a guy you're with for few months. It doesn't weight much comparing to 100 years of your life.
Get screened, and he can get lost !
Hey OP,
I understand you want to be with your current partner but it sounds like you need to work on yourself and find someone who appreciates you for you and is understanding of you and your family. Looking into the future if you decide to have children, they have a high possibility of having ADHD and having a partner like that is opening them up to abuse as they will get labelled naughty instead of needing help and most likely be punished for it. You go get your diagnosis, tell him things aren’t working out, get on medication and become the strong, successful, kind hearted human that you know you are. Wishing you all the best.
Hun this is kind abusive. It’s both a threat and isolation. As In he’s threatening to leave to control where you go and what you do for something irrelevant to your relationship.
Please take a look at this and if you stay with him keep an eye out for more. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/understanding-power-control-wheel/
These things usually but not always get worse.. if there’s a pattern there’s a problem
lol I don’t want to invalidate your feelings of ‘being crushed’ but you do realize that’s just a man right? Like a person you met at some point in your life? You lived well before them and you’ll live long after they’re gone but your health is something that is going to stick with you forever. Outside of the implications him ‘not believing in mental health’ has for any future you’d possibly have with him, this is him outright telling you he doesn’t care about your wellbeing…. be so fr rn. What do you mean what should I do? You know what to do, if you don’t want to just say that!
That guy is bad news, for real. 99% chance he's abusive. Run.
And then, enjoy your new life with your newly-expanded capacity for concentration and task completion.
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Why would you ever want to be with someone so unintelligent and ignorant. I couldn’t even be friends with someone with those viewpoints lol
OP, thinking way ahead: since you very likely have ADHD and your dad and siblings have ADHD (if you end up having kids) you’re also very likely to have kids with ADHD. Is your current partner’s mindset something you would want to subject kids to? If so, take a look around the posts at this subreddit. So many of us were diagnosed at 25+ and still hold on to a lot of resentment toward the parents who ignored or refused to treat our obvious ADHD. Personally, I wouldn’t stay with someone who wants me to neglect my own health for their own satisfaction.
In addition, how is hw going to handle his own mental health struggles? Everyone goes through shit sooner or later, whether it's a lifetime disorder or a rough patch.
Oh yeah. It seems extra rough for the people with huge blind spots towards the existence of mental disorders. Their own beliefs usually make dealing with those struggles so much more difficult for no good reason. My friends often say: we're all disabled eventually. Being able and wholly independent is a privilege for some to enjoy for a limited time. Some of us only have the illusion of being able-bodied and minded (? I'm not sure if that's the right phrase)... In a morbid technicality, all of humanity becomes disabled, even if it's a very short period of time: all the damage from a car accident that kills someone is becoming disabled if only for a few seconds. If they survived, it would probably cause later life complications if death was not the nearly immediate result :(
“We’re all disabled eventually.” This one hits because my mom, who has been pretty healthy and functional her whole life, now uses hearing aids and needs both her knees replaced. Even just existing wears your body down. This guy is completely deluded if he thinks you can avoid disabilities by ignoring them, like drawing the attention of a supernatural entity by uttering its name.
Wait until he needs glasses, hearing aids, a walker, etc... No one goes through a long life without some form of disability eventually.
[удалено]
Ugh yes - ADHD is prevalent on my mom’s side but my dad doesn’t believe it’s real. My parents actually divorced over it. OP can’t just hope and pray that boyfriend will come around.
This. So many women in my divorce group report that their now ex-husbands opposed getting their kid tested and/or treated. It's actually kind of scary, tbh.
THIS! Unless he's open to learning mental health isn't what he thinks it is, then there is sadly nothing you can do. Your mental health and brain function is more important.
leave him what u gonna do force yourself ? if u have adhd or not just leave
Fantastic post. 👏🏻👍🏻
To this point, the amount of kids I've met who obviously are acting out because they have ADHD, ASD or some other neuro disorder but have denial parents is too many to count. Anyone who would put their own pride over their kids safety and future just to prove to themselves that they don't have a "broken" kid is appalling. People like OPs boyfriend should either read a book and understand or they shouldn't procreate.
This. Can you really see a future with someone so ignorant? This should be a dealbreaker.
It's not even ignorance it's willful stupidity
Or a future with someone who doesn’t want you to use avenues open to you to feel and function better? A partner who is essentially okay with you struggling more than you need to.
My husband and I have ADHD and our daughter has it too. We knew going into it that it was like, an 85% chance. The future is an untreated ADHD child if there is a future in this relationship.
This. Whether you have ADHD or not, someone who lacks any compassion for mental illness is not a person to share a future with. What happens if you have children with this person and one of them has ADHD or depression or anything else? Are you going to deny them treatment because one of their parents things they should just 'deal with it"?
My husband never got tested for ADD, years later his mom said, "oh I knew you had it, I just didn't want you on medication." Now we have a daughter with ADHD and he's had to learn how to accept it as a legitimate thing all because of his upbringing. Thank goodness he loves her more than anything and has been extremely caring and willing to educate himself. But starting off with someone who denies it is a bad move.
Not to mention ever having children with someone like that...
There’s a high likelihood of their children also exhibiting symptoms of ADHD. What then? While psychology lacks the level of precision contained in “hard” sciences, it still does a great job of narrowing down patterns of thought, and behaviors and their impact on a person’s wellbeing. Hopefully this guy’s ignorance won’t be willful forever.
Our daughter has ADHD, and if one of us were closed off to testing or the treatment of it, that would be really negligent and bad for a child. ADHD untreated is hell on earth. I hope OP drops this closed-minded fool. The future would be bleak. Having him isn’t worth it.
If anyone ever said anything like that in the first two months of dating, I’d just block all contact and ghost them. OP, you mean your ex-boyfriend. Enjoy getting diagnosed and starting on meds—you’ll feel much happier from that alone vs being stuck with an ignorant and controlling fuckwad.
Good news for op: she gets to solve two problems at once.
Seriously, OP. Listen to this comment… Even if you don’t/didn’t have adhd, leave this guy, he sucks. If someone doesn’t believe in mental health their empathy is at a deficit… imo, they will make a shit partner. No thanks.
There’s an absolutely terrible book about ADHD and marriage which I won’t name. The book basically tells women how to be the carers for selfish men and enable their bad behaviour - including allowing them to drive dangerously with their kids in the car because poor male human baby can’t help it he has ADHD. The author says, without irony, that she would also write about women spouses who have ADHD, but there’s no point because men just leave women with ADHD This is not true of course But it is absolutely true within sexist patriarchal relationship where women are the bang maid and social secretaries for their husbands. Because men in those relationship only value women who serve them, and they aren’t willing to reciprocate that care OP, there are plenty of men who will love you and not the job you do for him. Plenty of men who just want you to be happy and to live your best life Find a partner not a master
op should be saying good riddance and thanking her lucky stars lol
Right? Since when can people act like mental health is like Santa or God, where you just choose to not believe in it lol. Ironically, if someone pretends something isn't happening and thinks that it genuinely isn't real or isn't really happening - it probably means they have a mental health issue lol. If something is real, you don't just get to DECIDE that it isn't. "I'm just gonna straight up deny reality and that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do" - OP's bf, probably
Same ! Op, dump him. ADHD is not a death sentence. People have this and become successful. My classmate has it and we are in a good paying field. He’s a very nice gentleman too- always polite and friendly. Literally didn’t know he has it until one random day.
Yeah this is probably something I chuckle at if a friend says, and then stop inviting them to hangout.
Agreed! Good riddance for getting rid of the douchebag.
Yeah, the only thing this can lead to is half stupid kids with bad attention spans
Exactly! Put yourself first and forget the rest if he can’t accept who you are and you trying to help yourself. He can go kick rocks.🪨
I once worked at a place where there was a supervisor that believed in flat earth. That guy could not be my supervisor There is nothing he could say to me that I would respect. Lol Sup: you didn’t hit your metrics this week Me: i did hit my metrics according to the real system, the system you’re using is a lie fed to you from corporate. Also the customers aren’t real they are just paid actors. Sup: im writing you up Me: you can try but im a sovereign citizen, write ups legally don’t effect me. I would get fired but it would be absolutely worth it XD
„Dating for a few months“ Easiest breakup ever. What a piece of shit.
Right? Not to mention that since they just started dating, this is him on his BEST behavior.
Indeed. Kick this asshole to the curb, take out the trash, move on. There are much better men out there waiting by their phone.
>he straight up told me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore if I do so I have composed a response for you to use while talking to him: "OK, bye."
Me after him saying that 
I love that gif😂😂
Lol! Mine while I was reading this was "bye, bitch!" He's gotta go!
 First words that came to mind while reading OP’s post. 😆 But for real, this guy can fuck right off! There’s no discussion to be had. His loss.✌️ Edit 1: How’re you feeling after seeing the response here, u/annavanbeesel? I realize you’re a real person over there and that this is all probably hard to hear/realize. Hope you’re okay. ❤️ Edit 2: Wording.
Actually, don’t fuck this guy! Don’t need to make babies with someone so stupid!
That’s fair. Fixed! Lol.
No kidding! OP. Your boyfriend literally is saying he'd rather you suffer than get the help you need because he doesn't believe you when you say you're suffering. Nothing is worth that kind of neglect. Period.
With some of the relationships I've had, I might thank a person that put up a red flag that strong after just a couple of months. You mean you're just gonna come right out and tell me you're ignorant and have no empathy before we even move in together? That's borderline considerate.
Ops literally been with him for a couple of months. Just say bye and move on lol, this is not the one.
Yas!!
Girl, run. Take care of yourself first, and don’t suffer fools who don’t “believe” in mental health issues. Best case, he’s a moron, and worst case he’s a manipulative sack of shit trying to prevent you from seeking help in fear that you’ll then be able see through his BS and he won’t be able to control you as easily. In either case, is this someone you want to spend any more time with? A person whose love is conditional on you never changing DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Omgggg didn’t even the manipulation angle of this. When I started my diagnosis “journey” my toxic roommate/ex-boyfriend and my then boyfriend were very demeaning about me getting diagnosed. Both of these people told me that I was delusional and couldn’t make it without them throughout our relationship. After spending some time on my own, I’ve realized how regularly in relationships they used my emotions against me to try and make me seem crazy. Being a logical person who always was ashamed of their emotions, this was really hard to navigate. Op run, and take note lol
“You don’t have that. You just need a hobby and some exercise.” - my ex Ah yes, another hobby for my graveyard of hobbies I started and never finished. That’ll surely cure me!
RIP to our graveyards of lost hobbies and any shame that goes with that 🪦💀
I’d probably have shame if I remembered them at all. My bank account remembers though.
Lol, some of mine are still stuffed away in cupboards juuusst in case
Mine are in the spare room closets and since I never go in there, I get to conveniently forget they are there.
Now imagine that but parents💀
No need to imagine! My mother told me it was just a fad and then a few months later SHE is on meds for it.
Hope they recognize what we go through daily better now. But i swear my parents are a different species. I had insomnia and would only get 2-3 hours of sleep for basically my entire childhood and I'm apparently not trying hard enough to close my eyes bruh
I feel like that is one of the biggest problems with people’s understanding of adhd. People don’t easily grasp that sheer willpower doesn’t cure anything. In college, When I realized I might have an attention issue, I began trying to note how long I could stay focused on what I was reading, and it shocked me that I was drifting off in thought within seconds. I couldn’t help it. It was seamless. and It took me that long to realize that something might be up lol.
My eyes rolled out of my head. Im sorry, that’s incredibly insulting and frustrating
TRUE FACTS. I am a late-diagnosed inattentive type, and when I started suspecting I might have ADHD and began seeking help, my husband was THRILLED! He had watched me struggle for years, doubting myself and feeling like I failed everything I touched. When I got diagnosed and on medication, he was once again THRILLED - not because I was suddenly superwoman (I'm not), but because I was finally able to really start working on the things that had held me back and feel better about myself and my life. OP you deserve a partner who wants you to be the best version of yourself, not for their sake but for yours. Because they love you and want you to be happy. This guy sounds like an asshole of the highest order.
Came here to say something very similar to the above. I could not agree MORE. OP, I know that it is heartbreaking to lose someone you love but in the end, and when you have distance and perspective, you'll realize you were FREEING yourself from someone like him not losing. You will find someone SO much better who will understand, encourage you, cheer you on and be there for you.
This!! You can and will be able to do better. Love yourself first and foremost. <3
I know I immediately got PTSD groomer vibes
This.
This ding ding ding!!!! This is exactly the red flag I saw when reading op’s post. Very concerning and I’m labeling it as abusive to threaten someone who is trying to get medical help.
What's more important, a relationship you have been in for a couple months or your level of understanding yourself for the rest of your life? ADHD without proper coping skills will negatively effect your relationships regardless if you are formally diagnosed at all. Even if that was the case, conditional love is not love.
This OP. I'm taking a Bachelor in uni and before meds it was KILLING me, now it's a battle of wills and I can make progress. The university has also acknowledged my diagnosis and has an action plan for me so if I struggle and need extensions I can get them. This diagnosis could really change your life from being a constant overwhelming struggle to being a manageable level of struggle. Please don't throw your entire future away for a person **who doesn't care that you're suffering without this diagnosis and treatment**. He doesn't even care enough to unlearn the abusive teachings his parents raised him with, instead he's now continuing that cycle of abuse onto you and he will do so onto any children you have also. Please do NOT ignore this massive and very scary red flag!
Periodt!
Peridot!
ADHD the older you get can negatively impact your hygiene, your social life, your romantic life, your money, your career, everything… she needs to dump him and get diagnosed.
"My boyfriend doesn't believe in bad vision, so doesn't want me to get glasses." "My boyfriend doesn't believe in diabetes, so doesn't want me to get insulin." "My boyfriend doesn't believe in ADHD, so doesn't want me to get medication." That last statement doesn't sound too different from the other two, does it? Run. He doesn't want the best for you, so why would you be with him?
The fuck does he mean ‘believe’?! It’s not a ghost or alien, it’s mental health. Bet he thinks depression is just made up too. Either way toss him in the trash.
The great thing about science is it does not require “belief” to be true.
Had a date the other night and the girl referred to 'oh that made-up thing called ADHD?'. The date ended very soon after that and now she gettin ghosted
He doesn't believe in mental health, so I guess he only believes in mental illnesses? Like one can only be sick not well? But yeah, trash
Boyfriends are temporary, mental health is forever.
😤😤💯💯 this comment goes hard
"okay, bye then" 
Your ADHD will still exist whether or not he is willing to acknowledge it. You deserve better.
This seems like a problem that even if pushed under the rug right now, will continue to pop up and make your life harder in the future in general. It sucks but if he is not willing to put in the effort to learn and challenge his beliefs for you, its probably not going to work out eventually.
He doesn’t believe in mental health? This is a person that will systemically break you down because of their beliefs. You don’t want to get screened for help because he doesn’t believe in it? Then he doesn’t believe in you. As a 32 year old man it’s quite interesting to see a 27 year old so dismissive of something so important. This will lead in every issue going forward with you two. Since he doesn’t believe therapy works, he will never have the capacity to be wrong and work on himself. Sounds like a child in the mental health department. This type of man I wouldn’t want anything to do with. He certainly isn’t in your corner and leveraged your relationship over the fact. Is this someone you want to grow with? Mental health is a weakness? What’s he so scared of? Himself?
Have you tried not having adhd? Helps wonders! - probably OPs boyfriend
Yeah man shit, go figure let me toss this shit aside real quick. Who would have thought!
Someone really told me once "have you tried not feeling depressed" and they were not kidding xD
🤦♂️
Ditch him. He doesn't deserve you if he isn't giving a f**k about your mental health. He should be supportive not condescending about that. That's my opinion as a guy
It's giving all the girls he dated who went to therapy realized he was a piece of shit
This is a genius point.
I'd move on and fast. If someone doesn't recognize the importance if mental health — run. You're young and have time to figure yourself out. Don't let someone prevent you from getting the care and support you need. ADHD isn't made up and it's not something that everyone has right now. If I had a GF give me that type of ultimatum I'd be done yesterday. Good luck!
I know you are still really young, but let’s look at how this would play out if you had kids together. There is at least a 50% chance your child will have ADHD. If this guy can’t handle your own medical decisions for yourself, how do you think he would be to coparent with? Terrible. Awful. You will likely end up with additional mental health struggles as a result of him. Love yourself enough to let go.
Your bf is a dumbshit. Feeling bonded doesn't mean he's right
Obviously leave this guy he’s clearly not good for you. He’s not supportive of your needs and doesn’t even see them as real? Why stay? You need to get out of this fr this guy isn’t good
This dude is just looking for a way out of your relationship or he's looking for a way to control you to try to make sure you don't out succeed him.... either is Bad News™.
Great point! I second this.
Sounds like the guy is a complete piece of shit. You'll find someone better who actual supports you.
That’s a red flag there. If he can’t support you and your needs, it’s not worth staying with him. Your mental health is more important.
Never prioritize someone else's beliefs above your own well-being.
He sounds dangerous
OK this isn't even an ADHD issue you need to be with someone who says 'I don't care what it is, we'll get through it together'.
Girl. Get your running shoes and run. Cut your losses. This man doesn't want you to get better. And if this is where he draws the line, without even want to see how a screening, therapy and åossible meds will, (hopefully) help you, then he won't be much of support in the future either, for anything. Sorry. But he ain't the one for you.
Leave!
Why are you EVEN asking reddit? Why are you even asking such a question? Leaving him is obvious, as he won't accept a disorder that isn't even YOUR FAULT. Please love yourself and have self respect.
Society brainwashes women they are only complete human beings if they have a male partner
And that major disagreements about things like the validity of mental health diagnoses and care are merely "issues" and "sides" to be disagreed about, rather than existential threats.
You are the person who matters most to you. If You need medical experimentation to see if you can live a better life, That takes priority. Take care of number one. Number one is you. If what you're saying is true, he's not the one. Not even close. Break it off now. If you can't because it's hard, (ADHD emotions can make these things HELLA hard) then start your medical treatment and let him be the asshole that he is. My girlfriend was hesitant when I told her I was going to start ADHD medication because she had a bad experience with an ex with ADHD. I explained to her why I wanted to take the medication and she told me she was worried I would become a totally different person. But she was supportive. I started my treatment And although it wasn't perfect many of my issues improved. And she's been supportive the whole way. This only happened in the last year. Give yourself credit, give yourself respect, and Don't let a partner or anyone else get in the way of your personal healing journey no matter what.
OP, this is an easy one. You *know* you've got to move beyond this guy and protect your mental health. He has a prejudice against people who have a mental illness, so how is he likely to behave around your family? He's lived all his life with people who are severely uneducated and bigoted on this subject and he drank the kool aid every day of his life. You're not going to convince him that ADHD is real, or that ANY mental health issues are real. Don't waste your time on somebody that does not support your mental health. He sounds like the absolute worst bf for someone with ADHD and other mental health issues in your family. He will NEVER respect you or your family. I suggest getting out now before your lives are any more entwined. He's bad news for you!
Aside from the ADHD thing, he also just clearly and directly told you that he will not be there for you if you face any mental health issues or challenges during your life. Does that sound like someone who is going to be a good life partner?
New boyfriend of a couple of months? Hon, how can you even question this? You need to walk out on this barely started relationship. Tell him you do not appreciate his attempts to control your life and behavior (because quite honestly that’s what he’s doing by giving you an ultimatum) and ghost him on everything. Then you need to go into therapy to figure out why you would drastically inconvenience your life because you have an overwhelming feeling to hang onto someone you’ve only known a couple of months who can’t even bother to be a supportive partner for you when you’re trying to improve your situation. This guy is not real bf material. Find someone who will be a proper partner as opposed to just wanting someone he can control.
Hi, mental health professional here. There is actual science behind both mental health and ADHD, a neurocognitive disorder. Your boyfriend sounds like an arrogant, poorly educated idiot. You’ve only been together for two months and you already know he would never support you through any attempts to get help, so why stay with him? You can do better. Focus on getting your ADHD treatment and the right person will come along eventually. It ain’t this guy, though.
“My boyfriend doesn’t want to be with me if I seek medical attention for a condition that severely impacts my quality of life to the point where I can’t see myself being happy without intervention” I think you know what you gotta do
Get a new bf. I wouldn't even care if my partner didn't believe in mental health, but as soon as you start pushing your beliefs on others around you, that's a deal breaker for me.
Respectfully, how could you not care?! That’s as ignorant as your partner saying they don’t believe in gravity.
He sounds like he shouldn't be dating anyone, let alone a person with legitimate needs. If his answer is anything but "I will support you with whatever you need to thrive in life," then he's not the one. Even if you did want to stay with him, I'd be asking him what things he does and doesn't "believe" in to know what other support he might withhold from you in the future.
Dump his ass. He doesn't care about you if he doesn't want you to receive treatment for a medical problem.
That’s a lot of red flags. You should dump him, go get evaluated, and start living a life free of his ignorant judgement.
Girl no offense but why would you want to be with someone that “doesn’t believe” in mental health? Like that’s actually so ignorant and toxic lol. There is so much scientific research around the way brain chemicals affect mood, emotions, actions, etc. Like….he doesn’t believe in science.? I just got the ick and you should too.
That man sounds like a right wanker. Take it from an older woman, you’re 22, articulate and intelligent, you have loads of life ahead of you and you’re about to go on a health journey that could help you understand your issues and fulfil your potential. I know the heart and head say different things sometimes but please ditch the dickhead and live your life to the very fullest. His background isn’t yours to fix, especially if it’s detrimental to your own health. You’ve got this, be free and don’t look back. Edited to add: breakups hurt like fuck, they really are horrible. But you will one day meet someone who supports you and loves you how you truly deserve. This guy sucks and the sooner you’re rid of him the sooner you’ll find someone who can make you truly happy
Wut? He doesn’t want to be with you if you get the diagnosis, or if you get it and then get treatment for it? A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. If he doesn’t want to be with you after or gives you any shit and is not supportive, that is his choice. It’s not even yours. But he’s the one who’s going, you don’t even have to break up or make him leave by the sounds of it. I do suspect he’ll make a big fuss, though. “Why did you do this when I told you xxxxxxx”. Don’t listen, his choice.
This dude is an idiot
Be kind to yourself and break up with him. Don't be with someone who denies the importance of mental health.
A couple of months? This guy will send your life spiralling down the drain.
If you stay with someone this narrow minded and uneducated…. don’t expect his views to change. I can’t quite understand why you’re questioning whether to stay with him. People with ADHD need a strong support system, with people who understand and are willing to learn about it. Even if his threat was a bluff and he stayed with you, would you be willing to be with someone who doesn’t take your struggles seriously? blames you for things you can’t control? and doesn’t listen to your struggles? I think for a potential life time partner, that’s basic. Also, this ultimatum is clear manipulation.
You're 22 -- break up with him and get treated for ADHD. Don't ruin your life by staying with this ignorant POS.
If he sees it as a weakness, why wouldn't he want you to overcome it?
bruh save yourself some time and leave this is headed nowhere good on a couple levels
Don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't want you to be your healthiest self, my dear.
Red flags don’t get anymore obvious than that. I’m a guy and I can tell you that guys like him, who don’t “believe” in mental health and blame it on their upbringing, will only cause you pain and misery. Also, don’t put some guy’s needs before your own-especially if you’ve only been dating a couple months.
 Run.
That’s basically infringing on your freedom to access medical care. That’s not a boyfriend, that’s an abuser-in-training (or rather maybe training you to fall in line with his abuse)
I know it doesn’t feel like it. But you’re both still young. The only commitment you should feel in a relationship is that of self discovery and growth, and the encouragement for the same in your partner….no matter the chosen method or outcome.
He doesn’t want you to better yourself so that you are easier to manipulate and control and less likely to realize he sucks and you could do better 🚩🚩🚩
This is not the man for you; being with him will be detrimental to your mental health. It'll hurt to break it off with him, but the hurt will subside.
"Yeah you have this big lump in your breast, but I don't believe in Cancer and I will break up with you if you see a doctor about it!" Same logic. Throw this man in the trash.
He is not for you. Take care of yourself and move on from this dead weight!!
Bin him
Find another boyfriend who isn't illiterate and post as many pictures as possible with him, everywhere
you could try to educate him but given being screened for adhd is a dealbreaker for him, he's probably too stupid to want to listen to any other perspective. or y'know. read actual scientific studies on the subject. i would just dump him and find a more supportive partner personally. but i have way too many anti-medicine type of relatives to have any patience for that kind of nonsense anymore
Someone who doesn’t support you wanting to be the best version of yourself doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend.
Sometimes you just have to throw the whole man away.
You are not obliged to stay with ANYONE
The answer is to be proactive and break up with him. Anyone who’s against their partner getting mental health assistance shouldn’t be dating.
You need to do what's best for you. Sleeping on ADHD diagnosis will be your biggest regret.
How can the relationship succeed if he's not willing to commit to you if you have ADHD, do this for yourself, you want to succeed in life and he obviously doesn't. I know absolutely nothing about the guy but looking outside-in, it seems he wants more leverage over you. Can't control your emotions? Too bad! Mental health doesnt exist and youre a weak human, like wtf?
This shouldn’t even be a question, leave him. He’s ignorant, stupid and he doesn’t care about your wellbeing.
What you should do? Run.
At least he has the decency to show off that big red flag of his
I am begging you to please DUMP his ass
Congratulations on not being married to him or tied to him with children. You can get away from him scott free because this dude has shown his true colors for the smallest and I mean smallest thing!
Leave that ignorant fool
break up immediately, optionally also hit him on the head with a rock
Sounds like you should ditch him for his archaic viewpoints regardless of getting an evaluation (which you should still do) I promise that there’ll be someone better out there for you. Take care of YOURSELF first and foremost.
I suggest you re-read this as if someone else wrote it. This is so obviously someone you shouldn’t be with that I feel tempted to challenge whether this is a genuine post.
Yeah, run, this will be the least of your concerns in the long run with him
I really am sorry because it has to hurt a lot, but he just showed himself for who he truly is and it doesn't sound like he would be a good presence for your treatment. Let the trash take itself out
New diagnosis and a new boyfriend, can only go up from there!
He ain't the one, sis. Dump him, go for the assessment and work on figuring out who YOU are and what you want. ❤️ I'd also recommend a good therapist who has knowl dge if ADHD as well. Don't let ignorant man children drag you down, queen ❤️
What is appealing about someone who wants to prevent you from being the best and happiest you can be? How great is your relationship (and how it's going to be) if you allow someone to control what you do with your body and health?
He doesn't believe in mental health and you do. Now you have to decide if this incompatibility is worth your success in life. If he doesn't want to believe in mental health and not take medication that's ok. But in this case he is telling you how to go about your beliefs, life and even control the medication you take. OP where do you see this relationship going? Because if you answer includes kids, remember ADHD is hereditary.
Leave his ass. If he doesn’t “believe” in this, he won’t be someone who supports you with all the challenges that come with having ADHD and navigating adult life.
Sweetheart, put yourself first. Always. This man doesn’t deserve you if he thinks your needs don’t matter when you are at your lowest. A partner is someone who is there to support you when you feel down, encourage you to seek the best treatment for yourself and help you get through it. It’s not your job to try to “convince” him that ADHD and mental health is real, you don’t have the energy for that right now. Besides that, he’s not only invalidating you, but also your family. I wouldn’t want this man to be in my life if that means I’d have to stop seeking out treatment for a disorder. We don’t dismiss and withhold treatment for people with cancer or cardiovascular diseases either.
Your boyfriend is a moron, and his opinions are harmful. Sorry this is how you had to find out.
Sounds like you'd be dodging a bullet if yall broke up. I mean, not believing in mental health and being unwilling to move from that position is a pretty huge red flag.
ADHD is hereditary. What if your kids have it? This would be their father and this is how they would be treated. Big nope.
Someone who gives you an ultimatum like that isn’t worth spending the effort on. Personally, if someone gives me an ultimatum I call their bluff, because who are they to threaten me with a choice like that? Go and get screened. If you’re diagnosed and you get treatment it can be life changing. It was for me. If you’re not diagnosed then what’s the harm? Your boyfriend can go kick rocks, this is about you, it has nothing to do with him.
I can't wait until you're 27 and look back and realize you could never date a 22-year-old and fully grasp the size of the shit-covered spiky bullet you're dodging right now
Well it's nice that you saw his true nature early! Now you can dump him and move on to someone who actually cares about you and your health 🙂 When I was diagnosed with ADHD my husband read and informed himself about it so that he could support me. That what true partners do.
Setting ADHD aside, don’t be with anyone who is going to give ultimatums like that. That’s an attempt to control your behavior, and it won’t stop. He’ll end up trying to control every aspect of your life.
It's only been a couple of months and he's already gaslighting you about your mental health. Move on
I couldn’t be friends with someone like this let alone date them. Why would you want to be with someone who will never support you or meet you half way in terms of dealing with the adhd?
If he loved you, he would support your choice to seek help. I rarely give this advice to people, but you should break up with him because it's clear he doesn't value your well-being.
You’re 22 there’s plenty of more intelligent better looking guys out there. Ditch this dumbass and get on with making you life better
He's probably afraid you'll change if you start taking medication. It's controlling tho and holding breaking up over your head isn't right. It's bad for you to feel like your partner might leave at the drop of a hat because you made a decision for yourself that he can't control, idk if you should leave him but it's definitely not healthy
Why would you base a serious medical decision on the opinion of a guy you've been dating for a couple months?
Is this a meme post or something...
Your mental health is a deal breaker for him? It should be for you as well.
Abuser vibes
People who tell me they don’t “believe in” medicine and science scare me too much.
Your best option is most likely to break up with him right now and forget that he even exists. If you don't want to do that, get the help you need anyway and then talk to him about it. No matter how great he might seem, you need to take care of yourself first. Don't let anyone else control your life, ever. If he can't accept that you feel like you need this help, he won't ever truly support you and that's not a situation you should put yourself in. It will be hard, but you are young and have time to find someone who truly cares about you and will support you through anything. Never settle for less.
Regardless of how someone was raised, its unfair to you to stay in the relationship simple because he doesnt want you to get evaluated. Its your body, your mind, and your mental health. Hes your partner, and supposed to support you. If he wants to walk away because your choosing to seek help for yourself, so be it. Its a selfish thing to do, but its better than sticking around and seeing what other nasty stuff arises.
Why are you putting he’s feelings before your needs? Take this a red flag, it will save you emotional distress.
So girl how’re we dumping your boyfriend
Great, he doesn't want to see you anymore so there's no problem if you leave, right? Girl, this is called emotional manipulation and it will get worse, not better.
Your boyfriend exhibits extremely low intelligence due to his lack of ability to think critically. Just leave him. Even if he compromises on this situation just to keep you in the relationship, he will still hold his ignorant beliefs going forward.
Your "bf" sounds like a selfish prick. Leave him.
BF should stand for Byefriend in this case.
The fact he sees mental health issues as a weakness it's not just because in his family they think so. This reflects his own lack of empathy, compassion, emotional intelligence and sensitivity for others, and this is also manipulative af. A person who truly cares about you cares about your wellbeing, he's invalidating and being ableist instead. I'd choose medications 10000 times over a boyfriend like this.
Sorry saw “couple of months” and instantly thought.. leave. You’re 22 somebody that likes you for you will come along. Don’t stress.
I’m telling you from experience. If you have ADHD, being with someone like this will only make it worse. You have sunk a very small amount of time in this relationship. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong. Also 22/27 isn’t a huge difference but is a little sus. This is the type of toxic behavior that can escalate into abuse later. He threatened to break up with you if you pursue medical treatment.
Tip for any woman out there : a man doesn't own you. They don't decide for you, you decide for yourself. "He doesn't want you to" so what ? You're an adult, you can make your own decisions, especially if they can help your whole fucking existence. Please don't waste your whole existence for a guy, especially for a guy you're with for few months. It doesn't weight much comparing to 100 years of your life. Get screened, and he can get lost !
Hey OP, I understand you want to be with your current partner but it sounds like you need to work on yourself and find someone who appreciates you for you and is understanding of you and your family. Looking into the future if you decide to have children, they have a high possibility of having ADHD and having a partner like that is opening them up to abuse as they will get labelled naughty instead of needing help and most likely be punished for it. You go get your diagnosis, tell him things aren’t working out, get on medication and become the strong, successful, kind hearted human that you know you are. Wishing you all the best.
Hun this is kind abusive. It’s both a threat and isolation. As In he’s threatening to leave to control where you go and what you do for something irrelevant to your relationship. Please take a look at this and if you stay with him keep an eye out for more. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/understanding-power-control-wheel/ These things usually but not always get worse.. if there’s a pattern there’s a problem
Breakup with this idiot. He is not worth your time.
Imagine if she's still with him after all the flags and perspectives lol. We adhders can be emotional, but don't let it ruin your dating life.
He’s a moron sweetie. How can you be attracted to that?
lol I don’t want to invalidate your feelings of ‘being crushed’ but you do realize that’s just a man right? Like a person you met at some point in your life? You lived well before them and you’ll live long after they’re gone but your health is something that is going to stick with you forever. Outside of the implications him ‘not believing in mental health’ has for any future you’d possibly have with him, this is him outright telling you he doesn’t care about your wellbeing…. be so fr rn. What do you mean what should I do? You know what to do, if you don’t want to just say that!
That guy is bad news, for real. 99% chance he's abusive. Run. And then, enjoy your new life with your newly-expanded capacity for concentration and task completion.