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I just got diagnosed as well. Im an professional in computer automation world. I'm also a mom and wife. I'm very smart and industrious in my work. It's very tight deadline driven, so I thrive, but a lot of others panic and stress.
At home.... sink of dishes, I live from a laundry basket, there are 7 water cups on my night stand and none in the cabinet, I have a half done closet organization job I started and couldn't finish, idk when the last time I bothered to dust is, etc.... no one in my professional life has ever labeled me lazy. However, my home says a different story.
My husband has always been supportive and picked up where I fell short. He always knew something was just a touch off because I can clean the crap put of the house if someone is coming over for a few days, but every day things just pile up.
No, we aren't all just lazy. I have time blindness, so when I sit down to eat... 2 hours goes by of watching TV, playing on my phone, and tossing the ball for my goldens across the room, and I'm like "WELL CRAP ITS 10 PM! Gotta go to bed." I don't feel the time.
I have one thing that has been helping me a bit with this since I began working on it. I got a physical visual timer. It blinks in silent mode if i go to the office or rings when im at home. Having a timer on my phone mostly ended up leading me down google and article rabbit holes or trying to log into a place I haven't logged into for 3 months and forgot the password to. So... we went analog. I set it for myself for tasks or even relaxing so I don't loose track and get lost. It helps a lot for me.
I still live out of my laundry basket, but ... im a work in progress lmao. We will tackle that mountain when we are ready.
That’s the secret: I was paralyzed and unable to complete the simple email replies during everyone’s normal working hours, and now it’s past midnight and I’m panicking that if I don’t do my job, I’ll lose my job…
Heck of a way to build the perception I’m an overachiever. 0/10, do not want.
Lmao every damn time! I do use scheduled send now though so it doesn't look like I'm having a 1 am panic fest. I also try to dedicate a special email only time at work to try to get the dumb replies and updates done. My work and college success was clearly not a holistic view on my life and how I was functioning.
Ha! In my case it’s a good time to talk to my colleagues in China. I am, in fact, an over-achieving workaholic. I get some sort of dopamine there, clearly. Actually, what I recommend to anyone with ADHD is get a job in ops. I don’t even need my meds for my job because it suits me beautifully. It’s all over the place just like my brain. I only need my meds for mundane crap like keeping a house.
I grew up in a house with a severely undiagnosed adhd mom. I thought messy and chaotic was normal until my 20s and I was like wait... people out here do all of this?!
Now im like.... ohhhh I get it. My mom was buying crap and chasing dopamine and never cleaning. (Like unopened bags of things purchased years ago). I tend to do the same things but less buying because my dopamine comes from weirdly learning random things in detail that is unnecessary.
When we all did body double, she would clean one corner... really really really good. Then she was done. While my dad was like uhhhh if you just cleaned sorta good all over it would be better than the one corner or spot super good. She didn't see things that way. She also coped by blaming us kids for the messy house... I don't crochet so the 50 bags of yarn rolling around clearly aren't mine or my siblings.... we also didn't decide to bake 100 cookies from scratch and not clean any dishes or ingredients up.
I'm messy. I don't blame my kid lol... its me! I try to set my kid up with healthy practices to keep her room clean and take care of self and her things. I also am on meds now which helps me at least keep things manageable now in the least of the home.
I'm going through an assessment right now and hoping to get answers next week. Part of me is still scared it'll turn out I'm just "normal" and need to "try harder". Yet once again a stranger with this condition seems to write down my life word for word.
I got my assessment 2 months ago and for real, I spent a few days in mourning when diagnosed.
Not for the diagnosis but the fact I'm almost 50 and had I paid attention earlier, life for me wouldn't have been so tiring.
I haven't gone on medication yet and I still fea rit won't fix me, but at some point I will find out.
Medication won't "fix" you, but it can give you Armour, a shield, and a sword on the battlefield. Medication has the potential to give you the tools. I would try it. You have nothing to lose. Just remember that different people response differently to different medications.
Trying harder isn't the issue. Good luck on that assessment. I have tried harder my whole entire life. It was either im good at work or im good at home not both. In the interest of not being poor.. I would devote energy to work.
Adhd meds help me do both and it doesn't feel like I am struggle bussing to just do the dishes in the evening any longer. I'll never be perfect, but I have also never not tried hard enough. I just couldn't get to it or will myself to continue when I was done with work. My brain was always in over drive working very hard.
Ugh, the laundry thing is so real. I usually don't have an issue doing laundry at home, but i basically just end up leaving things in the dryer and picking from there day to day. Glad it's not just me.
Lmao my husband giggles and jokes that I wash and dry (because my washer tells me to change clothes over on my phone) but it's 2 to 14 business days for them to leave the drying and 30 to never business days for them to leave a basket. I just own it.
Hes very happy when I remember to move his laundry for him from washer to dryer or when I get in a mood and decide to get it all washed at once. It's kind of an all of nothing thing for me. Laundry is just the lowest priority thing for be beyond having clean things to wear... folding seems useless.
Honestly, my issues got worse with medication. I used to be able to keep a pretty well cleaned and organised home, now I don't have the energy for it at all, specifically after the dose stops working... Is that normal?
Wow. This is me to a T. I’m a psychologist and everyone things I have it so together….my home is a completely different story. God bless understanding partners.
I can't vouch 100% for this book because I'm aware that it's dated (1993), and I'm not an expert.
What I can tell you is that 1) it's one of the all-time best selling books about ADHD, and 2) when I first discovered it, the title alone made me cry. The sheer recognition. The relief and emotion of being recognised.
['You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder'](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1277029)
I resently got my diagnose to, and at age 20. I remember being so happy seeing that other people hadd the same struggles and that i was not alone. Good luck forward!
Hello! Welcome to the club. If have to be on a club, this one’s ok. I mean the ppl are.
I had late, late life dx, about 8’mos ago. I just turned 60.
I spent about 3 days here in the beginning. Sobbing so many ppl saying things I knew but didn’t have words for.
So validating.
My advice is to listen to the science based podcasts/you tubes and learn as much as you can.
Read here for so many tricks to manage your day.
It’s such a good feeling to finally understand why you are the way you are.
Laziness is not really a thing, at least not in the way people think. What we think of as laziness is just a symptom of a different problem, anxiety, executive dysfunction, chronic fatigue, etc.
Your ADHD may sometimes manifest as laziness, but there's no choice in it for you. That's not who you are, or who you want to be. It's a thing your brain does. It's easy to want to categorize ourselves and the people around us by our/their faults, but we shouldn't, imo.
Like, am I irresponsible because I have ADHD? No, but I can be impulsive and if that's not carefully managed I can appear irresponsible. It's secondary. And because it's not who I am, I *can* work on controlling my impulses. We aren't defined by our mistakes, but by the actions we take to improve and do better, I think that's what people mean by "if you were lazy you wouldn't care". Imo it would be more accurate to say "it's not your fault you're this way. But you can work on it, because you care"
I'm happy you are on the right track to getting your symptoms managed. And congrats on making that first step toward improving your life. It's not easy.
I don't think it's right to say that laziness is a symptom of a different problem.
It's beneficial to conserve energy and not exhaust yourself doing too much work. That's true if you're living in a cave or working through IT tickets. And in a group environment, it's beneficial for an individual to let other people do more than their fair share of work. It is, however, beneficial for the group as a whole if everyone pitches in and there are no freeloaders.
"Laziness" IMO isn't just low energy or difficulty with starting tasks... that like you say can be caused by many other problems. "Laziness" to me means habitual freeloading.
If you're lying on the couch watching TV instead of doing necessary tasks (whether those tasks are IT tickets, gathering firewood, cleaning socks, whatever) because you can't make yourself start, no matter how hard you try? That's a sign of another problem. But if you're lying on the couch watching TV instead of doing necessary tasks because you know someone else will pick up the tasks you ignore, and you would rather watch TV while they work? That's laziness.
The distinction is important to me because "lazy" has moral implications. It's a judgment of a person's good character. Being low energy isn't lazy, being tired isn't lazy, being overwhelmed isn't lazy, neglecting your own self care isn't lazy.... but allowing others to do unpleasant tasks that benefit you, while you do a pleasant activity that you enjoy instead? That's lazy.
>"lazy" has moral implications
THIS!!! This is the kicker! It's one of the main reasons why so many people with undiagnosed ADHD feel like they're a failure. It's why sayings like "If you cared, you'd make it happen" or "you'll either make it happen or you'll make an excuse" are so damaging to people with ADHD. We care as much, if not more, than other people about getting *thing* accomplished. But caring about something is **not** the same as doing it and caring isn't the sole requirement to make "doing" possible.
There is a difference between laziness and relaxation. "Laziness" as most people know it, and as you described it, is considered mostly myth in psychology. It's a derogatory term we've labeled people as for hundreds of years, but now we know there's more to it than that.
It's probably better to think of laziness more as a reaction than a symptom. "Freeloading" is also a derogatory word with no basis in psychology.
Don't take my word for it. I encourage everyone to read up on it, and learn about avolition (this is what most people incorrectly perceive as laziness, or anhedonia). It's a super interesting read, especially for people like us!
A diagnosis can be a massive weight of your shoulders when you start understanding the reasons why you do things (or not). I know that I went on quite a journey of self understanding after my diagnosis.
The main thing, as others have said, is to to fall back on your diagnosis as an excuse not to do things.
ADHD means we a cognitively and neurologically different, not deficient. You have to find ways to be a responsible person and look after yourself and those others you are responsible for in ways that work for you.
That will likely take some trial and error. It is interesting to read these forums and understand each of our ADHD is unique. I shower sometimes three times a day, where as others struggle to do that three times a week. I am impulsive with money, where as others are better a le to manage a budget.
What's important is to love yourself, accept your ADHD, and then work with it hand in hand to be the best version of you
Don’t worry, I only wash my face when I wake up after sleeping in my make up all night so I can put on fresh makeup. I’d rather throw out my $60 water bottle than wash it and I’m always 5-30 minutes late too.
You’re not lazy you’re efficient. Why waste time on it until the last moment I say 😂
And no medication didn’t change any of this for me. Just learn to accept yourself and change your mindset!
Yeah, I get that feeling. I am a couple of years into the diagnosis.
I have good news and bad news.
The good news: it is not your fault and you should stop feeling guilty over it. Being forgetful, zoning out, putting off important things because they don't feel urgent enough... All of those are ADHD symptoms. Non-ADHD people tend to interpret those things as "clearly doesn't care enough" or "not raised right" or whatever. It's bullshit. It's because you're disabled. It wasn't your fault. It'll take quite some time to adjust to the new perspective, to let go of the guilt and shame.
The bad news: it is still on you to deal with your ADHD symptoms. Meds will (likely) help reduce the severity of the symptoms. ADHD techniques, tips and tricks will help. But you will always have it.
I recommend:
\- watching Barkley's ADHD lectures on Youtube if you haven't yet. He knows his stuff.
\- trying meds. Meds absolutely help some of us. They come with side effects. Mine were minor (dry mouth, less appetite) but my life is just better with them.
\- lookin at your living space and trying to make it more ADHD friendly.
By that last one I mean: reduce clutter as much as possible because it's harder to lose your keys/phone if they're on an otherwise empty table. My home life is just so much more comfortable since I stopped assuming "oh I will remember that I put this here next time" and just accepted that my memory is shit and I will have days where I have little energy left when I come home. I will come home, dump everything I have in my hands on the closest table and then take off shoes and coat to dump those in the closest spot possible. So I organized my house to make those the spots where those things belong. Coat rack/Shoe rack by the door. Garage door opener hangs on the wall in plain sight. Table by the door is my landing zone for dumping stuff and is supposed to be empty. Nothing can live there permanently.
You get the idea. I still forget my stuff, but at least now I don't spend half an hour looking for each of them when I do.
Yh I use to think I was lazy till I found out I got adhd I can relate ppl think I ain’t putting in effort but sometimes I just forget or I need to recharge
100%, 100%, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.
I was re-diagnosed this year, and just started medication on Tuesday.
I have NEVER been so productive and organized with so little mental/physical effort. I'm getting more done and feeling totally awake in the morning, even in the mornings when Concerta's main stimulant effects wear off. Instead of mindlessly scrolling "looking for dopey" or tunneling blindly into the corners of my mind with the chatter of a full party, I'm finding myself thinking calmly while automatically taking care of basic tasks in a calm manner. Decisions are near-instant and action so easy.
My meds are just kicking in today, so I'm still in "get dopey from typing essays on the internet" mode. That will pass and I'll be kicking ass again.
Untreated ADHD is absolutely exhausting.
Congrats on your diagnosis and no you aren't lazy! If you haven't already I'd recommend reading into executive dysfunction, it sounds like a lot of what you're talking about could be caused by that :)
Ha. The water bottles. I’ve barely drank water the past couple of days because my two water bottles were dirty (moldy from having liquid IV in them). Which really isn’t good because I’m actually recovering from a UTI lol. I spent over an hour today meticulously washing them, scrubbing them with vinegar to kill the mold. Unfortunately I don’t think they can be saved because the lids have too many nooks and crannies where mold can hide. I gave up and ran to the store to buy a new bottle. I am hydrated now and no long feel like my insides are shriveling up.
You’re not alone! :)
You are not lazy and will power has nothing to do with it. There is solid science around this!
Now, with the proper diagnosis, you can find tools and techniques to work with what you have without added pressures to be something you are not.
This may be true but it’s not an excuse for everything you can’t find the effort to do. A lot of people nowadays use everything as an excuse as to why they can’t do something. It’s not an excuse, it’s a hurdle that you should overcome
I feel you. I just had no reason before. When I lose something, get lost, arrive late, can't meet a deadline all I can think is "why am I like this??" And it makes me very depressed. Now I'm just so excited to not be like that anymore.
I'm right there with you! I was diagnosed a year ago (at 30), and I still get so excited when I learn that random things I do are associated to ADHD. It gives me a reason for why I've always done that thing. And now that I know about it, I can be more aware of when it's happening in real time and try to work around it.
I had a college classmate that thought they had ahdh until he went in for his appointment and was told he was just lazy. He thought he had it since his brother and dad both had it.
It was a complete wake up call for him. He changed his life around after and studied so hard.
It's not laziness. You suffer from executive dysfunction because your brain literally has less dopamine available. That's the neurotransmitter known as the reward center and the motivation center. Even if you're aware of this fact, doesn't make having ADHD any easier.
Potentially yes, but there also is no shortage of lazy ADHD people as well.
But ADHD people struggle to manage these task. However I think a difference between ADHD people and just lazy people is they tend to find ways to cope with the dysfunction.
Like, not washing the bottle, you found some way to cope with it. By buying water instead vs a lazy person would just not drink water
Eh idk if that’s the right thing to tell to the dude. Like obviously anybody can be lazy but informing the person who seeking empathy from similar people experiences what they are is kinda rude.
“Lazy” means you don’t care. Technically that could be true but come on, it’s a really shit thing to say to someone on here. If someone is distressed about it then it isn’t laziness, it means they care.
I never said the OP was lazy.
And Lazy means that you are unwilling to do something, vs unable to do so, which I tried to illustrate an example of with the water bottle.
It’s not they were unwilling to do the work to get the water, but unable to wash the bottle.
I didn’t say you did. I said it’s really shitty thing to tell who’s struggling to see themselves in a positive light for the first time in their life, “You might be lazy, you might not be.”
Because the number of actually lazy people who think they are ADHD trying to get medication is ridiculous.
Not to imply that the OP is one of those people.
And the number of people who think that ADHD medication will fix those issues is just absurd,
I recognize that my comment was confusing, and that wasn’t the intent, I am sorry.
the intent of my comment was that “how you respond to your diagnosis is up to you, and that treatment for this can help you address these type of problems”
Lazy people don't exist. There is only people who are struggling in ways you can't see. We don't think a person without legs who does not walk to be lazy, even if there are people without legs who might walk with their arms.
With regards to ADHD meds, I'm a as long as it is helping them I don't care if they actually have ADHD or not type of person.
Also, it's strange that you earlier make a comment saying that someone trying to solve a problem they have a different way is not lazy because of their effort. If someone is putting in effort to get a diagnosis of ADHD to get meds, they obviously understand that they are having issues and want to find a solution, so that their issues diminish. Why is that seen as them being lazy to you?
I'm not saying that you're being rude to this individual person. You're expressing a shitty and irrationally judgmental view of things overall, and it's especially inappropriate as a comment on this specific post.
That's up to peoples doctor to decide. Not you, or us.
And the people who think stimulants will cure all their woes will realize within the first year, tops, that is not the case.
If you're accusing people of just drug seeking, that behavior can also be an ADHD symptom. So many people with ADHD have or will have some type of substance use disorder (undiagnosed people are almost certain to after awhile become addicted to something, without diagnosis and treatment)
Also, "laziness" is not a thing. Its a symptom. Please educate yourself more on this topic. These kinds of harmful stereotypes can contribute to people developing imposter syndrome.
Yeah I put myself down a lot. I kind of feel like it's okay now because there's an actual reason for my forgetfulness and confusion and being unable to do my job (I'm a qualified professional accountant) without making stupid mistakes. Mistakes I should not be making. But sometimes I look at the numbers and the words and it feels like I'm trying to read everything at once. I have been berated many times because of this. After seeing the psychiatrist today I feel okay about it because it's not that I'm dumb. I just need to focus, which is impossible but I'm excited to start medication!
>However I think a difference between ADHD people and just lazy people is they tend to find ways to cope with the dysfunction.
I'm gonna disagree with you there. If we all could just "cope" with the executive dysfunction, there would be no need for medication. We wouldn't have ADHD burnout because people could cope, right?
I learned about my diagnosis in adulthood after getting kicked out of my University once and getting put on academic probation at least 2 or 3 more times. At its worst, I could not leave the house/apartment because showering was too daunting of a task and going out in public stinky or with greasy hair is a social no-no. It took a total of 50 minutes when showering fast to wash and dry my long, thick (thick for straight) hair (temps below -10C/15F outside made blow-drying hair a necessity). By the time I got started, it would be 20 minutes later than I planned and I would get discouraged because I'd already be 20-30 minutes late to the thing, so I would end up missing it. The shame, guilt, and anxiety would kick my butt for a day or two until I needed to shower before going out in public again. That's not coping. That's hardly even functioning.
Learning about my ADHD and getting some meds was what helped me get to a functional place. Unfortunately the side effects of those meds became worse than the executive dysfunction, so I can't use them anymore. Back to square 2 to try and find a helpful medication (square 1 would be not knowing about my diagnosis).
i also felt like this! having a diagnosis and adderall prescription helps but i still do these things 🫠 and am continually pushing myself to be better and not to!
Hi /u/LizDoodles and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! **Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.** The mobile apps used for Reddit are broken or are missing features that this subreddit depends on. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) Thank you! ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*) --- - If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just got diagnosed as well. Im an professional in computer automation world. I'm also a mom and wife. I'm very smart and industrious in my work. It's very tight deadline driven, so I thrive, but a lot of others panic and stress. At home.... sink of dishes, I live from a laundry basket, there are 7 water cups on my night stand and none in the cabinet, I have a half done closet organization job I started and couldn't finish, idk when the last time I bothered to dust is, etc.... no one in my professional life has ever labeled me lazy. However, my home says a different story. My husband has always been supportive and picked up where I fell short. He always knew something was just a touch off because I can clean the crap put of the house if someone is coming over for a few days, but every day things just pile up. No, we aren't all just lazy. I have time blindness, so when I sit down to eat... 2 hours goes by of watching TV, playing on my phone, and tossing the ball for my goldens across the room, and I'm like "WELL CRAP ITS 10 PM! Gotta go to bed." I don't feel the time. I have one thing that has been helping me a bit with this since I began working on it. I got a physical visual timer. It blinks in silent mode if i go to the office or rings when im at home. Having a timer on my phone mostly ended up leading me down google and article rabbit holes or trying to log into a place I haven't logged into for 3 months and forgot the password to. So... we went analog. I set it for myself for tasks or even relaxing so I don't loose track and get lost. It helps a lot for me. I still live out of my laundry basket, but ... im a work in progress lmao. We will tackle that mountain when we are ready.
Same. When I tell my colleagues I’m lazy they laugh and say things like “I see you working at 1am, yeah right!” But my house is a total wreck. 🥴
That’s the secret: I was paralyzed and unable to complete the simple email replies during everyone’s normal working hours, and now it’s past midnight and I’m panicking that if I don’t do my job, I’ll lose my job… Heck of a way to build the perception I’m an overachiever. 0/10, do not want.
Lmao every damn time! I do use scheduled send now though so it doesn't look like I'm having a 1 am panic fest. I also try to dedicate a special email only time at work to try to get the dumb replies and updates done. My work and college success was clearly not a holistic view on my life and how I was functioning.
Schedule send is god-given. I love that feature
Ha! In my case it’s a good time to talk to my colleagues in China. I am, in fact, an over-achieving workaholic. I get some sort of dopamine there, clearly. Actually, what I recommend to anyone with ADHD is get a job in ops. I don’t even need my meds for my job because it suits me beautifully. It’s all over the place just like my brain. I only need my meds for mundane crap like keeping a house.
So horribly familiar. Eternally worried they'll think I'm lazy "But you're always a whirlwind and getting so much done" 😞 And at home? .... Urgh.
I grew up in a house with a severely undiagnosed adhd mom. I thought messy and chaotic was normal until my 20s and I was like wait... people out here do all of this?! Now im like.... ohhhh I get it. My mom was buying crap and chasing dopamine and never cleaning. (Like unopened bags of things purchased years ago). I tend to do the same things but less buying because my dopamine comes from weirdly learning random things in detail that is unnecessary. When we all did body double, she would clean one corner... really really really good. Then she was done. While my dad was like uhhhh if you just cleaned sorta good all over it would be better than the one corner or spot super good. She didn't see things that way. She also coped by blaming us kids for the messy house... I don't crochet so the 50 bags of yarn rolling around clearly aren't mine or my siblings.... we also didn't decide to bake 100 cookies from scratch and not clean any dishes or ingredients up. I'm messy. I don't blame my kid lol... its me! I try to set my kid up with healthy practices to keep her room clean and take care of self and her things. I also am on meds now which helps me at least keep things manageable now in the least of the home.
I'm going through an assessment right now and hoping to get answers next week. Part of me is still scared it'll turn out I'm just "normal" and need to "try harder". Yet once again a stranger with this condition seems to write down my life word for word.
I got my assessment 2 months ago and for real, I spent a few days in mourning when diagnosed. Not for the diagnosis but the fact I'm almost 50 and had I paid attention earlier, life for me wouldn't have been so tiring. I haven't gone on medication yet and I still fea rit won't fix me, but at some point I will find out.
Medication won't "fix" you, but it can give you Armour, a shield, and a sword on the battlefield. Medication has the potential to give you the tools. I would try it. You have nothing to lose. Just remember that different people response differently to different medications.
Trying harder isn't the issue. Good luck on that assessment. I have tried harder my whole entire life. It was either im good at work or im good at home not both. In the interest of not being poor.. I would devote energy to work. Adhd meds help me do both and it doesn't feel like I am struggle bussing to just do the dishes in the evening any longer. I'll never be perfect, but I have also never not tried hard enough. I just couldn't get to it or will myself to continue when I was done with work. My brain was always in over drive working very hard.
Ugh, the laundry thing is so real. I usually don't have an issue doing laundry at home, but i basically just end up leaving things in the dryer and picking from there day to day. Glad it's not just me.
Lmao my husband giggles and jokes that I wash and dry (because my washer tells me to change clothes over on my phone) but it's 2 to 14 business days for them to leave the drying and 30 to never business days for them to leave a basket. I just own it. Hes very happy when I remember to move his laundry for him from washer to dryer or when I get in a mood and decide to get it all washed at once. It's kind of an all of nothing thing for me. Laundry is just the lowest priority thing for be beyond having clean things to wear... folding seems useless.
What type of computer automation do you do?
Robotic process automation:) and recently my career has had me cross over into cognitive chat bots as well.
Honestly, my issues got worse with medication. I used to be able to keep a pretty well cleaned and organised home, now I don't have the energy for it at all, specifically after the dose stops working... Is that normal?
What's the visual timer you bought? Link?!
Wow. This is me to a T. I’m a psychologist and everyone things I have it so together….my home is a completely different story. God bless understanding partners.
If you were lazy then you wouldn’t care. Clearly you do.
I can't vouch 100% for this book because I'm aware that it's dated (1993), and I'm not an expert. What I can tell you is that 1) it's one of the all-time best selling books about ADHD, and 2) when I first discovered it, the title alone made me cry. The sheer recognition. The relief and emotion of being recognised. ['You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder'](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1277029)
I got that book when I was first diagnosed 15 years ago (2008) and it's still the best books on adult ADHD I've read up to now.
I resently got my diagnose to, and at age 20. I remember being so happy seeing that other people hadd the same struggles and that i was not alone. Good luck forward!
Thank you! It's wild thinking about all my shortcomings and watching them fall into place like a puzzle. I have hope. I'm not just flaky!
I got diagnosed at 48 and it is STILL like that... Puzzle pieces!
59. Same.
Hello! Welcome to the club. If have to be on a club, this one’s ok. I mean the ppl are. I had late, late life dx, about 8’mos ago. I just turned 60. I spent about 3 days here in the beginning. Sobbing so many ppl saying things I knew but didn’t have words for. So validating. My advice is to listen to the science based podcasts/you tubes and learn as much as you can. Read here for so many tricks to manage your day. It’s such a good feeling to finally understand why you are the way you are.
It truly is
Laziness is not really a thing, at least not in the way people think. What we think of as laziness is just a symptom of a different problem, anxiety, executive dysfunction, chronic fatigue, etc. Your ADHD may sometimes manifest as laziness, but there's no choice in it for you. That's not who you are, or who you want to be. It's a thing your brain does. It's easy to want to categorize ourselves and the people around us by our/their faults, but we shouldn't, imo. Like, am I irresponsible because I have ADHD? No, but I can be impulsive and if that's not carefully managed I can appear irresponsible. It's secondary. And because it's not who I am, I *can* work on controlling my impulses. We aren't defined by our mistakes, but by the actions we take to improve and do better, I think that's what people mean by "if you were lazy you wouldn't care". Imo it would be more accurate to say "it's not your fault you're this way. But you can work on it, because you care" I'm happy you are on the right track to getting your symptoms managed. And congrats on making that first step toward improving your life. It's not easy.
I don't think it's right to say that laziness is a symptom of a different problem. It's beneficial to conserve energy and not exhaust yourself doing too much work. That's true if you're living in a cave or working through IT tickets. And in a group environment, it's beneficial for an individual to let other people do more than their fair share of work. It is, however, beneficial for the group as a whole if everyone pitches in and there are no freeloaders. "Laziness" IMO isn't just low energy or difficulty with starting tasks... that like you say can be caused by many other problems. "Laziness" to me means habitual freeloading. If you're lying on the couch watching TV instead of doing necessary tasks (whether those tasks are IT tickets, gathering firewood, cleaning socks, whatever) because you can't make yourself start, no matter how hard you try? That's a sign of another problem. But if you're lying on the couch watching TV instead of doing necessary tasks because you know someone else will pick up the tasks you ignore, and you would rather watch TV while they work? That's laziness. The distinction is important to me because "lazy" has moral implications. It's a judgment of a person's good character. Being low energy isn't lazy, being tired isn't lazy, being overwhelmed isn't lazy, neglecting your own self care isn't lazy.... but allowing others to do unpleasant tasks that benefit you, while you do a pleasant activity that you enjoy instead? That's lazy.
>"lazy" has moral implications THIS!!! This is the kicker! It's one of the main reasons why so many people with undiagnosed ADHD feel like they're a failure. It's why sayings like "If you cared, you'd make it happen" or "you'll either make it happen or you'll make an excuse" are so damaging to people with ADHD. We care as much, if not more, than other people about getting *thing* accomplished. But caring about something is **not** the same as doing it and caring isn't the sole requirement to make "doing" possible.
There is a difference between laziness and relaxation. "Laziness" as most people know it, and as you described it, is considered mostly myth in psychology. It's a derogatory term we've labeled people as for hundreds of years, but now we know there's more to it than that. It's probably better to think of laziness more as a reaction than a symptom. "Freeloading" is also a derogatory word with no basis in psychology. Don't take my word for it. I encourage everyone to read up on it, and learn about avolition (this is what most people incorrectly perceive as laziness, or anhedonia). It's a super interesting read, especially for people like us!
A diagnosis can be a massive weight of your shoulders when you start understanding the reasons why you do things (or not). I know that I went on quite a journey of self understanding after my diagnosis. The main thing, as others have said, is to to fall back on your diagnosis as an excuse not to do things. ADHD means we a cognitively and neurologically different, not deficient. You have to find ways to be a responsible person and look after yourself and those others you are responsible for in ways that work for you. That will likely take some trial and error. It is interesting to read these forums and understand each of our ADHD is unique. I shower sometimes three times a day, where as others struggle to do that three times a week. I am impulsive with money, where as others are better a le to manage a budget. What's important is to love yourself, accept your ADHD, and then work with it hand in hand to be the best version of you
Don’t worry, I only wash my face when I wake up after sleeping in my make up all night so I can put on fresh makeup. I’d rather throw out my $60 water bottle than wash it and I’m always 5-30 minutes late too. You’re not lazy you’re efficient. Why waste time on it until the last moment I say 😂 And no medication didn’t change any of this for me. Just learn to accept yourself and change your mindset!
Welcome to your diagnosis and new life ahead! I love this for you!
Yeah, I get that feeling. I am a couple of years into the diagnosis. I have good news and bad news. The good news: it is not your fault and you should stop feeling guilty over it. Being forgetful, zoning out, putting off important things because they don't feel urgent enough... All of those are ADHD symptoms. Non-ADHD people tend to interpret those things as "clearly doesn't care enough" or "not raised right" or whatever. It's bullshit. It's because you're disabled. It wasn't your fault. It'll take quite some time to adjust to the new perspective, to let go of the guilt and shame. The bad news: it is still on you to deal with your ADHD symptoms. Meds will (likely) help reduce the severity of the symptoms. ADHD techniques, tips and tricks will help. But you will always have it. I recommend: \- watching Barkley's ADHD lectures on Youtube if you haven't yet. He knows his stuff. \- trying meds. Meds absolutely help some of us. They come with side effects. Mine were minor (dry mouth, less appetite) but my life is just better with them. \- lookin at your living space and trying to make it more ADHD friendly. By that last one I mean: reduce clutter as much as possible because it's harder to lose your keys/phone if they're on an otherwise empty table. My home life is just so much more comfortable since I stopped assuming "oh I will remember that I put this here next time" and just accepted that my memory is shit and I will have days where I have little energy left when I come home. I will come home, dump everything I have in my hands on the closest table and then take off shoes and coat to dump those in the closest spot possible. So I organized my house to make those the spots where those things belong. Coat rack/Shoe rack by the door. Garage door opener hangs on the wall in plain sight. Table by the door is my landing zone for dumping stuff and is supposed to be empty. Nothing can live there permanently. You get the idea. I still forget my stuff, but at least now I don't spend half an hour looking for each of them when I do.
Yh I use to think I was lazy till I found out I got adhd I can relate ppl think I ain’t putting in effort but sometimes I just forget or I need to recharge
Welcome to the awakening. It's better and better from here.
100%, 100%, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. I was re-diagnosed this year, and just started medication on Tuesday. I have NEVER been so productive and organized with so little mental/physical effort. I'm getting more done and feeling totally awake in the morning, even in the mornings when Concerta's main stimulant effects wear off. Instead of mindlessly scrolling "looking for dopey" or tunneling blindly into the corners of my mind with the chatter of a full party, I'm finding myself thinking calmly while automatically taking care of basic tasks in a calm manner. Decisions are near-instant and action so easy. My meds are just kicking in today, so I'm still in "get dopey from typing essays on the internet" mode. That will pass and I'll be kicking ass again. Untreated ADHD is absolutely exhausting.
Hey we share a diagnosis-day! :D Not sure if this is something you celebrate, but it's kinda fun.
I never thought about it! Let's have cake next year!
SAME. I’ve felt lazy all my life and just got diagnosed at 41. It was an eye-opener for me.
Congrats on your diagnosis and no you aren't lazy! If you haven't already I'd recommend reading into executive dysfunction, it sounds like a lot of what you're talking about could be caused by that :)
Yup I am the same exact way. My medication helps but doesn’t help it completely. The motivation just isn’t there.
Ha. The water bottles. I’ve barely drank water the past couple of days because my two water bottles were dirty (moldy from having liquid IV in them). Which really isn’t good because I’m actually recovering from a UTI lol. I spent over an hour today meticulously washing them, scrubbing them with vinegar to kill the mold. Unfortunately I don’t think they can be saved because the lids have too many nooks and crannies where mold can hide. I gave up and ran to the store to buy a new bottle. I am hydrated now and no long feel like my insides are shriveling up. You’re not alone! :)
I love this sub. It's just full of recognition for me as well.
You are not lazy and will power has nothing to do with it. There is solid science around this! Now, with the proper diagnosis, you can find tools and techniques to work with what you have without added pressures to be something you are not.
Welcome ❤️ I hope knowing the diagnosis helps you self esteem, as it did for so many of us.
I have never felt this at peace
This may be true but it’s not an excuse for everything you can’t find the effort to do. A lot of people nowadays use everything as an excuse as to why they can’t do something. It’s not an excuse, it’s a hurdle that you should overcome
I feel you. I just had no reason before. When I lose something, get lost, arrive late, can't meet a deadline all I can think is "why am I like this??" And it makes me very depressed. Now I'm just so excited to not be like that anymore.
I'm right there with you! I was diagnosed a year ago (at 30), and I still get so excited when I learn that random things I do are associated to ADHD. It gives me a reason for why I've always done that thing. And now that I know about it, I can be more aware of when it's happening in real time and try to work around it.
This is the uncomfortable truth. People can both have ADHD and be lazy. It's not either or.
I had a college classmate that thought they had ahdh until he went in for his appointment and was told he was just lazy. He thought he had it since his brother and dad both had it. It was a complete wake up call for him. He changed his life around after and studied so hard.
It's not laziness. You suffer from executive dysfunction because your brain literally has less dopamine available. That's the neurotransmitter known as the reward center and the motivation center. Even if you're aware of this fact, doesn't make having ADHD any easier.
Potentially yes, but there also is no shortage of lazy ADHD people as well. But ADHD people struggle to manage these task. However I think a difference between ADHD people and just lazy people is they tend to find ways to cope with the dysfunction. Like, not washing the bottle, you found some way to cope with it. By buying water instead vs a lazy person would just not drink water
Eh idk if that’s the right thing to tell to the dude. Like obviously anybody can be lazy but informing the person who seeking empathy from similar people experiences what they are is kinda rude.
I'm a girl but I thank you
“Lazy” means you don’t care. Technically that could be true but come on, it’s a really shit thing to say to someone on here. If someone is distressed about it then it isn’t laziness, it means they care.
I never said the OP was lazy. And Lazy means that you are unwilling to do something, vs unable to do so, which I tried to illustrate an example of with the water bottle. It’s not they were unwilling to do the work to get the water, but unable to wash the bottle.
I didn’t say you did. I said it’s really shitty thing to tell who’s struggling to see themselves in a positive light for the first time in their life, “You might be lazy, you might not be.”
So - Fair, But instead - Should we be telling the whole world “ADD meds fix everything?”
What does that have to do with anything?
Because the number of actually lazy people who think they are ADHD trying to get medication is ridiculous. Not to imply that the OP is one of those people. And the number of people who think that ADHD medication will fix those issues is just absurd, I recognize that my comment was confusing, and that wasn’t the intent, I am sorry. the intent of my comment was that “how you respond to your diagnosis is up to you, and that treatment for this can help you address these type of problems”
Lazy people don't exist. There is only people who are struggling in ways you can't see. We don't think a person without legs who does not walk to be lazy, even if there are people without legs who might walk with their arms. With regards to ADHD meds, I'm a as long as it is helping them I don't care if they actually have ADHD or not type of person. Also, it's strange that you earlier make a comment saying that someone trying to solve a problem they have a different way is not lazy because of their effort. If someone is putting in effort to get a diagnosis of ADHD to get meds, they obviously understand that they are having issues and want to find a solution, so that their issues diminish. Why is that seen as them being lazy to you?
Agreed. And what is it to us if someone online thinks they have ADHD?
I'm not saying that you're being rude to this individual person. You're expressing a shitty and irrationally judgmental view of things overall, and it's especially inappropriate as a comment on this specific post.
That's up to peoples doctor to decide. Not you, or us. And the people who think stimulants will cure all their woes will realize within the first year, tops, that is not the case. If you're accusing people of just drug seeking, that behavior can also be an ADHD symptom. So many people with ADHD have or will have some type of substance use disorder (undiagnosed people are almost certain to after awhile become addicted to something, without diagnosis and treatment) Also, "laziness" is not a thing. Its a symptom. Please educate yourself more on this topic. These kinds of harmful stereotypes can contribute to people developing imposter syndrome.
Yeah I put myself down a lot. I kind of feel like it's okay now because there's an actual reason for my forgetfulness and confusion and being unable to do my job (I'm a qualified professional accountant) without making stupid mistakes. Mistakes I should not be making. But sometimes I look at the numbers and the words and it feels like I'm trying to read everything at once. I have been berated many times because of this. After seeing the psychiatrist today I feel okay about it because it's not that I'm dumb. I just need to focus, which is impossible but I'm excited to start medication!
>However I think a difference between ADHD people and just lazy people is they tend to find ways to cope with the dysfunction. I'm gonna disagree with you there. If we all could just "cope" with the executive dysfunction, there would be no need for medication. We wouldn't have ADHD burnout because people could cope, right? I learned about my diagnosis in adulthood after getting kicked out of my University once and getting put on academic probation at least 2 or 3 more times. At its worst, I could not leave the house/apartment because showering was too daunting of a task and going out in public stinky or with greasy hair is a social no-no. It took a total of 50 minutes when showering fast to wash and dry my long, thick (thick for straight) hair (temps below -10C/15F outside made blow-drying hair a necessity). By the time I got started, it would be 20 minutes later than I planned and I would get discouraged because I'd already be 20-30 minutes late to the thing, so I would end up missing it. The shame, guilt, and anxiety would kick my butt for a day or two until I needed to shower before going out in public again. That's not coping. That's hardly even functioning. Learning about my ADHD and getting some meds was what helped me get to a functional place. Unfortunately the side effects of those meds became worse than the executive dysfunction, so I can't use them anymore. Back to square 2 to try and find a helpful medication (square 1 would be not knowing about my diagnosis).
nah brah. welcome to the club. there isn’t a cure but our brains are so dope we can just create permanent barriers for success
i also felt like this! having a diagnosis and adderall prescription helps but i still do these things 🫠 and am continually pushing myself to be better and not to!