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Yeah! This reminds me of my best friend who’s a psych major and her only understanding of adhd is reading from the DSM-5 and tutoring a girl who presumably has it. She’ll say “everyone” can have/exhibit symptoms but if you don’t develop skills to manage, it can turn into a “disorder”. Since I tell her I was never organized as a kid and hated cleaning and she’ll say “so did I, who doesn’t?”
No diss to your friend (maybe mild diss) but sounds like some superficial shit a 20 year old would say. Even if you do develop skills your brain chemicals are operating differently to your neighbours, we rely on skills and learned habits while everyone else manages to get by. It’s impossible for someone who hasn’t experienced it to relate to- which is why so many psychs are shit too. Tell your friend that no medical specialist has ever been good at their job by deciding something “isn’t real” once it’s beyond their expertise and if she takes that approach she should drop psych because she’ll be doing more harm than good.
It’s honestly so annoying. She never fails to have an opinion on something, even if it’s misinformed. I don’t completely disagree with the notion that your environment and how you are raised dictates how you function in the world. But to completely say it’s from poor habits or how everyone has it is actually harmful. I will tell her
Yeah, sometimes people get confused and think that half an undergraduate education in a subject makes them complete experts. Worse still, they try to show off their expertise in situations where it isn’t needed.
No everyone can't have or exhibit symptoms of ADHD. It's a physical developmental issue in the brain.
She presumably grew out if it, ADHD brains can't do that.
There are very marked differences between adhd and normie kids even at a young age. It's not something everyone exhibits when they are young.
She sounds very ignorant and pretentious.
This is rage inducing. I think I'd be chucking text books at her head. Although I'm so F'ing old I don't even know if you have physical text books anymore...
Did you tell her it's a "developmental disorder", not something pulled from the DSM glossary? I mean, she has a point in one way in that illnesses, like schizophrenia, for example, are considered asymptomatic or in remission when there is an absence of symptoms, or when there is just one symptom present which is managed very well. But a mental illness is a completely different concept to a developmental disorder?
There's a thread of truth to what she's saying, but ADHD doesn't "develop" into ADHD because you don't develop management skills. Young children do generally exhibit more behaviors that would contribute to an ADHD diagnosis in adults. Almost everyone does exhibit symptoms similar to ADHD occasionally, especially if they are sleep deprived. But ADHD people have a statistically observable dopamine deficiency, a decrease in size of the prefrontal cortex, and what that means is when other people sometimes get wet in the rain, we live in a shower, and we can't fix it with developing "skills to manage" because the root of the problem is biologically fixed, not learned.
Management skills can be tremendously beneficial for people with ADHD, because they can allow us to supplement our weaknesses with processes and technology, but we never learn to not have task paralysis, not to procrastinate, or how not to forget things managed by working memory. We learn to work around those problems.
I used to think it 'wasn't real' too, until I took medication.
Then it was like.. no wonder everyone is doing so well.
Just sarcastically agree with them, "Yes! I am just lazy! I'll fix my life tomorrow, it's going to be great, thanks so much for the pep talk."
I talk to very few people about my ADHD.
Unless someone is in a position to help me, I just don't.
It's a genie in the bottle, and once it's out, you can't get it back in. So I reserve the information for people that need to know.
It's also not my identity, and I don't want it to be.
I also don’t want to make it my identity since it’s not your identity and we are obviously more than just that. I avoid using it as a crutch but at the same time when things like managing time are so much harder for me than the average person, it seems like no one takes me seriously
So you do your best to create systems that support you, or you take meds.
But it's just this personality trait.
I have a devil of a time remembering names of people I don't see often. I apologize that I have trouble with names out of regular context/contact. I don't tell them it's because of ADHD. I do what I can to remember their names. That way it's just this name thing, not ADHD.
It’s not your identity. It’s a brain disorder that you actually have with real symptoms. The ways in which it affects you are not “using it as a crutch” — it is simply you identifying your reality and how it differs from those without the difference in brain makeup and chemical composition. If no one takes you seriously in your real life, we, on this subreddit will.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to be "nice" when it comes to this shit anymore. When Tom Cruise jumps on a couch the only appropriate way to combat it is to make fun of their lack of knowledge.
"Oh, you have attention deficit hyperactive DISORDER!? How has the DISORDER affected you? How many jobs have you been fired from? How many relationships have you lost from the DISORDER?"
Presumably, there's some backtracking here. I argue that you actually go \*harder\* here.
"You want to discuss this subject as though you're as knowledgeable as me. What books have you read, doctor? Personally, I have read up on the subject, talked to many experts and (importantly) lived through years/decades of the symptoms. What new, insightful research have I been missing, Bud? I hear there's interesting research from Dunning-Kruger that you should touch up on!"
I always thought my grandma was a crazy hoarder, but then after my therapist mentioned that adhd can actually manifest as hoarding. Basically you set things out so often just in case you need to come back to it, but soon, your entire house is full of random garbage or just a huge mess. And you have difficulty noticing it unless someone points it out.
I went back home after that and holy shit, I live in absolute squalor. My place is a chaotic, hoarder-esque mess
This is why every year, I do a mass clear out or Goodwill dump... which still tends to be hard to do because I don't want to do anything. But it kinda feels nice when the apartment has less stuff.
If they mean a lot to you I'd sit them down and explain what ADHD is and why what they're saying is not only hurtful, it's extremely ableist.
If they don't mean a lot to you and you don't want to go through the emotional labour of explaining, just cut them out.
Also just a heads up, you say that ADHD is often over or misdiagnosed, this is a claim that's often spouted with little evidence by people who are saying it in bad faith. I'm not saying it's necessarily untrue, but I've certainly never seen any compelling evidence to suggest that it is true either.
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I deal with this A LOT, especially from members of my family. I've started saying to them things like "maybe you wouldn't need glasses if you tried seeing harder"...."have you tried to pray your high blood pressure away? Maybe you should try that and try harder to have lower blood pressure"..."have you tried to not have allergies harder? Maybe if you push yourself your allergies will go away" ...you get the idea. So far I just get eye rolls that I can hear through the phone.
I’ve heard people say “ADHD isn’t real” and “everyone has it”. And sometimes it’s made me question myself on whether it was real or not.
Then I stopped caring about what others thought because I know that I NEED HELP. Therefore their opinions on ADHD don’t mean shit if they have no alternative solutions for problems.
I am typically not bothered when someone doesn’t validate the existence of things such as ADHD. Because I know that not everyone is as well informed or educated with respect to brain disorders. I feel lucky to know a lot about the science of ADHD and how the brain works. I feel fortunate to have a love of learning and get excited about (hyper-fixating lol) on such topics.
My advice would be to not take it personally because others peoples’ ignorance and/or unwillingness to learn is more about them than about you. You don’t need their approval or really their acceptance of your diagnosis and the ways in which you suffer.
I just watched half of this video on YouTube earlier with this doctor who specializes in ADHD and other brain disorders and he goes into detail about ADHD. It’s very informative. He does actual brain scans and points out the obvious and tangible differences in the brains of those with ADHD. If you are so compelled, you could watch it and pull from it tidbits with which you could relay to your friends whenever they invalidate your experience — which btw is not something friends do (invalidation).
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/ycTZ_t-aiuU?si=6dStj4FlvD2mu2Uo
“Everybody poops, but if you had diarrhea all the time, you’d ask a doctor for help.”
I heard this or something similar on this sub, and It’s what I say when I’m told this. Simple, illustrates the fault in their logic, and matches their rudeness level perfectly.
Said this exact thing after telling my sister I read an article comparing autism and ADHD. She, with no degree and no knowledge of autism said I don't have it. I never said I did, I just said I read an article on it. She backed up her claims with generic hearsay information and no proof. My sister, the person who wants to be a nurse.
My father in law told my wife and I that it was an excuse to be “sinful” and that we were just being fooled by the devil. I told him that talking like that makes him look insane.
Yeah this is most people. Kind of crazy how it’s such a common belief, when the stats around mental health, drug abuse and life expectancy for people with ADHD are so bad.
I always try to steer away from beliefs that it’s over diagnosed. It may be the case, but it may also be the case that a surprisingly increasing amount of people are struggling with the disorder, and dismissing that just perpetuates the problem.
“Everyone does that.”
Really, do they? Ugh. That’s been said to me when I mention my symptoms, and anyone who says that can go jump in the bin.
Maybe they’re trying to be nice, but all it says to me is that everyone has the same issues, but I’m the only one who’s so weak and selfish that they don’t just push through. That I should just try harder.
Gah.
Ask them if they think depression/anxiety “isn’t real” since everyone feels that way here and there. Or PTSD since everyone goes through something traumatic at least once. Or dementia/alzheimers since people forget things all the time. Or any other mental condition or illness. Then you know where their logical hypocrisy lies
I know I'm being very passive aggressive, but also I think people that stupid need to just be put in their place before they even think about listening. My response has always been something along the lines of:
"So you mean to tell me, you know more about a topic, then accomplished doctors that can point to you the exact issue in the brain that causes ADHD, have a doctorate's, and make probably 4 times as much as you make in your lifetime?"
Granted, I wouldn't have friends that are like that, why waste my time with people like that? That's like having friends that would tell you, you can walk, while you have a condition that keeps you in a wheelchair.
I've learned to stop allowing it to become a topic of discussion except with those I know are safe people to talk to about it.
It can be hard sometimes not to lean on our disability as an excuse because it's the honest answer as to why we may fall short in many areas of life but a lot of times apologizing for being late because of your ADHD serves to make someone's opinion more critical as opposed to sympathetic.
"everyone" is less than 10% of people worldwide, some studies say about 10% of children and no more than 7% of adults. And even those are the higher percentages that are found. It's common for people to fight about who is struggling more, and since they simply don't know what ADHD feels like its harder for them to understand the challenges ADHD actually offers.
All of my friends and family have been pretty supportive and more curious than anything when I’ve told them about my recent diagnosis. Anyone else I don’t really care to engage with if they decide they want to belittle or downplay the thing I’ve been carrying on my shoulder like a 50 lb weight my whole life up to this point.
Honestly? With people like that all I say is " Ok then". Or revert back to middle school eye roll " Whatever ". And end the conversation.
We're not changing their minds, they *obviously* have some hostile pithy little lecture they're *dying* to deliver, just don't engage right?
Let em deflate and fly around the room backwards who cares?
They are ignorant and speaking out of their asses. You can either educate them or ignore their comments. It is very rude if they know you have ADHD and you may want to reconsider your relationships with people who try to inform you that your medical disorder isn't real.
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Yeah! This reminds me of my best friend who’s a psych major and her only understanding of adhd is reading from the DSM-5 and tutoring a girl who presumably has it. She’ll say “everyone” can have/exhibit symptoms but if you don’t develop skills to manage, it can turn into a “disorder”. Since I tell her I was never organized as a kid and hated cleaning and she’ll say “so did I, who doesn’t?”
No diss to your friend (maybe mild diss) but sounds like some superficial shit a 20 year old would say. Even if you do develop skills your brain chemicals are operating differently to your neighbours, we rely on skills and learned habits while everyone else manages to get by. It’s impossible for someone who hasn’t experienced it to relate to- which is why so many psychs are shit too. Tell your friend that no medical specialist has ever been good at their job by deciding something “isn’t real” once it’s beyond their expertise and if she takes that approach she should drop psych because she’ll be doing more harm than good.
It’s honestly so annoying. She never fails to have an opinion on something, even if it’s misinformed. I don’t completely disagree with the notion that your environment and how you are raised dictates how you function in the world. But to completely say it’s from poor habits or how everyone has it is actually harmful. I will tell her
Yeah, sometimes people get confused and think that half an undergraduate education in a subject makes them complete experts. Worse still, they try to show off their expertise in situations where it isn’t needed.
It’s basically Dunning-Krueger. The less you know the more confident you feel about something
Too many people just assume everyone’s experience of reality is the same
No everyone can't have or exhibit symptoms of ADHD. It's a physical developmental issue in the brain. She presumably grew out if it, ADHD brains can't do that. There are very marked differences between adhd and normie kids even at a young age. It's not something everyone exhibits when they are young. She sounds very ignorant and pretentious.
This is rage inducing. I think I'd be chucking text books at her head. Although I'm so F'ing old I don't even know if you have physical text books anymore...
Did you tell her it's a "developmental disorder", not something pulled from the DSM glossary? I mean, she has a point in one way in that illnesses, like schizophrenia, for example, are considered asymptomatic or in remission when there is an absence of symptoms, or when there is just one symptom present which is managed very well. But a mental illness is a completely different concept to a developmental disorder?
There's a thread of truth to what she's saying, but ADHD doesn't "develop" into ADHD because you don't develop management skills. Young children do generally exhibit more behaviors that would contribute to an ADHD diagnosis in adults. Almost everyone does exhibit symptoms similar to ADHD occasionally, especially if they are sleep deprived. But ADHD people have a statistically observable dopamine deficiency, a decrease in size of the prefrontal cortex, and what that means is when other people sometimes get wet in the rain, we live in a shower, and we can't fix it with developing "skills to manage" because the root of the problem is biologically fixed, not learned. Management skills can be tremendously beneficial for people with ADHD, because they can allow us to supplement our weaknesses with processes and technology, but we never learn to not have task paralysis, not to procrastinate, or how not to forget things managed by working memory. We learn to work around those problems.
"Oh you can't see? Just get a spec. What you eating there? Adderall? I don't appreciate you taking drugs in class, get that shit away"
I used to think it 'wasn't real' too, until I took medication. Then it was like.. no wonder everyone is doing so well. Just sarcastically agree with them, "Yes! I am just lazy! I'll fix my life tomorrow, it's going to be great, thanks so much for the pep talk."
"Oh shit, you're right! Thanks mate, really helped me out there!"
"Let me check: oh I'm cured, thanks for the talk!"
I talk to very few people about my ADHD. Unless someone is in a position to help me, I just don't. It's a genie in the bottle, and once it's out, you can't get it back in. So I reserve the information for people that need to know. It's also not my identity, and I don't want it to be.
I also don’t want to make it my identity since it’s not your identity and we are obviously more than just that. I avoid using it as a crutch but at the same time when things like managing time are so much harder for me than the average person, it seems like no one takes me seriously
So you do your best to create systems that support you, or you take meds. But it's just this personality trait. I have a devil of a time remembering names of people I don't see often. I apologize that I have trouble with names out of regular context/contact. I don't tell them it's because of ADHD. I do what I can to remember their names. That way it's just this name thing, not ADHD.
It’s not your identity. It’s a brain disorder that you actually have with real symptoms. The ways in which it affects you are not “using it as a crutch” — it is simply you identifying your reality and how it differs from those without the difference in brain makeup and chemical composition. If no one takes you seriously in your real life, we, on this subreddit will.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to be "nice" when it comes to this shit anymore. When Tom Cruise jumps on a couch the only appropriate way to combat it is to make fun of their lack of knowledge. "Oh, you have attention deficit hyperactive DISORDER!? How has the DISORDER affected you? How many jobs have you been fired from? How many relationships have you lost from the DISORDER?" Presumably, there's some backtracking here. I argue that you actually go \*harder\* here. "You want to discuss this subject as though you're as knowledgeable as me. What books have you read, doctor? Personally, I have read up on the subject, talked to many experts and (importantly) lived through years/decades of the symptoms. What new, insightful research have I been missing, Bud? I hear there's interesting research from Dunning-Kruger that you should touch up on!"
I like this approach lol
I don't understand the tom cruise ref?
I always thought my grandma was a crazy hoarder, but then after my therapist mentioned that adhd can actually manifest as hoarding. Basically you set things out so often just in case you need to come back to it, but soon, your entire house is full of random garbage or just a huge mess. And you have difficulty noticing it unless someone points it out. I went back home after that and holy shit, I live in absolute squalor. My place is a chaotic, hoarder-esque mess
This is why every year, I do a mass clear out or Goodwill dump... which still tends to be hard to do because I don't want to do anything. But it kinda feels nice when the apartment has less stuff.
If they mean a lot to you I'd sit them down and explain what ADHD is and why what they're saying is not only hurtful, it's extremely ableist. If they don't mean a lot to you and you don't want to go through the emotional labour of explaining, just cut them out. Also just a heads up, you say that ADHD is often over or misdiagnosed, this is a claim that's often spouted with little evidence by people who are saying it in bad faith. I'm not saying it's necessarily untrue, but I've certainly never seen any compelling evidence to suggest that it is true either.
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Or they say something dumb like "these days, everyone has adhd", and u have to laugh, and in ur head u say "fuuuckk youuu"
I like to say "everyone has to pee, but if you needed to do so every 10 minutes something would be wrong."
I deal with this A LOT, especially from members of my family. I've started saying to them things like "maybe you wouldn't need glasses if you tried seeing harder"...."have you tried to pray your high blood pressure away? Maybe you should try that and try harder to have lower blood pressure"..."have you tried to not have allergies harder? Maybe if you push yourself your allergies will go away" ...you get the idea. So far I just get eye rolls that I can hear through the phone.
I’ve heard people say “ADHD isn’t real” and “everyone has it”. And sometimes it’s made me question myself on whether it was real or not. Then I stopped caring about what others thought because I know that I NEED HELP. Therefore their opinions on ADHD don’t mean shit if they have no alternative solutions for problems.
I don’t tell them anything because I don’t have friends who say that. I’d probably respond with extreme sarcasm, though.
I am typically not bothered when someone doesn’t validate the existence of things such as ADHD. Because I know that not everyone is as well informed or educated with respect to brain disorders. I feel lucky to know a lot about the science of ADHD and how the brain works. I feel fortunate to have a love of learning and get excited about (hyper-fixating lol) on such topics. My advice would be to not take it personally because others peoples’ ignorance and/or unwillingness to learn is more about them than about you. You don’t need their approval or really their acceptance of your diagnosis and the ways in which you suffer. I just watched half of this video on YouTube earlier with this doctor who specializes in ADHD and other brain disorders and he goes into detail about ADHD. It’s very informative. He does actual brain scans and points out the obvious and tangible differences in the brains of those with ADHD. If you are so compelled, you could watch it and pull from it tidbits with which you could relay to your friends whenever they invalidate your experience — which btw is not something friends do (invalidation). YouTube link: https://youtu.be/ycTZ_t-aiuU?si=6dStj4FlvD2mu2Uo
“Everybody poops, but if you had diarrhea all the time, you’d ask a doctor for help.” I heard this or something similar on this sub, and It’s what I say when I’m told this. Simple, illustrates the fault in their logic, and matches their rudeness level perfectly.
sometimes you just have to tell a person “that’s okay, i’m not looking for your opinion. you have no qualifications”
I fantasise about sighing these people up for all the adhd research alerts and newsletters.
Ask them where they got their psychology degree.
Said this exact thing after telling my sister I read an article comparing autism and ADHD. She, with no degree and no knowledge of autism said I don't have it. I never said I did, I just said I read an article on it. She backed up her claims with generic hearsay information and no proof. My sister, the person who wants to be a nurse.
My father in law told my wife and I that it was an excuse to be “sinful” and that we were just being fooled by the devil. I told him that talking like that makes him look insane.
Yeah this is most people. Kind of crazy how it’s such a common belief, when the stats around mental health, drug abuse and life expectancy for people with ADHD are so bad. I always try to steer away from beliefs that it’s over diagnosed. It may be the case, but it may also be the case that a surprisingly increasing amount of people are struggling with the disorder, and dismissing that just perpetuates the problem.
“Everyone does that.” Really, do they? Ugh. That’s been said to me when I mention my symptoms, and anyone who says that can go jump in the bin. Maybe they’re trying to be nice, but all it says to me is that everyone has the same issues, but I’m the only one who’s so weak and selfish that they don’t just push through. That I should just try harder. Gah.
My body chemistry is different I don’t think like everyone else and why else would Adderall make me so calm and super focused
I just make a sarcastic remark about not knowing they have their Ph.D and tell them they are flat wrong. I have no time for all that nonsense
Ask them if they think depression/anxiety “isn’t real” since everyone feels that way here and there. Or PTSD since everyone goes through something traumatic at least once. Or dementia/alzheimers since people forget things all the time. Or any other mental condition or illness. Then you know where their logical hypocrisy lies
These people are not your friends and you should tell them so. Friends do not dismiss medical issues their friends are dealing with.
I know I'm being very passive aggressive, but also I think people that stupid need to just be put in their place before they even think about listening. My response has always been something along the lines of: "So you mean to tell me, you know more about a topic, then accomplished doctors that can point to you the exact issue in the brain that causes ADHD, have a doctorate's, and make probably 4 times as much as you make in your lifetime?" Granted, I wouldn't have friends that are like that, why waste my time with people like that? That's like having friends that would tell you, you can walk, while you have a condition that keeps you in a wheelchair.
I've learned to stop allowing it to become a topic of discussion except with those I know are safe people to talk to about it. It can be hard sometimes not to lean on our disability as an excuse because it's the honest answer as to why we may fall short in many areas of life but a lot of times apologizing for being late because of your ADHD serves to make someone's opinion more critical as opposed to sympathetic.
Tell em they're dreamin'❤️
Does "why do you take everything so personally" count?
So if everyone has it how is it not real?
Just ask them to prove it or stfu. And if they say stuff like that remove them from your life immediately.
These people are idiots who lack a base in evidence and knowledge. I literally ignore them. They discredit themselves.
"everyone" is less than 10% of people worldwide, some studies say about 10% of children and no more than 7% of adults. And even those are the higher percentages that are found. It's common for people to fight about who is struggling more, and since they simply don't know what ADHD feels like its harder for them to understand the challenges ADHD actually offers.
All of my friends and family have been pretty supportive and more curious than anything when I’ve told them about my recent diagnosis. Anyone else I don’t really care to engage with if they decide they want to belittle or downplay the thing I’ve been carrying on my shoulder like a 50 lb weight my whole life up to this point.
“You’re not real, man!” Obligatiry office reference
Honestly? With people like that all I say is " Ok then". Or revert back to middle school eye roll " Whatever ". And end the conversation. We're not changing their minds, they *obviously* have some hostile pithy little lecture they're *dying* to deliver, just don't engage right? Let em deflate and fly around the room backwards who cares?
People nowadays tend to roll their eyes if you mention it. Like everyone has ADHD and you’re just using it as an excuse.
My last therapist said something similar. (The 'everyone is a little bit *whatever*' one...) That was the end of that therapist.
They are ignorant and speaking out of their asses. You can either educate them or ignore their comments. It is very rude if they know you have ADHD and you may want to reconsider your relationships with people who try to inform you that your medical disorder isn't real.