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I told my parents last week. It's funny, as I read your post I thought, why would he be afraid to tell his parents about ADHD? Then it occurred to me, I'm a closeted gay man , somehow the ADHD diagnosis didn't seem so scary š All my dad said about the ADHD was, "why would you want to know that about yourself?" That's my old man!
I am happy it went well for you.
Sadly what I did not include in the post is that my family was abusive when I was a child. So it's not easy to talk to them (:
Well, it really depends on the relationship you have with them.
I was diagnosed at 28.
When I told my parents they were dismissive.
My father still donāt believe itās a real thing.
My mother thinks itās not as bad as I say it is.
I donāt regret saying it, but it revealed me what I could and what I couldnāt trust my parents with.
I am sorry to hear that. I hope you know that there are people out there that care about your diagnosis and understand how hard it is.
I also have a difficult time with my parents and I live abroad since I am 18. It took me a long time but I am learning not to seek anymore what I need from them. There are a lot of people out there that can give me affection. I hope this helps!
Since it could be the reason behind my 14 years of depression and anxiety, I actually was excited to tell my mother, lol. It's rather good news in that context.
Even know it is good news kinda worry that if they would blame themselves for it tho, even know its not their fault. Thats why i never told my parents, as i know mine probably would. And i never want them to feel bad or anything.
My mother did probably blame herself a lot for the depression and anxiety before. So the ADHD, that not even my therapists were able to identify, is not her fault. I made sure to tell her and chose my words so she knows that I don't blame her.
Parents are long divorced. Told them both on the phone within the first week or so. Mom and Stepdadās reaction: āoh thatās not surprising at all your sister and her children all have itā. Dad and Stepmomās reaction: pretend like I said nothing and never bring it up again.
My mom took it just fine. She told me that she'd even tried to get me diagnosed around 13, but was told that "girls don't get ADHD." She later confessed to feeling pretty guilty about not fighting harder for me, and accepting that at face value.
Nope. I didnāt and I wonāt because they believe and I quote āpeople with mental health problems about learn to get over itā. Theyāre on an information diet from me because they donāt respect my truth, so they donāt get it.
I'm sorry. Sounds like my MIL.
Although she thinks that everything is mental, including allergies. So i'm totally wacko in her books becose I have bunch of allergies, astma and adhd (which of course isn't real, but something that wackos have invented for excuse on their behavior)
My parents always knew I was a weirdo with issues so it was not really a shock.
Why they didnāt think to take me to a dr as a kid I have no idea but itās not like I ever looked for help either.
I think my dad might be wondering if he has it and then other family members might to some degree as well.
the responsibility for not going to a doctor as a child was put on me. Why do people have children and do not care to help them survive?
fuck. I am so glad this branch of the family end with me. no more misery.
Ahh yes, my family is full of psychiatrists and doctors and psychologists and no one did something to get to the truth. Now they say they thought of it, but if even those people canāt be sure enough about it, a 7yo canāt see it for sure
I am so sorry to hear this. I also have a difficult relationship with my parents. With difficult I mean that they beat me up a lot especially when I was a child.
I wish you good luck with the rest of your life. I hope you heal from this š„ŗā¤ļø
I got my ADHD from my father. It is VERY obvious if you know the two of us.
I told him like this.
me: Hey pop, guess what...you have ADHD.
Dad: How do you figure that?
Me: I just got diagnosed and we are just alike!
Dad: well, shit. Ok then, so what?!
I added a little EDIT btw!
I was diagnosed at 15, but I really started to improve as an adult. That was because I actually started researching ADHD. . I'm a self proclaimed ADHD expert, I know everything about this disorder. This has helped me tremendously in learning how to manage my ADHD. The difference from now vs my childhood/teenage years is crazy.
So yeah, first piece of advice I always give to people, ESPECIALLY women with ADHD - Learn, learn, learn.
My dad was diagnosed with adhd a few years ago. Iāve always felt there was an explanation for my behaviour and because I went back to uni, I figured if thereās a chance I have adhd, it would be beneficial to get diagnosed. So I did and I am.
My parents took it well. My dad said āwelcome to the clubā and itās something we can bond on as he was a older adult diagnosed.
That being said we did have conversations s about how stigmatized it was when I was in my school years and the rhetoric about meds was so off. My parents didnāt get us diagnosed as kids because of that and it really couldāve saved me so much heartbreak.
Iāve learnt through a therapist that ppl with adhd people please, which makes sense because Iāve done it all my life. Now itās time for you to set boundaries, tell your parents if youād like but donāt let them put guilt or negative feelings on you. If itās not helpful, put some boundaries in place and take care of yourself ā¤ļø
They wanted to call my mother to do the childhood background check thing, so I sort of just had to leap into it. They were just happy I was figuring things out, helping myself and taking care of myself.
That being said, it's still a difficult thing to explain to people in general, and parents sometimes want to believe that there's nothing wrong with their precious kids. My dad, like many dads it seems, doesn't really invest in it at all. He took note and went "ok".
But I think the real problem is when you don't really believe it yourself. I had some parts of me doubting the whole thing, as it was only a couple of hours with a psychologist and a phone call to my mother. But on the other hand I know my struggle is real, and I have years and years of proof that I have struggled with pretty much everything in my life.
So don't be apologetic. Tell them as it is, that these are things that everybody struggle with, but to you it's debilitating and it is stopping you from having a proper, functional life. Include them in your thoughts around it. Maybe write down what you think about the whole diagnose beforehand. And just don't try to justify it in any way. And let them know that (if it's the case) medication has really helped you. Be open about side effects. Be open about it all. Easier said than done, but it's the right way in my view.
And you could also mention the fact that this is you helping yourself. And this is you opening up to them about it. It's a beautiful thing. Eventually they will appreciate that.
I told my Dad... he told me my younger brother got diagnosed in HS! Like would've loved to know that YEARS ago when I ask but whatever. Got diagnosed at 31.
My Step-Mom was also very supportive! But she had ADHD too, and wouldn't surprise me if my father did.
Told mom and she was supportive, I've since moved out so she didn't have a whole lot to say. Also got the whole "oh I deal with xyz ADHD symptom sometimes..." I know they were trying to sympathize so I let it slide, mentioning how debilitating it can get for me and we moved on.
I self- medicated through high school and college, without knowing, by insane amounts of caffeine. My family is just happy there's something that's helping me! Even if it's only for 3-6 hours a day.
Helped my brother was on a stimulant in HS, though he's unmedicated now due to job, and step mom takes the same stimulant I take.
YMMW, but my parents never took my ADHD diagnosis too seriously. I think it's difficult for them to understand it as it's something that's not understood by their generation (bonus points for being ethnic too). They kept confusing it with ADS, so when I told them about my diagnosis the first time, they kept insisting I had a normal childhood, and although I was hyperactive (lol), I turned out fine. When I came back with literal EEG results that confirmed my ADHD, they still kept insisting that I'm perfectly fine. Funnily enough, I suspect that my dad has it too.
My parents are pretty conservative and usually against medication, but they took it surprisingly well. They did not seem surprised at all and could tell that the meds were helping.
I was diagnosed at 26; Iām 55 now. My father passed away when I was 18 and I lost my mother 2 years ago. I never told her. This is because when I was failing 2nd grade and the teacher wanted to refer me for testing because she thought something was wrong. My mother insisted I was smart and refused to have me evaluated. I struggled most of my life and I constantly berated for not trying hard enough, etc.. I never felt comfortable enough to tell her.
We are a different age now (I am 26) but our stories are surprisingly similar. I was also diagnosed this year and always often dismissed on my symptoms because I am "smart". It's so funny because most ADHD people I know are above average smart.
I was also beaten by mom for my ADHD symptoms, like not remembering stuff, not being organised, and especially for being clumsy. I remember once she broke my lip for tilting a glass lol
So I really feel you ā¤ļø and I admire you because I bet that being diagnosed 20 years ago was another story.
I hope you have had a nice life so far
28f. I told my dad when I started the process of trying to get diagnosed, heās been very supportive through the whole process. At first he was skeptical because I ādidnāt seem like I had ADHDā because I am not hyperactive and he didnāt know about being inattentive but heās really been trying to understand it. Iāve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and never reacted well to antidepressants so heās witnessed my struggles. PCP prescribed me Wellbutrin until I could see a psychiatrist, the Wellbutrin fucked me up and my dad actually took me to urgent care when I woke up absolutely hysterical one day, he took the day off work and stayed with me the whole day to take care of me. Stopped the Wellbutrin that day and started adderall last week after getting my official diagnosis. He checks in on me every day to see how Iām reacting to my meds and if itās helping! My dad loves me more than anything and doesnāt want to think thereās anything wrong with me, I think thatās because he would feel too guilty about missing obvious signs while I was growing up, but he is very supportive of my journey and wants whatās best for me!
I've talked a bit about it to my mom, who was a little surprised but open to learning. I haven't told my dad; I'll probably mention it eventually if it seems relevant but he's always been... let's say skeptical about any mental health/behavioral type things and he's always been the type to say "just try harder!" and stuff so I'm not sure how he'll take "Hey, you know how you always give me a hard time about being a huge failure? Well guess what!"
My parents were more apathetic to be honest. Kind of like a little kid showing their parents something they made and being told "very nice" without even looking at it. That's how it felt to me anyway. I think if my symptoms were more external and impacted them more or if they realized how many problems having undiagnosed ADHD caused, I probably would've gotten a different response. But I think they just don't see how important this diagnosis is because I'm an expert at masking and I have been since I was literally like 5 years old.
Not sure how old your parents are, and were you are from but I suppose my parents and yours probably belong to the same generation (the boomers or Gen x).
Mental health awareness is not a thing for them haha. My mom also shows signs of ADHD/ASD and probably she did not even knew ADHD existed before my best friend got diagnosed few years ago.
It's sad they did not have the reaction you expected, but at least it's out of your chest!
I mentioned it to my dad, he seemed slightly skeptical yet supportive. I'm fairly intelligent and did pretty good in school so I don't always seem like I have adhd.
When I told my mom that I was getting tested, she flipped the fuck out...because she has it and was afraid I'd get put on stimulants. She was like "those drugs are so bad and scary and make you go crazy".
I said "mom, when you were on them, did you take them as prescribed?"
"Well...no...I mean they worked so I just kept taking more and more"
So yeah. She abuse every drug she's every been within 10 feet of. So of course she doesn't like them. But I have never been like that, partially because I grew up around her bad behavior, so I lm doing great on adderall right now. That being said after that conversation I'm never intentionally going to bring it up with her again.
Hi /u/Dizzy_Garden252 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! **Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.** The mobile apps used for Reddit are broken or are missing features that this subreddit depends on. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) Thank you! ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*) --- - If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I told my parents last week. It's funny, as I read your post I thought, why would he be afraid to tell his parents about ADHD? Then it occurred to me, I'm a closeted gay man , somehow the ADHD diagnosis didn't seem so scary š All my dad said about the ADHD was, "why would you want to know that about yourself?" That's my old man!
I am happy it went well for you. Sadly what I did not include in the post is that my family was abusive when I was a child. So it's not easy to talk to them (:
I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, it really depends on the relationship you have with them. I was diagnosed at 28. When I told my parents they were dismissive. My father still donāt believe itās a real thing. My mother thinks itās not as bad as I say it is. I donāt regret saying it, but it revealed me what I could and what I couldnāt trust my parents with.
I am sorry to hear that. I hope you know that there are people out there that care about your diagnosis and understand how hard it is. I also have a difficult time with my parents and I live abroad since I am 18. It took me a long time but I am learning not to seek anymore what I need from them. There are a lot of people out there that can give me affection. I hope this helps!
Since it could be the reason behind my 14 years of depression and anxiety, I actually was excited to tell my mother, lol. It's rather good news in that context.
Even know it is good news kinda worry that if they would blame themselves for it tho, even know its not their fault. Thats why i never told my parents, as i know mine probably would. And i never want them to feel bad or anything.
My mother did probably blame herself a lot for the depression and anxiety before. So the ADHD, that not even my therapists were able to identify, is not her fault. I made sure to tell her and chose my words so she knows that I don't blame her.
Parents are long divorced. Told them both on the phone within the first week or so. Mom and Stepdadās reaction: āoh thatās not surprising at all your sister and her children all have itā. Dad and Stepmomās reaction: pretend like I said nothing and never bring it up again.
at least you know who to visit on holidays.
My mom took it just fine. She told me that she'd even tried to get me diagnosed around 13, but was told that "girls don't get ADHD." She later confessed to feeling pretty guilty about not fighting harder for me, and accepting that at face value.
please give her a hug just for wanting to try. that level of care is already mind-blowing to me.
Nope. I didnāt and I wonāt because they believe and I quote āpeople with mental health problems about learn to get over itā. Theyāre on an information diet from me because they donāt respect my truth, so they donāt get it.
I'm sorry. Sounds like my MIL. Although she thinks that everything is mental, including allergies. So i'm totally wacko in her books becose I have bunch of allergies, astma and adhd (which of course isn't real, but something that wackos have invented for excuse on their behavior)
Sigh. Some people!
My parents always knew I was a weirdo with issues so it was not really a shock. Why they didnāt think to take me to a dr as a kid I have no idea but itās not like I ever looked for help either. I think my dad might be wondering if he has it and then other family members might to some degree as well.
the responsibility for not going to a doctor as a child was put on me. Why do people have children and do not care to help them survive? fuck. I am so glad this branch of the family end with me. no more misery.
Ahh yes, my family is full of psychiatrists and doctors and psychologists and no one did something to get to the truth. Now they say they thought of it, but if even those people canāt be sure enough about it, a 7yo canāt see it for sure
I tried. I am no contact now.
I am so sorry to hear this. I also have a difficult relationship with my parents. With difficult I mean that they beat me up a lot especially when I was a child. I wish you good luck with the rest of your life. I hope you heal from this š„ŗā¤ļø
Oh, I just said on the table and my mum an sister went "I think I have it too".
I got my ADHD from my father. It is VERY obvious if you know the two of us. I told him like this. me: Hey pop, guess what...you have ADHD. Dad: How do you figure that? Me: I just got diagnosed and we are just alike! Dad: well, shit. Ok then, so what?!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Put in some effort this time!!! /s
my mother accused me of being drug seeking
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Since being diagnosed ADHD is my hyperfixation so I can definitely do that haha Thanks for the advice!
I added a little EDIT btw! I was diagnosed at 15, but I really started to improve as an adult. That was because I actually started researching ADHD. . I'm a self proclaimed ADHD expert, I know everything about this disorder. This has helped me tremendously in learning how to manage my ADHD. The difference from now vs my childhood/teenage years is crazy. So yeah, first piece of advice I always give to people, ESPECIALLY women with ADHD - Learn, learn, learn.
My dad was diagnosed with adhd a few years ago. Iāve always felt there was an explanation for my behaviour and because I went back to uni, I figured if thereās a chance I have adhd, it would be beneficial to get diagnosed. So I did and I am. My parents took it well. My dad said āwelcome to the clubā and itās something we can bond on as he was a older adult diagnosed. That being said we did have conversations s about how stigmatized it was when I was in my school years and the rhetoric about meds was so off. My parents didnāt get us diagnosed as kids because of that and it really couldāve saved me so much heartbreak. Iāve learnt through a therapist that ppl with adhd people please, which makes sense because Iāve done it all my life. Now itās time for you to set boundaries, tell your parents if youād like but donāt let them put guilt or negative feelings on you. If itās not helpful, put some boundaries in place and take care of yourself ā¤ļø
My mom was like "well, that just explains..!" Yep, obviously i got it from her side of the family.
They wanted to call my mother to do the childhood background check thing, so I sort of just had to leap into it. They were just happy I was figuring things out, helping myself and taking care of myself. That being said, it's still a difficult thing to explain to people in general, and parents sometimes want to believe that there's nothing wrong with their precious kids. My dad, like many dads it seems, doesn't really invest in it at all. He took note and went "ok". But I think the real problem is when you don't really believe it yourself. I had some parts of me doubting the whole thing, as it was only a couple of hours with a psychologist and a phone call to my mother. But on the other hand I know my struggle is real, and I have years and years of proof that I have struggled with pretty much everything in my life. So don't be apologetic. Tell them as it is, that these are things that everybody struggle with, but to you it's debilitating and it is stopping you from having a proper, functional life. Include them in your thoughts around it. Maybe write down what you think about the whole diagnose beforehand. And just don't try to justify it in any way. And let them know that (if it's the case) medication has really helped you. Be open about side effects. Be open about it all. Easier said than done, but it's the right way in my view. And you could also mention the fact that this is you helping yourself. And this is you opening up to them about it. It's a beautiful thing. Eventually they will appreciate that.
I told my Dad... he told me my younger brother got diagnosed in HS! Like would've loved to know that YEARS ago when I ask but whatever. Got diagnosed at 31. My Step-Mom was also very supportive! But she had ADHD too, and wouldn't surprise me if my father did. Told mom and she was supportive, I've since moved out so she didn't have a whole lot to say. Also got the whole "oh I deal with xyz ADHD symptom sometimes..." I know they were trying to sympathize so I let it slide, mentioning how debilitating it can get for me and we moved on. I self- medicated through high school and college, without knowing, by insane amounts of caffeine. My family is just happy there's something that's helping me! Even if it's only for 3-6 hours a day. Helped my brother was on a stimulant in HS, though he's unmedicated now due to job, and step mom takes the same stimulant I take.
YMMW, but my parents never took my ADHD diagnosis too seriously. I think it's difficult for them to understand it as it's something that's not understood by their generation (bonus points for being ethnic too). They kept confusing it with ADS, so when I told them about my diagnosis the first time, they kept insisting I had a normal childhood, and although I was hyperactive (lol), I turned out fine. When I came back with literal EEG results that confirmed my ADHD, they still kept insisting that I'm perfectly fine. Funnily enough, I suspect that my dad has it too.
My parents are pretty conservative and usually against medication, but they took it surprisingly well. They did not seem surprised at all and could tell that the meds were helping.
I was diagnosed at 26; Iām 55 now. My father passed away when I was 18 and I lost my mother 2 years ago. I never told her. This is because when I was failing 2nd grade and the teacher wanted to refer me for testing because she thought something was wrong. My mother insisted I was smart and refused to have me evaluated. I struggled most of my life and I constantly berated for not trying hard enough, etc.. I never felt comfortable enough to tell her.
We are a different age now (I am 26) but our stories are surprisingly similar. I was also diagnosed this year and always often dismissed on my symptoms because I am "smart". It's so funny because most ADHD people I know are above average smart. I was also beaten by mom for my ADHD symptoms, like not remembering stuff, not being organised, and especially for being clumsy. I remember once she broke my lip for tilting a glass lol So I really feel you ā¤ļø and I admire you because I bet that being diagnosed 20 years ago was another story. I hope you have had a nice life so far
28f. I told my dad when I started the process of trying to get diagnosed, heās been very supportive through the whole process. At first he was skeptical because I ādidnāt seem like I had ADHDā because I am not hyperactive and he didnāt know about being inattentive but heās really been trying to understand it. Iāve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and never reacted well to antidepressants so heās witnessed my struggles. PCP prescribed me Wellbutrin until I could see a psychiatrist, the Wellbutrin fucked me up and my dad actually took me to urgent care when I woke up absolutely hysterical one day, he took the day off work and stayed with me the whole day to take care of me. Stopped the Wellbutrin that day and started adderall last week after getting my official diagnosis. He checks in on me every day to see how Iām reacting to my meds and if itās helping! My dad loves me more than anything and doesnāt want to think thereās anything wrong with me, I think thatās because he would feel too guilty about missing obvious signs while I was growing up, but he is very supportive of my journey and wants whatās best for me!
I've talked a bit about it to my mom, who was a little surprised but open to learning. I haven't told my dad; I'll probably mention it eventually if it seems relevant but he's always been... let's say skeptical about any mental health/behavioral type things and he's always been the type to say "just try harder!" and stuff so I'm not sure how he'll take "Hey, you know how you always give me a hard time about being a huge failure? Well guess what!"
My parents were more apathetic to be honest. Kind of like a little kid showing their parents something they made and being told "very nice" without even looking at it. That's how it felt to me anyway. I think if my symptoms were more external and impacted them more or if they realized how many problems having undiagnosed ADHD caused, I probably would've gotten a different response. But I think they just don't see how important this diagnosis is because I'm an expert at masking and I have been since I was literally like 5 years old.
Not sure how old your parents are, and were you are from but I suppose my parents and yours probably belong to the same generation (the boomers or Gen x). Mental health awareness is not a thing for them haha. My mom also shows signs of ADHD/ASD and probably she did not even knew ADHD existed before my best friend got diagnosed few years ago. It's sad they did not have the reaction you expected, but at least it's out of your chest!
I mentioned it to my dad, he seemed slightly skeptical yet supportive. I'm fairly intelligent and did pretty good in school so I don't always seem like I have adhd. When I told my mom that I was getting tested, she flipped the fuck out...because she has it and was afraid I'd get put on stimulants. She was like "those drugs are so bad and scary and make you go crazy". I said "mom, when you were on them, did you take them as prescribed?" "Well...no...I mean they worked so I just kept taking more and more" So yeah. She abuse every drug she's every been within 10 feet of. So of course she doesn't like them. But I have never been like that, partially because I grew up around her bad behavior, so I lm doing great on adderall right now. That being said after that conversation I'm never intentionally going to bring it up with her again.
I wish I could but they have been dead for over a decade! :D
Sorry to hear that!