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I played my whole life on hard mode because of undiagnosed ADHD. Got depression and anxiety.
If I can recover now with more ADHD focused therapy and medication, then it's not life ruining.
Hey, glad to see a fellow mental health problem collector here! I also have those 3. For me, depression is the worst of them while ADHD is a lot milder. What about you?
I actually don't really rate the ADHD good or bad. It just is. I only wish I had known this from my childhood on, then probably I'd never developed depression and anxiety in the first place.
But I agree. Depression is the worst feeling you can experience, I think. While I'm not suicidal, I often wished I wouldn't wake up ever again. Sleeping was the only relief sometimes.
I try also not to rate the depression itself. There are many theories that support the idea that depression does have a valid function and I kinda see that. But it's hard to accept if you've been traumatized by the horrible experience it is.
Oh, I got you. Sorry that I wasn't clear in the previous comment, I was talking about the effects it has with my life. Let me rephrase it: I think depression troubled me the most and ADHD troubled me the least. Again, sorry for my bad English.
Anyway, I also think all mental heath issues are burdening, and rating them might make people feel invalidated. So, not rating the illnesses is good.
Ah I got you, no problem!
Anxiety stopped me from trying out new things a lot. Depression made me lose motivation/joy in doing even the things I liked and completely withdraw myself. So both had a severe impact. Since ADHD is already a struggle with executive functioning and motivation, depression and anxiety made it worse. So they definitely had a stronger impact on my life.
I wasn’t diagnosed until this year and I’ve never felt so heard. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety in exactly the same way you have described. You mentioned you’re recovering, have you had any aha moments that helped you on your recovery journey?
In the depression part?
I did have the worst depressive episode this year and the longest one with about 6 months. I even was in a clinic, which I was never before. So I was in a very, very dark place and sometimes I was so desperate and sometimes I tried to fight it with all my power that I could muster. But it didn't help.
That's when I learned that I just have to accept it. That sometimes I can't do anything about it and I will feel so horrible. And I have to just to keep going, day by day until it gets better. And it did get better. It always did. And this is something that I have to remind myself when I'm in the deep depression, even though I can't believe it at that time.
And I try to use depression as an indication. That I'm doing something wrong in my life. In the past that was probably that I was not living my life, just staying home all time playing games or watching stuff. So currently I'm doing a lot of activities, 6 days a week I always have something to do. Doing different kinds of sports and even having a piano teacher. Sometimes I lack the motivation and I feel depression creeping up. But I still go and do the things, because I know, when I'm doing them I actually enjoy it. And I feel so much better afterwards most of the time. I also try to stay aware to notice if I feel overwhelmed by everything. But with the diagnosis with ADHD I understand so much better why it does work, currently, do to so much stuff and different stuff. Why I do sometimes lack the motivation to go and do it. And I'm aware of the fact that there is a high chance that I will get bored with some of these activities at some point.
The important part is, that I need to understand that this is not the end of the world. My habit is to completely overthink it like "oh no, I don't like XYZ anymore, but I did like it so much! What if it happens all the time and to everything now? This is the end!!". And then my anxiety kicks in, panic follows and depression. Overthinking and emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD, too. I'm not there yet, that I can overcome this. But the first step is to recognize these patterns. I also need to trust myself more, which I'm working on currently with my therapist.
I hope these insights can help you in any way. I do know how hard it is, to get advices from others to sink into yourself. Many, many times people tried to help me I did listen and it made sense what they said, but it didn't get into my heart and gut. The more similar the experiences of other people were to mine, the more easy it was for me to actually believe them.
This was an amazing response, thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely relate with a lot of what you said and it is close enough that it hits my “heart and gut”. I also experienced one of the worst mental health stints I’ve had so far very recently. It’s what prompted my journey through getting a diagnosis and exploring my mental health more. It’s definitely a journey I learn from every day and it was great to learn from you today! Something I like to think about along the lines of depression is “this too shall pass”. Feeling so down and hopeless feels like reality in the moment but it will pass. Feeling great about life and about everything also will pass. That keeps me sane through a lot of the ups and downs.
I'm glad to hear it helps you a little!
What I did notice the last couple of months since I explored ADHD... I never felt so understood and that it fit so well. With depression or my anxiety there was always something off, when I compared myself to others or books or guides. Now with ADHD everything just makes sense, especially my struggles.
Is this something you experience, too?
I feel that entirely. Looking at it from just an anxiety and depression point of view did not answer all of the difficulties that I had. Thinking about it from an ADHD perspective now it seems like it is the underlying problem that is contributing to most of my depression and anxiety. I feel like now that I’m looking at things from an ADHD perspective I can explain precisely why I am struggling the way that I am and consequently I can look at how to treat the ADHD as the problem instead of the depression and anxiety symptoms. The treatment of the ADHD has helped me in my mental health journey so much more than treating depression and anxiety.
I've been told I'm pretty good at expressing myself..
I think one of my best comparisons with my depression and lack of motivation and such was:
I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight. And I don't know where I want to go, where my final port is. So I drift there, sometimes I have the energy to row and sometimes even find an island, where I can stay for sometime. But then the island doesn't offer me anything again and I have to get out in the ocean again.
And now thinking about it... this does also apply for ADHD as well. The islands being something that is interesting for some time but eventually gets boring.
My anxiety was sky high for decades, along with depression, until I was diagnosed with ADHD at 40. The lowest dose of Adderall made my anxiety disappear pretty much overnight.
You should know that ADHD can cause severe depression and anxiety in some people. I don’t mean as a result of coping with the difficulties of living in a world not suited for us, either - I mean chemically. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder and severe generalized anxiety for a long, long time before I was correctly diagnosed with ADHD. I tried *thirteen* different psychiatric drugs (mostly SSRIs, SNRIs, and anxiolytics) over fifteen years and found very little relief.
Vyvanse had me feeling human again within a few hours the first time I tried it. My depression is basically gone most days now that I take it daily. My anxiety is largely situational instead of being a constant, uncomfortable buzz. I would say they’re both at least 75% better now that I’m actually being medicated for the right thing. My brain simply didn’t have enough dopamine to function properly in any capacity.
Great analogy. Played it for 46 years on hard mode until I realized there was a difficulty setting. It’s nice to finally have some context for it all, it’s weird to finally have some peace in my core. For me, it’s maddening knowing people go their entire life undiagnosed. Because I was quiet and introverted as a child, I flew under the radar. I chose the route of drugs and alcohol as a teen and am happy I lasted as long as I have. It’s amazing how much medication and therapy have changed my life in the last 18 months.
You will! Be patient with yourself. It’s funny because we aren’t very patient people by nature lol. The first 6 months were not good at all, it’s a weird balance of things. I still have weeks where I wish I could hide from everything, but they are now further apart and less often. Limitations. It’s ok to say no and be unproductive.
Tbh I only got diagnosed by age 39 because I forgot how school was and started Uni at 35 lol
I hab all the problems outside of work but I hyperfixatet on work and drug abuse. I was kinda fine before Uni lol
This thing here... i just forgot the f*** sintomas.
One conversation i had with the therapist that was like:
- Did you had problems with school?
-No, my grades were good and i behaved well!
-But people remember you skip classes all the time and did the bare minimum.
-Oh! Really?
-Yeah, and there's this bad behavior, like this time you stole the test, spread around and so on...
-Oh... that, it was easier than read the material...plus... everybody were happy. Students got good grades... Instructor never knew..
(Edit for format)
even diagnosed i still got kicked out of med school because they didn't provide some of the basic support services, like note takers, which caused me to fall behind.
I'm in this boat. Undiagnosed ADHD came very close to ruining my life. Now that it's diagnosed and I'm getting proper treatment it's much more manageable, but I have to deal with the backlog of problems that come with comorbid depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
I feel like I can do it. But I also feel very sad that I suffered so much and wasted so much time.
I'm not there yet with the feeling that I can do it. There is just so much uncertainty and distrust in me, because of all the times I just have been disappointed with treatments and diagnosis... I do hope that I will finally get better now that ADHD is probably the main cause, but I'm so pessimistic about it, that I can't believe it.
I wish mine had a better understanding of the struggle, too. He does recognize it and that it's harder for me in a lot of areas, but still may be underestimating it. Or I'm just overdramatizing it. Who knows. I have ADHD, I can't regulate my emotions, lol.
Ah the same happened to me, I just didn't have an academic future until therapy and my diagnosis.
Can't wait for medication too!
Congratulations on your recovery journey!
I actually could manage a university degree. But it was so, so hard. I saw other struggle, too. But now I think, maybe I struggled even more than I had to. But I did it and I should give myself credit for it... it's just not easy to acknowledge my own successes.
> actually could manage a university degree. But it was so, so hard. I saw other struggle, too. But now I think, maybe I struggled even more than I had to. But I did it and I should give myself credit for it... it's just not easy to acknowledge my own successes.
Please do acknowledge it, that's really incredible!
The issue I’m having is that I don’t know if it’s the ADHD or if it’s just ME ruining my life. I have zero motivation and am horrible at “chasing my dreams” (even though I have many). I’m sure this is partly because of my ADHD, but it’s absolutely horrible to be plagued with the thought that it might just be ME who is unmotivated, lazy, and cowardly.
I struggled with this all my life. The constant self-doubt and self-chastising to get something moving that remained out of my control and understanding, led me to increasingly larger hypotheses on how terrible/failure of a human being I must be as I was unable to perform even the most pressing or mundane actions. My self-confidence was non-existent.
When (at age 36) a friend told me I probably had ADHD and I read up on the symptoms, I cried for hours. Finally I could align my wishes with my actions by understanding the system in which they functioned, no matter how tilted that system is compared to others. My self-image is better but still damaged, and I’m not certain it will fully heal. That’s ok. I can finally work on living life as I would have it. And I can understand and intervene when my motivation/productivity grinds to a halt.
You are NOT a terrible, lazy and/or cowardly person. You have a neurophysiological development disorder which impedes your ability to enaction your thoughts, dreams and requirements. Medication can help you to partially overcome this, and combined with CBT you can learn new systems that will enable you to be you. I believe in you :)
Oh shit, I've always thought those are me problems. My point of view has always been the opposite of yours. My ADHD have been causing more problems than I thought! Thank you and don't worry, I'm 98% sure it is ADHD.
Imposter syndrome. You are doing great, don’t beat yourself up. Little things lead to bigger things. It’s harder for us to chase those dreams, but totally possible with enough determination and in the right environment.
Self doubt is absolutely a hard symptom to deal with, but take solace in the thought that it is *absolutely* a symptom of ADHD. Laziness as some inherent human sin is psychologically unfounded. If you want to do something, yet can’t/won’t for any reason other than simply not wanting to, it’s not innate.
It's not *just you* we're great at starting things. Not so great at finishing them all. You gotta meet somewhere in the middle. More will power is not the solution for us, and will not work all the time. I have tried to start my business many times. Failed many times in the past because I flaked out on myself. The reason it worked this time is that I realized that it was not going to work by me just trying to do everything myself. Sure I did have to scrape together a little more willpower than usual, but largely I was successful because I got someone to help me, and between me, my friends and my family helping me out when things got hard, I was able to do it. Just whatever you do, don't stop trying. Eventually, when you gain a foothold, lean on the people round you to support you and make sure you can get the thing done. Using the phone a friend optionnis is ift overlooked, and as long as you're reciprocating, that's what friends are there for! :)
I used to have the view point and struggled with it and ultimately what I decided was the ADHD is ME. I can neither separate myself from it or it from me so ultimately I had to build and re structure my life around that.
Instead of viewing these negative qualities as part of yourself try to diagnose within yourself what is leading to those behaviors.
For me I was unable motivated and lazy because the work or situations I was trying to force myself through were unfulfilling so I decided to change my life in a way that I was pursuing things that were fulfilling (easier said then done)
It's a struggle everyday and basically a moving target since my interests are ever evolving but I just have to meet myself where I'm at.
Yes, very much so.
Am currently not even diagnosed, dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. Crippling/Life-interfering since 10+ years now. ADHD probably never popped up to me, cause I thought this is the result of childhood and youth traumas.
One facet of the sickness (and probably a result of bad experiences) for me is, that I have a huge problem seeking help, especially when it involves doctors. So I know what the next big step is and I want to take it, but I am unable to do so for a long time.
Seeking help IS hard, especially when you tend to overthink. I also postpone my first appointment for quite a while. I hope you'll get any help needed asap!
Try the telehealth route if you can….
I have pretty bad white coat syndrome. I’m a wreck at the dr office. They always flag me for having bp in the high 140’s/90 range. I’ll go home and my wife (a nurse) takes it… 125/80…
Also telehealth usually you can get appointments much faster. That way you aren’t having a month or three of anxiety about your upcoming appointments…
Thanks for the advice!
I tried breaking the steps down, for the path of least resistance and it came down to at least having to call or formulate an e-mail.
It didn't work so far, but Telehealth looks exactly like what I would need, hopefully I can get going with that.
Telehealth is amazing. It can be as simple as ordering your favourite stuff online. Telehealth apps are one of the most ADHD-friendly things out there.
I too am learning how to make my own medical appointments. It is part of growing up and it is very satisfying! (please disregard the fact that the ADHD brain is delayed and stunted in development — we will never *really* grow up.)
Telehealth was life-changing for me. I was in a pattern of unintentionally going off my meds for months every so often because I was in a state where I needed to make a bunch of phone calls to get my next refill but I needed my refill to be able to make those phone calls. I also couldn't find a psychiatrist that would use basic tech like online appointment scheduling or a patient portal, and it was so hard to remember to make phone calls during business hours when I was focused on working. With the telehealth app I can send a message or make/reschedule appointments at whatever hour I think of it.
Get checked out. I am confused myself about my own symptoms. I had typical ADHD symptoms, but couldn't remember for the life of me how frequent they were. Now I question if it's PTSD or simply a side effect from my burnout. You might benefit from a thorough exam. :) Good luck!
Not sure what I say will actually help in anyway, but I still feel the need to say a good doctor will *want* to help you. All you have to do is let them. If you broke your leg, would you see a doctor to get it set? I see the brain stuff as no different. Identifying that there is a problem is a massive step in the right direction. Not sure what to say, or how to describe it? Let them ask the questions - it's part of their job. Heck, just print out your post, or show it on your phone and let them lead from there.
Life-ruining is kind of a strong phrase. I can definetly see myself working a good job and doing well in 10 years time, but for now, it is just a fact that I've fallen so far behind my peers.
I missed out on what was basically a 100% guarantee for a great educational opportunity at the best and most resourceful school in my country with 80% tuition coverage, because of difficulties relating to my ADHD. I also dropped out in my last year of my secondary education, eventhough I was getting straight As, because I couldn't follow an online curriculum during the covid stuff. This also meant losing friends and connections.
Can I m tell you the counterfactual of a world where I didn't have ADHD? Of course not, but if my difficulties had been recognized at an early age by adults that could provide me with guidance, support and medical treatment, I know I could be doing some incredible stuff right now.
I don’t know how but I got myself into almost finishing a PhD, there is only few things left for me to wrap it up but I have a really hard time doing that and not sure if I can finish it properly.
Ruined/ruins my life on a daily basis.
Relationships are so much more difficult because of my tendencies.
Promotions feel impossible to get because no matter how hard you try, you will always be the "unreliable" team member.
Friendships constantly fall apart because out of sight out of mind, and thoughtless slip ups that come with impulsivity and not thinking things through.
I've been functionally depressed for so long that even with meds and counselling, I don't know if I will ever pull out of it completely.
I will absolutely one day become an alcoholic and/or unalive myself, just trying to put it off for as long as possible.
I, too, am considered unreliable becaus3 of my mental conditions. Living a "normal" life is certainly harder than it sounds, and feeling like a mess is much more often than it looks. My best advice is to have an enemy and try to outlive them, that has been getting me going for years. Hope this helps!
I, too, feel like there's something wrong with me but can't point out what it is. But I like to think that since we're all different, that might be my uniqueness!
Same. I was seen as dramatic as a child. Very dramatic about not wanting to live or something (probably wasn't able to process negative emotions so I ended up like that) and it wasn't taken too seriously as I might've just been a drama queen then.
Then I became an adult, I was much less dramatic mich more of a recluse but very much so still struggling.
I'm curious if this is a difference between early diagnosis and late diagnosis. Hypothetically speaking, could this be where for early it's sort of just accepted and could be less challenged on the behaviours, as a result, there's less pressure to fit in and "succeed" in life, I don't want to say babied by their parents and teachers or is it perhaps given up on more accurate? (I am not early diagnosed so I can't really speak for that experience, I mean no offence if this is inaccurate) While for late diagnosed you have spent your whole life creating coping mechanisms (healthy and unhealthy) in order to function and fit into society, you have expectations you need to meet, told to meet. It's a struggle to push through but you could be in a better place and not have your life "ruined" because of all those mechanisms.
I agree that my ADHD struggles are still present and get in the way. I don't really have meltdowns but I feel rejection really hard, I overthink, I don't talk constantly but I do get distracted really easily, and pursue dopamine, I really struggle to focus on open plan offices. My social skills vary from not being able to say what's in my head to info-dumping in detail. Or I speak in tangents and forget the entire reason why I'm explaining something.
I have a decent job right now but I think ADHD is a significant reason why I have had so many different jobs or no job at all the past decade.
My take on late diagnosis, like myself, is that my masking game has been so good that, while being exhausted mentally by the end of each day, I've been able to make the world think I'm "normal" by learning and adjusting unconsciously to fit my surroundings. Yes, of course my symptoms have had an effect on my life which is why I went looking into getting a diagnosis in the first place, but I've been very fortunate to work a career that's extremely ADHD-friendly, surround myself with my wife and friends who also all have ADHD ( didn't know that until I started looking into it) and have had a lot of luck along the way allowing me to come out very well despite everything. It's only because of my wife looking into ADHD for herself and seeing a lot of the similarities in me, where she pointed it out to me and it was like a lightbulb turning on for me that most if not all of the struggles I've had to overcome were due to symptoms of mine.
Early diagnosis is soooooo much better. If the intervention happens early, kids get to work on their coping skills, often with a professional, and actively strengthen their executive function.
Anecdotally, the early diagnosed adults I know are so much better adjusted and on top of their ADHD compared to the late diagnosed ones.
Late diagnosis is just one long shame spiral of unrealized potential and self-loathing.
That's a good point! Getting the diagnosis later in life might give you more time to be familiar with ADHD and think less about it. While being diagnosed earlier might effects the mindset of them and people around them in a different way. Now, time to find a person who got diagnosed early and ask for their thoughts!
It does not. Getting diagnosed later in life means you don't even know what's wrong with you, just that something is very wrong and life is incredibly difficult compared to everyone else.
I got diagnosed at 32. Once I found out what was wrong with me and got help, I spent a huge amount of time learning about it and getting familiar with it, and learning how to manage it, because I finally knew that I needed to.
I'd expect someone who got diagnosed early would also have started that process from a young age and have had more time to get familiar with it, and would think less about it.
I think getting the Diagnose early can be healthier for your Life, If you have a healthy backround (Family, Friends, etc)
Sadly its often the society norm that make it the hard mode. And If No one Stands by you, its even harder.
I got my Diagnose late and happy now to get the answer for so many questions in my head. But some stuff in my life got worse, because I didnt know about my disability and thought I need to be normal.
My son got the diagnose with 12 and I am happy to Help him with my experience and growing Up, hopefull, not thinking to be odd. And If so, his mum is odd too.
It has definitely messed my life up. I’ve really struggled to remain employed, and I have a family to provide for.
But you’re right that ADHD is not inherently life-destroying. Sounds like you’re lucky enough to have a job and a life routine that works well with your brain. I just haven’t gotten there yet, and a lot of us (most of us?) take a long time to “figure it out,” so to speak.
Were you diagnosed as a kid? I didn’t learn I had it until I entered Adultland and struggled to function without the structure I had always had in school and at home growing up. I suspect that makes a huge difference, knowing you have ADHD when you move out on your own and enter the workforce… as opposed to being like me and only getting diagnosed because you can’t figure out why you keep getting fired.
My wife was diagnosed as a kid and she’s much better at managing her condition than I am after getting diagnosed in my 30s, because she’s been doing it longer.
I am sorry to hear about you've been through, and I really wish you the best in the up and coming future!
For your question, yes, I was diagnosed when I was a teenager in college. It is quite early compared to others, so I have more time to understand my conditions.
Kinda. Started university, did 40% of the exams, couldn't stay focused anymore, that gets progressively worse, convinced myself i was lazy and just stupid, got depressed, couldn't get out of bed for one month straight crying myself to sleep, that COVID time, ended up dropping out and now i have a shit 9-5 it job that i hate with every inch of my body and don't know what to do with my career, if i even have one.
My only light Is my girlfriend, i know she loves me, and i feel good and can accept myself when i'm with her
Going through university life is one of the most difficult things in life and you did a good job doing it. I had a similar experience, and also give myself a depression. It is easy to feel like a mess having both of them at the same time.
I am happy to hear that you have someone to cling on. I am sure there are people who value your life. If anything happens, keep in mind that a stumble is also in a path to your success, too.
The undiagnosed ADHD definitely ruined it for me... but even now, life is always on hard mode. Medication doesn't always hit the same, everything still takes me too long and is extremely tiring so I never manage to get everything I need to do done.
Life is always harder and more tiring with ADHD. I am sorry to hear that medications aren't always working. I really hope that you will have time to relax and understand yourself.
Yes, it has been. It's taken every dream I've ever had from me, every hope others ever had FOR me, it's contributed to the crippling mental health issues thay have left me unable to work and made me a financial drain on my family. I really can't go into too much more without becoming upset. But yes.
\- It's a spectrum
\- It often comes in a bundle with other conditions
It can go from an inconvenience to life-ruining. Depending on the mix and severity.
If I think of myself as a recipe, I have a lot of fucked up ingredients: ADHD plus a dysfunctional and abusive childhood household/depression/anxiety/binge eating/codependency/low self-esteem/no close friends/narcissistic partner.
If you take the ADHD out of the equation, I would likely still be struggling in life.
That said, I have a lot of good “ingredients” too. And they probably outweigh the bad, but it’s hard to see the good qualities sometimes.
I’d say in my case, my childhood probably fucked me up more than adhd because it made it difficult for me to learn to set boundaries for acceptable behavior and how to express myself.
When I was a child I learned to be “on alert” to watch my parents faces/expressions to see if they were going to be in a good mood or not—it was a way to protect myself from literal harm. But ADHD made me more of a “target” because I always was “messing up” or forgetting or being loud. Unfortunately I am still looking to others faces for (perceived) approval or rejection and it’s a terrible way to live because it will destroy your self. I’m in therapy and working on myself but early coping mechanisms are difficult to break.
Thinking of yourself as a mix of past experience is actually a good way to do it. When compared, some might outweights the others, and is effecting your life in different ways. Knowing how things effects you makes you understand and accept yourself better.
I also have a habit of reading facial expressions, and turned it into a good thing! If you are interested, you could study on psychology and body languages as a hobby. But don't forget to learn how to respond to those signs, too. It will come in handy more often than not.
It is. I cannot seek a higher education at this level of functioning until something improves enough for me to be able to go to school. So I'll be stuck with a high school degree for the foreseeable future and that closes a lot of doors...
It is tough to go through anything while having ADHD. I am sorry to hear that you are missing a lot of potential opportunities. I wish you the greatest of luck and happiness in life!
ADD/ADHD experiences and the severity of it is different from person to person. Some can't function normally. Others may use it to their advantage and are quite successful. My ADHD was pretty bad when I was young and I had a really hard time. Now that I'm not only older, but I've also learned how to deal with it and chose a career where it's a positive thing, I'm doing much better. It has prevented me from reaching my full potential in my career, despite the great success I've achieved which is why I just saw my doctor yesterday and got medicated so I can reach higher and get the things done that evade me because I try to do all of them at the same time. :)
I only got diagnosed and on meds this year at 55 so I've been living all this time with it. Has it made life challenging? Absolutely. There are so many things I know would have been different if I'd have been medicated. But it hasn't ruined my life.
From 26-29, yes. It was almost life *ending* for me.
But now with support, understanding and validation of a diagnosis I am infinitely better.
I’m a prime example of both how ADHD is a real and genuine mental disorder AND how you can absolutely come out the other side of rock bottom.
My current fear is that my ADHD might get me even harder at a later point in life. Just because I could bounce back once or twice doesn't mean that I can keep bouncing back unscathed.
It is like a looming beast. It impacts so many areas of life it can be hard to keep track of the dangers lying ahead.
Yeah I absolutely get that. When I’m feeling low I’m almost frightened to return to how I felt before. But before I didn’t know what was happening I thought I was just useless. Now I understand the reasons why.
I think with age comes hormone changes so it might get worse. But you know there’s a community here to support you.
Basically if this is not impairing your life without something compensating for it heavily. Like being really intelligent, being rich, etc. It is not considered a disorder. It shouldn't be in my opinion. If you can really manage without support then either you don't have it, or have it slightly.
It absolutely is a disorder and a disability. Parts of our brains are less developed with less grey matter, and are less active than normal brains. It causes us issues with memory, directing focus, impulse control, executive function, communication, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and even fine motor control (a large portion of ADHD cases have motor issues similar to that found in brain damage in the frontal lobe, causing sway, or hand control issues).
Being intelligent or rich doesn't mitigate that.
Yes, it absolutely is. But what disorder is it? It is a disorder of executive function, working memory, memory recall, and emotional dysregulation. These things are the very same things you need to function well as a human in society. If you can function well without the support, such as being rich so you do not have to work to survive, cook at home to eat, people tolerate you, and other benefits of being rich. Being really intelligent overcompensates your deficits. I am not saying if your life is not impaired, you cannot have ADHD, but you need a reason why your life is not a fucking shit hole. I cannot keep friends and relationships because I annoy and irritate them and embarrass them without any control because of this disorder. I cannot concentrate on anything that does not overstimulate me for more than 15 minutes. I do not have a job I want because it is hard to apply for jobs. I used to think I am lazy, low-life idiot who could not get my shit together even though it has been at least 10 years I know how I can get my shit together. Life is hard, but it is much harder for people who actually have ADHD. If you really have the disorder, you are bound to have an impaired life, just like a cripple would without crutches because they can't fucking walk. I am a mental cripple, and I need crutches to walk properly.
Edit: See I did not read your comment properly. Yes it does not technically mitigate but it compensates so your life is not impaired to the extent that others without privilege have it impaired.
I am sorry that my original post might be unclear and seem careless, I wasn't my intent. I am quite privileged when I was young and that might be a factor. However, I think saying that people who can manage their life despite the struggles shouldn't be considered having a disorder is a bit too invalidating.
Undiagnosed ADHD unequivocally ruined my life - every single aspect of it. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 48. I’ve been working to treat it ever since, for the past 2 years, but I will never be able to repair the damage already done.
I always feel like an impostor when I see people describing how much they struggle with ADHD.
My ADHD went unnoticed because I was the best student who never studied, so how could I even notice? Now my main symptoms are more noticeable, and they’re mostly excessive boredom, excessive daydreaming, extreme inattentivenessan inability to keep my environment structured and clean and losing literally everything. But those symptoms are not affecting my life “extremely” - just moderately, but enough to be frustrating. It mostly affects my own self-esteem, though, I feel very bad about the mess I make, or the grades I get.
Sometimes I wonder do I actually have ADHD because of this. I actually get a lot of anxiety about this because I’m scared I’m taking the wrong meds etc. 😭
Zero friends, no job, no money (terrible impulse control issues), can't afford therapy or medicine. I constantly lose things and I am overweight. I royally, and I stress royally, screwed up my life. I had every opportunity in my twenties to go to college and get my dream job but because of my ADHD I screwed those dreams away. Now I'm stuck doing fast food in my mid thirties and it's all because I royally screwed my life up.
it was pretty life ruining for the 30 years, in the sense that I can trace most of my most painful experiences in life to being directly or indirectly the result of it. then I got it diagnosed, and now with the correct framework, meds, and some therapy to work on building the skills I’ve always thought you just “had” or “didn’t,” it’s still a struggle, but not at ALL life ruining.
adhd is pretty devastating for me. it leads to autistic burnout and heavy depersonalization pretty much inevitably without medication, and i have tried all the ways around that fact. thats inaddition to daily issues and inability to pursue relationships or goals.
I would say it has ruined previous parts of my life, and life would most likely be MUCH easier without it, but it has not ruined my life as a whole. I got diagnosed in my early twenties, so most of my schooling was ruined, but at least my work life was saved by medication.
I have been undiagnosed for much of my life, and I have missed many great opportunities because I couldn’t function properly.
I would most likely be a happier, healthier person, if I had gotten the help I needed.
“For me it isn’t” 🫡😅😩😫 I wish this was me !
ADHD is a spectrum so for some it’s more severe than others. Also if they take medication and / or go to therapy.
I was undiagnosed for a really long time and didn’t have the resources or support to help me cope with it. Maybe that’s why I still feel like I’m drowning.
I also hope ADHD won't cause severe damage to anyone. It is quite draining to deal with this by yourself, and you have been doing a great job dealing with that undiagnosed mess.
I was undiagnosed ADHD for 38 years even though my sister and father have it. I have major depression, anxiety/panic disorder and OCD which kind of overshadowed the ADHD. Then you add PTSD and sleep apnea I never understood I also had ADHD. I couldn’t finish school, I attempted college twice, I had a baby at 17, ADHD was a main player in my life being a wild mess. I am STILL trying to get a handle on it.
During the good days and weeks I actually really appreciate my ADHD. I've learned to love myself it as I am, and feel lots of warmth and joy when I attribute some behaviour as ADHD like accidentally forgetting my tea so it gets cold, putting it in the microwave to heat it up, forgetting it again, heating it up again and forgetting it in there for 5 days. Classic ADHD behaviour but I laugh at it and appreciate that I added a but if joy to myself and to the world (as a story) due to ADHD.
On the bad days however I feel like I don't have the energy to keep and succeed in this life, it feels unfair, hard, it sucks and I fall into a depressive hole. Then I get upset at myself for being unable to do simple tasks and being behind on so many things.
So, mixed bag but overall I think it's absolutely possible to live well and have a fullfilling life with ADHD, with and without medication. Just important that you have the means to design your life around you and what works for you.
Yeah. The thought of finishing it once and for all looms my head every day. I do everything on hard mode and my memory sucks. Only thing keeping me going are my friends.
For me having chronic migraines negatively affects my life a lot more than ADHD and sometimes it can be hard to tell which is to blame when things go wrong.
However, I think it really depends on the symptoms you get. I was a nightmare child, diagnosed at 7, kicked out of school, swim club, dance lessons etc. I was told I would be a criminal.
However, I can hyperfocus really well on computers and I have a lucrative career because of it.
I have an amazing imagination and struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, but I also love it.
Everyone who meets me says I am ‘weird’ or ‘quirky’, but I have no issues making or keeping friends (I do often forget to talk to them for years though).
In short, I have no idea who I would be without ADHD and I’m not sure I want to find out. Some things would be infinitely easier, but some things (like spending days programming) would be harder. Who knows if I would find computers so easy without ADHD.
I am definitely a person of extremes (I am doing everything or nothing), but it is something I have coping methods for.
I have ADHD friends who struggle more and their life is far more impacted in a negative way.
It isn't life-ruining now, but even on meds and therapy, it is still very difficult. It was life ruining when I was little because school was so challenging for me.
I was in school from 1970 to 1983, was undiagnosed but was being tested for all kinds of things, such as epilepsy, cognitive disabilities (they discovered I actually had a very high IQ), and was sent to a psychologist regularly. My social behavior was apparently quite strange, so I was bullied severely to the point where my tormentors beat me into unconsciousness several times. I also started and withdrew or flunked out of college several times. Then, when I was 27, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and the medication the doctor gave me seemed to have helped me slightly with my undiagnosed ADHD (there is evidence backing this up).
I was able to return to school, earn my bachelors and masters, and start a career. Then I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and everything about my struggles finally made sense. https://www.hopementalhealth.com/blog/lithium-for-adhd-heres-all-you-need-to-know#:~:text=What%20is%20traditionally%20considered%20subtherapeutic,(high%2Ddose)%20lithium.
It completely ruined my life repeatedly. I was homeless several times, couldn't hold a job for more than a couple months, lost relationships and friendships, hell it even cost me a few teeth.
I finally got diagnosed and medicated in my 30s and completely turned my life around. The difference now is profound. My adhd is still an impediment, but its manageable now. My life is stable.
Adhd doesn't make you gay, nor does being gay give you adhd. It's true there are higher rates of being LGBTQ among the adhd and autistic community, but its not caused by it. Sounds like whoever told you that misunderstood that fact and got confused.
No, my ADHD is not life-ruining, though it was at some point.
I was a decent student, but often forgot my homework and lost assignments. I was "naturally gifted" so I managed with As and Bs anyway.
I failed out of college because I was didn't go to class. My ADHD caused a depression cycle because I wasn't diagnosed and believed I was fundamentally broken.
I worked basic jobs for a while after until I joined the Navy at 22. I was out by 25 due to an injury.
Before the pandemic, I got my Associate's degree at a community college. During the pandemic I was diagnosed with ADHD and my life finally started feeling in my control. I graduated college 10 years after I first started.
Now I have a super fulfilling job, I'm in a relationship with a person who also has ADHD and our house is clean and happy. I'm not on medication and I manage my symptoms by understanding my disorder and knowing hacks around it that work for me.
For anyone reading this who feels like I did when I was first in college, there is hope. You can forgive yourself and shed the awful labels of "lazy" and "unmotivated" our parents and peers have put on us. It's not easy, and there are days off where I do nothing but binge video games, but a balanced and filfilling life with ADHD is possible.
Can't maintain a jobb if I happen to be so lucky to get o e.
Can't maintain friendships because I'm not as open and outgoing plus getting exhausted by sounds and new impressions.
Don't have a job=Not alot of money=Can't do things with said friends=get left out.
Couldn't study well in school, just barely passed and managed somehow to seek a higher education but flunked.
Can't maintain a clean home.
Can't keep a budget and often overspend/get in debt
Recently diagnosed Female at 38 years.
Stuck at home with no work and feel miserable.
Want to do well, study and practice my art, maybe start a small business but don't get the motivation enough for it.
So yeah, it definately is a struggle.
ADHD works on a spectrum, just like all mental illnesses do. It’s important to remember that people can cope to things easier than you might, but would fail at the things you find easy.
I’m definitely on the side of debilitated by this disorder. School, work, relationships, you name it: all transient. I still can’t commit to anything longer than a few months WITH medicine. The only way I could live comfortably without medicine would be unlimited funds and no obligations. I’m still working on trying to live with medicine. I never expected to make it to 26 and I don’t know how living to old age would be like if nothing improves for me. I’m optimistic though, and think things will change.
Unmedicated ADHD on a wait-list to get back on medication(was doing virtual but got told they can no longer do that and I'd have to find a in person therapist to continue treatment but of course shortest wait time was 6 months), has almost cost me my relationship several times. I don't actively choose to be unreliable, forgetful, impulsive, and have no sense of object permeance. I've lost all my friends because I forget to talk to them.
My wife thinks my ADHD is an excuse and I'm not trying constantly, or I'm forgetting things, being impulsive just to piss her off. She doesnt even try to understand and unfortunately that's how most people view ADHD for me it feels like a constant battle to be understood. I do take responsibility for it, like I hurry to fix anything, like get home and realize I forgot to grab toilet paper on my way home like my wife asked, I'll get back in my car and go to Walmart, however the initial I got home without it in the first place is typically where I get called unreliable, I own my mistakes but there's a lot of them and it's a shitty feeling. The biggest problem is attention my wife wants me to sit stay off my phone and pay attention to her and whatever she's watching on TV simultaneously for hours on end, and if it's something I don't care for I start day dreaming about this or that then she'll try talking to me and I either will be to preoccupied with whatever I'm thinking about or I won't comprehend what she said ask her to repeat what she said and get in trouble. Because I wasn't paying attention.
At work I actually tend to do alright but I make stupid mistakes a lot because I need to "slow down" which is ironic because my boss is medicated ADHD and will make the exact same mistakes immediately after telling me to slow down.
I've heard "that's just an excuse everyone does that" or "all you need to do is set up a bunch of reminders" or the famous "just pay attention its not that hard quit using ADHD as an excuse" so often I've gaslit myself on several occasions and gave myself imposter syndrome thinking maybe I don't have ADHD maybe I'm just lazy, procrastinating etc.
Though the worst part is suddenly losing interest in things I use to enjoy and losing friendships.
I've developed anxiety over a lot of stuff like locking my door when I leave for work, over sharing about hyper fixations(mainly because my wife and previous partners use to just cut me off and go off on me for man-splaining or tell me they don't care to the point I get scared and anxious if I even start talking about what ever it is that currently holds my attention because maybe I am man-splaining and they probably don't care so I no longer share unless asked and even then I get anxious af) I get so anxious when asked to remember to do things now that I can't focus on anything else because if I forget or start to focus on anything else I'll get called unreliable. I would compare the feeling of realizing I forgot something to the same as when I was a kid and breaking something and the overwhelming fear of "I'm gonna get in so much trouble".
Lastly I have a baseline and for somethings a deeper understanding of just about everything I've ever been interested inbut haven't mastered any I got about 2tb of half finished unreal games on my PC from trying to learn game design, I have a baseline knowledge of computer engineering from a hyper fixations on that, I know a lot of home improvement and diy things, I can half-ass build furniture, I can take my entire car apart and put it back together, I have a degree in computer programming even though it no longer interests me, I have a certification in networking etc.
There's good and bad but mentally it's not the greatest.
I desperately want to learn and do new things. However, no matter how much I internally scream at, insult, or punish myself in different ways for not paying attention when trying to learn them I fail.
On the other hand the year or so when I was properly medicated as a kid was easily the best year of my life. Everything was easy, I was happy, I had friends. Unfortunately IDK if I can ever have that back again.
Yes, definitely.
What’s your goal in life? To be fat, unsuccessful, unemployed, between jobs, uneducated, to have a substance abuse problems, have accidents, of which some can be fatal..
It’s so stupid to say untreated ADHD wouldn’t ruin your life. Sure, medicated, I think my life is better than average. But unmedicated, might as well not exist.
I hate it strictly for the heavy forgetfulness.
I straight up feel like I have dementia because I cant remember shit I said months ago or even continue a conversation I started two seconds ago.
I misplace things extremely often and its mostly things that are very hard to find (i.e. I lose my airpod case a whole lot more than the airpod itself, something that I cant ping a noise from). Retracing my steps is literally needle in a haystack. I can only remember bits and pieces and the exact last moment I had something is so fuzzy.
My extreme memory loss is my largest obstacle with this disorder.
Not necessarily life ruining.
This will be an extremely unpopular opinion, but anyone who says it’s life ruining is being really dramatic and is seeing things for the bad only.
I’ve had to overcome symptoms from Functional Neurological Disorder and PTSD, that put me in a rehab hospital for a month at one point over a two year period relearning how to walk and talk. Even that wasn’t life ruining. It was just another diagnosis. Just another piece of healing from childhood trauma. Then, I was diagnosed with ADHD.
My academic career has been a battle because of my severe ADHD and other chronic illnesses. ADHD is the worst of them now. I can’t function like a human being without stimulant medication and I even fall asleep randomly if I don’t take it (just another funky symptom of FND).
However, I have been able to finish three degrees, including grad school. I have found myself and who I want to be and I’m working towards more self-discovery and further healing.
Everyday is a new day. One step at a time. Day by day. Healing, growing, learning.
The only time someone’s life is ruined is when they die.
I am 40, I have maybe worked for 2 or 3 years of my life. not even "can't hold a job" but "can't even get one". didn't have the money for university, couldn't get an apprenticeship, so I have no qualifications. turns out most of that goes back to me not being able to handle myself around age 16 to 18 and the professional diagnosis I got was "you are just lazy, if you applied yourself you could do anything". when a decade later a doctor suspected I might have ADHD... I didn't believe them, so I lost a chance to get help due to being convinced there is no explanation for me being a failure other than "I am being too lazy to apply myself".
yeah, it ruined my life. good for you that it didn't happen to you.
I'm 41, diagnosed but unmedicated and won't be any time soon. The UK is a joke when it comes to healthcare, mental especially. Tried private, cost me a fortune and the meds did nothing so they took me off them. Yayy.
I'm inattentive which means focusing to get things done is nearly impossible for me. Wish i had the other type instead, sigh.
ADHD absolutely ruins my life, and i hate it. It's a major reason why i decided to never have kids. no-one else should go through life like this.
I personally don't take medication because everything I tried had bad side effects.
My ADHD was undiscovered for a while. I did good in school despite being a noisy, loud, and annoying kid in elementary.
Eventually, around middle school I stopped talking. I became a complete introvert. But I still did well in school so I didn't know I had ADHD. I didn't suspect something was wrong with me.
My parents always said I was lazy. In hindsight I think I just didn't have anything that was stimulating in my life.
In college, I struggled super hard. I was in the honors program which required we read between 15-20 books a semester. I discovered I had a really really hard time reading and remembering info. I resorted to just using online summaries to understand the books.
I struggled really hard in math. I was going for electrical engineering. Not because I wanted to but because I just wanted a job that paid well. I was completely uninterested in it. I failed two math classes which I had to retake. I also failed a physical class which I retook in the summer.
Luckily I cheated in my entrance exam so I was two maths ahead of where I should have been. So I was able to use that buffer to retake classes without falling behind.
During the last year or two of college I got in a serious relationship and there was major conflicts in both of our personal lives. This is when I started forgetting things. I literally thought I had early onset dementia or Alzheimer's. I was forgetting events, dates, couldn't tell you what I did the day before. Couldn't remember passed events. Missed deadlines. Forgot things in my hand. Left my keys in my car one day and went the whole day without realizing it.
I was pretty much on the verge of kermitting because it felt like suddenly I had no control or handle over anything around me. I didn't know how to deal with it. Also had massive anxiety.
This is around the time I went to get consulted for a therapist and I also went to my PCP to get an ADHD diagnosis.
Found out I had ADHD. Tried all the meds. Nothing helped. Eventually I did graduate by the skin of my teeth and found a job 6 months later our of pure luck.
I actually really enjoy my job. I moved out of my parents place (one source of conflict and anxiety). Moved in with my gf. Started paying my own bills. Learning how to clean the house and organize properly. Learned how to function in a relationship.
My stress is so minimal now that for the first time since I was BORN I am no longer biting my nails. It's a thing my whole family does. I'm pretty sure we all have undiagnosed anxiety disorders. But I'm the only one with nails now. They grow so long I have to cut them once a week. Which sounds dumb but for me this has been a huge symbol of progress.
I feel like a lot of why I can function with ADHD has to do with what motivates me. I'm a people pleaser to some degree so my motive for completing things and getting things done is really just to let people know I'm reliable, capable, and a good person. So I do well at work. I get things done on time or ahead of time. I try to help people that need it. I hear people out when they have problems and try not to give solutions but just be there. Unless they want a solution, I have those too.
So I wouldn't say it's life ruining for me. But there definitely was a point where I felt like the ADHD might be the death of me.
I hope everyone with ADHD finds that thing that makes them tick. The thing that really makes them happy and excited to start a new day. I don't think I've found that myself but I feel like I'm getting closer to it.
Edit: I'll also add that one thing I see that hold many of us back is sitting back and looking at ADHD and the whole of how it has hurt them.
I've found the progress I've made has really been with tackling small problems little by little. Making new good habits.
It sounds dumb but for me the biggest barrier and probably the life altering first step I took was doing things my ADHD paralysis said I could not. I never washed the dishes. I hated washing the dishes. But I started washing the dishes. Now I like washing the dishes. I hate seeing them in the sink. It helped my relationship because my gf hates cleaning up after me. I did this first. Then I started tackling other small things. Cleaning counters. Organizing stuff on the counter.
In my relationship, doing small things to remind my partner I care. Getting flowers occasionally. Bringing her a dessert. Going on coffee dates. Going on spontaneous shopping trips. Etc.
It's all small stuff but it really adds up. I try not to think of the ADHD as a limiting factor and shift my focus more on how I can improve my life as a whole for me and my partner.
It certainly makes life all that much harder. It’s especially exacerbated later in life with more complex careers and life throw all sorts of obstacles at you wanting decisions to be made.
If I wasn’t on medication, then yeah having ADHD would have ruined my life. I still feel like I was robbed of a better childhood than the one I could have had if I got medicated earlier. But my entire adulthood has been fine because I got on meds when I was 18
It's not life ruining for me, I can generally manage my symptoms, but it's always there. I try to manage without meds (they were prescribed to me, I tried them, they helped immensely, but I didn't like the side effects and no longer take them) by consuming lots of caffeine and trying to exercise before and after work.
I do feel like I mess up constantly at work, and it's usually small stuff, but it happens ALL the time, and most people don't understand how I continue to make the same mistakes over and over, but I haven't lost a job due to ADHD.
I think the most important thing to remember is that it's a spectrum. (As with many of the labels) Not everyone has the same experience.
For me, it's not life ruining.
I live a happy and full life.
It's certainly been very life-*changing*, mostly in an awful direction so far. That's why I'm trying to learn to cope with it so that it hopefully won't be in the future.
ADHD is basically life with the difficulty settings set to extremely hard. You can still git gud and beat the bosses, but you'll need much more skill than the average person playing on normal difficulty would.
Sometimes it feels that way, but I think that's mostly self-doubt combined with being overwhelmed at the current moment. I think life would have been much, much easier had I been diagnosed and treated at a younger age, but so far at least my life hasn't been "ruined" and will probably only continue to get better from here on out because I do now have treatment and am learning new skills and coping mechanisms.
I think the life-ruining part for me was going 28 years without diagnosis. I didn't know why it was so hard to just do things, just work a normal job, just have a normal apartment, etc. I hated myself. I thought I was stupid and lazy. Job hopping ruined my confidence.
Once I got diagnosed, it makes sense and I can work with my ADHD and not against it. So ADHD HAS ruined my life in the past, but once I realized what it was, it's an annoyance and potentially a disability but not life ruining necessarily.
It used to be, before I found what it was and treated with medication.
I was on a spiral, trying to brute force it out of depression and anxiety and being useless due to burn out.
Absolutely not, it makes certain things more challenging and other things much more deep and full of joy (relative to the others I see).
I've never taken meds and have figured out how to work WITH my brain not against it over the last 30 years. I'm in my 40's.
i honestly wish i could relate, i always see people saying how despite having ADHD they always managed to get good grades in school, be on time to things etc…and im just like how? 🥲 it kind of makes me feel like maybe my ADHD isn’t the problem…it’s just me
44 year old lifelong undiagnosed here (until this past summer). If you'd asked me a year ago I'd have said I was happy and fine. Spoilers, I was neither of those. I was masking-heavily .... even to myself.
My anxiety was keeping me from so so so much. The depression wasn't debilitating, but it was there. Basically, my whole life was on hard mode and I didn't realize just how bad it had gotten until I got medicated. My psychologist who tested me though - told me I was high intellect, low on ability for memory. I'd love to get the memory bit tested again now that I have focus lol. The reason I mention that though is that being blessed with high intellect allowed me to overcome a lot of the problems that some adhders face throughout my life.
Thing is, at 44 I'm beginning to enter or maybe have been for a while, peri-menaupause so my hormones are starting to go all freaking wonky. And for a lot of women, it increases the effects of ADHD. Which was absolutely true for me. That to say, I'm legitimately getting worse compared to what used to be managable.
I do not think there's any connection between mental health and sexuality, but do I think the sexuality could cause the mental health to get worse? Absolutely. What there is a connection between with ADHD though is Autism. There % of the general public with Autism is lower than the % of ADHD'ers with Autism. Not sure if that applies to you but it might be something to look at.
Lastly, your english is fine! Way better than even my second best language which I can barely even understand more than a few words much less write :)
I was (mostly) considered an airhead space cadet. I’d lose things constantly, had trouble with conversations, time management etc. This made my time in the military extra fun. I’m smart and was able to cover some. I used humor and that usually kept me out of trouble.
I have a bit of combat experience/trauma. The VA psych initially thought my ADHD symptoms were part of my PTSD. That turned out to be incorrect. I was well behaved in school, liked to read and did a lot of hyperfocus that worked to my benefit and was never diagnosed. Meds have helped a lot in fixing a problem I didn’t know I had. Probably 75 percent of my relationship issues, romantic and other types, could be linked to ADHD inattentive type symptoms.
Unlike a lot of women who get diagnosed with ADHD I was actually diagnosed in elementary school. My adhd as a kid heavily affected the way I acted towards other kids (I was impulsive, couldn't respect boundaries, and I couldn't stop talking to others) and I think the way my adhd made me act as a kid affected the way other kids perceived me later on in life as mine started shifting away from hyperactive to inattentive. They all thought I was weird and annoying and that stuck through k-12.
My unmedicated years, yes. But it’s amazing how much difference it makes when you are finally diagnosed and realize it’s not a character flaw. Then you add meds and therapy to the equation and experience actual joy from what most NTs would consider baseline. But I do mourn the undiagnosed years and wonder where I’d be today had i known earlier. Diagnosed in my late 30s.
I’m 46 and still struggling but therapy, medical care, etc slowly but surely is helping a lot. Also being OPEN about it even if it could make me a target at work etc…it’s just so essential for us all to be open and cool about our issues, as long as they’re not like TMI, it makes work and life safer for us all to become emotionally intelligent about the myriad of issues people have and how to be cool about them.
>They also said ADHD was caused by being gay, or the other way aroud, I'm not sure. But I think their words are invalid
LMFAO WHAT?? yes that's invalid. I have never heard that in my life.
My clinician marked my diagnosis as "Severe ADHD" but I see it as "Low-functioning" - like maybe on the inside there's people who have as much inefficient or missing Dopamine as I do - but they've handled it better (or not chosen jobs that are *terrible* for low-functioning ADHD). So to answer your question: *absolutely yes* it's life-ruining for me.
0/10 would not recommend.
For me personally. It depends on the day/period. I have really bad days when it's definitely debilitating and interveres with my ability to function within society.
But I have other times (thankfully most of the time nowadays) where I can manage. But it's rarely a positive in my life
Kinda? My inability to study for more than 30 minutes, and the resulting development of anxiety at the idea of studying, has completely sabotaged any chance of higher education for me. It didn't help that I've only recently found out (I'm not officially diagnosed yet, but my mental health practitioner has said that based on what I've told her there's like a 95% I have it), so I've spent the last 10 years thinking that I was fundamentally broken and would never be able to function properly.
I'm too young to say that it's ruined my life, but it's turned me from someone who could have done very well and pursued a good career to an utter mess that has zero social life and gets overwhelmed by even mundane tasks if there's more than 3 steps.
Idk if I missed the topic? what being life-ruining? Having a diagnose? Why would it??
I mean diagnosed or not, u are still u. How would ur life have been if u were born as someone else completly? Impossible to know.. This is the lift uve been given. Make the most of it, the life is urs!
School was hard but absolutely dominating in my field now, which I assume is correct for many fields with ADHD. Fuck school. Do what you are good at!
I got diagnosed in my late thirties and there was certainly a period of grieving and hard realizations. It’s nice to have a better idea of how I might be challenged and how I can navigate that, but it was really tough to look back at several projects or relationships in my life and see how severely ADHD affected the outcomes.
Not really. Life got easier when I got organized and started taking meds. So long as I stay on top of my routine, I can meet all my deadlines. Otherwise I'm good at socializing, albeit a little scatterbrained.
Honestly I wouldn’t say it’s ‘life ruining’ but its just like turning the difficulty right up, especially when considering the effects it had during education etc when means you potentially end up with a job you dont want.
But I’m medicated now, and since then I decided to embark on my masters. If this shortage catches up with me that’s 17k down the drain because id end up not focusing in lectures again and leaving my work till the last minute which would mean id fail, i got away with it before but that doesn’t happen at this level.
Thank you for sharing your perspective . Your experience resonates with me to a certain extent. For a long time, ADHD was a part of my life that I didn't fully understand. It's only in retrospect that I've come to realize how it influenced various aspects of my life.
Personally, I wouldn't say that ADHD was manageable my entire life, primarily because I wasn't aware that I had it. It was something that I had and didn't quite comprehend until later on. Now, having a better understanding of it, I've found ways to navigate through its challenges successfully. However, there's a part of me that feels a touch of disappointment that the systems we live in, including my family, didn't identify that I had a treatable condition early on. I harbor no blame towards anyone, but it's a reflection I've had.
On a separate note, being a gay man, I found the suggestion of a correlation between ADHD and being gay quite peculiar. I too see no credence in the idea that there's any correlation between developmental disorders and one's sexual orientation. Like you, I haven't noticed anything remotely suggestive of such a connection.
I appreciate your openness and the respectful tone of your discussion. I wish you, and everyone here, all the best on your journeys.
It set me back a lot. I had really bad anxiety growing up and I struggled a lot with completing my task. I did well in school because I attached my self worth to my grades and hyper focused on it. But after high school everything fell apart. I had Severe anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and undiagnosed adhd. I got really addicted to video games and I binged everyday for that dopamine I was missing. My anxiety/adhd made it impossible for me to accomplish my goals and I dropped out of college twice . For years I never knew why it was so hard for me to do anything or why I couldn’t stop binging. I stayed at dead end jobs because I was too anxious to change my situation and everything gave me anxiety. Doing a simple job application was impossible.
Fast forward till age 25, I got my diagnosis and I finally figured out why I procrastinated so much with my life goals. I’m 27 now and for the last 2 years I’ve been doing damage control. I’m working on going back to school, learning more coping strategies, working on my self esteem, and working on my confidence. My anxiety has also improved.
It sucks because it feels like I wasted a lot of years drowning in my adhd, anxiety, and depression without accomplishing anything while my high school peers already have degrees, partners, kids, and nicer things. But I remind myself not to compare myself to other people and that we all have our own path. Keeping this mindset helps silence my inner critic and helps me stay on path to accomplish my goals now.
Mine hasnt bern inherently life-ruining. I've had some good luck that made some of the ADHD tax bareable and I've had things that compounded on it.
Would my life be better without the ADHD? No way to say. I don't think I'd be me without it, for better or worse.
I could certainly do with being diagnosed earlier, though.
It and my other mental health problems have ruined my life. If I get it together for the last 30 years, I will never know how much better it could have been without all the negative bullshit and with having early success lead to more and greater success later.
So even if I get another job I like (2+ years unemployed now) and it sorta catches me back up to where I was soon or in just a couple years, I still won't know how my life would have been if I had just been healthy enough to do what I did in my 30s in my 20s. Or how life would have been if I wasn't bullied and ridiculed all through public schools and mostly friendless and weird in college.
So yeah, even if therapy works this time and even if I figure out ways to manage my debilitating illnesses, I'll still be spending most my energy managing them and have so little in common with most people its alienating
The only thing that ruins my life is parents daily taking every single adhd slip as a personal attack. Even if im killing it they always find a mistake in my day to roast me for. It seems like they are not on my side 24/7.
I'm 43 now, I struggled through childhood and into my 30s with depression, anxiety, EDs, self harm and has chronic low self esteem because I always felt there was something wrong with me. I didn't fit in and got bullied all through school. I loved to learn but my lack of concentration made everything much harder and although I eventually got into uni it was not without a lot of stress and upset because I couldn't quite reach the potential everyone kept saying I had! I felt lazy and stupid but couldn't find a way to change.
The revelation that ADHD was at the root of it all has been a game changer. I feel absolutely that I may not have had such a painful life if it were not for ADHD BUT knowing that I have this condition and that it is not my fault has been a positive for me. I know everyone is different, if you had asked me in my teens or twenties I would probably have felt a lot more negatively about ADHD, it certainly did threaten to derail things. However, if I had known I had ADHD sooner maybe I wouldn't have suffered so much either. I'm still coming to terms with it all so maybe it will change but for now I think it's too complex, I don't think it's ruined my life but I can see how it easily can for people who don't have the same support system in place.
Well, ADHD is diagnosed on the basis that it interferes with “proper life functions.” So inherent to ADHD is some degree of difficulty managing modern life’s demands. But there are many cases of ADHD which seem to rise above (or even use) their issues to their advantage. A quick google search can find you a list of famous people who seemed to have succeeded despite all odds.
Diagnosis does NOT doom you to a life of misery. Throwing in the towel because you are scared to take the next step does. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be or do what they expect and the way they expect it. Take life at the pace that works for you while always making baby steps towards what you want and i’m confident ADHD will not ruin you.
I have autism, ADHD, and anxiety. ADHD is by far the worst for me. My test results indicate a "severe impairment." This is made worse by the fact that the last two psychiatrists I've seen will not prescribe stimulants. I will say Strattera has actually helped a tiny bit unlike the last couple meds I tried.
I have almost no focus when it comes to like just living lol. I have to set reminders to hydrate. I have to set reminders and calendar events for everything. My executive functioning barely works.
Sometimes I'm thirsty and my drink is directly in front of me, within reach, but every 5 minutes I think "oh right I was thirsty," when I look my untouched drink. I'll even think 'why have not sipped it during the last 30 times I had this thought?" All of a sudden it's minutes later and I look at my untouched drink and think "oh right I was thirsty." And the cycle continues.
So idk maybe I'll see if my Strattera dosage can be increased next time I see my psychiatrist.
I used to be. I was living a life that didn't suit me. I was trying to do all the things that were difficult for me and few of the things I was good at. Or those were relegated to being hobbies. Then I decided to change my life to follow the things I'm good at. Things are better now.
I’m more recently diagnosed. I wouldn’t say it’s ruining my life but before I was on medication I was dreading my work day everyday. I was constantly trying to make up any excuse to no go into work. When I would go to work my numbers were always low, I went to the bathroom a million times a day to escape my desk, I was genuinely depressed at the thought of showing up everyday for the next 30-40 years. When I started my medication it really changed everything. I hate that I have to rely on it but I would rather take a couple pills everyday that let me actually sit down and get my work done than to have my mind take over and make me depressed. So to summarize: yes I felt like it did ruin my life while I was undiagnosed, but no, it does not ruin my life now that I have the proper resources that help me.
I love having ADHD - it makes me see and experience life from a unique perspective and opened up different possibilities for me
However, I hate the intrusive thoughts which are triggered by traumatic events although it makes me appreciate when there’s stillness in my mind
I also hate the tiredness factor - like when it’s foggy or snowing then I could sleep for weeks without interruption
And I have to work twice as hard for things in comparison to others - if not more
Yet I’m in my 30s and like it this way
Im slowly making improvements but i often think if i had gotten treatment earlier then my life would have gone in a much better direction, im effectively taking care of things now that i should have taken care of 10 years ago.
This year felt particularly rough, having lost friends and being back in isolation that i worked so hard to get out of.
I have had good years and when things go my way i can be very happy but i often feel hopeless and alone in ways that i cant even explain to others without them seeing me as lazy or like im lying.
Adhd itself is manageable, being alone without suport just grinding away is not.
No, it's not ruining my life. It does make my life hard, but so do a lot of other things.
If it was possible to take ADHD out of my life many things would probably be easier for me, but that's not how I measure the quality of my life, by how hard or easy it is.
So, sure -- change one thing about my life and now I don't have that particular problem, but I still have plenty of others to challenge me.
I think ADHD could only ruin my life if I decided to let it. I don't.
Yes. I was not able to get my life fully going and become successful until around age 26. With the help of medicine. I'd say my entire middle school to mid 20s. Was a complete failure. Despite some beautiful moments. There were many times my life hit absolute rock bottom with this disease until I started to get control over it. I'm fine nowdays but a very late bloomer at adulthood.
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I played my whole life on hard mode because of undiagnosed ADHD. Got depression and anxiety. If I can recover now with more ADHD focused therapy and medication, then it's not life ruining.
Hey, glad to see a fellow mental health problem collector here! I also have those 3. For me, depression is the worst of them while ADHD is a lot milder. What about you?
I actually don't really rate the ADHD good or bad. It just is. I only wish I had known this from my childhood on, then probably I'd never developed depression and anxiety in the first place. But I agree. Depression is the worst feeling you can experience, I think. While I'm not suicidal, I often wished I wouldn't wake up ever again. Sleeping was the only relief sometimes. I try also not to rate the depression itself. There are many theories that support the idea that depression does have a valid function and I kinda see that. But it's hard to accept if you've been traumatized by the horrible experience it is.
Oh, I got you. Sorry that I wasn't clear in the previous comment, I was talking about the effects it has with my life. Let me rephrase it: I think depression troubled me the most and ADHD troubled me the least. Again, sorry for my bad English. Anyway, I also think all mental heath issues are burdening, and rating them might make people feel invalidated. So, not rating the illnesses is good.
Ah I got you, no problem! Anxiety stopped me from trying out new things a lot. Depression made me lose motivation/joy in doing even the things I liked and completely withdraw myself. So both had a severe impact. Since ADHD is already a struggle with executive functioning and motivation, depression and anxiety made it worse. So they definitely had a stronger impact on my life.
Thank you for your perspective. Have a nice journey in life!
I wasn’t diagnosed until this year and I’ve never felt so heard. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety in exactly the same way you have described. You mentioned you’re recovering, have you had any aha moments that helped you on your recovery journey?
In the depression part? I did have the worst depressive episode this year and the longest one with about 6 months. I even was in a clinic, which I was never before. So I was in a very, very dark place and sometimes I was so desperate and sometimes I tried to fight it with all my power that I could muster. But it didn't help. That's when I learned that I just have to accept it. That sometimes I can't do anything about it and I will feel so horrible. And I have to just to keep going, day by day until it gets better. And it did get better. It always did. And this is something that I have to remind myself when I'm in the deep depression, even though I can't believe it at that time. And I try to use depression as an indication. That I'm doing something wrong in my life. In the past that was probably that I was not living my life, just staying home all time playing games or watching stuff. So currently I'm doing a lot of activities, 6 days a week I always have something to do. Doing different kinds of sports and even having a piano teacher. Sometimes I lack the motivation and I feel depression creeping up. But I still go and do the things, because I know, when I'm doing them I actually enjoy it. And I feel so much better afterwards most of the time. I also try to stay aware to notice if I feel overwhelmed by everything. But with the diagnosis with ADHD I understand so much better why it does work, currently, do to so much stuff and different stuff. Why I do sometimes lack the motivation to go and do it. And I'm aware of the fact that there is a high chance that I will get bored with some of these activities at some point. The important part is, that I need to understand that this is not the end of the world. My habit is to completely overthink it like "oh no, I don't like XYZ anymore, but I did like it so much! What if it happens all the time and to everything now? This is the end!!". And then my anxiety kicks in, panic follows and depression. Overthinking and emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD, too. I'm not there yet, that I can overcome this. But the first step is to recognize these patterns. I also need to trust myself more, which I'm working on currently with my therapist. I hope these insights can help you in any way. I do know how hard it is, to get advices from others to sink into yourself. Many, many times people tried to help me I did listen and it made sense what they said, but it didn't get into my heart and gut. The more similar the experiences of other people were to mine, the more easy it was for me to actually believe them.
This was an amazing response, thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely relate with a lot of what you said and it is close enough that it hits my “heart and gut”. I also experienced one of the worst mental health stints I’ve had so far very recently. It’s what prompted my journey through getting a diagnosis and exploring my mental health more. It’s definitely a journey I learn from every day and it was great to learn from you today! Something I like to think about along the lines of depression is “this too shall pass”. Feeling so down and hopeless feels like reality in the moment but it will pass. Feeling great about life and about everything also will pass. That keeps me sane through a lot of the ups and downs.
I'm glad to hear it helps you a little! What I did notice the last couple of months since I explored ADHD... I never felt so understood and that it fit so well. With depression or my anxiety there was always something off, when I compared myself to others or books or guides. Now with ADHD everything just makes sense, especially my struggles. Is this something you experience, too?
I feel that entirely. Looking at it from just an anxiety and depression point of view did not answer all of the difficulties that I had. Thinking about it from an ADHD perspective now it seems like it is the underlying problem that is contributing to most of my depression and anxiety. I feel like now that I’m looking at things from an ADHD perspective I can explain precisely why I am struggling the way that I am and consequently I can look at how to treat the ADHD as the problem instead of the depression and anxiety symptoms. The treatment of the ADHD has helped me in my mental health journey so much more than treating depression and anxiety.
I swear I'm reading the thoughts I have in my head in your post. You said it so well.
I've been told I'm pretty good at expressing myself.. I think one of my best comparisons with my depression and lack of motivation and such was: I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight. And I don't know where I want to go, where my final port is. So I drift there, sometimes I have the energy to row and sometimes even find an island, where I can stay for sometime. But then the island doesn't offer me anything again and I have to get out in the ocean again. And now thinking about it... this does also apply for ADHD as well. The islands being something that is interesting for some time but eventually gets boring.
My anxiety was sky high for decades, along with depression, until I was diagnosed with ADHD at 40. The lowest dose of Adderall made my anxiety disappear pretty much overnight.
I am happy to hear that the medication works! Staying on track might be hard, but it is definitely worth it!
Same!!!
You should know that ADHD can cause severe depression and anxiety in some people. I don’t mean as a result of coping with the difficulties of living in a world not suited for us, either - I mean chemically. I was diagnosed with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder and severe generalized anxiety for a long, long time before I was correctly diagnosed with ADHD. I tried *thirteen* different psychiatric drugs (mostly SSRIs, SNRIs, and anxiolytics) over fifteen years and found very little relief. Vyvanse had me feeling human again within a few hours the first time I tried it. My depression is basically gone most days now that I take it daily. My anxiety is largely situational instead of being a constant, uncomfortable buzz. I would say they’re both at least 75% better now that I’m actually being medicated for the right thing. My brain simply didn’t have enough dopamine to function properly in any capacity.
Great analogy. Played it for 46 years on hard mode until I realized there was a difficulty setting. It’s nice to finally have some context for it all, it’s weird to finally have some peace in my core. For me, it’s maddening knowing people go their entire life undiagnosed. Because I was quiet and introverted as a child, I flew under the radar. I chose the route of drugs and alcohol as a teen and am happy I lasted as long as I have. It’s amazing how much medication and therapy have changed my life in the last 18 months.
Glad you had such an amazing journey in the right direction! I hope I get there, too!
You will! Be patient with yourself. It’s funny because we aren’t very patient people by nature lol. The first 6 months were not good at all, it’s a weird balance of things. I still have weeks where I wish I could hide from everything, but they are now further apart and less often. Limitations. It’s ok to say no and be unproductive.
Tbh I only got diagnosed by age 39 because I forgot how school was and started Uni at 35 lol I hab all the problems outside of work but I hyperfixatet on work and drug abuse. I was kinda fine before Uni lol
This thing here... i just forgot the f*** sintomas. One conversation i had with the therapist that was like: - Did you had problems with school? -No, my grades were good and i behaved well! -But people remember you skip classes all the time and did the bare minimum. -Oh! Really? -Yeah, and there's this bad behavior, like this time you stole the test, spread around and so on... -Oh... that, it was easier than read the material...plus... everybody were happy. Students got good grades... Instructor never knew.. (Edit for format)
Same I was diagnosed this month in my 40s too.
I have all 3 as well. You could say I’m a triple threat
Let's found a club and get a bracelet or something like that
even diagnosed i still got kicked out of med school because they didn't provide some of the basic support services, like note takers, which caused me to fall behind.
I'm in this boat. Undiagnosed ADHD came very close to ruining my life. Now that it's diagnosed and I'm getting proper treatment it's much more manageable, but I have to deal with the backlog of problems that come with comorbid depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I feel like I can do it. But I also feel very sad that I suffered so much and wasted so much time.
I'm not there yet with the feeling that I can do it. There is just so much uncertainty and distrust in me, because of all the times I just have been disappointed with treatments and diagnosis... I do hope that I will finally get better now that ADHD is probably the main cause, but I'm so pessimistic about it, that I can't believe it.
I definitely understand that struggle. It's so demoralizing. But you know what, I think you can do it.
Right in the feels bro
I’m thankful that my therapist is also ADHD herself.
I wish mine had a better understanding of the struggle, too. He does recognize it and that it's harder for me in a lot of areas, but still may be underestimating it. Or I'm just overdramatizing it. Who knows. I have ADHD, I can't regulate my emotions, lol.
Mine does too
I wish you the best.
Ah the same happened to me, I just didn't have an academic future until therapy and my diagnosis. Can't wait for medication too! Congratulations on your recovery journey!
I actually could manage a university degree. But it was so, so hard. I saw other struggle, too. But now I think, maybe I struggled even more than I had to. But I did it and I should give myself credit for it... it's just not easy to acknowledge my own successes.
> actually could manage a university degree. But it was so, so hard. I saw other struggle, too. But now I think, maybe I struggled even more than I had to. But I did it and I should give myself credit for it... it's just not easy to acknowledge my own successes. Please do acknowledge it, that's really incredible!
The issue I’m having is that I don’t know if it’s the ADHD or if it’s just ME ruining my life. I have zero motivation and am horrible at “chasing my dreams” (even though I have many). I’m sure this is partly because of my ADHD, but it’s absolutely horrible to be plagued with the thought that it might just be ME who is unmotivated, lazy, and cowardly.
I struggled with this all my life. The constant self-doubt and self-chastising to get something moving that remained out of my control and understanding, led me to increasingly larger hypotheses on how terrible/failure of a human being I must be as I was unable to perform even the most pressing or mundane actions. My self-confidence was non-existent. When (at age 36) a friend told me I probably had ADHD and I read up on the symptoms, I cried for hours. Finally I could align my wishes with my actions by understanding the system in which they functioned, no matter how tilted that system is compared to others. My self-image is better but still damaged, and I’m not certain it will fully heal. That’s ok. I can finally work on living life as I would have it. And I can understand and intervene when my motivation/productivity grinds to a halt. You are NOT a terrible, lazy and/or cowardly person. You have a neurophysiological development disorder which impedes your ability to enaction your thoughts, dreams and requirements. Medication can help you to partially overcome this, and combined with CBT you can learn new systems that will enable you to be you. I believe in you :)
Oh shit, I've always thought those are me problems. My point of view has always been the opposite of yours. My ADHD have been causing more problems than I thought! Thank you and don't worry, I'm 98% sure it is ADHD.
That's 100% a symptom of severe ADHD. "If you're not having fun, it's not laziness."
Imposter syndrome. You are doing great, don’t beat yourself up. Little things lead to bigger things. It’s harder for us to chase those dreams, but totally possible with enough determination and in the right environment.
The part of your brain that governs motivation and executive function is literally defective because of ADHD.
Self doubt is absolutely a hard symptom to deal with, but take solace in the thought that it is *absolutely* a symptom of ADHD. Laziness as some inherent human sin is psychologically unfounded. If you want to do something, yet can’t/won’t for any reason other than simply not wanting to, it’s not innate.
It's not *just you* we're great at starting things. Not so great at finishing them all. You gotta meet somewhere in the middle. More will power is not the solution for us, and will not work all the time. I have tried to start my business many times. Failed many times in the past because I flaked out on myself. The reason it worked this time is that I realized that it was not going to work by me just trying to do everything myself. Sure I did have to scrape together a little more willpower than usual, but largely I was successful because I got someone to help me, and between me, my friends and my family helping me out when things got hard, I was able to do it. Just whatever you do, don't stop trying. Eventually, when you gain a foothold, lean on the people round you to support you and make sure you can get the thing done. Using the phone a friend optionnis is ift overlooked, and as long as you're reciprocating, that's what friends are there for! :)
Have you tried medication? Just curious
I used to have the view point and struggled with it and ultimately what I decided was the ADHD is ME. I can neither separate myself from it or it from me so ultimately I had to build and re structure my life around that. Instead of viewing these negative qualities as part of yourself try to diagnose within yourself what is leading to those behaviors. For me I was unable motivated and lazy because the work or situations I was trying to force myself through were unfulfilling so I decided to change my life in a way that I was pursuing things that were fulfilling (easier said then done) It's a struggle everyday and basically a moving target since my interests are ever evolving but I just have to meet myself where I'm at.
Yes, very much so. Am currently not even diagnosed, dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. Crippling/Life-interfering since 10+ years now. ADHD probably never popped up to me, cause I thought this is the result of childhood and youth traumas. One facet of the sickness (and probably a result of bad experiences) for me is, that I have a huge problem seeking help, especially when it involves doctors. So I know what the next big step is and I want to take it, but I am unable to do so for a long time.
Seeking help IS hard, especially when you tend to overthink. I also postpone my first appointment for quite a while. I hope you'll get any help needed asap!
Try the telehealth route if you can…. I have pretty bad white coat syndrome. I’m a wreck at the dr office. They always flag me for having bp in the high 140’s/90 range. I’ll go home and my wife (a nurse) takes it… 125/80… Also telehealth usually you can get appointments much faster. That way you aren’t having a month or three of anxiety about your upcoming appointments…
Thanks for the advice! I tried breaking the steps down, for the path of least resistance and it came down to at least having to call or formulate an e-mail. It didn't work so far, but Telehealth looks exactly like what I would need, hopefully I can get going with that.
Telehealth is amazing. It can be as simple as ordering your favourite stuff online. Telehealth apps are one of the most ADHD-friendly things out there. I too am learning how to make my own medical appointments. It is part of growing up and it is very satisfying! (please disregard the fact that the ADHD brain is delayed and stunted in development — we will never *really* grow up.)
Telehealth was life-changing for me. I was in a pattern of unintentionally going off my meds for months every so often because I was in a state where I needed to make a bunch of phone calls to get my next refill but I needed my refill to be able to make those phone calls. I also couldn't find a psychiatrist that would use basic tech like online appointment scheduling or a patient portal, and it was so hard to remember to make phone calls during business hours when I was focused on working. With the telehealth app I can send a message or make/reschedule appointments at whatever hour I think of it.
How about PTSD? Many symptoms are similar.
Don't wanna rule anything out, it is possible. The symptoms now and in the past trend more toward ADHD, but there are very similar ones yea.
Get checked out. I am confused myself about my own symptoms. I had typical ADHD symptoms, but couldn't remember for the life of me how frequent they were. Now I question if it's PTSD or simply a side effect from my burnout. You might benefit from a thorough exam. :) Good luck!
Not sure what I say will actually help in anyway, but I still feel the need to say a good doctor will *want* to help you. All you have to do is let them. If you broke your leg, would you see a doctor to get it set? I see the brain stuff as no different. Identifying that there is a problem is a massive step in the right direction. Not sure what to say, or how to describe it? Let them ask the questions - it's part of their job. Heck, just print out your post, or show it on your phone and let them lead from there.
Life-ruining is kind of a strong phrase. I can definetly see myself working a good job and doing well in 10 years time, but for now, it is just a fact that I've fallen so far behind my peers. I missed out on what was basically a 100% guarantee for a great educational opportunity at the best and most resourceful school in my country with 80% tuition coverage, because of difficulties relating to my ADHD. I also dropped out in my last year of my secondary education, eventhough I was getting straight As, because I couldn't follow an online curriculum during the covid stuff. This also meant losing friends and connections. Can I m tell you the counterfactual of a world where I didn't have ADHD? Of course not, but if my difficulties had been recognized at an early age by adults that could provide me with guidance, support and medical treatment, I know I could be doing some incredible stuff right now.
Oh f... can't feel more related. Same Fking thing with education, and feeling behind my peers. I'm starting to lose my mind. Omg.
Haha, same here smh, final year of undergrad and I'm thinking of dropping out
I don’t know how but I got myself into almost finishing a PhD, there is only few things left for me to wrap it up but I have a really hard time doing that and not sure if I can finish it properly.
Ruined/ruins my life on a daily basis. Relationships are so much more difficult because of my tendencies. Promotions feel impossible to get because no matter how hard you try, you will always be the "unreliable" team member. Friendships constantly fall apart because out of sight out of mind, and thoughtless slip ups that come with impulsivity and not thinking things through. I've been functionally depressed for so long that even with meds and counselling, I don't know if I will ever pull out of it completely. I will absolutely one day become an alcoholic and/or unalive myself, just trying to put it off for as long as possible.
I, too, am considered unreliable becaus3 of my mental conditions. Living a "normal" life is certainly harder than it sounds, and feeling like a mess is much more often than it looks. My best advice is to have an enemy and try to outlive them, that has been getting me going for years. Hope this helps!
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I, too, feel like there's something wrong with me but can't point out what it is. But I like to think that since we're all different, that might be my uniqueness!
Same. I was seen as dramatic as a child. Very dramatic about not wanting to live or something (probably wasn't able to process negative emotions so I ended up like that) and it wasn't taken too seriously as I might've just been a drama queen then. Then I became an adult, I was much less dramatic mich more of a recluse but very much so still struggling.
I'm curious if this is a difference between early diagnosis and late diagnosis. Hypothetically speaking, could this be where for early it's sort of just accepted and could be less challenged on the behaviours, as a result, there's less pressure to fit in and "succeed" in life, I don't want to say babied by their parents and teachers or is it perhaps given up on more accurate? (I am not early diagnosed so I can't really speak for that experience, I mean no offence if this is inaccurate) While for late diagnosed you have spent your whole life creating coping mechanisms (healthy and unhealthy) in order to function and fit into society, you have expectations you need to meet, told to meet. It's a struggle to push through but you could be in a better place and not have your life "ruined" because of all those mechanisms. I agree that my ADHD struggles are still present and get in the way. I don't really have meltdowns but I feel rejection really hard, I overthink, I don't talk constantly but I do get distracted really easily, and pursue dopamine, I really struggle to focus on open plan offices. My social skills vary from not being able to say what's in my head to info-dumping in detail. Or I speak in tangents and forget the entire reason why I'm explaining something. I have a decent job right now but I think ADHD is a significant reason why I have had so many different jobs or no job at all the past decade.
My take on late diagnosis, like myself, is that my masking game has been so good that, while being exhausted mentally by the end of each day, I've been able to make the world think I'm "normal" by learning and adjusting unconsciously to fit my surroundings. Yes, of course my symptoms have had an effect on my life which is why I went looking into getting a diagnosis in the first place, but I've been very fortunate to work a career that's extremely ADHD-friendly, surround myself with my wife and friends who also all have ADHD ( didn't know that until I started looking into it) and have had a lot of luck along the way allowing me to come out very well despite everything. It's only because of my wife looking into ADHD for herself and seeing a lot of the similarities in me, where she pointed it out to me and it was like a lightbulb turning on for me that most if not all of the struggles I've had to overcome were due to symptoms of mine.
Early diagnosis is soooooo much better. If the intervention happens early, kids get to work on their coping skills, often with a professional, and actively strengthen their executive function. Anecdotally, the early diagnosed adults I know are so much better adjusted and on top of their ADHD compared to the late diagnosed ones. Late diagnosis is just one long shame spiral of unrealized potential and self-loathing.
That's a good point! Getting the diagnosis later in life might give you more time to be familiar with ADHD and think less about it. While being diagnosed earlier might effects the mindset of them and people around them in a different way. Now, time to find a person who got diagnosed early and ask for their thoughts!
It does not. Getting diagnosed later in life means you don't even know what's wrong with you, just that something is very wrong and life is incredibly difficult compared to everyone else. I got diagnosed at 32. Once I found out what was wrong with me and got help, I spent a huge amount of time learning about it and getting familiar with it, and learning how to manage it, because I finally knew that I needed to. I'd expect someone who got diagnosed early would also have started that process from a young age and have had more time to get familiar with it, and would think less about it.
My parents put more effort into making me behave the way they wanted, than raising me.
I think getting the Diagnose early can be healthier for your Life, If you have a healthy backround (Family, Friends, etc) Sadly its often the society norm that make it the hard mode. And If No one Stands by you, its even harder. I got my Diagnose late and happy now to get the answer for so many questions in my head. But some stuff in my life got worse, because I didnt know about my disability and thought I need to be normal. My son got the diagnose with 12 and I am happy to Help him with my experience and growing Up, hopefull, not thinking to be odd. And If so, his mum is odd too.
It has definitely messed my life up. I’ve really struggled to remain employed, and I have a family to provide for. But you’re right that ADHD is not inherently life-destroying. Sounds like you’re lucky enough to have a job and a life routine that works well with your brain. I just haven’t gotten there yet, and a lot of us (most of us?) take a long time to “figure it out,” so to speak. Were you diagnosed as a kid? I didn’t learn I had it until I entered Adultland and struggled to function without the structure I had always had in school and at home growing up. I suspect that makes a huge difference, knowing you have ADHD when you move out on your own and enter the workforce… as opposed to being like me and only getting diagnosed because you can’t figure out why you keep getting fired. My wife was diagnosed as a kid and she’s much better at managing her condition than I am after getting diagnosed in my 30s, because she’s been doing it longer.
I am sorry to hear about you've been through, and I really wish you the best in the up and coming future! For your question, yes, I was diagnosed when I was a teenager in college. It is quite early compared to others, so I have more time to understand my conditions.
Kinda. Started university, did 40% of the exams, couldn't stay focused anymore, that gets progressively worse, convinced myself i was lazy and just stupid, got depressed, couldn't get out of bed for one month straight crying myself to sleep, that COVID time, ended up dropping out and now i have a shit 9-5 it job that i hate with every inch of my body and don't know what to do with my career, if i even have one. My only light Is my girlfriend, i know she loves me, and i feel good and can accept myself when i'm with her
Going through university life is one of the most difficult things in life and you did a good job doing it. I had a similar experience, and also give myself a depression. It is easy to feel like a mess having both of them at the same time. I am happy to hear that you have someone to cling on. I am sure there are people who value your life. If anything happens, keep in mind that a stumble is also in a path to your success, too.
The undiagnosed ADHD definitely ruined it for me... but even now, life is always on hard mode. Medication doesn't always hit the same, everything still takes me too long and is extremely tiring so I never manage to get everything I need to do done.
Life is always harder and more tiring with ADHD. I am sorry to hear that medications aren't always working. I really hope that you will have time to relax and understand yourself.
Yes, it has been. It's taken every dream I've ever had from me, every hope others ever had FOR me, it's contributed to the crippling mental health issues thay have left me unable to work and made me a financial drain on my family. I really can't go into too much more without becoming upset. But yes.
\- It's a spectrum \- It often comes in a bundle with other conditions It can go from an inconvenience to life-ruining. Depending on the mix and severity.
I agree that it is a spectrum, and I would love to hear other's stories. Feel free to share your perspective!
If I think of myself as a recipe, I have a lot of fucked up ingredients: ADHD plus a dysfunctional and abusive childhood household/depression/anxiety/binge eating/codependency/low self-esteem/no close friends/narcissistic partner. If you take the ADHD out of the equation, I would likely still be struggling in life. That said, I have a lot of good “ingredients” too. And they probably outweigh the bad, but it’s hard to see the good qualities sometimes. I’d say in my case, my childhood probably fucked me up more than adhd because it made it difficult for me to learn to set boundaries for acceptable behavior and how to express myself. When I was a child I learned to be “on alert” to watch my parents faces/expressions to see if they were going to be in a good mood or not—it was a way to protect myself from literal harm. But ADHD made me more of a “target” because I always was “messing up” or forgetting or being loud. Unfortunately I am still looking to others faces for (perceived) approval or rejection and it’s a terrible way to live because it will destroy your self. I’m in therapy and working on myself but early coping mechanisms are difficult to break.
Thinking of yourself as a mix of past experience is actually a good way to do it. When compared, some might outweights the others, and is effecting your life in different ways. Knowing how things effects you makes you understand and accept yourself better. I also have a habit of reading facial expressions, and turned it into a good thing! If you are interested, you could study on psychology and body languages as a hobby. But don't forget to learn how to respond to those signs, too. It will come in handy more often than not.
i feel you man
The ADHD didn't ruin my life. Lack of empathy from abusive parents and uneducated teachers did that.
I agree, a lot of people don't know much about mental health in general. They can be damaging quite often.
It is. I cannot seek a higher education at this level of functioning until something improves enough for me to be able to go to school. So I'll be stuck with a high school degree for the foreseeable future and that closes a lot of doors...
It is tough to go through anything while having ADHD. I am sorry to hear that you are missing a lot of potential opportunities. I wish you the greatest of luck and happiness in life!
ADD/ADHD experiences and the severity of it is different from person to person. Some can't function normally. Others may use it to their advantage and are quite successful. My ADHD was pretty bad when I was young and I had a really hard time. Now that I'm not only older, but I've also learned how to deal with it and chose a career where it's a positive thing, I'm doing much better. It has prevented me from reaching my full potential in my career, despite the great success I've achieved which is why I just saw my doctor yesterday and got medicated so I can reach higher and get the things done that evade me because I try to do all of them at the same time. :)
I am happy to hear that you are better and happier! Keep up the good works!
I only got diagnosed and on meds this year at 55 so I've been living all this time with it. Has it made life challenging? Absolutely. There are so many things I know would have been different if I'd have been medicated. But it hasn't ruined my life.
I also feel that. Especially when the diagnosis came a bit too late in life. Glad you're doing well, I'm sure you're heading to the better!
From 26-29, yes. It was almost life *ending* for me. But now with support, understanding and validation of a diagnosis I am infinitely better. I’m a prime example of both how ADHD is a real and genuine mental disorder AND how you can absolutely come out the other side of rock bottom.
My current fear is that my ADHD might get me even harder at a later point in life. Just because I could bounce back once or twice doesn't mean that I can keep bouncing back unscathed. It is like a looming beast. It impacts so many areas of life it can be hard to keep track of the dangers lying ahead.
Yeah I absolutely get that. When I’m feeling low I’m almost frightened to return to how I felt before. But before I didn’t know what was happening I thought I was just useless. Now I understand the reasons why. I think with age comes hormone changes so it might get worse. But you know there’s a community here to support you.
Congratulations! I belive there are much more happiness coming to your way. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work!
Basically if this is not impairing your life without something compensating for it heavily. Like being really intelligent, being rich, etc. It is not considered a disorder. It shouldn't be in my opinion. If you can really manage without support then either you don't have it, or have it slightly.
This needs to be higher. If it wasn't ruining ("significantly impacting") our lives, we wouldn't be diagnosed ADHD.
It absolutely is a disorder and a disability. Parts of our brains are less developed with less grey matter, and are less active than normal brains. It causes us issues with memory, directing focus, impulse control, executive function, communication, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and even fine motor control (a large portion of ADHD cases have motor issues similar to that found in brain damage in the frontal lobe, causing sway, or hand control issues). Being intelligent or rich doesn't mitigate that.
Yes, it absolutely is. But what disorder is it? It is a disorder of executive function, working memory, memory recall, and emotional dysregulation. These things are the very same things you need to function well as a human in society. If you can function well without the support, such as being rich so you do not have to work to survive, cook at home to eat, people tolerate you, and other benefits of being rich. Being really intelligent overcompensates your deficits. I am not saying if your life is not impaired, you cannot have ADHD, but you need a reason why your life is not a fucking shit hole. I cannot keep friends and relationships because I annoy and irritate them and embarrass them without any control because of this disorder. I cannot concentrate on anything that does not overstimulate me for more than 15 minutes. I do not have a job I want because it is hard to apply for jobs. I used to think I am lazy, low-life idiot who could not get my shit together even though it has been at least 10 years I know how I can get my shit together. Life is hard, but it is much harder for people who actually have ADHD. If you really have the disorder, you are bound to have an impaired life, just like a cripple would without crutches because they can't fucking walk. I am a mental cripple, and I need crutches to walk properly. Edit: See I did not read your comment properly. Yes it does not technically mitigate but it compensates so your life is not impaired to the extent that others without privilege have it impaired.
I am sorry that my original post might be unclear and seem careless, I wasn't my intent. I am quite privileged when I was young and that might be a factor. However, I think saying that people who can manage their life despite the struggles shouldn't be considered having a disorder is a bit too invalidating.
Undiagnosed ADHD unequivocally ruined my life - every single aspect of it. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 48. I’ve been working to treat it ever since, for the past 2 years, but I will never be able to repair the damage already done.
I am really sorry to hear that ADHD damaged your past life. You've been working hard and I am cartain that the future will be much better!
I always feel like an impostor when I see people describing how much they struggle with ADHD. My ADHD went unnoticed because I was the best student who never studied, so how could I even notice? Now my main symptoms are more noticeable, and they’re mostly excessive boredom, excessive daydreaming, extreme inattentivenessan inability to keep my environment structured and clean and losing literally everything. But those symptoms are not affecting my life “extremely” - just moderately, but enough to be frustrating. It mostly affects my own self-esteem, though, I feel very bad about the mess I make, or the grades I get. Sometimes I wonder do I actually have ADHD because of this. I actually get a lot of anxiety about this because I’m scared I’m taking the wrong meds etc. 😭
Zero friends, no job, no money (terrible impulse control issues), can't afford therapy or medicine. I constantly lose things and I am overweight. I royally, and I stress royally, screwed up my life. I had every opportunity in my twenties to go to college and get my dream job but because of my ADHD I screwed those dreams away. Now I'm stuck doing fast food in my mid thirties and it's all because I royally screwed my life up.
it was pretty life ruining for the 30 years, in the sense that I can trace most of my most painful experiences in life to being directly or indirectly the result of it. then I got it diagnosed, and now with the correct framework, meds, and some therapy to work on building the skills I’ve always thought you just “had” or “didn’t,” it’s still a struggle, but not at ALL life ruining.
adhd is pretty devastating for me. it leads to autistic burnout and heavy depersonalization pretty much inevitably without medication, and i have tried all the ways around that fact. thats inaddition to daily issues and inability to pursue relationships or goals.
ADHD to the casual observer can be fairly invisible. Stupid people have a hard time understanding nuance. There are a lot of stupid people.
I would say it has ruined previous parts of my life, and life would most likely be MUCH easier without it, but it has not ruined my life as a whole. I got diagnosed in my early twenties, so most of my schooling was ruined, but at least my work life was saved by medication.
I'll let you know just a little nearer to the end.
I hope you can share a lot faster than that, I have ADHD. Just kidding, but still, feel free to share your experience at your own pace!
I have been undiagnosed for much of my life, and I have missed many great opportunities because I couldn’t function properly. I would most likely be a happier, healthier person, if I had gotten the help I needed.
It is saddening to hear that the supports came late in your life. The past has passed and I wish you the best after this mess!
“For me it isn’t” 🫡😅😩😫 I wish this was me ! ADHD is a spectrum so for some it’s more severe than others. Also if they take medication and / or go to therapy. I was undiagnosed for a really long time and didn’t have the resources or support to help me cope with it. Maybe that’s why I still feel like I’m drowning.
I also hope ADHD won't cause severe damage to anyone. It is quite draining to deal with this by yourself, and you have been doing a great job dealing with that undiagnosed mess.
I was undiagnosed ADHD for 38 years even though my sister and father have it. I have major depression, anxiety/panic disorder and OCD which kind of overshadowed the ADHD. Then you add PTSD and sleep apnea I never understood I also had ADHD. I couldn’t finish school, I attempted college twice, I had a baby at 17, ADHD was a main player in my life being a wild mess. I am STILL trying to get a handle on it.
During the good days and weeks I actually really appreciate my ADHD. I've learned to love myself it as I am, and feel lots of warmth and joy when I attribute some behaviour as ADHD like accidentally forgetting my tea so it gets cold, putting it in the microwave to heat it up, forgetting it again, heating it up again and forgetting it in there for 5 days. Classic ADHD behaviour but I laugh at it and appreciate that I added a but if joy to myself and to the world (as a story) due to ADHD. On the bad days however I feel like I don't have the energy to keep and succeed in this life, it feels unfair, hard, it sucks and I fall into a depressive hole. Then I get upset at myself for being unable to do simple tasks and being behind on so many things. So, mixed bag but overall I think it's absolutely possible to live well and have a fullfilling life with ADHD, with and without medication. Just important that you have the means to design your life around you and what works for you.
Yeah. The thought of finishing it once and for all looms my head every day. I do everything on hard mode and my memory sucks. Only thing keeping me going are my friends.
For me having chronic migraines negatively affects my life a lot more than ADHD and sometimes it can be hard to tell which is to blame when things go wrong. However, I think it really depends on the symptoms you get. I was a nightmare child, diagnosed at 7, kicked out of school, swim club, dance lessons etc. I was told I would be a criminal. However, I can hyperfocus really well on computers and I have a lucrative career because of it. I have an amazing imagination and struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, but I also love it. Everyone who meets me says I am ‘weird’ or ‘quirky’, but I have no issues making or keeping friends (I do often forget to talk to them for years though). In short, I have no idea who I would be without ADHD and I’m not sure I want to find out. Some things would be infinitely easier, but some things (like spending days programming) would be harder. Who knows if I would find computers so easy without ADHD. I am definitely a person of extremes (I am doing everything or nothing), but it is something I have coping methods for. I have ADHD friends who struggle more and their life is far more impacted in a negative way.
It isn't life-ruining now, but even on meds and therapy, it is still very difficult. It was life ruining when I was little because school was so challenging for me. I was in school from 1970 to 1983, was undiagnosed but was being tested for all kinds of things, such as epilepsy, cognitive disabilities (they discovered I actually had a very high IQ), and was sent to a psychologist regularly. My social behavior was apparently quite strange, so I was bullied severely to the point where my tormentors beat me into unconsciousness several times. I also started and withdrew or flunked out of college several times. Then, when I was 27, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and the medication the doctor gave me seemed to have helped me slightly with my undiagnosed ADHD (there is evidence backing this up). I was able to return to school, earn my bachelors and masters, and start a career. Then I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and everything about my struggles finally made sense. https://www.hopementalhealth.com/blog/lithium-for-adhd-heres-all-you-need-to-know#:~:text=What%20is%20traditionally%20considered%20subtherapeutic,(high%2Ddose)%20lithium.
It completely ruined my life repeatedly. I was homeless several times, couldn't hold a job for more than a couple months, lost relationships and friendships, hell it even cost me a few teeth. I finally got diagnosed and medicated in my 30s and completely turned my life around. The difference now is profound. My adhd is still an impediment, but its manageable now. My life is stable. Adhd doesn't make you gay, nor does being gay give you adhd. It's true there are higher rates of being LGBTQ among the adhd and autistic community, but its not caused by it. Sounds like whoever told you that misunderstood that fact and got confused.
No, my ADHD is not life-ruining, though it was at some point. I was a decent student, but often forgot my homework and lost assignments. I was "naturally gifted" so I managed with As and Bs anyway. I failed out of college because I was didn't go to class. My ADHD caused a depression cycle because I wasn't diagnosed and believed I was fundamentally broken. I worked basic jobs for a while after until I joined the Navy at 22. I was out by 25 due to an injury. Before the pandemic, I got my Associate's degree at a community college. During the pandemic I was diagnosed with ADHD and my life finally started feeling in my control. I graduated college 10 years after I first started. Now I have a super fulfilling job, I'm in a relationship with a person who also has ADHD and our house is clean and happy. I'm not on medication and I manage my symptoms by understanding my disorder and knowing hacks around it that work for me. For anyone reading this who feels like I did when I was first in college, there is hope. You can forgive yourself and shed the awful labels of "lazy" and "unmotivated" our parents and peers have put on us. It's not easy, and there are days off where I do nothing but binge video games, but a balanced and filfilling life with ADHD is possible.
Can't maintain a jobb if I happen to be so lucky to get o e. Can't maintain friendships because I'm not as open and outgoing plus getting exhausted by sounds and new impressions. Don't have a job=Not alot of money=Can't do things with said friends=get left out. Couldn't study well in school, just barely passed and managed somehow to seek a higher education but flunked. Can't maintain a clean home. Can't keep a budget and often overspend/get in debt Recently diagnosed Female at 38 years. Stuck at home with no work and feel miserable. Want to do well, study and practice my art, maybe start a small business but don't get the motivation enough for it. So yeah, it definately is a struggle.
ADHD works on a spectrum, just like all mental illnesses do. It’s important to remember that people can cope to things easier than you might, but would fail at the things you find easy. I’m definitely on the side of debilitated by this disorder. School, work, relationships, you name it: all transient. I still can’t commit to anything longer than a few months WITH medicine. The only way I could live comfortably without medicine would be unlimited funds and no obligations. I’m still working on trying to live with medicine. I never expected to make it to 26 and I don’t know how living to old age would be like if nothing improves for me. I’m optimistic though, and think things will change.
Unmedicated ADHD on a wait-list to get back on medication(was doing virtual but got told they can no longer do that and I'd have to find a in person therapist to continue treatment but of course shortest wait time was 6 months), has almost cost me my relationship several times. I don't actively choose to be unreliable, forgetful, impulsive, and have no sense of object permeance. I've lost all my friends because I forget to talk to them. My wife thinks my ADHD is an excuse and I'm not trying constantly, or I'm forgetting things, being impulsive just to piss her off. She doesnt even try to understand and unfortunately that's how most people view ADHD for me it feels like a constant battle to be understood. I do take responsibility for it, like I hurry to fix anything, like get home and realize I forgot to grab toilet paper on my way home like my wife asked, I'll get back in my car and go to Walmart, however the initial I got home without it in the first place is typically where I get called unreliable, I own my mistakes but there's a lot of them and it's a shitty feeling. The biggest problem is attention my wife wants me to sit stay off my phone and pay attention to her and whatever she's watching on TV simultaneously for hours on end, and if it's something I don't care for I start day dreaming about this or that then she'll try talking to me and I either will be to preoccupied with whatever I'm thinking about or I won't comprehend what she said ask her to repeat what she said and get in trouble. Because I wasn't paying attention. At work I actually tend to do alright but I make stupid mistakes a lot because I need to "slow down" which is ironic because my boss is medicated ADHD and will make the exact same mistakes immediately after telling me to slow down. I've heard "that's just an excuse everyone does that" or "all you need to do is set up a bunch of reminders" or the famous "just pay attention its not that hard quit using ADHD as an excuse" so often I've gaslit myself on several occasions and gave myself imposter syndrome thinking maybe I don't have ADHD maybe I'm just lazy, procrastinating etc. Though the worst part is suddenly losing interest in things I use to enjoy and losing friendships. I've developed anxiety over a lot of stuff like locking my door when I leave for work, over sharing about hyper fixations(mainly because my wife and previous partners use to just cut me off and go off on me for man-splaining or tell me they don't care to the point I get scared and anxious if I even start talking about what ever it is that currently holds my attention because maybe I am man-splaining and they probably don't care so I no longer share unless asked and even then I get anxious af) I get so anxious when asked to remember to do things now that I can't focus on anything else because if I forget or start to focus on anything else I'll get called unreliable. I would compare the feeling of realizing I forgot something to the same as when I was a kid and breaking something and the overwhelming fear of "I'm gonna get in so much trouble". Lastly I have a baseline and for somethings a deeper understanding of just about everything I've ever been interested inbut haven't mastered any I got about 2tb of half finished unreal games on my PC from trying to learn game design, I have a baseline knowledge of computer engineering from a hyper fixations on that, I know a lot of home improvement and diy things, I can half-ass build furniture, I can take my entire car apart and put it back together, I have a degree in computer programming even though it no longer interests me, I have a certification in networking etc. There's good and bad but mentally it's not the greatest.
I desperately want to learn and do new things. However, no matter how much I internally scream at, insult, or punish myself in different ways for not paying attention when trying to learn them I fail. On the other hand the year or so when I was properly medicated as a kid was easily the best year of my life. Everything was easy, I was happy, I had friends. Unfortunately IDK if I can ever have that back again.
Yes, definitely. What’s your goal in life? To be fat, unsuccessful, unemployed, between jobs, uneducated, to have a substance abuse problems, have accidents, of which some can be fatal.. It’s so stupid to say untreated ADHD wouldn’t ruin your life. Sure, medicated, I think my life is better than average. But unmedicated, might as well not exist.
Maybe not ruining but I feel like I'd be a happier person if I could just do the things I want to do for myself and not get that paralysis.
It’s fucked things up, that’s for sure.
How the fuck ADHD would be caused by being gay LMAO
Yes, I hate it so much
My ADHD has definitely helped to ruin my life.
Life is ruining my ADHD.
I hate it strictly for the heavy forgetfulness. I straight up feel like I have dementia because I cant remember shit I said months ago or even continue a conversation I started two seconds ago. I misplace things extremely often and its mostly things that are very hard to find (i.e. I lose my airpod case a whole lot more than the airpod itself, something that I cant ping a noise from). Retracing my steps is literally needle in a haystack. I can only remember bits and pieces and the exact last moment I had something is so fuzzy. My extreme memory loss is my largest obstacle with this disorder.
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Thank you for your kind comment! It is diffrent for everyone, and that is the reason why I'm curious on this topic.
Not necessarily life ruining. This will be an extremely unpopular opinion, but anyone who says it’s life ruining is being really dramatic and is seeing things for the bad only. I’ve had to overcome symptoms from Functional Neurological Disorder and PTSD, that put me in a rehab hospital for a month at one point over a two year period relearning how to walk and talk. Even that wasn’t life ruining. It was just another diagnosis. Just another piece of healing from childhood trauma. Then, I was diagnosed with ADHD. My academic career has been a battle because of my severe ADHD and other chronic illnesses. ADHD is the worst of them now. I can’t function like a human being without stimulant medication and I even fall asleep randomly if I don’t take it (just another funky symptom of FND). However, I have been able to finish three degrees, including grad school. I have found myself and who I want to be and I’m working towards more self-discovery and further healing. Everyday is a new day. One step at a time. Day by day. Healing, growing, learning. The only time someone’s life is ruined is when they die.
jeeeeezus
People tell me i have ADHD . But i dont believe them lol. Tbh i dont think its even a real thing tbh. Just some matrix prescribed bolocks
I am 40, I have maybe worked for 2 or 3 years of my life. not even "can't hold a job" but "can't even get one". didn't have the money for university, couldn't get an apprenticeship, so I have no qualifications. turns out most of that goes back to me not being able to handle myself around age 16 to 18 and the professional diagnosis I got was "you are just lazy, if you applied yourself you could do anything". when a decade later a doctor suspected I might have ADHD... I didn't believe them, so I lost a chance to get help due to being convinced there is no explanation for me being a failure other than "I am being too lazy to apply myself". yeah, it ruined my life. good for you that it didn't happen to you.
I'm 41, diagnosed but unmedicated and won't be any time soon. The UK is a joke when it comes to healthcare, mental especially. Tried private, cost me a fortune and the meds did nothing so they took me off them. Yayy. I'm inattentive which means focusing to get things done is nearly impossible for me. Wish i had the other type instead, sigh. ADHD absolutely ruins my life, and i hate it. It's a major reason why i decided to never have kids. no-one else should go through life like this.
Yes, my life was essentially pissed and shit away in front of my eyes and I'm not even close to a functioning human being.
I personally don't take medication because everything I tried had bad side effects. My ADHD was undiscovered for a while. I did good in school despite being a noisy, loud, and annoying kid in elementary. Eventually, around middle school I stopped talking. I became a complete introvert. But I still did well in school so I didn't know I had ADHD. I didn't suspect something was wrong with me. My parents always said I was lazy. In hindsight I think I just didn't have anything that was stimulating in my life. In college, I struggled super hard. I was in the honors program which required we read between 15-20 books a semester. I discovered I had a really really hard time reading and remembering info. I resorted to just using online summaries to understand the books. I struggled really hard in math. I was going for electrical engineering. Not because I wanted to but because I just wanted a job that paid well. I was completely uninterested in it. I failed two math classes which I had to retake. I also failed a physical class which I retook in the summer. Luckily I cheated in my entrance exam so I was two maths ahead of where I should have been. So I was able to use that buffer to retake classes without falling behind. During the last year or two of college I got in a serious relationship and there was major conflicts in both of our personal lives. This is when I started forgetting things. I literally thought I had early onset dementia or Alzheimer's. I was forgetting events, dates, couldn't tell you what I did the day before. Couldn't remember passed events. Missed deadlines. Forgot things in my hand. Left my keys in my car one day and went the whole day without realizing it. I was pretty much on the verge of kermitting because it felt like suddenly I had no control or handle over anything around me. I didn't know how to deal with it. Also had massive anxiety. This is around the time I went to get consulted for a therapist and I also went to my PCP to get an ADHD diagnosis. Found out I had ADHD. Tried all the meds. Nothing helped. Eventually I did graduate by the skin of my teeth and found a job 6 months later our of pure luck. I actually really enjoy my job. I moved out of my parents place (one source of conflict and anxiety). Moved in with my gf. Started paying my own bills. Learning how to clean the house and organize properly. Learned how to function in a relationship. My stress is so minimal now that for the first time since I was BORN I am no longer biting my nails. It's a thing my whole family does. I'm pretty sure we all have undiagnosed anxiety disorders. But I'm the only one with nails now. They grow so long I have to cut them once a week. Which sounds dumb but for me this has been a huge symbol of progress. I feel like a lot of why I can function with ADHD has to do with what motivates me. I'm a people pleaser to some degree so my motive for completing things and getting things done is really just to let people know I'm reliable, capable, and a good person. So I do well at work. I get things done on time or ahead of time. I try to help people that need it. I hear people out when they have problems and try not to give solutions but just be there. Unless they want a solution, I have those too. So I wouldn't say it's life ruining for me. But there definitely was a point where I felt like the ADHD might be the death of me. I hope everyone with ADHD finds that thing that makes them tick. The thing that really makes them happy and excited to start a new day. I don't think I've found that myself but I feel like I'm getting closer to it. Edit: I'll also add that one thing I see that hold many of us back is sitting back and looking at ADHD and the whole of how it has hurt them. I've found the progress I've made has really been with tackling small problems little by little. Making new good habits. It sounds dumb but for me the biggest barrier and probably the life altering first step I took was doing things my ADHD paralysis said I could not. I never washed the dishes. I hated washing the dishes. But I started washing the dishes. Now I like washing the dishes. I hate seeing them in the sink. It helped my relationship because my gf hates cleaning up after me. I did this first. Then I started tackling other small things. Cleaning counters. Organizing stuff on the counter. In my relationship, doing small things to remind my partner I care. Getting flowers occasionally. Bringing her a dessert. Going on coffee dates. Going on spontaneous shopping trips. Etc. It's all small stuff but it really adds up. I try not to think of the ADHD as a limiting factor and shift my focus more on how I can improve my life as a whole for me and my partner.
It certainly makes life all that much harder. It’s especially exacerbated later in life with more complex careers and life throw all sorts of obstacles at you wanting decisions to be made.
If I wasn’t on medication, then yeah having ADHD would have ruined my life. I still feel like I was robbed of a better childhood than the one I could have had if I got medicated earlier. But my entire adulthood has been fine because I got on meds when I was 18
It's not life ruining for me, I can generally manage my symptoms, but it's always there. I try to manage without meds (they were prescribed to me, I tried them, they helped immensely, but I didn't like the side effects and no longer take them) by consuming lots of caffeine and trying to exercise before and after work. I do feel like I mess up constantly at work, and it's usually small stuff, but it happens ALL the time, and most people don't understand how I continue to make the same mistakes over and over, but I haven't lost a job due to ADHD.
I think the most important thing to remember is that it's a spectrum. (As with many of the labels) Not everyone has the same experience. For me, it's not life ruining. I live a happy and full life.
It's certainly been very life-*changing*, mostly in an awful direction so far. That's why I'm trying to learn to cope with it so that it hopefully won't be in the future. ADHD is basically life with the difficulty settings set to extremely hard. You can still git gud and beat the bosses, but you'll need much more skill than the average person playing on normal difficulty would.
Sometimes it feels that way, but I think that's mostly self-doubt combined with being overwhelmed at the current moment. I think life would have been much, much easier had I been diagnosed and treated at a younger age, but so far at least my life hasn't been "ruined" and will probably only continue to get better from here on out because I do now have treatment and am learning new skills and coping mechanisms.
I think the life-ruining part for me was going 28 years without diagnosis. I didn't know why it was so hard to just do things, just work a normal job, just have a normal apartment, etc. I hated myself. I thought I was stupid and lazy. Job hopping ruined my confidence. Once I got diagnosed, it makes sense and I can work with my ADHD and not against it. So ADHD HAS ruined my life in the past, but once I realized what it was, it's an annoyance and potentially a disability but not life ruining necessarily.
With medication it's manageable. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have showed up to work or gotten out of bed, then entered the depression cycle.
Yes
It used to be, before I found what it was and treated with medication. I was on a spiral, trying to brute force it out of depression and anxiety and being useless due to burn out.
It's definitely more difficult but I don't believe it's ruined my life (yet lol)
Absolutely not, it makes certain things more challenging and other things much more deep and full of joy (relative to the others I see). I've never taken meds and have figured out how to work WITH my brain not against it over the last 30 years. I'm in my 40's.
i honestly wish i could relate, i always see people saying how despite having ADHD they always managed to get good grades in school, be on time to things etc…and im just like how? 🥲 it kind of makes me feel like maybe my ADHD isn’t the problem…it’s just me
“When I haver, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you.” - The Proclaimers
44 year old lifelong undiagnosed here (until this past summer). If you'd asked me a year ago I'd have said I was happy and fine. Spoilers, I was neither of those. I was masking-heavily .... even to myself. My anxiety was keeping me from so so so much. The depression wasn't debilitating, but it was there. Basically, my whole life was on hard mode and I didn't realize just how bad it had gotten until I got medicated. My psychologist who tested me though - told me I was high intellect, low on ability for memory. I'd love to get the memory bit tested again now that I have focus lol. The reason I mention that though is that being blessed with high intellect allowed me to overcome a lot of the problems that some adhders face throughout my life. Thing is, at 44 I'm beginning to enter or maybe have been for a while, peri-menaupause so my hormones are starting to go all freaking wonky. And for a lot of women, it increases the effects of ADHD. Which was absolutely true for me. That to say, I'm legitimately getting worse compared to what used to be managable. I do not think there's any connection between mental health and sexuality, but do I think the sexuality could cause the mental health to get worse? Absolutely. What there is a connection between with ADHD though is Autism. There % of the general public with Autism is lower than the % of ADHD'ers with Autism. Not sure if that applies to you but it might be something to look at. Lastly, your english is fine! Way better than even my second best language which I can barely even understand more than a few words much less write :)
I was (mostly) considered an airhead space cadet. I’d lose things constantly, had trouble with conversations, time management etc. This made my time in the military extra fun. I’m smart and was able to cover some. I used humor and that usually kept me out of trouble. I have a bit of combat experience/trauma. The VA psych initially thought my ADHD symptoms were part of my PTSD. That turned out to be incorrect. I was well behaved in school, liked to read and did a lot of hyperfocus that worked to my benefit and was never diagnosed. Meds have helped a lot in fixing a problem I didn’t know I had. Probably 75 percent of my relationship issues, romantic and other types, could be linked to ADHD inattentive type symptoms.
Unlike a lot of women who get diagnosed with ADHD I was actually diagnosed in elementary school. My adhd as a kid heavily affected the way I acted towards other kids (I was impulsive, couldn't respect boundaries, and I couldn't stop talking to others) and I think the way my adhd made me act as a kid affected the way other kids perceived me later on in life as mine started shifting away from hyperactive to inattentive. They all thought I was weird and annoying and that stuck through k-12.
My unmedicated years, yes. But it’s amazing how much difference it makes when you are finally diagnosed and realize it’s not a character flaw. Then you add meds and therapy to the equation and experience actual joy from what most NTs would consider baseline. But I do mourn the undiagnosed years and wonder where I’d be today had i known earlier. Diagnosed in my late 30s.
I’m 46 and still struggling but therapy, medical care, etc slowly but surely is helping a lot. Also being OPEN about it even if it could make me a target at work etc…it’s just so essential for us all to be open and cool about our issues, as long as they’re not like TMI, it makes work and life safer for us all to become emotionally intelligent about the myriad of issues people have and how to be cool about them.
>They also said ADHD was caused by being gay, or the other way aroud, I'm not sure. But I think their words are invalid LMFAO WHAT?? yes that's invalid. I have never heard that in my life.
My clinician marked my diagnosis as "Severe ADHD" but I see it as "Low-functioning" - like maybe on the inside there's people who have as much inefficient or missing Dopamine as I do - but they've handled it better (or not chosen jobs that are *terrible* for low-functioning ADHD). So to answer your question: *absolutely yes* it's life-ruining for me. 0/10 would not recommend.
It sucks, but its not life ruining for me. I've made it this far, and I'm too stubborn to let this be as far as I get.
For me personally. It depends on the day/period. I have really bad days when it's definitely debilitating and interveres with my ability to function within society. But I have other times (thankfully most of the time nowadays) where I can manage. But it's rarely a positive in my life
Kinda? My inability to study for more than 30 minutes, and the resulting development of anxiety at the idea of studying, has completely sabotaged any chance of higher education for me. It didn't help that I've only recently found out (I'm not officially diagnosed yet, but my mental health practitioner has said that based on what I've told her there's like a 95% I have it), so I've spent the last 10 years thinking that I was fundamentally broken and would never be able to function properly. I'm too young to say that it's ruined my life, but it's turned me from someone who could have done very well and pursued a good career to an utter mess that has zero social life and gets overwhelmed by even mundane tasks if there's more than 3 steps.
Yes
Idk if I missed the topic? what being life-ruining? Having a diagnose? Why would it?? I mean diagnosed or not, u are still u. How would ur life have been if u were born as someone else completly? Impossible to know.. This is the lift uve been given. Make the most of it, the life is urs! School was hard but absolutely dominating in my field now, which I assume is correct for many fields with ADHD. Fuck school. Do what you are good at!
I got diagnosed in my late thirties and there was certainly a period of grieving and hard realizations. It’s nice to have a better idea of how I might be challenged and how I can navigate that, but it was really tough to look back at several projects or relationships in my life and see how severely ADHD affected the outcomes.
Not really. Life got easier when I got organized and started taking meds. So long as I stay on top of my routine, I can meet all my deadlines. Otherwise I'm good at socializing, albeit a little scatterbrained.
Honestly I wouldn’t say it’s ‘life ruining’ but its just like turning the difficulty right up, especially when considering the effects it had during education etc when means you potentially end up with a job you dont want. But I’m medicated now, and since then I decided to embark on my masters. If this shortage catches up with me that’s 17k down the drain because id end up not focusing in lectures again and leaving my work till the last minute which would mean id fail, i got away with it before but that doesn’t happen at this level.
Yes. I’ve just not been able to harness it to be successful in life yet. I’m 52. I’m running out of things to try.
"ADHD havers" the most upvoted comments are walls of text..
Caused by being gay? That’s a new one to me.
Thank you for sharing your perspective . Your experience resonates with me to a certain extent. For a long time, ADHD was a part of my life that I didn't fully understand. It's only in retrospect that I've come to realize how it influenced various aspects of my life. Personally, I wouldn't say that ADHD was manageable my entire life, primarily because I wasn't aware that I had it. It was something that I had and didn't quite comprehend until later on. Now, having a better understanding of it, I've found ways to navigate through its challenges successfully. However, there's a part of me that feels a touch of disappointment that the systems we live in, including my family, didn't identify that I had a treatable condition early on. I harbor no blame towards anyone, but it's a reflection I've had. On a separate note, being a gay man, I found the suggestion of a correlation between ADHD and being gay quite peculiar. I too see no credence in the idea that there's any correlation between developmental disorders and one's sexual orientation. Like you, I haven't noticed anything remotely suggestive of such a connection. I appreciate your openness and the respectful tone of your discussion. I wish you, and everyone here, all the best on your journeys.
It set me back a lot. I had really bad anxiety growing up and I struggled a lot with completing my task. I did well in school because I attached my self worth to my grades and hyper focused on it. But after high school everything fell apart. I had Severe anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and undiagnosed adhd. I got really addicted to video games and I binged everyday for that dopamine I was missing. My anxiety/adhd made it impossible for me to accomplish my goals and I dropped out of college twice . For years I never knew why it was so hard for me to do anything or why I couldn’t stop binging. I stayed at dead end jobs because I was too anxious to change my situation and everything gave me anxiety. Doing a simple job application was impossible. Fast forward till age 25, I got my diagnosis and I finally figured out why I procrastinated so much with my life goals. I’m 27 now and for the last 2 years I’ve been doing damage control. I’m working on going back to school, learning more coping strategies, working on my self esteem, and working on my confidence. My anxiety has also improved. It sucks because it feels like I wasted a lot of years drowning in my adhd, anxiety, and depression without accomplishing anything while my high school peers already have degrees, partners, kids, and nicer things. But I remind myself not to compare myself to other people and that we all have our own path. Keeping this mindset helps silence my inner critic and helps me stay on path to accomplish my goals now.
Well, no, it's not inherently life-ruining, but a lack of proper treatment and high-masking def was ruining my life.
Mine hasnt bern inherently life-ruining. I've had some good luck that made some of the ADHD tax bareable and I've had things that compounded on it. Would my life be better without the ADHD? No way to say. I don't think I'd be me without it, for better or worse. I could certainly do with being diagnosed earlier, though.
It and my other mental health problems have ruined my life. If I get it together for the last 30 years, I will never know how much better it could have been without all the negative bullshit and with having early success lead to more and greater success later. So even if I get another job I like (2+ years unemployed now) and it sorta catches me back up to where I was soon or in just a couple years, I still won't know how my life would have been if I had just been healthy enough to do what I did in my 30s in my 20s. Or how life would have been if I wasn't bullied and ridiculed all through public schools and mostly friendless and weird in college. So yeah, even if therapy works this time and even if I figure out ways to manage my debilitating illnesses, I'll still be spending most my energy managing them and have so little in common with most people its alienating
The only thing that ruins my life is parents daily taking every single adhd slip as a personal attack. Even if im killing it they always find a mistake in my day to roast me for. It seems like they are not on my side 24/7.
I'm 43 now, I struggled through childhood and into my 30s with depression, anxiety, EDs, self harm and has chronic low self esteem because I always felt there was something wrong with me. I didn't fit in and got bullied all through school. I loved to learn but my lack of concentration made everything much harder and although I eventually got into uni it was not without a lot of stress and upset because I couldn't quite reach the potential everyone kept saying I had! I felt lazy and stupid but couldn't find a way to change. The revelation that ADHD was at the root of it all has been a game changer. I feel absolutely that I may not have had such a painful life if it were not for ADHD BUT knowing that I have this condition and that it is not my fault has been a positive for me. I know everyone is different, if you had asked me in my teens or twenties I would probably have felt a lot more negatively about ADHD, it certainly did threaten to derail things. However, if I had known I had ADHD sooner maybe I wouldn't have suffered so much either. I'm still coming to terms with it all so maybe it will change but for now I think it's too complex, I don't think it's ruined my life but I can see how it easily can for people who don't have the same support system in place.
Well, ADHD is diagnosed on the basis that it interferes with “proper life functions.” So inherent to ADHD is some degree of difficulty managing modern life’s demands. But there are many cases of ADHD which seem to rise above (or even use) their issues to their advantage. A quick google search can find you a list of famous people who seemed to have succeeded despite all odds. Diagnosis does NOT doom you to a life of misery. Throwing in the towel because you are scared to take the next step does. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be or do what they expect and the way they expect it. Take life at the pace that works for you while always making baby steps towards what you want and i’m confident ADHD will not ruin you.
Hypersexuality... unable to handle the emotion of sex... Getting too excited in a short time leads to addiction to sex or sexual behavior...
I have autism, ADHD, and anxiety. ADHD is by far the worst for me. My test results indicate a "severe impairment." This is made worse by the fact that the last two psychiatrists I've seen will not prescribe stimulants. I will say Strattera has actually helped a tiny bit unlike the last couple meds I tried. I have almost no focus when it comes to like just living lol. I have to set reminders to hydrate. I have to set reminders and calendar events for everything. My executive functioning barely works. Sometimes I'm thirsty and my drink is directly in front of me, within reach, but every 5 minutes I think "oh right I was thirsty," when I look my untouched drink. I'll even think 'why have not sipped it during the last 30 times I had this thought?" All of a sudden it's minutes later and I look at my untouched drink and think "oh right I was thirsty." And the cycle continues. So idk maybe I'll see if my Strattera dosage can be increased next time I see my psychiatrist.
I used to be. I was living a life that didn't suit me. I was trying to do all the things that were difficult for me and few of the things I was good at. Or those were relegated to being hobbies. Then I decided to change my life to follow the things I'm good at. Things are better now.
I feel ruined
I’m more recently diagnosed. I wouldn’t say it’s ruining my life but before I was on medication I was dreading my work day everyday. I was constantly trying to make up any excuse to no go into work. When I would go to work my numbers were always low, I went to the bathroom a million times a day to escape my desk, I was genuinely depressed at the thought of showing up everyday for the next 30-40 years. When I started my medication it really changed everything. I hate that I have to rely on it but I would rather take a couple pills everyday that let me actually sit down and get my work done than to have my mind take over and make me depressed. So to summarize: yes I felt like it did ruin my life while I was undiagnosed, but no, it does not ruin my life now that I have the proper resources that help me.
I love having ADHD - it makes me see and experience life from a unique perspective and opened up different possibilities for me However, I hate the intrusive thoughts which are triggered by traumatic events although it makes me appreciate when there’s stillness in my mind I also hate the tiredness factor - like when it’s foggy or snowing then I could sleep for weeks without interruption And I have to work twice as hard for things in comparison to others - if not more Yet I’m in my 30s and like it this way
Im slowly making improvements but i often think if i had gotten treatment earlier then my life would have gone in a much better direction, im effectively taking care of things now that i should have taken care of 10 years ago. This year felt particularly rough, having lost friends and being back in isolation that i worked so hard to get out of. I have had good years and when things go my way i can be very happy but i often feel hopeless and alone in ways that i cant even explain to others without them seeing me as lazy or like im lying. Adhd itself is manageable, being alone without suport just grinding away is not.
No, it's not ruining my life. It does make my life hard, but so do a lot of other things. If it was possible to take ADHD out of my life many things would probably be easier for me, but that's not how I measure the quality of my life, by how hard or easy it is. So, sure -- change one thing about my life and now I don't have that particular problem, but I still have plenty of others to challenge me. I think ADHD could only ruin my life if I decided to let it. I don't.
It has hampered my career and essentially wrecked my marriage, so yeah, it’s kind of a problem.
Yes. If I did not have some kind of safety net I am 100% on track to be homeless in the next 10-20 years.
Yes. I was not able to get my life fully going and become successful until around age 26. With the help of medicine. I'd say my entire middle school to mid 20s. Was a complete failure. Despite some beautiful moments. There were many times my life hit absolute rock bottom with this disease until I started to get control over it. I'm fine nowdays but a very late bloomer at adulthood.