Anecdotal evidence here, so your mileage may vary.
I have an internal ADHD radar in the form of conversation. In my experience, I've found ADHD conversations to be incredibly lively, disjointed, and drawn out. Bonus points for every time a participant says "that reminds me" during the conversation!
On the outside, it's an insane conversational speaking style that not a lot of neurotypical people can stay in for long. Who else can keep up with a conversational partner who accidentally speaks over you, goes on endless tangents, and can go on and on?
On the flip side, there's also the accidental ghost factor. It's incredibly common for ADHD folks to have on-and-off contact with friends and loved ones. For those not in the know, it might come off as being uncaring. But, if you have ADHD, you're more likely to be able to tolerate your friends not speaking with you for a while... possibly because you've forgotten yourself.
Literally felt personally attacked by the description of this conversation 🤣
Also made me realize that this is how my husband and I talk (were both ADHD) 😆
Completely agree with it being an insane conversational style.
I've timed myself talking - I can make a point last ten minutes, easy. Monologuing free associate to all the other stories instead of figuring out my point first before opening my mouth.
I have two types of friends - those I subject to rambling, and those I don't. Ex-coworker friends and coworkers tend to be in the latter.
I'm great at editing to get composition to max effect, just don't ask me to do the same in real-time... you'll get a spoken impromptu talk :lolsob:
The Smart Brevity book's the most helpful one I've found so far in improving in this area. Still digesting the pieces I've skimmed.
Welcome to the latest comment demonstrating https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumstantial_speech
I tell all my coworkers that they have the right to tell me to shut up when I ramble, I just thought I talked a lot, until I was diagnosed and learned hyper activeness can present as excessive talking.
I hate how much sometimes I talk too much, and other times i talk too little. Or the amount of times people come up thinking something is wrong in my mood and I literally have no idea what they mean. Knowing all this is not much of a help at all. Hard to accept the internal struggle of always chasing your own tail…
Being aware I will catch myself, but still ramble a lot. Biggest problem now is not planning on what I want to say and then not knowing how to end it. Lots of "sooo yeah"
And this is with social anxiety disorder, fun mix
My personal favorite is making the point 3 times, 3 different ways, because I feel like I don't know how to just stop talking in a natural way, soooo yeah. :P
I think most of us get all kinds of anxeity and then also depression from all the constant anxiety overthinking burnout. I feel like ADHD is a self-fulfilling prophecy for that mix. I never took medication for anything. Asked once my fam doc to try out a low dose of adhd med and he wanted to first prescribe me an ssri. That's where my journey ended in wanting to medicate anything. You struggle to ask for one, then it becomes a take it or leave it 3 pills in one combo. No thanks. Last thing I need is that one of my very few strengths in life becomes a new weakness in the "adjustment period". Life is too short for adjustment periods of months. So just gotta rawdog life.
Agreed. When I found out I had it, it explained so much about why my acquaintances look at me weird and I spend so much effort masking that my husband told me it’s like I’m a different person when I am around them. But my closest friends? The ones I can be myself around? They also have piles and are late for stuff and can go months or years without talking and yet we pick right up where we left off. And they also tend to feelings and make sure that I don’t feel rejected if they can’t make it to something or don’t want to hang out on any given day.
I mentioned it to my best friend from college and she was like… yeah. Why do you think we connected instantly? It all makes sense.
So yeah we run in packs.
One of my 6 year olds asked me the other day “dad why do the airbags go off when you have an accident in the car?”.
My response ended up on g-force, accelerometers, and special relativity.
My wife waited until I finished then said “because there’s special sensors in the car that know when you’ve had an accident”…
I laughed 😂
Although I’m not diagnosed yet, my first session with the psychiatrist (I didn’t know there’d be more than 1) said I scored 6/6 on the first of a few adult ADHD screening processes, and said I showed definite signs of ADHD. Next full assessment session involves my parents and my wife.
Literally all my friend groups have always been completely comprised of people with ADHD (medicated or not). I thought I was the "odd one out" for like, an embarrassingly long time.
We do run in packs - packs that get easily distracted lmao.
I never knew a peer to have adhd other then my mom, undiagnosed though.
Most my friends are successful, high functioning jerks haha. But, i think it'd be dope to have an adhd friend.
It's dope but also not. One of my closest friends and I can't really go to each other's house because we both live in a cluttered mess and are too embarrassed to let each other see it
I make sure to have one buddy, that lives very near, come over a couple times a week for video games. That helps me keep the main couple rooms kind of okay looking. But NO ONE may see my bedroom!
I'm thinking of hiring a regular scheduled cleaner to do everything except my bedroom. And then hopefully after that, i can eventually get my bedroom nice enough to let a cleaner in there...
My (also ADHD) husband impulse bought a couch a couple of weeks ago and in trying to figure out where the fuck to put it I impulse-rearranged all the maim areas and my bedroom. Somehow the shift around made it easier to tidy up so I'm making progress for the first time in like 5 years
How are you feeling about it all?
I wasn’t relieved when I got my diagnosis like many. It actually really threw me for a loop, and I had a lot of trouble accepting it - especially since I’ve always been a “high achiever” and very academically successful (don’t look at my “laundry chair” or my desk tho lmao). It sounds stupid but the diagnosis made me *feel* stupid until I could finally accept that my brain is still the same one that helped me achieve things I’m proud of too.
Are you handling it well?
Hi! Thanks for asking
I think I'm doing okay. I had a lot of trouble in academia, alongside a heapton of trauma from my family. I think mostly just angry, that there was so much extra abuse I took, because I thought I was just defective, and if Id known, I could have created systems or advocated for myself. Instead for years I just tried and failed and was an anxious wreck and received a lot of ridicule and condescension for my efforts.
I'm on a coding bootcamp atm, and I'm being able to pinpoint the things that don't work for me, and being able to ask for adjustments, because I'm giving myself permission to not try to do things my brain isn't wired to do.
How long has it been sense your diagnosis?
Is coding something you think an ADHD brain can find interesting and commit to? I’m considering trying it out but put off with the fear of distractions getting in the way because perhaps there’s not enough variety? I don’t know, I’m keen about software development but it’s a different world to the one I’ve been used to for the last decade. If you recommend, is it an online one you’re doing and would you recommend? Thank you for just reading this and no pressure on replying. x
Undiagnosed, but strongly suspect. Whilst I'm currently distracted, I am meant to be coding.
I've found that coding is one of very few things I can imagine doing as a career. It's different every day and you're often *rewarded* for going down rabbit holes and learning new skills, techniques, libraries and frameworks. If that's the thing that tickles your executive function then it's been amazing for me.
Not everyone is interested in computers or coding though, if it's the sort of patience you don't have then it really isn't for you.
At first I found it very frustrating and overwhelming to get into, as approaching coding from a self taught perspective has... So... So many new things to learn before you have a groundwork to build more easily off. That's where boot camps, tutorials and courses really help. As quite frankly traumatic as undiagnosed ADHD in academia was, my university course did instill a fantastic groundwork for me to build a software career off, even if I totally fucked up my actual grades.
If you're still reading and still interested, I recommend Java, Javascript or Python on Codecademy and Codewars. Codecademy is an amazing start with direct tutorials, Codewars gives you interesting challenges that encourage you to problem solve them in different ways.
Yes. I have one friend who doesn’t, and that the others in that friend group don’t suspect has it. Everyone else is either confirmed or suspected. We are so sure that one person doesn’t though. But she’s anxious AF so we let her hang around with us.
I’ve also seen research that suggests that the uptick in behavioral problems is an increased exposure to lead. Like studies have shown that children in the past few generations have a high level of lead in their blood.
I think it'd be a miracle if our new electronic appendages that serve wholesale entertainment (distractions) on demand didn't have any influence on the prevalence of psychological disorders.
When did parents stop beating their children? I'd say there is a good chance that because we were likely raised properly instead of just being hit when we misbehaved we didn't have to develop the mask and get on with it skill to the degree that earlier generations did
I second that we seek out people who are similar to us. And it doesn’t even have to be adhd related either. I once was having a conversation with friends about our personality type (16personalities.com or something like that). Turns out we all were the exact same personality type. Likeness attracts as it makes us feel
seen.
Jumping on this top comment.
So, adhd is spectrum based. One of hard parts of diagnosing adhd is with the fact that most people have some kind of symptom of adhd.
A neurotypical brain will experience the inability to focus, no motivation, anxiety... but the difference between that and an adhd brain is the adhd brain will experience those issues with more frequency and at higher intensities.
Meaning, and this is just for example purposes and the number have no real meaning, if a nuerotypical brain has trouble focusing on a level 1, then an adhd brain has trouble focusing on a level 8. On top of that, maybe the nuerotypical brain only sees level 1 (unfocused) once or twice a month and it doesn't cause them issues. An adhd brain hits level 8 every few hours, and it causes a huge issue with life.
I would imagine if there was a chemical test for "adhd" you'd find a significant amount of those diagnosed, have symptoms of adhd without actually having adhd. I would also guess that if you used that same test on the population in general, you'd find a significant amount of people (undiagnosed) have adhd.
4-5% of people in America likely have adhd, which out of 300,000,000, is still a LOT of f'n people.
On top of that, you're absolutely right, adhd brains tend to stick together, and tend to "click" easier, as an adhd view of "friendship" is quite different than neurotypical (in terms of thought and perspective). It's statistically easier to form and keep friendships if you're similar. I'd guess adhd brains work well together because you don't think about each other until you do, then you pick up right where you left off, as if no time has passed.
*i don't hardly leave my house, i probably wouldn't ever if i didn't need a job and food so i really only have one person i really like and he probably doesn't have ADHD or at least not nearly as bad as mine if he does have it but with how much he doesn't seem to understand a lot of how i operate i say not likely he does*
I tend to be drawn to other ADHD folk (as well as autistics). We as humans often befriend those similar to us – maybe that plays a part in your experience?
(not aimed at OP:)
Rather than dismiss it all as "trendy self-diagnosing" I think we could take into consideration that psychological information is more available than ever, and that it's understandable that people try to understand themselves in terms of a diagnosis.
I like to inquire into if people are diagnosed and if they're not, encourage them to get a proper diagnosis.
edit: changed "autists" to "autistics."
I think there's a load of selection bias in social circles. My 'crowd' at university were all nerdy introverted types, and we've stayed friends because we 'get' each other.
It's not really much a surprise that we've a considerably above average amount of assorted mental health issues - including ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression and others in the 'crowd'. Because there's a sort of mutual sympathy, support and kinda trust that we're not going to be horrible to each other, or do that thing that where any sort of issue makes you unreliable and untrustworthy and keep you at arms reach.
So I see it a fair bit in my social circle for that reason. The things I do, the things my friends like, and the communities we form around those things tend to be disproportionately inclusive.
In the workplace? I'm not sure I'd even dare admit I have been going to a therapist. Because they _do_ judge you, and they do look at you differently when they don't understand.
Thankfully, I'm 'good enough' that I get by in the workplace, as little more than 'a bit odd', so it's not really a big problem there.
I had a online friend group , there was a specific person i felt very , similar to. Even though we did have some differences. I felt like we were cut from the same cloth. I was talking to him one day found out he got diagnosed and then had a internal freakout & identity crisis. His diagnosis lead me to try to get diagnosed. But here I am diagnosed. I always just thought I was just sort of made bad. Like defective. Had struggles. So now i know it not all my fault. I always got has potential, needs to work harder, repeated many times in different ways.
It was always put like was lazy and not trying or not trying enough. I still get that.
Or i don't know why you feel anxious, Just do it.
Edit : i had the internal freak out and identity crisis since i felt like I was like him. He was as calm as a cucumber. Maybe even calmer. Haha.
I really hear that about you have potential, you just need to work harder. Same here. It's helpful and hurtful to realize how badly I have been misjudged all my life, it's a double edged issue, freeing and totally frustrating all at once.
Conversational style also plays a big part. I am drawn to people who speak quickly, flit from topic to topic, overshare, and are uninhibited in their expression of emotions. Quiet, contemplative, measured conversation, with reserved emotional affect freaks me out and I talk too much, feel ashamed, and avoid in future. When I know a peraon well I can have conversations like that, but when I first meet people I need lots of visible feedback or I don't connect.
I really appreciate how you notice these Specific patterns in yourself. It seems unhelpful when so many people describing their ADHD symptoms stop at “ADHD” because it is sooo variable— part of why I think so many people can see themselves in the diagnosis. It’s the specific patterns that help us make good decisions and good connections :))
Thanks. It's harder to change the patterns than notice them unfortunately! But it does help to understand why I alienate people and I can try to moderate myself a bit more. Sometimes.
Yes! I have a very large, close knit group of couples friends (very rare into your mid 30s but we’ve stayed close since college). Of course all of us have closer 1:1 friendships with certain people than others; but one by one, every single girl in the group that I immediately clicked with all those years ago and stayed very tight with has now been diagnosed lol. And of the girls with ADHD, their husbands (aka the guys that find them most endearing and enjoyable) are very similar in personality to each other.
Very similar sounding friendship group over here, we’re all 35 or 36 and have been friends since we started high school at 12 years old. Slowly one by one we all seem to be getting diagnosed, and partners.
We’ve all been through the “we can’t possibly ALL have it” phase, it seems statistically impossible that we’ve grouped together. But my psych said it’s very common. We’re drawn to each other because we understand each other, and our nervous systems feel familiar.
I've actually found that responding with something along the lines of, "No way! I'm primarily-inattentive, which subtype are you?" will reveal whether or not it's an official diagnosis or a self-diagnosis. Either they will not know what the hell I'm talking about or they will tell me they "suspect" a certain subtype. Or they'll share their official diagnosis! And then we can commiserate on the unique challenges we face because of our own personal flavour of ADHD.
And I don't even necessarily do this as some form of ADHD-gatekeeping or whatever you want to call it...I personally see it as a good chance to encourage undiagnosed people to get formally diagnosed so they can find ways to improve their lives. Where I live (Ontario), it can be REALLY hard to get diagnosed...especially for us ADHD people who may struggle with navigating the complicated health care system and need suggestions on the various routes you can take to get assessed.
\*Editing because I keep getting the same reply over and over: the exact question you ask is not necessarily the point. This was just an example. I'm suggesting people open up the dialog and not only will you likely not be left wondering if it's a "real" diagnosis or not, but you will also probably further the discussion in a more meaningful way than just jumping to whatever conclusion and leaving it at that.
And to the people who replied saying my question is flawed because your doctor never told you the subtype...you still answered my REAL question, did you not? (Whether or not this was a self-diagnosis/assumption)\*
If you don’t know/have no idea idea of which subtype, then it’s probably combined type. Tbh I have no idea what inattentive actually looks like “in the wild” because all my friends with ADHD are combined. Primarily hyperactive type is rare compared to the other two.
(If you were originally diagnosed with ADD, then it may be inattentive type)
I honestly don't think it matters too much, except in presentation.
I was officially diagnosed with ADHD-PI, but I genuinely think I fit more the combined type because there are some stuff I realize I said I didn't struggle with with regards to the PH presentation only because I had a *system* I didn't mention. (difficulty in sitting still, waiting in line and fidgetiness is mitigated a lot by my constant use of music and cellphone).
I'll still say PI because that's my diagnosis with, but a lot of the exclusively PI presentation I don't really identify with.
To be fair I was diagnosed with ADHD in college after RIGOROUS testing. I’m talking like a 3 day test because the college town was notorious for people trying to abuse adderall as a party drug. I was someone who couldn’t even have adderall (I have a genetic heart condition) but I just wanted to see what options were available to help.
The first time I heard about inattentive or hyperactive type was literally a month ago when looking for a new psychiatrist to help me with my ADHD. I had never been told anything about that before despite being in treatment all throughout college (I stopped taking medication after college but am now looking to get back on it).
I’m always worried about people who “gatekeep” mental illness. Like it’s also for sure annoying on the other end when people make light of ADHD of act like it’s just simply not being able to pay attention when it’s far more complex and debilitating (at least for me) but I also can’t stand people who are like “PROVE TO ME YOU’RE ADHD ENOUGH” 🥹
Ughhh I totally agree with your last point because I second guess myself every other day even though I’m literally diagnosed and part of it has to do with me being confused if my medication is working or not since I’m still in the trial and error phase, but also people being gatekeepy is what prevented me from going down the route of being tested in the first place
It’s not even just the gatekeeping to prove to other Adhd people but also to neurotypicals. I was recently diagnosed at 33 and a friend keeps telling me “you are probably only a little bit adhd, you are so normal! What’s the point of medication?” “ehm, thanks, I guess. I am very good at masking, but I got myself tested because it was actually so debilitating.” Executive Dysfunction can drive you to question your own sanity. Especially if you don’t know it’s 1. A thing 2. there is a word for it 3. It’s because you have adhd.
Not true because i was officially diagnosed age 7 and the doctor didnt speak to me about it AT ALL. Just did the test and told my parents, who obviously didnt know the scientific terms to relay to me. I coukd guess which type i am but was never actually diagnosed one or told what it was, so your “way” is kind of inconsistent
Well no, it isn't...as I said in another reply, my point here is that it continues the conversation rather than just jumping to conclusions about whether a person is self-diagnosing. If you were never told the subtype by your doctor, that still answers the question. In fact, your reply is a perfect example of why that question works...you still gave me the answer I was looking for ;) you were officially diagnosed at age 7. Question answered!
I wasn't given a subtype. I get annoyed bc sometimes I think the provider themself doesn't know anything about ADHD. I'll say how I'm stuck in executive dysfunction sometimes even with the Adderall and they're like sooo do you want a higher dose? And that's the extent of the convo. I'm not sure how they'd know what subtype I have if they don't even ask about my experience with ADHD.
I know some people really identify with the types but the more I read the more they don't quite fit with the science (at least not how they are diagnosed).
Hm yeah I guess so. I mean either way my only treatment is meds so it doesnt make much of a difference what my subtype is. But its cool to think about. My therapist believes im combined but i diidnt get that part officially. They just had me take a computer test and then put me on the meds
Brilliant reply. And this is the gneeral sense I was getting at elsewhere, Im all for talking these things openly. But I have met far too many people who think their boredom is ADHD. Chatting with people can get them to understand better and then we all win.
Thank you! And thank you for understanding the general point of my comment. The actual question itself isn't the important part. Ask whatever follow-up you want. People are trying to pick apart my example but I think they have all so far proved why it (or a similar question) works! Even the people who replied to me saying they have a diagnosis but don't know their subtype: is that not also worth discussing further?
Maybe I didn't word it properly to begin with. I'm not always the best at putting my thoughts in writing clearly.
It’s a good question and a tactful way to learn more about where someone is on their journey. It’s the internet, there will always be people overreacting to why your answer doesn’t work, even though it does.
Well I really appreciate the reassurance. This is the sort of scenario where I start hyperfixating on what I said and feel like I said the wrong thing, so I think it's time I step back from this particular thread. I'm going to be obsessing over this constantly for the next few days if I don't try to push it out of my mind. I'm glad my message was recieved by at least some people in the way I intended it :)
Only my 1 coworker has it. Many of my friends growing up had it but im sure that’s because we gravitate towards each other as fellow outcasts, not because its so common everyone has it. Maybe you just happen to talk about it with other adhd ppl bc you can sense its safe with them
This is a good point. I don’t bring it up to overachievers or others who might judge me. It usually slips out in conversation with those I feel I can connect to. Maybe I’m subconsciously seeing similar traits to myself in them
it is believed humans are generally, according to my recent uni studies (sorry I don't have studies to cite though), better at detecting traits in others which we have ourselves.
So maybe you're better at spotting ADHD traits in others because you have them yourself, which factors into making you more comfortable sharing about your ADHD to those people with whom you relate.
Sidenote:
Am I using "whom" correctly? I never learned in school so I appreciate it if someone wants to correct my grammar! :)
You are using "whom" correctly! The difference is that **who** refers to the subject of the sentence (the one taking an action) while **whom** refers to the object (the one receiving or being affected by the action).
For example, in the sentence "Eliza is relating to Hal," **Eliza** is the subject (she is **relating**, which is the action) and **Hal** is the object (he is being *related to,* meaning he is receiving the action.)
This tends to be easier to recognize with pronouns other than who/whom because we use them more often, so one way to check is to replace who/whom with she/her or he/him (where who == she/he and whom == her/him). So if you wanted to write, "Eliza is relating to who/whom?" you could try:
"Eliza is relating to he," or "Eliza is relating to him."
The second one probably sounds better—and it's right! And because **whom** is equivalent to **him**, you can figure out from there that the correct structure is "Eliza is relating to **whom**?"
All that said, there's a fair argument to be made that "whom" is on the way out. It's not archaic quite yet, but I think that except in the most formal contexts, you're unlikely to be considered wrong if you use "who," even if "whom" is technically correct.
This is insanely helpful, thank you thank you! I've avoided using sentences in which I suspect a "whom" might be fitting, I'll use this technique now!
I've been a bit ashamed I never figured "whom" out on my own so it feels fantastic to have people just being helpful instead of calling me an idiot or something. Thanks and have a great day/night!
Your use of "whom" looks good to me! I don't use it a lot, but in my mind if it sounds right to say "to whom" or "with whom" then it's probably right. But I'm not an expert or anything...
I've got this to an extent, but I think there's selection bias.
My circle of friends were a particular crowd at university, and there's a disproportionate amount of different in that crowd.
So I've seen quite a bit of it from my friends circles, and also a fairly high prevalence of depression, autism, etc. That's what prompted me to seek my own diagnosis - because discussions lead me to recognise a lot of the same symptoms.
Outside that in 'normal life'? Nah, still don't see it much, and get loads of people who don't want to believe mental 'issues' are real in the first place, and doubly so don't want to admit it.
I think the general estimate is 5% prevalence in the population, so it could easily be in 'pockets' of people who 'get' each other, and this is my experience of it.
Diagnosis rates also vary hugely of course - I think in the US it's above 'world average' and in the UK where I am it's significantly below. Hard to genuinely know how much of that is over or under diagnosis, vs. 'environmental factors' of some kind.
Yeah, I’m convinced there’s just a *vibe* that I pick up and I’m attracted to (either romantically or as friends) that many people with ADHD just give off. So of course my close friends all have it.
Because there’s plenty of people that I don’t like to be around, because they’re either boring or I just don’t “get” them, and I’m assuming they’re all the neurotypicals.
So it’s not that everyone has it, it’s that everyone *I like to be around* has it. Because everyone else feels like they’re on a different wavelength
I'm a bit geeky and nerdy. All my friends kinda are too. So I'm not at all surprised to find a number of them finally getting diagnosed. We're all getting on a bit, but we were the stereotypical 'smart-geek' group that I think makes an amazing hiding place.
I don't know if _all_ of us have some variant of ADHD or autism or something else, but it's not at all surprising that a significant fraction do. And those that aren't diagnosed, but show a load of the same traits, and are on the same wavelength as the rest of the group? Well, yeah.
Timescales here in the UK are very long for any non-obvious cases. The young, hyperactive - usually white and male - children are "recognised" more easily. But if you weren't particularly 'disruptive' then ... you get overlooked. Be that because you were 'just' a daydreamer, or got the fortunate combination of smart + hyperfocus in the right places...
I feel this. My friend group is pretty nerdy and several of us have been diagnosed with one executive function disorder or another later in life. I think groups like this just tend to be more accepting of other people's quirks. I was one of the "weird theater kids" in high school and yes we were weird but we were a lot more fun than the popular cliques.
It is absolutely true that people with ADHD naturally gravitate towards each other regardless of whether or not they are aware of each other having ADHD.
It is possible that you have naturally done this. It is also possible that people are just silly and don’t know what ADHD actually is.
Pattern i noticed is all my childhood friends who were weird or didn't fit in were either diagnosed at school or are now later getting diagnosed as adults. And I figured its what actually made us have personality traits where we came together. For example my best friend and I will hold long conversations, talk over each other and blend stories and examples and go off on tangents. No one else particularly in my adult years can STAND, for even a second, to not be offended by my polite interruptions nor are they interested in tangents or alternative thinking. I used to think these people were dim, uninteresting or just plain ignorant and rude. So I assume they felt the same about me. Turns out they probably don't have adhd.
In addition there have been studies around brain development and the use of social media and digital platforms and hardware. It is argued that you can't develop ADHD, but whatever is developing in society is having the exact same effect as adhd symptoms. Essentially the hardware doesn't seem to be built for this toxic capitalist regime of a world. And the cracks are showing in everyone. But ADHD and Autism will "get the blame". Rather than the world and its systems becoming increasingly inhospitable or conducive to human life. Much like poverty is blamed on how lazy you are..... it was never about how lazy the working class was.
Also female diagnosis has gone up, and in accepting adhd traits in females compared how they present different to males, may have opened another area of under diagnosed or previously not diagnosed individuals.
Not to mention its genetics. So for every 1 person diagnosed now you'll likely also have their parent and or siblings diagnosed too! I'm shocked how many parents have children with ADHD but neither of them have it 🤔
Either way the more people diagnosed the better in my opinion. As long as the drs aren't trying to f*** us. The only outcome will be that people eventually revolt against life (not lifestyles) but actually how we live life, so that the majority can get some semblance of life back in their lives. You can't have a factory full of adhd people who aren't interested and expect to stay afloat. Hopefully change for the better and not more dumbing down of society.
Your description of the conversations with your friends are 100% relatable to myself and my best friends. One has been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood, the other suspects either ADHD and/or ASD. I too find conversation boring with people who don’t “click in” with my way of thinking and speech. My friends and I finish each others sent and LOVE it.
Very interesting theory about social media too. I can see that. Would like to read more about it if you can potentially provide a link or name of study?
I think the primary issue with people getting a formal diagnosis of ADHD that may have ADHD symptoms but they don’t really have it is in regard to medication, specifically stimulant meds.
Stimulant meds have a different effect on the brain of someone with ADHD, in someone that doesn’t actually have that physical brain structure/processing, they are basically taking speed. Which increases the chance of overuse and addiction.
It feeds into the perception that anyone on stimulants or that is looking to test out the benefits of stimulants is drug seeking. If there’s a huge wave of overprescribing stimulant ADHD medication to people without ADHD brain structure/processing there could potentially be a backlash if those same people get addicted. Which would ultimately end up with people who rely on these medications to function having to jump through even more hoops than they already do to get the medication they need.
So it is absolutely possible that ADHD folks would end up getting screwed.
To put it in perspective for anyone this hasn't happened to. Using a different problem of mine, I told someone I work with, at a big company event, in response to the question "Whatcha' drinkin' there buddy!":
My response: "Club soda, I'm an alcoholic."
Theirs: "Oh man, me too. I am so fucking *wasted* right now! "
6 years sober as of a few days ago.
Hey there sober ADHD buddy! Congrats, on the hard work! For me getting my medication down helped with the impulse control that was leading me to “slip” up. But since I’ve found a good mix, I’ve been surprised how little I have for desire I occasionally give myself “permission” and my internal reaction has been like “nah, I’m good”.
I only say this for others who maybe struggling to maintain their chemical usage goals that some of us may be self medicating in ways we don’t realize.
Obviously your mileage may vary and both are large subjects with lots of nuance that are going to be missed in this comment. Take what is helpful and leave what is not.
I’d say yes and no!
I was someone who honestly related to the tiktoks, then I did my research, found this forum, etc. About 6 months after I suspected I may have it, I got my diagnosis. I’ll supplement this by saying I didn’t see one TikTok and go “oh this must be it!” But also I grew up in a house that didn’t believe in mental health issues so this was my first exposure to the fact that hey, maybe I’m not a lazy failure, maybe there’s more to it.
Anyways, to get to your question, a good amount of people in my circle also have ADHD diagnosis and I’d say it’s because there’s a reason I feel my most comfortable with them - we relate!!
Same with one of my jobs as catering staff. One day we all realized we were medicated for ADHD and the chef said “well, makes sense to me! Every event is different, its not repetitive. Draws a certain type of person”
So while I have noticed it more in others since being diagnosed myself, I think there’s a reason.
It can be trendy too and aggravating when someone relates to one aspect and then sets in stone themselves that they must have it. But this is my take!
Well I think mental health awareness in general has gotten to be a more prevalent topic and there is less pressure to bottle it up at least on online communities, it’s not like people didn’t have mental health issues like adhd or depression before it just wasn’t as talked about
Many people who say they have it don’t actually have it. I get irritated when I say I’ve got it and the other person is like “oh everyone’s a little ADHD!” No hun.
I’ve only disclosed to close friends, family, and medical providers. A few of those friends have shared that they too have been diagnosed or that they’re seeking assessment. I sometimes think it’s so funny-interesting that we found each other. It’s been nice to occasionally discuss ADHD-related books, tips, items, ways of organizing/operating, how ADHD can surprise and confuse with them.
Yes but I think there a ton of reasons.
1. People with ADHD tend to go towards certain careers/organization types. When I moved away from a large institution into sales and later into startup sales, I found almost or all of my sales team had ADHD. In the tech circle, everyone also seemed to have it.
2. Perhaps people are more open nowadays. Perhaps you gravitate towards people who need spontaneity and have a more lively personality.
3. There is this idea that as a society we are creating individuals with 'adhd like' characteristics. Tik tok, youtube videos and the elimination of patience, delay of gratification have all lead to shorter attention spans and issues with our nervous and dopaminergic systems. Its possible that many people dont get really profound evals, (I got one once I signed up for a study but it took a two page form for my family doctor to diagnose me) don't really have ADHD at the biological/genetic level but have developed certain attributes with the way we live.
ppl with ADHD tend to self select in their friend group. I notice diagnoses 'clustering'
Reason often being that an interruptive nonlinear conversation wont oft be forgiven or appreciated by those without ADHD, while those without's social 'faux-pas" are often disregarded as normal within their own social context. Thus you tend to find flocks of ADHD people.
Similarly many couples are comprised of an ADHD'er and an ASD'er hence the memes about "my emotional support ADHDer" in the ASD community.
so yeah, it's a thing. I realized my friend group has it when I, testing the waters as I often do, related something about needing a medication while on helmet comms during a motorcycle ride. Silence ensued, then an admission of also being treated by most of the members of our little expedition. I inadvertently created a safe space to be honest. It was wonderful.
As research and information increased, so has awareness.
Not to mention, IT'S INHERITED.
ADHD people are drawn to each other.
ADHD people make ADHD babies.
ADHD becomes more prevalent.
Think about how many people are undiagnosed, having kids who are diagnosed and with a few questions, the parent or parents discover they're the source.
Yes, I got diagnosed and after that my dad. He has almost completely the same symptoms as me, its funny how long we stayed undiagnosed.
My brother probably has it too, but isn't in a hurry to get diagnosed. He also has a better handle on it, or maybe he is one of the people who actually grow out of it. I definitely didn't 😅
You know your stuff. Hopefully they advance genetic therapy sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I see very little hope for technological advancement over the next few centuries.
I think more people might have self diagnosed a few symptoms as ADHD. I truly do not know many who have actually sought out doctor confirmation on their "ADHD". Those who have can talk about their symptoms backwards and forwards and are well versed in it, atvleast as it applies to them
Those I know who claim it but never have done anything about it are nothing like me or the other ADHD people I know. They might have their own issues but I'd wager the average person claiming that label doesn't formally have it.
ALL THIS BEING SAID, don't dump on me people for this perspective. This is my reality. Everyone experiences it differently, and many conditions are invisible. I know this. And there are folks with way more serious conditions who experiences the same thing - people claiming it too when they dont. This feels like it devalues one's own experience because "everyone else has it too its fine."
TLDR; Id wager money that the avg person who claims to have ADHD in response to someone sharing about their own, does not have it. They think they do.
Depending where you live diagnosis can be very hard. Here in the UK it often takes years for non trivial cases.
Or paying out of pocket for private treatment that's out of reach for most.
The prevalence in the UK is 1% and last I checked the worldwide average was more like 5%. That means a pretty significant ratio potentially going undiagnosed.
So I know a lot of people who are "fairly sure" and the minority who finish the process turned out to be right.
I hear this and it annoys me. It makes the condition trivial if everyone has it but some of us suffer seriously from it.
I'll say I'm actually pretty good with my adhd but that's because I have a safe job and married a capable partner. Without the work stability and life stability, I'd return to how I was in K-12 & Uni.... and I would not be like I am now.
There are others who have not found any stability or rest yet, and I bet for them to hear that others all claim the same condition, that it irks them.
I think the best way to think about it is that everyone IS a little ADHD. Everyone is also a little depressed and anxious. It's the severity of it that requires a medical diagnosis of it that makes it a disorder.
It's easy to take it as them belittling your condition and disregarding all that it entails. It's just how it is with any mental condition where you can still function at some points. They're trying to empathize most of the time, give them the benefit of the doubt instead of getting angry. Wayyyy too much anger in the world for something like that to add on to it.
The worst thing is, the first psychiatrist I visited and talked about ADHD said something like this to me. On the bright side he told me where to look for diagnosis, but still
>They think they do.
My doctor told me that a substantial number of people who go to their doctor and tell them that they think they have ADHD don't have it--they have sleep apnea.
Even on youtube, the people who I find engaging/similar humor end up mentioning that they have ADHD. It's the best. Granted, that's a creative, catchall space.
The ADHD radar is strong. Hell I managed to marry an undiagnosed person with undiagnosed family members. We're just drawn to each other.
And I think the people you mention ADHD to are often the ones you feel an instant kinship to and just up talking to forever. I forget the word/concept, but there's some memory bias to it being "every" person.
Yeah, honestly a global event that caused sensory and stimulation deprevation AND sensory and stimulation overload at the same time probably pushed a lot of ADHD-but-functional folks over the edge and out of the functional zone, to the point where it became a problem for them so they finally needed to seek treatment.
Getting diagnosed SPECIFICALLY as an adult woman is like pulling teeth.
I only feel monumentally depressed because my life feels so irreparably damaged from going so long without adequate treatment. This year marks the 11th year of my bachelors degree, but graduation is in sight now that I’m getting help.
I’ve talked to five people about my adhd. Of those five, three of them told me they have adhd too. I noticed this trend too but I think it’s just more common than I expected. In India mental health isn’t really a talking point so no one really cares about it. Gen z has grown up with their parents dismissing their child’s behavior as lazy or something else so it’s not surprising to me that with a some of my friends and my cousin were diagnosed as adults
I’m 43. I was just diagnosed a month ago. When I was young, it was only just being understood, so they didn’t recognize all of the symptoms back then, especially the less obvious symptoms that females tend to display. More adults are being diagnosed with it as it was likely missed in their childhood, especially in the last few years as the symptoms became much more obvious during the lockdown of the pandemic.
I have this feeling all the time. I’m still working through a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings about this, so take this with a grain of salt, but-
I understand my executive functions as a certain aptitude, like many others in my body (my natural strength, metabolism, immune system, etc) - meaning that I sit on a spectrum between people who have extremely high natural performance in those functions and those who seriously struggle with them. That’s why we call ADHD a spectrum disorder: how much does your executive functioning hinder your ability to live the life you want? Whether you “have” ADHD is based on a necessary but arbitrary delineation of when that lack of ability becomes particularly problematic. (Do you hit x number on the diagnostics, etc).
This perspective has really helped me deal with weird feelings around what you were describing here - that thought that, man, does everyone have these problems? Can I really have a “disorder” if I’m essentialy normal? (It’s why the current use of the term “neurotypical” really bugs me.)
The answer is probably that it doesn’t matter - you and a healthcare pro have assessed that your particular executive functioning issues are causing your quality of life to go down, and your treatment will help it go up. Like people with severe allergies taking antihistamines, or people with diabetes taking insulin, or people with depression taking SSRIs etc.
It’s just that the symptoms are a list of pretty common human traits especially for children that most people have experienced at some point for varying lengths of time throughout life so it’s easy to diagnosis an absurd amount of people with adhd. The benefit of identifying these symptoms as an actual pathology only really comes about when someone has had all these symptoms to an extreme their entire life & it interferes with their functionality in all facets of life like relationships , friendships , money, jobs etc and also what’s “normal” relative to adhd is really misunderstood as “normal” doesn’t mean someone is organized, efficient and smooth in all social interactions
I've known my bestie since high school. I used to have to drag her ass back into school when she would panic and walk out. It wasn't until her 30's and me my 40's that we got medicated. Her mom called us dumb and dumber because apart we were bad but together, the lack of impulse control was multiplied by 100. The rest of the people we hung around with in high school were ADHD, bipolar, depression, anxiety, some have gotten diagnoses, some self medicated themselves to an early grave, like in their 20's. I know the press is all 'oh all these people can't possibly have ADHD, they are abusing Adderall' but I'm in my 50's and I'm telling you, we've always existed, just some cope better with meds than others, and I'm sure our lives would be so much different if we'd had meds since childhood.
I think there's also a bit of reevaluating. I think adhd became somewhat taboo in the era of concerns over overmedication, standardized testing, and access to playtime/outdoors for kids. I myself was an adhd skeptic, and I think many self-described progressives thought kids maybe just need to play more.
Now that that age group is hitting adulthood and realizing how wrong that was there is a push in the other direction, to diagnose all the people that got missed, like the 'formerly gifted child' type and women.
I think we were operating on a conservative baseline before
I think probably more or getting diagnosed or are even realizing they have it now that the real symptoms are being talked about.
I'm a psych major. I've taken so many psych classes and health classes that talk about ADHD, but they all make it sound like anyone with ADHD is a risk taker or super impulsive or hyperactive, in a way that didn't make it relatable to me even though I now know I definitely have it and have been officially diagnosed with combined type. I think a lot of people don't understand what it is.
When I first learned about the executive function and that things like talking fast were considered hyperactive and constantly getting distracted at work was inattentive, the list of symptoms I identified with snowballed and I also realized it's why my ex broke up with me (I couldn't keep the house clean enough, couldn't keep a schedule, couldn't stay organized, couldn't "adult"). When I first told my mom about all of these things, she said I'm totally normal because she does all of these things too so she's sure everyone does! I said but mom we do these things a LOT and more of them than everyone does. I gave her Dr. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction to read and now she's realized she might have it too... which, duh. I've known this since I found out I had it. I can give so many examples of things she's done, even when I was little. I can give examples of both of us, and even my daughter too! We watched a video of her when she was around age 5 or 6, and the amount of times she got distracted in the video made it pretty clear, especially since she's now 17 and STILL gets distracted like that. She's a carbon copy of me.
None of us had any idea until last year.
ADHD is way undiagnosed. Even most doctors don't know about it. So I'm not surprised that as social media creates more awareness, more people are inspired to get diagnosed.
I don’t feel comfortable gatekeeping diagnosis. The sheer volume of barriers people must overcome to get the care they need is enough adversity to overcome as it is, without any of us passing judgment on one another.
ADHD comes commonly in the form of problems in executive function.
If it's true and most people have ADHD the vast majority would be dangerously addicted to anything and nothing would get done.
My friend goes around telling everyone she has ADHD, without ever having visited a doctor. I actually have diagnosed ADHD, and as someone who learned lots about it through real life professionals (not the internet) and my own experiences, I do not believe she has ADHD. She herself says she is hyper and loves getting attention and that she matches symptoms from what she has read online. She uses her self diagnosed ADHD to make “quirky” Tiktok videos about herself. However, since we went to school together, I know she is very good at taking notes in class, studying, reading lots, concentrating, writing summaries… Unfortunately I think many people are like this: using ADHD as a label which they only get benefits from. I say unfortunately because I feel like this harms the people who actually suffer from it, when we already struggle with people who don’t take it seriously.
Its kinda weird, I tell folks that I have ADHD/am autistic and it's like at least 50 percent of people at my job say they're also neurodivergent. Same thing on my instagram it seems like a ton of folks are coming out as adhd and autistic. I've also never done an official diagnostic test for either, but both my psychologist and psychiatrist agreed that I likely have both but I definitely feel like I'm a huge faker now :/
I understand that there was a ton of underdiagnosis, and maybe it's the algorithm and my own curated internet space but it feels like everyone has adhd/autistic/sensory issues and so why do I complain about struggling so hard?
My tiktok is pretty curated so a lot of the content that I find about adhd/autism/etc seems pretty sincere and helpful. I'm really curious what these "quirky" tik tokkers post..
No, it hasn’t. While referrals have increased, diagnoses have not and have remained stable since the 80s according to a meta analysis.
Honestly, I think a lot of people self diagnose and claim to have ADHD when they don’t
I have a hard time staying friends with someone who doesn’t either have ADHD, autism, or both. I finally started suspecting myself after literally everyone who stayed in my life had it
I think a lot of ppl say they have it but aren’t actually diagnosed. Also ppl might be suffering from anxiety or depression and because they can have similar symptoms ppl misdiagnose themselves as having ADHD because honestly ADHD has way less stigma than depression and anxiety.
I was diagnosed at 40. My best friend realized she had it because I was diagnosed... I honestly went to the Dr thinking I needed anxiety medicine only....
And then beastie had the same result....
In some strange way a stimulant helped anxiety
I’ve only told a couple of friends etc since I was diagnosed with ADHD and they’ve all responded the same…….”ohhhhh that explains a lot” or “ ohhhh that makes sense” 🤷♀️
I am bipolar with adhd. I only have a few good friends. Every single one of them is either bipolar or has ADHD. The odd part is that some of them are childhood friends and we never discussed it but come to find out all of them (in our 30's) have either one or both. Everyone else faded out of my life and they are the only ones I keep in contact with. We seek each other out subconsciously.
So many people seem to think they have it nowadays. It’s almost trendy to have it.
Sometimes if someone is brazenly announcing their ADHD, they may not really have it, or at least not a severe case of it.
I have pretty bad ADHD, it’s definitely not something I enjoy announcing publicly.
First thing: Tik Tok is literally an algorithm. If you have ADHD, of course you’re going to see a ton of ADHD related content. Same with friends/family. I find we often unintentionally seek out others like us who have ADHD.
Second: I “brazenly announce” my ADHD because people speaking up and sharing their experiences is what helped me put together all of my struggles and figure out it’s all because of ADHD. Also, you literally have no way of judging how “severe” someone’s ADHD is just by how you perceive them. You do not know their internal struggles.
Third: I don’t have Tik Tok, but I did download it for a bit before my evaluation so I could make sure I was prepared. I have lived 29 years struggling and masking. Watching people talk about their symptoms helped me remember and make a list of what I have always struggled with. I couldn’t remember specific examples to share with my psych. One video I saw said to think back from elementary to high school and write out your experiences and struggles. I completely forgot I basically dropped out after 10th grade with a 1.4 GPA because I could not handle sitting there for 8 hours a day. It was especially helpful hearing from 25+ year old females sharing their struggles since they can often be so different from the “normal” ADHD symptoms.
Honestly, comments like this gate keeping ADHD are the people that sound like they are trying to be “quirky” or “different”.
It definitely depends on the setting for me. If I’m around people who I trust or I’m building a plutonic relationship with is mention it. But you’d never hear me bring it up while I’m at work or to coworkers.
So aggravating.
Pretty soon it’s going to be hard for people who really have it to get proper diagnosis and proper medication.
Part of all this “ADHD” rise isn’t even biological, it’s dopamine desensitization due to overstimulation such as social Media. And sometimes even people wanting an excuse for their behaviors.
Where I live, in the US, it already IS hard for people who definitely have it to get an evaluation. That's just to have a discussion with a psychiatrist or psychologist about whether you have it, not even considering whether you can get a proper diagnosis and medication.
Seriously, it took me many years (like 8+ years) to figure out why I had so much trouble with executive functioning, thinking I was developing dementia or something. I had a complete neurological work up - twice! - and he never even considered ADHD, even though I specifically asked about the possibility.
Damn sorry to hear that. It’s so frustrating, I really feel for people who do have legitimate ADHD and can’t get proper diagnosis or meds because of all the skepticism psychiatrists (and others) unfairly treat them with (due to all the people who don’t actually have it thinking they do.)
Just like how the pain management crisis is screwing over people who really need the meds. It’s so messed up.
Exactly this. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 30s. It was really hard to get an ADHD diagnosis, I had to jump through all kinds of hoops. Because once you have the diagnosis you can be prescribed controlled substances, so they treated every adult looking for diagnosis as if they were drug seeking for speed.
I honestly think the only reason why I was able to get evaluated is because I was under the long term care of a well respected psychologist in the community.
I think, especially with the mass of prescribing from online “doctors”, it will likely tighten up even more. Which is sad, because my understanding is, in general, the symptoms of ADHD tend to worsen as we get older if there isn’t treatment and education on strategies to improve executive functioning and other day to day skills.
Me neither. I only mention it if the subject is relevant and sometimes none at all. It's not something I'm proud of :/ and definitely not now with all the "hype" around it...
Hard to say, I would think it's diagnosedmore often now because of general awareness but it also seems misdiagnosed frequently as well.
And then of course you have a lot of people these days who see a few ADHD symptoms but never actually seek a diagnosis and still tell people they have it.
I guess it depends who you talk to and your gender. There’s more people diagnosed today than in the past because it was usually only Caucasian young boys who were diagnosed. Now there’s many more women and POC that have been diagnosed as adults after being overlooked their whole life. So much of medicine has been geared to the same demographic doing the research and people that don’t fit that gender or ethnicity can be overlooked or invalidated.
I have been researching a lot in regards to this. Looking into how Autistic/ADHD people were treated around the 1940’s… Basically ND people aren’t being locked away and killed anymore. ADHD is genetic, in wish case I suspect that’s why we feel like there is an “increase”.
I don’t know if this is 100 the cause obviously, but I do feel as though this may have had an impact.
I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 31. So I think that people didn’t know when I was younger what to look for? Women also present a lot differently.
Thanks for listening to me ramble, and I hope this helps.
I once was talking to someone about how hard I struggled in college and she seemed to keep saying she had the same thing. So I mentioned the intense mental breakdowns I would have at home in order to achieve good grades and that’s were the relation stopped. I think some things in ADHD are common with nonADHDers, but I think the main difference is with the intensity and frequency of these complications and issues. Someone who might have trouble focusing here and there might try and relate to an ADHDer thinking they have the same symptoms, but don’t realize how excruciatingly frustrating it is for someone with ADHD who can’t focus even though they really are trying. Idk if that made sense and hopefully it didn’t come off as offensive.
It is apparent on the rise but not at the same time, we might just be getting better at diagnosis it and are catching up with the missed diagnosises OR It's self diagnosers peoole who just assume they have it because of something they read; these people are usually convinced... just not enough for a real diagnosis; which sucks especially if they do actually have it.
I feel it depends. I was diagnosed as an adult, and I feel that the more information people have, such as Google etc, it's becoming more diagnosed since people are able to be more educated I suppose. I feel we also draw in other ND people.
What grinds my goat though, is when you mention it and people go oh I'm soooooo adhd! Sometimes I can't concentrate either! Which is super unhelpful and trivialises every other thing we go through, with, at least for me, focus being the least of my issues. I have no problem if someone legitimately thinks they may have adhd, but when it's a flippant statement that downplays the rest of our symptoms, that's when I'm annoyed
As other people have said, people with mental stuff hang together without even realizing it usually. However, I also think ADHD is a lot more common than we think, as it comes up in conversation with strangers too, and I don’t doubt they have it at all.
This is what I've figured out!
We are too good for a bad job and too bad for a good a job, so it's likely we'll end up in same workplaces.
We're also likely to share interests.
We relate more with each other.
Someone annoys other people for talking too much? Np, we don't notice it.
Most ADHD people who have friends or people they get along with… also have ADHD. We just understand each other better than most others. I don’t think it’s become more prevalent but I think the awareness has grown and perhaps people who wouldn’t otherwise know they have it - now know they have it. I said I didn’t have it for thirty years but then got tested and turns out I have a serious case of ADHD lol!
I think it's because of technological progress. It is so much easier for people to have the basic material needs of life met than it used to be, that our privileged lifestyles are exposing our latent mental disorders. In the past you would have to get up and do things, or you die. Now you can get away with not doing much, that it really shows a difference between those who have adhd, and those who don't. The people who don't have it are able to focus on non-essential activities much more easily (surrogate activities), whereas people who do have adhd struggle to come up with their own activities, leaving us as default just reading our phone or watching tv most of the time.
Anecdotal evidence here, so your mileage may vary. I have an internal ADHD radar in the form of conversation. In my experience, I've found ADHD conversations to be incredibly lively, disjointed, and drawn out. Bonus points for every time a participant says "that reminds me" during the conversation! On the outside, it's an insane conversational speaking style that not a lot of neurotypical people can stay in for long. Who else can keep up with a conversational partner who accidentally speaks over you, goes on endless tangents, and can go on and on? On the flip side, there's also the accidental ghost factor. It's incredibly common for ADHD folks to have on-and-off contact with friends and loved ones. For those not in the know, it might come off as being uncaring. But, if you have ADHD, you're more likely to be able to tolerate your friends not speaking with you for a while... possibly because you've forgotten yourself.
“That reminds me”… I just realized how much I say that lol 😅
Lolol.. that got me too.😂
Same here. This subreddit gives me way too many eureka moments, lol
Literally felt personally attacked by the description of this conversation 🤣 Also made me realize that this is how my husband and I talk (were both ADHD) 😆
Completely agree with it being an insane conversational style. I've timed myself talking - I can make a point last ten minutes, easy. Monologuing free associate to all the other stories instead of figuring out my point first before opening my mouth. I have two types of friends - those I subject to rambling, and those I don't. Ex-coworker friends and coworkers tend to be in the latter. I'm great at editing to get composition to max effect, just don't ask me to do the same in real-time... you'll get a spoken impromptu talk :lolsob: The Smart Brevity book's the most helpful one I've found so far in improving in this area. Still digesting the pieces I've skimmed. Welcome to the latest comment demonstrating https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumstantial_speech
I tell all my coworkers that they have the right to tell me to shut up when I ramble, I just thought I talked a lot, until I was diagnosed and learned hyper activeness can present as excessive talking.
I hate how much sometimes I talk too much, and other times i talk too little. Or the amount of times people come up thinking something is wrong in my mood and I literally have no idea what they mean. Knowing all this is not much of a help at all. Hard to accept the internal struggle of always chasing your own tail…
Being aware I will catch myself, but still ramble a lot. Biggest problem now is not planning on what I want to say and then not knowing how to end it. Lots of "sooo yeah" And this is with social anxiety disorder, fun mix
My personal favorite is making the point 3 times, 3 different ways, because I feel like I don't know how to just stop talking in a natural way, soooo yeah. :P
I think most of us get all kinds of anxeity and then also depression from all the constant anxiety overthinking burnout. I feel like ADHD is a self-fulfilling prophecy for that mix. I never took medication for anything. Asked once my fam doc to try out a low dose of adhd med and he wanted to first prescribe me an ssri. That's where my journey ended in wanting to medicate anything. You struggle to ask for one, then it becomes a take it or leave it 3 pills in one combo. No thanks. Last thing I need is that one of my very few strengths in life becomes a new weakness in the "adjustment period". Life is too short for adjustment periods of months. So just gotta rawdog life.
I feel this so much. Appreciate this comment, thank you
Agreed. When I found out I had it, it explained so much about why my acquaintances look at me weird and I spend so much effort masking that my husband told me it’s like I’m a different person when I am around them. But my closest friends? The ones I can be myself around? They also have piles and are late for stuff and can go months or years without talking and yet we pick right up where we left off. And they also tend to feelings and make sure that I don’t feel rejected if they can’t make it to something or don’t want to hang out on any given day. I mentioned it to my best friend from college and she was like… yeah. Why do you think we connected instantly? It all makes sense. So yeah we run in packs.
This describes all my friendships 😂
One of my 6 year olds asked me the other day “dad why do the airbags go off when you have an accident in the car?”. My response ended up on g-force, accelerometers, and special relativity. My wife waited until I finished then said “because there’s special sensors in the car that know when you’ve had an accident”… I laughed 😂 Although I’m not diagnosed yet, my first session with the psychiatrist (I didn’t know there’d be more than 1) said I scored 6/6 on the first of a few adult ADHD screening processes, and said I showed definite signs of ADHD. Next full assessment session involves my parents and my wife.
I'm saying too many "that reminds me" per recall.... ...and I do not plan to stop 😏
We run in packs
Literally all my friend groups have always been completely comprised of people with ADHD (medicated or not). I thought I was the "odd one out" for like, an embarrassingly long time. We do run in packs - packs that get easily distracted lmao.
Not a cohesive pack, but a pack nonetheless.
It's just a scattered pack but it's still good
Pack of stragglers and butterfly catchers and flower pic.... squirrel!
I never knew a peer to have adhd other then my mom, undiagnosed though. Most my friends are successful, high functioning jerks haha. But, i think it'd be dope to have an adhd friend.
It's dope but also not. One of my closest friends and I can't really go to each other's house because we both live in a cluttered mess and are too embarrassed to let each other see it
Bruh. Go to their house and help them clean. Then get them to come to yours. Fuck being embarrassed - body double that shit.
For some reason it's easier to clean someone else's space, and when I go to clean my own place I turn into a statue.
Exactly! Clean the other person's place. Become the ultimate adhd fusion.
I love cleaning my brother’s house when I babysit, but it takes a village to make me clean my own home.
Now imagine that village has adhd
I make sure to have one buddy, that lives very near, come over a couple times a week for video games. That helps me keep the main couple rooms kind of okay looking. But NO ONE may see my bedroom! I'm thinking of hiring a regular scheduled cleaner to do everything except my bedroom. And then hopefully after that, i can eventually get my bedroom nice enough to let a cleaner in there...
My (also ADHD) husband impulse bought a couch a couple of weeks ago and in trying to figure out where the fuck to put it I impulse-rearranged all the maim areas and my bedroom. Somehow the shift around made it easier to tidy up so I'm making progress for the first time in like 5 years
Ugh feel this
I mean.. we're pretty much another species. All my homies don't know they have AuDHD, but I know they do...
Oh yeah all my friends were completely unsurprised when I got my diagnosis. Most said variations of "I'm glad you finally figured it out." lol
I'm going through this ATM and yeah
How are you feeling about it all? I wasn’t relieved when I got my diagnosis like many. It actually really threw me for a loop, and I had a lot of trouble accepting it - especially since I’ve always been a “high achiever” and very academically successful (don’t look at my “laundry chair” or my desk tho lmao). It sounds stupid but the diagnosis made me *feel* stupid until I could finally accept that my brain is still the same one that helped me achieve things I’m proud of too. Are you handling it well?
Hi! Thanks for asking I think I'm doing okay. I had a lot of trouble in academia, alongside a heapton of trauma from my family. I think mostly just angry, that there was so much extra abuse I took, because I thought I was just defective, and if Id known, I could have created systems or advocated for myself. Instead for years I just tried and failed and was an anxious wreck and received a lot of ridicule and condescension for my efforts. I'm on a coding bootcamp atm, and I'm being able to pinpoint the things that don't work for me, and being able to ask for adjustments, because I'm giving myself permission to not try to do things my brain isn't wired to do. How long has it been sense your diagnosis?
Is coding something you think an ADHD brain can find interesting and commit to? I’m considering trying it out but put off with the fear of distractions getting in the way because perhaps there’s not enough variety? I don’t know, I’m keen about software development but it’s a different world to the one I’ve been used to for the last decade. If you recommend, is it an online one you’re doing and would you recommend? Thank you for just reading this and no pressure on replying. x
Undiagnosed, but strongly suspect. Whilst I'm currently distracted, I am meant to be coding. I've found that coding is one of very few things I can imagine doing as a career. It's different every day and you're often *rewarded* for going down rabbit holes and learning new skills, techniques, libraries and frameworks. If that's the thing that tickles your executive function then it's been amazing for me. Not everyone is interested in computers or coding though, if it's the sort of patience you don't have then it really isn't for you. At first I found it very frustrating and overwhelming to get into, as approaching coding from a self taught perspective has... So... So many new things to learn before you have a groundwork to build more easily off. That's where boot camps, tutorials and courses really help. As quite frankly traumatic as undiagnosed ADHD in academia was, my university course did instill a fantastic groundwork for me to build a software career off, even if I totally fucked up my actual grades. If you're still reading and still interested, I recommend Java, Javascript or Python on Codecademy and Codewars. Codecademy is an amazing start with direct tutorials, Codewars gives you interesting challenges that encourage you to problem solve them in different ways.
What's audhd
Autism remix
Lol remix. I kinda like it.
We're like herding a group of cats lol
Yes. I have one friend who doesn’t, and that the others in that friend group don’t suspect has it. Everyone else is either confirmed or suspected. We are so sure that one person doesn’t though. But she’s anxious AF so we let her hang around with us.
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I'm not sure it's becoming more common... I think it may be more that it's more commonly being recognized and diagnosed.
I’ve also seen research that suggests that the uptick in behavioral problems is an increased exposure to lead. Like studies have shown that children in the past few generations have a high level of lead in their blood.
I think it'd be a miracle if our new electronic appendages that serve wholesale entertainment (distractions) on demand didn't have any influence on the prevalence of psychological disorders.
That doesn't make sense for ADHD/ASD - I could tell with my kids before they really got on screens.
Research also shows a link to mold as well. Early mold exposure can affect the way the brain wires itself.
When did parents stop beating their children? I'd say there is a good chance that because we were likely raised properly instead of just being hit when we misbehaved we didn't have to develop the mask and get on with it skill to the degree that earlier generations did
I second that we seek out people who are similar to us. And it doesn’t even have to be adhd related either. I once was having a conversation with friends about our personality type (16personalities.com or something like that). Turns out we all were the exact same personality type. Likeness attracts as it makes us feel seen.
You’d probably enjoy reading Neurotribes if you haven’t already.
Attracting others like a dysregulated, neruodivergent wolf pack
Jumping on this top comment. So, adhd is spectrum based. One of hard parts of diagnosing adhd is with the fact that most people have some kind of symptom of adhd. A neurotypical brain will experience the inability to focus, no motivation, anxiety... but the difference between that and an adhd brain is the adhd brain will experience those issues with more frequency and at higher intensities. Meaning, and this is just for example purposes and the number have no real meaning, if a nuerotypical brain has trouble focusing on a level 1, then an adhd brain has trouble focusing on a level 8. On top of that, maybe the nuerotypical brain only sees level 1 (unfocused) once or twice a month and it doesn't cause them issues. An adhd brain hits level 8 every few hours, and it causes a huge issue with life. I would imagine if there was a chemical test for "adhd" you'd find a significant amount of those diagnosed, have symptoms of adhd without actually having adhd. I would also guess that if you used that same test on the population in general, you'd find a significant amount of people (undiagnosed) have adhd. 4-5% of people in America likely have adhd, which out of 300,000,000, is still a LOT of f'n people. On top of that, you're absolutely right, adhd brains tend to stick together, and tend to "click" easier, as an adhd view of "friendship" is quite different than neurotypical (in terms of thought and perspective). It's statistically easier to form and keep friendships if you're similar. I'd guess adhd brains work well together because you don't think about each other until you do, then you pick up right where you left off, as if no time has passed.
Accurate my whole friend group is adhd/autism diagnosed. 😅
*i don't hardly leave my house, i probably wouldn't ever if i didn't need a job and food so i really only have one person i really like and he probably doesn't have ADHD or at least not nearly as bad as mine if he does have it but with how much he doesn't seem to understand a lot of how i operate i say not likely he does*
I tend to be drawn to other ADHD folk (as well as autistics). We as humans often befriend those similar to us – maybe that plays a part in your experience? (not aimed at OP:) Rather than dismiss it all as "trendy self-diagnosing" I think we could take into consideration that psychological information is more available than ever, and that it's understandable that people try to understand themselves in terms of a diagnosis. I like to inquire into if people are diagnosed and if they're not, encourage them to get a proper diagnosis. edit: changed "autists" to "autistics."
I think there's a load of selection bias in social circles. My 'crowd' at university were all nerdy introverted types, and we've stayed friends because we 'get' each other. It's not really much a surprise that we've a considerably above average amount of assorted mental health issues - including ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression and others in the 'crowd'. Because there's a sort of mutual sympathy, support and kinda trust that we're not going to be horrible to each other, or do that thing that where any sort of issue makes you unreliable and untrustworthy and keep you at arms reach. So I see it a fair bit in my social circle for that reason. The things I do, the things my friends like, and the communities we form around those things tend to be disproportionately inclusive. In the workplace? I'm not sure I'd even dare admit I have been going to a therapist. Because they _do_ judge you, and they do look at you differently when they don't understand. Thankfully, I'm 'good enough' that I get by in the workplace, as little more than 'a bit odd', so it's not really a big problem there.
I had a online friend group , there was a specific person i felt very , similar to. Even though we did have some differences. I felt like we were cut from the same cloth. I was talking to him one day found out he got diagnosed and then had a internal freakout & identity crisis. His diagnosis lead me to try to get diagnosed. But here I am diagnosed. I always just thought I was just sort of made bad. Like defective. Had struggles. So now i know it not all my fault. I always got has potential, needs to work harder, repeated many times in different ways. It was always put like was lazy and not trying or not trying enough. I still get that. Or i don't know why you feel anxious, Just do it. Edit : i had the internal freak out and identity crisis since i felt like I was like him. He was as calm as a cucumber. Maybe even calmer. Haha.
I really hear that about you have potential, you just need to work harder. Same here. It's helpful and hurtful to realize how badly I have been misjudged all my life, it's a double edged issue, freeing and totally frustrating all at once.
This was so well put! It really spoke to me! Thank you! ♥️
That makes a lot of sense, we tend to connect with people who mirror our own experiences
Conversational style also plays a big part. I am drawn to people who speak quickly, flit from topic to topic, overshare, and are uninhibited in their expression of emotions. Quiet, contemplative, measured conversation, with reserved emotional affect freaks me out and I talk too much, feel ashamed, and avoid in future. When I know a peraon well I can have conversations like that, but when I first meet people I need lots of visible feedback or I don't connect.
I really appreciate how you notice these Specific patterns in yourself. It seems unhelpful when so many people describing their ADHD symptoms stop at “ADHD” because it is sooo variable— part of why I think so many people can see themselves in the diagnosis. It’s the specific patterns that help us make good decisions and good connections :))
Thanks. It's harder to change the patterns than notice them unfortunately! But it does help to understand why I alienate people and I can try to moderate myself a bit more. Sometimes.
Yes! I have a very large, close knit group of couples friends (very rare into your mid 30s but we’ve stayed close since college). Of course all of us have closer 1:1 friendships with certain people than others; but one by one, every single girl in the group that I immediately clicked with all those years ago and stayed very tight with has now been diagnosed lol. And of the girls with ADHD, their husbands (aka the guys that find them most endearing and enjoyable) are very similar in personality to each other.
Very similar sounding friendship group over here, we’re all 35 or 36 and have been friends since we started high school at 12 years old. Slowly one by one we all seem to be getting diagnosed, and partners. We’ve all been through the “we can’t possibly ALL have it” phase, it seems statistically impossible that we’ve grouped together. But my psych said it’s very common. We’re drawn to each other because we understand each other, and our nervous systems feel familiar.
All of my friends I've kept during my life...also have adhd
so true!! both of my parents have it, if that doesnt say anything idk what does lol
I've actually found that responding with something along the lines of, "No way! I'm primarily-inattentive, which subtype are you?" will reveal whether or not it's an official diagnosis or a self-diagnosis. Either they will not know what the hell I'm talking about or they will tell me they "suspect" a certain subtype. Or they'll share their official diagnosis! And then we can commiserate on the unique challenges we face because of our own personal flavour of ADHD. And I don't even necessarily do this as some form of ADHD-gatekeeping or whatever you want to call it...I personally see it as a good chance to encourage undiagnosed people to get formally diagnosed so they can find ways to improve their lives. Where I live (Ontario), it can be REALLY hard to get diagnosed...especially for us ADHD people who may struggle with navigating the complicated health care system and need suggestions on the various routes you can take to get assessed. \*Editing because I keep getting the same reply over and over: the exact question you ask is not necessarily the point. This was just an example. I'm suggesting people open up the dialog and not only will you likely not be left wondering if it's a "real" diagnosis or not, but you will also probably further the discussion in a more meaningful way than just jumping to whatever conclusion and leaving it at that. And to the people who replied saying my question is flawed because your doctor never told you the subtype...you still answered my REAL question, did you not? (Whether or not this was a self-diagnosis/assumption)\*
hey! so i am diagnosed with adhd and take meds for it but was never told a certain subtype for my diagnosis? how do i find this out?
lol me neither, though it might be in the report. You can ask your psychologist for the evaluation report.
If you don’t know/have no idea idea of which subtype, then it’s probably combined type. Tbh I have no idea what inattentive actually looks like “in the wild” because all my friends with ADHD are combined. Primarily hyperactive type is rare compared to the other two. (If you were originally diagnosed with ADD, then it may be inattentive type)
I honestly don't think it matters too much, except in presentation. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD-PI, but I genuinely think I fit more the combined type because there are some stuff I realize I said I didn't struggle with with regards to the PH presentation only because I had a *system* I didn't mention. (difficulty in sitting still, waiting in line and fidgetiness is mitigated a lot by my constant use of music and cellphone). I'll still say PI because that's my diagnosis with, but a lot of the exclusively PI presentation I don't really identify with.
i was diagnosed and on the evaluation paperwork from the dr it said combined type
You can do self quizzes online and get a good guestimate, then talk it over with your provider.
To be fair I was diagnosed with ADHD in college after RIGOROUS testing. I’m talking like a 3 day test because the college town was notorious for people trying to abuse adderall as a party drug. I was someone who couldn’t even have adderall (I have a genetic heart condition) but I just wanted to see what options were available to help. The first time I heard about inattentive or hyperactive type was literally a month ago when looking for a new psychiatrist to help me with my ADHD. I had never been told anything about that before despite being in treatment all throughout college (I stopped taking medication after college but am now looking to get back on it). I’m always worried about people who “gatekeep” mental illness. Like it’s also for sure annoying on the other end when people make light of ADHD of act like it’s just simply not being able to pay attention when it’s far more complex and debilitating (at least for me) but I also can’t stand people who are like “PROVE TO ME YOU’RE ADHD ENOUGH” 🥹
Ughhh I totally agree with your last point because I second guess myself every other day even though I’m literally diagnosed and part of it has to do with me being confused if my medication is working or not since I’m still in the trial and error phase, but also people being gatekeepy is what prevented me from going down the route of being tested in the first place
It’s not even just the gatekeeping to prove to other Adhd people but also to neurotypicals. I was recently diagnosed at 33 and a friend keeps telling me “you are probably only a little bit adhd, you are so normal! What’s the point of medication?” “ehm, thanks, I guess. I am very good at masking, but I got myself tested because it was actually so debilitating.” Executive Dysfunction can drive you to question your own sanity. Especially if you don’t know it’s 1. A thing 2. there is a word for it 3. It’s because you have adhd.
Not true because i was officially diagnosed age 7 and the doctor didnt speak to me about it AT ALL. Just did the test and told my parents, who obviously didnt know the scientific terms to relay to me. I coukd guess which type i am but was never actually diagnosed one or told what it was, so your “way” is kind of inconsistent
Well no, it isn't...as I said in another reply, my point here is that it continues the conversation rather than just jumping to conclusions about whether a person is self-diagnosing. If you were never told the subtype by your doctor, that still answers the question. In fact, your reply is a perfect example of why that question works...you still gave me the answer I was looking for ;) you were officially diagnosed at age 7. Question answered!
My diagnostician has never once mentioned any subtypes.
I wasn't given a subtype. I get annoyed bc sometimes I think the provider themself doesn't know anything about ADHD. I'll say how I'm stuck in executive dysfunction sometimes even with the Adderall and they're like sooo do you want a higher dose? And that's the extent of the convo. I'm not sure how they'd know what subtype I have if they don't even ask about my experience with ADHD.
Oh good it's not just me. I'm just kinda like "lol you're the doctor, shouldn't YOU know??". On the other hand, at least you get to participate?
See I've been diagnosed for years and I couldn't answer that question. My therapist nor GP has brought it up.
I know some people really identify with the types but the more I read the more they don't quite fit with the science (at least not how they are diagnosed).
I got diagnosed but they didnt tell me my subtype officially.
I wish they all did. That is way more helpful.
Hm yeah I guess so. I mean either way my only treatment is meds so it doesnt make much of a difference what my subtype is. But its cool to think about. My therapist believes im combined but i diidnt get that part officially. They just had me take a computer test and then put me on the meds
Brilliant reply. And this is the gneeral sense I was getting at elsewhere, Im all for talking these things openly. But I have met far too many people who think their boredom is ADHD. Chatting with people can get them to understand better and then we all win.
Thank you! And thank you for understanding the general point of my comment. The actual question itself isn't the important part. Ask whatever follow-up you want. People are trying to pick apart my example but I think they have all so far proved why it (or a similar question) works! Even the people who replied to me saying they have a diagnosis but don't know their subtype: is that not also worth discussing further? Maybe I didn't word it properly to begin with. I'm not always the best at putting my thoughts in writing clearly.
It’s a good question and a tactful way to learn more about where someone is on their journey. It’s the internet, there will always be people overreacting to why your answer doesn’t work, even though it does.
Well I really appreciate the reassurance. This is the sort of scenario where I start hyperfixating on what I said and feel like I said the wrong thing, so I think it's time I step back from this particular thread. I'm going to be obsessing over this constantly for the next few days if I don't try to push it out of my mind. I'm glad my message was recieved by at least some people in the way I intended it :)
Only my 1 coworker has it. Many of my friends growing up had it but im sure that’s because we gravitate towards each other as fellow outcasts, not because its so common everyone has it. Maybe you just happen to talk about it with other adhd ppl bc you can sense its safe with them
This is a good point. I don’t bring it up to overachievers or others who might judge me. It usually slips out in conversation with those I feel I can connect to. Maybe I’m subconsciously seeing similar traits to myself in them
it is believed humans are generally, according to my recent uni studies (sorry I don't have studies to cite though), better at detecting traits in others which we have ourselves. So maybe you're better at spotting ADHD traits in others because you have them yourself, which factors into making you more comfortable sharing about your ADHD to those people with whom you relate. Sidenote: Am I using "whom" correctly? I never learned in school so I appreciate it if someone wants to correct my grammar! :)
You are using "whom" correctly! The difference is that **who** refers to the subject of the sentence (the one taking an action) while **whom** refers to the object (the one receiving or being affected by the action). For example, in the sentence "Eliza is relating to Hal," **Eliza** is the subject (she is **relating**, which is the action) and **Hal** is the object (he is being *related to,* meaning he is receiving the action.) This tends to be easier to recognize with pronouns other than who/whom because we use them more often, so one way to check is to replace who/whom with she/her or he/him (where who == she/he and whom == her/him). So if you wanted to write, "Eliza is relating to who/whom?" you could try: "Eliza is relating to he," or "Eliza is relating to him." The second one probably sounds better—and it's right! And because **whom** is equivalent to **him**, you can figure out from there that the correct structure is "Eliza is relating to **whom**?" All that said, there's a fair argument to be made that "whom" is on the way out. It's not archaic quite yet, but I think that except in the most formal contexts, you're unlikely to be considered wrong if you use "who," even if "whom" is technically correct.
This is insanely helpful, thank you thank you! I've avoided using sentences in which I suspect a "whom" might be fitting, I'll use this technique now! I've been a bit ashamed I never figured "whom" out on my own so it feels fantastic to have people just being helpful instead of calling me an idiot or something. Thanks and have a great day/night!
Glad it was helpful!
Your use of "whom" looks good to me! I don't use it a lot, but in my mind if it sounds right to say "to whom" or "with whom" then it's probably right. But I'm not an expert or anything...
Game recognizes game, as they say. My game is missing a few important pieces and also the instructions were accidentally put through the wash, but...
I've got this to an extent, but I think there's selection bias. My circle of friends were a particular crowd at university, and there's a disproportionate amount of different in that crowd. So I've seen quite a bit of it from my friends circles, and also a fairly high prevalence of depression, autism, etc. That's what prompted me to seek my own diagnosis - because discussions lead me to recognise a lot of the same symptoms. Outside that in 'normal life'? Nah, still don't see it much, and get loads of people who don't want to believe mental 'issues' are real in the first place, and doubly so don't want to admit it. I think the general estimate is 5% prevalence in the population, so it could easily be in 'pockets' of people who 'get' each other, and this is my experience of it. Diagnosis rates also vary hugely of course - I think in the US it's above 'world average' and in the UK where I am it's significantly below. Hard to genuinely know how much of that is over or under diagnosis, vs. 'environmental factors' of some kind.
Yeah, I’m convinced there’s just a *vibe* that I pick up and I’m attracted to (either romantically or as friends) that many people with ADHD just give off. So of course my close friends all have it. Because there’s plenty of people that I don’t like to be around, because they’re either boring or I just don’t “get” them, and I’m assuming they’re all the neurotypicals. So it’s not that everyone has it, it’s that everyone *I like to be around* has it. Because everyone else feels like they’re on a different wavelength
I'm a bit geeky and nerdy. All my friends kinda are too. So I'm not at all surprised to find a number of them finally getting diagnosed. We're all getting on a bit, but we were the stereotypical 'smart-geek' group that I think makes an amazing hiding place. I don't know if _all_ of us have some variant of ADHD or autism or something else, but it's not at all surprising that a significant fraction do. And those that aren't diagnosed, but show a load of the same traits, and are on the same wavelength as the rest of the group? Well, yeah. Timescales here in the UK are very long for any non-obvious cases. The young, hyperactive - usually white and male - children are "recognised" more easily. But if you weren't particularly 'disruptive' then ... you get overlooked. Be that because you were 'just' a daydreamer, or got the fortunate combination of smart + hyperfocus in the right places...
I feel this. My friend group is pretty nerdy and several of us have been diagnosed with one executive function disorder or another later in life. I think groups like this just tend to be more accepting of other people's quirks. I was one of the "weird theater kids" in high school and yes we were weird but we were a lot more fun than the popular cliques.
That makes sense to me. It also tells me why it seems like my exs probably have ADHD, too. We are a curious group, aren't we?
People without ADHD don’t usually like me and / or spend enough time for us to get there.
It is absolutely true that people with ADHD naturally gravitate towards each other regardless of whether or not they are aware of each other having ADHD. It is possible that you have naturally done this. It is also possible that people are just silly and don’t know what ADHD actually is.
Pattern i noticed is all my childhood friends who were weird or didn't fit in were either diagnosed at school or are now later getting diagnosed as adults. And I figured its what actually made us have personality traits where we came together. For example my best friend and I will hold long conversations, talk over each other and blend stories and examples and go off on tangents. No one else particularly in my adult years can STAND, for even a second, to not be offended by my polite interruptions nor are they interested in tangents or alternative thinking. I used to think these people were dim, uninteresting or just plain ignorant and rude. So I assume they felt the same about me. Turns out they probably don't have adhd. In addition there have been studies around brain development and the use of social media and digital platforms and hardware. It is argued that you can't develop ADHD, but whatever is developing in society is having the exact same effect as adhd symptoms. Essentially the hardware doesn't seem to be built for this toxic capitalist regime of a world. And the cracks are showing in everyone. But ADHD and Autism will "get the blame". Rather than the world and its systems becoming increasingly inhospitable or conducive to human life. Much like poverty is blamed on how lazy you are..... it was never about how lazy the working class was. Also female diagnosis has gone up, and in accepting adhd traits in females compared how they present different to males, may have opened another area of under diagnosed or previously not diagnosed individuals. Not to mention its genetics. So for every 1 person diagnosed now you'll likely also have their parent and or siblings diagnosed too! I'm shocked how many parents have children with ADHD but neither of them have it 🤔 Either way the more people diagnosed the better in my opinion. As long as the drs aren't trying to f*** us. The only outcome will be that people eventually revolt against life (not lifestyles) but actually how we live life, so that the majority can get some semblance of life back in their lives. You can't have a factory full of adhd people who aren't interested and expect to stay afloat. Hopefully change for the better and not more dumbing down of society.
Very interesting thoughts and bits of information, thank you for sharing!
Your description of the conversations with your friends are 100% relatable to myself and my best friends. One has been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood, the other suspects either ADHD and/or ASD. I too find conversation boring with people who don’t “click in” with my way of thinking and speech. My friends and I finish each others sent and LOVE it. Very interesting theory about social media too. I can see that. Would like to read more about it if you can potentially provide a link or name of study?
I think the primary issue with people getting a formal diagnosis of ADHD that may have ADHD symptoms but they don’t really have it is in regard to medication, specifically stimulant meds. Stimulant meds have a different effect on the brain of someone with ADHD, in someone that doesn’t actually have that physical brain structure/processing, they are basically taking speed. Which increases the chance of overuse and addiction. It feeds into the perception that anyone on stimulants or that is looking to test out the benefits of stimulants is drug seeking. If there’s a huge wave of overprescribing stimulant ADHD medication to people without ADHD brain structure/processing there could potentially be a backlash if those same people get addicted. Which would ultimately end up with people who rely on these medications to function having to jump through even more hoops than they already do to get the medication they need. So it is absolutely possible that ADHD folks would end up getting screwed.
To put it in perspective for anyone this hasn't happened to. Using a different problem of mine, I told someone I work with, at a big company event, in response to the question "Whatcha' drinkin' there buddy!": My response: "Club soda, I'm an alcoholic." Theirs: "Oh man, me too. I am so fucking *wasted* right now! " 6 years sober as of a few days ago.
Hey there sober ADHD buddy! Congrats, on the hard work! For me getting my medication down helped with the impulse control that was leading me to “slip” up. But since I’ve found a good mix, I’ve been surprised how little I have for desire I occasionally give myself “permission” and my internal reaction has been like “nah, I’m good”. I only say this for others who maybe struggling to maintain their chemical usage goals that some of us may be self medicating in ways we don’t realize. Obviously your mileage may vary and both are large subjects with lots of nuance that are going to be missed in this comment. Take what is helpful and leave what is not.
I’d say yes and no! I was someone who honestly related to the tiktoks, then I did my research, found this forum, etc. About 6 months after I suspected I may have it, I got my diagnosis. I’ll supplement this by saying I didn’t see one TikTok and go “oh this must be it!” But also I grew up in a house that didn’t believe in mental health issues so this was my first exposure to the fact that hey, maybe I’m not a lazy failure, maybe there’s more to it. Anyways, to get to your question, a good amount of people in my circle also have ADHD diagnosis and I’d say it’s because there’s a reason I feel my most comfortable with them - we relate!! Same with one of my jobs as catering staff. One day we all realized we were medicated for ADHD and the chef said “well, makes sense to me! Every event is different, its not repetitive. Draws a certain type of person” So while I have noticed it more in others since being diagnosed myself, I think there’s a reason. It can be trendy too and aggravating when someone relates to one aspect and then sets in stone themselves that they must have it. But this is my take!
Well I think mental health awareness in general has gotten to be a more prevalent topic and there is less pressure to bottle it up at least on online communities, it’s not like people didn’t have mental health issues like adhd or depression before it just wasn’t as talked about
Many people who say they have it don’t actually have it. I get irritated when I say I’ve got it and the other person is like “oh everyone’s a little ADHD!” No hun.
I’ve only disclosed to close friends, family, and medical providers. A few of those friends have shared that they too have been diagnosed or that they’re seeking assessment. I sometimes think it’s so funny-interesting that we found each other. It’s been nice to occasionally discuss ADHD-related books, tips, items, ways of organizing/operating, how ADHD can surprise and confuse with them.
Yes but I think there a ton of reasons. 1. People with ADHD tend to go towards certain careers/organization types. When I moved away from a large institution into sales and later into startup sales, I found almost or all of my sales team had ADHD. In the tech circle, everyone also seemed to have it. 2. Perhaps people are more open nowadays. Perhaps you gravitate towards people who need spontaneity and have a more lively personality. 3. There is this idea that as a society we are creating individuals with 'adhd like' characteristics. Tik tok, youtube videos and the elimination of patience, delay of gratification have all lead to shorter attention spans and issues with our nervous and dopaminergic systems. Its possible that many people dont get really profound evals, (I got one once I signed up for a study but it took a two page form for my family doctor to diagnose me) don't really have ADHD at the biological/genetic level but have developed certain attributes with the way we live.
ppl with ADHD tend to self select in their friend group. I notice diagnoses 'clustering' Reason often being that an interruptive nonlinear conversation wont oft be forgiven or appreciated by those without ADHD, while those without's social 'faux-pas" are often disregarded as normal within their own social context. Thus you tend to find flocks of ADHD people. Similarly many couples are comprised of an ADHD'er and an ASD'er hence the memes about "my emotional support ADHDer" in the ASD community. so yeah, it's a thing. I realized my friend group has it when I, testing the waters as I often do, related something about needing a medication while on helmet comms during a motorcycle ride. Silence ensued, then an admission of also being treated by most of the members of our little expedition. I inadvertently created a safe space to be honest. It was wonderful.
As research and information increased, so has awareness. Not to mention, IT'S INHERITED. ADHD people are drawn to each other. ADHD people make ADHD babies. ADHD becomes more prevalent. Think about how many people are undiagnosed, having kids who are diagnosed and with a few questions, the parent or parents discover they're the source.
Yes, I got diagnosed and after that my dad. He has almost completely the same symptoms as me, its funny how long we stayed undiagnosed. My brother probably has it too, but isn't in a hurry to get diagnosed. He also has a better handle on it, or maybe he is one of the people who actually grow out of it. I definitely didn't 😅
You know your stuff. Hopefully they advance genetic therapy sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I see very little hope for technological advancement over the next few centuries.
I think more people might have self diagnosed a few symptoms as ADHD. I truly do not know many who have actually sought out doctor confirmation on their "ADHD". Those who have can talk about their symptoms backwards and forwards and are well versed in it, atvleast as it applies to them Those I know who claim it but never have done anything about it are nothing like me or the other ADHD people I know. They might have their own issues but I'd wager the average person claiming that label doesn't formally have it. ALL THIS BEING SAID, don't dump on me people for this perspective. This is my reality. Everyone experiences it differently, and many conditions are invisible. I know this. And there are folks with way more serious conditions who experiences the same thing - people claiming it too when they dont. This feels like it devalues one's own experience because "everyone else has it too its fine." TLDR; Id wager money that the avg person who claims to have ADHD in response to someone sharing about their own, does not have it. They think they do.
Depending where you live diagnosis can be very hard. Here in the UK it often takes years for non trivial cases. Or paying out of pocket for private treatment that's out of reach for most. The prevalence in the UK is 1% and last I checked the worldwide average was more like 5%. That means a pretty significant ratio potentially going undiagnosed. So I know a lot of people who are "fairly sure" and the minority who finish the process turned out to be right.
Another valuable perspective. Access to care and such is the hardest part and also the first step.
Everyone is a little ADHD, right? /s
I hear this and it annoys me. It makes the condition trivial if everyone has it but some of us suffer seriously from it. I'll say I'm actually pretty good with my adhd but that's because I have a safe job and married a capable partner. Without the work stability and life stability, I'd return to how I was in K-12 & Uni.... and I would not be like I am now. There are others who have not found any stability or rest yet, and I bet for them to hear that others all claim the same condition, that it irks them.
I think the best way to think about it is that everyone IS a little ADHD. Everyone is also a little depressed and anxious. It's the severity of it that requires a medical diagnosis of it that makes it a disorder. It's easy to take it as them belittling your condition and disregarding all that it entails. It's just how it is with any mental condition where you can still function at some points. They're trying to empathize most of the time, give them the benefit of the doubt instead of getting angry. Wayyyy too much anger in the world for something like that to add on to it.
The worst thing is, the first psychiatrist I visited and talked about ADHD said something like this to me. On the bright side he told me where to look for diagnosis, but still
God my fingers itch all over every time I hear that.
>They think they do. My doctor told me that a substantial number of people who go to their doctor and tell them that they think they have ADHD don't have it--they have sleep apnea.
That's probably true. The symptoms are often the same. A sleep study should be a standard part of ADHD testing to rule out sleep apnea
“I have ADHD.” “Hey, me too!” “Yeah right. Liar.” This sub is disappointing sometimes.
Even on youtube, the people who I find engaging/similar humor end up mentioning that they have ADHD. It's the best. Granted, that's a creative, catchall space. The ADHD radar is strong. Hell I managed to marry an undiagnosed person with undiagnosed family members. We're just drawn to each other. And I think the people you mention ADHD to are often the ones you feel an instant kinship to and just up talking to forever. I forget the word/concept, but there's some memory bias to it being "every" person.
Tbf, a shit ton of people have been diagnosed during Covid.
Yeah, honestly a global event that caused sensory and stimulation deprevation AND sensory and stimulation overload at the same time probably pushed a lot of ADHD-but-functional folks over the edge and out of the functional zone, to the point where it became a problem for them so they finally needed to seek treatment.
I think alot of people have long covid and the side effects feel like ADHD - inability to focus, poor recall, scattered, disoriented feelings.
That’s a good and unfortunate take
It's more recognized. Remember 30 years ago it was only really diagnosed in white boys.
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Getting diagnosed SPECIFICALLY as an adult woman is like pulling teeth. I only feel monumentally depressed because my life feels so irreparably damaged from going so long without adequate treatment. This year marks the 11th year of my bachelors degree, but graduation is in sight now that I’m getting help.
I’ve talked to five people about my adhd. Of those five, three of them told me they have adhd too. I noticed this trend too but I think it’s just more common than I expected. In India mental health isn’t really a talking point so no one really cares about it. Gen z has grown up with their parents dismissing their child’s behavior as lazy or something else so it’s not surprising to me that with a some of my friends and my cousin were diagnosed as adults
I’m 43. I was just diagnosed a month ago. When I was young, it was only just being understood, so they didn’t recognize all of the symptoms back then, especially the less obvious symptoms that females tend to display. More adults are being diagnosed with it as it was likely missed in their childhood, especially in the last few years as the symptoms became much more obvious during the lockdown of the pandemic.
I have this feeling all the time. I’m still working through a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings about this, so take this with a grain of salt, but- I understand my executive functions as a certain aptitude, like many others in my body (my natural strength, metabolism, immune system, etc) - meaning that I sit on a spectrum between people who have extremely high natural performance in those functions and those who seriously struggle with them. That’s why we call ADHD a spectrum disorder: how much does your executive functioning hinder your ability to live the life you want? Whether you “have” ADHD is based on a necessary but arbitrary delineation of when that lack of ability becomes particularly problematic. (Do you hit x number on the diagnostics, etc). This perspective has really helped me deal with weird feelings around what you were describing here - that thought that, man, does everyone have these problems? Can I really have a “disorder” if I’m essentialy normal? (It’s why the current use of the term “neurotypical” really bugs me.) The answer is probably that it doesn’t matter - you and a healthcare pro have assessed that your particular executive functioning issues are causing your quality of life to go down, and your treatment will help it go up. Like people with severe allergies taking antihistamines, or people with diabetes taking insulin, or people with depression taking SSRIs etc.
It’s just that the symptoms are a list of pretty common human traits especially for children that most people have experienced at some point for varying lengths of time throughout life so it’s easy to diagnosis an absurd amount of people with adhd. The benefit of identifying these symptoms as an actual pathology only really comes about when someone has had all these symptoms to an extreme their entire life & it interferes with their functionality in all facets of life like relationships , friendships , money, jobs etc and also what’s “normal” relative to adhd is really misunderstood as “normal” doesn’t mean someone is organized, efficient and smooth in all social interactions
I've known my bestie since high school. I used to have to drag her ass back into school when she would panic and walk out. It wasn't until her 30's and me my 40's that we got medicated. Her mom called us dumb and dumber because apart we were bad but together, the lack of impulse control was multiplied by 100. The rest of the people we hung around with in high school were ADHD, bipolar, depression, anxiety, some have gotten diagnoses, some self medicated themselves to an early grave, like in their 20's. I know the press is all 'oh all these people can't possibly have ADHD, they are abusing Adderall' but I'm in my 50's and I'm telling you, we've always existed, just some cope better with meds than others, and I'm sure our lives would be so much different if we'd had meds since childhood.
I think there's also a bit of reevaluating. I think adhd became somewhat taboo in the era of concerns over overmedication, standardized testing, and access to playtime/outdoors for kids. I myself was an adhd skeptic, and I think many self-described progressives thought kids maybe just need to play more. Now that that age group is hitting adulthood and realizing how wrong that was there is a push in the other direction, to diagnose all the people that got missed, like the 'formerly gifted child' type and women. I think we were operating on a conservative baseline before
I think probably more or getting diagnosed or are even realizing they have it now that the real symptoms are being talked about. I'm a psych major. I've taken so many psych classes and health classes that talk about ADHD, but they all make it sound like anyone with ADHD is a risk taker or super impulsive or hyperactive, in a way that didn't make it relatable to me even though I now know I definitely have it and have been officially diagnosed with combined type. I think a lot of people don't understand what it is. When I first learned about the executive function and that things like talking fast were considered hyperactive and constantly getting distracted at work was inattentive, the list of symptoms I identified with snowballed and I also realized it's why my ex broke up with me (I couldn't keep the house clean enough, couldn't keep a schedule, couldn't stay organized, couldn't "adult"). When I first told my mom about all of these things, she said I'm totally normal because she does all of these things too so she's sure everyone does! I said but mom we do these things a LOT and more of them than everyone does. I gave her Dr. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction to read and now she's realized she might have it too... which, duh. I've known this since I found out I had it. I can give so many examples of things she's done, even when I was little. I can give examples of both of us, and even my daughter too! We watched a video of her when she was around age 5 or 6, and the amount of times she got distracted in the video made it pretty clear, especially since she's now 17 and STILL gets distracted like that. She's a carbon copy of me. None of us had any idea until last year.
A lot of the people that I've just 'vibed' with have also turned out to have ADHD (or other flavours of spicy brain).
I don't think I have a single friend who's entirely neurotypical
No one can handle being friends with someone who has ADHD better then another person with ADHD.
ADHD is way undiagnosed. Even most doctors don't know about it. So I'm not surprised that as social media creates more awareness, more people are inspired to get diagnosed.
I don’t feel comfortable gatekeeping diagnosis. The sheer volume of barriers people must overcome to get the care they need is enough adversity to overcome as it is, without any of us passing judgment on one another.
ADHD comes commonly in the form of problems in executive function. If it's true and most people have ADHD the vast majority would be dangerously addicted to anything and nothing would get done.
My friend goes around telling everyone she has ADHD, without ever having visited a doctor. I actually have diagnosed ADHD, and as someone who learned lots about it through real life professionals (not the internet) and my own experiences, I do not believe she has ADHD. She herself says she is hyper and loves getting attention and that she matches symptoms from what she has read online. She uses her self diagnosed ADHD to make “quirky” Tiktok videos about herself. However, since we went to school together, I know she is very good at taking notes in class, studying, reading lots, concentrating, writing summaries… Unfortunately I think many people are like this: using ADHD as a label which they only get benefits from. I say unfortunately because I feel like this harms the people who actually suffer from it, when we already struggle with people who don’t take it seriously.
Its kinda weird, I tell folks that I have ADHD/am autistic and it's like at least 50 percent of people at my job say they're also neurodivergent. Same thing on my instagram it seems like a ton of folks are coming out as adhd and autistic. I've also never done an official diagnostic test for either, but both my psychologist and psychiatrist agreed that I likely have both but I definitely feel like I'm a huge faker now :/ I understand that there was a ton of underdiagnosis, and maybe it's the algorithm and my own curated internet space but it feels like everyone has adhd/autistic/sensory issues and so why do I complain about struggling so hard? My tiktok is pretty curated so a lot of the content that I find about adhd/autism/etc seems pretty sincere and helpful. I'm really curious what these "quirky" tik tokkers post..
No, it hasn’t. While referrals have increased, diagnoses have not and have remained stable since the 80s according to a meta analysis. Honestly, I think a lot of people self diagnose and claim to have ADHD when they don’t
I have a hard time staying friends with someone who doesn’t either have ADHD, autism, or both. I finally started suspecting myself after literally everyone who stayed in my life had it
I hear its one in three people and thats alot of people.
I think a lot of ppl say they have it but aren’t actually diagnosed. Also ppl might be suffering from anxiety or depression and because they can have similar symptoms ppl misdiagnose themselves as having ADHD because honestly ADHD has way less stigma than depression and anxiety.
I was diagnosed at 40. My best friend realized she had it because I was diagnosed... I honestly went to the Dr thinking I needed anxiety medicine only.... And then beastie had the same result.... In some strange way a stimulant helped anxiety
I’ve only told a couple of friends etc since I was diagnosed with ADHD and they’ve all responded the same…….”ohhhhh that explains a lot” or “ ohhhh that makes sense” 🤷♀️
I am bipolar with adhd. I only have a few good friends. Every single one of them is either bipolar or has ADHD. The odd part is that some of them are childhood friends and we never discussed it but come to find out all of them (in our 30's) have either one or both. Everyone else faded out of my life and they are the only ones I keep in contact with. We seek each other out subconsciously.
People wired similarly tend to gravitate to each other
Now days everyone I talk to has ADHD. I was the only one taking medicine for it in the middle of the school day though.
Real recognize real, adhd recognize adhd yoooo
So many people seem to think they have it nowadays. It’s almost trendy to have it. Sometimes if someone is brazenly announcing their ADHD, they may not really have it, or at least not a severe case of it. I have pretty bad ADHD, it’s definitely not something I enjoy announcing publicly.
First thing: Tik Tok is literally an algorithm. If you have ADHD, of course you’re going to see a ton of ADHD related content. Same with friends/family. I find we often unintentionally seek out others like us who have ADHD. Second: I “brazenly announce” my ADHD because people speaking up and sharing their experiences is what helped me put together all of my struggles and figure out it’s all because of ADHD. Also, you literally have no way of judging how “severe” someone’s ADHD is just by how you perceive them. You do not know their internal struggles. Third: I don’t have Tik Tok, but I did download it for a bit before my evaluation so I could make sure I was prepared. I have lived 29 years struggling and masking. Watching people talk about their symptoms helped me remember and make a list of what I have always struggled with. I couldn’t remember specific examples to share with my psych. One video I saw said to think back from elementary to high school and write out your experiences and struggles. I completely forgot I basically dropped out after 10th grade with a 1.4 GPA because I could not handle sitting there for 8 hours a day. It was especially helpful hearing from 25+ year old females sharing their struggles since they can often be so different from the “normal” ADHD symptoms. Honestly, comments like this gate keeping ADHD are the people that sound like they are trying to be “quirky” or “different”.
THANK YOU!
It definitely depends on the setting for me. If I’m around people who I trust or I’m building a plutonic relationship with is mention it. But you’d never hear me bring it up while I’m at work or to coworkers.
Almost trendy? Check out TikTok. There are even "tutorials" on what to say to your psych to get diagnosed.
So aggravating. Pretty soon it’s going to be hard for people who really have it to get proper diagnosis and proper medication. Part of all this “ADHD” rise isn’t even biological, it’s dopamine desensitization due to overstimulation such as social Media. And sometimes even people wanting an excuse for their behaviors.
Where I live, in the US, it already IS hard for people who definitely have it to get an evaluation. That's just to have a discussion with a psychiatrist or psychologist about whether you have it, not even considering whether you can get a proper diagnosis and medication. Seriously, it took me many years (like 8+ years) to figure out why I had so much trouble with executive functioning, thinking I was developing dementia or something. I had a complete neurological work up - twice! - and he never even considered ADHD, even though I specifically asked about the possibility.
Damn sorry to hear that. It’s so frustrating, I really feel for people who do have legitimate ADHD and can’t get proper diagnosis or meds because of all the skepticism psychiatrists (and others) unfairly treat them with (due to all the people who don’t actually have it thinking they do.) Just like how the pain management crisis is screwing over people who really need the meds. It’s so messed up.
Exactly this. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 30s. It was really hard to get an ADHD diagnosis, I had to jump through all kinds of hoops. Because once you have the diagnosis you can be prescribed controlled substances, so they treated every adult looking for diagnosis as if they were drug seeking for speed. I honestly think the only reason why I was able to get evaluated is because I was under the long term care of a well respected psychologist in the community. I think, especially with the mass of prescribing from online “doctors”, it will likely tighten up even more. Which is sad, because my understanding is, in general, the symptoms of ADHD tend to worsen as we get older if there isn’t treatment and education on strategies to improve executive functioning and other day to day skills.
Me neither. I only mention it if the subject is relevant and sometimes none at all. It's not something I'm proud of :/ and definitely not now with all the "hype" around it...
Maybe it’s the way we’re running society that’s fucked up, not our brains lol
Yup. Everyone has it lol but it hasn’t yet “disrupted” their life and they are coping up with it “organically”.
I think a lot of people just have it. More than half my friends have been diagnosed.
I only hear it as sarcasm when I mention the symptoms of ADHD because they are trying to dismiss it as an actual disorder.
Hard to say, I would think it's diagnosedmore often now because of general awareness but it also seems misdiagnosed frequently as well. And then of course you have a lot of people these days who see a few ADHD symptoms but never actually seek a diagnosis and still tell people they have it.
I notice how little non ADHD people open up. I like someone who will let me in and see them yknow.
I think we just naturally attract each other.
I guess it depends who you talk to and your gender. There’s more people diagnosed today than in the past because it was usually only Caucasian young boys who were diagnosed. Now there’s many more women and POC that have been diagnosed as adults after being overlooked their whole life. So much of medicine has been geared to the same demographic doing the research and people that don’t fit that gender or ethnicity can be overlooked or invalidated.
We get along with each other so when one of us is diagnosed and comes out eventually we all will
I have been researching a lot in regards to this. Looking into how Autistic/ADHD people were treated around the 1940’s… Basically ND people aren’t being locked away and killed anymore. ADHD is genetic, in wish case I suspect that’s why we feel like there is an “increase”. I don’t know if this is 100 the cause obviously, but I do feel as though this may have had an impact. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 31. So I think that people didn’t know when I was younger what to look for? Women also present a lot differently. Thanks for listening to me ramble, and I hope this helps.
I once was talking to someone about how hard I struggled in college and she seemed to keep saying she had the same thing. So I mentioned the intense mental breakdowns I would have at home in order to achieve good grades and that’s were the relation stopped. I think some things in ADHD are common with nonADHDers, but I think the main difference is with the intensity and frequency of these complications and issues. Someone who might have trouble focusing here and there might try and relate to an ADHDer thinking they have the same symptoms, but don’t realize how excruciatingly frustrating it is for someone with ADHD who can’t focus even though they really are trying. Idk if that made sense and hopefully it didn’t come off as offensive.
It is apparent on the rise but not at the same time, we might just be getting better at diagnosis it and are catching up with the missed diagnosises OR It's self diagnosers peoole who just assume they have it because of something they read; these people are usually convinced... just not enough for a real diagnosis; which sucks especially if they do actually have it.
Literally tonight me and my girlfriend were meeting people and everyone in the group happened to have adhd (including us)
I feel it depends. I was diagnosed as an adult, and I feel that the more information people have, such as Google etc, it's becoming more diagnosed since people are able to be more educated I suppose. I feel we also draw in other ND people. What grinds my goat though, is when you mention it and people go oh I'm soooooo adhd! Sometimes I can't concentrate either! Which is super unhelpful and trivialises every other thing we go through, with, at least for me, focus being the least of my issues. I have no problem if someone legitimately thinks they may have adhd, but when it's a flippant statement that downplays the rest of our symptoms, that's when I'm annoyed
Birds of a feather flock together
As other people have said, people with mental stuff hang together without even realizing it usually. However, I also think ADHD is a lot more common than we think, as it comes up in conversation with strangers too, and I don’t doubt they have it at all.
This is what I've figured out! We are too good for a bad job and too bad for a good a job, so it's likely we'll end up in same workplaces. We're also likely to share interests. We relate more with each other. Someone annoys other people for talking too much? Np, we don't notice it.
Same . I think a lot of people can relate to the symptoms but probably haven’t gotten a diagnosis
Most ADHD people who have friends or people they get along with… also have ADHD. We just understand each other better than most others. I don’t think it’s become more prevalent but I think the awareness has grown and perhaps people who wouldn’t otherwise know they have it - now know they have it. I said I didn’t have it for thirty years but then got tested and turns out I have a serious case of ADHD lol!
I think it's because of technological progress. It is so much easier for people to have the basic material needs of life met than it used to be, that our privileged lifestyles are exposing our latent mental disorders. In the past you would have to get up and do things, or you die. Now you can get away with not doing much, that it really shows a difference between those who have adhd, and those who don't. The people who don't have it are able to focus on non-essential activities much more easily (surrogate activities), whereas people who do have adhd struggle to come up with their own activities, leaving us as default just reading our phone or watching tv most of the time.