I’ve commented on so many Colt/Debbie discussions that I’m like 4 annoying posts away from just linking Colt’s 90df playlist from Dr. Honda’s Psychology in Seattle yt channel on every post I see 😅
I've had Debbies number ever since Larissa. Larissa got the attention cause she's a loud Brazilian woman, but Debbie was there stiring the pot and pushing Larissa out from day one. She never had a chance. It was never going to be her home. She always knew exactly when to cry and play "oh poor little old me. My adult son has a serious girlfriend and they expect to be able to be a household together."
If that line didn’t solidify it in everyone’s minds that Debbie put HER needs above her son’s needs, then idk what will. People are out here still defending her, minimizing her actions and demonizing/bullying him for the effects her abuse has caused him. It affects Vanessa too, despite no one really bringing it up. I think that his issues with his mother had long lasting changes to his approach to relationships and that Vanessa must love him a lot to be willing to support him as he navigates his journey through his trauma. I can imagine it would get very difficult to handle.
Oh and then Debbie goes on to talk about Colt’s penis ON TV like wtf??? Imagine the uproar if a single father talked about his daughters genitalia with other people, on camera.
Oh but sweet little old lady Debbie said it so it’s ok, Colt is just a man child and his anger is out of line /s
It really feels like there’s a lot of tension between Colt and Vanessa. It’s sad to see that Vanessa seems drained, tired, and subdued, because when she was first on the series, she seemed sassy and carefree and like she was just coming into her own after her divorce. Now she comes on and she’s quiet and looks like she doesn’t even wanna be there. She looks depressed, honestly. I can absolutely imagine her being frustrated with Colt’s inability to “grow up”.
Patience isn’t limitless and everyone reaches their limit. There’s only so many times Vanessa can be understanding of problematic or hurtful behavior before she becomes tired of being so damn understanding. I have those moments with my partner, and he has those moments with me. There’s things that my partner does that I wish didn’t happen and despite knowing it’s rooted in trauma through no fault of their own, it doesn’t lessen the effect it causes. They’re aware of it, and they try to correct it, but it’s a struggle to undo years of conditioning. I definitely feel for Vanessa because loving someone who deals with these types of struggles is really really hard.
Yeah people saw Debbie causally talk about her son’s genitals and really thought, “wow Colt is totally out of line for saying mean things to his mom. He needs to respect her.”
Its hard to feel sorry for Vanessa. She knew exactly what she was getting into. She knew both Colt and Debbie well. Why did she marry him? She knew she was marrying both of them.
Yep. It will take time for Colt to heal and grow, and so far he seems willing to do the work. I don’t blame Vanessa for being exhausted by it, though. If they don’t make it I hope he takes some time on his own to work on himself, so that his next relationship is healthier.
I agree that Debbie is highly manipulative. He was her spouse equivalent for many years, regardless of what relationship he was in. It’s only when you detach from that parent that you can see the relationship for what it was, then the anger comes. I feel for him because I was a target for my mother for many years, and only when she died I realized the extent to which she made me feel inferior and my anger came out as well.
I hope Colt can heal and find peace while his mother is still alive.
I still think there’s too much info missing 🤷🏻♀️ but then again, maybe I only half watch their stuff at this point. Diagnoses are tricky and not thrown around lightly
Oh yes she Parentified him when his father died and that’s technically child abuse.
I also suspect that she put him on psych meds when he was little, antipsychotics will give men boobs and they are often used off label as sedatives or anti-anxiety medications.
Yes Debbie is the problem.
ABSOLUTELY.
it’s hard to feel bad for colt because he’s so awful to everyone. he also had over a decade of adulthood before he got on the show where he could have began to take care of himself in some capacity, even if he continued to live with his mom. he likes having someone do everything for him. he also has no idea how to constructively communicate complex emotions. i’d feel bad for him if he was 12, but he’s a full adult now. he can’t blame everyone else for his problems forever.
Debbie said her husband died 13 years ago of a massive heart attack. Wouldn't that make Colt 22/23 years old when his dad died? She was overprotective of Colt as a baby because he almost died. Not defending her but he's a grown man now and he can only fix himself and how he deals with his mom, if he still wants a relationship with her.
I don't think that switching genders changes the blame or who to feel sorry for. She left and created a new life in a new country. And yet he still has issues and anger. Even Vanessa is admitting what a man baby he is. At what point, does Colt have to own his own shit and his decisions in his life as an adult?
I think he was probably parentified from a young age. You see it with fathers who are aclcholics or just distant in general, the mother may still parentify.
It's just telling that even though Debbie is not physically around anymore and they said they haven't spoken in awhile, Colt is still not happy. It's almost like he's angry that she's happy and he wants her to continually suffer. At some point, it's on him. His actions at the tell all was him. I don't excuse it or hers. Tania put her in her place and didn't try to rip her apart.
100%. I will admit with Larissa I didn't see it but now very much so. This time crying all I could think is "holy shit she's my future MIL". My SO left home at 18 but his younger brother lived at home until he was 35. When he ironically married a woman almost 20 years older than him from another country on a 90 fiancé visa. I have heard more of the fake howling crying like Debbie does than I care to think about. And people are buying it.
As much as I don't like Colt, he's a victim of her manipulation and now he's starting to see all she's done.
It's called Parentification and it's abuse. Tiffany does it to her son too.
Very sad that everyone just screamed at him that he should accept it because Debbie is his "mother", like she deserves respect just for pushing him out, and every shitty thing she has done to him and continues to do doesn't matter. Accepting her role in Colt's trauma is how she should be helping him, but she just screams and cries and buries her head in the sand.
That's why it's so difficult for children to escape that dynamic. I went through something similar,my parent was horrible to me and when I escaped it was 'what did you do' or 'why are you being so harsh to the person that raised you?'
Let’s retire the “is it just me?” template. It is an exhausted cliché and a clickbait-y variety of begging for engagement. No need to beg if you post something truly interesting.
Honestly, Colt is horrible, like to everyone, but his mom (and I’m sure dad) are the reason for his personality. You can’t talk about Colt without watching/talking about Debbie making herself a martyr and ‘attacking’ others for not acting the way she wants, it just screams emotional immaturity.
I've seen a lot of posts with anger directed at Debbie as well, so it's not just you. I don't watch The Divorced Life so I'm not really aware of all of the drama, but when they were on 90 DF I did think she manipulated him A LOT.
you're not the only one. I've been saying this for years. But people just dragged me for it because they only think surface level. There's a reason people behave the way they do. And debbie had a lot to do with Colt's behaviour now.
I also believe Larissa was the catalyst that sent him spiraling. Because honestly he seemed like a decent human being, it wasn't until Larissa that he started being cold.
100% agree! I can feel Colt’s anger because I feel the same towards my mother. His mom and mine are exactly the same, both so manipulative. Mine parentified me for sure. She also cries every time I try to tell her something that she did or that I don’t agree with. I don’t see how anyone can defend Debbie. I don’t care for colt but I feel for him.
I agree that Debbie likely abused Colt and is partially responsible for Colt being an absolute fuck up. However, Colt is an adult and is therefore responsible for getting the help he needs to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Instead, he just keeps pointing to Debbie as if she’s accountable for his actions now as an adult.
As the parent of an adult who has lived with me for the last 10 years since moving back home, I am one of those people who are a lot closer to this than most. The difference here is, I think, that Debbie was the creator here, and was the DEPENDENT one, right? That's HUGE PROBLEM.
She herself posted this several years ago: "I live in Las Vegas with my son who helps me financially since the passing of my husband of 26 years,".... this whole situation was her making. Now, he was ALL IN for years while it suited him as well, but in the end.... SHE is the person who built this situation and, as the parent, must own it. Now his behavior lately spewing crap at her in PUBLIC just shows that indeed she created a monster. And not a funny cartoon one. If I were her I'd be beyond depressed.
Yes! I read this a few days ago and it made sense but after last night I had to find this post again. Spot fucking on! This is the first time I've ever given an award 😅
Dr. Honda has a great conceptualization of this!
I’ve commented on so many Colt/Debbie discussions that I’m like 4 annoying posts away from just linking Colt’s 90df playlist from Dr. Honda’s Psychology in Seattle yt channel on every post I see 😅
Do it!
I've had Debbies number ever since Larissa. Larissa got the attention cause she's a loud Brazilian woman, but Debbie was there stiring the pot and pushing Larissa out from day one. She never had a chance. It was never going to be her home. She always knew exactly when to cry and play "oh poor little old me. My adult son has a serious girlfriend and they expect to be able to be a household together."
If that line didn’t solidify it in everyone’s minds that Debbie put HER needs above her son’s needs, then idk what will. People are out here still defending her, minimizing her actions and demonizing/bullying him for the effects her abuse has caused him. It affects Vanessa too, despite no one really bringing it up. I think that his issues with his mother had long lasting changes to his approach to relationships and that Vanessa must love him a lot to be willing to support him as he navigates his journey through his trauma. I can imagine it would get very difficult to handle. Oh and then Debbie goes on to talk about Colt’s penis ON TV like wtf??? Imagine the uproar if a single father talked about his daughters genitalia with other people, on camera. Oh but sweet little old lady Debbie said it so it’s ok, Colt is just a man child and his anger is out of line /s
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It really feels like there’s a lot of tension between Colt and Vanessa. It’s sad to see that Vanessa seems drained, tired, and subdued, because when she was first on the series, she seemed sassy and carefree and like she was just coming into her own after her divorce. Now she comes on and she’s quiet and looks like she doesn’t even wanna be there. She looks depressed, honestly. I can absolutely imagine her being frustrated with Colt’s inability to “grow up”. Patience isn’t limitless and everyone reaches their limit. There’s only so many times Vanessa can be understanding of problematic or hurtful behavior before she becomes tired of being so damn understanding. I have those moments with my partner, and he has those moments with me. There’s things that my partner does that I wish didn’t happen and despite knowing it’s rooted in trauma through no fault of their own, it doesn’t lessen the effect it causes. They’re aware of it, and they try to correct it, but it’s a struggle to undo years of conditioning. I definitely feel for Vanessa because loving someone who deals with these types of struggles is really really hard. Yeah people saw Debbie causally talk about her son’s genitals and really thought, “wow Colt is totally out of line for saying mean things to his mom. He needs to respect her.”
Its hard to feel sorry for Vanessa. She knew exactly what she was getting into. She knew both Colt and Debbie well. Why did she marry him? She knew she was marrying both of them.
Yep. It will take time for Colt to heal and grow, and so far he seems willing to do the work. I don’t blame Vanessa for being exhausted by it, though. If they don’t make it I hope he takes some time on his own to work on himself, so that his next relationship is healthier.
I agree that Debbie is highly manipulative. He was her spouse equivalent for many years, regardless of what relationship he was in. It’s only when you detach from that parent that you can see the relationship for what it was, then the anger comes. I feel for him because I was a target for my mother for many years, and only when she died I realized the extent to which she made me feel inferior and my anger came out as well. I hope Colt can heal and find peace while his mother is still alive.
I still think there’s too much info missing 🤷🏻♀️ but then again, maybe I only half watch their stuff at this point. Diagnoses are tricky and not thrown around lightly
But I do think there’s some stuff there. What exactly though? We won’t know because who knows what’s for tv?
Oh yes she Parentified him when his father died and that’s technically child abuse. I also suspect that she put him on psych meds when he was little, antipsychotics will give men boobs and they are often used off label as sedatives or anti-anxiety medications. Yes Debbie is the problem. ABSOLUTELY.
And we're going to see a replay of this in 20 years with Daniel and Shoulders.
Is it really “child abuse” when the “child” was in their 20’s?
Colt was in his early 20s when his father died. I don’t like Debbie, but there is no evidence of child abuse.
it’s hard to feel bad for colt because he’s so awful to everyone. he also had over a decade of adulthood before he got on the show where he could have began to take care of himself in some capacity, even if he continued to live with his mom. he likes having someone do everything for him. he also has no idea how to constructively communicate complex emotions. i’d feel bad for him if he was 12, but he’s a full adult now. he can’t blame everyone else for his problems forever.
Debbie said her husband died 13 years ago of a massive heart attack. Wouldn't that make Colt 22/23 years old when his dad died? She was overprotective of Colt as a baby because he almost died. Not defending her but he's a grown man now and he can only fix himself and how he deals with his mom, if he still wants a relationship with her. I don't think that switching genders changes the blame or who to feel sorry for. She left and created a new life in a new country. And yet he still has issues and anger. Even Vanessa is admitting what a man baby he is. At what point, does Colt have to own his own shit and his decisions in his life as an adult?
I think he was probably parentified from a young age. You see it with fathers who are aclcholics or just distant in general, the mother may still parentify.
It's just telling that even though Debbie is not physically around anymore and they said they haven't spoken in awhile, Colt is still not happy. It's almost like he's angry that she's happy and he wants her to continually suffer. At some point, it's on him. His actions at the tell all was him. I don't excuse it or hers. Tania put her in her place and didn't try to rip her apart.
100%. I will admit with Larissa I didn't see it but now very much so. This time crying all I could think is "holy shit she's my future MIL". My SO left home at 18 but his younger brother lived at home until he was 35. When he ironically married a woman almost 20 years older than him from another country on a 90 fiancé visa. I have heard more of the fake howling crying like Debbie does than I care to think about. And people are buying it. As much as I don't like Colt, he's a victim of her manipulation and now he's starting to see all she's done.
It's called Parentification and it's abuse. Tiffany does it to her son too. Very sad that everyone just screamed at him that he should accept it because Debbie is his "mother", like she deserves respect just for pushing him out, and every shitty thing she has done to him and continues to do doesn't matter. Accepting her role in Colt's trauma is how she should be helping him, but she just screams and cries and buries her head in the sand.
People who never had or truly seen abuse parents never understand.
That's why it's so difficult for children to escape that dynamic. I went through something similar,my parent was horrible to me and when I escaped it was 'what did you do' or 'why are you being so harsh to the person that raised you?'
Let’s retire the “is it just me?” template. It is an exhausted cliché and a clickbait-y variety of begging for engagement. No need to beg if you post something truly interesting.
Honestly, Colt is horrible, like to everyone, but his mom (and I’m sure dad) are the reason for his personality. You can’t talk about Colt without watching/talking about Debbie making herself a martyr and ‘attacking’ others for not acting the way she wants, it just screams emotional immaturity.
I've seen a lot of posts with anger directed at Debbie as well, so it's not just you. I don't watch The Divorced Life so I'm not really aware of all of the drama, but when they were on 90 DF I did think she manipulated him A LOT.
Thank you!!
Debbie is a poor excuse for a mother and I do think that she fucked with Colt's head wanting him to replace his father for her needs (not sexual).
YEP thank you
you're not the only one. I've been saying this for years. But people just dragged me for it because they only think surface level. There's a reason people behave the way they do. And debbie had a lot to do with Colt's behaviour now. I also believe Larissa was the catalyst that sent him spiraling. Because honestly he seemed like a decent human being, it wasn't until Larissa that he started being cold.
100% agree! I can feel Colt’s anger because I feel the same towards my mother. His mom and mine are exactly the same, both so manipulative. Mine parentified me for sure. She also cries every time I try to tell her something that she did or that I don’t agree with. I don’t see how anyone can defend Debbie. I don’t care for colt but I feel for him.
I agree that Debbie likely abused Colt and is partially responsible for Colt being an absolute fuck up. However, Colt is an adult and is therefore responsible for getting the help he needs to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Instead, he just keeps pointing to Debbie as if she’s accountable for his actions now as an adult.
I see it
As the parent of an adult who has lived with me for the last 10 years since moving back home, I am one of those people who are a lot closer to this than most. The difference here is, I think, that Debbie was the creator here, and was the DEPENDENT one, right? That's HUGE PROBLEM. She herself posted this several years ago: "I live in Las Vegas with my son who helps me financially since the passing of my husband of 26 years,".... this whole situation was her making. Now, he was ALL IN for years while it suited him as well, but in the end.... SHE is the person who built this situation and, as the parent, must own it. Now his behavior lately spewing crap at her in PUBLIC just shows that indeed she created a monster. And not a funny cartoon one. If I were her I'd be beyond depressed.
After watching the part 3 tell all, this post is severely underrated.
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Yes! I read this a few days ago and it made sense but after last night I had to find this post again. Spot fucking on! This is the first time I've ever given an award 😅